#3205 Southern Charm S11E10 Part Two: Snitchy Grass Farms

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about this is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. So Charlie is now in the backseat like, duh, what? And Molly's like, yeah, I mean, I love Sally, but she's a jealous psycho. Like, what the hell? Yeah. No, she's not. She just bought a whole set of chickens and a coop for a man hoping that he would love her. She's not a jealous psycho. She's a jealous farmer. That's right.

0:58that's right so Sally is like um you know he's the fucking problem he is he's the problem it's him Charlie's like I don't know I'm scared she goes I'm just confused I mean the Craig that I know and the Craig I spend time with I could not see him saying something like that I'm like well you should you should pay attention to the Craig who's on TV because you might get a better context of the things you might say rather than the one who hangs paintings with you yeah so Shep loves Bacchus in the back seat of the other car. And now we're talking about Craig and Austin again. So Wittner asks if they're going to be okay for the weekend.

1:34And Craig's like, yeah, but he's got to stop attacking me though. Yeah, the Craig. Always, always, the retiring, I'm just going to say the retiring flower, the wilting flower, the wallflower, the whatever it is, the soft little piece of goo that can't be attacked. Wittner's like, that's fair. I mean, wanting someone to stop attacking you is a reasonable fucking position. Am I right? I try to tell that to my mom whenever she's trying to attack the man, but she doesn't listen. It takes two to tango. That means I think... Yes, we know it. We know it takes two to tango lean shop. No, we know, but he does have to spell it out for her, Craig.

2:16What? Meaning, I think there's a world where you both say to each other, you do you. But that's all I try to do. and Whitner's like, please do not have fireworks in front of my parents. My parents can't sleep fighting anymore. They need to know that I live amongst people who are normal. So Austin's like, well, first off, everyone, hello, everyone in my car. I'm glad to have you in my car so I can fucking roast Craig. Yeah, which I love actually. He's like, I'm going to talk shit. We got two hours. This is safe space. I'm talking shit about Craig and Rodriguez. Start roasting, bitch. Better start roasting Rodrigo's like gay AI Start roasting bitch That sounds like a great idea It's just gay eye Gay eye He just has gay eyes The way he looks around with his glasses He's like He's like Gay Burnett He's like a silent movie actor The way he moves his eyes So Austin's like My jaw was like oh, and this is while I was eating a steak.

3:24So steak was flying everywhere. Get to the point. Get to the point, Austin. Okay. I was like, you should maybe ask me questions or ask me what's up with Audrey, you know, but he doesn't. And he just goes off like what he hears from other people. And then he projects it onto me. He projects it onto me like the way I project big potato onto his face. It's not fair. And really the shrimp cocktail too. And the cream spinach and really the whole meal just projected on everyone's faces to be honest. The snails are made out of mushrooms.

3:55Did you know? I want to roast those mushrooms, quite literally, actually. So Vanita's like, well, I just feel like it keeps recurring again and again and again and again. And Rodrigo's like, yeah, he doesn't even know Audrey's name yet. Like the other week, comma, girlfriend. And we see a flashback to Craig watching them at the bar and going, Aubrey's just like staring into the water. I didn't even catch that he called her Aubrey I didn't either That's so funny Yeah That's like Craig Conover 101 So Vanita says Not knowing people's names I love that I mean how long has this back and forth been going on Between the two of them But I don't think that Austin has the balls and the friendship with Craig And Austin is going to be like hey man So good to see you bro like act like nothing happened i'm like yeah because that's called straight male friendship yeah where they just everyone every day i'll all act happy and fine and then they talk so much about each other behind each other's backs austin and craig dunn no they can't they can't break up they're like broke back mountain girl girl live free or die am i right girl so then rodrigo is like um did you by the way did you tell audrey about what happened at the birthday dinner and also goes uh yeah i talked to audrey and long story wet from my saliva i told her we're done whoa why do you have windshield wipers on the inside of your car i don't know they just keep going on.

5:40Very sensitive. They can feel moisture on both sides of the glass.

5:47Live for your wipe. I'm going to have tripping. This is the first time I think I've initiated a breakup with someone that I really love. It's just so heartbreaking. Normally, I just cheat or do something so they have to break up with me. But God, she really wouldn't go. God, that was a real clinger, this one. And geez, she was hanging on by her eyebrows right to the very end. It was sad. And, you know, she didn't do anything wrong, unfortunately. So now I look like a real dick. So now a Wittner's car arrives at Itchy Grass Farm, which is good because we have the residents of Itchy Crotch City arriving.

6:26And Wittner is like, welcome everyone to Itchy Grass. And we see. I mean, it's gorgeous. There's geese. There's canoes. It's like a very scary sleepaway camp. I've never seen Friday the 13th because I'm afraid of horror movies, but I assume this is what Camp Crystal Lake looks like. Maybe you can confirm for me. The ponds are pretty small. I don't know. They just look like big mosquito traps to me. And Wittener's like, growing up here was idyllic. No rules. No neighbors. You're out there building forts, getting dirty, raking shit, robbing stores, murdering people. So Craig's like, so wait, who's, what'd you say?

7:08Anarchy. It's anarchy. I was like, you're doing it, baby. You're doing it. Yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. It was real empowering. I was a feral kid. Most of my youth, you know, and that's why I wake up every day at five in the morning, go running, do my taxes, repaint the house, et cetera. And Shep's like, what does itchy grass mean? It's like, well, when we were, and when I was a little kid and we moved out here, The grass was tall. Me and my sisters, my sisters were complaining. They said, we don't like it. The grass is really itchy. I got an itchy ass. So my dad said, you know what? We're going to name this farm itchy ass.

7:41Then my mom, she's a real rebel. She came and she put a G and an R on the sign. So don't, don't mess with mama. Welcome to itchy. Later we would, later we would find out the grass was fine. It was just, we had a massive amount of ticks on our legs that went undiagnosed for many years. so that's why we're so itchy but yeah that's the name itchy grass it's part of the itchy grass yeah so he shows them around they've got little cabins and stuff all over the place and he's like this is Marley's orchard it's named after the family dog she would run out here he'd grab himself an apple walk back isn't that fun might have helped if we actually ever threw a ball for that dog but we didn't He just went for any old one that would fall off a tree.

8:28That fucking idiot. We named this tree fucking idiot tree. My mom said we're calling it Marley. My mom is a real fucking rebel. Real rebel. We said Marley someday you're going to do that. And you're going to. Instead of taking an apple. You're going to take a bill that's about to be signed. And pull it off the podium. And it shall be the biggest rebellious move a dog has ever done. Which never happened. because the bill looks very different from an apple. Anywho, my family unquestionably has deep roots in the South, but just because we've been here a long time doesn't mean we're very traditional, which I was like, I almost was wondering, what are you about to lean into here when you say that?

9:14But instead he pivots and says, fun fact, Jimmy Buffett was my uncle, and my Aunt Jane married him and one of the longest running up of couples in rock and roll history. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. That is a fun fact. I was not expecting a Jimmy Buffett twist to the story. Yeah, he's like, yeah, you know, the Buffett proximity had an influence just on our opportunities. And all of a sudden, the world was just this bigger place of people who aren't from the same country club, doctors, lawyers, you know, whatever. Let me tell you, you hang out with that guy for one weekend, Uncle Jimmy.

9:53You will have an itchy ass. I like how he's like, you know, before Uncle Jimmy came around, our life was just confined to the same country club people, the doctors, the lawyers, et cetera. And then we met Jimmy Buffett and we met a whole bunch of other white people. Our world really opened up after that. But these ones had boats. And that's what's important. We went from white people on farms to white people on boats. Yacht Rock. So they check it out, and he says hi to his mom, and she's like, yo, dude. He's like, whoa, yes, taking over this country by storm.

10:33So the dog is excited and running around and everything, and there's, like, hugs, et cetera, and they have this beautiful kitchen. I mean, his parents seem so nice, and everyone meets them, and she's like, wow, you guys are so tall. She's like, gosh, I'm 6 '4". you know and austin is one inch taller and much wetter make sure you bring your poncho and then back uh in the car austin's like i don't want to talk about it up here okay i don't want to make the topic a point of the evening i don't want craig to be like i was right you're you're not with audrey anymore you know blah blah blah so please don't talk about it rodrigo's like well if it does get brought up you know you're gonna have fucking shep and craig in front and center and being like, I told you so.

11:15So I will be telling them. I know. Also, how awful would that be that like you break up with your girlfriend and your best buddies are gonna be like, told you so. Like talk about a toxic relationship. I think if anything, Austin comes in loud and proud and that way it shuts Craig up because Craig will be like, you don't even like her. It's like, well, guess what? I dumped her, but you don't even like her. But I dumped her, it's over. But you're not, you don't like, You don't even like your girlfriend. If you were together with her, then you also wouldn't like her. He would have nothing else to say.

11:51Chuck's him right up. So Sally calls, and they're talking about what's going on in each other's cars. And she's like, we're just talking about Craig in our car. And Rodrigo says, this is about how much you love him. She's like, well, I was filling Charlie in on things that I've heard that Craig has been saying, and she needed to know. They're like, details. and she's like well i heard craig's been going around basically saying charlie's gonna fall for him and she does he doesn't want to lead her on which makes this guy so special you know to where you know he thinks that charlie could possibly break his heart i mean could you imagine charlie's like i mean no one's expecting to fall in love i mean i'm like i'm totally fine here i just nailed the painting and someone's wall doesn't mean i'm in love with them sorry Been in his house a couple times.

12:40Yeah, I'm just alone and decent. That's it. And Austin's like, well, I'll be alone with you, Charlie. And Sally's like, wait, but Austin, you have a girlfriend. Yeah, we got to talk about that. Wait, no, I don't want to talk about this at all. Just kidding. And then they're like, what? What? Huh? And then like, wait, wait, what? And then Rodrigo's like, we're about to go through a tunnel, girlfriends. And so they hang up with them because it gets awkward. And then Sally's like, wait a second. Are Austin and Audrey broken up, guys? What did you take from that conversation? And Sally's like, I mean, Charlie's like, well, he said that we'll have to talk about it.

13:17I mean, look at Sally. She's giddy. Sally's giddy for this part. Whoa, look how giddy she is. And she is. Yeah, Sally's all excited. She's like, okay, he's available. Ding, ding, ding. So back in the other car, Rodrigo's like, just don't go rush out and get a handjob from Sally. Okay? I'm not going to get a hand job from Sally. It'd be a blow job, you idiot. So we arrived, they arrived at the farm and everything. And Beth is in the, in the pantry. She's like throwing around, she's throwing burger buns across the kitchen. Kind of wacky, wacky mom that you see in one of those movies. Like, Hey cats, here are the burger buns.

13:53It's like a sunny D commercial. And then, and then Craig is like, where am I going? Which is probably something he asks many times a day. so they arrive and they're like oh sally goes oh my god itchy grass i want some itchy in my ass who says that sally no literally i don't think that's a sensation anyone yeah what is that even is that sex is that a sexual thing i want some itchy in my ass so wetner uh wetner wetner and beth greet that's what we'd call him if you talk about austin wetter he's like okay what's up girls welcome to itchy grass mama meet the girls y 'all are actually here put your bras in this bin we're all gonna burn them it's my mama my mama she's a rebel so they all go in everything he's like well this is where i actually grew up uh you guys want to see your rooms okay so ladies they're right this one's here and sister one sister two live here and you're gonna be in the room with the giant face of jimmy buffett okay i hope you like parrots okay so they start checking out their houses vanita has brought some gifts for the mom and then um austin's like well thank you for having us your lovely home do the day the lovely she's just like wiping her face uh-huh okay um i'm just gonna walk around with a hamburger bun in front of my face okay i'm not throwing this one okay just in case this man talks to me anymore Hey, hon, any chance we can rename this farm Soggy Grass?

15:24Okay, thank you. So Charlie comes to say hi to Craig, and he's wet. And she's like, why are you just sweating? And he's like, they billed me on grill duty, so I'm going to be grilling stuff. And so now we meet the dad, and they're grilling some stuff. Hey, are you making a cheeseburger in paradise?

15:52This is Whitney to say that that was a Jimmy Buffett reference Mother Can we do Jimmy Buffett on bagpops If not I really don't care Allie Austin sees Sally And Sally's like oh my god Hi Austin He's like why are you looking at me like that Why are you hugging me like that I always look at you like that She looks at me really tentatively Not really sure what I mean by that But I've heard Shep say it Although we pronounced it tentatively So I'm not really sure Tentatively I don't know I don't care which way I say it Because we know what I always say Live free or die right But man Sally gets she sees her opportunity And she's immediately like Austin I know right away Like what was wrong with you But she well no they did set it up That earlier in the season when she told Audrey Basically like I love Austin If he weren't taken I would just jump his bones i know but my god talk about jumping in somebody's grave smother give it a minute he hasn't even told you yet really so um madison comes over and she's left alone with the mom and so the mom greets her and she's like oh hi hello there and she's like wow you're pregnant well okay yep i sure am okay then you've got buns in the oven i got buns in the air catch okay well you can't catch Okay, we got a pregnant one who can't catch buns out here, all right?

17:19Might be shipping you home soon, honey. Go out there. Go out. Sorry, toots. Catching the buns is a bit of an itchy grass farms tradition, so you can try it again. We'll give you another shot. Okay, try it again. Off to the game. All right, well, we'll put you in a remote cabin near the alligators. Enjoy. Well, I see you're pregnant. I'm glad you're carrying a gift for the patriarchy. Go ahead and go outside and have a hamburger, toots, okay? So they, uh, those, by the way, I want to point out that there's so much arriving and barbecuing in like the middle section of this episode. It's really like 10 minutes of watching burgers get flipped and people jumping in pools and people milling about doing absolutely nothing.

18:01Like I really cannot underscore this enough. It's, it's a lot of filler, which has me believing that next episode's gonna be a really good one. Because sometimes before on Bravo, before a really good episode, they like to time it so that way that they don't want like half of the good stuff on this side and half on that side. So I give like a teaser and then go forward. So I feel like they're just sort of like treading water just that way they can time to have a really good episode. That is what my fingers are crossed for. Yeah. So Vanita is trying to get gossip. Well, Sally is trying to get gossip from Vanita on like whether Austin's broken up or not.

18:36and she's like well i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be the one to tell i've already been in trouble for telling secrets mostly about vaginas so i'm not going to tell the secret of that giant wussy okay so and sally's like well we were close in the beginning of summer and i just love you so much i just miss our friendship you know but there were just some things you know when you said that whole thing about craig and venita's like listen there's big misunderstandings here it's not you i'm fighting the only person that i don't like that i hate and i can't stand their guts and I'll be fake to their face is Craig.

19:07Okay. It's Craig. And Craig's doing this thing where he's like, he got into the pool and he went all the way to the infinity thing and he just puts his arms up and he's just like squint looking at everybody. Yeah. But he also thought that it's like, Greg is like super famous and charismatic that like everyone would join him in the pool. And then he could have like a sharks and minnows moment, like a, you know, some sort of like nostalgic, like remember when we were like boys and girls and we were like sharks and minnows and I'm like, well, you should do that in this pool. But no one gets in the pool with him, and he's really upset.

19:36He's like, guys, come in the pool. Come in the pool. Charlie, you want to prove you can swim? She's like, I can't. I can't. I'll actually drown. I'll drown, but I'll dive in if Sally wants me to. I'll do it, Sally, just for you. Okay, I'll drown. I'll drown for you. But come into the pool. Everyone, come into the pool. But now Sally has seen Craig for who he is, which is a guy that she hates unless he would actually express interest in her again. he's a deadbeat dad to chickens so um madison's like i made it i'm here and um so they all say hi to her now and then we meet um you know i don't know everybody's just talking but sally sally's really the big thing here because they're all kind of sitting putting their feet in the pool and sally's like wow look at austin he's sure looking sexy as fuck too soon too soon it's like i don't know anything i don't know anything i mean he's still dating audrey he's like no he He called me yesterday and said, I'm not telling the soul.

20:31And I said, okay, well, I am. There you go, everybody. Yeah, because it turns out that when Austin had called Madison, you know, when after he had held Piper for emotional support, amongst the other things he talked to her about was the fact that he and Audrey had broken up. And so Sally's like, well, I kind of feel like a bitch for being happy. She's like, no, no, no, no, no. you're just a bitch because that's just who you are. It's okay. Like, I know, I know. Hold on, Sam, I gotta pee. I'm gonna pee right here in the pool. And so he pees in the pool. Pee in the pool? Who does that in someone else?

21:10Like, I don't know, like the ocean I get, but like a pool at someone else's, like their parents' house. I don't know. Yeah. It was also like a narrow pool. So it just sort of felt like everyone would be like touching his pee in the pool. You know, it wasn't like a big open public pool, like a big vast pool. It was just like narrow. And you shouldn't be peeing in those either. You shouldn't. No, I agree. I'm just saying. Look at Ben making rules so Ben can still pee in pools. Mr. I never see. Mr. We got to wear seat belts in the backseat, but we can just piss in that piss on everybody else around us.

21:47All I'm saying is that peeing in that narrow strip, it just was more visceral. It was like you just felt like the pee was circulating around, like touching everything all at once. Yeah. So, but of course, Austin's like, ah! And also, by the way, keep in mind that Austin is now going to emerge from that literal cesspool with urine on his legs. You know, they were the first things to touch. Commercials, here comes one right now.

22:19so now craig is talking to charlie and he's like oh is yours right she's like well i mean we talked about you a little bit i mean sally said that she heard something that you said about me and his jaw drops he's like oh god what did i say and she's like he goes well but she's jealous you know that right because i didn't say whatever she said i said she goes okay well i understand And he goes, I hate when people get involved in my life. Because now it's going to be a thing, you know? I mean, I regret. Oh, God, this sucks. Well, you know, I'm sorry I even brought it up. Because it's just such a nothing.

22:52I mean, you don't have to get all worked up. He's like, no. But, like, I'm ultra sensitive when people get involved in my life. Cut to Craig yelling at Austin. You don't even like your girlfriend. Why are you like your girlfriend? Because you go out with other people. You don't like girlfriends. You can't even be a person in a relationship. And you've made nothing of your life and everything you do is a failure. It's like, hey, when people judge me, this really sucks. But once again, it's another example of Craig saying something and then denying it. Just like he did when he said, yeah, Sally's a tornado.

23:25After Sally said that she liked him, you know, he went off on her and then denied saying all of that. And then how about this manipulation when he says every single week someone has something to say and I just get protective about you. oh please you get protective we saw what you said the guy's dinner night and also even if you hadn't said that since when are you protective like that is the biggest crock of shit that is such manipulation i mean this my eyes just rolled like left to right i mean just like a perfect beautiful arc right in that moment yeah so charlie's like yeah i want to believe that sally is trying to be my friend but yeah i'm not really sure about sally man he's like well you know that we have a great relationship and I know we have a great relationship and like, I hope we have a chance.

24:11Cause you know how I feel about you. Which is that I think you're really hot, but I think getting too attached and I like don't want like you to be so attached cause you're kind of exactly. I'm like, I'm just trying to live my life. That's how I feel about it. Yeah. I hope she doesn't get the wrong impression, Craig. Yeah. I hope she doesn't get the wrong impression when I say things like, you know how I feel about you. so then um whitner is like okay let's go to our cabin so he drives them around and puts them in the cab and madison's like that's like a horror movie it's scary and uh um craig is craig goes up to talk to sally and he's like sally you need to tell charlie i didn't fucking say this shit she goes well it came straight from chrishev's mouth then so i know it's true he even he even said you or a Ted Tate, whatever that is.

24:59You got a problem with it, you talk to him. That's not true. I haven't said anything about Charlie to anyone. Well, I'm here straight from your best guy friend. Doesn't matter. It doesn't. I'm not going to get sucked into stuff. Sally, crazy face, psycho jealousy person. And she's like, no one's trying to suck you into anything. But on the subject of sucking, no, no, stop. stop you hear stuff that blatantly doesn't sound like me why don't i get the benefit of the doubt oh craig the the biggest benefit of the doubt giver and it does sound like you it does sound like you and he's like but it doesn't matter to me i told you it's not true and i answer to myself okay and we're not going to be close anymore because i can't trust you and she goes whatever and he's like i'm telling you i didn't say it and i can't stop shep from making shit up about me okay so now every guy on the show is making up stuff about you that you never said.

25:55So he's like, yeah, you know, he's blaming Sally. He's like, Sally, obviously is psycho and she's in love with me. but the way he also always loves to like withhold his, his friendship from people. Well, now we're not going to be as close because you are mean to me. So now I hate you, you know, that's like his classic move. Cause I think that he really sees himself as a superstar asset. And like, and honestly, Craig has become a major star of the show. You know, like he used to be much more supporting and now he really is a lead. He's super handsome. He is successful, whether it's because of his own doings or Jerry's, it doesn't matter.

26:30He is like, he is like on paper, as they would say on Long Island, on Love Island, you know, on paper, he's my type. He looks great on paper, but he's also believing his own shit. So when he's like, well, we're not going to be as close. Like you don't get to be around me. You get to miss out. You don't get to come to my pool parties where there's a sun shelf in the pool and a margarita machine that kind of makes it kind of slushy. You don't get to be part of that anymore, as if anyone cares. He's like, well, good luck finding a hot tub. Maybe next time you could have called me. Huh? It's not worth me saying what I said again because it was a terrible pun and I'm embarrassed that I even put it on the podcast.

27:14So just please keep on talking. I said, tell me about Margarita, but it'll go on. Well, maybe next time you could have just called me instead of going to her and spreading all these. She's like, she's my best friend. Oh, okay. It's like, okay, Sally, do whatever you want. I mean, Sally is ridiculous as well. But he's like, okay, you're getting overwhelmed now. It's like, oh, woman getting angry. Put her in a hospital. She's like, I am overwhelmed because you're all man children and I can't take it. So she walks off. And then now Wittner goes to see Shep and uh he's showing him his house and shep's like you don't have to give me a tour i go to cuba you just leave me here alone i'll figure it out yeah it's gonna be easy for me i'm just easygoing shepherd right now so then um molly almost walks into a tree branch and she's like i almost ate shit so i was like yeah well craig was really making me believe that he didn't say that like sorry i know he said that about you and like it fucking lights a fire in me because like I know you and I know you're better than him Charlie and Charlie's like um yeah am I better than him I don't know and that branch was scary I don't know what to do yeah but also Sally back off like let her let you already said the thing just let her deal with it okay you didn't like this when this was being done to you two weeks ago yeah and Sally's being ten times more extra about it than it ever was to her I'd like to also point out yeah Sally's ridiculous so but she's funny so I don't really care as much and Craig passes and he's like, go ahead, keep talking about me.

28:47It's fine. She's like, we're not even talking about you. Not everything's about you. Oh, whatever. I'm just like, you stupid Craig. Yeah, so anyway, like I was saying, Craig said, and you're better. Whitner takes Austin and Rodrigo to their cabin and Austin's like, wow, look at our cute little dock there, bro. It's amazing. Yeah, well, welcome to the dove cottage where you can get drunk and fuck, right? Huh? Uncle Jimmy, that was for you. So then Rodrigo's like, yeah, air conditioning girlfriend. Yes, sirree. So they basically just get settled in their cabin, et cetera. Craig goes to see his glamping tent, which is really nice, actually.

29:26And then now we go back to Austin and Rodrigo's and they're getting ready. And Austin's like, dude, what the shit? I have a pimple on my face. I haven't had a pimple on my face for like 14 years, bro. This is Craig. This is Craig pimple. he literally got so angry in that moment like when he saw that pimple on his face he literally looked like he'd seen a a note that was taped on the mirror that said i hate you too signed craig and he was like what what i was like oh my god what happened he's like got a pimple got a pimple for the first time in like 14 years of the scene right now it's pimple so rodrigo puts a cowboy hat on him and he's like just pull it down further no further no further No further.

30:07He covers his whole face. He's like, okay, I can't see it now. So then they walk outside and they're looking at the pond and Austin's like, whoa, Rod, wasn't a broke back, broke back pond, bro. So what's even sadder about Rodrigo is he didn't even make, because when he said broke back mountain, I was like, that's such a straight guy joke. He stole the straight guy joke to use this in his confessional. That's so sad. I know. I know. Right. so they're just sitting talking and Austin's like yes it's tough not to think about Audrey right now you know what I'm thinking god this is so much fun without Audrey huh it's hard not to think about that and Rodrigo's proud of him he's like yeah I wanted it to work out with them you know cause I like I loved Audrey but you know like I didn't want him to string her along forever you know so he's like well I've just been thinking about her just been thinking about her god do you remember what she looks like I forgot Right.

31:02She had eyes. I remember that. She saw things. She was blonde, right? Was she blonde? Blonde. There was a plant that was trying to eat her. So then we go to Sally and Molly and Charlie's cabin. And Sally's like, so how are we feeling about this bun? It's look good, but it's nice, right? Okay, well, that's where America saw this scene. And then we go over to Shep's loft and Craig comes over. And Shep's like, ho, ho, ho, what a bottle of rum. I'm reading a cowboy book, which is funny. Cause I just had a pirate thing. Cowboys and pirates. What's your favorite quick Craig answer. It's like, um, I just took an outdoor shower.

31:42Oh, are you enjoying the property? Yeah. It's escapism. I'm really into this escapism. I was like, this is not escapism. You're on a vacation. You're literally, you've escaped. Escapism is when you read a book and wish you were on vacation. You're literally on the vacation. But like sitting in a pool and then looking out and being like, wow. I'm in water. Like when you're with the right person, you can do this all the time. But like, I just wanted to talk to you really quick. Cause even though I don't think it's a big deal, Sally made it seem like a big deal. She was like, and then we cut to earlier.

32:14And this is the part I was talking about where we don't see what Craig is actually telling Shep. So we cut to earlier, what actually happened with Craig confronting Sally. And Shep is just looking at him and goes, wait a minute, I did not say, oh, she's in love with Craig, which is not what Sally said. that she said, see, it's a big game of telephone. And why aren't they showing us the proof? Thank you. Exactly. So Shep is like, well, I did not say she's in love with Craig. I never said that. You know, nobody thinks that. No one does. And Craig's like, well, now I'm like, I'm trying to work on myself, right?

32:52And like, fuck, like hearing a misrepresentation of myself, it just will trigger. And I'm like, I don't want to do this with this stuff. Because look at me. Look at how I'm working on myself. Like how last year I wasn't drinking, but this year I'm drinking. And I'm like, but telling people like getting mad at Austin cause I'm an addict, but then also like still drinking. So like, it's like, I'm really working on myself really hard right now. Listen, I I'm changed. I say things like triggered now. And chef's like, but I mean, everyone knows you. I mean, you're not some big bad-ass swinging dick.

33:23Everyone knows you're a wuss. I mean, you wouldn't say that about a girl. He's like, wow, thank you. I appreciate that. He's like, yeah, I mean, this is on the record. We know who you are, Craig. He's not nefarious. I mean, Craig's not, you know, he's not like that. We all know that. He's a wuss. He's not only not nefarious, he's also not nefarious, which is how I actually said it for some reason. So Shep is like, there's nobody more respectful of females than Craig Conover. Yeah, leave it to Shep. Oh, sorry, I was working on my stand-up routine. That was just a joke. Leave it up to Shep to be like, females.

33:59He thinks white doves are going to fly out of the tree like in Cinderella. She had doves, right? I don't know. Was she the one who spilled rice on the floor? God, I would never marry someone like that. Now, listen, someone trying to twist that around is bullshit. So don't let it trigger you, Craig. Don't let it trigger you. No, I appreciate you. I'm glad I came and talked before I got triggered. Well, I guess you'll just have to be careful what you say around Sally. because women are crazy and hysterical and they're prone to histrionics. Or be careful what they say to you because you are the one who told Sally that and you fucking know it.

34:36Now, it's being misconstrued because no one said in love, but you're acting like you've never heard this and you have no idea where this would come from instead of being like, no, Craig, that's not what I said. I said you were worried that you're leading her on and giving her the wrong idea and that you're going to hurt her and let her down because what if she starts to like you too much or something? Which is what you did say, but Shep's like, nope, crazy woman alert. Yeah, and so we cut back briefly to the Sally, Molly, Charlie cabin, and they're just still getting ready and stuff and talking about dresses.

35:09Sort of just show that they're just having a nice time. I have no idea that the guys are saying these things about them. And we come back and Shep is like, I mean, I like her, she's fun, but she can be really crazy, cuckoo, you know, emotional woman, has no rationality or reasonability. Yeah, well, it seems like she's just a gossip now. God, I wonder if Austin's going to leave that fucking stupid girl that he doesn't like with his no-win life. Craig talking about how Sally is just a gossip while he's in here actively gossiping with Shep while the women are literally not even gossiping at all. He's like, wow, that's what women do.

35:44They just gossip. Women be gossiping, right? She's an agent of chaos. Yeah, she's a chaos agent. Someone might even say A tornado Ornado Ornado So that's the cliffhanger So yeah It's good to see the show is just still doing the things The show does The guys somehow Gaslighting them into their echo chamber And The women still somehow Can't help but Only focus on these idiots yep oh southern charm never change and i don't worry that you ever will god bless you all right everybody thanks so much for being here don't forget to go vote for the golden crappies you can find links for tickets live streaming tickets all that good stuff over at watch what crappens.com and we'll talk to you next time bye watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alison king It's always a party on Alison Block Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's always automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.

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