#3113 Southern Charm S11E04 Part 2: The Cat’s Out of the Bag

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about this is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. We start with Wittner, actually, in the next scene. The alarm goes off and the house is a mess. There's flies everywhere. No one cleaned up anything. And it's 4.35 a.m. But the clock, some eagle-eyed screenshot taker posted, someone posted a picture of the alarm clock saying like 6.38 or something. Well, it was pretty bright out for 4.30 in the morning.

0:57Even if it is the summer, it was very bright. So I was like, excuse me, producers, you cannot fool me. This is not 4.30 in the morning lighting. So he was just like, I'm not getting, I'm not getting there at 4.30. Okay. Yeah. I'll get there at six. Okay. We can just say it's 4.30 and you can pretend to run because there's no, they don't pay me enough for this shit. Yeah. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, damn, they got that crew there early. So he wakes up and he says that he wakes up at 4.35 sharp every day because he's a creature of habit and routine is important to me. Well, now I know why she left.

1:28She's so sick and tired of that fucking alarm going off at 435 in the morning. She's like, you know what? I need a guy who's going to sleep until 7am. Bye. That is a damn good reason to leave. Because, you know, he gets up at 435, he left the dog out, the dog is barking in the yard, there's so much noise. This person, his ex-girlfriend never had sleep. It all makes sense. So, his dog is named Bacchus, and I looked it up and it says he's the roman god of wine agriculture fertility ecstasy revelry and the roman equivalent of the greek god dionysus he symbolizes liberation the wild and the transformative power of wine celebrated and there's just a lot of pressure to put on a dog yeah especially a dog that wakes up so early i feel like if that dog's doing all that stuff like let it sleep in so we see him do his stuff he goes takes the dog out he goes running he go he meditates which is lying on the couch for a while which yeah i'm into that i do that every morning too i didn't know i was so positive i wake up i take the dog i don't run but i wake up i take the dog out and then i lie on the couch for an hour so yeah and then at seven so he meditates and then And this is, by the way, this is exactly, this is like the, this is like the doughy version of that viral thing that went around earlier this year.

2:53You know that guy Ashton Hall? He's like the muscle man guy who like, his whole thing was wake up at 3.30 in the morning and I dunk my face into a bowl of Sarasota water. And then like, I go and I like brush my teeth and then I dunk my face again. And then I swim three laps and then I like do a workout routine and then I dunk my face again. It was this thing that had like millions and millions of views and everyone was parodying it. and but he's like this like totally like he's he's selling this aspirational lifestyle where if you're like this you can be like me like muscular and and you know beautiful but this is like the winter version where it's like yeah i wake up at 4 30 in the morning and i run the run around and then i meditate about 7 a.m i'm going off to work but it's like the it's more like the common man's version of the ashton hall aspirational wake up in the morning thing also the ashton hall thing is totally contrived and no one ever believes he actually does that but it was fun seeing the southern charm version i get up i go to work inspiration ashton hall which is looking him up yeah which by the way this is already significantly more effort than any of the other guys on this show ever do which is waking up walking a dog running and actually going to a job the pictures that come up when you look him up is a bicep as he's lifting a weight and then him staring into the um him staring into the mirror brushing his teeth with a black piece of tape over his nose yeah that's his and he yeah he like sleeps with this thing over it's like the guy he's actually a ridiculous influencer he's so stupid like his stuff is so stupid it's like because it's it's all fake right like he's like this is what i do every morning is that i I wake up and I swim laps at 345 in the morning in my pool that's suspended over Los Angeles.

4:38Like he rented a spot. He has like a butler show up. I mean, it's, it's so over the top and so stupid. Um, but I just love that, that we have like the Wittner version of it. Wittner. So we see him do all of his stuff. It's really boring. Like I'm really bored with him. And then, um, if my boner isn't less bone, if my boner isn't non bony enough. Okay. If my boner was non-existent. Okay. Point is, I can't get a boner because then he calls his mom. I'm like, oh, my God. Why does everybody on this show call their mom every day? Is that normal? Do you call your mom every day? I love my mom, but I don't call her every day.

5:17I love my mom. I love my mom. I can't get shit every day of my life. My mom's an icon. Icon. Yes, queen. Don't call every day. I'm not asking too much. I hate talking on the phone also. Let's be honest. My mom doesn't even ask me what I'm doing. She says, what aren't you doing? God, just think about that. Think about that. No, but I'm not taking that shit every day. No way. Here's what cracks me up. So Wittner described his mom last week. He said that his mom was like an anarchist. She's like, fuck this system, man. And we see like a picture of her, like giving like a middle finger or being like, fuck this.

5:52It's like, wow, she's such a rebel, right? Wow, his mom's a rebel. So he FaceTimes his mom Who is like in France At some estate Being like well I'm just here in our French estate Isn't that real estate Wow look at that anarchist And then he shows us another home Their big family farm home And all this Yeah my mom's a real fuck you Yeah Fuck the system Fuck the system I like that he's Inbalanced Go on Fuck this unfair, unbalanced system. I will talk about this from my third home. So, should I have my baby boy? Oh, what's up? Are you calling me? He's like, oh, just calling to catch up, mama. How's France doing?

6:41Oh, it's awesome. You know what? I love the whole idea of Providence. I just love that idea. What a good idea they had. It's really, really cool. Hey, yeah, can you see the house in this FaceTime? Can you see the house? Classic, uh-huh. Oh, my God. Is that an olive tree in the middle? Classic. Classic anarchist tree. Olives. Huh. Well, I'm a mama's boy through and through. I'm a favorite to the extent that me and my oldest sister, my sister-in-law, will walk in the house and she'll squeal and give me a hug. And it's like my sister-in-law's. Wait. His oldest sister is named Law? I thought he was talking about his oldest sister-in-law.

7:20But I think you think my oldest sister, Law, maybe her name's Laura or something. Maybe like Lauren. yeah her name is probably like lauren and they call her like law well that would be really thing fucking annoying to be named law and then have your brother become the lawyer i would be so and your mom being anarchists how awkward yeah

7:41the mom is like i fucking hate laws no offense sweetie um so whitner is saying that uh he's sad that he's not in france and she's like well you know what you can come back anytime but you know what let's do something when we get home which home is that i don't know when you're an anarchist it's hard to keep track of the number of houses you have am i right well i grew up on a small farm called itchy grass farm i want to run this family off the road like i want to get a big truck and just run their minivan off through it it's 500 acres and it has like the big house and that was my childhood home and then there's a couple cabins back there three cottages a barn and like a garden pool it's a compound it's basically a compound i love going to itchy grass farm but sometimes i like to switch it up by visiting our other compound known as rashy leaves rashy leaves meadows god i love that place too my family got this compound back in the day when it was called itchy ass farm and there's a reason for that but geez add a g on there and we got ourself a compound god i love this family then it would just be itchy gas farms but we had that one too so then Beth is like you're right we did need to get an R as well we went through a few revisions until we could make it somewhat acceptable to the locals

9:05there was that time we called it itchy nipples but that did not go well it was a total deviation from the previous modeling it was itchy mass farm but mostly because she gained a lot of weight we also had itchy bass farm which is when dad was going through that phase of getting all those singing basses and putting them on the walls mom almost got in a car wreck once and changed it to itchy mass farms but god no one could sit there through church so much I'd just rather die young know what I'm saying

9:37Beth is like okay what else is going on I feel like you're telling the audience about all the naming conventions we have for our farm and no one wants to hear that it's better than my entire storyline so far in these first three episodes mama I ain't going to disagree with you, honey. Okay, now tell me about your birthday party. Province ain't just sitting here waiting for you. Okay, lots of things to do, lots of maids to order around. Get on with it. Well, the party was a success, except for the fact that I couldn't help thinking about my ex, how she would sleep to that god-awful hour of 6.30 a.m.

10:09You would have been proud. You would have loved it. I had five different kinds of pasta, mama. Were any from Provence? no well then why were you even talking and you're still single i'm still single thank you mom geez yeah i somewhat feel the pressure of settling down and doing the wife and kids thing you know and then we see a flashback of a scene we haven't seen of his mother um beth sitting on the porch saying i've got all these great houses for you guys to come back with when you've got a partner okay because that's the plan that's always been the plan we will have no single people in this house i'm married mama shut up law no one's talking to you as an anarchist it's very important for me that my children follow the traditional rules of getting married and having kids and moving into the family houses that's what you call anarchy well one of the shitty parts of this breakup it's not just losing the person you're losing the whole future you're using you're losing your past to stay in Provence.

11:12All right. But I'm recently on 36 and I'm fine at moving my own speed. I want to know what you did to that girl that broke up with you. Please, whoever you are, get on TikTok immediately and tell us because I don't know whether to trust this person or not. Yeah, it had to be bad if you're like really giving up a chance to like have a like live on one of these compounds or in Provence. I mean, these houses are so gorgeous. These people have money. So Beth is like, well, sorry we weren't there to sing happy birthday, but you know what? I can do it now. Winner's like, please don't do that. You really don't have to.

11:48No, I wasn't going to. I'm not like your sister law in her boring ways. Okay. Have fun, sweetie. So then we go over to Sally's house and she has two little twin dogs and they're wrestling on the ground. And she's like, Boots, I don't even know what's wrong with you today, but you did something on this too. And now she's holding a small rug and Boots is just staring at her like, you got a fucking problem with it. And so she's like, you peed on my scrubs? You peed on my comforter? Come here. You're going outside. This is the weirdest thing you've ever done. I think it's because you're out till six in the morning every day and dogs don't like that.

12:20I'm just going to say that right now. That is why he is peeing on your scrubs. There. You're welcome. Go for it. Maybe the dog had like a body swap moment with Wittner's dog. And the dog is like, I'm used to being woken up at 435 in the morning. um where's the meditation in this house so she calls her mom charlotte what would this show be without calling our moms okay so she calls charlotte and charlotte's like how are you she's like well uh you don't really have service so am i frozen it's the look i've been going for for years finally i just need everybody to look at me through a phone screen i'd save a lot of money on the talks talks it's like yeah mama kind of i mean well okay you're not frozen i hear you at least mama guess what boots just did he peed on my scrubs it's like that silly dog so you just called me to tell me your dog peed on your comforter that's it okay well i guess you got nothing else really going on in your life do you huh well he did it when i was talking to claire about the baby well you know i'm not the only mother on this show disappointed that my child is still single what would people think of me as a mother of single child.

13:32So Sally's like, I have two sisters, Charlotte and Claire. They both have C names and I'm just Sally. So I guess I'm the odd one out. Anyway, they're two years older than me and I think we all kind of had the same dream, you know, of getting married young and having kids and living all in Greenville together and they're still up there and they have cousins and kids and now I'm kind of like, I think it's my turn. I want, you know, my sisters have kids. I think it's my turn to have kids. So that's my thing. I want to have a kid now. She's a my turn girl. I don't like that. I had a friend who was a my turn girl, which like there just came a certain point of time where she's like, when is it my turn?

14:09When is it my turn? I've been to weddings and I've been to this and that. I've had baby showers for other people. When is it my turn? And then when she finally found someone, she's like, it's my turn. Welcome to my bachelor party. I'm going to be the biggest monster, the biggest monster you've ever seen. Why? Because it's my turn. And I've been waiting in this line. Oh, really? You got me a stroller without an iPad screen in it? Get the fuck out of here. This is my turn. Yeah, monsters. They're all monsters. So, um, so she's gonna clean her closet while her mom watches, and she's like, well, how was your dress-up party, honey?

14:47She's like, it was fun. Me and Charlie went to Craig's house after that and got in the hot tub, and we didn't really get home until 5 a.m. She's like, don't you know, like Mammy always said, nothing good happens after midnight, so do y 'all just stay up all night chatting, or are you just being a little trollop, which is why you don't have a husband or a baby yet? Is that what's happening, Sally? Well, apparently Mammy was never invited to a hot tub at 5 in the morning. Okay? Stop saying nothing good happens after midnight. Everything good happens after midnight. Who are you talking about? Not for Mammy.

15:17Mammy owned Gremlins, that's why. she's like I speak from experience mammy's looking at the blender well also mammy was known around town for doing cocaine right in the middle of the day so I don't know that I'd listen to her

15:34so she's like well what else she goes well so what were you doing staying up all night chatting she's like what else would I be doing mother she goes I don't know unless it was a menage et trois mother mammy's like stop saying those nasty words so Sally's basically says that she was up until 4am in the hot tub with Craig and Charlie and like this is crazy it's surprising me that nothing happened in this goddamn hot tub because here I am up until 4am which I never do in your hot tub and nothing happened so she basically is like why did we not hook up like what the hell like it's just weird like what man has an attractive younger female in their hot tub and doesn't make a move fucking weird man it's probably because he wanted to go after charlie and you were still there yeah i think that's probably more like it i think you put both options in front of him and you weren't the chosen one and you wouldn't leave and she's like oh my god mom all these clothes in my closet they're just all craig's clothes from getting in this hot tub without having anything to wear we go straight from the bar we don't have our bathing suit so we'll wear craig's clothes i've got so many been in that hot tub so many times yeah so basically charlotte's like okay well uh let's just hope mammy can't see this television show because she'd be really embarrassed of you right now so don't have to say any more on tv now honey i feel bad for sally i feel like she's a friday bagel you know it's like bagel thursday's coming up and so excited and then she's just the bagel that's left there on Friday.

17:13You know, she's like a dollar less. It's all dry. Doesn't understand. It's like, I'm a bagel. Why does anybody want to eat me? I'm a delicious carb. I'm a very thick carb. I think she's more like a Bialy. I think that the problem with like, I feel like Sally last year, I was really a fan of Sally. I felt like she came in there and was like, fuck these guys, whatever. I'm like a young sexual woman. I was going to be engaged to this guy. I'm not, and I'm happy because I'm just going to live my life and I'm going to live my truth and I'm going to have fun and do what I want, blah, blah, blah. And this season, there's like a desperation about her that's like a little sad, I think.

17:48It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

17:57So then we go to Madison's house and she's grilling with Hudson. Which I think it's so cute that Hudson has her exact same voice. She's like, you want to grill? He's like, yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's take everything out there. Okay, mama. I took everything out there. Good, good, good job, Hudson. I love you, mama. I love you, Hudson. And they, um, they, they like cut up some steaks and then they serve some, uh, Madison has a dog named Karen, which is so funny to me. Um, you know, I, uh, little known fact, you know, with my Roomba that's named Dolores before Dolores was Dolores. she originally was named Karen.

18:36Cause this was like, this predated the rise of like the Karen movement that Karen started in 2020, but like we got our Roombas before 2020. And so my Roomba was called Karen. And then I decided I needed to give it a Bravo name. So I renamed it Dolores, but it was originally Karen. So the fact that Madison has a dog named Karen, I just think it's really funny. Cause it reminds me of the OG version of my Roomba. Oh, yeah. Oh, Karen. I wonder how many Karens have named, change their name too you know i know i felt that blame them if they did yeah i know but i also think it's like really funny to name a dog or like a roomba karen like if you take out all the modern concept of like what karen is like just the idea of like a little roomba named karen is like very funny to me or dog so they talk about how brett's always working but he's such a good daddy and they're so happy and they got a house and he's gonna love the pool house and so great we're we're doing great i'm so happy i'm so happy so in other words it's boring so then we go over to Craig's house and Craig is making he's taking flowers from the kitchen table and moving them he's like I've got a place for you and then he just stands there and looks around the room he's like in the kitchen puts them back where they were he realizes that he no longer has page to tell him where to put the flowers so he just puts it back on the fake waterfall counter so there's a knock Charlie's there and she's brought paintings over, guys.

20:03She's brought 10 different pieces. I don't think Craig ever sent the measurements because they're all different sizes. Yeah. There's some tiny, there's some huge. And so he brings some in and they compliment each other's clothes. And he's like, I like your shorts. You look like a boxer, like a cute boxer though. When I'm interested in a girl, I definitely play the long game. Like I wait until we're divorced to try to have sex with them. I like him saying that her shorts are like a boxers. I know she's probably like, yep, that's not what I was going for whatsoever. These are not supposed to look like boxing shorts.

20:41So thank you. I'm going to return them to the store right after this. Also, when he said, be interested in what she's interested in. And then once you snack her, you can reveal you were never interested in the first place. It's too late for her to leave. I'm pretending I'm really into art. Now, she has, I will say, I think she's got talent in what she does because she has read Craig like a book. She doesn't have any panda pictures or watercolors, which is what he's asked for. But she does bring, she brings, everything is that kind of art that looks like finger paints. And I think that was a good call.

21:19Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what he would need. So she brings it over and she's taking photos of it and everything. And he's like, wow, that actually like works, this painting. She's like, you like it this way? Yeah, that looks amazing. Craig, you're looking at the painting backwards. You're looking at the back. Yeah, but I love the way that wire goes across the canvas. What a provocative image. That's literally what you use to keep the picture on the wall. Oh, so that's not the art. No, Craig. So they are putting stuff up, and Charlie's like, yes, I like Craig, and I definitely think he's interested in me too, but the thing is, I just don't feel like I should have to interpret anything, which I love this for her.

21:56I love her being like, I am like, stop trying to kind of alert and like allude to something. Cause he's all proud of his long game and how he's going to like enchant her over several, you know, months and become friends. And she's like, if you like me, just say you like me. I don't like, what is this bullshit? Yeah. And so he, she asked about Austin and he's like, oh, he hasn't talked to me or Shep since the party. And she's like, maybe it's cause you yelled at him. He's like, okay, my delivery was terrible. So this is like day sober Craig where he's like reasonable. And she's like, well, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.

22:35I mean, you've got 37-year-old men yelling at each other about a hot tub. I mean, calm down because that is crazy. Did you apologize? Yeah. Well, maybe you should try again. He's like, yeah, but like, I mean, I shouldn't have reacted. But like, I'm like, like, why does me hang out with Charlie and Sally bother you? Like, how is it any of your business? I mean, says the guy who, you know, inserts himself into everyone else's business all the time. And they even showed footage earlier of how, or maybe it comes later, about how he and Shep broke apart Austin and Madison. So, like, they always insert each other into each other's business.

23:13And he's like, last year, the whole problem was he had a problem with me staying in the whole year. And so we see that. Rustin's like, I'm going to get a beer and you're on my call list because you just want to hide out. He's like, making money, getting healthy, and fucking my girlfriend. That's what I want to do. And if you're a real friend, you will be happy for someone like that. Look, the fire just came on behind you. Oh, it did? I turned it off. It's on a switch. Sucker. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I think the thing is, the reason why Austin and Shep get mad at Craig is not because, like, oh, last year they were mad because he wouldn't come out.

23:49And this year they were mad because he's partying. I think it's because Craig is always spinning a tale about who he is. He's like, I'm just a homebody these days, and that's all I want to be is a homebody. It's like, yeah, no, but they're like, no, we're calling bullshit on that because it's more like you, like, for whatever the bullshit is, we're calling bullshit. And now he's presenting a new version of himself. And so I think they're always just trying to poke holes in these versions that Craig is always putting up because at the end of the day, you've got nothing for nothing. And quite literally, yes, you do get nothing for nothing.

24:20Because I think what they're saying is that there's no there there with Craig. He was always trying on a new persona. And you don't really know who the real one is. And I think the authenticity issues drive them nuts. And not that they're any great shakes themselves. But it drives them nuts, which is why they're always trying to poke holes in it. Because it's like he's always selling a story about who he is and what he's into now. And this is what he always has been. And how could you even say anything otherwise? And they're like, no, fuck you. We know you're lying right now. we know this isn't the real you and they're never going to be able to get to the real Craig.

24:53Cause there may, maybe there is no real Craig. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. But he's been a compulsive liar since the very beginning. I mean, this is the man who lied about who lied about passing the bar or taking the bar or whatever. So yeah, I mean, it's, it's just Craig, you know, that's what you get. It's like, people don't necessarily improve like that. They just get either better at hiding or, I mean, I don't even know that he is better. We have different versions of ourselves. what'd you say nothing we have different versions of ourselves go ahead no i was gonna say like we have we have different versions of ourselves and that's okay but i think it's that like um craig just sort of he gets very i don't know there's just like a there's like a fakery about it and i think i think that for them it's like anytime they criticize it he gets very defensive and then he accuses them of like trying to undermine his well-being and growth when they're like no it's not that we're just saying like like be the real you yeah so he's like well austin's not going to change overnight but he might not ever change so if i'm going to continue to be friends with him i just can't go nuclear on him because he says something i don't like she's like yeah but not just austin but like anyone you don't agree with he's like well i don't do that usually I was just triggered as usual.

26:13Trigger. So Craig is like, I'm just a highly passionate person. So speaking of trying on personas, Craig's not the only one. Here comes Austin, who is now, I'm a cat dad. It's insane right now. So we had a couple of different guesses in the comments. some people were saying Piper is because he loves fish like the band Fish and I guess that's the thing and then someone said no I think it's from White Lotus Parker Posey's character which I think is the ding ding ding right because Rodrigo comes over and he's like what are you going to do when this cat gets on the counter he's going to say Popper no which I think is true that's what it is White Lotus I mean how many people have we seen on House Hunters moving to Thailand because they saw that.

27:05Or what was the one that we just talked about recently? They're like, White Lotus? Yeah. Oh, Real Housewives of Potomac? It's like, oh, it's White Lotus. Exactly. They love their White Lotus. They love it. And let's not forget that Parker Posey herself modeled some of her character off of Patricia. So there is a direct link to the show. Yeah, there you go. There you go, Randy. So Austin is setting up his kitty litter, and Madison's going to come over with Rodrigo to hang out. And so they do. They come over. And we see the cats. They are fucking adorable. Oh my God. They're so cute. I love a kitten.

27:44I wish I could just don't say kittens. I'd have 10. And their little muse. Oh, it's so cute. I love it. It's like it's, I really hate that it's working on me so much. I'm like, guys, don't be mean to Austin. He's got kittens.

28:00so um they're talking and austin's like well it's like a 15 year commitment boo is okay because like i want to have some animals that'll never betray me and like be my friends no matter what oh well i'm not gonna start a lot of stories choice for that i'm a cat person even i'm saying yeah google google cat horror stories um and he's like yeah well i see friendship as literally being there for somebody when they need you and then eating their face off when they die. Oh, sorry, that's cats. Yeah, Austin, enjoy having a nice little piece of pot around the edge of a surface for the next 30 minutes before it's shattered on the ground.

28:38That is battered down with pleasure. Okay. Hey, enjoy that flat screen TV you have for now until the cat jumps up on it for some reason and tears it off the wall. And then it becomes a TikTok video. So he's setting things up and he's like, he's having such an awesome thing. He's trying to set up this, some like watering thing for the cat, a self-watering dish. And he was talking to Madison on the phone. He's like, oh, I'm starting to set up their watering dish for running water. Freaking man was like 30 pages long. It's insane right now. I mean, hey Madison, you want to come over and like meet the kitties and yeah, me and Rod and just go through this manual.

29:16It's crazy. I can't even figure it out right now. Okay, I'll come over there and watch you look like an idiot for an hour. Why not? So then Shep takes his dog to the best business I've ever seen, which is a dog park for adults that want to have a beer. I mean, this is a great idea. It's actually a nice dog park. There's turf. There's all these toys. There's all these things for the dogs to play on. And then you make money while people sit there all day with their dog. Very, very smart. It is actually quite smart. It is smart. It's called the Broken Leech Dog Park. and um so little craig runs off and uh there's a golden retriever that like literally has its paws up on the bar and shep's like hey buddy come around here often gosh that was hilarious so um he meets up with molly and her dog zoe and uh he is he is doing the awesome thing he's spraying food all over because he's got food in his mouth and talking he's like i got some snacks this place is amazing have you ever been gosh so good so now they start gossiping about craig And Molly's like, so like, oh, I'm sorry.

30:18They're talking about little Craig, the dog, because little Craig, there's some water thing. And little Craig is going nuts in it and keeps on jumping right into it as a hose, jumping into that hose, having the best time ever. Yeah. So now they talk about Craig and she's well, they talk about Austin first. She's like, I haven't even heard of any of these whispers of like issues with Austin and Audrey. And he's like, well, I'm great friends with Austin and he never confided in me, but I was approached in New York. And like, obviously I wasn't seeking information. I blabbered, but I didn't do it with ill intent.

30:54Yeah, Craig had the ill intent. Yeah, gosh, Craig seems to be the town crier on that one. You know, Craig and Austin have a lot to sort out and he used me a little bit to drive the stake in. But I am the one who told Craig, hey, it's on me. It's me. I'm the villain. It's me. Cush. So he says that he's going to bet that Austin runs right back into Craig's arms before him, even though he wasn't the one who did the deed. It's just this weird, weird relationship they have. Molly's like, y 'all need couples therapy. And he's like, yeah, we do. We're mad so easily. We press each other's buttons. I mean, we've even gotten Craig to say triggered.

31:35Yeah, that's a lot. You know, and I'm someone who presses buttons for a living. Euphonium. That's good, though, at least that you feel bad because a lot of people don't feel bad for the things they do or say. I don't know. I'm just trying to put a positive spin on your dysfunctional relationship. I really don't know what to say. I know. She's like, I'm going to try and make you sound less like a sociopath after you just said something like, yeah, we push each other's buttons and then we weaponize information and share information that we as friends shouldn't share. She's like, oh, well, you're still a good person because at least, you know, you're a terrible person.

32:06so that makes you good perth this feels like calculus this feels like she's like i just like i'm i'm working with so little here i really can't help you i'm trying to give you a pep talk but you're you're really complicit with this situation yeah so she's like well i've been like a super shitty person in my past so i get it i'm like could we go to the past and cast that person because i would love to see shitty person molly on my tv yeah i would like that too so uh austin won't even call him back and um shep's like you don't think i should call again should i all look stupid right she's like well i mean if he's not answering well maybe you can call him and you can be like oh you don't have to say i'm here just be like i met with shep and uh he knows you might want to talk with him uh or see him i don't know could you do something like that well i don't want to like lie and be like i met with shep even though he's sitting right next to me no do it we all do it it's super fun okay let's okay just just call him he probably won't answer she's like yeah he he might not answer i don't know if i've actually had a conversation with austin ever before am i even on this show yeah you are do it go do this come on wow you're calling yikes this gives me the willies what jay williker give him a call turn the dials uh so he's like i hate that sinking feeling knowing someone else is hurt and you're part of that i really don't want to be a force for bad in this world especially if i care about someone you know i'm just a boy i'm just a boy standing in front of a friend saying bro love me again also watch the vietnam war by ken burns it's so good gosh so she does try calling and he doesn't answer she's like yeah no he still hates you yeah but he's also busy because he's got kittens so we go back to austin's house and rodrigo's there with the kittens in a basket and um they go up they come in they're so cute and rodrigo austin's like oh my god i'm not ready for this because well you better be because i don't have a return policy on this pussy see i can be a sassy gay i don't know i don't get it anyway look at these beauties oh my heart melts every time wow so now austin's being all like sweet and cute like cat hashtag cat dad yeah and uh rodrigo asked about audrey and he's like well i might even drive there and bring the cats because i'm feeling like i just want to get out of town for a little bit you know i asked what audrey's good for it's a it's a bed to stay in when i can't be in this town because all my friends hate me yeah seriously it was me to have the support of my girlfriend and the gullibility too you know security with me and audrey is he was like here which is very high i mean it's the very very top so it's great so now madison shows up and she's like that's a lot of stairs wow you made me really clumber and um they she sees the kittens and um they're like oh this is cute and everything and etc so then they start gossiping because that's what they're really here for so she's like yeah i was really shocked that night i mean for me I know you're going to laugh when I say this, but in a way, Craig, for the last few years, I've really looked up to him.

35:18I was like, my God, you've changed. You're doing well. Your business is a priority. Your relationship is good. And it's just like, I mean, is he born for corn? But I just wanted to. Then he got so aggressive and angry. He just was so quick to flip. But Craig never really changed, did he? I mean, he behaved a little bit better with Paige, but he still had at least a couple of those flip outs last year. Like, I don't know why. Yeah, but I think. way everyone's acting like craig actually just came out of rehab because he never really concentrated very much on that he was like um i am an alcoholic well he's drunk i've never really bought that anyway but yeah he has been doing better yeah he really sold it that he's now a suburban guy he wants to have a family he's a professional he can't go and party because he has to plant things for instagram this is a job he's gonna be the next martha studio he's growing he's doing bigger and bigger and better things and you know his business was flourishing and he's killing it and so like they're like wow he really did turn things around but turns out like no still the same person yeah so she's like well i mean i thought he changed but he's still a horrible person he goes yeah i mean craig just lost it and that's the thing we hated about craig always being drunk and losing it and then we see a montage of craig just losing his shit drunken cookingly over the years 2018 yelling at austin at a barbecue about chelsea god i lost a lot of the i forgot a lot of these things yeah um and i also forgot but i always remembered him yelling at madison at that reunion being so vile at that reunion but i also forgot that um that hilarious wrinkle that like madison was like the other woman that broke up a rod and j-lo like i still think that i'm so proud of her for that like that's yeah to insert yourself as just like a as like a as a small bravo star into like a full celebrity scandal good for her craig was so gross in that you flew to miami to fucking xmlb player are you a fucking homewrecker she's trash and i hate being on the same stage as her yeah yeah he was so garbage that reunion that like i think forever tainted craig for me yeah so madison's like well i thought he was working on being sober So to see him kind of backtracking, that's unfortunate.

37:32I mean, Craig was making it sound like Shep was there witnessing you cheating. But it wasn't even that. I mean, I still have a good TikTok video of you grabbing your wiener and screaming, that's insane, Madison. What does he have? Nothing. That's exactly what I'm saying. That's what she said that I said. See what I did there? Like, I'm more saying than anything. Like, these were like my friends. They were so happy and so willing to sucker punch me, bro. So you're shocked that they threw you under the bus then? He's like, yeah. she goes well i'm not i mean it's kind of a pattern at this point don't you think i mean anytime you feel like you're in a relationship these two idiots are single they're going to try and sabotage it or take it down and then she tells us listen they broke us up and we see another montage of craig but this time it's craig and shep being monsters and god they are really assholes so whenever you fall for this shep is such a sweet guy just remember this she has your hooks in you man she has an opening why i want to know why i want to know why no just cut the bait and see ya say see ya so rodrigo's basically like yeah well guess what you're their pop they're you're their punching bag so why do you even give them so much grace he's like i don't know i mean except my cat dad he's like well cut the shit man he's like well because i thought they were my real friends you No.

38:46But obviously they're not. Dun, dun. Wow, will Craig, Austin, and Shev ever make up? Yeah, the saga continues. What is gonna happen? Well, everyone, thanks for being here. What a delight. We'll be back tomorrow with some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And until then, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, and we'll catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappens. Bye, everyone. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

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