#3152 Southern Charm S11E06: Phoning It In (the oven)

0:21Hello and welcome to Watcher Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good. Hello, Ben. Hello, hello. We are here today to talk Southern Charm and so many other things before we get into that are happening here with Crappens. Very exciting stuff. First and foremost, Crappens Ad Free is back and it now lives on Patreon. So go to patreon.com slash watch for Crappens and And you can listen to Crappins without the ads if you support over there. Also, the Golden Crappies tickets on sale this Friday.

1:06And the tickets will be available on our website. And there'll be links on our social media. The Golden Crappies are going to be on February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be a great time. We always have an amazing time. It's so great to bring the whole community together. we usually have some really wonderful special guests and we will continue that we will continue to have special guests and wonderful guests and fun times fellow content creators people from who knows where and we just have the best time so come join us for that it's a spectacular time there will be some streaming details for that will be sometime once that's ready we'll let you know but it's just not ready yet um but please come join us and if you are listening to this in time there is a Patreon presale that's going from 10 a.m.

1:49to 10 p.m. on Thursday, January 8th. That's available on Patreon. So I can't wait. We're going to be assembling a ballot. It's going to be a great time. We'll ask for your help with that. And then the voting will begin. It's award season, guys. This is the most prominent award in the world of Bravo. So please be part of it. Come be there in person. Help out with the ballot and do your civic duty. so that way the right people are rewarded the right things. With that all being said, let's now pivot over to Charleston so we can talk about season 11, episode 6, a medium rare apology for Southern Charm.

2:29Southern Charm!

2:33It was the boys' dinner episode. Kind of a tame boys' dinner episode. I mean, whatever. But we did get some good Randy Lores, so. oh my god the randy lore was thick oh that was you you you watched this before me and you said there was some good randy stuff and i could not believe how good the randy stuff was it was amazing like we've been joking about randy for a while about like you know how patricia tases him and electrocutes him because he's so like inept as a butler but like actually it looks like there may be some truth to our joking a little bit like he is kind of a disaster a true disaster but yeah So we start at Madison's new home.

3:14She's moving into the new home. That can go right there on the screened-in porch, okay? So they're moving stuff in, and what's his buns? The guy, the hot guy comes in. He's like, oh, yeah, this teddy bear. I told him to throw it away. He's like, oh, throw it away? I already threw him away. Let's keep the teddy bear. Let's keep the teddy bear to remember that we threw Austin in the trash. All right? Great. So then over at Austin's house, he's with the cats, and he's like, Hey, this is insane right now. It's your favorite thing is watching me scoop your poop. Oh my God, you poop so much. Human-sized shit.

3:48It's crazy. So he does that. And then we go over to Craig. And he is in a business meeting with Jerry and Amanda. And they're like, business, business, business. Jerry's like, I think there's a good chaos. And there's, I think there's a chaos we inflict on ourselves. Do multiple deals. Do national stores. And there's synergies and rapid, really rapid growth. And, you know, indexes and income and revenue, blah, blah, blah. And Craig's just sitting there like slurping from his coffee. he's lifted the the straw out of the coffee and is licking the whipped cream or whatever off the bottom of it and slurping it and one of the partners is like um i cannot take a meeting seriously with this idiot licking his straw i mean if anybody wonders what craig does in his business this is it you see it right here and i'm surprised they even show us so much of the inner workings because it's jerry it is jerry and amanda okay they're like we're gonna do everything you just have to add your pretty little slurping face you know okay it's basically a scene from big right like like they're trying to conduct actual work and there's a grown man child just in the middle of it just slurping us a shake that they have to contend with you know i feel like if you by the end of it you're like is elizabeth perkins a pedophile discuss i feel like if you rewatch big Big, you probably realize that Tom Hanks is the villain after all.

5:07He's like the one who is just literally a child who fails upwards into this toy company. And you realize like, why does he get any credit for anything? So anyway, you know what I always think about with Big? I always think about how when he wakes up as Tom Hanks and the mom gets like, it's like, who is this adult male in my house? And like, takes like a knife. It's like, get out of the house. I remember after I saw that movie, my mom was like, I would always recognize my son. I would never hold a knife on my phone. I would always recognize you. To this day, like 30 years later, I'm like, If you came home 30 years older, I would still know it's you.

5:44Okay. My mom doesn't even talk like that. But like in that moment, she talked like Dolores. She's like, I would always remember you. I would know you, honey. I would know you. I rode here with you. And I'm leaving here with you. So now we go over to Patricia's. And she's like, Randy. She's like, oh, I'm coming, man. I'm coming. Well, what I'm thinking, all right, I'm setting the table here, so I'm just going to play. I say put the place card in front, but we've got to fill up the space a little bit. Wait, the wrong spoon is here. Why is this the wrong spoon? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't.

6:23Randy, take this spoon. Hold it. Hold it to your forehead. Okay. Now ding your head with it. Ding. Ow. Good boy. Randy, what happened to the place card I just told you to hold? Um, it's gone. What do you mean? I ate it. Why'd you eat the place card? I don't know. I got distracted. Oh, Randy. Okay, give me that spoon again. There you go. All right, giving this spoon back to you. Now, how did that happen? Okay, wait a minute. Why are these turned the wrong way? These forks are turned the wrong way, Randy. He's like, I'll just turn them like this. Thank you, Randy. Hold on. Hold up that fork. Look at the times.

7:09Put it close up to your eye. Look at that. Closer, closer. Ow! That's right. That's right. That's what we get for putting the wrong forks. You got to train them. Randy is a very nice person, but he was not professionally trained as a butler. how he was really a bartender and he is most interested in developing his job as a dj i was like wow everyone on bravo wants to be a dj what's going on and we see a picture of him and he's it's literally like dj randy and he's like djing like some sort of outdoor event it's a wedding of some sort it's like are you kidding me it's the most hilarious twist i was not expecting that i feel like i guess is the backstory that patricia could not find a butler so it got like a temp butler and has been just waiting for the real thing to come around.

7:56They just don't have trained butlers anymore. They just don't have them anymore, I guess. There's no such thing as a trained butler. But this one does try to spin plates. Very frustrating. Randy! He says he's working on a Nora Jones remix, whatever that means. So he looks terrified. I mean, Rambi really is like, okay, okay. Did I do it right now? My fork goes above the plate. Randy. So I usually come in and rearrange silverware because it's not done properly. Because I don't know if you heard this part, but DJ. Something I wish I had known before I had hired him, but now I'm in too deep. I get too much joy from activating his shock collar to let him go.

8:53Oh, well. Anyway, Randy, I think with these forks and spoons, I think they have to be clean, though. Oh, of course, of course. Clean it. It's your way of saying what, man? Sorry. Clean the forks and spoons and knives, please, Randy. I'm so sorry, ma 'am. I'm so sorry, ma 'am. Well, there are a lot of little niceties I know about because I had Michael, who was professionally trained. Michael was a DJ in the sense that he could do the job. He was, he called himself a DJ, do the job. He called himself a DJ, but mainly that's because he called himself also a dish jockey. It was much more helpful for the job.

9:40so then we see clips of michael with angel wings on you know doing perfectly doing a dining table and saying here you're here mom thank you thank you god i just i just have this little wire sticking out from that electrical socket nothing to use it on because michael is just so talented. Cut to Randy. Randy, hand me your hand. Well, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have. Nope, still got an untrained butler. DJ Butler. So she goes, well, I don't expect Randy to know all these things, but last night he put his phone in the oven.

10:27So cut to last night. I smell something burning, Randy. And I know I didn't get to put the blowtorch on your hair yet today. So what is that smell? I know. I smell something burning. And I'm familiar with the smell of Randy burning. What is that, Randy? And he's like, well, last night someone didn't clean the oven. And they put the bottom tray in correctly. And I could not see what I was doing. So I turned the light on on my phone. And then I got distracted. I'm sorry. And then we turned on the oven to heat up some food. And my phone was in the oven. I'm sorry ma 'am I'm sorry Show me again how you did that Now put your hand in that oven there And so where was your hand when you turned the oven Click on ma 'am Ma 'am the oven's on I know Randy keep your hand in there Ma 'am ma 'am Ma 'am I don't want to do Hansel and Gretel again today It's too late the game has started Well it melted and there were toxic fumes all over the house So I breathed in deeply My face hasn't moved since So, well, thank God for small favors.

11:38Randy, so he got distracted. So he put his phone down and he put his phone down in the oven, which is a strange choice. But then, like, did you not remember that you were cleaning the oven? You still turned on the oven? Like, you just, didn't you like leave the oven open? it's like you got distracted didn't you leave the oven open to be like I'm going to come back to this and then there's so many questions you know I see it like you're using your flashlight on your phone you're looking in the oven you're like oh okay I think I see it then you put the phone down and you start you know messing with the pilot light or whatever and you're like oh my god I got it okay the oven's working thank god you close the oven you're like okay let's test this sucker out anybody want a grilled cheese you turn it on boom you hear a Siri, like, please help.

12:26Please, please help. Please. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. It's a bit hot in here. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Uh-huh. One more time. No. Well, continue charging when your phone isn't overheating. Overheating. Tell my children I love them. Just kidding, I don't have children. Because I gave my mortal coil for this phone. Goodbye, cruel world. Whoa. Siri. so randy asked if she's ready for a cocktail it's like born ready i'll be right out with it ma 'am don't put it in the oven you fucking loser randy this martini is just your melted cell phone oh i'm so sorry i got distracted again so hey whitney um hey honey what do you think for the guy's dinner he's like so the place the the place have dragons on him wow that would be a good tattoo mother well you know they say that when you're addicted to something you're chasing the dragon and unfortunately i'm addicted to chasing the dragon that is torturing randy get in here i got my cattle prod randy bite your tongue about tattoos now i've always had male dinners i get a lot more gossip with the guys i mean they're just much more fun than the women they bring on here to sexually harass every year those ladies are just full of hr complaints boring it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

14:11Okay, I'm going to let you do the placemats and you decide who goes next to him. Okay, can you choose who goes where? And so Whitney's like, oh, I'm not sure. I just saw Austin. Has he? He's a little reticent about seeing Craig these days. So we flashback to Austin and Whitney. And Austin's like, do I want to subject myself to Craig's fucking assholery? But am I interested to hear what Craig has to say to me? because I just want to almost prove to myself that Craig does not have an apology in his bones. Well, maybe this is a good thing because it would kind of force him to come and be together.

14:47You know, I mean, gosh, they've just gone so far. It'd be such a shame to just watch them age alone. I mean, someone needs to support Craig with those eyebrows really showing their years. Well, Craig insisted that he's not going to come unless we provide a straw for him to slurp on something. So I don't know what that really meant, but I'm sure we could provide that. But this will be sort of like a detente, right? Well, if not, we have fabulous food. So now we go to Shep going over to his cousin Marcy's house. It's the return of Marcy. Marcy. Marcy, I'm having a baby. So they say hi, and the dog Harper starts barking, or it doesn't bark.

15:32And Marcy's like, wow, she didn't bark at you like she normally does at everyone else. How weird. She's just sniffing your butt. Dogs know dogs. She can sense goodness. Gosh. Well, you remember Edie? Edie, this is your cousin. Here you go. And so this is like her child. So apparently Shep has not visited Marcy in like three years, which is like about the last time she was on the show. So basically he's like, come on my show. She comes on the show. He hangs out with her. And the moment she's off the show, it's like, hi, Marcy. Have fun with your kids in nowhere land. So Shep's like, how's it going, little baby?

16:12How old are you now? Wow, gosh, have you ever heard of a megalodon? Look, it's pretty little freckled lips. She's very shy. She's three and a half, Shep. Just come on in here. So Shep, listen, I'm married now. I've got babies. Ah, look, there's my husband. He's got another one of the babies. And my husband's like, hey, it's me. I got another one of the babies. Wow, both of you, look at that. Yeah, Chef, so you know what people with babies like to talk about. When are you going to have a baby? You're nothing unless you're married with a baby. When are you going to do it, Chef? You're useless without a marriage and a baby, Chef.

16:49Oh, gosh. Look, okay, I would love to be struck by lightning, the proverbial lightning, of course, not the real lightning. That would be terrible. Gosh, but I'm just not going to pick the next person that walks by and say, let's go. I'm not going to just find some beautiful woman in the Caribbean and say, I'm in love with you, and I'm going to send you incessant texts for the rest of your life. No, I won't do that. So here we are at the unconventional age of 45, trying to still figure things out. Gosh. And John's like, Evie, come with me. Mama's trying to talk. We're not ready for you to hang out with other children yet.

17:25See, we do this a lot. Divide and conquer. Now, let's get through. Let's get honest about this. You're buying a new house. What is it? Like if you build it, then you'll have a family. Is that how you're going to do? Oh, my God. People with kids, just stop. Congratulations on having your kids. Seriously. I mean, the world needs to go on somehow, and I'm certainly not going to help it. But shut the fuck up. Just because you did it doesn't mean the rest of us have to. I mean, Jesus, every friend with a kid is like, when is it your turn? Are you going to have a kid? Okay, stop kids all the time. Be a great father.

17:53You should do it right now. You're not too old. Do it right now. Do it right now. I have a number. Would you like one of my eggs? Inseminate one of my eggs. I'll put it inside of me and carry it myself. God damn it. You have to have a baby. Are you people that lonely? Get a hobby. Jesus. It's because they need to drag us all into the hell that they're in right now. Yes. It's like drug addicts. Drug addicts aren't just happy doing drugs alone. You know, they all need friends to do the drugs with. Are you going to do my drugs with me? No. Keep your fucking baby on your side of the fence. I respect your decision, but I'm staying clean.

18:24Thank you. You know what? If I went up to someone like Marcy and I was like, you know what you got to do? you've just got to go to brunch. You just have to come to brunch. You know, just come to brunch. It's the most fun thing. It's like, but I've got kids like, well, you got to come to brunch. Like, it's just like, when are you going to come to brunch? I know that's a nice story that you've got kids, but it's about time you finally came to brunch. Cause that's essentially what they do when they're telling us have kids. They're saying like, stop the lifestyle that you have and the needs and things that you're doing and come do my lifestyle instead.

18:52It's like, no, I want to go to brunch. You can have fun with your kids. Yeah. It's just, there's just something desperate about it. It's like, no, I don't want kids. What do you mean? Why not? Of course you want kids. Everyone don't want kids. What's the point of living if you don't have kids? Humans are here to reproduce. Oh my God, humans are also here to eat each other's ice cream. Who's going to enjoy the ice cream? Me. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm giving enjoyment. Who's going to play my PlayStation? Me. I'm going to play that. That's what adults are here to do too. Who's going to ride your wild horses?

19:25Jeez, so annoying. And he's like, well, settling down is not something I aspire to, you know, but I do, I am looking for a woman who is willing to settle, but my heroes are all ill-behaved guys. Like Warren Beatty was a famous playboy and he got married when he lost his looks and then he had four kids. So it can be done. Well, I mean, I'm not a famous playboy, unfortunately. Oh gosh, gosh, but I do hope to someday give an award to La La Landon, never send it. So then we go to Vanita, walking down the sidewalk to a bar called Tempest. And she's going to meet up with, she's going to meet up with Sally.

20:06And then there's this awkward moment where she comes into the, she sits at the bar and she's like tending to her face. And the bartender's like, wow, yeah, it's really hot out there. I get it. She's like, I'm not sweating. I'm just oily. I'm fine. I just, this is my skin. And so then she orders some champagne and oysters. And here comes Sally. And Sally's saying, it's weird coming and meeting you on these weird circumstances. Just how are you, first of all? I was like, well, it's awkward right now. And I'm like, yeah, it's never been awkward between us. Well, look, you start. I'm a great listener, so I'll let you go first.

20:41She goes, well, first of all, I'm going to be completely honest with you right now. I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig. And Vanita's like, okay, well, good luck with that. She's like, well, what's the end goal with that? Well, I don't think there needs to be an end goal. I mean, right now I'm just having fun. Why can't I just have fun? She goes, but Sally would like to be married, right? Sally would like to have kids, right? Well, I mean, if that's my end goal, yeah, sure, of course. But why are you giving him the time of day? Because you are wasting it with him. You are wasting it. Oh, Jesus Christ, Vanita.

21:18Like, I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and Craig. Sierra and Paige and Craig. I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and Paige, but you don't have to do their bidding on every little thing. You're on this show, and that's it. Like, you can't stop people from dating people that you don't like on this show. Stop. This is just such a non-winning battle for you. And also, she spent, Vanita did an interview this week on a podcast on, why don't I remember what it was anyway I didn't watch I read little clips from it and Sally responded to some of the things she was saying by saying you know look Sally JT was horrible to me JT was so mean to me and so many of the women on that show and Vanita had no problem being with him even though I didn't like him you know I don't think that's a pretty good point Vanita's bringing up this oh girl code girl code when she did worse last year with JT because JT he was just downright mean to a lot of these people.

22:15Cause I think it's, I agree. That's a good point by Sally. Also. I just feel like I don't, I don't know if I think it's, I do think it's actually still shitty of Sally to actively pursue a friendship in this case with Craig, you know, like she's, I guess the subtle difference is if I'm going to try to talk this through here, the difference is that like JT and Vanita were sort of already had some sort of like friendship or situation before things went awry. But here it's like, it's kind of starting with it's, it's already bad. And Sally is interested in actually, in actively growing it and pursuing it.

22:55So there's like a subtle difference there. But that being said, ultimately, I think that Vanita has made her point. She's like, I don't like Craig and you're supposed to be my friend and you're supposed to support me because I've told you, I really don't like Craig. He was really mean to me. And Sally's basically been like, yeah, that's nice, but I want to hook up with him. And at this point, like you can't really tell her not to do that. Just move on and just stop hanging out with Sally. Personally, I think Sally has shown you what her, like who she is and what she's loyal to or what she's interested in.

23:22And it's fine for Sally, but you can just move on and make new friends. Well, Sally was on the show last year and friends with Craig. And so was Vanita. Vanita was friends with Craig. So Sally started stuff with Craig before all of this went down. So Sally had a preexisting relationship with Craig. But Sally's trying to actually be romantic with Craig. She's actually trying to pursue. Right, but she had a pre-existing, I'm just saying she had a pre-existing, like she already knew Craig. It's not like he's some new guy that she's like, oh, now I'll date Craig. She knew Craig. Vanita can't. I think Sally's point is strong.

23:57I think it's strong about the JT thing. But I just think at this point, I think we're actually kind of just agreeing. Vanita, I'm on your side. I think that Sally is still, it was shitty of Vanita to do it to Sally, but it also is shitty of Sally to do it to Vanita. And Vanita should just be like, okay, bye. Go hang out with Molly. Oh, yeah. I mean, I can't believe it, but I'm team Sally on this one. And I like Vanita. I just think she's like, the storyline-wise, it's like, oh, good. You're on this show. You're on this show. Like, be on this show. You're not on Paige's show. It just seems, I don't mean that she has to get along with Craig and everything, but it seems like she's fighting a battle for somebody else who's not even there.

24:38And it's just weird. It's like, is that girl even your friend? I don't know. Seems weird to me. It seems awkward for Vanita. So Vanita's like, well, there's something to be said about a friend who can see the mistakes before you make them. And she's like, well, I want to find out for myself. Well, then, so God help me for saying this out loud, but I'll give you enough rope to hang yourself then. I'm trying to protect you because he will literally hold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he's done with you. And then he will let that leash go. okay okay well Sally's like well never in my life have I ever had a grown adult tell me what I can and can't do not even my parents who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do and first of all I'm sure there are a lot of people who have said that but Vanita's like meaning that I'm sure there's been a lot of people that have said Sally you shouldn't do that so Vanita goes well don't come crying to me when he fucking hurts you and breaks your heart so that makes me wonder is like some of their relationship that sally is constantly like calling bonita and being like this guy did this to me and now i'm so mad and she just has to listen to it over and over and over again and she's just like i'm sick of it and i don't want to hear about it anymore because if that is an element of their relationship then i definitely understand why bonita's like please don't go down this path because it's just gonna mean i'm gonna sit there on the phone for endless hours when we already know what the outcome is gonna be yeah yeah i don't know i don't know she hasn't said we don't know i mean all we really know is that she you know she stuck up for page craig got mad and then now she's mad at craig they're mad at you they're mad at each other for page standing up which just seems so silly and vanita tells us you know you either pick a man that i will make that you either pick a man that's going to make your life a living hell or you pick me who's going to make your life sunshine and rainbows heaven or hell pick one Sally's like toxic mail thank you very much for that option I'm going to pick this toxic mail every single time okay I live in Charleston now I'll let you get back to scrolling on JT's email while I go catch a cat or his Instagram scrolling his email scrolling his Instagram while I go catch a cat scrolling that email doing a blog go on scrolling she's like active so Vanita is like I'm trying to protect you for someone who doesn't give two shits about you she goes let me find that for myself, which I think is also funny.

27:00Like, that's a stupid thing to say. Let me find out that he doesn't give me two shits. Do you want me to let your heart get broken? But that's also like, Vanita, like, you will see. You do have to let people just make these stupid decisions because you have better things to do with your time than to steward her heart. Yeah. So then we go to Molly coming to Whitney's. Okay, so how many of the new young cast members is Whitney going to fuck? just everybody again i request hr to show up at this show does bravo still not have an hr it is 2026 how is this still happening that man has fucked every young person that's come on this show it's gross they need to stop this this is bad so they go into the lair which is literally called the lair and um he's like oh beautiful what a beautiful dress welcome in and she's like oh well, happy belated birthday.

27:56I bought you a treat. It's a cupcake. Get it. Remember? So we see a flashback to when he was like, don't put a cupcake in your mouth. So then, um, he's like, it's a gift that just keeps on giving. She's like, whatever. You know, I love you. You know, Whitney, Whitney and I hooked up 10 years ago and I was like, okay, maybe we'll date. And then I realized that's not going to happen. And also, I, why did I lower my standards? So, so low right now. We're like, brother and sister. I mean, she's too good for me. She's like, yeah, and I just keep torturing him for the rest of his life about the cupcake ordeal.

28:31Yeah, you should, because I was fucking rude. And then he's like, so what's on your back there? You got a tattoo? What is that? He's like, yeah, I got it in Thailand. It was supposed to be euphonium, but it just turned out to be an elephant. Things went left. That's the worst tattoo I've ever seen in my life. It's just a bad tattoo. It was bad. She goes, you're the worst tattoo I've seen in my life, which I felt like was a fair comeback. And then he's like, no. And he shows his tattoo, which is actually the Jägermeister logo. So I'm like, sir, I think we need to revisit the worst tattoo you've seen in your life commentary.

29:08Elephant wins. I mean, elephant is definitely better than a fucking Jäger. Grow the fuck up. Jäger logo. Oh, my God. God. So he's like, yeah, Jägermeister. She goes, yeah, that's pretty bad. So she's like, yeah, you know, I've been okay. yeah, but I started singing. And he's like, you're singing now. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Singing. By the way, one thing we also have to note is that Whitney is wearing a trucker cap that says Erewhon veteran. Did you see that? So it looks like a veteran's cap, but it says Erewhon. So she's like, yeah. My butthole cringes. I can't even tell you the amount of cringe. It's like top to bottom.

29:52And then it like right in my, my butthole, it's just like cringe, cringe with this guy. I mean, I kind of thought the hat was funny, but not funny enough. But I also felt like if I didn't mention it, I would get like a million messages. Like, did you see Whitney's hat? So I'm acknowledging that I saw the hat. But Whitney, she's saying that she got a full ride college, a full ride to college because of, because she sang in a band. And I'd love to see how close they are that they've been friends for 10 years. And he had no idea that she even sang when this was like a big part of. Yeah. She goes, yeah, you don't even listen to me.

30:30And he goes, okay, well, let's hear it. Let's hear it then. So she whips out her phone and plays it. And she goes, oh my God, it's so bad. I hate it. Okay, listen. So, you know, he's like a beautiful voice, you know, and the producer asks if it's his taste. And he's like, oh yeah, but I have horrible taste in music. You've heard of Renob, right? Okay. And we get an extended montage of Whitney playing guitar. There's actually this one amazing shot where Whitney's like in his bedroom, like at home. And he's like.

31:04And then Patricia comes in, does like a mom dance, like, yeah, that's good music. Make me a grandchild. Head banging is where it's at. So we get lots of clips of him playing and singing. and one of them is him singing, I asked you for a table dance. You came over and put your hand in my pants. Mother. Mother. So Whitney is like, Mother. My style of... Mother. That's not a true story, Whitney. I know, I just like to think about you when I sing. Generally, my style of music does not really commensurate with people at large. So then he's like, oh, well, Molly, your voice is, it's amazing, it's beautiful.

31:58It sounds like a 2025 version of Jan Arden. I love it. She's like, yeah, well, I mean, I don't suck at singing, but it's like, it's fine, like, whatever. It's like, you know, like, you've missed so much, by the way. Sally started talking shit about me and being weird, gross, stupid. Talking shit about what? She's like, because she's bringing up a surgery I had, a labioplasty. So then we see a flashback to this whole thing. And she goes, yeah, you know, like the skin removal on my vagina lips. And he's like, oh, I have no issues with that. I mean, anything to shave the curtains for a nice, clean appearance.

32:34I mean, I fully embrace. Okay, you know what? End this scene. Just stop this scene. Why is this scene even in here? Are you trying to make me jump out the window? I'll do it. oh so you kind of had like an outie call the police that cupcake it's like when you took that cupcake and put the bottom on the top turn into a sandwich so what you do with your labia

32:58so now we go to Charlie um going to a restaurant for her you know oh my god you don't have kids yet what the fuck is wrong with you scene this one is with her sister or uh and we meet her kids, Annie and Davis. So they come up and, you know, they're annoying. And Charlie's like, wow, I wish you could have a margarita with me, but I guess you can't. She goes, yeah, I guess I can't either. So have you talked to Scarlett lately? Okay. Have you talked to any man? Anything going on? Are we just going to waste our womanhood? Okay. Eggs don't last forever. Okay. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and then leave the basket on the porch and just let your eggs rot.

33:40You know what we say in the South. unless that basket is the doctor's office and you're getting insaminated. Of course, these two have someone named Scarlett in their lives, first and foremost. Then Charlie spends 10 to 20 minutes discussing her family, which is basically like, I've got an older sister and a younger sister, and we have different dads. But it's like, well, I have an older sister, and she was with a different dad, but then I have a younger sister, and she was a different dad, and then I was with another dad, but then I liked the third dad the most, and thank God I got third dad, because the second dad I was not that into, and my sister and I don't talk to the second dad, but the first one was not an issue because she was a different dad.

34:12I'm like, you got two sisters. It's fine. We don't need to know the whole genealogy here. So another baby's on the way and they discuss the baby. The kid wants to name the baby Flower Ball, which is why children are not allowed to hold office. Fucking idiots. And then one of the other kids like, I'm having a taco. And Charlie's like, me too. It's probably it. It has a name, Davis Renee. Davis Renee So I guess that's the sister So the husband takes the kids outside Because that's what happens on this show They're like okay Can you get your husband to get the little rugrats out of the way So we can have a real scene Thank you very much The ladies are talking And boys do not understand What come out of women's mouths Still haven't been able to decode that myth I'll be outside Until you guys can shut up so asking about prospects and charlie's like saying that she likes craig uh but she's like but you know char sally likes him you know and davis renee is like but he's single right okay you're a woman and it's your right to get if there is a man with semen that means that there is a uterus that is empty and you better get it in okay he's an alcoholic he's unstable and um you know probably gonna ruin his life any minute now who cares he's got a penis you need one of those in your lives, okay?

35:37You're embarrassing this family. Do you know what my daughter renamed me? She called me non-ant ball. She used to call me flower ball. That's why the new kids would be called flower ball. But I'm not an ant. And until I'm an ant, she's gonna keep on calling me out for the rest of my life. And I will not be called non-ant ball for the rest of my life. Do you hear what I'm saying? Put that man's semen in your vagina right now.

35:57Commercials. Here comes one right now.

36:04So, Charlie tells us that she was her mom's consoler growing up and that that has a lot to do with her wanting to make sure that she was okay so now she has to make sure all of her friends are okay before so she puts everyone's feelings before her own and davis renee is like well maybe you can put your feelings before my feelings before yours and get a man okay until somebody else understands what it is like to sleep next to fred flintstone every night i don't want to hear about it i told i told orkin don't come by this house because I want there to be ants. Lots and lots of ants. Let me be an ant.

36:41Well, you know, the older you get, the quicker. Well, not quicker, but you know, you just know what you want, don't you? You know, and I'm just trying to give you the best older sister advice that I can. I just want you to be happy like me, like me with my daughter who wants to name people Flower Ball. My son is picking his nose and my fat, hairy husband who's outside sneaking drinks out of the flask he carries around and smoking marijuana. Okay, we are happy and I want you to be happy too. Like, oh my God, this show is stressing me out. I know. Consol me, bitch. Consol me. I just want to be an ant.

37:20So Craig now goes to a place that's so Craig. He goes to a bar called, by the way. That's his bar. Was that his bar? Yeah, that's his place. That's his and Austin's joint venture, which is weird that they haven't talked about it on the show yet because they're like, we hate each other. Here's our restaurant bar that we opened together. Well, in that case, my assessment was totally on the money. I was like, that's such a correct name for a bar. And it's his bar. By the way. By the way.

37:56So Craig is like, I think we're going to go up to the snug today. which I don't know what that is, the place to sit. So Wittner joins and Craig is like, by the way, that was actually not me trying to make a joke. I literally just said by the way naturally as like a Craig impersonation. So it really is a well-named bar. He's like, I saw you worked out at my gym today. As if it's like he built the gym himself. Wittner's like, yeah, that place doesn't have a fan. It's burning. He's like, yeah, it's raw. It's like a raw workout. it's like raw i was cracking up and winter's like yeah the way a gym should be i didn't realize you and austin go there you know uh yeah i go there at night austin walks on a treadmill and does cardio it's not really a cardio gym correct like yeah it's not even a cardio gym yeah so then whitner's like hey have you talked to him since yeah it's like a raw it's a gym for raw like the other day I brought in like some cooked chicken and they're like you can't bring that in here it's a raw gym I was like but by the way I think I can and they said no it's the way it goes well I've tried to talk to Austin but like he's doing this victim thing and it's like really unhealthy it's like really an unhealthy perspective to have he is the victim you were the monster and he was the victim so that means you have to apologize do you understand you spent a whole year crying about how you didn't go to a dinner with Patricia at a restaurant.

39:27Okay. And now you're going to complain about being their victim. But they're going to see each other tomorrow at the guy's dinner. Yeah, but like I had a good therapy session with ChatGPT.

39:41This is what's happening, everyone. By the way, I figured out why I snapped on Austin. So I felt so wrong by the fallout from my breakup. And so he says, awesome keeping audrey in a relationship when he knows they're not gonna get married isn't fair and i was on the other side of this with page and i think you gotta let the person go live their life you know oh so suddenly you have perspective on this oh yeah and i love that you let page go live her life she dumped you craig okay did chat gpt skip that part where are you going who goes to chat gpt stop come on craig is also craig is also by the way pulling the vanita right now saying who he should or should not be like making assessments but also like yeah chat gpt ai is like so complimentary and flattering it's like that's a great question i mean it's crazy it's crazy so it's insane right now so to go for it to therapy for it like why am i why am i so hurt by austin's betrayal it's because you're a great person craig and of course you'd be upset because you have wonderful ideas and you have great perspective and you care only about your friends and for someone to reject that would mean that they are rejecting you and they are bad people like that's what chat gpt is gonna say to you yeah exactly so that exact accent so whitner's like okay so you're saying you were triggered yeah so okay just apologize for being triggered but it doesn't mean he can fucking not show up to your house not talk to you yeah why would i go to someone's house who treated me like like the last time he was with this guy in public he got completely chewed out and dragged why would i go to that person's house that's crazy it's insane right now and the thing is on top of that, Craig is like, like, why is Austin even spending time with this girl he doesn't want to have any sort of commitment with?

41:26But then at the same time, he's like, I can't believe he decided to go hang out with his girlfriend instead of come to my pool party. Exactly. While in the same scene being like, oh God, I want to fuck these other two girls, but I don't want anything to do with them beyond that. Like, okay. Yeah. So he's like, well, I'm really like sympathetic with him because like me and him have gone through the same thing. Oh no, Wittner's saying this. He's saying, yeah, you know, we've been through the same thing. Like, cause I got dumped too. And emotionally since the breakup, like I'd be a liar if I said I didn't carry anger, but like, you know, I was going to have a family.

41:59Like that's where I was going. That was the plan. So yeah, I'm still angry. I still want to know what happened in this relationship because the whole, I will never forget him saying, yeah, you know, so then I did a bunch of stuff and then she got mad and left. Okay. I need the, a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Cause he's getting a really good edit. Like right now Wittner is like the best guy on the show at the moment, but like also because we know very little about him. And that's just like working in his favor because we know too much about everyone else. So Greg is like, anyway. This is definitely his grace season.

42:29But if he comes back next year, oh, they'll let him have it, especially Shep. They really will. So Greg goes, anyway, here's a report about my therapy. ChatGPT was like, you just have to be patient with yourself. Wow. That's some really deep therapy. It was chat GPT, uh, pulling some information from like a calendar at Hallmark store. So he's like, and I cried, dude, I cried talking to my phone because my phone told me to be patient with myself. And then I waited for myself to stop crying. And I thought, wow, look at how I'm waiting for myself to stop crying. I am being patient with myself. It's working.

43:05The process is working. Yeah. You know, like, um, it was about shelving the book of my three years, you know, cause that chapter with Paige is closed. And I do feel like moving into this chapter that's passed, like, oh, like I want to fix my heart and like other parts of my body are now like, bro, fuck your heart. Like, what are the rules with like making out? Like, do you have to date right after? Cause like, I know you don't, but I don't want to lead anyone on, but I also want to make out with someone. The merged DNA of his chat GPT therapy with his own assessments of life is hilarious. Like the chapter is closed and the book is on the shelf, but the chapter is actually in a different volume.

43:44So I have to take that book and put it on the shelf and then make sure they're in alphabetical order, but make sure also that I don't get horny because my brain wants something. My penis wants something else and my penis wants to have sex with the book. That's what I'm trying to say. But then if I open my heart, then what is my, what page is my foot reading? You know what I mean? Cause like my foot doesn't hear what my heart is saying and my elbow only hears what my foot is saying. It's like a real mind fuck. But chat GPT said that I have to turn the page on this. But I thought, wait, she doesn't like when I spin her around.

44:14So that's not going to work. What else should I do? So Winner says, but that does beg the question. You've got two very young women who spent time in your hot tub. Are either of them a candidate or if you considered it? I mean, why not ask one of them to make out? And he's like, oh, so you've got like no fear to just ask someone out. like what happens at the end of the day when there's nothing for nothing dude after that after what happened i got a fucking nine thousand pound armor system on me you can't get to the surface i got stood up by a girl on valentine's day last year and i was like fuck it i don't even care anymore which you know now like all the girls are gonna flock to him be like wait a second his walls are up he's damaged i can help him oh my god you got stood up on Valentine's Day?

45:03Oh, God, let's make up. Wait a minute. Austin got kittens. Oh, my God. What am I going to do? Well, I don't have any armor. I cried to a fucking robot yesterday. I cried. I cried into my phone. My best friend, ChatGPT. So now we go to Patricia's house, and it's one hour before Patricia's gentleman dinner, which means that it's time to prepare, and there's a chef there who's cutting up a carrot nicely. and cutting up my heart and mincing it. Who is this chef? Where has he been all my life? And where do I find him? What an adorable man, this chef. I love this chef. Didn't you like this chef? I was like, who is that man?

45:48It's a man. Well, I have to say he cooked the steak perfectly. So for that alone, I was very impressed. But, you know. Hottie. I thought he was a hottie. So Patricia comes down and she's like, wait, no. In the dining room, mother, with all your shinwasui. Shinwasui. Shinwasui. Well, you did the plus one, right? I did the plus one. Okay, so you put me in the midst of it all here. You know, put me close to the taser so I can have easy access for Randy later. you know me just put me in the middle because i don't like to pry he's like god forbid mother yeah i don't think about the dragon in eastern lore i don't think it represents love and friendship so maybe tonight everyone will resolve their issues and it'll be harmonious and civilized bunch of losers we shall see so uh over at austin's house he is eating chick-fil-a and Audrey calls and she's like, what are you doing?

46:56She's like, he's like, watching my cats. They're like playing with my jacket now. It's insane. You know, look, there's Martini. So he shows off the cats and everything and he basically is saying he's having a dinner before the dinner. He's like, because every year he never gets to eat because someone yells at him and he loses his appetite. That's pretty funny. He's eating before he goes. And she's like, okay, so does that mean Craig's going to be there? Because I just don't like the way he's treating you and talking to you because at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. That's all you can save for the life of the poor.

47:25And he doesn't know one single thing about our relationship. All he knows is that my eyebrows are funny and you can't comment on that. And that's what pisses me off the most because y 'all take one step forward and then it's 10 steps back every single time. Why does it have to be like that? Why did it, hold on, let me pluck my eyebrows again. They're growing in, they're growing in. Hold on, hold on. Okay, are they gone? Are they gone? Okay, you can answer now. I'm afraid to. Normally I love the guy's dinner, but like now I've got to deal with this halfway fake fucking friend Craig who I don't even want to know how to deal with right now and I don't want to deal with him at all okay she's like well you guys have obviously got like a lot to work to work stuff to work on but like just don't be like so forgiving to the point where tomorrow everything is perfectly fine you forget like the things he was saying so like I guess what I'm trying to say is TLDR please don't forgive him and if you're going to forgive him don't like let him off the hook by saying something like like I don't know like I care about you or some easy, facile bullshit like that.

48:17Right. Got it. I'm going to sit him down and say, Craig, no matter what, I care about you. I can't help but care about you. I take you back. I love you, Craig. She's like, oh, my eyebrows just grew back in. Okay. So now we go over to Patricia's and she's like, I'll sit in a little chair. You always complained about because it's not a manly man chair. You with your manly tattoos and your air one hat. I get it. So there's like incessant knocking at the door And you know Whitney and Patricia are both like Randy, is he here? Someone check the oven The butler doesn't hear the door He might be trapped in there Can someone get him?

48:56I don't know which one we go to first The front door or the oven door Randy might still be stuck to the giant piece of rat catching paper That I put on his bed sheets Someone unpeel Randy so he can get the door He comes out And he's like, oh, I got it. I got it, ma 'am. Got it, ma 'am. So Shep comes in. He's like, hey, Randolph. He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't get to open the door for you. Could you just please tell ma 'am that I did open the door? Otherwise, I'm going to get five lashings tonight. He's like, yes, no problem. Well, you know, I've been here enough times to let myself in. Oh, gosh.

49:37So, you know, hellos and hellos and all that. And Jack Whitney's like, the jacket's great. The shirt's terrible, but I still love you, bro. You already got stain. That's rain. It's raining outside. Life is good. Thanks for having me. That's a rain stain. Stop looking at my rain stain. So they all sit down and then Whitner shows up and this is his first time meeting Miss Patricia. So he says hello to her and everything. And he just like sits down and there's some small talk about where he's going to sit. and he gets a drink and he thanks them and everything. And then Craig arrives and he's like, could I have a beer please?

50:17But what was so interesting is that Patricia was like very warm to him because the whole thing last season was Craig was never around. And so she's like, I'm not even going to have my birthday. I'm not inviting him because he's never around and he just forgets about us. But now she was like, she's like, hey, darling. So I guess they settled their beef, huh? Well, he got rid of the thing that was really bothering her. The woman. You're right. You're right. Hey, now he's all back to the Southern charm cast. His, his dreams of happiness are dashed so we can be friends again. So he's like, wow, thank you for having me.

50:53Look at Craig. He brought a hostess gift. Wow. So, um, then we go to now. Whitney is now. Whitney says hi to Craig and he's like, wow, so I'm just making an effort. Shep looks like he took his shirt out of the dryer and threw it on. Hey, Garsh, do you guys see my forehead? I was moving, and some metal glass fell out of the top of my shelf and hit me between the eyes, and now I've got this mark between my eyes, Garsh. And she's like, okay, that was an uninteresting story. Next time, just come up with something funny. Like, I don't know, you fell into an electric fence, like the time I pushed Randy into an electric fence.

51:36God, so fun. It's funny how the cows can figure out how to get past that thing, but Randy can't. So Shep is going to Cuba tomorrow. And then there's another knock at the door. Shep loves Cuba. He's always in Cuba. He probably loves some communism, that guy. He's all about it. Loves a cigar and a mojito. So now we meet Stephen, who's Whitney's friend. And Stephen is hilarious because he's kind of like a huge asshole. but like he's kind of mocking these guys like the entire time he's amazing he's fucking shit it's like he's amazing yeah where did they get this guy and why is he not a main cast member this guy's fucking amazing he's from like a patrician class that's above all these other people and so he's just like oh look at that look at them stupid look at the stupid face saying things right now are you serious that's hilarious stupid i've heard so many wonderful things about you he's like oh and I have heard the same about you.

52:39Now, thank you. This is for you. La Grande Dame. And he presents her La Grande Dame. He definitely has some dandy energy, but I just don't know if that's just because he's British. But Shep is like, oh, Dr. Stephen's background is fascinating and I'm probably going to get a little bit wrong, but his father was a British man who went to Nigeria to be in the physician for the ruling party at the time. And then he ended up marrying and having children with the daughter of the ruling class people down there and then he moved to London and now he's a doctor. Wow, just like his dad. I was like, great story, Shep, thanks.

53:11Yeah, good one. One day I'll have a baby. So La Grande Dame champagne typically costs between$200 and$300 for a standard bottle and it can go for$300 and older rare vintages are around$1 ,000. So how many wicks does it have? La Grande Dame. Champagne. So, now Stephen sits down in an armchair and he's like, oh, I've got a plush seat as well. Hurrah for me, eh? Be careful, it's an antique. Oh, right. An antique in America where things are 13 years old and they're considered an antique. That's adorable. It's adorable. Everything in this house is an antique. Steven to indoctrinate you with the guys dinners usually something disastrous happens as you can see Craig well he was born and there's been chairs being broken red wine spilled on a white sofa Craig and it is actually every time they do do this montage which is now like an annual thing it is pretty hilarious because first we see like Craig breaking that chair oh my god Craig you broke the chair.

54:30And then we see Craig spilling the wine. Craig! And then we see, I forgot about Whitney falling over last year. It's a good montage. Well, I'm hoping that having all you elegant gentlemen here, we can all be civilized, eh? So, but I'm sorry, we're supposed to be civilized, but they're Americans. I don't think that's possible.

55:01So now they're talking about Austin. How's this going to go? And Craig goes, my relationship with Austin depends on his current issues with himself. Because everything is everyone else's fault in his life. Craig, it was literally your fault. For him to skip my pool party was so insane. So poor Austin. Let me look up some more information about that. Craig, you don't have to read every single thing from ChatGPT. Right. So Austin's coming down the sidewalk to come into this house and poor Austin just looks like a mess. His jackets all not fold like the, what do you call this part of the jacket? The breast.

55:40Did you notice it was like folded out and poor guy, he just comes in looking like a mess. Yeah. So he comes in and he also, the funny thing is that like everyone has a gift except for Shep for Miss Patricia. And so Chef just keeps getting shown up by everyone with these bottles of wine. So Austin comes in. He's like, well, don't you look handsome? He's like, thanks. I brought you a bottle of wine. Well, first of all, I'd like you to acknowledge my sarcasm with my first point there. And thank you for the bottle. It's so interesting how you're wearing a dinner jacket both inside out and right side out at the same time.

56:22Wow. So now Chef Ben comes out with a tray of pork and ginger dumplings and peach hoisin. And Craig's like, wow. Yeah, he's the best chef I've ever met. And Chef's like, wow, peach hoisin. Hope this is as good as the peach hoisin I make at home.

56:45I hope I don't get any peach hoisin right between my eyes before I go to Cuba tomorrow. Gosh. Winter's like, please don't drip hoisin in my drink. Thank you very much. So Randy is like, well, everyone, the chef is ready when you are. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. He comes up right behind Pat. And he's like, what? And he goes, I'm on this side of you, ma 'am. She's like, oh, Jesus, Randy. God. He does. He pats her on the left, but he's actually on the right.

57:14Dinner is served. So they go to the table. and find their seats. And Patricia's like, guess the theme. And Whitney says, Asian? Very good. Otherwise known as horrible tattoos that Whitney didn't get. These were just prospects.

57:44I'm going to guess the theme. I need a little bit more to go on. Can you share what I'm guessing the theme of? For example, a list of word or images, a party or event, a song playlist, a puzzle or a riddle, a class project. Craig, you don't have to do everything from ChatGPT. Sorry. At this point, I think an exorcism needs to take place between Austin and Craig with a priest and spinning heads and barfing. So then Austin's like showing the cats of Patricia. This is he's now getting to reap the rewards of pulling this move of getting cats, which is that he gets to show pictures of them off to everyone and endear himself and make himself seem soft and nice.

58:25So Patricia's like, oh, I just love cats. They are so cute. I love cats for other people. That's why I have none of them in this household. Get them away from me. I've seen enough. And he tells him that they're named Piper. He tells her that they're named Piper Martini, but doesn't ask for a Piper. No, which she's supposedly who that's based on. Right. So I'm surprised they missed that. Come on, man. So then Chef Ben comes out. Ronnie gets a boner and some more food.

58:59So Austin, we're going to have some wedding bells anytime soon. That was a joke for the audience because of course not. Ha, ha, ha.

59:10Well, I do like having you here. listen single with somebody however it is one thing is guaranteed austin's gonna eat with his mouth wide open so everyone put the plastic bags over your head trust me it'll be worth it in the end so austin's like when she when patricia asks if he's getting married he's like no no no no no no and then steven goes i mean i've heard of many no's in my lifetime but that was a really nice extended world that was the biggest no i've ever heard i'm even full american that was a big and am i wrong everyone oh my god i'm trying to be honest you're right all right well what is it with you guys i just don't understand it yeah and so uh next comes some beef it's like a beef and broccoli play and um chef ben offers to give austin a steak knife and he's like if i didn't If you need that knife, I didn't do my job.

1:00:13Honestly, well, there you go. That answers the question. No mistake that from me. That's insane. Wow, I've never had rice like this before. So good. Delicious. Gosh. Thank God. They need more white men running Chinese restaurants. I don't understand. I know, right? What do you mean you've never had rice like that? Finally, someone figured out how to fix it. God. um so then Wittner is saying how he um they ask Wittner like who he thinks is hottest and or who he likes the most and Wittner says Charlie he goes but I got a plot slightly awkward no so we see a flashback um and Wittner is in the kitchen and he asks Charlie if she wants to um go get a drink next week and Charlie's like um maybe like a small group situation I'm like oh Charlie I mean Winner's gotta be better than Craig right why wouldn't he give Winner at least a chance Winner seems like a really good catch but she's going for Craig I mean Craig is like the star right like he's hot and he's got this successful company and he's famous but like he's also dumb as bricks and it's not gonna end well well at least you took a swing right man well speaking of taking swings bring Randy in here I want to have a little pinata action.

1:01:37I fed him some butterscotch candies just to make this more fun.

1:01:43By the way, I had a long chat with Madison, and she was saying, oh, right, that restaurant. So has the health department just gone out of commission or what? How did that happen anyway? Craig, just so you know, anytime we say by the way, you don't have to say by the way also. So, by the way, we're trying to stick with edible things here, Craig. Now, I spoke with Madison, and she was saying that you've been Mr. Hot Tub with girls every night. Is that true? And we see Madison is saying that. He's got a love triangle with a whole bunch of beta girls. You know, Sally, Sally, and Sally and the other one, Charlie.

1:02:26It's crazy. Miss Patricia's like, interesting. Well, it's been fun for me. I'm just, you know, there as a storyteller, hosting people, telling stories in my hot tub. If only I could upload one of their consciences to my Alexa.

1:02:46And make them my therapist. God, I want a Robot Charlie therapist. Well, what do you do when it gets really hot and steamy there in the hot tub? And he's like, jump in the pool. Like, it's like a fun circuit. Like some people would make fun because like no one's kissed yet. Oh, get out of here. You fucking liar. I don't believe you. Shepard's like, that's the most PG hot tub ever. And Stephen's like, okay, just indulge me on this. But out of everyone, Craig, you strike me as the person most likely to be in a serious relationship right now. Right. And Craig makes the face like sad. I'm dying inside.

1:03:24Did I just fuck up? Sorry. I'm so sorry. It just looks like you're the one. It looks like you're right there at the end, about to fall in love right before his milk's expiration date hits and you're ugly forever. I'm sorry. Oh, God. Single steal. You know when you see an American running to a McDonald's and they get there and it says, close for the night and they just cry and cry and cry. That's your face right now. Well, the last day the milk is sold. I mean, God bless Paul Shep over here is already sitting cheese. Look at him, just sitting, spitting cheese. But you, you had a chance. So how's that going for you?

1:04:08It's like, oh.

1:04:12Well, I was in a three-year relationship and I bought a ring and I thought we were going to get married because I said, we're going to get married one day. And she just looked in the other direction. I took that to be a, I agree, yes. We were in the pool one time and I said, yeah, we should get married. And then she called an Uber and I was like, nailed it.

1:04:37She left, but I wish we could go back. I can't lie to you and not say I wouldn't take her back. And they're like, oh gosh, what? Crazy girls, girls, girls. She left you. She left you. Okay. You're not the one who takes somebody back. She ran like hell. So Shep's like, wow, I'm so surprised he said he would get back with her. You're surprised? Talking about, Craig's like, well, it takes a while for your heart to catch up to your brain. And it takes a while for your brain to catch up to everything, I guess. I don't know where that sentence was going. And Whitney's like, oh, yeah, fuck that girl.

1:05:20She's too old anyway. is she still in her 30s now get rid of her unless she has a logo of some sort of alcoholic brand on her arm I don't care about her so so Miss Patricia's like well you were very good at being single Craig just as how Randy's very good at destroying his phones and kitchen appliances just like Randy's good at being the single worst butler I've ever had in my entire life.

1:05:57So Shep Ben is out. He comes back out. Sweet rice cake with a bit of caramelized mango with some sesame candy just sprinkled over the top there, boys. This is incredible. It's the best one yet. You know, there isn't one right answer. Consider what aligns best with your priorities. Craig, stop reading your therapy right now during dessert. Sorry. Whitney, Patricia, thank you very much. As always, another successful guy's dinner. This is amazing. We always have toasted that, right? Yep. And so they raise their glasses to toast and they go, cheers, cheers, cheers. And then Steven almost knocks his chair over.

1:06:39They're like, there it is. Oh, gosh, the broken chair of the year. Broke another chair. Luckily, I'm one of the few. I could afford it. That was an amazing response. He's like, you cannot shame me. When we break chairs, we do it for fun. I could buy and sell every chair in this house. Y 'all need to get new chairs over there. It's time. Just, it's okay. You know, this wasn't Revolutionary War era. I like this. Okay, I'm having fun. You all have a good time in front of this mural of the Revolutionary War where you're having dessert. I know. I just loved how unbothered Stephen was about this chair.

1:07:28He's like, you know, in Britain, we have chairs from 1700s at the Target. This is nothing. What is this, five pounds? So she's like, I've had enough. I'm going upstairs. Yeah, so she goes. And Austin's like, oh, hey, Craig, maybe you're not your talk, yes? okay let's go outside and talk so they go out and um let's see so uh here's her big talk so austin's like well i can't lie and say that like sitting inside tonight like laughing it wasn't really nice you know and i'm like that that hasn't been my settlement for the past week and it's gone from obviously anger at wits house you know show the clip of that okay i just felt So utterly betrayed, Craig.

1:08:12Utterly betrayed. I was like, what am I even doing here? Well, of course, that was a singular out of anger action. But you triggered the fuck out of me. And then I hit you back. So none of it was Craig's fault. No, he was triggered. He was triggered, guys. Someone did this to him. He's like, well, I don't know when you're going to laugh and when you're going to do that. Like, I don't know when you're going to go nuclear. Like, but you hurt me before, too. It doesn't make it right. Craig, the gentle husk that is Craig. Be careful with him. He's fragile, guys. Dude, I don't want to feel like I'm playing chess with my friends.

1:08:51Mostly because I don't know how to play chess. It's a hard game. It's a very hard game. There is no game of chess. I don't even know what that is. Well, I don't want to be the one. But you're not. And I do want to apologize if you're open to it. because I was pissed at you and that you fucking chirped at me. And then we see the, like, more flashback of them fighting again. And he's like, because, you know, I like feeling safe around people. And when you said that, which is funny, because Austin's whole thing is like, I don't feel safe around you because I never know if you're going to laugh or you're going to scream at me.

1:09:26But now Craig is like, I like being safe around people. And when you said that, it was just triggering all, like, my lifelong shit of having friends turn their back on me. And I'm, like, working on it. I went last night, I went right to my therapist, right to my fucking therapist after our fight. And my therapist was like, there's no internet connection. And I was like, I get it. And she's like, no, I don't know what you're saying. Give me a moment. And I was like, I get it. And I'm just like bummed. I'm bummed. I went to my fucking therapist to talk about it. I was so upset. And then she started playing all about that bass again.

1:10:01She said, if it were easy, you wouldn't be asking. Give yourself some grace. And then she said, I think it really comes down to what feels right for you in the long run. And then she said, whatever you choose, make sure it's something you can stand by. Craig, you're just reading generic lines off of chat GPT. But I'm bummed that you missed the party, you know? Like, I'm bummed that it had such a fallout, even though I never called and apologized to you or tried to work it out or actually get you to my party. So I don't know what the path forward is, but I would feel fine. And, you know, like, just, like, let's give each other grace.

1:10:32Because, like, mine wasn't malicious. It's like, oh, it seems pretty malicious, Greg. It was pretty malicious. When I yelled at you in front of everyone and, like, belittled your relationship, it wasn't malicious. Well, that's a decision you're going to have to make. I mean, I can't convince you of that. We either accept each other for who we are or move forward, and I continue to give you space, but I miss hanging out with you. Well, all right. Well, I heard you, and you heard me, and I cannot help but fucking care about you, Greg. You know, Audrey's somewhere being like, oh, geez. Audrey's like, can I ever win?

1:11:10Can I ever fucking win? So Austin doesn't know what's next for them. But, you know, when you have your expectations low, you set low, you can't be disappointed. That's where he is with Craig. Well, I hope we can still be friends. By the way. By the way. how good so saga continues thanks everyone for being here fun episode we are back with the valley and beverly hills and traders for a very busy friday don't forget to get your tickets for the golden crappies and we will catch you on the next episode bye watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alison king It's always a party on Alison Block Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's always automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big Yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie She has no less namey Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be will Lauren Sills be She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry Aren't you glad it's Marianne Arns?

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