#3099 Vanderpump Rules S12E1 Part 1: A Whole New SUR-ld

0:00what happens

0:20well hello darlings and welcome back to what would crappens a restaurant you meet your mistress I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi. How's it going? Good. Welcome home, Ben. Welcome to the warm, pink-lit home of Vanderpump Rules. Ooh, yes. We're back. We are so back, baby. Everyone, we're doing Amazon Live every Monday at 4 p.m. Join us this Monday. Our bonus this week is talking a bit about Thanksgiving. And then we went into a list of top housewives who entered the show at season five or later written by Ben. So we went over that. That was super fun. Go check that out on our Patreon bonus episode.

1:11Check that out. And if you don't like the list, that's a-okay because you're not alone. Yeah. If you don't like it, just leave Ben a tweet that says you're a real motherfucker. Okay.

1:30Seriously. But that was actually really fun to do. It was a fun list. It's a work in progress. Maybe we'll revise and revise and do it on it and come up with a final list. Who knows? Or not, because it's just a list. Who cares? But, wow, Ronnie, what did you think about the return of Vanderpump Rules? Most importantly, what did you think about that? um oh i was pausing because i thought you were going to continue a sentence um i really liked it i think it has a lot of promise i mean i really loved the preview we did a trailer trash for this over on our patreon a while back and i loved the trailer i was i had all the feels in the trailer and i ended up really liking it i mean my overall notes i think the kids have promise on it um my overall note is fix that restaurant i mean the restaurant just looks so bad doesn't it it's It just looks so dirty and it looks old.

2:19I mean, I think if you're gonna reboot, you really need to reboot the restaurant too. It needs to look new. I mean, Lisa's like kind of limping out of there and like maybe, I don't know, her pants too tight. I don't know, something's going on with her. She's kind of limping and the restaurant's limping and it's a sad time in West Hollywood right now, which we find out, which is so sad. It's like Vanderpump Rules post COVID, you know, and it's really just horrible, but overall, I liked it. What did you think? Yeah, I thought it was good too. At first I was like, I was a little bored at first. I'm not going to lie.

2:54But I think it's because, you know, it was like a little sizzle reel in the beginning. And whenever we say sizzle reel, it occurs to me, like it's not everyone knows really what a sizzle reel is. But like a lot of times when shows are trying to get like an order from a network to do a pilot, what they'll do is producers will go and they'll shoot footage of some people and the people sort of like, my name's Cindy. I'm a waitress but my real passion is cricket and you just sort of see like quick it's kind of like a loose 15 minute pilot it's like a presentation you show to executives and they decide whether or not they're going to throw money at it make it a pilot and so like there was that vibe here because we did get reacquainted and I was like I kind of wanted to like jump right into like story but once it kind of got past all that I actually felt surprisingly like fine with it like I didn't I really was not having moments of like this is nothing like the old magic like i was like i honestly was like i thought it was fine i actually thought i my favorite part my favorite part was how poor they all are when you got back to what like struggling actors like when those two guys were on the beach talking about like acting i was like i mean the amount of times you hear these conversations with two like beautiful idiots in los angeles it's like innumerable you go to Starbucks and you hear guys talking about acting classes or like how they got this gig.

4:17I'm going to be famous because everyone says I look like Robert De Niro. You know. It's like that's kind of like what this show is built on. So I was really happy that they tapped back into that. I was too. And I'm really into the whorish men. Like I love that they just got straight up whorish this time for the men. Like we've got two OnlyFans cousins who are probably fucking like let's admit it. They've at least tried to once or twice on each other and um i'm into it yeah they were they literally were like god i i want to go to thailand after watching the white lotus yeah let's go together i'm like you did see that scene right yeah yeah so there's something weird there and then you've got you know it was also fun to take the trailer and take all of our initial thoughts that we just got from the trailer and seeing what was right and what was wrong um because i think that everybody is going to look at this and say, how does it compare to the original, right?

5:12You're going to try and see who they recast as what character. And we were really off on some of them. And some of them we were kind of on about, but you know, it's going to be hard to kind of let them do their own thing and not judge them as the old cast. But it's also been nice in recent weeks to just watch the old cast. They're just such assholes, you know, like Brittany does her whole like, well, Lisa Vanderpump never called me one time by my son or nothing. And then you've got Sheena, by the way, a restaurant manager has never called me to see how I'm doing, okay? I have one that I'm friends with and she's called me occasionally, but like that just doesn't happen.

5:47And then Sheena who wrote her book, who's like making it sound like the worst thing that ever happened. They took her trauma and built a show off of it and all of this. And so to me, it's like seeing all those ungrateful assholes having their paychecks taken away and handed to new youthful people who could, you know, be ungrateful in 10 years. It's just nice. It's nice to see the cycle begin to repeat again. Yeah, I actually felt like it felt, the big fear is that there would be people who are going to be aspiring to be like the next Stassi, the next Jax, whatever. And I actually felt that people were more or less authentic to who they are.

6:25I mean, I feel like what seems to be our main girl, Natalie, she felt a little like fake at times. Like I felt like she had some stuff that she brought into the interview room to be like funny with. Like I think she needs a little bit more work, a little more time in the oven. But I think that like it's like it works. I think she's going to be great. I see what you see about there being like an air of fakeness about her and just being too on. But I also think that's who she really is. I think she is fake and too on. And that's bad. And I really liked her. But there was like, yeah, like there was like, she wasn't quite like, I think she thought she was maybe a little funnier than she was.

7:04But, but she wasn't bad. My favorite was Demi. Me too. The staff matter because she looks so over it. She's been there for eight years. And I think that matters because she's seen all these other idiots go on and like drop by the, drop by the restaurant to pretend to work and then going off. And now they're all, all their lives are imploding. And she's like, oh, well, here we go again. A new cast of idiots that I got to look after. Yeah. And then you've got the one I think that is the most like the previous cast is Natalie. I think she's very Kristen. You know, she's very like Kristen, the hurricane, just always being angry and flying off the handle and stuff like that.

7:40But then she's got some Sheena mixed in with the singing thing and the desperation and the fucking old guys. You know, she's got that going on. But she actually is a decent singer. I mean, she's kind of like a hum singer. She's all right. But she's a pretty good singer. I mean, I was actually surprised. to hear some talent. But it was also funny to hear her. Yeah, she was all right. She was definitely better than Sheena. But it was also funny hearing her being like, let's do a little bit more like a, I like that. She's like, is it this? No, is it like this? Is it like that? It's like that. Let's do this.

8:18I don't know that she's going to be on a stage without a microphone projecting to the balcony anytime soon, but I don't know. Right. And I think the one who reminded me most of Kristen early, early years, Kristen was actually this girl, Kim, because Kim and what's his face? The green bean guy, they she sort of has that like early Kim and Sandoval. I'm sorry, Kristen and Sandoval energy where, you know, Sandoval and Kristen were having endless toxic fights in those first two seasons. That's true. you know christian was always getting jealous and always was getting upset at tom and tom was like dude like what did i do wrong and we know that he was probably like playing all sorts of mind games with her and so that's what we have now what's that guy's name in the new season the skinny guy i won't know till we get there he's the guy from mr robot right the guy who played freddie mercury yeah he's rami malik yeah rami malik he looks just like him he definitely does look like that and And begrudgingly, his impersonation of the really hot guy was very accurate.

9:23When he started doing it, I was like, okay. But then that guy came in. He's like, whenever you see, what's his name? Again, we won't know until we see the names. It's like. He really does. I think the most actor-y, like the people who seem to be acting the most are Kim. I think she's like a bad actor. she's bad in her in a professional she can't read her lines right yeah she's like clearly has written lines that she can't read and um her boyfriend rami malik is a little phony and he's trying a little hard to be the new jacks or whatever and i just don't really i don't get it really and then um venus who's the uh gay with the stringy hair listen girl love your hair love that You have long hair.

10:11Love your bold. I love your like dime store, like fashion, you know, like your thrifting, like your thrift glam or whatever. I like it actually. Like the audacity, but you need some Keras toss.

10:29You're frizzed. Like you're frizzed out. I think I like him okay so far, but he's a little, he's a little actor-y too. So I don't know. Overall, I kind of liked it, but it's a show that we just have to let it settle in. Because remember when we first recapped the first episode of Vanderpump Rules 18 ,000 years ago, I hated that show. I wanted it to die. I resented everything about it. And then as it grew on me, it became my favorite show. So this one, I mean, I'm starting to kind of I already kind of like. So I think it has promise. We'll see. Well, I mean, I I'm like on board, honestly, and I'm surprised how quickly I'm on board.

11:08You know, again, initially I was like, I was like a little like, okay, I'm sort of tired of hearing about what all your lives are. But I was, I found myself, I was in it. I was in it. And it was great to see cheap apartments. It was great to see guys talking about writing scripts together. It's great to see people with dreams. Like someone saying that they, that one guy who was like, I came to work at Sirs that way I can network. I was like, LOL. I'm sure. lots of housewives from Oklahoma you're going to be getting cards from okay um yeah and it's kind of like it's the thrill of watching squid game you know what I mean you see all these contestants that are gathered together and in my mind the contestants are dreams okay and then one by one week by week you just watch those dreams die and that's a show that's you know it's LA Squid Games.

12:01So I'm here for it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's time that we dive in. Let's do it. Oh! So we start with the trailer, which we actually broke down. And so we don't have to go through the whole trailer again, but we do see it does start with an image of a puddle, which I think is great. A puddle where it says sir in the puddle and Lisa being like, Oh, sir! Welcome back. Villa Blanca is where you take your wife. And sir is where you take your mistress and we see a bunch of flashbacks of people's you know famous lines from the show we did miss as you pointed out in the trailer trash we did miss the uh what about the it's not about the pasta and we missed any Sheena line Sheena really fucked herself up like she can't even be in the opening anymore so that was funny to me and then we go to sir Lisa's greeting tables like hello welcome to sir Is this your mistress?

13:00Wink.

13:04I was excited. I believe in the trailer breakdown. I was excited because it looked like we thought, like, oh, a new era for Vanderpump Rules. We are leaving the magician outfits in the rear view mirror. No, no. Lisa is going strong with magic. Yeah, she's back, baby. Magic is back. Listen, she spent so much time in Vegas recently with all of her empire there that she's even magic here, I would say. She really is. So she's like, OK, oh, oh, look at this. We're back and I'm back in the seat being interviewed by Bravo. Oh, before we do this, how close are we? We've got to be too close because my tits will disappear because they get lower and lower every year.

13:50So we need to make the frame wider.

13:55Sir has been in business for 20 years. And one of the reasons we've lasted so long is we have the high expectations for food and ambiance. What are you talking about? Ain't nobody go there because your food is good. I like that they kept showing clips of the food and it literally looked like human guts on a plate. And those lights are still the same hues. I can see the dirt on the walls. Could you get somebody to dust the walls? With all the recognition we've gotten from the James Beard Foundation and the Michelin Guide, it's been hard to keep people away. Actually, we've just had recognition from the Beard Foundation recently when people found little curly hairs in their soup.

14:37Damn you, Chef Joe. I really would love a flashback of Chef Joe coming out with his turnip soup or whatever it was. or the time when Lisa was like, one thing that we like to do is highlight a new creation once a week. We called a special.

15:00So we first meet Natalie. She's behind the bar with Chris. And Natalie's like, oh my God, my lip glass is getting attached to my hair right now. He's like, yeah, your lip glass is popping like that, huh? Yeah, it is. you know, without a vibrant staff, it just wouldn't be served. I'm like, you mean without, that's code for without terrible service, but attractive people, it wouldn't be served. The only thing vibrant is the staff infection at this restaurant, and we all know it. The staff infection and the pink neon lights in the background, which are not unlike my pink neon lights, I'd like to add.

15:39I was going to say, we both got them, but you know, that's where they came from. Mine you can't see because it's not dark enough here. But see, see him over there. I put him on pink for Vanderpump. Oh, and there's Vanderpump hiding behind a plant. There she is over there. So now we see Venus taking orders. And Venus is like, working at Sur is probably the best job I've ever had. And I've had like 36 jobs. It kind of reminds me of high school because I'm just like running around, like talking with my friends all the whole time. And like, everyone's like hot. They're all like fucking each other.

16:09And they're just like absolute lunatics. Yeah, I had a pretty wild high school, actually. Now that I think about it, just a hot high school. of fucking, God, we'd fucking social studies. We'd fucking English class. We'd just fuck everywhere because everyone was so fucking hot in high school. Aren't you like 22? How have you had 36 jobs, sir? And so he goes to the table. He's like, hi. Like shakes his hair back behind his head. He's like, hi. I'm Venus. I have long hair. Do you guys want to start with goat cheese balls or anything? Now listen, I know you all want to see Lala. She's not here, but her lips are.

16:40I'm wearing them. I'm gluten free. Me too. It's like, oh, OK, you're telling me they haven't come up with gluten free goat cheese balls yet at Sir? I mean, you're in West Hollywood. I'm sure everyone's asking for gluten free goat cheese balls. How do they not do that? But I love his response because that's that would be my response to two gluten free people at one table. Because when there's two gluten free, it's generally not celiac. You know what I mean? Chances are they're just annoying you on purpose. And so I like his response was just like, oh, yeah, OK, well, I'll be back then. And he just walked away.

17:13Fuck off. you're gluten-free then figure it out bye yeah i have to say everyone it's time that we acknowledge that the goat cheese but the goat cheese balls are not they're not really what i think what they used to be we had some of the goat cheese balls when we went to pinkies in vegas and it was like dry despite them being fried and crispy on the outside it was like dry crumbly like cheese on the inside it was not i loved it i don't know that it was worth that much money because i mean I think they were like$8 per ball or something. Yeah. Yeah. It was something like that. It was crazy. Yeah.

17:47So, and they're tiny, you know, little, little nuts. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

17:58So, um, Venus is like, yeah, well we work and we party and we have sex. So like, I like to get fucked up with my friends. What else can I say? That's a vibe of sir. and I love that they brought back this tradition because in the early seasons of Vanderpump Rules they talked about Sir like it was literally the best restaurant in all of Los Angeles if not the west coast if not the country if not the world like yeah sorry remember Kristen she's like yeah sorry we're just like all hot like just sorry we're just like models we're hot sorry yeah everyone at Sir is a model you have to be a model to work here and it's like yeah we're all like currently hot We work at Sur.

18:38We work at Sur. So then Natalie sees a bottle and it looks like it's been watered down. And she's like, that is disgusting. And that is not acceptable. I'm Natalie. I started working at Sur in May of 2023. It's been like 20, 23 years. So I started working on the exact same day as Venus. And it took me a second to warm up to him because I thought he was just wanting to take like photos throughout the whole shift and not work. But then I fell in love with them Because he does take photos throughout the whole shift And not work And now he's been my best friend forever I'm definitely the best bartender And I'm the fastest and the most creative And I look cute, am I right?

19:21And we see her at work We're seeing the best bartender at work She's like, make sure we're cleaning everything Especially these, clean the glasses Best bartender Yeah, if you have a shaker And you have Aperol in there And then you pour something else it still tastes like Aperol because Aperol sticks to stuff. So can we just clean stuff, you guys? Best bartender here. Okay, I caught those. Can we just do another shot and make it look like I caught those bottles? Just drink cocktail. Things go flying everywhere. Chris is the guy who I think is from Jersey and he's got big eyebrows and he's got very rosy cheeks, which is like carrying on the Jack's tradition.

19:59He's got sort of like blush. Chris can And rob me, hit me over the head with a cast iron pan, run me over and steal my dog. And I would still offer him a meal. I mean, I love him. He did not do it for me. Really? I mean, he's a child, but, you know, just in cuteness level. I mean, I think he's just so cute. Oh, my goodness. I like the shorter one more. He is the short one. No, I'm talking about the taller guy with the rosy cheeks. Oh, he's disgusting. No, no. I want the little one. I want the little cousin. The little one's adorable. I like the little one. I like the little one. But this guy, he's sort of like a mix of Jax and Brett rolled into one.

20:39So he's like, yeah, sir, it's pretty chill. And I laid back in front of the other restaurants that I've worked with. I mean, no one's really training me, though. I'm just like fed to the fucking wolves. The wolves were starving. Like, did you say you wanted training at sir? I'm sorry. This is not a restaurant that has any sort of professional procedures. So if you want training, you have to go to an actual proper restaurant. Put things into a shaker and pour it into a glass and see what comes out. And what does this sentence mean? I'm just like fed to the fucking wolves and the wolves were starving.

21:12Yeah, that's the only reason the wolves eat at this restaurant. They're starving to death. Okay. It's also like you're a bartender. Like you just make your pumptini, get the pumptini recipe and the pumptini rosé and then the rest just make it up. Jack survived for many years doing this. Yeah. So Natalie's like, watch out, Chris, because I'm going to hit you. I'm like the best bartender. and best bartenders move fast. And he's like, don't be scared. Don't be shy with me. You can push me. Do whatever you need. It's called chemistry, guys. Yeah, I'm a real, like, lady killer. The main reason I work at Sur is to network and create more opportunities for myself.

21:47I was, I really want to, I really want to make a name for myself in Asian antiquities, decor-wise. So I'm just trying to network with some planters and some oversized sort of quasi-Asian motifs that they got in here. Yeah, you know, everyone's always told me I've got that Hollywood look. They say that I look like Robert De Niro. Okay, I don't think that's a compliment, honestly. I mean, Robert De Niro, great actor. I don't know that he's like a pinup, you know? But he does look like him. He does. Okay. I'm not fuck-shaming. I'm just saying, like, there's... I don't know. I don't see Robert De Niro with an OnlyFans, Do you know what I mean?

22:28I just also think that just because you look like Robert De Niro does not mean that therefore you're going to necessarily make it in this business. Yeah, I look like Uncle Fester. I'm not on Wednesday.

22:40So Natalie is like, oh, my God, I didn't realize this was your second day of training. I've just been so busy making drinks because I'm the best bartender here. And Chris is like, yeah, I mean, what do you think? You were supposed to train me the first day. Did you forget? She's like, well, yeah, actually, yeah. because I was going to say I wasn't here last week because I was suspended, which is crazy because I'm the best bartender here and I was suspended. Isn't that wild? He's like, uh-oh, you're naughty? What'd you do, naughty girl? She's like, no, I wasn't being naughty. I was just defending myself.

23:07So in the kitchen, they're also talking about her. And now we meet Venus, who's also like giant-lipped and very pretty. Oh, no, Venus, no. Demi is also a giant. Venus has la-la lips. And Demi also has very giant, very beautiful lips. I love her. She's my favorite so far. So Venus is like I saw Natalie behind the bar She goes yeah we said hi It's normal Wait you said hi to Natalie Yeah cause I'm professional So Then we go back to Natalie and she's like Everyone's gonna tell you that I was crazy And screaming which is true So basically Last week My stepdad and brother were in town And we went to serve with some friends And Paolo was working Who's Paolo?

23:55Paolo's my ex-boyfriend. And he also works at Sir. He's 54, but he's like a hot 54. I cannot. What? You were making out with a hot 24. She's 26. Paolo from Sir. I'm looking his ass up. Because they put a happy face over his face so we couldn't see him. Paolo from Sir. I mean. Oh, he was in a bad motorcycle accident. oh he does not look 54 at all here i'll send you is that why they put a happy face over his his body so eight weeks ago guillermo posted a picture with paolo and said my dear friend paolo has been in a terrible motorcycle accident and is now fighting for his life in this incredible difficult time i ask everyone to put no uh thoughts in your hearts thoughts and prayers please join me in praying for us oh my goodness well i hope paolo is okay well she's way to ruin it, Ben.

24:48Well, I didn't know that this is what I was going to be coming up. Jeez, God, don't Google people, people. Learn your lesson. So anyway, so they just put a big happy face over him. And Natalie's like, yeah, well, I just asked him to unblock my number, and then he started telling me I'm a bad person and all this drama, and I know, like, very, you know, it was, like, very loud. And he goes, yeah, it was a verbal encounter. Yeah, verbal encounter, exactly, because I'm a disturbance and then I'm being asked to leave by my best friend. I don't know. I just lost my mind. Can you believe that? I mean, I'm the best bartender in Surin.

25:25They're asking me to leave. That's crazy. You know what's a real disturbance? Shitty cocktails made by inferior bartenders. You know what's not shocking here? That we have like 20 drinks sitting on the bar and no waiters picking them up. What the heck? Yeah, where are the servers at, right? Come on, guys. Come on. So where are those servers? They're in the kitchen. So we see Marcus. Marcus is the skinny guy. Marcus and Venus, they're taking shots. And Marcus is like, wow, cheers to an awesome night, my friend. Let's go have a fucking good time. And Venus is like, I'm so fucking sure, man. Let's have a good time, man.

26:02Yas. So Marcus is Rami Malek, right? Yes. Okay, so he's like, yeah, we're going to get sir. It's a fucking playground for me. You gotta keep it interesting or else we're just serving tables. that's literally what you're doing that is what you're doing i hate to break it to you you as a server like the thing you're doing is serving is serving tables i love that you can talk yourself into some other delusion but you better get my goat cheese balls okay so that's what you were here for don't keep it interesting i think is this something we talked about in the trailer when he said you got to keep it interesting i was like no i don't want my weight i don't want my i don't want my waiters to keep it interesting just bring me the food here's what i don't need from you interesting okay bring me my diet coke and my vodka martini and my goat cheese balls and line them up and go the fuck away okay i was surprised because i think from the trailer i thought marcus was going to be the quote-unquote like nice guy of the cast like the good guy who like cares about rules and things like i don't know why i just thought he was the nice guy and it turns out no he is actually one of the shitheads he is like he's doing the shots from And he's scooping sangria into a cup so he can sneak drinks in.

27:12And he's like doesn't care about working. And he's like in a toxic relationship. That's just really not what I was expecting. I wasn't either. We weren't expecting him to be like the stud of the show. He looked like kind of the dork in the previews. But here we go. We were like, is that the gay guy? We were trying to figure out if there is like a gay guy other than Venus Hobbes. But no. So, yeah, I think he's really trying to be cool, but I don't think he's cool. I think we're probably more right than we think. So right now, he's definitely not the coolest. Yeah, he's training Jason, who is the one that I would go to prison for.

27:45I love Jason. So he's like, Jason's like, do people actually order goat cheese balls a lot? Yeah. Where the fuck do you think you are, sir? Did you not look at this? It's like the image on the Google Maps is a goat cheese ball. This is actually such a good sign because like the biggest fear that we have are people who just like watch the show and then are trying to replicate it. And this guy clearly has never seen Vanderpump Rules. He's like, go cheese balls. What? Yeah. So Marcus is like, yeah, everybody. Damn near everybody. Except for those two gluten-free losers at table 12. Yeah, I'm pointing at you.

28:18So you're telling me I'm going to be selling balls at my job and at my home job? That's a lot of balls selling. So Marcus is like, yeah, everybody gets on that, bro. There's servers that know the menu to a T and they'll tell you everything down to the arugula or whatever. But I'm just like shaking it up. I like to get in people's ear, okay? Everyone loves me here, so I'm not going to get in any trouble. What are you going to do? Fire me? How? How are you going to fire this? This guy being so proud of being a terrible worker is hilarious. He's like, there's some people who just like know this menu.

28:50That's so stupid. I'm just going to show up and just bring food to whichever table. I mean, they'll eat it, right? Yeah, it's like, hey, and when bartenders don't give you a drink, you've got brunch sangria right in the fridge. So he's trying to get them to drink and take shots and stuff. but we can tell that he doesn't do this often because he's doing it right in front of the camera. So he's trying to be cool, but... He totally looks like a dork trying to be cool the second the cameras come on. He has no idea that Natalie is up in her office doing sliver action, and she's like, what is happening on monitor number four?

29:22I will have to discuss this later. She's in a bathtub with a remote control. So Jason's like, yeah, training with Marcus, I feel like I want to do more, but he's like, do less. You know, because he's like, you come here and you just don't work, And I'm like, what do I do? And then he's like, nothing. This is a real problem for Lisa Vanderpump because her whole thing is like, well, you know, Jax, he stole revenue and he put his hand up someone's skirt and he cursed out a customer. But he's the best of the best. What am I supposed to do? I can't fire him. He's the best bartender. But now this guy's like, I literally am the worst.

30:03It's like, I don't like to serve. I don't know the menu. I don't care. I just show up and I smile and I go back to the back room and I drink. So Lisa does not have the excuse of like, oh, I would fire him, but he's the best waiter we have. Oh, no one can replace little Jaxie. Let's all look through our HR manuals. Every single page says, boys will be boys. Hmm.

30:29so yeah they do these like sangria shots and then marcus is like don't tell demi and demi's like what are you guys doing just he's like um we're just chatting i'm just telling him about the dry stock telling him how all the dry ingredients um are over there because it's dry stock um that's actually like not funny i take the dry stock very seriously so like please don't make talks about that. She tells us, I honestly work with idiots. I started it, sir, like eight years ago. Fucking shoot me in the face. And we see that, we see her sort of like ghostly presence as she walks around in the background behind Sheena.

31:06It's the only flashback I feel like we got of like old school Vanderpump rules. So look, Sheena got her moment. She wasn't included in like the quotes of the puddle, but they did give her a flashback. But they didn't even let her talk. She was like, And they cut her off and just circled at me in the background. It's like, they asked me to be assistant manager because I was already bossing people around. So just kind of worked out for them. Yeah, I've been sweating like a fucking pig in here. I feel like I'm going through menopause. It's so fucking hot in here. Marcus is like, have you ever seen The Shining?

31:41Like Jack Nicholson was there the whole time. That's Demi at Sir. Oh God, that's such a scumbag thing to say. But it's the truth. It really is the truth. I'm like, sir, you're no spring chicken yourself. So I thought that was funny. And then they showed a black and white picture and he just showed Demi's face being there the whole time. All right. Well, how are you doing? You're not allowed to come on the floor there, Jason, you bad little boy. And Jason laughs. And wait, is Jason the new guy again? No, I think that's Marcus. No, no, that's Marcus. Wait, hold on. Jason is a new guy. Yeah, Jason is a new guy.

32:19Jason's the short guy that we like. This is like a new Below Deck. We need a few weeks to get the names. This is very hard. I'm like, I'm just too late to pull up their faces. I'll do it. Next time you go on a monologue, I'll pull up the faces. So Lisa's like, oh, hello, hello, hello, hello. Oh, look, there's Audrey, a hostess. So Audrey comes in. She's the blonde girl. She's sort of like Lady Gaga in the beginning of A Star is Born. She's like, hi. I don't know if she's chewing gum, but she definitely has that vibe of like, hey. what's going on guys my feet hurt these boots were not made for walking it's like yeah everyone that works at sir is also trying to make it in the entertainment industry because like we're all singers and actors and dancers and i'm definitely manifesting roles in horror films i can do a really good like kill me scream you want to see see

33:11it's also the sound that the customers make when they receive the wrong order to see this it's the same the same sound that the customers make the next morning when they look inside the toilet so marcus comes up to kim because this is also where we meet kim she's like kim doesn't have any she has like one look on her face which is like disappointment kim is basically melissa borga she looks just like melissa gorga but she's got like this boring edge to her face. And listen, Melissa Gorga is not that exciting to begin with, but she's like an untouched up version of Gorga. She really is. And so Marcus is like, Hey, what are you doing?

33:52You're so far away. She's like, I'm busy. She's like, Oh yeah, I'm busy. And then they kiss. He's like, come on, come on, let's talk. Everyone's pissing me off, asking me for a, for a bunch of bullshit that I don't want to do. It's like, those are your customers. And they're asking you if they could have go cheese balls and some salmon. That's what she said. She's like, oh my God, like as a server, because you're a server. Wow. They're asking you for things. Exactly. I don't have time for that shit. It's your section. Yeah, I'm cool, babe. I don't got time for that. And so Demi is like, yeah, Kimberly, it's Marcus's girlfriend.

34:27And she's just in love with Marcus and all that. That's really all there is to say about it. That's her personality. Well, she loves Marcus. The end. that's it so Kim is like um when I first started when I first started sir two years ago I felt I feel like Marcus was like a bit of like a makeup bandit and Marcus is like yeah to be dead honest everybody was just trying to fuck your boy yeah that's just the truth I'm not lying like were they yeah Venus says that they fight every single week one week together they're the best relationship the next they break up and they start all over again yeah Venus is probably like my best friend on paper cause like Like on paper, we're totally different.

35:06Like I'm a crazy asshole. And he's like a pop diva without a pop record. And no, Venus is like, I actually have an album that does very, very well in Turkmenistan, but that's fine. Venus says, yeah, I feel like everyone thinks that me and Kim and Marcus are a thruple because Marcus will literally show me his dick on a picture on his phone in front of Kim and Kim will be like, oh, that's totally normal. Great. Sounds like things won't go totally terribly For this review Kim is saying how it's really busy Because it's like it's really busy tonight For a Wednesday Venus is like it's too busy I'm about to have a heart attack So Lisa comes to Chris at the bar She's like how are you doing Do you know all the drinks yet He goes you want to test me She's like not yet thank you I just don't want to have to say Pumpedini again I'm just not ready Okay the first test I will do a test Jack and Coca-Cola It's like alright here you go This is a lemon drop what is wrong with you The test is in the ingredients are in the name But here's the best that we have So she comes up to Natalie and she's like Welcome back we need to have a One on one table ten Shall we So they go into like The soft focus on Lisa is really Strong these days they go into this like room That's like dark and like candle lit And it's like okay Hey, you're back, but I still don't like what I've heard.

36:36Yeah, I'm sure you don't, Lisa. Like, I'm sure you don't. Lisa? You need to explain to me, young lady, exactly what transpired, because I take it very, very seriously when it goes out there into the restaurant, because you came in on your night off with your family, and then you create this ridiculous scene. Well, it's just that I'm going to talk really high right now, because I'm just a little girl that you're talking to, but Paolo and I broke up three months ago and we never had any separation, which is like totally fine because that's what happens when you date someone that you work with. I totally get it, Lisa.

37:11Darling, you came here on your night off. That night is for separation. And then you went after him. I've seen the tape. You were relentless. Pandy couldn't even watch it herself. But Pandy does have the projection screen. Pandy, roll it in here, darling. She rolls like an old squeaky thing like you used to have in grade school. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The TV on top. It's got the divine addiction on it. It's leftover. It's leftover equipment. All right, darling, Pandy, what do we call this? A block, mother. All right, press play. So they press play, and we see Natalie going up to the bar, yelling and waving her finger at people, and be like, motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker.

37:52So now everyone's watching on their phones, and Demi's like, I don't even need the audio for this. I can hear her screaming. Like, Natalie was, like, at the bar, Wasted screaming at Powell Begging him to unblock her number Stupid Okay let me tell you this Natalie's family flies in from out of town And her dad who's a surgeon Comes in to see how his daughter's doing at work And he turns around And she's trying to strangle the bartender Demi's like She has her finger in my face Saying like you're always against me I can't believe I'm being treated like this I'm Natalie I'm Natalie Natalie. And Natalie's like, okay, here's a list of reasons why I really shouldn't be in trouble at all.

38:32Number one, I wrote them on my phone. Okay. So my notes, why is everyone making me out to be so crazy? Because I'm actually going through something. And by the way, Mercury has been in retrograde this entire time. And by the way, my ex and I had no sex life. You're dating a 56 year old girl. Like, what are you expecting? And he was very private about everything. So that's another reason why I'm really upset because maybe if I was getting laid, I'd be a happier person. Maybe date someone like in their 40s. I mean, I don't know. Maybe step in. Yeah, anything. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

39:11Oh, but what would you think if you saw someone acting like that in front of you while you just sat there and ordered a cocktail and you came here to relax? What would you think, as John Yankee Honus would say, what would you do? Well, I would think that girl's freaking crazy. I'm like so embarrassed, Lisa. Well, I'm embarrassed for you. But I was in like fight or flight mode. Like it was like fight or flight. Please, please give me some trauma. If you say that you are a bird that has been broken, we can fix this. But if not, I will have to be very stern with you, young lady. You're a young woman.

39:48A woman that's been here a long time, ever since the year 2023 AD. And you know, that's the only reason after this behavior where I'm actually going to give you a break. Because otherwise, I would have let you go like that. Hold on. Hold on. Hand me the jiggy knockoff. Hand me the jiggy knockoff. I would have let you go like that. Smoke bomb. All right. the smoke didn't go off it just looks like i threw a dog all right hand me the dog again it's all right difficult times in west hollywood this time not even the smoke bombs go off anymore i have to say that everyone knows that i'm very stern with my employers and that i am known for firing people on the spot when they do terrible behaviors so just know your job is in peril at some point in the distant future.

40:41Where else will you earn$50 per night? Smoke alarm! Now listen very carefully. I will be keeping an eye on you in ways that you can't even imagine. I will see your every move. And if by the stroke of midnight you have not cleaned the april out of the shaker, then you shall be reporting for duty again tomorrow at the normal time. There will be no consequences. Alright, now, before you go, pull the shirt under my sleeve. Pull it. Okay. Ow! I'm just pulling your... You told me to pull it. I know. Pull harder. Pull. Ow! Nothing's coming. Damn! Ken, get in there. We need to fix these handkerchiefs.

41:29No, darling, thank you for doing that. My giant sleeve ruffles got caught in the laser sleeves so they weren't fully extended and now they're all flowering out. She can't even do her multiple scarves coming out of her wrist anymore. She's like, damn it! Ever since the pandemic!

41:47So, um, Natalie goes back to the bar and Chris is like, how did that go? She's like, it was okay. I deserve it. I deserve it. Okay, by the way, I'm gonna be back. I need a minute. So Marcus hugs her and he's like, you seem upset. She's like, yeah, obviously the way that I handled myself was wrong. Like, it sucks that it happened here, but it did. Hey, Well, I mean, I think you're off to a good start. I mean, you came back in. You Smith-Delling. You talked to Lisa. Everything's good. Oh, yeah. Don't worry. Shane Davis is going to come. Shane Davis is coming tonight. Shane Davis? Shane Davis? Shane Davis.

42:20Wow. Shane Davis. Oh, my God. Shane Davis is coming. Let that name say. Shane Davis is coming. Shane Davis is coming tonight. Did you hear? Shane Davis is coming to serve tonight. I don't know if anybody says that Shane Davis is coming in the show. Marcus, Mark out. Shane Davis, Mark out. I meant Shane to Marcus. And we've been talking for a few weeks now because now I can be social. Now that I'm single. Sorry, I had to yell that, but he's 54. You don't have to know his face. You just hear Shane Davis' laugh and you'll know. He's good looking coming through the door. He's just like.

43:01and then we see Shane Davis walk in and he's like

43:07yeah he comes around the door and you're like damn that is Shane Davis he's jacked he's got pretty blue eyes he's got 90s hair am I in love with Shane Davis I might be in love with Shane Davis Shane Davis walks in with a girl an anonymous girl and sits at the bar and Natalie's like oh my god Shane just walked in with a girl after he told me I'm not going to bring a girl to your workplace he is a liar well just because you lie once doesn't make you a liar right like if you cut your hair once does that make you a barber that's right I'm Marcus and Marcus is like he like does like this gesture to be like yep gotcha gotcha that one you just got Marcus you got Marcus you got the old barber trap and I was like Marcus can you not right now okay i cannot deal with logic and deduction i don't have this energy for your bullshit so here comes shane he's like what up chris what up big dog how you doing brother what are you getting brother big dog yeah big dog big dog's gonna have a brother drink yeah brother drink uh no i'm not i'm sober bro nothing for me which you should know because we're friends but that's okay i'll just remind you i'm sober bro yeah you want a mocktail i'm gonna surprise you bro i'm I'm gonna surprise the fuck out of you, bro-ham.

44:26Hey, America. I'm sober, but it doesn't stop me from going out to the bar and going out to the clubs and chasing women. So what's your type, buddy? My type is chasing women.

44:41Who wants to get some briskies and head out to the ocean? We can catch some sick waves. And he sees a customer. He's like, yo, random customer. this is our first date right here yeah guess what America I'm more addicted to a hot succubus woman than I am drugs I'm fucked up

45:05so Marcus this guy is like the living embodiment of the scene in She's All That where they jump into a yellow Jeep Wrangler and go to the beach that entire scene and make that into a human that's him this is the guy that beat up Anthony Michael Hall in every teen movie so Matt really is like we're having a party tonight like he really is the energy of an 80s movie yeah he's like my parents are out of town he wants a fucking party Bruce no nerds allowed though I didn't even have a stroller when I was a baby I had a jeep my nanny just pushed me around in a fucking jeep that's right bro he's always had a jeep he's always had a jeep with the top down that's just this guy So Marcus comes up and says hi And everything His girl's name is Nika and everything And Natalie's like She storms off He's like yeah I met Natalie a few weeks ago Karaoke She's clearly unstable But she's hot

46:12So Natalie's like oh my god He's gonna wish later when we all go out That he didn't bring this girl Because I thought we were vibing Like who does that Kim's like Natalie he's obviously doing it for a reason I don't like it What Shams tells us But the thing is She's definitely been playing hard to get So I brought a girl tonight Who's looking bad as hell And if it rubs her the wrong way Good Alright man what do you want to drink A virgin mojito He's like a little virgin mo bro

46:50I missed that a virgin note don't say that in West Hollywood by the way you don't know what you're going to wind up getting alright well you as well little lady you don't drink either huh she's like nah cause I got a call time tomorrow it's like oh wow doctor that's cool so you're probably not going to come out to the Belmont Yeah I'm auditioning for a Cialis commercial Okay cool I don't really know what that is but that's fucking cool Commercials are still cool bro Even in the time of streaming that's badass Paolo Paolo you heard about the Cialis? Oh you have? Okay cool So they're going to the Belmont Is that the only place in here?

47:31Why do they go all the way to the Belmont? That seems far to me Well they love going to the Belmont Is it walkable? From Robertson to La Cienega? It's far. Technically, yes. I mean, they're not going to walk it. They're just going to. I guess they're straight. So they're not like, let's just go to Motherlode, you know. But yeah, it seems far. Belmont's kind of like, it's like the place where they all go. I heard a rumor that the Belmont might be closing. Uh-oh. At the bar. I can't imagine that's true. The Belmont's been there for ages. Ever since I moved to LA, it's been there. Well, so most of the things that have been closing all over the place.

48:06Gotta love me. I choose right when the town is imploding to move back. I'm like, yes, I'm back. They're like, sorry, the town is closed and now decrepit. Enjoy yourself. If the Belmont closes, you could probably blame Schwartz and Sandys because Schwartz and Sandys was like the owner of the Belmont was in it with them, right? And so I wonder if you lost a lot of money on that. You know, a lot of times with restaurants and bars, if you open up like a second one and the second one tanks, it sort of pulls the other one down. That's what I heard from a restaurateur once. Oh, I didn't know that. I forgot that the owner of the Belmont was in Schwartz and Sandy's.

48:39Oh, God. You would think that somebody who runs the Belmont would know better than to open a place next to the UCB on Franklin. Duh. Well, it's high stakes right now for the Belmont. Someone call it the Belmont Stakes. Thank you, Alfredo. So Shane is like, so they're going to go to the Belmont, guys. Tonight, guys, after school, we're going to go to the Belmont. Yeah. Belmont time. So you guys, so tips tonight. $500 between eight servers, so they're gonna make $50. That is so sad. Do you remember the old days? They were like, I made$500 today, Tyx. I know, but now it's trying times at Sur. Postpandy.

49:24Postpandy. Oh, wordplay. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big Yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less name-y She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

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