#2983 McBee Dynasty S02E09: Networkin’ at the Car Wash, Girl

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1:00Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, watch what crappens, watch what crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much crappens? Who cares what crappens, who cares what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Oh, well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

1:34Ronnie Karam: So good. How's it going over there with you, baby?

1:38Ben Mandelker: Just fabulous. Just absolutely fabulous. Having a great week over here. Everyone go check out the podcast that we've been on recently to judge girls, morally corrupt with Rachel Lindsay and keep it, which I think is actually not out until Thursday. And today we're talking McB dynasty. also come join us on patreon patreon.com slash watch what crappens we do crappens on demand where we have video you can watch us on video which is always fun and then also we do a weekly bonus episode this week's bonus will be love island reunion wish us luck it was it was it was a very long reunion very long uninterrupted reunion but um but it was also very fun reunion we got to see I've never seen so many people get moved around to set as that reunion I mean people were in different seats every three seconds they were constantly it was like a it was like some weird Tetris game that they were playing on there so we will be talking about that on our Patreon exclusively so that's at patreon.com slash watch for crappens but other than that Ronnie anything else you have to share anything you want to say anything you want to feel anything you want to emote I

2:49Ronnie Karam: feel nothing nothing Nope. I'm just glad to be here. And I was really happy with this episode of McBee because my man, Jesse, came through. He came through. Jesse, I love you so much. I just love you. I think you just do the right thing. You're so cute. I do want to know what's under that hat. Somebody sent us a message saying, what's under his hat? Why don't we ever see his head? And I think that that's true. I don't think we've ever seen his head. Even when he's not in a cowboy hat, he'll wear like a scully or a baseball cap or something. Have we ever seen his head?

3:23Ben Mandelker: maybe uh i'm not sure i thought like he took it up at one point i'm not sure this was by far the best episode of the season for me uh mainly because it ended with next week on the season finale and i was like oh great great i'm so upset i hope they do like a 10-part reunion oh god yeah it'll be a reunion it'll be like cole sitting next to a pile of soybeans talking about their relationship.

3:50Ronnie Karam: Remember that time I said I was going to bring that guy beer and I brought him root beer?

3:56Ben Mandelker: Tessa, walk us through the fonts you chose for the gender reveal. Is that your first time using Microsoft art? Whatever it was. Print shop. Previously, last we saw in the McBee Dynasty, the McBees were racing against the clock, cutting soybeans. day and night so the firm can say your flirt.

4:20Ronnie Karam: Combines, combines. And Galena couldn't shake that moshy curse. You killed my chickens, you ruined my car, do you live in your own world? Uh, do you live in your own freaking world, you stupid bitch.

4:36Ben Mandelker: Well, I wish you all the luck in the world. And as for Jesse boy, that poor little boy got a serious case of cold food. and no wonder if he don't if we don't sign up bring up she may get full position dribbledore action we're gonna have to cut that dribble door in half like King David and give half of it to her and half of it to King Solomon what

5:11Ronnie Karam: how'd that go again that story yeah you know all the rumors about mcb dynasty or i should say stories you know the mom was the one with all the money like she was from a family with all this money and the husband was cheating on her and doing you know we know how the husband is that piece of shit steven senior and then um ended up draining all their accounts and stuff when he left her so he's the one worried and saying oh women steal everything women want to steal your soul when he was the one who did that. What a piece of shit. And what a piece of shit all these little guys are running around acting like that's totally normal.

5:44Ronnie Karam: Women are trying to rob them of everything. What are they trying to rob you of? The nothing that you have? You think your wife wants 12 % of your fucking prison sentence? You losers.

5:56Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I don't think these women are scrounging around or really excited to take a claim of Cole's dirty Hanes underwear. Cole's keto dust. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, seriously. Oh, like, God forbid. Like, well, watch out for Allie. She's going to take the combine and drive her through the mean streets of Kansas City.

6:16Ronnie Karam: Meanwhile, you've got someone with an actual career, Allie. And they're like, oh, what's she going to steal from us? I was like, well, I'm sure you don't have any books for her to steal or something she would actually find interesting. You know, she's already got more intelligence than all of you put together.

6:32Ben Mandelker: Things that she won't be stealing from the McBee estate. deodorant because there is none on your time subscription pubic hair trimmers because i know you all got freaking 70s bush down there ubers nose nose hair trimmers so um jesse and ali okay

6:58Ronnie Karam: so where you left off last week jesse's like um i have to talk about my feelings i i got a nervous breakdown or something and ellie's like um gross okay so we go back to that and he's still on the bed like kind of wiping his eyes like he's crying and he's like i just don't know if i can do this anymore and she's like well i wish i knew you were feeling this way because you could come to me with this kind of things like look at my face right now look how sympathetic it is okay what is my my face saying right now it looks like you smell a fart. Yeah. So I just, please feel free to come to me, you know, because it's scary.

7:40Ronnie Karam: Like our parents' marriages didn't work out. And now we've got all these people saying like high school sweethearts don't work out. I mean, it's a lot of pressure.

7:49Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I mean, I think that we're going to work out because all I'm doing is sacrificing my friends, family, social life, and job to come live on a remote farm. And I surely won't have any sort of resentments and wonder if there was another world out there besides the one man I've ever been with for the past 12 years. It'll work out great, Jesse.

8:10Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Yeah, it's not going to be great. And she's like, well, you know, I want to make sure I'm the best wife for you and we're going to have the best marriage and things like that. Too late. Yeah. So she cries to the producer and she's like, I mean, I appreciate him being strong. for me, man. You know, I want him to come with me with things, so I'm trying to be strong for him so he knows he can come to me, but god damn he's such a wuss when he's crying. I can't bear a wuss.

8:42Ben Mandelker: You know, I mean, I guess I'm largely on Allie's side because I'm generally always anti-McBee, but I also don't like that Jessie's like, I guess I have one of these queer things called an anxiety attack, and she's like, well, I just like wish that like, I knew that you were feeling this way because it's like, I hate when people do that Like, okay, I know that you almost had a heart attack on your fucking combine because you're going through such anguish right now. But like, I wish I would have known. It's like, just let the man like have like the one moment that you will ever see in the rest of your life where he's trying to be emotionally honest with you.

9:15Ben Mandelker: And don't let me stand up for a McBee, okay?

9:18Ronnie Karam: But, you know, like you should be, you should be able to go to your partner and be like, this is how I feel. But this family is just so dead inside. They don't feel anything. And this poor guy is like walking around telling everyone like, I think I'm having panic attacks. And they're like, well, maybe it's because you're getting married to a woman who's going to steal from you. So here's what you need to do. You need to get her to sign a prenup before she steals everything. Like you're not helping family. None of you are helping.

9:46Ben Mandelker: I mean, she's like, oh, there's high expectations. But I am excited and ready to marry you. for your own sanity though is postponing the wedding something that would be like helpful right now should we postpone it i think we should postpone it because you know what there's actually a triathlon i really want to do on our wedding day let's just you know how about this how about i move back to kansas city you work on the farm and we just sort of like peter out how about that he's like um i don't think i would do anything because i'm jesse i don't make decisions i just float along i want you to be excited and happy for it and i want to just live a life of resentment so I think it's going to be a great day

10:19Ronnie Karam: I think he's not even worried about marrying her I think he's worried about standing up to his brothers about the prenup because he's so used to doing whatever they want to do he's terrified of telling his dad he's not going to sign a prenup and his brothers and I think that's all the stress

10:35Ben Mandelker: I think that like he just really resents Allie because she's always doing the triathlons mainly because she's doing an activity that involves the word try as in something that these McBee brothers don't like to do. Try things. Or just try harder.

10:48Ronnie Karam: Can't you just do like me and my brothers do and do a try not a lot? One.

10:56Ben Mandelker: As we see with him eating bruschetta later in the episode, oh no. It's too exotic and crazy. I don't really have a lot of green on my plate. What do you mean you don't eat

11:06Ronnie Karam: vegetables? How dare you?

11:10Ben Mandelker: Sorry I got lost on the way to Earl's landlocked house and I thought it was in Kansas, but apparently you can be landlocked in Georgia too. Who knew?

11:18Ronnie Karam: Wait, I did find Earl's home. Wow, this has really been destroyed, hasn't it? This just looks terrible out here. I mean, what are the beans on the ground? Oh, God, this poor house must have been cute at some point, but it's just hideous now. No, ma 'am, this is our home. Oh, very nice. Very nice. I'm sorry.

11:41Ben Mandelker: I am so impressed that you guys are already decorating this place for the holidays. You know, I love Disneyland around the holidays. Man, this isn't Disneyland. It's not the holidays. Oh, I just, I saw that crazy burlap sack from the Nightmare Before Christmas over there. That's your brother Cole. Oh, that's so lovely.

12:00Ronnie Karam: Really? Then what is the monster from the Matterhorn doing here? That's Galena. Oh, yes. I saw you at Alexis Bellino's bridal shower, you bitch. What was that about? Hello, Alexis. It is me. It is me, Galena, at the bridal shower. I love to shower. Party, party.

12:21Ben Mandelker: Is that confirmed that that was Galena? Because it didn't look like Galena to me. Yeah, it was Galena. Did Galena say she was there?

12:30Ronnie Karam: Girl, I'm not on Galena talk.

12:32Ben Mandelker: Did Galena say it? Galena talk.

12:36Ronnie Karam: Okay, everybody, welcome. I make arm dance. Bitch, bitch, whore, whore, kill her chicken, kill her chicken. There, I'm done. Do it. Make it viral.

12:45Ben Mandelker: Boots on the ground. Boots on the ground.

12:47Ronnie Karam: Here is my new song, Masha is whore.

12:50Ben Mandelker: Okay, let's go. You can do it. It's slutty. Masha, Masha, Masha, Masha.

12:57Ronnie Karam: Here is how you destroy Porsche. Okay. You get sledgehammer. You slam it through. Then you cook pasta on windshield. Whole family loves.

13:09Ben Mandelker: So, let's move on to a funnier scene. all this mental health anguish who needs it on a farm am i right let's do the good stuff you know

13:17Ronnie Karam: what i'd appreciate for my man some mental stealth okay you feeling something keep it inside i don't want to hear it okay do not let your emotions get within my perimeter okay emotional stealth

13:31Ben Mandelker: all right brothers because halloween is approaching we are going to watch a very scary movie okay gather around tonight we're going to have a 10 p.m showing of the scariest movie i've ever seen inside out. It's a movie about emotions and dealing with them.

13:45Ronnie Karam: So, now we go to Inside the Barn. Steve and Jesse are working on the barn on Allie's hexagon harbor thing. Let's talk about it, guys. Hexagons, they're hard.

13:59Ben Mandelker: Previously on McBee Dicey, Jesse agreed to make a hexagon. So, he is making a hexagon. This is the show.

14:08Ronnie Karam: They didn't know how to make it. I said, honey, go with your feelings. Just make the seventh circle of hell that you can get engaged under.

14:23Ben Mandelker: Some side love. It is reverse. Remedious dance. The world looks like it again. but it's actually a big circle.

14:39Ronnie Karam: Wait a minute. You have a degree in construction management and you can't build a hexagon? He's like, I can if you just give me a second. That's 19 sides, right? No, it's six sides. Jesus, that's why I run this farm and daddy don't trust nobody else.

14:57Ben Mandelker: You are the most pessimistic person about construction management. You have a degree in it. Yeah, but from Lego University. God damn it. so uh he has to make this so basically he has to cut out a bunch of planks and put them at an angle so that way it makes a hexagon which is why you want to get married under a stop sign i mean don't

15:16Ronnie Karam: you have enough signs saying you shouldn't get married i mean it basically looks like a stop sign

15:21Ben Mandelker: well i isn't it i think actually to be fair a stop sign might be an octagon right yeah but i mean this

15:28Ronnie Karam: is the mcbee dynasty you know it's similar they're not gonna pay for two extra sides for their stop

15:36Ronnie Karam: signs like the others we have a loan to get to the bank or we're not going to get the other two sides of the octagon right so we're just going to pare it down now listen there's just no sign that

15:48Ben Mandelker: will work for this wedding whether it's a stop sign one way because that's that's also the direction of this marriage to the shitter one way you know there's like i don't know slippery when wet that could sort of apply yeah can we just get get you married in front of a sign that says

16:04Ronnie Karam: octung baby okay so um cole is then cole comes out of some tall crops and uh he's got this is crazy i don't know why i've got soybeans i've got so look at the soybeans just we just see this like

16:23Ben Mandelker: beautiful crops and all of a sudden coal emerges. It's like what I imagine it must look like when someone finally gets a picture of the Loch Ness Monster. He just surfaces out of the soybeans. I was like, I don't know why. I can't with coal in the soybeans. I just cannot.

16:42Ronnie Karam: So he comes out and he's like, look at this. We got a good batch of soybeans. Well, that don't mean nothing if we don't get it packed up and shipped on top. We need things shipped on top. It is almost November 6th.

16:52Ben Mandelker: how are we going to pay the banks we are two months away from our trip to dc

17:01Ronnie Karam: one day to six million dollar payment have they made six million dollars in two weeks

17:06Ben Mandelker: off of soybeans let's see out of nowhere they just sell enough soybeans so um uh steve's like by the way i thought you were coming over to help with the arbor and cole is like what's an arbor so steven then we go inside the barn and steven's like in hindsight a wedding during peak harvest may not have been the best idea ever jesse's like well as i think about it i'm starting to agree with you hey you're messing up my hexagon why are you taking my hexagon planks and making a square out of it surely you're not about to do something really funny for the television shows everyone

17:44Ronnie Karam: knows that peak harvest season is the time that you can only concentrate on harvesting and partying with your family in Nashville with a bunch of very morally questionable people. Okay?

17:59Ben Mandelker: USA! USA! USA! USA!

18:03Ronnie Karam: USA! So, you haven't taken one dance lesson before this wedding. I'm going to teach you how to waltz. Get up here. I was like, oh my god, this is Pornhub right now. I was like, yes! Yes, hot brothers. Yes, I'm in.

18:17Ben Mandelker: So just when you thought the brothers were going to waltz together, no. Why would a man ever touch another man? So they instead make little boxes out of this poor hexagon, which is never really going to come together. And Jesse's like, wait, we have to dance in a little box? He's like, yes, just like how your life is contained in a small box called alley. We are going to dance as well in that. He's like, okay, so how do we do it? Well, first of all, you need to have good posture. Chest out. Elbows up. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. You know, put on one of those queer pop songs. Okay. Now, okay.

18:50Ben Mandelker: Put it on. Alright. Who's that? See ya? Alright. That'll work. Okay. 1, 2, 3. That'll be your marriage in about two years.

18:56Ronnie Karam: See ya.

18:59Ben Mandelker: How about we put on Katy Perry? Okay. Teenage Dream. Which is actually sort of what you're living in right now. Because you still think that you're high school sweetheart. You know what I'm saying. You need to get the joke.

19:08Ronnie Karam: He's like, I like that Jesse is like, I don't know about waltzing i was just thinking of doing it in this style and he just was like step touch step i was like yeah it's really all you need at the wedding i'm so sure the mcbee wedding in the rental farm is going to be like okay please everybody come to the dance floor we're going to do the

19:26Ben Mandelker: queen's waltz yeah i i can't wait to see their choreographed dance to bruno mars being like that stupid wedding song I think I'm gonna marry you

19:38Ronnie Karam: dong dong dong dong I love that song so much I remember when they did it on Glee and I was like crying I was like this is so good this is art

19:48Ben Mandelker: I would only accept I would accept all this nonsense about the wedding on McBee Dynasty if I knew that Jesse and Ali would be dancing to Paul Abdul will you will you will you marry me boy then I'd be like you know what this season will be worth it

20:06Ronnie Karam: I like big butts in a candle line

20:12Ben Mandelker: that's their wedding song if they walk down the aisle they like don't know the rest of the lyrics I don't know what brother can deny when he walks in I like big butts in a candle I cannot lie no other brother can deny when a girl walks in with a bitty thing

20:33Ronnie Karam: I get something yeah see I don't know so I'm like this whole cast just played the first line again just played the first line do we have a song based on soybeans that we can play

20:46Ben Mandelker: I like dribble doors and I cannot lie no other brother can deny when he pouring seeds into a little bit of door and then I dribble I get sprung

20:57Ronnie Karam: he's like how do you know how to waltz Anyway, you know how to dance like that. And he goes, I did this for eight months with the 65 year old woman who taught me. That's how I do it. Now, left, right, left, right. Hold, hold the boob up. Put it to your mouth. Have lunch. Sorry. That went a little far. That went a little far. God, those were some good memories. You know, they outlawed that. Okay. So that's a waltz. Darla really got around, huh?

21:23Ben Mandelker: So.

21:26Ben Mandelker: Hey, Stephen's like, yeah, it's just like you're going through a speed ladder. football is like oh yeah i was always good at those i was like could you do a speed ladder for

21:33Ronnie Karam: the way you talk you need a speed ladder please vocally speed ladder it up come on hurry it up

21:42Ben Mandelker: okay the only reason why this show is 10 episodes long because we're waiting for jesse to finish

21:46Ronnie Karam: the sentences all it is is about rhythm and one thing the mcbees have is debt really but still Let's try and concentrate on a rhythm. Okay? So they danced together. I got a boner. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. This episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy.

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24:25Ben Mandelker: because how come they both have that they both have that same sort of um like diamond shaped

24:32Ronnie Karam: head you know well you know what you're right i think these two brothers are the same card

24:37Ben Mandelker: don't they look like they could be on a playing card doesn't jesse look like he could be like a jack and like steven look like he could be like a king or something like that they do look like playing card pieces or yeah drawings that make out in my dreams okay so they look kind of alike

24:51Ronnie Karam: they look similar i could believe that they're brothers but then cole and brandon look alike they look like different they look like they're from a different stock yeah they're like the tiny the tiny mouse squinty eyed ones and then there's like the hot ones they still have a little bit of

25:06Ben Mandelker: the diamond shape but maybe that comes from the mom god you know what i hope i hope they have a different dad i would be so happy for christy if she just was like you know what fuck this guy i'm gonna bang the hot guy behind the bar tonight and have two babies with them in and steven will

25:21Ronnie Karam: have to raise them like good good yeah it wasn't that hot i mean she ended up with coal so she just took anything at that point he's like i just need some something emotional fulfilling okay i need something to fulfill me emotionally so i just did the guy at the 7-eleven well i had one special

25:36Ben Mandelker: night where a scarecrow came to life and I banged it twice and now I've got my two more children.

25:43Ronnie Karam: I saw a guy standing having a soda pop and he didn't even have lips enough to use his straw. And I thought, you know what? I want that man to father my children.

25:57Ben Mandelker: Okay, so now we're at Brancato's Catering and Christy's meeting up with Allie and her mom because they're going to be doing a tasting of everything. And Jesse is we have a really important scene where Ali says Jesse's late let me call him so she calls Jesse and he goes I'm a little late and she goes yeah I can see that which is some of the great content on this show

26:18Ronnie Karam: so then Jesse I'm going to stand up for Jesse because you hear

26:27Ronnie Karam: run run run run run just like speeding down the highway to get there on time

26:30Ben Mandelker: he does and then he arrives and he like parks over like the parking spot line which normally would drive me nuts but to be fair there was like it wasn't like he was bleeding into another parking spot it was just like sort of like a one of those gridded off areas so i gave jesse a pass but don't think i didn't notice it as well okay yeah she's like you didn't park inside the lines he's

26:49Ronnie Karam: like it's a big truck these two it's like watching moon lighting it really is so they

26:56Ben Mandelker: i mean the it's just like the the chemistry just crackles off the screen it really does

27:02Ronnie Karam: So there's Amanda, and she's like the snotty-ass wedding planner. She's like, oh, my God, here you guys are again. It's so good to see you, Jesse. Still having panic attacks? That's hilarious. Okay. Jesse, have your balls dropped enough for you to even be allowed to get married yet federally? Or are we going to just have to wait a couple years? You are hilarious. You probably peed just like you park outside the lines. What are you, a child? Oh, my God. Let's mash up some food for this idiot. Okay. We got Jesse here.

27:33Ben Mandelker: Just got a note from the venue, by the way. They say, unfortunately, you cannot come down the aisle in a combine. You're going to have to park it outside. Okay. It does not fit inside the church.

27:45Ronnie Karam: A dribble door is a tool. It's not a way of life. Okay, Jesse.

27:53Ben Mandelker: It's a dribble door.

27:57Ronnie Karam: you are the wind beneath my dribble door her commitment to bett midler is really admirable

28:06Ben Mandelker: i just hope she doesn't read bett's tweets because she may have an issue

28:12Ben Mandelker: um i saw some funny lady picking up trash on the saturday highway i said who are you and she started singing to me and i just love that music so i just decided i'll bring it to the wedding

28:21Ronnie Karam: I said, thank you for what you're doing for this country. Please stand up straight. Please.

28:29Ben Mandelker: Then she said something about the boogie-woogie something-another of Company B, and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

28:36Ronnie Karam: Okay, so where are we at with the guest list? All I have here is a page that says Aunt Darla over and over again. Oh, I made that. I really love Darla. She's just the most entertaining person in our family. Can we roll a clip of Darla? hi christy isn't that good god i love her give her all the best tables hey how about we just have a wedding where aunt darla can just walk around saying hello to people that's a god i would

29:01Ben Mandelker: love that so uh they're gonna have 169 people uh at the at the wedding and no russians guys and they all laugh so now it's time to taste the food so first up fried mac and cheese bites which I'm not going to lie, I would have liked to have sampled that. I would kill for some fried mac and cheese bites right now. I'm starving. So eat them and Jesse's like, good. And next, something very exotic from a foreign land, goat cheese bruschetta, which this is going to be a really international wedding with this bruschetta. But will it go over well? Will Jesse like the bruschetta?

29:39Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and Christy loves it. It's so good. It is just so good. Allie loves it. She's like, oh my God, bruschetta with goat cheese? This is even like riding the waves for the city. I mean, this is great. And I'm a city girl, okay? And this is good. And then Jesse won't eat it. He's like, uh, it's got vegetables on it. Because I don't like being watched when I eat. Really? That's a shame, because I would love to watch you eat.

30:10Ben Mandelker: You could do what's mukbang videos.

30:12Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Watch Jesse eat or don't eat.

30:16Ben Mandelker: I just want to watch Jesse.

30:17Ronnie Karam: Do whatever you want.

30:18Ben Mandelker: Jesse, get back in that combine and have a panic attack. Actually, could you just want to park that car again?

30:23Ronnie Karam: That was actually kind of a turn on. Love the way you just like came in there and didn't care. God damn it, Jesse.

30:32Ben Mandelker: So they're all laughing at him. And Amanda's like, so we ready to look at some tablescapes? Like, well, I may have to go because we're open another car wash next week. You know, it's just the thing that farmers do open car washes. So since the car wash is going to open up next week, I promised even I'd make a hexagon for the car wash for the cars to drive through. And I don't know. We've got to take care of that.

30:56Ronnie Karam: Yeah, you know, we're getting the car wash ready, and we wanted to test it. And we said, this is so gentle a human can be in there. So we had Cole walk through it. But unfortunately, I accidentally filled up the soaper with Roundup, and Cole almost lost his vision. So we've got to go kind of worry about that now.

31:13Ben Mandelker: Sorry, guys. We told Cole we'd make it up to him. So this time we filled up the soap with ranch. And he's just going to walk right through. And he's going to be happy with the little clam. Which he also likes. He clams the ranch. So it works out well.

31:26Ronnie Karam: So she's like, you don't want any design input on our wedding? What do you mean design input? You're getting married in a giant white place with white tables. What do you want him to choose a fork? With a bunch of white people. A bunch of white people. It's the most Aunt Darla wedding I've ever seen. Like there's nothing you fucking need him to choose. Okay.

31:45Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Do you really want Jesse to have design input on your napkins and your forks? I don't think so. So it was a bolo tie.

31:54Ronnie Karam: What more do you want from the man? He's making a hexagon for this wedding.

32:00Ben Mandelker: Okay. That's, that's enough. So he says he's not going to cancel the wedding. He's like, just because of my anxiety attacks and a thousand other things going on. That's not, not a thing I want to do to the bride. So I guess I'm just going to trust in our relationship first instead of the other frustrations. You know what? You know what the sexiest thing is in the world? Inertia. Let's lean into it, baby. That's hot.

32:23Ronnie Karam: So then outside, Christy checks in with him. She's like, how you feeling, honey? He's like, one more thing off of the to-do list. Yeah, that's right. I think there's just so much anticipation. You know, will they, won't they? They will. I'm just kidding. You're going to get married. You're going to be so happy. I don't think Allie should marry you did I say that out loud here's one thing I want to say be confident that you're not good enough for Allie did I say that out loud what is wrong with me

32:51Ben Mandelker: you and Rachel are just going to get along so well huh oh sorry you guys are such Ross and Rachel's everyone knows it we are so invested in this by the way I like was this entire little scene that they were having I was distracted because they're sitting they're like standing next to his SUV and they're both leaning on it with their shoulders just leaning on it and it's like encrusted with like dead bugs and mud and all this disgusting stuff because it's been riding and I'm not this is believe it or not I'm not shaming the truck because this is just what happens with the fender but it's this dirty ass fender and they're both leaning up against it with their shirts and I'm like why are you leaning on this nasty ass fender right now just like lean on something can we just shoot the scene somewhere else you're making your shirts dirty

33:36Ronnie Karam: Allie comes outside She's like oh hi are you Ben I can tell you're a city person I don't lean I don't lean on Drusetta Come inside

33:47Ben Mandelker: Can someone leave I just need some Drusetta right now He would rather spend more time with that Drusetta Than he would with that Drusetta Let's be honest So they basically Mom's not for the prenup And honestly I'm not for the prenup either Yeah because she didn't even know

34:04Ronnie Karam: And he's like, you know, I love her and I don't think anything would happen. But what are your thoughts on a prenup? She's like, um, I'm not for it. Okay. We've known Allie and her family for years. She would be devastated if you brought this up. How could you? I cannot believe I raised boys to do this in any way. And this family is the men who steal the money from the women anyway.

34:23Ben Mandelker: Come on. Boys will be boys. You know, you do what you want, but I don't care for the decision if it's your brothers. And I really don't care if it's your dad's. I'm like, well, you're the mom. why don't you call up your son, Stephen, and be like, you better shut the fuck up at this prenup. You are not going to pressure my son, the hottest one of you bunch, to get a prenup. Okay? And I say what I said, and I'm the mother. Kick some ass around there, Christy. They'll listen to you. Maybe not.

34:51Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she can at least try because they're ridiculous. Of course, she's like, this doesn't sound like Jesse. This is definitely his father and Stephen Jr., right? And so they ask her when she got a divorce from steve was there a prenup and she's like no he wanted everything and he fought to keep it he fought he still fought to keep it so then um she says you know do what you want but uh if this is your decision fine but if this is your brother's no and especially if it's your dad's this is isn't this the part where we got a cut in of the dad being like women do nothing but steal from me that's all they do.

35:27Ronnie Karam: Women are a bunch of sulky buses stealing things. Shut up.

35:32Ben Mandelker: Fuck this fucking guy.

35:34Ronnie Karam: I hate that guy. But I did love in this episode when they're like, well, it looks like it's time for dad to come back. I was like, fuck yes. That man is so messy.

35:44Ben Mandelker: So then we go over to Kala's house and she's FaceTiming her mom and her niece and they're talking about, like Kala talks about how her sister died and then so her mom adopted harlow the niece and um you know just talking about like that and like the sister the the the daughter doesn't really understand death but no understands a little bit but still asks for the mom and so then cali gets to the deeper the deeper part of the conversation which is it's like a weird situation with like steven right now because he like he invited me to the wedding and like wants to like try to work things out with us and like as much as i want to be in Texas and with the family like I'm like maybe holding out hope with him because like if I can be on TV for like one more season maybe I could get a spin off I don't know I'm like waiting for like Cal Army to rise up I don't know

36:34Ronnie Karam: yeah and then we go back to Christy and she's like well I'm just she's going to lunch I love this with someone and I immediately the second you see this woman you're like that is Ali's mother I mean they are just they look like twins. They're both wearing little black leather jackets. They're like,

36:54Ben Mandelker: it is time for paramom lunch, guys. Let's do this.

36:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but I want to see Allie take some notes from her mom because I think her mom looks like a badass. And I think Allie could use some style tips from her. I like Allie. I'm just saying, listen to your mother. Okay? So, Christy's like, yeah, I'm just so good friends with Michelle and Allie's whole family, and they'd be offended if they knew about that prenup. I was offended by it, so I'm not going to say nothing. I'm not going to tell my best friend then my son is about to be a total douchebag to her daughter just going to keep it inside

37:26Ben Mandelker: so Michelle's like well I can tell Allie's getting a little tired and a little stressed because she didn't even bring up a triathlon once this entire day wow she was really going through it and especially the seating chart trying to please everybody oh well I told her not to worry about me it's their day I will get along with everybody because that's me Christy I don't actually speak up for what I really want I just get pushed around by everyone in my life

37:48Ronnie Karam: howdy howdy howdy howdy i'm sorry i'm just getting so many texts this is crazy oh my gosh i think it's galena you know why i think that because i'm looking at it and it says galena oh no what if it's her is this galena oh gosh she said it's galena i think it's her um i work with the boys every day and i feel like they are non-whores like masha and this is why i thought they are like family So, by the way, don't speak to my family. Hate them. Wish they were all dead. Would start my fire if I was close enough to Russia myself. But I thought I would text you about coming to wedding because I completely respect your decision, whatever it is.

38:29Ronnie Karam: Thank you for hearing me out. I have not been invited. But if you just tell me where it is, I will bring the chain cutter to get through fence. So let me know how you feel.

38:39Ben Mandelker: I completely respect your decision, whatever it is. and I would hate it if your car got flat tire on into wetting.

38:47Ronnie Karam: Just know whatever decision you make will have bearing on how your actual bearings work in car. Okay. I mean, it's just so weird because, you know, she's texting me, but the last text message I got from her was asking about cleaning my house. Could you guys run that picture of a 13-year-old Russian teenager with pigtails? That would be great. It's not creepy at all. I love showing that image.

39:14Ben Mandelker: Oh, my goodness.

39:16Ronnie Karam: So on that picture of Galena, she's like, look at me with pen. I'm so happy. Whole world ahead. Whole world is happening.

39:29Ronnie Karam: You know, Galena's defense, that was a big house. And she was a good cleaner. She worked so hard. I mean, she did a real good job. Destined the family photos. I was like, oh, damn, Chris.

39:42Ben Mandelker: those are a little dig right in there so so christie's like i'm a little stressed now i mean it's not about me and i want the focus to be on jesse and allie so i don't know what to say back to her and she's like well you don't have to say you you know what you can do you can leave her on read as the kids say hey have you been hanging out in that city again you are picking up so much slang listen to that rap music you might as well be a public bus for a city as you

40:08Ronnie Karam: are right now. Jeez.

40:11Ben Mandelker: So then we hear something It's a new dawn. It's a new day.

40:17Ronnie Karam: It kind of starts some Nina Simone. It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new truck for me. And I'm feeling good.

40:27Ben Mandelker: Yee-haw. Soybeans. Soybeans. Soybeans. F-150.

40:35Ronnie Karam: Nina Simone's in heaven like, fuck these people fuck this show so my legacy has made it to a dribble door god damn it all right boys time

40:48Ben Mandelker: for harvest time okay so the time has come different year beater every so gay rap or don't fool you know don't eat any bowls don't eat into big bowls in the hole don't fall on the bowl don't take it no life to the bowl go celebrate with the girls on the bowl all right let's go girly bowls

41:04Ronnie Karam: Just waving around a breakfast burrito and snapping. Go on, girls. Hold down the hole. Hold down the hole and hold down the pole. Come on, y 'all. Well, this is the final day of harvest, and we've got to get as many bushels out of the fields as possible to sell and make our payments by tomorrow. We need to sell$6 million worth of soybeans by today. End of day. Okay? It's a grand finale. It's a soybean finale. You know, I really didn't appreciate it. I went downtown the other day to pick up something for the tractor and somebody called me a soy boy and I had to rethink this whole thing. God damn coal.

41:37Ronnie Karam: So I don't let coal run the farm.

41:39Ben Mandelker: If only they knew how much soybeans could contribute to man boobs. Like what? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Soyboons? So soybeans are full of estrogen. We are growing. We're growing lady hormones here on this farm. I will not stand for this any longer.

41:52Ronnie Karam: Do not say gay. Do you understand me? Do not say gay.

41:58Ben Mandelker: so now it's that night Stephen's house I don't know was this one we saw and it was there was one part where there's like a long sequence of like the combines going and like the soybeans flying out landing in a truck nearby it was very majestic and exciting and now it's that night and they're all they're all there and Jake is there he's with his girlfriend Tegan and they're grilling steaks and we got a nice long close up of the new McBee seasonings that thank God they went to an in-person trip to Nashville just to remember what salt tastes like. God.

42:31Ronnie Karam: Yeah, their seasoning's so good, they can't be shipped from Nashville to McGillicuddy or wherever they live. Galena. What do they live? Gilpin? Galatine. Galatine. Galatine. Galatine. And then you see Sitka, the dog, eating his own steak, which is bold, okay? Stephen really fucked up those steaks. He's like, well, just feed the fucked up steaks to the dog for the rest of his life. You know, I was nervous going in because in the fall, the farm's crop side was going to sink us, but by looking at the numbers, the soybeans and some of the later crop of corn came through. So making payments is thankfully not going to be a problem.

43:06Ronnie Karam: And Cole's like, yeah, that's right. That's why I'm going to run the farm. That's why I'm going to run the farm one day. Ain't nobody going to say nothing about it to me. I'm good. Stephen don't know nothing. Stephen don't know nothing about farm. He don't know soybean. He didn't believe in soybeans. I don't want to believe in soybean. But now Stephen's not going to give me credit for nothing. I should be the president of this farm. I should be running this farm and nobody gives me no credit for nothing.

43:30Ben Mandelker: Well, guess what, Cole? Before you get a boner for your soybeans, we're still not in the clear completely from what I messed up, because guess what? This is a fun little fact, and we're just going to just scuttle into a little flashback. I did mess up the fat trim on the brisket that we sold to Arthur Brains, and we can at least afford to make our remaining debt payments, because guess what? That did fall through. That deal. They just sort of quietly like, oh, by the way, all that Arthur Brains stuff, yeah, Yeah, they that they decided not to go with. Yeah, we got fired. Oh, gosh, that's so embarrassing.

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45:44Ben Mandelker: Prices and participation may vary.

45:51Ronnie Karam: They fail like with everything they do on this show, which is kind of funny, because normally shows are like, let's build it up, and then they pay the amount, you know, like at the end, everything works out, and they're like, that's what you get for being a good taxpaying, Jesus loving American, but they never win on this show. Like last year, All they talked about the whole year was, we're going to have these car washes, and so we need a hedge fund. So we're going to have a hedge fund, and Galena knows everything about hedge funds. Thank God for Galena. She's getting us the hedge fund. Thank God.

46:20Ronnie Karam: And then by the end, they're like, we're not getting – she's like, what do you mean you are not giving hedge funds? What?

46:26Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I can't believe that they didn't get VC money for their farmer-run car washes.

46:37Ronnie Karam: But they've been open for a week. They're like, normally we invest in established businesses. What do you mean? They are there. There's one that just squirted Roundup all over a lipless person. No, yeah. We need to make sure they work.

46:54Ben Mandelker: Yeah, yeah. Listen, anyone can run a, like, you can be a farmer. You can be a Wall Street person. Anyone can run a car wash. I just don't trust these guys to run a car wash. I'm sorry. I do not. I feel like there's gonna be little soybeans and like pieces of brisket flying at my car if I go in that thing. I just don't want that damage. Anything with wash in the title. No. I'm not trusting these guys with any of that.

47:20Ronnie Karam: But it is kind of funny that Stephen seems to be the one that sewed together. But his little thing, the meat stuff, failed big time. And Cole's stupid soybean plant that he did in secret is actually working. That's crazy.

47:32Ben Mandelker: Secret soybean. Well, you know, I think, by the way, also, we're selling this car wash a little short because it's not really just a car wash. It's the McBee's Coffee and Car Wash. So you go and you put your car in and then you have some coffee on the side. And listen, we know with this family, they really appreciate their coffee. I mean, we're still reeling from Christy's, you know, triple decker whipped cream phantasmagoria delight that she ordered two weeks ago.

47:59Ronnie Karam: Well, I'm scared for my brothers and I and the farm itself. Because there's an FBI investigation, but it feels like it's really back to being a family farm again. Except for the part where nobody's told anybody who works here that my dad's going to go to prison. So we'll do that later. We'll do that later. Don't you worry. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Breast suck again. God, why do I keep doing that? God, I miss that lady.

48:23Ben Mandelker: All right. I got a new concept. Okay, it's not going to be McBee's Coffee and Car Wash. It'll be McBee's Coffee and Car Wash and Walt's lessons. Okay, you drop your car off, you get a coffee, and you learn how to waltz. Okay, someone make an octagon.

48:35Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry this is taking so long elderly elderly breast milk is a little longer to steam so we do go over

48:45Ben Mandelker: to a new car wash that's opening up and we meet Galena's daughter, Arina who is finally Bravo is like let's send someone on to the show that represents our network because Arina feels like she came from the world of Bravo, she looks like Bravo she's also like she just looks like she's looking around at all the people like what the fuck am I doing at this before wash right now I'm going to law school

49:11Ronnie Karam: we've met her before she was on season one and it was so funny because she's with her mom and Galena is like oh look at this this is house me and Steven are building to live in together and she's like um mom does he know that you're going to be living here oh yes he loves me very much so he doesn't still hate you and say he wants nothing to do with you? Oh, no, that means he loves me. She's like, oh, God, Mom, I don't know. I don't know if this is safe. I'm moving everything into his house until we have house ready. She's like, oh, my God, Mother, no, please. Her daughter's mortified that her mom's so crazy.

49:46Ben Mandelker: It's so good. Oh, gosh. Do you know where Erina lives? Does she live in Kansas? I think she's local. I think so.

49:53Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I think she's local.

49:56Ben Mandelker: So Galina's saying, today we are opening our last car wash it's been a long time coming and it was a bitch to finish building so i can't wait for customers to actually start coming but today is big chamber of commerce

50:09Ronnie Karam: event so many people will be here from chamber of commerce surely we won't do anything stupid to make them mad that stupid bitch masha dumb bitch whore face everything will go well wash that right out of your car am i right chamber of commerce do you like tagline

50:28Ben Mandelker: Well, when we bet the farm on these car washes, which makes total sense because the perfect extension of a farm is a car wash, then didn't get the financing that we need. It was disappointing. So if we can get the investors we needed today, it would be huge. I'm like, oh, wow. They're literally acting like Warren Buffett's about to walk through and examine this car wash. And it's like just these random dads from the town who are like, well, this machinery looks pretty cool in here. I'll throw$50 at this enterprise.

50:56Ronnie Karam: I'm telling you, a lady who did the splits was trying to get a caftan shop open down here, and we wouldn't let her open this location. Let's hope this car watch is a better fit for the community.

51:10Ben Mandelker: So Galena's talking to the potential investors, and then there's like some, the best part about this is first, there's like these tiny little remote control cars or whatever that they put these pugs in, and they're just like driving around in the front. these are the smartest creatures on this entire season he's when it started when it started

51:30Ronnie Karam: breaking out in a fight later and they just cut to that little pug in a tiny car being like

51:35Ben Mandelker: that was like again finally a bravo moment so uh jesse's like well i didn't want to invite galena to the wedding originally because of my mom but my mom seems to be understanding and wants to put the past behind them so hey galena you obviously work very hard for us and are a big part of our lives and we appreciate that so talk to my mom and this isn't the official invite because we sent that out to people we actually like but we uh we found an old coupon for a for sam goody and we wrote down on top of it dear galena come to our wedding i hope you accept it i wrote uh

52:10Ronnie Karam: hi galena on a vowel pack but just consider that an invitation i'll tell them at the door you're

52:15Ben Mandelker: okay you're okay to come in okay i cut the side out of this starbucks and i wrote galena on it but kind of smudged off. But here, here's a piece of Starbucks cup. It counts.

52:27Ronnie Karam: I don't have big family home, but we were close. And since I can't go back after murdering them, I wanted an American family, brand new American family where I fucked daddy. So the wedding invitation makes me feel like I'm actually part of the family. Were you lighting matches, Galena? I'm sorry. I'm getting memories, memories.

52:50Ben Mandelker: Look, Erin, look what I got. Look at this. She goes, oh, that's awesome. And then she's like, but remember, mom, no drinking there. No drinking at the wedding.

53:02Ronnie Karam: Mother. Like at all, mother. She's like, oh, of course I know. I don't drink anything but wine and vodka at the wedding. What am I, monster? Come on. It's mama. It's mama here. You know what you should call grandmother? Just kidding. I killed her. Okay, get out of my car wash. So now it's the ribbon cutting time. And who drives up? And Masha.

53:27Ben Mandelker: Masha. So Galena is like, first she pretends to be my friend. Then she tells my man. And now she shows up wherever the fuck she wants to. She has some balls. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, bitch.

53:40Ronnie Karam: So Galena. Masha's walking around like the wife of the whole event, you know. She's just walking around. Hello, Chamber of Commercial. Hello, Masha. Thank you for enjoying my car wash. You know what you do here? I said one time, there should be a place you take car and it gets washed. So thank you for believing in dream.

54:01Ben Mandelker: She's acting like Masha-Lania Trump right now. So they're walking around and they're like, oh, my God, I can't believe Masha is here. Like, wow, what are the odds that Masha would show up right now, guys? and so then galena's doing her like over the top like over over top rage acting where she's like anytime she sees masha at the corner of her eye like no matter who she's talking to like her face just flattens and she's like bitch bitch bitch fuck her fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck

54:31Ronnie Karam: you galena's eyes just get so evil when she's mad they just like shine behind the eyes she's just like, oh, hello, Chamber of Commerce. And then we see a clip of them fighting. And Galena's like, you slept with Steve behind my back. Spread your legs. Wiggle your ass. Ass wiggle. Your method of communication is so low. You should see specialist. Low specialist.

54:58Ben Mandelker: Low communication specialist will help you a lot with that.

55:02Ronnie Karam: So Stephen's like, I want to welcome all of you to the ribbon cutting of our car wash. This place is amazing. As you'll see, we have a cow coming through right now. Look how sparkling he is. And you know what? People who ride cows are still good with pooped in the car. Okay, the car wash has some poop stuck in the drain. We're going to have to shut that down for a minute. I'm sorry. But everybody, thank you for being here. Please have some deep fried mac and cheese balls, which surely no one else will be using for an event anytime soon.

55:32Ben Mandelker: And Galena just like walks by Masha during the speech and she's like, fucking prostitute. And she's like, mom, Erin is like, mom, we're at a business stop. Don't do the fucking horror. This is a professional setting right now. Go to your job. Galena's probably like, I know it is professional reality show. I have to do my role here. Fucking bitch, slut. It's like, I work on this job forever.

55:53Ronnie Karam: I know how important. She goes, mom, please, just people that hear that matter. Okay, lower your voice. okay i will i do it lower like this you like that you are stupid prostitute no mom like softer

56:14Ben Mandelker: oh marsh is here she needs to fucking chill she can't be showing up at a business stuff when she don't do shit for her events and come like oh like you're such a value add coal to a opening of any sort of a company like that's what investors want to see everyone coal oh wow i want to throw my

56:30Ronnie Karam: money at this yeah coal sweating sweating his armpits everywhere you know like exhaling frito

56:36Ben Mandelker: dust all over everybody bringing a basket full of soybeans like a little red riding hood to the car

56:40Ronnie Karam: wash so uh galena circles back around to steven and she's out there talking to people like i set up this i did all the work on this project masha did nothing but the wiggle ass as we go

56:56Ben Mandelker: okay i know i know just take time stay calm we'll talk we'll talk what does she even do like what marketing like what like marketing like what i never heard what and then we see a flashback

57:07Ronnie Karam: no you know galena's about to lose her when she gets the high voice what does she do like marketing marketing

57:15Ben Mandelker: what what what and then like we see Masha being like oh I just got back from the Saint Joe Godwash I've been doing a lot of marketing there I cut out poster board arrow and give it to homeless person to swirl a lot of marketing so Galena's like she only spreads her legs and that's all that she does that's her entire talent I am so disappointed in your father

57:45Ronnie Karam: oh my gosh um so she's like oh my god this bitch and uh she's only fucking spreading her leg that's all that she does that's her entire talent spreading leg i'm so disappointed in your father i cannot even tell you i'm disappointed in your father well he told her not to come he showed me the text but he's but she's here for one clear reason okay and we still have investors here and 30 million dollars in loans and we cannot be doing this we cannot do it you need to stay calm my blood is boiling my stomach is about to like fucking explode exploding with glass exploding with glass i'm going to lose it galena now okay good thing just think good things you're

58:28Ben Mandelker: part of our family you're going to the wedding okay do not ruin this okay that man over there is about to give 25 to this car wash okay do not ruin this this bitch going to look pretty and

58:37Ronnie Karam: talk and leave without doing shit. She don't do shit and she take credit for car wash. I got to kill lady.

58:47Ben Mandelker: Also, can we talk about how Galena's wearing this black vinyl weird prom dress that's shiny. It looks like a hefty bag and that she's cinched. She looks crazy. It does look crazy.

58:59Ronnie Karam: But what do you wear to a marketing gala? I mean, a car wash gala, you know? what do you wear to a poncho for the chamber of commerce get me my nicest vinyl please black preferable

59:13Ben Mandelker: so she's networking and everything seems to be going well and then Galena sees Masha talking to an investor and Masha's like it's going to be one of a kind we put sign up do you like the sign whoever made that sign is quite a marketing genius would you not agree and so then Erina comes up to Galena and because she sees her mom is really about to lose her shit and he's like fucking whore, fucking whore she's like mom stop you're literally talking to an investor fucking whore, fucking whore, fucking whore

59:45Ronnie Karam: fucking prostitute is here, what are you doing here? Yeah she walks right up to Masha and she's like oh fucking prostitute is here, what are you doing here? I fucking built this place, what do you mean what am I doing? I don't know about that, I remember Hammernail, Hammernail wiggle ass nail into hammer i remember it's very hard to build and it gets really tense and so they

1:00:11Ben Mandelker: but it's not really that tense but they're trying to make it tense so then they like show shaky cam of like the traffic as if some cars are coming veering off the road and run them over because they're like oh my god two russians are fighting i lost control of my car and then they cut like whore. Cut to the pug. The pugs. So stupid. The tiny race car. Pugs made me laugh. Pugs literally like, they're like, how do we express the tension of the scene? Cut to the pugs.

1:00:38Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm part of the family, okay? Who are you? And she goes, look at me. Look what I got. Val Pak with name on it. What do you have? Hmm? What do you have? God damn whore face.

1:00:59Ronnie Karam: you are scum dude the bank is right there you look like freaking skink is what you look like right in front of chamber of commercial and jesse's like just when you think alina's finally

1:01:13Ben Mandelker: doing good something crazy happens too late to take back the invitation party har har So Masha's like, I'm going to call the fucking cops. I saw it on video. You were there. You beat up my car. And Erina's like, I wasn't even there. I was going to law school because Masha's, I guess, accusing Erina of it. She's like, yeah, now she's going for the daughter, which is crazy. Why is she going for the daughter? And the daughter doesn't give a shit about any of these people or the car wash. So she's like, so I don't have time for your pathetic shit. Masha's like, oh, if you're in law school, you should advise your mom to stop being so aggressive.

1:01:45Ronnie Karam: And then we see Irina turn into her mom. She's like, you don't deserve to speak to me ever. I'm 22 and I'm smarter than you'll ever be. And Masha drives away and Galena's like, get the fuck out of my face. And so she spits at the car. It's going away. And everybody's watching this. The whole chamber of commerce is like, are these mac and cheese bites? That's crazy. I've had it in a bowl. Have you ever had it in a bite? Because those crazy Russians are fighting again. Was it a mac and cheese ball? Because it's confusing.

1:02:19Ben Mandelker: did you have a good time? And they're like, oh yeah, it's great. Mac and cheese ball. I mean, do you have any to-go boxes? I got to hit up the Tommy Bahama before I go home. Oh yes, you have to let it over here. So then the scene just ends and now we go to Jesse and Allie's wedding rehearsal. It's one day till the wedding and Allie's asking Stephen if Cal is going to come. You know, the question that's on all of America's mind, will Cal be there? Prayers that Cal can make it.

1:02:47Ronnie Karam: So Stephen's like, well, I am focused on officiating the wedding. And I thought there'd be a test, but I just had to pay 45 bucks online. They even gave me a little card. And I'm like, did you have to pay extra for the card? He's like, I did. I paid five extra dollars for the card. But you know what? It's an important thing to have. I am the leader of this company. And this card is the reason why I deserve to lead this farm.

1:03:10Ben Mandelker: He's like, all I had to do to get this card was to listen to, like, one song by Lady Gaga, which I thought was weird. Wait a second. it says this is the gay card what i got the gay card by accident you back you wax your butthole one time and they try and pigeonhole you they're coming for us so um amanda the wedding bladder

1:03:35Ben Mandelker: well i guess i better use it i better use this gay card now i got it not as well hey you better sign that prenup because if you don't it's homophobic i got the gay card yeah so um he's

1:03:49Ronnie Karam: so steven he goes over to amanda the wedding planner she's like oh my god steven wow i guess you won't be needing my services anytime soon that's you're never getting married are you hi there you emotionally insufficient little man baby what can i do for you and he's like okay there's there's some people we got to keep out of this wedding it's her okay it's a blonde Russian lady with crazy eyes. Could you be more specific? It seems like a disease, right? Those are going around like a cold right now. Okay. I do know people on the Chamber of Commerce. They are pretty disgusted, but they are asking me for the recipe for mac and cheese spice, which is a secret.

1:04:27Ronnie Karam: So I don't know how you got them at your car wash. But anyway, so when you're not trying to ruin my life, what can I do for you?

1:04:35Ben Mandelker: Listen, I'm gonna make it real simple. Okay. You are not allowed to let this woman mash into this wedding okay she's a white blonde lady okay no white blonde ladies well no i mean no we want white blonde ladies but not this white blonde lady okay can you give me some more defining features um she got a round face that doesn't really narrow it down um she's like yay big maybe about five five four okay so the she's a white blonde lady who's five four with a round face i don't know i think that still leaves about the entire guest list still can

1:05:07Ronnie Karam: make it in with that description okay so you're okay tell me this on a scale of aunt darla to mama christy how white blonde lady is this okay she's like mama christy but with a machine gun in her trunk and um crazy eyes okay and just listen just answer a question you'll hear her

1:05:28Ben Mandelker: speak russian okay well i don't i don't speak in dressings all right well you know you're no help

1:05:34Ronnie Karam: would it help if i just greeted everybody in balsamic is that what you want from me okay it's like listen there's two crazy russians okay there's there's two girls with blonde hair and crazy eyes well there's actually three because there's your mother as well okay we're gonna keep your mother okay there's two of the russians though so you got to keep one of the crazy russians out she's like okay fine so you're telling me they're both russian and they're both blonde okay i got it bad your dad sure has a tie don't he

1:06:03Ben Mandelker: so then outside jesse and allie are sitting together and allie is like she's like can you believe you're gonna be a married man he's like yeah i'm excited less nervous than i was i just pretend i'm on a combine and i feel calm they should call it a combine right allie you want to laugh at that was a joke anyway i'm ready now and we're gonna um you're gonna move to the farm right after we get back from Hawaii right is that the plan do you want me you want to we're going to sell the city house next to that big fancy subway and then you're going to come to the farm right Allie? She's like

1:06:37Ronnie Karam: well I guess that sounds like the plan married life on the farm yay I guess I'll be a homesteader woo hoo it's like this is not the look of somebody who's ready for this I felt really bad that she gave in why don't they just keep that house and go to that house on the weekend or at least something. Do anything other than compromise

1:06:59Ben Mandelker: for this family.

1:07:00Ronnie Karam: Anything. Truly. For that shitty little place you live in in Gallatin, you need to get back. That looks like the set of Roseanne. You need to get back to your gorgeous farmhouse in the big city, girl.

1:07:11Ben Mandelker: It is really nice. It's a nice house. Okay? So then inside the wedding venue and also, by the way, if she lives in the city, maybe she'll be in proximity to Mr. and Mrs. Kelsey. Congrats. Congrats, Travis and Taylor. But you know that if there's anyone who's excited about this, you know it's Allie. She's like, oh my God, I might see them down the street at my city house in Kansas City. Who knows? Fingers crossed.

1:07:37Ronnie Karam: Oh, they're going to live by Gallatin?

1:07:40Ben Mandelker: Well, no, I mean, I'm assuming that Travis Kelsey must have a house in Kansas City because he plays on the Kansas City team.

1:07:47Ronnie Karam: Oh. Yeah. I don't know. To me, it's just some big hairy guy with a lot of luck. I see that guy and I'm like, I mean, I guess I don't really know what's going on there, but I don't understand sports or anything.

1:08:01Ben Mandelker: He's cute. He's got warm eyes. I find he's, you know, I enjoy Travis Kelsey. I'm down. I'm down. I literally know nothing about him.

1:08:11Ronnie Karam: Except that he does that podcast with his brother and they seem like cute and nice and like they burp a lot. Yeah. They just seem like really straight, you know, because I like straight guys in theory, but those guys are like, they're really super straight. Yeah. I feel like they're like, hey, did you know that you could run a car with a lawnmower engine if you just have the right tools? I'm like, I just, please stop.

1:08:32Ben Mandelker: But they're like fun straight.

1:08:34Ronnie Karam: Why do you smell like pickles?

1:08:35Ben Mandelker: The McBees are like toxic straight. I feel like the Kelseys are fun straight. You know? Okay. I like their version of straight.

1:08:42Ronnie Karam: Okay. It's just ignorance. I don't know anything about them. You know, ain't my circus, ain't my monkeys. Know what I'm saying?

1:08:50Ben Mandelker: so steven gathers around the other brothers and he's like now hey brothers brothers gather around okay so okay cole take those soybeans out of your mouth okay you gotta cook them first okay all right i haven't heard anything about a prenup have you guys heard anything and they're like oh no okay well we'll have to have it they'll have to do a post-nup fan at this point because they haven't signed anything and i'm getting real mad right now real mad

1:09:13Ronnie Karam: yep because i haven't heard hide nor hair from jesse about this prenup and i don't know if he just doesn't have the balls but if they were ever to divorce ali stands to take 12.5 percent of 18 trillion dollars in debt and you know what we cannot have that our farm is on the line then don't any of you ever find fucking happiness or get married fuck you dude that's not that's not how it works anyway and just i just want to re-emphasize that i have not heard hide nor

1:09:42Ben Mandelker: hair from jesse about this but uh casey called me and she said she is hiding from cole's back hair so i just want to clarify that that's what the situation is right now

1:09:52Ronnie Karam: where i have heard hide and hair from casey okay i can't wait to bring this up one day i'm not hair right now

1:10:05Ronnie Karam: hide you've reached casey i'm not hair right now i'm blinking two times if anybody can come help

1:10:12Ben Mandelker: that would be great casey you know it's pronounced hi not hide no i'm pretty sure you say hide like hi my name is Casey

1:10:19Ronnie Karam: she's speaking in code on her voice greeting she's like please help me so Stephen's like so Jesse can I talk to you okay now I don't want you to stress out or nothing just remember we are not a combine and there is not a camp okay so now I did not get the prenup so I'm trying to figure out what to do so I guess we're just going to do a postnup what are we going to do here

1:10:44Ben Mandelker: and he's like um well i mean i appreciate you trying to help me with this but i don't think it's gonna happen because i think we can trust ally by now she knows things like about like bruschetta you ever hear about that she's not like any other girl out there she knows about tomatoes and goat cheese

1:11:01Ronnie Karam: on a piece of christine this scene shocked me and i was so happy with this scene because i was just mad at jesse for making ally move to the city but or to the country but he's like yeah you know i I just don't because he says no, basically. He's like, no, I'm not doing this. And he goes, okay, well, I agree that Allie is not the issue. She's not that kind of girl. That's fine. But it's more about setting a precedent for Cole and Brayden and myself. And he goes, okay, but I just hate to use that as the reason for signing a prenup. And I don't think she deserves it. And it's not a good idea for the sake of our relationship.

1:11:38Ronnie Karam: And it's really best for her and I that we don't do that. And Steven looks like he is going to fucking kill him. And he's like, well, it's not good for the rest of us. Well, then too fucking bad. And if she gets in there and tells you you can't plant a fucking, you can't trim meat badly. I mean, what could be bad? She's an actual educated, intelligent person. And if she does come into this business, all she can do is help Stephen because you fucked up your entire whole thing. And now you're going to try and hold it against Stephen and all these other people. I don't think it's fair. And you know that if he did sign it, Stephen would be the one to be like, well, I'm getting married.

1:12:13Ronnie Karam: I know everybody had to sign a prenup, but I just don't think it's right for me and Calla. So, yep.

1:12:18Ben Mandelker: We're not going to be that way. Yeah. Well, I guess we're going to find out next week on the season finale. It's the big wedding. It's the big wedding episode. Is Calla going to be there? Will Calla be at the wedding? Although the real point of intrigue seems to be that Galena gets pulled over maybe for what appears to be maybe a DUI on the way to the wedding, which is legitimately very funny. finally something that does not finally something that does not seem staged to me. Yes, let's do it.

1:12:50Ronnie Karam: I love this show and I'm just so happy for you, Jesse. I'm so proud of you. By the way, Jesse, I'll sign a prenup and I'll make you sign one too. Get over here and get your hugs. You deserve them. Get over here. Take off your hat. Take off your shirt. Keep your pants on for now. We don't know each other that well, but otherwise, let's cuddle. Let's make a cuddle puddle. Love you. I love you, Jesse. Bye.

1:13:12Ben Mandelker: Well, everyone, thanks so much for being here. Especially you, Jesse. Especially you, Jesse. You are still very cute despite all this. Despite my bad attitude, you are an adorable young man. And thanks, everyone, for being here. And we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappens. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

1:13:49Ben Mandelker: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

1:13:51Ronnie Karam: She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles!

1:13:55Ben Mandelker: We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

1:14:00Ronnie Karam: Hava Nagila Weber.

1:14:02Ben Mandelker: You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no last namey. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.

1:14:12Ronnie Karam: Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotz.

1:14:14Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

1:14:17Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. K, sirrah, sirrah, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be. Brigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

1:14:41Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

1:14:44Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flandersen, it's Rachel Manderson.

1:14:49Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

1:14:52Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna, it's Savannah.

1:14:54Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

1:15:00Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. win.

1:15:07Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

1:15:10Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

1:15:20Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

1:15:24Ronnie Karam: Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

1:15:29Ben Mandelker: Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish it's jen plish she's not harsh she's jill hirsch my favorite murdo karen mcmurdo we love him madly it's kyle pod chadley in the study with a candlestick it's leslie peacock g it's lisa h we're ride or die for lisa rider baron she's a whiz it's liz sarthy always killing it it's

1:15:55Ronnie Karam: lo al kalani the incredible edible matthew sisters she eases our woes it's melissast rose There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

1:16:05Ben Mandelker: Neat. It's Ronit Feldman. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Telofsun. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

1:16:22Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys. This episode is sponsored by McDonald's.

1:16:31Ben Mandelker: I'm having my hot Caesar summer, Ronnie. Yes. Caesar sauce? I feel like we don't talk about Caesar sauce enough because it's so, so good. I love to dip everything into it. Have you ever dipped fries in Caesar sauce before?

1:16:43Ronnie Karam: I mean, I just have. It is delicious. Caesar sauce is like a Parmesan, garlicky blend with some lemon in it. And you can dip anything in there.

1:16:51Ben Mandelker: One thing I have been known to do is to stop over at McDonald's and go to the drive-thru and get myself a Caesar snack wrap and just dip some fries in the Caesar sauce. Also, the crispy strips in the Caesar sauce. Honestly, try it. It's really good.

1:17:05Ronnie Karam: Listen, I say if you put Caesar sauce on something, that automatically makes it better. Yes, that's really all you need is the Caesar sauce.

1:17:13Ben Mandelker: I think I just want to have just a constant supply of Caesar sauce and put it on things at all times.

1:17:19Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm a straight up French fry and Caesar sauce kind of a boy. That's what I love. And that's how I'm going to go down.

1:17:25Ben Mandelker: Right now at participating McD's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my go-to order.

1:17:34Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

1:17:37Ben Mandelker: Prices and participation may vary. This message is brought to you by Cologuard. If you recorded songs off the radio for a mixtape, it might be time to screen for colon cancer. The Cologuard test is non-invasive, requires no special prep or time off, and you start screening right from your home. It's just three simple steps. Set up, sample, and ship. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your doctor about the Cologuard test. Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at Cologuard.com slash podcast. This is Hannah Berner, the co-host of Giggly Squad. We could all just stay in bed scrolling through other people's vacations forever, but where is the fun in that?

1:18:20Ben Mandelker: The best memories come from stepping outside of your little bubble and being open to the unexpected and what better way to be open to the unexpected than finally booking that trip to Europe. You guys know I'm a Delta girly. Every time I go I get my Delta headphones and when I fly to Europe, Delta treats me like a queen and they'll treat you too. I was always a little nervous about navigating a foreign country but then I realized it's so important to grow and see different cultures and to put yourself in different situations and delta held my hand the whole time being away just helps you put life into perspective and your little worries are not so bad travel really is the best way to discover something new about yourself and grow from the experience step outside your comfort zone this summer get some delta headphones and fly with delta airlines they truly are the best way to get to europe and they just make the whole journey feel so comfortable and seamless.

1:19:15Ben Mandelker: Go book your next chapter right now at Delta.com.