#2960 RHOM S7E9 Part 1: Preppy Le Pieu

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3:08Ben Mandelker: Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today. As usual, the one, the only, the gloriously eyelided Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie.

3:25Ronnie Karam: Look at those eyelids. Hi, everybody. I've still got one wonky eye, but you know what? Who cares? It's less wonky than it has been. So it's like, bring it out today. Bring it out. I'm sick of wearing the glasses.

3:36Ben Mandelker: It looks great. I mean, I'm very happy. You are no longer a star of the James Bond film, Stye Another Day. Tomorrow never styes. I'm back to pussy galore. Golden stye. No, your stye is gone, and your recovery has been so rapid. Now, finally, I feel like you're there. You're there. Your eyelids, your fresh new eyelids can finally be spectacular.

4:08Ronnie Karam: They're close, but you know what? It's been a month in glasses. That's crazy. I didn't know it was going to be all that. But anyway, here we are. That's enough eyelid talk. everybody welcome to watch what's a very special day today because Stephanie brags about her playing a lot you know what we should do you know what I'm going to start doing while you do the intro I'm going to start googling Stephanie's ass okay Stephanie show jaw okay Ben go ahead I'm writing bankruptcy bankruptcy

4:39Ben Mandelker: okay you're going to look that up in the meantime I'm going to tell everyone that they should come join us on Patreon where we have a wonderful fan community that is there. We also have some great content. We have bonus content. This week's bonus episode, we caught up on some pop culture. We talked about Project Runway, Naked Gun, Big Brother. Ronnie let us in on some of the perils of planning a baby shower. Things like that. Like lots of very fun things. So come join us. There's also a video component. If you support on the Crap It's On Demand level, You can watch the show. You don't just have to listen to it.

5:16Ben Mandelker: So you can see Ronnie's beautiful eyes. And all those crappins on demand episodes are released for free on our YouTube channel a week later. But we know that you guys all want your fresh content. So to get it fresh and on video, it's there on Patreon. And there's also a fabulous Discord community. And shout out to everyone over there. So that's Patreon. And then this coming Monday, we have a crappy hour coming up. That's going to be at 530 Pacific, 830 Eastern. And what we're going to be doing going forward is alternating between crappy hour one week and Amazon Live the following week for the release for the next like two months or so.

5:57Ben Mandelker: So that is the plan, Stan. And today we are talking Real Housewives of Miami, which is just always fabulous every single time we watch it. Did you look up anything? What'd you find? What'd you find?

6:11Ronnie Karam: I found Stephanie Shoji and her husband, Masood, were forced to sell their 12 ,000 square foot home, Morris style, after failing to repay an$8 million mortgage loan on time. They didn't pay the entirety of the$8 million they borrowed and the bank filed a foreclosure on January 6th. What a date. God, what a date. That's an asshole date to lose staff, January 6th. and they filed foreclosure and they sold it on the 17th and yeah that's pretty much it I just wanted to look up that because I'd heard some you know there's like all these rumblings about Stephanie and her kind of lying ways so I haven't gone too far into that because I'm waiting for it to come out on the show you know sometimes I spoil myself too much by reading too much gossip and then it happens on the show and I'm like whatever that's no big deal they lost to everything we saw it coming i don't want to see it coming i want to see it happen on the show so you know i'm trying to like avoid spoilers but she bragged about her plane so much i had to look

7:13Ben Mandelker: it up so there you go yeah yeah i mean like at this point we are seasoned real housewives viewers we can sense financial issues a mile away when someone comes in looking like a minion in chanel you know there are some mortgage issues there are lawsuits there are debts there are bankruptcies hiding behind those pearl necklaces.

7:36Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and it's also got us attuned to feeling rich when we're not because you get so snotty watching Housewives about silly things you have no business being snotty about. Stephanie whips out, her first scene is pulling out, she's with an assistant or something, and she pulls out a Lady Dior purse and it says$5 ,900. And I was like, oh, that is so sad because my other friend has one that's$95 ,000. I thought the same thing. I'm embarrassed for you. Meanwhile, I have a hole in my big toe on my sock. I was literally, I had my foot up on the ottoman. I was like, you're judging this woman while your big toe is coming out of your sock, sir.

8:16Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I had the exact same reaction. I basically am a victim to bag inflation because of this network. Because last week, Nicole pulled out that$95 ,000 Hermes bag, I think. And we're like, oh my God, that's crazy. $95 ,000 for a bag. But now I'm like,$5 ,900 for a bag? What is it? Is that like, did you get it at CVS? I've totally become a snob about something I never would buy at any time. Yeah, exactly.

8:48Ronnie Karam: So she does that. And then Julie and Marisol meet up at a restaurant. And Julia almost knocks something over while she's hugging her. And she's like, oh, look what I did. Water. Water. Me and water, you know, look at that. I almost knocked over the water again. Me and my hilarious water.

9:07Ben Mandelker: That's what I do. And then Adriana, she arrives at a dog facility and it's called DOG, which as we all know, stands for Department of Government. And then it was actually so efficient. They actually got rid of the E. But no, it's actually in this case.

9:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it would be funny if she showed up at DOGE. she's like i'm here to work i'm here to fire people but it's actually there are too many people

9:36Ronnie Karam: in the democratic organization of gardeners i'm gonna get rid of it i'm here to fire npr okay um

9:45Ben Mandelker: but no but she's actually at a place i guess where dogs can mate and so this was one of the funniest

9:54Ronnie Karam: scenes i've ever seen on the house i loved it i died laughing because i i thought i was she's going to a dog groomer. No, it was not. It was a whorehouse for dogs. So she's telling her dog, are you lucky for your date? Are you ready for your date? You're going to get lucky today. So she tells us, I've sculpted all the parks in Miami. We've been looking high and low. We can't find a bitch. I'm going to find the right bitch for you. Don't you worry. Because here I am, I find a place that brings dogs together to have one trip in paradise before he gets clip clip. He's like, no, no clip clip. So he's going to get it out because her dog is a sex addict.

10:29Ben Mandelker: yes dog has trouble a huge that dog loves sex what's the name of the dog again why can't i

10:37Ronnie Karam: remember it i don't know i don't really pay attention to little fluffy snotty dogs like that

10:43Ben Mandelker: little it's because it is a french poodle right it's a white french poodle correct

10:49Ronnie Karam: it's a floofy looks like i don't know it's like french poodles poodles aren't french poodles

10:54Ben Mandelker: bigger um maybe a toy a toy poodle a french toy poodle french toy it's a toy would it be a french toy poodle or a toy french poodle samuel i don't know but she brought it knows all that it knows

11:09Ronnie Karam: all the scripts for all the play scripts for everything you have to like go through that

11:13Ben Mandelker: poodle and get the rights before you quote when gary glenn ross

11:21Ben Mandelker: it's very withholding about rights if you want to put on a production at your school um so uh the poodle is there she brought the poodle on to watch what happens live and i didn't watch the episode but i watched clips and what i liked was that the poodle was just kind of like freely roaming around that set and i you know famously really dislike poodles i find that they are very hyperactive in a way that does not work with what I like in my personal space. So I generally dislike all poodles and I dislike all poodle mixes, no matter how cute they are. There's like one or two exceptions that I will be okay with.

12:00Ben Mandelker: But like generally speaking, when I see poodle, I get, not only do I not like poodles, I think I even like poodles even less because inevitably the poodle owners always say, and I know some of you in our sweet audience are saying this right now, but they're so smart. And as I always say, I'm not commissioning this poodle to build me a wing on my house. I'm not looking for this poodle to develop a new vaccine. I don't need, I don't need a dog to be smart.

12:31Ronnie Karam: It's weird. Cause I had a Jack Russell before Bueller. I had a Jack Russell named Xena for 16 years, loved this dog. It was my first like dog to have as an adult. And this dog was really smart. You know, she was a great dog, but everywhere we went, people were like, Oh, a Jack Russell. And then they would start testing her. They would be like, Oh my God, do this, do that, sit down, roll over. You know, what, what can your dog do? And I was like, why does the dog have to do anything? It poops outside. That's really all I require. Like, honestly, all I require is potty training and giving me love.

13:03Ronnie Karam: That's all I need from a dog. But these people are like, does your dog know calculus? Because that is a Jack Russell. And they are very, very smart. And now I have Bueller and he's just like, you know, a half pit bull, half chihuahua. He looks all Frankenstein. He's all weird looking. And people don't expect shit from Bueller. And it is like a vacation going around people. They're like, well, the dog didn't take my wallet. So you've got a good dog, you know?

13:30Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I feel like all my friends who have, quote unquote, smart dogs, what they wind up doing is having to hide food from the dogs the entire entire time it's about like latching cabinets closed i'm like that's not an asset to me i don't want i want my animals to be on the dumb side yeah i want them to be low energy what are you doing on my bank of america account get the hell out of there yes so that's my preamble to say that usually when i see a poodle I'm just like but this poodle was cracking me up like honestly

14:04Ronnie Karam: in general it's just like the floofy dogs that people are like oh my god it's so cute it's like over groomed it has bows in the hair I don't like that stuff

14:12Ben Mandelker: yeah and that's what this one is well that's what I'm saying is that like this dog is like this and so I'm like ugh this dog but I was cracking up at this dog because it is so foofy but ultimately you are reminded that it is at the end of the day, despite all its bows and little cute sweaters and like grooming, it's still a dog and it is ready to fuck.

14:37Ronnie Karam: Just the idea. I mean, who even thinks of that? Like I'm getting my dog snipped so he's not going to get laid properly. So I'm going to take him. And then someone else is like, I'm taking my dog. I'm going to take my female dog there to get fucked by some stranger. What an odd business. I mean, I get it for breeding if you want to like breed or whatever. No offense, straight people. But, you know, a dog?

14:59Ben Mandelker: A dog. Yeah. But, you know, people love doing this stuff. I'm still trying to look up the dog's name. For the life of me, I can't figure it out. I find all sorts of photos of Adriana's dog, but it is just, I cannot find the name of it. It's driving me absolutely bonkers. Now who's the dumb dog? Me.

15:19Ronnie Karam: So the perfect person to join for this scene is Lisa. Lisa. I don't know why it just makes sense for Lisa because she always had those parties with Lenny in Miami, like especially the Halloween parties. I think that's where he met Katrina or whatever the lady he ran off with. So that that was kind of like a key party, right? It's like a bunch of Instagram and OnlyFans models and stuff would go and just like fuck rich guys at these parties from what we heard. And so it's funny that Adriana brings Lisa. She's like, she's a swinger. She gets it. She gets it. You know, this is where we brought Lenny before he left Lisa.

15:57Ben Mandelker: Lenny had his many final rodeos here the dog's name is Basquiat. Duh! Of course his name is Basquiat. Of course. That dog is too

16:09Ronnie Karam: groomed to be named Basquiat. Basquiat was just messy. It was all about mess. You can't just have this floofy little dog with bows in his hair.

16:17Ben Mandelker: If anything, he needs to have a little crown. Isn't that like Basquiat's thing? The little crown. as evidence by me sticking my fingers on my head as if that shows looks like a crown. Um, but, I basically made a, I made myself like a little Buffalo. Um, so they, they go. So Basquiat and, uh, Basquiat's last lady go to this back area to have, to have a nice moment. And, um, you know, uh, it's Basquiat and honey. These, this is the, these are the lovebirds. And Adrian is making like conversation with the mom and everything. And then we see a montage. Adrana says that Basquiat's favorite type are human legs and we see a montage of Basquiat humping so many legs and again it is so funny because it's this like it's this coiffed groomed like super like foofy dog be like on everyone's legs and it keeps going it's great I was dying

17:13Ronnie Karam: it was hilarious and Adrana's like I hope he doesn't get catfished i missed that i missed

17:26Ronnie Karam: and then the moms there of honey who is the lady that basquiat is banging and so they're making small talk like held us basquiat it's three and honey is one i'm like honey is one what what kind of parenting are we doing in this country when you're taking your one-year-old i mean i know that that's longer in dog years but even dog years are seven years what are we doing here people

17:49Ben Mandelker: what is this and what is the standard time uh standard what is the standard time uh that people uh normally neuter or neuter their dogs is it in like within their first year is it three like adriana is saying that this is like three years in boss got three years old i always thought it was a little earlier i thought it's very early yeah you do it yeah i mean i guess you can do it

18:13Ronnie Karam: whenever you want. But yeah, generally you do it early. I've gotten my dogs always done fairly soon after I get them, I think. One time was so scary because I couldn't, I didn't have money to go get it done proper. So they have like a low income trailer, basically. It was in, it was in like the deep valley and it was in the parking lot of the big lots. And I had to go at seven in the morning and just leave Xena in there. And I was waiting outside like, this isn't right. This isn't Right. But it was 20 bucks. And, you know, she never humped anyone's leg. Jesus. I guess it was cheaper than taking her to get laid in a dog brothel in the DOG brothel.

18:55Ronnie Karam: So why do we need an hour to talk about this one scene? Like nothing really even happened in this scene, but it was so cute and funny. We'll just stay here all day talking about different dog things. Okay. So they hook up and romantic music plays and the dogs see each other. and honey and bosquiat do the deed and um they get pictures it's like a nice video of it larsa's gonna be jealous that this dog is like getting its own only fans promo because larsa's never really gotten to do that we've never seen larsa do like a foot shoot or whatever yeah yeah

19:30Ben Mandelker: i just was so happy for bosquiat because when bosquiat was done doing his deed um bosquiat and honey came out of the hideaway and the rest of the people in the villa the rest of the dogs just like clapped their paws together. And then like Basquiat went off with the boys and Honey went off with the girls and they talked about what happened. And then later on, they played, did a challenge where they had to like transfer ketchup from one mouth to another. And then at the recoupling, what was shocking to me was how Basquiat dropped Honey and she had to be kicked off the island. I was, it was a terrible.

20:01Ben Mandelker: Oh my God.

20:02Ronnie Karam: And the worst is right before she got kicked off, she fell asleep with the other girl dogs and they put her paw in hot water and she peed herself. And then she got kicked off the island.

20:13Ben Mandelker: It was awkward. Yeah. And then G was like, wait, so she got to go to DOG? Great. My dream date. Great. Thanks.

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22:58Ronnie Karam: that's a theme I can get behind what is preppy

23:03Ben Mandelker: yeah what is preppy so Adriana's like well I you know like I didn't feel invited you know I felt Marisol sent out she sent out the group chat and like she never reached out to me and nevertheless I'm going to go because you know cameras because the whole boat thing and I kind of regret it and we cut to her last week being like fuck off you old whore go get plastic surgery on your bony knees because they need it. There's someone on Twitter whose name is Marisol's Bony Knees, and I just think that's the funniest Twitter name. It's so funny.

23:39Ronnie Karam: I've been calling people dry knees all week. That was my favorite. Dry knees. Dry knees. Fix your dry knees, whore.

23:52Ronnie Karam: So Adriana's like, yeah, you know, it was a lapse in judgment. I'll say it was a lapse in judgment. And Lisa's like, yeah, I probably wouldn't have said pony knees if, you know, maybe I would take that back. And she's like, I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud. She's like, okay, well, good. I'm glad you're taking accountability. I don't know the word, but, you know, stop the calculus. And she's like, I am accountable. I'm ready to move on. And I love when the person who did the, I love when the perpetrators are the ones that are ready to move on. I want to say that if I'm ever arrested for something, all right, guys, all right, all right, I robbed the house.

24:30Ronnie Karam: Sorry, I'm ready to move on from this. I think I'm ready.

24:34Ben Mandelker: Guys, I've been thinking about it, and I've processed this, and I understand. And I think it's time that we all moved on. I feel ready to move on. Because always in their mind, it's always like, well, the reason why I was a perpetrator is because you did something that offended me. But now I'm over that because I got out my perpetration. And so I think we can move on. Meanwhile, someone's sitting there with a house that's burned down.

24:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah, exactly. Thank you for your apology for having a flammable house. Thank you. So then we go back to Marisol and Julia. And Marisol's like, I invited Adriana to my property line. Oh, there's me. Julia's like, well, you guys are looking completely on opposite planet. What happened with you? Well, I guess you offended. Sorry, I heard you taking a drink of caffeine.

25:24Ben Mandelker: I forgot to give myself a straw today, so now when I drink coffee, it's like a whole process I've got to do away from my mic, otherwise you guys are going to hear lots of ice clanking around. Who wants to hear that, especially when there's a preppy party on foot? Anyway, well, I guess she got offended because Kiki told her I didn't want to be on the same boat as her. I mean, why would I? I mean, I was already, it was just escalating the whole time. And then we were playing the mind exercise. She kept on giving me all the red flags. I mean, why would you give me the red flags?

25:54Ronnie Karam: And then we cut to the narcissism party, where Daniel, the narcissism ass expert, is calling out different narcissistic traits. How are you not calling out, having an Instagram full of you shirtless, saying like 30-second memes, you fucking narcissist leader? And also don't stop.

26:14Ben Mandelker: Also don't stop. In fact, please be more narcissistic. We'll see it all. Show us everything.

26:20Ronnie Karam: All narcissists who work out five times a day and like going around shirtless, keep being narcissists. Everyone else, fix yourself. Okay, we don't have room for homely narcissists on Instagram.

26:31Ben Mandelker: No, no, that's absolutely correct.

26:36Ronnie Karam: Well, she got offended because Kiki told her I don't want to be on the same boat with her, but why would I want to be on the same boat with her? I mean, now I have dry knees? Now I have dry knees? Do you know how I've been staring at my knees for days? and she's calling me old. I mean, she's older than me. It was just escalating. It was escalating the whole time. And when we were playing the mind exercise, she's giving me all the red flags. I mean, come on.

27:02Ben Mandelker: I'm not going to lie. I was surprised to hear that Marisol is younger than Adriana. Because the thing is that, like, Everyone was surprised to hear that Marisol is younger than Adriana.

27:13Ronnie Karam: Marisol's even surprised. Look at her. She's like, I'm older than her.

27:18Ben Mandelker: Well, that's, again, because all her references are like, I mean, look at this guy. Look how Adriana's dating a young whippersnapper of a guy. Who is he? Mickey Rooney? Am I right, everyone? Yeah.

27:34Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, and also, she doesn't help herself because she does dress like the older woman in the telenovela, you know, who's like the evil one in the telenovela. And like this, she's wearing her widow's veil and stuff and a widow's outfit. And she's married to an older guy, which is rare because most of them pick. You know, look at Adriana. She's with that French cowboy or whatever he is.

27:58Ben Mandelker: Right, who, by the way, seems to be locked away somewhere. We haven't seen him since the first episode.

28:03Ronnie Karam: Well, you know, paid by the hour. So we come back and she's like, yeah, I mean, if you're trying to move forward, why are you still picking? Just stop picking. She just gets so nasty. I mean, my physical appearance, body shaming, my knees. Can you imagine? My knees have good genes. They're blue. They're blue.

28:27Ben Mandelker: She's older than me. I mean, she kept calling me an old lady. I'm like, you're older than me. Oh, God. She's like a regular Lauren Bacall. So Lisa's like, well, I don't like that Julia's kind of forming a little group with them. And then you're almost like the outsider. Like, I don't like that for you. Maybe that's another reason that you lashed out. I don't mind that Julia has a relationship with the other girls in the group. The only thing I mind is Julia having a relationship with other girls in the group. I don't know if I could be any clearer.

28:56Ronnie Karam: She knows who Mary Sol is, but all of a sudden, she's forgotten all of that. And so then we go back to the other two. And Julia's like, I hate what she said to you. I don't like what she did. I love your knees. I love your knees. I love that if I take a little piece of wood and rub it on your knees I can make fire I said Adriana the only person who could do something to our friendship is

29:24Ben Mandelker: you yourself and goat you cannot be lashing out at people like that especially when you decide to move forward and some ourselves like yeah well you know Gertie is in our group and then we're gonna go continue seeing her So what are you going to do to move forward? Because I don't know what I, you know, I know what I do with Adriana. I just ignore her. I just pretend it's bogey at the end of the bar. And I'm just going to be off to Casablanca on my own. You know what I'm saying? People get these references, right? I'm connecting with the youngins, right?

29:59Ronnie Karam: Well, for, you know, me and Gertie's friendship, the ship has sailed. And Captain Sandy is on it. And she's glad she only had dinner with me. But we could definitely be corto.

30:11Ben Mandelker: Well, now Alexia and Stephanie are having some kind of weird stuff going on. And I feel like, you know what? I feel like everybody needs some therapy in this group. And I want to do something for Alexia. I'm having a spontaneous idea right now. Because I feel like she's just been on this emotional roller coaster for, I don't know, 60 years at this point. I'm not sure. And so then we see flashbacks to Alexia having her standard season-long emotional issues.

30:39Ronnie Karam: This is so good. When they were at that dinner, she's like, I'm only having this dinner for my friend because he's coming in town. I don't want anything to be about Todd. Okay, nothing about this dinner is about Todd. We're only here to celebrate my friend. And then five minutes later, it's like, oh, my God, Todd, Nathan, please don't ever let me go back to the narcissist, everybody. Please help me, please.

31:01Ben Mandelker: and not only not only did Alexia make that dinner about herself she made it so much about herself that it has been a constant flashback and has also in many ways been like a kernel that has driven the entire season like wait i thought you hated narcissists you had you you broke down in a restaurant and talked about how you hated narcissists yeah oh so good so julie it's like we need to get

31:26Ronnie Karam: her out of Miami because otherwise she will go back to Todd. So, where should we go? Let's go to Seville. She's like, Seville, Seville, Seville, Seville. You know. And she's like, I like Seville. You know, it reminds me of that saying in Spanish. Quien se fue a Seville a perdido su silla. Yes, I love this saying. Captain Sandy will not sit with non-lesbians. It's not my fault.

31:52Ben Mandelker: My favorite saying is when there's one seat left for captain sandy you better sit yourself in another restaurant

32:02Ronnie Karam: no it's about people who don't tend to their business they lose their business i don't know i don't follow don't follow oh more maybe she can lose her mind and lose thought and she goes okay yeah maybe just make things whatever you want to make them julia who cares let's call let's call Alexia. So they do. And Alexia's like, star speaking, star. Yes. Blink, blink, blink. Blink in Spanish. Blink in Spanish.

32:29Ben Mandelker: Hey, hey there. Well, look, look who I'm with. It's Julia. So we thought it'd be a good idea to go back to Spain because you love Spain so much. And we can, we can go to Seville. We got a Sevilla, you know? Oh, of course. I love it. I absolutely love it. And we can get you away from Todd. Oh, perfect. Perfect. You know what? That's what I need to break from Todd. But by the way, I have to be back on November 18th because Todd's birthday is November 19th.

32:55Ronnie Karam: This is why we want to organize a trip to get away from Todd. You know what? Thank you for being such good friends. I love you girls. You girls always bring a smile to my face. You know that. You know that. Please, I have to go now. Todd might call me.

33:08Ben Mandelker: You guys bring me a Todd to my face. That's what I say. When I want to say smile, I say Todd. Samarisol's like, okay, one caveat. We're not talking about Todd. No dudes. okay no bros bro okay I'm not even gonna talk about Steve the alpha male of the group okay we're not talking about dudes on this trip okay you know she hung up I think she hung up about five minutes ago didn't she meanwhile at dog boss yeah we see bus got finished on the bus kids in the boxes yeah he does it they get make it a picture freeze at this picture of like Basquiat on top of Honey, just smiling at the camera. If I'm going out, I'm going out in style.

33:54Ronnie Karam: I hope we get the whole story of what happens to Basquiat now that he gets snipped. Is he just going to be like, what is life? Just sitting on the couch. What is life? What do I even do with this? Read a book. God.

34:09Ben Mandelker: He's like, well, now I can be a guard for Khaleesi. So we go to Gertie's home.

34:19Ben Mandelker: He has real big plans. So we go to Gertie's home, and Gertie is, she calls Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine, and she's like, oh, that haircut that you have is my favorite on you, baby. I love it so much. And she's like, oh, well, I need to tell my stylist about it. My stylist, as you know, is a giant plastic vagina that I'll be showing everyone on the next season of Married to Medicine for many episodes.

34:42Ronnie Karam: I believe in vaginal health for the hair. which is why I tap my head with a dildo every single day. I've written a book about it. And he's like, these girls don't understand me. Nobody understands what it's like. That's cancer except you. And she's like, yes, well, sometimes when friends are bad, friends are good because you need to thank them for showing you that goodness can be badness and badness can be goodness. Waste not, want not. Two birds in a hand are better than one hand in a bush.

35:15Ben Mandelker: I wasn't following any of that because I was transcribing so that way I can put it up on screen for my next humiliation party Alrighty, I'm just trying to tell you I'm having trouble having sex, do you ever have trouble having sex, what's life like for you what's going on with you, and I'm just going to keep talking all the way through the scene so they just, they bond, they bond Jackie gives her some advice on dealing with, you know aftermath of breast cancer and being a survivor, etc it's very nice

35:41Ronnie Karam: And I'm just dealing with shitty friends, you know, because she's like, these girls don't even understand me. I don't know what to do. She's like, well, you know, sometimes when people don't understand you, a drowning man is bigger than a man who's swimming in a lake. Do you understand what I'm saying? She's like, ah. Well, a bird flying overhead is smarter than a hamster on a wheel and a BMW that's going backwards at 30 miles an hour. Do you understand? She's like, ah, ah.

36:09Ben Mandelker: Listen, Gertie. Big Mac, McDiote, a quarter pounder with some cheese filet, a fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal, McDonald's, Stacy Goldie, front fries, regular or larger size.

36:19Ronnie Karam: I would like you to tell those women, look them straight in the face and say, hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us have it your way.

36:36Ben Mandelker: and then say we have the meats

36:44Ronnie Karam: it was a very nice phone call full of Dr. Jackie platitudes and Gertie's like okay okay well before you go sniffling sneezing night time coffee snuffy heads so you can rest medicine okay okay I've got to go back Oh, and one last thing.

37:05Ben Mandelker: We are farmers. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

37:10Ronnie Karam: Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun.

37:13Ben Mandelker: I did like one of Jackie's, one of her, Dr. Jackie's little sayings because she was just telling Gertia, you just got to look forward. She goes, that's why when we drive, you have a little rear view mirror and a big windshield because you'll look back a little bit, but there's a lot more to look at going forward and also if you don't look out the one chilled you'll crash into a wall but like still i like i was like i like that one dr jackie i think all the dr jackie had to say was this now listen gritty i know it's difficult you're dealing with very difficult people in your cast is quad on your cast no okay then i don't want to hear it anymore You have a quad.

37:57Ben Mandelker: And we had a Mariah. We had a Mariah era on our show.

38:01Ronnie Karam: She's like, there's a reason that stop signs are on the street and not inside the car. Because otherwise, when would you stop?

38:12Ben Mandelker: If we didn't have stop signs, Toya would just keep on driving into her pushes. We've had to discuss this many times with her.

38:22Ronnie Karam: so let's go to il gabiano restaurant massoud and stephanie are arriving in matching cheesy outfits and they're both trying so hard she's caught she's like trying to be rich and he's trying to be young and um it doesn't it doesn't work for either of them they both look like

38:38Ben Mandelker: posers sorry they look ridiculous well he is so ridiculous when he tries to look young like when he was doing his tiktok challenges or he wears his hat backwards it's more cringy than when Mauricio does it. Cause Masood really, I mean, I think he's like approaching like early eighties and it's just watching him trying to do like this Abercrombie and Fitch moment. It's like, Oh, come on Masood. So they sit down. Masood is so excited to meet Martina because he is a Martina super fan and he really can't even hide it in this scene, which is really funny because Because he's very, very wealthy or at least presents as very, very wealthy.

39:17Ben Mandelker: And you sort of feel like when you're really, really wealthy, you don't act like a blubbering mess around celebrities. But he kind of is. He's kind of a disaster.

39:27Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And I like that Martina isn't even like performatively humble at all ever. It's so funny to me. And she's accomplished a lot. She doesn't have to be. There's no rule that says she has to be. it's just a funny demeanor to me because stephanie's like oh oh you've met my you know my husband has been dying to meet you she's yeah she told me that you know more about me than i do i'm amazing i know all right go ahead say what you have to say

39:58Ben Mandelker: seriously so um yeah he's like really excited and um then they but of course first they have to start talking about like the kids you know and uh like how everything's going with the babies

40:11Ronnie Karam: but it's not really just a standard conversation because it's so depressing they're like so how are your new babies and martina's like oh you know they still cry when we leave for about two seconds and then diverse and distraction you know how they are just off doing whatever and stephanie's like um well how old are you going to be when they're 20 What kind of question is that to say?

40:33Ben Mandelker: I know.

40:33Ronnie Karam: Jesus, you're married to Methuselah. What are you talking about?

40:38Ben Mandelker: How old is Masoud going to be when you turn 20, Stephanie?

40:45Ben Mandelker: So, Martina is like, well, you know, they still cry when we leave. And for about two seconds. Oh, yeah. I said this part. God, sometimes I just like to say it again. Just because I know Masoud is so excited to hear me talk.

40:56Ronnie Karam: So he's like, oh, he's like, she just turned 67. and 68 julia i love that julia has no idea how old her wife is julia is just out of it she didn't know where her kids went to school she didn't know how old her wife was her wife is getting cancer treatments julia's off getting a facelift i mean what the hell so masuda's like uh so martina

41:15Ben Mandelker: talk to me i used to watch you obviously that's why i'm wearing this martina t-shirt yeah i noticed that um but uh we used to watch you all the time i mean to find you against uh uh what's what uh What's her name? I appreciate you pretending to forget Chris Everett's name that really warms my heart. She's a fucking bitch.

41:32Ronnie Karam: That's what we used to call her. What's her name? So that actually works out perfect.

41:39Ben Mandelker: My favorite thing with Chris Everett is the way her hair would always fluff so delicately every time the ball went flying by her because she never could hit it back.

41:50Ronnie Karam: Are you missing those times? Those times that you got to play with what's her face? And she's like, oh, if I could still play i would but you know i don't miss the stress when i retired in 94 my mom said i looked 10 years younger because the stress it was gone forever till i met this one this let me

42:07Ben Mandelker: you don't understand how stressful it was to have to try to make conversation with chris everett god talk about boring so

42:19Ben Mandelker: so uh miss you just like so you're going to cut your scotter sons or maybe i don't know handsome gentleman who looks like he might be only 24 years old when he has backwards hats on? No, I will not. But he has a motorcycle jacket. Well, that's tempting. But still not.

42:38Ronnie Karam: Very, very tight pants. Very tight pants.

42:44Ben Mandelker: Does he have any canvases that I can hit tennis balls onto and make an art? I might teach him artwork.

42:53Ronnie Karam: I forgot that she did that, her art where she would hit a tennis ball into a wet canvas. That was good. Whatever happened to that?

43:00Ben Mandelker: I did like it, actually, quite a bit. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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44:16Ben Mandelker: so basically she's like she'll supervise her sons but um and she says if they take it on later um then she'll she'll step in but she's like but i need someone else to teach them the basics you know like chris effort you know someone who just deals with low level skills

44:31Ronnie Karam: i need someone else to teach them the chris efforts you know the basics

44:38Ben Mandelker: i love that martina is such a tennis diva that she like she's like i'm not going to deal with anyone who's like like who's below a certain level not even my own children like they need to if i'm gonna play tennis with my children someone else needs to bring them up to like us open level but but until then i'm not even gonna hold a racket in their presence like they can barely hold a banana

45:00Ronnie Karam: at this point but you know if ever they if ever they get off their asses and do something maybe

45:06Ben Mandelker: you know one of them just dropped an egg it was on chris everett's head so we we applauded him

45:16Ronnie Karam: so um stephanie's like so do you have uh siblings uh julia and she's like i have brother one brother 12 years younger he's in moscow we go once or twice a year i'm super close super close and she's like oh yeah i have twin sisters we stop talking to each other we don't speak the same language i mean i don't need to sound depressing about it it's like can you just are you asking someone

45:37Ben Mandelker: else about their life or like no she just wanted a segue it says that way she could talk about that She does not care about Julia's family. She just wanted to set up the conversation so she could talk about how her bitch twin sisters don't talk to her or their parents. That way she could continue to weaponize this platform against them, publicly shame them.

45:58Ronnie Karam: But it's okay because then Julia takes it right back and makes it about her again, but with something else. She's like, no, no, you know, we're having difficult time with older daughters because we don't have communication with them anymore because of our new family dynamic. It's growing pains. and she says that the adoption came as a surprise to her girls because you didn't tell them. I mean, is that what you were getting out of this? Like, they were just like, maybe we're going to adopt kids and then the next minute they've got two new kids and they're like, excuse me, where's my inheritance going?

46:30Ronnie Karam: Like, what the hell?

46:30Ben Mandelker: Not only where's my inheritance, like, no offense, you two are both a bit older and we're going to have to be the ones taking care of these kids ultimately. like when they're like 10 or 11 you know like we're probably gonna have to step in or like they're gonna have to live with us who knows who knows what you know life has in store but they know it's basically they know it's more than just like suddenly two new brothers it's like oh we have to take care of these kids out of nowhere but also but even that being said like i mean i can't i kind of can't imagine just suddenly stop talking to your mom because she she adopted kids well but I can imagine being like, mom, like mom, that's so annoying.

47:11Ben Mandelker: Stop it. But I can't imagine being like, I'm never talking to her again because she's opening her house up to two children that need a house.

47:17Ronnie Karam: Well, we don't obviously know the whole story. But from what Julia is saying here, they didn't really tell the kids. Like there's no communication. I think the kids are just like, what the fuck are you doing?

47:28Ben Mandelker: The kids were given a Zoom link and they chose not to come. No, I'm just kidding. they were late to the zoom link and so it was up to them to read about it in the news and that they if they chose to if they had chosen to come onto the zoom five minutes earlier they could have been looped in like everyone else who was cool julia julia fucking would too i'm sorry they read it

47:48Ronnie Karam: in people that's why they read if they don't get to zoom so i think it's about i think it's about

47:54Ben Mandelker: inherit i think it's about inheritance and i think it's also uh it's inheritance and knowing that They just have to, this will be an, this is going to be a responsibility that's going to land on them ultimately because, you know, I think that Martina and Julia are older and like, it's not going to be, I don't think it's gonna be a cakewalk.

48:15Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So, yeah, she says they are upset with us for not communicating enough with them about what's going to happen. So you didn't tell them. I just was cracking up. That is so Julia.

48:27Ben Mandelker: I cannot believe my daughters are not talking to me after I did not talk to my daughters about what we are doing

48:32Ronnie Karam: So then we see a clip to illustrate how close she is with her brother in Moscow and they're on FaceTime and she's like, I don't know what to do, the girls won't talk to me I've tried to call them, but they won't or they won't I've tried to have my sons FaceTime them they just hang up on them, I don't know what to do and he's like, listen, here's what I always say hold the pickle hold the lettuce special orders have you been watching married the medicine so martina's like well it's just sad you know because you can't have that time back you know you have regrets that you wasted this time because it's so precious and you just can't have it back but you know i get it out of my system like everything else with a toothpick a toothpick right here doesn't she always look like she's got a toothpick in her mouth she's always like yeah she looks like um a toothpick i just want her to wear a big floppy top hat at

49:28Ben Mandelker: one point so that way she can complete her tom petty look that's all i want so i'm free free falling sorry that's chris everett chasing after a ball

49:46Ronnie Karam: and stephanie's like this really hits home because my sisters aren't speaking to my parents and my advice to julia is she just nips it in the bud just nip it in the bud you aren't you don't want to speak to your sisters so whatever she says it's too long it's been too long for her to turn back oh lady um i'm team sisters i can tell you that right now i'm yeah i think you You were insufferable. I'm sure you flaunt your shit all in front of your sisters. You ended up stealing some man's, some wife's husband. And now you're walking around her house like, I want every piece of that woman. Got it out of this house.

50:20Ronnie Karam: I mean, you're not cute, ma 'am. I'm team sisters.

50:25Ben Mandelker: Yeah, we know that Patty and Selma are probably in the right on this one. So then we go over. So Masood is like, well, you know, life is tough, and you have to make the best out of it. a lot of these guys really coming in with a lot of really, really sage advice. Time heals everything. Life is tough. You gotta make the best out of it. If you ever wanted proof that men are not really listening, this scene is it. They're like, um, okay. You know, he's like, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. Am I right? No? It's just taglines now. It's like, I'm loving it. So Julia's like, Ace is the place Wait what is it?

51:06Ben Mandelker: Ace is the place for

51:07Ronnie Karam: On the hardware now Ace is the place for your Hummer na na na Ace is the place for your Hummer na na na It's not coming to me But god damn that tune's Addictive isn't it? Ace is the place In the happy hardware store

51:21Ben Mandelker: What's the one that I'm always singing? Oh the Sky Rizzy song God I love the Sky Rizzy song You do love that Sky Rizzy Nothing is everything

51:32nothing is everything sky rizzy you know nothing is everything you ever think about that okay well

51:41Ben Mandelker: on that note speaking of nothing marisol has an idea we are going to go a girl trip to sevilla would you like to come and she's like um yes oh that was a direct yes she's like i want to come Mom, can I come? No, you have to babysit boys. Unless you can get daughters to babysit boys. Oh, let's have daughters babysit boys. Like, Mom, this is why we're not talking to you.

52:06Ronnie Karam: Put boys in box, ship to daughters. And Stephanie's like, I'm going to take my airplane. My airplane. You have access to your husband's business plane, Erica Jane. Okay? We all know that ain't your airplane. Stop it. and martina's like no i really want to go wow and stephanie's like you are coming with me on my airplane but who else did you invite and so she's already starting to use her plane as a weapon like we already see it coming and julia tells her it's obviously alexia because it's her trip kind of and um she's like well should we go to bar and talk about alexia for a second so the husbands don't have to hear and she's like well i don't know where this is going but i'd love to let astro over here get some autographs he's like oh goody goody the young boy inside of me cannot

52:56Ben Mandelker: wait to talk to sexy martina this was such an awkward transition shall we go talk at bar about alexia what is what is this strange staging that they're having so it's that whole like thing in

53:12Ronnie Karam: the 50s like ladies business doesn't belong in front of the gentleman that's i know so um

53:21Ben Mandelker: then we Julia's like right now it's big clash with Gertie so we just have to know how to deal with it so Stephanie's like well I'm new to this group and I feel like everyone is welcome to me except for Alexia the Rottweiler the slobbering crazy humping Rottweiler that she is and I just feel unwelcome by her I know you're gonna like stick up for her because you've been friends with her longer she's like well I know her but you cannot make excuses for a bully. You just cannot do that. Now, excuse me. I've got 80 men on a construction site I've got to yell at. Get back to work, you fucking losers.

53:56Ben Mandelker: Otherwise, I'm going to throw you into a pool. Sorry.

53:59Ronnie Karam: Please do not support bullies. Now, let's make a list of people I can bully off of my plane.

54:04Ben Mandelker: I know. So, meanwhile, Martina stuck with my suit, and he's like, you know, you were in very good shape. I never forget looking at your arms. There's so much veins. It was like looking at a map of highway. Seriously.

54:19Ronnie Karam: Well, that's why Julia fell in love with me because of my amazing arms. She said she saw them on TV. That's what I got. That's what I got. I'm a hot lady with great arms and brilliant at tennis. Anything else? You got anything else? Just keep it coming.

54:34Ben Mandelker: People would always say, Martina, she's the veiny one. Chris Everett, that's like yogurt in a skirt. Am I right? Am I right? No.

54:44Ronnie Karam: One time someone complimented Chris's arms and I said, no, sir. I'm sorry that you're actually talking to a trash can. Chris is over there. This is over there.

54:55Ben Mandelker: When you guys are talking about Chris's arms, are you talking about her arms or the lines in the tennis court? Because as far as I can tell, they're both lying flat out on the grass.

55:07Ronnie Karam: Hey, I'd like an order. Waiter, come over here. Massero, come over here. I'd like to get an order of Chris Everett's arms. I'm sorry, noodles.

55:20Ben Mandelker: Oh, my favorite is when Chris Everett would serve and every time, well, she would never get it in and before the ref could even say fault, I'd go, your fault for being stupid. That was great. Every single time.

55:32Ronnie Karam: Okay. We are really faltering here. I hope the ladies come back soon. No, no, really. Let's talk about our score. Getting drunk and you know what?

55:42Ben Mandelker: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Am I right?

55:44Ronnie Karam: Do you want to babysit a couple of egg-dropping children who don't know how to play anything?

55:51Ben Mandelker: You know what, Masood? A wise man once told me, give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.

56:02Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry. I just finished that chapter on the Dr.

56:06Ben Mandelker: Jackie book, and I'm more in love with you than ever.

56:10Ronnie Karam: So then we go back to Julia and she's like, I talk to Alexia almost every day. And I'm 100 % sure, knowing your personality, you can have conversation, you can get over it. And she's like, oh, oh, really? Well, I want to talk to her. I hope they have planes on her Southwest airline that she'll be riding to Seville. And Julia's like, well, I thought we could meet in different place, different continent and see how we could make it work. And she's like, oh, OK, here's to Spain. Let's hope everything comes back hunky-dory.

56:40Ben Mandelker: Yes, hunky-dory. I don't understand that phrase.

56:46Ronnie Karam: Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

56:57Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber Way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

57:10Ronnie Karam: She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto.

57:15Ben Mandelker: Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

57:17Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. Itchles.

57:22Ben Mandelker: We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less.

57:27Ronnie Karam: Hava Nagila Weber.

57:29Ben Mandelker: You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no less namey.

57:37Ronnie Karam: She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

57:42Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

57:45Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. K, surah, surah, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be. Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

58:09Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

58:12Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

58:17Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

58:20Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna, it's Sadana.

58:22Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tibby. The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

58:31Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

58:38Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

58:41Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

58:56Ben Mandelker: Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Chadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alkalani.

59:24Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

59:33Ben Mandelker: She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam La Plaine.

59:45Ronnie Karam: It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys. This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. There are so many complicated things on Bravo. Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the Valley.

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1:00:35Ronnie Karam: There are no seed oils and no artificial ingredients.

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1:00:51Ronnie Karam: Like the moment Erika Jayne puts down her microphone. Keep your life simple with your new favorite chicken. Nature raised farms chicken, because chicken shouldn't be complicated.

1:01:26Ben Mandelker: Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at colaguard.com slash podcast.

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