#3047 RHOSLC S605 Part One: The Fart of War

0:03Watch what crappens Watch what crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch what crappens Watch what crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Well, hello and welcome to the dulcet tones of Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. Welcome to the show, everybody. It's Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Day. We're very excited to be here. Go check out our bonus. This week we talk about, you know, diets. We worry about calories, concerts, stuff like that. And also we talked to Leah Black on Crappy Hour.

0:51Thanks to everybody who joined us for that. That was super fun. This coming Monday is Amazon Live. That's at 4 p.m. Pacific time. And if you want these videos, these recaps on video, we do videos every day. Find them at Crappens On Demand on Patreon, as well as our bonus episodes. Okay, welcome to Salt Lake City. How are you feeling today, buddy? Feeling great. I really enjoyed this episode. It was a nice kind of counterbalance to the last episode being so crazy. And this one was like, you know, people chatting. It's really also fun to see Heather trying to gracefully have a separation from Lisa Barlow.

1:33But we all see what she's doing. She's so ham-handed. She visited Barlow as a friend. And she's like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't want to be the bad guy. So let me just like try to go around and make it seem like I'm the mature adult before I totally turn on her. Yeah. Let me pretend I haven't been. let me pretend I've actually been this person's friend this whole time instead of actively working behind her back to get everyone else to turn on her so I'm not the only one trying to turn on Lisa again yes exactly but I really enjoyed it a lot and we also by the way we watched Wife Swap which we'll be recapping and I don't know if you mentioned that but I zoned out for a second but which was all about Angie Katzenavis so it's like I feel like it was like big Angie Katzenavis energy last night I thought she was really entertaining and And yeah, great episode.

2:21Big Greek energy last night. Big Greek energy here on Bravo. So we open with Angie and Heather FaceTiming. They're both making coffee. Heather has an entire drawer of Keurigs. Now, I haven't seen that. You missed it? No, I saw that. I thought the same. I was like, why doesn't she get one of those organizers? I actually love her. I actually love her version of it. I have to say, love her Keurig style. because I can't find a decent Keurig organizer that doesn't make me nuts. I've tried so many different kinds. They take up too much space. They're ugly. I don't like them, but having a whole drawer, I mean, that is privilege right there.

2:58When you have your own drawer to just put your Keurig pods in there, right? That's what I was thinking. I am like, the way I dedicate space to different things in every drawer of my kitchen to just have a drawer dedicated pods, I was like, wow, she has a lot of storage. That's what that means. because that's, that was so what my thought was. I was like, man, the way I'm Tetris-ing my ice cream scoop in, which I don't even have anymore because it wound up in the dishwasher and got ruined. But like when I did have it, the way I would Tetris it in with like a garlic press and then like a spatula.

3:32And then she just has, you know, just like, oh, let's just take up all the space with some cake. Yeah, that's a woman with not a lot of kitchen gadgets. I don't think there's a lot of cooking going on there. She's like, now that my girls are leaving, I finally have a Keurig drawer. Thank God. I call this the thank God those little bitches are gone drawer. I know. By the way, there was a rather extended compare and contrast montage between Heather and Angie making coffee. I don't know why we necessarily needed it. I guess what we saw was Heather's was the Keurig, was Angie's more. How did she? I don't even remember how she made hers.

4:08But they just were, it was like comparing and contrast. Like, look at how two different housewives. And so like sitting at Perch Coffee in the morning. so heather has whipped cream on my lip more proof that i mean that's privilege too i mean whipped cream on your coffee what kind of life is she leading i've never really been jealous of heather's life but today i was i was like heather is living the life with her big h cup because her name is heather i'm assuming that's why heather what if it wasn't or it could be a heathen because stand for heathen it could have been a parting gift from the church because now she's hosting Surviving Mormonism.

4:44Please tell me how you survived the trauma of Mormonism. Did you write three bestseller books? No, you didn't. So have you really survived it? I don't think so. What's it like swimming without long underwear?

5:01Oh, yes. Surviving Mormonism is coming up soon. I'm not watching that because I'm already surviving you surviving Mormonism. like I've had enough but not enough of that survive I've had enough of surviving Mormonism how about you are you going to watch it um I don't know like serious bravo is kind of like is a weird thing it's going to be a serious show where Heather goes and talks to people and interviews and then drives home and cries in her car about what she just experienced so I'm not really sure if it's something I'm going to watch I'm going to still be a little TBD. Unless they have stories of the Scientology ones where the Mormons are chasing you through the hills and stuff like that.

5:45You know, because those got really juicy, those Scientology ones. But I don't know. Maybe things will change. But right now, no. But I am jealous of your coffee drawer, H. By the way, it's just hard for me to take seriously any three-part series that's about ongoing religious trauma hosted by the lady who has a whole bunch of Keurig pods in her drawer. Like, I just, I don't know why it's just Heather Gay. I know that's her identity. Well, it's just, it's just that she's silly. She's a silly person. And so to all of a sudden have this very serious show where she's going to like have her fingers on her chin and be listening and choking up and relaying experiences.

6:28I don't know why it just sort of feels like a contrast to them. What you see the cartoons of Salt Lake City, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I just, I perform more of an action, more of an action type thing. Like I want to see you escaping Mormonism. Know what I mean? Show, don't tell. I want it to be like Apocalypse Now, you know? Running. I think they've got to actively rescue someone. Yeah, you know, like throw a smoke grenade in the temple and go in there and get a bunch of people with braids and pull them out, you know, braids and flower dresses. Like Big Love style. well so well like maybe like more polygamist makeovers or something i don't know i feel like there's an angle but i like that yeah you know i would love cult makeover like cult makeover people who've just been rescued from a cult and now they get a makeover yeah because heather's always trying to kind of bridge her or trying from what we see heard on the show and you know it's fragmented over the years but i don't know that she ever left because wasn't she talking about how she was keeping her names on the roll and all that that stuff you know so i don't know that she technically left or she got kicked out when she got divorced i forget the whole story of it but i don't know i would i think that she still kind of likes it in a in a weird way and i haven't listened to all the podcasts she's done it's actually a lot of serious work she's done like we're just making fun of her and stuff but um you know she's actually done a lot of deep thinking into this, but I think that she still kind of likes it in some kind of way because she talks about it so much.

8:02I mean, I think that there could be like a makeover for Mormonism. Like, I just want, you know what? Let's make Mormonism better. Like, what can we fix? Oh, so we're just going to like ignore all the hard work of MomTalk? Hello. They are revamping what Mormonism can be. Thank you. Thanks a lot, Ronnie. They're taking the patriarchy. Did you not even notice all their hard work? Yeah. I wonder what they're thinking of this documentary. They're like, oh, my God, how will this affect mom talk? So anyway, that's coming up. So they're gossiping on the phone and they're talking about Mary. And Angie's like, well, I sent her a message and asked her if she could stop by.

8:40I hope she can remember that she loves me. But then she's still really upset because she's like, you know, Mary's sensitive, but I will not be bullied by Lisa. That's not fair, you know. And she points out that she used to be super close with Lisa, and now she's super close with Mary and against Lisa. And it's just crazy, isn't it? This cycle of house rivalry. Do you think Angie's being bullied by Lisa? No. I think Angie started it in this. I think Angie started it this season. She was the one who was talking with everybody else about Lisa being a fraud and those stories and then said Lisa was like Jen Shaw.

9:17So she started it. So, you know, I don't know that she needs to apologize. I don't know that it was that deep, but, you know, she started it. Now she's acting all belligerent. Like, I can't believe you. I think actually Bronwyn started it. Didn't she? Technically, I think Bronwyn started that talk. And then, well, she started it. But I mean, the fight between Lisa and two of them. Right. Between the two of them. If anybody started it, it was Angie. Yeah. I think, I think Angie's biggest transgression was, I think that she was actually totally fair. It was totally fair of her to say, you know, I invested money in your company and you're not even promoting this company that you courted my investment for, and you're going off promoting a different company.

9:57I think that's totally fine. I think when she did say it's like collecting dust in your salon, it's like, it does have to do with the kids. It's a gray area. I can understand the trigger there. But I also do think that like, once you have that apology, they apologize at the table at that one thing. And it should have been done. And then Lisa reopened it again. And so, you know, it's a weird thing because Angie did, she did sort of like indirectly go after the kids, but it also felt like it should have been a closed case by then. So I don't know. I think that Lisa, it should have been done and put in the past.

10:41And Lisa decided, you know what, let me go back in and be petty again. so I do kind of put a little bit more blame on Lisa in the current state of affairs but uh I don't think that Lisa was bullying Angie and I think that she is Angie is using the bully card in the classic housewives way which is excessively and maybe unwarrantedly yeah so um she's like you know Lisa I've wasted time and shown a side of myself that I don't want to see and nobody else wants to see you know what i mean and so now she feels guilty for yelling at lisa but she's still pissed because she's like why is it lisa can you know hurt us all the time and she's always busy crying about what other people think about her but i'm the one who leaves feeling guilty because i could have handled things differently and i felt protective of every one of us that day it wasn't just about me.

11:37It was about reoccurring takedowns. You were all Dolmas about to be dipped into ketchup. Well, I don't need her to be perfect or be good, but I need her to listen to me and to just acknowledge something so that I know it's a two-way street. This is a sisterhood and it's a sisterhood that follows traffic directions. And if you're driving down the street, one car's going one way another's going another way and we stay in our lanes because otherwise we crash and the sisterhood dies do you understand what i'm saying angie so heather's like yeah if anyone's gonna help her change it's gonna be us her sisters we know her we love her we've been through it with her you know ups downs deeps shallows we're there thick or thin we're already halfway there i appreciate angie's taking accountability and in my heart of hearts i believe that lisa is capable of admitting fault as well and if she doesn't well i guess we'll just start the smear campaign because we are a sisterhood and that's what we do i love that heather is giving this whole oh we're gonna save lisa from herself from getting upset and causing trouble you were the one who caused all of this.

12:53You were the one who took Lisa to lunch and sat her down and said, everybody was talking about you in the first episode and you weren't there. Everybody talked about you. I was the only person who stood up for you. And that girl, Angie, called you Jen Shaw. And now she's like, oh my God, I just don't understand why Lisa's so upset. We need to stop Lisa from getting so upset. You started this fire and now you're running around like you all need to call the fire department and put lisa out heather you are so right about that that is hilarious i forgot but she did she is the one who exacerbated the stuff between angie and lisa because when angie said it everyone said angie that's not nice and angie goes sorry bad joke she literally she kind of like she acknowledged whoops went too far in that moment and then heather went and then still told it to lisa and inflamed the two of them wow so so right Yeah, so she's like, well, we're going on below deck.

13:53And when I announced the trip, Lisa wasn't even there. Poor thing. The sister missed the news. But I've spoken with Captain Jason and arranged to charter a super yacht in Canawan. We're going to the islands. So they're going to a super yacht. So she sent an invite to everybody. And we don't know if Lisa's going to go. But we hope she does because it's a sisterhood. Sisters yacht together. So, yeah, she wants to be a bonding moment. Now we go to Bronwyn and Todd, and they go to an ice cream parlor called Snellgrove. I don't know what Snellgrove, if there's any other meaning to it than that. But Snellgrove, now is the time for ice cream parlor.

14:37Faster, eat your ice cream, faster. Snell-a, faster. These are two people that do not belong in Snellgrove, because Snellgrove has all sorts of painted murals on the walls of children eating ice cream, and there's sort of like general happiness and mirth. And then you've got Todd in there, like the angry Winnie the Pooh. You've got grandpa. And the girl cosplaying as his granddaughter, like dressed in like a little girl's church dress and a gigantic headband. It's like, oof. Yeah, like a bow. They just look, I was like, have they ever eaten ice cream before? Do they even know what they're doing?

15:11Like, they just seem so unnatural in this space. Yeah. Yeah, whenever people accuse you of marrying your grandpa, it's good to just go on ice cream dates in giant headbands. She's such an odd. They're just such an odd pair of people. Not even that they're odd because of age difference. I mean, they are. That's something that contributes. But just as people, they're just odd people, you know, which I like. So here we are. How many ice cream dates do we get between husbands and wives? So I'm into it in bright pink. Yeah, I just, I kind of like, she looked like she should have walked into the ice cream store with one of those giant rainbow lollipops that's the size of a head.

15:51Like, it's time for ice cream on Broadway. Like, that's sort of how she looked. And yeah, there was, like, we're very used to May, December relationships on Bravo. But in this scene, it really did read as like mother, I mean, father, daughter. It was really weird. And I try to be, like, open-minded to those age differences. but this scene in particular was, it's just, it's weird. You don't feel like they interact like husband and wife sometimes. It seems like, because he's like a grump and he's sitting there, he's in the happiest place in all of the greater Snell Grove region. And he's sitting there with a scowl on his face, eating his little raspberry swirl ice cream.

16:31It's like, could you at least enjoy yourself? Can you enjoy that you're having a moment with your wife, your hot wife, Jesus. No, I'm going to take a moment to stand up for Todd here and say some of us enjoy ourselves by not enjoying ourselves, you know? And I think that that's just Todd's vibe. And also, I think that Todd's a jerk to Bronwyn on camera. And I think it reads really scarily for their marriage. And I'm wondering, like, when she's divorcing him, because it seems like she's kind of setting us up for that. But on the other hand, I do think that he's like, I don't want to do this show.

17:02I told you I don't want to do this show. you're making me do this show a fucking again after you've been crying ever since you stopped shooting the last season of this show and now i have to come to this show and talk about these women who are torturing you even more and give you advice and act like i give a shit about these people why are you making me do this i think that's you know that's fine and that's 100 his energy and i picked up on that also but how many times has brown one had to go to work events for him and she has to smile through like insufferable work parties it's like you don't we know you don't want to do it.

17:31Well, that's true. At least make an effort, okay? Like, could you not make it seem like your wife's job is the biggest burden to you? Like, she's bringing money, okay? She's actually doing something and she's standing up for herself. I think you're right. Like, he may hate it, but, you know, it's your job as a spouse to pretend you don't hate stuff. You know, we all do it. Yes. I'm gonna, you know, I sat through Shawn Mendes the other day with a smile on my face, you know? Yes. Did I have to get high to do it? Yes, but I did it because that's what you do for people you love you know and they come to crappin shows and sit through that i know i know they don't want to sit through that shit but yeah that you're right i think that that is what you do for life it's like he made it back fuck you straight up him it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial i enjoyed todd last season but i feel like he's been he's exceptionally surly now in a righteous way before it was like he was awkward on camera but i sort of saw something, but like now he, now he's been through it and now he's being a dick about it.

18:34And it's like, you know what? Your wife is allowed to make choices and allowed to do a TV show if she wants. And the only reason why, uh, there's any sort of, you know, embarrassment coming to your household right now is because of you. It's like the, we're sitting here talking about this situation because of your attitude. You just enjoy yourself. Enjoy the fact that you're enjoying, you're having ice cream. Okay. okay and then well also you know what kind of bugs me about him is he acts like he's so above the other ladies you know he's like oh i'm just so above this everybody gossiping and then and but he's not above talking shit about people he's he's the meanest husband on here to the other housewives and calls them names and says all kinds of stuff about them and he also seems to love to gossip about them so it kind of makes me crazy because it's kind of that attitude of people who were above housewives in general, but then act worse than real housewives do in real life, you know?

19:28And you're like, oh, really? You're too mature for this show? Then you see them fighting over a football game. You know, we've talked about that a million times. But he reminds me of one of those people. Like, you're not better than this, sir. I've seen no proof that you're better than this. So, Bronwyn's doing her whole, like, I'm just so happy in this relationship. Yeah, it's great. I got myself a whole Sunday, Todd. A whole Sunday. hey, you remember how I did that when we first got together? Oh, but I got this drink because it has a maraschino cherries in it. And, you know, I get so mad when I have a dessert.

19:59And then you immediately take the cherry off the top. You know I hate that, which is why I got a cherry. And you're not going to take it off. You took the cherry. How could you do that, John? And he just does it. That's actually the most dick thing that he does. She literally states her case for America to be like, aha, now you're locked in. And now it's been stated to the world. So now you cannot take that cherry because the world is watching you. And he takes the cherry anyway, which was Dick. But also, Bronwyn, you know, you can ask for more than just one cherry. I just want to put that out there.

20:33You guys can get two cherries. That way you can each have one. Yeah. Make him get a cherry or order him a cherry or sit down and eat the cherry. You know what I mean? Instead of sitting there, leaving it on top and waiting for Todd to eventually get to your cherry, which you know is going to happen. So I don't know. There's just so many vibes in here that I'm not even sure who to blame, you know, because I get I get kind of mad watching the both of them. I'm like, neither of you want to be here. You know what I mean? Neither of you want to be here. It's like going to a restaurant you don't want to eat at.

21:03And then you sit there miserable the whole time. Like I drove myself here. I walked myself in here and I ordered from here. I've just never seen such a miserable scene in an ice cream parlor before. I just it's I know I've talked a lot about being on my no carb month. but I was like, do you realize the privilege you have you're eating ice cream? Now put a smile on your face and enjoy it. Go up to the counter and work out yourself another cherry. God damn it. Exactly. You guys can't even enjoy the best things in life. Do you like the cherry on the sundae? I don't love the cherry. I love the stem because I learned how to tie stems when I worked next to the bowling alley bar as a kid because I used to cook at the snack shop and the bowling alley bar had a window to the snack shop so we could pass food back and forth.

21:45And they were like chain smoking daughters of Ed. It was his name. He owned the bar. And they used to show me how to tie cherry stems. And once I finally got it, I don't remember ever feeling that amazing since actually. Practice, practice, practice. And then I got it. I was like, you have to like clamp down some of the stem with your teeth or something to like hold it in place. And you do the tongue to move it around. Like, how do you do it? It's crazy. Basically, you hold part down with your teeth and then you, you know, you got to work your tongue. Got to work that tongue around, move it around.

22:17You got to really feel it. Yeah, you got to be part of that cherry stem for a while, you guys. It's like acting. Yeah, be one with it. You got to get method with it. So, Bronwyn asked Todd how New York was, whatever New York is. And he's like, I was gone. And she's like, okay. And he's always in New York working. Yeah, he was, yeah. And he's like, they were gone. And she's like, okay. Todd's parents are still alive. Good for him. I know. I was impressed. Good for them. What are they eating? They must be eating a lot of avocados. We were talking about how healthy avocados were before we started recording.

22:50We even looked it up. Yeah. They're very healthy. I think his parents are on. Looked it up. That's the end of the conversation. We were, we were like, let's Google it. How healthy are avocados for you? Um, and, uh, we found out they're like super healthy. You guys. So I think Todd's parents are like bathing in avocados or something. My, my poor friend AC is allergic to avocados. So she can't even get the health benefits. So tragic. It's not fair. So Bronwyn is like, well, Todd, we talked about you, that 30 seconds ago, you just ate the cherry. Why would you do that? Why would you eat the cherry?

23:25Okay, so did you like the selfie I took yesterday? My outfit for Whitney's? You would have been so proud of me. I mean, I can't even imagine talking to Dom like this. Did you like my selfie? Did you see it? You would have been so proud of me. Did you like it? I mean, I would definitely say, hey, did you see the selfie I sent you? I picked out a cute outfit, what'd you think? But there's just something about like how she's kind of like trying to pry out conversation from him that i'm like have you guys ever talked before it's just a barrage of things he's not interested in this is kind of my point she's like hey did you did you go on the instagram have you been on tiktok have you seen my selfie he's like no i don't what are you talking about you get a tintype and we'll talk about it yeah just well i don't think i read my voice one time i wasn't i wasn't in any of the chaos, which was fun at this party.

24:15And I'm always excited to see where it goes with Lisa, right? And she came in and we were fine. And in fact, she and Angie got like really crazy arguing with each other. And then Angie was making some like really valid points. Uh-huh. And Lisa did like, she did like dig stuff up on us. Remember, she did do that. And she does twist things that people tell her. And she does like, she does this threatening thing. And Todd's just like, she's going on and on about this. And Todd's just staring into his like ice cream and just like eating it. Sort of like when, you know, when they show nature videos of like, like feeding a turtle and the turtle's always like, it's always like, you always see all the stuff in the turtle's mouth and you're like, does the turtle like it?

24:48And you're not sure whether the turtle likes it or not, but the turtle eats it anyway. And then it's like, okay, I'm ready for more. That's kind of what Todd's energy is with the ice cream. Yeah, Todd just does not want to hear this shit. He's like, oh my God, here we go again. But you know, Lisa does dig stuff up on people, Todd. She sure does. I'm like, you just did it too though. Yeah, but she sure does, Todd. And she does twist things, Todd. you know that she does twist things and you know she does this threatening like don't start with me or I'll ruin you but you know I heard Angie say at one point that I'm not going to be bullied by this like I'm going to stand up for myself I know you don't care about the details and he's like at all I don't care about the details at all let me tell you what I care more about than the details of this story ticky-tocky you want me to do an armband what do I have to do to get out of this well do i get um a high five do we get a high five or something for like not being in the chaos he's like well congratulations and thank you is what you get like todd you better not be dampening bronwyn's star because like we've seen this happen before this happened with page the sorbo when she was dating perry and some other people like you know it happened with stassi and patrick like don't you know like let our bravo ladies be bravo ladies and i and to the bravo ladies don't let these guys tell you how you should act because this is your career that's going on right now i don't think he's really telling her how to act is he look i mean look i'm gonna i'm gonna put it this way we all have that overdramatic friend who's constantly calling us my boyfriend or girlfriend depending on who it is like my boyfriend is you know this way he's emotionally abusive he's a jerk he did this to me he did that to me he cheated on me he did that and you're like you have to get out of there you spend hours on the phone giving this person advice and supporting them and wanting to be there and what's the first thing they do when they get the chance is go back to that guy and then they come back like oh everything's great we had a great time it was so good we had a we're back together and you're supposed to be like woohoo when's the wedding you know i mean at some point you're like how long do you get to just ruminate on this toxic bullshit and drag me through this toxic bullshit and our family through and cry and moan and this in that.

27:01And then you're like, everything's great. We're going on a trip. Isn't that great? Let's talk about Lisa some more. It's like, oh my God. You know, that's a separate thing. I get that it's a separate issue. What do you mean? Because I agree. I agree with you totally. I think Todd's totally within his rights to say, okay, like I've warned you, Lisa's no good for you. So if you go back, you try to mend things with her, that's fine. But if it falls apart again, I really don't want to hear it. That's fine. I'm just saying that when she's like, did you see? I didn't yell. Wasn't I so good? I didn't yell.

27:29I didn't get into the cast. Wasn't I in good behavior? I'm like, I don't want Bronwyn changing her behavior. Oh, I see. He's Todd. That's what I was saying. But your point was absolutely correct. Yeah, you're supposed to yell. Yeah, yeah. Todd's reaction should have been, well, were you going to work or not? You should have been messy. Thank you. Are you going to be in any clips? If I do go on TikTok, are you going to be in any clips from the show? No, because you didn't yell at anyone, Bronwyn. So if you're going to drag this family through your drama, you better at least make it into some clips on the TikTok.

27:59It's like the person at Svelgard saying, like, guess what? At work today, you'd be so proud of me. I didn't serve any soft serve. I was really good about it. It's like, what? That's your job. I came home from building the house. I didn't lay one brick. Like, aren't you going to get fired? You're a bricklayer. Get back there. Get to it.

28:22So she's telling us, look, Todd is just over this group of women. And in his mind, I just can't keep showing up at the circus. and being shocked by the clownery. Which is fair. I mean, you can't be shocked by the clownery, but Todd should allow you to go to the circus. So I don't think anybody's going to be shocked by the clownery with you. You literally have a dinosaur costume that your mom is folding up right now that you go to the airport in. I think it would be more shocking if you went to the circus and then it turns out that like Meg Whitman gave a speech. That would be more shocking because you know that there's going to be clowns at the circus.

29:01So there's nothing shocking about that. It'd be more shocking if the former CEO of eBay made a speech instead. Well, I think it's fair to go to the circus and be annoyed by the clowns. Yes. And Meg Whitman. And Meg Whitman, really. I was just trying to think of someone random and corporate, like someone who does not speak of the circus. I was like, Meg Whitman.

29:27I love keeping it current. I know. I'm very.

29:35Well, she does have Mick Whitman hair, kind of. Okay. So, Bronwyn's like, I mean, I did have this moment of like wobble, you know, when Lisa and I talked last week and I was really quick to just be like, I don't want to do this anymore. We could ruin each other. We shouldn't ruin each other. And I do stand by that. But do you think I was too quick to neutralize this, Todd? Do you think I should keep fighting with Lisa? Do you? do Todd oh my god I love all these answers well Todd knows Todd's not going to answer so I'll tell you that Todd knows me better than most people and you know it's just always shocking to me that he doesn't know why I'm still trying to be friends with these women I mean I accepted Lisa's apology and I and you know an apology is a kickoff to paving a new way forward and Todd doesn't need to agree for that opinion of mine to be valid that I'm going to talk to Lisa again so thank you for agreeing with me Todd that it's good that I'm talking to Lisa again oh and this is the best part.

30:24Whitney had a psychic come from New York and he's like, oh, for Christ's sake. What'd he tell you? Lisa's a bitch. I could have told you that. Here, here's a psychic prediction. Good luck saving the next cherry till the end of the Sunday. The tad monster's on top of it. I got a psychic. You're not going to be digesting the cherry anytime soon.

30:50Well, the psychic, he started with my mom first. and he was like this time uh like this time this is as recovered she's gonna get uh-huh and he goes oh well is that his medical opinion i'm like well you're not a doctor either todd i know but i like that i like that she didn't give the full information because what the psychic actually said was something along the lines of you guys haven't been checking the right place it's actually something wrong what do you say like in her brain or something like she's got he specifically told her some other medical issue and I like that Ron was like no we definitely need to get her blood tested you know she's just like well she said that's as recovered as she's gonna get she's gonna die sooner than we thought so it was free the whole thing was free well I don't believe any of this I think it's all craziness Todd how could you say that no I meant crazy that yours came with a cherry and mine didn't what is this place I'm never coming back and she's like okay do you feel like you can suspend your bullshit meter like a second because it really felt like a warning i mean he said it's kind of time to you know move past this with your mom and he's like look it's probably a 50 50 guess okay that's what psychics are good for they're good for guessing all right let me tell you what guess is worth a fart in the wind that's about what they're worth todd okay well you didn't actually have to fart right now in the wind that was you know we're trying to make fun of my farts How dare you?

32:18That's divorce worthy. You know, you're really bumming me out. I'm just like trying to tell you something that I really enjoyed. And I'm sitting here trying to like, I'm just, I'm just getting upset. And I'm just, I'm sitting here. I'm trying to have ice cream with you. You're eating my cherry. And I'm trying to tell you something that was funny. And you know how I, you know, because nothing makes you laugh more than a psychic that says your mom might die soon. Right? And I was like, where's the funny part? You know how I feel when people misunderstand me. I shouldn't have to feel a misunderstand by you too.

32:48Like I should have to beg you. I shouldn't have to beg you to think that this is interesting. I shouldn't have to beg you to let you know that Whitney's psychic from New York said something interesting to me at a party when we're all yelling at each other. And he's just like, hmm, he doesn't really say anything. He just kind of looks at her and like moves his jowls a little bit. And so she's like, well, I'm very accepting that Todd is less emotional than I am. And I would just love to feel the acceptance when I'm more emotional than he is. And I'd love to get to a point where I don't have to get this upset for him to notice it.

33:21But it's a process. It's a process. It's like you are going to hit yourself in the eyes with your headband if you don't stop nodding your head. It's going to hurt. Maybe that's why it's so weighted. It's gigantic. It's enormous. Todd, I'm not telling you he gave me numbers and I converted our life savings into a lottery ticket. I'm telling you, if it touched something in me, then it's worthwhile. He goes, okay, well, that's an awesome thing to do, and I'm sorry. He's like, oh, that's just it. A begrudging apology from Todd. What a weird scene. It really was. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like you should be happier than this in a marriage.

33:58But maybe not. I mean, I don't know. I would think so, too. What's it like, everybody? Tell us. Okay, so then we go to Lisa's house. You have to imagine there's also some stress on that relationship with Muzzy hanging around that household. Everything's fine. Everything's fine, as her sweatshirt says. Yeah, well, this is not a new dynamic for Bronwyn and Todd. And it's just one of those relationships you look at, like, how is this a thing? Like, how are these people doing it and saying they're happy? You know, because they both say they're happy, but it doesn't look like they're happy. But I don't know.

34:31Maybe they're happy being unhappy. be? I don't know. Should she leave? I don't even know if she should leave. Does she like it? I mean, does she like being with Todd? Is he like really soft and cuddly when the cameras aren't on? I mean, I just don't know. I don't really get it. I don't know. I kind of feel like everyone should be the same either way. Someone on Twitter says, Todd loves his wife, but doesn't understand her need to be on television. And Bronwyn loves Todd, but loves being famous more. And then Brian Moylan said, absolutely correct. They now value different things. And I think divorce is inevitable.

35:02So there from Brian Moylan, the chairman of the Institute of Housewives. You heard it there first. Well, that's yeah, I can see that. You know, I think that's a problem with a lot of these shows. You know, when one goes off and become famous because the husband is, you know, it's like if especially if they married someone rich, like in this case, she's married to Todd, who's very well known and makes a lot of money. So he was kind of the star in their relationship. And that that changed over. And I don't I don't see somebody just being like, oh, you don't like TV. OK, I'll give all that up. Yeah.

35:33Yeah. So now we go to Lisa's house and she's packing for the below deck trip. And John comes in with some suitcases. Oh, yeah. Hey, remember when we went on that yacht trip and I had like nine suitcases and I was like, this is nuts. He's like, yeah, overkill. Where are you guys going in? Kanawan! Yeah, so I think it's like by the Galapagos Islands and then we see a map that shows that they are nowhere near each other whatsoever Yeah, and she's like yeah, there's nothing better than when you get on a boat and it's like oh, I'm just thinking about a pina colada and boom, you get a pina colada like it's the best thing ever so I'm sure this is going to be fun but you know, like it's only three days but I'm just going 7 to 10, but whatever I'm going with poor people that's how it is, you know but I wish I had some say on the guest list because it would be very different.

36:25It would be a very different guest list if I had to say. By the way, John, I forgot to tell you, I like talked to a psychic at Whitney's party. He brought up us and he was like, do you guys feel like you're having a communication problem right now? And John's like, well, maybe he was picking up. Yeah, because I mean like it really resonated when he said you guys are having communication problems. like you're not on the same page with things. Lisa interrupting John to find out if they have a communication problem is perfect Lisa Barlow. I wish they just showed that scene. I think it was from last season where John comes in and Lisa's on her phone.

37:05He's like, hey, honey, I was wondering if you want dinner and she's just ignoring him on his phone. Yeah, and maybe we could go over our taxes later. She just ignores him and swipes on him. He tries like five different things and she never even looks at him once and he finally just like shrugs and walks out of the room. It's perfect. That is their communication. That is it. So Lisa is like, yeah, it really resonated me when he said that you guys are having communication problems. Like, you guys are not on the same page with things, you know? It's like, oh, so. Yeah, you know, so part of me is like, you know, I guess part of that's true.

37:38I guess part of that's true. Yeah, there's not a specific catalyst for this. It's been going on since before we got married, actually. That's because there's blurred lines. between business and family and marriage and things like that and like knowing ben affleck and like i manage like the entire house plus i work and sometimes i just like feel like that i'm just taking for granted like where it's like normal like i just i'm like this lady who just like does everything for these people all the time yeah and like i get really sad and like when i get really sad i like have to go to my car and put on a cowboy hat and a denim dress that's what i'm wearing right now i don't know why do you know why does anybody know why but i go sit in my car and i call my dad and i'm like dad this is hard this is hard hold on dad let me open the window

38:30and you know what it's like sad i have to call my dad to do that instead of john that's so hard john's like well we aren't on the same page because i don't think you want to hear what I have to say because you're already thinking. Yeah, but like, you know what? Like, same pages means like books. I don't like that, John. You know, I don't like reading books, John. You know, like, I'm just frustrated, John. I'm just frustrated. I guess what I really want to say is. I want to hear what you have to say, John. I want to hear what you have to say. What's like really on my heart is the following sentence.

39:02Yeah, I know. That's on my heart, too. Me, too, John. That's what I'm saying. I just. Yeah. I think that, like, if I have to, like. Me, too. Like I was saying. Here's how I really. Remember when I took nine things on the... Remember when I took nine suitcases on the yacht? That was hilarious. Yeah, well, I guess you don't really... Yeah, Joseph Smith knows better. I wish I could call Joseph Smith right now. He listens to me more than you, John.

39:28Everything you do is perfect. It's just me. I'm the problem. It's me. See, finally inroads with our communication. Oh, jeez. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

39:44So now we go to Angie's house and Mary's coming over and it's really awkward. And he's like, hello, Mary. And she's like, hi. Well, guess you decided to open the door for me this time. And usually I have to let myself in because you're too busy to get the door. So thank you for getting the door. Well, I brought you your favorite drink, Arizona iced tea, baklava flavor, but they didn't have the one with no sugar. Yeah, this is like seven cups of sugar. Don't even drink that for yourself, please. I mean, just get this away from me. All right, Mary. You want to look at it. You look nice. You look nice.

40:18You look almost Greek. You look so nice. Thank you. Do you want a water? Do you want a water? No. Do you want Greek water? No. This is water from Greek. No. It's water. No. Listen, I just stopped by to talk. Okay, I don't want your water. I want your liquids. Okay, just talk to me. I don't want liquid things in my mouth from you. Before we do that, of course, I had to make a snack. Here's a giant snack for us. Here's a snack. Do you want the snack? The snack is here. Snacks. I don't want that. I don't want to eat that. No, I'm not going to do it. I feel like I'm in the principal's office. It's like Principal Zeus is here and he's scolding me.

40:53And I know what it feels like because I was a regular. But this time I'm actually feeling a little bit scared. Mary's just looking at her like, ew. Like with complete distaste on her face. She's like, ew, why am I even here? It's disgusting. Mary, I just want to say I am sorry. I know that you wanted me to calm down. And I know that you were there. And you were trying to help me. And it's hard for me to allow someone to bully me because I was so bullied by that dusty product. That you're becoming the bully on the playground. That you're becoming. But I'm responding. I'm responding. I'm not bullying her.

41:27I'm responding to dusty products in my basement. I was bullied by dusty products. Yeah. But you know what? you get so angry that you can't even focus on getting sugar-free Arizona iced tea. And then you bring people sugar. And I could be dead of diabetes right now because you get so angry that you can't even focus. And then what am I supposed to do if I can't calm you down? Why am I there? And then you're allowing someone to get mad to the point that it's affecting our friendship and my iced tea. And that's what we have to talk about. And we, you know, it's like, I don't even exist. And I'm like, Angie, Angie.

42:00And you're just like, ah, eat sugar, eat sugar, eat sugar, put sugar down your throat, put sugar down your throat, you know? And then like you launched me, like I was your enemy, that you wanted me to have diabetes right there on the spot. I was frustrated with the whole table. Okay. Well, you're supposed to be my sister. You're supposed to be my sister, but you're not my sister. No, you're not. Find another one, Kay. Cause if you were really my sister, you would be able to marry my grandpa if I ever died, but you're not. So good luck. Good, good luck here with your sugar eating, muscular husband with Louis Vuitton bags.

42:36I don't want to be on eggshells and I don't want to, no, there's not actual eggshells on the floor, Mary. I'm sorry, that was a metaphor. Did not mean to spook you. I don't want to feel like you're mad at me for being me. But you're different. You're different lately. You are different. And she says that Angie's kind and easygoing and cool, but lately she's always throwing a tantrum. Now, I don't know where Mary was during the other seasons, but Angie's thrown tantrums every season. And she's like, and that's a trigger. And you don't evolve by attacking other people. It's almost like you go backwards, you know?

43:07And I used to know a girl that went backwards. She kept going backwards and backwards. And I would tell her, no, come forwards. Communion is forwards. But she kept going backwards and backwards until she walked into the street. And she got run over right in front of the church by a truck that was going forward. It was ironic. And that truck fell into a neighborhood. And that truck died too. She's like, so Mary's like, no, you're in a space. and I don't know who you are. And you're a little bit mean. Like when you made fun of my fart, you kept on making fun of my fart. Your fart? My fart. And we see a flashback to this like lunch that Mary, Bronwyn and Angie had where Mary farts by accident and then giggles about it.

43:46And then Angie keeps on ragging on her about it. She's like, I guess we'll sit over there away from Mary's farts. Oh, look, there's Elektra. Let me warn her that there's a smell of fart in here from Mary. well first first of all the dog farting not me and then you said oh maybe that's mary and then you said come on bromwin we better set over here because mary's got gas and then your dog farts and then it smelled the whole house up and then it shows a close-up of the dog and the dog's like sitting all gorgeously and then you blamed it on me like it was my fart and i'm like first of all i eat healthy okay and my farts don't come out like that and we should we should know the fart between my fart and a dog fart.

44:27And you didn't even know my fart between the dog fart. I mean, what kind of friend are you? You think I just have a dog fart? So now you're just accusing me of having dog farts and I'm just supposed to be your friend. And then you said, oh my God, Mary, is that you? And I'm like, okay, enough. I got it. Next time I won't tell you when I fart then.

44:46Oh my God. I was like, at first I thought she was being silly for the cameras, but then I was like, I think this is a real rant right now. because Angie is like, Angie cannot, she's like trying not to laugh and what's even worse is that when she tries to not laugh, she puts her fingers on her nose so it looks like she's trying not to smell Mary. What are you holding my, what are you holding your nose now? Like I farted again? I did not fart. Do not accuse me of farting. If someone farted, it was you.

45:13She's like, I didn't smell your fart but you acknowledged that you had farted so that's why I said it. Seriously, like if you farted, I wouldn't make fun of you for farting and you don't even know if I smelled your fart before and maybe I have but I would never talk about it and make fun of you because I'm your friend. But you didn't smell my fart. You didn't smell my fart. You just said you did. And then you blame me for having to dog fart.

45:35But you said that you farted. I said, I have gas. Well, so I said, why don't you sit over there? And she goes, well, I was offended by it, okay? So then Angie's like, okay, I think we have to end this. So she sort of takes her hand and she goes, I appreciate you. Give me your hand. No, we're not ready. We're not ready. We're not there yet. We're not there yet. I came over here. I almost died of diabetes. I would have had sugar farts then. Then you could have come at me with sugar farts for this. Sugar Arizona. There will be a day, Mary, when I won't be here to clutch your hand. Instead, there'll be a different lady here gutting a fish in my backyard.

46:12So enjoy this moment. Wife swap, 1030 tonight. and um mary is like you know i you know hold on i don't want to lose you but you have to understand me too okay i pulled back in certain situations where i feel a level of disrespect or i farted and finally i farted around somebody and didn't pull back and now i have dog farts so and she's like okay and so mary talks about how she doesn't let people in but once she does let people in you know she puts you on a pedestal and she wants the best for you and she wants you to thrive and then she starts crying and she's like I don't know why I'm crying I'm sorry I didn't do that that wasn't me that was Andy's dog why are you crying your fart was a little stinky it's kind of making us react how dare you accuse me of farting I live my life with a guard up because I've been dogged with gas, lots of gas from a dog, dog gas.

47:12There's a difference. I don't have this often, farting that is, but also friendship. This comes into my life every 20 years. And I get a friend that I love and I feel secure and I feel like I trust you and I can talk to you and I can tell you stuff I don't tell people. And Angie is like - If you want to accuse me of having dog farts again, I will unmemorize you. I will unmemorize you. I like that. I've never heard that threat before. I never heard that either. That was a great. Unmemorize your existence. And so Angie's like, I acknowledge you. They actually, it's like, that's a really lovely like moment because Angie's like, I acknowledge you.

47:50This is my heart. Like I've learned from you. I will work better. And I actually feel like this is like what you want from a friend is to be like, I'm mad. I'm so mad at you, but you mean a lot to me. And I want you to know you're doing things that are really hurting me. And that for the, have the other friend hear it and say, I hear it. I'm going to work on it. Like this was actually a lovely, lovely moment. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I was just going to say, I'm a little mixed on when people say I don't let people in. So when I do let people in, it means a lot. Like I almost like don't want to be held hostage by whatever like issues you have with relating to people at the same time.

48:25You know, this is, this is separate from their, they're like, I think it was great how they made up and I think it's really lovely that. Like, Oh, I'm so lucky. Yeah. Like I think it's, I think it's, I love, I love that Angie respects this about Mary. And I think it's, it's good to respect that. Like it's, you know, but, but sometimes when people are like, I don't have a lot of friends, so you've been let in. It's like, well, stop using that as leverage in our friendship, you know? Yeah. Well, for me, what was interesting about this is two things. One, Mary gets, you know, like this, where she's just like, I'm pissed and I'm leaving.

48:59And she just gets mad. And it's over things that most people watching are like, huh? Why are you mad at that? Like, even though she got mad at Angie, like she got mad at Angie for being mad and not listening to her. But then she didn't have like a fight with Angie. You know, why would you walk off? It seems unreasonable. This seems like too much. And she's always been like that on the show. And then on the other hand, you have Angie and she won't forgive you either. Mary will take a long time to forgive, which is funny for a preacher. But then Angie, on the other hand, will just go off and go off on anybody.

49:30And she also really won't relent for a while. Like if you come for her, she feels like she's being attacked. She goes overboard and just goes crazy and puts her finger in your face and does all that. Brings out props, you know, does the whole thing. So it's interesting to see both Mary kind of forgive someone so quickly and also be so open emotionally. And also to see Angie not get triggered or whatever and start fighting and instead be like, okay, okay, you're right. You know, so it's interesting. It's a cute friendship. well I think that they actually acknowledge they acknowledge that this is a real friendship and that there's something special between them and it's important to not just treat it as reality show fodder like if something is wrong if something is broken or someone's upset they have to sort of stop everything and be like okay we have to listen to each other and I think that's actually really beautiful I think the whole audience we all pick up on it because like sort of circling back to my thought about how it's it can be kind of frustrating that like someone's issues in life means that they get to have this thing of like, oh, I don't let a lot of people in, so you've been let in, so now you've got to act a certain way, can be frustrating.

50:38But at the same time, people have issues in their lives, and they do have their guards up. So when you have been let in, it is kind of special. So it's nice to see Angie is taking that very seriously. And you know it means something because Mary normally, if someone pisses Mary off, she's like, bye. And we've seen it happen a million times. but the fact that she comes back and she lets Angie have it, but then she's like, but I love you and I want you in my life is a big deal. I think we haven't really seen Mary do that before. Yeah. So now we go over to Heather and Lisa shopping. Sorry, I'm late.

51:12I've never been here. What is this? Katie Waltman, Katie Waltman, a store called Katie. I don't know her. Who is that? So someone, yeah, I don't know that. I think I like one time I was like supposed to come here, but like my yacht trip was like seven to 10 days long. So I just wasn't able to get here in time because I was still on the yacht that was going for seven to 10 days. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to come to a shop where people who only bring one suitcase on yachts shop. Yeah. That's nice. This is great. A one suitcase, three day yacht shop. Yeah. Heather, you know about that because you went on below deck before.

51:46So this is what it's like when you go on your three day charters. Yeah. So fun for you. Yeah. So Heather's like, wow, you look fresh and fabulous. Is everything okay? Sister! She's like, I'm great. Yeah, so excited. We get to use our passports. We're going on a super yacht. I mean, can I take requests? Like, come on. Like, can I bring glam? She's like, no, you cannot bring glam. And then we have a flashback to what he's talking about. I've glam in Monaco. I've glam in Central Bay. I've glam everywhere I go. Oh, my gosh. So you're going to have to help me with my makeup every day, Heather. She's like, well, no.

52:22I'll have Whitney help you because this is a sisterhood and each one of us will pick up a makeup brush and we'll do all of our Faces all together as a group because that's what we do for our sisters I'll pass if Whitney's gonna do it. I'll pass. I'll pass Oh, then Angie can blow out your hair. I'd pass. I'd pass You don't trust her with your hair. I don't trust her with anything. I don't trust her with anything She'll probably hope that my son dies while I get my hair done. Yeah She's coming on the trip So you have to be ready Lisa Yeah well that'll be nice for Angie Since she's never been on a luxury trip like that Or on a yacht either She's never even been on a yacht Poor Angie So that'll be cool It'll be her first experience on a nice boat I'm not gonna haze Angie As much as you two keep hazing each other I'm sick of her attacks She's getting high off of it She can get high off of it all she wants to I'm getting a high here I'm sorry, what's this store again?

53:21Whatever this Walmart is, the poor person, I'm getting high on it. I did not see Angie get high off of the attacks. This is a sisterhood. We are here to support each other. She was crying. She was upset. To me, I was like, Oprah. Is she crying because she's a mean bitch? Why is she crying? Why? Because she doesn't have money in her purse? That's probably why. Do you think she feels bad about being a mean bitch? if you if you can't even understand why she's crying it's obvious because she opened up the new york times and did not have a bestseller book like i did of course she's crying okay look lisa if she's a mean bitch you're a mean bitch you're both mean bitches you know what what did i do wrong what did i do wrong though because of my opinion my opinion and you shouldn't have been starting being nasty about my kids brand you know like that's disgusting that is disgusting got the heart no i know that was hurtful as hurtful as it probably was for all of you guys bestsellers yeah but then she goes lower and lower like hey you want to call me a cup fitness i'm gonna say it louder i'm yes yes i did say cup fitness lady with the semi-crossed eyes looking at me finally who is that lady looking at me funny what did you just come in here from the from a compound who are you what are you looking at like i just work here ma 'am yeah well keep working keep working gene gene folder okay yeah i'm just like sick of her nasty nasty dig she's always commenting oh well i think she's sick of your digs too but i didn't dig it are you kidding me what are you saying that you about what what you're saying that you hate about angie is exactly what you did how is that how is that what you're doing how is what you're doing different it's almost like bravo needs a spinoff called surviving barlow which would be a spinoff of my spinoff surviving Mormonism, which I'm hosting, Lisa.

55:12But how did I go low? How did I go low? How did I go low? How did I go low? How did I go low? The soup man? Who's the soup man? Is he Mormon? Did you survive it? Yeah, but she just said I cheated on my husband, though. So I'm like, I don't know. Why don't you worry about your soup man? So is it soup man or soup man? Soup. You know? Soup. Soup. That soup? Soup. Or is it suit? Soup. Like soup chef? Soup. Sue? Like a boy named Sue? Sue. Oh, is he a Native American Sue of the Sue tribe? Sue. Sue. Sue. Sue. You mean Fuda? Like John Fuda from New Jersey? No. No, there he is, by the way. Shout out. There he is.

55:54No, but like a guy from a Sue kitchen. You know, like not a suit you wear, but like a... It's like a suit you wear, not like a suit you eat. Oh, a suit you wear, like a lawsuit? suit like the ones that you have against you is that what you're talking about yes so so yeah dismissed yeah she's dating a dismissed man is that what you're saying dismiss those were dismissed learning that suit man is actually suit man clears a lot of things up first of all he sounds hotter and they're just earning those checks uh so she's like wait a minute who's the suit man nobody oh you know what and why did she say i cheated on my husband then then why did she say that and she goes but wait but why would you say that um so look you gotta have lisa credit lisa's being an asshole in the scene and she's being an asshole usually but lisa is not going there with suit man we talked about on crappy hour his suit man could possibly be that lady sophia from who used to be a host on caller daddy claims that uh angie was dating her ex who they call suit man um who's some guy who graduated with a degree in greek studies or something so that's kind of the goss on that just the internet gossip on that but she doesn't go there she's just like nobody so maybe she's saving it for later i don't know but then she says but then why did she say you cheated on your husband whitney was the one who brought wasn't it whitney who brought that up with um no wait who's cheating on the husband would Monica and Whitney were like, we know something about the husband, don't talk about the husband.

57:36That was Sean, right? God, that's so many petty arguments ago. Because, well, Meredith said, let's talk about my husband. She had that. But then they had that Lisa Barlow event, that Vita event or whatever, where Whitney and Monica pulled over Angie and Whitney's like, I think you should tell her. And then, remember when she got, she kind of manipulated Monica into being the one to out this information so they could all be like Monica's the one who did it and Monica was like well yeah I heard your husband is gay everybody's saying your husband is gay or whatever so she's the one who brought that to camera with Whitney but of course Lisa Lisa has no chill and it's so easy to blame Lisa for things because she never fights properly and so they could just blame everything on Lisa and that's what they're going to do.

58:26So Heather is like, well, there is no suit man and there's no suit man. She's just throwing shit out and waiting to see what sticks. I mean, look, there's a reason that no one ever writes hard for you, Lisa. And I think it's because they've all been burned by you when everyone at the table has a history with you. Where have you gotten low before, Lisa? Okay, okay. Well, maybe I shouldn't go on the boat trip there. I'm putting on my sunglasses now So you can't see me crying You have to acknowledge that we have Come a long way That our history is dark It is Lisa Dark, dark history You should talk to Angie about it Because she's more than willing to talk to yo about it You should talk to her in the dark about it with soap I actually have I have talked to her about it You don't need to get upset Lisa I really did not think I was coming here today.

59:22I thought I was going to come here to look at poor people's clothes with that cross-eyed girl over there giving me judgy looks. I still see you, cross-eyed girl. Your mother, your sister, stop staring at me. Well, listen, what am I even saying to you other than that we have history? We are like two pods in the same drawer for my coffee machine. We're in it together. We're in it. We're stuck in it. So why are you acting like this? I am going to give you the hand forward. I'm just as low. I'm just as low. I'm just as low. I'm just as low. Yeah. You cannot expect me to just sit here and let you diss her and be like outie 5 ,000 and say that she does all these horrible things, horrible things, and not look at you and say you do too.

1:00:11What you two are doing has no end point. You are like Mormonism and people need to survive you. I hope there's a special about it that I can host. Yeah, you know what, Ben? Then stop talking about me and then I won't have anything to say about her. Okay? Don't count my money because I don't count hers. You know, not that it's that hard to count because she has like two dollars because I counted that. Yeah, that would be so easy to count her money because she doesn't have any money. Yeah. Lisa. Lisa. What? When you say something like I could count her money, it'd really be fucking easy. you might as well count her fucking money because you're not saying it in a way that makes you cooler or kinder.

1:00:46You're saying it exactly low. Like she would say do you understand this Lisa? Yeah but why can poor people start it but rich people can't say anything back or we're like in the 1 % where it's like you want to burn us all. You know what I mean? Like I'm sorry that I have a job. Okay? Oh my gosh. The nerve of her to say this right now? Like in this poor person's store that like is for like three day yacht trips? Like Heather are you fucking blind and deaf? Because clearly you don't see all the times everyone's coming for me nonstop and it's hard with you. And I wish I had something that would go for the deaf thing too because I said you don't see the things.

1:01:22But I'm just going to assume you're not hearing the things too. Okay, that's my metaphor.

1:01:28So we see, you know, basically we see a flashback to where it all began where Heather's like, how could you call me a good time girl? That would have gotten me suspended from school.

1:01:44surviving good time girlism by heather gay so elisa's like like you know how much i've put up with with heather like you know and i'm like glad i'm like i could give you your book a title by the way like this is like bullshit yeah i came up with the title remember because she does she does have a title called good time girls i mean good time girl you gotta be careful when you make fun of people on these shows, they take it over. Like Luann took Giovanni. Paige and Hannah took Giggly Squad from Kyle. Yeah, you need to trademark your insults on your shows. You need to be like Dorinda and just run trademarks on everything you say.

1:02:19Yeah, don't let those disses fall into the wrong hands. Those disses. Yeah, but you know what? She doesn't want anyone to say anything back to her. She doesn't to Brittany. Oh, wait, no one cares about Brittany, Lisa. What are you even bringing her up? I mean, you said so many things back to her. She's like, you know what? I didn't say so many nasty things back to her. She called me a cut fitness. And I'm like, you know what? Thank you. Okay. Roll call. I'm here. Yes, cross-eyed salesperson. I said cut fitness again. Okay. That poor 16-year-old girl with the big curly hair. And she's just like looking left and right like, am I going to outer darkness by hearing these words?

1:02:59I'm not saying this to hurt you or this poor sweet girl who is sort of my daughter's age. I almost wish she would get out of the store. So I could live my life. But anyway, you know, but I'm not trying to drudge it up. I'm just saying it so that you can see that it's never going to stop unless we acknowledge it. And I say, and I say to you, you know, I want to get this off my chest too. Because the most important thing is to have you at peak emotional frustration or frustration before we get on a boat and you can't escape. You know what? Like, I'm like sick of being labeled like this. Like, you don't feel bad.

1:03:32Like, I think she needs to take accountability. and I told her, I'm like, I just want to get my kid's product. I was just trying to be that nice that day that I sent my sister into where Dusty's store built with$2. It was like in the parking lot. It was like under an umbrella. It was like the worst store I've ever seen in my life. There were like a bunch of bald people in there because she does hair so bad. You know, I was just like trying to be nice. Lisa, you're not going to win. I've already won. I've got to spin off in the book. You're not going to win. You want to win something. she wants to win something and you're both losing.

1:04:04I'm trying to move forward with you right now with the stuff that I'm using to bring us backwards and I'm hoping that this trip will help us bring us all together. The way so many of our trips always have traditionally on our show, if there's anything about a Real Housewives of Salt Lake City trip is that it brings us closer and we emerge more maturely. But like until you really clear it up or change it, it's never gonna go away Lisa. Oh god, Lisa's just like

1:04:33Well, one thing I have to say, oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I don't have to say. No, I was about to transition into the next scene, and if you were about to say something about this scene, I didn't want to stomp on it. No, it's going to be the same thing. Well, I was going to say, if there's one thing that the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is known for is chaos and hilarity, but if there's one thing that's become really good at are riveting mother-daughter scenes, because guess what? Here comes another one that I was not expecting. This is worse than I thought it could be. Oh, my gosh. This Brittany situation is, I have to say, I mean, you know, I'm really judgy on this show and I get it.

1:05:11Like, I'm judgy and bitchy and mean sometimes and stuff like that. But I do try in my head to give people the benefit of the doubt. And I remember saying last week with Brittany, with this whole thing, people coming after, you know, Whitney saying, no, you need to go, you need to stop dating him for 30 days and prove to your daughter. And I was like, well, but did the daughter even ask for that? Like, is that really the problem? Like, what is the problem? Because it's never really been explained. Brittany said in the past, you know, I've chosen men over my daughter. Okay, well, that's a bad enough confession, right?

1:05:44So it's not like I think Brittany's so innocent. But wow, it's a lot worse than even I thought it could be. It's bad. It's bad and it's sad. because what it to me what it shows is well i don't have any sympathy for britney in this situation she really me neither you know and i'm not saying you do but what i will say is that it makes i do feel sad for her as a person because she she's kind of a broken person right like what we really do see is that like when that first marriage ended it clearly something sweet like i think she like couldn't deal she clearly had to like excise that part of her life and just like poured herself into a new life that she's been trying to chase this stuff but like this lady needs she needs help she really does and it's it's it's really sad to see someone cause that much damage on her poor daughter because her own her own shit's kind of broken at the moment you know yeah i i don't even see the like she needs help thing i look at it as kind of like you can't really help a narcissist sometimes because she doesn't even seem to get it like she never really gets it she can never really explain it i mean let's go on with it you know for people who actually need a recap of it but they so first of all i want to say thank god for traumatic parents because they do raise great theater kids because this kid olivia is clearly a theater child i mean she comes in she has the charisma of one she has the outfit of one and she definitely has a voice of one she's like hello mother you know it's like it's like a living room play projected to the balcony you know it really is and by the way something that is i think also worth noting is that this mother-daughter scene that's going to be very riveting and intense is going to play out at sort of like the high top counter on the side of a coffee shop full of like lots of people just on their laptops it's like and they're gonna want and they will wind up like the daughter their voices will be raised there will be tears and i'm like i cannot believe you guys are doing it.

1:07:44You're not even sitting at a proper table. Like, they're sitting at that little side thing. You guys couldn't even get a table? Like, oh my gosh. So, it seems okay at first. They hug. It's nice. And Brittany is saying... Well, not really, because the kid walks in and she's like, hello, mother. And she's like, oh, hi. Hug? You want a hug? She's like, um, okay. So, she lets her hug her. Well, meaning it starts off nicer than where it ends. Yeah. There are smiles that are present. So Brittany is explaining that her reading with Terrence was like prophetic. It made her realize that she needs to step back from her romantic relationship to focus on what's really important, which is her daughter.

1:08:32Is that prophetic or is it just the last? No, that's not what a prophecy is. The most recent person to tell you that. Or is it just something that's obvious and happening in current times? Even Whitney could tell you to do that. She did. But you didn't notice because you were distracted by the pain you were inflicting on yourself by stroking a cactus. Stroking a cactus. So, Brittany's like, well, so, honey, I got you a steamer. Do you get it? No. I was like, a steamer? No. She's like, you know what I'm talking about? No. No, I don't know what a steamer is, mother. Remember when you were four? You did that tantrum.

1:09:05You said, I didn't get any coffee. But, like, really? Because, like, I used to buy steamers. Remember? and that's why you call coffee remember that honey you don't you don't remember this mom i was four i was four don't worry i videotaped the whole thing because you know math i know you love math too remember the video i sent you about your math test oh god here here it is oh i can't find it honey it's in here somewhere oh so she's like well we were in starbucks and you would kick and you would scream and i'm not kidding you screaming at the top of your lungs i want coffee and everyone would look at me like, what kind of mother are you?

1:09:39You give your child coffee? So, no, I didn't get you coffee. I would get you steamers instead. That was... Still don't get it, huh? Don't remember? Nope. Still don't remember. That's pretty funny, though, Mom. Funny story. Yeah, that was... This is... You're going to connect with something from her when she was four years old. Also, I just feel like a reconciliation talk should never start with banter about steamers. I just feel like the word steamer does not really work with reconciliation. I don't know why. I think we already had a lot of talk about farts. Now we're talking about steamers. I think let's just like move on to like different words.

1:10:16Yeah. So she's like, that's funny. She goes, okay, well, she tells us that with her daughter, she got divorced from their dad. She desperately tried to create a perfect, happy family. So she married again immediately, but she was caught in this tug of war between husband and children and she thought wow i can finally get to my kids when i'm a good enough wife and then eventually her kids moved in with her dad i don't believe wow i believe she was like oh no that that situation was a failure but i've got a new guy now and this will be perfect so goodbye old life hello new life i'm the new britney now i that's what i I think probably happened.

1:10:57Or like the man left me. So I need to make sure that the man doesn't leave me, you know? So I need to give, maybe I was too focused on the kids. And now I need to focus on the man because the man left me because I was, you know, I didn't even notice what the man was doing behind my back because he, you know, blah, blah, blah. So I'm going to keep the man this time. It's like putting the man above your kids. I mean, which she says multiple times, but it's crazy to hear this. Yeah. And this happens a lot. I mean, obviously a lot of, a lot of kids have issues with their set parents because a lot of times, they're, you know, they, they feel like their parents have kind of abandoned them to focus on this new person.

1:11:31It's a, it's a, it's, it's a tricky thing to do that. It sounds like Brittany utterly failed at. So it sounds like she didn't even try. She was just like, I'll get to the kids later. I'm just going to focus on the man now. And to the point where they moved in with her dad, she's just like, bye. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that would Brittany, Brittany saying that she was like, I figured if I was a really good wife, I could then get to get to my kids. I was like, no, I don't think you're adding this like little like twist to it to make it seem like actually the ignoring Olivia and the kids was somehow virtuous.

1:12:02Like you were on a path of misguided virtue. I don't think it was that. I think you just were like scared that you were going to be left. And you were I think it's what you said. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

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