#2903 Next Gen NYC S1E4 Part One: Getting Fashionasty

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2:09What's What Crappens? Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Sugga. What's going on with you today? Oh, you know, not much. Just making my way through the week. What's going on with you? Same, same. Well, I'm very disappointed to announce I'm going to play pickleball today. I just had to confess it to everybody because I've stood against pickleball as a lifestyle for years. But my friend almost died and she asked me to come. And I was like, you're making almost wish things. I'll go. You got to honor it. You got to honor it. You got to go down to the pickleball path. What if I like it? That's okay if you like it.

2:50Like, at some point, like, you know, everyone likes it. We can't resist pickleball. It's coming for us all. It's like the zombie. My friend was like, we're old, so you need to do something. Pickleball. So I guess it was pickleball. So it's just giving in. Giving in to the age as year 50 approaches. That's exciting. Anyway, everybody, just wanted to get my confession out of the way, because it's sad. I'm disappointed in me, too. so unsubscribe now these are your confessions well if it makes you feel any better i'm also doing a a bravo event um you know you're doing pickleball which is obviously a mainstay on bravo these days i'm also going to be doing something bravoy i'm doing a i'm participating in my very first ever murder mystery party uh on saturday so you know we're both going down the the bravo activity I say wormhole but the rabbit hole rabbit hole so you know except I'm actually excited for mine my sister was calling me because my 50th birthday is coming and so she's like we have to do something huge we all want to come in town and have a murder mystery party I was like no no no no no no thank you but no no to all of that thanks yeah I will die playing pickleball first.

4:07Okay. I will die on a pickleball court first. But yeah, I'm glad we're both kind of giving in slowly, you know, to our basic old age. Although the truth is I've always wanted to do a murder mystery party. So for me, it's not that I'm like sacrificing any standards like the way you are. I'm actually just leaning into the things that I really want to do. And I can still hold my head up high on like, I don't know. like, I don't know, giving in to pickleball, but that's okay, Ron. You can just betray me in this way. Well, someone we're not betraying, the hearts on Love Island, which we're doing on our Patreon bonus episodes.

4:47Join us over at Patreon for all of those. Those are a great time. If you want videos of these recaps and those recaps, go on Crappins On Demand, okay? That's where we are right now, doing the video. Today is Next Gen NYC, okay? That's what we're doing. Some more daddy issues on next gen NYC. Why doesn't my daddy love me? Is your daddy trying to make you play pickleball and have murder mystery parties? No. Be grateful. That's right. I want to amend something I said last week. I said there's too many parents. Like we want to focus on the kids. We don't want to focus on the parents. I want to amend that.

5:24I want to welcome all the asshole parents, but I don't necessarily. I don't know if I need as much Seth Marks. I think Seth Marks may really be the issue here because he's just he's just cheesing it up for the camera too much. He's acting like he's never been on reality TV. I mean, he's been around for a while. I mean, why is he acting so new around the cameras? Please give me Anwar. Please give me cold and dismissive. Someone who just absolutely is so disappointed with the with the fruits of his labor like he has. And not that he really has put in much labor or fruit. But, you know, I love seeing a wealthy parent just totally add more damage to their child like we see with Anwar and Charlie.

6:03I don't know if I need to see Seth trying to pal around with a shit eating grin to Brooks. So more Anwar, more Anwar's family, more all of that. Less Seth Marks. That's my request. I love Anwar, too, and his hatred for Charlie because he speaks for the audience. yeah however i do love seth and i need more seth trying to understand anal sex and pansexualism so i just i need small doses small doses of seth you know i like seth i can't even believe i'm in a place where i would even say i like seth overall as an entity but i think there's just a little bit too much of him and it's it's like we i need to see more disappointment in the children not like someone who's proud of his child he's like way too happy with what brooks is doing with his life and I need to see a father who has better plans for his child instead.

6:55I would love to see Brooks being fathered by Anwar and just see the difference in Brooks by having a parent that's like, you don't even know how to thread a bobbin? Like, fucking idiot. And what, you have sweatsuits? Jeez, really? So this is how we're doing our eyebrows now? Really? Really? Oh, this is why I like Chloe more. No wonder someone wanted to be in Chloe. Guess what? I don't hear anybody's friends bragging about banging Brooks. All right. I would love Anwar to adopt Brooks because then I feel like Anwar would play a sick game where he puts all his love and attention on Brooks, but then withholds from Charlie even more.

7:34And seeing Brooks being the favorite son between Charlie, between him and Charlie is kind of a dynamic I would really enjoy. I guess it's playing out now with the audience. We're getting it. Yeah, that's what we're getting now. I mean, Brooks barely shows up in that episode. So he's like, oh, hi, you're Charlie's Den. Wow, I'm Brooks Marks. I got a sewing machine from Target. And his dad's like, wow, look at this person making an effort in their life. That's nice. Hopefully you rub off on Charlie, okay? Yeah, literally Anwar is more proud of Dylan, the OnlyFans model. He's like, at least he's doing something with his life.

8:07At least he's trying to have good body. Make some money off of it. Come on, please do anything. Yeah, you got an OnlyModel friend. What am I supposed to be disappointed? he can probably stay hard longer than you, you fucking impotent piece of shit. Get out of here, crypto motherfucker. You know, Charlie, I do believe that there's a platform that would be very good for you that you do very well on. It's called Only Disappointments. And you can be just like the leading star. Only Pans, as in this is the only kind of review you ever get.

8:39So we begin. Brooks, Meredith and Seth are wearing 3D glasses and they are, they're at some place. I don't know what place this works. It's like some art, like video art installation where like the whole room is video. I went to see the Monet thing. Was it Monet that they did? Picasso, I think it was Picasso. The immersive Picasso where like you walk through Picasso's story and there's like stories about Picasso everywhere. And all I could see were the cracks in the walls. I was like, this is not immersive. Like you guys need to get better walls because like I see cracks in the painting and like you hear the hum of the video machine the video machine I was like yeah Picasso wouldn't like this I'm not the worst it's like it's just like one of these quote unquote museums that's really made for social media so you can take cool photos and it looks great on the gram and then everyone goes and pays$35 to go take more pictures so that's basically where they're at I've done it too I went to an amazing one I went to the museum of balloons oh i will say that um picasso's face needs more instagram filters before they make it that big because you know you'd walk in and there's like picasso's face i'm like that man needs to moisturize okay how are you charging me this much money and no one is getting picasso retin-a like we live in a lot a time of filters help the man out yeah i mean no wonder why he depicted people's faces in triangles and squares it's like that is like the new that was like facetune of like 1907.

10:12Did they not moisturize in 1907? I know they had beef tallow back then. Did you put a filter on this? Yeah. They need to filter Picasso because he was disgusting. And I think it's because he wasn't famous before he died. I'd like to think like if he actually became famous in his lifetime, he'd be like, I've invented a filter. Of course, his filter would be like, your face would be melting off, you know, the Picasso filter. I feel like Picasso was actually I feel like he was reasonably famous during his lifetime. I mean, didn't he live to like the 1970s? I played some trivia game that was like something like that.

10:49I think that like Picasso and Kim Kardashian overlapped in Lifetime. I'm not even joking. I played some quiz game that was like which two people's lives overlapped and they had a variety of different celebrities and I think the answer was like Kim Kardashian and Pablo Picasso. Or I could be spreading just massive, inconsequential misinformation. You're correct. I looked it up. It says, no, Pablo Picasso did not die before he became famous. He achieved widespread recognition by doing a sex tape with Kris Jenner. And became one of the most famous blowjob artists of the 20th century during his lifetime.

11:27Wow. Now that you say that, I do remember that Kris Jenner did sing a song on a private plane to Picasso called We Love Cubism. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Well, it shows you how much I paid attention during that art installation. All I cared about was the moisturizing. So we go to. Why are we talking about Picasso? Yeah. We just went. Oh, museums. I can. No, no, no, I don't. It's not. It's your. I'm just like. Installations. That's what we were talking about. Because the Seth Marks family is doing that. And, you know, they're trying to meditate. And Seth's like, whoa, look at this. This is like a trip.

12:08Am I right? Hey, have you ever tripped while you've had sex with multiple people, Brooksy? Come on. I'm just trying to be like your mom. Come on, kid.

12:18And then we cut to Dylan. He's at the gym and he's working out. And then Charlie's at home. He's rolling a joint. And he's telling the camera group, by the way, if you see anything in the shot that looks unattractive, just tell me to throw it away. Because I don't want to come across like a fucking bum. Okay. Like I'm almost 30 and they're going to like really roast the shit out of me. If I'm just like rolling joints and living in a mess, you know, I'm like, sorry, Charlie, you are now living in Bravo's breaking the fourth wall era where they don't mind actually airing any of what you just said.

12:46Yeah. They're making you look like terrible on purpose, babe. And so they pull back and he's not just rolling a joint. He is rolling a joint off a mound of weed. I mean, that's a lot of weed. That's like a little baseball mound of weed. he's rolling and there's just shit everywhere and trash everywhere clothes all over the floor um so then we go to ariana and hudson they're looking at an apartment in soho and they find out you know what it's the one it's only ten thousand dollars a month it's the it's the apartment the fried chicken built yeah it's just a real reasonable affordable ten thousand dollar a month apartment like you know it's i like to call it a starter apartment for all the kids that come to New York.

13:31So you start with that and then you move on to Yeah. And you just move on to something Just like that bench I lived in across from the jewelry store at the park. That was$12 ,000 a month. That was a little luxe. Yeah. With my suitcases, my pillow. Same def. So then Gia's doing a podcast with her mom and basically scrolling on her phone. Her mom's like, Gia, we're doing a podcast about shaving like Chuck Alina. Come on.

14:02and then riley riley's had a pretty good um edit so far this season and then this is the first time i was like oh riley and she's just at home uh practicing djing which i don't know why and anytime i see someone just with those little those little turntables those digital turntables that i feel like aren't really doing anything i just always roll my eyes that's how you do it now Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. And so she's doing that. But you know what makes me crazy about DJs? They use their headphones like a prop, but they never, like, listen through their headphones. And I know they're using them to mix the different, you know, the two different tracks so the whole audience doesn't hear both.

14:41But still, like, you've got headphones there. Put them on. This is an apartment. I don't want to hear your shitty DJing. Yeah. I don't need to hear no scrubs mixed with Ave Maria at the top of the... Well, I might need to hear that. Actually, that sounds good, right? That sounds wonderful. You know, Papa Picasso used to DJ, but he would just take two Victrolas and just, you know, spin them together. It was very before his time. Victrolas. So then we go to Meredith and Seth back at the meditation place. And Brooks is like, well, I've just spent too much time with my parents and like other people have freedom from their parents, but I like don't because like other kids leave the nest but then my parents just move the nest here.

15:31Ew. Nests are disgusting. So then Meredith is she somehow has climbed up a net which is just a funny concept in general. Meredith Marks climbing something and then she's like wow I'm at the top of a net and I don't really know how to get down. I'm afraid that if I jump I may land on my toddler and crush him. So Seth is like so She does. We do get some Meredith laughs, like throwing herself around a nap. I love this museum. So Seth is like, you know what, Brooks? You're like, Charlie, are you hung over right now? And he's like, no, I don't even know. I didn't even know you were going to meet with Charlie.

16:14That's like disgusting, Dad. How would you feel if your dad started meeting up with your friends? I don't know, but my mom was doing that for a while. I had to cut her off because my mom was hanging around all my friends and getting wasted and stuff and starting fights with my friends. There was a time period I had to be like, okay, you know what? It's time to show you where the country club is. Okay. Getting a fist fights with my friends. Jeez. So then Meredith is like, seriously? I don't want to get out of this mat. and Brooks is like yeah how would you feel if your dad met up with your friends like it's a bit much for me because like you guys share a lot of friends with me well stop having such sweet friends with so many stem cells available because you know Meredith is standing behind all of them with syringes taking a tiny bit of spinal fluid it's just like the substance what if it turns out Meredith is on the substance and all the time Chloe is just like young Meredith and we just didn't realize has chloe have chloe and meredith ever been in the same room together is that just her young young version that crawled out of meredith's back yes and there's a lemon to prove it when they all had to put their hands on the lemon and cut that's true it took the whole yeah yeah theory has been disproven chloe marx already looks like young meredith marx i mean have you ever gone to an art installation with your mother who's in like a short mini dress that's sequenced and is bouncing all over a netted like bed not me i mean that woman's already been on the substance i don't know what the hell she's taking but i'll have some yeah yeah it's truly so um so yes brooks is saying he doesn't feel like he has a lot of independence from his parents and satith's like well you have complete independence from me but you are entirely attached to your mom you're like a little baby kangaroo and then um we see a flashback to seth telling brooks that he wants to be his mother he's like i want to be the mother yeah well i think that dad wants me to cut the cord with my mom so he can attach it to himself it's like disgusting and gross so he wants to know what they talked about and he's like what we talked about was finding your purpose You know, my life changed the second I realized my purpose is boobs.

18:38Just trying to get that across to the kids, you know. Some of us don't have dads that love us. You know, we're just authentic. And then sometimes when you're authentic, you can get into trouble. Especially when you're authentically a douchebag. Yeah, especially when you're a complete prick. He's truly a douchebag from inside and out. there's no like sweet guy on the inside he's authentically that so now, speaking of Charlie we go to him having lunch with Anwar and his girlfriend Talia and of course they're at Cafe Balud so they're at like a very fancy restaurant for lunch which I love I just, I don't have anything against obviously going to a fancy restaurant, I love going to a fancy restaurant but like to me what's funny is that this kid to him it's probably just like going to McDonald's so well that's when he should be eating at Balud when it's like fucking Balud.

19:31God, I hate his Caesar. Alright, let's go there. You know, like when you've got the money. I think it's sad to go to Balud when you're like, oh my god, this is like three months rent. I don't know how I'm going to do this. You know, that's for when you're rich, rich. It's like when you dress really stupid because you just can. You're just rich enough and you can. You know? Yeah. So, well, it's weird because we see Charlie. He's going to have lunch with Anwar and his girlfriend, but then we come right back to the museum. So it's almost like a sneak preview of what's to come. Coming up soon. Lunchtime with Charlie and his family.

20:05But we're back at the museum. So Seth is like, yeah, well, he talked about his roommate, Dylan. Oh, what about Dylan? He's another friend of mine. He has a really good body and stuff. And Meredith's like, wow, Seth, you're acting very bizarre. And furthermore, I'm trying to get some altitude sickness up on the high part of his net. Could someone please let me down? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. I got these bar stools from Article and they fit my mid-century modern space so well. There's nothing cheap about these. They are sturdy. They are heavy. They've got leather seats.

20:46And the best thing I got to pick them out and they were brought into my home and put together by Article in the room that I wanted. Everything else was taken out of there. It looks so good. So thanks, Article. I'm not surprised. You know why, Ronnie? Because Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long-lasting home at an unbeatable price. There's a curated collection for every style. They have a curated range of mid-century modern, coastal, scanty-inspired pieces that not only shine on their own, but also pair seamlessly with nearly any other Article product. Yeah, I mean, they've got quality without compromise.

21:20They take great care in curating their collections. They focus solely on high-quality, meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time. And with Article, there's no filter. Every item is chosen for its craftsmanship, design, and lasting value. Article offers fast, affordable shipping across U.S. and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a hams-off experience, which I do. I do. Article is offering our listeners$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more. To claim, visit article.com slash crappens and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash crappens for$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more.

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22:45We're going to share it. And then put olive oil and lemon. No dressing. No olive. We don't need that. We don't need that. Don't bring that. Don't even think of bringing that. Just bring it for me and her. That's all. Don't let him touch it. He was berating the waiter. Olive oil and vinegar only. If I see anything else, I will throw it in your face, which is probably too poor to wipe it off. Yeah. And so I just like that. Charlie's like, I'll share with whatever you order. He's like, we'll get a salad only for me and her, only lettuce. Don't let him touch. Yeah. And I have a question on the menu, since we are doing family style and he is going to share.

23:26Do you have body of Dylan so he can eat it and hopefully become that? No. Okay. Then do you maybe have some drive to feed my son? That would be nice. Some ambition, maybe some talent, anything. Okay. Financial instincts. You want to have that on the menu for him? No. so uh he's like yeah look at talia she's great look at you pathetic alone no one to share salad with no dressing with so what are you doing here what are you even doing here are you even gonna try today and charlie's like yeah uh she's like really nuts like my parents both found insane people so like i'm still dating around you know he's like frankly i feel bad for you look at you disgusting you're like pre-dressing wasteful stupid creamy disgusting fake when are you going to have a talia in your life what's going on with you by the way and he's like with what with my dating life what are you talking about yeah your love life your stupid love life your stupid bad body love life he's like well i'm dating around i mean i'm having fun he's like well yeah I feel bad for you because you don't have Talia, okay?

24:35Because you never have what I have and you can never achieve. It's hard to achieve perfection like Talia. You must be eating a lot of salad dressings that are more than just a simple oil and vinegar emulsion, aren't you? And so the producer asked Charlie, do you remember something that your dad said to you that really hurt you? He's like, um, like it would be harder to remember something that didn't hurt me. Oh, whatever person sitting in an apartment when you have no fucking job, rolling joints out of giant bags of weed and eating it ballooned. Your dad is doing just fine. Okay. You've got enough money to go buy emotional support somewhere.

25:10I'll tell you a lot of those things that probably that you thought like hurt you probably wouldn't be so hurtful if you were stuck eating sweet green every day. So Todd is like, why don't you come over tomorrow by the pool? It's beautiful out. Come on over. He's like, okay, I'll invite my friends over so they can see how rich we are. Cool. So then the food comes and then Anwar yells at the waiter again. He's like, this food looks dry. Okay, I need olive oil and lemon. None of that stuff. What? I don't want that disgusting condiment. Only olive oil and lemon. What do you not understand about that?

25:43So they talk about the grandma and Anwar's like, oh, she was very concerned that she wasn't going to be living on the 85th floor again, you know. But when she was at the home, she didn't really care. You know, or if she did, I don't know, because I had her phone cut off. I had her tongue cut out so she couldn't complain. I took off her index finger. Because who can write complaint letters when they don't have an index finger? Not your granny. And Charlie goes, oh, yeah, same thing with the 32nd floor of the old apartment. Well, first of all, we're on the 28th, not the 32nd, you stupid person. You get four extra floors of stupidity for that one.

26:17And Charlie's like, no. He's like, you want to bet? He's like, yeah, I'll bet you$100. Okay, 100 bucks and a bottle of olive oil. Okay, you're the witness, Talia. You get to watch this. we're going to call someone who somehow knows everything about what floors we used to live on. Hello, secretary of stupid face. So what floor did the elevator used to end on before it went to penthouse, huh? And Rick, Rick is his name. He's like, my name is Rick. Thanks. I've been working for you for 37. I don't care olive oil to say it. Like it's the 25th floor. Oh, wow. Look at that i won a hundred dollars of my own money because my son doesn't make a living oh hey person stupid face could you uh please uh take a hundred dollars out of charlie's account for me thank you okay charlie so you are wrong and so he's like wow see he's never wrong well you're paying for lunch it seems just kidding i'm paying for lunch because your money is my money okay he's like wow you're rubbing it in my face i don't want to high five you for that he's like you will high five me you will high five me right now or you will not get paid this month it will look at that talia i just got a high five from a low five so charlie what do they call you what do they call you no high five what do they call you mid mid is this what you are charlie would you like to do a high four instead of a high five since you are four floors higher than what we actually lived on i give high fours to your grandmother because i took her index finger it's hilarious do you know our Santa Claus lives the 32nd floor because it's not real.

27:51We never lived there. Figment of your imagination, you stupid person. So then we go to Ava on the phone with her dad and she's like, dad, what's happening with the golf tournament? We're going to invite my friend Brooks and Charlie, okay? But like, I don't know about Charlie. He's getting on my last nerve. Is Ava already on Benzos? I think she's too young for Benzos. Listen, Ava's been through a lot. She had to shoot scenes with Diana Jenkins. So, you know, I'm going to give her some grace. She's like, this reality TV game is not for the week. So Ava's like, my dad definitely wants to know what's going on in my life.

28:28And honestly, it's so fun giving tea to someone who is sad. Yeah. And he loves it. So we get clips of him being like, so what's going on with them? And what's going on with them? Oh, really? Why is she saying that? And her dad's a big gossip, which I love. So she talks about the Riley and Charlie situation. And he's like, wait a minute. does does he have a mom and she's like yeah and he's like does he like women does he hate women and she's like no i mean i think he likes women because he needs to understand why he speaks to women like that if he doesn't hate them and she's like that's not a terrible point i guess dad he's like yes nailed it um do me a favor if you see any tax things in the mail just throw them away so then we got to georgia on the subway because every week we have to watch someone on the subway and usually it's Ariana, but this time it's Georgia.

29:19And she seems rattled also, even though she lives, she's from New York. She just seems rattled. She also always seems like she just came running from someplace. She's always sort of flush in the face. So she's like exasperated and flush. And I feel like there was like, you see her put her hand on like a pole, which I felt like was included intentionally for those who remember that she doesn't wash her hands. And so I feel like they really wanted to highlight that. Like these are the things that she's touching. You know, one of my roommates in New York used to tell me, oh, you can touch the pole and you don't have to worry about it because it's metal and the metal kills the germs.

29:54That's the whole point. That's what people say, actually. Like those, like germ killing metal. But how long does it take to kill the germs? That's my question. And how strong is it? Because those are some heavy germs on the subway. Heavy germs. Because also don't forget about all the germs that Georgia is depositing on that metal as well. I mean, that's going to take a it's going to take a little work through it. Some metals, particularly copper and its alloys, have demonstrated antimicrobial properties, meaning they can effectively kill germs, including bacteria and viruses. OK, why doesn't the tube make handpoles out of self-sterilizing metals?

30:34You guys, there's like a whole subculture about this. Get into it. So Georgia, who's always bragging about like she's the real New Yorker. she's like yeah well Carrie Bradshaw once said I don't think real New Yorkers ever say that do they no they don't they definitely do not I don't think so I think that's embarrassing to say but she's like Carrie Bradshaw once said and listen I quote the classics so she said like in New York you always look for a job an apartment or a boyfriend and like I've been looking for all three more than not you know what I know Carrie Bradshaw may have said this and I know that Carrie Bradshaw has had many great bonnose I don't think this is such a unique concept to be looking for a job an apartment or a boyfriend at any given moment I feel like that's like a lot of people in life but that's fine we'll let Carrie Bradshaw have it and congrats Georgia for a very unoriginal reference point so she said to Carrie Bradshaw have you seen When Harry Met Sally I couldn't help but wonder if you're looking If you're not looking for an apartment or a job, do you already have a boyfriend then?

31:42Or are you in search for one? It's very bad. Carrie Bradshaw. That would not get published by the Post. By the way, I want to brag about something. So I cut my hand cutting a bagel because I'm an idiot. And it was a really deep cut. Also, I was eating bagels, which I feel kind of guilty about. But anyway, it was a really deep cut. Look at my finger. Look at this. I didn't have band-aids. So I got a paper towel and I folded up the paper towel. And then I used a Velcro cord tie and I made it into a bandaid. Are you okay? No, look. I'm dying. Oh, wow. It's big. I woke up and it started bleeding again.

32:21It's like super deep. It was yesterday? Yeah. I might die. Maybe get a little stitchy stitch on that. No. No? Oh, I'm not going to go get a stitch on it. They'll make me remortgage my fucking house to do that. fucking medical community. Just watch us all start dropping dead because we can't pay your stupid bills. I'm going to do the flight attendant thing. I'm going to say if there's anyone in LA who is a surgeon on this flight, could you please go to Ronnie's house and just stitch up his finger, please, a little bit? Because right now... It's still bleeding. Oh my god. How did you... Let me review my Velcro.

33:05So that's how they had to do it. First of all, also, I learned this from the Nick. Would you be open to getting Band-Aids? Yeah, but you know what? They're locked behind a thing, and I didn't want to wait in line for the guy to come get me. Actually, I really want to know. So what happened with the bagel? How were you cutting it? What happened? I was holding the bagel like this, and it was one of those pre-cut ones, but then the middle is still dough, so you have to cut through the middle part of the dough. and I got a new knife and sharpened it and it just went through really fast. I'm used to my dull ass knife and I was like, bam, and I just chopped right through my finger.

33:41Were you holding it like this, like this, like that, and then you cut through like that? Yeah, it was my fault. I was holding it the wrong way. I was holding it like the most idiotic way. I was holding it like this and cutting it like this and then I chopped it in my finger. I mean, I know better. Do I do better? No, but I know better. Well, you don't want to get that thing infected. Well, I don't want to get it. It'll be worth it for free. My free band-aid.

34:11Maybe if it gets infected and I have to get surgery, insurance will cover it and I can get smaller finger surgery. They can give me cute, non-ham-handed fingers like these. I can get Paige DeSorbo, real skinny fingers. But the point is, Georgia loves Carrie Bradshaw. Okay, so now she's with a guy named Omar who is, I'm not sure where the women on the show are finding these men. I'm shocked that she's dating this guy. I know where we will find this man. Where? In jail sometime because this guy's going to jail. I'm telling you this right now. He's a con artist. We've seen Wolf of Wall Street. We know these guys.

34:51He's a crypto wolf of Wall Street, bro. I'm telling you this right now. This guy is going to jail. He's a con artist. He owes money. I don't know. this guy run Georgia run well she likes him because he has a lot of crypto and he's investing in her thing so he she's she's like yeah Omar and I have been hanging out a lot like we've been like going on like dates um because like you know when I was a senior in college this random dude was like if you want to throw a party I'd invest in it and like it went amazing and I made a ton of money. So like I'm addicted to this, you know? So now I'm dating another guy who wants to invest in parties.

35:30It's like my thing. Omar runs a crypto startup company and I've never dated someone who wears a suit. Honestly, it's been like tough because Omar is on a completely different lifestyle. Okay. You ever see Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross? Yeah. He's actually in Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, Glenn Omar right now. And it's like so amazing. And he's like waking up at like five in the morning, an hour or two after I go to bed. But like Omar is a genius as you can tell by his cramped little office with scrawls scrawling all over the whiteboard walls. Like this guy is smart and he's always been interested in opening like a physical space.

36:08You know, I'm like, watch Carl Radke show up at Omar's door. I'm like, hey, so I've got this good guy clause. I thought you might want to invest in it. I'm really into physical spaces. Hey, Omar, you into brick and mortar? Me too. Like I'm really going against the grain of my past relationship that is still traumatizing me to this very day But like you know what I believe in brick and mortar I believe in like touching things and feeling them not hard things out So just something keep it soft Omar. Yeah, keep a soft crypto So we do find out a little bit about Omar He was inspired to get into his rat race quite literally by Ratatouille and George was like, oh wow So have you seen Harry Met Sally?

36:48So George is like, you know, after years of doing events for people, I'm starting my own club. And Omar is coming in and he's going to invest and find other investors as well. Yeah. So I don't I don't know that I believe in Omar. He seems very sweet. He's very cute. He's kind of a cute little schlub in a cheap suit. But he's sitting in his office. It's covered in whiteboards and there's things scrawled. And it's not just covered in whiteboards. The walls are whiteboard. so everywhere it looks like a crazy person's house you know and it's just like random things yeah it's just like kind of random equations listen i'm into crypto kind of lightly i have been for a long time i don't i don't know what he's doing i was like uh i don't i don't really think this is what that is at least i haven't experienced that side of it it feels like though silicon valley right like you know like the startup culture where it's like we're gonna like disrupt what it means to be in an office if you have an idea just like write it on the whiteboard and it feels like that's what they've been doing but to no effect like they just do it to feel like they're being you know the next steve jobs or something like that but they're just like these guys in ill-fitting suits but they're like somewhere in like a garment district yeah yeah and you know it's like when you go to a mentally unstable friend a mentally unstable friend's house i'm so sorry by the way if anybody is that mentally unstable friend but you know it's you and they put those little stickies everywhere.

38:10They'll say, you're having a great day. You're a good person. Believe in yourself. You're good enough. Like everywhere you turn, like they can't get a fucking cracker out of the pantry without it saying like, oh my God, you're good enough for this cracker. Think again. Or like, if you can see it, you can eat it. Put it away. You know, shit like that. They're always crazy. There's not like a mentally stable person that does that, I'm sorry. And that's what it reminds me of. It reminds me of Jim Carrey in that movie where he keeps seeing the number seven everywhere. Was it 727? I think the movie was called the number seven or something or the number like 23 or something.

38:41Yeah, something like that. I'm still thinking about whose life Picasso overlapped with because I'm pretty sure. I'll tell you whose life it didn't overlap with. Whoever invented Juergens. Okay, so. Because he was very dry. It didn't overlap with an alligator. I'll tell you that much. Stupid alligator getting that free lotion. Why do they always touch that alligator in the commercial anyway, by the way? What's the point of that? Because they want to die. It's like those videos you see on Facebook of people slowing down by grizzly bears. They're like, hey, let's take a selfie with the grizzly bear.

39:14And then you just see the grizzly bear's hand swipe around and then the video ends. Who at the advertising agency said, okay, to sell jerkins, here's what we should do. Let's have a model moisturize an alligator. Sold. Great job, Omar.

39:31My favorite was when people used to write dry on their skin. Oh, yeah. you know it was the worst i think this actually has there's nothing to do with skincare but now moving on to nail care remember like that vaseline commercial that was like showed like a lady opening up a soda and like with her fingernail and the the soundtrack would go and then the nail would break do you remember this like she wasn't using vaseline do you remember that yeah no i don't remember that and how does vaseline make your nails stronger does it i think it just i think it's not so much stronger maybe it like makes them less brittle so they can bend and not break when you're opening up a soda with a tap.

40:09Oh, that sounds painful. Something Picasso could have learned. You should have put that on your ear, Picasso. Just in general. It has nothing to do with the Van Gogh who cut his ear off. Just in general, just put it on your ear, Picasso. Since you're so uptracked. You know what? Now that we're talking about it, maybe it was the Van Gogh interactive. Because he lost his ear. You did. Yeah. I remember whoever the immersive was about lost their ears. So who is that? That was Van Gogh. That would be Van Gogh. Did Van Gogh die before he became famous? We'll have to look at it again. Maybe it was Charlie Chaplin who overlooked him.

40:51Oh, listen. No, Vincent Van Gogh was not famous during his lifetime. Oh, and this is Van Gogh. I'm talking about Van Gogh. Yeah, he's the one with the bad dry skin. Yeah. Sorry, Picasso. Wow, I really put Picasso through. it today. Picasso, I'm sure you were hot. Who knows? I don't know you. Van Gogh, he was a real dick. He was a real dick. Moving up to the yellow house, getting into fights with Degas. What a dick. Okay, so, God, I really apologize to Picasso. That was harsh. But Van Gogh, get it together. You dry fucking face. Sounds like, Ronnie, don't be too sad. Otherwise, you yourself may wind up in your own.

41:31Blue period. Picasso joke. Okay. Hey, so Georgia. Am I? Monk. That's Edvard Monk. I just went to the Edvard Monk Museum, Ronnie. I went to a museum dedicated to Edvard Monk. I loved his show. He was a great detective. Tony Shalhoub played him. Who would have thought they would have an entire museum for Tony Shalhoub? It was so wonderful. Just solving crimes with like banana peels. The wing that was dedicated to wings. It was a meta moment for my lifetime.

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44:14Okay, so then we go to Ariana and she's at Femme Fontaine. and Riley I have a question sorry no no well I don't know if it was I don't know if it was skipped here but like I don't know if we come back to it or not but in case we don't come back to it I loved when Georgia was talking about the club that she wants to open and he was like you want to whiteboard it she's like yeah you know we'll come back to it I think I think it's a whole oh yeah that's coming up still yeah so Ariana and Riley are together and they're just having drinks, you know? And Ariana's like, oh my god, it took us like an hour and 30 minutes to get home from Jersey because of all the bullshit that was going on.

44:57That was crazy. And then we see the bus ride back home. And Brooks is like, you know what I was going to do? I was going to call Charlie and be like, what are you doing? You know what? I'm going to call Charlie right now and be like, what are you doing? You guys, I dialed Charlie right now because I'm going to say, what are you doing? You guys, Charlie's picking up the phone right now. Charlie, right now I'm on the phone with you going, what are you doing? he's like well i'm just going through some files to make sure that we didn't actually live on the 32nd floor because i could have sworn we did it's like okay well you're on speaker okay well thanks good warning so riley's like by the way if something hurts my feelings you have to let have these conversations like um can i wait until tomorrow my dad is like throwing paper balls at my head right now um and david's like oh my god his voice is like pissing me off right now Just give me the phone.

45:50And Riley just hangs up the phone. So then Riley and Arianne back to them. Arianne is like, I can't even imagine. Yeah. Yeah. He's too grown and too old and like not put in the work to be better. I mean, the way we were raised shapes us and we're forced to be this type of person. But as we grow, it's our job to change that and work on things that don't make us better. So it's clear that the way Charlie was raised is that he was not given a bed that was on a little stage to make it seem like you're on American Idol. But I was raised that way. So I don't know. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

46:29So then we go to Ariana and Riley in a confessional together talking about how their moms are housewives and they can handle their own. And then we see flashbacks to Kim and Candy fighting. and um ariana's like yeah if we need to like throw that wine glass or like shift that wig we'll do it and so then we uh now we go over to charlie and dylan in their apartment and um as we see that charlie is 45 minutes late to his dad's barbecue so anwar calls him up he's like he's like how far are you away from barbecue okay he's like um i think we're 45 minutes late No, you're 47 minutes late. I bet you, I bet you$100 that you're 47, not 45 minutes late.

47:09Okay, dad, we're just about to leave, okay? He's like, you're about to leave. It takes an hour and a half to get here. Dad, come on, don't take this out on me. You are a slow, slow person with bad body, unlike your roommate. Be faster.

47:24Yeah, don't take this out on me. You haven't even left the house and you're 45 minutes late already. Stupid. This is, people like this make me crazy. Like, my dad's a dick. Like, he calls me out for being three hours late to his house for a party that he's throwing for my friends, who he doesn't even fucking know. What an asshole. You need to be evicted, sir. I don't think there are squatter laws in New York City. Are there? I don't know. But I think basically Anwar is sitting there with a camera crew from Bravo treading dirt through his kitchen. And he's like, how much longer do I have to have poor people in my kitchen?

47:59Hurry up. Get here.

48:04So now Ariana and Hudson are moving into their new place. And she's like, oh, my God, thank fuck I'm here. Like, oh, my God, this is crazy. And Hudson's like, yeah, thank fuck. She goes, oh, no, I was going to say thank God. Okay. And she goes, let's say it at the same time. And he says, thank you, Lord. And she says, thank you, Jesus. And they're like, oh, my God, we need to practice this again. This is so When Harry Met Sally. so ariana um they're they're they've they now have like way exceeded their budget and by their budget i mean ariana's budget because hudson's fine because he's like fried chicken air so this is like it was just a matter of time before they wound up here before she's like okay could you just like pay for this because i don't have a job and i am the heir to a cigarette stub for my mother so could you she's such a sucker too it's 10 grand a month plus they had to pay an 18 000 broker fee.

48:57Oh my God. Does anybody else know how to search? No broker fee. I mean, what the hell? That's crazy. A broker fee. I feel like that's wild. 18 ,000. Is that broker fee every single month? I guess it's for the year of rent, right? Cause if it's 15 % broker fee, if it's$10 ,000 a month, okay. I'm not going to start doing math. I feel like the whiteboard guy. I'm not going to do yeah i'm 12 000 wait that would be you want to take it to the whiteboard take it to the white thousand dollars times 15 sets 10 that's six that's zero two one zero zero eight that's 18 000 isn't it is that what she paid she paid 18 000 i did the math you did it for a whole year for a whole year.

49:50Wow. What a sucker. I can't believe I just did math right, even though the answer was right in front of me. So then he drops his sunglasses and she steps on them. She's like, oh my god, those were $575. My mom spends those on scratch-off cards every Wednesday night. I just basically took scratch-offs off my mom's table. What are the children going to eat? So then we go to Georgia, Charlie, and Dylan and Brooks, and they are headed to Long Island and Brooks is in the way back, which is funny. He's like, I'm happy back here. It's like I'm being in my mother's iconic womb. Icon. And so George is like, guys, guys, guys, we should play Summertime Sadness because it's summer and we might have some sadness.

50:36I also brought a little whiteboard, so if we want to brainstorm some other song ideas, we can do it. And Brooks says, what do you do when you wake up feeling not good? She's like, oh, I always wake up with a little anxiety, but Like, I think that that's just hormonal. But, like, I swear to God, I think every day is a good day. Like, every day is, like, a good one. And Charlie's like, oh, so you just, like, don't need therapy, but other people do. Is that it? Yeah, well, I mean, I was in therapy since, like, age five. And he's like, for what? I'm like, what do you mean for what? If you're in therapy, you're in therapy because you need therapy.

51:13It's just that's how it is. She goes, well, my dad died when I was young. And before that, he was a little out of control. So she tells this really sad story about how her parents are both lawyers. And they had this law referral company. But then 9-11 really affected him. And he got PTSD. She doesn't really elaborate. Was he close to it or did he know people in it? But he was just really affected. And he went off the rails. And he moved upstate. And he wound up dying up there. So there's a lot to fill in the gaps with that story. and there's a lot of things to imply, but it sounds like it really was not a good trajectory.

51:49Obviously, it was not a good trajectory for him. So it's really sad. And then she said that she started acting out because of it, and then she was put into therapy, and then she saw a therapist on and off until recently, until about a year ago. So I guess she's just not in therapy anymore. Yeah. You know, she's like, it worked. So, like, I'm done. So Charlie's like, well, I was in and out of therapy through high school because like my dad, like my beef with my dad, like we basically had to use therapists as mediators. So we'd go together and try to like communicate effectively, whatever. So what you're trying to tell me is that your dad was actually spending money out of his own pockets.

52:30That way he could try to connect with his son and you were being a dipshit the entire time. That's what I'm hearing. So then Ariana tells Hudson, she broke the sunglasses and he's like, who cares i can get them down the street like no big deal they sell these at the bodega right he's like guess what not a lot of people have heard of these sunglasses but everybody's heard of fried chicken i win so basically i'm gonna wear fried chicken on my eyes it's gonna be fine speaking of which she's like okay let's call my mom so her mom answers with fried chicken on her eyes. She's like, hello? I can't see you.

53:10Mom, get the red chicken off of your eyes. Sorry. I was just worried about the bags. You know that Kim's cell phone carrier is something like fried chicken wireless. She's like, yeah, it's a new startup. She just stole the plug-in phone from the Zaxby's counter. It's like, hold on, let me plug it in. Okay, go ahead, honey. She's like, hey, you guys. Oh, you guys are drinking my wine, guys, and And Ariana's like, yeah, mom, in honor of you, I'm drinking a wine that for some reason we still have. So this wine bottle is in honor of you, mother, as in we thought we got rid of it a long time ago, and yet it seems to always be around and never goes away.

53:54It's amazing, this wine bottle, you get halfway through it, and then the government comes to take it back. It's weird. This wine bottle is actually somehow like having a romantic moment with Chet Hanks. I didn't know that could happen. Yeah, well, I'm so proud of you. It just makes me want to cry. It makes me want to cry. I actually don't cry because, you know, you guys are just doing so good for yourself. You're in New York. And I think every little girl in the world dreams of getting to New York and being able to find a rich guy they can follow to the south. And I'm just so happy. Just live in the moment.

54:26Appreciate every second for real. And, you know, if you want to send me a few thou, that's okay, too. Hudson, it better be a ring next, baby, for me. Okay, because the ring does mean a thing for me. Okay, thanks, bye. Yeah. So then we go over to Charlie and everybody arriving at Anwas. He's like, oh, hello. Took you long enough, loser boy. He's like, don't blame me, dad. God, don't blame me. I was just rolling 30 joints in my house that smells like dirty common socks. Sorry. Don't blame me. It's somebody else's fault. He's like, yeah, I think it's definitely an intimate experience when your friends are commingling with your family or your parents.

55:04so everyone says hi and Brooks is like wow yeah it's like especially intimate when like my father is speaking to one of them because I'm wondering like what are they talking about and like how's it going and like what's he judging me as a result of that conversation and where's my mom right now she's such an icon I live so they come in and say hi to the dad and stuff and they're trying to figure out they're on the water but they're like what's across the water and nobody knows the geography of it. Derek Brooks is like, oh my God, what is that? And George is like, is that like New York City? And he goes, no, it's like Jersey City.

55:42He goes, no, that's not right. Because we can't see Manhattan. He's like, maybe it's Boston. I don't know. Like Maui. They are so insular that they can't even conceive of the Long Island sound and what might be across from it. Is that Idaho? So then taylor's daughter comes out her name is danielle she brings out some wine and and then anwar is like hey uh by the way who's more handsome by the way who's more handsome me or charlie me or my son competition starts now okay and charlie's like um you guys can just say him because i just don't want to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day and they're like yeah we were gonna say him anyway yeah well we were gonna tell him the truth which is him so don't worry worked out So Brooks is polite and says like, thanks so much for cooking for us And he's like, oh, did you party?

56:35Did you party last night? Tell me about it He's like, no, I was at a birthday dinner Which I guess was a party But it wasn't like partying, partying I wasn't like doing coke with my dad again If that's what you're asking Is that what you're asking? I'm really insecure right now Charlie, did you go to birthday dinner? Were you not invited? You probably weren't invited, right? because you're probably still trying to figure out if we lived on the 32nd floor or you're so stupid and less attractive than me aren't you it's hard to invite old losers to parties when you've achieved nothing when you're trying to celebrate becoming a year old and you're still young and have a future ahead of you so what is it like having friends who still have a future don't tell charlie about them please what's it like being friends with someone who gets elevator trivia wrong so that is pretty crazy that charlie didn't even know the elevator like his floor number of his apartment i know it's that rich like i mean do people carry you into the apartment have you never pressed the button like maybe actually i have a theory so apparently like the question it was such a funny question they asked this person because it's like what is the floor number that like um after that after which all the floors just become penthouses so maybe charlie was thinking like it's technically the 32nd floor because there was four four stories of of penthouses below us but because but actual based on the numbers of the elevator is 28 like maybe there's a world in which they both are right what's wrong with you why are you trying to empathize with charlie you're like guys let's take a moment and try and see a world where charlie could be right in this i don't know why i did that he's just sheltered and awful there's no reason um i was just trying to imagine a world in which someone could somehow not know the floor that they actually live on it was not so much defending him i was like is there a way that someone could really bend their brain in that way and that's the only way i could conceive of it as if he was counting literal floors, not elevator stops.

58:41I think Charlie just was like walked into the elevator and there's someone there to press a button and he just never noticed, you know? It's just like whatever. He just got in. He doesn't pay attention to anything. I like that you gal-gadod me. Why you do that? Why you do that? That's the best line from Wonder Woman. Why you do that? Why you do that? Hello there. This is a two part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

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