#3214 Southern Charm S11E11 Part Two: Born For Corn

0:20Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part 2 of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. So now Austin and Shep are talking. Shep's going to have his big talking to you. And Shep's like, wow, well, Birkenstocks, huh? Taking stock with Birkenstock. Oh, gosh. God, I love some good old hippie shoe jokes to kind of warm us up here before we get into my very serious discussion. and that was a direct quote he really does say um he does say that about the stocks Birkenstocks taking stock Birkenstock um so and by the way if anyone decides to become a super premium sponsor whose last name is Birkenstock you know that's gonna be your nickname taking stock with Birkenstock um what's up what's up huh what do you want to talk about well I wanted to talk to you because you know your indecisiveness which you admit and we laugh about it's like wait hold hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:24I got kittens. I got tattoos. So I don't know what you're talking about because those are not indecisive things. Do I need to get a kitten tattooed? I mean, come on. He has a point. One of the most decisive, authoritative things you could do is to adopt a kitten. It's like, no. Is this a little man who waffles? Which you can leave for days at a time, by the way, with just some food and some kitty litter. It's like getting a goldfish and being like, I'm showing decisiveness. How dare you? I'm so decisive. I decided to get kittens and use them to get a good edit this season. Decisiveness. Got a tattoo also.

2:04Well, don't take it the wrong way. I mean, it's just me being your friend. I mean, like with Audrey, you know. And then we see thought bubbles pop up of Madison being like, Ask questions. Just ask questions. Don't tell them what to do. Nobody likes a big boss. Just ask questions. And don't make them about Vietnam. Shep, nobody watched that documentary. And Shep, like a true straight guy, decides, rather than asking questions and figuring things out, I'm just going to tell him what to do. So he's like, you got to pick a lane and go, man, which is such an insensitive way. He's basically saying, even though he's saying choose, like either commit to your girlfriend or dump her, it's still like a pretty, like I still think that Shep is leaning towards dump her.

2:48And I don't know. It's just like kind of a pretty harsh way to say it. I was like, well, look, I just, you know what? I really would rather not talk about it right now, to be totally honest. Okay, I'm being decisive. Like, this is like my version of adopting kitten, but in conversation form. I don't want to talk about it. But you understand that the ultimate form of respect is being like, this is how I feel. And it's not going to make you happy. And it's not going to make me happy. And it's actually going to break my heart and your heart. Which is why I led that Taylor girl on for five years. He's like, look, I don't want to talk about it right now.

3:21You know, another place, another time. Yeah, but you know, you're my friend and your vulnerability is between me and you. Come on, you're as vulnerable as an egg being dropped on the ground by Taylor in the middle of an amazing race. Out there, I have immense vulnerability.

3:41Yeah, no, let it out, let it out. Come on, I want to feel it. I do, I do, to multiple people. I've talked about it with countless other people. Okay. I talked to Madison. I talked to Rod. I just haven't chosen to talk to you. Okay. That is where my vulnerability ends. So do Madison and Rod have a more elevated idea of where your head's at right now? Is this why they kept on looking at each other and giggling and then pointing their fingers at me and saying stupid and then giggling some more? Yes, Shep. They know me better. You know why? Because I feel like you have reveled. You have reveled, Shep.

4:15And I don't like that. I don't like it. We see seven weeks ago at Wits Literary Dinner where Shep is doing his whole, oh, these two moron girls came up to me in New York like, oh, Austin and our friend are talking and I called Craig. And Shep's like, well, I thought we were past that. Austin says, no, we're not past it. We are immensely not past it. Immensely. Immensely. Immensely. So Shep is like, you just can't take things personally in a friendship, which is hilarious that Shep is the one saying that. Because friendships ebb and flow. And I don't take anything personally. Unfortunately, Austin didn't get that memo.

4:53He takes things very personally. He's more sensitive. He also has never worked in an office. He doesn't even understand what the concept of a memo is in the first place. I'm not going to run around and be like, guess what? That's just not what I'm trying to do, dude. He's like, well, I just don't know that anymore, man. Okay? I don't know anymore. what you're trying to do. Okay. Austin. Well, everything I tell you, I have to worry about whether you're going to run and tell somebody. And it fucking kills me, dude. It kills me. Kills.

5:24So, the next morning. Is that still just going? Yeah, for those who are just only listening to audio, that was just envision saliva just going everywhere. um so the next morning people waking up craig wakes up in his tent is he the only one who got stuck in a tent by the way there were two two tents but i guess he's only one we see wake up and um then he's like hello world and i don't know now it's another 20 minutes of people waking up yeah brushing their teeth talking about last night um you know we see a step and uh we see a sally flirting scene with Austin. They're standing at the bar laughing, and Sally's like, eat my ass.

6:06And he goes, did you just say eat my ass? She goes, I did. I did. Austin's going to be eating this ass before the end of the year, y 'all. And she tells us, yeah, I mean, like, if there's a guy I like, I usually go for it until he says this is absolutely not going to happen. I mean, well, okay, he doesn't have to say it, but a piece of paper that says stay away 30 feet from this man. I will occasionally stop. So, I mean, I can still go near his tires with a razor or screwdriver. You know what I'm saying? Sally, you don't have to explain this to us. We've seen the chickens. We know you will do whatever it takes.

6:42Yeah, Sally, we know. So Austin and Rodrigo's cabin and I was like, oh, my God, kill me. I mean, all right, seize the day. Seize the day. He's actually saying this to himself, which I'm like, does he wake up every morning with like these mantras? So I didn't know people actually said seize the day when they woke up. I thought that was just like something for coffee mugs. So Austin tells us, typically in this situation, I would call Audrey right now and I would download her on the entire night. And it's just like really sad not to be able to tell her. I wish I could just call her and be like, Sally wants me to eat her ass out.

7:15But I can't. It's just really hard for me right now. You know, sometimes you want a reaction. I want to be like, Sally said to eat her ass out. And so I just wanted Audrey to say something like Audrey would say, you know, like, God, this traffic sucks. or, geez, I hate traffic. God, I miss her. Or I love when Audrey says something like, wait, but I'm in traffic right now. Are you telling me you're not even in Charleston? You went away for the weekend? And I go, ha ha, whoops, forgot to tell you. When I left my house, the maps weren't red, but now they are, and this sucks.

7:51God, I love her updates. Yes.

7:58So Austin says he has an emotional hangover, you guys. Guys, I'm feeling for Austin right now. I'm so sad that Austin's fake relationship didn't work out, you guys. So now Wittner is going to the main cabin. He sees his mom. And they're like, did you sleep? Did you sleep? I slept. Did you sleep? God, I love family time. So now we see everybody staying up really late last night and partying until like 3 in the morning. and Vanita and Austin chugging wine. And Beth is like, how late were you up? And it's like four in the morning. Oh, yeah. So now they cook breakfast and Madison is now 34 weeks pregnant.

8:37And she's like, wow, it's hot. I'm starving. I want to have this baby. I'm so sick of this shit. Get out of me, dumb little baby, little blood sucker, little vampire. Get the hell out of me. Outside, Craig does some random parkour over a tree. He's like, oh my God. just jumps over to him. He's like, yeah, I'm a lawyer and a storyteller and a parkour. So Whitney's like, like, I mean, Wittner is like, did you sleep okay in the tent? He's like, it was, I was so cozy. It was so nice. It was amazing. So people are still coming in, still filtering in again. A lot of, a lot of people drifting into rooms in this episode.

9:16A lot of people arriving. Another two pages of people saying good morning. So then Austin is like, Like, please, wit, grits. Because breakfast is being served. And Shep's like, who wants Craig's honey? And so we see Craig getting honey from the beehive and saying, wow, bees, you have so much pollen. I can't wait to taste it. Wow. And so they're pouring honey on their stuff. And they're like, wow, this is good honey, Craig. And he's like, yeah, nailed it. Did it myself. And Austin goes, is it actually honey? Give it to me. I love that. like Craig is such an unreliable narrator that they're not even sure if it's really honey.

9:57So now they're going to divide up in the day, do different things and Wittner's like, we can do fishing, we can do some canoes and Charlie's like, I want a canoe. Me too. So we're going to have a romantic canoe scene coming up, guys. And then Wittner's going to take the remaining girls on a tour. And And Madison is, she's going to leave because, you know, she's basically in labor. So she's like, yeah, I'm going to have this baby early. Like my body just telling me there's no way I'm going to go another six weeks with this dumbass inside of me. So she leaves. And now Molly, Vanita and Sally get into the Red Jeep.

10:36And you know what I get annoyed about. You can already, right? You already know what I'm going to get annoyed about. Do you know? You don't like cars without walls. No, that's, I mean, yes, but that's not the issue. My issue is they're with Wittner and Benita's like in the back of this Jeep and she's like standing up like she's in the beach scene of She's All That. And yes, I have already referenced She's All That once this episode, but I'm not afraid to reference it twice. And she's just like standing in the back of the Jeep. Like they're just driving on these like rough and tumble roads with low hanging branches.

11:06I'm like, ma 'am, sit down. I am sick of the way that people are just flouting safety laws with vehicles on this show. I do not like it. Last week, I'm still upset. They showed the clip of it again from the top of the episode. They showed the clip of it again of Charlie sitting crisscross applesauce in the center seat with no seatbelt on on a highway. I mean, like, it's maddening to me. Maddening. Safety, guys. Buckle up. Where is the safety? For real. So now Craig comes out of the bathroom. He's going to go. Craig comes out of the bathroom. It's just me scanning random notes. Okay, so they're going to go do the canoe ride.

11:46um they go up to some horses sally and whitner go up to some horses and sally's like

11:56i'm gonna eat your ass out tonight whitner's saying oh that's max he's the big white one he's old and johnny and thor are the mustangs well i've always liked an old horse there ain't no age shame in here he can't even top out a cease and desist i'm in you know that austin's not with us right now oh thank god okay can we do something else then i'm bored so i always wanted a horse named but i wanted i always wanted a horse named blue jeans like hannah montana oh how do you call a horse you just say come here come here horse and winter's like okay when you're feeding them watch your fingers and of course sally like sticks her fingers right like close the horse's mouth and she's like ah like watch your fingers dumbass watch your fingers animals Animals.

12:43Yeah. She's an animal screamer. It makes me crazy. She gets chickens and she's like, every time she has to do anything, just shut up. The chickens are screaming. Why do you get to scream? Poor chickens, poor horses, chickens, poor the guys are, just leave them alone, Sally. So Austin, Rodrigo and Shep are going off to go fishing. And they have to, they have to like, what, like bait their, what you call it, baiting the hooks or something like that. They basically have to put worms on hooks, It's like old fashioned fishing. And they are all grossed out by this. They're like horrified. And Jeff is like, oh gosh, I don't want to touch it.

13:20It doesn't have pretty little fricking lips. I hate this. This is gross. And Austin's like, you're supposed to be a fisherman. He's like, well, we don't use worms. We use flies that are tied by professionals. He's like, oh geez. I don't do manual labor. What is this? I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm a little boy. Yeah. So Austin calls it and he's like, yeah, Now, Shep travels around the world to go fishing, but clearly he just has his guides beat his hook. I mean, he just said that he did. So, yeah. He's like, where's the service around here? So then Charlie and Craig are on their little mermaid canoe trip.

13:54It's like, I'm expecting those little, I'm expecting Sebastian to pop up and start being kissed again. So they get onto their canoes. But before they do that, Charlie is like very panicked about Poison Ivy. I don't know. I'm surprised that she's so panicked. I feel, I just sort of have this assumption that like all these people from the South spend their afternoons, like walking around in the woods. Like I just feel like I've, I have so many like ideas of like what the South is like from like fried green tomatoes and mud and all these like Southern Gothic movies of like, you know, kids building forts and crossing rivers on trees and swinging on rope swings that I'm less surprised that there's someone that's more like me to be like, Oh my God, is that poison Ivy?

14:37Oh my God. Oh my God. I mean, we do do all that stuff that you just said. I mean, I did have forts and I did cross rivers and we did have a tree rope hanging from a tree that we would swing across the ditch. We did actually do all that stuff. But, you know, poison ivy also is itchy to us as well. I just thought southerners knew how to knew how to inherently avoid the poison ivy from all their playing in the woods. While gentle music plays in the background. It'll get you wherever you are. so um there i was impressed that they got onto this canoe because they didn't really seem to know how and they're you know of course craig's like i know how to do it but craig also pretends he's a cook and he doesn't know how to use a cast iron skillet to make bacon so i don't know but they did it they did it yeah i thought they were gonna i thought they were gonna capsize honestly they were shaking around so much i was like this is this is bad news and i also the other thing is I was scared for them because I feel like that every, like every year there's some story of someone who it goes like camping or like who goes swimming in Georgia or like Alabama, who then like, like an amoeba goes up their nose and then they die.

15:47Right. Like, I feel like it was always an oddly enough story, like a terrible story of someone who lost all their limbs because there was a bacterial infection from the watering hole they went swimming in. That just happened, uh, at the lake I live by in Texas in Lakeway. See? Yeah, there were brain-eating amoebas in the lake. And they were like, you guys can't go into the lake. They gave us like a date. They were like, you can't go into the lake between this day and this day because there's a brain-eating amoeba. I was like, and you guys are sure it's going to be gone by this date? Did the brain-eating amoeba tell you will be gone by the 17th?

16:21I mean, how do you know? I'm never going to that thing again. It's like Angel from Potomac. It's like, I'm sorry, you have to be out of here by July 1st. Yeah. We're going to go later from the Airbnb people. Like, Brandon Meeba, Brandon Meeba still got the place, all right? We'll make sure they do their dishes before y 'all move into the lake. I know. And for sure, all these scary things exist in lakes and ponds in the north as well. But I just feel like for some reason, there's more news articles about so-and-so went hiking in the Appalachian Trail and decided to take a dip in a river and like came back covered in leeches.

16:58I mean, I feel like all these coming of age tales is people getting bitten by snakes in a river in the South or something like that. Well, if they were covered in leeches, they were probably just at the doctor or something. You know, it's called medical. It's called medical attention ban. Listen, and for anyone in the South who's like, I can't believe all these stereotypes this man has about the Southern nature. Just remember that I'm a podcaster and a storyteller. yeah it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

17:32so charlie and craig do that thing that um i'm convinced that all good couples are just really boring because i've never i was a waiter for a really long time and i just never met a fascinating couple that was happy because and this is an example of what i mean they get on the the thing the canoe and they go out in the middle of the water they don't say anything they just look around and then they go, this is fun. This is fun. This is so nice. This is really nice. Wow. This is all I've ever wanted. Me too. You guys are so boring. At least they find each other and kind of put themselves off from the rest of us.

18:10So she's like, this is so romantic. I feel like I'm in the notebook. Yeah, I do feel like a piece of loose leaf paper sometimes. No, it's a movie, Craig. It's a movie. I feel like I'm in a trapper keeper.

18:25what'd you say about me um so charlie's like uh yeah this is really fun like i'm convincing myself i'm having fun it's like it's always like when it always isn't really fun when it's just me and you and then we get around sally and just like it's hard to like i try to get excited about us but like you know you just have these people that just try to kill joy you know like sally she's such a bitch she's always trying to ruin everything why she's so mean god she's the worst person I've ever met in entire life. Do you know that she's responsible for every time America loses at the Olympics? It's because of her fault.

18:55Yeah. Craig being like, wow, it's so fun until other people ruin it like Sally. It's like, okay, so you're bringing in the negativity. Come on. Just have a nice day being boring with this girl on the water. So then back at the Wormfish and Adventure, no one can do it basically. But Austin gets a fish. He gets a little fish. He does. you know, Rodrigo's like, oh my God, you stupid bitch. I think he's talking to the fish. Isn't it awesome? It's like, I'm going to name this fish Audrey and now I'm going to cast it off. There you go, fish, back into the waters. So Shep is watching and after he gets the fish off, so Austin's like, well, what can you say?

19:43How can, how do you feel about this, right? Catch and release, catch and release. that's the name of the game catch release and austin oh i should say shep was doing that shep was doing his austin impersonation guys and austin is like no well okay how can rod say that he's engaged he doesn't know anything about catching releases he's just catching boring right yeah but he also doesn't talk about it how he's trying to release all the time oh shep you know what i'm you know what man you know what you asked me about it and i didn't tell you all right well you want to talk about it now no i don't want to talk about it i already talked about it with people who aren't you so i don't need to talk about it with you okay well i guess we'll have that friendship where we pick and choose what we tell each other okay well in all honesty okay it had to happen at some point or another so i uh uh i uh uh i just say it what are you so scared about this is so weird now you're just saying you dumped your you you dumped you dumped your beard just say it yeah stop like you're basically vague posting right now it's getting annoying so he's like yeah we're broken up so shep is like gosh i'm happy that austin finally followed his heart and was able to be honest with himself and now the two of us can gang up on craig so austin's like can you just like cast this line okay this is very okay this was just a very difficult very difficult for me to breach this topic or even broach it but to breach it was even harder well austin i think it's very big of you you know owning yourself looking inward the man needs to be honest always always That's what the man does.

21:14He's an honest being. Well, that's what it came down to. Rodrigo's like, well, you're figuring out your own shit, and I'm giving you credit for actually doing the right thing and having the conversation. And as Brandy Carlile would say, Stop that! No one knows who that is! She's not a real person! So now Vanita's over with Wittner and Vanita and all them. Vanita's like, pool time, can I eat an apple off the tree? And he's like, you can try. Good luck. Good luck. I'm not going to be doing a tiny crab apple. I'm not pulling that off any tree. So they sort of gather. There's going to be some swimming and stuff.

21:59And Sally and Vanita and Molly kind of gather in this little cabana area. And basically, Vanita offers Sally a bite of the apple. because Vanita's saying the apple's actually really good. So Sally takes a bite and is like, oh my God, that is really good. And Vanita goes, see, I told you it's not bad. Got to start listening to me again. Just a really bratty thing to say. And it kicks off the big fight of the episode. Yeah, so Sally's like, well, wouldn't you love that if I was listening to you? And she's like, I'm just so over this shit because Sally's crazy. And Sally's like, I thought we got over this yesterday.

22:35What the fuck is going on? And Vanita's like, well, I thought so too. But you put me in a lot of shit that I'm not in. and it's crazy to me. She's like, well, that's weird. Okay, let's just talk it out then because I feel the same way. So now Wittner's between them listening to this and he goes, guys, let's keep a clean fight above the belt because mama's here, okay? Mama's around. Mama's going to know if we're fighting. She's not going to like it. Listen, Vanita, I love you to death, but like, you know, what did I put you in? Okay, anything I've ever brought you in, you've said, you've done it, you know?

23:06And so Molly joins them and Sally's like, you tell me information and then you're the scapegoat and I'm the scapegoat. I mean, I'm your scapegoat specifically. And Vinita's like, well, I brought it to you and I said to you, do not bring this to the group. And Molly's like, well, why are you coming for me? Because like both of you are doing this thing because this is about the vagina commentary, I believe primarily. Yeah, and Vinita's like, I mean, why are we talking about this again? It's so, the show needs to do something. It's so boring. And Vinita, stop starting arguments that you're not going to finish.

23:36You are the one who brought this up. You were having a nice day eating an apple from a tree. Why are you doing this? It's so stupid. And so Vanita's like, well, it's because of Sally. It's because of Sally. And Sally's like, Vanita came over to my house and she told me you were talking shit about me at lunch. And so we see this clip and Vanita really has no leg to stand on here. We see Vanita go over there. She's swimming with Sally. And she's like, well, I had lunch with Molly and she's not a big fan of yours, I don't think. Oh, and she got her vagina redone. I mean, who's funding that? Who is funding that?

24:06yeah this is the big thing and vinita's like you know uh sally's like of course i'm open to hearing shit about you because you just finished telling me molly was talking shit about me basically sally's saying yeah i was messy about the labioplasty because i had just heard that molly was talking shit about me so of course i'm like yeah sure give me the gossip i'm okay with it because i fucking hate this girl right now so vinita's like well i think the really the real difference between you and I right now in this moment. And Whitner goes, is that really an important distinction? It's just wit, shut the fuck up.

24:41This has nothing to do with you. Okay. And he's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. So baseline where of the opinion that salacious bullshit is inappropriate and wrong. Right. So they're like, we don't understand this legalese. We sense Whitner that you're trying to apply logic and a simple lawyering to a stupid argument and we reject it. we do not want to hear your common sense commentary so basically is like i'm speaking so she says i feel attacked i feel betrayed and if she really wanted to talk to me about the situation it would just be her and i i'm like well it kind of was the other two just sat down and like it's this is not a big big group scene and molly was one of the affected parties i think that's okay maybe you can ask whitner to leave if you really want to but even beyond all of that she brought it up she's the one who started it she brought this art they were having a good day And Vanita starts an argument in front of the people she doesn't want to be arguing in front of.

25:35It's like, make it make sense. Come on, Vanita. Well, she says something passive aggressive, which is slightly different than starting an argument. But by being passive aggressive, she opens the door for an argument, basically. Well, she's passive aggressive. But then when Sally is like, what? She's like, well, it's because you keep putting me in shit, Sally. And so she's the one who brought all this stuff up again. And then she's like, I can't believe she's coming to me. She's coming at me in front of everybody. It's like, you're doing it. Stop. We see the show. We see what you're doing. You start it and then you cry that everybody's coming for you, which they're not really even.

26:09I think they're being very pretty. Like, what are you talking about, Vanina? I thought we got over this. She's like, how dare you? I can't do this. Yeah. Vanina's just like a little bit all over the place here. So she apologizes to Molly and she says, you know, I'll say it as many times as I need to for her to start working towards the healing process. She's like, I'm sorry. like you told me about your labia plasty and I'm sorry basically for gossiping about it and Sally's like and I'm sorry for hurting you too Molly and Vinita goes I'm sorry for saying you know ill things about her that were not true and carrying things and she basically apologized for all the gossiping and then she's like and that's it and Sally's like that's it you're not going to apologize to me she's like no because I hurt her feelings and Sally's like well I just feel like a lot of shit's been tangled and repeated and it's just really felt like you were trying to pin us against each other.

27:00And so what, Vanita? I mean, you know I care about you. You know about that. Vanita starts crying and walks away. That's what Vanita does. You're better sometimes at remembering these details than I am. Because sometimes I just, I think the things I don't care about, I just let them sort of like breeze right through my brain a little bit. And what does Vanita have to apologize to Sally for, in your opinion? I don't know. I'm like, I don't know either, actually. I'm not sitting here waiting for an apology for Sally for anything because Sally did take that. Sally did take gossip that Vanita was giving her and run off with it.

27:38So I don't think Vanita owes her an apology for that. I mean, there was all the Craig stuff that she was like, don't date Craig. And then she was a little spotty when Sally did get kind of dumped or whatever. I think that's where the apologies should be. Even though they weren't dating. But I don't know that Vanita really owes Sally an apology. Maybe for just being too much in that Craig situation. But the thing is, it's all over and they're all fine. And I think they're just trying to come up with things to argue about because they're on a cast trip and they feel like that's their job and there's just nothing going on.

28:06And so they leave everybody taking sides in a stupid fight. I mean, I do read some of the comments online on this show. And it's crazy how people get so upset over Vanita or, you know, like the Vanita and Sally fight. It's like how mad people get about them. because to me it's nothing like to me there's nothing going on really there's no there there i think that like maybe vanita could apologize for um yeah being a little bit more extra about the like don't come calling me when i mean she didn't even say it like that she just was like well just don't tell like listen i'm i've warned you so don't come calling me when he like breaks your heart but like so maybe the apology could be that like a friend is there for you no matter what that's basically what her mom said but i think that like honestly that's only if you're like really looking for something.

28:54If anything, it's really Sally who owes Vanita the apology because Vanita is beefing with Craig, whether the motivation is because she wants to be on Summer House or not. The point is she still is beefing with Craig. And Sally was like, yeah, I understand you're beefing with Craig, but I'm going to go after Craig. Like she wasn't being like, wasn't backing her up. So like, if anything, I think like Sally owes Vanita a little more of an apology. I don't think either one of them, oh, no, another one of them. It's not strong case. They've already gotten over it. I don't think any apologies are due right now.

29:22I think they just need to stop i think what they're fighting about right now is molly because sally is saying well you started this whole thing with me and molly and then me and molly went to lunch and realized we don't even dislike each other we're only fighting with each other because you were starting shit and saying stuff about the labia that's also not saying that no no it is true because no it is true because sally was talking shit about molly first so sally was talking shit about molly and then vinita just gossiped about it and molly found out and then or someone gossiped. Maybe it was Leva.

29:55I don't really remember. Someone told Molly. We just saw the clip of Vanita saying, well, I don't think she's a big fan of yours because Molly was saying, well, Sally's always going after every guy in the thing or whatever. I love that we're dissecting this stupid ass thing. If you remember, if you remember, Ronnie, if there was, so Vanita tells Sally that Molly's not the biggest fan, but Molly was getting annoyed at Sally initially. The whole reason why Molly was even having like a little rant was because it got back to her that Sally was making fun of Molly for crying at the first party of the season.

30:32And I, I just, I just don't remember who told Molly that maybe it was Vanita, maybe it was someone else. But, um, the point is that Sally was talking shit originally. Like, yes, Vanita was the messenger. Vanita was messy, but you know, but Sally was not like doing nothing. Sally wasn't just washing a dish and then a fabrication was made about her sally was making fun of molly she was she was doing it originally she wasn't the worst thing in the world it was honestly like honestly it was fairly inoffensive and i think that molly actually had a little bit of an overreaction to that but the point is that sally is is whipping up a narrative that vanita is pitting them against each other and i i think vanita is just being messy i don't think she's being like let me tear these two apart yeah and i think sally is thinking that she's owed an apology because vanita is somehow being machiavellian and needs to apologize for that.

31:24And that, I don't think, deserves an apology. Vanita could apologize for being messy. And she does. She actually does do that. Anyway, I whip myself into way too much of a frenzy over a fight I literally do not care anything about. Yeah, I mean, I wish I could care because, I mean, it's kind of like our job, I guess, in a way. I just don't. They're trying too hard. Commercials. Here comes one right now. so vanita gets up and walks away crying which is kind of par for the course and sally's like if you want to keep walking away every time it's just never going to get settled come on let's move on from this and be friends again but she's like oh i'm supposed to apologize for something i don't understand i mean i don't even know what they're fighting about it's ridiculous so then um uh molly's like are you okay and sally's like i'm okay it just pisses me off i'm just mind fucked by everybody in this fucking group everybody's mind fucking me well at least you're at least you're getting at least your mind is getting laid yeah yeah exactly someone's eating the ass out of my mind um charleston three days later um we we go to miss patricia's house and uh it is time for chauncey's little dog funeral sad it's also time for animal welfare to get to this house because what the fuck is going on in this house?

32:45We see the pet cemetery. There's like 30 things there. There's like 30 plaques. What's going on? Who are these people? Are they butlers? Because I'm starting to believe that these are not all animals. Are these ex-people who worked in your home in some way that just didn't make the martini right? They didn't come when the bell was called. Who are all these dead people? Tell me the truth. Randy, I'm noticing an extra headstone. Tombstone in the graveyard. What's going on with that? Oh, I buried my phone. I thought that would be okay if we could honor my phone that I picked. Randy, I'd appreciate it if you'd get to the pet cemetery and dust off the stone that says Randy.

33:27Need it soon. Sometimes I like to get ahead of the game. So this dog funeral turns out to be basically just Whitney, Patricia and Austin. And so So, you know, Whitney goes over all the animals that have been there. He's like, okay. I mean, all of her fucking animals were like, I mean, 15, 17 years. We've had a lot of them. Kitty Kelly, Rocky, Smoochie, Toby, Poofy, Poopy, Maria. The cat. Oh. Allison. Cat named Ashley. Oh, gosh. Eleanor. She raised me. She raised me. Wait. We're still talking about cats? Yeah. Yeah, there's a cat named Ashley, which I was like, oh, wouldn't that be amazing if it had, it was just a cat that just had the water buffalo hair.

34:22And as all the people that have wronged her, Coop, Coop, the original gay guy on this show. Yeah. Hey, why does it say Thomas Ravenel? I heard that. I like the one that was named Kitty Kelly. I think that's really funny. That was very funny. So, yeah, so there's like all these dead animals there. And Whitney's like, wow, I didn't even know we had a cat named Ashley.

34:50That's amazing. I'm like, I didn't even remember that there were cats in this household ever. I thought it was just purely dogs. Maybe in the early seasons there were cats. The Kitty Kelly sounds vaguely familiar from this show. So Whitney is like, yeah, it borders on animal hoarding, the amount of animals that we've had in the pet cemetery. And that's discounting our four or five, six dogs and cats that we've had. that have been cremated but are in her closet, yet to be buried. In her closet. That's the cat closet. It's where I keep all the dead cats. Yikes. And these are Chauncey's ashes, so he'd like to shit here.

35:25So let's grab mom. We'll come out to Chauncey's shitting place and cry a little. Sounds fun. So they go outside, and Austin's like, how I see friendship is literally being there for somebody when they need you, so I'm very honored. Patricia asked me to come over to speak. So that's the tie into the rest of this episode that like it's a, it's a meditation on friendship. And then this represents true friendship because he's been called upon to say some kind words, which is also one of the first times that someone has probably ever been like, Hmm, we need to have someone to say some kind words. Let's have, we need a speaker who is going to put our uneasiness at ease.

36:01Let's get Austin Kroll. Austin, thanks for coming, darling. Thank you for doing this. You know, Chauncey loved you. He was nice to other people, but you were the only person who really slobbered on him as much as he slobbered on you. Yeah. So then a bagpipe, they go outside, a bagpipe player starts playing Amazing Grace. And, you know, they've done so many over-the-top things for dogs that you sort of like, you know, my instinct is to be like, oh, this is just another kind of like, you know, tongue in cheek kind of over-the-top dog thing. But it's actually quite sincere. Like Patricia's very Very sad and And you know emotionally moved by this And especially the part where she said I'm sorry what are you playing I asked you to play Amazing Race I love that theme song Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

37:01So Austin gives his speech and he's like Oh, hey, uh, uh, friendships are chips and chips are chips and chips you eat. Why can't we eat chips to friendships? Delicious. Wow. That was so nice. Thank you, Austin. Scene right now. You know what? John sees a noble companion, a four-legged tongue dangling potato with the spear of a lion and the mental fortitude of a toddler. No, that's just you. That's just you. Say something nicer. We're not going through cast biographies right now. He was a couch warmer, a confident snack stealer, a friend. And those who knew him knew what he lacked in brain power.

37:48He more than made up for in spirit. Enough about Craig. It was in spirit. Spirit, spirit, spirit. Well, I'm glad we brought this umbrella because it's raining out. No, it's just me spitting probably. Speaking of chips, I think I just got a piece of one in my eye. Were you eating chips? I was. I was. Delicious. Kettle chips. Pickle chips. Delicious. So now Vanita is giving her dog, Charles, a breath mint. And I was really glad to see Charles. That's the one cast member I always miss. I actually miss Chauncey, too. That was a cute dog. All the clips they showed of Chauncey being cute with his little tongue hanging out of his mouth.

38:30I like those dogs always just look terrified, but also perfectly comfortable. Chauncey was a king. I love Chauncey. It was a cute dog. It was a sweet, sweet dog. So Charles got a breath mint and Vanita's doing a mask and FaceTiming Madison. And Madison's like, wow, I'm just getting my hair done by Patrick at the hospital. Getting that baby out of me, little soul sucker. So, yeah, she's going to be, baby's coming out tomorrow morning at 8.06 a.m. so it's all happening her water broke and everything no no that was just me again sorry for the false alarm everyone she stopped talking at madison so much um but uh yeah and then we see footage of her mom driving her to the hospital and mom doesn't have her glasses on has no idea where she's going she's like yeah my mom doesn't know what she's doing but we're gonna get there no matter what and brett flies in and he gets there and the baby's coming so it's like the doctors are like oh my god oh my god stat stat beep beep beep beep charisma entering charisma during the room hey it's brett brett made it uh so it's like yeah next time you see me we'll be able to have champagne together yeah a little baby coming into the world little cutie pop all right everybody thank you so much for being here go get your tickets for watch what crappens the golden crappie awards february 27th live streaming you can grab them at watch what crappens.com and we will talk to you next time bye

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