#3155 THE VALLEY PERSIAN STYLE S1E01-2: Valley of the Dools

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the glorious valley dweller himself, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Well, hello, Ben. The valley Lebanese style. That's right. Are you excited to talk about some of your neighbors today as we dive into the premiere event surrounding the valley? Yeah. Hell yeah. Let's get some valley How's the accent going, baby? Yeah. Before we do that, a reminder in case you missed the big news that tickets for the Golden Crappies went on sale today.

0:59They are going to be on February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be a wild and amazing time. And we want you to be there. We want you to be there. It's going to be a fun, fun experience at night. We always have the best time. So come make it. Let's sell this thing out. Okay, let's do it. Let's make this bigger and better than ever before. Or keep an eye out for solicitations for building this ballot. And then, of course, there will be the ballot building. The ballot itself. So it's going to be all sorts of stuff over the next several weeks leading up to the Golden Crappies.

1:32We cannot wait. So go get your tickets. The ticket link is both on our website and on our socials. So you'll just find it everywhere. And you can just Google or just go to the Henry Fonda Theater. Whatever you need to do, get your tickets. Also, if you do go to Patreon, we have, in addition to our normal offerings, we now offer ad-free. We formerly had ad-free on a whole other platform, but now everything is consolidated in the same place. So if you want ad-free Watcher Crap-Ins, it is there on our Patreon. And one last Patreon mention, which is that we do our weekly bonus episode. And this week we are talking about the traitors and whoa, I stayed up until four in the morning watching the traitors and, and I had to because it's the traitors.

2:21I watched all those episodes and I loved it. This new season is off to such an amazing start. It's an amazing cast. It erases last season, which no last season had its good parts, but like, let's be honest. We all knew last season's cast was not the best, but now we are. So back, baby. So we're going to talk about episode one on our bonus episode this week. That's all my announcements. Anything you'd like to announce, Ronnie? That's it. Nailed it. Nailed it. Yes. All right. So let's talk about the Valley. So now the way the Valley premiered was absolute torture to Bravo commentators because they did not just put out an episode and they did not just put out a supersized episode.

3:06They put out an episode and a super-sized episode in one night. The same night that three episodes of The Traitors dropped, I'd like to also add, and Beverly Hills. Yeah, so we're not going to go granular on this. We're not going to be here for another 10 hours today. We just wanted to talk basically about the show, kind of get it set up for everybody, because I think we are going to have a lot of fun recapping this show. But it's a lot of content, so we want to get through it and just kind of tell you guys what it's about, what's going on, who's on it, whatever. If you want to hear the trailer thoughts and the preview, you can find that on our Patreon.

3:41We did a trailer trash of that, so that was fun. Let's get into it. We've got some of the cast of Shaz back. For those of you who didn't watch Shaz, Shaz was a great show. A lot of drama. It gets really dark. It's this group of friends. They go really low with each other, especially Reza. And Gigi. Put on the screen. The three that they watch a lot. yeah i mean this is a toxic group if there ever was one people always are like oh the valley's so toxic oh man i'm from pool so toxic people forget that shaw's the sunset was doing toxicity first okay and they do it big time so uh we're gonna go through this cast i put the pictures up on our on the screen here if you're watching with crappens on demand uh so you can see who we're talking about at any given moment because a whole bunch of new characters but yeah reza Reza is our king toxic leader, you know, here on the show.

4:32And he's back with Adam. And so far, there's not much going on with them in terms of, I don't think they have too much storyline happening. They're just more like, it's the first two episodes were very much like, see, everything is good between us. Adam isn't as affectionate with me as he could be, which is like the same story they had for 10 years on Shaz. but i think the big development here is that adam has some sort of tabbouleh recipe that he loves to tote around and like every scene is like i brought my tabbouleh he practically has the tabbouleh in his pocket he gives it away like gum to children that's so persian and we do open with the whole like um oh my god persians are so crazy let me tell you about persians after the islamic revolution of 1979 i was like oh god here we go this is the first line it's like here we go everything is persian sidewalks that is so persian person people don't like their children walking on grass it's definitely like the reza the reza special so um we yeah the whole thing opens up with the original shahs kind of giving a lay of the land And, you know, it's like Reza and Gigi and MJ.

5:49And, you know, they're all talking about why they moved to the valley. I was like for a TV show. Although MJ had already moved to the valley. But last we had seen, Reza and Adam were living sort of like an Atwater Village or Glendale. They were not in the valley necessarily. But Gigi has also. Is Calabasas considered the valley? I think it might be. I'm not sure. Calabasas is as far as fuck. I think that's where MJ lives. Yeah, it is. It's valley-ish. I think it might be considered. No, I don't know. I'll look. You know what? Let's ask the other. Yeah, ask if Calabasas is considered Valley. But yeah, she moved out there a while ago.

6:28And then I guess Reza and Adam moved out there. And Gigi is going to move out there. For the, you know, probably for the show or whatever. Calabasas is considered part of the San Fernando Valley. Well, the hot valley is huge. That's crazy. The valley is humongous. So they're out there now. Um, she, she's still with Tommy. Reza's still with Adam. Gigi has a baby now. And, but she's still, you know, being crazy. She's already been divorced. She had another marriage that lasted two weeks. She's still insane and probably going to threaten to murder a lot of people. Cause that was her thing. Like she carried knives and she was like, do you want my knives?

7:06Motherfucker. And would always be threatening people. Now the show, when it got canceled was dark. I mean, there was a big war between Gigi, not Gigi. Well, yeah, Gigi and Reza versus MJ, but mostly Reza and MJ. And it just got really, really, really bad. Reza was screaming like, why don't you, you know, talk about your 10 abortions, bitch. And like, it was really ugly. They got really hard to watch. And then Mike, who was the resident fuckboy on that show, just went down a very dark path as the years went on. It got worse and worse until finally he was arrested for domestic abuse, domestic assault.

7:43Yeah. So I think he's probably ultimately the reason the show got canceled because it got so dark. I think he is. And the question - Actually, the show got dark, but then there was actually a post-dark season that just was flat. And that was one of those unfortunate pandemic seasons. A lot of our Bravo shows had rough seasons during lockdown. and they just they had a hard time getting the narrative going and it was like their final season was actually after that super dark season and that was reza trying to mend fences with mj and that was the season where he spent the entire time being i haven't met baby shams i just want to meet baby shams for an entire season and then there was that that that lady who had the little hat that would join along with things uh it was it was it was a it was a dull dull season and that was you also had what's his face what was the guy the teeth teeth guy nema nema oh my god yeah they kept trying to kind of recast it and get it working and add people and the new additions weren't really working out and you know it was still a good show but it it had you know it looked like it was kind Yeah, it was kind of running its course, and then the mic thing happened, and it was like the end.

9:02So I guess the question coming back was like, how are they going to do this? Well, you've got three of the OGs. You're going to have to—you know, it's basically a new show. You've got to reboot it. And how are you going to do it? Because the cast—it's hard to get this cast, right? Because they're all good friends. That was the whole point of the cast. They all knew each other. They all naturally hung out together. So how are you going to kind of recreate that? And I think overall they did a pretty good job. I mean, I think the casting is really good job. I was surprised because casting was one of their roughest things on the original show.

9:32You know what? Because part of it also was, I think the other show was burdened with the idea that it had to be about these crazy shots. You party all night long. All they do is party. When they get together, they party. And they went down the Vanderpump Rules path, which is that they sort of all grew up. And it just kind of, and they were, they were also talking to each other. and it just kind of like crumbled. And then, but now with the Valley, just as with the original Valley, they're able to kind of like hit reset on what the tone of the show is and what it's about. And it's really successful, I think.

10:08I think that they brought in some really interesting people and with fascinating dynamics. I love a show where you have all these different couples who hate each other. I mean, like we just are, it's really not about who is going to get divorced. It's when will they all get divorced? except for the, there's that one couple that seems to be pretty good. That's that guy. He seems pretty sweet. They're like the Danny and the Nia of this cast. Um, that is Amir and, uh, Amir and Natasha. They seem, they seem like they're in like pretty good shape, but you never know. It's reality TV that could all fall apart, but everyone else it's like, Oh, Oh, Oh, this is a nice couple.

10:47Oh, they hate each other. Oh, that's too bad. Okay. Well let's meet this couple. oh they hate each other oh their their marriage is built on a car accident and nothing more okay yeah they that's gonna that's gonna fizzle let's meet this just everyone's relationships about yeah they really lean into the formula of the valley being couples that hate each other and the friends that have to deal with them and it works pretty well it's time for a commercial it's time for a Crapins commercial. So we start, yeah, like we said a while ago, we start with Reza and Adam. Reza's thing is he was traumatized when Shaw's ended.

11:27He was like, oh, my God, I would like wander the streets of Hollywood and be like, I'm not a Shaw anymore. Who am I? Who even am I? Like, I was so worried I was going to end up some 75-year-old queen, like, with a cigarette and a turban. Like, these were my heydays, you know, boys. There's still time. like why are we pretending that why are we pretending that you were just handed a 10-year contract there's still time sir okay do you think reza is jealous that that uh dorinda got a second shot on the traders after she was voted off first but like they he did not like everyone was like you have like that's dorinda has to be brought back like it's not fair that she got voted off before her first round table but like reza reza just no groundswell for reza he's like i really had to live with that it was really hard it was so difficult so um we've got him and um and adam you know one of the main characters in the valley is the real estate and i have to say yikes oh my gosh these reza's home i've felt so bad for us i don't know if they just got this home because they were starting to film immediately but you know reza has kind of like a tacky thing going on anyway, but his tacky is more like, you know, laughing kind of set, like the laughing set or like 60s, you know, fun 60s, like shiny wallpaper, shiny geometric wallpaper from the 70s.

12:50You know, he likes that stuff like that. This is like really bad countertops. And, uh, yeah, most of it, I was just like, Ooh, most of these houses are gross. Yeah. The houses were, some of the houses were not amazing. adam apparently spends a lot of his time gardening in the back but again like these two right now like they're not they don't really have a strong storyline and that's actually okay actually like i feel like we've seen all the storylines i'm happy for reza to play this role where he sits down gg and he starts talking to her about her her credit i actually really like that he's like okay we need to talk about your credit because if you want to get a new house you need to have credit and then gg like flips out because gg is up to the same gg things which is i guess i'll just segue us into Gigi before we get to MJ.

13:37Gigi has decided that she wants to buy a new house. She's talking like she wants to be independent, but she's not doing anything to be independent. And they're all obsessed with talking about her bad credit. They all love talking about it. And I actually think that's so funny. They're like, do you see? Gigi has bad credit. She's not going to be able to buy a house. And they're like, oh my god, she has bad credit. They talk about it at a party. And then MJ's like, Gigi just so you know before you got in here we were all talking about your bad credit they're all still up to their same old nonsense you know MJ is still like yeah we're talking about your terrible credit by the way MJ was wearing like a lace up the front pleather ice skating S &M dress to it like a family dinner or whatever what is this show I was cracking up so yeah Reza is the realtor for Gigi and Gigi's like well I need to stop leaving off my father like it's so hard and of course she's not going to and she's looking and cannot find a place because first of all, everyone thinks they're going to move to the valley and it's going to be cheap.

14:40That is just not the case. It's still Los Angeles. You're still going to be paying out the ass and so she wants like$15 million homes and that's just not going to happen. She wants a six bedroom. One bedroom for her child and the other bedrooms for her clothing and basically Reza and MJ, everyone's saying to her, look like babe, you got to downsize. You want a new house? Bitches be checking credit, okay? Bitches be running credit checks. So Gigi's big retort is, Steve Harvey says one time in your life, you need to buy a first-class ticket so you know what to aspire to. I'm like, yes. And she's like, that's why I'm not going back.

15:21That's why I'm getting this house. I'm not going to downsize because Steve Harvey said I should get a first-class ticket. I'm like, yeah, but Steve Harvey doesn't say you should buy a mansion and always stay at that level. The point is you're supposed to taste the good life and then work for it. After you've had your taste, you're just basically saying, I'll take everything in the store, please. I'll have the full tasting menu. Okay. Like the big difference here is that Steve Harvey has a job. Okay. He's not talking about what your dad is going to buy you. He's not like once your dad buys you a first, first class plane ticket, you never let him buy you anything less.

15:53I'm just like, yeah, I'm not going to downsize. Steve Harvey said, it's like, Oh my God, babe. She's completely misconstrued, that piece of advice there. So she is doing her thing. And also, honestly, Gigi is so exhausting. I will say that it's fun to see Gigi back, but I'm immediately exhausted by her. Just her tantrums, the way she storms out. I'm like, oh, gosh, yes, this is Gigi again. And it's like, it's not, it's not always the most entertaining for me to watch. Yes. One of her biggest story, you know, she's already wanting to murder half the cast and like jump on them. And they go have a girls night to have, you know, it's like, oh my God, we're on a new show.

16:40We're girls. Let's go have a girls night. They go, the girls all hate each other. There's like two girls who like each other. They kind of hate Gigi. They really hate Gigi. Gigi hates them. It's not going to go well. One of them is a jeweler. well she's a jewelry designer and gg um was missing some diamonds in her ring so she gave her this ring to fix it and then the lady just never gave back the ring and so gg's like um she still has my ring and that's like a really like what is she trying to do to my ring and it becomes this huge thing where she's going to beat this woman over a ring and it's like girl you didn't pay for that ring anyway come on now you didn't pay for it anyway and so the whole thing is so this this actually takes us to sky who i actually love i think sky for me is a breakout star sky and bombshod and so sky is the jewelry designer and um what we then find out is that sky she's a designer she's like i'm design i'm a designer i don't do fix it i don't do that i did i did her a favor by just welcoming the ring into my life and giving it to a friend but i'm not i don't fix things so she's like whatever so she finally they keep on hounding her like are you bringing the ring are you bringing the ring at the ring coming is the ring coming so she finally brings the ring back and then gg's like i took one look at it and i could see she was using fake she was using the wrapper off of a godiva chocolate that's she's basically accusing sky of like doing some shitty thing and i looked at both pictures and i swear i could not tell any difference between the the revised ring and the original and i'm not saying that they're i'm not saying that gg was wrong i'm just saying to my untrained eyes it looked they looked exactly the same yeah especially for a free job like shut up so this lady's sky is i think my favorite too because she seems evil she gives off total evil vibes snotty she hates everybody she hates it she hates the valley she hates her husband she's married to an old dude her bombshot is an older man and they met when she was pretty young so she's one of those people who marries someone really old and then starts dressing like a first lady like she does her hair like if you look at this picture of her she looks like a first it's first lady hair and so she's like well i'm first lady too because i do my hair like this because i'm married to an old man it's like oh no so you know she's gonna be an asshole she's like i'm married to an old person so i'm gonna get the attitude of somebody who's earned it like they are old but she's not old and so it's not really working she hates crumbs on the counter i think she yells at about six different people for like no no no no crumbs on the counter she they also have these two twins that i love their twins they're so cute it's like they're like fraternal twins it's a boy and a girl and the girl has this little bob that's like dora the explorer bob and i don't know why i love these two twins um but their whole thing is that um she sleeps in a different room from bombshot because he snores really loudly and apparently he does a thing where he he gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and when he gets back into bed He like cascades down and spreads out in a big and annoying way.

19:37And she hates it. He just like plops down in the middle of the bed, breathes right in her face. And she's like, no, no, no. And she's best friends with this other lady. Whose name is, uh, Tannin, Tannin or Tannin. I forget how you pronounce it. And I only watched this 10 hours yesterday. I'm sorry to learn how to pronounce your name yet. Tannin. So she's best friends with Tannin and they, have the most incredible bond because they have that thing in common that's so hard to find but once you have it you're bonded for life and that is the hatred of your husband they both hate their husbands and so they're like best friends and they're like fuck our husbands they go travel together they both they both doesn't she also sleep in a separate room from her husband they both sleep in separate rooms but like she and her husband have a really fascinating backstory and as it starts to kind of reveal itself, you're like, oh, this is interesting, which is that Tannen and Greg were both like partiers back in the day.

20:39They were like those people that you see at clubs. They're in some sort of relationship. They probably do coke in the bathroom. They have sex behind the dumpster. They're in a party relationship, but they're together. But they like each other. But what we find out in the second episode is that they go to D.C. to visit someone and they're picked up by by like this guy and they're in two cars because they're with a group because they're probably just it's probably a bunch of people that go party in dc for the weekend and the guy so tannins in one car greg's in the car behind and and greg is watching his his girlfriend's car and he's like wow this guy driving is like crazy he needs to stop driving like that and the guy like at that moment the car flips and she basically comes extremely close to death like she has to have a brain surgery where normally like you would lose ability to talk, et cetera.

21:31And, uh, and he was like, Oh my God, Oh my God. But I love this woman. And so to me, it seems obvious that this great accident may have like accelerated the timeline of their relationship where it was like, it was like a provided a certain amount of closeness, this trauma, but now they're kind of in a point where they, I think they realize they don't have as much in common as anymore. And they don't try to navigate that they just don't like each other i mean they flat out seem to just not like each other at all he's like a you know he's okay looking like he's not bad but he in his mind he's like this stud you know and he's like oh i could have had any woman i wanted he's that kind of thing like i mean i maybe it wouldn't have worked out with her but we got trauma bonded so it is what it is and she's like yeah i never would have given this guy the time of day like i never would have thought any more deeply of him had i not you know had brain damage basically is what she said so it's interesting and so and they you know this man like like a like a partner yeah and the the vibes they give off at first are like well you know she seems like she seems like kind of cold to him you know and but then you find then you see him in a scene together and you see why so they have the scene where she makes dinner and he's like wow look at you cooking god remember when you used to cook.

22:49So it starts off like that, which is like, fuck you. Okay. So yeah, they're having this nice dinner. And he's like, so have we talked about you like going out? Cause like you go out with your friends all the time. And I really don't like that cause you're putting yourself in a position where you can meet dudes and you can get numbers from dudes. And I just don't like that. That's not respectful in a marriage. And she's like, okay, we're going to have this discussion again. Like, okay, we, you don't mind going out and you literally get numbers from girls that call you at two in the morning. And he's like, oh no, that's just because i was being nice to some girl like we were out i was out with my friend so i was nice to a girl so what so she called me so for him it's funny and okay but then she still has a life with his girlfriends and he's going to try and quash it because she could get numbers from people so yeah he's already a hypocrite and a piece of shit so he's already pissed me off in this so i'm totally team tannin divorcing this goober of a main tan and i really like tannin she seems very smart she is like a she's she's a coo uh of a company and she's also launching her own skincare something another which is i'm wondering if they're setting us up for a tannin and sky rift because they start the season being like we are so close which is always the kiss of death and the first like crack is that tannin brings over her product for sky to use and sky takes the product and rubs it all over her dog and tannin's like um thanks this is a national platform and you're supposed to show off how good this is and you put it on your dog instead but yeah i think this guy like uh greg like we've seen worse pigs you know in the world especially on bravo but i thought it was so hypocritical he tells a story he's like you can't go out because i don't want guys to get your number but when the story that he tells is that there's literally he's like well i had to be nice this girl she asked for my number and then she texted him at two in the morning saying are you up and he's like no but i showed it to you remember i showed it to you be like isn't this funny it's like and she and i what i liked about tana was like i wasn't upset about that honestly i just am upset that you don't think that i also have that same like sense of judgment which is where his right because he was getting himself all worked up and pissed off at her and he's like oh really so now it's a problem that that girl texted me even though i showed you and she's like no the point is it wasn't a problem it's a problem for you that i'm going at you know she's trying to explain it and she's like listen our communication she says at some point something like yeah we have communication points because i don't want to communicate with you and i'm happy not communicating with you and that just that honesty and i don't feel bad for him because if this is how he communicates it's like that's his communication is like accusing her of shit that hasn't happened so and fuck this guy and you know you're right when you say he's not really that bad in the scheme of in the whole map of bravo men like is he the worst no but this is this is episode one this is episode one and she tries to communicate with him yeah she tries to communicate with him and he like kind of shuts her down i mean this guy is basically he you know you look at him and i i'm imagining that this guy was like a club promoter at some point you know you look we've seen so many of these guys around hollywood they're like oh i'll get you i'll get you a table i'll get you a table you want some I just don't feel like this is going to be a high caliber person here.

26:04I love her. He's in a position where he probably feels emasculated. Because she makes all the money, we find out. There's a guy scene. All the guys get together and invite Adam for whatever reason. Adam's like, oh my god, those dogs are too big. I can't with big dogs. Please, please keep the dogs away from me. Go home. Just fucking go home. The dogs aren't doing anything to you. That was me. I was like, the dog's licking me. He's like, no, no, just get out of my house. Like it's fucking a guy's night of all places. So anyway, there's a guy's night and they're talking about how Tannen and Skye go on vacation together.

26:41And Reza, or one of the guys is like, come on, Greg, why aren't you going on vacation? You should do that too. Like, yeah, you go out on vacation. And he's like, no, it's her money. So she should get to spend her money how she wants, you know? And so we find out that she's kind of making all the money and she's also going out. She's maintained her own life. And I like her attitude. It's like, okay, I'm married to an asshole, but I still have my girlfriends and I'm going to still live my life. And he's not liking it. But, you know, dealing with it in the way of like, you're a slut and I can't trust you because you're probably fucking other dudes is not really the way to keep your woman, you dumbass.

27:19There's also a small wrinkle in this, which is that they used to travel and do things together. But then when Sky came along, she started hanging out with Sky instead of Greg. So I wonder if there's some sort of festering jealousy there. But yeah, at that guy's night, they were like all gathered around this like fire pit. And I actually, I think we talked about this on the trailer breakdown, which is that they like had like a foot up on the fire pit. And I was like, get your foot down. You're going to catch yourself on fire. The entire time I was like, could you please step away from the fire?

27:44You were too close. Big dog, big dog. Oh yeah, I'm a foot on the fireplace kind of a guy. I've ruined many the bottom of, many of, many the bottom of parachutes that way.

28:03We also, in that fire pit scene, that's when Amir shares about his past, that he was actually formally married to someone, and then she died of cancer. And it's, like, really so sad. I think I teared up when you talked to him. So this is the couple, Amir and Natasha. They're, like, the nice couple, like you said earlier. and she's like really bubbly nice. She was a dental assistant. And after his wife died, his friend was like, I'm hooking you up with my dental assistant. And he's like, I was never so happy to get my teeth done. And she's like, yeah, I mean, it totally worked out because I was so sick of dating.

28:41I literally told myself that day, the next guy who comes along, I'm marrying him. And then this guy came along. So I married him. So I even have the post-it note that I wrote his number on. I was like, this is the saddest love story ever because she's like, well, I'm settling. I got sick of waiting. And he's like, well, my true love is dead. So it's, um, I think he's sort of like a cat. I worried for that. My, my, I'm just worried that she's going to break. I think she's going to crack because what we know about her, she's very regimented and she's like a clean freak. She hates germs. Uh, obviously she kept like the post.

29:17No, she's like very much like this goes here and this goes here and this goes here. and I'm worried that at some point she is literally just gonna like she's gonna show up at someone's house and her hair's gonna be a mess and she's gonna be like ran out of handy wipes and he'll be like okay Natasha like I think she's gonna like have a very serious break yeah so that would make sense so they go to let me see what should we talk about so they have a girls night basically we mentioned this earlier so they have a girls night now that we've talked about who all the ladies are. So they meet up, and Skye is just complaining about how much the Valley sucks because she made them all go to Santa Monica.

30:00And so MJ and GT are like, why would we have to come all the way to Santa Monica? Anybody who lives in LA and does not live in Santa Monica knows. You don't want to go to Santa Monica. It's like a different world. It's a different city. I don't want to go over there. It's too far to get there. There's nowhere that's better to eat. Like, why? why do we have to come here and she's like well it's also colder and mistier it's just like the worst it's just a totally different vibe you know it's a beautiful place and people love it i mean if i lived there i would go out there but i don't want to drive for an hour and a half in traffic to go to some chamber like i don't care it's so annoying it's so annoying so they're already annoyed that they have to go there and sky's like well you know we did we go to santa monica because you know it's not the valley and the valley is terrible it's hot it's disgusting the restaurants are terrible she lists all the things that are wrong with the valley and it's so funny she has utter disdain for the valley and they are so pissed that she's like dissing the valley and they're like oh god this girl's so snotty and i can't believe that you know she won't even eat in the valley like get over it bitch you know especially gg so gg wants to kill this chick already so we see a team we see a team form you know we see the ladies who hate their husbands and travel together versus the ogs yeah and honestly like i really i really like the sky and tannin relationship i'm kind of like rooting for them too and i wouldn't go up against them especially sky i think gg thinks this is going to be easy because they're new and she's got the audience on her side but she's gg so she does not have the audience on her side and this sky lady is like so cranky and snotty and hilarious that i think she's gonna get the audience on her side real quick i mean i'm on her side that's that's we love a mess that's all that matters we love a mess we love i love a snotty asshole and i feel like tannin's an asshole too and i also feel like tannins i also feel like sky and tannin are really smart i mean famous last word it's always scary whenever you make that declaration about someone on Bravo, but I do feel like they're smart.

32:06So I'm always going to get behind a smart lady. But I think that Gigi actually kind of sticks out on this cast because it feels like more or less everyone is kind of like an adult. And I feel like Gigi is still acting like an adolescent in a weird way. Yes, she has a kid. Yes, she is, you know, doing, she's trying to be an adult, but like, there's just like a different vibe. And like, I don't know. I just, so I feel like maybe that's why I'm just not as compelled to watch Gigi. Because she's sort of cosplaying as an adult, but I don't really feel like she is an adult necessarily. Well, Gigi is like a Valley cast member, but she's like one of the guys from the Valley.

32:42You know, like never grows up, you know, making terrible decisions all the time, coming up with multiple excuses for their bad decisions. Like she's like a Tom Schwartz or a Jax or one of those guys from the Valley. And so, I mean, it still kind of works for the theme. There's also, by the way, a really interesting tonal difference between this valley and the other valley. The other valley is more like where Gigi would fit in, which is people who are now like they're, you know, in their 40s or late 30s who are grown out of like the party child section of their lives. But they're still they haven't quite given it up, but they're now kind of trying to figure out what it's like to be an adult.

33:24But this show, it kind of feels like everyone is an adult. It feels like people, like there's professionals. It's not that the others are not professional, but these people who are more on career paths, et cetera. And they're just as like a different vibe. It just feels like people who are a bit more mature. Yeah, they don't seem to be struggling to hold on to the youth part of it. They're like, we moved to the Valley because we want to be older. Like, you know, yeah. Like wherever you compare it to like, you know, Kristen and Luke, right? Kristen and Luke are trying to be adults, but like Kristen is like, I got my t-shirt line.

33:57And then you have like, you know, Bomshad doing, I don't know what Bomshad does, but he has an office with bricks. He has a brick interior office. I'm like, wow, he's a grownup. He has an office. By the way, he has an office with a desk, a desk and a computer. So one's not better than the other, but it's an interesting thing to point out that there is like definitely a tonal shift between the two. Right. So one of the characters we have not talked about is the new Mike. The new Mike Shued. Who we thought might be the gay. He was not the gay. He was the gay. Yeah. And I'm not convinced after watching the episode that he's not the gay.

34:36But we meet this guy. And obviously I don't mean that as a criticism. I just, the shoes. I'm just going to say it's the shoes. So we meet this guy. He's also named Reza. So I don't know what we call him. Like Reza Jackson. Resige. So Resige comes in and he's cute. He's very good looking. He is a ladies man not ready to settle down. He has the typical scenes of talking to family where they're like, when are you going to have a baby? When is it time to get married? And he's like, in Persian culture you've really got to get married real quick or you're worthless and I guess I'm going to try and settle down.

35:12So we've got that whole hacky thing of the guy who's going to pretend that he's going to try and settle down even though he's now on TV. So huge doorways of Vulva have opened up to him and he will not be settling down anytime soon. But he's going to pretend. So we've seen this a million times on Bravo. He's a fairly cute representation of the storyline, but he does have solid, crazy eyes. The man has psycho eyes. Yes, I think he is. He is hiding something under there. It's nice. This is a nice pivot from Mike because Mike was always kind of like a grease ball. guy that like you would always be sort of skeeve you out and this guy is definitely no another fuck boy but he's also blatantly that and um like i found him to be relatively inoffensive what i did not like was well in the first episode um amir and natasha have like a dinner party and everyone has to come over take off their shoes and so natasha has invited over her neighbor to meet Reza J.

36:14And so within like three seconds, Reza J and this girl are making out at the table in front of everyone, which is crazy. So you're like, oh, okay, well, it looks like we've made a match. And then the second episode, they go on a date. Well, they weren't making out, right? They were just kind of flirty. They were very close to it. They were like, yeah, yeah, they were flirty. So then in the second episode, they go on a date and she just starts busting his balls, which is great. I really like this for her. And she's basically saying like, are you a fuck boy? Are you not a fuck boy? And he's like, I'm not a fuck boy.

36:43I'm just, I'm promiscuous. I was like, oh, that's, thank you for, like, that's a great, that's, is this supposed to be like the, the, the mollification of, of a fuck boy? Like, no, no, no. It's much better than that. I'm just promiscuous. Like that. Yeah. I feel like you could have had, you could have rebranded yourself a little more strongly than. Yeah. Much hotter. Much hotter. Yeah. So he's like, well, well, that one didn't really work out. Not going to see her again. Who dodged a bullet? I was like, yeah, she dumped you immediately, sir. But the night that you're talking about, they all get together.

37:17And it was a little tense because is this when they were coming at Gigi about her credit? The first night was, yes. That's when they were all talking about like, how is she going to move? She doesn't have good credit. Like she needs to downsize. Yeah. So MJ immediately tattletales. And she tells us that she tattletaled to Gigi because she wants Gigi to know that she's on her side in this situation. she basically wants to start this off like i'm not gonna fight with gg this first season i can't take it gg's too hard and i'm gonna just placate gg in this situation but she does start the fire with gg and everyone else and reza sticks to his guns he's like what do you want from me i'm just trying to help you like you need to make some kind of effort here but now gg's mad at everyone and she's like why aren't they even talking and so she starts throwing grapes at the couple and that girl's like that girl was mean she was like throwing grapes at me and he's like yeah i I think that's just how Gigi is.

38:09So yeah, we're going to have to deal with it. MJ definitely did not like help the tone. Like she did not like control the tone because you know, like I think in a situation like that, you sort of like let Gigi ease into the party and then say, Hey, just so you know, we were talking about your credit and we are a bit concerned. Is there like, maybe we should, we can work with you and give you some advice since we're all real estate professionals. But the fact that when Gigi walked in right away and MJ was like, um, we were all talking about you. Gigi won't be in defense mode. That's MJ. So then what was the other night that they got together?

38:42So they had a boys night. That was mostly uneventful, except we heard about the first wife passing away from that dude. And then there was another night. They had like Persian night, right? Is this the other night that they all got together? So they had another dinner party where they all get together. And this time it's Reza's turn to make some mess. So they're like, so what's up? I heard that you sleep separately from your husband. And she's like, yes, I sleep separately from him because, you know, the story that we told before. He comes back into bed at 3 in the morning and takes the whole bed and breathes in my face.

39:13It's disgusting. I got my own bed. And they're like, well, don't you sleep in a separate bed too, Tannen? And whatever. So they're talking about that. And Reza's like, well, I would just like to say that you should never let your marriage get to the point where you're sleeping in other beds because that is the beginning of the path to divorce. And then everybody just gets really quiet. And they're like, oh my God. And of course we know already one of the marriages has crumbled. And that of course is MJ and Tommy. And so what we're seeing is their relationship falling apart, which is very sad, but also like basically Tommy is like, he's too much.

39:52He's too much. He, you know, there's, there's, there is like Tommy's a fascinating character cause he is like a very sweet guy underneath it all. We can all see it. and you sort of do feel like he really loves his family and, um, and MJ, but you also see how he doesn't get out of his own way. And he just, he does joke too much. It makes too many barbs and passive aggressive barbs. This is the way like a lot of straight guys just communicate and it's not healthy at all. And how are you? Gay guys. We're, we're totally good about not making sarcastic barbs constantly. Well, it's not just about that, but just like, I think that like straight guys are like communication sometimes it can be, it just has a different vibe, you know, whereas women are like, let's talk about this.

40:31let's do this and then gay guys were like in the middle somewhere but um but tommy he's like a lot of like a lot of the a lot of the scenes of him are like hey your ass looks big get out of here okay scram and then like little baby sham's like yeah scram mom and it's like okay it's like and he's like and you're like this isn't the best and mj is starting to pick up on that and she's like i don't love this and she starts and she tells her mom they're driving somewhere and she's like yeah I don't love the way he talks to me. And she goes, well, you know, you can't teach an old monkey new tricks.

41:05And she's like, it's dog mom. She's like, no, no, it's monkey. I'm pretty sure it's monkey. It's monkey. You never know it's Mercedes. Because MJ starts this whole show by being like, I'm leaving Tommy. Like, fuck Tommy. Like, I'm not staying in this relationship. Why the fuck would I? Okay, look, here's the thing. If you asked me, like, Ronnie, from an outside perspective, what's wrong with my relationship with Tommy? Here's my answer. You married Tommy. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? He said his vows in farts. Yeah. I mean, you married fucking Tommy, bro. Like, that's what happened.

41:40And I can understand getting absolutely sick of it. Because he is nonstop. He's like, let's go to a date night. Let's go to a fucking date night. Yeah, you look pretty good. All right, let's go. Oh, man, this is a waiter? Yeah, yeah. Give me something that's not going to make me shit all over your fucking restaurant. How about that? she's like, can we not talk about diarrhea? It's like, ah, shut the fuck up, stupid. All right, give me this thing. That was a shrimp cocktail. Don't you know how to read Morse code? Get the fuck over it. And then he does go and take a dump in the bathroom at the end of the seventh rate, which is a place, I don't know if you've ever been there.

42:13I went to a wedding there once. It's a small bathroom. So I feel bad for anyone who had to go into that bathroom afterwards. And he comes out like, yeah, I took a shit. Yeah, I took a major shit in there. Like, wow, this is a charming date night that you're having here, Tommy.

42:31But yeah, she's spending the first two episodes, like, basically laying the groundwork for leaving Tommy. She's telling the audience to never say, like, I'm out of here. Fuck this guy. And so she has this scene with her mom where she's like, you know, mom, I just don't, like, I just don't, like, feel listened to. And I don't feel safe from my relationship with Tommy. and like the kid's starting to, baby Shams is starting to like smart off to me too because he's learning it from his dad and we see a lot of examples of that, of the kid being like, what, don't tell me to eat dinner, stupid. You do it, dummy.

43:02And she's like, oh God, you know, and she tells her mom, well, I don't, you know, discipline him as much because I don't want to be like you, mom, you know, where everything I do is wrong. It's like, oh, please, oh, MJ, oh, why, why, why. So now you're saying you don't feel safer, Tommy? come on wow wow wow get fucking real going uh mercedes i was like oh my god yeah so i was like damn yeah damn vita but then vita actually goes and sits down with tommy she takes tommy to lunch and she's basically saying to tommy like she actually sticks up for mercedes she's like you have to stop you have to make this work you have to stop joking around so much She's like, what?

43:44I do everything for her. You only hear the bop that she says. She says, the bop, she's just like you, Vita. It's like I got a mini Vita on my hands. The only thing I don't have is a red lip staring me right in the face, like the one I'm looking at right now. I'm going, fart, fart, fart. And she's like, but if you don't change your ways, she's going to leave. And he goes, then she should get a divorce. Okay, well, she's going to, stupid. So that's what she did. And you know, like when I say, MJ, like you picked Tommy, like you did. I mean, I think anybody who watches was like, what the fuck are you doing?

44:16But, you know, there is a certain time in your life. And I think she was at it where she was like, it's time. I want to get married. I want to have a kid. And if this is the guy, you know, at least he's nice, you know. And it doesn't mean that just because you married him that for the rest of your life, you have to put up with this bullshit. So good for her. And I heard that on their podcast, he's like, ah, women, they don't want to work anything out anymore. Oh, yeah. Well, make one little tiny fucking effort not to be disgusting, bro. I mean, geez. So yeah, I don't feel bad for him. It is so crazy seeing baby Shams being a kid now.

44:49Like with the personality and how he is turning into a little Tommy. I mean, all of that was pretty fun to watch. Yeah. Yeah. It is wild. But yeah, this is, I mean, is this what Bravo is going to be doing now? When certain young shows get too old, you spin them off into the valley and then you watch all the relationships crumble. Yeah. That's what, that's basically what this is. Is that what like the city in the city is going to be like for summer house when they all go into the city and then we're going to watch Kyle and Amanda crumble and we'll watch, well, there are no other relationships on that show.

45:24That's the funny part about the summer house. Nothing is stable over there. Yeah. But I think, yeah, that's it. They're going to keep their stars and just spin them off into other shows, which I like. I mean, it's working for me. I thought this one was pretty good. I was solidly entertained for the two and a half hours. Great to have the OGs back. And even better, honestly, to see the new cast. Because I think they struck some gold there. So we'll just have to wait and see. Yeah, they found a good cast chemistry. And this is the good pivot that they've been trying for so many years on Jaws to get more supporting players in there.

45:56And I think they did it now. I think it feels like it's in a really good place. So they're doing good stuff over there. It's a really fun show. And Bravo, I kind of think that right now, everything in Bravo is really good with the exception. Beverly Hills is struggling. Southern Charm is kind of struggling too. But still, even them, all these shows that struggle, I think Bravo's in a good place. I think it's all good stuff for us. We are lucky. We are hashtag blessed. Yeah, we are being fed, the kids say. So, really good. We'll be back next week with a full recap of the episode. We just wanted to kind of give a lay of the land today.

46:34But we will be giving the show full recap starting next week. Join us later today for some traders coverage as that just started. And if you want ad free, join us over on patron and don't forget to go get your tickets for the golden crappies on sale. Now we do that show February 27th. So join us. Won't ya? Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

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