#3103 RHOBH S15E01 Part 1: Here We Zoe Again

0:00watching what Well, hello there. How's everybody doing? Welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. How are you doing? Good. Happy birthday still. It's still your birthday as we record this. This won't be released until Friday, but it is still Thursday in our world and it's Ben's birthday, everybody. So party, baby. Guys, this is my birthday year. So you kind of have to celebrate it every week. Every day, every week. Yeah, every day, every single day. And I've got good news for you, Ben. Garcelle did not unfollow you. Happy birthday. Because she never followed you in the first place.

0:59Never followed you in the first place for us. So don't worry about it. But you know what? At least we didn't get screwed over. And now we don't have to spend the whole season going, why did Garcelle unfollow us? How confusing. What is confusing about this, ladies? You were assholes to Garcelle. She didn't like you. Her only friend jumped over the fence to be the second she got a chance to be friends with the popular girls and she dipped out. What the fuck don't you understand? And fuck Torit for trying to make Garcelle look like she was like an opportunist. No, like you do not get to cast Garcelle as someone who is building alliances for, you know, to go to battle on a reality show.

1:36That's what you guys do. You only suspect that because that's how you operate, ma 'am. Yeah. How dare you? You back away from Garcelle. from you back away from garcelle oh my gosh did i have called this episode black girl missing we already did that was a missed opportunity we did yeah we've done that we did oh darn it okay well everybody welcome to real housewives of beverly hills day kind of a boring episode and we're already fired up can you see it's gonna be how the season is gonna go i don't care how little happens i will always get infuriated so i was watching it going and i was like i was already like, oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part.

2:16Oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part. Oh my God, Ronnie's going to get mad at this part. Really? I wasn't really mad. I didn't get mad at anything except the Garcelle stuff towards the end. I don't know why I feel so protective over Garcelle. I just think that they're jerks. We all love Garcelle. We all love Garcelle. They were jerks. Well, because it's just another victim of this core group of women who just keep running fan favorites off of the show. And then we're stuck season after season of Kyle, Dorit, and Erica nattering away about like stuff that's just not that interesting.

2:47Although I have to say, I actually liked Kyle this episode. I mean, this is the way every season begins. I enjoy, I have no issues with Kyle so far. Actually, I'm going to put a pin in that because maybe by the end of this recap I will have remembered there was something that bothered me. But like, I was like, I'll brainwash you by the end. I was like, I was okay with Kyle this episode. Erica was just Erica. Dorit. Dorit's Dorit. I don't know. It was like, honestly, I thought the premiere was pretty lifeless. I'm not going to lie. You know, it was kind of lifeless, but it was the first episode.

3:19And I don't know. It's kind of a comfort show for me. And I'm talking about how much I get enraged. But, you know, I do love rage. I feel comforted by rage. I didn't really feel enraged. I did feel some comfort watching it because it's like, oh, they're back. And it feels like no time has passed because they're still fighting over the same shit. And I don't know. I like Kyle's new face. Every year, Kyle has a new face. And I like this update. I think it's very good. I think it was a good Sing Reba back. I don't know. I just, I liked it. Rachel Zoe fits right in. So, you know, on that note, on that note, I had the privilege last night of meeting Rachel Zoe.

3:58That was, oh, that's who it was. I met Rachel Zoe. So Courtney from Two Judgy Girls and I, we went to the Spotify unwrapped party, which was super fun. And it was largely podcasters, TikTokers, things like that. And then things. And which was cool. We saw some colleagues that we knew, were friends with, etc. It was nice to see them. And then there's Rachel Zoe. And I wasn't going to say, I don't really have anything to say to Rachel Zoe. But then we were like, listen, we both were like, we should say something. We have to say something to Rachel Zoe. She's Bravo royalty, ultimately, whether we like it or not.

4:35I don't have any issues with it. But she's Rachel Zoe. Bravo is built partially on her back. so I was like okay how do you talk to Rachel Zoe how do you go up to Rachel Zoe because it's not I don't know like I know how to go up to someone like Tamara I know how to go up to someone like Whitney Rose but Rachel Zoe is a little different so I was like you know what I have a tried and true tactic at a at a Hollywood party when you want to go up to um a successful uh female famous female I get as gay as possible so I walk right up to her go oh my god Rachel Zoe gay icon i literally said that to her oh my god man yeah i was gonna say you should have just gone oh my god it's rachel oh my god no you literally did because it always it's very disarming and she just smiled and she's like oh my god hi and i'm like oh my god we you know we just we just watched the screener because because courtney had just watched it too like we just watched it and courtney's like you were so good you were so vulnerable she's like yeah i was like really vulnerable like yeah you were you did such a great job and at that point i normal i normaled out she was actually very nice she was very nice admittedly for the first three quarters of the conversation she thought we worked at bravo so i don't know if she was being nice to us because she thought we were like brass but um we're like yeah you did a great job she's like yeah the season was like really good it was really fun i haven't really watched much of it we're like yeah well um she's like you know my old choice to be able to watch everything but i don't watch much of it like cool and then we said we're podcasters and she's like oh cool and then we had like a little bit more conversation and this music was playing and she points she goes wait a second we're like what?

6:13she goes like these are my friends like what? these are my friends musicians? she's like it's crazy because like my friends are over there but this music is my friends it's crazy they're over there but this music's my friends like oh so we go okay well it was great meeting you we like i was sort of like we felt like i personally felt like it was her way of saying i don't know what else to say to these people they're very nice but like i don't know what else to say to these these two podcasters so i'm just gonna kind of like so we we're like okay and we were like we realized she she wants us to go it's time we've used up her space and then she went over to her cute i would have said you know what i have all these rachel zoe pillows in my living room but i've also got a jill zarin rug do you think I think that's a conflict of interest.

7:00How do you feel about Jill's Aaron? I need to tell my pillows what to think about the rug. Should I replace the rug? I replaced the rug. I already replaced it. I got it with something from rugs.com. It's really cute. By the way, I want, you're so vulnerable. You're so vulnerable. I wanted to be like, what was it like filming this compared to like, but it was 20 years. Well, I said, you know, Bravo's changed so much. There's a whole community. I was like, Oh, I said, I said, yeah. And, and Bravo con that was wild. She goes, Bravo con was wild. That was like wild. that was wild that was bad nana's it was well it was well but anyway she was so nice this she was she was very she was very gracious to us you know she's just trying to enjoy a party and we're sitting there being ridiculous yeah i mean love it you know i was love it that's what you i was like i just need to have an interaction that i can report back with and it was a very lovely rachel zo interaction so that is my story everyone oh she took something from her purse or something.

7:54I think it was good. You did good. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. It was, I went into the, I went into the wild. I went into the wild and I did something heroic. You're welcome everyone. So it was okay. So here we go. Episode 1501 hot girl summer. Now here's the problem I have right up top. Where's Trixie Monocle? Where is she? Who this new lady they have on there? I don't like her. They've also got a whole violin section, which I do like, because I do like them bringing back kind of the old flavor of the music. But we had this weird opening song that was all in echo and everything was slow-mo and everyone's like very glittery, you know, kind of a typical thing.

8:35But it was like, welcome back to Beverly Hills moment. And the song was like, you spin me right round because call me when your time runs out because I know, I know, I know what life's about. it was like Trixie Carpenter they were like let's do Trixie but let's make her more like Sabrina Carpenter okay so she's like except I mean this is no shade to Sabrina Carpenter it's just like the Bravo version is just far inferior yeah Sabrina Carpenter has got enough on her plate this week just leave that girl alone anything from us that's for sure she's fighting the main Cheeto in chief over there we support Sabrina Carpenter but yeah they did neuter our Trixie like we want you know, declarations of girl boss being a boss.

9:20Yeah, I want like car, I've got a car. Cause I'm a girl with a car, a girl with a car. And then you see the cars passing. Cause we still got all the same footage where they just showed the douchiest cars available on the market driving past and glittering. You know, they put that glitter over it. Where it's like, the worst. And then it's like a douche bag. It's like a Lotus. The worst. Yeah. I think what was so tricky for me with this premiere is that the shows on Bravo have been so high-key lately. You know, with Salt Lake City, the return of Vanderpump Rules. We just had this crazy. Potomac.

10:00Potomac is everything's just being extra. We just had an extra Miami season. We had an extra OC season. Everything has been like kind of up here. I mean, Southern Charm is Southern Charm. But everything is really hitting at an intensity level. and then we just sort of like saunter into Beverly Hills and this show is just like it's got Barbara Walters filters everything is slow we're watching slow-mo of them and just I was I felt like someone hit the brakes on Bravo and I was like and I was like okay we have to go to Beverly Hills tempo and it really it's it's hard having this show on at the same time as Salt Lake City it just it really is because they're just we're in Salt Lake City mindset and it's really hard to pivot into Beverly Hills.

10:42Yeah. It's like you're watching one of the best comedies on TV and Potomac's been really good too this year. And that's been on, you know, that's on right now as well. And so you've got both of those really firing on all cylinders. And then you've got this one, which yeah, I was low key. I was thinking while I was watching it, why is this one the highest rated? Why? I mean, I like it. I've always loved this show. I mean, I, this was the first show I ever recapped as a as a blogger and well the first housewife show and so I love it just for that like I have a personal history with it I've always loved it I've recapped every episode of this show so I love it but I'm like why does every why is this the highest one I think it's the money really at the end of the day I think it's that everyone on here is like rich rich and that's something you know there's something to be said for that like you see all their homes and all their cars and they are all even erica it's like even erica is like the poorest one and she's still in red hill heels and you know living off that friend of uh i mean i don't know where she's getting her money yeah i don't know but but just minus erica everyone else is like whoa it's luxury well i'm also this show is you know it's been around for a long time and you know it's very hard to bring people onto new shows because everyone's watching something else like God forbid you stop watching Severance for five seconds and watch a real housewife show.

12:02And by the way, you know what? New York Times, you really need to get it together. New York Times once again did their list of best TV shows of the year. And they go out of the way to include every single type of show, except there's not a single reality show. They include like a show that's like on Disney kids. They're like, this cartoon is actually very witty, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, and once again, they even put in a section that says flawed, but like noteworthy. And they put the bear in. it's like so you go out of your way everyone agrees that the bear flopped this year I mean even the lovers of the bear agree yeah it's like you'll go out of the way to recognize shows that are really flawed but they are like prestige whereas like there's excellent reality TV that is crafted beautifully crafted intelligently you know there is art in reality TV people have to think about how to make a storyline people have to know what questions producers have to craft a narrative out of watching erica wash you know wash a car you know and they do it and they do it very well and they make us all laugh like this is high grade comedy and the new york times still will not recognize it i'm sorry reality tv is 25 years old you cannot keep acting like it's a fad some trashy fad that just came around it's here it's a genre and it needs to be respected and that is today's soapbox until the next one yes yes so um make that a clip and put it on youtube now this episode might not be the best one to be making that this is a terrible example for it let's just pretend we made this on the salt lake city recap yeah just cut this out and put it to the start of our next salt lake city literally anything else that's on bravo right now other than the show yeah but i did still enjoy you know i did still enjoy having it back um and there are shifting dynamics you know now that garcelle's gone as sutton's left all alone it's very interesting watching people because they smell blood in the water with sutton and they are gonna come for her ass and you know i enjoy sutton as a housewife but you know i enjoy sutton the most when she's backed into a corner and acting like a crazy person yes so it's time times are running times are ticking okay yeah yeah it's gonna be great it's gonna be great watching her crumble um she'll be a full disaster she's like you know when you're playing a video game and there's like a boss and the boss sends out like little minions and you have to like kill the minions before you get to the boss this is in from the perspective of the fox force 5 the minions have now been destroyed and now it's just sutton sutton they're ready to go in for sutton and uh well i guess she does have jennifer tilly but yeah sutton's blood in the water for sure yeah uh so we start with setting on a horse and then uh it's slow-mo so go slow or horse go slower horse and then we see erica and this insane scene um washing her car at home in short shorts and stiletto heels with shoelaces on them very sexily and i laughed i laughed out loud so you know we can't say this show doesn't have humor because that shit was funny it was so silly and then we see dorit coming out of like a coming out of like a luxury store in beverly hills like I've, I've, I've, and she's got shopping bags and she's just, you know, pausing on the sidewalk as if she's been actually closer to way in that, in that supermarket.

15:22And that gross, I'm going to say grocery store in that, in that store for like 10 years. Like she was kept underground. And these look like the pictures that were released by the tabloids last year, um, of Dorit shopping. And people were taking, circling the pictures and posting them all over the internet and saying, And Dorit is pretending that she was shopping at these stores. But you can tell these bags are used because they're crumpled. And, you know, it was like a big to-do on the Internet. And I think it was the same shot because this looks like those pictures. So she's carrying all those bags.

15:56And she's going over to, well, we'll find out later. First, we go over to Boze's house. And she's, you know, just doing what Boze does. She's in her house with photographers everywhere just going, yes, Boze, you look amazing. Oh, Boves, give us your best angle. Boves, your third gorgeous Boves. Yes, now get me from the left. Now get me from the right. Now get me from whatever angle you would normally get a CMO from. That's right. And right when everybody's like, oh, my God, is this my comfort show or not? Here she is. It's Kyle Richards in a terrible outfit, driving and asking Alexia to call her daughter.

16:35Or Siri to call her Alexia. Sorry. It's getting alexia to call for her. That her daughter basically was turned into a digital assistant. Yeah. So now. Even her daughter will never be Apple. Yeah. Never. So now we see Givenchy. We see cars. And now Bose is at home with her kid, Layal. And they're making charcuterie. And she's like, there's gold flakes on this pastry platter. And that's all that matters. Because I have marketed this pastry to be high end. So Dorit arrives. have a little visit with Bose. And she's brought the shopping bags. That's where Dorit was going. And Bose tells her, you're a vision.

17:17And she's like, a vision? The times I've come here, I'm not giving you a birthday gift. And finally, here I am with a gift for you for your birthday. Girl, not from Hermes. Oh, is this a blanket? And then I can feel your warmth with it. A$2 ,000 blanket from Hermes. You know that just came from PK's man cave or whatever. She rewrapped it. And Dorit tells us, over the course of the year, we've gotten very, very close. I call her when something good happens, when something bad happens, when it turns to day, when it turns to night. When I've got M &Ms, when I've got curates, I call Paws. She's my best friend.

18:01She's laying this on a little thick. Yeah. Well, she calls and leaves voice notes very long. 17-minute voice notes about carrots and M &Ms in daytime and nighttime. Can I just listen to this song to speed? I love that Dorit does that. Sweetie, it's me, Dorit. It's been such a roof day. It's like, oh, my God. Why is every voice note like a letter from a war? Okay? I know. No one needs 17 minutes of Dorit. I left a voice note this morning for someone, And I felt so guilty because I generally do not love receiving them because they tend to be rambling. And I left a voice note. And guess what? It was rambling as fuck.

18:40I was like, sorry. Oh, there's a leaf. There's a leaf blower. Oh, there's a there's a bird. Because like whenever people leave voice notes, they feel compelled to narrate every single thing around them. Me included. And I just was so embarrassed that I did that. But, you know, yeah, it happens. Well, it does. It happens. You know, you complain about it, but then you're like, I can leave a voice note. Why is everybody else able to leave a voice note? I'm going to leave a voice note. And then mine are 10 hours long. And by the end, I like singing things in Patti LuPone voice. It's like, no one needs this.

19:08You know? I was just going to ask them to dinner. You ever notice that people always eat? You always hear people like eating a potato chip on a voice note. Like, why are you doing that? Yeah. Because people talk to voice notes like they're their assistant, right? So it's like, oh, hey, hey, hey. Yeah, I wanted to call you. Just wanted to make sure you got the time for this thing that we're doing on Tuesday. Oh, my God. That car's on my way. Tell that car to get out of my way. I need that car. out of my way. Yeah, anyway, haven't paid my electric bill yet. We really need to get that done. Really need to get that done.

19:35So just go ahead and pencil that in. Pencil that in for Thursday. It's like, I don't work for you. You're calling me like this. Just text me, please. So Boz is like, wow, this is something sweet because life sometimes hasn't been so sweet. Isn't that right, Dorit? And she's like, no, it's okay. It's okay. Really? My life has been fine. No, it's not okay. Because I've seen things online and it's not okay to read. It's not okay. It is not okay. And we see that photo that we all saw of PK making out with a woman at the valet stand. The only place for middle-aged men in a midlife crisis to make out with someone.

20:15So truly, like all these guys, all these guys with their newly pierced ears listening to like John Summit and EDM are like now like, So there's a valet So why don't we go over there and make out from the valet So that someone can see us Yeah let's do that right now So we see that picture of that poor deluded lady Making out with PK Yeah that poor future disappointed lady It's time for a commercial It's time for a Crappens commercial

20:48And so Bose is like kissing a woman on the streets Not okay not okay when i saw pictures of him kissing that sheen version of dorit first i rolled my eyes and then i i threw up a little let's like not also like let's sure sheen dorit but let's not act like you know pk is the air maze version of anything he's like the sheen he's like the sheen snuggles bear right so dorit is like yes when i saw that on the street i felt like gee that's it that is it that furthermore, that is it. That's it. And I'd like to further add, that's it. That man on the street, I don't know him. I thought, gee, that's not the man that I know who has got diabetes one, two, three, and six.

21:34No, who is that? It's a stranger. And the next day you filed, let me just move your story along because you're not quite getting to it. That's right, it was that day. I filed that day. I filed my nails and I said, guess what? Now that my nails are filed, I'm going to email my lawyer. No, no, when I said filed, I was advancing your storyline just a little bit faster. You know, just getting it right there. Okay, you filed for divorce. And Ronnie, you are not on the stage, so whatever you are saying here on the podcast is not being heard by anyone, including me. So I will bring you here onto the stage to talk.

22:07There you are, Ronnie. I don't know what happened to me, but the day after, we had to go to a baseball game. The Jigga had! Jigga had a baseball game! And honestly, I felt so disgusted with him. Look at the picture. And then they put a picture up and she's sitting on the first bench looking all sad watching a baseball game. And then he's all the way up on the top bench all the way to the right of her. So all pastely watching a baseball game. Why are they the only parents there? Why? They were the only people in this picture. Are you guys even there at the right time? Where's Jagger? I don't even think this was Jagger's baseball game.

22:46I think these two weirdos just ended up in a park ignoring each other. So poetic, you know? Yeah. So the kids, does he see the kids? Well, he travels a lot. And so when he sees them, it will be on a Saturday night. As far as the kids go, you know, I only speak the best about their father only. I say, no, he only eats the Pringles because he loves them. He wants to support the company. And that's why he eats so many of them. He just wants to keep people in business in this economy. Only the best things about PK. Your father suffers from levabetes. That's why he's always gone, I tell them. It's a disease, he can't help it.

23:22Absentitis. But he's the master of his own disaster. You rhymed, girl, you rhymed. That's right, I did, because I'm a rhymer now. And when I filed, you think I'm going to check that box that says joint custody? No! No! He doesn't even have working joints. Why would he get joint custody? He can't even take care of the ones he has. Publicly, he wants to save face. PK does not have the lifestyle. He can have the kids 50 % of the time. He's off busy doing things like putting on Pantones in Britain or unlocking Boy George from radiators. So he doesn't have time for children. Well, I don't know, but if you know, when I filed, it was big news, huge, huge.

24:10all over the world's internet. And guess what? Kyle texted me. She texted me four days after. Four days after. I would like to give this season's first by saying, what a wasted opportunity to not say, hey, I'm with you. How could she not use this as a great, great opportunity to say, I am your friend, Reet. When Kyle and I saw each other at the reunion, I was really hopeful that her and I had finally turned to Kana. But no. No. And then we see the clip of Kyle being like, Well, you know, I know things that weren't really great this year, but I was hoping that now we can be front again now that it's all over.

24:58Or whatever. And Dorit's like, and I trusted it. But I'm not going to trust what comes out of her mouth. I'm going to trust her actions. she had every opportunity to show me that we were back and she was there and has she shown me that gee no absolutely not i'm gonna say this in at least six languages new new new mean nine

25:31yeah so meanwhile we go over to Kyle's house and she's cooking at home and she's like really into pleasing her daughter so she's making flour and corn tortillas guys yeah and Sophia comes in and she's like attitudy now I didn't even I don't even know which one Sophia is but now I do because of this scene yeah well well what I did not appreciate from Sophia is that Kyle's like hey guys I'm going to make i'm going to make i'm using like flour and corn and corn tortillas for me what do you guys want and sophia's like can you make us an egg salad sandwich sophia what part about the tortillas says that your mom's also making egg salad sandwiches no make a request that pertains to the tortillas or don't make a request at all or make it yourself it's also egg salad like make your own egg salad you're you're 23 now or however old you are let kyle make her tortilla sampler yeah but that's why i know who sophia is now because she's like you know what nobody knows who I am on this show?

26:27Fuck that. I'm coming into my first scene of season 15, and I'm demanding egg salad on taco night. That's it. You guys can just deal with it. I'm a grown woman now. She's a real disruptor. Yeah, Gen Z. Gen Z. How does like so end with Gen Z now? Eggs out on tortillas. That's huge. Manny's staff. Big. So Kyle's like, yeah, Sophia and Portia obviously live at home. And so Sophia's like, do you guys want matcha if I order, there's another thing. Let's fuck up Taco Night. What do you think? So she's having matcha and egg salad on Taco Night. So Kyle's like, by the way, it's really annoying that the gate rings all the time with all these orders.

27:12Kyle's very anti-Doordash. I'm like, what happened to last season when Kyle was so happy when anyone rang the doorbell? They're trying to move a chair through the French door. She's like, I wish someone would come to me. Someone would come over. And you get so happy when DoorDash or Postmates arrives with like a Starbucks. Yeah. And Sophia's like, really, baby? I'm sorry. Get over it. There's a new Sophia in town. Hey, mom, guess what? I know you just made me that egg salad sandwich, but I hate it, so I ordered one from Fat Sal's. Sorry. So Alexia, who's the other one, is like, Mom, I've got lots of exciting things for you to see.

27:50I can't wait till you see them. because this is the daughter who's getting married. So here, every time she comes over, she's going to whip out that Pinterest board that she's got going. And this is her doing that. You know, we've all, well, I guess we haven't all, but a lot of us have had that sister who's gotten married or a lot of us have been that sister who's gotten married. I've had the sister who's getting married. Can I just tell you that was a year of looking at fucking books? I'm sure. Look at the idea I had for this. Look at the idea I had for this. Did you know that throwing rice kills birds because it expands in their stomach and then they die.

28:23Give me my year back. Not even with that man anymore. You divorced him. Why did I have to sit through that whole year? Give me my year back. Yeah, exactly. So Kyle's like, Alexia's engaged. And like I met Jake when he was in third grade with Alexia and they were just like, we're ultimately best friends. And like as a mom, that's all you want in life. It's to be best friends with your daughter's best friend. So I'm kind of like getting married also, if you think about it. I mean, I just want someone to love my child like that. It's like a dream come true. I'm so happy. Oh, married his best friend.

28:53You know, every mother wants her daughter to divorce her best friend. That's so beautiful. So, yeah, she's engaged. And Kyle talks about Farrah. And I like that she's like, yeah, Farrah was engaged, but that didn't really go through. So, Alexi is the first to get married. And I want her to have everything she wants. I just want it to be the most magical day. However, it's hard to find trained butterflies, which is what she wants. Because Alexi is like, yeah, I want trained butterflies, mom. She's like, no. I want to have like, I want to have like butterflies. I'm gonna have tarot decks. And I also want to have like, I don't know, like a Stevie Nicks vibe.

29:26But I also want to have like magic candles and dream catchers. But like also like rope, rope other shapes, like a lot of macrame. And it's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, great. All right. So I know we're talking about your wedding. But like, how about we just like overshadow it with my wedding? Because here's my wedding album. Okay, everyone, look. Look at what things were like when I believed that our wedding, our marriage would work out. Okay, look at the photos, guys. When I believed in love. Yeah, this is so crowded. We'll be like, oh my God, happy wedding day. Here's pictures of me and your dad at our wedding day.

29:52Oh, geez, Kyle. Come on. You got to compete with your own kids. Let Alexia have her dead butterfly moment. Yeah, seriously. So she's like, so guys, if dad showed up with the date, what would you do? And Sophie's like, kill him. Throw egg salad at his face. No, just kidding. I would never waste that. Throw your tortillas at his face. Yeah, when he was photographed with that woman at the ballet, I texted him. And I was like, what? You're doing the absolute most, dad. Tone it down. And he said they thought it was private. And I'm like, oh, really? You thought a valet was private? Really? I feel like it must be exhausting dealing with Mauricio and his midlife crisis.

30:29I mean, like, I would go nuts. He is, he really is doing the most, and he's ridiculous about it. I mean, is he really doing a lot? I did see that photo shoot that he did where he was in the leather pants. Did you see that one? Yeah. He's just like, I don't know, like the making out in public right in front of the paparazzi is just so much. Like going out to clubs in like Ibiza. I'm like, sir, you're like 56 years old. I don't know. I'm like at a certain time, like, why are you trying to act like a kid? Like, I don't know. It's so midlife crisis-y. It's just so cringy. It's cringy. It's cringy.

31:12Sorry, it's cringy. Stop judging me. Stop judging me. so Portia's like well at first I pretended none of this was happening but then I went to therapy and now I'm doing really well you guys and so everyone's like oh my god we're so impressed with Portia but we get like clips of Portia like crying and stuff and Kyle's like yeah she has her moments but now she's 17 and they all have something to say and they all have strong opinions and they are alpha females so sorry Mo yeah definitely alpha females um yeah so they want egg salad when they want a salad. Sorry, Mo. So now we go like, guess what?

31:51We're going to go to Bel Air. It's like Rachel Zoe's first Beverly Hills scene. So we go to her house and we hear like lots of Rachel Zoe phrases in the background. And then she's just in a house that looks basically just like Kyle's house. And Sutton's house. And Sutton's house. And everyone has the same house on this show. I can't even tell what house we're at anymore. And I'm pretty good at recognizing the homes. They all look exactly the same. Yeah, and I'm like, I don't know, I'm sick of Kyle's house. I'm having a weird reaction. I don't like, when we see the exterior of Kyle's house, I don't like being there.

32:23I just, I don't like this house. I don't like her house. I loved her past house she had previously. I loved that one. But this one, I just, I see those hedges, those tall hedges. I see the backyard that's trying to be like Lisa Vanderpump's. I see the wall art. I see the checkered floor. I see the exterior design. Trying to be like Atty Hilton's, the wall art trying to be like erica james it's just like too much trying to be like other people in one big gaudy place and when the gates open and i see the street and then i'm like i know it's probably annoying to pull out of that driveway because the hedges cause blind spots i just i don't want to be in any of it i want a new house get a new house you're rich get a new house for us kyle yeah so i was excited to see rachel's but you're right it is just kind of like everybody else's on this show and it's not like for someone who's a stylist i thought there would be more interesting style in the house.

33:12It's just like a plain, big, white, typical, rich person, you know, Beverly Hills house. Yeah, it's like white, white, white, white. White marble, white walls, white everything. So she's like, oh my God, there's nothing like me that is remotely chic or cute in a flat. It's like I'm either barefoot or in like a nine-inch hill. I'll literally put on full cat eye makeup to go to sleep because I'm unapologetically myself. This is me. This is the happiest man wait a second oh that's my friends oh that's my friends playing right now oh my god that's wild that my friends are playing during my monologue that's wild so she goes to um kathy hilton's house and i like this because it's like okay let's have a scene for the most famous people to talk to each other so they go and they and rachel's like oh my god kathy i want to hear everything and kathy's like oh i love that you came by i love that i can't buy too it's like wild it's actually bananas that i can't buy like i'm dead by the way this house gorge gorge it's gorge right now my name is rachel zell you may or may not remember me from bravo because i've lived in this house before some might say i built it it's gorge this house is wild it's a gorge it's a wild gorge house so um we see shots of her um trying to she's like in the closet and she's trying to reach her purse like oh oh my god the bar gun what am i like really bad habits is shopping I die I die like I shop and then I die I die death by shopping that's me Kathy and I have been friends forever I was friends with Paris back in 2000 I don't know what um yeah we were friends first but then I like saw Kathy and the other one Nikki whatever I saw him shopping and I was like oh my god in love like totally in love backwards in love dead died dead on the floor dead literally dead died I died okay I'm just gonna sort of slip in here between you saying dead and bananas.

35:07I just want to show you a couple of things. We're going to go to a wedding in Rome, so I don't know. Take a look at it, Rachel. What do you think? Oh, my God. I'm in a moment right now. It's a moment because I feel like you're going to need to pop outfit after outfit out really quickly. People expect so much from you, Kathy. I mean, they really do. I mean, I'm going to need some pants for you to wear over your head, you know, something like that. Yeah. No, I get called a lot for fashion advice, but they get scared. Like, do you like this? You're literally one of my best friends. Like, first of all, I'm like, take that off.

35:36It's awful. It's disgusting. First of all, no, you look hideous. Like, literally, I'm actually embarrassed. I can't actually believe we're friends. This may be at the end of our friendship, but like, it's like, okay, like we're friends. You can say these things to me. It's like, can we? And she whips out, yeah. It's like, they're terrified of me cause I hate them. And so she whips out this purse. It's as big as a small child. And she's like, yeah, this is one of my vintage Gucci bags. I never go to Europe without it. It's heavy. It's very heavy. Yeah. Like literally it's like heavy and chic. It's actually like heavy because it's like full of being chic.

36:06It's got like nothing but chic inside. It's chic. I die. Bananas. So she talks about her career. Tommy Hilfiger gave her her first big styling job. Yeah, I started in music. Backstreet Boys, Britney, et cetera, et cetera. Celine, sorry, couldn't do it. But moved to LA, 2003. First red carpet job at Jennifer Garner. Then 24-7. I'm styling Cameron, Kate, Salma. Celine, no, still no Celine. She tried it. I said no. Still say no. Going through a rough time. Still no. Sorry. Dead. I'm dead. Yeah. Celine. Celine's still with us. Kathy, by the way, those glasses are like amazing, especially with gold eye patches.

36:45I'm dead. Literally dead. Dead from gold patches. Okay. Then I started a media business with my clothing line in 2011. And now I have like about 40 different brand licenses, extensions, and I work with. And like they just surround me. And I'm just like, you guys are like my friends. You know, playing on the radio right now. I love it. I'm dead. You guys should watch me in a brand meeting. Okay, here I go. Oh my God, this necklace. Dead. Dying. I'm dead. Like I'm on the floor. Like this is like crazy. It's like insane. All right, buy it. That ring. Gorge. Gorge. Gorge. Index note. I love that pen.

37:19Gorge. Put a feeding tumor in me. I'm in a coma. Dead. Dying. This table. I see the light. Should I go towards the light? Should I go towards the light or should I come back? I want to see what the necklace looks like on me. So if I go towards light, is that heaven or is that like hell? I don't even know. But right now, I don't have to decide because I'm a vegetable. I'm a human vegetable. That necklace is that gorgeous. You know what? I almost went to the light because that light was gorge. And then I was like, I actually don't really look good in this light. So I went away from the light. And now I'm back here.

37:47I'm not dead. I'm alive. That's how I ended up in purgatory. Yeah. Purgatory? So, yeah. Like, Roger, you might remember him. He's like Roger with an extemporaneous D. Yeah, so Raj, like we were like the notebook couple. I mean, did one of them die? One of them died, right? I never really made it to the end of that movie because I was watching it with Raj, who wouldn't stop eating popcorn in my fucking ear. Okay. We actually licensed that notebook. I was like, you know what you need? We need Gorge notebooks for like everyone. And now we have them. There was like amazing wild bananas notebooks. Yeah, I mean, it was just my relationship with Raj was just like my reaction of watching the notebook where I was like, this movie would have been better.

38:28with Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling was in that movie. Oh, I really, I haven't seen the note, but. Dead, dead, like literally dead, dead. I have kids. Guess what? I've got two kids. One kid's name's Sky. He's going to France for two weeks. Another one's name is Caius or Chaos. We don't know. We pronounce it differently every single time. Caius. It actually gives him some, it builds character. Caius. We're like, we want to get as many vowels into his name without any consonants in the middle. So we came up with Caius. Yeah, me and Raj, we just, at the end of the day, get nothing for nothing. That's all you can say for the life of the dead.

39:05Okay. And, you know, we're just, like, different. Like, we're different. Like, before, we weren't different. But then we got married, and we were different. So, like, I've been divorcing him for, like, literally 20 years. Yeah. Like, being the same is, like, wild. And I was like, well, let me be different. Now we're different. And now I'm, like, dead. Because we're, like, so different. It's crazy. So, Kathy, it's like, mm-hmm. So the marriage isn't going great? Okay. Well, you know what? I love that you come to help me. You know, things like this where you come in, you look at my rack, say no to everything, and then show me your giant purse.

39:34That was fun. But I just want you to know I'm always there for you. I'm always there for you. And you know what people come to Kathy for? Advice. That's what. Advice. Thanks. Thanks. I'm like, why is there a blender on your head? It's my hat. Why are you giving me this fan? That way you can sleep better. Literally, I die. I'm going to brand this fan. here comes one right now so now everybody's primping Kyle's primping Erica comes over and compliments her like oh my god you look so pretty oh my god you look so pretty it's Beverly Hills so there's like five minutes of oh my god you look so pretty at the beginning of every scene so Kyle's like by the way Erica like how did everything go in London by the way Kesha was there too just want to remind you that like what was cool that you did like your show in London I know someone more famous than you who was also in London who also did a show so like you're no nothing special.

40:25But anyway, tell me about Hoopla. Tell me how Hoopla was. Was it as good as it was on the big stage where Kesha was? Did they start saying you're the new Kesha? Or did they say that just to Kesha because Kesha was there? I don't know. I asked Kesha about you. She said she didn't see you, but she did hear someone trying to squeak out a song and she started raising the wall. Do you remember that reality show that Kesha was on? It was like American Idol, but I think it was called The Wall, wasn't it? about the wall. And they had to sing behind a wall or something. And like, yeah, I'm so stupid. Erica's like, yeah, it was a great show.

41:04Had a great time. Paris was there too. Okay, it was a wonderful time. I honestly think it was the best show I ever did in my entire life. Oh, yeah? What did you think about Kesha's show? Well, I don't know. I guess it was good. Let's talk about Kesha's show instead. Oh, okay. Because I know Kesha. Oh, okay. and then we see clips of erica's show at whatever this thing is and she's in like a red pleather boost day on all fours slapping her butt like yep that's an erica song good to see she can still do that you know it's going to be 20 years down the line she's going to be in branson missouri like my pulse my pulse my pulse is on fire it's my pulse Seriously.

41:47So she's like, so they're going to go to Sutton's house today. And she's like, oh, well, you know, we already are the good friends. She's like, no. So you haven't even met her yet? You're going to love her. She's so strong. Well, the personality, the draw, I love everything about it. Which is funny because it's actually everything that Erica protests. Like her entire life is a protest against that. but I love that she's like I love it I'm like you're gonna get I was waiting for Erica to get absolutely triggered by Reba but actually she was me too I was actually upset I thought she was going to too because Erica's thing on this show like her Vanderpump and then her Sutton later like the older women she projects all of her mommy issues onto she is triggered you know but so I thought it was gonna happen but she didn't fuck with Reba Reba's the real deal yeah or maybe it's like when you just at a certain point it's like okay this is someone's mom like they are who they are they're ossified i'm not going to change them i might as well just enjoy it but when you see it of someone in your peer group that's when it's like that's when the triggers happen it's like you're acting just like my mother oh but like when someone else is like uh i don't it's like i don't know her i don't care like whatever i'm just amused yeah so then we get the new violin section and it's not the old violins which were like blimp blimp blimp blimp blimp blimp something like that now they're like, I don't know.

43:13They're intense. The violins are intense now. So we get them for the first time over at Sutton's and Reba's sitting there playing the piano. I wish we knew what Reba was playing. She's playing Howard Rock and Roll, the piano version, actually. New York, D.C. And Chicago and Detroit. And the dog runs upstairs crying from her playing. The dog's like, And then we get Nick, who's the party planner guy, because Avi no longer with us, guys. So setting updates us on her life, her son, James, graduating. So my mother's here for support, losing James to college. It's hurting me. So my mother and I get along better than ever now.

43:57We talk more. We have so much FaceTime. I mean, we're just so much happier. I'm so, so grateful. It's like, wow, you're opening the season. You have no allies left. You had to bring Reba to shoot with. girl you in danger yeah they did and notably they did not even trot out Jennifer Tilly this episode which was surprising because she's such a fan favorite but no Jennifer Tilly so Sutton's like mother are you wearing my earrings she goes these are my earrings at least they are now she's like why wouldn't I wear my ear why wouldn't I wear your earrings you're wearing my jeans all over your face So then Kyle and Erica Are joking about They're like oh my god here we go Sun's house trending up the main road Embarrassing They're like how do we get to Sun's house I don't know just follow the main road

44:54What's he talking about You're not fancy You live on a main road You act like you're the queen of Sheba So Kyle's like Hello they show up and they say hi Kyle does her usual hello oh my god I loved actually hearing this again where she goes hello how are you Reba's like oh here comes this twit hello well what a pleasure to meet you Erica I can't wait to hear your story something tells me it would only be published and sold in the back of a 7-Eleven somewhere now excuse me let me sit in my chair where I like to get bored. So Kyle's like, are you scared, Sutton? Are you scared? She's like, no, no.

45:40Sutton tells us, Eric and I have been through a lot in five years, and we see five years of them fighting on this show, which is always fun. So we're both guarded for good reasons, but I'm so happy to see you all. I'm so happy that you came here. Kyle's like, well, obviously we're missing Avi, so you want to talk about that? I have nothing going on. So my daughter wants egg salad. So go ahead. Tell us about your drama. Avi, what happened? She's like, oh, OK, well, well, I'll let Avi go. She says nothing really happened. There was not like any drama. I would love to hear Avi's side of that. He must have an ironclad NDA for Avi not to have gone on a podcast yet.

46:29Have I searched? yeah I am fairly certain that something probably happened but no I really don't know nothing really happened there was like no drama I mean I love him he made me laugh so hard the way I would balance plates and then apples and then knives and then more plates on top of his head and he'd be like stop doing this to me and I'd be like no you're my servant you have to do this now stand still oh goodness that was fun it's been really sad really really sad and the mom smiles like that pansy finally got rid of him finally he sassed me in my own kitchen yeah uh so she tells us well i've known avi for a while and he's seen a lot he saw me married he saw me divorced and he's seen porter graduate that was a big one i mean who didn't want to see porter graduate big moment for him big huge uh you know avi was not only an employee he was a close friend he was a close inside voice.

47:27And Erica's like, did you leave it on close terms? How'd that work out? Well, I thought we did, but things got complicated when I said, you're fired. I will not give you any sort of benefits. I never want to see you ever again, and you were never a good assistant. Things just got complicated after that. Look, I'm surprised. I was surprised to hear this about Avi, but it's not like Sutton was that easy on him. And then we see clips of Sutton being like, where's my salad dressing? where are my shoes where are my trousers i just loved that they're like let's show a really evil sudden being mean to obvi clip where's my salad dressing you know she's a you know she was a handful as a boss though oh yeah like i mean he looked terrified i would never be sudden's assistant no no no no yeah he looked terrified in everything he was always like sweaty like okay yeah shall i get you that wrong fork okay well i said coke zero not that coke um yeah i it's like when she was like he's he's a close friend i'm like he was on your payroll girl not a friend sorry and she goes well look personally i just i don't need a personal assistant i just don't need that and they're like okay meanwhile nick's like okay ladies and getting everything just warming up your seat, Sutton.

48:51Sutton saying she doesn't need a personal assistant when she named her own daughter Porter is hilarious to me. It's in the name. It's in the name. I'd like you to meet my son, Chambermaid. Come in here. Say hello. Say hello to the girls. You know what actor I'm really enjoying these days? Austin Butler. What a talent. What a talent. He's really got something. And so Erica's like Well, Sutton's being evasive But you don't want to talk about it Then it gets around, especially around here I get it Sutton's like It's just so hard It's a friend that I've lost A friend who was very bad at his job A friend whose employer gave him chance after chance Who had, honestly, one of the best employers That one could ever have And that person is lost now What a shame Speaking of that, what about Garcelle?

49:43You lost her too Go ahead, talk about that now, son. Kyle's just sitting there piling it on, smiling. Her eyes are like semi-crossed. What does it feel like to know that you lost the war? Okay, because people who signed up to watch Game of Thrones, this is kind of like, you know, when Cersei just has to lose King's Landing eventually. We know it's going to happen, and it finally happened. What does it feel like, huh? Will she speak to you at all, son? She's like, no, she won't. Kyle's like, well, I reached out to her, But then I didn't hear back from her And then I saw stuff in the press So Well she had followed me And I unfollowed her Well I had to find out in the press Oh go ahead I just want to say that Kesha also unfollowed her And I just heard about that from Kesha Well I had to find out in the press That she had unfollowed me Because I don't know these things I don't stare at Instagram all day at all That's not me It's just not me i don't believe it either kathy comes in and gives like a hug to reba and tries to do like i think like a sort of like an air kiss like a sideways kiss everybody's like oh no you know i don't like those sad kisses i was like only reba reba's the only person i think we've ever seen to actually critique kathy hilton and kathy goes yeah i don't like them either you just gave her one so now they have to go outside eat their lunch and um kathy's like can i lift my glass before we start cabiddling and caboodling and for doodling and for tiddling whatever reba welcome to los angeles and you know i would just like to extend grace to all the mcintyres and just say i've loved your music for years what's she talking about i was playing huey lewis on the piano not reba mcindyre mother be quiet be nice and just say thank you okay so mom and i were talking about christian asking for an annulment in the catholic church i don't know if you guys heard about this kyle's like um don't you have to agree to do that like i don't know like kesha told me like you have to agree to that you guys talk to kesha lately or is that just me i'm the only one friends with her oh that's crazy it's like nope you don't have to agree to it and you know who are they going to choose someone named sutton or someone named christian i mean he's got religion behind his name.

52:00I just got to notice that it was an old. My marriage has been eradicated from the Catholic Church. And so they're like, oh no. That's cold. What the hell's Christian doing? He's like 70. What the fuck does he care? We're 60 something. But what does he care? What the hell, Christian? And Reba's like, does that mean that the children are bastards now? I was like, okay. Is that what she said? Yes, she said that. She's like, does that mean they're bastards? She's like, no, no, no, they took care of it. I won't have any bastard children. I couldn't understand what she said. Do you see where I said what I said that happening is still baffles?

52:39I couldn't understand what she said. That's funny. Does that mean the kids are bastards? Does that mean the kids are bastards? No, I didn't get to this age to have bastard grandchildren, okay? If they are bastards, I'm running them out of the wheel right this second. No mother. So she goes, no, that changed. Francis changed everything. You know, so the children are legitimate mother. Okay. Kyle's like, oh my God, that's so stupid. I mean, I use my maiden name for work, but now that's all I use. Wow. So like whenever I'm like working with John Wells, you know, because famously I did play Nurse Dory on ER.

53:14And anyway, John Wells doing the pit now, kind of a big TV show. Anyway, whenever I work with him, I just say Kyle Richards. So, you know, just letting everyone know. But basically the marriage was annulled. everything and the letter that came to Sutton said Sutton Brown or whatever her last name was. A guy's a monster this Christian. Good lord. Unnecessary. Yeah. He's probably like don't use my good name on Bravo television and sully it for the ancestors. It's like oh shut up sir. Shut up. Yeah. Hey everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed.

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