#3139 Crappens Rewind: How The Frankel Stole Christmas

0:20Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me on this wonderful Thursday afternoon is the hilarious and glorious and supportive of other women Ronnie Karam from Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose. What's going on, Ronnie? Well, hello, Ben. How are you? I'm doing so great today. Okay. Classic episode for Housewives of New York City. Oh my god, this was an amazing episode. I could not believe this gift that came down from the Bravo Gods. It's just, Real Housewives of New York, they know how to bring it, which at this point is now just sounding cliche or what, trite, or, I don't know.

1:06It's like, it's not a novel thing to say they know how to bring it. But every time they do bring it, it's like, wow. Wow, they just bring it nonstop. I mean, this was an episode that had like three full cast set pieces in it, you know, and that's just par for their course. You know, and we say it a million times. Everyone always says that, you know, if this were Beverly Hills, this would be three episodes right here. But the truth is, I mean, it's true. It's like none of these other franchises can compete. oh my god we'd have interventions for like 12 different people like even side characters on this show oh my i i just i can't run this this episode was so good it was so holy i was cracking up the entire time i mean everything and i and i mean these editors they know how to craft a show the producers and the editors who obviously worked well together they they are just blazing hot i'm this is like emmy worthy storytelling right here like those emmy voters have no i'm serious those emmy voters have to get their snobbery out of their asses okay when it comes to the reality tv category like this needs to be nominated for whatever what is the category it's like reality non-competition something another like sorry like let's can we like not give it to deadliest catch or not nominate deadliest catch or crabs on the ocean or whatever those shows are called like Can we at least get some appreciation for the craftsmanship that goes into a show like this?

2:38Because it is better and funnier than a lot of scripted television shows. There, I said it. Game of Thrones, Real Housewives of New York City. I mean, Lord knows there's enough dragons breathing all over people in this show. Yeah. So we opened where we left off last week. Thank you for letting me have that rant. Thank you. Thank you for letting me have a moment. No, I was with you. And if ever I'm in the Emmy voting category, I will say no more to you, Amazing Race. What is so amazing about your race anyway? Please bring me the Real Housewives of New York City, Top Chef. Take a seat, sir. Well, I mean, I'm trying to remember.

3:17It's like it's I'm sorry. I'm winding myself up. Well, they're in the competition category. I think the non-competition category is like inside the actor's studio or something like that, which is like, oh, give me a break. But like, come on. Here's the thing. Do you interview actors? Wow! Yeah, how about go back? Hey, whatever happened to entertainment tonight, James Lipton? Yeah, go back to making tea, James Lipton. Yeah, no kidding. Go back to teabagging, you son of a gun. Go back to sitting on a chair. Turtlenecks are out. Ooh, just ruined your life! Here's the thing. Here's why Real Housewives of New York will never get nominated for an Emmy in the reality non-competition program.

3:57Whatever. A, there is a lot of snobbery when it comes to reality TV. even amongst, I don't know who votes for reality TV in the Emmys, because I don't know if it's people who work in reality or if it's the whole thing. So first of all, I suspect it's the entire Academy. So they already have skewed views on what is good reality TV, you know? It's just, you know, it's probably like a lot of old people who, you know, care more about Game of Thrones than they do about reality TV. So they're like, oh, well, this James Lipton, he looks sophisticated, you know? And people also fail to realize that Real Housewives of New York really ultimately is a comedy.

4:32It is a comedy show. And people see it like, oh, it's just women arguing. It's kind of this elitist view on these shows. If it's not made for men, it's not serious and shouldn't be taken seriously. And I say, stop it. Oh, for Christ's sake. Everybody, go march in the streets for the real Housewives. It's like the reverse feminism march. Like, let's go march for Housewives. It is all ladies fighting. And guess what? that is fine by me i'm saying it's an art unto itself but i'm saying it should be here's the thing the view the perspective should be you know what that is old ladies fighting i'm nominating it not it's just old ladies fighting whatever let the ladies be ladies you know it's not very i'm with you thank you you know i'm with you i'm not gonna argue with that thank you i'm just gonna sit here and cheer you on silently side of the road i'm just putting yeah that was jolie care by the way yeah she cares about us jolie care we care about you okay so we start where we left off last week at dorinda's house with bethany and carol and their passive aggressive aggressive passive passive aggressive aggressive aggressive fighting and flapper outfits yeah that's the best part is that they have this really this they they have a serious fight while dressed like they're you know from the great gatsby yes and people on online have pointed out that bethany's basically wearing a silver thong on her head.

5:56Now, as someone who doesn't wear thongs, I didn't see that. But now I do see it, and it's all I can see. Yeah, that is actually an amazing observation. Thank you, Internet. Yes, thank you. So they're in the middle of their fight, and we start with Carol going, come on, let me talk. You talk a lot. Please. And Bethany goes, well, when you talk, you talk whiny, okay? You have whiny talk. You want a whiny talk right now? Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Talk. The way you talk is whiny.

6:26so she's like you don't want to let me tell my story carol you don't want to let me tell my story she's like i just want to know no you don't want to know because you won't let me talk so neither one of them is letting the other one talk but neither one of them really has anything to say well they actually do have things to say but they instead of actually just saying it they are getting um caught up on you won't let me talk you're talking over me i'm like oh i just say what you have to say well don't talk over me okay so and then bethany would be like well here's what i felt okay it's like they just talked over me it's like you know you guys are arguing over like carol stop interrupting her just just hold your tongue for a second and bethany stop getting hung up on the fact that she's interrupting and just say what you have to say okay listen there's a song it's called say you say me i know that song hit it boy say you say me say it together like you have a cabaret act three two one i'm gonna be in chicago All right.

7:21What rhymes with Adam's an operator? OK. OK. So this is where the fight gets really weird for me, because, again, the show makes me jump sides every damn show. I'm a hypocrite and I don't even know what side I'm on anymore because Bethany's like, well, yeah, of course I called him an operator. Remember when we talked, I called him an operator. I told you I think he's an operator. Which is she already told you that. What are you mad at? Phone company doesn't mean that he's an operator. Just because his phone number is zero. Just because I met him when I called 2-1-2-5-5-1-2-1-2 doesn't make him an operator.

7:59Well, you know, it's all a branding issue. I mean, if my phone number was zero, I'd say it was, oh. Give me a call at, oh. Oh. Yes, it was so nice of Oprah Winfrey to make a magazine about my phone number. Oh. Thank you, Sir Desolet. I'm going to sue Oprah Winfrey for publishing my phone number to the masses. So Bethany is like, you know, there's some different places, you know, like you were traveling with Tinsley and like, you know, and like, and I don't need your commentary. I don't need your commentary. And Carol's like, oh, yeah, you know, you're right. My friend in L.A.'s husband died. So I spent time in L.A.

8:32too. So thanks for reminding me that my friend's husband died. You know, like they weren't really getting anywhere. Yes. And then you've got Sonia shaking her head over on the side like she's the mature one. I love when Sonya's the mature one. It always cracks me up. She's like, this is very awkward. Because they're very close friends of mine. And Carol's like, yeah, but you said you told me about telling Adam Houston. And you never told me about Adam. Which, who cares? What is this about telling Carol about Adam going to Houston? Why does that matter? I don't know. I was actually a little confused as to what was said to what and what was offensive to what at this point.

9:08But basically, Bethany is getting frustrated. So she stands up to leave and Dorinda's like, don't leave. Don't leave. Say what you have to say. Don't leave. So Bethany's like, all right, all right. So she sits down and she's like, okay, don't interrupt me. Just let me say what I got to say. All right. So here's the deal. So when I texted you and I said this thing about Adam and Carol's like, exactly. And Bethany's like, you know what? I can't. It's impossible. I can't get a word in edgewise. I'm like, you're getting paragraphs in edgewise. That's how you talk. So she's getting up, pacing around.

9:40Carol's, you know, pacing around with her. Well, she's got like a walker on her voice. Her voice is pacing around at this point. It's like, ah! I don't know what they're talking about. Little tennis balls on her voice. Yeah, exactly. Then she's like, my voice isn't scratching your floor. Is it Dorinda? So she's like, those scratches were already there. I took pictures. And then it cuts to Luanne with this big, long cigarette on a cigarette holder. And she's like, ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. so yeah so now again once again there's the they're talking about adam and and carol's like you know you said it was just when you guys were talking it was just a business thing but you never told me about this whole situation or something like that but yes i did yes i did and then luan just goes i don't give a shit about adam because he is an operator that's why he dated my niece i'm like oh geez that tea lasted long don't you remember your chinese tea outfit did you waste it already it's already wasted so she's like he dated my niece and girl goes oh the wan stop no one cares what you think we win and she's oh really well where did you meet him then in my kitchen that's right in my kitchen because of my niece don't forget it he's an operator smooth operator with watermelon radishes how dare you how dare you this is no ordinary radish So the music here is just completely on point.

11:10Trixie Monocle is killing it. So first, Bethany's like, what? I didn't tell you about Houston. And the music goes, snap. It's like snaps. And then Carol's like, I mean, when Luann's like, my kitchen, my kitchen. The music goes, blah, blah. Like in Ferris Bueller, you know, the song. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I forget the band that did that. I want to say it's yes, but it's not yes. Trixie. Trixie Monocle and the watermelon radishes. Come to Countess and Friends. I'll be singing my favorite song. Bow bow yes. Chicka chicka. So Luanne's like, he is an operator. And he jumped on Carol from my niece.

11:53And Tensei's like, Luanne, I mean, he was with Carol for three years. I don't know if that's an operator. And she goes, whatever time it takes, he's an operator. He's a little boy from the Midwest. okay that's who he is he's just a boy from like from the midwest he's just a small town boy coming from the midwest he arrives in new york city to be an operator don't stop cabareeing hold on to that feeling all of that even rhymes louis and so carol's mad and louis and louis is still now louis whispering to sonia he was my he was with my knees for six months and sonia's like i know jesus not even our love seat i would have believed it was true love if it was on his on the love seat but it was a couch so then bethany tries to take it back she's like all right look look and with summer we're busy we're both busy i'm busy being an international business woman selling multiple things you were busy doing whatever it is that you do and carol's carol's like yeah we were busy and she's and i'm so proud of you carol i'm so proud of you because i don't know what would you walk a block i'm so proud i'm so proud carol what would you get out of bed one day whoa carol whoa whoa carol well i'll pull on a parade for you carol on a parade yeah i just want to remind everyone that adam is a little boy from the midwest that's who he is did i say that already did i say that so carol is sick of listening to luann so she goes well i told you i ran the half marathon and your only response is that luann's a loser you never even said congratulations on the half marathon.

13:24I'm like, Carol, okay, you're really pushing it. Okay. Like, a half marathon, I'm sorry. Maybe you said, oh, cool. Like, good job. But, like, that's a half marathon. Actually, I mean, a half marathon is still more than I could do. So, yeah, I'll give you props. But, like, let's just relax. Whatever. Shut up about your fucking marathon, okay? Yeah. So she goes, you said Luanne's a loser. Luanne goes, excuse me? What did you just say? Luanne's a loser. Whoa! Luanne's a loser. A loser. So she's like now stirring her own loser stew and ramona's chiming in i don't know if you noticed it because the wayne goes what did you say about me what did you say about me and ramona goes you're a loser it's like cracking up ramona yeah she goes well if i'm a loser the rest of the world sucks okay i'm a loser really then it comes to her talking to us and she's like a loser do i look like a loser I mean really if I'm a loser God I mean right do I look like a loser to you I feel like I'm a winner in my very own rented penthouse so Bethany's like you know what I'm done about it I'm done I'm done about it okay I'm done about this about this I'm done leave me alone leave me alone why don't you just say your piece do you think you can just say your piece and then say I'm done and she's like you know what Carol leave me alone about it Carol leave me alone and she's like oh really so you're the victim here oh so good and then dorinda has like this moment where she's sort of like that has like a mini yell she's like and then luann's like dorinda and then she like gets up and is like i'm gonna sit in the chair with you this is something that nod losers do they share chairs with people i'm a giver you see don't tell me i don't do charity can't say charity without chair i'm so good because dorinda's like i don't even know what she said either i wrote i wrote down a bunch of letters and then the man's like jorinda don't try and make it okay all the time that doesn't work and she goes yeah it doesn't win look i'm making it okay with you and then they hug and jorinda's like look at those boobs and then they like sit together and they start fighting with each other while the fight is going on and then ramona comes from like reading reading rainbow corner over there she's like listen friendships are about understanding each other and bethany only wants to understand her own point of view and it hurts because I know that Bethany's hurt.

15:47That makes me sad because I know she's hurting inside. Hurting inside hurts more than hurting outside because when you're hurting outside, other people see it and they say you're hurt but when you're hurting on the inside, nobody sees it unless you're a woman with a career that Bethany's not supporting. Then you see it and you're like, you're hurt, bitch. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

16:14so bethany so now bethany is like getting really shrill you know because it's like this she's she's bethany is now so furious that carol said that bethany said that luann was a loser she's furious that carol is basically putting her on blast for that she's like you think i would tolerate this conversation if you think you know she's like her voice is getting this high thing and she's like Like, you know, what's better? Like, I walk out of every unpleasant conversation. Like, I'm tolerating you right now because I care about you. Like, how old are you? How old are you? I know you want to be 45, but don't act seven.

16:46Okay? So what? Yes. And Bethany's right on this one. Yeah, that was actually a good line. And that was a dick move, Carol. Like, fight your own battles. You don't need to bring everybody into it. And Lee's like, you know what's worse than Carol saying that you said I'm a loser? The fact that you said it. And she's like, look, look, look. I don't know that I said it. I don't know that I said it. But it's possible that I did. okay it's possible she goes you think i care what you think about me and she stands up and she gets a bethany's face yeah he goes i hope not i hope not because not for one second and bethany goes oh really do you care that you have lipstick on your face and then i guess oh i do actually i do it's like see you care what i think about you and i care what you think about me she goes i do care all right i do care it's fine and then well what was all right you got me i care what can i say i'm a caring operator three two one i care because i share is that a song i made it up so bethany also right before that bethany's like luann like how many bad things have you said about me okay you're like you're piling out to the document for no reason luann's like i've never said a bad thing about you not one thing at all haircut is it is it saying something bad if i report a crime you stole a haircut just get mad at anybody who walks into a police station why don't you i mean why would i insult the person who popularized my very own cocktail recipe i'm glad i could help you by letting you steal my idea for a cocktail company first to steal my cocktail then my hair i mean what could i say that's bad about you because everything seems to be nothing but flattery oh yeah well okay everyone i have an announcement i have said something negative about everyone at this table at some point in time and luann goes all right now who's gonna die we're still doing the murder mystery right where's mr feathersby so those guys must have still been in the kitchen like what the fuck is going on out there right yeah so carol her whole thing is like bethany can never admit to doing something that's less than perfect which i actually think that's a valid point i mean bethany will often talk about her flaws but she talks about her flaws almost in a way that to immunize herself from criticism like now look like i like i know my flaws i know my issues like yeah don't come at me like i already i already know them but carol's kind of right like bethany bethany has a hard time taking accountability when it comes to friendships i think the things that she does wrong in friendships yes and then carol has carol's always trying to relate to the people so she's like when you confront bethany she gets in the weeds i'm like what is she a waiter now please don't put that image in my head of bethany being in the weeds oh my god oh my god i got so many tables there's too much going on here it's too much going on i got too much going on like literally like skinny weeds that's what i call them you know it's like it's like you go to your garden and then they have weeds but they're skinnier than usual skinny weeds huh so bethany's like bethany's like this is a seismic rift okay you know what like carol carol said that carol said saying that like i called you luann the loser like that that's a ramona move that's like a ramona move okay that's bad that's bad so it's like okay this is this is bad now she's comparing carol to ramona yes and there are often separate corners complaining about each other and so carol's like well she wasn't supportive she didn't donate a penny to my charity and i didn't say anything carol it was a marathon okay if you want people to give you money sell some girl scout cookies on your way you know what i mean that's how to do a marathon yeah exactly and also it's like bethany is literally chartering airplanes to go to puerto rico i mean it just came out today i guess the white house said that this was the the best fema response of all times to puerto rico i think that's what i saw in the view like fleetingly today so i'm sorry if i get that wrong and like i i don't know why i'm bringing that up i'm not trying to politicize this podcast but the point is that bethany was actually doing stuff she was doing more than fema i feel like and and so carol's like you like i ran a marathon you know it's like okay like carol like sorry if bethany didn't first of all i think bethany did donate to you and second of all sorry if she was preoccupied chartering airplanes to puerto rico i don't know to me it was a petty moment so bethany's still freaking out and squealing like well she says i don't trust her now i don't trust her because she said the thing why would i trust come on!

20:46Like, she's doing her squeal thing where she's just in a manic... That's toothpaste. I couldn't put toothpaste back in the team. And so she's squealing, and then Luanne goes, alright, now that's enough. Listen here. There is no loser here. It's like, let's concentrate on the fight. Someone called me a loser. So she gets a big feather boa thing, and she's like, oh, ciao, Bella. No, that's Italian. Alright, let's start again. Smooth operator. She's just singing, and Bethany's like, what happened to this house like i feel four feet tall right now like what what the hell is happening she's like it's the berserk shows bethany thank you that's what happens oh there we go french just like my former husband count alexander de seps so um fun fun fun smooth operator am i right girls run away run away run away and save your life that's by a band called the real mccoy so um ramona meanwhile is in the hallway talking to carol she's like why feel bad i felt your pain i felt her pain it was like you know what i'm saying like no ramona i don't know what you're saying no one knows what you're saying so bethany is hearing her and so she senses bethany there so she's like look all i want to say is i love you both okay i love you so much and bethany's like oh yeah yeah now you're on the stage and it's not you know that's not what you were saying 10 minutes ago we get it ramona you're on a stage and she's like listen to be or not to be obsessed with health care you know i think you should be obsessed with your skin personally ramona singa skincare shut up ramona yeah ramona loves this you know i'm not on a stage okay but that being said memories like the morning of memories of mario memories where's the tire i'm getting on the tire and i'm floating up into the heavens to see avery with her friends in the memories oh for christ's sake it's not get off the tire ramona it's not about you so ramona's following up this her up the stairs and she's like well you know it's just i know you're friends with her and you have a friendship with her and then she has a friendship with you and then you know other people have friendships with other people and ernie they have friendship bert has a friendship with ernie ernie has a friendship with bert you know and if there's something's wrong guess who's gonna feel bad me that's that's what it affects consider the real people affected by this yeah it's always sad to see a friendship on the rocks you know i know you have friendship with her and it's very upsetting to me it's like imagine if someone said hey ramona you and avery your sister friend are no longer friends that'd be very upsetting because we're basically like friends i know my mother but i'm basically her equal because we look the same we go out to bars together we get cocktails we each get three cocktails the first cocktail is a short one and a small glass with one ice cube the second one's a tall one with tequila and three ice cubes and some soda and the third one has three limes around it and a little bit of ice and a little bit of water okay okay let's face it it's time for commercial break i'm sorry i'm sorry but if we don't take one it's gonna be very day class set okay um so then we get our south park segment of the season because every year now dorinda's gonna try and kill herself in some way.

24:00It's like Kenny, you know, from South Park where he just kept dying. They would find a new way to kill Kenny every episode. So it's like every year they're going to try and find a new way to kill Dorinda. Last year she was stabbing herself with a knife, not even knowing it. This year she's like, Happy birthday! Well, actually, Ramona takes over the happy birthday, which is probably one of the funniest things. Happy birthday to you! Okay! It's like, okay, Ramona, we hear you. So then Dorinda has this cake full of candles and just like stabs her face with it yeah she's like to try to make things funny she she like puts her head in the cake um as danny pellegrino said mrs doubtfire style but the thing is that the candles were still lit like she just puts her face into fire yeah she's like the freddy krueger now of the berkshires she's like i'm gonna have your dreams i'm gonna stick my tongue out of your phone hey why don't you take us why don't you go to sleep so we can tack together.

24:57And you know what's funny is that Luann, when Dorinda does that, Luann goes, why did you do that? Why would you do that to yourself? Would you believe it, girls? She ruined the cake. She burned her face with cake handles. So then they just all start eating the cake off her face, which was both disturbing and wonderful. Yeah. Want to get a party started? Put cake on your face. Three, two, one. Cake on your face. Cake on your face. We got the party started with cake on your face. So then Bethany's like, oh, you know what? Thank you, Dorinda. thank you for having us all right on the count of three you made it nice these people are crazy okay we just went from the worst fight ever to you made it nice everyone's happy yeah so it's 9 20 in the morning oh no it's 9 20 at night and lou and sonia and the rest of them are just dancing downstairs humping each other like crazy people just wasted i know and then upstairs bethany is for some reason just fully naked except for a little thong and she's trying to get into the green santa costume just kidding it's the elf costume i know um but she's trying to get into it but like dorinda she and dorinda are both drunk and they're both trying to get into and sort of like wrestling and dorinda starts talking i forgot what dorinda said in her interview but it was clearly what they call a pickup you know when they basically shoot an interview after the fact and i don't know what's going on with her hair um i'm gonna squarely blame i believe luke from ladies of london is her new hair guy but she looked like dorothy's born act it was someone put Dorinda in old lady hair, and I did not appreciate it.

26:22Well, it was probably a wig from burning all her hair off. Yeah, maybe that was what it was. So, yeah, they're basically just, like, giggling around. She's like, hi, yo, Santa. Hi, yo, Santa, Beverly. Stop trying to take Santa from me. And Bethany's like, ah, I didn't know she had Christmas, okay? I mean, she has the hair of Mrs. Claus, and I've got the jaw of an elf. So it worked out. I'll just be her what's the matter, okay? I didn't know that Elvis had specifically, like, jaws, like, signature jaws. I thought elves had fairly standard Jaws. Well, I think she's doing the elves from those Claymation movies, which I've been talking about a lot this week for whatever.

26:57Those Claymation Christmas movies really all have huge gins. I think it's her way of saying, yeah, I know, I got a Jaws situation. Okay, I know, I know, okay, I know, I know. So now, so Bethany, so Carol and Dorinda are sitting on a bed now, and they're talking about the fight and everything. and then bethany walks in she's like oh my god like well it's like a circle jerk of conversations see that i said circle jerk it's not funny it's like circle it's like it's like semen it's like it's like i got semen on my face but it's a conversation it's a semen conversation see what i'm saying yeah i'm not gonna do this anymore i'm not gonna do this anymore carol because carol is still talking to carol's on the bed now talking to dorinda and uh she's like well you know i think bethany is looking at this through the lens of her own experience like narcissists do i'm like excuse you that is what human beings do yeah god forbid you you apply your own experience to something yes so and i love this show for making me go so so far to the other side already it's like last week i was like screw bethany carol's totally right out there bethany and this week i'm like shut up carol well it's kind of funny this episode ultimately winds up being very anti bethany so it is like it's over even the course of the episode i was a little bit more on bethany's side during this argument.

28:08Even though most of the audience, I think, was on Carol's side. I was more on Bethany's side. But then it's like, by the end of the episode, it's like, ah, but Bethany is, she is a hard person to get behind sometimes. So Carol's, so Dorinda leaves them alone, and they sit down. He's like, I gotta go. You guys suck. I got Campbell to the leg. I gotta apply some aloe to my face. So Carol's like, all right, I've said my piece. You've said your piece. And Bethany's like, I never said my piece. I never said well you know it's an expression no I literally never said the words my piece okay my piece it's like I've heard the expression Carol so Carol's like well the thing is you didn't tell me you said Houston she's like oh my god you must be missing a text or an email or something and Carol goes no I'm not I'm like you wouldn't know if you're missing it if like don't say you're not because if you're missing it you don't know you're missing it that's the whole point of a missing text or email yeah and Bethany goes oh so you think i just called you out of the blue and said adam sucks and earlier in the episode carol was like possible earlier in the episode carol was telling us she goes but one day bethany called me out of the blue and said adam sucks i'm like bethany you do later on call ramona out of the blue and tell her that she sucks so it's not like totally unprecedented for you like no adam sucks and actually even earlier before you they call you out of the blue like is there a certain time they're supposed to call you of course you called out of the blue to say adam sucks and i actually by the way, in Bethany's favor, what I like about what I liked about her in this argument a little bit earlier in the episode when they're still at the table, is that I feel like Bethany can walk back or walk through what she said and her motivations very clearly, which is what sort of gives her an edge a little bit in my book.

29:50She's like, so here's basically what happened. You know, Adam, you know, he asked for a rate. No one else asked me for a rate. And so I called you up and I was like, can we be done with Adam already? Like, this is ridiculous, because she probably was calling to be, because Carol and Adam were sort of like on the outs a little bit and bethany called and thought she was sort of like palling around you know like i think that was what was implied like like let's just like have like a like a bitch sesh uh-huh about about adam you know and then she's like and then i realized that i pushed too many buttons and it wasn't really like working so i like dialed it back so she basically said at the table i kind of miscalculated like like our adam bitch sesh you know and like and i thought that was a very honest you know an honest explanation of at least from well we don't know if it's honest you know that's the thing with bethany because she keeps changing the things well i mean i'm saying she keeps changing her story but it felt because she was able to explain it clearly and cogently that's why it felt more honest to me well at least it explains it to me because i don't know even what carol's mad at now because now i'm like well okay so if if bethany called you and told you about all this stuff and said that uh adam wanted to be paid and all this stuff and he's an ass and he's an operator and blah blah blah blah then why are you mad about that now are you literally just mad that something was said about houston and you didn't know about houston like are you saying is why is bethany mad or was carol no why is carol mad because now carol's just bringing up houston if you already knew all this other stuff i thought carol's mad here's the reason she just heard that uh bethany was calling Adam, you know, an operator and all this stuff.

31:22But if she already knew that, I'm confused. No, I think this is why Carol was mad, because she knows that there's been like a weird vibe with Bethany. And then she finds out the night before, thanks to basically Ramona and Dorinda, that Bethany was talking about this situation about the operator situation. So in Carol's mind, she thinks Bethany is going around talking shit about Adam and calling him an operator all around town. So that's got her mad. Like, why the fuck are you doing that? Like, that's so obnoxious in her mind when really as far as we can tell this moment happened about the operator moment bethany called carol was like he's an operator and she's like well i know everyone's an operator in business you are most of all the operator and then and then bethany told dorinda yeah you know what adam did this thing and i was like i told carol i kind of think he's an operator so in carol's mind she thinks she's mad because she she thinks that bethany is just like the reason why there's distance is because bethany has been so pissed about the adam situation has been talking to everyone about it except for carol does that make sense i got lost in my own talk yeah i mean it mushes my brain so i think it's doing the same thing to carol because carol's just at the point where she's like look i don't want to fight with you and bethany's like well carol it's just like you seem like you're so into yourself right now like you're into yourself and your fashion and your hair and tinsley and selfies and of course she dropped tinsley in there which is basically the problem and carol goes selfies you're like the queen of selfies you're all over instagram She goes, that's distorted what you're saying.

32:46You're saying I like my hair, so you're distorting it into saying I like my hair. I'm like, you two are making me fucking crazy with this, okay? Just be quiet. The both of you, just be quiet. But the thing is that, like, you know, Bethany was being hypocritical because she is also about selfies. But, you know, to say that someone is now all of a sudden about selfies, it doesn't mean that, like, you personally can't be about selfies. Like, if you're the accuser, it just means that, you know, you never were about this before. and now suddenly you're about it. Like, I've always been about it, so I have no problem with it, but you never were about it, and now suddenly you're about it in a way that's sort of, like, sad.

33:19And the truth is that what Bethany is saying is what we've been saying for the past few years. You know, Carol's sitting on that counter at the camera shop, being like, cool girl, you know? Like, this has been Carol's fatal flaw, is this trying to be kind of, like, young and hip all this time. And then, of course, that opens up this whole other can of worms, which I'm not going to go into as, like, why can't a woman do that, you know? But, like, I'm not going to bother with that. But the point is, Bethany's basically saying what we've been saying. Yeah, except that it's not sudden. Bethany just needs – Bethany will pick out anything.

33:47And then she just buries the Tinsley in there. Well, I think because it really is about Tinsley, right? Because it's not just that Carol's trying to be young because she's always going to be young. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. She just drops Tinsley in like all of these other complaints that have no validity. She's basically saying you think that like you and Tinsley are like two, you know, 41-year-old gals like gallivanting across the city. and you're not Tinsley's contemporary here, is basically what Bethany's saying. Yeah, so then they cut to downstairs, and the ladies are now humping each other.

34:18Meanwhile, downstairs is Caligula. It's like the way I'm being like, oh, frottage, orgy. It's like droopy eyes wide shut. They're just all like, they're just swarming on each other down on, it's like a rat king happening down on the couch. Yeah, so then back upstairs, Bethany's like, look, everyone has their own stuff. Like, you had a breakup, and then I had to go away 2D with this charity. I just got in 2D. It's like they want too much. I'm in 2D. I'm in 2D. I'm in 2D. What is the charity doing? I know. Like, who did they abduct for you to get the plane? Like, all right, Bethany, we've been abducting the duck cracker that you want, and we're not giving it back to you until you try to arrest two planes.

35:01Yeah, and Carol's like, honey, I get it. Which, of course, she says all the time. I'm just pointing that out. She's like, don't call me honey. so she's like that got to a 10 it didn't need to she goes all right let's bring it to a 7 well it's a 7 now it's a 7 now so we can't bring it to a 7 all right it's in a 2 well i want a 0 i want a 0 how about that it's like oh my god you're even arguing about you know what i want you know what i want you know what i want zero divided by one because you know what that is it's an i okay i want i i want i right now imagine our numbers it's like well yeah now i'm in these pjs because jorinda's in the other pjs she's like oh you have other pjs too and she goes yeah they're up Durinda's vagina right now.

35:37Like, they're so far up her vagina. It's like, she's gonna give birth to a baby, like, velvet Santa Claus suit. Durinda did mention having camel toe a few times this episode. She was like, alright, yeah, yeah, I got some camel toe on my Santa Claus. So, um, now all of a sudden, we're just the next morning. It's just, it's like, after all that, they're like, okay, let's bring it down to a two. Okay, next morning. So now it's the next morning, and, uh, we are in the blue fish room, where Luanne's, like, in bed with Sonia and Bethany is in the other bed and I was like, was this the sleeping arrangement?

36:07And it wasn't. And it was kind of funny because Bethany just sort of like startles awake. And I feel like that's how she wakes up every morning. Like, huh? What's going on? What's up about it? What's up? What's going on? Well, what startled her is the man going, water, water, water. And she's like and she goes, oh my god, oh my god, it's like being woken up by Darth Vader. Oh my god, we're on the Death Star. Okay, oh my god. Oh my god, I'm in outer space. Okay, I didn't do any training. Okay, oh my god. So funny. Oh my god, what are we doing? Is Betty Ford open? Like, what's wrong with this? What's on those fish up there?

36:35Why is there fish on the walls? It's like a bad lesbian porno flick with fish. It's like a bad lesbian fish porno flick. I'm like, okay, I know you're going for a joke here, Bethany, but like, you know, it's like three women sleeping benignly in beds. It's like women fully clothed under the covers. It cracks me up the alarm. Water. Water. Oh my god, it's like Darth Vader. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's a Kraken. Oh my god. It's a Kraken. It's Luanne. by the way the betty ford reference also great foreshadowing oh yeah um she's like uh promises anyone want to make some promises uh so dorinda comes to the door and she's like hello it's me just reminding you there's a coffee station and if you want some coffee you can get it yourself because it's in a goddamn ham to me all right so if you want your goddamn coffee and then luann just opens the door and drags her in.

37:32He's coming to the Kraken room. Guys, did I have horrible camel to her last name? It was awful. But at least you weren't called a loser. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

37:47So then, down in the kitchen, Luann's in this huge blue fur, which is this fucking show. So they're all eating, and Dorinda's like, we have tough bitches, and we made it through that. So Sonya comes up, she's like, hi jorinda it's me sonia morgan from state farm insurance have a talk i just wanted to show you these photos of all of the issues in the room that we stayed in so that you can't blame them on me later it was she's like all right here there's a nick on the floor that was that pre-existed us here's another one it looks like it's luann's button impersonation button impression in the wall it's not it was there before here's the swordfish we didn't bring the swordfish and that was on the wall also ramona is dating the swordfish but she didn't rip it off the wall so i just wanted proof so they basically all swordfish they basically all leave like it's time to go well they're all they all just they're all packing up and all of a sudden we see bethany go up to carl and be like all right i love you i'll talk to you later okay let's just buy the shit out okay i love you i'm like wait what did this get it resolved did i miss something yeah um well i mean as much as they do they said they wouldn't stop fighting i don't know if it left on a 10 or a 2 or a 0.

38:53I don't think they ever agreed on that. But yeah, they agreed to stop fighting. But of course, this is Housewives and now Carol's got a bone. And Carol will not let go of that bone. No. Okay? And Bethany is the same way. But Bethany will come out at shadier. Carol's just... Every scene from now on, Carol's going to be like, Marathon, Bethany! Marathon, Bethany! It's a great time to bring back a Viva. That's what I gotta say. So, Miss Rodder Girl. So, they're gone. Right? Did you want to say anything else before they leave? I did not. because in my mind it's over in my mind we're shutting the door to the berkshires 2018 which is which is a shame yes uh and then she's all impressed with sonia she's like oh look at sonia has a list of things to do look congratulations you didn't rip things off the wall this year isn't that what house guests do so now we now we go back down to new york city and we get to see uh we we actually don't even see pops of what everyone's doing we just see sonia at home she has that like rust that dog that rust colored dog that she sort of throws on the bed and a contractor arrives.

39:52This is a guy named Leo. And basically he's there to fix things in the townhouse. That way she can rent it out. She's like, you gotta spend money in order to make money. I'm like, why are you yelling? Why are you yelling? Yeah, she's in community theater mode in this scene. She's like, it's me, it's Sonia! Where she's always facing the cameras and like shaking her head really big. So she's showing him the stuff that needs to get done. She's like, oh, and I also forgot to tell you I had sex on the sink in the bathroom downstairs, like in 2008. But, you know, it separated the sink from the wall.

40:22And then there was also the towel rack. Because, you know, you got to hold on to the towel rack while your butt's going on the sink. You know how it is. But I was able to glue the towel rack on myself. You know, I just used some leftover jizz. It hardens up just like a great crazy glue. And the guy's like, knowing that my bathroom is kept together by a bunch of could have been babies. I mean, let me tell you, it's just changing everything. You know how hedge fund guys are, right? Hey, if you see pencils in the walls, could you just let her free? Thanks. Meanwhile, we have Bethany at her place.

40:47And she's trying to start a fire in her fireplace. She's like, come on. You got to be kidding me right now. like what's this not gonna work i was like you need to take some lessons from luann she that that one knows how to start a fire yeah and this is uh this is we didn't start the fire just kidding i did i started the fire i almost burned down the entire house the berkshires bethany didn't start the fire she was always burning because her world was turning in skinny girl headline headline another another headline headline luann's going to jail oh that's the future that's major that's her version of we didn't start the fire tinsley's in a fight with sonia ramona's mario left her and tom and luann got divorced we didn't start the fire you know those hedge fund guys right so bethany's uh yeah having a party at her house now for christmas and it's my annual christmas friday like nothing says more more about Christmas and sushi.

41:45Am I right, guys? Am I right? Fire and sushi. Yeah, you know, they tried to elevate Bethany's holiday party to an annual tradition, but I'm sorry, it's not. I mean, even though she's had them every single year, they are not iconic. First of all, they're always like during the day, which feels a little like not as fun. And it's always like they sit around her couch while the servants just stare, they eat sushi, and then everyone leaves. You can tell it's like a 90-minute occasion, and no one really wants to be there. Yeah, and this is a situation you don't want an open kitchen, you know? It's like the help is just like, oh, good.

42:19So, Sonia shows, all the girls start showing up and Bethany's being super nice to everybody because she's just had a public fight with one of them. So, she's like uber nice to everybody, which I love when she does this and doesn't realize that she's like suddenly, oh, I'm nice Bethany now. Oh my God, look at Sonia. Look, Sonia, you look like a model right now. Like, you're really feeling yourself. And then Sonia goes, well, you know, i had to use a washcloth because my house is just all wrapped up so basically i gave myself a horse bath i mean anyone want to smell me i mean i need to move out but i don't have a place can i stay with you tensley yeah which that'll be an interesting twist or that was an interesting twist by the way did you notice bethany was wearing like this big golden sequined top with skinny skinny jeans which i'm just going to suspect i'm going i'm going to surmise that those were skinny girl skinny jeans right like those had to be because they have like the bedazzled shit on the sides i couldn't tell but it just it felt like such a strange outfit because it was the top did not match like it was not those are not two things that you wear together it seemed like very strange so i was like the only reason why i should have this strange outfit on is if she wants to be wearing her skinny girl jeans on tv which i think is important my theory oh for the upcoming for the upcoming what skinny girl war so everyone starts arriving and people showing up and then Luanne arrives and like no one notices she goes well don't anybody get up just a loser has walked in a loser with her own cabaret show just a loser one two three boys I'm a loser a loser I own it that's called owning it when you're with Countess and Friends I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me um yeah so she comes in and uh luann is oh yeah she's like talking about her red cross i'm like why am i talking so much about she's like yeah i'm giving to the red cross because things happen and people need blood so i figure why not get all of my my blood-sucking vampire old lady friends together and give a little and i was like this is not going to work out who in this group could possibly even be eligible to give blood i know they're not going to take this blood from any of these ladies and they don't no they most certainly do not she's like what better way to give for the holidays than give the gift of blood i was like there's got to be a better way to say that i mean they won't let us hand out bottles of sky so this is the next best thing so carol arrives and she and bethany are sort of pretending to still be friends they're sort of having a you know the fake pleasantries.

44:58Like, how are you doing? Oh, sushi, that's nice. Oh, you look good. Yeah, you look good too. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, happy holidays. Yeah, yeah. How's that operator boyfriend of yours, huh? Good? Okay, good. Yeah. And so now they're going to play the white elephant party, which is, we all know how to play. Yeah. So Ramona, it gets to Ramona, and she gets like a facelift in a box thing. Which, by the way, if you want a facelift in a box, go to leahblack.com and get wine. It'll keep you young forever. So she gets one of those and she's like, oh, it's an anti-aging fusion. You know what? This reminds me.

45:33I have an anti-aging serum. And so I'm testing other products. So it's really good that I get this so I can test it against my own product, which is coming out soon, America. Yeah. And then Luanne gets something. She's like, what is this? Like, oh, it's some sort of like beauty cleaning. She's like, oh, I got a cleaner. Me? What? What, am I some sort of loser who just has to sit at home and clean? Well, let me tell you something. I know a lady who once stayed at home and cleaned while everyone went out and had a good time. And her name was Cinderella. Would you believe it, girls? I'm Cinder-fucking-rella.

46:07And then... Pippity-poppity-boom, boys. Pippity-poppity-boom. Boys, again. Pippity-poppity-boom. My pumpkin's here. Bye. Did you notice that, by the way, no one stole gifts? It was like the White Elephant Party and no one stole a gift. I thought the way White Elephant works is that you open a gift, and then you decide if you're going to keep it or steal someone else's. Not, you make the choice before you open the gift, right? Yeah, they explained it right. They just didn't play it right. They didn't play it right. This guest gets bored. I mean, look at their murder mystery. It's like, I get it.

46:37All right, let's see. Yeah, they definitely don't get games. So anyway, so they all open up their gifts and everything. And then all of a sudden it's like, ding dong, special delivery. And guess what? uh dorinda's decorator guy the guy who like i said all her christmas decorations he comes in with a huge nutcracker that bethany had requested from fao short shorts for for brin so there's like oh my god everybody's like oh my god everyone's like oh you know so bethany just starts screeching at this point she's just like oh my god what's up what's up what's up oh my god oh my god am i the best mom in the world am i the best mom in the world I get the best kiss.

47:13I get the best kiss. It's F.A.R. Schwartz. It's F.A.R. Schwartz. It's F.A.R. Schwartz. Over and over. We get it. Congratulations. You got a big wooden man for your daughter. That thing's going to terrify her every night. Yeah. She's like, listen, you know what I got to do? I got to say thank you to the gods who arranged for this to happen. I'd like to say thank you to the giant car it must have taken to get this thing over here. Thank you, car. I got to thank Mr. Schwartz. I gotta thank the letters F-A-N-O for making such a great Nutcracker. Thank you. I gotta thank Tom Hanks for repopularizing F.A.O.

47:47Schwartz with his movie Big. I gotta thank Hilary Swank's ex-husband, Chad Lowe, because she never thanked him at the Oscars, and I want to make sure no one ever gets forgotten about when someone's thanking people, okay? I'd like to thank Nuts, because without Nuts, we wouldn't need a Nutcracker, okay? Hey, you know what I want to do? I want to thank the Sugar Plum Fairy, because you know what? There are a lot of fairies out there, but Sugar Plum Fairy, like, what is that? What is it? Your sugar? What? Your plum? Your sugar? Like, what is that? I don't know what you are, but thank you. I'd like to thank gun bans and gun restrictions because you can no longer use guns to shoot open your nuts.

48:16So thank you. You know what I want to thank? I want to thank those old men who keep it going. You know what? Because this knife cracker, look at him. He's got to be like 75, you know? But he's still working. He's working hard. Thank you. So Dorinda's like, well, you know, I'm not one to look for a lot of thank yous or work conditions. but maybe just a little bit maybe just mention my name i mean bethany did say she turned to drina goes you know you saved christmas you saved christmas you saved christmas which is sort of like saying thank you i mean i feel like it was the sentiment of thank you but she definitely but she did not say thank or she didn't say everyone i feel like it was fine i feel like she said thank you like what what do these people like i mean yeah i think that maybe maybe it would have been nicer if she said oh my god everyone i was looking for this nutcracker and i said can you find it and dorinda actually did it dorinda found it but instead she's just like you saved christmas oh my god oh my god am i not the best mom am i not the best well i think it goes yeah i think i always get the best kids i always i think it goes above just not saying thank you into like screaming i did it yeah that was where it was a problem because it looked like she was taking credit or you know i just you i'm the best i'm the best i'm the best she could have been a little more thankful to dorinda that's for sure and then she takes a photo with his nutcracker and carol's like look at her taking a selfie with a nutcracker oh the irony of not saying thank you properly after she screamed at dance leave for not saying thank you properly to sonia well it looks like looks like bethany really won this one she's a real winner as opposed to me i guess i'm just a loser and then what did ramona say she's like something about Well, I'll tell you.

49:55Thank you for your gift, because I'm going to keep it. She goes, so Ramona gives her gift to Luann, because Ramona obviously does not like her gift. She's like, well, since you got some household cleaner, you just got some Windex that's in a nice bow, and I feel bad for you, Luann. And I'm going to give you my gift, because since I'm doing my own anti-aging line, I don't really need this. I can give this to you instead. And that's when Bethany's like, oh, okay, so she's got to give herself an information. That's what's going on. She's like, she can't just say thank you. Okay, she can't be great.

50:24you gotta give yourself our own infomercial anyway let me sit down in my skinny girl chair okay yeah and rinda's like she just mentioned the infomercial you know why why why can't she just support the facelift and everything we support skinny people and then ramona goes ramona had like so many little gems this episode where she just was making these like proclamations she goes friends support friends Even if you're not my friend, just say, hey, good going, girl. I'm proud of you. Big ups. You're such a good friend. Friends and friends forever. That's what friends are for. Keep trying. Keep smiling.

51:01Keep trying. Hey, man. It's like, what are you trying to rap now? All right, you can do Countess and Friends. The rap MC from the DCC. It's Ramona. Sing. Keep trying. I don't even remember the lyrics to that song. Keep smiling. keep being friends that's what friends are for for being friends for sure deon warwick is a singer in good times and bad times i am i guess just a loser i guess according to bethany the rest of the world is fucked au revoir is french so then um tinsley and lou start talking about they're all leaving so carol and dorinda and who else is leaving carol dorinda like a few of them leave well well they haven't left yet because basically they're sitting around it's like oh so what the plans for the holidays and luna's like well let me go to palm beach uh because my brother's in jupiter i guess you could say i'm going out of this world would you like to swing on a star anyone guess where that star is swinging me i'm flying into west palm beach tinsley just you know instead of just palm beach and sony goes isn't tom gonna be there yeah but i don't know how would i know why do you ask and she's like i thought you were avoiding tom luann and by the way tricksy monocle again with the because when luann goes i'm going i'm going to palm beach there was this ominous bass line with basses like boom boom boom because you know ominous on real like on any other show ominous is like boom but on this show it's like boom boom boom instead of bum bum bum it's like bum bum like whoa bow bow bow so yeah so sonya's like isn't isn't tom gonna be down there wow she's really going back to the scene of the crime i was like in more ways than one and bethany's saying um oh yeah you moved on so great girlfriend like you've done so good i'm so proud of how you've been moving on with that marathon and everything like look at you marathon moving on you're moving on like a marathon man okay it's great uh you know and i heard he has that busted up girlfriend now you know i mean that's what carol told me oh i'm sorry you didn't know that oh i'm so sorry what a dick what a dick oh yeah because it was it was carol who left yeah yeah so but anyway so so bethany is like yeah and he has some busted up girlfriend you knew that right you didn't know that like i don't want to talk about it i mean why would i talk about i'm just some some low-rent loser i guess who doesn't left behind doesn't have a new boyfriend but did you like how bethany did the exact same thing she just got mad at carol for it's like oh let's just uh mention that carol's the one who told me she was a busted up low down dirty piece of crap what sorry sorry sorry so luann's like well tom should be under a rock he knows all the girls know him i mean like really dude lay low dick so now we go on to luann's blood drive which is oh wait there's one quick thing there's one quick thing okay so uh luann's like well i'm not upset at all i'm leaving and then carol's like me too and dorinda so they leave and then he's like guys carol carol right she seems sad what's wrong with carol i think it's because of adam i was like oh my god how out of touch are you yeah she seems system i just can't get it like she seemed like she was at a two which is weird because she doesn't even like when we do it too yeah it's almost like like it's almost like she's like fighting with someone who's like really close with her she seems like really sad about it it's probably bad adam but actually i mean i don't there probably is something true about that too i mean you know carol this carol Adam's situation has sort of fallen apart and Carol probably does feel lonely but it is weird but Bethany it's like she's also fighting with you which is probably why she left early that's probably why she wasn't talking a lot yeah she's being distant you dope Ramona's like I think because we went out the night before we went to the Berkshires me and Carol just alone like we went out like that was really fun with me and Carol and then we went to the Berkshires and you know that was you know she sat for the Berkshires still I don't know if you remembered but oh yeah Yeah, Dorinda and her face.

54:56Was it Dorinda and her face? No. You know, things from the Berkshires. Remember the Berkshires? Yeah. I don't know. Was it the dead guy? The guy who died? You know, the Berkshires, Bethany, where you did something to her. Berkshires. I don't know. It's Adam. It's Adam. I'm just imagining Luanne just, like, opens the door again. I mean, Bethany, she's mad at you. It's like, really, dude? Dick. Door closes again. It just opens up. I'm going to kill you all. All right. I'm really leaving now. I'm really leaving. That's the way a loser leaves the party. And typical Ramona. Well, there's no champagne, so I guess this is goodbye.

55:32It's right there. There's some champagne right there, Ramona. Oh, okay. I'll stay. Where should I sit? Yeah, let's toast. I don't know why I didn't write down any notes about that scene. That was like a significant moment. I think I was too engrossed. I was caught up. I was looking for my own champagne. I'm like, do I get to toast too? Okay. Because how can you write notes when we're doing something important? For the Red Cross. Yeah, so now we go over to Luanne's blood drive. with the Red Cross. And the irony of irony, as you already predicted, is that Luann was rejected from blood giving, as were all of them, because they went to Mexico in the past year, and probably like a Zika situation, right?

56:06So they weren't allowed to give blood. So she has a blood drive, and no one's allowed to give blood. But... And she goes, I was turned away. I mean, I felt like such a loser. I love that it's just a running theme in this episode. Like, What a loser Luanne may or may not be. She has embraced her role. I felt like so bad. I mean, what a loser. Like a dick. So they're there. No, what's the matter? We told you it's because of Mexico. No, it's what's the matter coming towards us like a bull. Yeah, because here comes what's the matter? And she's like, hi, it's Megan from Bethany's office. And Luanne's like, how are you?

56:44You are lower than me in life. a lower station in life, so therefore I'll be formal with you and go, how are you? Thank you. How are you? Yes, I will take sparkling water. Thank you. And it says, and Megan's official title, Bethany's brand manager, as she's sitting here doing yet another errand for Bethany. Great brand managing, you know. She's like, will you do me a favor? Will you tell somebody I told Bethany? Bethany, you look amazing! Alright. Now, give me an intro to this Red Cross bitch, because I got Bethany's stuff to do. So she's like hey red cross bitch uh bethany can't be here to give blood and who would take it anyway so here's a thousand dollars in cash cards and we'd really appreciate it if you distributed that directly to those affected excuse you that is not how the red cross works a madame yeah and also like way to like i mean the woman from the red cross was very appreciative like that is so wonderful of her but you know inside she was like what the fuck am i supposed to do these cash cards you know yeah thank god it's so close to christmas honey that was so heartfelt yeah i will be shopping with these so um carol shows up and she's like i can't donate my blood because i'm under the weight limit i'm like well hey that was like a little bit of a backdoor brag but also uh you were in mexico so i brought cookies and sony goes oh really carol well tell us carol how are you How are you, Carol?

58:08Are you sad? Because Bethany was saying you're sad. Are you sad? She just gets right to it. Oh, you poor thing. Let me stroke you. Oh, your hair is falling out because you're so under the weight limit for blood. Are you sad about that too? Oh, did you not have a good time? I guess I'm sad. But I'm not like boo-hoo sad. But I guess I am if everyone's saying it. And she goes, well, they said, Adam, that you're sad and that you're also sad in general. And that your cookies are sad. I mean, they haven't said that yet, but they will. so like why wait for another episode and just remember denial ain't just a river that i have a yacht going down okay i had sex with a hedge fund guy on that yacht years ago so if you need to glue it back together a little bit call leo he's great i love the nile he's a great psychiatrist um so yeah sonia is fucking with her now these ladies do not waste any time but luann is sorry Oh, no.

59:01Go ahead. Well, I was going to say that Luanne also is stirring the pot because she goes up to Dorinda and is like, so what happened? What is this whole nutcracker situation? Like, why didn't Bethany thank you? Dorinda's like, Dorinda's the one who got the nutcracker. She goes, oh, I had no idea. I mean, you didn't say anything about it. So naturally I gave props to that young man, that young hot Santa man. Young gifts that you brought for me. I'm like, well, who did you, why would Dorinda's assistant be bringing it? People, come on. Yeah, exactly. So now Ramona's talking to Carol about the stuff that Bethany said about Carol being sad.

59:38And Carol's like, well, I think it's pretty obvious that Bethany's really talking about herself. She's talking about herself. I think she has a hard time painting and maintaining friendships. Painting? Did I write down painting? Have time, whatever. whatever she has a basically carol says that bethany has a hard time creating and maintaining friendships which is true too and that's what we've always said bethany's biggest problem is she cannot be in a friendship yeah and care uh dorinda's like i was disappointed i achieved something i achieved something best and he couldn't do you know how hard that is to achieve something that bethany couldn't i mean it would have been nice to get a shout out is all i'm saying that's all right i just wanted to call up z100 and be like this is a shout out to dorinda for getting a nutcracker and now i'd like to request a song by zed just put a fucking dorinda wig on that nutcracker and let's all be done with it so ridiculous the way her hair is going it's not that far from it i'm telling you luke get that hair in shape all right so carol um you know carol actually has a good point too which is like well basically if bethany was so concerned that i was sad it would have meant a lot more if she pulled me aside i was like how are you doing you know although now i'm going to contradict myself you know sometimes you like if you're in a social situation you see that someone looks sad after the fact you go you know i think that person looks sad and then you maybe reach out to them but like i don't know i don't think that what i don't think that what bethany said is the worst thing in the world no i think carol come on carol you were being distant she you left and she was basically like why is carol being distant i mean why is this like then don't be distant then yeah i mean come on like you can't say oh i forgive and then she's like well i don't forgive yet it's like oh geez so now her revenge over yeah i was gonna say her revenge is to now wind up Ramona about Bethany.

1:01:24Is that what you were going to say? Yeah, she's like, so Ramona, what did Bethany say about me? She goes, well, she said, Carol is lonely. So sad without Adam being lonely. She's so lonely. She looks lonely. She smells lonely. She's lonely, lonely. Facial, lonely. Facelift in a box, lonely. That's what you look like. Lonely. Ramona just kept saying lonely. Lonely teardrops. Okay, so Carol's Yeah, and then you mentioned skin care, and she said you were trying to do an infomercial. That must not have made you feel great. And Dorinda's like, guys, where else are you allowed to speak to people like that, the way she talks to us?

1:02:08Where else? Why are we letting someone talk like that, not just a wheel talk like that? Get that goddamn bloodshack and take away from me. and ramona realizes that she suddenly has a horse in this whole race and she goes yeah it was hurtful it was hurtful i'm like okay ramona suddenly the delicate flower you know who can't take like a simple joke about the infomercial yeah hypocritical for sure but like it wasn't really that hurtful so then ramona goes bethany claims to be a big supporter of women but doesn't support start at home with other women she's not supporting any of us okay let's face it she doesn't support anyway reminds me of this one time when it was a little girl and i was having dinner and i was like could you please pass the bread and jeldine parsonsmith said no no more bread for you you're a fat little girl and i said whoa but doesn't support start at home and she said no support starts with your bra okay and to this day i've never had bread okay i'm sorry i'm sorry i don't know bread rolls so we leave these crazies and then we go oh no so now sonia and ramona are walking around together just defending everybody giving blood yeah basically yeah they're just like walking these people are like feeling woozy they're about to pass out and like and meanwhile ramona and sonia are walking around being like let's go check our iron levels you know if you have too much iron you get constipated well you know what i actually would like to be constipated a little bit oh really well you know i just i want my poops to be a little firmer i want them to have i want them to be more al dente you know not that i eat them but i just want them to have a good firm tactile feel but it's a little too loose oh that means you don't have any iron i have no iron i need more iron right okay right now i have duck poops so i have duck poops and then the late they just passed this lady who's like horrified by the whole thing could you imagine if they could give blood could you imagine having like dorinda's blood coursing through your body that's a really really intense feeling or like luann suddenly just start stabbing yourself like what is happening to i just lit my face on fire so now a small but like epic iconic scene i think this scene will go down with like the brooklyn bridge scene because we suddenly see ramona walking her dog on on the sidewalks of new york and she's walking around and the phone rings and it's bethany and bethany calls up and she's she's she's like she's upset she's she's agitated and she starts we can tell she's like winding up to go in on Ramona and she's like you know what I don't have any girlfriends and the few girlfriends that I have and I don't know and then Ramona's basically like she basically starts talking about what's your point Bethany what's your point like she's already starting to get mad because she can tell that she's about to get yelled at exactly so Bethany's like you didn't even let me get to my point you didn't even let me get to my point I'm gonna tell you my point if you'll just let me get there like can we get this down to a seven or like a two or like a zero a zero would be great Bethany really has to work on that it is really irritating that like she does get hung up on these.

1:05:00Like, you're not letting me talk. She did that with Ramona back in the Berkshires last year, too, when they were starting to have their talk. And she's like... So basically, Bethany said, you know, Sonia told me that you guys were all talking about me at the Red Cross event, you know? And so then she says, so I do have good friends, and Carol is actually one of them. And I feel like, through this group, you have your different moments with each person. And, like, you've definitely done, like, emotional damage. And Ramona's like, you know what? You sound very negative, and I'm in a great place, okay?

1:05:26And Bethany's like, well, you know what? you enjoy you enjoy you're enjoying my argument carol that's what you like you like you like it a lot and i was like i don't enjoy any arguments what are you talking about i hate arguments that whenever you see me smiling when you guys are arguing that's because i'm thinking about a happier time when you guys weren't arguing i'm not enjoying myself at all i'm actually the saddest when i'm smiling during your arguments okay meanwhile the dog is standing just in the street in the street ramona's standing in the street just like completely not paying attention and You know, I cannot believe that this dog did not get just completely splatted all over the street.

1:05:59Because it's just standing in the street. Like, who does that? It's like, you know what? I don't even care about your relationship with Carol, okay? Like, what are you calling me about this? Like, why are you blaming me? I don't even care, okay? I don't even care. You know what I care about? My dog making a little pee-pee, okay? That's all I care about. Make a little pee-pee. Like, how many times do I have to tell her? Just make a little pee-pee. Poops. Yeah. Do you pray out the week? like what is wrong with you pray out the week i'm like oh yeah you're so fucking weak bethany yeah and also having these moments with everybody and also f you for having me take ramona side that's ever happened this was so this is this was an unhinged moment from bethany and i have to say i think ramona read bethany what what do you say to shit to hell to wherever she just like she just took her down and it was like whoa because bethany's like you know what you say you support women and no actually you don't support women i'm very very upset and hurt that you had the audacity at your lunch i came out and i said i was making a skincare line and you said oh wow that's an infomercial and when you left and right bring up every left and right you bring up every product that you do and you don't support other women you don't acknowledge anybody for anything they ever do and as soon as carol left the party you talked about it behind her back so how do you have the audacity to talk to me like you're talking to her how do you didn't how about you didn't even give dorinda credit for the getting the nutcracker okay i'm sorry i'm sorry you know how upset you got dorinda for not acknowledging she got you that nutcracker for your daughter okay i'm sorry your problem is with yourself don't put it on me yeah you put everybody down to make yourself look good okay and i'm not having any part of that so i'm hanging up now bye this clicks up meanwhile she's like dragging a dead dog and doesn't even notice you Don't support other women whose dogs just died during this phone call, okay?

1:07:49It was such an amazing monologue. It was, like, it was amazing. The Ramona monologues, right? Everyone just will gather just famous actresses to gather around and read Ramona monologues. I love Ramona's decision, her casual feminism, convenient feminism for what it works to take down this idea you don't support other women. I mean, I mean. You don't support women. okay you neither that's what it should be called hashtag you neither bethany you neither i mean it's true it's true i don't think bethany is great with supporting other women but i love that suddenly ramona cares about that like out of nowhere ramona cares about supporting other women well now they've all decided that that's their thing so we saw at the red cross thing winter is like why would we let anybody start with everybody has decided now they're going to go after bethany for not supporting women that's like they're uniting cause now for the rest of the season which you know all this is gonna do is get everybody back on bethany's side so you guys go for it because look i was i've been anti and then pro every other week i change sides but i know that this is gonna put me on bethany's side because now you guys are just ganging up on bethany it's like they are they really are they it is now turning against bethany but bethany did herself no favors in the scene because she really was like she needed to take a seat when she's coming at ramona about like you know you're you're enjoying other people's arguments you know she was i was like ramona really wasn't part of this and she wasn't really starting the shit between them um but i have to say it was all worth it i mean to get these lines i mean listen to this line how about you didn't give dorinda credit for getting the nutcracker i mean what sort of line is that like can you believe these things are coming out of her mouth you know do you know how upset you got dorinda for not acknowledging she got you that nutcracker for your daughter do you know and the rest of the season is completely set up yeah so then we go over to luann where her real her realtor ann is there yeah and she's found her a perfect rental oh isn't it perfect i mean look at this there's a door to the outside the dog just goes out there isn't it amazing how doors work and ann's like oh it's a new chapter it's a perfect place for your new chapter for example you go outside and then you just you know you're facing a wall so i mean just put your hands up against the wall and just breathe deep because that's your new chapter now and he's like oh oh well it's been done i love this bad boy bad boy what you gonna do what you gonna do when ann finds a penthouse for you Oh, yes.

1:10:15I feel like I have a clean slate. I mean, everything's going to be uphill from here. Well, I mean, like, everything's... No place to go but up from here, except you can't go that far up, because I do have the penthouse. Ha! Well, I won't be here much anyway, because I'll be going to Palm Beach regular, tinsley. Then I'll be going to Chile. Then I'll be going to Argentina. And then it goes 48 hours later. It'll be such a great trip. I'll be totally unshackled. Don't try and tire me down. I can't wait to try each and every cocktail in all these countries. Because surely that's what I'll be doing.

1:10:46Drinking cocktail to cocktail. I will continue to be drinking cocktails and walking around like a free lady from country to country all through South America. Nothing's going to stop me. Nothing in the entire world. 48 hours later. And sits in the back of that cop car in Palm Beach. No, don't touch me. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you all with my singing. killing you all softly with my songs. And so she's like, why are these things on me? Can I just get out of them? And he's like, I'm going to hog tie you if you don't. Oh, I love prosciutto. Oink, oink. That sounds delicious. Tie me up, officer.

1:11:27I don't mind. Hog tie me up. I just love that she slipped out of my way. I'll send you a thank you note after. Hog tie me up. Hog tie, baby hog tie. send me your love baby baby your love hog tie yeah so she's just wasted she slips out of her ties her hand she slipped out of i've never seen someone do that she houdini'd that shit she got out of her handcuffs and she's like why why why are you doing this to me why why i'm gonna kill you all what did i do wrong what did i do what did i what did i do to deserve this i cannot believe they use that footage shady shady and they show her in jail and the judge is like now i don't know if you have a drinking problem or not but you should probably stop drinking it's like bum bum bum to be continued wow that was amazing and so hilarious that they just she's they show her literally talking about going to chile and chile and argentina and you know excited about her new chapter and all the fun things she'll be doing and it's like 48 hours later.

1:12:34They show security footage. I mean, so shady. Way to take the piss out of her. So shady, amazing, people. Love it. So good. And that brings us to the end. Just an amazing, amazing episode. If Luanne's a loser, then we are all winners. That's what I say. I loved this episode. Thank you, Real Housewives of New York, for everything you give us. and everybody thank you so much for being here all right bye everyone bye watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alice and king it's always a party on alice and block our way is the amber way it's the foster and the furious it's amanda foster it's always automatic with ashley auto put your hands together for carly clap get on the right foot with chrissy offutt we never miss her call it's diane call sunday in the park with dylan Clark.

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