#3235 Southern Charm S11E13: The Angry Jornitas Toad

0:00Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, kiss what happens when there's so much that crappens.

0:20Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Benny Benoons. Hello, Ben. How are you?

0:27Ben Mandelker: Hi, I'm great. Thanks. How are you doing?

0:30Ronnie Karam: God. Everybody, tomorrow is tomorrow. It's the Golden Crappie Awards live in Los Angeles. The Fonda Theater at 8 p.m. We are also going to be live streaming the show. So if you want to come via live stream, go get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. Okay? It's going to be amazing. We have rehearsal tonight. We're so excited. Music. Fun. Strippers. You know, the whole thing. So join us for that. If you want this recap on video or you want Traders recaps or you want ad-free listening or you want our newsletter, which is free anyway, you should sign up for that. Go over to our Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens to get all of that good stuff.

1:09Ronnie Karam: And today is Southern Charm. Kiss and tell. Okay? Season 11, episode 13. Whoa. Whoa, Craig is a monster. So for all of those people coming to me in comments saying you're mean to Craig. Why are you so mean to Craig? Everybody's so mean to Craig. Craig's just a good person. No, he's not. He's a fucking monster who yells at women every season. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I've had it. So he came out and showed his ass today. So that was fun.

1:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah, this was, um, this was such a Craig episode. First of all, of course he went and told Austin that he made out with Charlie because he knew Austin would tell Sally. And, you know, this was after last week when Charlie had said, like, please don't, like, I'm not, I haven't told Sally because it's like really important to me that I don't hurt her, et cetera. And of course, then Craig had that smile on his face last week and we knew this would happen. And then he was a total dick when he was drunk. So, uh, yeah. Classic Craig episode, huh?

2:08Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And you know, who else is really just making me fall in love with her, even though she was kind of an asshole in this episode and I'll, I'll get on her ass a little bit later. Just Charlie simply because of her faces. Look at this face. I'm putting it on screen now. I know. That was my favorite. The faces Charlie was making through this whole episode were priceless. I mean, she looked like a cartoon through this whole episode, and I was dying laughing. So I want Charlie to get another season, if only to see more of these faces.

2:39Ben Mandelker: Oh, my God. And I loved the very last shot, or not the last shot, but the last scene. She's in the back of this van watching Craig be a monster, and she's doing the same face, but from the back back, which just made it more tragic. She's like, it was perfect. No, I was dying at her face. I'll get it for later. She was amazing. I don't even mind her. I don't even think that she was being that much of a dick. I think she's just kind of like, I'm sick of it. Like, well, she was being a dick in that she did not stand up for. Right. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like she was the fact that she'd like let Craig just be like a monster to Vanita.

3:13Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Like, well, it's not my thing. I'm not his. I'm not his keeper. Like, okay, sure.

3:19Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but you could also like stand up for your friend, you dick. You could just stand up for what's right. And this is the other picture from her in the back while she was watching Craig break down. So good. So good. It's a classic. All right, well, let's get going. We are still in Mexico. And Shep, you know, now we're fighting because Craig has just kind of told off Vanita. And he's like, I don't even know you, Vanita. Like, you don't even know my life, so shut the fuck up. And everyone's like, damn. But of course, no one really says anything to him except Wittner. He's like, well, let's dial back a little bit, man, if we can.

3:54Ronnie Karam: He's like, absolutely not. You can't be a bully and then get mad when the person reacts. You are a bully.

4:01Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I don't think he likes when that logic is used towards him, though. So Vanina's like, okay, get it out, baby. Keep going. Get it all out. Get it all out because talk about me online. You talk about me online. Get it out on the table in front of everyone. Get it all out. He's like, well, I don't comment about you. You don't have to keep making digs at me when I've done nothing to you in my entire fucking life. And she's like, oh, you've done nothing to me? Remember what you said? I don't want to be her friend. It's like, yeah, because you should talk to me.

4:33Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And so we see the Watch What Happens Live where he's like, you know, whatever. Then I'm not her friends then. Because Andy was like, what do you think about Vanita, you know, taking Paige's side? And he's like, whatever. We're not friends. And he says, you know, well, you know, you didn't even know me and Paige and you're still fucking doing it. And it's bullshit. And she's like, is the tantrum over? And he's like, just like being nice, be a kind person and don't make fun of people's breakups and don't talk shit to people and don't do that stuff.

5:01Ben Mandelker: Says Craig, who just actively spent the entire season campaigning for for Austin and Audrey to break up. But that's fine. That's fine.

5:10Ronnie Karam: I'm literally smiling when it happened. Yeah. So I was like, OK, that's not enough. We're not going to attack Vanita, okay? Me and Vanita, like, we have our differences, but that's my fucking girl. He's like, I didn't start it. I just heard what she said to Austin, okay? And, okay, now look, just to be fair here, of course, Vanita is kind of starting this. She did come into the season kind of gunning for Craig about the relationship and all of this stuff, which is, to me, a little weird, too. And I wouldn't have liked it if I was Craig either. But, like, be an adult and go to her and have a conversation about it.

5:41Ronnie Karam: And don't do this, like, I'm just not going to speak to her, And I'm going to like try and ostracize her on the cast and everything else. And then don't yell at some, don't yell at a person like, you know, who doesn't have very many friends in this cast and yelling that, I don't know. He's just so gross. He's just, it's just the way he's handling it is so gross. I mean, I think his basic point is not completely wrong. I think it's just the way he handles everything is so nasty.

6:04Ben Mandelker: Look, you know, if someone's, you know, you break up with someone and then someone is more on the side of the other person, then I can understand why you'd be like, Oh, well, I guess I'm not really friends with that person. Sure. Fine. But you don't speak to someone like this. And honestly, for a show called Southern Charm, there was no Southern Charm on display here. For a guy who likes to peddle his sweetness and he's cuddly and he's got pillows and he's just like taking care of beehives, etc., etc., etc. And then this really nasty side comes out where he tells her to fuck off. It's just so incredibly rude.

6:36Ben Mandelker: And I also just think that in the context of a show that's about sort of, you know, Southern chivalry, et cetera. It's like, it's actually massively obnoxious. And the fact that no one really said anything except Sally eventually, I thought that was like really shitty. Even Wittner's response was, I thought like weak. He was like, oh, well maybe we could like maybe pull it back. Someone should have said, Craig, that's fucked up. You don't have to like Vanita, but like that was incredibly rude what you just said.

7:01Ronnie Karam: I just don't understand how Craig has been on this cast so long and people don't just say, shut the fuck up, Craig. Don't talk to people like that. Like, how do you not? If that's someone in my friend group, my friend group would never. We always tell each other to shut the fuck up. We need to, and trust me, all of us need to be told at some point in another in my friend group.

7:21Ben Mandelker: And no one said anything. They all sat around. And this is like not necessarily a cast of shrinking violets, but they just all, they all sat there. Austin said nothing, which was shitty because the whole reason why Vanita was in this mess was because she was defending Austin. She was the one saying that she wishes that Austin had more of a backbone when it comes to things. and stood up for himself more. And then Craig, of course, read between the lines and went for Vanita about it. But ultimately, Vanita was, you know, supporting Austin in that moment. And Austin just sits there like, ah! So I just had a shitty.

7:51Ronnie Karam: I mean, I don't know that she was really supporting Austin because she was just getting at Craig. Because I don't, I think Austin's like, I do stand up for myself against Craig. I think his whole thing is like, why are you telling me to stand? I constantly fight with Craig and stand up for myself. So I think he knows that she's just trying to start something with Craig. He's like, I'm not getting in this. but um you know still like see like the basic things i think vanita is kind of in the wrong it's just the way that craig goes about treating her in front of everybody that i think is gross you know and then he turns around and does it to another woman at the end of this because it's like someone else who's not letting him have his way it's just frustrating it's frustrating and then reading all the comments of people who are just so enamored with craig you know craig came out with some press release today that's like oh craig's the new martha stewart and he's got this new line and this new thing coming out and it's like him smiling and it's just like a hundred comments of people like oh my god he's so handsome why isn't he a movie star he's just so charming and he's so sweet like oh my god this man just screamed at two women on tv last night like stop letting him get away with it just because he's hot screamed and if you think he did not do that

8:53Ben Mandelker: to page you're a fool because he 100 did that to page and i mean she pretty much said as much so it's we have had like it's documented on this show people across the board are terrified of Craig they keep saying it over and over and over again and we're like oh but it's Craig he's sweet like how many more times do I have to see this he's like he's not as sweet as he looks he presents really well but he turns he definitely turns and it's not pleasant

9:21Ronnie Karam: so Charlie's like well I think Vanita was definitely antagonizing him but you know there's like a repercussion to that because he reacts in the moment and I get it. Like if someone does something that upsets me, I'm immediately like, okay, bye. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'd love to see when you're, when you act like that, Charlie.

9:39Ben Mandelker: I think that Craig could have said with all due respect, I'd like you to stay out of this one. And that would have been a polite way to say, mind your own business. Or he could also, he could have also just said, mind your own business. So when you're like, Craig, you know, I love you, right? But you come off too hard sometimes. He's like, it's incessant, which is really fucked up. I have no doubt that you have reasonable grounds for your position. I'm only looking out for you. By the way, I am a lawyer, in case you didn't know. A lawyer and a son of an anarchist, but a lawyer first. Grounds for your position.

10:09Ben Mandelker: I'm like, okay, we get it, Wittner.

10:11Ronnie Karam: So Vanita's like, well, I'm kind of upset Austin doesn't have my back, but I'm not surprised because he doesn't have a backbone against this friend of nine years. And Austin's like, when Craig gets like this, there's no point driving him. I mean, I'm not going to get mad off the line of fire. I mean, been there, done that.

10:28Ben Mandelker: Gosh, this trip is about wellness and healing. And that's what I want it to be. But so far, it's not even close. Of course, we're doing that dumb game that I started. Sorry, it's all my fault. I'm a moron. A moron and a little boy.

10:45Ronnie Karam: It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. So Craig and Whitney leave the table and Vanita goes to Molly and Charlie to sit with them. It's like, don't touch me because I'll cry. And they're like, well, you handled yourself really well. And Vanita's like, well, Whitney, thank you. It was cool that you said that in that moment, like suck up for me. And he's like, well, I try and call the ball and strikes as I see them. Okay, great. Thank you. I'm sorry. He's annoying to me. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm waiting for something to come out about Whitney.

11:20Ben Mandelker: because I think I felt like this was like a moment for Wittner to really rise to the challenge and he just really did not. It was really sad. And Molly's like, yeah, he's a pretty good mediator. And Wittner goes, but I know where you're coming from. But I also know where he's coming from. Just making sure that you understand that you're not faultless here. Okay. And so she's like, okay, thanks. So Whitney, they're served all this like lobster and everything. and Vanita has this giant lobster in front of her. She's like, I have no appetite. I was like, okay, Vanita, I understand you got into a fight, but don't waste this lobster out of protest.

11:59Ben Mandelker: This is like premium food here. Eat some of it at least, but she just let it sit there untouched. I was so mad at her. That lobster died for this.

12:08Ronnie Karam: So Sally's like, Austin, I have some extra steak. Why don't you go and eat it like a big boy?

12:16Ben Mandelker: open up the hanger here comes the plane and by the plane i mean it's my titty whoops

12:22Ronnie Karam: all right everybody well i know tonight was a long night of yelling at venita but tomorrow we've got activities we're gonna go surfing or atving so what do you want to do in the cold light hard day of tomorrow we can be a little more calm with each other because that's why we're here, guys. Spiritualism.

12:43Ben Mandelker: When I hear those activities, I'm like, way to break your neck A or way to break your neck B. I will stay in my room. Thank you. I know.

12:54Ronnie Karam: Shopping. I'll do option C, which is shopping. Probably on Amazon in my bed.

13:00Ben Mandelker: Yeah, exactly. So they decide they're going to go to the pool and go to a bar in the water and yada, yada, yada. Okay, so then they go back to the hotel. other people go to a bar and Sally's like, Hey Austin, can you walk me back to the bathroom, please? I just get so lost. I'm just a lady. I don't understand these things like staircases and hallways. Please show me the way.

13:26Ronnie Karam: While you're in the bathroom, what could we possibly be doing in the bathroom? They go to the bathroom and say, Oh yeah. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

13:38Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Yeah.

13:40Ronnie Karam: so now it's the next morning and uh everyone's hung over you know so molly gets room service and sally and charlie are waking up and sally's like oh my god charlie my head hurts come on in here for probably from banging up against the bathroom stall all night i had a gentleman color

14:02Ben Mandelker: so charlie's like well what what happened with you in austin oh my god i'm sorry was i not I thought to ask that. Yeah, well, last night at the restaurant, we made out. How was the kiss? It was great. He was a great kisser.

14:19Ronnie Karam: It's like, I can't wait to do it again. We went into the bathroom. I asked if he'd walk me, and I gave him a steak. I finally found my way, you know. Don't get chicken for yourself. Get steak for a man. Then we got in there. No one was around. It was super private, and I just pushed him into the gentleman's room. Oh, my God.

14:36Ben Mandelker: yeah and i shut the door too oh my gosh what happened with you did you do anything um literally nothing we just like sat on the couch and talked forever about nothing and definitely did not make out last night in fact we were talking about how much we are not interested in making out or kissing

14:53Ronnie Karam: in any sort of form well the most believable thing she could have said was we talked forever and it was about nothing yeah talking to craig that's true so sally's like well you know i don't want ride this through i mean i like to be in control i love to be in control and charlie's like okay then he can ride on your atv then yeah so now craig comes into austin's room and he's just worked out so he's all puffed up and i was like oh my god you go to the gym bro damn jude gym sounds so good not gonna do it not gonna do it right yeah craig's like yeah so we're gonna like

15:28Ben Mandelker: go to lunch then we're gonna go to like sayulita and like i was like oh i thought sayulita was in California. Like that's salsa Lido. Like, Oh, but anyway, I'm going to go shower. So then, um, Rodrigo is like hanging out with Austin in bed and Austin's like, Hey, how's Bonita doing? He's like, great question, girlfriend. Hello. You haven't talked to her. Um, I haven't left the room. So yeah, I feel bad because I feel like she deserved a good friend. And you know, I kind of dropped the ball there. Whoops. Yeah.

16:01Ronnie Karam: And he's like, yeah, you know, I feel like a shock to her. I mean, I feel bad for her too. Cause she got seen. She got seen. So then Vanita is in bed under the covers and Molly tries to come see her, but the door's locked. She's like, you're going to have to let me in here. So Vanita does. And she's bummed, you know, of course. And they go over the choices of today, ATVing or surfing. And Vanita's like, well, I don't want to do what Craig is doing. So then commercial break.

16:31Ben Mandelker: Like, what will Vanita choose? What will her activity be?

16:37Ronnie Karam: Okay, so then the guys joined the girls getting ready to go in the lobby. And, you know, just deciding where they're going to go for the day. It's a lot of like, what are you going to do? Are you going to surf? Are you going to go on an ATV? So Austin comes down and Sally's like, oh, look at this sexy motherfucker. You want a steak? I'm walking around with it in my purse now.

17:00Ben Mandelker: Hey, how's it going? Hey, you over here, remember me? He's like, who are we waiting on? Is it Vanita? He's like, Rodrigo. By the way, Rodrigo, have you talked to her? He's like, no, but she's going through it.

17:14Ronnie Karam: So then - I love that still, it's like 1130 in the morning and still nobody's bothered to talk to Vanita. No, no. So Shep's like, whoa, look at Vanita's hat. It's a depression hat if I've ever seen one. And, gosh, Vanita comes in dressed. I mean, she is so depressed. She's wearing this gigantic floppy straw hat that literally covers the entire upper body. It's like Yosemite Sam.

17:41Ben Mandelker: Gosh, I can't believe that hat fit through the door. Why are you shooting those pistols in the air, Vanita? He's like, I know. I was a little nervous. Rodrigo's like, you look amazing. Well, I'm not happy with you. He's like, all right, I'll give you space. But I want you to know that I love you. and you look amazing girlfriend you are gaga okay so now they're gonna split up to go um do their

18:06Ronnie Karam: things and then um it comes down charlie comes down dressed nice and steps like charlie what are you bringing that whole bag what are you diana ross this was almost as good as austin

18:22Ben Mandelker: telling Sierra, you look like goddamn Celine Dion.

18:27Ronnie Karam: Charlie, get up on the surfboard and have fun. Molly can't wait to see pictures. She's like, what is that mean? I don't want to see pictures of me. Please, no one take pictures of me. I'm like hideous.

18:40Ben Mandelker: So Vanina says, she's like, well, you all remember what happens when I get into water and we see a flashback of her nearly drowning and Craig saving her. Oh, how things have changed. so she's just going to sit on the beach and watch everyone surf so then everyone goes in their vans they're heading to their different activities and there's surfing and you know we see a lot of surfing the surfing goes on for a very long time and then there's also people on ATVs so Austin the ATV group arrives at the beach and Austin's like Sally looks like you're supposed to be at an OBGYN the way you're sitting there you want to take a look Is that what you're saying, doctor?

19:24Ronnie Karam: Kinda. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. How long are we walking, mother? I mean, seriously, how long is this hike to the beach? I'm exhausted. Five minutes, dude. Oh, my God. I just had a fucking heart attack. Oh, my God.

19:38Ben Mandelker: Wow, I'm getting in that, bitch. Wow, I can't wait for all this. So they're basically, they're approaching the water, and they eventually get to their ATVs. They really, there's a lot of stretching of content in this episode. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, there is. So Sally's changing.

19:56Ronnie Karam: She's like, cover me with the towel so I can get changed. And Austin's like, are you staring at her, Chance Whitney? He's like, oh, I started changing and I turned around to get my camera.

20:08Ben Mandelker: You know, we're all single for the first time. Me, you, Shep, Whitney. It's exciting. Austin's like, dude, I'm going to toot my own horn for a second because last night, Sally followed me into the bathroom at the restaurant and I was like, can I help you? And she was like, oh, come on. And so we made out because, and you know why? Because I respected the move. I like respected the move. I'm like, it sounds like you respected the move more than you do, Audrey. For all the talk of last week of, you know, even though I'm broken up with Audrey, I still care so much about her. She's still on my mind.

20:39Ben Mandelker: And like Sally is the one girl that she was always paranoid about. And so the one thing I would never do is hook up with Sally out of respect to Audrey. But it turns out the respect of Sally's move trumps out of respect to Audrey. So congratulations, Sally.

20:55Ronnie Karam: Yeah, he already had the moment where he said, I would never do that to Audrey, which makes him a good person. Yeah. So he already established that he's a good person. So he can go make out with Audrey or this chick now. So Craig's like, wow, even though I never wanted to have more first kisses, they are like the best. Oh God. Let's not remember. Let's not forget. Craig got his heart broken, guys. Look at him. He's just a romantic. A romantic. Just two good guys standing on the beach, guys. And Austin's like, they're so fine. First kisses are so fine. That's the first time I've ever spat lobster and steak into someone's mouth at the same time.

21:33Ben Mandelker: You know, it's the first time since Audrey that I've just been, you know what? Like, you're allowed to do these things now, okay? You don't. I don't regret it. I don't have guilt about it. Like, do we ever think you would have guilt about it? I don't think so.

21:46Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So Austin asks what's going on with him and Charlie. And Craig's like, well, you know, we've gotten close and we've been hanging out a lot. And like, I haven't told anyone this, but she hung a picture in my house. It's pretty hot. Wow. You know, like just to keep respect for her. Like we're trying to keep things private, but we have kissed.

22:07Ben Mandelker: Whoa, Craig. Did Charlie tell Sally? Why doesn't she want people to know? Oh, my God.

22:14Ronnie Karam: No, I don't know, but we're by ourselves in Charleston, and it's just so fun. And then when we get around Sally, she's scared to talk to me and scared to like me.

22:24Ben Mandelker: Whatever you do, don't tell Sally. Oops. So now the surfing people are hanging out on the beach, and Molly is asking about lunch. And Vanita is like, oh, lunch with those who we don't want to fucking eat with? We're going to eat lunch with bullies? And Molly's like, yeah, I mean, Charlie, how do you feel when Craig did that? Did that make you feel gross about him? And Wittener's like, I mean, he blows up like that, but he could do it to, you know, and he could do that to anyone, right? If he blows up like that. Like, well, where was that energy before? Last night, you're like, hey, hey, buddy, maybe take it down a slight notch.

22:59Ben Mandelker: And now he's like, oh, watch out for Craig, because if he's like that, you don't know who he's going to do it to next.

23:04Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And Molly's like, yeah, and that was quick. I mean, she didn't even say his name. She's like, yeah, I didn't say his name. and Charlie says well I mean like it's not a good look but like I'm not his keeper I mean you know I don't want people looking at me like really really like he's his own person you guys and Molly goes um yeah but like if someone's out there acting a fucking fool I'm not gonna be like oh great I'm dating him but he's his own person I'm gonna like you know let him go and do his fucked up thing like what the fuck

23:33Ben Mandelker: yeah so then Charlie's like well I wouldn't do that either except I'm doing it currently but whatever do I agree with the way my eye is like tearing up by the way i'm so this scene is so emotional i'm just gonna cry right now on the live stream oh my god oh my god are you still feeling for craig how he never wanted to have another first kiss i know i'm like totally like destroying you it's amazing how many first kisses he gets to have so charlie's like do i agree with the way that craig was speaking to vanita no but like i'm in mexico i want to have fun i don't want to have this like serious conversation.

24:07Ben Mandelker: Well, how do you think Vanita feels? You think she, she wants to be screamed at by Craig? No.

24:12Ronnie Karam: Yeah. I think Charlie's like, can I just make out with a hot guy? Like, why does it, what, why does it need to be drama every week? I just want to make out with a hot guy. Choose a better one. Choose better. I mean, what do you want? So now, um, you know, the ATV group arrives to the tasting and Craig is like, Oh wow. Is this aloe? And Rodrigo's like, um, no, it's agave. And Whitney's like, I'm fucking burning up. I haven't seen the sun since 1989. We know. We know, Whitney. Okay, we know.

24:44Ben Mandelker: So then they start their tasting. And Austin's like, oh, my God, look at that dog. That dog is unbelievably cute. That dog lives a good life. I wonder if it knows that. I'm like, cat dad.

24:54Ronnie Karam: Sorry, dog. Cat dad. Cat dad here. Move along.

24:59Ben Mandelker: Hey, boys. I'm back. Did y 'all miss me? I bet you did. Yoo-hoo.

25:06Ronnie Karam: Hey, have you talked to anyone surfing? She's like, no, because I don't have service. Who am I going to talk to? Well, you know. Someone. Well, let's get another drink. She's a regular voice. You know, people that are standing around on a beach.

25:24Ben Mandelker: So Austin is like, hey, I have a question, Sally. I was just curious if you knew that Craig's been making out with Charlie. What the fuck? Yeah, that's what he told me on the beach. so she's fucking lying i mean that's weird like no of course austin yeah of course i'll say as soon as possible

25:44Ronnie Karam: yes austin's a little shit for doing that but we all know why craig told austin in the first place so he's just playing his role it's frustrating for me because i've been very upfront like i told her we made out so i mean why can't she tell me that she made out because you're acting like a psycho over somebody that you never dated Sally that's why yes

26:06Ben Mandelker: yes because every time she's trying to share that she and Craig are getting closer you like you're like well you just be careful blah blah blah because this is also cosmic justice for how you treated Vanita earlier this season when she did it to you that's why so Sally's like it's just been frustrating for me because I've been very upfront like I told her that we made up so and Rodrigo's like well who made out what happened it's like oh you know Austin and I we made out everyone Everyone. Yeah. Austin, raise your hand. Raise your hand. We made out the bathroom, guys.

26:37Ronnie Karam: Well, like, how do you how am I supposed to say shook in Spanish? I don't know enough Spanish. Wow, girl, girl. How do you say girl? Damn, girlfriend in Spanish.

26:51Ben Mandelker: The bartender's like, it's actually the same way. He goes, oh, yo, shook.

26:55Ronnie Karam: I'm shook. I don't know why I feel the need to point this out, but I just said Sally's acting like a psycho. for a guy she didn't date. You know, there's more to it than that. She got mad at Craig because Craig was basically saying she was a psycho after she didn't really act psycho. And he was like, oh, my God, that lady acts crazy. So I just wanted to point that out. Sally is kind of a weirdo, but it's probably not nice to call her a psycho when Craig actually did something to be pissed off about.

27:21Ben Mandelker: Oh, that girl is a psycho. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Ma-ma-ma. You know that fake Lady Gaga song? Mm-mm. you're all the better for it I was waiting for you to continue

27:37Ronnie Karam: no that's all that we get so now the surfing group gets there and Shep's like whoa epic surf wow that was like sick how do you say that in Spanish it's just the same thing okay you're lying now sir

27:51Ben Mandelker: I got like what I was gonna say the bartender is like I am not going to share my language with you guys No way I don't want you guys to know

28:02Ronnie Karam: I caught like four of the best waves I've ever caught In years Yeah oh my god did I just get poked by agave Charlie Did you get up She's like yeah I mean I've done it before Well we went to the beach and the waves were great What do you think about that And Charlie's like hey Sally I got up She's like I'm happy for you That's fine bitch

28:24Ben Mandelker: Yeah I'm real happy for you Guess what I got up too as in I got Austin up yeah so then they go to this like they go through the whole event the garden and everything and Austin's like hey Vanilla but me need to talk to you today about what happened at dinner last night because I just want to say something because I don't want you to think like you didn't get my back and like you didn't get my back and I just was like I just didn't expect to get out of hand and she's like you know anything you could have said would have been good even if you just coughed up some breadcrumbs out of your mouth which you usually do anyway but I got nothing not even a crumb and if it was

28:58Ronnie Karam: some pity saliva in my eye what the hell bro she's like you know if the rolls literally nothing came out yeah if rolls were reversed I would have been like fuck you don't talk to her like that and he's like okay well noted she goes okay but you know thanks for coming to talk to me he's like yeah I'm embarrassed I didn't have her back but it's refreshing that Vanita understands how things work in a normal friendship because real people are able to work out shit, you know, and real friends are able to work out shit, even though I was the one skipping parties and refusing to talk to Craig through half of this season.

29:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Well, Craig treats people badly, and I just don't like that. Well, there are two versions of Craig. Oh, yeah. Craig and Craigie. Yeah. I've been saying this for years. Last night, Craig was at the dinner table. Today, Craigie's been in full force. So then they go and they start, but they are tasting at this. It's like a tequila tasting. agave tasting, whatever. And, um, Craig is all pouty when he sees Vanita walk in, Vanita and Austin sitting together. And Craig is like, Austin just always disappoints me. Like if anyone ever treated Austin, the way Vanita treated me, I wouldn't be like that buds with her.

30:11Ben Mandelker: Like, okay. Yes. You know, you don't like Vanita because she sided with Paige and your breakup, but like, she has not been terrorizing you. She has not been making your life hell. It's like fine. There have been people have done way worse to you than Vanita.

30:25Ronnie Karam: You are the one in the wrong here. You were the one screaming at a lady last night at dinner. How are you the victim? But he is. And you see his bloat, his his coke bloat face getting all pissed off and turning red as he watches them. And we know they're on a tequila trip. So here comes Craigie. They're going to just get Craig drunk and make him scream at somebody again. And he falls right into it. So the guy's like, who wants more tequila? Anybody shook? that was in Spanish. Anybody get that? When he's like, that's a stupid question. Of course we want tequila. Okay. I'll grab a bottle. And Craig's like, grab two.

31:01Yeah.

31:01Ronnie Karam: That's always a bad sign. Here comes one right now.

31:08Ben Mandelker: So that does a whole talk about, uh, tequila, ceviche, cactus, all that stuff. They're drinking some tequila. That's like 48 % alcohol. It burns their, their tongues and everything. And they're like, wow, it's like jet fuel. You know, Craig's like downing it, like gulping it down, like five alive. And so, uh, they look at some reposados and somewhere in, in rum barrels, somewhere in Merlot barrels and everything. And Craig reveals on the topic of rum, Craig goes, I know all I want to do is be fucking Jack Sparrow. It's just like, never enough. I love rum. His dream is to be Johnny Depp. Yeah. Of course, Craig wants to be Jack Sparrow, especially after the past year or so.

31:55Ronnie Karam: It's like, wow. Yeah, that's that. There's something that shocks me. Not at all. Not at all, sir. So Rodrigo's like, so are we going to shower together or what, Shep? Because you need a shower, right? He's like, yeah, I'm a big shower guy. And Craig goes, I'm a big heels guy, like heels in a short dress guy. Oh, like a porn star. I just really like stuck porn. Molly's like what? What is stuck porn? Like your arm gets stuck in something? He's like oh no I'm in the dryer I can't get out What are you doing back there stepson? Stuck porn? I've never heard of stuck porn Have you?

32:32Ben Mandelker: I've never heard of it I feel like I've seen scenarios I don't know if I've even seen stuck porn

32:40Ronnie Karam: I get it It's like okay

32:42Ben Mandelker: Oh something happened But like stuck porn That's such a specific

32:46Ronnie Karam: I'm stuck in the washing machine

32:49Ben Mandelker: that's even more specific than carl's tan line porn hall i think the weirdest porn that i've

32:55Ronnie Karam: come across lately i think it's new is um ignoring porn have you ever i don't know if that's what it's called but there's like this there's it's where like someone's playing a video game or something and they're just ignoring that someone is having sex with them it's the weirdest thing or I saw one where, not that I watch porn or anything, it just happened on my algo. Sorry, it's not the charm. I'm not being very chaste, am I? But there was another one where some guy was on the phone and he was like on a business call and just pretend. It wasn't like he was trying to hide that he was on a business call.

33:30Ronnie Karam: He was just on the call and someone was having sex with him and it's like he didn't even notice. It's really weird.

33:35Ben Mandelker: Oh, yeah. Well, it's like that thing. Is it sort of like the thing where like the Whitney Rose style thing where she like gave Justin a blowjob under the desk at work. One of those things where it's like, ooh, it's a little bit taboo. It's a little bit like, ooh, we shouldn't be doing this.

33:51Ronnie Karam: Well, you would think so, right? But it's not. It's like people just completely ignoring that they're even having sex at all. It's not like, ooh, I'm getting a BJ under the desk. Yes, it's kind of sexy. Hope no one shows up. It's like, I don't even know I'm getting a BJ. It's just happening without me knowing. That's interesting. Super weird, right?

34:08Ben Mandelker: Wow, how disaffected.

34:10Ronnie Karam: yeah it's like unaffected porn i don't know what you would call it yeah anyway i mean i've been having that kind of sex for years

34:17Ben Mandelker: but well maybe you should try on try stuck porn might be fun i'm stuck in the dryer somehow i found myself in the dryer that's the weird thing that the example doesn't make sense it's one thing it's like oh no i'm stuck in the bathroom help me get out of the bathroom but like stuck in the dryer what were you doing in the dryer yeah i like that people are just getting

34:38Ronnie Karam: turned on by such random things now. It's gotten so sexual that it's almost non-sexual. It's like, oh, I don't even know I'm having sex while I'm on this phone call or playing a video or I'm stuck in the dryer. I'm going to start making one where it's like, gosh, I just can't figure out this tax law. It's like,

34:54Ben Mandelker: do I owe this tax or do I not? I love the classics. I love the classics. The plumber comes over or spills something on his shirt. He's got to take his shirt off. I love that. That just works so well for me. you know it's like a fun little narrative it's like whoa imagine if this happened in real life

35:11Ronnie Karam: that's how it's always exciting yeah and service porn yeah so um okay stuck porn that's new so um chef's like okay how great has lunch been you guys craig's like wow the chicken with the red sauce is the best you know what we should talk about small talk food because it's been 20 minutes of us doing that so far in this episode ronnie's to the point of talking about tax porn so make this even more boring. So Austin's like, okay, let's talk about our highs and lows. My high of the day was making out with Whitney. Oh, sorry. I was talking like Shep. My high of the day was making Whitney suffer through us having to have fun on the beach.

35:45Ronnie Karam: Well, he was like, oh, I don't touch sand. It's funny.

35:48Ben Mandelker: Yeah. So fun. Whitney's like, oh, did you hear me complain? I was reading the New York Post in the shade and these motherfuckers are trying to solve world hunger. Shep's like, well, what did you guys think about the beach? None of anyone's business except for me and Austin. I don't get that Oh what did you guys talk about on the beach Sorry I read it as what did you guys think about the beach I was like why is Craig being so protective About his opinions on the beach

36:14Ronnie Karam: Yeah I know Craig's just like No one gets to know about what we talked about Ha ha Even though I was telling Austin a secret Then Austin then told Sally this is going to turn into a fight later So then Now it's dinner time So everyone's showering and getting ready to go out And Austin's checking in with Sally And he's like, what's wrong? I mean, you're not fine. You're a Patty McPatterson. What the hell's going on there? I mean, she didn't even tell me they kissed. I mean, that's crazy. And it's weird because our friendship, you know, it's like, I'll be fine. I just need, I just need a kiss, baby.

36:47Ronnie Karam: Oh my God.

36:48Ben Mandelker: Would you like, would you, okay. You would, you would you, would you be like a nightmare today? You seem like you'd be total nightmares. Like, no, I'm actually quite lovely. Yeah. I do everything for my man. so they are arriving and then craig is like everyone cheers to chef for bringing us to mexico we may hate each other at times except for venita who i hate all the time but hopefully we

37:12Ronnie Karam: love each other even more yeah and um craig's like okay um they're talking about shots and stuff like are they gonna do because they're ordering and it's another 10 minutes so they're doing shots and stuff. And so I was like, well, I'm only taking a shot if you're taking a shot, Austin. I follow the man. Craig's like, oh, it's okay. Don't be a pussy. And Molly's like, yeah, when people say pussy, it's kind of funny because nuts are sensitive, but pussies take a pounding. What are people even talking about?

37:43Ben Mandelker: You know what's so funny? Our friend said that to us over the weekend. She said the exact same thing. It was almost like she knew this quote would be coming up. She said, I don't understand why people say, well, why people call people pussies as if it's a bad I think pussies are way, way more durable than nuts are. So there you go.

37:58Ronnie Karam: Does pussies mean like the vagina or does it mean like putty cat, like a little kitty, like innocent little kitty cat. And we've taken it to mean, I think it means vagina.

38:10Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Either way, a kitty cat is also quite, quite sturdy, quite resilient. Don't mess with a cat. Yeah, I know it's a cat dad. So Craig is like, we were in like random. Okay. All right. Can I say something? Okay. Yeah. Say we were in a random country and no one was here. Would you let me do this? And then he's talking about body shots to Charlie. And she's like, yeah. And so then Austin goes and does a body shot off of Sally and then makes out with her and everything. And it's like, oh, body shots. And Craig's like, what happens in Mexico does not stay in Mexico.

38:51Ronnie Karam: So they're doing body shots off Sally And Craig's like yeah for the shots we did You know what I'm gonna buy the bottle so Austin Can pour them out okay did everybody hear me Bartender bottle shot I'm rich I'm buying a whole bottle guys did you hear I bought a Bottle I bought the bottle guys I bought the whole bottle

39:08Ben Mandelker: Yeah so Whitney's Like Craig is getting like fucking hammered Mother and she's like Craig Craig no more shots no more shots Now I'm so fucking hungry is this Cheese I'm gonna eat it oh Oh, my God, I'm going to eat this cheese like it's Austin's dick. Everything in the mouth.

39:25Ronnie Karam: So Charlie has everything with Craig. Sally, I mean, we had this conversation so many times. Why are you still asking me what's going on with Craig?

39:34Ben Mandelker: Because I'm trying to be real with you. I know you made out with him. What?

39:40Ronnie Karam: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, so we kissed. It was nothing crazy, okay?

39:46Ben Mandelker: Yeah, but I don't care that y 'all kissed, except that I care quite a bit. I care about our friendship. Our friendship is fine.

39:54Ronnie Karam: I'm so sorry. I don't feel that way. Fighting, fighting. The girls are fighting. You might feel our relationship is fine, but I'm the boy being lying to you. She's like, Sally, oh my God. I'm not denying the fact that the second it changed was whenever I went on the date with Craig, okay? I think that's when I came to my turning point with him in the group. And that's when I was like, oh shit, I don't actually want to hear and share everything with Sally.

40:18Ben Mandelker: Then don't. Don't share everything with me. Fine.

40:21Ronnie Karam: I haven't. And now like you're absolutely hammering me.

40:25Ben Mandelker: Because you didn't tell me.

40:26Ronnie Karam: I did. I did tell you. Maybe you weren't listening, but I told you.

40:30Ben Mandelker: Don't do that.

40:32Ronnie Karam: This is going to end poorly. Well, I don't care who you make out with whatever. All I'm saying is that there's a shift in our friendship. And that's what I'm upset about. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Charlie's like, no, you're not wrong. And so it's time to close. And so they're leaving. and Vanita's checking with Molly and Molly's like, or no, with, sorry, Charlie is left with Vanita and Molly. And so Vanita's like, how are you feeling? And Molly's like, yeah, is it because you thought she was like gonna tell everybody or, you know, why didn't you tell anybody that you made out with Greg? And she's like, it's honestly, cause I just don't want to talk to anybody about it, okay?

41:09Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it is funny because Sally is mad that Charlie didn't tell her about the kiss And then she's like, well, then you don't have to, I don't know. I'm not even going to get into it. It's just so ridiculous. So they go back to their vans. And Craig is loitering back in the bar. And he's like, I feel really bad that Sally is giving you shit. I feel so bad about that, says Craig, who got this all in motion. Yeah.

41:38Ronnie Karam: And Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, she says I'm not being truthful. And I've taken a step back from the friendship. So what do I do? He's like, yeah, well, like all of a sudden I understood that like why every time you're with her, things change with us.

41:53Ben Mandelker: That's why I created a boundary with her. And I just don't want to talk to her about like Craig, okay? Sorry.

42:00Ronnie Karam: But it's killing me being like, why do we have to hide this? Come here. Let's kiss.

42:07Ben Mandelker: It's like, no, it's fine. It's fine. No, you just told me the truth. So back in the van, everyone's like waiting around. Like, where's Charlie? Where's Craig? because they can't leave. And Shep's like, this is, gosh, this is absolutely dumb. We need to go back, gosh. But Craig and Charlie are still back at the bar. And Craig's like, Sally was yelling at you about us. That was insane. She lost her mind. She was a crazy cuckoo person.

42:30Ronnie Karam: I told everybody she's a hurricane. I was honest. I was just like, you know, like I enjoy spending time with him and I'm going to keep spending time with him. I mean, what? What do you want from me?

42:41Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it's just kind of cool. So they're just like still waiting, still waiting and Whitney is getting mad. He's like, Craig is fucked up and we don't need him doing anything. Oh, mother. So then finally Craig gets to the van. He's got tequila and cigarettes. And, you know, he's stumbling around and his like hair is a mess and his face is red. So we just know this is going to be a terrible van ride.

43:01Ronnie Karam: Yeah, we know it's coming. And now he's and he's also laid down the groundwork for being like, Sally yelled at Charlie. And every time Sally yells at Charlie, it changes my relationship with Charlie. therefore Sally is interfering in my relationship with her so he's laid it down to go scream at her on the van yeah exactly so

43:22Ben Mandelker: Craig's like hey Austin look what I found well Craig that's insane I drank tequila all night why would I now why do you want to keep on drinking tequila now because you're my friend drink with me drink with me

43:35Ronnie Karam: oh my god Craig that is so insane like with your hair in front of your face like that he's like shut the fuck up whoa And Charlie's in the way back She just goes oh my god

43:47Ben Mandelker: Craig be nice Why are you looking at me like that Because you just told me to shut the fuck up Well next time you tell me I'm crazy I'm done Craig chill You're freaking out about nothing

44:01Ronnie Karam: Right now it's insane What are you guys even talking about up there What are you talking about It's what he's talking about not me You're so dumb just leave me alone please

44:11Ben Mandelker: Oh, you're never in the wrong ever. Like you never run up to your shit. I'm not going to let you do this to me.

44:18Ronnie Karam: I'm not doing anything to you. I'm just telling you. I'm just telling you I'm removing myself from your life.

44:23Ben Mandelker: That's always Craig's go to. It's like he's like, we're no longer friends. The two of us are no longer going to be associated. I'm removing myself from my life, from your life, as if he's like this great prize. Martha Pooart.

44:37Ronnie Karam: So Rodrigo's like, don't do that, Craig. You're being an asshole girlfriend. which yeah I like that people can suddenly start standing up but it is nice to see people at least doing it justice for Vanita though and in the other van Whitney gets a text and he's like well apparently Craig is going crazy in the other car God I'm in the wrong car Molly's like yeah like I can see him he's turning around and yelling in there that's bad

44:59Ben Mandelker: if you can see it from another van at night and Craig is like standing up like the van is like moving and he's like standing in the van and yelling and Charlie's like Craig calm down. Why are you yelling at me?

45:13Ronnie Karam: Because you keep getting involved in shit that has nothing to do with you. Just leave me alone, you fucking loser.

45:19Ben Mandelker: Fucking asshole. You're a fucking loser. No, you, look, I didn't do anything in this car ride to deserve any of this, did I?

45:28Ronnie Karam: You're a fucking loser. You're a fucking loser. You're a fucking loser. You suck.

45:33Ben Mandelker: Craig is a fucking asshole.

45:35Ronnie Karam: I hate this guy. I hate him.

45:37Ben Mandelker: yeah he's totally unhinged but we'll see what happens next week huh I suppose so show up with a

45:46Ronnie Karam: smile and everyone will be like that's just Craigie laugh track from the audience what an asshole alright everybody well thanks so much for being here we'll talk to you next time join us tomorrow night in Hollywood or virtually via our live stream through Kizwi you can get tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com we'll see you guys tomorrow bye

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48:54Ronnie Karam: She Ain't No Shrinkin' Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.