#3059 RHOC S19E17 Part One: And Just Like That…

0:20Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today on this very spooky recap. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Happy Halloween. Hello. Happy Halloween. Happy Satan's birthday. I forgot to get a little spider or some spider webs to put up on our Crap is on Demand display. And I feel like a total failure. I feel like every year, I feel like I add a little spider web to something or another. Oh, that's spooky. I love those color blocks. Spooky color blocks

1:00I'm going to wait for you to have some sort of monologue Some rant During one of your Gretchen Rossi rants today I will find a spider web gif And I will put it up on our screen Welcome How are you doing Ronnie? Good, what's going on with you? Not much, it's Friday, it's Halloween We have a very spooky show to recap today Which is a horror show that is thank you thank you audience thank you the undead has risen up to applaud our decision today to recap the real housewives of Orange County so just a quick reminder Monday is crappy hour you all better be there because I feel like some Bravo news is going to break over this weekend I just have a feeling it's going to happen someone's going to wear a bad costume tonight someone's going to be offensive.

1:55Someone's going to do something. We're all going to want to talk about it. That's going to be Monday at 530 on the West Coast, 830 on the East Coast. That is our Bravo headline show. It's live. We do it on YouTube. It's also on Patreon. It's also on Instagram. We are just everywhere. We're taking over the world with crappy hour. Come join us. And of course, on Patreon, speaking of which, patreon.com slash watch for crappins. Get access to Crappins On Demand where you can watch us. And also, we have a weekly bonus episode. We're going to record it after this and we're going to probably talk about our you know Halloween plans and things like that.

2:27Ronnie and I went to a Halloween party and so we'll talk about costumes and things like that and who knows what we'll talk about we could talk about something else entirely who knows that's it so shall we get into this madness Ronnie are you ready for me? Yeah I'm ready The monsters don't like that they don't like that Let's do it They added sound effects to our platform here. So I'm just playing with it. Yeah. Could you send me that sound effect that we've been using? Because I love it and I need to have some control too. Okay. I've relinquished too much control on this show in the past three weeks.

3:04And I'm sick of this shit. Okay. I'm sorry. What sound effect? All I know is that there's been a very natural, almost cosmic reaction to Heather Dubrow's very funny comedy. I wasn't listening.

3:25she wishes she had that big of an audience that was like an oscar that was like that was like the darthie chandler pavilion laughing at heather dubrow

3:38well you know wow what an episode so we finally got our gretchen stuff how they ended up switching this at the end of the episode is pretty ballsy of bravo i can't believe they did this i don't i'm not believing one second of this bullshit they're trying to peddle but i guess we'll get there when we get there eh yeah we'll we'll we'll get there we'll get there um i i am bracing for this episode but here we go so it's amsterdam it's day three the girls are getting ready tamra's putting on sunscreen on her back. Shannon is really leaning into her wackiness. It's time to have an intervention. I think all the sins of this episode could be forgiven if all the women just gathered around Shannon said, Shannon, it's too much.

4:26The sticking your tongue out and through your lips and being unsteady as you put on Spanx or on a bike or walking around. It's too much. It's too much. No, I love it. No, because she doesn't have to do that. She is crazy on her own, so she doesn't have to go that extra step, right? She doesn't need to sell it. She is enough. You're enough, Shannon. But I think she is like this in real life. I really do think this is how she puts on Spanx and rides a bike. I don't see Shannon living any other way. Do you? Do you think in real life, Shannon's like some ballet dancer who's walking around with a grace and all that.

5:08I don't, I think she's a mess. I'd love to see a mess. Listen, I'd love to see someone putting on Spanx, I guess. What can I say? I was into it. Yeah, I just, it's just a little bit too much. I do believe that that was actually her authentically riding that bike. Like that did not feel fake to me. That seemed like how I think that Chan would ride a bike. However, some of the other stuff, like the Spanx, like you put on the Spanx every day. You know how to put them on. You don't have to stick your tongue out of your mouth and pretend like you don't know what you're doing, right? I mean, I don't know.

5:39Spanx are hard. But here's what I'll say. I mean, Shannon riding the bike like that with an American flag on in Amsterdam, I mean, I just believe that's totally Shannon. And not only in an American flag, but like one of the knitted ones, you know, one of the ones that look like you stitched at home like in a rocking chair. I'm like, girl, yes, I do believe it, Shannon. I just do. I just believe that's her. And I love Shannon. You just keep on with your Spanx. So Gretchen is FaceTiming Slade Who's wearing a cowboy hat For some reason And she's like Oh hi are you going to a rodeo or what And he's like no when you get home You'll be a part of the rodeo Yeah that was some really weird Premature aging sexy guy thing to say What happened to Slade?

6:23Slade is not aging well I feel like that happens to a lot of Like formerly hot people In the California sun it just bakes the guys yeah and his like just for men sort of light brown hair he has these days i feel like he's like in the righteous gemstones yeah it's so weird that you would say just for men in this episode because you know that's how he is in every public bathroom he's ever in

6:54however um

6:57so Gretchen's like I feel better this morning I think I just had to have like a good cry you know right you know a good cry like I just had to sit down and be like oh my god I've attached my wagon to Slead's ox oh god and then I just cried and cried and cried and realized this is just my path in life and now here I am everyone's like just move on just get over it but trauma grief pain that's not linear okay okay Gretchen so she's saying yeah you know the stuff with her and Tamara was a long time ago but it doesn't mean that her feelings and emotions just disappear things can come up again you guys so let's keep talking about the same shit over and over and over because no matter how many times she says she's willing to move on she's not willing to move on nobody's willing to move on and I think it's just time to go Gretchen you know just pack it up and go home.

7:50I'm tired of you and I don't want to move on from you either. So just everybody go. I haven't forgiven you yet. Okay? I need more time. I mean, I just don't understand how Gretchen is just losing this battle because she has I feel like she has so much on her side. I think like every time Tamara says, 12 years, 12 years she's been doing this to me. I'm like, what has Gretchen been doing to you for 12 years? She's done nothing. Maybe she like, the one thing that Gretchen did that I think was really, like the bad thing was commenting on what's her face's Facebook. Like that was the thing, like that was Gretchen's big infraction.

8:29But compared to like the stuff that Tamara has brought up about Gretchen on her podcast, I mean, Gretchen, Tamara's always had the larger platform. Tamara's had a platform for 12 years. Gretchen stands on a shoebox for a platform. That's the best that she can do. And yet Tamara's still like, she's tormenting me. And yet still somehow Gretchen, who has really, I think like the moral high ground on this entire thing, is just failing. Just failing. Moral high ground in terms of her arguments with Tamara. Not moral high ground in terms of her social media activity. But in terms of like all of this, how now when Gretchen is sitting here talking about like, well, it's not linear.

9:06It's grief and pain. It's not linear. It's just like, ma 'am, ma 'am, you're losing this battle and you shouldn't be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're coming on a show and your only goal for the season is to fight Satan. And you can't fight Satan. Like, it's Satan. How are you getting the more of the audience's side on Satan's side? You're fighting Satan. I mean, it's like the easiest. Satan never wins. Okay? I watch a lot of horror movies and stuff. That's the whole point. You fight Satan and Satan loses. I mean, he keeps coming back, but he always loses. and you can't even beat Satan in a horror movie.

9:46Like, you're failing, Gretchen. Get the fuck out of here. So Gretchen's like, yeah, I'm just mentally exhausted. I'm like, learn how to say eh, please. It's not another thing I can just ask from Gretchen with her weird fucking talk. I think you just get to a point where you mentally, no, it's not mentally. It's not that. I'm so sick of you. Why are you worried about where people are going pee? Worry about your pronunciation. i hate her uh gretchen's not you too gretchen's gretchen's so she's over it because tamra's never going to take true accountability and i'm over it and i don't want to do that anymore so gretchen's like yeah well emily said maybe it was really lethargic for me to cry it all out and he's like uh yeah it's not lethargic okay the one time i was grateful for slade to say something i was like please please please can someone please correct gretchen rossi on lethargic it was really lethargic to get it out she just got lazier and lazier and lazier as she cried audience and slade says uh you mean cathartic and say cathartic is that the one yeah stupidity is my thing i love it knowing it so we go to speaking of we go to gina's room and um their room is disgusting of course emily and gina's room and she's like oh my god like everything is so tiny in europe i know you're not saying that lady with six children in a bedroom like i hung up a curtain her storyline last season was that she hung up a curtain between the beds I know I'm not coming for Europe right now You live in a shower So she's like I'm almost horrifying Oh my god Well last night I couldn't even sleep I was so exhausted Okay well that doesn't make any sense Shane called and then he's like so fucking frustrated And I get it cause I've been in this situation Annabelle had cheer practice And he had to go to pick her up And Luke was just losing it so there we see a flashback of them speaking on the phone because basically shane called up and uh it's like that classic thing where the dad has to deal with the kids for the first time and it's like i don't know what to do because shane uh luke started throwing food around he's having a tantrum and so now emily's gonna cry about it in amsterdam yeah but i think it's also kind of a normal thing like if your spouse calls you and says hey what's going on you're like oh my god the kids are fucking nightmares today right and then you're like oh god i'm sorry babe don't worry i'll be back whatever but he's like yeah he doesn't want to go to soccer he doesn't want to do his homework he started throwing food and we hear luke go i didn't throw anything and then like shane comes back to the screen and he's got like spaghetti hanging off of his face and he's like oh i just lost it i lost it it's like oh god you make me feel so bad about it what am i supposed to do I'm in another country.

12:57He didn't call you a bad mother for Christ's sake. He deserves the right to talk shit about his kids. Who else are you going to talk about him to? I mean, I would talk about them to everybody. You know, I would. The mailman would show up and be like, how's it going today? My kids are fucking monsters. How are you doing? I'll always remember the time I went to, my friends and I, we got drinks at like on the rooftop of a hotel here in LA. And there was, you know, there's a hotel. So there was this family, there were these kids in the pool and they were swimming and I went, I was like walked to go to the bathroom or something.

13:29And I was walking alongside the pool and this mom, and she was like this wealthy, like she was definitely like very wealthy mom in a bikini. And she just had this like margarita in her hand and she was walking towards me. I'm walking towards her and the kids are saying, mom, mom, mom. And she's like not answering. And then they start going, Barbara, Barbara. And every time that she's, they said mom. And every time they said Barbara under her breast, she just went annoying, annoying, annoying. And I remember thinking at the time, like, that's hilarious. Look at this, like rich mom who's so disconnected from her kids.

14:00Like she doesn't even like, she's like, probably doesn't even know what to do with him. Cause she doesn't have her nanny. But now that I'm older, I realized, oh, she was, she was like, like she was going through it. Like, I feel like that's not a unique thing. This was not some crazy, like rich lady who is like disconnected from her kids. I feel like all my mom friends are constantly like annoying, annoying, annoying. And I feel like Emily should feel okay to lean into that. Like you're allowed to be annoyed. I think she has so much baggage about her own mom. And she's complained so much on this show about like, my mom was never there.

14:32She never called. She never showed up. And now she's, I think, paints herself in this corner where she feels like she has to be the mom that her mom wasn't. And now she worries that when she is, it has moments of being inattentive that she's repeating a pattern. And I just want to be like, Emily, it's okay. Enjoy some stroke waffles. your kid will be fine yeah i think it's one of those things i'm just surprised she's not getting to the point where i've gotten where you just get older and you start seeing like my mom had a point

15:06just kidding just kidding i feel like listen emily has worn out my last nerve this season but i just want emily if you're out there and listening it's okay it's okay enjoy amsterdam Shane's got it. And even if he doesn't have it, you'll come back. You'll fix it later. But please, stop crying on your vacation because your kid had a tantrum. Yeah, that's what kids do. He's doing his job. It's like crying that you're having a tantrum on this show. You know, you think Luke's sitting at home being like, my mom's having a tantrum right now on TV. No, that's her job. You know, that's your kid's job. It's your kid's job to be a little asshole.

15:39And he also probably knows that if he has a tantrum, he's going to get your attention and be like, should I come home? Should I come home? I mean, yeah, don't give him the power, okay? Also, you got to love like a real housewife being like, I don't know why my kid has tantrums. Does he have a TV? He learned it from watching you, mother. You have like three in this episode alone. So Emily is like, yeah, Shane's never lost it when it comes to the kids. So I don't know, you know, it makes me feel terrible. And Gina's like, oh my God, like to watch him flounder, you mean? It's like Gina breaks in to finish her sentence.

16:13She's like, yeah, for him to lose it and I'm here. i'm just such a shitty mom like i'm not even at home i'm here i'm here instead of being at home and she's like emily no you have to take care of yourself too emily okay and so does she and you guys like you guys cannot let it break you guys okay yeah but i think what's so hard is that this is a journey it's a long journey and it's not like you could just go to therapy it's better but it just makes me feel like i can't ever go anywhere it's a long journey mike you want to talk about a long journey how do you how about us watching okay this is like what this is like watching a dash cam on an uber all day it's a long journey and it's not fun to watch and stop saying you can't go anywhere this is your like fourth trip this year so gina's you know gina's trying to comfort her she's like so then uh now we get into vans to go places and um shannon is about to run into a million bikes so heather's like whoa watch the bikes so it's heather gina and shannon in one van and um they are so half of them are going to go on a swing set that is going to be high above the city and fun fact it was also i believe high above the place where i took a strobe waffle class when i went to amsterdam which then happened later on this episode i basically felt like i was watching my life i was like if only i had a child in another room having a tantrum this would basically be the ben mandelker story i mean basically if there was someone standing behind the swing saying take off your seat belts and push the swing harder it would have been just like this yeah so um so half of them are going to do that thing and then the other half are going to uh go this is not no later in the episode is biking and shopping this is swinging setting This is one of the, you know, this is like, we're going to do, we are going to do shrooms like the young people.

18:15Yeah, this is like, clearly the Amazed is one of those Instagram activation places where you go and take cool pictures. And Heather is like, my daughter at Tufts told me that this is a cool place for young people. And I just hope that if I get high, I don't fall down because I may be higher than the people on the swing set who are high above in a building. So I'm just saying I will be higher than people who are physically higher right now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Amsterdam. Thank you. Okay, you're too kind. I have a new joke for me. Okay, you have to stop. I have a joke. Okay, my turn.

18:58My turn. Still me making jokes audience It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial

19:11Let us do shrooms together bottoms up ladies So Shannon and Gina take their little mushroom and Shannon's like I've never done mushrooms before Or is this the new Shannon, Shannon? No, this is not the new Shannon. This is Amsterdam, Shannon. And I'm just, I'm just trying to little. It's no big deal at all. Nothing wacky is going to happen. It was my face melting. Swallow it first, Shannon. So then in the other van, the ladies are talking and Jen's like, have you guys ever seen Shannon? Have you ever seen her, I'm sorry, her shenanigans? When she pulled up her dress on the way to the tulips. Remember when she pulled up her dress?

19:51Wasn't that hilarious, guys? How have we not had Sheena doing an entire episode of her podcast and then putting out 10 episode clips on Instagram about the word shenanigans? I, like, pioneered that name, and I've been using that name for a long time, and they're trying to come for me on the OC, and I will not stand for it. Maybe I should be on the cast next year to have my say about this, because that is my name. It's just, like, really hurtful because we spent, like, a lot of time coming up with shenanigans. And I remember I was at like the El Pollo Loco in West Covina. And I thought, oh my God, my name is Sheena.

20:24And then I want to go to Bennigan's after this and be like, Sheena, Bennigan's, Sheena, Bennigan's, Sheenanigans. It just like came together. And so now like Shannon's just doing it. It just feels like she's stolen it. But I'm like not going to complain to Bravo because like I am a team player and I am a people pleaser. And I just like want everyone to be happy. But it's like really hurtful that like I spend this energy like being supportive of Shannon. But she hasn't once decided to support my podcast. It just like really hurts a lot.

20:54That's right, it's my audience and they're loyal to me.

21:03Thank you. I didn't even have to make a joke. I'm not going to be making any jokes today because today I will be scattering the ashes of my father. No, Alfredo! No!

21:19So Shannon's van. So Shannon's like, wow, look at everybody. I got new Spanx. Look at heights of access. Oh, they're talking about when she was showing them the Spanx and stuff. And Emily's like, yeah, gosh, she's so fucking funny. Yeah, she is funny. She's a hard day, though. She's a lot of work. It's hard to get into that today. Am I right? Try and get your penis drawn to Spanx. Am I right? It's a lot of layers. It's hard to get through there. I mean, the Spanx killed me. They killed me almost as much as knowing that Luke might be having a tantrum right now. I'm a bad mom. And Jen's like, I mean, is that even doing anything for her?

22:01What are those Spanx doing? And Mom's like, no, it just redistributes. That's it. Yeah, it just pushes her up here into her armpits. It's like a big sausage. Yeah, it's like a can of biscuits. And then when you cut it open, it's like, boom, boom goes the dynamite. And the dynamite is made of biscuit. So they're laughing like that's a funny idea. What a bunch of dicks, though. Like, honestly, I mean, teasing Shannon about her Spanx, I think, is fair game because that's like Shannon's personality this season. It's like, I wear Spanx. But calling her a sausage and a can of biscuits. I mean, especially Emily, because Emily's always like.

22:45You made me wear a pair of jeans in my size. How could you? Susan Bender. Susan Bender's a cop fitness. Yeah, and the truth is they'll all be wearing Spanx soon enough because that's just, I mean, I. If they're not already, who doesn't wear Spanx? I mean, my God. Let me tell you something. I had to put on a tank top yesterday for my costume. Like I went to target and I got one of those, like, you know, like Hanes tank tops. It's not flattering. And I thought to myself, gosh, I think I could use some, I could use some man Spanx. I think I'm at that. I'm at, I'm ready now. I'm ready for the man Spanx around the Chustle areas.

23:31No, I just like to thank the gay community for coming up with the word bear. Cause I just go with that. I'm like, I'm a bear. I don't have a bear body. I don't have a bear body. and I don't have like Otterbot. I'm just like, I don't know. It's very frustrating. I don't fit into any gay category. And that was not me choking up, but in some ways maybe I am choking up. That was just my voice. There is no category gayer than Bravo Podcaster. So, you know, put yourself to bed at night with that one. I'm a Bravo guy. Okay, so they - I'm a Bravo podcaster. There's like literally, the only thing gayer than that is like a penis in a butthole.

24:08that's that is significantly gayer than that i just want to say yeah um the only thing gayer than that is like being a gay porn star so uh jen that so that the swing set people arrive like oh my god i don't know about this and i'm like oh my god that's high whoa and they're getting nervous because it's funny and you know it looks scary tamra's like that doesn't look that scary to me the bitch and so they're just like apprehensive about getting on it and tamara says never thought about being a swinger not my thing but when an empty game let's become a swinger batch see because the joke is that like we're going on swing stuff but it's like we say swing it sounds like you're having sexual parties keep up oh i'm sorry i didn't pay for an alfredo to give me a bad damn sure but that's the meaning wasn't funny alfredo do not but dumb to tamra he's not sweating over there sweating over there okay what did I tell you what did I tell you you could do if anyone else tried to be funny good good job gong them for me gong everyone else okay I'll accept that

25:24reprimand reprimand I'll take it he was trying so now the other ladies are like oh my god gretchen you're gonna do the swing you should do it with tamra that's crazy but she tried to murder me on a ball and so she's like i'm basically being set up on my murder cruise so then we go um emily's like well it didn't work she tried to murder you but she didn't so now we'll give her a second attempt so emily is like let's take a video of their final moment together. God, I'm wacky and hilarious. So they're swinging and it's funny and Gretchen hates it so Tamara is like pushing the swing to go harder and harder and Gretchen's like, stop it!

26:07Stop it! All I see are gay and trans people down there. I can't! This is not all I want to die! And Tamara of course is like, make it go higher, bitch! Make the swing go higher! And Gretchen's like, she's been torturing me mentally for years and now she's trying to torture me physically so um yeah you know it's like a wacky swing scene it's crazy and then for a very long time it goes on for too long and uh then shannon heather and gina arrive at their amaze maze and shannon's like oh stella must have found this on tiktok where is my daughter sending us wacky um it's like trippy already whoa it's like uh gina you're just in the lobby oh my god there's like walls here this is like wild and crazy yeah so they're gossiping a little bit about how tamara and gretchen are spending time together and gina's like i feel bad for i felt bad for gretchen's last night i felt so bad she did say i feel bad i think this is one of three this episode she actually ended the season with like a really big i feel yeah she really comes later she did like a big really really really bad she's like this is it you know like this might be my final season so let's go out with a bang i feel really really really bad yeah it was a really feel really bad finale like the big all the fireworks going off all at once so heather's like well gretchen on the way home she was so upset she was crying and taking accountability for all her own actions isn't gretchen a great friend i love defending her And we see a flashback of Gretchen being like, I don't want to be the person that you guys are saying I'm being.

27:57I guess I'm not recognizing that I'm doing that. Well, Gretchen definitely doesn't like to apologize. But someone had to put the sword down first. And it feels like Gretchen is doing that. The last thing I want to participate in are sword fights. If you know what I'm saying. so Gina is like well maybe it'll be okay but like also I'm like sick of likes that they say they're gonna like move on and then they both like take their digs when they're around us um so then it's time to at this point Shannon is like watching them but her mushrooms are kicking in and she's just like huh what and you hear Heather's voice like there's nothing wrong All our kings have to move.

28:45What? What? Whoa, I'm high. I am high like the youth of TikTok. You guys are those drums. What are those drums? Is this the real Housewives music? Na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Like, what? Listen to it. Listen, you can hear it. Am I the only one hearing this? Gina's like, I did not hear that. I think Shannon's just fucking nuts, man. Shannon's brain is melting in real time. I don't hear the creepy clown music of our theme song. I don't know what she's talking about. I said, I don't know what she's talking about. No, no, this is a Heather joke, but dumpcha me, Alfredo. Oh God, we're gonna have to have a real talk when we get back to America.

29:36Alfredo, why are you sweating? Why are you sweating? Something's wrong with Alfredo. Someone help Alfredo You just hi Heather The mushrooms are kicking in Oh okay I'm back Thank you Thank you So they go through this wacky maze And there's like little doors And Gina's like oh my god It's like a doggy door but for a large breed of dog This is claustrophobic This is claustrophobic Oh god Oh, God. I'd love to. Yeah. Oh, God. It's claustrophobic, but it's also like a big hug. It's like a hug from the walls. Wow, I'm high. I am high right now. And there's a bunch of mannequins in one of the rooms. And Heather's like, oh, my God, are there real people here?

30:23This is a little creepy for me. Have you seen yourself? Imagine how the mannequins feel. They're like, why does she get to walk around? I know. Who control her ass? I know. She learned the secret. She did it.

30:40and then they go to a room where they i guess the amaze has taken their faces and like kind of ai'd them into some other kind of like versions of them so it's like they don't it's not them but there's enough like there's enough like signals or like signifiers to show that it is them and so it's crazy basically their instagrams yeah basically and it's like hey i have too many wrinkles don't look don't look at the picture of me they put wrinkles on me that's terrible i will adjudicate the amazing adjudicate so yeah they heather is like some weird school mom with a bun and she looks kind of like an only fans picture um or like a porn picture where they're like i'm a teacher and um everyone else like shannon's actually looks kind of good and uh they're like wow why does shannon's looks like she has this big like poofy windblown hair uh so they like her but heather's like why do i get screwed in this whole deal so then let's see we go to the lookout and the ladies are sitting down and ordering drinks and gret you know whatever so they're asking gretchen how she feels today saying i don't know like i can't expect something from you that you're not able to give me tamra you know what i mean and so jen's like well what do you want to work out differently but we should talk about you and tamra again we should have another whole meal talking about you and tamra that sounds great i'm sure the audience is really down for that thank you so much gretchen thank you so much for all you bring to this show so like i lost like a lot of people in my life to cancer and like i would just hope that like tamra would say you know what now that i'm dealing with that with teddy i feel bad about ever like what was that did someone say i feel bad go back to the maze okay i just want to i just want tamra to say that she feels bad right now.

32:26So Tamara's like, oh yeah, I do feel really bad now. Like my heart breaks that like, no, now that you went through that. They have like actually like a vaguely human moment where Tamara is like, oh, I guess it was kind of shitty of me to make your life hell while your fiance was dying of cancer. Yeah, I guess that was shitty of me to call you out for cheating on your cancer-ridden fiance at the time, Gretchen. I guess that was bad. And she's like, I'm so sorry, Gretchen. I'm so sorry for hitting you during that time. And she's like, well, thank you for seeing that. Yeah, this is definitely the first time Tamara's actually heard what I had to say.

33:00And, you know, it's unfortunate that it took her having to be in the exact same situation for her to have any empathy. So Tamara pulls out the whole, like, hey, can we find a friendship contract? I'm an S-T-C-P-T. Hey, S-T-C-P-T, I'm here talking to somebody who dresses like a murdered child beauty star. And she wants me to be nice to her. Isn't that fucking funny, Chanty BG? Chanty BG is a bitch, bitch. What you want from me? The contract you hear by acknowledging is the chaotic recideling of a friendship between Tamara Judge and Gretchen Rossi. Both parties agree to her fail from taking any kind of shots at each other.

33:44So Gretchen's like, oh, that's going to be tough. And she's like, and Emma's like, I think these two ding-dongs need to sign a contract because they should sign it in blood. they should shut the fuck up emily who is the one who exasperated their their piece it was you when gretchen was being messy at the sleepover you went and ran and told tamra you reignited it and it was worse now than it was all season you can't be like these ding-dongs need to shut up already because you were the ones who brought the ding-dongs together you were the ding-dong unifier yeah that's what emily does she sets them against each other and then she's like oh why is everyone fighting so then we go to the hotel and uh heather almost gets hit by a bike and um she's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and then tamra almost gets hit by a moped and emily's like oh let's forget about that bike path so they talk about the swings and how much fun they were having and then how much fun they were having on the boat and they're like why does this feel like we've been here a year i know so uh then they're just like now tamara and gina are walking they all kind of like break off to do like little activities so tamara's like ah gina i feel like we should get backs and pedal around and then maybe i could like remind you that you're supposed to confront uh gretchen about those uh homophobic um instagram posts you know remember when i showed you that like two weeks ago like you snoozy lose so come on get to it Yeah she's like yeah You know like you feel like you haven't figured out But like I keep going back to the post That you shared with me And so we see two weeks earlier Tamara showing Gina her phone And saying that somebody Had made a thread that You know About all the anti-LGBTQ Posts that Gretchen has liked And stuff So Gina's like well there's like a big part of me That's still thinking I And then there's like another part that's like Feel and then there's another part of me That thinks I'm mad But you know what like Maybe it's not true like I want to make You know I want her to make me Feel better about this whole thing But I have questions for her too But I'm not going to ask them I'm just going to have you ask them And then pretend like I have nothing to do with it And Juno's like I mean I understand That this is like calculated on Tiamra's part And if there's one thing I do every single Season on this show I say I'm not Going to participate in these games anymore and I'm not going to do someone else's dirty work.

36:12So with that in mind, I'm going to do Tamara's dirty work because, like, I'm upset and it bothers me, okay? So, like, yeah, I'm not being manipulated this season. Yeah, like, this time, like, I totally understand I'm doing Tamara's dirty work. So it's not doing a dirty work because I want to do it. So I'm not being manipulated. Okay. So, but I do have to say, Tamara does, at least when they say it, She's like, oh, you mean you're going to talk about the best fats, ain't you? So Tamara's not pretending she had nothing to do with it. I think Tamara just wants other people to also be there with her.

36:49She doesn't want to be the only person. She's like, why am I the only person that's mad about this? You guys should be mad about this with me. So she doesn't, at least to Tamara's credit, hang her completely out to dry. So Tamara is like, but don't bring it up to Nat, okay? Because Nat, I think Shannon has a fat schedule. So let's let her have a pre-fight Before the big fight And then we'll have our big fight tomorrow night Okay, bitch I don't want this getting next up in the Spanx fight Okay

37:21Let's let the Spanx fight Have its own night And then homophobia fight Could be the big one the next night And there's also going to be some fish Let's make it last So now we go to Emily and Heather in a van And Emily's like, do you have the ashes with you? Oh, I have them here in my purse. Sorry, it's a taco. It's a taco. Alfredo, never bedumped you, Emily. Never. Apology accepted. Apology accepted. Okay, yes, I do have my father's ashes. He's here. I like to call this bag of ashes go wait. Go wait ashes. It's like this tiny little bag of ashes. Well, it just means so much to me that you wanted me to be here.

38:05That is so sweet. Well, part of the fun of having a really expensive townhome in Amsterdam is that you get to show it to the poor people. I mean, if I just look at it, I mean, it's just like looking at a house. But if you show it to someone and you have a poor person with you, you get to really see how expensive this place was. Am I right? Yeah. And Emily says that she's become close with Emily because they bitch about their families together. So sounds good to me. That's a friendship. So she's like, remember how you and me the other day were talking about Terry and Shane and how irritating it is because they all take the kid's side sometimes.

38:42Isn't that annoying? Gosh, being a mother, am I right? Oh, hold on. Let me have a piece of this pizza that is dripping all over my purse so casually. The other day, it's so funny. I mean, like, why is it that husbands always take the side of the kids? It was like such a funny thing happened. So Alfredo came in through the main door instead of the servant's entrance. And my son said, it's okay, mom. And I said, what are you talking about? It's okay. Would you be okay if an elephant just walked through the front door? No, you have to be careful about who comes in the front door. And Terry said, Heather, you're being a little irrational.

39:21I said, oh, so now you're going to take the elephant side and Alfredo side and the kid side. and I'm just chump change? Am I right? Am I right?

39:34Wow. I don't know. Sorry, that was my team.

39:41Alfredo's changing it up. It's the rival. Well, I heard we could all bring a percussionist on our trip. They don't have a budget for glam, but we do have a budget for percussion. so. I just never felt understood. Sorry, what? It sounded like the Cosby show was about to begin. When you started playing that, I was like, you know. Were you allowed to mention the Cosby show? Is it 2025? I mean, I think so. I don't know. That was a joke. That was a joke. That was a joke. Thank you. Oh, I almost missed it. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

40:27Although I can't say I have all these beautiful, warm, fuzzy memories about my dad, I will tell you that we share a birthmark. And when I was little, I had this autograph book, and my dad wrote me a little note, and he said, no one else is going to ask you for an autograph, so I might as well remind you you have a birthmark in your ear. You fucking loser! So remember that dot in your ear, and we'll be together forever. Love, Dad. And that's why I hit myself in the ear constantly. Oh, the tinnitus. Yes, I often will look back at... Yes, I will often look back at that autographed book and I look at my dad's sweet message.

41:07And then I turn the page and I get angry all over again as I see that Wendy Malick wrote her name in my autograph book. How dare she? Is she that desperate? I just felt abandoned, you know, because I'd love to be able to call my mom and tell her everything that's going on with Luke and ask for advice. but I can't. So she talks about having, you know, terrible parents. So she can't ask her parents for advice on her children. So who do you ask? And Heather's like, well, that's why you get maids. And Heather is talking about how she feels. Richard Marks. No, I heard a Richard Marks. How to raise your child.

41:46Like Daisy Fuentes is husband.

41:51Go on. Sorry. I interrupted. She says that she's, you know, she finds herself upset and irritated. But, you know, at some point you have to realize, you know, your dad's just not capable of it. And he did the best he could. And, you know, are we doing the best we can? And Emily's like, yeah, you know, like we're doing better than we had. So they're standing there outside the house because they're just talking outside this house now. And this guy comes out and he's like, hello, there's no soliciting. and she's like oh hello uh my parents used to live here in b are you in the garden you don't look rich enough yes that is me i'm here welcome my name is john pierre and nice to meet you i am television's heather dubrow oh so oh do you want to go and you want to make films inside i thought that was so cute he's like ah i see television crew this is very american you want to make the films in here like oh well if you insist uh uh i mean uh this does count as an imdb credit does it does it not okay great so he takes them in and she's like thank you my mother is going to freak oh my gosh you even kept her wallpaper my mother loves green and then we see a side by side of the room then and out which is a little different and um one has a dark green fireplace and he's painted it and he's like oh yeah we changed a bit of the green though we had to paint that fireplace because oh the green before it was so toxic so toxic if you ever come for my color of green again it will cost you a lot john pierre whoa whoa whoa by the way did you find my posters if anything goes in the attic oh we were wondering what was that about you know what is interesting we had a dart board in the kitchen and on the face over where you throw the darts, that was lady's face that looks like she's on the TV show Happy Place?

43:49Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The Reba Bulletin Board. My mom would get very upset when I would throw darts across the kitchen when she was trying to make lamb chops. In America, we call her Reba McIntyre.

44:07So Heather says, I haven't been in this home for maybe 23 years. This home felt alive. We had dinner parties. We had very good energy. At one point in my life, this was the biggest house I'd ever seen. And now this is just something I would just gift to a maid. But it's still adorable. And I'm so happy to be back here. Hold on. I'm having a touching moment. Let me FaceTime my mother. Okay, she's not answering. Her mom's like, oh, God. Heather's facing me from Amsterdam. God knows what she's up to over there. Like, I want to see that ugly green fireplace, please. Like, I want to be taken back to the city with all the canals and the bikers.

44:46Give me 684 and a Honda. I'd take that over all those bikes.

44:54So they just go through the whole house. I mean, this guy's really nice. He lets them just go through everything. Oh, and this was the walk-in closet. This is where I first tried on my first pair of pantyhose. Oh, look at these. They fit, Jean-Pierre. They fit. this is the, this is where I got the call where I'd be starring in a 1996 pilot with Jane leaves called have fun tonight. Oh God. We were playing waitresses in a fast casual restaurant with a boss who was wacky and played by Martin mall. It never made it to air, but we had a great time. It was always fun. I hope you don't mind me telling you this story while I show you where I used to shave my legs.

45:36Great. Oh, please leave less DNA in my house, please. This is my house, Jean-Pierre. Back the fuck off. Fucking home stealer. So she's like, oh, by the way, here are the ashes. I have the ashes of my dad right here in your kitchen. He's like, okay, this is creeping me out a little bit. I do not want dead ashes in close to my lobster bisque that I am making. Okay, well. Calm down, Jean-Pierre. I'm just going to do a facial for you with my father's ashes. okay just gonna do a little exfoliation john pierce oh my god please don't hold on one second john pierce i'm getting a call oh it's josh altman from you may be familiar with million dollar listing los angeles no no well the news the news is uh we have bought this house and you can leave now thank you it's fine so now they go outside and they sit at the canal and now there's like maybe i need a little private moment and emily's like oh sorry i'm already sitting here but i guess i'll go right over here then okay i'll just go right over here just pretend uh there's me a churro and then you okay i'm not even here not even here alfredo don't you dare don't you dare alfredo don't you dare alfredo don't you oh my god he joked he joked he couldn't resist Don't put on to Emily So Heather actually has a nice moment here It's really nice So she sits down and she takes the bag of ashes And she just looks over the canal And she juts out her chin like she does When she's like doing a very serious scene She's like um dad Just wanted to say You're a real cocksucker She throws the ashes in there And she's done with it Emily's like that was beautiful

47:30do you mind if i call those ashes asher um i have to applaud heather dubrow she did something significant actually one would say historical i don't think in the 13 years we've been doing this podcast we've seen this before she successfully put ashes into a body of water without having them blow in everyone's faces congratulations heather dubrow you had proper ash for him yeah yeah it was nice it was nice you know she took him she wanted to throw his ashes in a place where he was always happiest and i'm sure her dad is in heaven like that woman just threw me into the street basically she just dumped me into a piss-filled canal in amsterdam wow you know what i guess i earned that i guess i'm just waiting i'm just waiting for one of those like floating jacuzzi boats to come through again with some bachelorettes like cindy's bachelorette what are we breathing in right now just shannon passes by oh god i got i have a blister on my toe i'm i can't get it in the wall whoa whoa whoa whoa i got my toe in the water whoa heather heather i do not approve of your career choice what's happening to me she gets possessed by heather's dad it's like a wacky 80s movie it's like all of me it's like heather i'm i'm i enjoy this conversation but i have to go to work leaving at 6 30 and back at 6 30 bye so how did she end up in the how did she end up in the gorgo wife swap episode well it turns out there's a tangled web that we we weave speaking of tangled Wild webs.

49:11Wahoo! There it is! Spooky frame on the crap and demand. Wow! Ooh! I bounced off of the wall there. Was that my badumcha? Adeline, are you my badumcha? Adeline? Hi, Adeline, this is your mother. I'm in Amsterdam. And apparently we're all freaking percussionists and I don't have one. So could you send a thing? Well, do we have something better? I don't need the sound of my Spanx coming off. Okay. Okay. That was from David. I did not appreciate that. I did not appreciate that. Here I shut him door. Killed by an audience that's manipulated by my ex-husband while he walks around on the beach with a slap.

49:58You liked it. You liked it. They liked it. They liked my joke. Woohoo. So back at the hotel, the ladies are getting ready and Jen is FaceTiming Ryan. and they're talking about how hot she is and stuff. And he's like, hey, babe, I had two pussies in my bed last night. She's like, excuse me, what did you say? It's like, pussy cats, two pussy cats in my bed.

50:22Oh my God, Ryan, that is so funny. Can we get a, what does a gen bedump chest sound like? No one? I'm out. No one? I'm out of bedumpches. I guess I am one of the newer cats. I have literally no more to offer. Okay, hold on, hold on.

50:45wow okay i was not expecting that sound but that's okay was that my son passing out again that poor guy why is he always passing out i i'm a little concerned to be honest i'm concerned too we see at the end of the episode he's passed out in the army they're like oh look he made it to the army and then he passed out what the hell's going on over there somebody get that kid his iron him yeah i know seriously um so gretchen facetimes slade she's like sky and then skylar's like i miss you so much mommy it's like oh my god look at that voluminous gretchen hair that you have wow it's so lethargic to see you um and then we go over to gina and emily using a lot of hairspray and then everyone goes to a seafood bar for dinner and Shannon gets out wackily.

51:36She's like, whoa, whoa, I gotta pull all my Spanx down. I gotta pull my Spanx down. Hold up, everybody. Oh, God, Heather is a good for nothing little brat who never does her chores.

51:51And people are just walking in. It's like this seafood bar and everything. And Heather's like, so, everyone, Emily came with me today and we went to where my parents lived. And it reminded me that I should be really making another good effort to get onto Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I'm just in a different class from all of you. It was amazing. It was the first time anyone in her price level has been there. So that was something great. You know, it was the first time that someone in her price bracket walks through those doors and wasn't handed a feather duster. So we are making progress. Making progress.

52:29And here's what's crazy. We were standing outside filming our scene, and then a man comes out and says, do you want to come inside? Later on, I found out he is the Drake of Amsterdam. That's what we call Bashert. It was almost like my dad said, come on in. Except he was nothing like my dad. He was actually there. Gave me attention. Told me hello and goodbye. It's actually nice. God. Wow. Miss that man. Wow. I really, I have, I, I, I really, I have chills with that story. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for sharing that story with me. That was like really one of the most powerful stories you could have ever shared with me.

53:14That was really beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. Why is she still talking? I'm just waiting for a bajumcha. Just hoping I'd get a bajumcha. Um, okay. I guess that'll count. I think this is going to kill you. Um, Gretchen's like, um, I think that was so cool for Heather. To me, that's definitely divine intervention. So, of course, Gretchen's like, it's Jesus that did it. Girl, they stood out on somebody's patio with cameras, okay? Leave Jesus out of some things. My God. Jesus was like, can I have one fucking day? Can I just have a break? I can't even have a break while you guys are vacationing in Amsterdam.

53:53For Christ's sake. Yeah, seriously. let them focus on other things well since we're all having a nice dinner I have something I'd like to bring up because Gretchen told me that when you guys were driving to your swing I came up in conversation in a way that I didn't really appreciate so we see a flashback to them having their Spanx conversation right after Gretchen's like I just hope me and Tamara can be friends and just like stop doing this to each other She's like, oh my God, everybody was calling you fat in the car. Shut up, Gretchen. So she's like, how is she ever going to get laid if they were saying, yeah, how is she ever going to get laid if they have all these space?

54:35And it's like when you get it open, it's like popping open a box of biscuits. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Who said that? If I was made out of biscuits, I would eat myself. Everybody knows that. Are they, question, is this the Pillsbury brand of biscuits? Because I actually do not approve of their ingredients. I prefer more of a natural biscuit. And if it were, if they were, if I knew the source, the biscuits, I wouldn't be so mad. But I am concerned that this is, this is a Pillsbury Doughboy situation. I'm just, I just, I cannot get behind that. And Gretchen's like, yeah, like Emily wasn't said that.

55:11So it's like, she fat shaming you. Oh my God. Look, I think the ladies were being assholes, especially Emily for the, for that comment. But Gretchen, aren't you trying to, like, be friends with everybody? She's just so bad at this. Gretchen's just really bad at this is my only point. Right. So Shannon's like, well, I was told you guys said no guy is going to want to be with me because I wear Spanx. And all that does is redistribute the fat. And Tamara's like, no, Batch, no, we never said no guy ever wants to be with you just because of your personality. Totally different thing. Well, it sounded like you accused my fat of being the socialism of fat, just redistributing themselves to everybody.

55:50And that's just not how Spanx work. And you can say whatever you want about me, but how dare you come for Spanx? How dare you? Oh, my God. The visual of Shannon just like, poof. That's like, there's like no defending. That's like, this is like fucking nuts. But that's hilarious. I think of like biscuits, like popping open. Like, that's like hilarious. You told her about the cat of biscuits? It says Emily as if she is not the messiest person on this cast. I can't believe you told someone what we were saying behind their back. Yeah. I mean, look, Gretchen's annoying me for doing this, but she's not wrong.

56:28And also, you're right. Yeah. The rest of them are even worse, especially Gina and Emily. They're like the worst. I think what's bad with when Gretchen does it, she always she carries the bone as if she weren't part of the messiness that was happening behind Shannon's back. And also it's just mean spirit. It's just mean spirit. Like it wasn't great when they said it, but they were kidding. I'm not going to stand up for them because it was shitty what they were saying. But I think what we're doing in the spirit, like isn't Shannon great? And Gretchen's trying to take it back to hurt Shannon's feelings.

56:58So it makes Gretchen the hurtful one, if that makes any sense. Yeah, Gretchen was actually making it sound like it was way worse than what we saw. Like it was hypocritical. Yeah, it was sort of shitty of Emily to say some of the things she was saying. It was hypocritical, but ultimately they actually were coming from a place of like, God, we love this crazy lady. And Gretchen made it, ran back and made it seem like it was way worse than it was, which is, which is also shitty. And so Gina's like, sometimes with Gretchen, she tries to act like very pious and like she's above everything. But then she's like causing problems.

57:31I'm sorry. Did someone say that there was pie? Can we get that before the fish? No? Fish pie? Oh, that's different. Well, when it comes to me, I can make fun of me But especially the last year, you know, Emily When you had your issues And she's like, oh, well, I wasn't talking about you specifically I was talking about biscuits being in a can And popping out of a can Okay, just say you're sorry, Emily Miss, like, why don't you just apologize And she's like, well, no guy's gonna want to be with Shannon Because she's gonna have to pull all the Spanx out And I'm like, I didn't say that I mean, I always say that no guy's gonna want to be with Shannon But it doesn't have to do with Spanx It has to do with your alcoholism I mean, we were very much like talking about Shannon.

58:12That's for sure. Yeah, and Shannon definitely has a right to know what her supposed friends are saying behind her back. So we see the flashback again of what was being said. And Gretchen's like, that's not very funny. It's not very nice. I'm like, all they said was that she's wearing so many Spanx that it's hard to have sex with her because she had to take off a lot of layers. And the can of biscuits and the sausage. like they weren't great I just wouldn't repeat that but it's not the worst like it wasn't the worst well I mean I feel like the I mean look I don't want to defend this stupid scene but like I think an argument can be made that they were saying that the nature of Spanx is that you squeeze everything together and the moment you take Spanx off everything pops out and everything I don't know if they were specifically saying look at Shannon she looks like a big piece of dough that's been molded into a corset you know but also like Gretchen And also Gretchen, you know, just an added layer.

59:07Gretchen being like, well, her friends were talking about her and she has the right to she has the right to hear everything that was said. It's like, didn't you just get someone kicked off this show because they repeated something you said to them at dinner? Absolutely. Fucking hypocrite. Not that it's a shocker that Gretchen would be a fucking hypocrite. But there you go. So Emily says, OK, lawyer speaking from my perspective. And Jen was there. There was no malicious intent. and Gretchen goes, but Emily, you just said this. Gretchen, shut up. Actually, no, I'm gonna say Gretchen. I'm gonna make that R a little bit longer and turn it into an N, cause I'm mad.

59:42Gretchen, shut up. Oh my God, you just can't be called out about anything. Really? You're gonna piss me off and I'm gonna fucking lose it on you. Listen, Shannon, you're my friend. I love you very much. I also love biscuits. And if I said something that hurt your feelings, that was not my intent. It was funny. Okay. We started it by talking about how funny you are. And she's like, well, okay. Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. We love how you, you know, you look like you're about to be baked into a delicious breakfast treat. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. This is why I love Emily, because we can have these discussions and I can say you hurt my feelings.

1:00:25And then she will literally order me biscuits at the table. I'm just glad I didn't explode like a can of biscuits oh I guess that's my pedumptia thanks a lot Sophie god damn it so back at the table Shannon's like well I'm gonna go to the restroom I might be a while unwrapping myself from space so she leaves and Jen's like okay but pull your shirt down, Shannon, Shannon, please. And she stands up and there's like a big price tag hanging on the back of her skirt. She's always such a hot mess. But I'm the hot bitch, bitch. So Emily is like, okay, don't make fun of her right now. We can't. She can't take anymore.

1:01:17That's it. So now it's day four. It's time for a final day in Amsterdam. And first they're going to start off by doing split activities again, biking or shopping. Yeah, so Jen goes to get Shannon And Shannon's like, I'm ready, I'm ready to go And she's still in her pajamas And Jen's like, there's just something about you You just do it for me, Shannon You really do You're just hilarious, Shannon And then the others, Tamara, Gina, Jen, and Shannon Are getting on bikes So Gina's like, oh my god You guys look like I'm riding my bike to school Honestly, you look like you're going to Hogwarts right now Now, you know, Gretchen's like, oh my God, I love that author.

1:02:00So Gina's. That's the only book I read. And Tamara, I'm sorry. Gina's doing this thing the whole episode. I don't know if you noticed, but every time she says something in confessional, she just starts cracking up at herself. Like she's starting to say anything funny. She'll be like, oh my God, like I look like a little girl going to school. She is like, and she's like really highlighting her front teeth too. Like she is just, she is delighted with herself. And I say this as someone who often laughs at my own jokes too, which is okay. But at least we legitimately laughed at ourselves. She's like fake laughing at herself.

1:02:35It's bizarre. Like she knows it's not funny. She's just trying to like, yeah. I'm going to sell you guys. Fake it till you make it. Oh my God, you're being fake. So they are trying to bike. And Gina's like, they think like cycling to a whole nother level here. Like you have to be like freaking, like what's his name? Lance Armstrong. no wait no he's nash on wait no he is a bike okay this is honestly ronnie this is like one of those moments where i'm like not only like laughing i'm laughing a lot because like the lance armstrong neil armstrong mix up is like legitimately like so funny to me like i almost feel bad by how funny it is neil armstrong lance armstrong am i right gosh such a moron i believe that you rode a bike i do not believe that you rode it to a school so then heather gretchen and Emily wrote it into a tree I think yeah she wrote it into a tree so Heather Gretchen and Emily are arriving to go shopping and Heather's like love some retail therapy so they try on some sunglasses and you know it's like all fun and games and they're asking Emily about how things are at home and she's like well Shane sent me pictures of Luke and he'll put like everything's okay now hanging out on the couch and I guess it's kind of his way of saying I'm sorry but you know he's saying like, sorry, we're stressed out and yelling on the phone or whatever.

1:03:56It's probably also a way of saying like, actually, everything's cool now. So go enjoy yourself. Yeah. She's sobered. And she says, you know, it's going to be a lifelong struggle with Luke. I'm sorry. Is there a child in the country that doesn't have tantrums? Like, they don't want to go somewhere. I just, she's making me crazy with this. I don't even see. I mean, look, I also, if he's on the spectrum, I'm, you know, I also don't want to. Well, we don't know what his diagnosis. She said his diagnosis. She said it wasn't. He's not on the spectrum after all. That he's got an eating disorder. She listed him a couple weeks ago.

1:04:35Yeah, she listed him. Either way. I mean, it does sound like it will be a lifelong journey, etc. But like, actually, I don't know what point I'm making. I'm just talking. I'm just talking. So Emily is like, oh, I was so stressed out. but I was like, do I need to go home? Yes, it's hard to go back to your home. So small, so small. But you always have to remember. How do you even find it? You know, I wonder how people, when they're sitting in an airplane, they say, look, there's my house, like me, you know, as we see from a town away. But how do you do that? Emily, when you go onto Google Maps, do you ever say to yourself, why do they even bother putting my address on here, right?

1:05:17I mean, it's barely been a house. I mean, does every blade of grass get a mention on Google Maps now? Am I right? Google craps. Just have to go in for all the crappy little houses. Use a micro camera. Well, I was thinking maybe I should go home. It's like, whatever, get a nanny. She's like, oh, gosh, she always talks me off the edge with my kids. I appreciate that. Of course. I love you, Emily Simpson. That is your name, right? So now the other ladies are in the park and Shannon, this is actually a little stressful because Shannon was biking like crazy. Now the thing is this, I feel like Newport beach and orange County is all full of bike paths and everything.

1:06:03But I guess Shannon just doesn't, maybe Shannon has like not wanted to get back onto a bike, like ever since David Badour essentially strapped her to a Peloton. It was like, if you want to, if you want to save this marriage, start peddling bitch. He's like, And here's a Peloton. That was so horrible. And when he strapped her feet, I'm not laughing that he bought her that. I'm just laughing at that scene because she strapped her feet into the Peloton and then couldn't get out. I just was staring at the cameraman for help. And he was like, no, we're going to film this. Classic. So, yeah, this is where she's wearing her like knitted American flag shirt and just driving like an idiot, like being the most American American on the road.

1:06:44And this is serious. Like everyone's going really fast and she's doing like a wacky Shannon scene. And they were in like a park. So there's pedestrians too. Like I really thought she was going to crash into someone. I mean, they already crashed into a boat last episode. She crashed into a boat. She. She. Don't put everybody else in this. It was Shannon B. Door. If you ever looped in. Does this jacuzzi have a second floor, by the way? Does it have a second floor? No? Okay. Guys, I just searched on my telephone. And there is a waffle place where you can make your own druggy waffles. We should go.

1:07:21We love drug waffles now. We are youthful. Hey, everyone, we are cooking. These Stroopwafels will be busting. I can't wait to tell one of the Joshes from Bravo's million-dollar listing, remember that show, Jean-Pierre, and tell them that I'm doing something wacky. So the Stroopwafel guy is like, oh, Stroopwafel, it's not from the 1800s. It was called Poor Man's Cookie. Oh, God, we should have brought Gina. Emily does actually, she goes, you're in the wrong place. Why is that? He said Poor Man's Cookie, Heather. It's like, if you're making a joke, I am not amused because I'm deeply uncomfortable with the concept.

1:08:06I didn't know this about Stroopwafels. They called them the poor man's cookie because the baker made it from leftover cookies and leftover bread. What the hell? It was like leftover, leftover, um, like ingredients that they just, so what do you do? You crumble them all up, make them into a ball and then put them with some caramel and just flatten it. Well, it's delicious. I took a class. I made a delicious stroke waffle and, uh, I don't know, maybe back in the day, maybe in 1800s, they did use like leftover cookies or something. but it was essentially a very simple like flour and sugar kind of recipe where you add like water and an egg.

1:08:46I don't even know if there was any leavener in it. I don't remember. Maybe there's some baking soda. I think. Oh no, she got fired.

1:08:54What? Sorry. Leavener. Okay. So you don't know if there was like a leavener? No, I don't think there's a leavener because they don't rise, right? You squish them. They don't really rise. Yeah. And so then you, you make this matter. It helps it rise. Yeah. I don't think you, I don't know. Sometimes you may even need it for something like a waffle, but like either way, I agree. Then you put it in a special dedicated strip waffle machine that you saw and they were, I wish I had the, I have the recipes somewhere in my things, but like you, you cook it for like a very specific number. Like my instructor was like, some people say you do it for one minute and 19 seconds.

1:09:32Others say 59 seconds, like a really weird, like, like I'm below deck when they say it's 1 23 PM. It was like a really weird number. And then you, you open it and then you have this thing. It's almost like one of those, what are those, like a scraper that you scrape, like a, like a sticker. What do you call those things? You know, the scrapers, like the metal scraper thing. You slide it under and then you have to, I think, I think you, maybe you flip it or I don't remember what it was, but you put the caramel on it and you close it up and, oh, you split it in half and you put the caramel on it.

1:10:00This is the most boring retelling of the Stroopwafel. I'm sorry, everyone. This is not. It's made it more difficult than the damn Stroopwafel. I should have prepared my pontification, and I'm doing it on the fly, and it's just really not killing it. No, you're doing great. I'm following you. I'm following you. But your little scraper, the little waffle thing, it actually splits in half. Then you put the caramel on there, you close it back up again, and it's fabulous. Oh, yeah. Well, those are great. But they're also trying to get your teeth. I'm surprised that you like them so much because you're so teeth health conscious.

1:10:34Like you take really good care of your teeth. And those things are terrifying to me. I mean, I've got caps and browns and stuff. Oh, they're not like chewy like that. They're like, it's like a soft caramel. It's like a soft, it's like, it's like. Whenever I have them on the airplane, who's it? Delta that gives you those? My teeth are about to come out. Oh, United. Oh, no, no, no. No, but it's like a soft, luscious caramel. It's just sort of like, you like, you bite it. We need to stop talking about this. I'm going to eat my fucking face off. I literally almost bought, like it was so good. I almost like bought myself a strip awful machine.

1:11:05And I was like, I cannot, I am, I am okay with a single use appliance, but even this, I have my limits. That being said, if someone wants to donate a strip awful machine to the Mandelker Kelly household, I will not say no. Cause I cannot in my own, in my heart of hearts, I cannot buy my own one. But if it just arrived, then I know that I was not being ridiculous. watch me get like 10 stroke waffle machines now yes do it ben so heather's like poor man rich poor man's waffle rich man's waffle i don't care it's a waffle and i'm not touching it and then she tries to be relatable she goes i mean it's so good and i and i made it myself what was that thing from shake and bake and i helped right isn't that how it goes you know just give me a line that's relatable.

1:11:58You know, the poors watch Shake and Bake commercials, right? They eat it all the time, right?

1:12:07Alfredo, that was terrible. The audience laughed before he could even do your badumtcha. I mean... Oh, no. It's Alfredo. Oh, dear. His hand got stuck in the Stroopwafel machine. That explains it. Okay, someone get him some bomb.

1:12:25Alfredo exploded. All right, get me a new Alfredo. Get me a new Alfredo. Oh, so sad. It's parting words. So now we go back to the other ladies having a picnic in a park. And Gina's like, oh, my God, Jen, I saw your Instagram. And, like, I'm so proud of you posting a post without rain. I'm, like, so proud. I feel so proud. this was actually hilarious because like Gina just basically says, like, I saw your Instagram and I was so proud of you. And then we see the footage of Jen doing a workout. And I was like, what is Gina talking about? It was like Jen doing a hotel workout. I'd forgotten the larger context.

1:13:13And she hadn't said it yet that like, Oh yeah, Jen is working on having a solo content. It's just this arc that they introduced last episode and are now wrapping up this episode um so but at first i was like why is i was like this is this is how sad gina is that she's just like proud of a hotel workout when she sees one on instagram that's the new wave of feminism it's like wow you have your own instagram account now you work out on your own instagram account now it's like burning a bra and she's like yeah she did it it was just her and she's like oh my god thank you gina thank you so much you know because when you said i need my own account at At first, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, Gina?

1:13:52What the fuck are you talking about?

1:13:57And, yeah, we see a flashback to them giving her a pep talk about posting her own content. You know, it's almost like Ryan's like a little bit of a safety net for you, you know? Kind of like Travis's balls. He's a little bit of a safety net. She was living in a parking lot. Yeah, he's a little bit of a safety net. And Gina's like, yeah, sometimes I feel like It's in the way of you developing that inner confidence Yeah, well, you know what? Sometimes they get in my head Because, you know, Ryan has a very colorful past Yeah, he was a playboy for a long time To send me sick pictures Pretty cuddle That's how the mean would you need her So Jen's like, yeah, and sometimes I think Am I going to be enough?

1:14:37No, the answer will be no So Gina says, yeah, you need to feel like you're enough You need to be enough, remember Bobby? and Jen is like, yeah, like, when I'm 72 and shit's falling and things like, and we're still like, okay, like, I'm still your girl. Like, I'm still here. I'm still her for you, right? I want to feel that way. Yeah. You can feel that way. Maybe not with Ryan, though. That's like a piece of pizza looking at me straight in the face and being like, you only want me, right? No. I want all of you. That's not how this works. I'm not eating one piece of pizza for the rest of my life.

1:15:11Get the fuck out of here. Get into my belly so I can move on to the next. This is, and actually, I kind of like this micro moment because she's talking about how she feels like, you know, I still feel like a young woman, but I know I don't look like a young woman anymore. And they're all like, yeah, we all have insecurities. And Shannon's like, no, that's a realistic insecurity. We've all been through it. We've been, we're divorced women. And at one point we're marrying the person we thought we'd be spending the rest of our lives with. And then another moment, we're trying to be wacky on a bike while your friends call you a can of biscuits.

1:15:42So, yeah, I'm a little insecure. Yeah. And my pizza comment wasn't even like all of them. Like, oh, yeah, you get some guy. They're all going to cheat on you and leave you. I don't mean everybody. But Ryan specifically, yeah, I just look at Ryan like a sex addict. I think, yeah, he's like a sex addict. I don't think he's going to be. I think he's going to cheat on you. I think everybody knows he's going to cheat on you. He was just sending pictures, like dick pictures, on accident to your friend last year. so yeah i i don't know that i would trust that yeah i really don't but there's also a part of me that says you know what have fun with him while you know yeah i know this is so yeah i'm not necessarily saying dump him i'm just saying you gotta kind of know what you're buying you know right like there's it's like a little fucked up but there's part of me that says you know what you know it's gonna you know it's gonna eventually like the bottom will fall out but in the meantime you like him he likes you enjoy and then you'll figure it out later and i know it should be more leave him and go to someone who sees you for you and loves you for you and will always want to be there for you.

1:16:47And I feel like largely, yes, that's how it should be. But there's a part of me that says, at this point, I can only throw the pizza against the wall so many times. So just go and have fun and then you'll cross that bridge when he has sex with it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But good luck. Good luck. Good luck. So Tamara's like, yeah, you need to establish yourself financially, okay? You know, you don't want to be dependent on some man. Which I agree. She's like, pay for your own kids, you know, and then you won't be so stressed out that he's leaving you all the time. Because one of the reasons you're so stressed out that he's going to leave you is money-based.

1:17:28So if you're okay on your own, you know, which I think is good advice. And Jen's like, well, it's amazing to have a real conversation with Tamara without snark. I mean, I just wish she could do this more often. I just love this Tamara. God, I want to hug her. God, I want to hug her. But I won't. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way.

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1:20:50We love you guys.