#3213 Southern Charm S11E11 Part One: Born For Corn

0:20Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crapens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Everybody, welcome to the show today. We're a couple of weeks away from the Golden Crappy Awards, our awards show here in Los Angeles. The Fonda Theater on February 27th almost sold out. We're like 96 % sold out. So there's literally a few tickets. So if you want to come, get your tickets. Okay? Do it. Do it right now. Now, if you can't come, still get your tickets because we are doing live streaming with Kizwi. So get your live stream tickets and your regular tickets over at WatchWhatCrapins.com.

1:01That's going to be an amazing night. Also, if you want this recap on video or you want bonus episodes about the traders or if you want ad-free listening or if you want to read the free newsletter, it's free. It's like a little magazine. Just go over to Patreon.com slash WatchWhatCrapins, everybody. Ben who you want to shout out today You got a friend who's got a movie Come on tell us Yeah I want to shout out my friend Matt He wrote a movie that is coming out In theaters everywhere This weekend it's called Good Luck Have Fun Don't Die You may have seen the commercials Yeah it's coming out So my friend wrote that And I want to support him And so I'm going to go see it this weekend Because honestly like in movies It's like all that opening weekend And then after that it's like It truly is Good Luck Have Fun Don't Die so um everyone if you're thinking about seeing a movie this weekend go check that one out because it's actually supposed to be really good too which is great because i would hate it if i like you know shout out my friend's movie and it was like it sucked but it's supposed to be really good so yeah sci-fi adventure with sam rockwell oh hell yeah sam rockwell the um the girl from white lotus where the crazy hailey hailey lou yeah that was her name hailey lou richardson there's some other famous people and i just don't remember who they are but zazie b juno temple michael pina tanya von gran i mean come on the whole gang the whole gang this looks really good you know for as much i do have to say like for as much as we're like oh my god come to the crappies you know we spend we spend like a solid six weeks getting the crappies together but when it comes to a movie like that's like a two or three year process and it all culminates in like one weekend i love you i love you comparing the crappies to a feature meaning that like we're like oh my god So much work, guys.

2:50Come on. Come to our show. But like, here's my friend who's toiled away for like literally two years and, you know, went through ups and downs and all sorts of things. And it culminates in this one weekend. So I say go support it. Go see it. Well, that's cool. Congratulations. That's my shout out. Yeah. Congrats, Matt. Or as I say when he's in trouble, Matthew. Because I'm from the South. And today we're talking about Southern Charm. southern charm season 11 episode 11 cabin fever today i was trying to write a description about what happened in this episode and i was like what i just watched it an hour ago what did happen in this episode i don't know i know that's how southern charm rolls that is they really didn't really they kind of didn't know what to do with this episode they sort of had 45 minutes of an episode and then they're like okay what next um okay let's have madison having her baby okay we still have time left uh chauncey's funeral would be like a life and death motif at the end of the episode for no good reason sure so this is a circle of light that's in there yeah um so that's what that's what we're doing we are still at the itchy ass estate itchy ass farms uh witness winner's place and we still don't want to make mama upset don't fight in front of mama don't fight in front of mama oh get out of here stop inviting me around parents i can't fight in front of i know when those parents are still doing their own sitcom it's not really a sitcom it's more like a dramedy it's like you know and it's the funny parts of a dramedy when things are light and happy before people have serious conversations in bedrooms about yeah you know whatever is ailing them but like the fun part is when they put on leon bridges on the soundtrack and then they toss you know loaves of bread to each other across the kitchen island they're like catch you know so that's what his that's that's the tv show that his parents are in right now it is also the south and so it's it's playing a game with the audience of is my dad sexually harassing people or just being a dad yeah it's like it's a it's an age-old question their shirt really helps put the needle into the dad category but like without that shirt it'd be like it's like hey pretty lady wow what a gorgeous beautiful lady and here she comes down the stairs harley mccartison oh yeah booby boobs mcgee get down here it's very yeah every single thing it was like it was like the world's worst pageants and now from representing the state of south carolina beautiful miss cutie face the only thing you can ever say to a girl in the south is well don't you look darling honey come on down here and sit on big wit's lap big wit so whitner walks in and he's like what's up and beth is like oh you got to set the table whitner he's like yes ma 'am it really is like like abc 9 p.m reboot of brothers and sisters kind of dialogue happening with this family and Beth, you know, they're setting up their whole table where they're going to set up dinner and everything.

6:04And they're very bantery, very Aaron Sorkin-y in the way they talk with each other. Without the walking. Mm-hmm. Because Aaron Sorkin loves walking through a hallway. Yeah. Maybe it's David E. Kelly. Maybe that's their vibe. But Beth is like, something super slick over here. Well, maybe the water I just spilled. Oh, you're looking for an opportunity to increase your inheritance, son? The dad's like, oh, you're going from zero to zero with that inheritance.

6:40The banter of anarchists. Don't invite Austin and Shep into your home if you don't want something slick somewhere. Those two were always spitting. I know. So Madison and Vanita. Oh, what were you going to say? That's the culprit right there. That's the slick surface underneath there. Bird is on the oven. Yeah. So Madison and Vanita's cabin. And Madison's like, should we just walk over there? And they're like, yeah, let's do it. So they walk over. And Vanita's like, oh, my God, I'm going to be the first person you're going to have a drink with at the hospital when that baby comes out. Because I just want to drink with you.

7:13I can't wait to see your little baby. And she's like, well, I mean, she's already pretty much out of me. I mean, at least her head is. She's got a little head dangling down there. I can't believe, Ronnie, you would imply that nothing really happened on this show. when you're like, I can't even remember what happened. I mean, don't you remember when Madison and Vanita walked over there? It's a great scene. They decided to take their drinks to walk. You want to walk over there? Sure. And it's still happening in all the cabins, basically. Sally's like, can I go downstairs? No. Oh, I totally had to.

7:44I wouldn't go downstairs without you. Would I? While you're steaming your dress, I wouldn't go downstairs without you. It's like, yeah, you said totally. and that's whenever I know you're lying because whenever I say totally I'm like totally she's like yeah you just told on yourself because you tell me totally all the time just totally which I think actually totally is Charlie is not I don't think totally is her signal of saying that she's lying I think totally is her way of saying like fuck you bitch I'm sick of living under your shadow um or in your shadow you live under someone's shadow where it must have been cold there

8:23so what all the feelings winners outside set the table and they're doing it with um those chargers now i i here's something we can talk about in this episode i demand new plate chargers i don't like those chargers they're using these um they're like rattan or something yeah yeah like a wicker wicker rattan. I don't want to clean that. I don't want to have to clean that. And you know they're going to get shit all over them because chargers always do. You have to clean the chargers too and don't tell me you don't. And then you have to clean all this crust and shit out of the rattan and it's outside and there's going to be bugs all in the rattan.

9:01I don't know about the rattan. I don't know. Rattan traps. I'll use rattan because I'm an anarchist. Rattanarchy. I'll tell you one thing. Rattanarchy. What? what would castro use as a charger these are some chay quavera chargers i have to say i i still to this day do not understand why they're called chargers in the first place it makes no sense to me why how did this how did they get named that i'm sure there's some sort of thing where it's like well actually charger it's very close to like the assyrian word carger which means to hold a plate or something like that it's probably i know it's like some some base level etymology but I just feel like it's so strange that we call those things chargers.

9:44I don't get it. Why are they called chargers? What are they charging? You know, I understand like they were called that before the concept of like power charging came up, but like still, well, you're not moving anywhere. They're not charging at someone. And I think of the Dodge charger and those cars are annoying. So sorry. Sorry for anybody listening to this in a Dodge charger, but shut up. Okay. I'm sick of listening to your car. It would be hilarious if the person who designed the Dodge Charger was like, I want to design a really cute car that's just supportive and lovely. Sort of like the Charger under a plate, but then all the assholes were like, no, it's a Charger.

10:24I'm going to charge at you, and they ruined the entire idea behind it. Yeah. Well, Charger plates are called that because they direct... Oh, sorry. I thought you were done. My little Charger story would be funny to someone, I'm sure. Maybe no one is actually listening. No, I thought it was funny. I'm just so excited to read the definition. You know, when you look something up and you're like, oh, my God, I've got an answer. And then you just let the other person keep talking about their charger story. But you know that the real story isn't the true answer. So that was my assignment. It wasn't your fault.

10:55So charger plates are called that because they derive from the Middle English word chargier, which refers to a large platter used to charge or load a dish with food in the 13th and 14th centuries. historically used for serving large roasts. These, now decorative, plates act as a base to load other plates onto. So it's a tray. It's a tray. It's a tray. Which they would say charge these, which meant load these. It's like a compact SUV, but in plate form. It's not quite a tray. It's not yet a tray. Not still a plate. It's a tray. It's shit they would load other food onto to take other plates to that thing.

11:39So now I'm going to start calling Dodge Chargers Dodge Trays. And people are going to be like, I paid a lot of money for this car. Yeah, have fun driving a Dodge Tray. As long as we're talking about housewares, how did we forget to mention that Carl used a McKenzie Child's tea kettle to water his plants on Summer House? That was like crazy that we forgot to mention that. We didn't mention it. I think it's because I'm trying to be nice to Carl this year because, you know, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and I'm always so mean to Carl. And I just thought, you know, why am I going Carl? He's trying.

12:13But I mean, it was unforgivable. Yeah, it was unforgivable. It bothered me because I think Mackenzie Child's stuff is bad, generally speaking. Like, I think it's horrific, but also like it doesn't match anything in his apartment. It's like Mackenzie Child, like basically Mackenzie Child's stuff belongs in a home that you would see in Orange County, right? Like it's going to be in Vicky's house. It'll be in Tamara's house. It'll be Caroline Manzo's house in New Jersey. So, but like in a sleek, cool, Hey, I'm an entrepreneur. I've got soft bar apartment to have a McKenzie child kettle. It just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

12:50Maybe he got it from McKenzie herself. Who's, you know, like sending stuff. Cause I can't imagine Carl buying a McKenzie child or maybe he did because, you know, when you get sober, you care, you, you put a lot of effort into sober things like tea. So it's like, I'm going to get myself a really nice teapot because I'm sober. So I'm going to have a McKenzie's Child$200 teapot. So maybe that's why. I think Lil gave it to him. Lil's like, I love Beetlejuice. Here. It reminded me of the Beetlejuice. My mom got a McKenzie's Child rug and I was like, mom, please don't do that. And she's like, no, Ronnie, I got such a good deal.

13:27I'm getting this rug. It's amazing. Everybody loves McKenzie's Child. It's so fashion. And I said, that's going to bring you bad luck. Mackenzie's child. And she's like, no, it's not that stupid. I don't believe in luck. I believe in Jesus. Well, a week later, she tripped on that rug. She tripped and she fell. Did you trip on the white square or the black square?

13:51I'm not laughing at my mom tripping. I'm just saying I told you so. So, okay. So people are still... Say it again? Got a lot of stuff off our chest right now. Rattan, McGee's Child, Burgers. Great, great work. So now Wittner and his wacky parents are deciding on where to seat people because they're out there setting the table still. And Beth is like, oh, this goes on top. We're doing power clash. Put the dish on top of the charger, Wittner. And he's like, yes, ma 'am. Should we do table setting? She's like, that'll be up to you. It's your party. This is how we teach our children responsibility.

14:27Play sittings or no. kind of man are you there he's like i don't really know i'm trying to think of what my former girlfriend would have liked and would have made him stay okay winner just put the plates on the table it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial so um people are still gathering so molly charlie and sally come down the stairs it's very much like a she's all that moment um and uh because every time one of them comes down the staircase big wit is like this is where he starts being like whoa you all look angel you look like angels from heaven come on down come on here miss lovely now tell me what would you like to do to achieve world peace charlie's like i feel like i'm going to prom where's my corsage wait sally why are you wearing the corsage that i was gonna wear to prompt well it was mine you don't know corsage is when there's like look at these beautiful goddesses holy moly jeez beautiful you need to be in a toga somebody needs to play the horn these women are angels well i can't tell if you just came up from hades because you're looking a lot like persephone just gorgeous so um throw some water on her the tail pop out that is a mermaid siren if i ever seen one Hey, watch your butt.

15:53You're about to crash into the lighthouse. It's a siren right there. He even looks at the camera at one point, and he just points his finger, and he's like, I'm like, can you believe it? They make specimens like this, just gorgeous, and in my house. Winter's mom's like, Big Wit, you need to get some wine out here. Whore. Man whore. Madison and Vanita arrive in the main cabin, and they're admiring it and everything, and then people are cheersing and sally's thanking them for having them etc and sally's like wow uh you look so nice uh madison am i allowed to say that sally am i allowed to compliment her so i was like it is approved yeah i literally can't get over how cute you are pregnant wow you don't have your eye on craig for any strange reason right okay just double chicken and uh whitner's still like holy moly let me hold him hold him on let me put my face up to your belly let me put oh my god You've got a hottie in there too My baby alert everyone's gorgeous here And then Rodrigo and Austin are over At their cabin And Rodrigo's like so do you hear Those frogs babe they're singing For you and I was like yeah they're Banging hard yeah it's insane right Now Well now that you're Single

17:11I don't want to tell Shepard Craig You know because I don't want to tell them that I broke up with Aubrey. Okay. Cause I know if they get the info, they will just use the opportunity to throw it back in my face. They're going to throw it back in my face. Can I throw what you just threw at the camera back at your face? Because I'm wet sitting on my couch. I know. Also don't be friends with people who like, if you say that you are going through a breakup, you're like afraid to tell it to them because their primary objective will just be to humiliate yourself with it. I mean, that's our job. That's not their job as friends.

17:46So, Austin, I mean, he is right. I think he's also on like a little bit of a power play. I think he wants to actually torture them. I think he wants everyone to know about them. So that way they're the ones who are humiliated first. And then he can, and then, then he can pull the card to be like, oh, I just didn't want to say it because you guys, you guys have been so mean. You guys reveled, you guys reveled in the fact that there were rumors about us. You know, he's going to do one of those things. He's also very manipulative. Let's not forget who we're talking about. He's, he's playing this where he's telling everybody, but them so that everybody can be like oh be nice to austin look at poor austin austin's so sad look at austin so then they're they feel guilty about whatever they say to austin because they should know that austin's going through something even though they don't know you know he's doing his whole man baby man baby thing it's a man baby power struggle on southern charm as usual yeah so they walk into the main cabin and everything and shep walks with craig everyone's saying hello Hello, everyone's greeting, everyone's just saying hi and gathering and this goes on for quite a long time.

18:49So then Rodrigo, Shep and Matt Austin go into the dining room to have a little scene and Matt's like, okay, I'm just gonna sit at the head of the table just because you two are both betas. So it just feels appropriate that I take the alpha chair. Okay, so are you sure you're not, okay, are you sure we're not supposed to be sitting here like this is gonna be bad? Like, it's okay. It's like, okay, let's talk about Austin. So they get into it. They start talking about Austin and in the other room, they're drinking, they're pouring wine vanita's filling some wine up and everything and they're sitting around and it's all chill and they're just having they're just having banter and then craig is sitting there next to molly and he's holding the wine glass and bacchus the dog sort of does that thing where the dog's like i want i want affection so nuzzles his head up into craig but like bonks the the wine glass but craig instead of just being letting get bonked he like does that kind of almost like a farcical on stage wine spill thing where he like takes the glass.

19:43He's like, Whoa, like throws his wine over onto Molly. Yeah. He's doing a whole, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, trying to keep the wine in the glass, which I think just swirls it all over her. Yeah. So she's like, great. And then he goes, and Craig's like, that was insane. Ruckus. Cause he thinks the dog's name is Ruckus. It's not Bacchus. Bacchus.

20:14So she goes to clean herself off. And she's like, what do I do? I don't know. You rinse the dress? I don't know. Take a coat? I don't know. Why does everybody ask me? What the fuck am I supposed to know? Stop asking me. Actually, I would be a good person if I was there. Because I always have a tied stick these days. I'm in hand. So it's good. You're helpful. I'll clean you off, girl. So she goes up to do whatever. And Vanita is like, did you do something bad, Bacchus? Or is Craig just lying to everyone as usual? And Craig's just like, whatever. He just gets up and leaves. So Austin's like, okay.

20:55Vanita's even trying to pin lying on Craig with the dog. She's like, Bacchus, Craig did this to you. Don't ruin his life. He will literally lead you around like a dog on a leash. His name is Ruckus. So once Craig leaves, Austin wants to gossip. He's like, all right, Charlie, what the fuck is going on? Like, what the fuck happened at the pool? I want to know what happened. Meanwhile, also Austin is eating like a very large olive. And he announces that he's eating a very large olive. And so while he's talking, you know, his mouth is already emitting so many particles as it is. But now he also has this giant olive that's sort of circulating around his mouth.

21:33and in his cheeks the entire time. And I'm like, please just finish your olive before you start your scene. This is too distracting. So Charlie's like, well, I told Craig that Sally brought to my attention that like she heard something that you said about me. And we see earlier with Craig leaning on the edge of the pool and Sally, Molly and Charlie driving to the farm and Sally being like, he's going around saying that you're going to fall in love with him and he doesn't want to hurt you or something. and um austin's like um okay if you go against my disdain for greg at the moment by actually telling you the context of what was that and so we see last week craig saying um i'm overthinking this a lot because the last thing i want to do is have charlie drop her guard and then realize i don't even like her yeah so austin's basically saying god like craig drives me nuts i don't want to defend him but i will actually clarify like he basically was just overthinking of overthinking this whole situation and it's kind of like dude like maybe just like kiss first and then that kind of thing you know i'm saying right so he actually kind of defends craig here like against against what he wants to do which is talk shit about craig um so charlie's like that's great um and so then whitner's going around setting up you know grilling steaks and then we go back But also I have to point out, and I'm so sorry to stop you, but now that I'm kind of looking this over, he still doesn't tell her exactly what Craig says.

23:04She still doesn't know what Craig says. We saw the flashback of Craig basically saying, well, you know, what am I supposed to do? Because if I'm dating this girl and then she puts her guard down, then I decide I don't like her anymore. But he's just been on a date with her being like, I know what I want. Like, you're what I want. I don't want to be dating around. I want somebody flirting and doing all of this. and then going to the guys and being like, well, you know, but then what if she puts her guard down and I decide I don't like her anymore? You just told her you did like her. So I think if Austin said, no, he said that he was worried that he's going to get you to put your guard down and then decide that he doesn't like you, she wouldn't have this kind of reaction.

23:41But he's just like, oh, he's just thinking too far ahead. She's like, oh, okay. So see, she's never going to find out what was really said. Yeah, I think that's such a perceptive point because like, yeah, what he was saying, I mean, we clocked it immediately when he said that about like, wow, she's like going to fall in love with me. And then what if she fall in love with me and I want to hurt her? Like we already saw that he was looking for an escape hatch for this situation and he was doing manipulative things. And the fact that he's saying those things while also simultaneously selling his affection to Charlie, like things are better with you.

24:17It's more fun with you. I just want to be with you. People don't get it like you. You know, it's like it's just so shady. It really is. And Austin does, Austin is underselling the fact that Craig is just being a fuckboy right now. That's what he's doing. Yeah, I think he's just going to try and save the relationship with Craig. So that's good. So then, yeah, go ahead. Well, now we go back to the dining room where now Rodrigo and Shep and Madison are going to have their scene. So Rodrigo's like, so, girlfriends, what's going on between Austin and Craig? and Shep's like, whoa, Kroger has a point.

24:55Austin has a point. But Austin allows himself to be manipulated way more than anyone I've ever really met, which is a funny thing. Like I'm allowing myself to be manipulated. I mean, isn't the point of being manipulated that you don't realize that you're being manipulated? Like isn't, if you realize you're being manipulated and I guess you do sometimes realize you're being manipulated and you allow it. Nevermind, I take it all back. I apologize, Shep. You made a great point. So Shep is like, Austin needs to do something. How is Austin being manipulated?

25:24by Audrey? Maybe by Audrey. How's Audrey manipulating him? She doesn't get anything she wants. She's stuck driving 10 hours a week in traffic to see his ass. What's she doing? He's the one using Audrey as a smoke screen. Yeah, I don't know what Shepard was meaning here. I just was having a moment where I thought the idea of someone letting themselves be manipulated was a funny concept. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're letting yourself be manipulated, are you really being manipulated? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not arguing with that. I'm just like the point that he's talking about him. I just don't see how Austin's going to manipulate it.

26:00And he's like, Austin needs to do something. I mean, get off your ass and fucking do something. You know what I mean? I mean, that's why I'm going to talk to him tonight. You know, I'm going to say this. Your indecisiveness is going to be your undoing. It's like the Vietnam War. Trust me, I know. I've seen the whole thing back. Some of it in sepia tones. You're like United States foreign policy circa 1956 to 1959. Damaging and indecisive. So I need you to be clearer than Nixon was with America. And that's I'm going to talk to him. And I'm going to say your indecisiveness will be your undoing. And I love you with Audrey.

26:43But like that is a wishy-washy one foot out two thing. You know, and it's time to take decisive steps in life and everything will change. Have you considered a megalodon necklace? But of course, Madison and Rodrigo are listening to Shep say, basically, the problem with Austin is that it's clear he doesn't want to be in this relationship. I'm assuming he's vented about it off camera. But Austin is sort of manipulated. He's saying Austin should get off the pot, which he says later on in the episode. But the thing is that Rodrigo and Madison already know that Austin has broken up with Audrey. and so this is all of Shep's bluster right now is kind of for nothing because actually something has been done but they know they're not the ones to tell Shep and I was very impressed that Madison resisted the temptation to tell Shep because she's already told Sally and she even says that right here like well I told Sally but she's not going to tell Shep because I think that actually the joy of watching Shep whip himself into a frenzy over something that he doesn't need to is more fun for her than gossiping with Shep about what really happened Well, yeah, because Madison spreads the gossip to further drama.

27:51And this is already drama. So she doesn't need to. By not giving the gossip, she's furthering the drama by getting Shep worked up. So Madison's a pretty good player. Shep is just, it's also funny because they're sitting here watching Shep talking about somebody not being decisive, having one foot in, one foot out when his storyline is basically leading women on and never committing. and then making up his mind about something says somebody who's never made a decision in his life and is still just, you know, traveling to fish in Cuba, you know? So they're like, okay, hypocrite. So she's like, Austin did ask me not to tell anybody, but I did tell Sally, but I'm still not going to tell him.

28:30I've told enough people. And if this cast ain't going to spread it around this quickly on a farm where we have literally nothing else to do, I don't know what to tell you. and by the way something that we have not noted is that now that sally knows that austin is single which she basically is uh at a scale of 15 out of 10 in terms of throwing herself at him like it's so it's so blatant and it's just hilarious and just also so it's just so funny how quickly she just like okay i couldn't get something to work with craig i'm gonna try austin and now i heard a rumor somewhere on the internets that Sally and Kyle Cook were getting cozy in New York or something like that.

29:11I don't know the veracity of that whatsoever, but that tracks as well. Basically, Madison is like, Shep was saying he wants to go up to Austin and tell him, this is what you got to do. You got to make a choice. It's time. It's go time. No more waiting around. And Matt's like, well, how about you just ask him some questions? Don't give him advice. Just ask him questions and see what he says, see what he might tell you. Maybe he'll give you an update on his life about what's new with him and Audrey. I don't know, just try that out a little bit. He's like, got it. Don't ask questions, just tell him to break up with Audrey.

29:44Totally received. And Rodrigo's telling us, Shep, where's your girlfriend? I mean, need I say more? Well, because I love when Rodrigo's like, when Shep says, I'm going to talk to him, I have to give him advice, and Rodrigo goes, you do? You? you're the big relationship advice guy and madison's like hey she wears on shark tooth necklace and not say a word to anybody about relationships i mean come on so then uh charlie and molly come back down the stairs dress changed okay guys we can all calm down and meanwhile craig approaches sally and he's like uh we're good right she goes are we are we good craig he's like we're always good.

30:29I mean, it's just that you seem to keep causing drama in my life. Like, you keep spreading stories about me that aren't true, and I don't understand it, and you know I didn't say that. Like, does that sound like something I would say? Sally, oh, I really think Charlie's falling in love with me. I'm gonna break her heart. That doesn't sound like me. You know me. It does sound like you. And Craig saying that Sally's going around spreading stories about her, as then, in like, a few scenes later, he's gonna be on a canoe with Charlie being like sally just keeps on meddling and she just wants to destroy me that's all she does she's sad and pathetic so it's just like really rich hearing it from him i mean he's not wrong but also he's also culpable but yeah but also a couple weeks ago when sally was like i like you and he's like no i don't see it and then he went to all the guy friends it was like oh my god this girl's crazy like she won't stop like now she's obsessed with me she's a tornado she's a tornado but he's allowed to do that because I'm a storyteller.

31:29I'm a lawyer and a storyteller. The best kind. This is the only kind of lawyer I want to hire from now on. I know. We'll keep an eye out for you on the moth. So Sally says, Craig is the ultimate guy. Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire.

31:51Burp. Sally says, Craig is the ultimate gaslighter Craig gaslights everyone I think that he's very manipulative And he gaslights a lot You let yourself be manipulated Well if somebody says something about me Ask me if it's true And then I'll tell you if it's true It's that simple You're literally not going to tell them if it's true You're going to lie It's that simple Craig So Wintner brings in some cooked steaks and uh whitner senior's like well it's time to go down and eat hey here's who's welcome at the table gorgeous angel ladies okay anyone with breasticles feel free to have a seat are we at the summit of gods and goddesses on mount olympus because all i see are beautiful deities so they sit down and sally's like if there's anyone i'm listening to it's the guy in the shirt right i love that shirt and beth is like that's whitner's mom's like no gross no no i've been trying to get him to burn that thing for 15 years don't say that i was this close to getting it out of the house selly's like i love his shirt that's like you back off back off of wit senior ma 'am big wit back off of big wit so everybody heads outside and chef's like are there Play settings.

33:14Where he's like, damn it. Damn it. They all sit around and everything. And I think there was like a moment where Austin's like, Beth, you know that we're going to stand until you get here. Because Shep sat down, but the hostess haven't arrived yet. So Shep's like, gosh, I can't believe I was so rude. So he stands up. He's all frustrated. So they. This takes like five minutes. The lady of the house is here. I'm a polite little boy. So they, for the next 10 minutes, we watched them all slowly arrive at the table, sit down and do various polite things like pass. Butter jugs and not one person asks, why are these chargers were tan?

34:00Not one. And Austin sits down. Sally's like, Austin, there's a seat down here. Hi. I wish there was a guy who chewed with his mouth open. spent little bits of steak everywhere during dinner oh i love that man sally is the living embodiment of the phrase you who i'm over here

34:27it's like it's like no one really ever says you who like that that's like the stereotypical thing you see like a woman like on her side like on top of a piano like with a drink in one hand waving you who come over here for me no one ever does that except in cartoons but sally would sally would definitely do that hi big fella i need somewhere to sit so happens i got a chair right over here commercials here comes one right now

35:03uh okay so where are we in this mess they say hello for 20 minutes okay so then they finally sit down and beth uh gets ready to serve and she's like all right you're probably wondering why we all invited you why we invited y 'all here tonight and they're like oh gosh Shep goes, it's a pyramid scheme. That's why. It's an intervention, Shep. So everyone's like just talking and Beth is like, well, I'm trying to be funny. Funny anarchist about to try to make a speech. So Whitner's like, Whitner's like, oi, everyone, this is going to be difficult. But you got to listen. It's my mama. My mom's speaking for us.

35:44Okay, mom, go on with your very funny speech. Thank you. well we have flank steak and seabrook potatoes and grilled broccolini and big what's gonna pass it around it's like okay thanks thanks everyone so uh literally this is going on for 10 minutes like every time i'm scrolling through the notes i keep on thinking we're gonna get to like the scene like moving forward again but it's always like we're like okay i've got something to say yeah potatoes everybody's cracking up because they call him she called him big wits they're oh that's money isn't it big wit oh i'm gonna say that to you big wit he'll start cracking up and witness i thank y 'all for being here it's wonderful to share the farm with everyone it's been a long story tradition of farm weekends and mom and dad have been the center of all of them because it's well it's their farm so they're kind of the landlord they're always here okay well we have tabletop questions hidden under everyone's plate and uh vanita loves it but madison's like oh god i hate this fuck dinner games okay i don't want to be hormonal and emotional can i just eat why do i have to perform a fucking game of dinner just give me my steak oh god i i feel you sister winder says that this is a family tradition we call it anarchist scruples and that for as long as he can remember there's been question cards under his plate which uh god help you so uh they're all gonna read questions that's It can be all the usual stuff.

37:05So Madison, so, okay. So they sit down to start the questions and Venita's going to go first. And it's like, what do you wish you were better at saying no to? And Rodrigo goes, Sally. And Venita goes, no, I wish I was better at saying no to being overprotective. I was like, okay, okay. Okay, job interview. My biggest weakness is that I just worked too hard. I just love being on time yeah god and then chef's like I wish I could say no to more day drinking there we go that's a good answer yeah there's some honesty alright I'll ask a question which moment from your life would you choose to relive if you could not including necklaces pretty freckled lips well this one time I was working at this hostel bar in New Zealand, and on my last night there, I got butt naked at the bar.

38:04It's insane right now. Oh, God, I wish I could relive that. And you know that New Zealand is like, actually, we'd prefer if you don't do that again. Our nation's been traumatized by that moment and that hostile. I would have loved to see back you. Austin is so fucking hot. He's got a dad bod, which I personally love. I don't like a chiseled man. There's nothing to cuddle with. Shut up. Sally, you are such a liar. We have seen the men that you date on this show. They are all chiseled men. That guy last year with the pointy nose and the rock hard abs. And now suddenly she's like, I never like guys like this.

38:41I'm really looking for an Austin body. Yeah. Craig, the guy last year, what was the other guy's name? Gaston or whatever. They all have body. And now suddenly she's like, I love a doughy man. He wants to cuddle with muscles. so Austin's like it was ridiculous I was at this hostel bar ridiculous time of my life I would just go back to that time I just was like an idiot kid who was bartending at a bar probably also last time he had a job I was gonna say yeah what a memory for all of us that would be Austin working and Charlie's like well we should go there together and watch you get naked and Sally's like I volunteer

39:26so charlie's like well this is good i hope that this will distract her from what's going on with me and craig because that would be nice charlie is so happy that sally found a new toy so everyone should find someone who loves them as much as sally pretends to love any man that's like kind of available in front of her. Yeah, seriously. So, Wittner's question. Which of your personality traits would you most like to change? Well, if I could be a little less hot-headed, I think I'd be fucking perfect. Matt's like, I don't think you're hot-headed at all. What are you talking about? He's like, no, it's simmering just beneath the surface, which has me curious because we haven't seen him be a hothead whatsoever.

40:09But we do know that there's a weird backstory with this girlfriend and what's and there was something that happened watch what happens live right so what happened to watch what happens live didn't remember what he was like someone was on and they're like why is it why is no one dating whitner and people were like oh sally said oh i don't think yeah sally they were like what andy said why aren't any of the girls going after whitner like you've got this eligible bachelor and i think sally said something like oh well you don't know him yet trust me you haven't seen him yet but people think that's because sally's big maga and he's um liberal you know he's like fuck eyes so they think that's probably i mean that's the speculation online but who knows because we haven't seen anything and this is episode 11 so if we're gonna see something about whitner they should speed it along guys because this is almost done i know whitner's just seems like a total catch and so it's just it is crazy to me that like no one is even eyeing him i mean he's like a good looking guy he seems to have a good personality i like his politics uh and he's got this big ass estate with you know dramedy banter parents i don't know i just i i don't see what's i don't see what's not to love yeah i don't i mean i don't know he's like toast to me you know which i love toast but it's you know you don't really order toast but you're glad when it comes to the table i guess but it's like an accoutrement to other things.

41:36So I don't really know. Jury is still out for me. I don't know. I don't trust any man on Southern Charm. So I need, you know, time will tell. I agree. Something's going to come out. There's like, it's never, it's never this simple. But for right now, based on what we've seen, it's just funny to me that like, just no one sees him as a viable option and said they're drawn to Austin and Craig of all people. It's just very sad for humanity. It is. But they're also stars of the show, you know, and there is something to be said for that. And tall. I mean, they are here to be on TV. So you're going to want to be with the people who get the screen time, you know.

42:13So Craig's like, if I could change something, it would be my reactiveness. And Austin's like, oh, God. I work on it, but I react. And then 30 seconds later, I'm calmer than when I reacted. I'm like, so are you saying that it's good that you reacted because it calmed you down? I don't understand. and Winter goes, well have you tried any mindful practices? and he goes, no, cause I'm a lot better oh, okay my therapist, ChatGPT says like I'm doing great work and that I'm one of the best patients that they've ever had so I'm kind of a success story at this point therapist Gupta said I'm better now so so Austin's like yeah, right so he gets up to go pee because he's so stressed out by Craig's answer.

43:04And Sally's like, you're going to pay. You need help. I can shake it off for you.

43:16So then she just turns and says, I want Austin's fucking dick. Austin's like, Sally, down dog, down dog. He does say that, which some people would be very offended by that. But she's just like, yes. Um, Molly's like, Jesus fucking Christ. The body isn't even cold yet. So he leaves and Charlie, Charlie's like, Hey, Craig, you got to repair this with Austin. It's not right. And he's like, I didn't do anything. No, you guys have so much history, so much sad, gross saliva history. You know, he's going through a breakup. He's like, what? Who are you talking about? Really? He's like smiles, by the way.

44:00When he says really, I went back, I looked at it. Craig smiles. He's like, so happy that Austin is going through pain right now. Yeah. And he's like, don't stop talking. I don't want him to think that we're talking about him. I don't want him to think we're talking. And he's staring right at him. He's staring right at Austin coming back. He's like, I don't want him to think we're talking about him. So he's like, well, I'm happy he did it because the anger will be gone and the resentment towards me. And now we can move forward with our relationship now that there's not some pesky woman in there.

44:31meddling. So meanwhile, and that was the whole thing last time around. Last season was Craig accusing Austin of being jealous because Craig was in a relationship and Austin wasn't. And now Craig's whole worldview is that like if it weren't for the woman, they would have like a great relationship. It happens every time. Every time one of them's in a relationship, they're like, oh, it's that girlfriend you're with. She's one in a relationship. It really is. It's true. It really is true. They just need to all, the three of them, just all fuck each other. So Craig is like, well, Charlie, he'll tell me when he's ready.

45:08And by he'll tell me when he's ready, I'm going to confront him about it and then say how I'm hurt that he didn't tell me. And she's like, okay. Beth's like, okay, we're done. Get the hell away from my chargers. Like, okay, great dinner and great dinner, Beth. So Big Witt's going to bed. He's like, good night. And I'm only saying this to ladies with vaginas. Good night to all of you beautiful ethereal creatures. And then they all do dishes together, which was shocking. They all gathered their plates. Actually, I'm not sure they did dishes. They just organized the plates in a stack and they threw off the trash that was on them.

45:45But it still was more manual labor than we've ever really seen this cast do before. Yeah. So now Vanita wants to give the dog some scraps. So she's trying to break off a piece of steak, which you need a knife for. So she's having some trouble. And she does not regret it. Chef was angry. Yeah. Chef was like, Vanita, what are you doing? Stop it. And honestly, I was with Chef on this one because he has like a stack of plates and she's like using the plates as leverage to tear this meat apart and almost knocks over a glass. I was like, Vanita, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am rooting for you, but you are not helping your case right now.

46:24Just put the steak down. you're like i saw a real personality flaw she almost knocked over a champagne glass on a plate god damn it she did technically knock it over she just happened to catch it yeah but you can't break off steak need to cut it so sally uh so that was wacky right and so um sally's like but i love what you did vanita because i'm an animal lover too unless they're chickens chickens yeah right um Um, so they go into the kitchen and then, um, people are going to put on their PJs. Sally's going to put on her PJs and, uh, they're all organizing dishes and they're all in the kitchen and they're all bantering.

47:04And Charlie's like, do I look crazy being in this dress? No. Do you want me to lie to you? Or do you want me to tell you the truth? He said, don't, don't tell me the truth, but like, I don't have anything else to change into. I'm just so nervous. I look terrible. Craig's like, do you want my sweatpants? And I also have an extra t-shirt and I have a t-shirt and sweatpants. so we could be cozy and we could watch like the sandlot together like when we were like little kids remember because remember nostalgia isn't nostalgia the best thing i have a kindergarten crush on you and everyone's just like watching them like what's going on why does she think she looks so terrible in her dress i don't know i don't know why she's i want to save this poor lady yeah i do too i don't get it he's like well you're not gonna wear my clothes but i have clothes for you if you want them.

47:48And Sally's like, where are they married? Jeez. So they're like looking over Craig's phone and giggling while Sally looks on upset, you know. And then Rodrigo's like, I think that Austin is dressed like Brandi Carlile. That was a good thing to say. And of course, they're all like, who? Because, you know, none of them are watching Brandi Carlile content. Madison's like, who's Brandi Carlile? Sounds like a beta. and he's like lesbian singer they're like not familiar and there's a statue of I don't know what it is but it's like a naked lady it's like a it looks like something on the front of a viking ship I'm not really sure what it is it's like a statue of a naked lady and Craig's like hey have you ever jerked off to a statue before laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter That is, I mean, that's just, I will say when we were in London, I went to the National Museum, whatever it is, but it has all the antiquities in it.

48:56I can't believe you're telling the story. It's so embarrassing. Spoiler alert. This is why Ben is not allowed back in London, okay? No, but they have like a replica of the David. It's like an old replica, like a thousand years old. It was like the, like Rome or Venice or someone, someone in Italy before it was even Italy, like some city state donated it to Britain or something or Britain plundered it, whatever it is. But it was a replica of David and it was enormous because I've never seen the real David. And, uh, but this is as close as I've gotten. And it's like enormous. And I walked in that room and the first thing I was like, whoa, that this statue has an ass on it.

49:36I was like, this is just, I'll see. I was like, I get it. This is a sexy ass statue. Yeah. Hot. I know I was thinking about that in the Vatican. I was walking around looking at all the hot naked men and I was like, geez, my God, how do you work in this place? I mean, I would be so insecure. I was so insecure just walking around the Vatican. They're all dead. They're all dead, the statues. And I was like, oh, my God, those butts. They didn't even have stair climbers back then. How'd they do it? I know. It was just like and there was I remember one time I came across another statue. I don't remember where it was.

50:07It was somewhere in like Europe. and I like came around the back and then it was like, it was like booty. It was like a big old booty. And I was like, you know what? I think if I were in the Renaissance, I probably would have jerked off to a statue. I think I probably would have because that's what you had. Yeah, I'm sure people have throughout time. That was like their play girl, you know? Yeah, totally. I could use bigger wieners though. I know. It's like, if you're going to pose for a statue, you're going to be there. Someone's going to be chiseling something out of your body or whatever. You're going to be standing there for a long time.

50:37you know your penis is about to be immortalized forever would you at least give it a helicopter i mean swing it around get some blood to it squeeze it a little do something but they're just all like happy being like little tiny ends of thumbs hanging out of a fupa yeah i don't know why that that artistic choice was made on on so many different statues but those asses are enormous like they went cartoony with the asses they didn't have penis pumps back then i think they should have like all penis pumped themselves yeah the only thing like how in our history, the Vanderpump Rules statues will be like, wow.

51:10Those are the incest twins from Vanderpump Rules, kids. It was a piece of art from 2025. Truly. Actually, it's funny because Rodrigo does mention David as an option. And then Sally shames the statue. She goes, I don't know, this statue, she sort of has a fupa. I was like, excuse you, Sally. She's right there. The statue was right there. Statues are people too, Sally. The statue's like, Yoo-hoo! Stop trying to compete with me, football little statue bitch. It's a Sally statue. It was the Sally of its time. It's Sally's competition. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one.

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