#3141 RHOP S10E13 Part 1: Malice in Wanderland

0:20Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens 2026 edition. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. How are you? Happy New Year. Happy New Year. It's a brand new New Year here in Los Angeles. You know what? Even the entire world, too. It's shocking. The New Year happened over across the entire world. And I am so excited to dive into 2026 with you, Ronnie. And there's currently a car chase happening outside my place. Helicopters are overhead. It's an exciting time here in Los Angeles. It's a great way to kick off. Someone stole a Kia. You know, there's a black Kia.

0:59Stealing Kia still. God, Kias are so hot right now. Yeah, it literally is a black Kia that is being chased around the streets of Los Angeles right now. Burglars love Kias, guys. It's a fish. Yeah, there was a lot of helicopters above my house last night, too, because somebody got stabbed down the street. So, you know, we're keeping it classy. First stabbing on the street in 2026. That was okay. There's a little stabbing. I'm like, I was like, I'm like casually also watching this car chase. I've got to close this window, but it's imagine I'm like, God, it's, it's amazing. There's a black Kia that's being, it's in someone stole a black Kia.

1:36And look, there's even some blue merchandise in the back. There's a sticker that says, watch our crap ins. And Oh, there's a Dartmouth college. I was like, Oh, that's, Oh, that's my Kia. I get my rocks off with Dinah sticker on the back.

1:52welcome to the show everybody 2026 we're very excited you know we did miss some stuff on bravo but we will be catching up as much as we can this week uh it's an insane week here i mean to have a break was so nice but to come back to this shit storm of work is crazy there's so many shows on bravo potomac married to medicine below deck uh okay i'm already i already called the city salt Lake City, Southern Charm, two Persian Valleys, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules, The Traders starts. And we have to assume The Traders will be a three-episode premiere like it always is. So we are going to have to meet out this content in a way that keeps us sane, but it will all be covered.

2:39It'll all be there. Yeah, at some point it'll all be there. But thanks for being with us, everybody. We have also changed networks. A lot of you have noticed things on your podcast feed looking wonky or weird. We have left Wondery. We loved Wondery. Thank you, Wondery, for a great time. We actually had in the three years, we were with Wondery for, I think, a little bit under three years, like a month short of three years. And in that time, we amassed 106 million downloads, which is insane. We had no idea it was that good. So thank you. We had a great time with you, Wondery. Goodbye. Now we're with ACAST.

3:13and we love Acast too. We were with them a long time ago. So if things are looking weird in your feed, that's why everything will be normalizing this week. We're also working on getting an ad-free feed up on our Patreon. Ad-free will be still available. It will be moving to Patreon starting probably next week or the week after. It's a lot of episodes to transfer over. As you guys know, we're on episode 3000 something. So it's a lot to go, but it will be transferred over. Ad-free will be available. Join Patreon. That's also where you get all your bonus episodes and video content. We do all our recaps on video now.

3:50Those are at Patreon. So thanks, Patreon. Thanks, Patreon. I'm actually really excited about this because it's really nice to send people to one place for all the cool stuff. Before we had to send ad free was at Wondery Plus. And now there's this over at Patreon. And now it's all going to be in one place. So, yeah, there is a bit of a transition. Thank you for your patience with that. you know, tech stuff, things always get messed up. You all know when you get a new computer, we know you move things over. You're like, oh, this is great. I got a new computer and I've got to redownload this. And it doesn't, and I have to remember my password.

4:23It doesn't happen. What happened to my music library? So like we're, we've just, we're changing. Oh, it's even worse. It's even worse. It's like when your mom gets a new computer. Okay. Because we're your mom now. And so we get in and we're like, wait a minute. your mom gets a new Apple TV. The bane of every child, your parents dealing with their Apple TV. Oh yeah. So you know what? We're going to, we're going to make it. Everything's going to be fine. We're going to make it guys. We're going to make it. Everything's fine. It's going to be fine, but you know, everything's going great. We have announcements for the crappies coming up.

5:01A lot of good stuff. Tonight is Amazon live and crappy hour, both crappy hours live at 5 30 pacific time amazon live is at 4 p.m you can find links to all of that stuff on our bio um the crappy lives are always on patreon and on youtube for free and we try and put them on instagram every time too so just join us for there for that stuff and that's enough advertising crap for now um but whoever got that kia good luck good luck good luck getting away and how amazing that you can have that long of a chase in LA traffic hats off. Yeah. I woke up this morning and the helicopters were going. Okay. And now I think they got them.

5:41I just went back to look at it and the car is no longer on the, is on the screen. So I think they got them. Okay. Well, that's sad. Well, it's also appropriate. We should start this episode instead of me staring at a car chase. So I'm going to close that tab officially. Congratulations on getting your car. I love people stealing like a lower budget luxury car as well. People are like, you know what? I'm going to get a nice car, but like sensible. I'm going to get, it's going to be a sensible steal. It's 2026. Okay. People cannot afford to steal above a Kia level car. Okay. because those repairs on your stolen car are going to be expensive.

6:24Let me tell you something. Prices are out of control. I went to the grocery store. First of all, I went and there was an apple. I tried to order something online. I tried to order a grocery online. An apple, an apple, a single apple at the supermarket was$7. And then I was walking through the aisles and I was like, you know what? Time to like, I went a little nuts. I went a little ham over the break, as in I literally ate a lot of ham. And I was like, let me start to eat something. Let me cut down my carb footprint. I was like, let me get one of those little boxes of Atkins things, like the little nibbles.

7:02It was like caramel clusters, zero sugar because it's sugar alcohols. Comes eight in a little box. $17, no,$18. $18 for eight little things in individual wrappers in a box. It is insane. sane. So yeah. I was on Instacart this morning and cream cheese was$10. Philadelphia cream cheese was$10. This is crazy. Remember the days when we complained about eggs? Like eggs are nothing. Like eggs, that's so cute. Eggs are still fucking ridiculous. No, I'm saying, but like it was like, oh God, the price of eggs. It's the price of everything now. It's crazy. It's crazy. And so, yeah. So I understand why someone's stealing Ikea.

7:42Well, our Patreon is staying the same price. So there. Yes, inflation is not hitting our Patreon. fucking inflation. I can't. Well, we'll just laugh as the world burns, as we always do. It's actually less inflation. It's more tariffs. But guess what? No tariffs on our Patreon. There's both. There's both going on. It's shit everywhere. But you know what? When it's shit outside, it's still fun inside. Okay? Just come in here and laugh as the world burns down. What can you do? Nothing. There's nothing you can do. I'll tell you what you're not going to do. Eat cream cheese at my house. We're having dry bagels here.

8:13We're having dry bagels this week. and we're going to laugh the whole fucking time we eat them. Let's not get crazy, okay? Because if I'm going to be spending some money on tariffs, it will be on the cream cheese. I'm not going to lie. Unfortunately, they got me there. I am busted. I will pay tariff cream cheese, yeah. All right. Well, if anybody expected us to get to the point today, it's not going to happen, okay? We just had a week off. We're so relaxed and we don't give a crap about anything. We're not going to even talk about this show. We are. We are going to talk about this show. It's Real Housewives of Potomac.

8:45Season 10, episode 13, Altitude with Attitude. This episode, Angel finally, you know, tries to lay down some law in like a stupid hat and it doesn't really work, but it's very funny watching her try. I am so entertained by Angel, which is weird because she's like one of the least entertaining housewives of all time. She's just like a, she's so bad at it, but it's just, it's the circle, it's the loop around effect. she's so bad at it that i'm like i get excited to see her scenes to see how bad she will do if that makes sense right like she's so like she's such a flop like you know like kiana kieran is also really bad at this too kiana's having a terrible season but she's not like entertaining to me i'm like oh it's just kiana doing the kiana thing again like literally standing outside a billboard that's advertising a beer called apricot blossom and being then like watching it flip over to her salon and acting like she won an oscar but meanwhile like angel angel trying to be like like i'm a bad bitch right she just so she's so bad at it and watching like the old guard just just eat her up every single episode is hilarious i mean it was funny that she put ashley and giselle in a shitty room you know i don't think anyone's like rooting for those two this season everyone is everyone loves watching them get their comeuppance but still angels angels just so bad at this it's hilarious yeah fun times so um let's catch up with the ladies guys wendy is speaking at a commencement speech for the washington school for girls and she's like good morning everyone i am pam olive and uh pam oliver and it is truly a privilege to be here of the day um it's not just the end it's the beginning of my child sentence hopefully soon let's see keep in touch keep in touch so she does that and then uh we go to stacy and arabella who's cutting a 30 apple yeah it's a shame that was that was that was definitely a that was a tariff apple right there and stacy's like arabella you have to use your left hand why would you use your right hand, your left hand, and you almost chopped your hand off, Arabella.

10:59She's like, um, mother, I'm ambidextrous. I play sports with my right hand and for cutting with knives, and then I only write and draw with my left hand. She's like, what? How did I not know this? Talk about dexterity. Talk about utility. Talk about both hands. I think Arabella's faking it. I think she just, I think she came up with that at the last second. Yeah, I don't believe that she's ambidextrous. I think that it's not that she couldn't be or you need some special superpower. I just think that she's trying to be cool because she's on TV. And I get it. Like I was a kid. I was always trying to come up with things I was really good at or things that I was really bad at.

11:38I pretended that I couldn't skip. Like when we were learning to skip, I was like, can't do it. Like that was my thing. I skipped from my loo. I skipped from my loo. All the teachers were so confused. they had a parent teachers conference. They were like, he can't skip. We can't figure it out. He can't skip. I have to say, in gym class, when in first grade, we would skip to my loo. We'd sing that song, Skip to My Loo, and skip around the auditorium. I loved that. Really? You had to sing the song and skip to it? That's ridiculous. Skip to my loo, right? Isn't that the song? Skip to my loo, my darling.

12:19Yeah, and we'd go around in a lap, skipping in a lap. Oh, wow. And I loved it. That's like the first time I was gay. I was pancing around doing something. Yes, queen. Skip to my lube. This is my jam. Skipping to my lube patch. I'm skipping into my lube tans. But what I was, I don't know. Arabella had that sort of, she had a little smirk on her face, like stupid mother with her one-handed. What do they call it? Handedness? What do you call handedness? Either way. Single handedness. stupid stupid southpaw mother but she was so proud after that almost as proud as kierna who we now see as i just mentioned she and her mom and um greg and angel and but no hot brother hello how do we have a family scene with no hot brother like i'm afraid who wants to see who wants to see a hot brotherless billboard unveiling that's some bullshit i don't care why is the billboard not your brother in a speedo just reclining why is it not that but instead we have Greg and Karen's like I want to thank you guys for all being here for this special moment my entire business journey I've literally always wanted a billboard so she's really excited she has a billboard which is cool I mean I would it'd be fun if we had a billboard you know it'd be also kind of embarrassing maybe buy one I was being like what'd you say buy one it's not like they're awarding billboards you know what I mean she's acting like she just won something you bought a billboard I mean congratulations could you at least buy one that they painted onto the thing i mean it's not the same when it's a didge sorry i want a hand i want a hand placed like you know how they put the wallpaper up and you see the guys up there and it takes them like a day to like glue it and then you're like gluing over somebody's face you know like the the personal injury attorney's face it's like you're going over him that's when it's important yeah like you flick on your your photoshop picture your canva and that's that was what's so funny she acted like she was getting a billboard in times square like it was sponsored by unilever or something and she like the nasdaq building turned into the picture of her face and it's like no it was like the apricot the apricot brew whatever it was called apricot blossom brew that was available at the mall just switched over and now everyone at the intersection of like route 36 and you know like pebbles pebble lane can now see this billboard But I just want to announce one thank you for I just won this refresh eye drops because we have won a Google ad.

14:47We now have our own Google ads. You guys, I'm so proud of you, man. I'm so proud of you. And Greg, once again, is like trying his hardest to have a personality and be like be supportive of this. He's like, yeah, I am proud of you as well. And I see you deserve like all you were working on the late nights and you deserve all the accolades you get. So I just want to say I went to the drugstore and here is another empty picture frame. I did take out the picture of the couple that was in there, but I'm not going to put a picture of us in it.

15:22Yeah, so she's really excited and we're dicks. But I mean, I guess that's cool to have a billboard. That's what I'm saying. It is cool to have a billboard, but like they really are. It's like, girl, you're on TV. You're already on a much larger platform. Yeah. And you've been on for three years. Yeah, so they're excited. So now Tia and her family are doing that thing where you drive up to an old house that you used to live in. You're like, I lived in this house. And I don't like when people do that. I think it's so annoying. Heather Dubrow just did it. Like, if anybody came to my house and said, I used to live here, I would be like, yeah, I still get your fucking mail.

15:56Would it kill you to do an address change? Isra would it? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, um, she is here and she's arrived at this house and she's brought, um, her sister and our kids. And one of the kids has like a, has like a, um, Capri sun. I kind of feel like if I'm going to someone's house, I don't know if I'm like bringing in beverages also. I don't know why. You don't know what, you don't know what you're going to get at that house. I don't trust your water. No, I'm just saying like, I just, I just feel like I wouldn't bring, maybe it was offered to the kid. I don't know. Like, I just feel like I don't want to bring in any Capri Suns.

16:35So just specifically, I'll just bring my auntitos, but not a Capri Sun. Yeah. I just don't want to fill in a stranger's home that I asked to go into, you know? I felt like this is, I don't like when people do this. No one's ever done it to me, but I don't like when they do it on TV. It makes me uncomfortable. Like I want to be able to live in my house without you being like, oh my God, this is the living room my dead dad used to watch golf in. Like, I don't want to have to think about your dead fucking dad, bro. Like, I'm trying to watch, like, heated rivalry. Like, I don't care about your dead dad.

17:05I shouldn't have to care about your dead dad. I have my own parents having issues. You know what I mean? Like, don't leave that on me. But the good thing was, they got the karma of the overly saccharine sweet white lady as the host. And I loved that for them. Yeah, but who's also slightly passive-aggressive because how many more times could she say, well, next time, ring the doorbell. if you see it ring the doorbell why don't you ring the doorbell like a good person would ring the doorbell we are so honored to have you here please whenever you pass come by come by for some wine shiny no look what you brought into your life Tia look what you brought and now this woman has your number and she's going to use it too this woman is going to use it she's going to be sending your daughter cartons of fucking capri suns because she saw it one time I hope you like Jonathan Livingston Siegel because she's sending you a copy very soon.

17:56I'm going to tell you that right now. Jonathan Denningsten Siegel, because that's all they want to talk about, people who died and where they died in this house. You know what I also couldn't stop looking at in this house? This is obviously a house from the 80s that's been revamped or whatever. They have this big staircase in the center of the house. Not a spiral, but it's like a winding staircase. The banister was like this thin white wrought iron banister. I think we need a banister rehab because it felt like that was a holdover from like 1983. And I think we need a better banister. Did you notice that?

18:32Was I the only one who was like saw that banister and was... No, those stairs were ugly. I don't know why they even shot by those stairs. And you know, a lot of housewives homes, they won't shoot the whole home. You'll only see the kitchen and the living room and that's it. And sometimes the bedroom for packing scenes. And this is why. Because banisters. We haven't really introduced banisters that much. Yeah. And yet, But at the same time, people are like, car companies are obsessed with reinventing door handles. And it's driving me nuts. So annoying. Can we focus on banisters instead? If we're going to revamp a design, can we focus on banisters?

19:07Because now every new car, how many Ubers do you get into where you, it's like, you're trying to get out. You're like, and you're like pawing at the side of it. Like, where the fuck is the door? It's like, oh, you have to like press the button that's over your head. And that reveals a little latch. And you turn that latch and that reveals the button. It's like, it's like, what happened? it like a simple like a handle truly like we did not have to change that that's like you have to play frere jacques on your armpit to open the passenger side door like what the fuck bro let me out of the car and my car has mushrooms no it's all of them my well you're right it started with it started with tesla being clever about how how to open a door yeah yeah but mine you have to push the door handle in to get out and can i tell you of course like i got it because you just learn at once, right?

19:49And you're fine. But whenever my dad gets to this car, he cannot get out. He's pulling the door handle. Pulling the door handle. What can I get out? Yeah, because I'm trying to keep you in here, dad. Push the fucking thing. You've been in this car 30 times. Like, nothing is intuitive. The handles on the outside are a little crazy. The handles on the inside are a little crazy. And yeah, I've learned them, but I just don't... I'm not old and crusty. I'm just saying I don't see why we had to reinvent a very simple lever. Yeah, but we can't reinvent banisters. Like, fix banisters. Fix a banister. Let's get a better banister design, okay?

20:26Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

20:34Okay, so she goes through this house, and she takes her sister there. And basically, Tia wrote a blackmailing. She's like, I wrote a really nice, emotionally blackmailing email asking for permission to go see the house. And it's her dad's old house. And she moved to D.C. to be by her dad. And she says her dad hated England but loved D.C. And he would call her Mona Lisa because she was always moaning and complaining, which I liked. So she talks about how great her father was. Did her father have a family on her mother or did he divorce the mother and then go have another family? I forget the story.

21:15I'm not sure. I got this. I can't tell. I got the sense that there was no I got the sense that there was overlap because on the last episode that's what they were talking about was that Tia has told her kids that like there's another like that she has a sister because the dad had a had children with another woman but that her kids have not figured out the timeline yet implying that there was overlap. So yeah, I mean, it seems great. Yeah, I mean, look, I get loving your dad and stuff, and especially once he's gone and giving respect and everything, but the whole idolizing your, I don't know. I'm still mad at the dad.

21:55Is that fair? It's not even my dad and I'm still mad at the dad. I'm still mad at him. I just really enjoy being mad at some of the people on these shows. I do too. It feels great. It feels great. I'm like riled up about the handles thing now that I'm going to be angry at everyone on screen. I'm angry at this lady and her overalls. I'm angry at her sons. I'm angry at whoever came up with the font on the booklet that we see. Now it's unleashed. I feel the same way. And I'm not only mad at her dad for what he did to Tia's family, but also for not fixing the banister. It could have started with him.

22:29He didn't make positive choices. There, I said it. Yeah, the banister really needed to be. I hope this lady considers a banister redo so Tia's very emotional she starts to cry right away and she says I didn't think I'd cry so sorry last time I was here my dad was with me and I'm like oh and you said that he died eight years ago right okay did you ring on his doorbell then because he didn't ring on my doorbell okay next time ring on my doorbell okay yes but I have driven by here a couple of times with my mom and taking pictures and it would be weird to knock on the door and I thought it was weird to email you so I'm so happy that you responded.

23:12Yeah, and she did respond. She not only responded, she's made up a bed for you because you're never leaving this house. She's like, oh my God, I love having you here. Do you like breakfast? What do you like? Do you like puzzles? Let's do a puzzle. Get me the fuck out of this house. So they look at the house and stuff and I guess it's nice. it's nice it's nice and then like their uncle calls and then like at this moment Amira her sister goes into a room and like one of the sons has like a little like note like a little book of like daily affirmations and one like the the book has been propped open to a certain date apparently like that's the one he likes the best and that date that it was propped open to is the same day as their dad's birthday.

23:59So Tia just starts to like, she just starts to cry because it feels like a sign and yada, yada, yada. So it's like a very emotional moment for her. Wow. Yeah, and it says the praise should be directed at the performance and not the person. So it's basically like, like, what does that mean? Stop taking all that credit, kid. Yeah, I'm the person who performed it. So I'm taking the credit. I bought the billboard. I'm celebrating the billboard. There's no I in team is, I think is sort of what it's saying. Right. Cause it's also like an athletic, it looked like it was sort of an athletic affirmation, right?

24:35Wasn't there like a swimmer or like someone doing track and field on this little affirmation? I guess those people really never let you be happy with yourself. Athletes. It's saying just like, don't get a big head. Like, like praise, praise. Like, but there is an E in me. How about that? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And there's a, And there's a tea and towel. There's an I in mine. So there. Can't spell team without eat. As in eat it. Suck my dick. There's a suck my dick and suck my dick. So Tia is talking about how her dad wanted his children to all be close. And she fought him on it. And she carries so much guilt.

25:24And here's what I was thinking about during this part. This scene is too long. Like, it's nice and stuff, but I'm mad at your dad. The banister sucks. Get me out of this scene. Please do something else. I liked the scene, but the banister really drove me nuts. I'm really glad that we agree with that. The banister sucked. It sucked. Emily, if you're listening, you seem like a lovely person. Get a better banister. It's time. Seriously. You beat the change. You know what I mean? So now we're - There is a bee in banister. Yeah. So now we go to lunch with Ashley, Giselle, and Wendy, and it's like a competition to see who can dress stupider for lunch.

26:01Like, who dresses like this to go to lunch? And I love Real Housewives. I watch every episode of every Real Housewives. But Wendy, where are you eating? What are you doing? The only outfit we saw stupider so far in 20—and I'm going to keep saying stupider even though I don't think it's a word. but the only dumber outfit we've seen in 2026 is in the next hour on married to medicine when contesta shows up in that outfit for that purse party like or what what is happening on sunday night what is happening tonight oh god i'm doing the carry on the wood sunday night football theme song. I'm waiting all week for Sunday night to play football and watch the Steelers.

26:50So Wendy is like, it's a great game last night, by the way. I do butch things, like watch football. That game last night was great. So Wendy is like the fight that with my mom is really weighing heavily on me. So I'm not one to naturally talk about my feelings, especially when it's about my mom. And that's the woman that brought me into this earth. So I'm very delicate with how I want to approach who I talked to him about, which really has nothing to do with anything that happens this episode. I think that was like some weird transition out of last. It's like, oh, I guess we should address that crazy scene that happened.

27:21Now we've addressed it, and now we can go back to being shady. What was a good reason to throw in the clip of, shut the fuck up, Wendy? Which is all I really needed from the episode. Yeah. I really, we really need to have, why am I blanking on her name again? What's Wendy's mom's name again? Susan and Vita. We need a Susan and Vita. We need to have like a family feud episode with Susan and Vita. And we can have Wendy and MJ come to the podium. And it's going to be something like mean, something you might find at the beach. And MJ rings in and is like, starfish. And Vita goes, starfish? Why would you say that?

27:57Why would you say starfish? No. Why are you snacking? And then Wendy will be like, boom. No, not starfish. A seashell. Oh, shut the fuck up, Wendy. seashell at the beach. Your mother should be at the beach. Add a little Muzzy in there as the host. Be a perfect evening.

28:20Muzzy Harvey. Well, I never approved of you going to the beach in the first place. And how did the beach turn out for you? We didn't go to the beach. So the girls gather to be evil about other people, which is the kind of lunch I love. So they're talking about their stupid party. Wendy's like, all of that was amazing. Your event was not amazing. Your event was store-bought potato salad and Popeye's chicken. Okay. Is that a rec center? Is that a rec center? The only thing that was missing was a strange staircase in the middle of the room because that seems to be like usually the standard for any venue that they go to on Potomac.

28:57But aside from that, like, yeah. It was missing the rec center bulletin board for missing dogs. Yeah. I feel like every event that they have on Potomac, there is a staircase. They either have to go up a staircase to get to a second floor because everything's on the second floor or for some reason, there's just a staircase in the middle of the room. So the rec center just broke all the rules. Yeah. Was it the same rec center that they had the fight, the shrine center fight? The shrine fight? The initial, you know what? Honestly, don't even answer it. It's the stupidest question of all time. Like, was that the same rec center that they shot a scene in two years ago?

29:31Like literally no one cares. So Giselle's like, by the way, I just walked out the door because my feet were hurting, which is my clunky way of saying, can we talk shit about Timo walking out the door? Yeah. And she's like, oh, my God, we're not going to talk about my friend Timo. OK. And she says, that's your friend. She goes, oh, he was so nice to me. And like, oh, really? Yeah. Because we just got a text from Monique. And I think we're being invited somewhere. But yeah, they're basically going to try and make this whole thing like Timo's an evil, abusive husband. because that's what Giselle likes to do to husbands on this show, unless you're Juan and openly cheating on your wife.

30:06Then she's all for you. But, um... Yeah, so she's trying to throw some shade that I can't believe Timo wouldn't want to hang out with us. But Monique has invited them all to a sip and read. And she says, in preparation for the release of Love Letters from Versions of Myself, a memoir of self-discovery, transformation, healing, written by Monique Samuels. So it's going to be this, it's going to be a book reading that they're going to be having, hosted by radio personality Dee Carter, who I believe has shown up on this show a few times. And Ashley's like, oh yeah, that's cool. And Giselle, they're just talking about this book launch, and Ashley's wondering if Angel and Kierna are invited.

30:46Yeah, and we don't know, but Angel might be in Colorado for the trip, because that's where she really lives, and she might be there getting things together. So now we're going to have this big Colorado trip where Angel's going to invite them all to go to her wonderland retreats. And Wendy says that sometimes she's a wet blanket, which sometimes, yeah. She's always a wet blanket. She's a wet blanket, which you could use in Colorado, like forest fires, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah, she is the wettest of the blankets. So Giselle's like, well, when she came around this group, she swore up and down that she wants to be our friend.

31:25She wants to get to know us. and Wendy's like yeah she doesn't want to be our friend well she wants to be in our lives forever but I feel like it was all a lie we were duped but y 'all we're about to go to this woman's house so they're really now playing up this thing like I don't think that Angel was lying and duping them but Giselle is going to play up this thing because clearly Angel's trigger is being called a catfish or inauthentic or duplicitous so well it's typical Giselle isn't it Yeah, it's where Giselle's like, oh, wow, I'm going to torture somebody for an entire season and make them feel like shit.

32:00And then I'm going to say, wow, this is like she doesn't even want to be friends with me. That's crazy. Yeah, because you're an asshole. Well, because also Giselle is the type that's like she is going to rib you, rib you a bit and throw shade at you and see how you handle it. And if you like handle it well and give it back, she's like, oh, okay. You've accepted my love. My weird love language is I'm going to be shady to you. And if you accept it, it means that you've accepted my love language. I'm safe with you and you're cool and we're down. But if you're like Angel and you cry or you get mad and make Giselle feel like a bad person for being shady, Giselle's like, oh, reject, reject, reject.

32:40You're an awful person. So that's really what's happened with Giselle. Angel has rejected Giselle's shadiness. and like I feel like in a normal world I don't think like you're like I don't think if someone's going to be shady to you you don't owe it to them to laugh it off and be like oh yeah I'm cool with that like if someone's shady to you and you don't really know them it's within your right to be like fuck off but also you came on this show and like it's got 10 years of established shady behavior and you just cannot act so like blindsided by this yeah you have to be better at dealing with it for sure but it's just that Giselle's always a Jerk to people.

33:15And then she wonders why nobody likes her. Because you're an asshole. And then she says things like this. Yeah, but like, I don't want to be around Debbie Downer. You do a show with Robin. What are you talking about? Your best friend is Robin.

33:29Literally the OG wet blanket. OG WB. I've got no business. I'm selling wet blankets. Embellished. That may have been a difference also. Wendy says she's looking forward to the trip because she knows it's going to be a shit show. So now we go to Angel, who's packing suitcases into her car, and she's talking to her sister. And she's talking about the house and, you know, Bobby's so livid about the house. And, you know, it's just going to be good to get back to Colorado so that we can refocus because I've invited the ladies out to Colorado. yeah she's like I'm gonna do like a private dinner and then we'll have a mezcal tasting it's this new beverage this woman named Erin brought it to the country I can't wait to show all the girls about it yeah and so she's like yeah Colorado's a safe and sacred space that me and my husband have built you built you built Colorado she built it that's like a huge credit where's your billboard yeah it used to also be very flat she's like I'm putting in some mountains I'm putting in a very large airport you know what this place needs some elevation and some trees and Heidi Montag yes I'll always remember when I signed up for clear I did it next to Heidi Montag at the Denver airport Heidi and Spencer were right next to me at the next little clear terminal and I was like I'll never forget this moment I was like I feel so blessed to do this mundane task with Spidey next to me so Angel says that Colorado is safe and sacred, as you just mentioned.

35:11And she goes, and then she's talking to, she continues to talk about this. She goes, I mean, they're saying I was evicted. I mean, I moved here, that I moved here for the group. I mean, the proof is in the pudding. They can kiss my ass with that eviction comment. I'm like, the proof of this pudding, you're literally being kicked out of your house. The proof is a banana and the pudding is banana pudding. It's a banana peel pudding and you stepped on it. she's like they can kiss my ass with that eviction comment you are you are kicked out of that house i don't know what i don't know what you're talking about i don't know if you were evicted or not but later in the episode she's like how dare you i was not evicted the lease just ended before we knew it was going to end you what does that mean that why does it why does she just say it's the Wow, Lisa's work.

36:00She should just say, we thought the lease was until the end of the month, and it turns out it was not. We thought the lease was over, like, July 15th, and it was over July 1st. We messed up, so now we got to go. But, of course, everyone would say, but why can't you get your two weeks added on to it or whatever? And they just say, there's someone else coming in. So that's it. It was just like a clerical mistake. But the fact that she's trying to make it sound, she doesn't want to admit that they did anything wrong, that they messed up, that they did something stupid. So she's like, well, we just, the lease ended earlier than we realized or whatever.

36:37I don't know why. She's responding in a way that just sounds like pure bullshit. And that's why everyone's like, well, we're just going to say she got evicted. And we're going to keep poking at her. Yeah. So now we go to Ashley, who's throwing a party for Uncle Lump. Woo-hoo! And some other people. Ashley's really getting them all in there. You know, Ashley is like there, this is called a six to 60 party because we've got a six year old and a 60 year old. And I'm like, guess who this is meaningful for? Neither one of those people. The 60 year old doesn't want to be partying with the six year old and the six year old sure as fuck doesn't want to be partying with some, with Methuselah over there.

37:12What party is this? Well, you know, it's so funny watching uncle lump walk in the house. He's like, Oh God, time to shoot another scene with my niece where I give really good advice that she does not pay attention to. Or maybe I'll give it to my sister who will not pay attention to my advice. I'll just give more good advice on TV that everyone's going to ignore. Can't wait to celebrate another year of none of these idiots listening to me. This poor guy, he gives good advice every single, like good, very simple advice every single year and no one pays attention to him. Yeah, well. Justice for Uncle Lump.

37:46His name is Lump. You know what I mean? Who's going to listen? Like you need to have a better name. You can't call yourself Lump and then expect people to listen to you. Like, yeah, I'm not listening to a person named Lump. I'm having that removed. Commercials, here comes one right now.

38:07So people, everyone's arriving. Uncle Lump is there, Monica. And, you know, we have this whole, everything's on the wall, like six to 60, yada, yada. And so they all gather in the living room and there's like a cake. and Ashley's just saying how it just really means a lot that they're all there and there's no tension, basically because Michael's not there. You know, we see a flashback to a really awkward moment where Uncle Lump is like, yeah, it's really great for us all to get together and have this dinner because, you know, we know how quickly bad news travels. And Michael's like, all right, whatever that means.

38:41Want to probably grab your ass, Uncle Lump? Isn't it nice to finally be at a party that Michael's paying for that he's not at? So Monica, Uncle Lump's wife, is like, wow, Ashley, can I just tell you? It means just so much to me to be in your space and be in your home. What does that mean? I know, Monica, you've been there before, haven't you? Yeah. Haven't you been in her faux seaside resort house? Yeah, well, they're saying, because now Ashley's not even mentioning Michael. She's like, well, previously, because of whatever relationships were going on between my ex-partner and my family, it used to be very, very tense.

39:19Uh, so, uh, now Sheila's like, oh, you know, um, Jessica couldn't be here, but I just want to be with you guys and my family. So I know I initially told you about my partner who decided to go into treatment. You know, we talked about this, Ashley, and Ashley's like, we did. Remember when I told you I was cutting you off unless you got treatment? She's like, yeah, that was a good conversation. So the, the, uh, the guy has finally checked in to someplace. Yeah. She's like, and, yeah, she's like, and, you know, this is like the beginning. it was like really hard for me it was really really hard and then uncle lump is like so uh so wait what are we talking about so we're talking about john getting treatment and you know you saw sheila's face be like we weren't gonna mention his name on camera but thank you very much but uh yeah and you see she's like regretting it she immediately was like whatever she was announcement she was gonna make she just decides to cut it off because she's now like very glassy-eyed and she's upset and and they're all like and it's a good thing this is a good thing this is a good thing for John.

40:16Still hate this guy. We'll say we like him, but hey, we're really so happy for that piece of shit that he finally went to rehab. What was actually crazy is we see a flashback at some point of Ashley talking to her mom. They had that fight in her kitchen. That was 2018. That was like, we're coming up on eight years ago that that fight happened. I cannot believe how long ago that was. The story about this guy needing to go to rehab. I cannot believe it's taken this long and never having a job and just being supported by ashley's mom and ashley and michael yeah and michael honestly yeah so i don't blame uncle lump for being like uh his name is john and he's a loser too little too late sucker don't mention that very distinct name on tv how will they ever find him so sheila cries she's like uh and um so ashley's proud of her mom you know because that was putting a strain on their relationship and stuff.

41:17And then Ashley's like, we love you and we love him too, which, no, you don't. And Ashley's like, yeah, he's never gone to rehab before, so I'm proud of him. You know, 14-year-old Ashley has wanted this day for 23 years. Yeah. So, yeah, that's exciting. And then the cakes come out. And now it's time to go to Monique's event, a place called Oleum. So Monique is saying how she set everything up and she's good to go. People are coming in and she's really excited about her new book, Love Letters from Versions of Myself. I'm sorry. But first of all, writing love letters to yourself is weird. Just masturbate like everybody else.

41:57Stop being such a weirdo about it. And second of all, I really don't like when people talk about themselves as versions because they did something that got them fired a few years ago. You're not a new version of yourself. This is just a different season. Stop acting like you're a totally different person. I don't want a totally different person. I want the same Monique just maybe not hitting somebody. You know what I mean? Like just amend the other Monique. I don't need a whole different version. I don't want to have to buy a new book of you every time you decide not to hit somebody. You know what I mean?

42:26You know what's amazing? I actually have a love letter from a former version of myself. So look, it says, Dear Future Ben, just finished seeing my 18th Dave Matthews concert. They finally played Dancing Nancy's. It was so good. I'm so drunk right now. Anyway, catch you later. That was so nice of my previous life to write that to myself. I just got a love letter from myself from three years ago. Ronnie, you're fat. God, I was a bitch. I was really a bitch. Wait, here's one. Oh, I'm sorry. That was from my mom. That was from my mom. oh here's here's one from an older version of myself um dear ben just finished watching season one of the oc what a great show you're gonna love it its entire run wow that's a very specific there's a very specific letter the prediction that i i made myself back in 2002 i wonder why i wrote that to myself oh i just got a letter from myself from last year this is actually nice this version of myself from last year ronnie just got a letter from mom you're fat i'm just not i'm not opening these letters anymore why would i even write myself oh my god oh i just got one i just got I just got one.

43:57Dear future Ben, just had the most amazing time watching Kelly Dodd on Bravo. She is so funny and so great. I can't wait for the network to embrace her and for her to be a legend and on the future Housewives Rushmore. What could go wrong? I actually did get a real text from my dad. This is the first text I've gotten from my dad this year. Well, I got one that said happy new years. He's not a monster. But this one says, I decided to have my car washed inside and out. $42. Ridiculous. Another good reason to buy a Lexus. They wash your car for free forever. Okay. Well, I got it. I got it. I woke up to this text from my mom.

44:38That's current version of my dad. I got it. I got this text from my mom this morning when I woke up and this is a true text. Ben colon. After consulting a few Indian cookbooks, I made my own version of Maligatani soup that dad and I really loved. I thought I'd share this recipe in case you want a hearty soup slash meal on a dreary January day. So, P.S. You might notice that I've taken all Indian products out of this recipe. Whenever moms say I made my own version of an Indian soup, what would you make? Chicken noodle soup? I don't believe you. I want to taste the soup. I'm assuming that she mixed multiple recipes together.

45:13You know what I would do? By the way, if I had a sassy Indian restaurant, I would call out a Megan Mulligata Nani Lollans. Never mind. Oh, here's a note to myself from five minutes ago. Ben, I have this great Megan Mullally pun that you can do. Please make sure you stick the landing. P.S. Ronnie's fat. okay so monique is talking about her healing journey and she the reason she wrote this book is because i did not realize how many other women who had experienced some of the same things so if i could be the version so if i could be the voice for that person that feels alone that's what i want to be so for called it not for lonely moms nfl it would still be nfl moms you're right um and she's um i love that she's just writing for everyone like for any woman who is married to a tens of millions of air um football fan who was kind of a jerk and who made poops bigger than the toilet this book's for you

46:26for any woman who has sex with her husband and emerges looking like a fruit roll up

46:37or a piece of paper this one's for you it's a big man okay so she's been working on it and she's very excited so this is my favorite so Angel Elder Wag comes up to her and goes I'm so excited for you and as a writer I know how hard it is to stay dedicated and keep going with page after page of your book. I can't wait to read it. As a writer, what? Where did this come from? Hold on, let's look up her book. Let's look it up. I did. I looked up last night, of course. I say, what books has Angel Massey written? And first it tries to say, did you mean Alan Massey? That's not happened. what books has angel massey from real housewives of potomac written yeah she has not uh she has not published any books herself but was featured in a recent episode discussing monique samuel's new wow that's good that's really fast yeah it said angel massey is associated with nature and mindfulness um and is launching a podcast called state of ease well oh my god i'm in a state of is already knowing that this podcast is coming out.

47:55But there isn't a widely known book titled Angel Massey book. So what the hell? Is she lying? I looked it up last night, and the search results said that she has done some writing, but it was more like newsletters or like unconventional publishing, like zines or not zines, but like. Oh, I found it. I'm on Amazon. I went on Amazon, and I looked up Angel Massey, and the first result is called evicted. Interesting. Interesting. Sounds good. Angel Massey. So it's a cookbook. It's a single ingredient cookbook for catfish. How interesting. But to be fair, she doesn't say she wrote a book. She says, as a writer, I know how hard it is to stay dedicated.

48:45So, you know, maybe it's like grocery lists, you know? Well, you know what? I've just gone right to the source. I've gone to her website to find out. She has a website? Oh my God, I'm going on it right now. It's called The Angel Era. It's called The Angel Era. Okay. It's called TheAngelEra.com slash bio. I do believe that she writes stuff, you know. Well, yeah, that's different. I think that she wrote a book. That was my bad. That was my bad. Okay. With confidence, journalists and mindfulness practitioner. Oh, I see. with confidence comma journalist and okay well there's a grammatical error in the first line of her bio i hate to say it as a writer i know how hard it is to resist putting in a comma everywhere but it says with confidence journalist and mindfulness practitioner angel massey okay she has too many commas so bad sign i guess so she was a journalist brings edge impact and unfettered truth to her work she started at bet news producing news interstitials so this is why she's sensitive about being called a catfish.

49:46It's because she comes from news. And that's like the worst thing you can accuse a journalist of is not being authentic or good with your sources. So that makes a lot of sense. Oh, but next sentence. By 20, she had already written, written, Rondell. The word is written. Already written and produced a documentary on the network. Yes, we can. The Obama speech special. So she did write stuff. So see, we're just... Okay. Yeah. Okay, she's a respected writer covering topics from music to politics, pop culture to social issues for national publications like Complex, Vibe, and The Examiner. Okay, that's great.

50:23Okay, so we're just assholes. Yeah, I take it back too. I take it back too, but I'm still waiting on the evicted book. She's still an asshole because she's promoting herself in this moment. You know, Monique has written a book, whatever it is, love letters, and for Angel to be like, as a writer, she's sort of doing that thing like, I do it too. you know and that's kind of like obnoxious so you can just say i'm so excited for you i know how hard it is to to stay dedicated and keep doing one page after the next like it's you know i just just typical you know she's always ready to insert like promote what she's done right like as a wag as someone who's married to someone who was a starter for 10 years as an elder wag for an elder starter let me just say i know how difficult it is to start so congratulations on starting this event.

51:14Also, she lists her favorite song as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Requiem in D minor. So, there you go. Don't argue. Don't argue. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's always automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.

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