#3317 The Valley S3E03 Part 2: Y2K Bugs

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1:49Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

1:58Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. So now we go to date night with Brittany and Brandon. They're a BLED Boulevard. You know this handsome Boulevard? For the longest time, I thought it was Mr. Belvedere State. All the stuff I never knew was a Boulevard. What? By the way, what is a VARG? Why do you have a Boulevard? You ever heard of VARG before? Why would you put it in a bowl?

2:42Why do you have a Boulevard? I don't get it.

2:45Ronnie Karam: Don't. I met Brandon in Kentucky and we started off with real close friends and I love his personality. He's just such a good genuine person but the time wasn't right because he lives like three hours away. He lives in Paso Robles. You heard it? Paso Robles. Whatever it is. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. Paso Robles. I feel so bad for anyone who is near this table because this is a good thing. This is what the entire meal was like. And here we have some caviar. Wow, look at that caviar. It's like fancy and some, it's like fish eggs. Pee, yeah. I wear the yolks, you know what I'm saying?

3:26Oh my God, look at that fork. That is a nice fork. Oh my God, look at that steak. Can you cut it up real nice for us? Oh look, look at that goat place. Somewhere wide, please. Oh look, dessert, can I have a souffle, please? It was like, it was like one of those movies where like someone goes in a time machine from like the year 300 AD and is like sent to modern times and gets sent to their first restaurant. And she's like giggling at every single thing. I mean, like if she weren't so sweet, like I do think she seems so sweet, I would be like, oh my God, get this person off my TV. Like the only thing that saves her is that like at some point her sheer joy at the simplest things is like a little bit infectious, but like literally every single thing that came to the table, she was giggling about.

4:12Ronnie Karam: What's this thing? This is a table, ma 'am. You ain't gonna serve us on TV, Tries.

4:20Ronnie Karam: This is meat that didn't come out of a can. Where'd it come from?

4:28I think I'm putting a steak on. Those are plates. Oh, really? I always heard about those things.

4:37Ronnie Karam: Brandon, Brittany's all dressed up. I mean, it's Brittany, so it's Brittany fashion. but still she made an effort, you know, God, could she make more? Sure. You know, but she's with Brandon. This guy's just in like cargo pan, like stained cargo pants from the old Navy and a t-shirt. It's just, it's like, uh, this is, uh, afflictions. Number one customer right here. So it's like, man, don't you miss, don't you miss the days of, was it Tom Hardy? No, that's the actor, you know, Ed Hardy. So Brandon, is like, so you look pretty tonight. I like those earrings. She's like, the very first time I came here is when I separated from Jackson January 24th and I came here for my birthday to Virg next day.

5:20He's like, wow, that's funny. Cause I'm pretty sure my separation was on January 27th. Really? No, like three days different than my separation. That's crazy.

5:31Ronnie Karam: It's like this year though. She's like, oh, well, mine was almost two years ago. I hope your ex don't think I got nothing to do with it.

5:41Hey, what's this little mirror thing on a stick?

5:44Ronnie Karam: It's a spoon. Oh, cool. Nothing says I had something to do with it. Like saying, I hope your ex don't think I got nothing to do with it. Yeah, that's true. You were cheating with this man. Just say it. So he's like, well, you guys were already separated far before. Don't forget that. You better say it. He's like, well, you better say it right now. Yeah, she just really makes things difficult. Oh, I'm sure she does, Brandon. I'm sure she does. Can't wait to hear Brandon Sob's story about how he's the victim in everything with both of the women who've had his children. Can't wait. I'm sure it's coming.

6:21Rushed in too quickly. Didn't realize, but he's grown up a lot. He's a work in progress. Yep. She's like, I'm going through my separation, my divorce, and he's going through a separation as well. I'm sure there's jealousy there with the exes and different things like that. and such. So we just got like a lot of things we have to work through right now, which is why we're definitely not going to rush into anything right now. I will be your girlfriend.

6:45Ronnie Karam: He's like, so did we ever even like go on a date in Kentucky? I mean, probably just the valley behind Hooters, right? He's like, I can't believe you. I met you when I was a Hooters girl. Yeah, it was you know, it's really hard when you have it when your first date is the fanciest date you've been ever been on, you know? And he's like, now that's a steakhouse.

7:07And look at you now. Yeah, I do really want you to charm the hell out of Zach tomorrow, though. He's like, yeah, I'm going to love Zach. Zach's going to love me and probably going to be best friends. And he's going to be like, I can't believe that I thought you were going to be a red flag. Am I right? Oh, my God.

7:25Ronnie Karam: Well, you know, Zach means well. You know, he's just similar so bad. You know, he don't want me to look up red flags and fall in love too quickly. You know, he's trying to protect me. But I'm not oblivious to red flags. I love them. I make blankets out of them. Come with them and that. But my peripherals aren't enough. Like, if there's a red flag, I'm like, oh, there's a red flag. But then I got my peripherals on. It's like chicken wings. One chicken wing right here. One chicken wing right here. And then there's a red flag. I'm just saying, where is he? Where's the ranch? Where's the ranch?

7:57Yes, Brittany, that is why Zach is concerned. Because it's the peripheral red flags that are the big issue. Also, you have to turn your heads. That way, they are no longer in your peripheral vision. rotate use that neck okay so dessert comes speaking of do you have a driver's license yet

8:13Ronnie Karam: because i saw her driving the other day in the neighborhood and i was like does she have a license because wasn't she driving without a license for years that i don't remember you don't they were like you can't drive jackson's like you can't drive britney because you don't have a license like what sorry oh god so dessert comes and they have for whatever reason their dessert has needs a candle and it's one of those sparklers that's like in a like in a metal cone and i like that she's like don't blow it out be careful and uh he's like okay so he's like well this is how i lost my first pair of boobs trying to do firework from katie perry god i love her fortunately i couldn't see out of my peripherals walked right up to a walked right up to a propane tank outside well jack was was grill it wasn't pretty it wasn't pretty thank god for the nose doctor my boobs can smell again you know how many times i've been run over in the street i'm like frogger got those peripherals It's got to work on them.

9:20So Brandon is like a frogger.

9:25Ronnie Karam: So I don't want anybody to say I can't edit myself because I can. So Brandon's like, yeah, I got these because I figured we could do something special today to celebrate me wanting to ask you if you'll be my girlfriend. Listen, I needed a sign and the signs are here. They are television cameras. Oh, also, I have to mention when they ordered the wine, he goes, I'll have the duck bill because that's from Robles and that's where I'm from. Like Robles, did he say that's from Paso Robles and that's where I'm from? Are you even really from there? I don't think you say it, Robles. Barney Robles. So, yeah, lots of red flags around this guy.

10:09And then Brittany is like, oh, he's like, well, I just want to, I want to know if you'd like to be my girlfriend. and she's like well by the way i had a hiccup but it was actually in character um she's like are you sure we're not moving too fast don't ask him that you don't have no it's not that question for him to answer you have to ask yourself that and the answer is yes so he's like

10:33Ronnie Karam: it's not the driver who says you're going too fast it's the passenger who's like you're going too fast. You are going too fast. Yes. So he's like, I think we're in a good space and I think it'd be very appropriate if we were exclusively dating and I could call you my girlfriend. I think we're on the same page. Oh, okay. Let's do it. You're so cute. Well, Zach, you really have something to say tomorrow. Just don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Okay. Why are you pitting your best friend against your boyfriend? This is the dumbest move. This is so Brittany. well hate you you better talk to him you better talk to him more zax the speed bump here zax the one oh my god i think that brandon could be like a 2026 fuck boy um which is that like i don't i think they're like a little bit more self-aware if you were to say if jacks is nightmare on elm street, Brandon could be scream, you know, like Jax was just pure horror, but Brandon's like, I'm comedy horror, right?

11:36Like he acknowledges later. He's like, no, I'm totally full of red flags. I get it. I totally understand what you're saying. He's like very meta. He's like being self-referential. He gets like, no, I can't be a fuck boy because I'm so self-aware. Right. So it's actually okay. And that's the vibe he gives. And I even, I was like, yeah, you know, this guy seems actually pretty nice. I'm like, Ben, don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it been this guy wants to be on tv so i think that he's like our new a new generation a new style of fuckboy a fuckboy who was raised watching other fuckboys and now is adjusting his behavior

12:09Ronnie Karam: accordingly yes basically like all the summer house guys they know all the pitfalls and so they try and talk their way around them it takes a couple of years you know before you can see through it. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Vanderpump Villa's back, and this season it heads to the English countryside at Rosecraft Park, a new playground for luxury, indulgence, and plenty of chaos all under the watchful eye of Lisa Vanderpump. New and returning staff, along with fan favorites, Dossie Schroeder, are living and working together They're once again serving high-end guests while navigating friendships, rivalries, and temptation behind the scenes.

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13:52Ronnie Karam: Now we go to Nia and Danny. They're getting ready for their housewarming party and Danny is dressing like a cowboy. And now he's talking like a cowboy. He's like, hey, you got a man to take care of all these kids. I mean, he kind of talks like that anyway, but he's really stressing it. Yeah. She's like, you're hilarious. He's like, you see my mountain? Mount, Mount Zuko. You know, I'm very excited for this housewarming. I've never been more happy in my life. I got so excited. I felt up the side of my house. I said, hey, bring daddy a drink. And the house said, I can't. I'm a house. Anyway, the house we got, it's a five bedroom with a yard and a pool.

14:29And it's got a sweet ash. And having the space, it's just so clean and so beautiful. It doesn't even feel real.

14:36Ronnie Karam: The theme for our housewarming party is New Frontier. because we live in the middle of nowhere. It's a new frontier. I wanted to have it be Martha Stewart prison, you know, because it's really nice and really pretty, but at the end of the day, it's still a prison. But Danny didn't want anybody wearing ponchos. He said it would be harder for him to give them squeezes through ponchos. So here we are, new frontier party. And they keep showing their neighborhood. They keep doing these drone shots in the neighborhood. It's just like one of these cookie cutter suburbia things, like pure pure just like like copy paste copy paste copy paste and i think there's just a lot of i'm glad janet didn't come you wouldn't even see her you would just see floating eyes because everything around her is base like that's a funny concept um i don't know i'm laughing because i just started playing super mario uh wonder yesterday and i'm just imagining like a super Mario wonder version of Janet where she just has her eyes floating around chasing Mario.

15:39Is that a new one? Wonder? That's not a new one. Yeah, that's a new one. There's a new Mario? Well, it came out on the Switch and then they just re-released it for Switch 2. It came out like a year, year and a half ago or so. It's like a side scroller. It's very whimsical.

15:58Ronnie Karam: I'm a side scroller guy. Okay, so yeah, they're excited for the housewarming. So she's like, come inside. We need to talk about stuff. And he's like, well, I ordered all the food, little lady. It's coming. Barbecue, tri-tip, ribs. I ordered 70 pounds of meat, and I can't wait to squeeze the fuck out all of it. Where are we going to put all this food, by the way? She's like, I'm struggling to talk to you because you won't talk to me without that accent. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you. He's like, you ever met a cowboy before? Hop on here, little lady. Take a little ride on this horse here, right?

16:32Ronnie Karam: Annie, we're not having sex right now. Come on, baby. Get right down here on the little horsey. He's like, can we just have like a normal conversation? He's like, no, you can't. No, I'm a cowboy. I'm really a cowboy. I'm actually really. I'm not dropping this, okay? You're just so pretty. She's like, you have teeth whitening strips on right now. What is she talking about? No. And she just basically goes in and pulls this whitening strip off his teeth. And he's like, now, cowboys, don't ever, don't ever touch a cowboy's whining strip. And honestly, if I were Nia, I'd be like, I'm going nuts. I'm in a suburban hell and I won't get out of a cowboy character.

17:09And I need to ask a serious question about where we're putting the sodas. She never gets an answer. Shut the fuck up.

17:14Ronnie Karam: He never answers. He just stays there and keeps smiling that stupid smile. And then she like pretends to be, you know, doubled over in laughter. I just feel bad for Nia. Like someone pick Nia up. just come get tons of kids just get a huge van and come get her you're gonna need a big one she's got a lot of kids just get them out yeah seriously um so then um then we then outside lala and lala meets brand britney and brandon at britney's house they're gonna go carpool and they're all like lala's like brit did somebody pee pee because the dog has peed in the living Oh my God, Dolly Jane. Dolly Jane, did you play in the living room?

17:54Oh my God, you're not a cool guy today. That's for sure.

17:59Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and they're like Zach, Luke, Kristen, Benji, Jasmine, and Melissa are all riding together. It's like 59 minutes late. Meanwhile, Tom. No, no, it's not that it's 59 minutes late. Oh, there's 50 minutes away. Yeah, it's 59 minutes. They have to take an hour. it's literally like going from New York City to like Brewster New York like up up there in West it is so far people you don't understand I'm so offended on behalf of everyone in this cast so Tom Schwartz arrives at the party and he's bringing like a cooler and like a big plant and he's like I really went ham for these guys wait a minute you have a neck pillow on what the heck is that you got a neck pillow So next go to sleep Do next go to sleep Michelle then shows up And she's like hello Who is ready for a two hour drive Estimated arrival time 316pm Weather is 65 degrees Mild cloudiness Overall sunny Hey Schwarz Why'd you bring a pumpkin He's like well because we started and we started in summer, but by the time we drove here, it was fall.

19:17He's like, oh, it starts, Halloween season starts September 1st. Everyone knows that. So then Zach is like, I took dysentery pills and I also have a water purifier. So no dysentery because I always died of that on the Oregon trail.

19:34Ronnie Karam: So everybody's excited to meet Brandon. He's like, yeah, I want to meet Brandon too. Like if you guys like him, that's great. But like I'm gonna like love him like that's not even the issue the issue is when Brittany gets into a relationship She doesn't like handle any other things because she's like happy in a relationship But like she's not even dealing with the other things in her life So I'm just like trying to like you know what I'm just trying to be like hey, you know what stay on track Why are you so angry calm down? He's like doing he's always bouncing when he gets mad. He's like starts like that It's like I'm gonna tell you something so then meanwhile in lala's car lala's driving and she's like so everyone's i hear that jasmine flip-flops a little bit and brina's like a little what do you mind she's like okay so i'm gonna tell you i heard that she'll like be cool to your face and then say things behind your back and then pretend not to remember these things and michelle's like i kind of noticed that and that's why i said something to you okay because like at the y2k party like michelle tells me that like what did she say, Michelle?

20:37Can you say it again, Michelle, what she said?

20:40Ronnie Karam: I do not know if she's genuine or not, but, you know, she said she did not say that. And Brandon's like, yeah, you know, well, first of all, before we even get into it, Brandon, what the fuck, Lala? Okay. Jasmine, you had a problem with Jasmine, you talked it over, and now you're gonna try and restart a problem with Jasmine for no reason at all. And who would have been this person who said that to you? Who would have? Maybe Janet. She's the only person that's not there who hasn't been there so you went and talked shit with Janet and now you're bringing Janet shit to this because Janet's not invited to the party so Janet's gonna insert her way in there through Lala like gross it's gross enough without you without having you on her back but also like Lala's Lala and Janet left that party like they squashed it they were like okay everything's fine Lala's whole premise here is oh I heard that she'll be cool to your face and then say things behind your back what are you doing right now you were exactly what you're doing and now you were literally trying to start shit talking get the whole you know car shit talking jasmine behind her back and we know you were doing that because you get mad at brandon later because brandon spills the beans yes so brandon's like well you know jasmine seems nice to me and she's always upbeat and happy when she's around me i'm like maybe she just came off the wrong way and lala's like Brandon just got here and he's already picking sides.

22:05Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Cause you're being a blatant asshole and you're getting into a car, a friend group. You're not even a part of until this season and barely. Okay. And then you're shit talking somebody else. You're an asshole. Yeah. But it's also like it is, it is a little bit of an overstep on his part though. That being said, so Michelle at all. And also he's another black man on the cast. who's like standing up for, you know, it's like he sees what Lala's doing, you know, I think. So Brandon may turn out to be a total jackass, but I'm team Brandon on this one. Like, don't start this, Lala. Don't. Terrible move.

22:48So Michelle's like, well, she put it on me. And he's like, well, it's not fair. I mean, you gotta own up to your own stuff. But like every time I've been around her, she's been like really happy and genuine. She's like, by the way, guys, I could be halfway to Palm Springs right now. This is crazy. It's like, how many freeways did we take to get here? He's like, at least three. Are we even in LA still? Are we in Ventura counties? I think we are. They're all panicking. They're like, where are we? Are we in California still?

23:18Ronnie Karam: They have an Uber helicopter from Santa Clarita back to LA, guys. Is that true? I guess so. An Uber helicopter? That's amazing. I'll move to Santa Clarita if there's an Uber helicopter. How much is it, do you think? It's probably a few hundred dollars to use it, I imagine. That sounds so fun. Let's do it. Let's go visit Danny and Nia in Santa Clarita. Yeah, yeah. I need my ass grabbed. Yeah, we can go to the cops afterwards. So Jesse and Lacey arrive to the party, and um nia's like oh wow you're very cowboy carter i love that what like lacy does not look cowboy carter i'm gonna say this right now there's nothing about lacy that looks cowboy carter but like please do not give her beyonce like can we not give lacy like some sort of beyonce cred in this situation can we not have like like indirect appropriation from what beyonce is doing.

24:21Thank you very much. Thank you.

24:23Ronnie Karam: So, and he's like, where's Jesse's boot? You look good, girl. Wait, is this the man? Because Brandon comes in with Britney, and she's like, oh, is this him? Is this the man? She's like, this is Brian here.

24:39So,

24:43Zach is like, Zach's like, oh, my God, we're finally here. This was like the longest track. This wasn't just the Oregon Trail. this was like the worst the world trail like we traveled the world to got here seriously

24:56Ronnie Karam: the santa clarita trail click on uh so they go in and uh gritson's like i honestly don't even think they get amazon here like two days deliveries to santa clarita no way

25:12yes so um so then they're just like wow is it a different time zone here do we have to adjust

25:18Ronnie Karam: our watches like what's happening here i don't care if this is like a 14 bedroom mansion with like manservants and a pool boy and like a gay club i still would not live here yeah honestly i get that i get that so they're all just like they're like getting they're getting ready and everything not getting ready but they're like getting in and everything and um they're sort milling about and Zannie is like, hey, everyone, I got cattle. I got cattle. And Michelle's like, I forget what a character you are sometimes, Zannie. Ha ha ha. You are such a character. And he's like, how's Kaya today? And Chris is like, oh my god, I'm okay now, but right before we left, she spewed everywhere.

26:03Ronnie Karam: All over Tori. It was everywhere. All over the couch. Just projectile vomiting. Everywhere.

26:12Kristen's so charming

26:14Ronnie Karam: Kristen's so charming and isn't Tori Sheena's sister oh yeah who like made out with Tom for a storyline is that or is it or not sister was that just like the nanny that I don't remember wasn't it wasn't her name Tori hold on Tori Keith is not actually Sheena Shea's sister but a close friend nanny to Sheena's daughter and a singer actress who appeared in Vanderpump Rules 11. She gained attention from being involved in a love triangle with Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney. She's a friend of Sheena's actual sister, Courtney. Okay, there we go. I knew there was sister there somewhere. Okay, so Danny's like, hey guys, I got cattle.

27:00Ronnie Karam: Oh, you already said that part. Okay, so Brittany's like, hey guys, this is Brandon. Let's go back to Brandon. We went to a place the other night that ate the head things called tibles.

27:13Here's the craziest thing. I know they took like these dresses and they put them on top of the tables. Those are called tablecloths. Oh, okay. That makes more sense.

27:21Ronnie Karam: We were eating and they gave us these big like metal poles to stick things with to put in our mouth. I was like, guess what? God gave me hands.

27:36It was real fun. You know, it was really good. Okay. Okay. Hi, Zach. Okay. I want you and Brandon just to talk. I got you on a drink. You guys can talk together now. Okay. Okay. Have your shot. Okay. We're going to go outside and watch you.

27:51Ronnie Karam: We're going to go outside and watch you. Good luck, Brandon. Talk to Zach. Don't beat him up. You'll be fine, Zach. So Zach is like, I want you to know that like, I'm like very protective and like, and not even if like, if there was like red flags so much, but it's like, but there are, there are red flags. hey, I got it, bro. I have three kids. I have an ex. I am a walking red flag, so that should un-red flag me because I know about my red flags. Okay, great. Got it. And two baby mama. Don't forget that. And he's like, okay, I get it. I get it. There's red flags. Okay, I get it. Six. There are six red flags.

28:25Ronnie Karam: Six flags. It's a fun place. It's a fun place. Roller coaster. That's great. And Brittany's watching from outside. It's like, Brendan's in there talking to Zach. Mama's like, yeah, well, they're like in the way of the cheese and I'm getting a little bit pissed off. Well, I wanted to hear what they are talking about. Whoa, what do you think? What do you think about Brandon, guys? You're like, what do you actually think? And Michelle goes, obviously he's like smart. You guys have a lot in common, except maybe the smart part. And I feel like you'll need somebody like that. And Lala says, yeah, I think that he likes you more than you like him.

29:02Ronnie Karam: And that's what she wants. So then Luke walks up to Zach and Brandon while they're talking. and Brandon's like, yeah, you know, listen, I get the protective friend thing. You know, that's fine. We can have a conversation, get to know each other and like I have Brittany's best interest in mind, you know? And I did ask her out last night. So guess what? She's my girlfriend now. I'll suck on that one. One of Brittany's biggest weaknesses is she's very susceptible to being love bombed and she will open her heart up to literally anyone and I want her to stop opening her heart up and just open her legs because it's a lot more fun that way.

29:36and Zach's like, yeah, could you guys just like take it slow? He's like, yeah, but we're on the same page. He's like, yeah, but she's so fragile in this state of mind. I just like, I want her to have fun, okay? He's like, well, the wrong person could come along and really manipulate that, but that's not me. I'm absolutely not going to manipulate her whatsoever. Yeah, I'm from Rubbles. You've got nothing to worry about, okay?

29:57Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but you know what? Thank you. That's all I wanted to say. He's like, I get it. I get it. Couple baby mamas, street kids, red flags, fun times. It's fine. Well, starting this friendship, you know what? Okay, then I'm glad you and Brittany are together. Okay? And he goes, yeah, you were the final boss. And he goes, and you defeated me. Just kidding. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Not yet. Not yet. There's a secret other final boss. And that's going to be me when I get drunk. So then Michelle and Lala are talking outside. And Lala's like, the barbecue's, oh my God, look at this. Like, this barbecue's on such a flimsy plate.

30:31Michelle's like, I know. Usually you need two hands. And she's like, yeah, because I get down and dirty with my barbecue. Me too. And then like Lala just sticks this rib in her mouth and just eats it very suggestively while Michelle just watches. It's so random.

30:46Ronnie Karam: This show, I was like, wow, what is production thinking this season? Do you think they're like, what the fuck, you guys? We have to do something. We have a five minute scene of Lala eating chicken. Yeah, seriously. Because the camera just like stares at her while she's eating the chicken. And then it just goes, blink. We have nothing else. I'm sorry. Okay, we had to fill 43 minutes.

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32:37Ronnie Karam: So now Luke is talking to Danny by the bar, and Luke's like, can I have a talk with you about some serious business? He's like, as long as the business is cattle, ranch, and brother man, okay? I'm a cowboy. and then meanwhile inside britney's like so zach what do you think about brandon and he's like well one of the things you said was like you were not gonna do the boyfriend girlfriend thing and but like now you're like we're official now and he's like oh my god he told you i was like um okay oh it's not like i'm gonna get engaged we're married just kidding we're engaged guys we're engaged. We're engaged.

33:21Ronnie Karam: You're like colorblind when it comes to flags, okay? I'm just saying it. She's like, well, what flags does he got? Come on, tell me. What are his flags? He's like, um, love bombing, baby mamas, children, those sort of things. So, Mia walks by Danny and Luke, and she's like, um, I've been really trying hard to get her on bottles, but it's not successful. He's like, oh, you're the best, best cowgirl in all the West, West of the Mississippi. Go get on it. Try harder. You know, if at first you don't succeed, complain less and less. Okay? Yeah, that's what little ladies do. So Luke is like, well, I don't want to distract you with the fact that I'm showing my bare chest right now because Luke, for some reason, is the only one at this entire party who has his shirt open.

34:10His pale torso gleaming through. So he's like, so I talked to Jason yesterday. Well, there are some things that he'd like to apologize to you for, but if you're open to a group setting, I was like thinking it could be like me, Jesse Schwartz, Cigar Lounge, you, you know, things like that. You open to that? He's like, ah, that's rough because I've never had anybody in my entire life do what him and Janet did to me, did to us. And Luke is like, yeah, well, he said he would be weird for him to reach out to you, which seemed a little odd to me because, you know, like a simple text would have gone a long way.

34:44Anyway, I'm like, you're being a great mediator, Luke. Real great. So anyway, he's like, but like, I don't know, things may have gone too far, so what do you think? I don't know. They've had a year to do this show. I don't know. I feel like they've had their chances, partner. I don't know.

35:00Ronnie Karam: He's also doing, I think this is another producer thing, A, because he's Luke and nobody cares what Luke thinks, but it's also a very Lala thing like she did last week, which is, hey, he wants to apologize. do you want to get together so we can apologize to you he's really open to apologizing when that is not the case stop everybody stopped they're like trying to trick each other into apologizing and um he's like they had their chances and now guess what they're not getting ribs they're not gonna get me and now it's suddenly so important for you to give jason this kind of opportunity to do this when you know how i feel you know if you were my real he's telling us this if you were my real friend like you know i feel we are you wouldn't be hanging out with jason at all hey call me a clown so then danny is like for me personally i had to like already forgive them because i'm such a loyal person like i don't have friends i have like brothers and we shared a lot of good times together like when we took that juggling class or how to cram a lot of people inside a small car or like how to put on white makeup and things like damn it maybe i really am a clown.

36:08Jeez. Didn't think about that.

36:10Ronnie Karam: I was thinking about this while I was juggling bananas outside in the backyard. You know, this year, I just wanted to cut anything off that was just toxic, you know? So I'm taking my energy away from him. And that takes energy away from my family. And I'm blessed, you know, and I want to keep that joy. I want to, you know, you got to protect your joy, protect your peace, protect this cul-de-sac. Look, tomorrow night, I'd like to have my friends together. Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's hard to control this one wheeled bicycle. Hold on. Okay. Okay. I'm back at you. I'm back at you.

36:44Is he your friend? Cause if he had done to you what he did to me, he would not be my friend. Think about that. Uh, that was, sorry. That was like a hypothetical and some double negatives. So I'm like, just, I don't know if I can agree to that cause I can't follow it. Okay. Well, let me think about it. Cause it's something I just can't say right now that I would do. So, hmm, I'm going to think. And the way that my thinking takes its form is I'm just going to go and rub someone's pretty little ass. Okay, come to daddy. Help him think. Yeah, there we go.

37:15Ronnie Karam: I just want to finish this off by having you squeeze this flower on my chest. Sorry, bro. We fell for it. Fall for it every time. Now, excuse me, but there is a very angry bull that I have to distract away from someone who's lying on the ground.

37:34Ronnie Karam: hold on before i go pull this uh pull this handkerchief from my wrist oh there's another one oh what how do i get three handkerchiefs in it 20 handkerchiefs wow so luke's like hey can we get two chilled shots um by the way small mouths are a different beast than large mouths like the way they bite small mouths go and take off like saltwater fish do you agree with that situation what are they talking about fish are they talking about fishing now i have no maybe i have no idea danny goes a hundred percent what are you saying so then uh danny someone goes like hey you guys doing shots and he goes i'm gonna have a mocktail you hear that america this clown is having a mocktail so i don't have a problem everyone so now jesse and michelle are talking and um jesse's like um yeah i have to look into it but some of the parents of her school members of the tennis club up the street and um we should look into that she's like okay good dude on to you so brandon is with jasmine trying to piece the he's okay so brandon the new jacks just walks straight up to jasmine and is like hey um so let's talk shit about people at the party so jesse and Michelle their ex is right what is it and Jasmine's like yeah and the girlfriend is right here so she's standing there too and he's like oh okay okay so I'm still learning so their ex is this is the new girlfriend and wait what is it Jasmine's like well I did tell Jesse that Michelle called him a showman so and which I don't remember by the way I don't remember Michelle saying that Jesse was a showman in that conversation I don't even care I'm not going back No, but then, yeah, the way that it was twisted later, she didn't say that in the original conversation, but then when she was twisting it, she did say that.

39:27Ronnie Karam: It's also stupid. So Jasmine's like, that's why I said the thing about Lala. Like, Lala wouldn't be friends with me. And she went and repeated that to her. And I was like, why would you repeat that? And, like, I know that they were talking about it in the car. And Brandon's like, hmm, yeah, Lala was like, what's the issue? What's the problem? Because, like, so Lala didn't have an issue? Because Lala was kind of taken back by, you know, you. And Jasmine's like, oh, so now they're trying to say I'm fake or something. Michelle did. He's like, yeah, Michelle wasn't really trying to force the issue, but she was just like, this is what was said.

39:57And Jasmine's like, but Michelle doesn't understand. Like, I mean, like street, like how are you talking about something? And so Lacey goes, um, I'm on a healing journey with her. So I have to play dumb. So I'll be your shotgun baby. Gonna lead the conversation. I have a couple of Carter over here.

40:13Ronnie Karam: Jasmine's like, no, no, no. Look, I appreciate you telling me that. Like, I appreciate that because that's like what Brittany wouldn't tell me. And she's like, oh, my God. Like, you know, like every time we're like besties, you know. And Brad's like, why don't you just go talk to her? Okay. I've lit the fire. So now carry the fire and go have the fight. That's what Brittany told me I'm supposed to do. There you go. I've now produced. Go enjoy the world. Nailed it. Yes. So Jasmine pulls Brittany to the talk. And Jasmine's like, um, Michelle is so fucking dumb. She doesn't have street smarts. and Michelle's like, what are we talking about?

40:47She's like, you. Oh, wait, wait. No, no. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Me? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill. Look, they got one of those things that the restaurant has. Look over there. Is that one of those cool things that has, like, the little snowflakes inside? Salt shaker. Yeah, yeah. Okay, what are you guys talking about?

41:07Ronnie Karam: No, no, no. Look, I had a conversation with Brandon and Brandon was telling me that you were in the car and you were saying that I was fake. She's like, I did not say you were vague okay but lala said she was fake and you agreed no britney's like wait britain said that brandon god he's good he didn't take much training at all so britney is like she goes off to find brandon and then jasmine's like i mean i met you and i understood who you are and all the stuff and i was like thank you brandon like this is like a lot so britney's like i know brandon's just a social butterfly but he is social butterfly just a little bit too much here like like you did i I tell all my friends or what another friend said.

41:43Like, Jax loves to stir the pot and gossip. This is not okay. Thankfully, no red flags for this man.

41:49Ronnie Karam: So now Brittany brings Brandon over. And Jasmine's like, yeah, yeah. He said he had my back in the car. And I'm like, why would you have to have my back then? Like, if people weren't talking about me. And he said, look, I said I've met Jasmine and I love her. And she's always been nice to me. And Jasmine's like, yeah, because they were talking about me, right? And he goes, no, no, they weren't talking about you. Yes, they were. Don't go back on it now, you wuss. yeah and michelle's like well i feel like you are trying to enact me for no reason she's really really coming out with the microaggressions this episode jasmine's like no because he's saying that you were saying some stuff in the car wait no no no i don't think he did i don't know he's you're jumping you're like jumping like i'm not talking shit about you like at all and jasmine goes because i'm having a stranger tell me that you were so zach says sometimes jasmine doesn't understand what's fully being said and she'll take something and run with it, you know?

42:38So Zach is like, I will say sometimes, Jaws, you do need to listen to the full. She's like, um, I get that, but Zach, if a random person is saying this stuff and Brandon's like, whoa, not random. She's my girlfriend. Girlfriend! I'm in the cast now, guys.

42:54Ronnie Karam: Okay, you know what? Let's shut this down. Lala, please tell me what happened in the car. And she's like, um, I brought it up because I've heard that you'll do this thing where you'll, like, be cool to someone's face and then you'll kind of, like, talk shit behind their back sometimes and like flip-flop and i want to know like is that true like do i need to worry about jasmine talking shit because brit said i've never had that experience with her and brit's like i've never had that experience at all jasmine's like it's kind of like what brandon said so lala's like um you're in my car like the safe space the bubble you go and tell the enemy oh what we were talking about you're a fucking rat i'm like okay so i mean i know that lala was being hyperbolic, but you're still calling Jasmine the enemy.

43:37But you're the only reason why she's the quote unquote enemy is because you said that she's nice to your face than talk shit behind her back. But you're literally calling her the enemy behind her back.

43:46Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Okay. Let's let us so far what we know from this episode. Jasmine makes a comment. Michelle goes and runs to tattletale to Lala. Lala fixes it with Jasmine. Everything's supposed to be good. Lala leaves there, calls janet starts some more shit about how jasmine just is a fake and talks behind everybody's back then she tells everybody in the car to turn everybody against jasmine jasmine finds out gets upset and then lala calls her a fake and an enemy and a rat when you were the one who ran to jas to janet so i yeah lala you know what's why why why lala why i want to say something if you don't believe the universe is all connected there's someone there's i only know one person one person who lives in santa clarita she also generally speaking drives me nuts i have to say i'm just gonna say it she doesn't listen to podcast so i feel safe saying it she drives me nuts she just messaged me for the first time in like a year and a half like talking about awful people in santa clarita made this happen i'm telling you this right now i just got a message from Santa Clarita people during the Santa Clarita focused episode of Awful People.

45:00Oh my God. What'd she say? I don't want to, I don't know. I don't want to open it. I don't want to open it. I just don't. Cause it says need, the subject says need some help. And I'm like, oh my God. I don't want to get roped in. She's the type of person that you give her an inch, she takes like a mile. Like, oh, I don't want to do this. So I'm not going to.

45:20Ronnie Karam: The only emails I open that have that headliner from Planned Parenthood. I'm like, okay, you okay because like we're friends now because i donated a few years ago and so now i just get emails from them all the time like hey girl what's up like i've become friends of planned parenthood the person i i um but i'll tell you they always need shit they're never just like how are you doing ronnie they're always like hey guess what we're in trouble i'm like okay let me tell you something uh over the weekend i needed to print some labels and i needed to like download a label template from the company Avery.

45:57Whoa, Avery, because Avery does all the labels. And I needed to get an Avery template so that way I could print on the label paper, okay? So in order to download the - You look like an old envelope. I look like a young envelope. Well, please welcome my sister slash best friend, a label from Avery. And in order to download the template, like I needed the template and you have to like enter in your email email and then there's a box that says would you like to receive marketing emails from Avery like oh yes I would you know what I would love I would love some marketing emails from Avery so of course I made sure it was not clicked and I was like I know these fuckers are gonna still send me the shit it's not clicked I press submit I get my template and every day since then it's like here's what's new with Avery I'm like there's nothing new with Avery you're just labels you're nothing there's no there's no there's nothing new what can you tell what happened in the past two days that were like innovated at lavery stop it stop sending me these things i didn't even ask for it i've unsubscribed like five times avery yeah they're not gonna have it i'm so mad see i'm triggered because i got that message from santa clarita now i'm on one

47:04Ronnie Karam: and that girl in santa clarita is like i need help and i have to email the guy who talks about labels oh god you guys she's like can you print out some labels for me and i'm like i won't look I won't look. I won't look. Okay, so back to this Jasmine argument. She's like, well, Lala, we haven't been close in a long time, and I think you feel the same way. It's like we're keeping an eye on each other. We don't know. We're just feeling it out. It's been a while, and I feel like you're trying to step on it and ruin it. And Michelle's like, but I did not step on it. And Lala's like, yeah, she wasn't trying to step on it.

47:36Ronnie Karam: I think she was just trying to be protective of me, and I very much appreciate it. why can't you just say I was talking shit about you in the car? Cause the other night kind of offended me. And I left thinking like, well, since when doesn't Jasmine like me? So yeah, I talked about it. And then Michelle just commented. Well, Ronnie, but Lala's the realest of the real. She's been real out of the womb. So why are you even questioning her right now? Being so real that she said something behind Jasmine's back and is not fessing up to it. Yeah. So Jasmine's like, but you just said, Brandon, she was talking shit about you.

48:07Ronnie Karam: And he's like, no, no, no. I said it's not like she was talking shit. Brandon, you're a damn liar now. And she was talking shit. So you're useless. You came in useful for a second and now you're useless. Lala was actually prodding other people to do the shit talking so that way she couldn't be dinged for talking shit. She was like, so what's this I hear about Jasmine to goad other people? So then Jasmine What's this I hear about Jasmine being a fake bitch? Okay. Discuss. Just as a topic. Just as a topic for discussion. So Jasmine Jasmine just is like, this is so fucking dumb. And Michelle's like, she's so feisty.

48:43And Zach's like, she's not listening. She's not listening to me. Zach, I need you to stop for like two seconds, please. And Lala's like, oh, now you're in trouble. So Jasmine's like, Zach's coming in here all hot, trying to tell me to calm down and be quiet. It's like not helpful right now. And if you knew what was going on, you'd probably be quiet and have my back.

49:00Ronnie Karam: So Zach's like, Jasmine doesn't even mean what she's saying. She's just not thinking. Well, she keeps getting triggered and I do not know why. Like I'm not drawing divide with her. So Jasmine and Melissa go like, go to the garage or something to talk. And Jasmine's like, oh my God, he made it seem like Michelle was the bad guy. Like that doesn't even make sense to me. And Melissa's like, don't say anything else. Just go in there and drink and have fun. Okay. Let's just not argue. She's like, I just hate that Zach's like, you all need to be quiet. Like shut the fuck up. So Brittany's like, let me just say that to my friends.

49:30Like not you, Brandon. Like, and she's basically telling Brandon, like you don't, you don't, this is my era. Don't worry about it. And he's like, but it happened in regular conversations. He's like, no, but that was like a big thing, you know, social butterfly and stuff. I definitely worry that this is going to affect the way my friends think about him. And I'm going to try to be like, hold on. But like, goodness, I don't really love it. It's terrible. Anyway, I'm going to say committed to him.

49:53Ronnie Karam: Yeah. I mean, Brittany, this is totally a you and Jack's move. So for you to act like, oh, whoops, won't he do that? I mean, you've been doing this for years. So you've been tag teaming people for years and then acting like, oh, what? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know what? That's the end of the episode. So thanks everyone for being here. Fun times, fun times in Santa Clarita. Now I'm going to go face the email from my Santa Clarita frenemy. And... That's the worst. And we will all talk to you later for some Southern hospitality. Bye everyone. Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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