#3297 Ladies of London S4E06- My Feral Lady

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1:04Watch What Crappens

1:30Ben Mandelker: And joining me today is the glorious and glamorous Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

1:37Ronnie Karam: Oh, hello. How are you?

1:39Ben Mandelker: Are you excited to finish out our week with the best show on Bravo right now? Yes, lads of Lunds. And you're in front of me, but you'll never bring me. You might be pretty, but this is my scene. Is that the same song from the original? It is. Is that the same theme song?

1:59Ronnie Karam: It is, and it's such an odd theme song to keep.

2:03Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

2:04Ronnie Karam: They should have changed it up, I think. But I like it stuck in my head now. You'll never be me, because this is my scene.

2:13Ben Mandelker: Well, we have a fabulous episode to recap coming up. Before we do that, please join us on Monday night for Crappy Hour, where we are going to be talking about Wes and Amanda. of course, it's the first crappy hour since it became scandal official. So that's going to be 530 on the Pacific Coast. It's going to be 830 on the East Coast. And also we have Amazon live in the afternoon. That's at 130 West Coast time and we'll, I'm sure, be talking about what we're enjoying purchasing lately, but also I'm sure there'll be some gossip that sneaks in there. Also, join us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch watch Crappens for your weekly bonus episodes, your ad-free listening, your newsletter.

3:00Ben Mandelker: There'll be another newsletter this weekend, so make sure you get it. Crappens on demand, all that great stuff. So with that being said, let us dive into the glory and the beauty of Ladies in London, episode six, Not So Fair Ladies, which begins in Micah's office for Mini Manners launch day. Minnie Manners is Micah's puppet show wherein she's going to teach children manners on YouTube. Which is, as we all know, YouTube is the most polite place on earth.

3:33Ronnie Karam: Yeah, truly. Your kids could be watching manners or how to murder a puppy. You just never know what they're going to get on there. I'll tell you that. So she goes into the office. Oh, my God, Micah. We have it. We have it. It's on the Internet. Are we going to watch it together? Oh my God, I can't wait to watch it. So they all gather around and they press play. And God bless it. Who's watching this shit? Who's watching this? I know. Like, wow, I wish I had manners. What are manners? And then we see something that's - My friends could use some of these lessons because none of my friends have manners.

4:12Dun-dee-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

4:13Ben Mandelker: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. One week from now, let me see one week from now, And we see Margo going, I don't like you sometimes. Well, I don't like you either. You're like a bottle of Blanc Blanc that went bad. Disgusting.

4:28Ronnie Karam: I'm looking up mini manners. I have to see what mini manners is. Let's see how it is. Okay. Instagram mini manners. They have 5 ,000 followers. That's pretty good. I don't see a lot of puppets. I see this as I just see this as her teaching thing. I know I want to see the show. Linktree mini manners. Take me to YouTube. I need to see the YouTube mini banners on YouTube. Oh, here we go. Here we go, mini manners. Mini manners. Educational videos for kids. Yeah, they do pretty well. One of them has 207 ,000 views. Jeez. That's the dream. Those are doing good. How do I teach my kid manners? Start here.

5:07Ronnie Karam: Okay, it starts with a wooden spoon. When they misbehave, you whack them on their little butt with it. Okay? And if a wooden spoon seems too much like child abuse, you use a fly swatter. Okay?

5:17Ben Mandelker: If you want to see the opposite of many manners, which is oversized rudeness, come join our YouTube channel. Come subscribe because we're trying to build it out. Watch your crap on YouTube, everyone.

5:29Ronnie Karam: And we see clips of them fighting in a park. And, of course, it's in a park. So I was like, must be a Martha party. Because growing up when we didn't have a lot of money, our parties were in the park, too. And I was like, why are we in the park? It's hot. I hate being outside. Shut up. You're going to enjoy this. Your birthday cake is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

5:48Ben Mandelker: To be fair, she may be trying to recruit a new pet or a new painter. Well, look, I saw there's a lovely man sleeping on a bench over there who says he can fix door knobs, so I gave him all the keys to my house and he said he needed my banking information, so I gave him that account. I'm sorry that man flashed his winky at you, but he does have my house keys, so he's totally trustworthy. I said you're a psychotic cow, and then of course I gave him the keys to my house.

6:16Ronnie Karam: and then the fighting ends with Kimmy being like no wonder you live in LA because you're a fucking fake city just like you LA's just a fake city and then leaves and then we see Micah her eyes are bulging out of her head and then it cuts to Kimmy Martha and Mark fighting and Kimmy's like why are you always defending her why don't you fucking defend me for once it's like oh because you're a psychotic bitch.

6:42Ben Mandelker: I love that like part of Kimmy's personality we're discovering is her shitting on Los Angeles. This is now the second episode in a row where she's like, I mean, I wonder why she's, she lives in Los Angeles. That's where all the people that are wearing Lululemon and, you know, put their vaginas only finds, you know, ridiculous. What a city full of fake depraved people. Am I right? Like normally I get offended. Like, Hey, LA has a world city. It's a great city. And we're going through a recession right now, but we're a great city. But when she does it, I'm like, totally fair. Yeah.

7:11Ronnie Karam: No, you know, LA is one of those places that I think when you live in LA, it's not like living any other city. Because anywhere else, like even when we make comments about a city or something and we're like, oh, that city sucks. People are like, how dare you? My city is amazing. But, you know, we live in LA. And when people say LA sucks, I mean, part of being an LA person is just being like, yeah, but there's good parts. You know, you're not wrong. But there are other parts, too.

7:39Ben Mandelker: I don't mind when people punch down on LA if they're going to be funny about it and use it, if they weaponize it properly. And I think Kimmy does a great job weaponizing, you know, LA hatred. But if you're just doing it because you're just too lazy, you're like, oh, LA sucks. Like if you're from New York, if you're from New York City and you're like, oh, who wants to live in LA? I'm like, I don't want to hear it from anyone living from New York City. And I say this as a New Yorker. I don't want to hear it from anyone who like, who has to like be constantly stepping over rats and humanity. you know like there's so many people all around and it's like like don't don't come for our wide streets you know it's just sunnier yeah don't come for our temperature okay but like if it's kimmy being like well i live in london so i have a right to say i'm like okay yes you do you earned

8:24Ronnie Karam: it rewind rewind rewind rewind five days earlier we start at martha's house and we see hecate and her dog ernie is ernie just the laziest dog in the world how has ernie not eaten hecate How do you train a dog not to eat a bird? I know that you can train dogs to be nice with cats and stuff, but I think only on the Dodo website do I ever see dogs and birds getting along. And I think those are AI. I still don't believe those.

8:51Ben Mandelker: Because Hecate has probably pecked at Ernie so many times that Ernie is like, okay, I'm not fucking with this bird anymore. Okay? I almost lost my eyes.

9:01Ronnie Karam: Someone sent me a TikTok video of a lady with a magpie as a pet, and it was trying to poke out her eye. It was like came in, it was like, like came in right for her eye. And she happened to close her eye on time. It was like, oh, that's just my, that's just my bird. No, they really do try and take your eyes out. What are we doing here?

9:18Ben Mandelker: Yeah, no, I read an article about magpies because, you know, magpies are like famously swooped down at like at bicyclists in Australia during times of the year, I guess like mating times. It's like a real issue. And like, you have to be careful. And apparently they advise children to wear ice cream buckets on their head that have like crude drawings of faces that way the birds attack the bucket and not their actual heads and um you know eye attacks are a thing that happen and wow um that's why i will never own a magpie as a pet but you know what god bless martha because she's decided to have this

9:54Ronnie Karam: viciously dangerous they do that to bicyclists in australia because here in austin um just big trucks swoop in and try and knock bicyclists off the road so it's interesting there they have magpies here we have pickup trucks well one will poke your eye out okay it's a shame because bicyclists never do anything wrong on the road apparently according to them no if they did they wouldn't have cream of wheat sponsorships while they're just riding down the street to the 7-eleven to get god who

10:22Ben Mandelker: cares about stop signs who cares about traffic lights let that biker go hey you know what the The speed limit here is 55, but you know what? By all means, please bike in the middle of that lane. We all don't mind going 20 miles per hour.

10:35Ronnie Karam: Every lane is a bike lane. Those used to be billboards in LA. Every line is a bike lane. And then the bikes were literally just in every lane. It's like, get the fuck out of the road. You don't want people complaining about LA, but they put up billboards like that.

10:52Ben Mandelker: I remember one time a girl wrote this op-ed that was like, I am not going to wear my bike helmet because why should I have to be bullied into wearing a bike helmet when you could be driving better and I'm like that's fair people should drive better I mean there's still humans that are on these bikes you shouldn't crash into them but also bitch wear a helmet please

11:08Ronnie Karam: but you know what in her defense she had a really humorous obituary so that made up for it

11:15Ben Mandelker: and her hair looked great she's like not a dent in it

11:21Ronnie Karam: so five days earlier okay yeah Hekate is flying around at her Hecate. And Martha has big glasses on and stuff. And she's like, Darling, do you want to help me unpack boxes? Come on, help mommy unpack boxes. There are only three more hats of these and she can't make any more because she's dead. What was that lady's name who made all the hats and then died? Patricia or something? She's like, Well, I can't get any more patty hats.

11:48Ben Mandelker: Wait, what?

11:50Ronnie Karam: Remember when she went to her storage unit and she was getting out the hats. Oh, yes. And Margot was like, well, I mean, you don't have to keep all the hats. And she's like, oh, there's not going to be any more hats.

12:04Ben Mandelker: Very slowly, I'm managing to turn the grottage into a cottage and there's a lot of stuff to wade through still. But you know, everyone who climbed Mount Everest started with one step and then a lot of them died along the way. I was going to say,

12:18Ronnie Karam: didn't a lot of them have to eat each other because they were starving? Don't use Mount Everest.

12:23Ben Mandelker: Well, the good news is that I'll just start cleaning up my living room, and at some point, hopefully I'll find an oxygen can, otherwise I'll perish here on the area rug.

12:33Ronnie Karam: So she FaceTimes Lottie, and it's the invite people, so let's FaceTime everybody. So she's like, darling, please come to my party. It's going to be in a park. Please bring something to eat. because my bartender is a man with some sort of a bottle in a paper bag. I'm just praying that whatever he brings is going to be delicious.

12:58Ben Mandelker: He said he needed mixers, and I said, well, I've got some mixers. He said, well, can I have access to them? So I give him the keys to my house, and I don't know where he went, but I do fear that someday in the middle of the night he'll walk in and grab my Bloody Mary mix. Anywho, please come. And Lottie's like, hey, what kind of party is it? What are you thinking of doing? Shall we make a little baby suit for someone? It's like, this could be My Fair Lady. It's like, oh, we love My Fair Lady. We'll cut to Kimmy being like, oh, fantastic, I'd love to come. I love My Fair Lady. My Fair Blanc de Blanc is more like it, right?

13:33Yes, maybe getting everyone to dress up and wear a hat will make them all behave a little more elegantly. You are 50 % of the problem here, Kimmy, with Margot. You'll be nice to her, won't you? She's like, I know, I know. I'm just a little annoyed with her. Well, she's annoyed with you too, so you can be annoyed with each other and still make up. Come on, Kimmy.

13:55Ben Mandelker: Well, you know, tell her to behave because, you know, I just like, you know, I'll take some chopsticks to then poke her eye out. Watch out. Well, I will also reiterate that she's got to behave. Don't you worry. And if you poke her eye out, I won't speak to you for at least one month, you psychotic cow. Oh, well, tell her to wear goggles. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. Losing weight is one thing, but keeping it off, that's where it gets really frustrating. That's why Weight Loss by HERS now offers access to the FDA-approved Wagovi pill at its lowest price ever and the FDA-approved Wagovi pen.

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16:15Ronnie Karam: So now we go over to Margo, who's with her stepsons, and they're walking through a park. And she's like, guys, look at us in a park. What a family. These are trees. Some of them are males and some of them are females. Now, this tree was in a movie, and this tree jerked off over this tree's face, and the movie went to camp. It was a big tree movie. Are you getting what I'm saying here?

16:40Ben Mandelker: Yeah, she says this thing about how there's only male trees in the parks. That way there won't be too much fruit and seeds everywhere. and I meant to look that up because part of me felt like, is Margot just talking out of her ass right now? I mean, I know that there's male and female trees, but I was like, is she just saying shit right now? But then I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to look like an asshole on this and be like totally wrong and she's right. But like, that's the thing with Margot. I just feel like she sort of sees a TikTok or sees some like random meme and then passes it off like facts.

17:19Ronnie Karam: Well, I can tell you this. I googled, are there only male trees in a public park in London? Because how else do you Google it? And it says, no, not all trees in London's public parks are male. While urban planners often select male clones of certain tree species to avoid messy fruit or seed litter. Sounds like what she was saying. And guess what this practice is known as? Botanical sexism. Yes, you guys. I looked it up. Botanical sexism.

17:47Ben Mandelker: Okay, well, you know what? That's a point for Margo. she was reiterating a real thing and it's also a point for a hilarious causes botanical sexism hashtag tree two hashtag tree two

18:03Ben Mandelker: so Margo's telling us all this and she's like I literally never been around kids before I met Charlie and Jackson and I met them when they were seven and nine and it was like a big learning curve you know cause like nobody knows how to be a teenager and nobody knows how to be a parent and you know i'm just like finger it all together i don't know why i'm crying right now and i feel like the kids probably hate her so they make a little picnic and missy comes over and she's wearing this top of her boobs it's like clavicle and boobs and it's just like big and margo's step kids are like oh my god they just see boobs coming and margo's like really

18:44Ronnie Karam: you and your boobs show up to meet my teen sons well i mean you're welcome boys so uh she's like yeah the kids when i met the kids i'd take them swimming and they would just stare at my boobs and so i had to teach them eyes up here okay you have not bought a movie ticket okay eyes up here so yeah uh they've learned i've drilled them and so the rest of the scene missy's like oh my god hello

19:07Ben Mandelker: children they're like hi boobs hi hi hi this is why we need to have more female trees around

19:15Ronnie Karam: so that way they're used to it oh my god the boys are growing extra fruit around them look at that

19:21Ben Mandelker: it's crazy i just watched a documentary called inside the man triosphere really eye-opening inside the inside the ficosphere it was really something things those trees do so margo's i

19:38Ronnie Karam: margo's telling her that she's going to la because she has to go get her husband by the wrists and put him in handcuffs to get him to london because who else has to go pick up their husband like who has to go on a flight to pick up the husband yeah and bring it back fetch quest you're doing for

19:55Ben Mandelker: your husband like give him the ticket and have him fly out to london i i'm telling you the car

20:00Ronnie Karam: on the fucking plane or we are dying and there will no be no more female trees there will be

20:06Ben Mandelker: no more female trees talk about a nightmare on elm street blong to blong um i feel like these people are spending sixty thousand dollars a month on their flat in london but they have to still he like he can't fly out by himself to london something's going on here with this group okay something's happening and the bottom's gonna fall out soon yeah um and the bottom is marco

20:30Ronnie Karam: so marco's like well um you know the whole family's gonna be together i just can't wait to kidnap jock um do you think that this uh bag that i put over his head when i have him tied up is gonna blend in or um it looks great oh actually i met with kimmy yesterday she's like no way yeah and i wanted to tell you you know we went to lunch i didn't know what to think about it but actually you know i love the bitches purse so we're friends again and she said oh sorry and i said you know what it's okay and then a man fell down and she said oh my god he deserved it he was a drug addict and i said oh you know i kind of see her point um but so we're okay now but she still hates you

21:09Ben Mandelker: though she says you're a stupid slut mark i was like what the fuck she's like i mean i expect this from kimmy but i absolutely did not expect this from mark because she's like oh yeah because the other thing is that mark said that like there was someone at a party who said that like you are acting like a diva and you're an actress now you're very actressy so she's like wow i mean i did not expect this from mark like have you met your cast mate how could you not expect this from mark this is oh my gosh of course he's gonna say something like this and it's like the most tepid

21:42Ronnie Karam: tea as well you know it's like i've heard some tea would anybody like me to pour it all right

21:49Ben Mandelker: gather round the actress is fake i know seriously i was just from los angeles right oh so um marco's like well i've heard things i've heard that he's basically just a bag holder for emma and is desperately clutching onto her for social relevance because his family disowned him. And Missy's like, shut the fuck up. Just what I heard.

22:19Ronnie Karam: Oh, Margo, I don't know that this is going to hit like you think, because you know the story is going to be like, I've been disowned because I'm a homosexual. You know, she's going to look like a stupid bigot. Stupid Margo, stop falling into it. Although she is kind of returning tepid tea with tepid tea, isn't she?

22:36Ben Mandelker: Yeah. That's another like, duh. I also feel like being disowned by your family in Britain just adds more like allure to you. It's like, I feel like half the stories are like, oh, this poor boy, he was disowned by his family. It felt like he couldn't come up in the proper stations. They left him at Paddington station and went on to their country home and he had to make it as a shoeshine. I don't know. I just feel like it adds as an American. I was a five-year-old boy and used the salad fork to eat my pasta.

23:09Ben Mandelker: I'm like, as an American, I'm like, wow, that just makes me even more British and fabulous. He was disowned. Yeah. Missy's like, don't entertain it. You know, don't involve emotionally because that's where it's going to get ugly, you know? And she's like, I'm just seeing him in a different light, that's all. I'm like, Margot, you're seeing him in the most obvious light of all, which is that he is a gossipy queen. What about him says he's not a gossipy queen? He doesn't even want to wear jeans.

23:36Ronnie Karam: What are you going to get mad at a cow for getting milked? It's what we do.

23:42Ben Mandelker: Yeah, exactly. If we're wearing a little cravat, you better know that that tea is coming out frequently and very tepidly.

23:49Ronnie Karam: Yeah, what are you going to get mad at a baby for blowing spit bubbles? It's what they do. They're babies, okay? It's our nature. So we go over to Emma's house, and Micah comes over, and Emma's packing because she's going to go do her 10K trip. I'm running a 10K marathon. So Micah comes and she's that kind of girl who's just really insecure. So she's going to bring you a gift, but also another gift and also another gift. Yeah, I got you a gift. You're such a good friend of mine. I just wanted to give you a gift, you know, just something to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Look, it's a picture of me under a tree.

24:26Ronnie Karam: It's a male tree I found out. Did you know that there's tree sexism? Yeah. And I'm basically thinking about you. I'm doing this. Sounds cute.

24:35Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I feel like Micah, she says like proper etiquette is that you always bring a hostess gift. I get that. Like she always brings a little gift, but I think I would get annoyed because first of all, it's something that you then have in your house that like at a certain point, like you're like, what do I do with this? You know, like maybe flowers are fine because you can have them and then they die and you can throw them out without any guilt. But if it's like a chocolate or whatever.

24:55Ronnie Karam: Oh my God, you're the only person I've ever met that prefers flowers. Everyone else is like, flowers die. Why would you want a flower? You're like, give me flowers. I can throw them away.

25:03Ben Mandelker: No, because I'm running out of space. I've got like too many board games. I've got too many board games and too many cookbooks. So I'm like, I'm like, give me something that I can throw out without guilt because it's like, I've got, I've got too much, you know, when people bring wine over and wine is great, but like you can only drink so much wine or at least I can only drink so much wine. So I've got wine piling up and like, I don't know, like then you feel like, okay, now I've got to bring something thoughtful every single time I go. And like, sometimes I just want to go over and I don't want to have to like make another stop and be like, go to God, I get the flowers.

25:31Ben Mandelker: even though it's a nice thing to do i feel like that pressure is like it's just too much i'm

25:37Ronnie Karam: paula abdul i am the gift um but yeah you're right because people bring you stuff and then it's like shitty but you have to keep it because people also are going to come into your house the next time and look around for it you know it's like remember i gave you that spork that very special spork where's that you're not going to use that to serve the cheese with where's that where's that it's a fucking spork okay micah fucking threw it away what do you think i did with it but you have Like I have a little closet where I keep things that I have. And this is true. I keep things when people are coming over.

26:06Ronnie Karam: Like my nieces keep, well, they don't listen to this, but they keep getting me candles. They went through this candle phase. I don't want a fucking candle, you know? So now I have all these candles. So I put them in a closet and then somebody gave me like a big, huge picture, which is nice, but it's like too, it doesn't go with my stuff. I don't want to put it up, but I put it in a closet. I bring it out when they come over. I bring out the candles when the nieces come over. I have like a whole bunch of shit that I just bring out when people, people are there, you know? Yeah, that's smart. Is that sad?

26:34Ben Mandelker: No, it's not sad. I like it. It's almost like you're a community theater and it's like, oh, here is our, except for anything goes.

26:44Ronnie Karam: I literally have a whole shelf of coffee cups because I have a cousin that I love that's like, I don't want to get you the typical thing. So I'm going to get you different kinds of coffee cups, which are so nice. But I have so many, I have like 30 coffee cups now. So I have like a shelf that I keep them all. And when she comes over, I switch all the coffee cups out to be the ones that she gave me.

27:03Ben Mandelker: Yeah. See, I get it. Like, I have a hard time even just with the Christmas cards because I'm like, oh, someone put their family on here. I don't want to just throw it out. But I'm now sort of of the mindset of like, if there's nothing handwritten on the back, then I will look at it and then throw it out. But if there's something handwritten, then I usually like keep it. Some even make it to the fridge. And the ones that don't make it to the fridge, I just have like a little box for, but I'm like, I don't know what to do.

27:27Ronnie Karam: I do throw away cards. My mom always threw away cards, and so I just learned to do that, and especially family cards. And one time I didn't do that was when my sister, because she always would send family cards every single year. Well, 15, 16, 17 years later, I look like a serial killer. You come to my house in LA, and I would just have all these cards of children, and I look crazy. And I would have somebody over, and they're like, why do you have a whole wall of children? And I was like, okay, it's time to start throwing these away. Digitize them.

27:59Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I think it's stressful. It's just, you know, people put a lot of time and effort and money into making these cards that people receive and then just throw out right away. Yeah, we're a disease society. Anyway, Emma is talking to Micah because she's going to be doing this like 10K thing or whatever. And she's nervous. And Micah's like, but you have every right to be nervous. I would be nervous. Here, I got you a gift for your nervousness. She goes, okay, well, I had a scan. And it's a cyst in my pituitary gland. They saw it jump in growth this year. My cousin, oh my God. And if you have an MRI, it's a very difficult thing to read.

28:37Ben Mandelker: So they read it and they measured it. I guess it was wrong. So it turns out that this thing that she was very concerned about, like an episode or two ago, was a false alarm. Thank God. And it's just scary. And the takeaway is that life is precious, which it is.

28:54Ronnie Karam: And also don't trust doctors. I mean, what the hell? Who does that? What kind of fucking doctor is, oh my God, you've got a huge, nevermind. Nevermind. I'm sorry. I was having an off day. I wear the wrong glasses. So it looked a lot bigger than it was. You're fine. Go home. To be fair, her doctor was the rhinoceros in like a doctor's coat.

29:15Ben Mandelker: This is the last time I get an MRI on the, on the, on the grounds of this estate. It was an M rhinoceros eye.

29:25Ronnie Karam: I really thought that through. so thank god so she's you know she's gonna be okay but she's still you know fragile about it because it's traumatizing i mean my god she's like i gave away all of the monkeys and the muskrats you know like half the zoo that's half the zoo mike is like well guess what because you're about

29:48Ben Mandelker: to go run a 10k i have a surprise for you which i'm gonna tell you right now all the british people and Kimmy on this cast hated doing this, which is a little montage of like, good luck, Emma. Hope you have a fabulous run down in Kenya and good luck and hope you don't die. And oh, well, have a great time. You're going to be absolutely wonderful. And I can't wait to see how it all turns out. You know, not a woman who runs, a woman who runs fast. So that'll be fun. Keep running. Keep running, running woman.

30:23Ronnie Karam: Am I done with this? I mean, am I getting paid for this? Is this a cameo?

30:28Ben Mandelker: As Winston Churchill once said, when you're going through hell, keep going, or I don't know, something like that. One small 10K for man, one giant huge race for magpies. Good luck and Godspeed.

30:46Ronnie Karam: So, yeah, I don't know how touching that is. You're right. I mean, it is nice, like, friends sending a video, but they're all, like, reality stars, so they probably have cameos and it's like getting someone a watch what crappens t-shirt for christmas right no no this is this is which everyone should do of course um but i mean from us you know what oh yeah it's like oh merry christmas mom here's a watch what crappens

31:08Ben Mandelker: wednesday to me this is like one this is just i don't know i'm honestly i'm starting to see a little bit more of dara's side here because like you know that like micah texted everyone said guys since Emma's doing a 10k I thought it'd be like really sweet and lovely if we all made her a video encouraging her so that way she could like cross that line and you know everyone's like she's an adult she can like she's choosing to do this she'll be fine she's not gonna run the whole thing anyway this is just something for PR cause she's on this organization like we don't have to do this and you know Kimmy was like well now I gotta sit and stop I gotta put makeup I gotta put my face full of makeups on I gotta stop cooking the clams on my the stove top just to make a stupid video to say good luck for a 10k she probably doesn't even care

31:54Ronnie Karam: about much about in the first laws and then you have to keep then you have to keep reading the notifications that she sends like two days guys just a reminder it's two days before these are due don't want to bother you yeah you know okay guys um 13 hours 13 hours until i hope these

32:10Ben Mandelker: videos are coming guys and you're like i don't i think this is stupid but if i don't do it i'm seem like a dick but this is so stupid and i don't want to do this it's like you know because with this we've all been roped into these things before guys i think it'd be like really special if we did like a montage because um janet is uh going to have her first uh flat white latte and i just really want to support her like i don't want to make a video for janet and yes i am talking about

32:39Ronnie Karam: janet from the valley my uncle just had his 70th birthday and his daughter my cousin jenna who i love did this for him she got everybody to make videos and i couldn't go to the party because i was in la but my dad went and i said how did the video thing go had mine was mine good you know of course i just want to know i'm like did i kill did my video kill he's like yeah they were fun but then your aunt sent one in and it went for like 16 minutes yeah that's my that's the other thing there's always one person who does one really long it's like the party goes like oh this is so cute to like is this over what are we watching the super bowl for fuck's sake that's the other thing

33:15Ben Mandelker: with these video montages i mean i think it's okay to do it for birthdays because you're actually there's something to celebrate it just for something like a 10k i'm like uh-uh but um yeah that's the other thing when people do these for like weddings or bar mitzvahs or retirements or whatever the montage there is always someone who doesn't realize how long two minutes is in a montage okay you got to keep it to like a quick 15 seconds 30 seconds max and people don't even realize i realize i'm sitting here talking now for 45 seconds straight but i was gonna say let's

33:47Ronnie Karam: let's talk about this for another three on watch what crap we make five we make five five episode

33:53Ben Mandelker: recaps of one episode i'm just saying in a montage in the middle of a wedding when you just have that one person's like the first time i met george i knew he was the one for you it was just like so

34:08Ronnie Karam: special and like oh god yeah you need to have like simon cowell sitting in the front row like you're done wrap it up yeah you know so yeah micah is that person you have no talent um so yeah micah's micah's that person and she's just like i think a little she is so sweet though you know that she She does. She's very thoughtful, but it's almost thoughtful to, I don't know, I feel like she's listing this stuff in her head. I don't know, it's too needy. You can't be this needy as a friend. It's like needy of validation, you know? It's like when someone who's always trying to sing or someone who's always trying to force their thing on you, it's just too much.

34:51Ronnie Karam: It's like, okay, I get it. You have very good manners. Very good manners. Okay, can we just have a fucking glass of wine now?

34:57Ben Mandelker: she's like the girl in the sorority who's like today guys it's friday it's pink fridays everyone has to wear a pink shirt you're like oh god and like i enjoy i think like it's fun to do things every now and then like that but like you know it's like constantly with this this girl and just

35:12Ronnie Karam: and i can see why she was cast in this show too 100 because you've got to balance out all of the horrible crazy people in this show they're like okay we've got a psycho another psycho a gay psycho who else can we get? Get the nicest person in the world and then let's just break her slowly. Okay? Okay. Got her.

35:31Ben Mandelker: Is there someone who just lives for making video montages set to Michael Bublé? Put her in the show. You know,

35:42Ronnie Karam: that's like her most used sound on TikTok.

35:47Ben Mandelker: It is. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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36:59Okay.

37:00Ben Mandelker: So now we're at Martha's house and Ernie and Hecate are sleeping still and Margo shows up and she's like, she's like, where does Hecate sleep? Oh, you know, on the airplane, on the steps, because there's that airplane that hangs in the stairwell. that I love. It's where Patty crashed. It's the remnants of the plane that Hecate sleeps in. There will be no more hearts.

37:27Ronnie Karam: So he gets her up at 5 a.m. every day and we cut to Hecate with a green pill in her mouth. And now it's a pet psychic scene, guys. Another pet psychic. Will this pet psychic redeem pet psychics for this show? Because pet psychics suck. Let's be honest. Why would you? And this lady looks crazy. I was like, was this the person that you hired to paint your house and stole your keys? Because I would believe it. She's like, hey, you want pet psychic? Yeah, all right. Your bird. Here's what your bird is saying to you right now, darling. All right. I need to take a shit and I'm going to do it wherever the fuck I want to.

38:03All right.

38:05Ben Mandelker: Hello, mom. Your bird's saying, give us a kiss. So this is actually a bird psychic, an animal psychic I was excited for because.

38:18Ben Mandelker: do i have to actually kiss you to communicate the kiss i'm afraid you do mom so i'm excited to hear what what this magpie is thinking this crazy bird yeah of course so um so margo's like marth so margo um yeah martha before i left la um we had to leave Elroy, my standard poodle, behind and I'm really devastated so I hired a pet psychic to talk to Elroy and let him know that I will be back and we will be reunited and his response apparently was, I just need to pee. So anyway, I thought maybe we could see if Hecate needs to pee as well. Yeah. He

38:59Ronnie Karam: actually told the psychic, this is why I don't trust people without curly hair. It was pretty devastating but we've gotten past it. Alright, so should we do that then? We'll talk to Hecate. all right or hecate why can i not pronounce this fucking because because you're from texas and

39:15Ben Mandelker: you're a border state so you're used to adding like a spanish flair to things you're like hecate and also there's a beer called tecate but it's hecate i want to drink hecate think of it as like you know how like northern californians are like that's hella cool or that's hella think of it like that's like a lot of tea like that's hella tea except you're being g but you're being g rated So that's Hecate.

39:37Ronnie Karam: That's Hecate, y 'all. Well, I don't think that—

39:40Ben Mandelker: I could do mini-nematics.

39:45Ronnie Karam: That's a Hecate. That's a Hecate. So Margo is telling us, I don't believe that Hecate has good intentions with Martha. I still can't learn it, but you know what?

39:56Ben Mandelker: Hecate. Hecate.

39:58Ronnie Karam: Hecate. I don't think that Hecate has good intentions with Martha because Hecate is running Martha's life, okay? when I ask her to do stuff, she's like, oh, here you go. I'm the Hecate. I'm like, what the fuck is this bird?

40:11Ben Mandelker: I mean, this is what I say about children. But here's the thing. I want Margo to have like a come to Jesus moment with Martha about the bird, like that she did before about the half. She was like, Martha, I cannot be friends with you anymore as long as this bird comes. I don't want to come to your apartment one day and all both of your eyeballs have been pecked out. Get your shit together, Martha

40:39Ben Mandelker: So Jackie The lady, the pet psychic is there She goes, but right now What we do is we tune into their mind And because it's vibration We get like pictures that come into their mind Okay, let me see something I'm seeing an eyeball And now I'm not seeing an eyeball I'm seeing another eyeball And now there's no more eyeball, just blood Wow, this is a pretty graphic brain All wearing a green feathered cap with a bird eating out the inside remnants of the flesh there. Okay, well, anyway, sometimes it's a picture, sometimes it's a video. This one is saying something like, Why in the world would you be running a marathon, you dumb, stupid bitch?

41:19Sit on the fucking couch! I'm sorry, that's a bird named Kimmy. I'm sorry, I didn't get that out of my mind.

41:25Ben Mandelker: Sorry, I crossed my lines and I got into Kimmy's brain instead. So Martha's like, Hecate, do you want to come down here and listen? Or have you gone shy? Have you gone shy? Hecate's like, bitch, I've never been shy. I just fucking hate your ass.

41:41Ronnie Karam: Yeah, Hecate's just kind of watching them and then walks over to the snack bowl and takes a little snack and eats a little snack. And then gets itself like a little Cheeto or something and then goes and flies on Margo's shoulder. She's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Am I going to lose a night?

41:59Ben Mandelker: Oh, my God. do i have to blow this bird and then hecate just like leaves a little like piece of like bombay mix or whatever like on her shoulder and it is actually the cutest thing that has ever happened on bravo there's a little bit leaving a little a noodle a noodle on margo's shoulder i was like oh

42:15Ronnie Karam: it is so cute i thought it was cute too because i don't know i didn't know that birds are like that you know when they say bird brains i didn't know birds i mean i know that there are birds that recognize people and attack people, you know, like a grackle, you know. But I didn't know that there were like cute ones that are like, oh, hi. Why are you a cheetah?

42:37Ben Mandelker: Well, the pet communicator is like, well, I've communicated with Hecate and she says that she owns you. And Martha's like, oh, well, you know, I do think that she's my mother reincarnated. Hecate and my mother are both massive drama queens they both love the company of gentlemen they both drink quite a lot and my mother was known for poking out a few eyeballs in her day so it does make sense um hang on a second hang on a second there okay i just sent her i said to her on behalf of all mig pies what would you like to say and she said we are either hungry or we're playful what do you think of that what do

43:22Ronnie Karam: I'm going to need more from you, Jackie, okay? I know. Hold on. I love to fly. That's what your bird said. I love, I have wings. Yeah, Jackie.

43:31Ben Mandelker: Hold on. This, a new transmission just came in from Hecate after I asked, on behalf of all magpies, what would you like to say? And Hecate said, magpies are not monolith. Okay, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm consider me educated. Wait, wait, wait, I'm getting something from magpie. Magpie is saying, I'm not, I'm, I'm your mummy, darling. I'm so sorry.

43:53Ronnie Karam: It's Brenda Blethen. That was Brenda Blethen. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Why is Crest? I'm terribly sorry, Jackie.

44:01Ben Mandelker: I think you got the wrong magma. I don't know anything about this Martha person. But you're living in her house. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Remember now.

44:13Ronnie Karam: So they get rid of Jackie. Thank God. And I don't see them pay her. I hope they didn't because what a ripoff. and Martha's like, oh, I'm so happy that you finally warmed up and this is gorgeous. What a gorgeous day, darling.

44:32Ben Mandelker: Yes, it's wonderful. Yes. She goes, well, it's just such a crazy time. I'm going to fly tomorrow to LA and then come back with Jacques. Isn't that exciting, right? Yes, you've mentioned this many, many times, but I'm going to have a picnic in the park, what I call it, an employment fair. Will you come?

44:48Ronnie Karam: Of course I'll come. Is there a theme? I mean, I'm going to be coming from a kidnapping, so it would be helpful if there was some sort of balaclava theme, something like that. Oh, it's Edwardian. My fair lady. It's like, oh, God, I'm not doing that. Jesus, I'll see what I can find.

45:03Ben Mandelker: Do I have to put scissors on my hands? No, that's not what Edwardian means, you dumb batshit American. Oh, I love you. I said that with affection. She goes, well, who's coming? Well, it's Missy and Mark and Micah and Emma. Well, actually, not Emma. She's running her race. You may remember because we had to do that dreadful montage from my God. Please don't remind me. Oh, wow. I love an American who has standards. Anyway, so are you going to be there? Kimmy will be there. She's like, well, look, I'm your best friend and Kimmy is one of your best friends. And how are you going to deal with us being together amongst all those male trees in the park?

45:37Ben Mandelker: Right now, Kimmy is being really aggressive to me and I feel like she's ganging up with me and Mark right now. Oh, I'm just so in the middle of this, you know, and I love you. And I do love Kimmy, and I do love Mark as well. And, you know, listen, Kimmy's a cut fitness, and I'm just going to have to learn to draw a hard line. And so maybe this will be good for me, you know, to draw hard lines.

46:01Ronnie Karam: This is a really C-word night on Bravo, huh?

46:04Ben Mandelker: Everyone's said the C-word. Never said cut fitness so many times. Yeah, seriously.

46:10Ronnie Karam: It's not like when everybody's like, oh, my God, you can say the C-word again, but now it's like empowerment. You just say people are cut fitness-y and it means they're serving cut fitness. It's like empowerment. No. Cut fitness is not empowerment. We don't get to steal that back. It's a slur. We need to keep it a slur. Keep slurs slurs.

46:31Ben Mandelker: I wonder how confused people are who are new to Bravo who keep hearing us say cut fitness. I have no idea. It's Origins with Tamara and her fitness studio. like why do they just keep saying cut fitness that makes no sense

46:50Ronnie Karam: well then one day every but every bravo fan has that saturday where they're just cleaning the house and have nothing to watch and orange county is on repeat all day and then they suddenly get it and they're like oh my god it took me 10 years but i finally got it

47:07Ben Mandelker: fitness so we go over to a pregnancy clinic where lottie and joshua show up um normally i'm not a huge fan of these like oh it's an ultrasound scene because to me there's like i don't get anything out of it as a viewer they someone lies down they get the ultrasound they see this sort of blob that sort of looks like a face they get excited it's always the same thing but in this case i enjoyed it because lottie and joshua show up like they're going to the met gala like he is of course in another sort of tailored within a millimeter of his body suit that's like shiny and kind of paisley ass and she's wearing this like blazer-esque thing and everything they're just like stressed so fancily to go get an ultrasound and these two just like crack me up i want an ultrasound i want

47:51Ronnie Karam: to see what's going on in there i like in my vision it's just like jabba the hut like trying to eat princess leia inside there all the time i want to see i had an ultrasound once you did Yeah.

48:04Ben Mandelker: My kidneys, my liver, everything. But it's weird because they have to put that jelly on, and then they rub it around in the jelly, and the jelly is just so squishy and cold. It's just a weird feeling.

48:15Ronnie Karam: It turns out I was not pregnant. Well, that's good. That's lucky, too. You can really take a load. Sorry. So they're looking at the baby, and she's like, so you know that it's a boy already? and he's like, oh yes, look at that, little bits and bobs floating around in there. Bits and bobs, darling.

48:38Ben Mandelker: But I like how they had to translate that for us Americans. Bits and bobs means penis, willy-winky, pee-pee, et cetera, get our point. I'm like, yes, we know what bits and bobs are. So then they see the face and she's like, oh look, there's like a little bit of a nose there. Do you see the nose? He's like, afraid not. Can I see it a little bit closer? I don't really see it. He's like, no. Can you see it now? He's like, no. So, unless I see a mustache, I really don't know what I'm looking at.

49:02Ronnie Karam: I'm really looking for Susie Sue with a winky. So, can you just call me back when you can get that up on the Imago?

49:11Ben Mandelker: So, they're excited. And then afterwards, Lottie is saying, so you've got to shoot off back to work now, don't you? He's like, I do. We've got a production coming through and all new samples. We're doing something new. We're making suits for the suits. Have you ever tried to do a suit fitting where your client is an actual suit? Very difficult. Suits on suits.

49:33Ronnie Karam: It's going to be fabulous. It's 3D. What kind of clothes do you normally design? Who designs 2D clothes? Art clothes by their nature 3D? Otherwise, how would they fit?

49:48Ben Mandelker: Well, when the show's coming up, that's all Joshua thinks about. It's really all-encompassing. and I wish Joshua just could be around more because I am alone a lot during this pregnancy and sometimes my mom will clip off a little bit of a bang and send it to me so I just feel like she's there but I'm a little worried that it may continue when the baby is here so they do say that you marry your fathers which I never wanted to do and obviously my dad doesn't have a mustache so I make that distinction at least really working hard to break the pattern here really hard rely on that mustache that mustache is doing a lot of heavy lifting for me Well, I'm just going to be working every single hour and up all night, so apparently I'm going to be at home.

50:26It'll be like ships passing in the night. I think I might just have to let you do the baby room, darling. She's like, oh, what if Joshua's married to his business?

50:37Ronnie Karam: He is. And anyway, you don't want him there all the time. I think he would be way too anal to be doing all this stuff at home. Like, a guy that's that anal, you don't want him doing the baby room. I'm like, no, darling, no, darling. You're so close. We're going to really have to do all the hand-painted paisley in here. Painted white. Painted white. Redoing it.

50:56Ben Mandelker: I'm surprised that Joshua won't be helping out more, considering that he's a closet traditionalist.

51:05Ben Mandelker: So now it's time for the Mayfair. I live in a world where men are men. All right. Can someone please pin the chiffon to my shoulder and get that sewn up as soon as possible? Thank you. Now it's time for a Mayfair Lady picnic. It's also a night for My Fair Lady because earlier in the evening on the premiere of Real Housewives of Rhode Island, Liz was like – she referenced – she did a quote from My Fair Lady. Yes. Look at that. Wow. Look at that, everyone.

51:33Ronnie Karam: God. Cyclical. Cyclical, am I right? That's a cyclical. So My Fair Lady picnic. Everything's set up in the park. There's a guy peeing on a cucumber sandwich. I mean, it just looks great. so Martha's like most my fair ladies the most beautiful film with Audrey Hepburn and oh god she's the most beautiful and Rex Harrison he wears a sweater and it's all about taking a flower girl from the streets and you know you know like these punks over there uh and making them into ladies

52:08Ben Mandelker: and when she says like these punks over there we should cut to Margot and Kimmy yelling at each other in the middle of the painting activity like no you be quiet margo kimmy kimmy murdoch i have never well you of course you've never because you're a slot your goddamn bitch is what you are well the producer goes well who's eliza doolittle in your friend group she's well i don't know i don't know if there is one maybe me i mean i was homeless

52:38Ronnie Karam: mike is like my fair lady it's a vibe it's a culture i mean when someone says my fair lady is a dress code, you bring it. I mean, talk about learning manners. It's my manifesto. It's my manifesto. But for children.

52:50Ben Mandelker: Then the producer asked Missy, what's My Fair Lady? And she's like, My Fair Lady, I think it's elegant, like an elegant fairy. Like it's a fairy who works at the fair and dresses like a lady, right? It's a movie. Oh!

53:08Ronnie Karam: I didn't know that! You could have googled it, Missy. geez. So Martha's got the biggest she is my fair lady. She's got that whole thing going. She's got this huge hat on and she has a hat for Margo.

53:23Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Martha is wearing a hat that looks like a Ferris wheel fell over on her head and it's full of feathers. It's enormous and amazing.

53:30Ronnie Karam: I know. I wonder how Hecate feels about that hat because it looks like a graveyard. Looks like a bird graveyard.

53:37Ben Mandelker: Hecate's like I'll tell you how I feel about it. proud. I made that damn thing. Those are my feathers.

53:44Ronnie Karam: The pet psychic's like, well, Hecate's just told me something. He is trying to poke your eyes out because you keep killing his kin. Perhaps. So, people start showing up, and Martha goes over to Missy, and she's like, oh, is everyone well? And Missy's like, what? Yes, I'm well. Oh,

54:06Ben Mandelker: because you and Kimia have made up. She's like, yes, and I really appreciated that. Oh, good, I'm so pleased. But she's not happy with Margot. Oh, I mean, it's a nightmare because they're two of my best friends. And I was hoping to get them KY wrestling in a Paddington pool, you know, or a paddling pool. And you know that Missy was like, I don't know what KY wrestling means. I don't know. And by the way, I don't know what KY wrestling means either. It sounds very sexual to me.

54:34Ronnie Karam: KY wrestling?

54:37Ben Mandelker: in a paddling pool no less is that like when you fill a pool full of is that like jelly wrestling

54:43Ronnie Karam: i don't know but i would think jello would know what that is she's in the epstein files well i think i get not understanding my fair lady but ky wrestling sounds like it would be

54:54Ben Mandelker: right up her alley i'm assuming it's jello wrestling ky wrestling what is that Kentucky Wrestling News no that's not what I was looking everything's Kentucky thank you algorithm some of us are trying to be international right now

55:09Ronnie Karam: good luck with the pictures that are going to start coming up on your Instagram buddy

55:14Ben Mandelker: I've now fully destroyed my my logarithm it's terrible it's only ads for Buffalo Wild Wings

55:23Ronnie Karam: so now Joshua comes in with matching suits with Lottie and Margot comes in a big black and white feathered crazy jacket. And Micah's like, oh, my God, she's like my fair lady Malibu. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so weird. Like, I don't even know where I am right now because I just got off an airplane. I haven't, you know, rested and I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, you know, but I am happy because my husband is finally in London. He does have some rope burn on his wrists, but he's here. so i feel like margo is it's funny because i feel like if you're a wealthy person you would never

56:01Ben Mandelker: admit that you uh are deranged from a flight from la because that implies that you did not have first class where you could sleep in your in your seat right i feel like she kind of like showed herself in that moment but actually she was probably just trying to brag about the fact that she just got off a plane. But I kind of feel like, I was surprised that they did not take a swipe. What'd you say? I'm sure she had first class, though. I know, but I'm surprised that they weren't like, oh, well, if you're not sleeping on an airplane, why even take the journey in the first place? You know.

56:39Ronnie Karam: So Margot's trying on the hat that Missy brought her, and Lottie's like, I love the hat, but it's giving, like, more Coachella than my fair lady.

56:49Ben Mandelker: It is. Just like a fedora, basically. So Kimmy shows up, and Martha is saying, Oh, I'm going to get married in this outfit, and I'm going to get buried in it. It's the same thing. And then Kimmy basically goes around saying hi to everybody. She's like, Oh, hello, darling. Darling, it's me. It's you. It's you, and it's me, and we're in a park. What the fuck are we doing in a park?

57:13Ronnie Karam: And she's coming up to where Margot is with Martha, but then Margot just walks away. She's like, I'm not saying hi to her.

57:20Ben Mandelker: Yeah and Kimmy's like what a bitch Like as a friend if you show up to someone's party You're polite and you say hello to everyone Out of respect for the hostess or the host And Margot's like Well I want Kimmy to be able to say hi to Martha Without making it about me And Kimmy so I'm gonna make a big display Of walking away So that way it becomes specifically About me and Kimmy Martha why is she wearing cowboy boots I thought it was a My Fair Lady party shut up Kimmy so then Joshua you know Joshua and Lottie are just talking about their baby scan and like saying how the baby has been like upside down and like legs like legs out that baby was he's upside down with his legs spread wide open I mean I looked at that it looked like an old college picture back when I was in fashion school and again here's the difference between British people and Americans because if they were Americans it'd be like I just I just hate it.

58:19Ben Mandelker: Like, the baby's upside down and the legs are out and I'm just so concerned and it's just, I just get worried it's such a scary time and the Brits are like well, it's a ridiculous pose the baby's in I can't even post on Instagram without setting off some sort of triggers and reports

58:32Ronnie Karam: Well, it's official our first child has already humiliated us, so Does anybody have the address of the Paddington? Because

58:42Ben Mandelker: We've decided we're going to disown our child in an effort to raise its profile later in life

58:50Ronnie Karam: um so now mark comes in and mark is like hello he's all smirking and he's wearing a what they later call a curious george jacket which is what is he wearing he's wearing some bright yellow

59:04Ben Mandelker: safari jacket yes and he's he's going for a look and margo's like he does look like he has a curious monkey you know i said it you can't unsee it now right and marco's like mark is so annoying he's like oh i'm a clown look at me and he does like stink in the grass stuff because she's obviously mad because she's still really bothered by this comment he made about a guest who said that she

59:29Ronnie Karam: was a diva well she's a liar like a faker or something right like she now she's rich she's It's like a big fakey or whatever. So he's agreed. He's like, hello, darling. You know, it's like when all of them are together, Mark, Kimmy, and Martha, it just turns like 10 times louder. It's just like, hello, darling. Oh, hello there. What are you, my fair lady? What is this you're even wearing? There's nothing fair about this lady. Am I right?

1:00:00Ben Mandelker: Oh, ho, ho, ho. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. I was asking Martha why Margot was wearing cowboy boots. Oh, I haven't had the opportunity to observe the others yet. She's like, well, I would love for you to observe. It's like, on due course, my dear. Oh, can't you just be nice? Like, oh, don't be so common, Martha. Well, it's my party. I can be common if I want to. That's why I'm holding it here in the commons. Like, oh, okay. Well, let me walk away from her at once, common lover.

1:00:31Ronnie Karam: And I loved Margot in the scene, just sitting in the back. She's just sitting there watching them like, clowns bunch of fucking clowns it's cracking up i think she's also perfect casting for this show this margo that they got they got micah who's who's terrified of everything and too sweet and then they've got margo who's just like i'm not going to be afraid of one of these motherfuckers

1:00:54Ben Mandelker: if they even try it with me so um meanwhile they're like oh micah says by the way guys i did hear from emma today she's so happy and uh i just wanted a surprise martha we did make a montage to congratulate you on your on your garden party or your park party so okay here we go everyone's

1:01:14Ronnie Karam: everyone got 20 minutes okay here's a montage um so emma has made a video or no emma's telling us she's like tomorrow's the run and i'm very nervous but i'm so excited i'm so passionate about charity and so Mark's like I think we should disturb Emma I'm going to facetime Emma right now on my telephone

1:01:37Ben Mandelker: Emma it's your best friend Mark calling Emma please answer please please answer why didn't you take me to Kenya with you please Emma answer phone Emma please

1:01:48Ronnie Karam: and so she answered and he's like she's answered oh Emma Emma darling and Mark is just rolling her eyes. She's like, oh, look at me. I'm on the phone with my best friend.

1:02:04Ben Mandelker: Notice that she only answers the phone for me, Mark Francis, Emma. Emma's like, by the way, are you on safari, Mark? He's like, I am. As you can see, I'm wearing a canary-colored safari jacket because I'm with a bunch of animals here in the park.

1:02:20Ronnie Karam: And Kimmy's like, oh, that's the bitchiest thing I've ever I heard you say I'm all right.

1:02:27Ben Mandelker: So what are you doing? Why are you so fancy? Well, no, we want to know not about you, but not us. We want to know about you. We're just standing in some ghastly park. It doesn't matter what we're doing. Let's hear about your marathon.

1:02:40Ronnie Karam: Just goes to Martha looking all offended like, well, I'm trying to throw a potty. Well, it gets cold at night here. And there you go. I'll take some clothes off. Look at that. I've taken off a sweater. And it's like, oh, finally. that's what we facetimed you for darling otherwise we'd have ridden a ladder

1:03:02Ben Mandelker: so Margot was still on the side and Lottie's like well you're not really Mark's biggest fan of the minute are you? she's like no I'm not bit Mark's biggest fan. Mark has come in a safari outfit to make sure we all know that he's friends with Emma

1:03:18although I'm not with Emma I'm there in spirit sartorially at least.

1:03:24Ben Mandelker: So Martha goes up to Margot and she's like, look, I've read the riot act to them and I'm going to read the riot act to you too. She goes, well, you're the one who told me that he was saying mean things. Yes, but he's always mean. I don't see why it's such a big deal. He's always an awful cut fitness. What are you going to get angry at the clock for telling you the time, darling?

1:03:45Ronnie Karam: So then two randos, or at least randos to us, Mimi and Noah, show up and they're Martha's friends and she It's like, oh, God, thank God you're here. Everyone is being so mean to me. Oh, God, it's shaping up to me today. I was afraid it was going to be. You know, I'm just trying to referee, and I hate sport.

1:04:05Ben Mandelker: So Lottie's like, are you not going to say anything to Mark? You're just going to leave it. He's like, well, I mean, is Mark not going to come over and say hello to me? I don't want to get up, but I do want water. So now Martha just starts serving people and stuff, and she's like, well, things was a lot better when I used to have a butler, but now I don't have help anymore.

1:04:27Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so Mark does greet Margo and he's like, oh, wow, the bird has landed. How are you, angel? I know who's not doing well. Every bird that died for that jacket.

1:04:42Ben Mandelker: This jacket is absolutely amazing. Well, thank you. I wanted to wear something that you won't make fun of behind my back. He's like, oh, darling, fucking sensational. I don't know which of us got the dress code wrong. I feel like it may have been me. He's giving her this look like, don't fuck with me, bitch. I'm going to keep on talking like this, but don't you dare fuck with me because I will make your life hell. I am a gossipy queen.

1:05:09Ronnie Karam: Yeah, you really want to come for an old queen? Come on. And he's like, I don't know why Margot thinks I care so much. Whenever I see someone, I say, my God, you look better than ever. That's just manners. I'm not lying. That's what we do.

1:05:29Ben Mandelker: So, yeah, don't fight with an aging twink. It's like a cornered animal. So Margot is like, she's like, well, they've been telling me. Say who, darling? Well, that you've been quite mean behind my back. Who, darling? Martha and Missy. Oh dear, what have they told you? Well, Martha told me, um, she's like, oh, I feel upset because I had to defend you when I had dinner with Kimmy. Oh, she was very defensive of you, very defensive of you, mm? Yeah, and she said that they were, like, making fun of your hair and your clothes. Your hair? Well, there was momentary talk of a crushed velvet jumpsuit. Well, then Missy said someone at your party said something nasty about me.

1:06:14Oh, no. No. Well, I didn't repeat. Listen, I did repeat something that somebody had told me. That's true. But I thought actually it was quite complimentary. Who are you?

1:06:29Ben Mandelker: Don't come over and give me a compliment when I know you're not complimenting me behind my back. British society isn't really where people go to be held accountable. So this is probably surprising for him.

1:06:39Ronnie Karam: I was cracking up at Mark. Such an asshole. What?

1:06:44Ben Mandelker: Ooh. Oh, just this passing comment, but it was quite complimentary. Oh, my God. So she's like, well, go ahead and tell me what they said. Well, that you're embracing a moment of, how can I say it? Hmm. Be an actress. What?

1:07:01Ronnie Karam: You're saying I'm fake? Are you saying I'm fake? No. And now Kimmy smells blood in the water, so she comes right over. And Margo's like, that I was acting like a fake person? No, no. That wasn't the word fake. We try not to use too many single syllabic words in this circle. It was definitely more cutting than that.

1:07:22Ben Mandelker: Darling, yes, of course you did say fake. I was there. Oh, fine. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. He said, I don't want to use anything monosyllabic unless I have to say the word fake about Margot.

1:07:32Ronnie Karam: No, I said actress. And Margot's like, what, am I acting? I mean, everyone who looks at my IDB knows that I really don't act that much. Okay, and I don't know why Mark isn't owning his words. Why is he so brave when I'm not around? Well, I'm right here, so tell it to my face. British is the posh put down. You know exactly where you stand. What Mark is doing is just two-faced. And Kimmy's like, don't pick on Mark.

1:07:58Ben Mandelker: Oh, darling, anyone can pick on me. No, I won't allow it. After all, being natural is the hardest part to play, isn't it? It is. You can't fake being authentic You can't pretend to be real Because that's very transparent I'm afraid But don't blame Mark He didn't do anything Well he's spreading it as well He's spreading the gossip Oh so what You spread things all day long I've heard gossip that you were spreading about him But that was It was horrendous gossip Horrendous Mark Horrendous and flashback to when Margo was like, he's just a bag holder. That's what I heard. Bag holder. Margo's like, well, I've got more tea than the Boston Harbor, and I just don't walk around spilling it.

1:08:52Ben Mandelker: And yes, I did learn that from one of those sassy e-cards that people send to each other. Well, I hate tea. And Maxine, fuck that stupid old woman on those cards. Always offensive. Never any manners. So now Martha goes over to Joshua and Lottie, and Lottie's like, oh, Martha, you didn't want to get involved in that. She's like, I fucking hate conflict. Well, you wouldn't be wearing this coat if you didn't have a touch of venom in you, now would you, Cruella de Vil? Cruella's out in full force. Oh, but she's always been my favorite. At least these birds didn't die in vain, darling. and he's just like smiling at her and you're like is he complimenting me is he have does he have no respect for me whatsoever like well clearly margo dresses this way in order to in order to be noticed you call it attention seeking it's a shame really i feel like this kind of behavior just demonstrates a terrible lack of self-esteem now excuse me while i take my yellow safari jacket back to my apartment that is all rococo gilded features god those people

1:10:02Ronnie Karam: doing things for attention well mark's full-time job is mining attention i show up in the room and i get the attention the stars are born they're not made so mark is like well i think the entirety of this entire conversation is totally unnecessary are you being nice no she's horrible don't be

1:10:23Ben Mandelker: nice to her mark she's not horrible she's my good friend okay kimmy and quite frankly you could be an absolute cow well i know i can at least kimmy does it with a little bit of panache thank you thank you and a good dose of humor humor you see is what makes the difference i like kimmy saying

1:10:44Ronnie Karam: thank you for calling me a cow with panache cracks me up every time they try and put her dad she's like well thank you well all i'm seeing are clowns no humor and i find it quite sad well then you're

1:10:56Ben Mandelker: at the wrong party well excuse me i'm gonna go grab some water oh you should you should grab some water that's not i love that kimmy says that like it's really it's like as far as like retorts and comebacks and put downs come it's like one of the worst things like i'm gonna grab water oh well

1:11:18Ronnie Karam: maybe you should i took it as her saying like well maybe you should thirsty la person but i don't

1:11:24Ben Mandelker: know i i think she was just like doing a you are but what i love is that kimmy is just so convicted in it that you're like yeah kimmy just got you kimmy stop it well she's being so rude i mean she's such a cow no not martha so now um you know margot is like all like annoyed and so a lot of And Missy go up to her. And Missy's like, it looked like you guys were laughing a lot. I don't get that. She goes, like, no, they're laughing because they're clowns. They're clowns. That's why they're laughing. I love that Missy thought that they were having a good time in this conversation.

1:11:57Ronnie Karam: So now, Missy, Margot walks off because Mark and Kimmy are coming up for some champagne. And so Missy's like, everything is fine. We're fine. Do we look fine? Well, it seems like you guys are laughing and stuff. But, like, Margot doesn't seem fine. Oh, poor thing. she's probably the wrong party then but did you guys fix it oh well we're not fixing anything

1:12:19Ben Mandelker: don't she's being rude i mean do you even bother fixing blong to blong the most perfect white wine that you could ever have i don't think so well she's being rude because she said you're

1:12:28Ronnie Karam: being rude and mark you're being rude you're both being rude because oh i'm so thricely rude

1:12:36Ben Mandelker: so now margo goes goes approaches kimmy and's like can we like go somewhere to talk can we go She's like, oh, okay, fine, fine, okay. Look, I'm actually just going to be civil to you because you're Martha's friend. She's like, well, that would be a great start for you, civility and honesty. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, so we're done here.

1:12:54Ronnie Karam: You've always presented yourself as someone who will say anything to anyone's face, Kimmy, and it literally never occurred to me that you wouldn't have said those things to her face. To whose face? To Missy's face. You know what you are? You're a troublemaker, and I actually feel bad for Martha because when she finds out what a shitty fucking friend you are, like, you're a total con. And no wonder you live in LA because it's a fucking fake city just like you, you fake city.

1:13:23Ben Mandelker: Hey, how's that accent going for you? Where are you from again? Just like, oh, okay. Well, oh, yeah, how's yours going for you, Miss fucking Tallboy Boots? She's like, are you from New York? Kimmy's like, whatever. So Margot is like, what is with Kimmy's accent? and I don't know why she talks like the guy from the Monopoly board.

1:13:44Ronnie Karam: So Missy, meanwhile, is across the party. She's like, oh my God, my boobs have been out all day. Whoops, whoops, but I love my breasts. And one comes out and Mark's like, just the one, dear, which is an ABFAB quote. So I gotta love it, of course. Of course the gays got the ABFAB quotes.

1:14:01Ben Mandelker: Love that. So then Kimmy and Mark are now back reunited and Martha's like, are you being nice? She's like, well, why are you blaming us? Okay, well, what did she say that was so bitchy? It's like, well, it's her demeanor, darling. She's horrific. But what's the problem? Why are you always defunding her? Why don't you ever fucking have found me for once? Because you're a psychotic bitch. All right, Kimmy. I mean, I love you for it, but you are. She's like, well, she's not. She's not. No, not the same way as you are. Oh, really, Martha? Really? Have you listened to her? Your behavior in that car was not acceptable It was not acceptable I can say whatever I want Martha Whatever I want So Margot's watching from afar And she's like wow I've literally never seen Martha talk like this before I am quite proud

1:14:54Ronnie Karam: So Kimmy's like Well I question our friendship Because I'm not your fucking true friend I always defend you I always defend you

1:15:02Ben Mandelker: and i've defend and i've defended you right fucking now oh you're blinded by her guilt shitty la fucking fake lights you know what i'm out of here i'm out of here i'm taking my tiny hat and i'm getting out of here i love she just keeps bringing los angeles into it so it's like an unnecessary like like stray like she's just like that this is this sums up everything she

1:15:25Ronnie Karam: lives in los angeles so is so la i'm sorry i mean kimmy is right on the nose here margo is very LA.

1:15:33Ben Mandelker: She is probably doing Pilates, going down Larchmont Boulevard, doing stupid things. I'm like, she's basically living by dream life. Yeah. So Mark's like, well, I'm quite mortified that this is descended into what is essentially a brawl. Like, girl, you have to come watch some more American TV shows. This is nothing. He's like, look at this. It was heinous behavior.

1:16:00Ronnie Karam: So Mimi goes, up to Martha and she's like, have you been having a lovely day? She's like, yeah, no, I fucking hate my friends. They're all shit.

1:16:08Ben Mandelker: And Kimmy goes up to Lottie and she's like, oh, there she is, Miss Chaos. Are you okay? Missy's like, yeah, why are you continuing? She's like, well, I can't stop backstoppers, especially if they're from Los Angeles. And Martha's like, so, okay, Margot, she's saying that I don't stand up for her. Margot's like, what? Now she's starting a fight with you? She's like, yes. Now she's starting a fight with me. She's like, well, oh well that's what she's like that's what she does she starts fights with people and kimmy is

1:16:34Ronnie Karam: saying to missy she's like well what she did to like jump in there like i actually think she was meaner to you because i wasn't even trying to be mean i wasn't even trying to i mean i would never do that it's called and mark goes it's called attention seeking so martha approaches them now

1:16:52Ben Mandelker: sitting on like their bench or whatever and martha's like okay kimmy can you just stop attacking everyone she's and missy's like she's not attacking everyone missy of all people supporting uh supporting the situation uh kimmy only very darling she's like i'm not i'm not attacking anyone i'm speaking to her that's a difference and the only reason i'm here is because of you because i never would have even come because i adore you and you you i know you don't you dare cry you're in london now no crying no no crying in london baseball don't cry i love you i love you i always fucking have i love you kimmy i've never ever said one bad word about you and you're you've got five dollars to your name and a bird that pokes people's eyes out i mean even the worst situation happened and you said kimmy we're gonna bury a dead body i would take the dead body i would mock the dead body i would kick it in the head i would call it fat in la i would do that You would be the first person I would call in case I murdered someone as well.

1:17:58Ben Mandelker: In fact, you were, remember? Remember Patty? So Kimmy is like, Kimmy is like, Oh, you fucking backstabbed me and that kills me. She's like, I have not backstabbed you, Kimmy. That's how I feel. And you're attacking me all day long. I'm not, I'm not, Kimmy, I'm not. Well, I'm just saying. I'm just saying and showing feeling.

1:18:21Ronnie Karam: And they're like, oh my God, she's crying. and missy goes oh my god you are showing feelings there are tears kimmy is having tears everybody

1:18:28Ben Mandelker: it took four weeks but we finally got to travel bond with her

1:18:33Ronnie Karam: give me a sec oh off missy she gave them exactly what they wanted she's finally crying oh my gosh

1:18:40Ben Mandelker: it's like oh you're a real person kimmy cry kimmy cry can we celebrate moment kimmy cry i've never seen kimmy cry i didn't even know that she could

1:18:50Ronnie Karam: Micah's like, hosting 101? It is not good manners to make your guests cry.

1:18:56Ben Mandelker: Well, it's certainly the first time I've ever seen Kimmy cry. And this woman, Margot, has really got to her. Ugh, disgusting. Well, I think everyone's had too much to drink. And Micah's like, oh my god, Missy's boobs is Missy's boob out. And he's like, oh god, not again. Well, you've ruined my stomach bitch face. Shame on you. I didn't even have a sister. So I've always felt like you were my sister, Martha. My sad, sad, poor sister. Oh, Kimmy. Kimmy. I love you. I love you. You're the blonde to my blonde. I love you. I love you, but you are a psychotic bitch. Well, I know I am, but that doesn't make me a bad person.

1:19:40Ben Mandelker: No, of course not. Just psychotic. It's a wonderful person.

1:19:46Ronnie Karam: So now they're like rubbing each other's faces and crying and Margo's just like, oh my god. Like looking on a disgust. This show is something else.

1:19:57Ben Mandelker: So funny. What a magnificent, perfect show. Thank you all for being here. Have a great weekend. We love you all. And we'll catch you on Monday with more episodes of Watch What Crappens. Bye. Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

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1:22:45Ben Mandelker: Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talofsun Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Solian Pop Let's take off with Tam LaPlane Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar We love you guys

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