VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL: The Bonk Beat Book Club Launch, Nickname Game and Relationship CRISES!

0:00Valentine's Day has a horrible way of making you suddenly re-evaluate your entire relationship I actually like a little raunchy book My c*** has managed to soften To a manageable state I'm a monster I wish I hadn't read that

0:16Guys if you love us as much as we love you You should subscribe That's all I'm going to say Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch With me Abby Clancy Me Peter Crouch And our Ross Nice haircut Ross Yeah do you like it? You've gone very Tudor Bob What I thought the Tudor Bob's got I feel like this is a bit more Shorter smart that looks nice yeah i'm happy with it yeah it looks good yeah how are you good yeah you okay very bronze today ab put a little bit of tan on last night face and hands only i actually didn't even do my hands because i can't do anything with this bloody nail can i i don't want to draw attention to oh so i was speaking to the um the farrier at the yard yesterday oh yeah he was shooing the horses and i was like oh does that hurt them i knew it didn't really but i like you you know, getting some info.

1:02And I said, I broke my nail. And he was like, oh my God, the pain. He said he hit a nail through his. And he had to remove his own nail to stop the pain. But one good thing he said to me is, the nail bed is coming back here. So he said that will grow back. Yeah. Why do some people not grow back? No, because if you damage the nail bed, you know, it could not grow back. But he said this lump here, that's it growing back. So watch his speech.

1:34so abby's book club's taken off yeah lots of people really into it um we we're talking about doing a giveaway aren't we yeah we are i am coming home for christmas coming home for christmas signed copy so with valentine's day coming up i thought you know we can do a little giveaway yeah i've got loads of these books to give away you know that come up my house surprised at that so what i'm gonna do i want our listeners to subscribe yep right show us that they've definitely subscribed and we'll have a few lucky winners which we will give them a signed copy of the book and a little valentine's date on us yeah that sounds like a good show so yeah well yeah if you do want to do that you can email the therapy crouch at gmail.com the instagram you know it uh tick tock the therapy crouch and you can sign up to our mailing list believe or not that's the therapy crouch dot com yeah yeah perfect the rapey crouch does look like the rapey at times I don't I we didn't think that one through did we but it's like Susan's anal bum party Susan's anal bum party is that's the best one I've ever seen best one best one so any weekly wines for me sausage weekly wines let me have a little think I've got two for you I know you've got loads Let me just have a little think of mine before we start.

2:54I'm really surprised when I do that Pete's going on a golf trip.

3:01No, I'm going to give you a weekly shine. Okay. Yeah, just because you're so beautiful. Because I'm a creep. Stop being a sucker. Well, I'm going on a golf trip, aren't I? So I can't stop whining at you. So the thing is, you know, this three-day golf trip is actually six days because of the travel. And he's like, well, I didn't lie. I'm only playing golf for three days. I'm like, that is absolutely awful. Yeah. You know, when I go away, I'm like, who's going to help with the kids? Who's going to get the food shopping in? You know, I get all the bags ready, all the uniform. You know, it's a massive deal.

3:44It's an operation. It's an operation before I go away. Pete just walks out the door. He hasn't arranged, you know, because I've got you know for the drop off with the kids it's a two man job because they're all in different schools they've got their after school clubs they've got tennis he's missing two of Sophia's tennis tournaments which is a fucking disgrace and then the selfishness of how you just walk out the door without so I said to him look you can go but you're arranging who's going to pick the kids up for school you're going to do an Ocado pre-order food you're going to have to arrange because I'm not doing any of it and did he?

4:19No. There's still time. He's still here. Okay, should we get some audience wines? So then this is wine number two. Oh, there's more. There's more. So Pete's birthday. Yeah. Happy birthday, by the way, Peter. Thanks, mate. So I thought, you know, 45, let him do what he wants. I said, I'll go play golf in the morning. You will? No, Pete. Oh, yeah. So we went to play golf and he said, you can meet me later. We'll go for dinner. We'll stay in the hotel. Nice. It'll be a lovely night. so I met him at five he couldn't talk then he had a big group of his friends there that he hadn't seen in a long time so caught up with them so we ended up having no dinner then we stayed in the hotel woke up and had to leave at 7am to get to Jack's football so I had no dinner and no breakfast and a hangover and a hangover oh god yeah but what a birthday I had and you were right there with me having a great time you had fun come on thank god Claire was there otherwise we would have been bored no we had a laugh basically a couple two old friends that I played with at Stoke oh yeah they were staying in the hotel just randomly and the wives who I haven't seen for years so it actually was a fun night oh what a night oh what a night but I was you know when I was looking forward to this gorgeous dinner which didn't happen yeah it didn't it's the big ones birthday I feel you've got to give them a pass on that one It was my special day.

5:45I had a special day. And you being there really made that. Can you remember me being there? I loved you being there. Okay. Do you want to sober yourself? Yeah, I was going to say, don't pretend like you were a party. Give me a couple of shandies up. I had to catch him. The angel Gabriel.

6:08The Virgin Mary. Okay, so this is a weekly shine, I think. I'm going to hit it off with. So nice. Yeah, this is following up from the list of Drembo's wife had asked him for a divorce. Remember, it was a bit difficult one. Thank you again for taking the time to read this out. I feel Abby totally hit the nail on the head. I've not read the signs and have not listened or even tried to understand her these feelings. Something I'm being much more aware of now. An update, she has since told me she's willing to work at things. I fully intend to grow from this and become a better husband. Thank you again.

6:43I'm honestly so grateful you've taken time to read this out and I will forever hold on to the fact I nearly made Abby cry oh yeah well it's a real thing if these husbands keep neglecting their wives and you know not taking into account their feelings or you know making them feel special there's only one it's only heading one way and that does begin with D and ending it those girls that have that heaven forbid

7:17you love me and i love you we are happy we're a happy family shut up right hi guys little weekly wine for my lovely fiancee in light of valentine's week tell me is there um is it is this a man thing or just my man before valentine's birthday's christmas he likes to say to me i was gonna buy you this but and ruins the surprise every time For example, this week. You do that. For this week, he said, I was going to get you and the baby matching pyjamas for Valentine's Day, but wanted to check with you first. Now I'm annoyed that the surprise is ruined. I'm probably just going to buy them myself. Am I being ungrateful?

7:58His intentions are so sweet, but I'd love a surprise now and again. Actions speak louder than words. That's what I say. We listen to the pod every week, so you'll recognise it's me moaning here. I do love you really if you're listening just to get just get better at surprises please yeah I get this from a man's point of view like you want to surprise them but you don't want to you know I'll surprise you but quite often I'll get those surprises wrong so I'll have to kind of run that surprise past you yeah that's exactly what I thought when I read that as well yeah but that's not like you're going away for freaking two weeks you need to organise yourself just in pyjamas it's pyjamas and I think that's a lovely gift I'd love you to get us me and the girls matching pyjamas you're a liar you said that yeah with a massive diamond ring to go with them fine in fact seriously fucking pyjamas pyjamas how old am I stay on the phones of Kaz no he got me fucking pyjamas it's only got Sophia the same shit pair as well no I think look at the kit of these I always get I always get me and the girls matching pyjamas on Valentine's Day yeah yeah is that a thing Yeah, it's a thing.

9:07Oh, that doesn't mean a lot. Parts, pyjamas, and then I'll do them like, I do each child a little, you know, Valentine's card through the post and we get them all little teddy and some chockies. Yeah, that's cute. That's cute. But I know exactly what you like. I'll try and get you nice little thoughtful gifts. And I know that you've got no interest in them. Because, you know, she loves these little strawberry creams from like this body butter from the body shop, right? You put it on your body. You've had that since I've ever known you. I know, it's the best. So every Christmas, I'll just buy some of those.

9:36And when she opens them, she just puts them to one side. They don't even say, thank you. She goes, she unwraps it and goes, that's the strawberry cream. No, because that's just like a daily... That's cash in the bag. That's a link, South Africa. Yeah, yeah. There they are. Do you know, like... But you do the same with socks. I love my socks. Yeah, but you don't start going, ooh, let me try them on. That's just like a present that you get. It's a present that you get. Like it's a little... That's cash in the bag. Yeah, that's just cash in the bag. A pair of pyjamas is just... I think it just boosts up the present stat.

10:06So what... Yeah, the pile. You paint me out to be so bad. Thank you, babe. You do it all yourself. I don't. You do. I'm the most grateful person there is. Like, genuinely, you can't say I'm not. No, I think a little presents, I don't think you'd be that into them, no. It depends. A little, yeah. Yeah. A little diamond ring would go missing. You know, a little... If it's a big present in a little box, then that's completely good. It's like, I don't know, like from the kids so like a mug for instance saying world's greatest mum it's a shit mug you probably never use it anyway but I would go if that was world's greatest oh that's cute that's lovely that you'd go what the fuck is that I don't need another one I know I'm the world's greatest mum I don't need the mug to tell me that is the hell what on earth have you bought that do you know what I mean I think those little nice presents I think they're nice personally okay next one so this is a weekly wine but it starts with hey agony ab valentine's day has a horrible way of making you suddenly re-evaluate your entire relationship things that didn't bother me oh yeah suddenly felt massive why doesn't he post me why didn't he plan anything why am i always the one organizing stuff am i actually happy or just comfortable i went to bed spiraling and woke up annoyed for reasons I couldn't fully explain.

11:28Why does this one day carry so much emotional weight? I wish I'd read that. I think that's a fair comment. Do you do that, Ross? I wish I'd read it beforehand. Sorry. I wish I'd skipped it. Do you do that? Do what? Smile when I go to bed? No. Re-evaluate your love life when it comes to Valentine's Day. I don't think so, but I think Valentine's Day, I think is more of a girly holiday. I think it's more geared towards, I don't think any of my life is for Valentine's Day. I feel like since Instagram's become a thing right now, there's an incredible amount of pressure on a man. I feel. You know, even you, like, to be fair, and I've been quite good on Valentine's Day.

12:05Those big rose, like the roses, like in a big heart, which is like a million roses. Have you seen those? No. I would be like that. Look, she'll go through like that. Seeing what Kanye's done for Kim. What the fuck are you doing? It's Kanye West. Seen it? Seen what he's done? Well, I get a bit of fucking matching pyjamas. one word gobshows see what see what Tom Brady's done for Giselle all these people have split up Pete oh I don't know I'm not up to date with it but you know what I'm saying I don't know that's funny you know I just think you'll pick someone out I just think if I was a man I would be the best at Valentine's yeah but I just think you can't compare like everyone's imagine buying like a kitten with like a red bow around its neck jumping out of a heart box imagine that just the little things just the little things yeah but it is that's expensive I don't think like I think I'm good on Valentine's Day personally over the years and birthdays now I think I've I've very much stepped my game up I would say yeah I was going to say because your birthdays are so close there's no more lemon roses inside thank god because your birthdays are so close to Valentine's Day do you not struggle with kind of the presents ideas and the room we don't do presents presents it's just like flowers gestured presents yeah flowers and like a nice we don't we don't no I think a nice card like a take her out somewhere nice and yeah some flowers I think that's well enough I do as well I do personally um but yeah with regards to that like Christmas and because Ab's birthday is so close to Christmas that's a difficult one it's kind of like Christmas birthday birthday then I was thinking when I was yeah I looked at this yesterday it must be tough for you but as I said it's to keep it okay but I think I genuinely I think I've been alright recently you've been fabulous recently keep it up um but yeah with regards to this lady here I think she's probably early me in the early me stage.

13:55Well, no, it just goes back to that thing, doesn't it? It's like when people do get comfortable in a relationship, it's easy to forget about the little things that you used to do when you first got together, like making those little small efforts. Yeah. You know, Pete used to write me like love letters when you go to work, like on the pillow and, you know, even something stupid like going to the petrol station and get me a cream egg. Yeah. Because he knows I love them. it doesn't have to be a big lavish over the top expensive thing just these little gestures to prove that you're on their mind and you still love them did you notice I got your ham sandwich from the bakery this morning yeah just those little reminders just those little reminders yeah he dropped me off at school and I was like oh you didn't go to the bakery by any chance yet and he said did I hey man what did you get me you're not getting me the one with cheese no I'm going to eat a ham salad oh yes I know my girl is one still in the car from yesterday yeah yeah I got you one yesterday as well he got me one yesterday and then left and left it in the car locked yeah I forgot to be fair it'll be pretty chill in this weather anyway I was desperate to eat it so I was like looking through the window I got you two actually two ham salads one's not enough no it's not it's not enough because I've made that mistake myself crispy crusty cob I've seen them yeah yeah I've seen them loads of butter ham salad they are they are top level to be fair yum do you know there's a competition from the two girls in the bakery shout out to the girls in the bakery because I like them they're nice ladies and they the young girl makes the doorstop ones and the older girl makes the the rolls that I like but they have a competition every day who's who's sold the most yeah I actually had to high five my old girl I don't go for the sandwich one high five I got four of them she was like you've nailed it to them and like a little cheese pasty from there as well is this the one that you've been previously built on oh it's phenomenal Is it the one?

15:46Oh, mate. The bread's phenomenal. I've ever had. Oh, they're unbelievable. Bread from the bakery is a different level. Yeah. Yeah. Different level. It is. Right, this is a good time to hear from our sponsors. Whilst you're doing that, I will be reading this, The Good Girl Effect. His praise is forbidden. His touch is irresistible. You filthy bitch. Sounds like you piece of... Now hit subscribe, will you? So this, obviously with your birthday, I did want to plan a bigger surprise. and I roped in Nick to help us. Have you revealed what it is yet? No, I was trying to plan Loch Lomond and the girls and boys, but it's closed.

16:25Oh, that would have been that. Loch Lomond's closed. What a lovely idea. It's closed for the winter. The whole area of Loch Lomond, how do you close it? The golf club? No, it's a golf club. I was going to say. It's a private golf club. It does get very wet there. I mean, it's on the loch, right? And it's Scotland. Yeah. So it does get quite wet. So we will reconvene and also wanted to do the the traitors experience um which i asked pete to set up a group for because i can do any date because i've got no life anymore and um you didn't do that so we had pete's birthday we got up at seven o 'clock in the morning went to jack's football and then we went for like a family staycation at the four seasons in hampshire yeah yeah and it's just mega like it's like it's beautiful stunning it's like a big country manor it's on hundreds of acres of land is near the new forest is it yeah near enough yeah it's near hook isn't it and um the food was incredible you know i love a hotel breakfast oh my god unreal but they had so many amazing things for the kids like like an indoor swim and splash zone with slides and then you know they had an adult pool with an incredible spa um our room that like all the beautiful little special touches that you know but there was murder because as we walked in our kids had a row they'd wrote on the mirror you know have a great stay and all the kids names and um johnny jack and lib had a fight and lib rubbed out jack's name so then he wasn't on the door so then he was hysterical on the mirror so then i had to call down i was like can you please come write jack's name back on great work so then jack rubbed lib's name out but they put all like popcorn in the room for the kids and little robes and slippers and um you know it was just a lovely family after you've had your shenanigans on the friday to then have the family day really nice family horse riding oh yeah through the incredible i was on this beautiful horse it was a um a suffolk punch it's actually a dying breed of horse it's like an English horse an old English horse but it was it was mixed between a cob and it was just the most beautiful thing and she said every time everyone rides them all the guests are like can we please buy this horse if you have to name your price and I was doing it as well I was like I really want them so me Lib and Johnny had a little horse ride through the fields oh that sounds lovely that and it was just a gorgeous recharge out in the fresh air playing with the kids it was fab wasn't it yeah do you sound like you've got the good balance of like fun and wholesomeness like yeah they want to date him because the kids want to see you as well on your birthday but i know you love that nickname game oh yeah and you know our little therapy crowd chappy birthday to you loads of our listeners we've been inundated mate well there's a load here um i do like these so please keep them coming in okay this one here hi my three amigos i feel like you're my mates loving the nickname game best one i heard was mumbo because uh the lad's mum had bo Mumbo Mumbo Mumbo Oh my god I'm not mumbo Where's mumbo today?

19:37That's terrible Mumbo No way That is unbelievable I love that Jesus Christ Okay We also had a mate called Pug Because he looked like Captain Pugwash Love your content guys Keep being the best out there Phoebe from North Hunts we've got a lad in the club what club? pothole because everyone avoids him pothole aww that's so sad

20:13oh my god that is unreal you can't imagine aww god there's more great hi guys hope this finds you all fit and well listened to a podcast the other day love the nickname game reminded me of a great one I heard on another pod. It was a family who had an auntie nicknamed Clit. Obviously, whilst growing up, they had no idea to the meaning, but on getting older, put two and two together and realised it was because her name was Joy Button. Joy Button. Her name was Joy Button? Yeah. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. I thought the name was going to be like Colette and the kids couldn't say it. Joey Button.

21:02Joey Button. That's hysterical. Oh my God. I hope this makes it your podcast. The children only think I'm inappropriate and haven't shared it with them yet. So this would be amazing. Kay from Hexham. Great banter. What a nickname. Cracker. I'm trying to think of anyone. Any nicknames? No, we've got some crackers. I was watching today and enjoyed the nickname chat. I remembered a couple of good ones that I thought I'd share. Rice paper, I can see right through them. Mastercard, always taking credit for other people's work. A glove box full of shit and can't shut them. That's funny. Shut them up.

21:49Glove boxes are bound to meet. Glove box. Full of shit. full of shit and can't shut them up Slinky every time you look at them you want to push them down the stairs

22:07oh Christ oh I love the chat makes me laugh out of love that was from Maeve that one oh one more there's one more guy at work we call Cordless you can only get him to work for about two hours that's funny happy birthday happy birthday I do I do I do love them please keep it coming in yeah keep it coming in there's crackers there yeah babe you know we wanted to get our Richard we wanted to become the new Richard and Judy basically we do look vaguely similar to them you're very Richard S and I could be a young Judy youngish Judy do you know what I mean yeah he's got fabulous head of hair he really has he really has I'll take listen if I look anything like Richard all day long all day all day looks great to see I think you look like Clarpe well you know I don't mind Clarpe oh yeah I'd see you in a pair of specs oh yeah that's a good show he's so Clarpe that'd be a good fancy dress party for you actually Clarpe oh yeah I'll put the bins on before haven't I and the long jacket and the cap we'd had a few drinks and I had a Liverpool cap long jacket and some bins on and it was quite uncanny.

23:20I miss him, do you? It was Plop. Jürgen Plop. But yeah, you know, so we've basically, we've got a couple of books and I reckon I'd love you to read some extracts from this. Jamie and Ross and the boys and Chris here, they've been reading through this. So the pages are a bit sticky here. So now it's... It's highly erotic. It's disgusting. No, but it's because it's Valentine's Day coming up. We have been given book recommendations recommendations out yeah but now i think you know that what's it called erotic literature erotic literature yeah it's a thing it's a vibe at the moment i actually like a little raunchy book yeah i know you do but a lot of women do you know like i got i got i got absolutely hung out to dry when i was you know having a peek at the incredible gold whereas that is absolutely some of the stuff that you read on here yeah but you know why because most people it goes down to the you know the neglect from husbands most women but no husband wants to neglect them in that way if I suggested if I suggested to you I've built a little dungeon downstairs yeah so I'll be waiting down there right put on a little dress and get yourself down there right you go shut up you dick I'll be the one with the gift mask I'll be there all night I'll be the one in the Ergen Club I'll be the one in the corner but you know this mysterious man of mystery you know in the good girl effect the good girl effect written by Sarah Kate Zara Kate best selling author USA Today by the way this I mean this is all like it's all about like what I'm saying is you know give us a chance I can be this guy we don't really want to do it we want to be in our fleece dressing gowns with our strawberry body butter with a nice cup of tea and a slice of Vicky sponge nice would you like to read an extract of this sorry before it just goes back to I know you said men don't want to neglect women in that way that is true but when I've spoken to sex therapists on exhibit A not just in general

25:31once a week how do I get this fucker off my back literally the thing is women women women do not like having no physical touch and I'm not saying like raunchy stuff I get that a hand held a little rub on the leg a little when you walk past a little cuddle and go straight into you know what you have to be tactile throughout the day throughout the week I'm not telling you I do that to you all day every day I'm not saying you I know I'm just saying I'm just standing in my corner you're too tactile I can't fucking hell Mr Tickle big long arms Mr Tickle so if there was more of that and more you know being aware of a woman's needs and you know giving her more attention throughout the day throughout the week blah blah blah sex lives would dramatically improve and we have got an expert on next week we do we do Alex Fox she's great oh what a name Fox yeah I know yeah yeah Faxie Cleopatra but in the meantime women like a little bit of erotic literature yeah i'm gonna read you a little uh thing so again this is uh the good girl effect uh by the us today best-selling author sarah kate first he drapes a blindfold over my eyes and i love the way it feels as the anticipation and relaxation wash over me before moving away he whispers you know the rules tell me if anything hurts and just say stop if you need a break.

27:08See, I don't like all this pleasure pain nonsense. Yeah, but it seems to be selling. Yeah, yesterday. It's not for me. There must be a huge market out there for it. There is. It's not for me. Not for me. I don't want to read that section. Don't want to. It's raunchy, this book, you know. We've had a flick. We had a good long discussion about it before you arrived. I nod without responding, just like I used to. A moment later, his lips press against mine, and then he turns me lengthways over the bench, guides me to my back lifts my feet onto the surface what position's that there? she puts it on her back feet, feet how could alright, hang on he turns me lengthways demonstrate with lengthways like that?

27:51like this? yeah okay, get lengthways well, I'm not going to do it myself he turns guides me on my back lifts my feet onto the surface yeah yeah Then I hear him kneeling in front of me. I savour the silence between us. It's comfortable like it always is. And he starts to bind my ankles together. No thanks. And I try to discern which technique he's using. A basic double column, I assume. I try to guess where he's going with each tie as he finishes. Deciding if it'll be a fog tie or a futamono. And things I've learned in my spare time research on top of what we're doing here. after my wrists are bound Jack brings my knees to my chest with the sensation of vulnerability and exposure there's a pulse in my core knowing exactly what awaits me once he has me fully bound he wraps my bound arms around my legs so I'm tied into a ball how do you feel he asks well I'd I'd hate that so she's basically like this yeah she's in a fetal position what's that all about oh god god no I don't know but you know we'll say some of the writing there does keep you on tender hooks yeah the anticipation there oh my god what notch are you going for oh my god the scout instead of the man on the double so he basically basically all he's done is lie her down and then fold her into a ball tie her up that is mad it's just jokes for different folks there'll be some people out there going that is a bit of me that is a bit of me honestly couldn't be asked but me no fuck that no no but tune in next week tune in next week listen I think there's a there's a place for this you know you read in extracts maybe we can get our listeners to give us some book recommendations doesn't all have to be raunchy can be funny can be yeah let us know we'll read an extract out or if you're an author you know let us know you want to get on the pod and well you know this is Peter and Abbie's book club love it it might not catch on but it might we'll give it a go I thought that was a boring section.

30:01Yeah, well, there's un-boring sections. I'll go straight back in there if you want. We didn't think you'd want to read those ones. Honestly, some of them are phenomenal. Go on, please. I had a little go after... I mean, you can go anywhere. You literally can go anywhere. I'll get it for you. It's mad how it's so, like, shocking to a man, but, like, not to a woman. Um...

30:25Stop it, I berate myself, trying to carry on with my normal night routine before going to sleep. By the time I finish brushing my teeth, my cock has managed to soften to a manageable state. I'm a monster.

30:40Fuck me. I don't know what the hell. Here's a bit of literature for the flight, Pete. You're not reading that and you're going to get blast culture. I wouldn't want to. Why does Pete keep going to the bathroom? I'm still waiting to finish this bloody Dan Brown book. Yeah. That's all I hear about. Still haven't finished it, yeah. Sunril, really. That's the fucking secret. He's switched to audio. I had to switch to audio. So he can close his eyes. Yeah, man. You'll be able to do it on the plane as well, actually. That's a good shout, actually, yeah. Good point. I'll finish it. Yeah, so it's a big market for that, isn't it?

31:13I remember, you know, years ago, what was it, Jilly Cooper? Yeah. Back in the day. Oh, yeah, I read one of hers, Tackle. Yeah, that's right, yeah. They're usually about polo players and stuff like that. Oh, I love a polo player. Is the one who wrote that Rivals, the TV show? that came out yeah that's right yeah it's a bit like posh porn isn't it that isn't it yeah it's like now is it Wuthering Heights that's out yeah I'm sure it's Bridgerton it's the same old vibe Bridgerton's a bit noisy yeah see I prefer like a hint yeah innuendo a hint of it I don't really want to see that yeah is that bad it's all about the let your mind fill in the gaps yeah yeah not his throbbing cock when softer because he's a monster.

31:59Madness. I'd like to see that wuthering height. Thank God we said that. Should we get some agony abs? Let's go. Hi Abby and Pete. Last year we had an argument on Valentine's Day over something stupid. I booked the wrong restaurant but it escalated fast. It was only small but has felt massively symbolic since. Like if we can't even get Valentine's Day right what does that say about us? I know that sounds dramatic but it's stuck in my head all year and has made me more nervous than excited for this year is definitely the elephant in the room at the moment. And we both avoided making any plans for this year without addressing it.

32:34I don't want to leave it to the day itself, but I don't want to dread something up if I can avoid it and cause another argument before I potentially ruin another romantic day. Any advice? Now we're getting a few messages about this Valentine's Day. I genuinely think people are building up. And if it doesn't go completely perfectly... Well, she's been stuck in her head for a whole year. Love don't cost a thing. love don't cost a thing yeah I think Valentine's Day in general it's just a gesture it has to be a lovey gesture like even just a card with not too abby happy Valentine's Day love Pete yeah you know some beautiful words you know get into the head you know I want to know what's in your heart and in your head about me or you know that's what it should be it shouldn't be so much pressure I think there's something really nice we've done it on a few occasions about staying in on Valentine's night?

33:25Oh, no. That was the worst fucking surprise ever. Which one? The surprise is there's no surprise. Stay in here. No, because I got a gorgeous outfit from Agent Provocateur and just put it with a coat on and then Pete was like, surprise, we've got a chef. So I had to... She was roasting the whole night. So I had to just wear my coat for the whole dinner at home. I bet you'd be clocked what was going on as well. I was like... He wouldn't go away as well. Take your coat off, Bob. You know when they come over and they want to explain to me, I was like, piss off, mate, will you? I want to see what's underneath.

34:05I had to wear my coat for the whole meal in my own house. It's just an acid... It's fashion. It's fashion, okay? I was literally sweating because I was so worried. Was you doing a baby Mac by any chance? Yeah, I was. I was. And that was highly embarrassing. That was funny. And he kept asking me, oh, you want in that coat? Fucking reason here. But that is nice. You know, stay in. A little M &S meal deal. Yeah. And I think staying in's good. I really do, I do. If you do it nicely, you know, make an effort. If you could shift the kids off. I think in response to her question, though, I think if you'd have had that argument any other day of the year about booking the wrong restaurant, you'd have forgotten about it.

34:44So why? Because of Valentine's Day? Are you letting it carry on? There's an undercurrent here. I think there's too much pressure on Valentine's Day. I definitely think it's Instagram like people who compare themselves to their friends and look what they're doing look what they're doing and there's a huge kind of pressure on it and it's really annoying when Pete played for Stoke and all the girls posted what they got on Instagram we all had the exact same thing courtesy of Claire Travel yeah Claire had sorted up the whole team out with flowers and balloons and gifts to the wives everyone the same one all of them were ecstatic in the morning and fuming by the afternoon anyway that's amazing that's so thoughtful no i i i think with this couple i think there's obviously a deeper rooted problem yeah okay i think it's not about valentine's day because really if you book the wrong restaurant is that an issue they need to get to the root of what their issue is and sit down and talk and she should say look let's be honest this isn't about this restaurant this is about something else how do you feel and get it off the chests then they could hopefully resolve it have a little glass of wine and do a kind of Valentine's weekly wine to each other and see if they can talk it out yeah this is where the weekly wine you know I would like people to listen to this to do it you know like sit down glass of wine get it out cheers move on and plenty do we got lots of emails saying that they've incorporated the weekly wine club into their lives and it's helped tell us about you know is there anything I've done this week yeah I mean just one a week how long have you got there you go get it get it done hi Abby Pete and Ross I wanted to write in and ask for your advice please on how can I reconnect with my boyfriend after a difficult couple of years we've been together for just over seven years and we have been trying for a baby a baby for two years we fell pregnant quite quickly but since but sadly we miscarried both times with the second only detected at our 12-week scan when there was no heartbeat.

36:48Oh my God. This was a traumatic experience for us. And after another year of trying unsuccessfully, you can imagine how much this has taken its toll. We're now beginning to go through IVF and I've been told this might take a few months to even begin. So in the meantime, I was really hoping to try and just get back to how we were before this consumed our lives. I feel like we've really drifted apart mentally and physically and I know this is mainly my fault. as I've really struggled with it all emotionally. My boyfriend has been amazing throughout. I love him so much, and I want to be able to go through the next stage together stronger than ever and feeling positive and excited for the future.

37:28I see you two are great together after four children, still look so happy and in love. So I feel like if anyone can help us get back our spark, it'd be you two. I absolutely love the pod, and you make me laugh out loud while I listen on my dog walks. Thank you, but please keep me anonymous. oh that's terrible yes i think that whole fertility journey takes a huge toll on relationships you know as a young person and a young couple maybe you spend most of the time trying not to get pregnant yeah and then when you decide to try you think it's just going to happen and then kind of you know what you imagined because you think oh two people in love they you know what and then they have a baby and when that doesn't happen it kind of it just causes so much pressure and when you're so desperate for something and I think, you know, he'll be feeling under pressure, she'll be feeling under pressure and it's easy to kind of, not drift apart, but...

38:25Yeah. And I think you're so correct, isn't it? People spend their lives, their first part of their lives, avoiding getting pregnant. There's all this thing behind it and you just assume that, you know, it's going to be A-OK and then it's sometimes as well, it's something wrong with one partner and not the other and the feelings are kind of like embarrassment or resentment from the other partner or you don't know. It's a tricky thing. And also, I think if they can try and get into a good place before they start the IVF, because so many of my friends have been on that road and it's really tough emotionally.

38:54You know, your hormones are all over the place. So they kind of, what about like a little staycation? And they should just get together. You know, she should say to him what she said to us, you know, how much she loves him. She wants to reconnect. She knows it's been hard on both of them. and I think you know if you said that to me just give you a big hug and you'd be fine about it I think yeah I think so even play this also hit it right out sometimes it's easier for people to have someone else say their story rather than themselves if they can't express it to themselves they seem happy and I think a lot of the time a lot of the time in that situation men feel pretty helpless yeah because they want they desperately want their wife or girlfriend partner to get pregnant and there's nothing they can do if it's not happened happening i say naturally conventionally then they're they're kind of at their wit's end he might be you know blaming himself and you know she'll her mind will be preoccupied on desperately wanting this baby um so i think they just need to sit down have a chat and just do something fun yeah go and have a laugh because you know it it does happen once you take that pressure off yourself you know your body your cortisol everything calms down and it will happen it's a difficult situation isn't it well you know they'll come for it good luck yeah and good luck with it let us know hi Abby, Pete and R Ross I'm turning 40 this year and after a long 40 club exhausting run of awful men dating disasters and general emotional carnage I've somehow stumbled into the healthiest happiest relationship I've ever had just as I was settled on being okay on my own if that's how it was meant to be I've been with my boyfriend for six months and we're honestly obsessed with each other in a good grown-up emotionally available way.

40:39We communicate, we laugh constantly, we feel safe and it just feels easy. For the first time ever, I'm not questioning myself or the relationship. We just can't believe we found each other at last. Here's the thing though, we're moving quite quickly. The long-awaited but. We're moving quite quickly. It doesn't feel reckless or chaotic, but it is fast. Part of me thinks when you know, you know, why fight it? Another part of me wonders whether we should be intentionally slowing things down just because that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, just go with the flow. To add to that, I have a strong feeling he may propose within a year.

41:19Six months? Wow. We've only been together six months and while I don't personally feel like it's too soon... Oh, I've just got goosebumps. I do just think, fuck it. I am very aware that I'm carrying some past relationship trauma which makes me a bit more cautious than he is. and sometimes just waiting for it all to go tipped up. My question is this, do you think it's wise to go with the flow when something feels genuinely right? Or is there value in slowing things down purely for the sake of time? And is six months really too soon for the proposal if you're older? Emotionally secure and very short.

41:55Or is it that just leftover fear talking? Help a reformed dating cynic out. Love to you all, Anonymous. Yeah, I think that's like she's hit the nail on her own head. You know, it is dating trauma. But I think when you know, you know. And I don't, every relationship is different. It doesn't have to follow a specific path. And you don't have to do things in stages. You know, if that was my 18-year-old daughter, and I've met this guy, I fell in love with him, six months to get married, I'd be like, whoa there, cowgirl. Slow right down. Slow right down. but you know age of 40 she's had a string of disastrous relationship this one feels good i wouldn't compare them to the others and be you know have this anxiety of something bad's gonna happen and if it does it does yeah but just you can't predict the future you can't go back so she should just enjoy the ride and if he proposes say yeah if you love him you don't have to get married the next day you can easily get divorced also you don't have to get married the next day do you you can give it another 18 months before you get married and then you go actually this is doing my head it's exciting you know turn that like she shouldn't be so like anxious about it just be like oh my god it's so exciting I'd love someone to ask me to marry them you again but you know what I mean someone as well no it's someone you again I'm saying to you because obviously planning my sister's hen oh yeah how is bridezilla bridezilla's calmed down now she's totally offended she was very offended I think she listened to this she was very very offended by that no because she said when I said to her Elle what about this and she said no she said how is that not being a bridezilla how's that being a bridezilla if I just disagree with you then I did hear Ab go alright bridezilla no but it's you know looking at all these wedding dresses with Elle and these destinations and all these fun things because I would like, I'd love to do it again.

43:55Yeah. With you, Pete, obviously. We've done our 10-year wedding anniversary. Yeah, you can't have it three times up. Come on. That's ridiculous. 25th's the next one, isn't it? 25 years married at 57. That's not bad. Married 25 years. That's not bad at all. Married 25 years. You'd think you're like, you know, in your 70s, 80s. Yeah. It's not like it was, you know. What do you mean? No, like people were married like, you know, 21. oh yeah like back in the day you married at 30 yeah so that's good it's my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary this year wedding anniversary 60 years Maddie was like that before because I'm like really upset that Pete's going on this golf trip and she was like god that's because you're like young you said I cannot wait for my husband to go on a golf trip she said it's my best times yeah that's where it is no I'm sad that you're going no no I don't want you to go I know would you like me to be away from you I think I'd be more sad if you were like go on son packing my bag go on son get yourself out there three days is that all stay for six can you not stay a bit longer stay for six I'd be slightly worried I think I'd hang around then you could double bluff me reverse uno yeah it's fancy the romance is still alive though that you don't want it to go especially on Valentine's Day mmm I'm so pissed off with you but you love me I think we've done quite well with our advice but next week we have got an expert on haven't we Ross sexpert if you like a sexpert yeah so if you want to spice up your love life or you know you've got any dilemmas in your relationship please please write in this week because she's going to be on our couch next week and we're going to get all the juicy goss really yeah we've been threatening to do this for a while getting an actual expert on listen you know we're brilliant we're not actually experts you're definitely not bloody hell this is for not who's been a familiar than anyone's old joy button over there Elbow oh no Elbow where is this fucking thing I think it's made up yeah so she's going to be on and yeah, we want anything you need to know.

46:20Yeah. Whether it's, you know, in the bedroom, it's emotional. Yeah. It's not just sex. She's not just experts. She's kind of relationship experts as well. Well, that will be interesting. I'll look forward to that. Get your questions at the ready, Pedro. I've got them, I've wrote them all down. Okay. See you next week, guys. Make sure you tune in.

46:44So guys, if you've enjoyed today's podcast, hit that joy button now and subscribe

46:52how you had four kids at the no check no idea the joy button