When Workplace Pranks Go Horribly Wrong…

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0:37Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash ACAST today to get started. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower. But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of Liquid IV in our studio. One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients.

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1:59Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. When it comes to me, I know I have to say hello, but what I really mean is, f*** off. Trying to watch the take here, mate. You put your band to say that because you're kicked in.

2:19Can you do us a little rim before you go? What? that thing. Do you want to remember? Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch Ask Us Anything with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Ross Pertz. How are we? Sir's Pertz. Sir's Pertz. This is not a thing. Let's drop that.

2:46How you been? Good. Let your hair cut, Rossy. Do you? He called me Gail Platt the other day, but I think he's... Gail Platt. I'd go for more Camilla Parker Bowles. Yeah. I've had Gail Platt myself though over time. That's because you've got a small chin. I must wonder remember when you called her. She's got no chin Gail Platt has she? It's a good job that I've you know I could take this stuff. Good job. No freaking chin. What do you expect going out with a skull spilled? As a man that's not what you want right? As a man I don't a strong jawline like Batman and Superman they haven't got small chins.

3:22do you know what I mean yeah no but they're all A-R-I or whatever it's called A-R-I A-R-I that thing what's it called A-I no not A-I CGI CGI CGI they're all CGI'd what the chins yeah can we CGI my chin I'll have a bloody go Robert Patterson's chin isn't that strong because his chin's lovely in Batman the chin is just not even something I'd notice yeah but it's on Batman it's the only thing you see isn't it really it's the only bit of skin yeah yeah yeah I think I think we've said this before our favourite Batman I liked what's his name Michael Keaton no the one with the lisp Bale oh Christian Bale Gareth Bale he'd be a good Batman yeah he would actually he would if he beefed up a little bit if he beefed up a little bit Gareth Bale a bit more yeah he used to be like a machine his body no he is a machine He's a genius machine, but he's very, like, I don't know.

4:23He's very slender as well. No, he used to be absolutely ripped. Yeah, he's ripped, yeah. You showed me pictures of him with his top off and everything. All right, all right. No, I don't mean it like that, but you used to say, like, look at his body. I think. You did. Why do I look like this? You did. You were, like, eating a sweet machine. Do you remember? Eating a machine, yeah. Do you actually remember showing me images? Yes, I do remember. Because I don't want to have that. you make me sound like I'm being pervy no I do remember she was being pervy Gareth Bale for Batman yeah go on boy all come here boy all yucky that oh you leave the bloody sheep alone and come over here what was that I was in London this week actually oh yeah how'd you get on it was lovely first time of being as an adult very nice I enjoyed the experience and the Welsh people are very nice I do like the Welsh they are very nice they are very nice I will give you that I've not encountered a Welshman I don't like you've never encountered a Welshman that he doesn't like quite a lot of Welsh people that he said that he doesn't like oh sorry they're friendly people look at Tom Jones except that he don't like us that's one issue I found out when they laughed as we went out to Iceland in the Euros where the team would absolutely celebrate hey this is not the Peter Crouch pod

5:48don't know i know it leave that nonsense i don't get told off on that one shut up you should do it you bloody ai girlfriends oh did you find us about that i did yeah pete swore blind he didn't do it he's all like you shouldn't do it your face just said he did no it didn't did he do it yet or no no we did not only because he knew you'd kill him swear on my life I swear on your life I told them not to why are you going mad like you know she's not real I never you wish she was I think she'd be fucking not easier than you yeah well you should have read the instruction manual when you met me should have done where's the off button take them batteries out cut it in the comments right come on hit me with some do you want to get to our SMAAs SMAAs That's SMAs.

6:41That's baby milk. Is it? Yeah. I thought it was... ASMR, what are you thinking of? ASMR? Sado-mersochistic. Oh, SNM. SNM. It's all very different stuff. These are AMAs. Just to clarify. But a broad church. Abby, Cardi P and Tudor Bob Ross. Tudor Bob Ross really caught on, isn't it? It did. Just the pod, blah, blah, blah. I love the pod, blah, blah, blah. Just on the ice lolly discussion, we're in Ireland we in Ireland call it by its correct name an ice pop as we do our breakfast the full Irish oh god can't fare it question we're starting our honeymoon next year in London for Wimbledon any nice hotel restaurant recommendations love you guys you've brightened up my day especially Abbey you're hilarious looking shout out Sarah well what yeah Wimbledon going to the village it's just around Wimbledon time it's buzzing is Monkey Island near Wimbledon?

7:42no no unfortunately not but Wimbledon like the Wimbledon village you can't go wrong just go into Wimbledon village after and it's buzzing innit but you will have to reserve somewhere yes definitely like way in advance I'd say is it around Wimbledon time did you say or just in Wimbledon yeah she's going for Wimbledon oh is she? yeah yeah I have no idea any of that part of Wimbledon yeah I couldn't tell your names really Bucking Advance is the best shout where I think there's like an ivy there I'm sure I went loads of good restaurants yeah we went to one on that on Wimbledon Common it's like a big old kind of hotel brilliant in there it's really nice as in we yeah and the kids can't remember yeah it was nice I love Wimbledon it's beautiful isn't it oh yeah I know you know what I mean the pub yeah like a puby kind of place but it was great I love a pub lunch I do any thoughts on what an ice pop no way no an ice pop is Mr Freeze is an ice pop yeah I don't like it when people call lemonade pop no me neither me dad does like pant roller cola panda pop what I like cream soda cherry aid cherry aid bandyland and berta oh yeah any recommendations no no but you'll enjoy Wumberton we've been a few times we love it and the village is great it's going to the village.

9:07Hi all. Long time listener here. Just wanted to share an experience I've had at work. All thanks to you guys. So I'm a community midwife and on my days driving between patients I listen to the pod which keeps me laughing. Oh what a lovely job. I still love my community midwife. Do you remember? When does it come around the house? Yeah. And they weigh the baby and they check it. Oh. Miss some days. I was recently called to a home birth. A quiet, calm, hypnobirthing kind of home birth. where silence is the way forward. Me and my colleague were in an adjacent room giving the family space and we went upstairs to the bathroom when I decided it was the perfect opportunity to shabba her.

9:46She let out a scream and totally ruined the piece. My student thought it was the lady given birth and the dad thought we had fallen down the stairs. It was mayhem, all thanks to my brilliant shabba. I felt bad about ruining the chill vibe but thankfully the family found it hilarious and when I explained about shabbering and she had a gorgeous home birth hours later. Where is the best place you have shabbered someone or been shabbered? Abby Kent. Shabbering a colleague is risque business, by the way. Do you know what I mean? I think so, yeah. Especially in this bloody day and age. Exactly. I wouldn't advise, let's put this out there, I wouldn't advise shabbering in the workplace unless you're very good friends with your colleague.

10:26Agreed. So you were saying, did someone try and shabber you when you're on your date date date or something? you often get shabber shelter that you don't know we often get shabber shelter we were on a boat going down the Thames and there was a fella shouting and then his wrist is bent over and he's shabbered we've got it on video I actually did video it and I'll shout out to them class because that was we really enjoyed it my kids shabber me all the time know when I'm bathing them over the night and I bend over to test the water get shabbered left right and centre did they say shabber or did they just go yeah no they just say shabber drives me mad I hate getting shabbered you get violent now I do, I can't bear it so I don't do it ever again ever again walking up the stairs is the worst I haven't been shabbered anywhere exotic

11:16only got me bum you know what I mean like I can't say I was in this fabulous place I'm getting shabbered I can change that for you mate I'll do that thanks I'm sure you're ready for it. What are you thinking? I was just thinking taking you somewhere nice and chabbering you. I'll shove you in everything. Hi, welcome to The Therapy Crouch. This episode is sponsored by Starbucks chilled coffee. Are you enjoying it, P? Yeah, well, you've probably seen us drinking these for a little bit now on the podcast. We're into them. We are. I think in this heat, in this weather, we're busy, we're on the go. It's something that you can get out the fridge, you can get it in the chilled aisle on the supermarket, at, you know, even over ice poured into a glass.

12:01Gorgeous, tasty. And, you know, it's just a little pick-me-up for the day. Yeah, it's perfect, that little boost. Even those protein ones before the gym. You know, you're getting your caffeine here, you're getting your protein. Yeah, pick them up when you're doing your food shopping. It's being a chilled aisle. So I've gone for the Frappuccino. This is the toffee and honey flavour. It's sweet. But you know this, ice cold. Yeah. You know when you're having that lull in the morning? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just get them out the fridge, put them in the car, on the school run, have it, and it's good. Tandy.

12:33They use a ball of kettle. Exactly that. Exactly that. Very good. This is the caramel hazelnut protein drink. Nice. Yeah, and it's not too like a heavy protein drink, is it either? Sometimes they can be, you can taste funny those ones. Yeah. They're really nice. Starbucks chilled coffee for those little pick me up moments. You can find them online or in a supermarket near you. Okay, hi guys. I wondered what your thoughts are on superstitions, folklore, etc. I ask because I just done the whole swing the money spider around your head three times thing and then won£42.50 on a free£5 bet. Do you do anything like this?

13:13There's loads of things from my nan that I still stick to even though a lot of them make no sense. never wash on New Year's Day or you wash another one away. Don't put new shoes on the table. Don't open umbrellas indoors, stuff like that. I do all of those things. I do that. But I don't know why. I don't open umbrellas indoors. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I thought you meant you do them as in you don't believe them. Oh, no, I do them as in I would never open an umbrella indoors. I would never walk under a ladder. No. Step on a crack, all that jazz. Do you salute a magpie as well? You salute them?

13:46Have I crossed myself? Do you? yeah I bless myself no I just salute you salute them you salute them I do that I've never seen one on a start there one for sorry two for joy yeah two for joy yeah I always say that yeah if you salute one oh I don't know we used to do at school we used to get a ring until you could get someone to break it what yeah so if you saw a magpie you'd have a ring yeah and then you'd have to just wait until you saw someone so they'd really they'd break it yeah bonkers are you trying to keep it shut you just get it the minute you see it and then they kind of break it I was the first one to notice yeah yeah yeah you should never buy anyone's shoes because it means they'll walk away from you as well me mum's at Christmas and stuff like that she never wants to buy me trainees or anything can I buy our Jan a pair of trainees every little time she's always like don't buy other people's shoes they'll walk away from you really I love getting shoes as presents shoes on the table as well that's a good one on the ladders walk on the cracks don't ever do that avoid it when I can what about trains She had three in her own, two in her own.

14:49That wasn't one of mine, but if it's been passed on to me, I've heard of it. I never step on three. I bet when a bird shits on you, it's good luck. Oh yeah, it's a fuck. It ruins your day. I don't mind that. On your hair, on your head. Summer's supposed to be the easy season. So why are so many people quietly Googling a therapist between summer Fridays? Because more daylight doesn't fix the hard stuff. Sometimes it just turns the volume up. Grow does therapy differently. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends.

15:25There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash ACAST today to get started. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower.

16:08But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of liquid IV in our studio. One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. Whether you're traveling, exercising, or podcasting, the best business news ever. Liquid IV makes it easy to stay hydrated wherever life takes you. So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

16:38I've never been pooed on the head. Oh. I've had one. Yeah. going into Lime Street Station as I was going to meet my mates in Manchester. Yeah, I am quite superstitious. You used to do like a, you used to be quite superstitious with your football, didn't you? You'd do the same ritual? Oh yeah, of course, yeah. Every time? Yeah, quite a lot. Yeah, yeah. I used to do various different things. Yeah, run up. Fake header. Shake hands, run up, do a header, sprint, clap the fans, then tie my right boot. Your right boot, was it? Yeah. Did you actually tie your shoe or was that a fake thing? Yeah, yeah.

17:07I think what happened was, early on in my career, my boot came off early on it wasn't done tight enough so it was in my head that I had to tie my boot so it didn't come off did you never did you ever tie them round did you ever do that thing I did do when I was young I don't know yeah no no superstitions are massive in football because you just if you've won we had the lucky pants I had to drive the pound lucky pants to spend 500 quid on a driver sending them to Newcastle that is terrible every player who comes on the other pod don't they've all got them and they've all got different ones they've been mad Hello you lovely pair and obviously Ross thank you for keeping me company on my travels around the country for work I feel like you're my friends and you keep me awake and laughing my boyfriend and I have been together for five years we have a blended family and our previous holidays have always been all about the kids we're all going away in a few weeks as the kids are now older 13, 14, 15 and 16 I wanted to follow your tip to both listen to the same audio book.

18:11Sounds so good to connect and have fun conversations through the week. He has agreed. Yay. I'm normally a reader of a girly romance novel. Loved yours, Abby, although did read it with the paper cover off when I was in a hotel for work. A guy came up to me once and asked what I was reading, then told me how fit you are and walked off. Told me how fit I was? He told her how fit you were. Fair play. He said I was fit? Yeah. Oh, you're happy with that now, aren't you? I think people think you're pretty fit, babe. Don't think you've got much to worry about there. Oh, thanks. You're bound to say that because you're kicked in.

18:55Joking. I do think that's not something you need to worry about. Oh, thank you, Dan. Being a twat is... But you look good. My boyfriend likes films about gangs or war or gangsters. what would you recommend for our first try? I really want it to go well. Thank you in advance. That's a Martina Cole vibe, surely. Oh yeah, they'd love Martina Cole. It's all about the underground gangster scene. Yeah. But also it's got a, I think it's something that - It does have a bit of romance in there. She can enjoy as well, yeah. Yeah, there's always like a kind of love story in there as well, I'd say. Yeah, I think that'd be a good place to start.

19:33Yeah. Have you ever seen any of those Martina Coles on telly? Yeah, the take is phenomenal. Tom Hardy's in it oh is it we tried to find it am I giving a go we couldn't find it we couldn't find it anywhere on TV under any streaming service that I just said there streaming service streaming service whatever they're called bloody Paramount or Amazon Netflix The Take and they did another one The Runaway which is one of my all time favourites they did a a TV one of those didn't they yeah Yeah, it was brilliant, that. It was phenomenal. Yeah, they should do more, that. Yeah, I've got a lot of that. The take was unreal.

20:14If they did it, see, that's the kind of drama I'd like to be in. Yeah. So if you listen to Martina and the cast me. The Scouse Barmuth. The Leapy Scouse Barmuth. Yeah, exactly. Pete must have one of those. But the single mother to four feral children. Okay, hi, I'm Pete and Ross. Love the podcast, listen from the start. But I've been playing catch-up on your pod, I've recently started listening again after a little pod break. And I was listening to an episode from November the 24th when you wanted people to let you know what would you ask your future self. I have an autistic son who's currently six, but obviously doesn't do things a normal six-year-old does at the moment.

20:54He's coming along with his communication and starting to say certain words. So the question I would ask my future self is, will he be okay when he's older and me and his dad aren't, are not around us currently. We do everything for him. Will he lead a semi-normal life or will he always need help and support? Will he have a relationship and a family and understand the love we all have for him? Currently crying while thinking of the questions as it's honestly an answer I would love to know. Thanks for making me smile and laugh at every episode. Love from Marie. It's a lovely message that, isn't it?

21:29Will he have a family? Yeah, 100 % he'll have a family. he'll be happy I think I think your son will be fine you know he's obviously from an absolutely loving home and that's totally obvious from that message his mum you know she's worrying about him but I think you know we all worry about our kids and I know her kid might be slightly delayed because of his autism but I think you know things change don't they and you never know people surprised people surprise you you never know and it might just be a little bit delayed and then all of a sudden you know everyone catches up i don't know you know completely about his diagnosis but i think as long as he's loved and he's got good people around him he's clearly got a great family of course he's going to be fine of course yeah and a lot of people use it as a superpower as well you know yeah it is just because he's not doing the same things as six-year-olds you know as normal six-year-olds, it doesn't matter.

22:35Things daily change. Some of the most amazing people on the planet are autistic, aren't they? Absolutely. Don't know what he could be. He's only six. Absolutely. And, you know, don't... I know it's easy to say because I'm the worst for worrying about your kids. It literally hinders me and cripples me. But don't waste your time worrying about them. Just enjoy it. Enjoy them. and accept him for who he is and he's going to be fine. Love that. Well said. Long time listener here all the way from New Zealand. Thanks for the laughs, making my 5am shifts sufferable and sometimes even my relationship. Any advice on travelling with an 18 month old?

23:18We're about to make the dreaded journey to my partner's home, England. P.S. This will be a long shot but would love to have a pint and a wine with you while we're over here. keep for your new love Sib God what I would say tip number one do not let the baby walk up and down the aisle 18 months do you walk at that age? yeah I don't know they want to like crawl around we see it all the time we're like no you trap them in yeah and you say there's absolutely no way you can't even get out I don't even let them walk to the toilet carry them carry them to the toilet New Zealand England's a long all way though that's a I wouldn't big trip I do not envy your position there.

23:59Yeah. Number one, I'd say, try and get out of that trip. Or go on it, but leave the baby. Number two, do go on that trip. Don't let it go in the aisle. Yeah. Definitely. You see, some people go, and they're there for 10 hours. And then the babies stop at your chair, and you have to go, hi, and then you come back for the 15th time, like, fuck off. Forge a movie. Do you know what I mean? I've got to be honest. Yeah. Those people that walk up and down the aisle, when it comes to me, I know I have to say hello, but what I really mean is fuck off yeah trying to watch the take here mate our kids are a lot older now we've got any time for yours yeah literally no I actually I've actually taken babies off women on a flight babies who've like screamed I'll be like I'll hold it come on you I'll go and have a rest haven't I you have done that yeah but yeah trap the baby in into the seat it's all about trapping the baby arm yourself with snacks yeah long haul flight always bring your own snacks because the snacks on the plane are never enough no matter if you're in business class fairs class or economy always bring your own foods Ab is always very is armed there's a bag that I have to carry for the airport that contains god knows iPads like Mary Poppins handcloths iPads and a gag and then she has one for the kids that's her bag though no colouring yeah games colouring's a good one a bit young though 18 months oh yeah 18 months a bit young yeah just pure entertainment books games I suppose you try and keep them up as long as you could before they fly to the just sleep through it as well as much as possible yeah sleep deprivation beforehand I always think a little blanket from her like our kids well Johnny still does and he's seven with a pillow off our bed he's had it from birth it's this big it goes everywhere with us so he has his PO Jack still has a blanket Jack has blank yeah home comforts Calpol in case the ears start hurting and all of that good shout this is very do you still play football or coach Pete the odd match like I don't play football much do I you played last night at Grenfell I did yeah I did a little game for the you know with Grenfell Athletic which was good wow I mean just under right underneath the tower yeah they've set up this team just anyone who's been kind of affected by the tragedy and they're good yeah and we trained with them the other night was it just you what you told them or did you go down no it was me Sid's Wayne Bridge oh nice you should have went down you should have went down and filmed that by the way Bridgie texted me to say he was going to be fair but I thought anyway yeah it was good we've got a little message from a guy who must have seen you at the football yesterday his name's Tom and he said it was nice to meet you and hope to see you again soon oh that's nice that is nice yeah see the young ones they'll still like your pee yeah they do yeah I'm down with the kids yeah yeah skibbity riz skibbity riz you're a bit jealous that our friend Alex has got the gaffer jab at Jack's club aren't you yeah I would like to have been the gaffer but I just can't unfortunately commit because I'm doing a lot of the TNT games yeah Saturday mornings which I love doing to be fair but I'm going to miss a few of Jack's games which wrangles with me did you ever constantly join like a Sunday league five a side did you call was on the league stuff for a while didn't he he's the player manager isn't he yeah it's so funny though having your best friend one of your best friends as the manager of the team I call him every Saturday if my son is not in that team we're done and if you put him in goal we're also done he's a striker and that's it don't I he does yeah he does okay could you tell he's actually not a striker really Jack is he I think he's like a midfielder at the moment yeah I'd say mid as well I think he could end up being in defence you know yeah maybe but how do defenders feel about not scoring goals like not really getting the glory do they become they're kind of second class citizens aren't they really that's what I mean defenders goalkeepers they're getting started on them you know what I mean I do know what you mean listen it's it's good to be a player of any any position certainly if you make it hi abby pete and ross second time emailing in i'm sure you can't remember every email you read but i was the irish girl living in london with the miserable newlywed 30 year old best friend little update on that she rang me yesterday and said i actually think i'm gonna leave him yay i mean not yay because it's a shitty situation but also he is a wanker so yay anyway what i actually wanted to say was i'm a huge italian food lover aka carbs carbs and more carbs and you've mentioned your italian chef friend a few times and have previously mentioned that he had a restaurant and a deli in clapham which i was eager to find but there are loads of italians around however you mentioned his name in a recent app so i googled him only to find out it's already my favorite italian ever i live just down the road from it and i wish i could go every week it's my boyfriend and i's go-to for any occasion but we've been away recently so haven't gone since before Christmas and I am now counting the days until our anniversary in September as our next excuse to go.

29:24Anyway, just wanted to say you've got great taste and an extremely talented friend. Unsure what segment this email fits into so I'll throw in a question. What is your favourite things he makes? And I'll order it next time. What would you recommend? Because the meatballs for me. Meatballs, I just bought them today. Can you believe that? I've been there today. Wow. Yeah, it's called Pizzeria. Grappelli it's our favourite deli in Clapham so yeah I've actually been there today I've bought the meatballs they're my favourite with the fresh peachy spaghetti see I love the caccia pepe caccia pepe and I bought the pizza bread I bought the pizza bread I bought that incredible tomato sauce that they make what's your go to?

30:14it's good no the meatballs are the best ones yeah the meatballs are the top I also like the I like everything and the sea bass with the salt salt sea bass is top notch yeah we're big fans of that can you do us a little rim before you go a what that thing no the weave of the tongue I know how to do it a mew a mew a mewing

30:48I can't do it. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the therapy crash.

31:14the complex and power what's next. Because when everything comes together in one place, growth comes easy. Experience one place for all your HCM needs. Start now at paylocity.com slash one. Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower. But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch up. So we keep a stash of liquid IV in our studio. One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients.

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