“You Left THAT In The Key Drawer?!” Abbey & Peter on Bedroom Secrets & Wedding Drama

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1:48Well, it's my only can of worms. You kept calling this idea bang on trend. I did. I can't even know. Don't hate me, Abby, but let Peter have his golf hole. It's been green-lighted. You got a hard-on there, Pete? I have got a mild erection there.

2:07Hello, and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Where the fuck have you been, guys? I'm back. I was in Viva España. I had a little week off, a little summer holiday. Didn't you? Amazing. How dare you have a week off mid-term? this random week off things man i know just like i'm gonna take a week off a little impromptu week off how dare you it was nice though we stayed in a villa in do you know kind of the malaga coastline the costa del sol yeah that's it uh and we stayed in the place with like some friends and the owners of that place had like a dog rescue thing that they were doing at the same time oh my god that's right up my street a little dog called skippy missing its back legs it'd been shot eight times or something like that and their legs had been, yeah, like the horrible owner.

2:52And it was just, but still happy as Larry. It was going around. It was like loving life. There's some little paraplegic dogs in Ara, Animal Rescue Algarve, which I work with in Portugal. And they're gorgeous. Yeah. And one of them got shot as well. Like I just... It's mental, isn't it? It's mental. Mental behaviour. It's absolutely disgraceful. How have you been, princess? Great. I just had the best facial. of my entire life. You're glowing. I can see it. Nice. And I've been, sorry, anyone looking at the state of me today, I've just been drowned in the rain, got oil in my hair, rain, but we're off to my sister's wedding tomorrow, so it's like last minute frantic.

3:33I cannot believe how unorganised I am because, you know, we moved into, we've moved out of our house. You have? Yeah. Because we just couldn't take it anymore. As you know, we've just bought a new house. We're under a major renovation. And we were living in a section of the house. And we had like three beds in one room. Yeah. It was fun at first. Yeah, because I thought when we got the keys, I was like, I want to be there. I want to be in. This is my dream home. I want to be there. I want to see the builders every day. And, you know, but, you know, that was short lived and it turned into absolute hell on earth.

4:09So we moved into a rental. Really? This weekend. So I was hectic doing the move, moving everything across um got locked out yesterday well because i was bringing stuff supplies in from the house and um i just the door just shut behind us and i was and luckily you know sophia was had a office window open so i had um leah to climb in so leah had a ladder and i had him up the ladder climbing into a window that's that big and lee's arse is not that big And I was like, you're not going to, I was at the bottom of the ladder trying to hold it. I was howling laughing. So Lee was our hero. What a legend.

4:54Yesterday. But yeah, the best facial I've ever had in my entire life. So I walked in, like Kirstie, my friend who does my lymphatic drainage massage, who's a wizard as well, by the way. She was like, you need to see this girl, Izzy. She's local to us and I could never get in. and I went in today. You know, when you just walk into a room and go, this person's a bit of me. You know, she had all her crystals. She had the incense going. Her skin was phenomenal. She's like late 40s, whatever. And she did this peel and then she did the most intense, incredible facial massage, Pete. Really? For like an hour.

5:39Like lifting, like think face gym on steroids. I'm into that. I'll be honest with you. Like, I don't know. And it's, you know, I'm comfortable. Yeah. I'm happy. You went to the Turkish Barbers the other day, didn't you? I did, yeah. Pete Colby had a fucking face mask up. Oh, he loved it, yeah. I was like, what? I loved it. It was amazing. It was amazing. I was my old boy for a haircut. But this face gym kind of activity, it's really, I really enjoy it. What is it? It's like a head massage and a face massage. You know, like basically when you have a massage, right? No one touches, you don't touch the face, right?

6:12But there's loads of muscles in your face. so why why when you have a massage do you not get your face touched you do you don't well I do I don't it's a must for me no but you don't do you know they do a head maybe the head but they wouldn't do your cheeks would they it's like a workout for your face so she's she's literally like Pete and I went a bit heavy on the wine last night because out of sheer stress and I woke up like looking like a dog's dinner eyes closed and she's literally opened my eyes. She's opened your eyes? Open my eyes, lifted. I just feel, my whole body was tingling. I feel great.

6:51Really? Yeah, I'm so happy. So, yeah. Great. I might have to try that now. Oh my God. I'm a fan of that. Yeah, I've booked you in next Thursday. I have no idea. I went through all my life without getting my face massaged. Face gym. How have I done it? How have you survived? No, face gym is a completely separate thing. It's a game changer. It's an absolute game changer. This lady was called Izzy and she was just phenomenal. And I, you know, I just loved her. So yeah, happy bunny. Yeah, I just highly recommend face massages. Yeah, no fair play. Everyone stop rubbing your cheeks. Go for it. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again.

7:40That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.

8:24Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. I've heard a little dicky bird that I gave you the ick. Oh, you gave me the ick, yeah, it was this morning. I can't believe it. There was cars parked on the drive. It was quite busy this morning. And it was different. I say different. It was just, I just reversed straight out. Yeah. But I think, or women in general really, just doing 12-point turns when potentially three's enough. Maybe two. I mean, I just did it in one.

9:05Just reversed straight out. Smooth. I just don't. Yeah, the 12-point term. I was just watching you do it, kind of giggling to myself. No, because I was too close to the gate. I was too close to the gate. I thought, I'm going to scratch my car here. I just thought of you in there, like, really far forward in your chair. You gave me the egg. You gave me the egg. Oh, shut up. You know, like that just sit only just over the steering wheel. The proper little peering. You gave me the egg. Oh, here we go. So when we were in the... What is my opening can of worms? When we were in the old new house, so not the rental.

9:47So it was just like doors out onto the frigging garden in this section we were at. And Pete was sitting up with Scott having a drink. And he was talking about an idea he's got for the Peter Crouch podcast. Okay. And they were a bit loquacious, obviously, well-oiled. What a word. What a word. And you kept calling this idea bang on trend. Bang on trend. I did it. I can't let that. I can't. You were saying it's bang on trend. And you said, you were obviously pissed. And you said it like five times. And I was lying. But like being serious. Yeah. Like bang on trend in a serious capacity. It's serious.

10:26It's just bang on trend. It's bang on trend. You said it like three times. And I was like trying to watch the gentleman in bed. Like shut up. You know, Pete always does this to me. Like when I have to be up early. I had a big shoot. I had to be up early. He decides to stay up and I can't sleep without him. So he just ruins me. Go to sleep then. I can't. Like, you know, there's a little earwig in my conversations. No, I couldn't hear anything. Bang on trend. It's bang on trend. It's bang on trend. I don't, I've refused to believe that I said that in a serious capacity. Bang on trend. We did. I deserve shooting for that.

11:03Was it a good idea though? It was a great idea. I can't remember it, but I'm sure it was done. I'll tell you it's not a good idea. No? Yeah? I'm sure it was great. Okay, I'm going to get into Ask Is Anything For Things Boil Over. Pete Abingas has been loving the pod lately with all the hilarious and spicy listener-miss stories. I thought I'd send something similar in, but with an actual question I'd like answering. Ask away, honey man. My wife bought some, let's call them toys, to spice things up in the bedroom. I can't bear all this. I'm all for it, Except she's kept them in the same drawer as the spare batteries and the sellotape.

11:40The living room equivalent of the man drawer, if you will. So basically now it's just part of the general household admin drawer. I went to wrap a birthday present last week and managed to get lube all over myself. I tell her it's weird that she doesn't put it in her bedside drawer like a normal person. A normal person? She tells me that she's got a makeup bin in there and I've got expensive watches in mine. and we can't clog them up with a dildo. Basically, what do we do? I love the pod, and on. Okay, so dildos, what do we do with them, Ben? In the man drawer. Don't ask me. Don't ask me. I don't need anything like that.

12:21I'm completely satisfied. I know that, but, you know.

12:27That little look. I mean, in that drawer, Is that, that's not, I mean, I take it they haven't got kids. Oh, you don't know though, do you? Well, you wouldn't leave that lying around if you had children. I had a similar situation, didn't I? Go on. I don't know if I should share this. So I had a few of the girls round and they were talking about these type of mechanisms. Yeah. Mechanisms. And I was like, oh God, totally uneducated. But anyway, so they were talking about these things called bullets. and they were like flabbergasted that I'd never heard of them. So one of them went, I'm going to get you one, got me one off Amazon and it came to the post and what I thought it was, was a charger that goes in the lighter section of your car.

13:20Fucking hell. You know, like a round thing that you just plug in at a wire. So I thought that's a car charger that you plug into the lighter. So I just put it in the key drawer. Oh, okay. And then... Fucking hell. in the key basket where like all the car keys and all that are. And then someone came around to the house and they needed to move my car. And they went, are you taking the pisser with that in the car? In the thing. That was your brother, John, wasn't it? Yeah, I know. And I was like, he was like, Abby, fuck it, I'll be a bit discreet, will you? And I was like, I've got no idea. I was like, what do you mean?

13:54He was like leaving that in the key basket. I remember that. And obviously you can't get out of that by saying, oh one of the girls put it for me exactly yeah that's the honest one in the book no but that's the god's that's the god's honest truth like I swear to god well you wouldn't have put it in the key drawer obviously of course I didn't even know what it was but it's still in the bloody key drawer I think those things should be kept away in a private space I think if we're talking in practical terms unless you're getting jiggy on the kitchen worktop it needs to be sounds fun yeah it needs to be somewhere handy and i i i it feels like a bedroom experience yeah or you know i suspect most people will be doing those things behind the bedroom door it should be you can always take it out of the bedroom if you want to be fruity but you know i think it should be kept in in a safe zone which i would class as the bedroom but what about your sock drawer i love my new socks by the way can i just say you know sometimes when you get a new sock i don't know if you get excited as me but i've got these are m &s socks right and they are they're long like they're going up my shin usually they're like half socks because my feet are so big that's a nick you bought those on half socks the other day i was like what the hell what are they on half socks you know the brand on oh yeah it's like a half sock so instead of like a sports sock coming up to there.

15:25It was like just around the ankle. Can I explain why, please? Because the reason behind it was I'm fucking done with not having socks. It's doing my head in so much. Like everything's in storage, right? Which is the entirety of my socks. So me and Sophia are sharing socks. I just put them in the bin. Did you? I mean, I actually haven't got any socks. I bought you like 20 pairs of socks. But that's what I'm saying. That's why I'm so excited. Look how excited I am about my socks today. I opened the brand new, you know, when you've got the little tag and you take it off. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw that on the bedroom floor.

15:55You look scruff. Did I? Sorry. And I pulled them up and they kept going up my shin. I was like, wow. You haven't got Lib's knee-high navy school socks on by any chance, have you? I don't know. Because I bought Lib, let me see. Are they knee-highs? Because I bought Lib school socks knee-high. No, they're yours. It's really exciting for me, anyway. I just need white ones. I just want some white socks. White sport socks. Sport socks, yeah. I want like an unbranded, though. an unbranded sports sock I didn't want them to be on I was just in the sports shop buying Jack of Football and while I was in there there was these socks and I said have you got any big ones and he said he said he said yeah big socks you know what they say I bought them and they ended up being half socks which I know is a big ick for you what socks are you wearing is it wedding tomorrow what socks are you wearing them no I bought you black a black version oh you are good babe think of everything she's ever so good isn't she I've got so much to do I am just if I hit that's another my sister everyone's there now I'm gonna do one they've they've FaceTimed us last night you should see the villa they're staying in it's like a hotel all the friends are there my brother's there my mum's there and I'm like we don't go till tomorrow morning at 7am I'm like cheers pal you know I wouldn't do anything without them bastards and they've just and they're like can you do that I'm taking all the groom's suits you're not Three bridesmaids dresses.

17:22We've got eight cases to go to this wedding and they're all on the pina coladas. I'm like, I haven't even had a spray tan yet. That is a bit mad. You've drawn the shit straw there. Yeah, like a mule. But to be fair, she'd do it for me. Right, have we got any more questions? We're just rabbit near, aren't we? Yeah, I don't know if we do weekly ones on here or on us or anything, do we? But sometimes you just need to get one off your chest. If I hear you say I've got so much to do, one more time. I know you've got a lot to do, right? That's fine. but just it's every second of the day I've got so much to do.

17:57Are you finished? I just think, I know like you, this is becoming a day, it's 10 times a day. Because I have, Pete, while you're fannying about doing nothing. You know, if you stop saying I've got so much to do. I came in from my facial. Excuse me, this is my weekly one. If you stopped saying, I've got so much to do, you'd get more done. Do you know what it's like living with frigging Frank Spencer? He's, you know, I'm like, so I got him from the facial and I'm trying to like put some makeup on, which I don't really like doing, to be honest, after a facial, but obviously doing this, it can't look like a complete munter.

18:42So Pete's just lying on the bed. I'm like, Pete, what are you doing? I'm like, we've got to, we're going to do the pod now. and he's like, I'm sorry, I forgot. Can I just tell you, right? How can you forget? Your voice on me is outrageous, by the way. But can I just say, I woke up like 7am, after a load of glasses of wine, don't interrupt, 7am, right, after a load of wine last night, got all the kids dressed, they had brushed the teeth, breakfast, in the car, by the way, I took Sophia, my eldest, she went to go for breakfast, took her for breakfast, came back, I actually went to Pilates first, took her, came back, picked up the other three children, took two of them to school, then took the other one to school, came back, lied down for five minutes doing emails and looking at the episode plan.

19:33On the bed. Do you want me to stand up and do that? Do you want a medal for looking after your own kids? No, I'm just saying you said to me... Do you want a medal for looking after your own kids? Can I just say... Sorry, this is something I do every single day. Excuse me. lying on the bed, you said, as if I was doing nothing. Oh, we've got a pod today. Yeah. That's not how it went. I told you how it went. Yeah, but the thing is, it's just total double standards because that's just my daily routine, you've just said. I just said, you came at me saying I was lying around saying, oh, have we got a pod today?

20:09No, I wasn't. That's why I said... Put your hands away. That's why you made me say, I've actually got a lot to do today. You made me say that. You're saying you've got a lot to do? No, no. After you've just told me off for saying I've got a lot to do? No, I'm just putting your words in my mouth. Okay, have we got any more questions? Gaz. Do you know what we need? We should get like next week a marital expert on the show or something like that. That would be good. Next Tuesday, what do you think? Yeah. Maybe we can work through some of these. Yeah, we can work through some of these issues. Yeah, definitely.

20:35Listen, they're not issues. These are just statements that I'd like to make. I don't think you would definitely get more done if you stop saying I need to do I've got something to do I've got another weekly wine here we go on that note this is going to turn it's a different episode this completely it's a brand new series so I was trying the most incredible dresses on last night from Annie's Ibiza for the wedding I enjoyed watching that good and I said to Pete oh my god he was like oh I love that one I love that one five dresses love them all so I said Pete do you fancy getting me this for Christmas and he said, you're getting a bathroom for Christmas?

21:12You've got a bathroom for Christmas? For the new house renovation, like trying to palm it off as a Christmas present? That's your main gift, yeah. You've got that, I mean, I've got... There's plenty of presents. That's Christmas and birthday. Which? Well, bathroom and bathroom. Double bathroom. Double bathroom action. Piss off. Okay, we've got one time for one more question. That's an expensive present. That's an expensive present. Well, if you're saying that's a gift, you're not allowed in the bathroom then.

21:45Fine. She's got you there. I'll go elsewhere. I've already been kicked out of the dressing room. No, you've got a section. I've got a section. You've got your own dressing room? You've got the old airing cupboard? Out of the bedroom? It's basically the old airing cupboard. When we viewed this... It's been converted. Actually, that's... Scandal. When we got the new house, it's a big, old, it's hundreds of years old, this house. And I thought, oh my God, this house hasn't got an airing cupboard, which I thought was weird for the scale. Yeah. And it was like a room, a cupboarded room, which looked like all wardrobes.

22:26And that was the airing cupboard, which is now Pete's dressing room. Now I'm in it. Can you believe this? That's your room now. There's a dressing room just off the master bedroom, or in the master bedroom, that is now all entirely happy, so I have to go out of my bedroom to get dressed. I'm going to give you an undie draw. So I can put some undies on. Yeah, and then you don't have to walk to your dressing room naked. Great, thanks so much.

22:55I appreciate that. We did have someone right in here, actually. Okay, good. Okay, Jules, yes, don't hate me, Abby, but all fairs in love and war. I'm with Pete on this one. Let Pete have his golf hole. I'm sure he's relented on a lot of the stuff. Is Jules a girl or a boy? I think he's a girl. He's relented on a lot of stuff inside the home, even where his TV's going. What's going in his office, et cetera. Surely the man is allowed a hole. No pun intended. Even go a little further and have a 19th in the back garden. Save your battles, beauty. What do you think, Jules? Where are we on the golf hole?

23:28She's spot on, actually. She is spot on, Jules. and you can have to... I think you have... You've located it. Because then you can be out the house and in the garden, which is even better for me. Just give me the green light, guys. I think this is as close to the green light as you're ever going to get. It's been green lighted. And things are moving quickly. I've already had the meeting. Yeah, we've had the meeting. It's gone really well. I came home the other day to the new house and he had golf course makers in the house with the fucking drone flying around to map out where this golf hole's going to go.

24:01I'm like... I actually had a message, actually, from Henry Lansbury, who's a pal of mine. Oh, yeah? Yeah, ex-football, obviously, who's at Arsenal. Great lad, he's been on the Peter Crouch pod before. Grass Gaines, he's got in touch. He reckons he can seed it for me. He's going to come round. I've got, I've spoke to the golf course construction people as well. They actually sent a drone up and a little look at the hole. I mean, it's only one hole. What was their opinion of doing the tee box off the verge? It's going to take some work, but it's doable. Take some work how? There's a lot of stuff to go into it.

24:42Just because it's not really that flat. Obviously, it's not kind of solid. You know, like they'd have to do some work underneath it to make it nice. That sounds expensive. That sounds like it's eaten into my budget. Yeah, it's not ideal. But it's not ideal. It's something that... We'll have to look at it, because, you know, ideally I don't want to matte it, the tea box, but... What does that mean? Matte it. Well, it depends. Like, the green needs to be immaculate.

25:12Tracy, I'm not going to involve you. All you're going to see, you're going to... The finished result. You got a hard arm, David? I have got a small arm on it.

25:23I have got a mild erection there.

25:29Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it's all pressing ahead. Fantastic. Good to hear. Yeah, really good. Jules will be happy. Thanks, Jules. Thanks for your vote of confidence. All this wedding talk, congratulations, by the way, to the beautiful Elle. I thought I would share my very recent wedding day dilemma. Oh, God. You're one of the bridesmaids at a family wedding, my godmother. The bridesmaid dresses, I need to pick them up. Don't let me forget. You've got so much to do. I've got so much to do. I can't forget that. Oh, God. She's got so much to do. The bride's ex walks in uninvited. The bride's ex.

26:05The bride's ex. He's not causing a scene. He literally just sits down quietly in the back of the church. Oh. Are you telling the bride immediately or waiting until after the ceremony? For context, he left as soon as they walked down the aisle and the bride did clock that he made an appearance. Me, I pretended I'd seen nothing. it was the most tense 40 minutes of my life our girly group was divided 60 40 wanted to string him up by his bits some thought it was romantic i played ignorant and smiled he was maybe just seeing what he'd lost your thoughts helen from lincolnshire really interesting dilemma that one i like to hear you say girly group that was quite good oh that's another that's i shouldn't say that Can I just have you read that?

26:56Bang on trend in the girlie group. Bang on trend in the girlie group. That is not my vocabulary. Has that ever happened to any of you then? Someone uninvited sits at the back at a wedding? No, it's very, it's very like drama series. You can imagine that happening on, you know. I think that's a bit, I mean, I can see that it could be romantic. I don't know what his motive is. What was he thinking there? Is he, does he want her back? Is he happy for her? Is he like, fuck you? Yeah. I think there might be one part of him that thinks that she might see him and go, it's off. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

27:31There's one little moment. He thought, you know what? I won't respect myself if I just don't try. Yeah. And she sees him, walks straight past him, gets married. And he's gone, bollocks. Go home.

27:45It's a great idea. In theory. I reckon he's heading close. Yeah. She's going to run to me. And we're going to. That would be quite nice. What if she said it's off? Picture this, you know, you've lost the love of your life. You've finally moved on. You get married and then he turns up and your eyes meet and you just run out. But I reckon that's what you was thinking. I'd like that. Yeah. I reckon that's what you was thinking. But it'd be you. Yeah, I'd be the man at the back. Yeah. The man at the back. I'd be devastated, obviously, if you did get married. She went, oh, fuck that swat again. he had his chance he won't leave me alone this fella I feel sorry for him now if he's thinking that but you know maybe he's just a psycho it could be a little bit psychopathic because it could it could be weird there yeah just watching it could be weird I think from her point of view she's exactly the right thing completely ignore it yeah because if you do tell her it might ruin upset it might ruin a day you know if just pretend you don't know.

28:51Yeah. Well, Jay actually had a really good time now. Great to catch up with you guys. Great to have you back, guys. It's good to be back. It's good to see you. Yeah. We'll do this again another time. All right. See you then. Bye. Ciao. Ciao. Ask me anything. Ciao, bye.

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