“This DIY Disaster Almost FLOODED Their House!” - Matching Outfits Go Wrong & Abolishing Homework!

0:00We are a power couple, do you know what I mean? We are a celebrity power couple.

0:06speak to you for your bloody self I got 9A stuff Google it he didn't bang any out I'll have you know I also barely appeared in one of the World Cups by the way but I'm still taking it ask me anything ask me anything hello and welcome to ask us anything with me Abbie Canty and me Pizza Crouch God, that was very Trevor MacDonald and fucking Marty Stewart over there. What the hell? We're just really good at, we're just really serious about our craft. Now I know you're drunk. Witchcraft. How are you doing, guys? Really good. Yeah? Still hot. Very nice. Still in holiday moods. Got a few days left now.

0:52Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's been great, isn't it? I've been really kind of chilled, I think, this trip. We needed it though, Pete. yeah I've enjoyed it even the kids are exhausted I don't know if any of our listeners kids feel like that you know this October half term is desperately needed yeah they were so tired like when you think about it it's so hot like six years old going into school 8am till 4.15 it is long it's a long time for them isn't it it's so long what did you say sorry six years old going like you're eight o 'clock till like half four yeah and also the homework thing I think we've spoken about this before and then do homework yeah yeah feels a bit mad doesn't it I think we should just set a petition to abolish all homework.

1:32If we're relying on us doing half an hour homework to support our children's education, then what a load of bollocks that is. I think what you said there was profound at the start. If they're relying on us, they're fucked. To help with homework. Speak for your bloody self. I got 9A stuff. Google it.

2:00I'm going to ring Cags after this and get your certificate you can you can I've actually got the certificate I've got a bag full of certificates just bring in a certificate please I will just bring in one just bring one in I don't need to hold up yeah 1A star I'm sure we could 1A star I'll take 1A star general studies how are you doing Pedro how's your legs I'm good mate yeah I just saw a calf still yeah you've been hobbling around can you get me this can you get me that I can't walk but you're playing 18 holes of golf tomorrow I'm going to get into the ask is anythings anyway Hi Abby and Pete It's 4am I'm currently walking home from a night out at uni I've just bought a pepperoni pizza Garlic bread, mozzarella sticks Sour cream and onion, Pringles Lost me at Pringles I thought of you I thought of you You might rate the food I do rate the food Pringles you're not a fan of I love Pringles No No, not for me.

3:00Yeah, I do like a Pringle. Since you spent all that money on them when you went abroad with the kids. Yeah, post-romantic. I've never had one again since. That bird still hasn't come out of that hole. FYI. Still a little update there, listeners. There's a bird in a hole. No, this, sorry, a bit of context. There's a little bird that's just gone off one of our dre pipes. And he's still in there. he's been in there for a while now Bill Oddy over here yeah cheers cheers that was mean I wanted to send you a message because you reminded me of what do you want to still talk about that bird what is what's so fascinating it's got babies in there probably I can't see it where do you even talk see this spout anyway this is boring listen we can't do this we need to go kids will be home in a minute let's go I wanted to send you a message because you remind me of speaking to my aunt and uncle.

3:56You make me genuinely excited to be married and have kids. That's nice, isn't it? Something no one in my family has ever done on purpose. What? Oh, had kids, maybe. Something no one in my family has ever done on purpose. Has anyone ever done it on purpose? Not in this house. That's a nice thing to say. That is a nice thing considering my brothers and sisters and every single one of our friends say we put them off marriage and kids for life. No, not marriage, kids. Not because they need to do with the kids, that. No, the kids are great, but it's full on. They've seen how full on it can be. Alfie was traumatized.

4:33I had Alfie around this weekend. I collared him. He called me at 10pm on Friday and was like, what are you doing? I said, oh. Oh, that's a dangerous, that's a dangerous. Alfie calls you at 10pm on a Friday. No, it was eight. No, it must have been about seven. He was like, I've just finished work. I said, what are you doing? I said, oh, Pete's at work. I said, do you want to come over? And he's like, yeah, I'd love to. So he'd come over. he did about 10 haircuts next day I had him up at 8am we were at the football then we were at gymnastics then we went for lunch and we went to that bloody sweet shop and he said your kids he said so Jack what do you want to do after finish football I want to go and get a matcha so he was like a matcha tea matcha friggin hell so he's like I thought you meant matcha I've just spent 50 quid in bloody gales I only called you to see to see how you were and you had me in football matches, gymnastics, doing 20 million haircuts, bath time.

5:29You know, he was just like, I don't know how you do this. So I was like, I hate weekends. I came back on a Saturday night and he was freaking sprawled out on the couch going, fuck this. Peak is a foot rubber. This is full on, this is full on, wasn't it? Yeah. He's a good lad. It is full on. I just plied him with champagne so he was fine. Yeah, he seemed happy when I came round. Yeah, sprawled on the couch. Anyway, I lost my mum and a few other aunties recently. And between you guys and Hugh Grant, I keep remembering being a proper adult is something to actually look forward to. It's nice. I have several questions.

6:03Hugh Grant. I like Hugh Grant. I love Hugh Grant. I have several questions dedicated to both of you. Why are Scotland so shite at football? We have so much passion. Every lad in the country plays and we have more money than some other nations. We did just beat Greece 3-1 so don't count us out for the World Cup. Okay, I suppose that's the one question do you want to answer that one? do you want to answer that? you would think the Scots would be good at football similar to Scouts similar to Scouts is in that way well look we've got bloody Andy Robinson Andy Robinson yeah yeah yeah Robinson Robinson no obviously he's class act but I do think there's definitely tailed off in recent years and like if you think back to I'm thinking Gordon Strachan Daglish you know Archie Gemmell kind of like an Alan Brazil you know Alan Brazil was from Scotland?

7:00Yeah you know you've got Alan Hansen Kenny Dalglish you think about the actual the players over the years they've had top level and also the managers amazing Scottish managers Alex Fergus the main one there is for whatever reason a they've not developed the kind of level of players. Underachievements or something maybe? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know for whatever reason. I don't know if there's been enough top, top level. Those players I've mentioned there, Dennis Law, Kenny Dalgleish, these are elite, class A players. World class players. Robertson was like not playing the same that he's playing for Scotland as he does for Liverpool.

7:43Do you know what I mean? He did look a little bit different and you don't know like, did you ever feel, mind you, you played very well for England I suppose, but did you ever noticed that with other players like when they played yeah yeah yeah they weren't the same players for the club as they were for the country do you think that's a pressure thing um I don't I don't know it is a difficult one no it is a difficult one I'm saying who's the bloody news reader oh yeah yeah yeah it's because I've spent some time with the Peter Garcher podcast I don't know yeah Chris Stark no there is a thing with that like calm down Chris yeah I don't think yeah they're just not they don't seem to be producing enough world class players like they they have done over the years but that might be down to their league their league the league was I mean I remember watching it with Brian Laudrup Gazza you know Henrik Larsson some of the players up there were top class and the games the Rangers Celtic game you could have put that anywhere in the world it would stand up in any league in the world because now it's a Rangers Celtic game that's not the same as the top leagues around the world it's not the same quality and even Alex Figgs maybe they're all in bands because the music's bloody great up there yeah it is Alex Ferguson won the European Cup with Aberdeen so it wasn't just a two team kind of in the that you're talking about yeah no it's been great Hearts teams Hibs teams Aberdeen there's been some great teams whereas now I think of the SPL and it is a two team league in my opinion you think of Motherwell FC or something like that like just like a bit of a yeah yeah it's a bit like the Spanish league a little bit maybe yeah listen the league there's no doubt it's dropped off in quality but you know you can still produce players yeah you know you can put a lot more maybe into the infrastructure of the youth teams and the academies because something has gone wrong I bet this is the answer she wants to the 4am piss that all of them are in a pizza yeah yeah yeah get back to pizza sorry babe Pete I reckon you've probably hit the nail on the head there there probably needs to be more like government funding into that's true into creating more academies and more opportunities for these kids there in Scotland there's no doubt they've got talent they've got no doubt they'd have talent oh my god they'd have pure talent pure talent man proper you just need to be home proper fucking talent and you know maybe players who are so good that we're losing them somehow in the system you are losing them because there's probably no opportunity how many people live in Scotland though would you say 10, 5, 10 million I don't know they're a relatively small country if you think of it we've got 60, 70 million living here 70 plus million people living here I think if you go on the kind of you know the pitches in around Glasgow you know the inner city areas that's the same kind of pool as you're getting from Liverpool, South London.

10:21That's what I was saying. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were right, everyone, you said that. You know, it's a working class background which breeds footballers. That's very true. You know, and it should... Well, even look at like South American teams and stuff like that or like some of the African teams where it's chronically underfunded. And the tough kids who are out playing day and night, day and night. That's it. There's some kind of missing part in that bridge which is going from those kids in the street who are living, breathing it to top and pro. But that's what I'm saying.

10:45These are still creating Andy Robertson. I wonder what the hell that is. fix it they've got good players I'm looking at Billy Gilmore Andy Robertson Scott McTominay in the national team now they've got good players it's not like I'm just talking world they have developed over the years world class players and I don't see that now okay I agree but we need to go anyway enjoy your pepperoni we'll find questions in so let's go and move on to the next one enjoy your pepperoni okay it feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class crouch content And don't forget to share with your friends and family.

11:21Have you always been tidy and organised and prioritised a nice home? Or is this something that comes as you get older? I imagine that one's for you. I came out the womb with a bottle of bleach and a beach cloth in my hand. A pair of marigolds. Literally. You know, it's just... I don't doubt that. That's in you, that, isn't it? It's just in my... My mum was the same then. She's the same. Your mum was the same. What's in the cats and the kittens. You know, it's in my DNA. but I am messy as well I think you're just home proud I am messy like when I'm getting dressed getting ready to go out it's like you know we've been ransacked yeah well I don't know I just I like to be organised it just clears my my finest moment was coming home once and seeing Ab just a t-shirt on standing on top of the kitchen island mopping no I wasn't mopping the kitchen island no I wasn't I was cleaning the lights oh yeah I was cleaning my pants it was like this yeah yeah yeah sorry it was the lights yeah inside the lights I couldn't believe it because when you cook they get grease yeah no but I'm just saying you cleaned them his birthday do you remember it was his birthday I often clean them but these are the little fucking things no one knows you announced the whole party you were like guys guys guys I've cleaned them for this party all the pizza lad made to him it was like that I don't give a fuck yeah you are that's just in you that makes me happy yeah it makes you happy okay what is your proudest moment especially Abby have you got any advice to your 23 year old self oh my god so what's your proudest moment proudest moment is probably giving birth to my kids I know it sounds so cliche cliche and seeing who they've become as they get older their personalities what you touched on before when you said your siblings how your parents bring up your siblings is not the same as how they...

13:16That's totally correct. They're in the same house, but because each child has got a different personality, they need nurturing in certain ways. They need tough love. They need more cuddles. You know, you do bring them up differently. But my proudest moment is seeing how fab my kids are. And I love my kids to pieces, but I play them too well. So like, come on and buy it. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? you know what I'm saying bro what is it everyone everyone's fucking kids who's playing the World Cup anyone anyone can do that that's where you are I banged four and I buy accents piece of piss you didn't bang any out I'll have you know I also barely appeared in one of the World Cups by the way but I'm still taking it okay have you got any advice to your 23 year old self just make confidence like your goal and kindness like believe in yourself do you know what I mean that's what I'd say don't waste a second okay Cardi P the Clance Google me and R2 the Bob Ross love the podcast you guys have honestly gotten me and my better half through some tough times and have genuinely straightened out our relationship through the introduction of the weekly wine club how good is that to our Friday nights weekly wine club's good right yeah my wife is like Abby my wife She always insists she never has a wine for me.

14:46But as soon as I start on the slightest gripe, she comes up and goes full on character assassination mode. I have thought about going full double barrels on her myself. However, I have had a much better thought of revenge, getting you guys to read out a problem on the pod and hopefully side with me so I can play it back to her rather smugly. Did I mention how much of a better place we are in at the moment? anyway what's your view on couple fashion my wife's trying to coordinate our outfits matching coats colour schemes for holidays pyjamas at Christmas your dad and Sue do that I love her but I don't want to look like I'm in a pop duo same difference you always colour match me by accident because we've got the same brain that's accident I think yeah I've been together so long it's like but I do get pissed off if we go if we're going somewhere and I'll put like a black dress on and you put a navy suit on so like but I think colour matching's not too bad but then like you know thinking like kind of when Delbo he gets that new bird and he gets the things in the cart you know like his and hers and all that you can't be doing that can you you just can't if we're going out on a night owl you'll get dressed and I'll get dressed we won't talk about we usually talk with each other no like I'll come down and we'll just be wearing what we're wearing you'll go oh my god you don't match and I'll go oh bollocks and then we just go out do you know what I mean unless it's ridiculous I don't mind it I don't mind it I'm sorry but if you used to came down in a brand like exactly matching outfit you're getting laughed out of the gaff yeah but I dress my boys the same that's cute for little boys and kids like you used to I'm saying you come down in an outfit and crouches wearing the same thing you're getting laughed out of the gaff and rightly so babe we are a power couple do you know we are a celebrity power couple

16:41oh great so what I'm saying now is we haven't got a name you've got like Posh and Bex got Brangelina yeah like what do I mean we've got what like Clouch No Chin Wonder and fucking and Google Me I can't say it and will not say it again I did not say Google Me Google Me and Chinless Wonder we need something better is what I'm trying to say Clouch Clouch It's not really got the vibe Is it Pantsy Crunchy Crunchy Like it doesn't I don't know Pabby Anyway We're moving away from the co-words We'll do nicknames In another episode Just say it to hell now I'm going to write in With the power couple Now For God's sake So it's Peter James Crouch Can we give you middle name Peter James Crouch How much of your middle name Marie Marie Chantel Alexis Cundey Yeah Buster Dickens and Alexis.

17:37Hi, Abby, Pete and Ross. My husband has entered the handyman era. The problem is, he's utterly useless. He watches one YouTube tutorial and he thinks he's popped the bill. Last month, he fixed a leaky tap and flooded the downstairs toilet. Week after, he installed a shelf that collapsed under the weight of a candle. He refuses to call professionals because he said it hurts his pride. Meanwhile, our house looks like an escape room. how do I stop stop him without crushing his spirit or ending up on a DIY SOS have you seen that Instagram prank with the oh my god that's so funny with the builders with the stop off yeah it's so funny have you seen that piece I showed it to you the other day where the husband was kicking off going what the hell that's not fucking on that I'm not having that it's so funny I don't think you need to pussyfoot around this I think you should just need to say look I love you but you are shit at this.

18:35We're calling in the professionals. Yeah. John Moss, the daddy went through a pipe on, Chris Receive, for no reason as well, trying to, you know when you're over complicated job, that doesn't need to be over complicated. Plumbing, oh God, and burst the pipe. Chris Receive, John Moss, doghouse, and my mum said, you're shit at, I love you, but you're shit at this and you're not ever doing it again. And he took it like a man. I think plumbing should be left to plumbers. And electricians as well. I agree. I mean, I'm not a DIY, I'm not very good at DIY. I'll be honest not very good I put a picture up once I bought her a picture my first mistake was thinking I could put anything in my own house number one second mistake was that I tried to put it up by myself third mistake was the big reveal honesty is the best policy in these situations Pete it certainly is both and you are always honest great yeah brilliant well done honesty is the best policy Crewein.

19:33Yeah. Goodbye.