#3165 Southern Charm S11E07 Part 2: Chick Me Girl*

0:20Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part 2 of a two-part recap. if you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. So now we go to the barnyard feed and supply and Sally's there and Craig shows up and it's time to buy some chickens. So we know this because she goes, ready to buy some chickens? And he's like, I love places like this. Did you work this morning? I love that he goes, did you work this morning and she's dressed fully in scrubs no she no she just came back from an all-night black tie ball like what i just did some free surgery on my backyard on my friend who suggested i get chicks that's all um yeah so they go to this barnyard supply place and there's like a representation there's like a dog in a position representing sally on the ground it's just like laying there like completely open like please just pet me i'll do anything you want just all i'm here for you.

1:22So she's like, I'm really into chicks. Well, Craig's really into chicks. Yeah, don't have a ring on my finger though. I have one at one time. Maybe I'll have another one. Right, Craig? It's like... So they go and they go to this chicken area and they look at some chicks. She's like, I want one of those. They're basically holding these little chicks. Craig is like, wow, it's a little chick did you know that you're being held by a celebrity with a pillow empire congratulations little chick and so i was like hey do that bot do that bot and the store clerk's like well you know they might they might pack you if you have a ring on your finger hand hand crack little just give me a little assist there sally yeah and she's she's that's when she says yeah i used to have a ring but i don't anymore and then the other lady's like don't worry i used to have ring too and i don't have one anymore either it's just our little secret girl who can't stay married in a town full of patriarchy i used to be an investment banker and when my man left me i took a golf club to his windshield and now i work at the chicken feed store anyway that's just between me and you just us two girls just us two girls just us two girls yeah i'm just here to get some chicks you trying to get a man that's why i opened this chicken coop

2:54i've been helping single girls since 1976.

3:00take this chicken and just know by the strike of midnight this man will be he'll be the same but you'll just have a chicken at midnight

3:14You'll still be single, but you'll be less lonely because you'll have little tiny chicken pellets all over your kitchen. Is it the strike of midnight or the stroke of midnight? It's the stroke, but I like to say the strike. Just a little more dramatic that way. Jack's like, what? What? I'm not doing anything. We're not accusing you of stroking, Jack. Okay. Jack, take those little miniature hockey masks off the chicks. Someone cancel Craig's HBO.

3:44Jack has the two chicks on little exercise bikes pedaling fast

3:51So Sally Sally's like well I could get another You know cause they're holding the chickens And Craig goes yeah I thought you were supposed to get chickens in threes And she goes oh I've always wanted three kids God Sally you were so sad You were so sad Stop you're hurting my feelings Are you supposed to get chickens in threes? Is that a thing? No, but Craig's a fucking life destroyer, and this is what he does. It's not enough that she's getting one chicken for your approval. No, now she has to get three chickens for your approval. You're going to ruin her lifetime three. Well, according to Google, getting chickens in threes is a great idea because they are flock animals, and three provides a good starter number, ensuring two are left if one is lost, preventing loneliness.

4:38That's not how threesomes work. That's for sure. You can't prevent loneliness on this show. I'll tell you that much. No. And just in general threesome. I guess threesomes work different for humans. Because when you have a threesome in real life, there's always just one person like, oh, why are they more into each other than they're into me? Why am I still thinking about Hostess Donuts? I just ate them last night. You're always supposed to have three Hostess Donuts at a time. Thank you. Well, that's advice I follow. So then, so she was, she always, I've always wanted three kids to match one for each chicken.

5:16That's why I'm excited to see where this potentially could go with me and Craig, because we both want to settle down. We both want to have kids. We both want to take care of chickens. Okay, lady, what else do I need? Well, you're going to need a golf club. You got to know where he's going to be at 8 p.m. So that way you're not there when he's there. And honestly, if you take a key to the side of his car, that's effective too. Might I suggest a starter pack of a chicken feed and maybe a stack this big of Dick's Sporting Goods cards just for when you make him mad? Red spray paints that way you can make sure the penis really pops on the side of his car.

5:53Some of that spray you spray over their bald spots. They feel a little less insecure at the country club. Have you considered a Molotov cocktail for his living room?

6:06cyanide just cyanide here you go no no no for the chicks the chickens oh well for the chicken you chick starter you know when you ask what should i start with chick starter the stupid face you also need grits grits okay i'll take this stuff up for you guys and get everything ready and stuff y 'all go go ahead and shoot your scene here that's what everybody in this episode does okay guys well we've uh looked at your baby inside your stomach so i'm just gonna go take care of my customers while y 'all film a scene okay how far has this clinic fallen well sally i think you're gonna be a great mom and a great wife i mean you kissed your sister oh what was he talking about the chicks like chicks kissed each other i'm not sure but um so then sally's like put her back put the chicks back okay she's not yours she's mine okay i'm jealous because usually I'm good at pulling the trigger, but it's like really neat to see you say, Hey, fuck it.

7:05Why not? Let's like get chickens. I find that to be a really attractive quality and someone makes me kind of be attracted to you. Theoretically, am I sending the wrong mixed signals to you, Sally? You know, I've always been really attracted to the friends of people who are willing to pull the trigger. Like you just did. God, I wonder how Charlie's doing right now. I wonder how Jack is doing pulling the trigger on those grits over there in the corner. He's like, yeah, well, you know what? I see something and I want something. I just do it. I literally ordered a chicken coop the next day after we talked about a chicken coop.

7:40He's like, see, the hot tub leads to amazing ideas. I mean, like, obviously me and you got to be real good friends, but I've been catching some feelings. And I'm just saying, like, I could date you. And he's like, uh, uh, yeah. Whoa. Uh. Jack is like, I'd like to say I could also date you. I could also date you. Just want to put my hat in the ring here, too, before it's too late. Okay. No? Okay, I'll back out. Back to the grits. When I said chicken starter, I didn't mean you, gay assistant. Go back to your car.

8:14So Greg's like, um, we're just friends. Oh, yeah. Okay. I mean, I guess if you don't see yourself being in a relationship or moving down that path, then why are we hanging out in a hot tub till 4 a.m.? Because he wants to fuck you, Sally. What are we not getting? I don't understand. It doesn't mean that hanging out in a hot tub wasted till 4 a.m. is not marriage behavior. I don't know where she got that. Like, wait a minute. You don't want to get married? Then why are you hanging out in hot tubs getting wasted with multiple women until 4 in the morning? but i will say this though in sally's defense i don't think sally is opposed to that either and i i kind of feel like she's in the hot tub till 4 a.m because she thought they were gonna fuck and it didn't happen so she's like um well we don't know if it happened more serious i think it did kind of happen because remember when uh cory cory said something like yeah and then like she's just slept over or what and then sally just like gave that little eyebrow like well So I think she was I mean, I think she was hooking up with Craig Don't you?

9:24I don't believe that they weren't Ronan I mean, do you? I guess I haven't made it clear I don't know, it's hard to say So many subtleties in this show at all times It's a very subtle show But they also use code for things Because it's a southern show So they can never just say fuck They have to say, spent the night, took the golf cart out the next day Because they have to be very chaste I guess but you know it's like craig being addicted to adderall it's coke just say coke just say coke so i mean i've never been in a situation where like a girl really thought i liked her and i did it and i think sally is reading into our interactions in a fantasy way um i'm sure there have been many girls on this show and not on this show who thought that you'd like them and you're i i guarantee that craig gets off by like the attention of women who are fawning over him so she's yes of course and also craig you know you have been either fucking sally or heavily flirting with sally it's not crazy for her to think that you would like this is not crazy you're such an asshole of course and of course you're doing this of course you fucking are typical but also sally like craig's behavior is documented and you should know better than to invest in a chicken coop just for his affection so he's like we're just distractions to each other and like i I have no problem just being friends with you.

10:44So like, what's wrong with that? She's like, nothing. We're just friends. And at this point she's like, no, I just want to point out she bought her chicks. I did not know this, but like the chicks, when you get chicks from the store, they come in like a Dunkin donuts munchkins box. I was like, are there any donut holes in there by any chance? Yeah. That's what they come in. I've bought, I had no idea. Really? Believe it or not. Yeah. It's a very guilty story. I feel bad because I just didn't know how to take care of them. They all died. It just felt terrible. I'm sorry. It's time for a commercial.

11:20It's time for a Crappens commercial. So now let's go to Charlie's apartment. Charlie is trying to braid her own hair. And, you know, first time doesn't work out so well. Second time, nails it. So she calls her mom. She's like, hey, Charlie girl, I've been waiting for you to call. Why'd you forget about your mother? Are you being decent still? Okay, well, listen, tell me everything. What's going on with your life? And she's like, well, like, what's been going on over there, Mom? How's the store? She's like, oh, you know, covering both stores. Just running back and forth. But the good thing is they're side by side like me and your dad because we're in a relationship.

11:59What's going on with you and your relationships? Nothing. Wow. So is your relationship doing healthy and thriving like my marriage and my store, or is it a clearance rack of sadness? How's that going for you, Charlie? And she's like, well, my mom is like the owner of two boutiques in my town, and they're like right beside each other. And we see the boutiques, and it's Denise's Boutiques, Sweet Teas, and Mary Frances Limited. Ooh, fresh off the runway in Milan, Mary Frances Limited. You know you're going to get some cutting-edge designs there. It's all the clothes that Mary Frances was inspired to make after she visited the limited 20 years ago.

12:43It's making Gwen's seem very cutting edge. I miss Gwen's. We need Gwen's. I remember when they were like, hey, Catherine, will you do all our social media influencing for us? And she's like, yes. And then it was just like big giant ball gown ruffles, but for a tea party. I know. I miss it. what a great department store i mean we did see i feel like i saw gwyn's in the back of one of the scenes and this time i refer to it not as the store but the the other like whatever lady gwyn it's the girl lady the daughter of wins who was a nightmare and below deck um so denise is like what you doing charlie and she's like well i was in the gallery and craig came in he should talk about how his friend has an oyster farm he wants to like go hang out she's like hey so you got a date at an Oyster farm.

13:32Okay. Okay. I mean, I prefer if my daughter didn't come back smelling like fresh seafood, but you know, a date's a date. Well, that's nice. I mean, it is kind of like giving the guy the cow when he's getting the bill for free. I mean, giving him oysters and everything. You know what they say about oysters, don't you, honey? It just leads to sin and sex. Hope he's got a wedding ring in his pocket. She's like, I just, I know, but mom, I'm just going to, I'm going to feel weird about it because Sally's like putting out there that she likes him also. And Denise is like, you will get into a celebrity relationship whether you like it or not.

14:05Okay, anyway, back to Mary Frances Limited. We've just been selling out of so many camisoles. Okay, go on your date, sweetheart. And don't forget, men outrank women. Okay, honey, talk to you soon. Yeah, she basically is like, don't you dare lose this opportunity. He is wealthy, he is attractive, and he is on TV. go to the oyster farm. Yeah, and Charlie is like, yeah, I mean, I feel guilty about being excited about my date with Craig, because I know that Sally would have said yes to a similar date. She's like trying to find a way to word it. Just say it. Sally picked Sally peed on him first. She said that was her man first, and it's against girl code to go for the man.

14:53But, I mean, if you have a defense, it's that Sally said that about every man, and she doesn't get to just pick every single man. You don't get to call dibs on every man. Okay. You get one sample. You get one sample. Not the whole tray of samples. That's right. Because if the chicken starter doesn't start, it's on to something new. So now we go over to Madison getting an ultrasound. Madison is the name of other Gwyns. She was the other Madison. But this is non-Gwyns Madison. It's our Madison. No, I don't want to know the name of the other of Gwyns. I just want to call her Gwyns. Her name is Gwyns.

15:27Her name is Gwyns. so Madison's there and Sally's there and it's time for an ultrasound so Sally's like you know I do view Madison as like a big sister almost and seeing her get everything she's ever wanted after going through everything she went through just gives me hope and it makes me want it all the more for myself so that's all nice and everything I mean I don't think that like Madison went through years and years on this show of being like god I hope I have a baby god i hope i find a really hot guy she just sort of got those things but there were challenges obviously brent had a health scare and um the other thing is i think it's funny that she what oh yeah exactly that was the trauma austin it was that was the trauma but it's funny that sally's like i look at madison as my big older sister but note that she did not tell madison like i just bought three chickens to get to win over greg because madison would have been like what the hell is wrong with you

16:26Madison's like thank you so much for bringing me this little side of chicken dumplings this is very very tender it's the freshest chicken dumplings I ever had in my life where'd you get these some farm to table place and then we see the baby like they do the ultrasound and we see the baby inside her which is like horrifying I mean it's just like it's just like a little pencil eraser like just melted and smudged up against the lens like this and say oh my god that looks like Hudson I've never been more offended for somebody what is Hudson gonna feel like watching this and seeing that that's what you think of Hudson that looks like a booger like flicked up against a window what are you talking about I just don't I still don't get it when they show us the ultrasounds on these shows or just like when a friend is like look at this ultrasound isn't that a isn't there so sweet isn't that so cute i'm always like first of all on a normal ultrasound i see nothing to me it looks like a sweater pattern but then on these the 3d ones i'm like it just looks like the the monster from the abyss i mean it's just like i i don't it's like 1993 cgi like it doesn't make any sense to me i'm like it's cool it's cool you can see a baby's face but i just i i don't know it all looks the same to me i just all i see every time I look at an ultrasound is all the extra gum I'm going to have to carry in my pocket for the next 18 years.

17:48Oh, God. I'm always going to have something for this baby because I love it. Oh, God. I love it. I went to my friend's house who just had a baby and met the baby for the first time. Oh, my God. This baby is so beautiful and cute. I was just staring at the baby and then the baby was staring into my eyes like it just held icon. We just sat there and stared at each other's eyes while I rubbed the baby's belly. And I was like, is this weird? And they're like, no, no, honey. it's not weird at all i'm like i love you i'm always gonna love you oh okay let's start memorizing my number okay it's a brooklyn number still okay it's gonna be a little confusing for you seven one eight i'm your uncle uncle rondle seven one eight uncle rondle i love you so um now now sally and madison are alone and um matt is like hey what's the situation with greg you didn't do anything dumb like getting him chickens or anything like that she's like no but yeah but hey i told him hey i'm starting to get feelings for you and then he said we're just friends oh shit yeah it's fucked up because i'm like he was flirting with me after that first night in the hot tub and when he said like that was fun and i said yeah it was i mean i think when a girl says yeah it was to you saying that was fun it's pretty obvious you're pretty much married at that point you know just point out before we go on with the scene and i'm so sorry to go back but they look at the baby first of all sally of course makes it all about her she's like oh my god but i want a baby i'm on a happy life like madison's got okay so they show this baby and madison goes that baby looks fat okay southern mother that is a southern mother right there that baby's already got a weight watchers okay go ahead sorry just like it really hit home for me i was like damn I mean, is it just every Southern mother?

19:36Okay, so she's like, yeah, I mean, you know, he said we're just friends. I mean, that's fucked up. I mean, we moved in the hot tub together, you know? And then we see a text message and text exchange. And Craig's like, that was fun. And she's like, yeah, it was. I should have stayed. Yeah, you could have if you wanted. But I did want. Invite me to stay next time. Sleep well. See you next week. And he's like, you too. Makes it harder to fall asleep than normal.

20:04and then he says he just wants to be friends later. So Madison's like, he's giving off fuckboy vibes. He's not giving off fuckboy vibes. He is a fuckboy. So then Sally was like, I read that as, hey, come sleep next to me, which is correct. And the producer's like, is there any way to misconstrue a text like that? And she's like, I don't think there's any way to misconstrue a text like that. Do you? So Madison's like. No, I think that he did want to have sex with you, and you probably did have sex. And I think that you wanted to have sex with him too. I think there's just that line where he thought I'm a fuck boy and you're a fuck girl.

20:37And so we have this like thing where it's like, we're both just messing around because we're both fuck boys. So you're not allowed to catch feelings. Do you think that's what is going through his mind? I think he's keeping Sally as an option. I think he wants Charlie and he's like, but you know, I'm going to keep, I'm going to sort of keep something sort of brewing with Sally, but then she pushes it to like, you now have to make a decision. So he's like, okay, well, if I have to make a decision, then no, I'm not going to be anything more with you. But if she had never done that, he would have kept it like sort of like the flirtations going.

21:13So that way he has that as an option. So now we go over to Wittner at a bar. And he's like – Craig is there and Rodrigo and everyone. Or they're going to all be showing up soon enough. And Wittner's saying that, you know, he was saying that, like, Austin was in good spirits the other day. And because then, like, Austin went out with, like, he went to a place called High Time. Spell time. Time. Like, T-H-Y-M-E. It's wordplay. High Time. Oh, God. High Time. Right? And then, so anyway, Austin went out with Sally. And Craig is like, what? You mean they're besties? When did that happen? And Mitten's like, no, they're, yeah, they've just been, they're really close.

22:02You didn't know that? And you see that Craig is really bothered, like really bothered. It's funny. I love that Craig shows his anger on his face so clearly. He's like, oh, Austin's close with Sally. And he's like, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. So now here comes Craig the wrecking ball to complete, completely decimate Sally. Because what has Sally done? She has messed up his fuckboy arrangement with her. and now he she has liked Austin this whole time so Craig didn't want her but now that he knows that she probably wants Austin he's going to ruin her life right so he's like that's strange the two of them hanging out because Sally tells everything everything and Austin doesn't tell anyone anything right I'm like I don't see your point in this that sounds like a perfect pairing and I'm and obviously she doesn't tell everyone anything because you didn't know that she was even close with Austin.

22:57I know. Ah, sucka.

23:01So, Rodrigo and Austin arrive, and it's like, oh my God, I'm wearing a pair of shoes that I've never worn before, and I kind of went for it. This is crazy. Oh my God, I'm a cat dad. The shoes are Garfield slippers. Cat dad. Cat dad. I like when Craig said, you and Rod dress the same, and me and Whit dress the same. Yeah, because you're guys in Charleston. There's like four things you guys wear. Khakis and Tommy Bahama. Flowered shirt. yeah tommy bahama shirts and doctors that's it commercials here comes one right now

23:36so over at madison's house she's you know got the pajama party uh going on she's got setting it all up and everything vanita shows up and promptly drives all over the curb and uh she she comes on in and she's like oh sorry about that they're still under construction here a little bit okay why don't you put that right there so she goes will you not put that right there because vanita puts her bag on the counter and it's like what's wrong there's tension and she's like no no we're just gonna make pizza over there put it somewhere else

24:08so um we see scenes of vanita looking at the house being like oh my god is this like 6 000 square feet yeah it sure is my husband's a firefighter look at everybody so um she tries on some PJs because she's got PJs for everybody. And then I don't know. It's kind of boring. You know, some of the girl scenes sometimes just start off like, I mean, I guess the guy scenes do too. They just talked about patterns. They're just like, you want something to drink? Sure. I've been dehydrated. You want some electrolytes? I was like, oh God, this episode's going to suck. I know. Me too. I was like, uh-oh. It's not like the girls' nights of casts past, you know, because there once was a really, really strong cast of women on this show who have also been fired because they are no longer having sex with the men on this cast.

24:58But that's another story for the HR that doesn't exist on this show. Whitney. So Vanita says, well, hopefully today will be good because I haven't seen Sally in like a week. Oh yeah. I saw her the other day. She came with me and we saw a baby, brought me the most delicious chicken. And Craig basically said, it's not going to be anything more than a friendship. And I think he kind of gave her a false hope. And Vanita's like, yep, I knew it. she's like part of me wants to be like duh but the other part of me wants to be like damn I'm sorry but yeah I told your ass you were going to get friend zoned by Craig so Madison's like but doesn't he like Charlie and she's like yeah and I think it's going to hurt Sally's feelings when that comes out I wonder if it will ever come out yeah but how is she the only person well I think that she does know that he likes Charlie she just is going to like try and win, you know, versus Charlie.

25:48So then we go back to the guys' night, and Craig's like, um, I asked Charlie to go to the oyster farm with me, like Trey's oyster farm. And Austin says, on a date, on a date, Craig. Yeah, I didn't say a date, I just said, hey, you want to go to my friend's oyster farm? Because then, like, if she had said no, then I would have been like, yeah, yeah, of course, obviously, like, I'm totally into Sally anyway, we've got chickens together. Yeah, Craig is so slippery. He's not even committing to say that this is of date. So then Austin's like, Craig is like the kind of guy that needs to know that he's insecurely first and he has to hear from two different references and get annotated bibliography and then he'll ask her out.

26:31So then Madison, back at Madison's, Charlie arrives. Annotated bibliography. It's not his best work. So people are showing up and they're like, Madison has some crazy oven that Vanita can't figure out. And she's like, it's the Louis Vuitton of ovens. Which does not actually – I don't want to hear that it's the Louis Vuitton of ovens. That actually makes me trust it less. It's like, what do I care? I ain't going to cook. So they're working on that because they're going to be setting up their whole pizza station and everything. And more people show up. Charlie's there. This girl Lauren is there who's like Madison's friend who is upstairs.

27:12She comes down. And Vanita is asking if Sally is going to be arriving. And Molly says that Sally is tending to her chickens. Yeah. Then Sally does come. And she's like, oh, wow, Madison, this is incredible. You look so cute. You just look so cute. You know, after I went and saw that little baby inside of you the other day, I just went home. I was driving the whole way home and I couldn't stop crying and saying over and over again, wasted eggs, wasted eggs. I don't know what that was about, but I feel much better now. Good to see you. So there's like, there's coldness between Vanita and Sally. And she explains, honestly, Vanita was right about Greg, but I'm just like a little bit annoyed with her saying like, don't call me when the shit hits the fan.

28:00Like I'm mad now. So she's still like, I mean, Vanita was right. You just have to deal with it. But she's mad now that like Vanita was right And that she doesn't feel like she can, you know, call her up and be like, hey, dump me. But she warned you. Sorry. Sorry, lady. Yeah. You know, I feel like part of it is just that Vanita was like, he is going to just destroy you. He's going to walk you like a dog on a leash and then na, na, na. I mean, I think that, look, anybody, any couple of people that like each other or one likes the other, they have a right to say it and the other person has a right to not be as into it as the other person so at this point i don't really think craig has done anything that terrible but don't worry because he's about to yeah yeah exactly he hasn't done anything i'm like it wasn't totally right i mean he greg didn't like destroy the girl or anything like he didn't totally fuck her over but oh he's about to vanita's about to become completely 100 right if there's anything we know about Craig is that he doesn't like being the bad guy.

29:07And so now he is going to immediately start painting Sally to be the crazy one and villainizing her. So it's two things, double pronged. He's going to look like the bad guy because of the Sally thing. But Sally, he's also just found out that Sally has chosen Austin without Craig even knowing it. And so Craig is going to fucking try to destroy this girl. What a pig, what a fucking pig. You know, people in the comments who are like, you guys are always telling me to Craig. No, no, no. It's nonstop. It's nonstop. It's not because of Paige. It's because of Craig. We've been watching Craig every episode of this show.

29:42We know Craig's bullshit and we don't fucking fall for it, okay? So if you think it's something to do with Paige, you are sadly mistaken. Rewatch this show. Craig is terrible. Yeah. I mean, we've been down on Craig so often. I mean, we've definitely had times where we've been very up on Craig. You know, we've we've hung out with Craig and he's very lovely in person, but like the truth is on this show, he's kind of garbage and that's just how it is. And honestly, if you like Craig and you're mad that we don't like Craig, that's fine too. But like, but like, but I'm like, I'm not phased. If someone's like mad, mad at me, cause I don't like Craig.

30:23I'm gonna be like, you're wasting your anger on me. Or any of the guys on this show, because they all take turns being complete shitheads. Like this season, Austin's getting a good one because Austin's playing it very smart. Austin's really learned how to do it. Get a girlfriend out of town so no one will see you treating her like shit or ignoring her or doing whatever. And you use her that way. Get a couple of kittens. Get the audience back on your side. I mean, he's playing it right. Shep's playing it right where he's just like, oh, of course, I'm just a boy who loves Cuban communism. You know, so he's doing that whole thing.

30:58he's staying out of it so craig's the only one in the muck this season yeah so uh meanwhile at the bar uh you know craig's like what are the girls up to tonight and rodrigo reveals that they're doing a pajama party over at masson's house i was like whoa whoa what do we like go to the next bar like make the plan we can then we can like crap we should grab because craig's like we should crash it yeah but let's go to a bar first we get drunker and then we crash it because that'll be even better if we're drunk and crash at the same time. Yeah. So where are we? Boys, Austin. Sorry, I got a little lost.

31:31So then meanwhile, the girls are in the living room. Has Shep caught his Marlin yet? What'd you say? Shep caught his Marlin. Yeah, so Shep is in Cuba, and they're looking at pictures. And Austin's like, hey, we just need to turn it up. Look at this. Shep just texted. Gosh. God, look at everybody. I'm back on the mainland. Whoa. Shep got himself a fucking Marlin. They're like, wow. Winner's like, I don't know if I'm going to fly too nice. Like, wow, Marlin. Wow, gosh, wow. Wow, I'm like Hemingway in Cuba right now. So the girls are in the living room, and they're like, you know, Matson's like, well, I wonder what the guys are doing up to tonight.

32:14And Molly's like, probably something lame, like not playing a small tuba. Madison's like I hope you don't mind I told Vanita and Molly about Craig She's like well I'll tell you guys All day I tried to tell him I had feelings for him And he was making me feel Like my feelings were insane Told you Vanita's like told you Ha ha ha And she goes I'm going to kick myself in the foot for saying this But why didn't you call me And she goes what you told me not to call you When I had conflicts with Craig She goes I know don't get pissy with me um you're the one sitting there like laughing at her pain ma 'am yeah seriously i mean even though you you you earned this i told you so but you're literally laughing laying back and saying i told you so and then saying why didn't you call me uh you told her not to call you yeah so so of course vanita is like getting her she can't help it she's gonna get her her victory lap even though she's irrationally upset that she didn't get called and so vanita's like she's like well that's crazy this is crazy it sounds like well tell me what is crazy are you fucking kidding me are you kidding me i gotta go home i'm like wait vanita this is not a big enough like you're just barely starting the issue here like you're barely starting to fight you can't leave right now like you're just she left because vanita says i mean come on i just hate that you had to find out the hard way i'm not mad at you and sally goes well yeah you have no reason to be mad at me she goes okay well i'm out of here so now vanita is upset which is too bad because she's about to miss out on like her biggest redemption ever which is when craig and austin come over in about five minutes yeah no not a wise move so she's like she's dismissed my feelings she shows no regard for me and she doesn't hear me when i talk i can't even so i'm leaving and she's like why are you so dramatic she goes i'm not that dramatic because she's leaving kind of quietly it's not like she's like storming out angrily or anything she's just like i'm leaving and she goes but you are dramatic and she says vanita's being immature and she's not putting up with vanita shit anymore she can't so vanita leaves and then boom the guys go to share house and uh austin orders orange crush Orange crush for everybody.

34:34Orange crush, everyone. Orange crush. Let's be back. Ah, got that. All right, everyone. Speaking of crushes, you and Charlie have a thing, right? I was like, no, no. Well, come on, crack. It's like, well, we've never got to hang out away from Sally before. So we're like, let's do a fun thing. Because Sally's crazy. Always showing up. Hashtag soccer. I'm scared. Here it goes. Here it goes. He's going to villainize Sally now. And now it's Sally's fault that he's never hung out with Charlie. And so he's like, yeah. So we were like, let's go do a thing. No, you were like, let's go do a thing. Stop making it sound like Charlie was like, oh my God, Sally's always around.

35:09Let's go do something just me and you. No, Craig, no reframer. Yeah, seriously. So, but you know, this is Craig. This is exactly what he does. He's always going to make other people seem like the crazy ones. He's always going to try to like do this narrative. He just did it with Paige, right? So he's like, here's the thing. I've been spending too much time with Sally. But the truth of the matter is the main reason I go out with him is because I like hanging with Charlie. I barely even know who is Sally. I'm confused. I never even met her before. I just thought she was the car that Charlie drives.

35:42And I like to get in the car. That's it. Okay. But, like, she was, like, your best friend for a month. I'm thinking it's Austin. Hanging out with someone doesn't make them your best friend. And Rodrigo's like, I think Sally thought there was something between you. He's like, yeah, because she's like always around. Like, whatever. And Austin's like, Craig is completely minimizing and disregarding the friendship. It's like the faucet is on and he just runs it dry. And then you're like, man, you don't know how to turn a friendship on and off. It's very, very strange. Very strange. You know what else is like a faucet turning on and off?

36:18Austin when he speaks. Seriously, I just covered my computer in spit. I'm just concerned that Charlie's going to be stressed out Because she's constantly worried about how Sally feels She's scary We should run her out of town Thank God you bought chickens and not bunnies Because they'd all be boiled I don't Look Austin's like Well I think that now it becomes a thing Greg Like you might divide a friendship of all of a sudden by doing that What? No I would never do that Because anytime Charlie and I would even talk Sally would pop up and say what are you guys talking about? What are you guys talking about?

36:55I mean, Sally is chaos, man. It's a tornado. You never know who's going to get sucked into it and you never know who's going to get filled. Who's going to get head? You never know where it's going to get head. But I mean, you never know where it's going to head. But I like that you thought it was. You never know who's going to get head. I misread the notes. And I was like, wait, what? But it made so much sense. The thing is this. Okay, like there is a shred of truth to this, which is that Sally marks her territory and then she's going around like, you're not talking to Craig, are you? You're not talking to Craig.

37:28You're not talking to Craig. Like she definitely does do that. But like Craig, as far as we can tell, has always been fine with it, has always been happy. And then now all of a sudden, within the span of like 12 hours since the chicken feed store, he's like, she is a tornado of chaos and she's going to suck you in and you're going to be lucky if you make it out alive. Why did you go to the chicken feed store with her? I mean, could there be anything more chaotic than going to a pet store? Well, also, maybe he's right in that she does do that stuff, but he's the one seeding the tornado by flirting with Sally.

37:59If he knew that she liked him the whole time and he's still inviting her over to do the hot tub and this and that just to make Charlie jealous, like he's doing that on purpose and making her, it's like he's making her crazy and then saying she's crazy, you know? Yeah. Typical. 100%. Typical fucking Craig. It's just right out of his playbook. It's so fucking gross. when he started doing this I was booing my TV and I was happy that the other guys were being kind and that Austin and Rodrigo were at least sticking up for her Rodrigo mostly just by raising his eyes and his glasses and looking around the room as he does but he did say a couple things and I like that Austin stuck up for her and he was like she doesn't bring chaos she's fun and single and cute she's out of hair this season and Craig is like none of this is malicious I'm telling you that much of our decisions are based around Sally.

38:47I mean, me and Charlie go to this oyster bar tomorrow and now it's like, how upset is Sally going to be? Like, it just confirms already, like, but I already thought that this might be too much chaos to continue to hang out with Sally. So let's get rid of her from our friend group. Because, like, I'm done toying with her. So why is she even on this show anymore? This show is about us getting to fuck with women until we're done with them and then getting them fired. So fire her already. I know. I mean, like, it is annoying when there is that one person where, like, no matter what you do, it's like if you like decide you want to go to dinner with someone, it's like, but we didn't invite so-and-so.

39:20Oh no. Like, uh, and then you've spent all your time worrying about this other person instead of just going to fucking dinner. Like I get that. But Craig is sort of, he is really kind of like, cause he's been putting around it the whole time. Yeah. Like she's like that because he's making everybody think that he likes everybody. So then, you know, Austin's like, I just feel like Sally has a really good and kind of heart, you know, almost like what people say about cat dads. So Craig is like, Austin should be happy for me. But whenever I get excited to tell him something, he just turns it negative.

39:51When you can't share with your friends, wins with your friends, you just don't want to talk to him anymore about it. Oh, come on. Oh, God. What was the win here, by the way? The win is that you asked Charlie to an oyster farm that he won't even acknowledge as a date. That's the win. Loser behavior. And loser behavior. It's sadistic and psychotic. So now he pulls a vanita. He's like, I'm going. home. Oh, that's what you're going to do right now, Craig? He's like, yeah, because this is exhausting. I'm going to watch a movie. See you guys. Bye. He goes home and then the guys decide to go to Madison's.

40:29They knock on the bang on the door and everything. They come in and they all say hi and everything. Oh my God, it's cute. It's a pizza party. Yada, yada, yada, yada. They're talking. So Austin's like, okay, all right. Spence is killing me. All right. This is fun. I can't wait to talk. And Madison's like, why isn't here why isn't craig here oh well craig's not here basically because i think he's like mad at like sally because he was like very quick to be like oh me and sally are done and sally's like what what exactly did he say about me yeah he's like you're a tornado and uh i mean basically he said he called you a hornado but we had to reshoot it because they thought that wouldn't be nice for bravo but he said you basically leave a path of destruction wherever you go dead chickens feathers everywhere.

41:13She's like, oh, what? And what does he fucking leave then? Well, I thought it was an unfair characterization. I'm like, you've been hanging out with Sally for like a month. Like a month. Yeah, texting me that you want me to stay at your fucking house, you fucking loser. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, well, I've been thinking about this for a long time, that Sally is like this and that and the other. Not the other. I mean, he said he's been thinking about this for a long time. I didn't even know he could think. What a fucking prick. I'm gonna freak the fuck out. So much for having to We were back, you so fucking hard, you fucking asshole.

41:44Seriously, I wish that y 'all brought him here so I could look him dead in the eyes and say, fuck you, dead eyes. And then he just gets juicy. It just gets juicy for Sally and Charlie. It's like, I don't think that Charlie can be the person that she wants to be when Sally's around. What? Charlie has a voice on this. And then Rodrigo finally ascending to the role of the messy gay he should have always been. He goes, wait, but like Charlie's about to go on a date with him. So don't scare her. And she goes, oh, oh. Molly's like, oh. Molly's like, oh. And I actually genuinely think that, I mean, he was being messy, but I also, everyone was like, what?

42:23And Charlie was like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Be decent. Be decent. Okay. Look, look, look. I haven't said anything because, like, I was waiting until we could be alone, Sally. But yesterday at my art gallery, we were, like, literally talking about oysters. And he was like, hey, one of my friends has a low country oyster farm. we can go on a tour of it and then jack was like i would love to and said no not you jack sadly i mean charlie and i was like me are you sure not jack it's like no you for sure and then jack went off and cried anyway we're going to the oysters tomorrow i said that sounds fun and so i was like well this is news to me because you told me a couple weeks ago i would say no to a date with craig if he asked me so it's just like confusing and i want honesty from you yeah but and this is are we gonna say the same thing are we gonna say the same thing ronnie no you say it I'm like, listen I can't help but feel like this is a bit of a echo of what happened with Vanita and Sally in the beginning of the season, right?

43:23Was that what you were saying? Vanita was like, Craig did me dirty like don't hang out with him like you shouldn't hang out with him because he was mean to me basically and Sally was like, I'm still gonna do it and now Sally is like wow like you know you should say no to a date to him because he was just mean to me well but no she's because she's saying she's not saying you should say no because he was mean to me she's saying you said you didn't even want to date craig and now you're going to date craig but the reason she said she didn't want to date craig is because you were pressuring her to say she didn't want to date craig when you knew she liked craig and you were calling dibs on craig like you saw them flirting at that beach thing and you were like you're not flirting with craig right she's like no no no i mean we're just friends i mean can i just talk to a guy without being a huge flirt thing and so she's like you said you didn't even want him and you did this whole time but you know again you're not allowed to just call dibs on everybody in the cast i apologize because my excitement was slightly premature because my point makes more sense in about three seconds because charlie says my point will make my point will be a relevant point in three seconds everyone just just you wait because charlie is like well if i'm being completely honest.

44:33I'm not over here trying to justify anyone's behavior. I just enjoy spending time with him. So when he asked me the low country oyster thing, I said yes, because I generally want to go and I'm excited about it. So Sally goes, okay, well, have fun on your date. And if he's going to write me off like that, then fuck him. And that was the banana point right there. Cause she's like, he just wrote me off. He just basically said, fuck this girl. And so like, fuck him. And she goes, Craig is manipulating both of us and he has been at doing it all fucking summer. And I'm finally realizing it. I wish someone had told me before.

45:02I wish someone had sat me down and said, you should know that this would happen. And it will take a longer time to realize it, but you will realize it. So basically, Sally is literally saying all the things that Vanita said to Sally throughout the season. Sally, first Vanita said, hey, this guy was fucking mean to me. Like, you shouldn't go and like hang out with him because he was mean to me. And then Sally says, okay, you're good. I'm sorry. Then Vanita says, okay, you're going to go hang out with him, but just know he's going to, he's a fucker and he's going to fuck with you and now sally is literally saying the same things to charlie and i was like you don't even see this sally you don't even see what's going on here yeah she said i wish he was here right now because i'd seriously slap him across the face and i will show him a fucking tornado good bring this season to life sally i believe in you i really i was like i i was i was afraid this episode was descending into dullsville but i got very energized by this whole scenario at the end so I'm back in.

46:01It really did take the guys coming to girls night because Austin is so fucking messy. I love it. Austin's just like one of the girl cast. He's like, okay, this episode's boring and Craig left. Let's go fuck with Craig at the other girls house then. At the girls house. Let's go to the girls party. So good. Good times, everybody. Yeah, this was a fun one. Thanks for being with us, everybody. We will be back tomorrow with some Beverly Hills and some traders and some something else. Oh, some Valley Persian style. It's a big day tomorrow. So come back for that and get tickets over at WatchWhatCrappins.com for the Golden Crappies on February 27th.

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