“You Can Shove Your Romance!” Peter and Abbey Crouch React to Wild Listener Questions

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1:25So, minutes. Create your own AI agent today on Monday.com.

1:55worry about when people come over. Be guest ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon. My friend's got the best boobs. It's like a bump on her chest, aren't they? I haven't seen them. My mate's wife. Oh yeah. Who would you marry if you shag and avoid? That is unacceptable. I've done Brad Pitt for years. Gaz has got some choices. Oh, go on Gaz. Laptop's just gone. His laptop's going to bob his head. He's got an inch higher.

2:32Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch. Ask me anything with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Me, Gaz. Where are we today, guys? Look at this. We're in the Corinthia, which is one of my favourite hotels in London. The spa. Is it next level? It's impeccable. Is it? Really nice. Unbelievable. Is it one of them underground spas? Would you prefer the Bulgari spa or the Corinthia spa? I'm having a twat spa offer. Yeah, we are. But I'm a bit of a twat like that. It's one of my favourite days, a spa day. Spa day, yeah. God, yeah. You know where we still haven't been? The Estelle Manor spa. I'm desperate to go there.

3:09It looks incredible, that. It looks insane. We need a little day out there. I keep booking things for you and you keep turning me down. She'll go like, oh, you know, we don't go on any dates, this and that. Even tonight, I'm like, let's go on a date. She's like, no. No, but I think Pete likes to set himself up to be turned down. What do you mean? Obviously, he doesn't look at the daily reminders, which are fabulous Pierre Eclair does for us every day. I was so far ahead of the diary. Two weeks ago, I said that Tuesday, there we've got nothing on tomorrow. Then something went in after. Can I just say something?

3:48Do you know when I said to you earlier on today what you think and your actions do not marry up. So I think a lot of these conversations Pete has are in his own head. And he doesn't inform me or tell me or discuss it with me. And then shout at me for it. I'm not shouting at you at all. But what I'm saying is like, obviously I'm getting told sometimes, you know, not enough romance or there's, you know, we should need some time for ourselves, this and that. you can shove your romance up your arse I'm meeting the coving guys tomorrow she'd rather meet the coving guys than actually it's a bit romantic about coving isn't it oh my god my coving is so romantic it's phenomenal phenomenal Steve's an absolute legend as well he drives from Yorkshire it's like six hour journey to our house and you know it's gonna be the highlight of the week yeah so that that face for the coving guy right i haven't had that for a long time you know if i said right we're going on a date tomorrow she wouldn't go oh yes it was the coving guy steve oh he's a hunk yeah can i just say it's not for steve although he is a fabulous guy it's for the actual coving the coving itself my door pediments what's that even mean have you ever seen like this if i only i could make are as happy as coving.

5:15The coving horn. Yeah, unbelievable. Coving horn, yeah. I'm not scared of that. Well, you know you're comfortable with being horny for coving.

5:27Fair enough. All right, I'll take it. So, babe, you said you've become an ice cube snob. Why are you such a nub? Well, you just said you've become a snob for ice cubes. Why? Does it have to be one large one, does it? Yeah, I love them. I love a big ice cube. I know what you mean. Yeah. You just know. Like a giant ice cube. A square one. They're good, isn't they? For like a whiskey tumbler. Yeah, they are nice. I hear you on that. Well, cheers, guys. Cheers. Chin, chin. I've gone for a whiskey and Coke that's not really like me, but didn't even cheers me. What the fuck? So done. Cheers. I know we don't do weekly wines, right, but I'm going to launch into one.

6:05Okay. Come on. If I was the female in this relationship, I would be saying to you, you don't you're not giving me enough attention no care no you know there's no romance so someone's come back from a gold trip very vulnerable she's got you with the vulnerable card you know when they like come back like because they've destroyed their bodies for like four days with alcohol yeah and he just wants love and to be stroked yeah he's not getting it I'm with you on that man he's not getting it he's not getting it why not though I guess you're annoying I stroked you when you came back from Nashville I wasn't even hungover when he came back from Nashville you're fucking joking I stroked you I'll stroke you I'll stroke you you've choked me enough Abs do you get that though the hungover neediness oh yeah we all get that right I need Pete to like get inside my body and not in like a hello not like that I mean like inside my skeleton yeah I remember once she was like Do you remember Jetpack Joe in the early days?

7:12I think you weren't there, but Jetpack Joe was like, so when he used to spoon his missus, he was bigger than him. He was obviously called Joe and he looked like a jetpack. You know, when you're spooning your missus. Well, that's what she does. She gets on me like a back and you hug me from behind. Like life depended on it. Yeah. And I was there for that. Yeah. I don't like being hungover. It's horrible. I'm sure we've all chatted about this before in the past, but the whole spooning situation, you must've gone into this previously. I prefer spooning. to being spooned. And do you run hot or cold?

7:43Like, are you quite hot under the sheets? No. Okay, you're quite cool. I'm always cold. What about you, P? You are cold, but you don't feel cold. What do you mean? If I'm spooning you, you're always very warm. Yeah, it's my Wi-Fi. You're not sweaty. No, you're not sweaty, but just very hot, warm. Like a hot water bottle. It's got to be a male-female thing, because are you kind of a leg out of the sheets? Yeah, you are. I like to be cool at all times if I can. Yeah. I'm pretty cool.

8:15He's like spooning a mountain bike. Spooning a mountain bike. She took that one from Frank Skinner who once said, going in for a tackle with me would be like someone throwing a mountain bike at you. Because there's lots of points. Oh, I see. Right, okay. Angular. Things that could hurt.

8:38Frank Skinner. Yeah, well, yeah. Actually, we found it very funny. And I think... I find it funny as well. He's so freaking funny. I used to listen to Frank Skinner a lot. He was on Absolute, I think, wasn't he? Was he? And I used to love his radio show. And I remember he went to a... It was just after he said that comment, we laughed a bit, liked so much. And then he actually went back and said, I saw him again and I was worried that he might have said something. We saw him in a place and we were... kind of overlooking at each other like no one like obviously without sounding like a complete twat like you know they that who they are and they know who you are so it's that like kind of awkward stare after you do you say hi or not yeah who breaks the ice yeah yeah and oh god my top's a I was enjoying it.

9:29Phil and Grant. Phil and Grant. Phil and Grant. Bloody hell, I wish. Joking on you. My friend's got the best boobs. It's like she's got a bum on her chest. They're like the best boobs I've ever seen, aren't they? I haven't seen them. My mate's wife. Oh, yeah. Isn't that in the office? He says cleavage is meant to remind a man of the bum. Do you remember this in the office? Is it really? David Brent takes a girl out on a date and he's like, in the caveman times, I guess we used to have you from behind. Have you? That's what he says. Cavemen, that's what they did do. I don't think cavemen only did doggy bit.

10:11I think it was quite... I was talking about positions. I was talking about like, have you? Do you mean have you? I don't think there was much like... That terminology is repulsive. It's caveman terminology is what I'm saying. I'm going to have you from behind. You're actually not. so don't think there was much bargaining back then. Caveman, they couldn't even speak. How do you know? Oh, just learning about cavemen. We were Neanderthals, yeah, we couldn't communicate, so we'd just take what we wanted, right? Why are you saying we? You are not a caveman. And you are not a Neanderthal. He's talking about us as a species.

10:47Yeah, but they... We just clunk... Oh, sorry, I just can't go with this. No, it's like evolution from monkeys. I don't think monkeys, do they ask questions? They do. Do they? They can do sign language, can't they? They'd be like... Can they? Yeah. Ask for a glass of wine? No, obviously there's a point where it's like, I don't know. I mean, I'm not getting into it. I'm not fucking Attenborough. I put it that way.

11:18He'd be good on the pod, wouldn't he? I don't know. Imagine asking him about this. I don't think there was a meal, is what I'm saying. They didn't go out for dinner back in caveman's arms, is what I'm saying. No, they go and hunt the dinner and bring it back. Yeah. But then what happens after that? Like, you know. Netflix and chill.

11:40Oh, that's good. We're still here. What they did, it worked. Yeah. Do you know what? Hats off to them. Hats off to us.

11:54mod.com is changing the way people battle excessive fatigue. Ever hit a wall in the middle of the day and a third coffee just doesn't do it anymore? Here's what's actually happening. Coffee only briefly blocks adenosine, the chemical that tires you out. When it stops working, your system is flooded and you crash. Modafinil is a prescription treatment that works in a completely different way. Modafinil works by stimulating multiple receptors in the brain associated with wakefulness, including dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, histamine, glutamate, and orexin. It's a more complete solution that gives you 10 to 12 hours of steady focus and energy.

12:36To learn more, go to mod.com. Fill out your intake form, meet with a licensed provider, and if approved, ModAlert ships straight to your door. Go to mod.com to get started. That's M-O-D dot com.

13:19So, minutes. Create your own AI agent today on Monday.com. Should we get into some listener questions, guys? Yes. None, which is usually good. Hi, Gaz, Abby and P. I did something last night and I thought I would never do. I paused an episode of yours, The Marriage Counselor. I'm with Abby on this one. Talking about financials on the second date seems mad. A surefire way to ensure no third dates for everyone. but it got me thinking here's a multiple choice for you who would you marry and avoid just for fun this is not what a segue from that my choices are not acceptable let's have a look at your two I've worked with two of them oh really men or women women oh god I don't want to know no that's I can't do that you can't do yours who are these people for ab as well do you want to read them out we don't have to do it I'm sure you know who they are Scotty Eastwood Cole Hawser and Theo James yeah no he's not for me he's not for you I like blondes but your choices were we'd have to do my choices that is unacceptable well I know both two of their husbands as well tell me fuck hell Jennifer Anderson I've known Brad Pitt for years

14:41oh you've got to marry Jennifer surely well they'd have to do all three to Jennifer because I'm not doing such a Who is he? Just tell me them. Gabby Logan and Laura Woods. Laura was on Sky Sports or TNT now. And Gabby I work with, as you know, on Amazon's show. That's not acceptable for me to comment on that. Add Shag and marry Jennifer. Well, obviously that's going to have to be the option. And nothing against the other two because they're beautiful ladies. Okay, I want to know who mine are again. So one's the main guy from the... Shall we look? Scotty Eastwood. So my sister did the hair on that and she said she was like...

15:22And she got to set at like 5am and she got like a piece of bacon up at like the catering table or sausage and just put it in her mouth and bent down and got something out of her mouth and she had just the sausage coming out of her mouth and he said to her, oh, you hungry, are you? She said she nearly died. Cole. Cole? Cole Hauser. Cole Hauser. American actor. No, he's not American, is he? Yellowstone. Oh, no, I thought you said the guy from The Gentleman. Oh, sorry, Theo James. Theo James. Is Cole Hauser Rip? Yeah, but he's ginger in real life. Not that I've got anything against gingers, like my brother-in-law's a ginger.

16:02My best friend's ginger. I love them. They're a dying breed. Rip Wheeler. Rip. She loves Rip. I love Rip as a character. As Rip. As Rip. Yeah. So I'd marry Rip. Who's the other one? Theo James, Scotty Eastwood, who's also a cowboy actor as well from the looks of it. Scott Eastwood? You're really associated with the cowboys, you are. That seems to be most of the fans. See the horse ride a cowboy. I wonder when that will come back. So, you know, Gaz has got some choices. Oh, go on, Gaz. I think I've done... Sidney Sweeney, Anna de Armas and Keira Knightley. Oh, Gaz's laptop's just gone... Sidney Sweeney, his laptop's going above his head.

16:44I wouldn't go that far, Pete. She's got an inch higher. Oh, no, sorry. She's got an inch higher. I'll be able. Have you seen her ad? Have you seen her new ad? How can you miss it? The sports one. Okay, moving on swiftly. So who are you? Obviously, I mean, Sydney is gold. I mean, all three. I mean, yeah. I don't want to do Keira Daly, but maybe. Okay. Okay, yeah. Dan says, greetings all. Hope you're well. My partner and I have recently enjoyed partaking in this. I would love to know what you guys would choose you take your name one at a time, each letter of your names you pick an artist and a song to listen to for example, you would start with Peter, both pick an artist for P and a song by that artist, then pick an artist for E and so on before Abby I would love to know what artist songs you'd pick from your names I'd always be good each week Well, my name's P and this is Ab.

17:44Yeah. Prince. Beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world. Great shout. What about Purple Rain? Surely Purple Rain. Purple Rain. It's one of my favourite songs of all time. Well, Prince is a cracker, isn't it? He's a cracker and Icky beat Prince. Harry Edwards? Phil Collins. Well done. In the air tonight. Really good. Go on, Gaz. Fair play. Oh, God, do I have to do it? Is there a band called The Pretenders? I don't even know. Lovely. Yeah, but that's the. Oh, yeah, you're right. You got me on a technicality here. Paul Potts? Paul Potts what was his song? Les and Dorma Les and Dorma what you did it was off the charts okay I love this game but I don't want to play it anymore no no no we'll do one a week shall we?

18:22that was our P's we don't have P no we do P and Ab okay okay so we can P to A Ab Abba oh um Jansen Queen great shout Aerosmith you don't want to miss the thing for Abbie that's a belter look at you googling A songs are you one of them? No, I just, I knew of Aretha Franklin. Are you one of them? He's one of them. He's one of them. What's one of them? A Googler? One of them who cheats in them. I was just checking Aretha Franklin's discography. I actually don't recognise any of her. Oh, respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That's not a song. Is it not? Joking. B? Barry White. Oh, that's a great show. My Everything.

19:07Brian Adams. Oh, yeah. Bieber. Billy Joel. Bob Geldof Sinclair

19:17I'm going to go I'm going to go with Bob Sinclair Bob Sinclair I think we're all forgetting But what's Bob Sinclair? He's a French DJ Is he? Oh shit Hold on that's actually a banger to be fair gonna mess with the future we've seen him live Bob Sinclair what an absolute legend Bob Sinclair is from nowhere that came from nowhere that's phenomenal great shout buddy cracker I'll give you Britney it's Britney bitch what was her biggest tune you're toxic hit me baby hit me baby yeah nice Okay. All right, Jen says, hi, guys. Love the pod. I'm pregnant with our first baby and we've hit a ridiculous argument.

20:14Oh, God. My husband wants to call our daughter after his grandmother, but it's a very old-fashioned name that I... Oh, Jen, we hate. What's it? Mildred. Mildred. Mildred? Mildred. I suggested you use it as a middle name. Millie's nice. But he says that he would be disrespectful to his grandmother, deserves to have her name carried on properly. His mum has now got involved and thinks I'm being selfish, which is making everything very awkward. What is it with him? My mum thinks I'm being bullied, and my husband thinks everyone should stay out of it. So help me. Who gets the final say on a baby name?

20:49I love you guys. Jen. To be honest, having four kids, I think it is nice to have a joint decision, you know, and both be involved together. Yeah. I think we both come up with Sophia, didn't we? We both love Sophia. I genuinely think that actually, you know, with regards to the names I think you you would come up with lots of them but you would never have called our child something that I didn't want no Liberty Liberty I was adamant on because my sister Elle was actually supposed to be called Liberty yes and my best friend one of my best friends is Liberty as well yeah and I just love that name and then Johnny we both love and then Jack had no name for like three weeks oh really He was initially called Teddy.

21:36Great name, Teddy. And then we, it was like Edward, Ed, Ned, Teddy. And when he came out, he just, like after like day two, I was just like, he's not, he's not a Ned. He's not, he could have been a Ned actually now. Should we change it? But he's a Jack. He's a Jack. But I think it's such, it's such a personal thing. And it's, you know, you've created this baby together. I think it's only fair. But I think Mildred is not the Mildred Hubble, is it? Millie's a nice name. I think Millie, so she could have a modern take on the grandmother's name. I think that's a lovely meet in the middle. And Millie's beautiful.

22:19Old names seem to come back round as well, don't they? You know, like they do. Millie's gorgeous. I quite like to call Millie. My grandma was called Betty, and that's like... Elizabeth. Kind of cool. You just said Liz to yourself? You just went Liz. That's Betty. before you said Betty you said Liz I said my grandmother was called Betty but you said you went Liz my grandmother Liz didn't say that her name's Elizabeth Betty yeah it's Elizabeth is it oh it's like a shortened version yeah that's why you said Liz subconsciously say Liz I'm saying Liz to me VAR VAR you did you said Liz my grandma I don't remember I didn't catch it in the moment if you're watching that VAR it back Chris please I'm going to bet you 100 quid.

23:07It's going to go to review. 100 quid. And we'll watch. All right. All right. You've got 100 quid on this. Come on, give me a hand. I'm going to win. And I want the most to my charity. Give me your money, bitch. Shake it. Oh! Ow, you squeeze my hand. Oh, you can't see that on camera. It's just crushed me. I've been on a golf trip. I don't know. I've been handshaking men. Golf is great. I'm real geezers. Do you know what I mean? forget you're a lady you Liz I just said to go Liz I did not say Liz there we're VAR later can you have it to us listen when you're anything just let us know Liz or no Liz I think Millie's a great compromise it is but let's say Pete came to you Abs right hypothetical said I want Mildred and you were like well I've been carrying this for nine months no and he's like no I want that or nothing no Millie no compromise I just want Mildred what would you do?

24:06Pete wouldn't do that. Would he not? No because he'd want the name he'd want because I liked names like Julian and Laurie and for the boys and he was like they're going to be nine foot eleven they need like solid names and like Johnny is my brother and Pete's granddad. Oh nice. And Jack Jack was my granddad's brother and dad. And I just think Jack Crouch is a strong name. Yeah, I just felt like it's been tall. I don't think he could be called something like, you know. Lorenzo. I don't know. Figaro. I was just thinking something like a name, like a colour, like a turquoise. I don't know, like curtain.

24:49Do you know what I mean? Like you can have a flamboyant name if you're, I don't think you can have it at 6 '5". I think you can go, they're going to be taller than 6 '5", Pad. See, eh? Well, they will because my brother's 6 '3", 6 '4". Your other brother's not. No. And like, listen, I reckon I was taller than them at this age. Do you? Yeah. Even Jack, have you seen the size of Jack now in the Panthers? Yeah. Jack's a head taller than all the Panthers. Like he's like a sunflower. You wouldn't believe how tall he's gone. It was ridiculous. Like a sunflower. That's a nice expression. It's kind of what we are.

25:28Because he's just like tall and skinny with his big head like that. I don't know where he gets it. He's going to be awesome. Were you always born a P? Were you P? Or did you have your name changed from birth to now? Were you like... Is that question weird? I was born Scott and then changed to Alfie. And then they landed on Gary. And I think I'd have rather had either of the other two. Were you instant... But you'd suit Alfie. Do you think? oh okay you could be a good aria yeah especially with your new gary is just garry is mad i asked my parents is your name scott garrett scott alfie gary it was scott on the birth certificate yeah and then they changed it to alfie because i think the film came out with what's his name you're only supposed to blow that young are you with jude law 90s no the original one before that he was at michael cain michael cain and then they then i think gary lineker was big and Gaz going so they went for Gary.

26:23But obviously in the 90s, being a Gary. You know we did a whole thing on the Peter Crouch podcast about we're losing Gary's right? Yeah. I think you might be one of the youngest Gary's I've ever met. Yeah. It's just that there's not enough of them anymore. It's like Barry, Gary. Neil Leslie. Graham. Neil Leslie. Any Grahams? Neil Leslie. So funny when we got I got everyone's passport and we're going to my sister's wedding and it was Neil Leslie Claire Hillary and Riley Lorraine you don't know you just don't know people's yeah they don't tell you do they and do you know why they've all got dodgy middle names because they've all obviously all got like a grandparent with a dodgy name and we've gone we'll give you the middle name yeah so the the husband here said no yeah he said no first name only first name only Mildred Mildred I said, yeah.

27:18Well, well, you know, we'll see. I just think mildew does too, like mildew. Mildew. Do you want our daughter to be called Mulder whole life? Mildew. Mildew. We've fallen off, haven't we? Yeah, we've fallen off. Taking a really bad turn. All right, we'll do the VAR. We'll get that out there. We'll clip it tipped up. You know, keep your questions coming in because we love hearing them. I don't think we did any questions. Did we do like one question? We did many. There was a lot of preamble. Preamble. Love the preamble. Love pre. Okay. With a bit of a shit post. I thought it was great. I had to crack in town.

27:57All right. Love it. We're going to get pissed in London. Bye. Ask me anything. Sure, bye.

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