#3164 Southern Charm S11E07 Part 1: Chick Me Girl*

0:21Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on ye old bros. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Happy Bagel Thursday slash National Bagel Day. Oh, well, it's going great. Going great. Congratulations on having a national day made after your personal holiday. Yeah, thank you. Pretty big, Ben. You made a holiday happen. Yeah, I feel like Stassi, when she came up with outfit of the day day. Ooh, ooh, to the. Ooh, to the. Although I'm upset. Whenever I'm in New York, I get bagels from this specific place, and they always make a killer bagel.

1:09So today I was like, I'm ordering it. I saved it up all week, and I ordered it, and I got my bagel. And honestly, it was not a very good bagel. And I was like, how could you do this to me on Bagel Thursday, on National Bagel Day? So I guess there's only one path forward, which is I guess I'll get another bagel from somewhere else. another bagel well you have business meetings today in New York so why don't you just make them all at bagel places I know no it's just an excuse so I can get another bagel tomorrow that's the real key because tomorrow we have a big day of recording but tomorrow's not bagel day well it's it's in the spirit of no I mean you can't you can't have a holiday made after your personal day and then be like well it's also bagel Friday man that's not how it works okay tomorrow's Christmas everybody just because No, I'll say it's Greek Bagel Day tomorrow Because there's always Greek Easter And it's like eight days later That's true Or you could do Bagel Hanukkah Where it just goes on for eight days Or whatever it is Yeah, I think that's It's a very big back-to-back thing Because today is National Bagel Day Tomorrow is Sade's birthday So I think we can celebrate Sade With a bagel tomorrow Which, you know the smooth operator wouldn't appreciate you know what i i feel like shade wouldn't appreciate a carb um celebration because shade keeps pretty in shape but you know i'm gonna stop knowing you and just yes you yes it's a lucky day well shade would want me to do something sensual for myself that would bring me joy and that would be having a bagel but she herself would probably get like a little bowl of kind of like japanese farm food you know like yeah something like lovely and delicious that's you know like maybe something that involves like a kelp or i don't know like beautifully arranged and that would be her bagel thursday and it wouldn't wouldn't be a bagel at all in fact she would actually tell people it's a bagel she's like well it's my bagel it's not a bagel shane actually it doesn't matter shane's bagel is it's a crime Time to call this a bagel.

3:15Oh, gosh. Okay, everybody. Well, guess what? Guess what? It is time for Southern Charm. But first, the Golden Crappies are on February 27th here in the glorious, glamorous Los Angeles, California, during award season, as it should be. Come to that. It's going to be super fun. You can get tickets over, ticket links at WatchWhatCrappens.com. You can also go to our link in bio on our Instagram. That's also where you'll find links to our Patreon, our Amazon Lives, which are every Monday at 4. Crappy Hour is every other Monday at 5.30 Pacific Time, which is this coming Monday. Might have a special guest, so tune in.

3:54Won't say who it is in case they flake, but it should be fine. And then Crappy's tickets also on Patreon is where you get bonus episodes, all of our video recaps, which we do every day now. We're covering traders over on bonus and we have ad free listening now on Patreon. So go over there. Thanks to everybody who signed up over there. We sure love you guys. I'm just speeding through that. Not because I don't care about those things, but because I care about you, the audience. Okay. And now is Southern charm day, man. Congratulations to Vanita because Vanita got her. I mean, she had one week where she said he is going to walk you like a leash on a dog and then dump you.

4:36And then Sally's like, how dare you? I want that to happen on my own after I get some chicks. And then she left. And then the very next week. I'm actually mad at Vanita. I'm mad at Vanita. Okay. I mean, we've trotted this out before. I think we've, I feel like we root for Vanita, but she's just not very good at this show. And it seemed like at the beginning of the season, she got the memo on how to be a reality star. You know, she stormed out of a party, but then she like, she's been overdoing it. and like she stormed out of this well she actually i would not say that she stormed she didn't storm but she left she was breezy it wasn't a storm it was a breeze it was like a a light cloud in the sky but she left the slumber party early it's like girl you can't leave early like this because you missed the biggest told you so she thought she had her told you so moment she just had it she just had to wait 20 minutes and she would have had the biggest told you so moment because it was like what she left on was so small like she could have had so much joy and she could have gloated so hard and she missed it Vanita don't leave like that again you don't know what spoils of victory you could have had yeah couldn't we almost have it all but no you left again stop leaving Vanita stay stay and enjoy the fruits of your labor that's what I say that's right um well this episode is season 11 episode 7 it's called foul play and it's spelled f-o-w-l you guys i was gonna call this episode because it's my turn to title an episode and i was going to call it the death of the pick me chicks but that's so dramatic i love it but i didn't want people to think i was calling all the women on the show pick me chicks you know because they'd see the title and be like oh my god that's not cool they're not pick me's and not get that i was talking about the little chicks that sally bought so i didn't go with it but i just wanted to talk about that's stupid it's like um slump um party slumber party or uh pajama drama or something pajama drama i think pajama drama which is you know kind of lame but whatever it's done like well i wish there was some sort of like book moment because then it could be chick lit but there was but there's no doesn't make sense the lit who cares unless they're good well they're sort of getting drunk no it doesn't work yeah white chick chick lit chick lit oh yeah that would have been funny if somebody got wasted but yeah whatever so uh it's called foul play which i really like and um um chick-fil-a wait what is that chick for chick chick for lay chick for late chick chick we could also use chicken but chicks you know we're gonna i think pajama drama is probably where it's at i think yeah that's that's just all i have that's all i have forgotten me um So Sally is at her house and she's got her friend Riley over and the dogs are trying to run out the gate.

7:53I'm rooting for the dogs. Yeah. Because I feel like Sally probably takes, she probably talks to the dogs too much about her relationship. Like it's natural to talk to your dog. You know, my dog knows everything, which I mean, dogs can't talk. So thankfully, thankfully, because God, he's got a lot of dirt. But I talked to the dog about everything and my life is pretty boring. I'll be like, God, you know what I'm really craving? hostess donuts why why am i craving that and he just looks at me like i would just like a pretzel it's like anything literally anything drop a bugger on the ground i'll eat it what do you do what privilege do you have to get hostess donuts you know and then i order some and he just sits there and watches me eat them and i'm like but they're chocolate you can't i mean a dog's life is hell so sally's double dog life has got to be held they just hear about boys all day like shitty shitty boys.

8:41I know. It's just got to be exhausting. And she probably, you know, because she is that friend, that girlfriend who just yammers on about the boys. Well, I really like Craig and I think he really likes me, but he hasn't made a move on me yet. But like I think if we're just like getting close there maybe I should just tell him that I like him. I mean, it's 2026, a girl can say what she wants to say. And the dogs are like, just honestly hostess donut. Come on. Like just drop it on the floor for me. I don't really care about your boy problems. Exactly. I mean, you know, that's Well, I'm rooting for the dogs to run.

9:11I'm like, run, little wiener dogs. Run, little white wiener dogs. Keep running. The spirit of Storm and Bambi are alive in these dogs. That's a reference to Kyle Richards' dogs that are always trying to escape into greater Encino. I block everything Kyle Richards out of my brain. I'm like, who's that? Stormy Daniels. But Sally is having a really sad episode. And I almost felt bad for Sally, but I decided not to. So she has ordered like a chicken coop off Amazon or something. Probably not Amazon because you had to use actual screws. Where did it come from? You can get like a house on Amazon. I saw an influencer do it once, which I'm embarrassed to even say.

10:01I was considering doing that. Have you ever considered getting like a little house on Amazon that you put in your backyard? This person got a house. They got a house. They got like a prefab house that they wanted on Amazon. I swear to God, I saw it. Is it nice? I don't even know who the influencer is, and I'm influenced. I want a house. It was like one of those, it's sort of rectangular. It was fascinating. I was so confused as how we got that on Amazon. But I definitely saw that. I mean, we'll put it on our Amazon Live next. We should. we should do an amazon live we should get houses from amazon live come on yeah we just need a plot of land and some plumbing but you know that's pretty easy in la right dude i just went to amazon and i typed in house and the house came up yeah a real house well it's like a gazebo no and then a purple a sunroom patio came up um backyard discovery but this isn't amazon live we'll do this another day but that is fascinating i want an amazon house okay so anyway the point is sally got a little chicken coop and she's putting it together with real screws i mean chicken coops have not graduated to the little l wrench you know technology which is crazy so you have to use real screws sorry everybody who gets chicken coops and um she is building a chicken coop because she wants to get chicks because craig mentioned that he wants chickens in his yard so So she figures if she gets chickens in her yard, then Craig will have to come over and be like the dad of the chickens.

11:36And then they'll fall in love. And then they'll be together forever. That's not a good plan. Chickens die young. And also you kill chickens and eat them. I mean, it's just not very romantic. That's what I'm going to say. This is one of the saddest things we've ever seen in the history of Bravo. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. As the kids say, Vanderpump Rules. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. This is really a sad, sad moment. You know, Sally last year I felt seemed like an empowered young lady. I mean, she's still empowered. But I don't know. I felt like she wasn't so pick me.

12:08And this year, I just find her to be very sad. And the fact that she is investing in chickens pretty much solely so that Craig will go with her to pick out the chickens. And, like, hopefully she's going to win Craig over with chicken determination. because Craig said at one point that he'd like to have chickens in his backyard. And so she's going to have chickens to show that they have the same interest. I just think it's sad, especially because I don't think Craig has any interest in chickens. I think it's just like his chat GPT brain sensed that that was the answer. That was the thing that Sally needed to hear in that moment in order for him to be charming.

12:48Craig is not going to take care of chickens. I know he's got bees. Chickens is just going to be a bridge too far for him. And now she's stuck with chickens. three chickens it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial chickens and it's just you know i just wish for her that because her friend says so what prompted you to get a chicken coop and say oh i wanted her to say something like oh god i've always wanted chickens i've always thought it would be so cool to have eggs right in my backyard and take care of these sweet animals who don't deserve to die for chick-fil-a and you know just like really learn some empathy and my friend mentioned chickens and i was like yeah i've wanted chickens i'm gonna get the chickens this was a sign but instead she doesn't it's like she has no self-awareness or maybe she has all the self-awareness in the world because she's her answer is well i was in craig's hot tub the other night we were talking about it and he said if i got chickens he'd go with me to pick out the chickens so the next day i ordered a chicken coop it's like oh god you are so pathetic you are too gorgeous to be this pathetic you know I feel like, you know, when you're not like gorgeous like that, you think like, oh, my God, what would life be like if I was that gorgeous?

13:58Like people would open doors for me. People would buy me stuff. People would get me chickens. You know, it's like how you think. And then you see somebody that gorgeous and then you see that it just leads to nothing. And then it's like, well, what's the point of just being insecure about not being so gorgeous? And then it's like, did I have wasted all my life being insecure? I think it's like a really good thing, just a good motto in general is don't invest into the welfare of other living beings just for the approval of a man. Okay. Unless it's a baby. Unless it's a baby. Now, I say if someone breaks up with you or is going to break up with you, then definitely that's the time when you're like, we should have a baby, you know?

14:45Okay. You know what? if it's a celebrity, have that baby because then you're tied to that celebrity to life and that's very exciting.

14:56It's like, sorry Guillermo del Toro, you may be a famous star now, but I have your child.

15:06Wow. I don't know what that's like. I actually meant to say Benicio del Toro, but somehow I went to get it, which is very different. Both would have the same response. shape of water more like shape of association with celebrity culture

15:23pan's labyrinth more like the labyrinthine walls of getting to be connected to a celebrity okay by the way i'm in cuba hey here's one from cuba frankenstein more like baby stein because now i have a celebrity's baby you can use that sally yeah um so it's sad and so the friend thinks it's sad too but she won't say it's sad and she's like is craig gonna name one of the chickens and she's like well i do have a code to his house now so dot dot dot yikes first of all you're gonna buy the chickens for this guy who doesn't care and then you're gonna let him actually perform the sacred right of naming one the chickens no like don't let craig name your chick don't do that at all that's these are your you only have three so you get to name them okay my friend katie who you've met katie she used to have a chicken in high school and the chicken's name was sid and i always thought that was the funniest name for a chicken who names their chicken sid the chicken said i like that i like that for a chicken name i love you can't let craig name him because he'll be like um um page Okay Craig No there's not only one page in the world Okay there can be other pages Okay fine Craig What should we name the other chicken Um Nomi Damn it Craig The third one can be named Natalie All the girls I've loved Before So yeah You can call this episode Chick Me Chick Me Girl Chick Me Girl that's it Chick Me Girl Chick Me Girl I'm going to write it down Thank you Thank you everyone Chick Me Girl As if I just got a setting ovation from the audience You did You did from me His titles are sometimes very hard Ben's the title queen So Chick Me Chick Me Girl And then I'm going to put a little star And then when you read the star at the bottom It'll say By Ben No You don't have to This is our No you're right You're right By Ben Mandelker Del Toro fueled by bagels happy bagel friday happy and then i'll put another star and say happy bagel friday happy

17:49could you imagine if you trapped guillermo del toro with a baby um so sally has the code to your house that's terrifying okay so now we go over to charlie's gallery and um craig arrives and he's like is there anyone here who looks like a really beautiful praying mantis i want to talk to her they're like oh charlie's over there selling a painting of a penguin he's like damn it that was supposed to be my painting hey charlie meet my assistant who looks like page de sorbo with republican hair oh hi nice to meet you this poor guy the plus one to ever what's the guy's name oh my god this poor assistant greg drags this poor assistant around and he's just so awkward he's like yeah here's my here's my good friend what's his face and he's like uh yeah it's like a gallery jack yeah jack jack jack oh sweet jack i feel bad for him i don't feel bad for him actually i just feel like he just has to deal with so i do feel bad for him i feel bad that i feel bad so much of craig's bullshit and he just seems like this sweet lovely gay who's just you know he's like just trying to have a baby with a celebrity but he's trying to just make it Through college or whatever.

19:01Get his extra college credit. And he's not getting it. And, you know, I look at Jack and I just think, head in the sack because of lyrics. Jack, Jack, Jack, head in the sack. But I also think this poor guy doesn't even know that his life is about to revolve around chicks that he's going to have to raise. Because when Craig says, I'm going to get chickens, that means Jack is going to get chickens. Jack is going to have little chicks hanging off of his nipples for the next like three years Here's what I feel bad about for Jack I feel like Jack like I feel like it's really hard to be a gay in Charleston There are not a lot of options as TJ has announced many times And I just feel like his his few joys will be After a long day of work at Craig's he gets to go home and watch heated rivalry And like that's his special thing just watching heated rivalry and then he the next day he goes out with craig and it's like sally is there and then sally are talking and sally's like oh my god i've been watching heated rivalry it is so good i love it so much and charlie's like oh my god i think that is so cute i love that show let's talk about it and he's like but this was my thing my gay thing and now you basics have stolen it from me yeah poor jack just can't and they're like why do you have crust on your shirt What'd you say?

20:25Nothing So then

20:37Charlie's like I didn't know you were coming And he's like But you just invited me And he does that Craig smile That's like so charming But also so punchable Once you know he's just tricking you and manipulating you and she's like well i invited everyone well i mean no one really i mean i don't know do you guys want some champagne so you invited everybody or you didn't invite everybody what is it charlie it's so funny because charlie is you i thought charlie never remember that first episode i was like what a brat but like she's like not a brat and she's shockingly i feel like uneasy and insecure which makes sense because we meet her mom this is our second time we have a conversation with her mom this episode and uh so like now i understand why but i thought she was gonna be strident and like i'm charlie and i get the man that i want and she's like well i invited everyone i mean no one i mean i don't know oh my god i hope sally doesn't see us oh god she's playing like a mini tuba it's like wait a minute it she's just gonna freeze in front of one of the paintings be like i'm not here this is just a painting of charlie on campus yeah i really like charlie i think she's beautiful i think she's sweet i think she you know she does think about other people's feelings even though she's still going to go on this date but you know i actually really like her too and that's why i want to protect her from greg because you know and and most importantly ronnie we know one thing about Charlie.

22:07She's decent. Did you act decent on your date? Did you act decent? Yes, I know. Her mom's like, tell me, was there any intercourse you indecent slobbing? Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, Craig's like, I think I'm happier when I'm sharing my life with someone. Have you, oh, by the way, speaking of sharing lives, have you ever been to Low Country Oysters? You just ride around a boat all day Eating oysters you want to go We could be like on the water together For a day Jack's like I thought you were going to take me To Lowcountry Oysters I'm the one who told you about that You're going to use my boat My family's boat Jack's like wait a minute that's my friend Who owns Lowcountry Oysters Do I get to come No gay go watch the hockey show

23:06go feed the bees so so charlie's like oh to death together for like a day oh no sally will kill me he's like yeah i mean it'll be good yeah no he'll be fun oh god i guess it's just it's so awkward to say but the way that she looks at me and like i don't know she just smiles when we talk and like there's something there I want to explore like does her face do other faces? That's interesting to me. Okay, here's the way that she looks at you. And I can see it because I can read her face, okay? This is how she looks at Craig. Well, he's cute, but God, he's dumb. Do I have to date him just because I'm on this TV show?

23:49I really do like being on this TV show. And if I don't date somebody from the TV show, how am I going to stay on the TV show? God, is it him? Is he the only one available jeez don't like him his waterfall countertops don't even go together properly he does have a remote control for his fires in the backyard which is cool but isn't that kind of douchey oh i don't know he has a hot tub but i did get white spots all over my skin last time i was in it like you just see the look of i could but is it really what i want you know she's got that like cringe on her face and that's what i'm reading if only there were a pretty good looking guy who just had a nice steady profession like a lawyer or something like that and his own house and a little just a little bit of trauma in his life that i could fix oh well i guess there's no one like that on the cast yeah i know poor guy but you know what they say about him and by they i mean sally on watch what happens live yeah someone was like why why don't you go for sally I mean, why don't you go for that guy, Watner or whatever?

24:58Like, he's cute and has a job. And why is everybody dissing him for the other guys? And she goes, yeah, well, I don't think you guys know him yet. And it was actually nice to hear that because I was like, okay, good. He is going to be a douchebag. Because I hate this insecurity of not knowing if a guy on Southern Charm is going to be a douchebag. Like, nine times out of ten, they're a douchebag. So just make it happen. I don't need the buildup. Just be a douchebag. so I can hate you now. Is it possible though, I really don't want to be an apologist for Wittner because there's just no upside for defending any man on Southern Charm ever, but is it possible that Wittner and Sally go on some date and he's like, yeah, I really like a driven woman.

25:45I wake up at four in the morning and I run around Charleston 10 times and I come back and then I do pushups and then I read a book and then i go to work and i like a woman who who works hard like that too is interested in things like that and it's like just wants to have like do like go to go to lectures and stuff like that and she's like ew he is so snobby i don't like him at all like is it possible that he just like they have a date and he makes like reasonable requests of what he wants not reasonable but like just yeah i was gonna say before in the morning is not reasonable and by the way i talked to mama 10 times in that in that schedule but like is it possible he says something that's more of like uh like an adult lifestyle kind of thing quote-unquote adult lifestyle thing where she's like oh he's snobby like i can imagine something like that happens and then she's turned off so i'm gonna like i can too i don't know that i'm really ready to trust sally's judgment exactly that's that's the thing she's bought three chickens for craig so now like when she says just wait till you get to know him he probably like whitner might just like read her for filth a little bit like why did you get chickens for a man that's a stupid thing you're better than that and she's like i hate you you know so like i'm gonna i'm gonna right now i like whitner and i'm gonna i'm gonna stay in a place where i like him until i have evidence that i shouldn't yeah i agree but it's like picking a murderer you know when you watch southern charm and you're like oh my god who's the douchebag you know I mean granted it's like watching well I don't want to say what movie it is because it's a spoiler alert even though it's really old but the one where they all did it you know you know it's like that kind of murderers they're all the murderers yeah those damn dogs get those puppies Cruella gets all the blame but it's also her henchman I'd just like to add so now we go to Madison's new house and oh wait are we Madison's new house sorry No, no.

27:39First we go back to Sally's. Yeah, I was about to say. And she's still making the chicken coop. And she's like, am I going to regret getting chickens? And her friend's like, no, it'll be an experience and maybe a lifelong experience. Oh, stop. For them. Stop. What kind of friend is this? He's like, no, maybe Craig's going to marry you now because you got chickens. This girl probably goes home and laughs at Sally. She's like, ha ha. Tricks Sally into falling in love again. Seriously. By the way, Ronnie, for the record, I did text you a listing for a house from Amazon. I saw it. I'm like, how big is 20 feet?

28:13Is that big? Trust me. Speaking of which, Madison's new house, which is definitely not something you can order from a website, is a massive brick southern house. And boxes are around. And Madison is still very pregnant. And there's clothes all everywhere. and some professional organizers are there to help her sort stuff. And yes, I did look them up to see if they were the home edit, and they weren't. So that's the news of that. We watched one episode of that show. That really stuck with you, that one. The rainbow. I always forget the rainbow. We watched one episode of that show during the pandemic, like years ago, and you still bring that one up.

28:53You really like that one, huh? It's not so much that I like it. It's just it's stuck in my head. because I've seen two organizing shows ever. One was the home edit. Well, I'm not going to count Marie Kondo. She's like her own thing. One was the home edit, and one was this random-ass show that was on HGTV. I don't know if it's still there, where the lady was like, okay, are you a ladybug? Are you a grasshopper? Are you a cicada? And I was like, that was how you should classify you in terms of how you need to organize. I'm a fly swatter. Oh, bam, get out of my house. so weird that leanne locken was her first client welcome to the home edit with leanne locken wait a minute wait a minute i came into the bedroom you're supposed to remodel and other people's clothes are in here it's my bedroom now bitch we call that an edit um possession is nine tenths of ownership back the fuck off bitch

29:55wait a second all your stuff is in here we call that a jump cut home at it

30:03uh so yeah so we go to madison's and she's like wow look at me 31 weeks pregnant still look like a barbie doll ain't it hard everybody look at all these clothes i can't wear everybody and so they're putting her clothes in this closet and um she has a dark guy karen sorry there's a what of course madison has a dog named karen oh my gosh of course she does so funny that's so funny do you know that my roomba's original name was karen because that was like the the karen thing started in 2020 but our roombas came in 2019 and so i named my my roomba karen because i thought it'd be a funny name for a roomba and then um and then i changed it to dolores when because it was part of an ad campaign that we did so you named yours ramona so I named mine Dolores so it would also have a Bravo name.

30:53But then when the Karen thing got big, I was like, damn it. I should have kept my Roomba named Karen because I would have been ahead of the Karen wave. Isn't that crazy? Like two out of three of our Roomba names have been canceled. I mean, the things that won one the traitors. Spoiler. Oh, yes. That is a spoiler. Goddamn, Ben. So, Logan is, she has professional organized over there and they're organizing her staff. and um madison's like let's be honest the fact that i have to dress my body right now adapting to the weight of my legs my stomach my chest it's grossing me out i mean listen being five three and being pregnant it's not made for short girls it's brutal down there is brutal yeah so now she eats a cookie from crumble and then which i still never had a crumble cookie but i hear they're terrible i've heard nothing but terrible things about the crumble cookies but I've never had one that's not dry but you know I think it just depends cookies are rough because it depends on when you get the cookie you know La Brea Bakery is very famous here in LA and every time I get something that's from La Brea Bakery like at a grocery store it's always dry and shitty and the other day I happened to get one that was fresh and delicious and I was like this is the most amazing bread I've ever had from a grocery store and I was so proud of La Brea bakery for finally making it in my mind, you know, cause I was like, I've tried this for literally 16 years and it's never worked.

32:18And I finally got one that was just perfection. Well, I think that if your brand is called crumble cookies, we really can't complain about them being dry. I mean, it's, it's just right there. It's in the name. Yeah. You know, when people tell you what their cookies are, believe them. Yeah. That's why when people ask me on a date and they're like, Hey, you want to go out? What's your name? And I'm like, um hating you in a week what's yours you're like my name is don't buy chickens for me it's not gonna work it's not gonna work as the middle name so brett you know what i think madison needs right now in this scene some charisma let's get brett on the phone yeah hi brett and he's like i like your overalls i mean yeah it's all for the work i'm doing all the house i mean they're just talking about this house that was funny though because she goes, it's all the work I'm doing on the house.

33:08And he goes, yeah, that's good. She goes, you know that was sarcasm, right? He's like, yeah. You got to get out of California with all those betas. That man is handsome, but he is a bump on a log. Yeah, a beautiful bump on a beautiful log. Truly. Yeah, yeah, it's not. Well, okay, so she, Madison's talking about, she never thought she was going to have another baby, but then Brett came along, long and now she wants to have another baby and she's excited and yada yada yada and uh you know they're just they're just talking about boring couple of stuff honestly it's just there's babies and and you know houses and hudson's getting older so now we go over to whitner is everyone okay if we move on from madison facetiming brett yeah i want to talk about the chicken coop more just get me back to the chicken coop that's all I literally do.

34:05I literally cannot wait till we get back to those chickens. But for right now, we have Wittner and his dog, Bacchus. So I just love the variety of dog names that we've got going on. We've got Bacchus, we've got Karen, and of course, we've got Charles, who we haven't seen much of. Actually, it's funny, we complained about Charles so much, and yet I feel like we don't see Charles anymore. Don't forget little Craig! Little Craig! So Austin meets up with Wittner and also like, oh, wow, wow. That's cool. You got a dog in Packus, but you know, I'm a cat guy now starting like three episodes ago, but you're cute.

34:43These Packus are cute. I'm a cat dad. Okay. You want to see my kittens? You're my kittens. It's Martini. Yeah. He's a run. And then Piper. Yeah. Long-year beauty. Yeah. Cat dad. Yeah. And Wittner's like same age. I'm the same with her. All right. Like, don't get me started on my cats. I'm obsessed with my cats. And I call my mother every day. Just tell any woman, you know, as a man who calls his mother. I have cats. Same litter is what I say about every season about the show. Well, same litter this year. Same litter on my TV. We've been calling the Ben on this show litter for years. Get Bette Midler.

35:19We need to clean up this litter. So Austin's like, yeah, I think it's nice. I have another male friend in the friend group that isn't named Craig. And Wittner's like, yeah, I think Austin likes to talk to me because I can relate to Austin. in a way that he doesn't feel like he's being lectured, you know? So, hey, so, Austin, are you or are you not, like, in any sort of mindset to hang out with Craig and get a couple of drinks? You want to get the whole gang back together? Because I'm really trying to join this group, but none of you guys are hanging out, and Shep's all the way in Cuba, so I'm kind of having a hard time making inroads on this TV show.

35:53Can you help me out a little bit here, please? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was talking to Craig at Guy's dinner, all right, and it was productive. It wasn't productive. They gave me a whole bunch of stories with butts at the end of it. You know, I don't take this apologies, by the way. I don't take him as apologies, by the way. God damn it, Craig. And Whitner's like, yeah, I agree. I mean, anything before a butt doesn't really count all that much. But, you know, he's like, I want to forgive and forget with Craig. It just doesn't feel like it used to, which is smooth. It's easy. Show the pictures.

36:25And Craig, he's like hanging on Craig's back on the back of a boat. The wind is blowing through their hair. go the easy times when it was easy breezy it's like a yacht rock album cover the two of them so i also love like austin saying like yeah i never i never accept craig's apologies like and they cut to a shot of him accepting craig's apology you always accept his apologies so austin's like yeah well not you know we didn't have to work for it like not having to think about it was just like something like you know there's something about me that just like triggers him sometimes I don't know what it is.

36:57I'm like, don't listen. Austin, you're being a little hard on Craig. There's something about you that triggers everyone, not just Craig. Close your mouth while you eat. I'm a cat dad, though. Yeah, it gets a little hot tetted. Towards me specifically. It's towards me specifically, bro. And Wintner's like, yeah, you know, I'm seeing more of a rivalry than a friendship. a heated rivalry jack is like jack is at home like he's just got like a tent in his pants he's like oh no not again wait why did they put austin on my show take austin out of my stories um so yeah he says it's more of a rivalry and uh whitner's like you know austin has a bit of a victim complex so he's gonna feel like he's being attacked and craig has a narcissistic streak so he's going to want to be controlling and whether or not those two pieces fit together is you know to be determined um i think it has been determined and then first of all i first of all sir thank you for that lovely read because you're absolutely correct and uh they do not fit together and that's the fun of the show yeah well it's like oh it's amazing how friendship can sound like a relationship right and austin says brother i've literally been dating craig for years oh well jack just climaxed he's like oh god it was like a whole season in in one scene

38:32so then uh we go over to fish house deck and bar uh so vanita she uh heads up a very long staircase and meets up with leva and then rodrigo shows up and molly and it's time for them to talk shit so they order some poke and leva's like wait i always thought it was pokey like i've been ordering pokey instead of poke. Is something wrong with me? There's another level moment where you're like, you are a restaurant owner. Could you please pretend you're a restaurant owner on this show? Because remember last year she had one too, where she was like, I mean, what even is charcuterie? She said something like that, where it's like, what?

39:08Or like, what is duck liver? I don't remember what it was, but I remember we were horrified. Well, as the great Whitney Houston once sang, it's not right, but it is poke. So Rodrigo says, I believe in you and poke. The greatest poke of all is happening to me. So then Rodrigo says, I just feel bad because, I don't know, I mean, Molly and I have been going to, you know, high, low. we're working out and she was my accountability coach and i lost my all accountability and i'm just eating a lot of food they're basically just like feeling bad about how they look and everything because they're saying they're not working out and stuff and then uh vanita why is this every conversation with a gay like seriously even and i don't even mean on tv like it's not fair it's like every conversation with a gay whenever we sit down it's like the obligatory how's everybody i feel fat okay here's what i did this week and the reasons i feel fat i feel like a piece of shit You guys, I'm a piece of shit because I ate a Hostess donut last night, even though my dog was judging me.

40:24Anybody else? Okay, let's gossip now. Got that out of the way. I think that's why I struggled with that first episode of Heated Rivalry because I was like, when are they going to talk about how they just feel like they haven't been eating right properly recently? Yes. Where was that? No, but that was a fantasy. That show was a fantasy because every episode they just showed them working out tirelessly. It's like, you know, all the years of them struggling while they were on a Peloton reading their texts and if they got a text from. Does so I'm only one episode into heated rivalry. I'm I think this weekend I'm going to binge the rest of it.

40:58Question. Does it does anyone in the fandom ever talk about the fact that those two guys really don't look very much like hockey players? Like they don't have like hockey player builds. Is that ever something that comes up or are we just supposed to just just say, go? No, I don't understand what that means. Like, what? How are hockey players built? hockey players look like they just they look like little walls they're kind of like little stone hinges they're just they're very blocky they're very much like you know those things in super mario those big tiles that have like the face on them that go walking around and they fall yeah it's like the big statues that's what the hockey players look like my freshman year roommate in college was a hockey player and he was just like he was just a he was just a a rectangle and he was the nicest guy such a sweet rectangle and he was French Canadian I mean I basically had my own heated rivalry except he wasn't gay at all and nothing happened between us even hotter I know he was so lovely but he was so French Canadian like he loved blasting Celine Dion and he always hated it when I played my music however he was okay when I played Sarah McLachlan who of course is French Canadian

42:11the life of a hockey players yeah I feel like you could have had sex with him you know he was really straight he was really really really straight Sarah McLachlan Sarah McLachlan

42:32okay so Sally is talking about Craig of course well she's she's talking about, well, no, Vanita is talking about Sally and Craig. And she's like, yeah, you know, Sally and I had a bit of a squabble, and I was just flabbergasted. I was like, okay. And I didn't even hug her on her way out. And Lava's like, yeah, it makes me sad because, like, generally, I think you're, like, such a good friend to Sally, but, like, Sally's not a girl's girl. Boom. Boom. There it is. Me, Lava. Me, Lava. Girls girl of all girls girl. Ask the single mom I fired. That's right. For drinking when everybody else was also drinking.

43:17So Molly, they all agree that Sally is not a girl's girl. By the way, I also like Sally saying the squabble was so bad they didn't even hug afterwards to say goodbye. I'm like, do people normally hug goodbye after a squabble of any kind? But that's fine. So Vinita says, I expect what I give to people in friendships. so the abandonment thing is hard for me because I had a best friend I grew up with from diapers that stopped talking to me when I was in the 11th grade and I never thought there would be a moment in my life where I didn't have her then all of a sudden she disappeared and I was like okay wow okay wait wait pause really that's the whole story I need the rest of the story man because I've watched you on this show and just being like yep for whatever reason have no idea why stop talking to me what did you do What did you do?

44:03I believe there's more to this, okay? There's a whole season here. Call that girl from 11th grade and get her on the show. And also, how does Vanita look exactly the same as she did in the 11th grade, except for different hair? I know, they showed a picture. That is crazy. I was like, wait a second. Do you think they were like, Vanita, we need a picture from you when she's in 11th grade? And she's like, I don't have one. And they were like, okay, well, just, you know, put on this wig and then we'll take a picture. She'll be exactly the same. so uh vanita's and then she says sorry because i cut you off so i didn't want you to get that's okay but then she goes um and then there was a whole jt thing um no and we see the clip of her at the reunion with jt saying in september you let me know that you and that girl were no longer together and after that we were going out on dates we were working on figuring out if we would actually be boyfriend and girlfriend and then the super teaser drops and she's in my dms calling me a goddamn rat.

44:55And he goes, but you knew I had a girlfriend off camera. I had a girlfriend. She goes, oh, come on. I did not. But then Vanita did a podcast recently where she said, oh, yeah, I was never with JT. I never even kissed that guy. He had a girlfriend the whole time. Okay, so which is it, Vanita? And this is the problem I have with Vanita. I just don't believe her. I just don't believe her because she lies. And then it's like, did you forget that you lied? That was your entire reunion. Come on, man. At least stick with the lie. I don't even need the truth. Just if you're going to lie on a show, stick with the lie.

45:29So I don't believe you in this fight. And I think you were totally right in this fight against Sally. That's the thing. But I still can't be on your side because of your own podcast confessions. My hot take is I honestly was never emotionally invested in anything with the Vanita and JT thing. I didn't care about the stuff that was on camera. and I just never, so that like made it hard for me to get like really invested in like the, in like the, this, this stuff. So I just feel like with Vanita, I guess what I just want from her is, um, I think what we both want from her is we just want her to stand and stand in her Vanita-ness a little bit more, you know, in the sense of like, I just, I'm just really upset that she stormed out.

46:13I keep on saying stormed out. She didn't storm out. I'm just still upset that she left left the final scene today early when it could have been such a triumphant Venita moment. I feel like she's so close to being so great on the show and then, but she's actually can't quite get there, you know, and that bothers me. It bothers me that she tells so many untruths. I mean, JT is JT, like who's rooting for JT? No one, but I mean, she did JT pretty dirty. That's, I mean, who cares about JT though? Whatever. He's fine. He's often, he's off in Bali with none of his somewhere yeah with the money he got when he sold his mama's couch hello there this is a two part recap okay this is the end of part one so thank you so much for listening to this just come back a little later for part two watch what crappens would like to thank it's premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King it's always a party on Allison block Our way is the Amber way.

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