#3136 My Secret Santa Part Three With Reality Gays

0:25Hello everybody! It is time for part three of our gay crappins crossover recapping my secret Santa. And here is part three of this cinematic masterpiece recap starting now. So anyway, so this guy went on a bender in Italy. He got coked up out of his mind. I guess he's sort of supposed to be some sort of like Kendall Roy character. Yeah. That like went and got nuts. Except he comes back like a nice Kendall Roy. And he says, and the father says, in all honesty, this sentence, Matthew, before your mother died, I promised her I would raise you the best I possibly could. Cool. As opposed to, I don't know.

1:11If she had lived. Yeah, when your mom was alive, I didn't give a shit how I raised you. But man, when she was done. They delivered it so woodenly and just – Yes. It's a shame they gave this guy lines like this because they were laughable. Yeah. I thought it would just be an endless supply of money, but this time statues in Italy, Matthew. Damn it. We're going to work your debt off in this hotel. I know. He's like, sorry, dad. It won't happen again. And Matthew also just like – is like, well, I guess this is what I have to do. like he's not like i don't have to work here if i don't have to i'm gonna do my own shit fuck you dad he's just like okay i guess i'll take some sort of unglamorous middle management position at a some generic it's like makes total sense yeah yeah no he doesn't argue at all he's just like sure i i will work for fifty thousand dollars a year you're correct and now natasha this is our new gm my son and now Natasha's rage makes so much more sense look at this woman she is like working at this hotel trying to do things trying to help things she's working super hard things get thrown at her all the time she's working the hardest and then when she's up for a promotion this nepo baby just gets slotted in with his with his with his stripes and his polka dots blended together in his outfits yeah and y 'all I just want everyone to know notice in the next scene when he's there, he is already wearing a tie.

2:45He is. And it's going to pay off later. I think that Natasha put it on. I think Natasha put it on. Okay. It was also like this ill-fitting shirt. Yes. Again, it was like a polka dot tie with like a striped shirt. It was like a lot. So Natasha is like, wait a second, I have to train him? And the dad's like, yeah, well, you know, if anybody can. There's no one better than you, you know? and make sure this resort is ready for the holidays. Actually, I know why you're not a GM, but we won't talk about that, Natasha. And we won't even talk about it at the end when you're still not the GM. What the fuck was that?

3:20Well, they ship her off to London. Well, but no, because that's where her ex-husband lives in London. Why do you want to live where your ex-husband is? Because the child that we - Because women should not be on their own. They have to be married, okay? Women do not need to be sinks. This is a Christmas movie. Don't you know? A woman living alone is the saddest Christmas you can ever have. You're right. Women shouldn't have careers in Christmas movies. This is a great American country movie. We used to call it gay-ass country. I, yeah, so she has to like, I like the dad's like, and be sure to get this resort ready for the holidays.

4:01I'm like, sir, the Klotz cookie company is in full swing. The holidays have begun They've begun Meanwhile back at the hotel Where they live Zoe is somehow Asleep with a Santa hat on What was she doing? What is wrong? Why are we infantilizing this child? What is wrong with this girl? And then she's like oh my god I'm going to take off Her Santa hat and tuck her in the bed So she tucks her in and then leaves on the string lights and then she leaves and the room burns down and the daughter's she leaves her daughter asleep on the sofa she's afraid to do anything she's afraid to upset her daughter she's like I won't even wake up my daughter to make her go into bed because she's like God forbid I push back on any of my daughter's like happiness like whether it means sleeping in bed or going to snowboarding academy so instead she takes the hat off which I'm like well why are you taking the hat off of her she was comfortable and she puts it on Obviously to, I wrote down, I wrote down the same thing.

5:07I'm like, why is she taking her Santa hat? Why does she have the Santa hat on? And they're like, oh, she put it on to advance. She can see herself in the mirror. And she has this moment of, it's supposed to be this kind of parallel of the Grinch idea when the Grinch has a hat on or something and she smiles. And, but then it's, but it's a lot stupider because the Grinch actually makes sense. Yeah. No, because in this case, she's like, huh, I'm wearing this hat. You know what would be amazing is if I hit up my horror gay brother and his partner and had them make me an animatronics fat suit that way I look like Santa Claus and I can dupe an entire resort and make about$5 ,000 to pay for like one bucket full, one drop in the bucket for the stupid snowboard academy tuition.

5:52And this all happened in that one second. Yeah. Yeah. So they're at the gays and so they're like, you want another thing of exposition. They're so good at this. They're like, wait a minute, you're telling us that you want to dress like an old white man so that you can be a Santa Claus and get the money for your kid to go to snowboarding school, which you couldn't afford otherwise after you got fired from the Klotz cookie company? And they're like, yep, that's the movie. And where do we start? They're like, this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard of. When do we start? And we have a montage. And as I'm like, oh, great.

6:27A montage. I was like, oh, yes, a montage. I love it. Well, that's done. Yeah. It was really fast. I think that you know a montage is a lot – is some time on like – you need at least I think 10 different scenarios or shots for a montage. We got three. Yeah. I'm really concerned that these gays doing prosthetics aren't going to have to – don't have enough to do in this city. I can't imagine there's that much horror work to be done. telemarketing telecommute they're hand painting this prosthetic face I bet you they have an Etsy store maybe I mean what who has a face scanner at their home I don't know that face scanner maybe died I'm gonna AI this and google it and see how much a face scanner is the one thing that made sense you know that they work for Airbnb you know they're just remote workers for Airbnb and this is like what they do on the side and then they have to do how many how many meetings how many zoom calls have to do where then people come on like whoa where are you guys at well uh actually we're in a resort town we actually moved here after the pandemic so you're not in new york with the rest of the team no no we're not with the rest of the team every single time you have a zoom call that's what it goes it did make sense that they had lots of lentils because that's very gay like they just went to their little pantry and they had a lot of They had a lot of lentils.

7:56They stock up. I love that they just got like 20 pounds of lentils. There are entry-level handheld scanners that are around$700 to$1 ,000. So if this was their job, it's not out of the realm of possibilities. How much work are they going to have in this town? Well, their Etsy store is very popular. I guess. Maybe they have a kiosk in the mall. But you know the worst thing about this? all these gays spent all this time and she just goes Merry Christmas and they're like a little lower and then she went Merry Christmas but it still sounds kind of like Margot Kidder at her worst like it's not even really low it can't even Kathleen Turner yes Merry Christmas it actually made me wonder why why why did also Netflix not hire an actress who speaks in a deeper register thank you this it you know you would have to audition like you you would have to audition with your santa voice look i'm telling you now hillary swank would have sold this fucking movie oh yeah like we would have believed everything alma hayek claire danes claire danes this was definitely a terrifying santa look that they gave her they put it on her and i was like this nightmare inducing airy it's like norman rockwell-ish it is it's norman rockwell but it was also she had these really sparkly eyes behind it, like the movie Species.

9:22It was so creepy. Natasha Hentridge would have been great in this role. Natasha Hentridge would never. She would have been good. I wonder what she's doing now. I know. She's great. I feel like she should have been more like gay icon. She went nowhere after it. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real shame. That's sad. She could have been something. She blew it. She fucking blew it. Maybe she didn't blow enough. the Santa splurt montage and boom, we've got a Santa. So now we go over to the audition and the chorus line. Yeah, they're all holding their headshots in front of their face. Who am I anyway? Am I my resume?

10:02I just want a child of my life. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Get this job. But it's just a bunch of winos. It's just a bunch of fucking drunks. That's who was in the Dillard's break room. He was a total drunk. The audition for Santa is to just stand there, look slovenly and rosy-cheeked and extremely lazy. All these guys are drunks. Everyone looked like the town drunk. But you know what? Natasha really needs to think of what it's like on the other side. What is it like for a chunky white guy? Like everything's not just handed to us necessarily all the time. And she's just walking up and down the line, looking at us like gross, gross.

10:49You're disgusting. Wouldn't fuck you. Get out of here. A Calvin Klein ad. Why are we being so judgmental to the poor Santas? The other thing here is she knows it's late in the season. You've got to import a Santa. They should have just started in this town. There's not that many people you've needed to call like Seattle or. Well, she didn't have time because he ran off with a Latin lover. So there was literally just three. No, the Santa retired. It was confusing. Santa retired at Christmas, which I don't know why you choose Christmas to retire. Retire after your last season. Yeah. It makes no difference.

11:28Yeah. Agreed. And so later on, Matthew shows up and he's like, your email said four. He's like, you must have misread it. So then you already assume because from her look that she is fucking gaslighting him. And she's going to continue to gaslight him to make sure he fails, even though he probably failed on his own because he has no skills to do this. Yeah, she's doing like weird things to make him fail. It's like, oh, I told you the wrong time. I told you the email said 3 p.m. And he's like, no, it didn't. It said 4. So really read it again. that's verifiable he can send that to whoever he wants to like you need to come up with better ways he was going to bumble into this anyway that's the thing and later on the whole thing with he has a problem with public speaking that was my favorite character flaw yeah it's like well i'm just not good at public speaking it is the greatest it is everyone's greatest fear yeah but they also just like dealt with that in the most half-assed way and like that's the easiest like arc you can put into one of these stories is like someone coaching you have the coaching montage and something like and he's like you know he's like i hate talking in public and like guess what tia you fix that and then she's like fine the next scene it's like oh i guess we'll just assume that he went through some some therapy for that training yeah but also if you're gonna have this guy who's a lazy drunk he's always in trouble living off his dad's money and now he has to work this hotel make him a lazy drunk drug addict idiot who's working at the hotel and then he learned he learns to be better from the santa lady and then santa learned i mean why does he just show up and he's like the perfect employee coming in at the exact right time and doing everything well it comes in he's not like hopped up no track marks no nothing yeah he's fine he's fine yeah we find a couple more hookers on his arm some white powder again this was written by gay man because they don't know how hard it is for women to actually date a guy at this age who's not a piece of shit now the gays are like oh my god he's in his 50s he's finally ready to settle down all right exactly she she dismisses all the santas and of course um we have uh hugh or well we don't know alexander walks in taylor comes in and addresses santa and they're like whoa because of course too looks like the perfect santa because not actually dressed now she's not dressed she's just in a sweater she's not even in a suit yet and this is actually her as as the role of what we find out is hue man because matt is like well she turns around and she sees matthew and she goes you and she goes he goes what he goes hugh because she's like what's your name and she's like i'm not you i mean hue man hue man hue man like hi hue man so that's like the whole thing i had to pause but in the credits alexandra what's her breckenridge she was credited in a triple role she was credited as taylor she was credited as santa claus and she's credited as hue man Oh, for Christ.

14:45Implying that she actually was Santa. Like she wasn't – there was like at some – when she became Santa Claus, she actually stopped being human. Wait, so are you telling me – does she got paid three-day rates? I hope so. She's going to eat all of her chances of winning at the Emmys because she's playing through. She's going to be up against two other characters.

15:11Also, Taylor's a unisex name. So you could have just used that name You could have still been Taylor You're so right You dumb fuck She's so dumb She's dumb in so many different ways So he is like They're also doing this thing where like He He sees something in Hugh's eyes Yeah The whole thing is that he can recognize through eyes He recognized her through the eyes On the album and now he's like Think about this think about this guy Matthew okay this is someone who's been on like a lot of drugs or done a lot of drugs because he's like I'm looking at this octogenarian round man with a beard and for some reason I'm wondering is it that hot girl I met yesterday yes could I have a future with this Santa yes and this was the weirdest part of the movie was that they built in this thing where he wants to fuck you like and he doesn't really understand and why he's attracted to Hugh.

16:14And he just rolls with it. And I loved that for the character that he's just like, I kind of want to fuck this old man. Like, I don't know why. The whole way through, he's like, why do I want to fuck this old guy? Why do I feel so comfortable with him that I want to fuck him? And he doesn't have a moment where he's like, oh my God, am I gay for old men? Am I gay? He doesn't have that moment. I'll just roll with it. I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. Only 86-year-old man I've wanted to have sex with. Yes. He just assumes he has like a fractured relationship with his dad. And the reason why it's so able to open up to Hugh Mann is because this guy is stepping in for where his dad wasn't.

16:55And that probably explains why he has feel sexual things because it's like a whole bunch of stuff being dug up from childhood. Yeah. And I love that they didn't make it this whole like, oh, my God, why am I attracted to Santa? I'm like, am I gay? Oh, God. They didn't make this whole thing. that just made him like, maybe I am. Like, who knows? Maybe I'm going to take it up the butt from Santa, and I'm fine with that. You know what? He does have a moment. He does have a moment where he thinks about it, and this is fast-forwarding very far into the movie, but there is a moment where he legitimately believes that Hugh Man is having gay sex in the bathroom, and he has a look on his face like, you know, I always suspected it, but now it's confirmed, and on top of that, now, like, is that me gay?

17:38Like he's going through all those emotions. It does happen. He's like, why isn't it me? Like there was a moment in his face where he's like, oh my God, why isn't he fucking me in a stall? And I like that for the character. Why isn't Santa giving me the business? Like I thought I had something going with Santa and now he's fucking some stranger in a stall. Like why is it not me? There is a moment though where he actually looks at her and it's authentic as fuck. He goes, haven't we met somewhere? and he's looking at Santa with love. Like, that's honest. Because you know what it is? This is someone who's been so fucked up before that he's definitely had conversations with hot girls from the club where he thought they were Santa Claus.

18:20He's like, I know at this point in my life that if I'm looking at someone's eyes and I'm feeling something, but they look like Santa Claus, eventually the drugs will wear off and it will actually be a hot girl. Also, he has also been so high on drugs that he has let a man blow him. 100%. Ben is so wholesome because I thought that's what Ben was going to say too. And he didn't. I love that Matthew's here. He's definitely gotten at least a blowjob. Oh, yeah. He said, do I put my hand on the back of his head? And he did. And he liked it. Wow. So it's the way your voice got low at the end that really grossed me out.

19:00I know. It was like a little too real. Yeah. It's really gross. so the tailor's like so hugh is like have you ever been to the dark pole it's been a long sleigh ride so you don't buy hot cocoa you rent it i'm like you know you're trying to be undercover and you're making a very specific reference to hot cocoa which is kind of your thing right this guy so be careful he's like santa you're slaying me you got me and the next thing he goes to the bathrooms exactly and at one point he's like he's like so and natasha goes so what is it is this your Santa? And my thought is the next question is, we haven't seen him in a suit yet.

19:38Do we know he actually has one? And he goes, or do we have to do a background check because of laws? He's going to be around kids. Nope! It's all good. Send him out there. Start the kids. Start the line for the kids. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. So then And so then, so basically Hugh gets the job. Taylor gets the job. So she calls her brother. And he's like, oh, my God, Matthew Lane. How have you never heard of him before? He's a trust fund baby. He's always in trouble. His dad owns the resort. And we hear he's got a thing for old guys. Yeah, tons of exposition.

20:21I think we're old guys. Yeah. So this whole thing is like, oh, you better get the billionaire. So then we meet the elf, Jimmy, the chief elf. He's a giant. and um it's super strong jimmy jimmy the elf what is his time to be saying who hurt you you know by the way how many people at this hotel have had to deal with jimmy nattering away you know you order room service you get the knock on the door and he comes in and rolls in that table it's like oh how's it going today it's a beautiful day i hope you get to go to the slopes oh it's just wonderful times up there and you're like get out of here i want to eat my french toast in my bed have you ever been have you ever been like a grocery store where there's someone it happens all the time in the south where i'm from when people take your groceries out that was a big thing like it doesn't matter who you are they would never shut the fuck up about your day or their day and they're like yeah and one would start talking to me it's like yeah really i spent some fun night with my girlfriend last night we went to this chinese place we both like and then we went home we watched a movie and i'm like just saying when are you leaving when when are you stopping you finally yeah i'm in texas right now that's how it is and it is hard to get used to it because you went in la people just ignore you even and because i'm very texas in la i'm like hey how you doing and they're like please don't speak to me or pretend they don't even see me and just like keep walking you know but here it's like hey how you doing and they're like well you know pretty good i could be better but i could be worse too let me tell you my back will not stop I used to be a football player.

21:54Now you can slam me down on my head. I've always been fine. But now I bend over to tie my shoelace and I'm out for three weeks. What's that about? Divorce ain't easy. I'll tell you that. I'm like, sorry, I asked. Divorce ain't easy. You know, you marry somebody you think is going to last forever. Yeah. That was real. So she's on the phone and her brother has basically just said, yeah, this guy's super famous. You should be attracted to him. And she's like, okay. And Jimmy is like, hey there, Hugh Downs. Hi, Hugh Downs. Or Hugh Downs. You're the same. It is like a Hugh Downs. This is 2020. I'm looking up his live TV.

22:34Not in the script. And so basically Natasha is like, hey, Jimmy, show our new Santa to the changing room so we can get into costume. So they go into this locker room where for some reason, like 60 employees are taking showers at the same time. This was so funny, though. This was so funny because this is such a men's locker room. It's like a country club, like my dad's country club or whatever. You go in and just all these older guys. They had one guy. What was he doing? Was he putting on deodorant? He had like, wasn't it a razor, like an electric shaver? It looked like he was combing his armpit hair or something.

23:13It was, I couldn't tell if it was deodorant or a shaver. It was odd. it was so funny because it is so a men's locker room just older guys doing weird old guy things it's always the it's always the older guys just in the towel but here's what didn't make sense to me we know that there's a thing they're like employee locker rooms are a thing but why was everyone showering why was everyone taking like a sauna like this what i didn't understand was like the the amount of like nudity adjacency that was happening like why like i thought i would imagine of people changing in and out of like their uniform to pedestrian clothes but like you all decide to take a shower I thought this was the like the spa or whatever that the guest got to use that he just had a locker or something I guess no it's a locker room because people have been skiing all day but it was none of the people in this locker room looked like they could ski because they all looked like they had bad knees but the employee locker room should be in a separate place than the guest locker room well some people don't have the facility This was like employee locker room This is a really nice resort Well, they cut budgets I don't know But these were all like old country club guys I think it was like a resort I think they were using the resort locker room Yes No matter what version it is Whoever is right here This portrayal of this thing was wrong Like if it was an employee locker room Why are they all bathing?

24:34And if it was like a mixed locker room Why are the employees like showering with the guests? This was not heated rivalry. Yeah. This was cold sitting on a bench watching a bad game for Ree. But like, so like. I almost suggested that we mix this movie and just do the first episodes of heated rivalry today. Oh, my God. I haven't seen it yet. Oh, my God. It's so. It takes me a long time to get through episodes. Let's just say that. it is it is so hot i'm like maybe tonight maybe and it just got approved for season two and i'm like no halfway through almost so here's what's also funny i just call someone so matthew so okay i just want to remind everyone of where we've been i just want to remind everyone of where we've been and where we're going to okay so the previous scene santa auditions matthew shows up like we need to find a santa taylor walks walks in as you matthew sees taylor and is like you're gonna be the santa taylor goes outside calls her brother and is like oh my god i got this job the brother's like whoa it was crazy and natasha interrupts and says hey now that you've just been hired five minutes ago go go get changed she goes in she gets changed and out of the shower comes matthew in a towel what why how did he get why first of all why is he taking a shower in the middle of his work day and second of all, we just saw him in the room doing Santa auditions.

26:11That's a lot. Gotta wash the poor people off me. That's so funny. I didn't even think of that. But yeah, he's standing right next to her. He's in a towel and he's like, hey, small talk, small talk, small talk, small talk. P.S. Here's my penis. Storyline. Not good at public speaking. Here's my wiener. And he drops his towel and she's like, oh. She goes, well, if you're nervous, you could just picture people naked. oh oh jingle bells oh oh jingle bells we also see the awful tattoos that he got in 2007 he's like weird triangle tattoos on his back it's like oh this poor actor and they didn't cover those up oh they didn't have a budget for that it's it's takes it's time consuming to cover tattoos yeah but like i'm not that's just not me i'm just not the kind of person who wears a suit and a tie Matthew, you've done everything in a houndstooth, like long overcoat.

27:01And you've got Republican congressman here. What are you talking about? And then he says, can you tie my tie? Which is the creepiest. It's like, wait, you're standing like naked in front of this new hire. You're standing naked in front of a new hire and you're the boss. I have watched some movies that have started this way, to be fair. But usually it's not an old man. do it. And also, I want to point out that when he dropped his towel, the way it was shot, you see enough of the curvature of the butt to know that they had to give him the little sock. And I'm like, you're shooting a Christmas movie and you have to give your lead actor the sock.

27:39This is very different than a lifetime. We would never get this much lower back, upper butt. We're out of great American country now. All the Hallmark people are like clutching their pearls like, how dare you? We're protesting Netflix. Protesting. Gaze and almost a penis and a triangle back tattoo. Keep in mind now that in this like rom-com, she's already seen his penis. She's already seen his dick. That's kind of a significant thing. And we know it's big because she continues forward on this path. Ah, well, that's true. And you don't only get a sexy scene in the movie. You get it in this recap.

28:16Yep. Uh-oh. Oh, look at that. Oh, Bueller. Oh, Bueller. Look at him out like a lie. He does look like Poodle after a Saturday night. That's true. I got my legs cooked up like that too. I just love when he's laying like that. Okay, go ahead. Sorry to interrupt you. The next thing is he says, he's like, and then there's this kind of semi-erotic scene of him tying his tie. There's something about it that's extremely intimate. It is. You're right. And I'm telling you, Matthew is going to fuck this guy. It's crazy. So he's like, what'd you tie my tie? You old guys are good at that, right? It's so intimate.

28:57And he's like, what? Your dad never taught you to do it? I sound like Billy Bob Thornton doing his sling blade. So does she. Meat potatoes. Like, no, my dad never taught me how to do this, despite his pledge to be a better dad to me after mom died. More exposition. And he's taught me how to make more money. He just taught me how to make money. And he's like, I wish I could talk to him like this. like i'm i guarantee his dad has taught him how to make a tie like 12 different times and this fucking yeah he's probably too high to even remember but like also i'd rather the money lesson myself what are you complaining about like i can't keep money make money like teach me how to make more money what are you complaining about you little brat and so like i'm sure the tie lesson came with how to make more money lesson too i'm just gonna say they're probably were linked they they proceed to have this kind of weird porny conversation he's like i wish i could talk to him like this and Santa goes you know like man's a man talk like we're doing now he's like you know you just don't feel like a stranger I feel like we've met somewhere and my hamstring is so tight if only I could get a massage oh my groin is really hurting today can you just pull back oh your hands are magic you don't feel like a stranger crazy I feel like we've met somewhere somewhere it's in your eyes punk rock girl band once Nope, Santa Claus Have you been cooked up in a San Tropez bathroom?

30:24They really never make it like he recognizes her but he doesn't know from where. They really do make it like I'm just attracted to this old man Even though we get the fucking we get the fucking I don't know the gun on the wall whatever it's called. Chekhov's gun Yeah, Chekhov's gun of a flavored lip balm that falls to the floor. Chapstick. Put a note in it because it comes back again and then put a don't put a note in that because it's never going to be relevant. It does not help them. It doesn't help them at all. But it just gives us a good joke where he's like, oh, you have a lip balm and he says, you drive right in a sleigh at 10 ,000 feet.

31:08Lucky I've had lips at all. Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. Chill about him in that chair. And then what I like is during this time, I make this tie thing. You can see that Taylor, the character of Taylor, is like, the fuck I know about doing a tie? I've got a daughter. I never had to do any of this bullshit. How does she do it? She works two jobs, who lives in a van and never stops. But when she's done, she walks away, and you can see the tie is done so poorly. No, it's not right. And he's like, oh, I was hoping for a paternal moment, but I guess that didn't work out. Yeah, what I loved was that he was actually mad that the tie sucked.

31:44He was like, oh, God. This old man. I almost blew that guy. I can't believe this new hire tied my tie badly when I was standing naked in front of him. My new hire. So then we go to this elf. I feel so bad for this guy. So there's a huge crowd gathered for some speech about Santa Claus, which is bizarre in itself. So there's this crowd and this guy's like throwing it. He's like, here's gifts for everyone. Here's gifts for everyone. the bag is this big what are you giving them it's it's like a mary poppins bag it's like just refills guys yeah i've got a surprise for you we are getting a speech from someone no one has ever heard of before about someone cares about welcome this guy yeah but again if they're gonna do that apparently he's famous but he's actually infamous but so again because they talk about later like you see the papers and he's yeah oh the brother like whatever missed opportunity so he tries to get this speech to be like um hey everyone thanks for coming to the resort we're gonna light the the tree now so uh he's like he's he and like and hue have to like turn this this they're gonna like they're gonna switch there's a candy cane but first we get a guy going hey i don't recognize you in your clothes you go swimming with any swans lately fucking loser.

33:11This is the heckler. I recognize you with your clothes because I saw that video that was released of you and you were naked getting blown by an old guy in Venice before you crash into that statue. He's getting by a Nick Fuentes fan. In the middle of a hello, welcome Santa ceremony. And the epilogue in this movie is that he gets a ticket from Venice from getting blown by that guy by the Vatican. And they're all up on their gossip they're all up on their international gossip like i read an okay that uh you were you were been hanging around with jade what's her name so funny so yeah they they have to pull a lever to start the tree uh but instead they fall over for some reason and that makes the lever spark and it starts the whole tree on fire with fireworks what the I was like, what is this?

34:05This wasn't their problem though. Like that's the whole thing. This is, this is, this is your electrical issue. I know. I was like, why is this? I was like, but also why is it that like, why did this happen? They turned it on and it sparked him and crazy. Like there's, this is terrible. It should have been Natasha did that on purpose. Like she, she, she mangled it or something. She changed the wiring because she was trying to, but, but it's also just happens because of no reason yeah i also would have liked it over there smirking like haha he's gonna get fired because he set the tree on fire i would like to have schemed a bit more like i would have liked it if the reason why hugh got hired without a background check was because she she pushed it through and she told her her buddy like it's fine because when this blows up it's gonna all fall on him and then i'll finally get that promotion but instead she just sort of like endured watching this Nepo baby mess up time and time again, which was actually more realistic.

35:08She did mess with them. She just messed with them in dumb ways. She's like, I'm going to make you do a lot of paperwork. I'm going to lie about an email. Also realistic. Also realistic. Can we say that when Jimmy the elf just starts going, we wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. When everything is melting down, It doesn't stop the Lenny from the Mice and Men comparisons. It doesn't help them, no. So Taylor gets home. So Taylor drives around and dresses you. Yeah. Even though she has full capabilities to change out of Santa, her Santa costume in the van, because that's what she does the rest of the movie.

35:48That's the whole point. She decides, you know what, this time, let's drive all the way home at Santa. I'm going to pull up to my home. And try to hide from my daughter that I'm dressing like Santa every day. Like, what the hell? And this is the thing. so you expect to walk into your home dressed as santa what if you see another just and walk right in to your apartment what if you saw a neighbor and so explain that well instead doralee comes out doralee comes out and she's like what are you doing in mrs jacobson's van which i actually again i think that like doralee is the only one with real layers because she's like she expects that rent money, but she's also fiercely protective of her tenants.

36:30I was like, there's stuff going on in here. This woman did a whole character bio for herself. She did. I totally think she's the only one who did it. She sketched it out when they draw on themselves. She did the makeup. She put in the Delcro's beats and everything in her script. So of course she's very Dora Lee. She's like, oh, wait a minute. What's the get up, huh? You're going to a party, huh? You're a party boy. You alone? No Mrs. Claus? I'm Dora Lee. I'm a super. You need anything? I'm right down the hall from Mrs. Jenkinson. Okay, Santa, I want to stuff my stockings. Yeah, I want to come down my chimney.

37:09Oh, yeah. But the way she sells it is so realistic. I'm like, she is 100 % into this Santa that has some unknown sex appeal and now two maiden characters. Now two maiden characters. I know. I'll set your nose on fire, rune reindeer. Get in here. I'm going to prance you, your dancer, bitch. Get on your knees. I was like, damn, lady, you're just needing this creep in a van outside for the first time. Calm down, Doralee. She's into it. So Zoe says, this is the best day of my whole life. She's talking. She's at the snowboard camp. I have to say I'm reading Ronnie did the notes for both of us And I'm reading it so it says daughter best day of my life Bitch nice outfit The 90's called They want their board back Bitch So this bitch says Hey they want their board back Well she didn't have a name yet And so Taylor sees this and she's like Oh don't listen to her they're just jealous okay Oh god stay bundled up We can't afford trips to the ER.

38:23Don't put your kid in snowboard camp. What the fuck is wrong with you? She's like, honey, be careful on your motorcycle on the way to snowboard camp. I have a feeling there were some notes originally that people kept saying, I don't know if they remember they're poor enough. So we need to remind them that they're dire straits consistently. It's funny. It's only Campbell's soup tonight. And we're sharing a bowl, you know, or something like that. That's one of these things. I think they're trying to make the stakes higher, but it doesn't work because the stakes are snowboarding camp. I know. I would have liked it if like she was kids.

39:00I wish, I wish like Zoe were like a star student and she got into like a hotel management program. Yeah. It was like, she wants to go to Cornell that has a, has like a, the number one hotel management program in the country. And she's like, this will get me into Cornell because I'm going to do hotel management. And, but the thing is like, in order to pay for it, you have to also be an employee. Or they give preference to people who work at the hotel. That would have made more sense than snowboarding. But there was something about it. That wouldn't be a very good Christmas movie. She could have worked under Natasha.

39:32She could have worked under Natasha so she could be present in the story more and there could be more hijinks and near misses. I think that's true too. She should have been the employee to get the discount. She should have had to work there. Yeah. Yes. And so then like the, that's when the mom says, we're just jealous. And Matthew's like, Hey, screaming kittens again, still calling her that. Hey, screaming kittens. Hey, screaming kittens. To me, I thought he was talking to the kids. I was like, Whoa, inappropriate. Hey, you screaming kittens. Doesn't it sound like that's a name for her boobs or something?

40:08Oh, look at you with those screaming kittens. I'm a huge fan of your mom. She's like, that's not my mother. Oh, oh, you. Imagine if you just assumes that's her child. And she's like, Zoe's like, wait, my mom has fans? She's like the most lame person. And look at her lame ass sweater. Am I right, guys? High five. Like, yeah, we still hate you. Boy. She's terrible to her mother. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

40:43So Taylor's like, well, nothing says happy holidays like an exploding Christmas tree I heard. By the way, yeah, people talk. It was all over the newspaper. I saw it on Happening. Now, if you see later on, there's this Twitter thing that's just called Happening. Oh. Yeah, Happening is that. All of the art and all of their prop art designs are terrible. It's just called Happening! It was like when The Net came out with Sandra Bullock in 1996 and they were like, this is what the internet will look like. That's what Happening looked like. Yeah, Happening looked like that. God, I loved that movie. Yes, I loved that movie.

41:24I remember thinking like one day, my little fat kid self, I went, and one day am I going to be able to order pizza from my computer? Yes, remember that? God, I watched that one. They're like chatting on AOL. They're like, clack clack clack clack on their keyboards must upload a three megabyte file this is taking forever they're closing in five minutes how am i gonna get this jpeg to the feds in time you just see the lines forming in the picture i just received an email that says netflix wga fyc do we think it's for this movie um Oh, no, it's not. Damn it. I was really hoping they were going to throw this movie into award contention.

42:11Oh, my God. Oh, no. That would have been nice. I did get a little blurb that my phone was blown up earlier. A little aside, John Cameron Mitchell is going to be in the next O'Mary. Yeah, that was released. That's very exciting. His picture is not very flattering in that. I mean, I figure like everyone, they kind of give glamour shots to do that, you know, and John Cameron Mitchell is just like blank faced. Like, hey, hey. Anyway, but back to real art. Not that fucking terrible theater shit. No, no. Yeah. He's like, how about that hot chocolate now? She's like, I'm busy. I'm busy. And then she's like, mom.

42:50So he's like, mom, you're not. You were like spending last Saturday night organizing your sock drawer. You're pathetic and you're a loser and you're fat and you smell like Funyuns. Let me tell you one thing. My mom's not busy. and by the way mom while you're reorganizing your sock drawer what was the deal with that book my secret garden you found in there

43:15my mom's not busy she's just got to climb up the stairs to the bell tower to frig herself to the my secret garden book i found yes um so it's like god bless the outcast when she comes sorry so the whole the whole point of this little scene is that she actually one thing that happens is that Taylor accidentally references something at that tree lighting ceremony that he's like, wait, you were there. And she's like, I mean, everyone knows about it. So she's showing that she's already having issues living the double life. Yes. And the pressure of living a double life is something that will grow and grow and become more and more difficult for her in a different movie that would have been better.

43:55Yes. In a different movie that would have been better, I guess. Well, now is a huge part in the plot because Matt has to give a speech and he is terrified. Terrified. So he has to give a speech to this town who is obsessed with the Hotel Santa. Yeah. And so he's already been in the news. He found out. So he's got to get up there. And he's like, uh, uh, well, uh, it's a big day. Um, um, like, just say the village is open. He's like, the village is open. Like, yeah, it's here to do it. I know. Yay. So now we get to our Santa visits. And I thought this was the most creative thing they did in the movie, which I kind of relate to.

44:29I agree. Because, you know, we were talking earlier, They're like, they have to make Santa some kind of a character, you know? And so I really liked that they made her a version of Santa, that she's just being honest with the kids and she can't help it. I love this. It's so funny. And really kind of honest and more like just pragmatic. This is pragmatic Santa, which Santa never is. Yeah. Because Santa doesn't have to deal with the repercussions, you know? Santa is just like a hot guy, you know, in a bar that you fuck one time. He can tell you whatever he wants. deal with you pregnant you know memories well it's also weird that like taylor decides that she's so taylor like decides that she is going to like be like we're getting back to like the klotz cookie taylor where she's gonna be joyless and like angry and she's gonna be like no you're not supposed to have dreams you're being you have you have like like whatever you want in life you can't have it be more realistic where is this taylor when she talks to her own daughter that's what i'd like to know her daughter who's at snowboard academy she's yeah she's obsessed with like either not disappointing her daughter and just buying her daughter off with money well i think she's scared of her daughter because her daughter's terrible to her yeah she's preaching pragmatism and frugality to these kids like the kids like i want to have a pony she's like well how about a paper clip they're like okay also she's like what do you want a pony yeah i wanted a pony you know but you got to think about the logistics you know where do you live a shithole apartment yeah i know because your mom's gonna poop i know okay all over the floor your mom could barely take care of a child have you had a bath today honey no you haven't your mother's a loser you're lucky i don't call social services now take a candy came out of the bucket because that's all you're fucking getting for Christmas.

46:23Say thank you to me. Oh wait you forgot. Merry Christmas three wives. Jingle bells. There it is. I wish if Taylor had been this like you know like penny pinching the entire movie like this would have been perfect character growth. It would have really gelled but it doesn't. You can see it with everyone else's kids but you can't see it in your own parenting. Yes make her like a Scrooge Santa. Yeah I love that. When she told the kid she's like get up here little girl okay what do you want for christmas oh god that breath your teeth the plaque how about a toothbrush okay how about a toothbrush and some floss all right possibly a chastity belt because i do not see things going very well you're gonna be on the pole in no time so some child comes running up on and just like jumps on her and i guess i don't know they have sharp items on their outfit or maybe it's just poorly yeah like some like maybe the fat seat is like poorly designed and so all the lentils the lentils pour out it's just like horrifying yes looks like if you're standing far away it looks like santa shat himself why didn't yes why didn't the kids scream like i want some reaction very like drew barrymore and scream with her guts out absolutely and like no one spoiler no one is even no one backs an eye no one's like even bothered she just gets up and like clutches her stomach and leaves but there's like a puddle of lentils and everyone's like, yeah, it happens.

47:49I have gathered these lentils into a pot. Yeah. I guess they could be like, well, I was my fat suit. From Into the Woods. So now we're in the town girls. Back out on the slopes, we see the mean girls. Like, nice van. What do you live in a van? Loser. Loser. And she's like, what's your problem? She's like, clearly, I'm not the one with the problem, poor person. i kept thinking what is this bullying going to what what is how is this going to pay off um yeah yeah i kept trying to well my my question is also like i almost want to see more of it i actually because i really don't like zoe and i actually felt like she needed to be taught i think she needed to have like some life lessons and i would have liked to have seen more of like what the social dynamics were at this like snowboard academy that's been tacked onto this movie but we just know that this girl is just like a she's just like a bitch bully who just like does not like newcomers at the snowboard academy there's no clarification of who she is and and there's no like yeah there's no snowboard there's no snowboard race or there's no snowboarding actually yeah we never see them snowboard like at least let there be a race where like the two girls have to go face to face or something like that would have been interesting fact later on when zoe gets injured it should have been that they have a climactic race for a big test and they're going down that is doing such a good job and then and then this and then this skank trips her or something right before the finish line and she gets injured and then she feels bad and then she's like oh my god that's exactly what should have happened we don't even know if zoe can actually snowboard we don't don't even she just has she has a snowboard yeah we're just supposed to take their word for it and i don't personally and we don't know why it even matters to her so then we go back to the best character the landlady doralee and she sees them coming into the apartment she's like mrs jacobson could you have your dad drop a check bye never told me you're so handsome or single tell him uh i can pretend to be an angel just sit right on this tree gray yeah she's like wearing like this she's her boobs are out now my tongue is double jointed and Zoe's like grandpa we don't have a grandpa she's like I don't know she's crazy she's crazy Dorley's crazy she goes I make a great fruit cake some people don't like that you know funny some people don't like it but I don't know are you sure he likes it I make a great fruit cake did she say like I put bourbon in it or something like that yeah I use bourbon I use bourbon And then she slams the door in her face.

50:27She's like, God, I need a snack. I was like, oh my God, did they just face this woman on me? This woman made a meal of every single line she had. She was the hero of this film. She was so good. I'm not even joking. Okay, so now it's... Let's see. Now we go over to Santa stuff. Hey, Santa. Hey, Santa. Oh my God. I hate that song. Sorry. I don't know what we're talking about, but Siri thinks I'm having an emergency right now. Siri's like, if you think it could be serious, I'll call someone. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just talking about how great this actress is. She got so hot from all the Dora Lee talk.

51:06The Dora Lee talk. Oh, your heartbeat is going a little crazy there, sir. So now, guys, the news is in. The reviews are in, everybody. This year's Santa's a flop. Santa is a flop. It's on the front end of the paper. Santa's a dud. Extra, extra. Santa's not a pedophile. He's just an asshole. Santa's really screwed the pooch this year. This just in from Rex Reed. I would rather sit on three pine cones than watch this Santa again. Cindy Adams gives it a thumbs down. Leonard Maltin says, I kind of liked him. Leonard Maltin.

51:49the first Leonard Maltin reference of the podcast wow we're gonna have to fire Santa aren't we oh my god what are we gonna do so then we go to Santa at the bar and Matt comes in he's like whoa whoa thanks for meeting me man uh yeah uh so you know uh when kids come to Santa Santa usually says yes she's like yeah and leaves the parents on the hook that's how you get credit card debt Something to ruin your life. Where did this come from? What is this anger and resentment that she can't say to her daughter? It has to be channeled into Santa. Yeah. It's awful. I love it, though. It's just like all her resentments.

52:29It's like, I'm poor now because of that little bitch snowboarding past the window. I just want to say something that I know that we still have six hours more of this recap to go. We do. But I did ask AI to provide a Rex Reed style pan of a terrible Santa. And this is what AI came up with. Bad Santa is naughty in all the wrong ways. This vulgar witless exercise and yuletide misanthropy mistakes, profanity for wit. Oh, you know, I just realized it's actually reviewing the movie Bad Santa. I'll take it back. Never mind. I thought I was like a bad Santa Claus. so that's why ronnie won't do ai because he doesn't know what to ask yeah it's too much pressure you get in trouble you shouldn't say that you're going to get totally stoned to death and i will have a prepared response written by ai yes yes gpt will tell me how to deal with it matthew says well you know none of this is your problem you know you you seem uh and he's like and then he then said like you seem a little out of touch never had a budget and put food on the table and so now santa's lecturing him yes yeah now santa's like rich shaming the guy and he's like okay well you're right not everything they print about me is true and and and santa goes yeah i hear you everybody knows who you are but nobody does and so now it's this weird waiting for godot existentialism that we're in and no one no one knows where we are and he's like you ever have someone significant in your life?

54:01Maybe. Well, there's this girl and her daughter's taking lessons here and she turned me down. She had her reasons. Like what? Maybe she's just gun shy. I don't know. And, and he's like, it's funny. You know, like, I don't know. I feel like I can just talk to you. Everywhere I go, it's like she's right here in front of me. Here are your two flaming candy canes. Bam. yes and i like that there is so much sexual tension here but doesn't it start to bother her like here i am i like this guy i kind of want to bang this guy at some point but he also wants to bang an old man like should that be a red flag you know what i mean also like why is she staying in this costume longer than necessary like i feel like if i were leading a double life and i was dressed as santa claus and i'm not santa claus and i'm actually like a woman and i'm and my boss as a guy who's actually wooing me in my other, you know, version of my life.

55:03I would be like trying to get away as quickly as possible. I'm not trying to sit in like the resort restaurant having flaming candy games. Well, also no one wants to see Santa at the bar. Drinking. That is so true. No one batted an eye in this international cafe that had flags from across the world. No one wants to see drunk Santa who's going to like have to hold their kids in the next scene. Yeah, ordering flaming canapes. Is that a thing? I thought that was a very strange – Sanofi Dillard's did have a flask. It was a very strange choice. And so, of course, we all know – As soon as we see the fire, we know what's going to happen.

55:40Yeah, the beard catches on fire. Which has no – And doesn't pay off. Oh, it's going to – this is going to be a problem. I wanted it to – Because, look, something that Jake and I know a lot about are cheap wigs. and if cheap wigs catch on fire they're gonna go they're gonna go up like a roman candle like there's I kind of wanted her I think it would have been better to have her beard because you could tell it was cheap CGI I wanted her beard to just immediately and then for some reason then we've got to do a comedy gift of put something over my face maybe there's a pie right beside it and she throws a pie on her face like Miss Stalefire yes in the refrigerator that you give it to the scene to the scene the the other part here is he kind of he kind of pauses like something's weird there but there was nothing that gave it away i think he was i think he thought there was some beat there that he needed to think like oh that's strange that that man put the beard but the fire in his beard out and then we moved on pretty natural pretty natural I think it's just supposed to be a comic beat and does not do anything to close the walls in on the situation.

56:58She is not a physical comedian. And it's a real problem. No. So then we go have a scene with the gays. And she's like, oh, my God. I really like him. But what do I do? Oh, my God. I'm so scared. And it's like, where's my sister? The wild one. Being ethical. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. She's like he's my boss he's not ethical It's not ethical How ethical is to trick the hotel Yeah exactly So they're like what happened to our punk rock sister Who once mooned the crowd At graduation We're like oh are we setting up a mooning scene later No She got lost This is your chance to find her again She's like I won't be able to find her again As long as that bitch daughter of mine Because she ruined everything What did I say that She took my money my body my sex drive and everything i wanted her to think she used to be mine in a fucking santa suit that's what i was if you're like a punk of a four in a former punk rock band you also are like repulsed by the idea of your daughter like going and like doing something like like being a snowboarder flagrantly capitalist is kind of rebellious it's kind of rebellious it's like it's a little rock and roll but it's also like this character would never be a little bit too more with too much with like the wealthy people i feel like if you're a punk rocker you're like rebelling against yeah money this right this person could never be punk it's just not yeah it's just not her she was just like a i agree she was yeah she's there was she's she's she's no punk rocker she's no michelle branch that's for sure she's no michelle branch so the guy the guy is like well but what happened my punk rock sister what happened to her you should have asked that 10 years ago what are you asking right now right now she's been a wuss for years, baby.

58:43This is your chance to find her again. So then we're back at the ranch. Nobody's in line for Santa. So she's dressed up as Santa and she sees Zoe. They went on happening. And this bitch of a daughter, she goes up, what do you want for your Christmas, Zoe? And Santa goes, for my mom to get a boyfriend and get out of my fucking life. For real? What is wrong with her? I know. I want her life outside of me. I want her to relax a little bit. She's so serious, that bitch. Oh, yeah, because look at all Zoe's got going on over there. Zoe's done nothing but sleep in a Santa hat. I just bankrupted her with this school.

59:27Ha, ha. Yeah, ha. She's in some stupid band called the Screaming Kittens, but she won't talk to me about it. I already know all about it. Well, why don't you say something to her? Why don't you say, hey, Mom, I found this out. So Taylor's like, well, wow, she looks young She's like, I just wish I knew her back then She just looked fun back then Now she's boring And spends her Saturday nights browsing through Lands End catalogs Oh boy My mother had a lot of those So the boyfriend Or the brother's like You need to find that girl inside you again So now So now Santa is like Like back on the job and you know she and still being like you know he was still being like well maybe you should think about something better or whatever and then but but this kid is like she senses that there's something more there and the kid is like i wish i wasn't scared of the dark i have a secret and so then she's like well guess what i have a secret i'm scared of the dark too especially when matthew was there because it gets real weird real quickly i got glow-in-the-dark sticky stars and now I feel like I'm an astronaut.

1:00:39Now I'm afraid of heights because now I'm afraid of suffocating because you know you can get a hole in your astronaut hat. Boom. And in space, nobody can hear you scream. But you be the boss of your own fear. Cut to Jimmy the Elf. Ah! I know you wanted a pony, but what Santa's giving you is a DVD box set of Alien Earth. Enjoy. What made this change happen. Because she spoke to her own daughter and her daughter said, I wish my mom was fun again. She won't even talk about her old past. And then she realized, now she's depressed, I guess. Well, she has to do whatever her daughter says. We're late to a child.

1:01:19Yeah. Also, I just want to point out, I know we've been doing this 10 hours so far, but I just fixed my mic and I fixed it with a pen holder. I was wondering what you were doing over there. And a little mirror from a shaving kit. You're a MacGyver. You're a MacGyver. I just MacGyver'd that shit. Your microphone just broke in the middle of the podcast? It's just been really loose, and I couldn't tie it without having two screw heads, like two Phillips heads. So I figured it out. I didn't know you were that handy, Ronnie. Ronnie's very handy. Ronnie's crafty. I am not crafty. Ben, you're crafty, too, though, aren't you?

1:01:52Crafty is different than handy, though. I'm crafty. Yeah. I'm kind of handy. So don't be jealous. Yeah. You have big hands. I can run together. Enough about the employer changing room. Am I right? Yeah, right. We found the trick here, which is really getting to speak to the kids' souls. So, guys, they don't really even need presents. You just – your kid tells them their trauma because, like, it's 2025. Every kid is triggered and every kid has some fucking trauma because they learned about it on TikTok. And so now that's what Santa does. He fixes your traumas. This is such fucking bullshit. This is where the moment in the movie where I was like, so Santa's supposed to talk to the kids and see their souls?

1:02:35Yeah, it's very Gen Z. Gen Z wants that. Yeah, it's just like... So, but now Natasha is like getting frustrated because Natasha was like, oh, I was hoping this would blow up. So now she's going to have a hostile moment with Matt. And Matthew's like, hey, Natasha, where are the invitations for the Christmas party? And she's like, on your desk. He's like, I don't see them. She's like, yeah, because you're totally untalented and incapable of doing anything. They're hard to miss. And by the way, invoices for the supplies and work orders and new shift schedule and taxes and synergies, et cetera, corporations.

1:03:03Yes, and I need the SEO and the QED reports immediately. This is so lazy writing. Did you get on Slack yet? Right on top of that, Rose. Awful things to do to poor Tia Mowry. To make her do this. I know. But Matthew gets a little quick. I guess he's starting to feel his gayness with being attracted to Santa because he said, by the way, I checked the email and you did say it was 4 p.m. Tongue pop.

1:03:37the shade button yes so then so now by the way there's the assistant's like guys look santa has a line now everyone immediately left what they were doing all over town and rushed over here to therapy a new headline just came out free therapy for your trigger traumatized You're the loser. You've got to check Happening on Twitter. Check Happening. Don't take your kids to therapy. Just take them to Santa. It turns out the kids aren't traumatized. They just have the Gen Z stare. They're staring off. You just have to connect with them. Connect. Okay. Connect with them. And then he asked the girl, what's your Christmas wish?

1:04:20And the girl goes, she has a stutter. And he's like, well, I've heard that singing can help. I don't know where she gets this. It's like, let's try it together. So you think, oh, here's what's going to happen. They're going to start singing and then she's going to accidentally sing. And then her ladylike voice will come out and they'll be like, what was going on with you? And they're like, sorry, whoops. No, no, they just – Jingle bells, jingle bells. Now, this is when jingle bells, everyone starts singing in 84 keys at once. Girl, I was wondering how you were dealing with this because you're a musician and this pitch was just like, Like, okay, so she doesn't stutter, but she's just made us all deaf.

1:05:00So it doesn't matter if she stutters at this point because we can't even tell. It was awful. This was a crime against music. First of all, I hate the song Jingle Bells. I despise it. It's not great. It's not even a Christmas song. Okay. Nowhere in Jingle Bells references Christmas. It's just about sledding. Yeah. How about a little Away in the Manger for the stutterer? You know what I mean? Like, give her a chance to shine. Away in a manger. No crib for a bed The little baby Jesus Went down on I forgot the words But I really love baby Jesus

1:05:39Lisa Barlow Yes No, I knew it was Lisa Barlow The way Yeah, it's a way in a manger Jesus arrived in a Porsche I had a bigger manger than Jesus did I'm just saying It's not a competition He came in a Porsche Four Porsches It was four Porsches And it gave me some Vita tequila There were like three Vita tequila But they weren't even that wise Okay, here's who came to see baby Jesus Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively And Hume Cronin Oh, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I was talking about my Vita bar Sorry Hume Cronin And that was your part three We will see you again next time for part four this has been Poodle wishing you a fun day and we'll see you next time

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1:08:20Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout, it's Katie Manoch. In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. Gee, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lo Alkalani The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafson Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop Let's take off with Tam La Plaine You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.

1:09:17She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.