“Whatever I Do Will Be Wrong!” - Pete’s Party Planning Panic & Abbey’s Wardrobe Wisdom!

0:00Hey, God's going nuts. there's your episode title what are we getting where are we moving party shed I don't want to offend you as long as you think you look good I think you look good too yeah Wokey ball hello and welcome to the therapy crouch with me Abby Clancy me I'm Peter Crouch and this is Ross holiday Ross activated I've seen why he's just manoeuvred himself into the sun I know I would have sat this way before no he's living the dream look well it's because our abby called me very ginger before so now I'm trying to get the bleach blondness back it's harvest gold we've we've we've agreed yeah are you excited for your holes Ross I am I am I am it's one week the big countdown you've got plans you've got the rum factory yeah go in the rum factory gonna go there's a couple there's a place called like Oyston's which is like this big party they do on a Friday on the beach, like an area where they do like big cookouts, you know, like kind of like fish on the barbecues and stuff like that.

1:08Going to go to these caves as well, which I've been to when I was a kid. They're amazing. If you're something like your kids, I'd love actually the stalagmites. Stalagmites and stalagmites. Yeah. What is it? Tights come down. I like them. Tights come down, isn't it? I'd say the mites would come up on the tights. Mites and tights. Yeah. So yeah, but also just chillaxing, I think. Just relaxing, sitting on the beach joining a pina colada which I made the other day to get us in the mood we're off to Universal Orlando with the kids and it's a super surprise they're not aware they're not aware so we're going to get to the airport and we've got friends of ours coming with us who are very close to us as well so all the kids get on well all the kids are really good friends so it's just going to be mega because we've done so are they going to think they're coming home from here and then you're going to go rather than going back to England oh my god that's so good yeah it's gonna be amazing and we've never done Orlando as a family yeah we've been to various other theme parks you know we've done one in Paris and this is gonna be mega and my daughter Liberty's like wishes to go to Target Target so we'll we'll do that while we're there oh that's amazing yeah no it's exciting I was looking at Universal Studios like they've got four parks right and some of the rides are insane that they've got there now brand new I remember when we were properly when we were you were still at Tottenham and we went you took us to Thorpe Park do you remember and you were you came Peter and like obviously kind of you know paved the whole day for us like wasn't all our mates and that but you couldn't go on a couple of the rides because I think you're hiking and our Abbey was pregnant but hadn't told anyone she was pregnant so like the parties I didn't go on any a couple of balls sorry absolutely boring yeah literally it was like oh this would be dead cool cousins and auntie and then fucking didn't go on one ride with us the whole day.

2:59I'm happy with that role. I'll be the bag holder. Yeah. I can do it. I love the waltzes. I don't think they'll be in Universal. I went on the waltzes the other day when I went to Margate. I love them. Oh, fucking. They're rapid, you know. We took Scott on them and he vomited. Did he? Classic Scott. I know, yeah. He was not in a good way. But I just can't wait to think it's, you know, an opportunity of a lifetime. It really is. memories you know that's what it's all about yeah you know with the kids you know it's it's one of the things you have to do I think if you can at some stage with the kids yeah it's on the list isn't it 100 % yeah yeah I'm just really excited to tell them it's you know these are core memories they're going to have for the rest of their life you know and all the kids are a great age now and great age I can imagine our Jack and our Jack and Johnny would look to like the first Jan and Jan the boys enjoyed that I know that is great you threw me completely off their piece great I'm our Jan and Jockey these two these two our Jockey and Jan giggling that's good that's good have you got any weekly wines yeah I have got weekly wine Ross it's to bat abs indecision around a 40th birthday party celebrations 40th is in January that's just been planned for two years by the way because she thought she was 40 last year yeah but I did want to do Ibiza but after Ibiza I'm never going back there again you're scarred PTSD she's like you hit it too hard yeah it was big so like she's very much like it was a big party now it's not a big party so like then it was like let's go away somewhere let's not go away somewhere okay let's just me and you go away somewhere let's not I don't want to be away from the kids there's literally yeah I'm not it's just very hard to plan something when you're getting told so many different signals.

4:55I know, but I just don't know what I want and all I want is the kitchen. So I just want my kitchen for my 40th. That's all I want. What are we fucking, what are we dealing with here? And then no one's, I don't want anyone in my house because no, everyone will ruin it. You're going to be a fucking nightmare when that goes on me. Jesus Christ. I just worry that whatever I do will be wrong. Oh, it will be. Well, I'm braced for that. I just, because what you're saying So what you're telling me I shouldn't worry about that because I should accept it will be wrong. No, because the thing is, it's like when Peter got me the orange frigging Chanel bag.

5:32Chanel bag. When he could ask Kaz, he could ask Lucinda, he could ask my sister what I'd really like, but decides to ask some stranger behind the counter what he thinks his wife would like. I think you're more annoyed you that he was chatting to a bear than the Chanel shop. Yeah, exactly. That's the crux of that story. Some French babe. If our Elliot suggested an orange Chanel bag, and keep going, oh my God, it's so vogue. It's so in. Pete has to bear behind the counter. Who the fuck is she telling you to get me? Is she going to sold snow to the Eskimos this lady? Bloody, you are on thin ice. Actually, I do know what I'm going to do for my 40th.

6:10I'm going to do a party and you're not invited because you are getting dumped, sister. That's what I want for my 40th. Fucking divorce. And her husband. Okay. Oh, good stuff. I want to upgrade. Listen, you're perfectly entitled to an upgrade now. 40 years old. Midlife crisis. You can go. Crack on. Get yourself a leather jacket. I'll organise it. I'll even organise it. There's your presence. Did you let me go there? That easy? Yeah, I just don't know what to do. What do you think I should do? Well, I had my heart set on going to Ibiza for your 40th because we've been talking about it for two years.

6:45So I'm very disappointed to hear that one going. But, you know, I have got irons in the fire. but every time I think about doing one and make calls about organising it you then say something throw you just go I don't want to do that no if it's down to you there'll be about four bottles of Lambrini a few party poppers people I don't even want there and you'll be like surprise she's bang on she's absolutely bang on she's bang on there but who doesn't like Lambrini and party poppers that's a nice information source oh that's great have you been liaising with Abby's circle. In a circle. No, because they're all grasses as well.

7:23That's fucking so true, actually. So, like, they are grasses. Kaz is so tight-lipped, she would not. I trust Kaz with my life, but she'd tell you. And Lucinda, she'd trust you with her life. My sister, my sister, you can trust a million percent. I think they're not going to tell me. They would, they would definitely tell you. You, you wear them down. It's not them being big, Miles, it's you putting the thumb screws on. I don't even want to know. I've never had a surprise in my entire life only the birth of my children the only reason you haven't had enough surprises in your life is because you desperate you break everyone down to the point where they just give up I don't want to know but what I want I don't want to walk into this party and go I could have had a fucking kitchen instead of this that that is how big do you think your fucking party's gonna be how big's the fucking kitchen load those expectations right down on both fronts on both fronts couple of fucking cabinets she said no it's like fucking Kim Kardashian's kitchen yeah literally

8:27you make me out to be so high maintenance that it's just come on you can't team up like that you can't team up I was a bang average Premier League player I'm not Kanye West thank god yay yay yay good good you know I like that I like that Abby do you have any it is Kim Kardashian vibes I'm not gonna lie is that what you want well you can listen you can have a kitchen and I'll just we'd all just sit in the kitchen me and you on our own celebrating with a bottle of lamb looking at your Monterillie payments hey babe this will be paid off by your 50 if we'll have another party then get me a Klarna constriction coming back oh good stuff good stuff so basically that's where I am Ross okay on my weekly one on a serious note on a zero high maintenance note.

9:19I actually don't know what I want, but I think just something small, just an intimate dinner. Yeah. This is a trick, Ross. This is the kind of trick that females pull on a regular basis. Do you know what are small? Rings. I just want something small. Dammit, they're small. I just want a real small party. But if I turn up and it is small, you're fucking dead. That's what that means. It was a small gathering. Just feel like you should talk straight, you ladies. You don't believe me? Would you rather a gift or an experience to be honest Would you rather be a Scouser or a Mank Yeah Scouser Erm A gift I'm not bothered about Well there you go Experience then So it's got to be a party or a trip Gift isn't It's an experience Yeah No So this is what I'm saying I don't know Yeah no I don't know So just tell me I just don't know In front of the audience Just please tell me something that you want Not Just the kitchen but I don't want you to palm that off as like That's like getting your beard like an iron or a hoover for like Mother's Day, isn't it?

10:19I'd be delighted with that, but yeah. I want you to, for my 40th, I want you to just accept the interior changes. I've accepted that. I have accepted it. Because that's, you know, your house is where you live. It's your home. It's where you spend. I don't want to leave my house. But at this present time, I don't want to be in it until it's done. Well, I don't want to be in it either because there's about 25 builders. Eight gardeners. Or with the tops off. Do me fucking edit. Fit as fuck. Fit as fuck. I bet them. So funny about three. What are you even doing to this relationship? About three of our builders are called Pete and I go, Pete!

11:01They all come running. Running like laugh dogs. Five Pete. Yes Abigail! Yes boys. Oh, that's a power trip. Right there. Very good. Abby, do you have any weekly minds for Pedro? just your indecisiveness on my party and throw it straight back at you oh yeah I'm not how do you know I'm not decisive I've made serious plans that you see I would have preferred just me and you going somewhere you see that this is like it's a trick Chuck Ross it is it's not fuck me I just don't know where I stand I'm saying Jo it's like I don't know where I stand because you're making me high maintenance and I'm not it's just all I want in my life is to know where I stand can I just say for the record I'm not even asking Pete to pay for the kitchen I just want them to not get annoyed when I said underbill no

11:51when I rip it out I mean and there's disruption in the house I do get offended at this disruption in our house it feels like we've been living I've been going to your house for three years to the podcast and I've never known the not to be a builder it's ridiculous that is mad there's never not a skip on the drive there's always some sort of sorting whether it be garage a bedroom organisers some sort of organising it's never ever I've never drove through and there's just probably 20 cars on the drive or 20 vans on the drive 25 drive yeah literally it's every it's like what upset where does it end I saw people walking down the drive the other day I'm like what the fuck is he doing he's like there's no space I can't come in he can't park in his own driveway walk down it to park outside oh mate they're mugging you right off mate they're mumma pieces you wouldn't have a word the worst thing is she's going I just need to just reading it all fucking hell no but you know what I did no I said I'm Peter and Sean I see if you get any more games no yeah no I said I said I'll I'll um just I've told them they're not allowed to park inside now it's just us I know your neighbours love that and I I bloody because you couldn't find the leaf blower I sweeped all the acorns off off your grass off the path oh took me six hours yeah fucking hell We've been talking about that in the last part, don't we?

13:13It's absolutely ridiculous. Just on a light note, have you seen the amount of acorns that have been dropping this year? Yeah. Fucking insane. Acorns are back, baby. Hang on, fuck. Jesus. It's a joke. It's violent. There's something going on, like, this world's mad. Someone told me that... Because the squirrels are disappearing, that's why. Is that what it is, Jacob? I don't know. We're losing squirrels. I've just pulled out my arse. We've got loads of squirrels in our garden. Yeah, but... There's a fucking amount of acorns in there. No, but someone said, Was it you who said to me? The gardener said that every...

13:42No, apparently there's a... Maybe like seven years or something. Yeah, like acorns go nuts. It's a thing, seriously. Acorns go nuts. It's just trees are shedding. Acorns go nuts. There's your episode title.

13:59Acorns go nuts. It's fucking not icing. I don't know. I don't know. That's brilliant. Oh, brilliant. No, I just don't want anyone to think with I'm so high maintenance because I'm not you're not it's just you know we've always said on this podcast we are who we are and this is who we are and you are high maintenance I can't be that bad if you stayed with me for 20 years shit bag he's armless fucking dump that to you my god shit bag yeah oh I love you I absolutely love you and I reckon there's so many people that look like me with women like you. High maintenance is something you are and that is, I've embraced it.

14:43It's part of your likeability though. If you were in high maintenance you'd be a bit dull. Let's have it right. There's never a dull moment with you and I absolutely love being with you, spending time with you and I love your madness. Makes me feel happy. Cray cray. Thanks. I'm telling you that as your cousin. All the women are not having me. It's something special about it, honestly. And I don't want you to change anything. Thank God because I'm now. And there's the shit bagness. I'm going to get worse I'm going to get worse I'm going to get worse when I hit that fucking menopause Hi Abby and Pete my husband and I both got smart watches to motivate each other Oh we did that?

15:19I lost my charger I couldn't do mine Yeah we did get the wound Oh did our John get you that? Yeah I didn't put mine on I did but it takes two weeks to collect the data which I was like I want to know now Yeah I want to know now They are good those They are good when we were in Ibiza one of our friends watch out they were dead no life detected

15:47everyone on that trip was in the 1 % club yeah terrible really isn't it apart from us that's a 12 hour sleep yeah yeah that was the longest sleep I've had in 10 years in Ibiza yeah that's a sign you get old I'm sorry, now I am past the hill. Well, anyway, they got them to motivate each other, but she said, big mistake. It's turned into a competition. He's constantly checking my steps, saying things like, a bit lazy today, aren't we? Oh, fuck. Or I've burned 200 more calories than you. He even walks laps around the living room before bed just to win. I thought this fitness was supposed to bring people together, not make me fantasize about throwing his Fitbit in the bin.

16:31Yeah, I do get that. Because it's like a community, isn't it? It's like that Strava app when that came out and everyone was kind of thing. What's that? It was like, you know when lockdown shows your runs. Yeah, it showed your runs so you could track your runs and your friends. I didn't run once in lockdown. No, but it was kind of like that. Anything I ran was a bloody bath. To the fridge. Do you know, there was one, when we did the Peter Crouch pod, right? Someone ran and it tracks where you go, right? Ran Mike Dean slaughtered chickens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. they did a run and they did it that's incredible wasn't it like a marathon length as well it wasn't a short you know we could have easily AI'd that no this was like before AI was big no it wasn't no it was legit definitely AI it was legit no no it wasn't amazing really yeah but yeah you can AI anything these days you know my brother he came to my house and I was like I don't know what wallpaper to put in this room so he took a picture of the wallpaper took a picture of the room and it wallpapered the room.

17:35Yeah, very clever. And I was like, thank God I didn't get that one because I don't like it. But the Chassel Lounge was shit though, weren't they? When we did that the other week, do you remember? Oh, shocking, weren't they? Shocking. Just don't have that genetic, what? Can't pull a hamstring. Yeah. Didn't have the sexy talk down. No, that was it, the bedroom talk. Really, yeah. Things I'm going to do to you.

17:59Get up the fucking stairs. That's not his first road. if you said that to me then I'd just project our vomit the things I'm gonna do to you no thanks get me a Horlix I also do imagine Peter what did you say get me a Horlix get me a Horlix in the military things I'm gonna do to you I love Horlix run you a bath yeah I'm gonna run you a bath get you five rich teas tonight five rich teas but I do imagine Peter if you two became fit bitters you would be a bit like that towards our Abby Oh yeah, because we used to do it on the pod. We do it on the pod stats. Whose pod is more popular? Yeah. His or ours?

18:39Yeah. Okay, so this feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors. And remember, if you're enjoying this top class, crouchy, clance, Tudor Bob Ross content, don't forget to share it with your friends and family.

18:56Hi, Abby and Pete. I got roped into organising a group birthday present for a friend. I thought it'd be simple. collect 20 quid each buy something nice easy but no half the group forgot to send their money one person keeps suggesting something more meaningful and another sent£7.84 and a message saying that's all I can do right now ah that's good any contribution helps we're three weeks in and all I've got to do is a spreadsheet stress and resentment all I've got sorry is a spreadsheet stress and resentment I might just buy her a candle and never speak of this again how do you how do people manage group gifts without losing their minds or friends.

19:33It's such a good idea, this one, because if you are in a friendship group where money might be tight and there's a lot of that going around, right? A lot of people are living like that. Just have a certain amount that you pay and you get them a better present, one better present. Yeah, we did that recently for one of our friends' 50th. We all just put in. Yeah, when you quit or something. Ideally, it'd be 20 quid each, but put in if you want or you don't want and then you know we ended up getting something that she really really wanted and I think that's great you know we do it for the teachers on the mum's whatsapp group and you know bless our class reps who are fantastic and they have all the worry of you know deciding what gift to get and they make suggestions but I think you know I'm just like pay my money yeah do one yeah I think it's a really good thing you don't want to get yourself into the situation where you're the person dealing with it at all if someone gave me a 20 quid could you pay me this situation yeah you'd be over the moon wouldn't you oh mate all day no problem so you get to kind of cut your organising and track people chasing the money and all that oh no no no that's a nightmare just do what I do don't buy your mates any presents I've never bought my mates I'll buy my mates a pint on his birthday do you know what I mean do you know in Spain you're the one who's meant to get the rounds in on your birthday did you know that and like bring your own cake in on your birthday and stuff like that really I was trying to buy my mates a pint when we was out there it was like a big birthday 21st and he's like no no no it's my birthday I need to get the drinks in tonight well that's like when you get a hole in one you gotta buy everyone in the bar a drink oh is it?

21:08that sounds like punishment yeah that's what I thought as well yeah but it's etiquette you can't get off so that's why you haven't got a hole in one I haven't got a hole in one because I'm crap at golf but if I did you haven't got a hole in one because your tights it sucks ass

21:27can I Can I just clarify on this podcast though? If I do get a hole in one. Yeah. No, you will. Pete's the most generous. I'm not coming home. No, I'll come to you. No, no, no. What do you mean? No, no, no, no, no. So you wouldn't want to celebrate your hole in one with me? Later. Can we stop? Babe, as if you wouldn't want me there. Well, listen. Do you get a bench? Do you get a plaque on a bench? Yeah. Yeah. so my golf club is a bench on every par three all your friends are my friends so I 100 % would be there would be like don't tell her I've done one yeah no no listen if I get a hole in one I'm out out is what I'm saying didn't someone get a hole in one recently yeah there's a few lads Sid's ever got one yeah got one on the hole that I want one on does the hole matter yeah this particular hole it's beautiful

22:26no is it like different some holes are just better than others I'll explain shut up the perfect no there's one particular hole that is I really want like it's a it's picturesque you can see it rolling it would be amazing to have it there and the bench is very prominent oh do you know what I mean yeah so does does everyone get like a plaque on the bench then or do you get your every time I walk past it I see Sid's name on it do people sit on these benches? yeah of course do they? yeah listen I've been on many a bench in my life but there's one that I would like to be on and that is is this particular bench that's my goal in life really your goal in life?

23:13my next one it's up there it's one of them definitely you can shove your Champions League up your arse I've got a bench a hole in one I can buy you if I can bend you that's what you want I know it's definitely for your birthday it's what signifies yeah the fact that it's gone in in one shot immortalisation as well isn't it like I'm thinking in a hundred years right my kids kids kids might be playing this course because they're hundred but they won't because when you die I'm selling that gold membership yeah Sophia's going to spunk that off the wall mate you've got no chance she's got a mum in her you actually reminded me to change my will that fucking membership is not going anywhere that's getting handed down through generations no problem so they can see my name not on that bench you need to get on the bench oh look there's Uncle Steve's bench yes this is great grandfather crouches fucking bench never got on it silly bastard watch this bang hold him on why didn't you just practice Can you not practice that particular hole?

24:20Yeah, yeah, but you can't, I can't like do... You can't go, that's got to be locked. You've got to just have one shot. I can't, like, I could sit there and have a hundred shots. Why didn't you ask Josh to help you? I think there's got to be an element. It's not... That's not like a thing, is it? I can hit the green and I've come close to you. Can you practice to do it or is it like a fluky kind of thing? I think there's a degree of flukeness to it, Pete. There's no flukeness to it because if you actually think about hole in one, you're trying to get it in, right? But there is an element, like if you hit it right and you know the green kind of undulates this way you can hit the right of the green and it does roll down to the left and you can so that's the one I want but the wind could change as soon as you hit the bottom like there's so many variable factors in there that you can't control that's where the look element comes in but no it's skills to get on the green can't you just get Josh to stand behind you like that and hit it for you yeah yeah just hit it for me just get AI on it like that just get it but so basically where this green is right it's elevated and it's down below and you're sheltered by the tree so you do get an element of wind that you can't feel up here.

25:18If I threw some grass, it wouldn't be as much as it would by the green. So, I've got to hit it out to the right and actually, if you hit it short, I could hit it short and then it actually kicks on a little bit and then it all rolls down to the left and if the pin is in a favourable position, you can get it in. Mate, you're wasted doing the footy on a Sunday. You should be doing it. Get this guy to the Masters. I'm like that. Undulate it. I'm like, you can't feel the wind through the trees the pin that's undulated I'm just saying this is just a just a crack of my life I was interested I was actually interested yeah yeah I know yeah that's what I mean there's a lot that goes into that particular shot is what I'm saying it's like you don't just hit the ball do you know what I mean I've got to like I've got to line it up I've got to see what the wind's doing alright that's enough oh yeah I'm bored of me now moving on fair enough alright I'll move on fair enough to the sake okay therapy crouch I love my best mate I really do oh god as in but but she cannot let me have a moment if I tell her I've had a rough day she's had a worse one love nerif yeah if I say I've got a headache she has migraines since birth I got promoted last week I told her over dinner and she said that's great I nearly got one too nearly phenomenal that isn't it dude actually I just don't like that trait in people at all I don't like let someone after the moment like if you come home and go like you know I've done this and you go yeah but I did this it's just a bad way to be isn't it 100 % I get that one because we have tired offs like Ab will come home and go I'm so tired I'm absolutely or parenting offs you know like oh I've done this with the kids well I've done this with the kids sometimes people use it as like a you know just to keep a conversation going like oh I've just got promoted and oh I did that I think that's true but then if that's a best friend saying that that's a repeated thing isn't it I don't think you'd say that if she'd done it once or twice like that's not keeping the conversation going that's a personality trait yeah it sounds like yeah it's just I just don't think it's a nice trait to have but if you've got it you should try and not have it it's not like if someone's excited about what be excited for them it's like someone getting engaged on your wedding day that is such a good saying you've been to Tenerife but I've been to 11 a week have you introduced me to that saying actually it is actually a belt elevenery elevenery if you've had the piss and the hard shoulder rather than the shit and the fast lane there must be loads of them there's gotta be loads if she's your best mate I feel like you can do that as well can't you I was talking about this to one of my dear friends the other day people are people need to lighten up people are way too oversensitive if I come down the stairs and my best mate said to me what the hell have you got on I wouldn't start crying I'd go nice one for that because I don't want to go don't look like a dick do you know what I mean I'd either laugh or go oh my god why do I look terrible and she'd go yeah get back on them stairs and you change I wouldn't be crying my eyes out over oh she's telling you to lighten up people when you come down the stage dressed as the man from Del Monte I've had a couple of shockers like that I've come down right I've been with the girls there's about five of them in the kitchen bearing in mind good job I've got thick skin right I come down they all fucking laugh all the yummy mummies what the fuck you feel like a skill kid asking someone out to the disco again I remember I came down and have like a cream jacket on or something.

28:44And then Ab's going, hey, El, Kaz, come look at this. Look at this twat. No, I didn't say that. Don't get changed yet. No, no, no, don't get changed yet. Look at this. Pete's got this obsession. Like he's got beautiful suits. And then he'll put the pants to one suit on and the jacket to the other. I'm so fired in the curve. I just don't like that. Honestly, I'm so fired in the curve. Fucking people, the people are doing it. They're starting to do it now. Look, who cares? Be who you are. Do what you want to do. Have you been watching Celebrity Tracers, by the way? Oh, yeah. love friend of the pod Jonathan Ross fucking hell that's a bit moody some of that clover I love his style he's just got his own style he's got a jumpsuit yeah he's a good guy I absolutely love it I love that and the fucking shoulder the friggin leopard print yeah I love that but all his clothes are like yeah top end he's into that isn't he yeah he loves his clothes but I think Alan Carr's just phenomenal oh he's hilarious he is hilarious mate I just love him so much.

29:42We sent him a little family video, didn't we? Did you? Yeah. I couldn't believe how seriously some of them have taken it. There's one fella in there. What about that guy? He's got it wrong every single time. Oh God, Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's useless. Do you know what as well? He's not even a traitor but he's acting like he's so OTT. I know. And he goes, oh my God, what the hell? She was a great fader. Mate, you're being so bang on here. I know. But I was thinking, is that a tactic he's doing there? But he's a fader. he doesn't have to do tactics he's a fatal do you know what I mean abnormal play a cool trick I love who's the one I love the writer oh David David oh I love him I find him so boring do you yeah god I don't I love Charlotte Church I think the show's the show's part yeah I like Charlotte Church she's great too she's great the lovely Charlotte Church I'd love to have a conversation with that David would you yeah yeah I think he's so interesting Stephen Fry's got his belly do you know what also the line up on the whole all of them are great aren't they the England rugby player Joe Mayer as well Jonathan Ross they're all like just Jonathan Ross is like a mega fan mate and he's played he's played the blinder really he's caught up yeah but I think I think he's so bang on though don't you oh yeah big time but like for some reason they're all buying it it's the double double bluff thing it's hilarious I love how he did Claire Boulding the other day oh my Claire she was fuming wasn't she she was going fucking Anthony going she knew she knew what he was doing yeah she was on to him like I see you've been round the group getting me going and he's done it like but I suppose he is Jonathan Ross he's probably carries weight what he says that's what I mean that big dog theory to be fair yeah yeah I think she was fuming wasn't she oh she was raging mate but I thought it was so funny the way when someone Stephen Fry said let's just write it on a piece of paper and not influence anyone.

31:40I thought that would have been great because when people were doing like the talking heads and the pre-interview, they go, oh, it's Jonathan Ross. And then when it comes to it, they go Celia or whatever. And then they just change. Yeah, they just change, yeah. But I think that's a great side note. The round table's the best bit, so I don't want to see them not argue. Oh, no. No, I've tuned in for the round table. Don't you dare just write it down. Shove your fucking like, a task up your ass. I'm not asked about that. Cash builder. I'm watching the match on the task round table I'm in the thing is though Alan is just so lovely like he can't even be a traitor because he's so fab the way he did Paloma though oh I didn't I missed that did you that was so good I'm shocked he took her up first actually I think though but touching someone's face is an intimate thing to do they were apparently best mates or very good friends outside of the show I wouldn't like to do that to a stranger imagine going up and touching a I touch people's faces all the time I was trying do you?

32:41yeah I was thinking the only way I could get someone on that is going what's that and then running your finger no you go oh what's that yeah no you go what's that on your t-shirt and then you flick the nose that's a good one or you could just go oh this is so exciting and hug them you know what I want to do now babe I want to go to the eggnabs now I'll tell you what after our whole traitor discussion yeah where did that come from you should just change this part to just traitor chance we can put your new idea We could be the after show. I know, yeah. Boring if you don't watch Traitors, though, isn't it?

33:12Huh? Boring if you don't watch Traitors. Yeah, that's true. These twats on about Traitors again. That's why I'm going to get into the agony abs now, because I feel like we should help people today. Let's help. Properly. Hi, both. Proper. Sorry, Pete. Properly. Serious help. Okay. We always help them properly. Hi, both. And I'll, Ross. although Ab takes a lot of flack about her fashion choices on the pod do I? oh yeah Unitard and the secretary respects yeah fair enough I think it's safe to say she's an absolute fashionista and I'm in desperate need of her help I have a wardrobe full of clothes yet nothing to wear I've got jeans that fit if I breathe shallowly shallowly dresses from 2017 that I'm emotionally attached to and 400 beige jumpers that look identical this is me Every morning I stand there and I look like I'm in a hostage situation.

34:06Is this just adult life or is there a way to get my style mojo back without spending a fortune? Jane. Jane, I am exactly the same. That's why when I was doing my FNF collection, I wanted to do like a capsule wardrobe because I'm the same. Like a capsule wardrobe. What does that mean? I'm glad you also didn't know that. it's like it's practical stuff which makes you look and feel good but it's not like a pair of leather hot pants or you know over the neat night day to day stuff day to day or with a few statement pieces thrown in no just practical but stylish like we've got amazing like choco brown jeans these gorgeous choco brown tops long maxi skirts tweed jackets faux fair coats like if you want to go to a park you've got a little sparkly mini like there's loads of it is hard I think especially when you have kids as well you just get up and go oh what should I put on I'll just throw my gym gear on or throw a pair of jeans on but you can get into a rut doing that you should get up get in that shower get in that mirror tell yourself you are bloody sensational get Simply Red on get that lacy knicker on put something great on and get out that bloody door that's what you should do well said because that's what I'm going to do because I was exactly like Jane.

35:31Exactly like her. Do you think there's an issue with being emotionally attached to clothes though? Yes. Do you think there's a problem with that? No, there's no problem with it because I'm the exact same. Yeah. I have got one of the first designer bits I bought as an adult was Victoria Beckham jeans. I still got them. There's Rift ones? No, the flares, like the crowns on the bum. But I, you know, I think you should keep, I think you should definitely keep these things because you do look back and go, oh God, why didn't I keep that? but fashion and style changes and also I think if she wants a few key pieces and doesn't want to break the bank just do like invest in classics like a good leather jacket or a good blazer you know a great fitting pair of jeans yeah and there's so much good stuff on the high street Zara F &F H &M Massimo Dutti M &S has got good gear M &S it's fucking flying menswear's phenomenal yeah I've seen menswear it's good good stuff but yeah no she's not alone and do you know what I'd also say which didn't we talk oh I talked about this the other day get a rail in your room off Amazon go through your clothes get your best two pairs of jeans out your best two jackets your best two tops your best two pair of boots or trainers or whatever and do mix and match outfits so you know you're not when you look at your your whole wardrobe you're not like overwhelmed you're like oh I actually I've narrowed it down and I know what to wear Yeah, nicely done.

36:59That's very good advice. Very good advice there. Abby, Pete and Ross. Abby mentioned the mispronunciation of chat GPT on a recent episode. It prompted me to write in. I'd like your thoughts on a friendship situation, please. We both have partners, so this is just friendship. And we only tend to see each other a couple of times a year, so mainly stay in touch with messages. This can be almost daily at times. Then it will abruptly stop. but whilst I'm trying to be emphatic for the reasons he'll provide I feel ghosted when it happens then weeks later he'll come back when he last returned I replied and then received a message a response that just seemed a bit off the message was longer the grammar was perfect so I pasted my own message into chat GPT and asked it to write a reply and wow other than a few word changes I got a very similar response to his.

37:56It's left me feeling humiliated like the friendship isn't genuine and questioning why he would bother to do that and not just stay away for good. I haven't mentioned it to him and would like to see where you stand on this. ChatPT, QPT, how can I ask Pete to get the hell home now? In another way. Yeah. In case I'm overreacting. Is it a clever use of his time to use for drafting replies or are there some things that AI shouldn't be involved in. Genuinely Loveless is a pod. Keeps me happy. Thank you. Ooh, so... First of all, if she's got a male friend that she's speaking to on a daily, that's obviously given her a little bit of...

38:41That can happen. Anyway, yeah, I wouldn't get caught on... I mean, Ross has got Hot Girl Fridays for... All day, every day. But I've got two things on this one. You can even look at it. A, he's a lazy get who's not giving you the time that you're giving him. It's more hard work doing chappy to TBJ. Yeah. We just can't say it, unfortunately. You know what you mean. AI. Or two, he actually values you enough to be like, I'm not sure if my answer's kind of like, like, can you give me a better response to this? Because I'm not sure I've got that in my wheelhouse to answer. I've got a third option. Go on.

39:14His wife's got all of his phone. She'd be thinking, right, I'm going to get a message out. I'm going to fire this into her and see what she's got to say for herself. that is the third option that is correct what do you think Abigail? I think I think they're probably both in I if they don't see but they don't see each other for years on end but they're texting every day did they say every day Pete? daily? daily? okay she's obviously getting some excitement or kind of romantic there's a emotional attachment there it could be a brotherly sisterly thing it's like not like well it's obviously not because she wouldn't write in about it because then she you could say, why the hell aren't you texting me back?

39:55If it was brotherly, sisterly, if it means more to her. Okay. That's what I think. I kind of understand what you're saying, but I also think you're identifying the wrong part of the problem. Yeah, that's a separate issue. What do you think he's, why do you think he's done that? He's not interested in it? Well, ask our John, because he chat GBT replies me every day. Literally. I've never seen your spelling so good. I know, yeah. How do you do it? Is it like a Siri thing? Can you go? Yeah, it's good I use it. what for how do you find interest in wardrobes present ideas for your missus's forties high maintenance must include high maintenance you don't piss off no I do use it I use it very often now quite a lot of things I had to ask a load of questions about oh okay yeah did you chat you beat it you know all our episode plans for ChatTBT?

40:54Yeah, they are. They are. I actually told you off for using ChatTBT because this is a real space. We don't want no robots in here. There's only room for one robot. You've had that line though. I haven't. No, it's definitely handy. There are certain things as well like, you know, thinking about like I was asking about bloody chemo the other day. Do you know how good it is for a chemo? I like chemo. I'm couscous. I don't eat that really. Don't you eat like burger and grains? I just imagine you'd be all over that. No, I don't, it's not my, see I grew up with like wet dinners, you know, sausage, everything had a gravy.

41:32All over that. Or a sauce. you know, bloody, what are they, a poke bowl? Oh, what the hell is that about? No, I'm not into that. Like that's what our kids have. Woke nonsense. Nah, yeah. Poke bowl, won't know. Woke bowl. Woke bowl. Right, we'll take, we'll go harsh on that one bit. a wokey bro a wokey bro okay let's go back to the problem what do you think would she front some or not I think her feelings are hurt she probably feels it's not as personal now then maybe it certainly isn't either way but he's not doing that to save time because that would take longer that's what I'm saying I think it's he's thinking oh god I really want to nail this reply and chat GBT he's going to give me a better reply than I can but I think he's kind of shot himself in the foot if that is the case maybe he's shot but he might just be a lazy bastard.

42:24People are using this modern tech now. Putting it into daily things. Day-to-day lives. Yeah. And she could have hit him with a big problem as well. Like if the tech's like, oh my God. I want to know what I've... Exactly. What was your tech? It's so hard. I'm thinking I'll leave me fella for you. No, the way I would look at it. Talk dirty to me. I think you look lovely. I respect you as a human being. But I don't want to offend you. As long as you think you look good, I think you look good too. Yeah. Wokey bowl I think the way you've got to look at this is I think he actually got to great lengths to try and get an answer that he feels is is good enough for you yeah and I showed I think that shows he cares I don't I don't think it's as deep as that I think he's just getting down with the kids and has thought let's try this chat GPT and that's what he's done I think either way if you're not asked I'm also just speaking to him He's moving with the times.

43:24Just speak to him, Walter. Just speak to him, Walter, I think, for that one. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, okay. I've listened since day one every week without fail. You're all a bit of me. You are my escapism on every dog walk. I'm so blessed. I have a lovely husband, two adult gorgeous stepsons who I've always treated as my own. And we have since had a gorgeous daughter who's 11. We have always been a tight-knit family, as I know you guys are. Then the sons grow up, they meet their girlfriends and everything changes. They move out, have children of their own and all of a sudden make zero effort like fucking zero.

44:02It's gutting, soul destroying after you've invested 20 years into them. I'm very much trying to adopt the let them theory and focus on our daughter in the hope they'll come back one day. But after five years in, I'm not convinced. Inside, I'm devastated that they won't let us be grandparents or have family roast together on a Sunday. Months have passed since the oldest hasn't seen our daughter. It's cruel. We invite them time and time again. The constant rejection cuts deep. They seem to make time for their mum, so are capable, but their relationship with us has always been as tight growing up, so this is baffling.

44:38How do I learn to let go? I never expected it to be this brutal. It's affecting me parenting my daughter as my stomach is constantly in knots. I'm so unhappy as I've lost that close, busy, chaotic family I've always dreamed of. That's awful. I saw something on Instagram last night, actually it was awful. And it said, it was talking about your siblings, someone who have made you laugh so much, like belly laugh. You shared every secret, stayed up late, got into trouble with, they knew everything about you and then you grow up and you become strangers. you know, in a lot of cases. And it's said that that happens in a lot of adult relationships, you know, because people, they grow up and then they've got their own life and then their own kids.

45:29So that those kind of bonds disperse a bit. Was that bald guy? Was it a bald man saying that? It's an old man. We were crying last night. 70s, 80s. Yeah. I think I've seen the same thing. And he was saying how your interaction with your parents is different to your siblings' interaction? No, no, no. Okay, sorry. No, no. No, it's very much like you live in each other's pockets. You spend all... And then all of a sudden you're married. Your home memories are with your siblings. And you end up not speaking to them enough. I know. And not even falling out. It's not even a falling out. It's just you grow up.

46:04And everyone has a different kind of path that they go down to. And like, but also the people that you love the most, annoy you the most, don't they? Like, not hurt you, but like, Our clory irritates the life out of me. But it's because we're so close and so similar in certain ways, but then so different in other ways, do you know what I mean? But I don't know. But mind you, I feel like us as cousins as well, we were all very sibling-like, like me and our... And we've never kind of had that. I don't know. I don't know. No, I know. It's sad for the step-mum, though. No, it is. But it's... I think that's the thing with boys as well, though, you know.

46:37Because the boys kind of go to the girls' side of the family. because stereotypically the girls are close with the mums and if a girl has a baby it's more around you need to be close to their family around the girl's mum well the girl wants to be around the mum the girl wants to be around the mum that's kind of fair enough so the boys kind of tend to gravitate towards the girl's side of the family naturally so as a boy mum that's quite a scary to three lads a scary concept like I don't want that to happen with my that's why I'm going to pick my sons yeah yeah but it's weird that's happening to her but not the real mum but do you know what I mean it's not like they've done that and they've moved countries or they've kind of whatever they've kind of I know it's heartbreaking and Kaz has been talking to me about that let them book which I get the concept you can't control people's behaviour or what they do or how they feel you can only control you and how things affect you but having that kind of let them attitude changes who you are as a person because you kind of just have to you know accept things that might not sit well with your morals and then it can be quite isolating and make you feel quite lonely if you're going i'm just going to let them and then you almost turn into them who who are doing the bad thing yeah because you're accepting isn't it?

48:03Do you know what I mean? It's like a lose-lose. It is, it is. That's a tricky one, that one. It is. It's heartbreaking as well. Reach out and be honest. I think I would always say, like, I think you should just call them and say, guys, look, we miss you. Literally, that's what I'm saying. Your sister misses you. Come on, let's get together. What's this about? Yeah, I'm just out of the house. I wouldn't even say if something happened, I'd just say, come on, we all miss you. Let's get together for old times' sake. Even if they did it once a month and get it in. A monthly roast or something like that, you need to I think as a family like that you need to have something in the diary kind of even if it's once every two weeks once a month for adult dynamic definitely because when you've got kids and your family you've got kids you're just all naturally together because you know the mums want to be together because they've all got the kids but as people grow old grow up you do need to put in that infrastructure of keeping everyone together otherwise I actually really want to put this in with our kids like the four of them when they get into that age of like teenager oh no it'll be every Sunday and ours not once and once Sunday is like the day where you come round you see your mum that's the crowd regardless yeah but I know it's because it'd be like I can't do this week I can't do that week you know what I mean but if you say it won't babe but this is what happens life gets in the way what is it like what's happening and of course you don't want it to be the case but it fucking will be you know and you're like you just got to be able to deal with it but I feel like the Yanks always seem quite good at that do you do you know like when you want well again TV sit on TV see any stuff like this saw it in the OC didn't he yeah yeah they're amazing all the families around yeah blue bloods but that's normal to keep to do that have your family around I just think what we've got to do is make it so much fun that we've got to make the house so much fun Pete that's exactly they want to they want to come around that's what I'm trying to fucking say to you that's why I want to build that thing commune yeah hippie commune I'm renowned at the fact now we're not what are we getting?

50:03an outhouse what are we getting? where are we moving? I'm just going back party shed yeah very good alright then well I guess that kind of concludes today's episode I don't know why I'm concluding it like the fucking ITN news it's used undeleted and concluded on the same episode who the hell where the hell are you doing P? Parky Parky fucking Teddy Wogan over here

50:32Should we get another beverage? Yeah, let's go.