The Ibiza Debreif: Champagne in Pyjamas, Landslide Chaos & How To Survive “Shark Week”

0:00I was paying to play at the moment. I'm not playing. Oh yeah. You get it. Certainly. I will blow my own path. It's no problem. Tell me about to buy a beer thing.

0:19Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Avi Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Ross. How are we doing, guys? All good, guys. All good. A little bit of drama before we started there. There was, there was. Um, panic stations. Panic stations. The whole road had a power cut. Yeah. Which I'm glad that Pete bought that fricking generator because I am, I am panicking about this. Hang on. Pete forced a generator. Why the hell did we get it up and running for the bus? How enough? Well, because, so you know, all this thing in the, in the, in the, you know, the government website to put on this, like, you know, emergency survival kit.

0:52Yeah. Non-perishable food, batteries, torches, generator. Pete bought like the most expensive generator that you can get. And now our builder's saying, you know, that's not the right one.

1:07Flash out of here, but he is coming with it. Yeah, so it's completely pointless, our generator. I've just spoke to Adam. So what's wrong with the generator? He just said... It's like when you get like an EU plug in like... He just said it's not the right... He said that thing in the garage. He said, oh no, that's not the right one. so I thought you know if the power does go we've got a generator we can boil water we can make food we can you know charge phones put lamps on blah blah blah but apparently the one you got you can't just had our practice run there and you failed what is the point of that generator then I don't know you need to find out I'll be honest with you I'm not I'm not clued up on generators Amazon generator by now that's exactly what I put in top generator please that you can get on Amazon and well I might not be having a word with the builder yeah we need to work that out because if this happens again we need to you know because I thought my house would be the safe place to get everyone we'd have full power just dying for a compound just desperate for a compound I think you want like whatever you think is going to happen lockdown so you can just be in a compound everyone back to ours I'll get the karaoke on you get that generator on yeah generator going but yeah we just got back from ibiza no yeah last night yeah it was incredible we went with our really really great friends great group of people um very lucky to have friends like them to whisk us away and have so much fun yeah it looked a lot of fun so i've seen some of the pictures and videos and it looked like you had it large it was it was it was very fun um but obviously we're going to get into that on the on the pod today but um from the trip the weekly wine we're going to start with those i think was was abby's kind of behavior and not the baby you might expect okay um yeah there was one particular um night where everyone went to universe which was kind of the whole point of the trip we went for the Closing parties and the night at Universe was the last night.

3:20Obviously the biggest night, right? So, you know, 10 ,000 people all come over for this one night. Yeah. And Abby decides to get to bed at 11 o 'clock. Oh, you are joking. Bearing in mind the club, like, the people that we were with left at 1.30. They went at 1.30, but like, you know. To go there. Like, it started around 2, 3, 4. The place shut at 12 p.m. It's a marathon, not a sprint, Abby. and I've got a feeling you sprinted that afternoon. Well, okay, in my response to that, Pete, I'm obviously not as hardcore as you and our friends. I actually felt sick. I had a raw sardine for lunch. Not the old raw sardine.

3:59The dirty glass, raw sardine. I got blitzed, I think you meant to say, day one and blew out. No, but I can't nap in the day. So everyone went out for a fabulous lunch and everyone had a nap and then got up at like midnight. And I had my nap at midnight and woke up at 10am. Okay, okay. I think if you go to Ibiza as well, I just think what we're trying to say here, I think you have to plan better. You definitely have to plan tactical sleep. You do. There were people sleeping when there was nothing going on. Me and Ab were drinking. Do you know, like there's nothing happening. It was raining. We were in like cagoule sitting there drinking for like three, four hours.

4:39Yeah. But that's, in fact, when I'm my happiest. Yeah. Just an inch. just drinking on the but our friends are really into the DJs and I don't know what was the name Leggy Lou Leggy Go Leggy Lou Leggy Lou whatever I know the songs when they come on na na na na na na na na but the FOMO my weekly wine also has to be to agree with you and I've got severe FOMO and our friends put all these amazing pictures on the group today videos and I was just like I can't believe believe it the one thing is the one plus point is that we were not hung over yesterday yeah and today this podcast is a breeze um because i think if we'd have gone out to like this 10 a.m kind of vibe that's a that's a long time recovery i would suggest how smug he must have felt on the flight back i cannot imagine yeah i felt like i'd missed out i didn't feel smug i felt jealous i was jealous i was very jealous yeah okay okay have we got any audience yeah i think uh good evening when i wrote this uh i would like to start by saying hello to peter abby and of course ross and the rest of the team.

6:04How very formal. Yes. Very formal. Regardless of your family vibes, yes. Yeah. As many fans say, I really enjoy the pod and look forward to every new episode each week. It's to the point where I'm in my own world in work with my earphones in laughing at you guys and fellow colleagues looking at me like I'm mad because they see me just randomly laughing. I thought Abby would like to know me and the missus are fresh to parenthood and at the time of writing this have a beautiful 12-year-old, sorry, a 12-day-old boy named Grayson. Oh. This isn't so much a knack in the abs, but more just to let you guys know what greatness you're doing.

6:42Also, is it just us, or did you guys hate every Tom, Dick and Harry stopping you trying to touch your baby? Oh, no, I loved it. Because me and my missus both definitely have sat snarling at the odd person, even family, when they visit. Kind regards, James from Runcorn. Oh, see, I was the opposite. Because in Liverpool, you can't walk an inch down the street without going up, without someone going, oh my God, let me see the baby. The baby's gorgeous. But down South, they don't do that. So when I had Sophia, I was literally like three days old, walking around, holding a like Simba around Richmond Park.

7:14Like someone look at my baby. And no one did until this one person did. And they were from Liverpool. And I was like, but I, but people, I do it to people and they're like, oh, but although having said that, when we had Johnny in January, and everyone wanted to come round and see him. I banned everyone because everyone had the flu. Because winter colds and stuff like that, yeah. Everyone had colds, flus, gems. So I was like, no one could see him until he was about two. I do remember Abby, like, it was so funny when, you know, you'd walk down the park and she'd like kind of angle it to someone who's just stopped there talking.

7:51There is a baby in here. Yeah. As if like, she wanted someone to go, oh, the baby. The little shoes on it, oh, cute shoes, the little boy. Vivian here. And especially as a new mum, you think you've got the best looking baby on the planet. Yeah. Why isn't everyone looking at it and telling you that? I don't know. And Liet was so funny when she said she was human. She was going like, in Liverpool, I wouldn't be able to. If this was Colder Stones, I'd be strolling through and there'd be people coming over, let's see the baby. So we're going through Richmond Park and I'll get a toss. I'll get an absolute fuck.

8:22When me and Lucinda went for, no, when we went to Charmaine's sister's place for a facial, she'd just had a brand new baby and me and Lucinda were holding her both sobbing, crying she was literally that big like just absolutely gorgeous and I was just like oh just talk about sobbing, crying I was today I went to my little boy Johnny's cross country oh yeah and he's he's running and I didn't know how good he was cross country and he won 100 people there did so well like incredible and as he came to the line I felt myself going and I was like welling up welling up proud that moment's good and then I was trying to film it and I wanted to say like Johnny well done but I kind of had to leave him Johnny well done I went behind a tree I went behind a tree you're crying again I was doing this I was just like wiping my eyes going oh god and then I composed myself and then I was fine but Johnny's like a silent assassin like his determination like he is rapid I had a feeling he would be you rang me this morning to say oh I'm going to the baby's cross country and I was like I had a feeling he'd do well because he's got that little like body for it but everyone was like that's a Pete oh my god like what running clubs he had and I'm like he's just natural he's had enough practice to run away from you yeah we'll be in the frigging Harriers now I'm going to train him up he must get it from Auntie Kaz they're running running the ability yeah I was very proud of him Hi Abby Pete Absolutely love the pod I've recently moved from Liverpool For me L37 So not a wall To Dubai With my husband and son I'm missing home My friends and family so much But listening to you guys makes me happy I feel like I'm chatting with mates And keep laughing out loud in the gym Whilst listening to you guys Just want to say thank you Give me so much comfort P.S.

10:21I was telling my husband about the pod And he said he agrees with Abby that all blue noses are wolves. Shut up, you. Living in Formby. Barely a scossa. I'm joking. Well, that's just two lovely messages, isn't it? Two lovely messages. Yeah, same. We've come home feeling the Ibiza love. Yeah. I could tell that today when I came in. Actually, good vibes. It was good vibes. You know, when you're just with a great group and everyone is fab. Yeah. and um I had me and Lucinda had our game snaps as the name of the game out mind boggling people is that the way you're like brain reading it yeah it's telepathy basically yeah that's gonna do my head in because you told me how it works and I've forgotten but yeah it blows people's minds the two Sams got it but they're so clever they are so clever them two lads they were just switched on right they were just switched on lads I think like there's no pulling it all over their eyes so yeah Brief description of the game, Abby, for the listeners?

11:21Well, there's a hint. It's not telepathy. So basically, one person tells someone. I reckon we should do one now, right? Ross whispers a celebrity to me. Okay. And you do it to me. But I have to know the celebrity. You have to know the celebrity. Okay, okay. No, because you're not as good as me. You whisper it to me, Ross. Okay. No. No, you've got to do it to me. So am I guessing? I'll guess. okay Ross was supposed to meet then oh sorry yeah okay do I know who this person is snaps are the name of the game okay please bear with me

11:58rap hit what the fuck mate as if you've just got that what I know how this game works as well as you saw me and I'm still in my head then yeah so yeah that's the game it's a good game it's a good game so we we were playing that which was great yeah and it blows people's minds because they're like I need to know that game yeah and obviously at a party you know but we've got we've got a few of those games haven't we Abby and Lucinda are the witches yeah I mean they are they are very good at it yeah but people call us the witches and think we're like in some secret cult and I'm like you just don't know the game you just don't we're not being mean you just don't know the game but you shouldn't tell anyone the game no it's a good game it's a very good game but the two Sams found it out they kind of got there I don't think they fully got there no he did he did did he get there in the end but yeah they were good okay hi abby pete and ross i love the podcast so much i just wish i wasn't up to date because i hate having to wait between episodes the london corporate commute well we do more but ross refuses to oh we do these all day but ross has got a lie after listening to the midlife crisis episode i couldn't help myself i chucked a photo of pete into chat gbt and asked to turn him into a hell's angel with a long beard.

13:15Oh, is this because I said I fancied them? Yeah. With a long poster. Emailing into the podcast isn't really my thing, but I feel like I had to share with you guys. Kept him at the football ground to add to authenticity. I think it's not a bad look. I think it's not a bad look. It's not a bad look. What's your thoughts? Ooh. Straight in my basket. Can you describe to the audience That's what we're seeing. So basically it's Pete with a leather kind of biker jacket on with a long beard and his hair back in a pony. Sons of Anarchy, it's giving me that vibe. But also about two stone heavier. Yeah. Bit of muscle on him.

13:54Bit of muscle. Bit of a, yeah, I like it. He'd get it.

14:04Very good, very good. Oh, you'll laugh, Ross. Go on. When we were in Ibiza, obviously we were all pissed. Yeah. on this lunch and you know what I'm like with the animal I found two kittens there was two kittens in the villa okay feeding them daily then we got to this restaurant the most beautiful Ibethan hound ran in I've never seen one of them oh my god they're gorgeous like they're really tall skinny with big pointy ears okay and they like roaming packs in Ibiza they're gorgeous you can get them here there's actually an Ibethan hound rescue because my dad's wife wanted one oh yeah you see them wild Sue wanted one yeah you see them wild like just we used to drive out of our villa one time and there were like a pack of them they're just beautiful that's mad that I didn't realise so we're at this fabulous beach bar all our friends restaurant and the waiter was quite short bald guy not in stature in his demeanour yeah what did I say?

15:03short oh shit not short in height he was like you know quite abrupt yeah yeah yeah puffing and puffing all of that jazz and as we were leaving i was like oh i said is that an ibethon hound is that like someone's dog or and he he just like ignored me oh piss off egghead unbelievable piss off egghead i couldn't think of anything else to call him but he needed some people need talent something is i wasn't there right i was walking ahead and you told me and I was like good on you yeah he deserved that yeah he ruined you eating experience and like he's probably thinking I don't know it might have been French or something like thinking oof oof oof egg he's probably trying to think what is an egg head go look in the mirror sister it's fucking your head that's what it is but I was shocked that that's the word that sprung to mind I haven't heard egg head for absolutely years it's good because you could have been like it could have been profanity, wasn't it?

16:07Like, egghead, you're not even swearing? Yeah. I said, oh, shut up, egghead. Egghead. Imagine waiting tables and getting called an egghead. Google translating that when he gets in. Egghead. Egghead. Come in with a little will. Yeah. Classic. Oh well, brilliant. So what prompted this little trip abroad to my ask? What prompted it, babe? It was booked, friends of ours booked it and just invited us. Friends of ours booked it, they're all into the DJ it was the closing parties in Ibiza and we just thought you know we've all had busy summers you know in various different locations and we just thought it's a great way to kind of officially end the summer all get together have a great time and it was just special wasn't it from start to finish but we were just so unlucky with the weather it was you know I don't know if you see it's like the worst weather the worst weather in Ibiza like in history the whole place was underwater like the second night we were supposed to be going to another club and we got stuck in the villa go away because you know our villa was at the bottom of the mountain and there was a landslide and rocks had fell from boulders boulders like that big completely blocking the road so we were like stranded that's fucking mad that is nuts yeah there's no that wasn't even like that's not strong in it either it was they were massive when we came out in the morning the kind of water It was clear, didn't it?

17:34But the rocks, you had to go in and out of the rocks. Like that high, they'd knock the, so top of a mountain, knock the wall down. So we couldn't even get past. It was so like perilous. Oh, it was perilous. That was the word. I've come up with the word of the trip. Perilous. Yeah, that's how we described that trip in every... But thankfully we were stocked with a lifetime supply of booze and great company. So I don't even think we got changed out of our PJs. no no I actually got a shower and put a different pair of pyjamas on because when I saw this in the calendar originally I was like oh Pete must be going on a golf trip and Abbey's just gegged onto it so I was thinking there's no golf course in Ibiza is there I think there's only one nine hole no no no golf unfortunately oh like a lad strip that Abbey's gegged onto no offence and then I was like oh no you've probably won't write to yeah yeah that's why we're the name of wheelhouse regularly shut up I don't know oh we'll be doing a bit of golf paddle at least he won't come over to you know hungover for the pods which he didn't to be fair he didn't but I didn't realise it was closing parties he was having at large yeah I'm impressed to be fair is this the preamble Priya and Abbey go large age ain't nothing but a number yeah we did a thing that got brought up at one stage like me and Lucinda like Kevin and Perry in the club can't hear ourselves thinking here can't hear ourselves thinking here when's he gonna play Simply Red I can't have some old pregnant bitches run up and glur.

19:08Well, I'm not pregnant. I am old, but I'm not pregnant, unfortunately. What film is that from? Knocked off. Knocked off. I love that film. That scene for me. I can't have old pregnant bitches run up in the glur. No, but it was great. We had the best time. Yeah. Oh, sensational. Back to reality now, though. How's your Halloween prep going? Halloween in a couple of days? Two days? We're going big. Halloween. in our house. The kids love Halloween. Outfits are sorted. I'm getting Warren. Warren's decorating the house. For Halloween as well? Yeah. Hasn't Warren done freaking Christmas? I don't know.

19:43That's what I was thinking. Yeah, Warren does Christmas, Halloween, bloody, Warren does whatever you want. Why don't you put a tree up and then just put a spider on top instead for now? Yeah. And a few little, like, creepy crawlies on the tree. Like spider's webs? Change it round. Yeah. It's a good idea, isn't it? It is a good idea. And then you leave the tree, the tree's up, you just got to decorate it differently could do won't park that idea nice idea Pete keep your comments to yourself please

20:15we have an amazing road for trick or treating it is sensational people really go for it do you get in a bit of competition you say that Pete half of them just turn their lights off you know because we've got like a we've got like a road whatsapp group okay and we say who's in and who's out for halloween and some people say they're out and i just don't get it like i am never ever gonna be one of them boring old people who just turn totally bitter and miserable and if they hear a kid crying they're like oh control your child just like i'm gonna embrace age and you know kids keep the magic alive you know they're not doing everything else 364 days a year yeah just put some bloody cobwebs on your gate will you and shut up shut up there is a there's a couple of couples down here that kids have grown up as well and they've gone they go to town do you still do yeah phenomenal they haven't got babies or anything fair play to that there's a lot of them and they completely decorate the house they stay out there for hours they've like pre-made all these big goodie bags for the kids yeah like personalized as well because it's like who's in who's out like they are amazing the ones who get up for it but I we used to live in Hampstead or like Belsos Park and around there Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter lived around the corner from us and their house their house at Halloween can you imagine like Nightmare Before Christmas is like a movie set it's just a joke did you ever get a bicycle round to a party?

21:52yeah well no you go round to a treat yeah so anyone who lives in the area you go you come into the gate and then you walk down it there's a like a like a plasma screen tv with like a horror films on seriously you walk through and you go and get under playing it there there's like cauldrons with smoke and then you go yeah it's just phenomenal and there's actors like dotted around with like one with a scythe and stuff yeah and you walk through and there's like people cutting up but it looks like you know whatever but it looks like a finger and they're cutting things and throwing it in a cauldron and then you walk through and it's all like mist isn't there like you've never seen anything like that's half traumatized a kid though i'm thinking but north nondon north north nondon north nondon north nondon is great for that because there was a lot of americans in the area and they go big don't they for halloween they're dead like when i was a little girl my mom used to put like green eyeshadow on my face and put a bin bag over my head and say you're a witch yeah and literally kick me out the house without coming with me I'd be back in an hour cut the holes in the bed sheet like that the tallest ghost in the world yeah my feet hanging at the end of it Liv wants to go as Harley Quinn again and El was like oh she can't go as bloody Harley Quinn again what are the rest of the kids do you know it must be a bit tough our Sophia gets that age where she wants to start going there's like more like do you know I didn't want to say it but what is the crack with slutweed like it does it goes into slutweed yeah you go I'm a witch she's got a corset on tics out frilly knickers on that's gonna wreck you what I had that mean well no it's a ghost again by all means you can that's totally fine I remember one of the mums at the school had a Halloween party and said she was cutting corsets off one of the teenage kids because they were so pissed and was vomiting up in the street she couldn't get the bloody corset off her oh my god it's like a pair of scissors it's like oh my god good god it's just like a no from me I don't want to be there Sophia wears like a onesie and goes as like a minion she's cool yeah that's a good shout yeah yeah I agree I don't mind a little bit of slutween though for myself I go as a cat every year literally you look gorgeous on Halloween like yours aren't too risque no because I have all the bloody kids look at some of these yanks Paris Hilton and all that They've got no gear on whatsoever.

24:20You've got like, you know, cat suit on with a little cat eyes. No, but I am surrounded by kids on Halloween. We haven't really done the whole adult Halloween party. I'd definitely go muscle at Wayne then. Well, we have been invited to Jonathan Ross's party a few times. I think that would be fun. We haven't managed to go. You know what? Because we always, our kids are young. And I think if we were out without them, fancy dress to be like on Halloween on earth who's going to take me trick on treating those dad see you later guys don't wait up I've got a better offer Jonathan Ross is on the blower see you later kids yeah no I just can't do it I can't leave them yeah can't really can you it's like going on Christmas day isn't it your kids are a bit older just keep in touch Jonathan okay so this feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class crouchy clunts Tudor Bob Ross content don't forget to share it with your friends and family

25:23alright you know since we're on Halloween shall I I'm just going to do a quick quick fire round for you ok favourite scary movie I don't really watch scary movies I don't like them I'm going to say scary movie that is a crack up that is a belt it one two one three to be fair it's just so good what was that film we watched remember and they were like it's kind of like hills have eyes he vibe these those kind of ones scare me but i'm not i'm not a scary movie kind of gal but halloween you're like hocus pocus that's a great film hocus pocus is great i like a scary film it is scary because that kid's like dead but alive which is oh i liked the exorcist back in the day you sicko oh no that was that I remember me and my mates watched that and we were in bits over that.

26:14I struggled to sleep. And I watched it when I was young as well. No, it's not for me though. I had the Jeepers Creepers too young and it's gone with like... That's the one I'm talking about where they're like in the little hut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good. No. I went to cinema to watch The Blair Witch Project. Oh, that's the TV one? Where she comes off the TV? No. Is that the ring? No, it's like it's, you know, I think it's like with the camcorder in it, the cell phone. It's the old camcorder. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen it. A bit mad. Okay, favourite Halloween outfit? I'm going to go classic and say cat.

26:44Boring. Favourite Halloween treat? Toffee apple. Oh, I love them. Favourite Halloween trick? Egg. It's got to be an egg, isn't it? Yeah. Toilet paper's a bit too. It's got to involve an egg. Yeah. Call someone an egghead. Thing you're most afraid of? Snakes, spiders. Not health anxiety. yeah death

27:13I was afraid of I had a dream last night and I was having some some very I don't know very believable dreams I think it was because of my weekend yeah but yeah I woke up really early do you remember I came into you quite early so I ended up sleeping in the other room because we got in bed with the kids because we missed them so much we watched a film fell asleep and then I was you watched the zombie I've got to get out of here I was like, forget this. Yeah, I was just like, all I want to do is come home, get all the kids in bed with us, and watch a family movie and just snuggle them to death. I can't bear being away from them.

27:49I was basically, well, I'm very claustrophobic. Yeah. Oh yeah, I do remember you said... I was in a claustrophobic dream, and I was in a lift. Then I was underground, in a coffin. Weird. All the different things that I had. Oh, you're worse like this. Well, I'm worse like this, yeah. What about Scott getting stuck in that lift the other day? What's that? Oh, Scott. No one's told me this. So on the way to Dan's party? Yeah. He was stuck in a lift for two hours, but not a normal lift. One of those lifts, that's like the width of one person. Like a one person lift. And he was stuck in there for two hours.

28:24That's exactly all right. He sent a picture. He kept that quiet at the party? Yeah, he was stuck in a bloody lift for two hours. Oh, I wouldn't like that. So lifts, I think, they're I mean they're not my worst worst nightmare oh they are mine but I think give me 10 flights of stairs any day yeah oh I don't know about that I am I'm being stuck on a lift as one of my worst nightmares depends how small the lift is if it's a big lift or can I be okay it depends who you're with and for how long because if you imagine stuck with some boring Norman and you're dying for the Lou as well that's a killer yeah but would you would you rather boring or this oh grabbing your head off oh my god what do you think in these new plates, Peter.

29:06No, it wouldn't be that. It would be like, do you think we're going to die? I'd be hysterical. It'd be all the questions that you're trying to not think about. Let's play ice pie. That's just not an option for me being stuck in a lift. Do you believe in ghosts?

29:24Yeah, I know. I had you pegged for the hard yes on that one. Did you? You're a ghost, man. Yeah, yeah. I like to believe in this. I think there's something out there there's paranormal activity but you know it doesn't keep me awake at night no no no I think I do think there's things that are unexplained out there and you know what I did not have you pegged for that either did you not no I did not have you pegged for that at all I do I do believe that there is definitely something like where do we go and stuff you know what I mean I don't know what's this whole death fucking topic it's fucking Halloween you do I know but I don't want to talk about this stuff when we can't talk about Goose and Ghouls well can we?

30:06where do we go? like I don't think we just Billie Eilish will tell you it's like when you fall asleep where do you go? sleep's just weird though isn't it? and eating just like get something and put it in a hole in your mouth she said that she said that about eating on holiday what the hell she was going eating so weird isn't it? I was like what you should put something in a hole in your mouth where does it go? out your arse no you just put something like that that tastes like garlic or chocolate or anything and just put it in a hole in your face so weird just like that in your pile if you think about it it is it is it is and also kind of leads to what pete's saying about energy it's energy transfer isn't it so like you're creating energy from foods off the ground whatever pete's saying like when when we disappear we've still got energy we're carbon beings aren't we like we're that energy can't just be disappeared into nothing i know what you're saying and i agree it's interesting i don't like this kind of trap though why because then it leads on to how do you take a photograph like i could sit here with my phone and then there's a picture of you in my phone and then it goes to how do you get an airplane in the sky and then how does a boat float i just can't deal with that right now that right now literally i'm not going there i know there's explanations but even with the explanation it's like it's witchcraft isn't it do we think that we you know are we best in a world where we we just don't want to know or are we best to learn everything do you know what i mean sometimes you're best not knowing ignorance is bliss that's what i did when i was given birth you know those people who read the baby books and do this do this what's gonna happen to your body and all that no thank you you understand it's got to come out of a whole that big and it's gonna hurt and it's coming out whether you like it or not so and also that you know I don't want to know about the complications that can happen I think if you are ignorant to certain situations you're not going to be scared no yeah do you know what I mean yeah 100 % if you're well read in everything it's also great speaking to someone who's really well read and they know things and it's really interesting so they look completely dumbass oh where's Brazil is that in Wales?

32:23You don't want to be a complete dunce, obviously. But if you, if you, is that in Wales? You know what I mean? the thing is like, you know, like obviously politics. Can't be asked of that. I know I say some stupid things. Like politics at the moment, like the war. don't get me started on that. Yeah, but if you, that's our saying when we don't know anything about it. Oh, don't even get me started. Jesus Christ. Don't even get, I just can't even deal with it at the moment. Me and Ab, we're just not talking about it. and he switched them off what do you think about this situation don't get me started yeah yeah I love that it's amazing because you come out of it going I agree and you go yeah we both agree let's just not even talk about it tell you what he's a really insightful guy that Peter Crouch he didn't expect that from you did you knows his stuff he doesn't even want to talk about it that's how much it means to him so last time remember last time when I'd be through and Jenny was crying about breakfast and we thought her and Phil were having a fight and she'd come back she sat on the beach for three hours crying like are you okay she's like Brexit we were like Brexit don't get me started it's terrible never thought it'd happen never thought it'd happen which way did it go again I am I didn't have one margarita on this trip no what were you drinking don't I know it champagne I just drank champagne the whole time oh god my heart bleeds I didn't have one margarita on my holiday I just drank champagne instead no because it's the only thing that doesn't give me a hangover how can champagne not give you a hangover it's the only thing I can drink it all day all night and I'm fine really that's usually the opposite of people isn't it the bubble everyone says the bubbles because I've been dehydration someone told me it was really good for your gut I don't know if that was someone just trying to give me a little bit of Dutch courage on holiday.

34:22So I can't have another glass of jambe. It was really good for you. Yeah. So you come out of my mouth. The jockeys drink it, don't they? Do they? Yeah, to lose weight and it doesn't, it dehydrates you and you know, it's the volume as well. Yeah. And it gets you drunk. So if you want a night out, champagne to the one, drink less. Wake up skinny as fuck in the morning. Don't quote me on that. I'm not a doctor. But a jockey kid tell me once that a lot of them drink champagne. Wow. Interesting. Yeah. Can't drink tequila. Well, you can if you drink margaritas. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I can't.

35:02It kills me. Yeah, well, we get... We've been in some strange situations on margaritas, haven't we? No, we have. Remember? No. There were a few bad ones. You know, where we've had margaritas and we're like, what the hell happened last night? We like to hang over. The margaritas. we've done a few nights like that and we're like maybe we should try and knock them on the head I'll just have two of them instead of ten yeah go hard or go home sister exactly right alright do you want to do some agony abs let's do it hey up you lot this guy's from Sheffield yep I would say yep Sheffield lad living near Brisbane working in the mines married a beautiful Aussie woman this year in the Maldives just the two of us perfect day so my question is do abby's emotions change around the time of the month i downloaded an app called flow to track my wife's cycle my mate does this yeah yeah he's done it he's he's he's worked out that because she's so you know it's hard work so he tries to time it around with like yeah my wife worked on this day and she goes oh really and it's fine that's clever does she know he's worth it on I don't think so my mood does not change well let's get to the end of this guy's email I would vouch for that actually because I don't think it does I think you're highly strung most of the time anything else?

36:33okay week before I said these are his notes so far on his wife's cycle button week before beware week of extra beware week yeah the week before is beware week the extra cuddles week after uh give space week after that let's do some shit i adore my wife but her filing for a divorce because i didn't text back for a few hours might have been slightly over the top i'd gone to drop an old sati at her dad's ended up having a few beers with him and his mates someone sent me a video of her dad doing karaoke in a dress hilarious anyway i didn't reply to her for about three hours when i finally did she'd wiped all our photos off social media and removed married so i thought i'd be funny i made my profile pic one of me and her dad and the cover photo a dodgy snap of her asleep in a taxi oh i didn't go down well by morning i'd been deleted we've made up now divorce papers cancelled but i'm learning i've given her a special ringtone so i never miss her calls it's the darth vader theme tune

37:49turns out jaws yeah turns out it was all i've got a mate who's got one as well what's his one exorcist yeah

38:00that's psycho oh sorry when I when we first got together my ringtone for you was baby cakes you just don't know remember unbelievable turns out it was all a few days before the river ran red you read that like it was fucking not he stitched you up a giver there he's half girl he loves loves being in the girly jokes don't you no you absolutely do I like understanding them so I was in the beware stage you live and learn so mainly for Pete any tips on handling shark week and being a better partner or am or am I just doomed one bad joke away from dragon flames all the best uh Tom Tom Tom Tom Anonymous Tom Anonymous Anonymous Yeah um she sounds like hard work to me if I'm honest I just think in that that stage if you certainly if you can work it out you're ahead of the game I think that is when you just disappear try and try and get yourself out of the house as much as possible come home say you're right darling she'll tell you to fuck off and then go and sleep like in another room or something yeah I don't know could she sound really calculated?

39:23well yeah I think you have to be. It's like when you were pregnant, like that kind of... Oh, when you just locked me in the room? Yeah. Yeah, there's no reasoning. I'm off to Burnley. Burnley, of course. I was like, look, I think I ended up, you know, I just, I was paying to play at the moment. Well, not playing. Oh, yeah. I don't care if I don't even play, I was like, die, she lit. I'll come for free, mate. But it was, you know, You are such a little twat. Not much reasoning. You can't really reason as a man in that situation. But what I would say is the whole hormonal thing, it is kind of an invisible illness.

40:05You know, and even women can't get to grips with it. You know, how they feel, how their bodies change, how their skin changes, hair loss, hair growth. You know, it's a really, really tricky thing to master. I've got to see that hormone person. Told you. And they do all your bloods and then they work out a complete bespoke... What you're like deficient in, what you need to do more of or whatever. Because, you know, you can go to your GP and they'll go take HRT. Yeah. So yeah, they'll come up with a whole bespoke thing, which should be available for all women. Because how do you know yourself? Yeah.

40:46And then you think, oh, I'm not normal. I'm feeling this way. But she doesn't sound normal full stop, to be fair. she sounds a bit OTT sounds a bit much I mean yeah she's gone to gone to dad he's been a he's been a he's been a he's been a move a city yeah but he also hasn't got he hasn't got one good part of the month in there now has he no it doesn't sound I know yeah because it's all autumn and winter with this guy there's no spring and summer yeah there's not one nice part is there does feel like yeah if you look through it well is it after beware week he has extra cuddles week oh that's nice Give space week.

41:24That's nice. Three weeks out of four, though, to be eggy with your partner. Nah. That's just a no from me. I think it's a one week on, one week off scenario. Sounds like, that's just, no. It's a no from me. She needs to sort herself out and apologise. Go ahead, you love that. Nope. Well, you need to get in touch with her. Or you can just play that to her. Tom Anonymous, play this to you, man. Yeah, just say, by the way, I'm Tom Anonymous. This is what Abby thinks. it comes from a girl it's good for me if I gave that advice she would have to tend to fuck off what misogynist but I'm not a down person though like I can go mad but I'm I'm not like a down yeah yeah person I think for for her own sanity she needs to get a little bit more of a handle on that I think if I didn't answer my phone maybe I'm saying the right thing the wrong thing the irony me if i didn't answer my phone for three hours you would probably go mad but you definitely wouldn't remove that you were married to me on facebook you're getting blocked i've never been on facebook hopefully some good advice there it's pretty well dealt with uh hi ab pete and ross i've been with my fella for over three years we live apart he has three kids and i have a special needs job i love him to bits he has made me laugh and we get on great we've never argued however he's rubbish with money always robbing peter to pay paul i was thinking always robbing peter fucking hell he's my first to do um to pay paul uh everything's on klarna or clear pay i'm a single mum on universal credit so every penny counts around 12 months ago i came into some money i paid off debts and decorated my house and i'd left a bit over which he'd asked to borrow, promising to pay it back over three months.

43:21Well, now we're nearly 10 months later and he still owes me. Despite going on two holidays and buying trainers, outfits and golf clubs. Not good. It's not good. It was my birthday recently. I asked for a pair of trainers. They were under£100. My birthday came. He saw me for five minutes with no card or present. And I thought we'd celebrate later. When we did, he bought a bottle of vodka. I don't drink. A face mask. I can't use it. And a watch his mum probably picked. For dinner, McDonald's. I was gutted. I know this makes me sound ungrateful, but it's still... Doesn't? No, no, it doesn't make you sound ungrateful.

44:01No, not at all. No. But it's the lack of thought that hurts. I put so much into him. I even bought him a golf club and clothes for his birthday and£160 trainers for Christmas already. do I send them back say we should just do £50 limit on gifts are my feelings valid or am I just being a bitch love the show love you a non what about that listen do I send them back I think you should send him back I think you should send them back I think you should send them back agreed I think I think you know it's not you know single mum on universal credit every penny counts god and she's doing going above and beyond buying them things i think you know if you're in that situation and you want to be like acknowledged with like time and effort not really maternal maternal material gifts number one he's taking her for granted is um what it is kind of what it feels like he's he's taking advantage of her um she has as a child that she needs to look after she needs to provide for that child he is sponging feels like he's not buying her gifts he's not taking her out no he's not making her feel special regardless of the gifts and everything he's full blown taking the piss and it's so thoughtless compared to like her saying she's already bought his Christmas presents and birthday presents and stuff like that you just know for a fact from what she said he isn't even thinking about that until 24th of December probably for her type of thing it's sad and even the question at the end am I feelings valid or am I just being a bit you know from what you've said there your feelings are completely valid and feelings are completely valid and she definitely sounds like she should be treated better than that get rid yeah agreed agreed could have rocked up his ass 100 % yeah I just say to him listen hey you gobshote this is how it's gonna be yeah either you buck off or fuck off just show him that email what you've just written there and you know that feels that explains it that was powerful that was powerful for you Some people are morally incorrect.

46:13And they'd look at that and go, God, she's moaning. Bought her a bottle of vodka and a Big Mac. What more does she want? Vodka and a Big Mac. Exactly, though. My sweet 16. You'd love that. I don't drink vodka. I don't drink, did you just say? Vodka. Oh. Champagne and a Big Mac. Champagne. No, he's just not good enough. Yeah, she sounds lovely as well, doesn't she? yeah that's he doesn't deserve her he does not deserve her get rid yeah okay there's so many more people who can make you laugh funny there's so many people out there as well you know that are doing that aren't they they don't even see that they're using people and you know manipulating people like that people that we know we know people like that over the years that have just bounced around from one relationship to the other taking what they can get and they're moving on vile terrible trait that okay hi guys I've got a neighbour who never stops talking every time want a gear change vile vile anyway no this is the Vicky Flanagan you know like you don't want to you don't want to walk out of your house just in case they get you I've had neighbours like this you know like even four doors down and they're always in their garden oh Peter Peter oh I had one guy cap on head down there was one guy called holiday man me my dad always used to uh used to see him and um it would always be me or my dad yeah peter peter like my dad's name and he'd say every time been away been away recently i'd say no and then he'd just have to listen to his holiday for hours i like chatting to people i know but sometimes there's a time and a place isn't there like when i go to the supermarket i make a real effort to talk to people yeah me too there are some people that just that live for it aren't they and you know i do get it and i do i listen i'm polite enough to continue to do it every time yeah but i have hidden before oh yeah and the sort of social cues i feel like i don't know what the rest of this guy's gonna say but the subtle social cues you give someone like i don't know clocking your watch or going like giving them shorter answers that they just don't pick up on and just going on and on and on i respect it though yeah some people like a jack don't they well he says here every time I step out he appears like he's been waiting in a bush he's harmless but last week he followed me to my car still talk about his knee surgery I had to pretend I was on a work call just to escape how do I set boundaries without looking like the world's biggest arsehole I think you I don't know it's a tough one because I think you just don't know what's going on in people's lives that could be the only contact they have it's so true and it's like I think if something ever happens people always look back and go god I wish I would have just given five more minutes or a chat yep five minutes to that person might change the whole way they feel about themselves yeah it might mean that much to them genuinely it might not mean much to you but it genuinely might be something special for them and they might look forward to it every single day and I think you should take that as a compliment and I think especially that I don't like speaking to kids that aren't mine and then it's really bad but like when they like tell me stories and stuff I'm like no I don't want to see your handstand fuck off what are you bringing to my life here what are you adding for older people you know like kids chat where they just because they always come to me always if you're in like a soft play someone will just start talking to me like a four year old and just like I've got no time for this like a four year old a four-year-old I mean a four-year-old wants to talk to you yeah they always do it how do you cut off a four-year-old just walk away

50:12just start scrolling it's around front of his face yeah but I think I think like if it was another four-year-old and the four-year-old was thinking nah this person boring me they would just walk off so it's how it's probably in their language that's probably how you do it it always happens to me kids or like random kids always just want to talk to me and I just don't well if you are four and you're listening to Abby and you do want to come over in a soft play don't do you think that's really bad? that's totally fine I think in this circumstance you know I think personally the best scenario is to hide if you do see them hide if you don't want to talk at that I suppose no I think the only way is to just be on your phone isn't it?

50:54yeah the phone I was going to say have your phone handy because like you said you know it's nice to be nice all the time but you can't sometimes you are in a rush or you've got your own shit to do haven't you like it's not viable to have a conversation about someone else's knee surgery every time you go we could just do what our John doesn't just red buttons I can't do that in real life you can't just red button a human be amazing if you could though sorry bad connection click click just go like that what are you doing I'm just trying to mute you

51:28imagine if someone did that How you die? What, like, how rude would that be? You said to me the other day, didn't you? Can you just stop talking? Do you remember? Yeah, but we've gone so far now. I feel like you could say that to me. I've had it. Please stop talking. No, I want you to talk. No, I give it up talking to you. Because you're just on your phone. You can't get through. Can't get on where the bloody headwings? Can't get one in. Between you, Kaz, and the Sinder. then i gotta get one in yeah so that's that babe i'm missing ibiza already i do you know i was thinking about it in the car just a minute ago and i was coming back i think it's made me kind of a better person somehow it's final thoughts i just want to sum up this now like just getting away just me and you with our friends obviously kind of having a blowout a adult laugh and a load of drinks it's made me kind of like I've had that and now I've appreciated kind of what I've got here do you know what I mean?

52:34As well Yeah because that was so much fun but then I was just dying to get home to my beautiful kids my lovely house and you know my nice life and like and work I want to do the pods again and getting back into my daily routine and I like my daily routine it's made me think so I think getting away just for a couple of days as a little reset. It's key, Pete. It's essential. I wasn't expecting that as a closing thought, but I like it. I like it. Yeah. And me, on the other hand, where the fuck is that leaf blower? That's what I thought. I'm like, I've been away two days and I cannot see the fucking garden or the paths with leaves.

53:18I will blow my own path. It's no problem. Maybe that's why I beat that. Bye.