#3067 Wife Swap The Real Housewives Edition S1E3: Pig of Snarkasm

0:21Hello there and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello Ben. Hello. Hello, Rondola. How are you? Good. Today is a great day. It's finally the episode we've all been waiting for of Wife Swap, the Emily Simpson Apple Zone. I know we're all dying to see some more Emily on our televisions. And guess what? The good Lord delivered Emily coming around the corner. Just entertaining as hell. Today on Bravo. So congratulations on all the great work you did. Emily Simpson, everybody, for a round of applause. An icon. An icon. An icon of the housewifery arts. Yeah. We're going to get into that.

1:03But before we do, Monday is Amazon Live. That's at 4 p.m. Pacific time on Amazon. Okay. You can watch that on your TVs, on your Amazon Prime app, or you can come find the links at our Instagram link in bio. And come talk to us over there. We always have a good time reading your comments, talking about what we're shopping for, et cetera. So join us for that. and we are also going to be having a meetup at bravo con we're not sure of the date or the time but if you're going to be at bravo con it's going to be a free event we just want to meet you guys and hang out with you and party with you a little bit so just check our socials for that we'll announce it probably the day of that we do it in bravo con so keep your eyes out it won't be a lot of notice just know it's going to happen and you are coming okay yeah it's gonna be good you're and talk to some people that it should be fun.

1:49Yeah, it's going to be fun. Also, we have two episodes left. A two episodes. We have a two episode left of Dwell Hello before it is dead and buried for a while. So come on over and give us some suggestions. Watch what crappens at gmail.com. Title your email, subject header, Dwell Hello suggestion, and make sure it's on HBO Max or YouTube TV. You guys, we want the craziest house hunters you've ever seen. We don't want to end on some boring ass thing. So send us the funniest, craziest ones. We've liked swingers. We've liked nudists. We've liked, you know, the guy who was the young gay guy who was trying to live in Monaco but couldn't afford it.

2:31So he was, you know, living across the bridge. We love that crazy shit. So send us all your best ones there and we will recap them the next two weeks. Okay. Also, you know, I have to say, I'm going to put in a special request. I always love a mother daughter episode. Those always crack me up. So anything with mothers and daughters will. Specifically a mother who hates her daughter. Specifically. Yeah. A mother who is disapproved of her daughter's choices and the mother and the daughter who is rebelling against her mother. But somehow they're trying to keep it all in together because they're on TV on and looking at houses like that is really.

3:04There was one that took place in Alabama that we did that I still remember to this day. That was just so wonderful. So, yeah. Speaking of, let's talk about Wiveswap, where Emily's daughter clearly hates every mother figure in her life. Oh, Annabelle. And Emily hates her own mother. So let's go check it out. It's Wiveswap Season 1, Episode 3, Daddy Duties and Daddy Don'ts. I tell you. That might be a play on words because there's a lot of duty in this episode. I've got a taco in my pocket and another taco coming downtown. town i'm angry but i'm emily i'm in orange county but i'm from ohio i'm a lawyer but i also like to party plan i'm a bitch i'm a lawyer i've got tacos in my pocket i'm a sinner i'm a saint so we open and emily i don't know why we're on that but emily is opening her at home today She says she needs to do her laundry.

4:06And Shane goes, you mean you need to have me do the laundry? King of snarkasm.

4:22To the left, to the right. Oh, we're not doing it anymore. Okay. I do laundry too, Shane. So, and he's like, really? How are the household duties divided? She's like, well, 60, 40, 60 in your favor. Maybe 70, 30. My name is Emily Simpson, and I live in Orange County. My name is Shane Simpson, and I'm married to Emily. King of Narcasm theme song, anyone? No? Okay. Only one. That's okay. Pity the child who knows. They just start playing chess. So Emily's like, yeah, we've got three children together. Annabelle, Luke, and Keller. One of them won't eat orange things and I don't know what to do. And Shane's like, yeah, you know, I wish we had more family dinners.

5:12I think that's pretty important. That's a big thing on this show, having family dinners and all sitting at the same table. It's a big one. It is. And it's a little shocking to hear that there are not family dinners happening in the Simpson household, considering that we've spent seven years of Emily talking about how, my mom would just not make time for us. so she says this entire episode was pretty fascinating because we've heard emily and how she talks about her mother and what her mother was like and then we see that emily has become her mother in a lot of ways which is pretty fascinating to see and we've also you know a lot of her time has been spent like shane doesn't do enough and shane doesn't you know wasn't her thing like shane's not emotionally available and stuff and now we find out that shane does everything for the kids.

5:58So it's, it's pretty interesting, uh, watching Emily's episode actually. And by the way, I never thought I would put those same words in this, in a sentence together. Interesting. And Emily would have thought I make chicken McNuggets for my kids. You know, I make rice for Luke and then Shane is on his own. And when she and I first got married, it was supposed to be that I'd be home with the kids and Shane would work. And then I ended up on a TV show and I worked more than I ever anticipated. I mean, it also helped that he He failed the bar 15 times and he couldn't actually work. But, you know, who would have thought?

6:27Yeah, they just leave that part out. Yeah, well, most of my time spent doing domestic duties. And Emily knows I do a lot, but I don't think she values it. She's like, oh, my God, I guess I should have sex with him more. He does a lot. He deserves more anal. Emily, you don't have to do that. Don't worry. So Emily's like, I honestly don't know what to pack, right? This is weird. Can you open it for me? And Annabelle's like, why me? No, don't leave. I need help, Annabelle. Annabelle, help me pack my clothing. She's like, can't he do it? And she just points to the dog. Well, Annabelle, that's the sort of goofy joke that only I'm allowed to make, not you.

7:07Oh, gee, Emily, you don't know what to pack? I don't know, maybe some cutouts or things that are held together with a giant like napkin rings. What else are you going to pack? That's all you own. Just pack what you own, girl. What are you going to go shopping? Annabelle's distinct distaste and hatred of her mother is so fascinating because last time we checked in with Annabelle, she was like spunky and happy. And Emily was taking her to modeling gigs and she was like this ball of energy. And now she's like, I'm a teenager now. That's how it works. That's how it works. Actually, I have to say that with my nieces, that didn't happen with either one of my nieces.

7:42Isn't that crazy? That's nice. They both grew up actually nicer. We love that. Everyone's like, oh, my God, you guys turned into teenagers and you're even more lovely. They really are like little rays of sunshine. They're always like, hi. Like every time they come backstage, like, hi. And you're like, oh, my God, they're so sweet and lovely. Yeah. And I mean, they do say you're stupid, Uncle, but it's in a loving way. It's like, oh, you're an idiot. You know, not like, shut up, Uncle. You know, they're like, don't talk to my friends. They're not like, don't talk to my friends. They're like, talk to my friends because you're an idiot.

8:14They'll think it's hilarious. Do it. Maybe they'll put it on TikTok. I mean, idiot. So it's cute. But we didn't get so lucky with Annabelle. Annabelle's like, fuck you. And fuck your packing, bitch. Annabelle's not, she's not a happy camper. And I hope things turn out well for her. So she's like, she complains about my attitude. And then the next day she's like, well, you got your attitude from me. So like, whatever. I'm like, I mean, she did. I have this angry 12 year old who's on the phone all the time. And I retreat to the bedroom a lot. I mean, that's just how I parent. but isn't that what she says about her mom that's where it really clicked with me when she's like growing up my mom was in the bedroom all the time she wouldn't pay attention to us she never paid attention to us i definitely definitely clocked that as well and so then emily's like she has just on the phone too much now excuse me while i go face time with gina so gina's she's face i'm gina and she's like this woman has no idea what she's in for can you come spy for me and if you see my daughter you know put in a good word for me and be like hey your mom is pretty cool i don't know if you know this i'm like uh let's not have this lady lie okay yeah gina yeah gina's very anti-lying um i feel bad but you know what i already like the new lady better so shane is talking to the kids and uh keller is like i wonder who's our new mom and he's like she's not a new mom she's just a lady that's coming here yeah she's replacing mom

9:44yeah well we all we all could take a vote at the end and see if like we want to replace her or not

9:53she's like i don't know who their family is but i hope the husband doesn't do crap and she's stuck doing it all so now let's go see you to parkridge new jersey the svincons yes and uh we meet kaylee and she says my peeve is when we all come when it's when it comes to eric i mean like where do we start like there's so much and erica's like i'm eric svensson and this is my wife kaylee svensson i can introduce myself i'm kaylee svensson and we have three children our 11 year old boy graham seven year old adelaide and then we have my youngest georgina and then we have a pig in the house and we live on a farm well it's not like really a farm it's Like, we actually live in a mansion, and then I have a farm in the backyard, and probably all the neighbors love it.

10:37And I'm just like a stay-at-home mom who has to pick up shit literally all day long. Yeah, my day literally starts at 7. I feed the chickens, feed the horses, and I take care of our children. And I get the groceries done. I do the laundry. I make dinner. My husband's a fucking idiot. By the way, if I said that, look at this lump of shit. This is my husband. This is who I married. You know what? So I can't even claim to be an intelligent person because I married this lug of nothing. Look at him. Look at him. If you got a suitcase and filled it with absolutely nothing, but it somehow weighed 350 pounds, that's my husband.

11:08You know what? That's different because the suitcase would actually have a handle that I could fuck. This person, look at him. Disgusting human being. I was like, wow, this lady hates her husband. This is what I'm like. These two are going to be divorced. Like in a year, this marriage is not lasting. I'm saying this right now. It is not lasting despite whatever bow they tried to put on at the end of this episode. But it is over. And they need to, you know, I say, look, if you're a wife that hates your husband and you're going to go on wife swap, this is your one chance to make your case to the court why he's terrible.

11:40I mean, we can already see kind of why because he's not great. I mean, I wouldn't say he's a horrible person or anything, but a lot of this, like, I don't do none of the housework. Like, you're dead to me, first of all. But, like, he seems to love her, but she hates him. And this is where you need to make your case of what a piece of shit this guy is. And she doesn't really. She's just like, she just kind of points at him. She's like, what a loser, right? It's like, ooh. She's actually like mean. Like I was surprised. The arc of the episode is a little surprising because she's just, she hates him so much.

12:10And you can see she barely can tolerate his presence. So then we meet, by the way, their kids are so cute. And so Adelaide is like, mom does all the cooking, mom does the cleaning and dad ruins everything. I was like, whoa, okay. I wonder if mom has been in the ears of these kids. You know, that goes off to work. 100%. She's like, your father ruins everything around you. If you're unhappy about something, it's because of your father. Yeah. So she's like, well, my house is very much reminiscent of, like, the English countryside. Okay? Which probably everybody in New Jersey says. But it's true. And ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamed of having this big backyard farm.

12:48And Eric loves the farm. Right, Eric? He definitely loves the farm. He better fucking love the farm. Eric loves the farm. And you know what? He's the biggest fucking cow here. So. I hate the farm. I never thought I'd be buying hay, you know? And like, you know, when they say make hay when the sun shines, I didn't think that was literal. And they think things like that and paying for a vet. Oh my God, it's crazy how much they charge. I'm effectively like a walking ATM for the family and the pig. I feel like at times I'm, but like I'm the dad and I have to sponsor everyone's happiness and it's like a thankless job, okay?

13:18Like, well, who's better trained, the pig or Eric? I don't know if I like that question. Kaylee's like the pig, of course. He's like, yeah, well, I'm a medical director at a large health care facility. And it's a lot of work. You know, it's a stressful period. You know, I don't think I'm appreciated. Appreciated. Yeah, he works. But I'd love for him to take more of an active role in the household. And I'd love his main role to be shutting up. That would be great. Could you take more of a role in shutting the fuck up, Eric? He's like, well, do you want to come to work and have lunch with me? Why is that so important with you?

13:53what, like spending time with your wife in the middle of the day, in the middle of your stressful day at a medical facility? You want to actually like have some sort of like breath of fresh air from someone who's supposed to love you? What? That's a crazy notion, Eric. It would be an expression of love and care. She's like, I'm not like your mommy coming to bring you lunch. Fucking moron. Now go take a shower, please. I was like, I feel like I'm supposed to hate the husband but like why am i angry at her right now yeah she's she's not she's a peach this one for sure and i'm saying all of the evidence points to the husband's an asshole like everything we learn i'm like i would probably resent him too and not like him either but she's just not playing this very well i don't well i mean like we can also see that she is you know it's not just like oh she's not just like rude or or mean it's like it comes from as a response to him right but they're in some terrible, like terrible feedback, negative feedback loop where she's just like kind of nasty.

14:54And he's like, okay. So then, but then he sort of like pulls away, but then that causes her to be nasty. And so they both kind of have to stop their, their cycle. Well, that's their, yeah. I'm sorry. Love language. No, but I think it starts that way where it's like one snarky and kind of makes fun of the other one and everything's like, oh, my husband, am I right? Like my parents have that dynamic. Growing up, my mom would be like, oh, God, my husband, what an idiot. And he doesn't do anything for the kids. You know, but she always loved my dad. They're still together. You know, they still love each other.

15:26But now, as years have gone on, to watch with that kind of used to be funny banter, you know, like, look at my idiot husband. Isn't that like, you fucking moron, Eddie? You know, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And if you even say anything to her, like, God, that's really harsh. Like the other day I called and I was like, hey, just calling to see how you're doing. She goes, Eddie, Eddie, I said, get the plate, get the plate, Eddie. It's right there, Eddie. Are you fucking blind? God damn it, Eddie. I said, get it right there. Why do I have to do every fucking thing for you? By the way, Ronnie, we didn't get anything for our anniversary from you.

15:59Did you send us anything? I was like, what do you want me to send you? A gun? I'm like, Jesus Christ. I didn't marry him. But, you know, to her, that's just like the way they talk. I think it just, it starts little and then it snowballs into this terrible, like emotionally abusive thing. And when you're in it, I don't think you can see it unless other, even when other people say it. Cause she starts crying when she's called out at the end and she's like, oh my God, I don't even know how to stop this. You know? Yeah. Yeah. So Eric is like, I just want to be acknowledged, you know, cause she does give the animals a lot of kisses and maybe I'll put a horse head or something on and then she'll give me a big hug and a kiss.

16:35I don't know. I think we see like a video of her like being like, oh, cute. It's all the animals. But then with him, he's like, she's like, like squirting like Windex in his face. Oh, yeah. It's like the lady you see with the dog in the HomeGoods. He's like, come on, my little honey. Come here, my sweet little baby. And you're like, oh, excuse me. I was here first. Go around. And she's like, later on, a pigeon lands on her table. And she's like so much more friendly and affectionate towards that pigeon than she ever is to this man. She's like, hi, love. How are you? And this guy's like, hey, get out of my face.

17:09Get on my face, you stinky fucking monster. So she's like, well, I'm doing a swap because I hope that Eric learns how much I actually do around the house and keep it nice and smooth so that he can walk in, have his dinner, his fresh undies without lifting a single finger. Yeah. And by the way, what's all? He just goes, what's up? Burn. Burn. And she goes, Adelaide, did you finish your homework? She's like, yeah, I did. oh you guys I'm gonna find out where I'm going and so the girl's like I'm guessing Utah where are you going to like please give us Meredith Marks please Meredith Marks icon yes icon mother but she's going to Orange County California she's like I wonder who I'm trading with and she's like oh you're screwed if it's Terry DeBrow let's just say that's okay because like that's the guy that's gonna take me in a Ferrari with the gray hair all around I'm gonna be living the high life then And it's a poor girl.

18:04She's like, that's your worst nightmare. Yeah, that's your biggest dream to be riding around in a Ferrari with fucking Mama Elsa over there. And Kaylee's like, that's your worst nightmare, right, honey? And he's like, my worst nightmare is you going across the country to live with another man for a week. God. I like being verbally ignored. I like knowing when I'm being ignored because you're coming in here saying, I'm fucking ignoring you, okay? But like actually being ignored. I don't know how I feel about that. Aw. She's like, I've never left Eric alone without three children my whole life. It's frightening.

18:38Just, like, frightening. Like, I pray for him. So then the preacher's asking the kids how they think their dad will do, and Graham is like, um, probably not that good. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

18:58I'm going to New Jersey. Where's Park Ridge? And Annabelle goes, in New Jersey. She's coming along so well with this sarcasm. Okay. Well, I'm thinking Jersey. I hope that they have a dog. Because I decided I'm a dog person now. At least one dog. That would make me feel more at home. Because you don't have houses like this in Orange County. Look, I'm driving through New Jersey. Look at these houses. Oh, is it a farm? It's a farm. Does that mean it's a real farm? Whoa. Oh, she has dogs, Emily. I know but like she's making dogs her personality now like it used to be that she just had Fisker but now she's like fostering dogs and everything she's sort of going down the Kyle Richards you know path of like I'm a dog person now yeah so Kaylee's like well I cannot believe I'm gonna be get to be able to be a housewife like I mean everyone has to have a brain drove for a G-Wagon right no sorry you're going to Emily's house the only way this would be worse if you were going to Gina's house they're like oh my You get to do your grocery shopping on this bicycle.

20:02Okay. So one thing that I tell my kids is every day you've got to put a brick in the bedroom so that way we can finally finish the wall between the bunk beds. Yeah. So Emily. I was like, wow, there's so many horses. It's very inquisitive. Oh my God, there's a pig inside. There's a freaking pig in here. Oh God, that's better than a dog. Oh my God, you're a pig. Hi, do you have a name, pig? Do you have a name? Oh my gosh, show me around, pig. This is so hilarious. Me with a pig. Oh, my God. And there's Crocs. Oh, no.

20:34She loves the pig, hates the Crocs, which I loved. And that pig is very cute. I love that pig. That's a cute pig. He's so big and he's so sweet. Mm-hmm. But I like that she disses the pig. She's like, ooh, I thought the pig would be softer. It's so wiry. What are you judging the pig for? It probably felt the same thing about you. Just get in here. It's the pig's house. Also, I thought you were raised on a farm. I feel like that's like known, like a pig is wiry like that. I'm a C-boy. I don't know about her whole raised on a farm thing because she doesn't seem to know what she's doing. Like when she has to clean poop and she's like, oh, I never had to do this on a farm.

21:12Everybody has to clean shit on a farm, Emily. I don't. Yeah. Kelly walks into Emily's house and she's like, okay, look, so maybe we're in the servant's quarters before we get to the main Dubrow household, right? Like this is just, we're not in the full, We're just walking into the compound and then soon we'll get the atrium, right? Oh, oh, it's Emily. Oh, okay. Heather's like, I like her. I like her. She'd cast her. I think it's funny because usually on this show, it's the housewives walking into the other women's houses. And they're like, ew, gross. I don't know if I can live like this. But now it's the wife swap lady.

21:47He's like, oh, my God. On TV, these places look big. This is actually a shoebox. Am I supposed to live in here? What is this? The pottery barn? God. I mean, honestly, what's, what doesn't really get articulated is the fact that like this woman's house is actually quite large. She has a full size, she has a mansion in New Jersey and that's like the farm that they have is like one of these kind of a hobby farms in the back. Right. Because they have a mansion, they have all that space. And then they go into Emily, she goes into Emily's kind of like little McMansion that's wedged in with other Lego pieces of the, of the neighborhood.

22:18And she's like, Oh, okay. But one thing that was interesting that I've never noticed in Emily's house before, maybe I just haven't paid attention. Shocker to Emily's is that Emily has this whole living room with like a grand piano and like a high ceiling. I feel like we never see that room. I feel like we're only in the kitchen and the area with the sofas that are just off of the kitchen. I had no idea she had a tacky living room, too. Oh, yeah. That's where she does her. That's where she does her confessionals. There's always a piano behind her. I remember I was like, that's like the least musical person I could ever imagine.

22:49but she's got a beautiful grand piano. Could you just imagine, Emily? She goes to song, piano man. Please no, God. Under pressure. I don't know why she's saying, I meant to sing Pressure by Billy Joel, but instead I sang Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie. So she talks about growing up on 12 acres, riding horses, bareback. That's how she was raised. But there's also a goat in there. and her shoes were destroyed. Even though she knew she was coming to a farm, she's like, my shoes are destroyed. So Emily, I didn't see these shoes, but I've seen a lot of your shoes and being covered in shit can only help.

23:33Also, like Kaylee is, I do love this because she says, well, this place is not really my style. I mean, I like it. If she likes it, I like it. I mean, there's not a lot of stories being told with the design of this house. It feels like I just kind of walked into a pottery barn. don't want to judge though like every every woman who's gone into a real housewives home so far has kind of said the same thing but this is the one that feels like it burns more because the other two homes it was like oh we're just in this like these gleaming white houses where we feel like it's like it's it's there's nothing should be touched but here's the one where kaylee actually says like the furnishings are just kind of like mid-tier consumer i mean i know pottery barn is expensive but for a real housewife it should be like way above pottery barn i was like i just love that she just took it to a pottery barn the shade yeah not even not even what's it called crate and barrel yeah she's like this is ugly period yeah um so let's see so now they read their notes to each other right their letters and um she's like well first let me introduce you to my family um this is my husband of 16 years he comes off as very sarcastic and snarky uh and i I guess that's Emily's letter to Kaylee.

24:46And she's like, yeah, that sounds familiar. They share kid responsibilities. And so Kaylee's jealous of that. And she's like, I would say that my husband does more than me. She's like, oh my God, really? How do you find one of those? God, this is the first episode of the show ever where someone is going to be jealous of having Shane as a husband. I know, honestly. Okay, what does she say? She says, morning start at 7 a.m. The horses, goats, pigs, chickens get fed. Ask Adelaide. um excuse me i did not consent to having my daughter being on the show no different adelaide chatted go back to orange county okay ask adelaide not eric okay men are stupid don't ever ask the boys to do anything around here so to clean the barn please use a trash can and get all the poop and don't let eric make you do everything he needs to be a better partner i think she's been catering to him for a long time so then how do you switch that hmm enter me emily from orange county so then um and the other letter annabelle's 12 she's feral and sassy and it's impossible to get through to her because she's on her phone all the time so if you can break through her tough exterior and find a way to communicate with her and bond with her i'd love that in other words take a hammer to the phone let me know the spence the spensons arrive and i guess the dad's probably still at work so instead um the kids come in and they're really cute and then uh kaylee's mom sue arrives.

26:12She goes, hi, I'm Sue, but they call me Papa just in case you get confused. I'll let you work that one out. I was like, why do we not going deeper on that? Why is Sue called Papa? Yeah, I don't know. But I liked her, Sue. I needed more of her. And Emma was like, okay, well, what's the pig's name? Because your mom called him Piggy. His name is Pikachu. She's like, oh! so now we go to Shane and Shane's like, well, I'm going to make dinner for the kids. Um, she's like, well, can I help? And he's like, no, I'll get it. She's like, Oh my God. Are you sure? You've not met my husband, but he doesn't do that.

26:51Do you work out? Were you doing pushups? Oh my God. Could you do this in a towel? I love you. Can I move in here? Please just take me. What time, what time is dinner for you guys? And I was like, I just eat. Okay. By the way, Kaylee seems terrified of these children, the entire episode. She's like tiptoeing around like, hey guys. So Kaylee's like, in our house, we eat dinner every night at five o 'clock. And I think the biggest thing that bonds family are those traditions. I'm like, wow, five o 'clock is so early. But I know it's really important for your children to see you be raping their father at dinner altogether.

27:25Because otherwise, you know, you know, stories get twisted. You know, I just want them all to be there. so then shane is like okay so it's friday and we're gonna go out to dinner just you and i and these kids can figure out how to take care of themselves while we're out she's like what seriously no they have a babysitter i mean do you know about the king of snarkasm thing it's kind of my thing no okay let me let me take it back here we got music okay go ahead oh yeah yeah we got yeah we're going on we're going to go out to dinner go ahead we're going to go to yeah yeah we're going to go to a place called pf chang's it's very fancy I'm going to ask him if they could do non-Chinese food And only a grilled chicken breast So then Emily's rule, Friday date night Friday date night has to happen Like I do have to say, this episode has been Has been really good for Shane Shane really is coming in like a knight in shining armor In this entire show Yeah, he really is So she's like, but seriously, we're going to dinner And he goes, you do eat dinner, don't you?

28:28She's like, yeah, but my husband and I, we never go out. So that's like, you know, that's crazy. He's not going to be happy to see that on TV. I'm telling you right now. Me and a restaurant, a real restaurant. People are going to come over to me and take my order. Oh my God. Can I call one of them, honey? Just ask him how his day will work and then tell him to shut up. We don't care. Great. To be fair, we're just going across the street to my mom's house, but she pretends to be a waitress and serves us food. But it's real fun. You'll like it. And she's like, wow, she cooks and cleans. I didn't think husbands exist like that, but apparently they do.

29:01Apparently they do. So now Kaylee's rule, muck the barn daily. So Sue is like, you haven't mucked a barn before? And she's like, oh yeah, I'm from Ohio. I grew up with horses. Okay, so then you're okay. So here, take this rake. She's like, yeah, but I've been in Orange County for a long time. So it's, you know, it's so dirty in there. I don't know what to do. She's like, take a pitchfork, okay, and call me Papa. Oh, okay. You keep telling me that. I got you. So we're just supposed to get the dirty hay out She goes yep Okay And also the manure Oh there's so much poop I'm cool with cows and horses But this isn't what I envisioned Well Do you think they have toilets?

29:42Do you think they have smart toilets? Get in there I know So Kaylee is like Annabelle Do you want to come help me with my makeup For like a hot second? I'm the cool mom now She's like no Oh okay What am I doing? What did I sign myself up for? I don't know what to do with this. Brat. So back at the other house, Emily's exhausted from the poop cleanup. She's like, oh, I haven't worked in 16 years like this. So they ask the kids, what's the hardest thing for Emily to be like their mom? And Graham, the little smart ass is like, managing my dad. That's the biggest one. He's really dumb. I hate him.

30:21Managing my dad. That kid saying managing my dad. That's, I love that. So then Eric comes home. He's like, hey, I've heard a lot about you. Oh, I've never met someone from the, oh, sorry. I was speaking for you. Sorry. That wasn't part of the rules. Yeah. I've never met someone from the OC before. Oh, so what should we do after dinner? Well, we go for walks as a family. We walk down the street a lot. And sometimes we take the horse, which everyone loves. They say, God, I love taking a walk also through all the horse shit that that other family leaves around. Yeah. All right, let's put our shoes on.

30:57So they go for a walk And they have to get the horse haltered up Because they walk the horse And she's like You guys are doing the horse halter right And he's like yeah Adley do you do the halter I don't do the halter I don't do that the kids do it So she's like I know how to do it I know how to do it And then they open the gate and the horse just runs off And it's not haltered Damn it

31:23The horse is like I'm going to Orange County bitch. So Tamara Horst. Come out of here bitch. You'll never see me again. Yay. I hear that the husband who takes his wife at the dinner in North County. I'm out of here bitch. 12 years. 12 years this family's been tormenting me. You'll never see me again. Bitch.

31:45So they have to go catch a horse and it's not so hard. And they're like, Emily, get on the horse. Get on it. She's like, oh god. So then they halted the horse and Emily is like oh my god I've been here five minutes and I'm already having the man handle the horse you know I've just met Eric and I don't know him very well but he clearly does not know how to handle animals even though he has a whole bunch of them in his backyard boy if you didn't wrangle in the horse back there it would have been a crisis like that horse wasn't going to go anywhere that horse was it was like I'm just here for the carrots like I'm just running around but like you show me a carrot and I am in your palm lady yeah how are you gonna lose a horse they're pretty big and also they always come back for sugar cubes right like of course they want the carrots they're in it i love the carrots give me the carrots give me the carrots i swear okay this is my last one and then i'm i will never have a carrot again but i just need this one last one this one last carrot come on now so emily is like well i like that the goats are eating your neighbor's shrubbery should we apologize the house or should we move on he's like yeah i think we should just move on before the police are called at us, okay?

32:48And then, of course, the horse starts to poop. Oh, no. That's the thing about walking a horse. They're going to poop big old loads of them. So then we go to date night with Shane and Kaylee, and she's like, oh, my God, date night? I haven't been on a date night in a long time. I'm just going to be boring. I'm just going to do cheese pizza. Is that okay? Can I have the kids' portion? That's what my husband allows me to have. Oh, my God. I can't believe we're here. I mean, honestly, this lady, so obviously, Like, I feel like before she even made it to Orange County, I'd be like, this is a plain cheese pizza girl.

33:21That's just what she is. I say that as someone who often orders a plain cheese slice. I was going to say, I'm not going to speak because I'm literally a cheese pizza person. That's all I eat. It's just surprising that coming from New Jersey, I thought she'd be like, can you put some like a pepperon? But then again, she wants her house to look like the English countryside, not the Italian countryside. So we already know that like she's she's a little different than a normal Jerseyite. So Kelly is like pizza normally. I think that's why she's like, oh, my God, can I get the cheese pizza? This is crazy.

33:52I'm having carbs because I feel like she's always, you know, she's the mom who eats like a couple of bites at dinner and then kind of looks judgmentally her children as they eat more. And she's like, well, you know, I wish we could learn to eat how I'm eating. I would love to do this more with Eric. It just seems so overwhelming. My husband, he works so much and he wants his traditional housewife and somebody that just stays at home. And like the tricky part is that I still feel guilty that I don't financially bring, I'm not bringing in any income. I'm like, well, that's because you decided that you had this dream of having a farm in the backyard.

34:23And now you have to spend all day taking care of it. And like, you're miserable with your own dream. Yeah. Sometimes I think it's okay to be like, you know what, dream? You suck. I'm getting a different dream. You don't have to commit to your dream. You don't have to marry and get a different dream. You know? Yeah. Yeah, donate the animals to a local, like, I don't know. Eat the horse. Guess what? Tonight you're French. You're eating the horse. She's like, I wish I had, I wish I'm not bringing any money in. I feel bad. It's like, lady, it's because you are spending 12 hours a day attending to your hobby farm.

34:56Yeah, and you know what? I think that people who are staying at home taking care of three kids have absolutely zero reason to feel bad about staying home. I mean, that's hard work. I run these kids for two seconds. I'm like, good night, goodbye. Great seeing you. I'm exhausted. Goodbye. Get out of my house. Get out of my life. Okay. Call me, call me for your graduation. I'll send a gift. Oh, I agree. I'm just saying like, she's also added the voluntary, you know, farm dream onto it. And it's like, you have to then at a certain point, be realistic. Like, and I, I don't say that she shouldn't feel guilty because I understand like, she wants to be an active participant and bring in the money, but it's like, you're either going to be like, you're either going to be tending to this farm all day.

35:37long or you're going to do some sort of business or monetize or whatever, but like whatever you're doing right now, it's like, I don't know, maybe reconsider the farm part. That's all I'm saying. Well, I think having the single income family sounds good. A lot of the times, like I'm going to do this old school, I'm going to stay home. We're going to have a single income, but you don't realize that when you have another income coming in, you can be like, we're going to dinner every Friday night. You know, like you don't get to just say, because you earn the money that we're not going to dinner.

36:03It's like that power that somebody else has. That's really gross. So you You have to do at least something. Just earn dinner money. That's what I say. However you do it. Only fans, I don't care. Only farms. So Kaylee is like. That's probably a thing. People like, wow, I jerked off to your horse today. That was good. Well, that is what, I mean, there is that site, like farmer meets lady or something. Which I think ultimately brought the McBees into our world. So Kaylee, right? Because he wasn't even like farmer meets wife. so Kaylee is saying you're hoping Emily's going to come back with anything different for a different perspective on anything he's like yeah you gave me some hope because Eric doesn't do anything not funny I would like it if Emily came home and said thank you more some sort of recognition for the things I do yeah I would like that Shane just wants a thank you so he's like you're going to bed without putting the kids to bed and she's like oh my god that's so weird Like it's, I'm just going to be walking circles in my room.

37:07Like, what do I do with myself? What do I do with myself? Why does this house have no style, et cetera, et cetera. You know what I'm saying? Pottery barn. You know, you just can't style your place like pottery barn and not have animals too. It's really hard on me. So Emily is putting her kids to bed. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. No, go ahead. So Emily's putting her kids to bed and Eric's, then Eric's trying to put his kids to bed, you know and uh they tell Adelaide it's 8 12 and she's like so how about we just put your pajamas on let's get ready for that Kaylee's rule mommy does bedtime alone so Emily's like okay everyone where's Graham Georgina you go there you put your pajamas on oh my god you do this oh my god kids are in bed but it's 9 30 they're already out this is hard so she's basically like trying to herd cats but she has no help from Eric on this front yeah Eric doesn't help do shit so you know I do see where Kaylee's coming from as far as being an artist's person because I don't care if you work all day you still need to do stuff with your kids yeah yeah she's working too yeah um so yeah he's he's useless but also Emily is not you can tell that Emily's a useless one too because she's like oh my god it's so hard there's three kids you have to put them to bed so now it's Saturday morning and um Emily has to make breakfast but guess what Shane makes breakfast over an orange county and kelly's like i feel like i've woken up in a hotel a very small hotel with bad interior design but a hotel nonetheless it feels good i mean it's the best western but a hotel's a hotel am i right this is not the worst western

38:50midwestern midwestern you want some waffles and she's like um i would love a waffle thank you so much this is so lovely So then in the other house Emily's going to help feed the horses And she's matching the kids outfit It's really cute So Kaylee's rule, collect chicken eggs So they start doing that And she asks the names of all the chickens And Adelaide's like, we don't name them She goes, you gotta name them Well, we don't name things that we eat Name them, come on I mean, every year on our show We get someone new to hunt And we still name them, okay What's this one right over here? The one named Tamara?

39:28You got a fan. That one. Yeah, this one. Hey, is this? Look at that. That chicken. Did that chicken just get baptized? It really is a Tamar chicken. Oh, and look, there's a fancy chicken. What was shocking is like how they put side-by-side images and the chickens really did look like the Real Housewives. Like there was one of Heather. It was like a black and white chicken. And then they got to a shot of Heather wearing a black and white dress. She looked just like the little chicken. We'll call her Fancy Pants. Oh, and this one's named Shannon. because it just got pulled over. That one keeps clipping the house.

40:01Call it Shannon. Chicken running into the cage. Wait a second. That chicken just put the other chicken in a size 10 Susan Bender jean jacket. No.

40:13There was one that's lost all its feathers and it used to be named Moon. And she's like, well, that tracks a lot. You have no idea. Here comes one right now.

40:27So she asked who the kids spend more time with the mom or the dad and Adelaide's like with mom because every Monday we horseback riding after horseback riding we go to the dinner. Oh do you wish you spent more time with dad? Yeah a little bit. Does he stay in his office a lot? Do you wish he came out and like did more fun things with the kids and your mom? Emily you're leading the witness. She does it the whole episode. every time she talks to them. She's like, whoa, do you just wish your family was different? Your father made more effort. She's like, okay. So then Eric's like, hey, you guys doing okay?

41:06You guys want to, you guys going to have some lunch? All right, good luck. I'll be in the office. Tell me how that lunch turns out for you. Okay, well, here's a can of soup. I was like, this is the first house wife swap we've seen of the three where I'm not feeling warm tingles. It's like Melissa Gorga. Melissa Gorga last week did it. And she was like, it's like, you know what, Melissa Gorga, she's really expressing so much warmth. And like Emily definitely was warm on this episode, but there was something about her being like, here kid, you want lunch? Here's a can of soup. And I know kids eat cans of soup.

41:39I know that. But there just was something like a little sad about this one, right? There's like a sadness on both fronts. Yeah. Yeah, it was definitely a more depressing vibe on this one. so she's like, I'm making this lunch for the kids. I mean, I used a can opener and poured into a bowl and Eric just watches me. Like, well, did you need help with the can opener? Yeah, seriously. Jeez. Like the Meredith Marks household. They all have to put a hand on it. yeah. So she says he's going to have a rude awakening when she changes the rules. Now it's three hours until rule change. And guess who's here to fix that Gina.

42:20She's like, oh my God, You're such a beautiful replacement family. Yeah. Oh, my God. You guys are like great. Welcome, everyone. So you're from Jersey. Oh, my God. You're like my people. I'm from like New York. I figured we'd go down to the marina and get coffee. Have you ever gotten coffee before, Kaylee? She's like, oh, my God. Coffee. Wow. We do that? Yeah, I'm going to be coffee. We're allowed to leave the house for coffee? Your husband lets you do that? Yeah, because what we do is we go to coffee, and then we sit down, and then I yell at you. It's going to be so fun. yeah let's go to kuafi and gina's like oh my god i'm gonna start saying kuafi now

43:00so um so they go and kaylee's like i'm like a stay-at-home mom so it's like i do like everything oh my god i understand because i used to live that life like do you like now i'm like a realtor and i like sell like high power realtor homes and stuff to like seniors who are looking for a really nice two bedroom in a senior living development. So like, I understand that life that I used to have. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm like, you're a stay at home mom. I'm like a stay homeless mom. So I get it. It's like really difficult. And she's like, oh my God, you know, I just don't get to be social. And, you know, I'm usually talking to the pig who's eating lunch next to me.

43:39So conversation doesn't go great. Oh my God, you talk to pigs. That's crazy. but like we can do better than that you know because like my partner now he's like my partner like he's my soulmate he's my everything he's got big balls but like you know why it doesn't take away from me always wanting to like lean into myself which is like really hard because i'm like ow my rib because i'll be like oh you know and it hurts don't lean into yourself i learned that one but you should go to coffee every once in a while i hope i taught you something like Like, I can go to coffee. You can. Yeah, you can get it.

44:13You can buy it. Yeah, it's like the same as getting sloshed, but it's like with coffee instead. It's like really fun. Oh, wow. That's such an interesting perspective. That's interesting, getting coffee. Like the last, you know, it's funny. The last person I do is I never please myself. Yeah. You know, it's like you have yourself backed into a corner. Yeah, like babies in the corner. Oh, my God. I got to make a joke. I never get to joke with Eric. That's so funny. Wow. Yeah. So then Emily's like, family meeting. All right, since I've been here, we've been living by your mom's rules. So now we're going to switch it up.

44:46I'm going to bed. Bye. That's time for Emily's rules. Yes. And then we also see Kaylee's rules. And she goes, okay, everyone, before we start anything, I just want to say my rules are about being present and being together as a family. Rule number one is we're limiting the screen time. And I was like, okay. Annabelle is not happy about that. Yeah, no screen time. And I'd love to see your kids actually engaging and going outside to be active. And then maybe we could do something together. Annabelle's head starts twisting around. No pea soup is everywhere. Shane's like, Annabelle, are you going to survive?

45:33We'll see how it's going. huh so then emily's like okay everyone all my rules are gonna help you be a more present dad rule number one dad now has to take care of the animals he's like oh god why does everybody hate me rule number two dad does bedtime dad puts you to bed and he's like oh my god you could one of the kids is like you could choose for us to go to bed at 10 and he's like how about six seven like okay deal Georgina I still want to have a dance party first oh I'm fun so then back to Orange County Kaylee's like you know my daughter Adelaide and I always cook together so Annabelle like you know maybe you'll help me in the kitchen right won't you won't you please do it is she mad at me is she mad at me she's like yeah can you assist in helping dinner Annabelle she's like I only know how to make Kraft mac and cheese Don't talk with your mouth.

46:32Okay. Well, having dinner is a way to sit down. And you know what? I'd love every each and one of you. That's when we say that. Okay. And I'd love to be able to sit down as a family. Can we do that? And they're like, sit down family. What? Okay. Rule number three, everyone. And this is very important. Eric. It's like, Oh God, this is not all the rules are just for me. It's for no one else. Yeah. you get to plan a date night tonight for us. Oh, wow. You have to cook something. Emily, the whole point is that he doesn't take her out. Have him take you out to a restaurant in New Jersey. Why would you want a man who knows how to do nothing to cook for you?

47:13Which just sounds like a terrible dinner. Make him buy you something. Yeah, go out to get some nice Italian food. You're there. And he's like, I can't even make cereal. And the daughter just slaps him. He's like, oh, what was that for? Oh, okay. This will be interesting. New role start right now. Yeah. Okay. So she's like, wow, it feels amazing to be doing nothing. Like, can everyone just go away? Why are these kids asking me questions? Oh, by the way, I have to keep my purse next to me because the pig likes to root through it. Does Louis Vuitton repair bags of a pig chewed on it? And then we see the pig chewing on her purse and like going through it and actually pulling stuff out, which is really funny.

47:50But, you know, like I've said, you keep fucking burritos in there. Of course the pig's going to get into it What do you think? So Eric is He's working in the sty And he's like how do you guys do this every day And his son is like you should ask her With 20 years of bond experience You got the easy part dad What's easy? There's nothing easy How about whoever goes there first does this pile Let's race through the pig shit Nothing bad could ever happen Yeah, false in the pig set Crazy dad And the kid goes you're so fat He's like help I broke my rib were you leaning into yourself so uh they helped the dad and then back in oc uh they're making they're cutting sausage annabelle and kaylee and she she does it and she's like oh my god kaylee cut a sausage this is amazing i've taught this family so much and back with eric eric's like is this where the pans have been this whole time we keep pans here wow crazy um yeah daddy do you know how to cook he's like I got no idea.

48:53Oh, no. I just got ground beef in my eye. Oh, no. Please just order. Just get order takeout, please. I can't see nothing. So then Kaylee's new rule, family dinner. Okay, so now it's Shane's family that comes over. Oh, my God. You have to cook for the family, too? That's a lot. Oh, God, it's Perry and Larry. Perry and Larry come over and so does Tara. So they're all there, and Kaylee's like, oh, my God, this is, like, amazing. It's just, like, West Coast version of Papa. Oh, you mean your dad? No, my mom. Okay, it doesn't make sense to us, but okay, whatever. It's okay, don't worry. My daughter-in-law invited me to a strip show in Vegas while she was a stripper for support.

49:32So who am I to judge? That's right, Perry. Wait, could you repeat that? And Perry's like, this pasta looks so good, and what buttery is it? Is it buttery? I don't know. Annabelle's like, mm-hmm, stupid grandmother. So Shane is like, okay, well, thank you boys for helping. Now we can talk badly about you while you're gone. Right, Luke? Ha, ha, ha. King of sarcasm in the making. He's like, how do you? So then Annabelle's like, I don't even care what we have for dinner. I just don't like screen time limitations. It's annoying. Who am I supposed to tell how stupid this dinner is?

50:10So now they're back to New Jersey. And they make dinner. And so Emily and Eric sit in the dining room table. And the kids come in. And they're cute because they're acting like they're waiters and waitresses. And Adelaide's like, hello, welcome to the glorious restaurant. Tonight, we're going to be serving you lasagna cups and Caesar salad. And I was like, I love that. And they've named the restaurant Glorious, which is so funny. She's like, glorious, perfect. So Eric's like, okay, date night. I almost broke my fucking neck out there, you know, like cleaning poop. But I was thinking to myself, like, I can't believe my wife does this every day.

50:46God. Do you think that maybe there's something holding you back from putting more effort in around the house? Maybe we should blame her, huh? He's like, yeah, that's it. It's not that I don't have the dedication or that I, it's not that I don't have, it's not that I'm a lazy fuck. It's just that, you know, I don't think I'm appreciated. You know, you know, Kaylee comes in sitting down with me and watching basketball. I just wanted to watch her to watch basketball with me for 10 minutes. I mean, to me, it makes me happy, which in turn will get me more motivated to be around the family, I think.

51:17Okay. This is like a very much like a way to do nothing and then insist that everything be on your terms. I'm like, why, why, why you can't sit and watch basketball with me? What? You can't clean some cow shit one day, clean some cow shit. Like you both have to do the things and then you both will get to do the things, but like a bunch of stuff you don't want to do for each other. Doesn't it sound fun? Yeah. And if you both wait for the, for one person to do the first thing first, you're never, you're just going to be sitting there where she'll be angry at you. Cause we didn't even talk about that.

51:45when she left to do her wife swap thing, she kissed all the children and refused to kiss him on the lips or the cheek or anything. He like hugged her and she turned away, which was pretty bad. But he's definitely doing that thing that we see on Below Deck a lot where people were like the shitty worker is like, I'm not a bad worker. It's just that like my boss doesn't like motivate me to work. So I feel like I've had a better leader. I'm not inspired. He's like, yeah, I would help out more, but she doesn't inspire me. So I just sit in the office and I do nothing. Yeah, and I think she does the same thing Where she's like, well, I'm not going to kiss him Because he's not a good husband But you guys have to tell each other this stuff I mean, I'm not married This is like a simple one And Emily's like, well, let me just wait Through the BS, okay There's probably obligations to you That you have to, you know, go to your office But also, I think you go in there As an escape, do you not?

52:39Do you not escape? Is it hot in here or what? What's going on? It's getting a little hot in here. Oh, no. What? So you feel resentment. Yeah, you feel resentment because you're not appreciated. And you wish she had more gratitude and affection towards you for all the hard work to support her dreams. Done. Nailed it. Both guilty. Emily basically is doing the same thing she does on Orange County, which is like, here's the storyline we're going to go with today. Katie talks about toxic bloggers. So let's write her off. Okay, Gritchers. So Emily's like, yeah, so you wish you had more gratitude and affection coming towards you and for all the hard work to support her dreams.

53:15Oh, my God. It's like you stole the thoughts out of my brain, which is funny because they weren't there in the first place. It's more like you just put ones in there instead. Okay. Well, let me just play the devil's advocate for a minute. All the animals are because Kaylee wants animals, right? You don't want animals, right? He's like, oh, my God, like 100%. That's not my passion. But Kaylee's passion has become my passion in a lot of ways. okay but is it really your passion because clearly you want to make her happy but your dream isn't to have goats and pigs walking around the house but you let it happen because it makes her happy right so she's a bitch that's what i'm telling you that's what you're saying right i have a question has ever has kelly ever talked about my children to podcasters i need to know this i need to know he's like oh my god can we bottle this and ship it up to kelly because like maybe i would get more credit and uh emily's like well i could see that it's not an unreasonable Annabelle request, you know, I mean, I see my husband and you, and then it makes me sad that I don't recognize his feelings.

54:14So maybe this same thing is happening to her, you know, and he's like, mic drop. Just good. I'm glad I created an entire marriage problem in my head. Go work it out. So over there in Orange County, Kaylee's like, um, Annabelle, um, do you want to come upstairs when you're done with your ice cream? Maybe Annabelle, maybe she's like, huh? Huh? You want to come up to the ice cream maybe? Huh? She's talking to Annabelle as if Annabelle is the Incredible Hulk. She's like, don't get her mad. Okay, we'll be upstairs. Come join us. Don't show fear. How many kids do you have? This is how you act around your kids?

54:53This is what you do. Annabelle, put your fucking phone down before I put it down the garbage disposal, ma 'am. Get up there. I don't want to hear any lip. Okay? Or I'm going to make you comb your hair. I know. But her kids aren't that age yet. so she doesn't really know what to do. She's still at the age where her kids are like lovely and actually like love their, like want to hang out with their mom. So then Emily is setting up the dance party in New Jersey, which is very cute. And Emily's like, the kids are amazing. They're so sweet and kind. I feel like I'm establishing a connection with them.

55:19And it makes me think, you know what? Sometimes you just have to embrace the chaos. So then meanwhile, back up in Orange County, the whole family, including Annabelle, are like sitting around on the sofa to watch TV. and Annabelle actually is lowering her guard. She gets excited to talk about Bad News Bears. She's like, you have to watch it. It's like the best. And I know Kelly's like, oh, I was hoping we could watch Amadeus, but I guess I'll have to watch this shitty movie just so I can have a break with the kid. I'm sorry, is F. Murray Abraham in Bad News Bears? Okay, okay, I guess we'll watch it.

55:52I'm sorry, I'm kind of on a Kristen Scott Thomas kick. Would anyone be opposed to The English Patient? Okay, more Bad News Bears, that's fine. Bad News Bears, okay. I mean, basically, that's what I call my husband. But it's okay. I'm not triggered. We can watch it. So now it's the last day of the swap. And Kaylee is like, guys, are you going to miss anything about me? And Luke's like, everything, everything. She's like, really? Do you guys think you want to continue your family dinner when I leave? And they do. And she's like, do you want to get a pig now? And Keller's like, yeah, if it's big and juicy.

56:21She goes, don't you dare. You dare chocolate pig something. Little twin fuck. Listen here, you little freak. Hey, today is my last day in New Jersey. And I thought we'd do something that dad would like to do. So we're going to go fly fishing. So the Emily's new rule is to prioritize dad. So they're going to, he loves to fly fish. That's his thing. It's they're going to, no one else wants to fly fish. They go to this like stream and they start fly fishing. And it's, the kids are like, they're a disaster. They're like getting their, their, their fishing lines tangled around the cameraman and no one's happy.

56:57But the dad's happy. And actually the dad at some point is like, okay, you know what? I appreciate you guys doing this for me. This is all nice. We can't do this. Not with the kids. No, uh-uh. Like, this is fun. I appreciate it. I get it. I see what you're doing. Let's just, let's move on. Let's go home. Yeah, they don't know how to fly fish because you haven't taken them fishing. That's sad. There's a lot of broken things in this family, you know? Yeah. This made me sad that you've never taken the kids fishing. That's nuts. And there actually is a genuinely nice moment in Orange County, which I think you were just about to set up, I'm sorry, where Kaylee and Annabelle are like in the cul-de-sac on bicycles.

57:29And Annabelle is like, can I try riding my bicycle? It's like, whoa, Annabelle. She is melting a little bit. Yeah. And she's like, no, no, I can't ride a bicycle. I'm going to mess up your bike. It's like, oh, it's fine. My parents don't know this. But I ran into like so many bushes and fell off so many times. One time I sped up and I crashed it through Gina's window because she's poor. She had to put plastic on it for a month. Shannon comes out of nowhere and goes, young lady, in the future, just say that you had to walk your dog late at night, which is why you crashed your bike. Okay, just a little tip.

58:04From an older generation to a younger one. So Emily's done, and she's like, guys, this has been amazing. You really ignited something in my heart, and I just want to go hold it. Does anyone hear that? Oh, there's popcorn popping in my purse. Does anybody want some? so then um eric she's like here's a gift eric it's a dust pad oh god i i really am so funny going into this experience i didn't really feel like there was much to take away from someone else's life but it makes me reflect oh why don't i put more effort into my own family

58:49Eric is like, I've learned a tremendous amount from this experience. I have to be a better husband. I have to do better. So when Kaylee comes home, I'm excited to introduce her to this kind of newer version, better version of me, where when she's cleaning up all the poop, I say, good job, honey. And then I go back in the office. So Kaylee's saying bye to her family or her rental family. and they're both saying bye to their families basically and everybody's crying. So now the ladies come back and hang out together to have their post game, whatever. So Emily's like, I don't know why I'm getting so emotional.

59:27Keller, how are you, honey? Shane, are you taking the kids? Get them out of here, Shane, to your job. And she's like, okay, well, tell me, Kelly, how was Annabelle? She's like, well, she was standoffish, but your two boys, they were great. They kept making all these jokes about Heather Dubrow. I was like, oh my God, that wouldn't stop. Quiet! Don't you dare. They don't talk about Heather Dubrow.

59:50But you know what? We did sit for a family dinner because, you know, it creates a tradition of like, hey, your dad's an idiot, right? And she's like, yeah, I love that you did that because we don't sit down as a family. But, you know, when I was with your kids, I get emotional when I talk about your kids. I don't know why. I don't know why. But I wanted to be around them. It made me think about how in my own house, like I'll go to bed instead of hanging out with my kids. You know, I go into my room and I'll just watch TV. And I thought maybe I should hang out with my own children. Maybe, might be a good idea.

1:00:21She's like, I know, like one thing, I got to spend some time with Annabelle and I knew that like that was important to you. And like one of my rule changes was just like to have her come sit with us on the couch just so that she can be like there and be part of the family. So I think like if you can lead with that, encourage like a little bit of family time. What? be affectionate towards the children okay but instead of being scared to do it because it's crazy and hard we just have to do it anyway right yeah enjoy the chaos emily is like horrified she's like even though it's scary to think about spending time with my children and hard i guess i should figure it out and she's like yeah i enjoyed the chaos so she's like i reckon i had a date night he had to cook she goes oh my god of course he didn't let you take him out of course so did he even know where the pots and pans were she's like no but i could tell he was so nervous and he recognized he needs to do more stuff around the house.

1:01:09You know, I think it was sad. And I'm not, you know, look, I think it works. You know, he works so hard to give you a dream life and I don't think he feels that he's acknowledged. Yeah, well, with some of the things I don't want to talk about. Okay, there's some things I don't want to talk about right now, but it's like very hard. He cheated on me, everyone. He cheated. Okay, that's what I was getting. Do you think she's saying like he cheated and now she's like, that's why I don't know, but I can't acknowledge it. I don't know if it was really, I don't know if it's as extreme as cheating, but what I do get is that like they have marital problems and she doesn't want to get into it.

1:01:40But, uh, there's like a lot of dysfunction that's happening. And like that she, well, I think I felt like the tears were like, I wish it were as simple as like just doing these things and that will fix everything. But like everything is really, really tough. And it's, and we've gotten to a terrible cycle and I don't know how to get out of it. And I feel like if we don't get out of it, we're going to wind up getting divorced. Yeah. That was where I took it. just like he cheated and um she's like yeah and i don't i just and emily's like yeah but he doesn't feel like he gets what he needs i'm just like i just don't know how to fix that in myself i mean how am i going to suddenly want to fuck my husband i just can't i have a wall up and i can't get it down what's wrong with me i want to be affectionate for him but how do i be a better wife she's like well i'm a terrible wife and it still works out so don't worry about it just go with the flow you know i really appreciate how much shane contributes to this family and how much he does yeah he does a lot like you have a wonderful partner you know i would naturally think that shane or someone else deserves that but like why doesn't eric deserve the same compliments that i offer your husband i mean not the thing about the pottery barn i just sort of like laughed and was like this is disgusting you know but all the other stuff i said was very nice okay well i should say thank you to shane and you should go have lunch with your husband she goes oh my god not the lunch he brought up the fucking lunch really he brought up the lunch of course he did why is that so important to him put your walls down and have lunch oh my god lunch i don't know if i could do that you know he's gonna make me drink a snapple okay drink a snapple then come on do it so she says she struggles with loving her husband and showing it so this is a wake-up call i don't know how you're gonna suddenly just like show love to your husband but i guess it works for a little a while because we see the after and it says after Eric, they have a date night weekly and he even paired P.F.

1:03:30Chang's with a vintage Dom. Yeah. So it's pretty big. Yeah. I forgot about that. So it's funny that I mentioned P.F. Chang's earlier and they are, she's going, she's having lunch with him. So it looks like they're doing something, but it's funny because when she comes back, like they kiss, but then she like is, they're like, they have like a long embrace, but she still doesn't like, it's a very quick kiss. Like she's still like, Like, I don't want to put my lips on this man. It was kind of a weird one. I don't think anything changed with Emily. She does carpool now occasionally. And then Shane took it back over.

1:04:02And then she took Annabelle to Paris, so they bonded. Actually, that was really nice. I actually thought that was genuinely nice. I was like, that was a really good thing. Like, that is a good mother-daughter thing to take your daughter on vacation like that and pour some love into that girl. That was really nice. Unfortunately, they didn't end it with, and then she left her. Like we didn't get the full story, but yeah, I mean, I guess it was sweet. I love the pig. I was just here for the pig. The pig was good. Pig was good. Emily was even good. Despite all the shit I'm talking about her. I mean, walking in and just dropping a bunch of shit onto a family.

1:04:35Like, here's how you feel. Your wife's a bitch and she needs to do more for you. And you're like leading the witness is the perfect way to put it. But I guess it's more like she wasn't totally awful. Like she did have some nice moments, but she definitely did not shine the way Angie and Melissa did. Angie is like the star so far. Melissa, not quite as good, but did better. And now we're at Emily and it's like declining, uh, returns, uh, coziness, warm cuddles. Anyway, the show is still better than I ever expected. So there's that. We have one last episode of wife swap coming up this Sunday. It's this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday after Potomac.

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