#3173 Below Deck Med S10E17 Part One: Mob (Wife) Mentality

0:20Well, hello and welcome to What What Crapens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Oh, good. Welcome to the show, everybody. February 27th is The Golden Crappies here in glamorous Hollywood, California. Hope you can make it. It's going to be so much fun. We're putting our guest list together right now. It's going to be epic. So join us for that. You can get tickets at WatchWhatCrappens.com. If you want our bonus videos right now, we are covering the traders. you can get that on Patreon. That's also where you get bonus episodes, which are those, which I just mentioned, I'm out of it.

0:59And it's also where you get videos of all of our recaps. And it's also where you get ad-free listening. So if you want that, go over to Patreon. And thanks so much to everybody who joins us over there or over here, wherever you're at. We love you, okay? We love you. Try and stop me. That's it. We do. We do love. We love a lot. we love hard we love hard we love hard we love long uh unlike the people on this show below deck here we are with below deck the penultimate episode of the season at least i think yes yes yes this is below deck season 10 below deck med to be more specific season 10 episode 17 bubble trouble why is it called bubble trouble was there because that girl filled her bath water too much with bubbles and left Tanner all over that name and they didn't want to call it slob wives I'm assuming that's slob wives is better stop bubble trouble is bad that was like one second of the entire show and the name of the entire episode bubble trouble I say no and if you're gonna call it bubble trouble I would say call it bubble bubble for those of us who are of a certain age who play that game a lot in the 80s um yeah bubble boil in trouble or just like get Shakespearean with it just call it hamnet even though i why don't you call it said it wrong call the episode hamnet what is hamnet about uh i haven't seen it but it's basically shakespeare shakespeare has a child shakespeare loses the child and then puts that energy into writing and it's oh really that's what it is it's why is it called hamnet though what is apparently apparently like the name Hamnet and Hamlet were like interchangeable names.

2:49I think the child's name is Hamnet. I don't know. This is just what I got from the trailer. But I know it's like a 10 Hanky special and I'm probably going to watch it just so I can cry. It should have been about the thing that they wrap hams in that you have to cut the net that they wrap hams in. Why isn't it about that? I agree. Who invented that? I agree. Maybe we should recap Hamnet. That would be actually very funny. And then Shakespeare thinks he's so great because he wrote a play. Oh, baby. We would probably be so obnoxious recapping that movie. But it's supposed to be great. And I love Chloe Zhao, the director, mainly because I love Nomadland.

3:29I didn't see Eternals. Not planning to see it. I just want to see movies where she makes me cry. And I feel like Hamnet will do that for me. So I'm going to wait for a private moment and I will watch it alone. I will sob to a pillow. Masturbate. Masturbate.

3:46Here we are. Bubble trouble. We start where we ended with drama over chicken nuggets. The best kind of saved the season for me. I'm not going to lie. This chicken nugget thing really saved it for me. Fiasco. Yeah. Flying chicken nuggets, half eaten, meant for a different purpose. And using them to get in the way of a conversation. Max was just trying to give his love to Cassie and tell Cassie, maybe it is our time to get married. And she got upset about chicken nuggets being thrown at her and ran down to yell at the people who were throwing her chicken nuggets, as is her right. And then Max is now basically crying because she chose chicken nuggets over him.

4:32And let me just say, as a vegetarian, I would choose chicken nuggets over you. Yeah. Yeah, I would too. I would 100 % do that. But let's also not forget the other element of this, which is that they were her chicken nuggets that she was waiting for and she was starving. And they finally arrive. And those two dipshits, Nathan and Joe, start throwing them at her. So, of course, she'd be livid. I would be livid. Of course, she's going to stop whatever conversations she's having and go down there and yell at the guys. I don't know why Max thinks it's such a privilege to receive, you know, his invitation to be his boyfriend.

5:05Like we didn't see that was coming, you know. um it's so but here's the thing i left the recap last week and i thought about it deeply as i do below deck you know i thought about it i worried about it i wondered about it that what are those guys doing right now and one thing i thought is you know i really like kathy i've been stumping for kathy this whole time lover great great choice just love her i don't hate her now i love her but i will tell you i did start to wane because kathy was really really mean to something that i to someone i just it upset me and that that person is big mac big mac is a viable food source like that's a good that's a pretty solid choice to be left with i know it's not what you ordered i'm not saying like you shouldn't you should be happy with somebody throwing chicken nuggets at you but to diss a big mac like you're doing is un-fucking-acceptable check yourself love a big mac you know poor mac the knight sitting there on his moon well he has the moon but he's like on his piano.

6:05He's just trying to enjoy the evening and she's basically spitting in that moon man's face. And it's just not right. She is. And it's not cool. So now she's going back to Max. Thank you for speaking truth to power right now, by the way. That was really important. I'm like, ooh, Big Mac's gross. No, Big Mac's are not gross. They're like the life force of this country. Have some fucking respect, woman. Have some fucking respect. Yeah, so Max is all upset and pouting because he's been dissed for chicken nuggets. So Kathy finally kind of gets over it and comes back to him and lightly kicks him on the butt like okay hi I'm back and she's like don't be mad at me he's like I'm not talking to you because I talk to you and you speak to Nugget so then I'm out of the conversation enjoy your conversation which you can not get sir you petted a jellyfish and then touched your eye okay when we're talking about judgment calls you're failing on this category I'm sorry I will take Kathy talking to speaking to Nuggets first before you pet a jellyfish.

7:03Do the two things have anything to do with each other? No, but I just want to point out a massive flaw in your personality too and just say like, you're not perfect. You're actually, you're an idiot. Actually, what I really want to do is point out that Kathy is so far above you. She has a whole comic strip written about her where all she does is ask for chocolate. And that's still more entertaining than anything you've done on this show. So just be happy that she gave you any of that time before she went off to her nuggets. Exactly. And she's like, whatever. So he's like, oh, whatever, bon appetit, okay?

7:31So he's all upset and he's like, oh, I thought we were so special, meant to be, but I need stability with the people that come into my heart. All this rollercoaster of emotion changing. Oh, I'm feeling biscassi and I... Sir, if you can't handle a chicken and nugget battle, then what kind of man are you going to be to marry or be with in a relationship? The second anything goes wrong, you're off there crying and making everything about you, You need to be standing up for the woman who just got robbed of chicken nuggets. That's exactly right. And let's also not forget that her stepfather died like three days prior.

8:05It feels like it was like two months ago. But in real time, it was like three days ago. So like, let her have her nuggets and don't shame her for it. In fact, why don't you just give her, hold some space for her anyway, you know? Just shut up. And maybe don't try to have a relationship, like come after somebody and nag them for a relationship. When they're telling you they don't want a relationship. She's told you a million times, don't rush this. I don't want this rushed. Stop making it more serious than it needs to be. So you're already failing on that end. And you're trying to force somebody into a commitment when they're relying on you right after a family death.

8:39It's just, you're gross. Okay, you're gross. Just stop it. To quote Taylor Dane, the great Taylor Dane, who looks not unlike some of the charter members this episode, don't rush me. I've made that mistake before. Yeah. Don't rush me. Don't. Taylor had a point. Taylor doesn't get enough credit for all the points that she had. She gets no credit whatsoever. Or as the great Black Eyed Peas once said, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. As the great Kathy Tricoli once sang, everything changes. Everything changes.

9:25as the great Jennifer page once saying, it's just a little crush. Don't mean anything. That's we don't need the quote stands there for me. And that's something you should know, Max. It's just a little crush. Yeah. So, um, Kathy goes back to her room while he goes off to pat in his room. And he's like, um, how was your chat? Yeah. Like, how was it? And she's like, Oh God, like it was fine until Joe and Nathan chuck chicken nuggets at me after 30 minutes of max talking i got distracted you know but you can't be annoyed at me for such a little thing i mean god was talking talking talking i just welcomed the chicken nuggets honestly actually it saved me thank you thank you broken chicken nuggets in my face god that man won't shut up yeah seriously i would be so grateful for that so uh now it's the now it's the morning We do see a half-eaten chicken nugget floating in the dark Barcelona waters.

10:23Some fish is going to have quite the treat, I would have to say. I have a mind to go get some chicken nuggets after this recap. I'm whipping myself into a frenzy at the moment. I'm trying to eat healthy. And honestly, all I can think about is chicken nuggets at the moment. I just want to put fish in Barcelona. But that's why you're thinking about them because you're trying to eat healthy. And that's what happens. You try and eat healthy and then Roy Crocker's in your head. They're like, come on down to McDonald's making fresh chicken nuggets. Yeah, I'm not a chicken nuggets person. I'm a McDonald's person.

10:53Wasn't it Roy Crocker? Did I get the name wrong? I don't know who Roy Crocker is, but I trust you on this one. I think he invented McDonald's. Who invented McDonald's? It was Taylor Dane's. Shut up. Just shut up. Shut up. It was inspired by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald. Okay. Oh, Roy Crock was his name. Yeah. Yeah, businessman Roy Kroc, Ray Kroc, took it from Richard and I guess bought it and then turned it into what we know today. Thank you, Roy Kroc, Kroc Donalds. Thank you, Kroc Donalds. And then from there he went and made shoes. And I'm like, wow, does this guy stop inventing things?

11:30Wow, he is just an influencer. Made out of the same material probably that chicken nuggets are made out of. I mean, look at that. He should be on Shark Tank. This is the Taylor Dane of inventors. Um, uh, so it's the morning people waking up and Nathan texts Gail and she's like, good morning. I know you're checking on me, but I'm still in Barcelona. I didn't make a run for it. Um, which is great. And get off my ass stalker. Cause he's still texting her every five minutes. Like, are you coming? Are you coming to my sister's wedding? It's a big deal to get that kind of an invite from me. Like, shut up.

12:06Like, leave me alone. Everyone wants to go to my sister's wedding because if it doesn't work out, I'll lose faith and rely on her chops and sabotage for the rest of my life. What if my sister quits her job and then she's not friends in the office with the people that I've become friends in the office with? I won't believe in relationships anymore. My sister said that she tried to order a bacon egg bite on the Starbucks app and it was sold out. I've lost all faith in relationships now. Do you remember when you ghosted me? Could you do it again? You're making me crazy. It's time for a commercial.

12:39It's time for a Crappins commercial

12:47So now we go outside and Joe sees V And he's like, oh, good morning, good morning She's like, ugh And Sandy is looking at the TV listings And she's like, oh gosh, well now that wind is over I guess I'll have to watch the spinoff Got anything Taylor Sheridan does, really The spinoff, Storm, it's not really as good but it's coming. It's coming. Yeah. Storm's coming in. I love that they found a good role for Bill Pullman here. I mean, you know, it's great. Taylor Sheridan, he finds men of certain age and just puts them in a cowboy hat and lets them go. So just seeing him weathering that storm, it's just great TV.

13:27Now, I don't know if I believe in weathering a storm with Judi Dench by his side, but you know what? I'll take it. I'll take it. It's great work right over there. So a storm is coming in and it's just like, for this final charter and I always like to finish a season on a high and I want some sort of grand climax and I don't want to fake it. Okay, maybe a little bit. She's really hamming it up this season there, Aisha. She's doing a little pointing at the camera like, here comes a joke. I bet you're not ready for the punchline because it's about to arrive and now it is here. So Kathy is working in the little galley area and Max just comes up pouting And she's like, oh, God, can we just stop being grumpy?

14:09Hug me. Hug me. I've got such healthy hair. And he's like, I'm not grumpy. I'm figuring out what is good for me. Okay. And Josh is listening to this in the kitchen like, oh, God. You'll choose this whiny, crying dishrag of a human being. But I guess I'm just over here, penisless Josh. Okay. Wow. these two people are worse than putting a piece of meat on a plate and putting another piece of meat on a separate plate. Oh, I hate them. So Max is like, well, you're on your fucking, it's your fucking right to go take nuggets. And I just don't want to be emotionally like unstable. So yeah, maybe he's too soon.

14:52No, she's like, I'm British and none of that worked on me. So then she says, I've thrown myself into this and now you're finally going to walk away from everything that was because I got a little hangry. Well, guess what? Wait till you see me at 4.15 and the tray of finger sandwiches hasn't arrived at the table yet. Then you'll see the real Kathy Max. I don't care. I'm not upset with you. You choose chicken nugget. Enjoy your chicken nugget marriage. Enjoy making baby with chicken nugget. All right, everyone. Get your iPads ready because it's time for a preference sheet meeting. Okay. so uh asia why don't you start it off okay jennifer is from new jersey and owns four med spas and there's a note here that ben mandel can recognize her from something and wants to know well she got another blow deck at some point because he can't get rid of this nagging feeling half of this cast was like the top of the troll pin you know those little trolls top of this cast this woman has injected four entire med spas into her face and we get to serve her yeah she karen's a new york times best-selling author author of what i don't know books presumably are they on kindle i don't know i'm more of a listener myself but she's written about being a daughter of a mob boss has she written it with voice notes i don't know does anyone write anymore what's happened to the education system in this country is this season over yet i feel like i've been here 19 years.

16:24Yeah, she's the daughter of Sammy the Bull Gravano, so we better behave ourselves. Otherwise, she might write about us too, and then maybe send mafia after us. God, that's hilarious. Scary too, really heightens the stakes here, right guys? Okay, fun times. So this is the Karen from Mob Wives, everybody. Brace yourselves. Otherwise known as not the great people from Mob Wives. Like, where's Drita? Where's, um, Sandra. Drita. What am I trying to say? Where's Erica? She's supposed to be by my side. I mean, I know Big Ang couldn't be here. RIP. Still miss you every day of my life. Um, but what's the other one?

17:10The other main one? Hold on. I'm gonna look up Mob Wives cast. I'm embarrassing myself right now. While you look that up, I could swear that Jennifer was on another blow deck. I could swear this is not the first time we've met her. and Drita. Yeah. Drita and Renee. Drita and Renee are the, come on now. And big age, but big age, but Renee. Yeah. Well, what I'd like to bet this girl, uh, Jennifer, who eventually comes on is that she sounds exactly like one of Zachariah Porter's impersonations, you know, Zachariah Porter, he does, uh, he basically impersonates ladies of like Long Island on his Instagram.

17:40He puts on a wig and he's like, where's your rant? Where's your rant? And basically that's what she sounds like. That's what this lady sounds like. Oh, yeah, yeah. I looked him up. Yeah, I know who he is. He's funny. Super, super Staten Island, Long Island. I know they're different places. I'm just saying that's sort of in that mix. Oh, they're different. Yeah, Staten Island is its own. I lived in Staten Island for one year when I was 18 years old because I moved to New York with no money. And that was the first place I could afford after being homeless. And the house had a column missing in the front.

18:09And so it was like falling down. And so we would sit in these chairs and they would roll all the way down the floor. I could have died in that house, but it was a fun place. And there's nobody like a Staten Island person. I'll tell you that. And here they come. Here comes a whole ferry of them. Good luck. So night one, they want to have a pajama party. And Kizzy's like, very mafia, which, fair point. And then day two, they want to get off the boat and enjoy lunch on the beach. It is very mafia, though, because it's like pajamas celebrate sleeping, and you're on a yacht with the fishes. With the fishes, Kizzy.

18:47Hey Aisha, do you think you can ask provisioners if we can get some severed horse heads that we can put in their beds? Just see if they can do it. Just try it. Just try it. Hey Aisha, could you make all of the rooms out to look like trunks? So we could just kind of throw them in there at the end of the night. I think it'll be on theme. Were you thinking we could set up a toll booth outside of the boat? And then when they come, we can shoot someone to death right before they go through the toll booth. What do you guys think? This is getting a little dark, Sandy. Okay, when they come on, someone press play on Don't Stop Believing, and then that'll be the end of our season.

19:27Just black out. Just cut the lights.

19:32So now Max is thinking of Cassie, and it's playing like... While he sobs and like squeegees and thinks of Kathy like choosing chicken nuggets over him. So sad. So then he's talking to Joe. He's like, you know what I prefer to have now? I just want to have good friendship, you know? It's less likely you have a problem, you know? Joe's not listening. He doesn't care. And then V is just, V is over and she's in some area being like, oh, it's really windy right now. No, the season's over, V. Season's over. Sorry. Listen, it's killing me that I can't do spoilers. You got to catch up, V. It's really very difficult.

20:18So now Captain Sandy goes to Josh to check on him. He's like, oh, you know, I just want to make sure I stay ahead of things. Like, I don't want to get complacent. And she's like, oh, really? You know what I'm going to need you to do? I need you to get complacent. Okay? Those are the plates right there. You have to get complacent. Okay, just think outside the box. Okay, because if you put everything in the box, that's basically family style. So think of lots of little boxes that you can put things in and serve that like that. Okay, do that. Okay, you can do it, kiddo. You're going to be great. You're a pro.

20:50You know, it's a lot of pressure because we're not going to be on anchor. Think outside the box. Think out to your food, but on a plate. Do your food, but on a plate. You know, these last few charters have been a bit funky in my head. The things that I fuck up on, they stick hard more than the positives. It's like a poison that gets chucked into your brain, and then it just sort of seeps through you and stops you from believing in yourself, and next thing you know, you're just a little cartoon version of yourself who's somehow getting more pussy than you actually are and you're the actual one who's real and tangible and that's just a drawing but somehow is doing better than I am.

21:29I love that they make Dominic, the little cartoon character, meaner with every episode. She's like, you suck. You suck, mate. Clowns suck. Nobody likes clowns. You know what everyone wants to see? Dead clowns. Could you be a dead clown? Loser. Can't even clown ride. If you're a good clown, you wouldn't be here sucking it up on the ship, would you? Stupid clown, terrible clown. Hey, you want to play two chords on the guitar? Why don't you go ahead, mate? It's all you know, moron. Josh is like, it just means a lot to me to make sure that I can do the best that I can, but I know how much work that requires.

21:59I'm just kind of like, shit, have I got enough time? It's like, yeah, well, you know, you set the bar and you set it really high, so you do have enough time. It's called just put the food on different plates. That's it. It takes about 30 extra seconds. You can do it. Okay. I'm going to go look at pictures of Little Bear upstairs. Okay, bye. Can't sing, can't cook, can't do it. Can't sing, can't cook, can't clown. Can't sing, can't cook, can't clown. God damn it, Dominic! So now we go to the cabins where Kathy and Kizzy are talking, and Kathy's like, I'm fucking raging. I'm in a Spanish bullring.

22:33I don't even want to see him right now. I don't even want to see him. What kind of man doesn't stand up for a woman who's missing nuggets? Kizzy's like, just talk to him about it. Or if you want, I can make out with him. Would that make it better? She's like, well, I tried. I tried this morning and I just want him to be the bigger person now. Okay, I'm the one who doesn't have chicken nuggets and lost someone in my family. And yet I have to console him. Absolutely not. Because he's like, and he's also older than you, you know. So don't forget that. You can't date a toddler and then want them to be a bigger person.

23:02I mean, you're going to be changing this man's diapers for the rest of his life. Run, run. So then Captain Sandy comes on the radio. They're coming. They're coming. Mob wives. to come in the 30 minutes. Okay, everybody? You're about to be horrified by some facial injections. Everybody get into your whites. Do it. I am going to make you an offer you can't refuse, which is everyone should get into their whites, and then you'll get a tip afterwards. Okay, get ready, everyone. So Kizzy runs through the galley and slams into a trash can, which, God bless it. I mean, figuratively, she did that weeks ago.

23:38So it was nice to see physical reality catch up with her. A bam trash can. You know what? It's like, um, it's like seeing one trash can roll into a dumpster. That's what it is. That's, that's the true metaphor, right? Um, and you know, it's like that. It's, it's that thing. I always say, like, I do not like, like, just because I don't like somebody doesn't mean that I want to see them in physical pain. And then I realized as I say that, that I, that's not something that I say, uh, cause it's not true. So I don't, I actually, I don't want, I don't want to see people get maimed or killed, but I don't mind if someone has a minor ache and pain.

24:19I don't mind if you might be eligible for a New Britain commercial because of what you've gone through. So this is perfect. I don't want you to get like gunned down, but I do want a trash can to take my frustration out on your toe. Yes, I do want to see you scampering through a galley and stubbing your toe on a trash can so badly that you have to go to the hospital because that's just perfect. Yeah. So she's like, I think I broke my toe. And we hear the guests before we see them. We just hear like, oh, we got a lot of potatious tatas here. My nipples are protruding out of my dress. What am I going to do here?

24:58Hey. I don't have any nipple covers, but maybe they got some truffles to put on my tatas. You know what I want on my tata? I need a king crab lab over these nips. All right.

25:14so you know the underwiring of my bra is king crab like i don't know if you know that but uh they arrive and everyone's scrambling to get there and kathy is like oh my god listen to their accents that's it's not just that they're americans that they're trashy americans it just gets funnier the closer they get haha um but yeah they're all all the people from europe are just loving the jersey accents and uh i guess they're from jersey not from staten island or long island Well, whatever it is. I think Karen is from Staten Island, isn't she? See, I thought there was an island in there somewhere. I thought someone was.

25:50But now all of our European cast members are going to try to do a New York accent. So Asia's like, Tudor, do you want to give me some pizza? I'm starving over here. And Joe's like, New York, give me some coffee. Yeah, you like that? and then Max is just he's just so he's like get me some me turkey my man you're living your life okay guys welcome by the way you know Ronnie this is what we sound like to Europe when we do our podcast when we do this show specifically this is what we sound like to everyone I'm fine with it I'm okay I accepted it a long time ago commercials here comes one right now So Captain Sandy's like, hey guys, welcome.

26:43I'm Captain BB. You might've heard of me. I'm loved. So I wanted to welcome you loud mouths onto this boat. Okay, just look around the sea. Look at all those creatures out there. Each one of them hates the sound of your voice. How does that feel? Okay, welcome. Don't forget storm starts tonight. Oh, by the way, we're not leaving the dock. Okay, you know why? Because Dame Judi Dench signed a contract. We're all going to gather around and we're going to watch storm together. Okay, whether you like it or not. Pain is more fun together, guys. So Aisha takes them on a tour and everything. And they're like, oh, my God.

27:16Look, there's a bidet. I love that. Oh, my God. I can wash my asses with that. That's very nice. I love it. It's very good. Good what you could do. Clean your ass. Clean your ass with the bidet. And then come upstairs. We'll have a cocktail. Okay, I will do that. Yeah, class. It's just a group of class. Okay. So then some of them are sitting upstairs after the tour. and the one who wrote the book, Karen, who is Sammy the Bulgurvano's daughter, Kathy, she sounds a little different and Kathy's like, excuse me, I just have to ask a question. So you're both trash Americans but your accent's different.

27:52You're super trashy but you're fake not trashy. So what's the story with that? Yeah, well my family sent me to prep school so I was like the mafia kid they sent away to school. So I came back sounding smarter like And Connie's like, you don't really sound like New York. I don't even know what you're supposed to sound like, but it's not New York. But you know what? If you piss me off, I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are? Oh, sorry. That was me, Karen, pretending to be Connie. Sorry about that. So Connie's like, yeah, we don't want it, but we want to hear it. We don't want you to get pissed off, but we want to hear your New York accent come out.

28:28Okay, hold on. So now they just sit down. They're like, feed us. and so Kizzy is ironing down the crew mess and Max is there and he's like what is happening do you need Kadel and massage maybe Joke and massage you there I love romance and she's like my toe hurts and Joe's like I can't even massage her the world will end everyone will freak out me poor Joe not allowed to do anything because of unreasonable people like V he is pulling this card so hard this episode He is acting like he is poor Romeo. Can't even touch Kizzy. That's because of your own stupidity. Okay? Because you just can't control yourself.

29:09That's why you're in this situation. And he's acting like he's been kept from the love of his life that he's been pining for all season long. This is a new development. Like, just shut up already. You've got two days and then you can make out with her. Yeah. And he's like, oh, I promised Victoria that I wouldn't flirt with Kizzy. But there's just a little tension. Oh, I want to kiss this girl. I feel I can do it. It feels like I'm in prison and I'm getting closer and closer just to stick my lip through the bars. Oh, just fuck us. Do it. Do it. I'm waiting here. I'm waiting here with the mousetrap.

29:41Do it. He's a regular Jane Austen heroine just pining after Willoughby. I mean, come on now. This is, it just actually was, it's not so much that Victoria asked you not to flirt. It's that Nathan asked you not to flirt because it's creating such a distraction. It's creating drama on the deck crew and it's making it hard to do the job. So it's not about her. It's about just making sure this yacht does not sink because of your stupid face. And also, Victoria, didn't ask you. You literally said, I won't hook up with her just to respect you. You were the one who did it. So now we go back to the guests at the table and they're talking to Aisha.

30:23And they're like, how do you say your name? What is it, Aisha? What is it, Aisha? Is that how you say it? She's like, oh, okay, sure. Okay, well, you know what? It's not raining no more, Aisha. Can we go out now? And she's like, no, because it's not the rain, it's the wind. She goes, that doesn't matter. I want to go out. But the captain said, I don't care what the captain said. Bring the captain up here. Bring the captain up here. If she can't handle winds, what is she captain for? Huh? What is she even captain for? Oh, my God. These people are disgusting. And the worst are these two young ones.

30:52And I don't even know if they are young because honestly, they are wearing life vests on their face. I don't know what anyone is even trying to do anymore. You guys are really overdoing it. Like, are you 70? Are you 20? These two are not spending a dime. You can tell. It's always the people who never spend any money to make all the demands. And this girl, Annalise, is just the most obnoxious. She's like, you know, like being like, I want to go out there. I want to go out there. Call Captain Sandy. Okay. Because I'm going to make a demand. Okay. Okay. Here's an offer. The offer is that we either go out And that's it there's no other options I'm like you know what settle down Chris Christie There's a storm out there That was crazy When she's like hey hey Captain we got an offer for you You take us out on the fucking water There's your offer Excuse you Yeah that's not gonna happen That's not gonna happen But look how beautiful it is You're not talking about your face right No but the weather out there Just like, okay, you know what?

31:49It's not about that. It's about the seas, okay? Just think about your report card. It's all about the seas, all right? It's just not safe. But I got a weather app here. Look, I opened up my phone. I said weather and look, it's sunny out there. Why can't we go out there? But the weather app says it's okay. She's like, no, no, no. That's not the same thing, you know? You're on the, okay, so you're on, okay, I'm trying to look up your app. Oh, I see, because I'm on weather.com and it looks like you're on WEDDER, W-E-D-D-E-R. That's not a weather app. That's just about helping you get married. But it says WEDDER.

32:26It says WEDDER. It says it's a great time for WEDDER. That's the wrong app. Here's the deal. Do you think I would stay at the dock if it was nice out? And by the way, the men are just like mortified. He's like, no, absolutely not. I wouldn't think that in the world. And she's like, yeah, do you think that? Do you guys really think that? Do you dum-dums really think that? They're like, no, no, no. It's like, it's just going to get rougher and rougher and more dangerous. Okay? So we're not leaving the DAC today. Now listen, do I look like the kind of captain who doesn't want to go out on the water?

33:00The kind of captain who wants to sit here and have a viewing party of Storm where we get clear internet? Do I seem like that kind of a person? Do I? Okay, well, I've stayed here probably nine times out of ten this season. It is my hobby to stay on the dock. You got me. I don't care. We're still staying on the dock. Bye, stupids. So Annalise is like, so we're just stuck. Yeah, maturity-wise, yes, it does appear that you are. So that's unfortunate for you, but there are some good therapists we could probably find in the mainland and bring them on the boat for you. It's like, oh, yeah? Well, I don't feel like we got much to do on this boat, guys, and not for nothing.

33:33I thought this boat was going to be twice the size, and I'm not that happy. And don't tell me this 20-a-head a person because I would never, I would never 20-a-head. Come on, really? 20 a head for this? For sitting on the dock with a pussy captain? And I don't mean she got one. I mean, she is one. She's a walking vagina. All right? Like, what is this? Well, I'm sorry that it's not as beautiful as the Atlantic City ballrooms you're used to. But it is what you have. So enjoy it. I'm sorry it's not as glamorous as the Doritos you get on the Staten Island Ferry. You fucking loser. Go sit back on your bench.

34:08I know it's not as thrilling as riding that two-bit roller coaster on the Jersey Shore, but, you know, just give it a chance. Maybe you'll enjoy it. Yeah, silly beast. Okay, well, you know what? They're still talking down there. I can hear their lips flapping, literally. God, I looked at that woman's face and I said, God, I love that banana, and then realized it was a face. The banana was talking back to me. So, you know what? It gave me an idea. You guys want to feel the swells? Then go in the water then, you dummies. Anyone who wants to go out and dare the swells, we're going to send you with our dumbest person on Tinder.

34:43Go do it. Monk here. Take them. So now, yeah, so I actually like this. I like that. This is, you know what? This is the Captain Sandy's equivalent of the Property Brothers showing someone a house that is everything that they want, but way outside their budget. like okay well you want to have five bedrooms and you want to have a two two uh islands in your kitchen and you want to have three living rooms and a yard and be close to town well guess what here it is oh no that's five million dollars more than your budget i guess we'll have to rethink it for house number two you fucking idiots that's basically yeah sorry we couldn't give you your dream so here's joe okay that's basically what she's doing she's like okay so you want to go out to the sea.

35:30Okay, you're going to do that and you'll come back with some barf bags. Okay, enjoy, stupid face. Yeah, have fun. And I mean that literally. Yeah, face is stupid. So, um, we're in the mess. Joe's in his cabin and V and Kizzy are talking and Kizzy's like, oh my god, I have to leave like the ironing board out because like, I'm going to use it when I get back. I gotta go. And Kizzy's like, whatever. I mean, I understand why she's still upset with me. I mean, I really genuinely really do, but like, I feel like I've explained myself as much as I can. You know, she has feelings and I don't care about them.

36:00And I literally broke up with my boyfriend to experience my season to the fullest. And I've tried to fuck five guys on this and not one has panned out. So with Joe, I just have to really know if there's something there. Just because you explained yourself does not mean that you automatically are forgiven. It just means that you've explained yourself. And now she has greater context as to why she should be mad. That's it. That's it. so now people are making orders and Annalise like can I have a lychee martini please why is it every tacky person we've seen this week orders a lychee martini that's just like that now if you order a lychee martini you're tacky as fuck as witnessed by this show and what was it the Valley Persian style where she's like giving him a lychee martini that gross guy so please just stop drinking those do yourself a favor because it's like wearing a hello my name is douche tag.

36:55It's over. I don't forget Lee cheese, to be honest. And that goes for Aaron. Whoa! Stray is shot at Neroni. Second time today. Poor Aaron's never going to get away from it, man. I know. So Kathy, she comes down the steps to start talking to Nathan and his back is turned so he doesn't see her. and Max is like, bro, I feel weird. And Nathan's like, well, what's why? What do you feel sick? He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Just Kathy, she's in my head. I have to do a meditation. So Kathy, of course, hears this because she came down the stairs. She's like, weirdo. And Nathan's like, okay. And then Max just goes and does a meditation.

37:43I'd like to point out that Max is nonstop talking about this Kathy situation to anyone on this boat and it's so tiresome. Like no one cares if you did not get to have a conversation with Kathy. Like literally no one cares. Just shut up. I know he's just a drama queen and he wants his moment. Cause everybody else has had their moments. He's like, what's about me? What's about my old Blake? Nobody cares. I'm on your mom's side. So, um, Nathan's like, uh, no worries. My man. Why? Jesus Christ. Why am I stuck in the middle of this shit? I'm the most mature one on the boat. Just like to remind everybody for the 19th week in a row that, He totally would have banged Kizzy had he been allowed to that night, two days before he was begging Aisha or What's Her Buns back into his life.

38:28And his life would not be so easy if Kizzy was as dramatic as, say, V was being. Even though I'm not saying V is out of control. Like, I think V has a more sturdy case here. But if you almost hooked up with somebody and then completely dropped them the next day and said, oh, yeah, I just like to fuck around with you when I'm drunk. That's the girl I really like. she could be making a lot more trouble for you than you're getting. So you're pretty lucky to be getting away with this edit is what I'm saying. Acting like, oh, I'm the only mature one. No, you're not. You just happen to hook up with Kizzy who doesn't really care.

39:03That's correct. So Kathy, you know, she's like, Nathan's like, you look rad. She's like, yeah, that's because he's a motherfucker. And I'm sitting right here. So then we go back to Nathan and Kathy and Kathy's like, he basically just said, yeah, let's cool off. Like, let's just distance ourselves kind of thing. And I think he just gets so in his head and he doesn't know how to express himself. Also, he's very, very stupid. And that's something I'm starting to realize. A dumb, dumb man. But a good lay and I deserve that. But very stupid. Very, very stupid. It just keeps cutting to Max meditating.

39:39He's like, oh, bobbin, butter, butter on bread. Oh, croissant. That sounds delicious too. that's my meditation

39:52so V is avoiding Joe she goes out on the deck and Joe's there so she's like and she turns around and goes the other direction and then Kizzy is tending to her toe which is getting worse and worse and she's like FaceTiming someone like look at my toe what's wrong with my toe and then Jennifer is talking to Sandy and being like okay Sandy by the way you're so beautiful you're so beautiful I love the hair it's wonderful it's very medieval. I love the Middle Ages. It's great. It's wonderful. By the way, can I drive the boat now that I butted you up? Fred and butted you up, if you will. Can I? You mean this boat?

40:27Yeah, this boat. What do you think I mean? She's like, well, you could do it on autopilot. It's like, oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. She's got it. She's got it. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Her hair ain't the only one that's got jokes. She's funny. She's funny. This one's for fucking real. She's very funny. Very funny. So then Karen's like, you know what? These things are hard to drive. Okay. One time I, this guy owed my father some money or whatever. So he wound up acquiring a big boat and everyone laughs because they know what that means. And he goes, no, she's like, true story, true story.

40:57So we acquired a big yacht and then he's driving and we came to park in the, in the pier and like, boom, he just started smashing into all the, all these big boats. And next day he's like, I don't want this thing. I'm done. I love that the next day I was not like, oh my God, I owed all these people so much money for the repairs. It was like, eh, nevermind. he didn't pay that money for those repairs it's a mob guy it was like yeah you want to fucking complain about it complain to this you want to do it come on talk talk to the talk to the barrel yeah sorry about you sorry about your boat uh it was captain glenn's fault so then he probably went up and beat all the other boat owners up for having their boats in his way it would be such a mob boss thing to do to be like oh hey i just got a new boat let me be the want to drive it around even though i'm not equipped whatsoever to drive a yacht yeah come on kids daddy just got this thing from a friend there yeah so karen um uh yes karen tells the story and then people like asia and kathy are starting to run plates and everything and kathy's like oh look it's a family style lunch and so they're like oh no family style although i feel like i like lunch you're allowed to be family style um especially because you know that this group is probably like, hey, we're family.

42:12Okay, family eats together. Okay, you know what? You know what I'm not going to do? Is I'm not going to go on that tender without my family. Okay, I've had enough. I want to eat family style because that's what families do. Yeah, if there's ever a group of people that does not deserve plates, it's these ones. I'm surprised they even use forks. They don't just eat straight out of the pots. It's a gross group of people. So she's like, well, you know, I'm not really sure what Josh is still doing family style. We're a super yacht. We're a super yacht, Sandy. And that's a standard in the med, you know?

42:43You plate. People in the med, they like things on plates. What can I tell you? God, you know what I love? I love learning about the Earth's crust because it's made of plates. Even the Earth does it family style, okay? So Captain Sandy is like, Josh, Josh, why family style again? What's going on here, Josh? And he's like, oh, is it lunches? She goes, no, no. Hold on. One more. No, no, no. Always be plating. A, B, P, okay? Okay, once in a while you can do family style, but not as often as you're doing it, okay? Just takes it down a notch every time. So when you serve that Caesar salad, I want one leaf on that plate, one leaf on that plate, and a crouton on that plate, okay?

43:30That's called fancy. Yeah, he's like, but I always do it this way on boats. She goes, no, you never do it this way on boats, okay? That's our new mantra. Never do it this way on boats. Okay, I could use some work on that one. It's not very catchy. But, well, I'm doing a plated menu tonight for a full-course dinner. She's, oh, wow. Well, congratulations on half-hacing it, maybe in the future. Unfortunately, all the plates are welded together, and they sort of form one big plate that one would perhaps call a platter. See, Josh, you can't do that. That doesn't count. Separate plates not welded. Okay.

44:02Josh, I want the food on the plates, or I want you on the ice. You got it? Oh gosh, these guests are really wearing off on me I'm going to go calm down I'm going to go calm down You were my brother Sorry, I Captain Sandy, why did you just kiss me like that? Sorry, I just got Caught up in all the mob stuff Okay, alright So he Sings, so he pulls out his guitar And he's in his clown outfit Dancing next to him They're just putting every gross thing about Josh In one shot i know um he's like one more person mentions plated meals i think where's dominic dominic where are you i can't have josh with that dominic there telling him how much he sucks please i know seriously um so josh is like uh he's like i'm just so confused asia she's like oh really you're confused it's like i'm in plated lunch no one does that okay don't get too in your head about it but everyone does do a plated lunch people use plates it's a stack of them they're oh they've got dust on them so please plates but you've done a good job for someone who's doing a bad job but you're doing a good job don't stress out but i would be stressed if i were you don't get in your head you are at the top of what you do which is mediocrity so congratulations just keep up with that you want to use paper plates would that make it easier so um so then captain sandy is watching this tender going around and everything and she's just like hey yeah stuff that boat right go go actually i'm sorry she's telling nathan to go out on the boat because stuff that boat into a wave okay just get in there pretend it's manicotti and you're the cheese get it in there stuff it in yeah i like this even though it's she shouldn't be doing this because you know you're not supposed to be putting the guests in danger but uh i still liked it she's like okay they want it make them suffer drag them hold their heads underwater till they stop complaining okay i don't want people back here until they until they uh say that they're going to be true and honest to the one and only dame judy dench i watched the first episode i misdouched it she's amazing okay she deserved the night hut or whatever the fuck they gave her god that woman's amazing okay she's great yeah so uh now josh is in the gallery with kizzy and josh's like i mean this whole thing is fucking spinning me out the plated thing yeah i mean what i mean plates how are you supposed to even put things on plates you can't even do it she's like put the thing on the plate but i mean you you even hear that you sound yeah ridiculous you sound i mean one doesn't just put things on plate it's just ridiculous you can't even do this.

46:49How can I be a chef? But this sort of demands. Uh-oh. Guys, something important's happening. Captain Sandy's getting a text. Baby, I miss you, baby. Why don't I come to Barcelona? Babylona, as I call it. And we can spend some baby time together before we go back. Baby. And we just see Captain Sandy reading it, and then she just looks up at the camera and goes, Ah, wow. See that? I thought that was a good one. That's a good one right there. Yes, please. Yes, please. That's going in the BB Hall of Fame. Are you going to bring a little bear? Just tell the people on the airplane he's not an actual bear.

47:26He's a dog. Okay, great. So then Max is like, oh, no, Joe, I'm totally fucked. When she, when Kathy's in the room, I'm like, oh, like I feel bad, you know? Like I don't know why I said this, bro. It's like, oh, shit. I mean, you should have thrown the fucking nuggets earlier, bro. I don't want to make her like in pain. Like she's wonderful. I will be saying what I do, Jill. This is very minor, you know. Talk to Kathy. I'm not the best at giving advice because, like, I thought I wanted something with Victoria. And the more I got to know Victoria, the less I actually wanted Victoria. Did you know that she had a dead boyfriend on her birthday?

48:02Nobody told me. I wouldn't have gotten involved with that. Somebody told me. She told you. Well, never mind. I still didn't want her. Completely unattractive. And that's what dating's about. It's finding out whether you're right for each other. whether or not somebody's dated somebody that's died before. You know, back in real estate, when I was a big shot real estate person, you had to disclose that information before you dated a house. You know, Max, you have to just lean into the dating process. As we all know, you meet someone, you fall in love with someone, they're hot, they're beautiful, good personality, and then you cheat on them.

48:35And then you change the narrative and say you never liked them in the first place. And they actually made your life hell. That's what dating is all about, Max. So thankfully I've learned that V wasn't for me When I was making out with other people While she was mourning her dead boyfriend on her birthday Which I forgot both things But you know, thank God Kizzy, the angel's here for me And Max is like, wow Let us fist bump You just said me to like Kizzy Oh God, Joe Changing this narrative like Oh, the more I got to know her, the more I was like, ugh, whatever I'm like, then why were you crying Because you made out with Kizzy you were crying well you were crying because you knew you messed up you couldn't keep the one simple promise but you made that promise because you liked her so much you were trying to hold yourself to a higher standard and then when she didn't lift you let you know let you off the hook you decided that was the thing you didn't like about her you didn't like the fact that she wasn't chill with the fact that you kissed another girl while on a very emotional day for her so like it's just extraordinary the way he is able to do mental gymnastics to somehow make himself the victim in this situation.

49:39Yeah. So now we go to the tender and Frank's like, oh yeah, welcome to fucking Barcelona, motherfuckers. Yeah, that's all, that's all right on the fucking boat. You got a problem. People said we're going to be on a fucking boat. Here we are. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. They're all getting tossed around. They're getting bounced around. Oh my God. This is like so much right now. and they're screaming and Sandy's watching and she's like, yeah, I hope they all come back with wet hair. They'll have to do their hair again.

50:19And Annalise is like, this is a nightmare. I guess Sandy does know best. And then we just cut to Sandy going, eh. Told him. Nailed it. So now, let's see. V is getting instructions on driving the tender back. And she's like, yeah, like every once in a while, I remember being a green stew and like I was a third stew, but like, I'm like grateful for Nathan. Cause he showed me, he showed me, he pushes like the whole, you know, Joe sucks, but nation Nathan's still cool. And that's something, that's something to me. Hey, just want to interrupt your internal monologue to say, You docked the tender like a pro.

51:02Good job. And the way he just sort of crashed into the wall and made Annalise fly into the dock. Oh, great touch. Wasn't expecting that. Beautiful. She bounced right off. That's crazy. Gotta love the banana.

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