#3346 RHOA S17E05 Part One: Texas Read ‘Em

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2:31Ben Mandelker: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker and joining me today to talk about real housewives of atlanta it's ronnie carom hi ronnie how's it going hi what's he doing just hanging out with you starting off a brand new week we're so excited we added a third show to our cabaret lineup it's watch what crappens uh watch what craps like green room at the green room 42 for forbidden and Housewives. It's going to be on June 3rd, June 5th. June 3rd is sold out. June 5th, the early show sold out, but we added a late show.

3:09Ben Mandelker: So go to our website or go check out our social media and ticket links are there. Get your tickets before those sell out too. Also, New York City. Also, you can buy live stream tickets for each three of the shows. You can get those at the same link. Just go to our website and you'll see the link there. Yes, and Ronnie himself just wrote another read what crappens that's available on patreon it's free for all the most important literature of our times if you're not reading that that is very important literature get on it yeah yeah get into it get into it um and uh today we have amazon live and And that's at 1.30 West Coast time.

3:56Ben Mandelker: And we have a crappy hour at 5.30 West Coast time, 8.30 East Coast time. So join us for those because we will be talking about a lot of fun stuff on both. And then patreon.com slash watch what crappens for all the other Patreon. Great stuff. So today, Atlanta. Atlanta. Whoa. Well, you know, this episode was so interesting because almost all of it was, in my mind, terrible. And then all of a sudden it, like, comes to life in the last 10 minutes and, like, was amazing. I don't know how an episode could be so terrible and so amazing all at once. It's bizarre. I enjoyed it. I mean, I enjoyed it. Oh, God.

4:42Ben Mandelker: No, I was going to say, it's clear they didn't have enough. The big showdown between Angela and Pinky was obviously the set piece. That's the climax. So they have to put that at the end of the episode. But they just didn't have enough leading up to it. So they just were trying to make all these scenes stretch in my mind. And I was like, can we just get to the good stuff? Let's make this a 10-minute episode. Yeah, I think that they were sticking a little much to their guns with their reboot last year. their soft reboot that they did. And I think that they should have not just kept everybody. I think that that should have been a big audition session and they should have said, okay, you work, you work.

5:24The rest of you don't work. Thank you. Have a good day. And cut people because Shamia, it's just not working. Shamia, I'm so sorry. Kelly, Kelly's kind of funny, but Shamia, I don't know. They're trying too hard. And what I really liked about this episode was it showed the difference between good, good housewivery and bad house you have shamia and you have kelly trying to make this huge thing about oh we just got the pool house and oh we're not even gonna go to dinner and like doing this whole thing nobody cared nobody cared that you weren't there not the audience did not care that you weren't there and then you made such a boneheaded decision over such a stupid meaningless thing that you missed the best scene of the the season while you were out by the pool and then they had to come slinking up because they heard it and they heard that it was good and they came slinking right back so they could be a part of it and i just thought that was so funny and it was so rich well done angela and pinky even i mean pinky you know it was her first it was her first big go so i'll give her a break but god damn that scene was funny that was it was amazing i mean it was

6:31Ben Mandelker: i was laughing out loud i mean think he had a few good shots in there too uh but really it was angela When you resort to age and menopause and blah, blah. Like, girl, you're 38. You're close. You're in the neighborhood. You know what I mean? That's low. And I mean my neighborhood. Not that I'm going through menopause. I just mean age happens. It happens to all of us, darling. So when you have to resort to that. Now, the poor stuff was fine. Yeah. I mean, I thought when she said something like I – when Angela was like, you owe your employees money. She goes, I owe you a new lace front. That was funny to me.

7:12Ben Mandelker: Yeah, that's funny. The age stuff. Yeah, Angela was the one who just dominated that. It was so funny. It was so chunky. It really was like it went on and on and on and on. And it just was hilarious. I think what I don't need for the show is to joke the joke in the sense that it's already funny what's happening on screen. We don't need to cut away to hear Phaedra tell us how funny it is. Or, you know, like it was funny when Portia dropped her cup. Like that was good. But I felt like this episode today was a lot of winking at the audience. Like right from the beginning, right from this like Dallas intro that they did, which is the same thing that they did, I think, on Real Housewives of Dallas when they went to the JR Ranch.

7:54Ben Mandelker: And like, I was like, okay, I'll let them have like a goofy opening, even though I didn't love it. It's just an opening, a cold open. But it really like the whole episode, they just had to resort to a lot of flashbacks. It was like a clip show. And so I was like, okay, you guys don't have enough footage. And I think this is what happens when something really exciting happens too early in their shooting schedule. They have to make the other stuff like stretch for the whole episode. And it was, I don't know. I just want better for the show. I want better. And by the way, and I also want to say, I totally agree about Shamia and Kelly in case I didn't reference that.

8:29Ben Mandelker: To acknowledge what you just said, Yes, 100%. Shamia is really just flopping more than Kelly even. Yeah, I mean, Kelly has her funny moments, but Shamia really doesn't to me. And not to be a hater, because I like Shamia. I'm rooting for her, but it's like how many years do you have to root before you just have to say, okay, I need a better player to root for. She just seems like a tryhard. She's just trying. I think she thinks she's so funny all the time. And listen, I get it. I get it. Look, I'm laughing at my own joke right now. But she really does think she's funny. And she'll do these bits in the confessional that just seem to go on a little too long and are a little too obviously scripted, a little too obviously winky-winky.

9:16Ben Mandelker: Like, aren't I being hilarious right now? Do you want to put me into a gif right now? And it's like, oh, Shamia. You shouldn't be working this hard to do this. Oh, gifless, gifless Shamia. Okay, so we start with some corny sitcom music to intro. It's like 80s. And then we see Cynthia Phaedra and special guest star Adrian Maloof because it is a dynasty episode. I'm about to say, excuse you. It's not sitcom intro. I know in our notes it says sitcom, but you know what? I think this is a young person who wrote these. A young person. They're like, what? It's like half of this cast is like, what's dynasty?

9:53What is that?

9:55Ben Mandelker: I know. but it was sort of funny because it was a little bit of mixed messaging it was like the theme is dynasty but we're gonna have a dallas intro and it's gonna be dallas but it's gonna be dynasty also i'm like i understand they're just doing the cbs um you know nighttime soaps of the 80s um but it just was like funny that there was all this talk about dynasty but they were really going to dallas i was like something can we stay consistent with one it's like did they not know that dallas was a soap opera i'm confused because they're like We're going to Dallas, so we're going to do a big nighttime soap opera from the 80s dynasty.

10:30Ben Mandelker: Well, I know, especially since yesterday apparently was the 35th anniversary of the Dallas finale that just popped up on Twitter. For some reason, I think I've talked about 80s sitcoms enough on this podcast that my Twitter algorithm is now just serving me random 80s sitcom factoids, which is why I'm now reporting every single time. It's the anniversary of some shows, you know, series finale. I'm like, did you know that Empty Nest aired it's episode 133? Because I'm getting Empty Nest facts on my Twitter now. And that's not even a joke. Well, just you wait. Because at some point this week, you're going to be able to talk about Alf.

11:09I feel it coming. I hope that for you. I wish that for you. So we see this soap opera. What?

11:19Ben Mandelker: It's Adrian Maloof. Alf. She does have Alf in her name. We went straight from an Alf reference into Adrian Maloof. Watch your cats. Watch out for your cats. Adrian Maloof is back. Why is Adrian Maloof here? I mean, I don't know. But whatever you guys need to do. I feel like Adrian Maloof goes up to every person. Because, you know, she has a big Christmas party like Kathy Hilton does. And so she invites tons of Bravo people. And so she still stays within that world. You know, she knows a ton of housewives and stuff. And I feel like she has gone up to every single person and been like, you want a liquor?

12:01You want a liquor with my company? We have a great company. We have lots of liquor. I don't know if you've ever heard of Zing, but that was mine. That was my liquor. It's very popular. Very popular red velvet cake flavored vodka with a light. That was an LED light in the bottom.

12:18Ben Mandelker: Zing. Oh, my God. You mentioned the LED light, but I forgot that it was called Zing. It was really called Zing? I looked it up. It was called Zing. Yeah, and it was a red velvet cake flavored vodka. I mean, nobody needs that. I mean, even the red velvet flavored cake is a tough sell to some people. It's like the cilantro of cakes. Some people are like, ooh, red velvet cake. It tastes like soap. Yeah. It's like you were born with that gene. gene you're born with a shitty gene that just makes things taste like soap i don't know what to tell you cake is cake just eat the cake but anyway the point is it was a failure and she's still like going over and and using that to get people to be her friend i think cynthia's the only person who said yes though in all these years so i don't know who'd have thought of all the franchises that indra maloof would would pop up on again it would be here on atlanta i thought it would be miami for sure i thought she would just like show up at one of like alexia's events or something like that.

13:17Ben Mandelker: But no, she's here out of nowhere. So we see this scene where Cynthia, Phaedra, and Adrian Maloof are talking. And basically Cynthia and Adrian are talking about this tequila. They're doing an infomercial and Cynthia is doing a, you know, she's like, oh, maybe we should go on a trip. And all Phaedra is doing this entire scene is just giggling on the sides. Like she just repeats the last word that someone says and giggles. So they're like, oh i love this tequila it reminds me of going on vacation oh vacation she's just like a little puppet on the side like a little muppet but this whole thing was like it was like uh it was all filmed kind of like in a previously on dallas filter kind of vibe but it was like it went on a little bit too long and i was like what i was like i think we got a bravo we get it like the opening credits were cute but Like, do we have to have our previously is also in this like went on a long time, a long time.

14:15It was pretty funny that they were trying to sell us on tequila. They were giving an infomercial like, well, you know, tequila, vodka is the number one alcohol in the world. I've done my research and, you know, tequila is number two. But, you know, we think that tequila will be number one. So we're going to go with tequila. OK, so we get a lesson on tequila versus vodka. and she's been invited to join the tequila commissario family. She's so ready to shoot my tequila shots. So ready.

14:50Ben Mandelker: She goes, get it? Shots. And Cynthia says, the theme of my trip is to merge Dallas and Dynasty into one. You guys remember the old hit soap opera from back in the day? I hope that we have some amazing time on the trip because we actually need to stop tripping and have some fun. so she is just gonna I guess like not slam Cynthia's lines are now just being written by the watch what happens live people yeah seriously it's time to stop tripping and go on a trip but we don't trip on the trip unless we fall then somebody trips can we do that again can we tighten that up and I will say that so Diane Carroll was on Dynasty and I will say this weekend I got a lot of updates that it was like the 40th anniversary of Diane Carroll joining the show.

15:44Ben Mandelker: Like I'm telling you, I'm getting so many random factoids about TV right now. And the fact that they all actually seem to be connected to this episode of Atlanta is kind of wild. But yeah, there was some anniversary of Diane Carroll joining dynasty this weekend. Wow. Yeah. I'm up on everything. I love that for her. Dominique Devereaux. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial Lately I've been more intentional about what I wear day to day And I'm leaning into pieces that feel easy and comfortable But still put together It just makes getting dressed simpler Quince has been my go-to The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are clean And everything just works without needing to overthink it Quince has all the wardrobe staples for spring Think 100 % European linen shorts and shirts from$34 Lightweight, breathable, and comfortable, but still look put together and clean in 100 % Pima cotton tees with a softness that has to be felt, Ronnie.

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19:01Ben Mandelker: Go to cachava.com and use code CRAPPINS for 15 % off your first order. That's cachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com. Code CRAPPINS. So Cynthia, they're talking about how they're going to take this group trip to celebrate tequila. taking over is number one in the world. And Pinky is saying this is going to celebrate their issues or they're going to deal with their issues in Dallas. And Adrienne's like, I want all the updates. And so Phaedra gossips with her. She's like, now, Pinky, she's a different bird now. Oh, yeah. You know, she's bankrupt. I mean, who cares? Do you have some money in your bank account?

19:44That's what I need to know. That's what I need to know. I don't care about your veganism. Have you talked to Portia? And Cynthia's like, no, no. And so we see that Portia is mad at Kelly about their whole thing. They're just updating us on all the fights, basically. And Cynthia's like, what is this? And Adrian's like, this is black cherry margarita flavored. And Phaedra says, that sounds like my vagina.

20:10Ben Mandelker: And then they toast. By the way, I don't know if I want black cherry tequila, but it's good to see that after all these years, Adrian Malouf is still pushing the boundaries of what sort of flavors we can have in our spirits. We don't want that. We don't want, nobody wants black cherry flavored tequila. I've never heard of that. That's crazy. Okay. Well, I guess she was saying margarita, but still. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. Maybe the tequila is just normal tequila. It's just a black cherry flavor in them. I don't want that in my margarita either. Let's just, let's just, Adrian Malouf, I think you need to simmer down these flavor combinations.

20:44Ben Mandelker: Just let the classics do their thing. Yeah. So Dallas trip day one, everybody comes to the airport and some are dressed very theme-y and some aren't. They all look crazy. So I don't think anybody really Googled this. yeah and also did they have to be on theme for the flight cause maybe some of them have the stuff for like the party but not for the flight cause some are like you know Phaedra is definitely in the Dallas look she has like big hair right like it's big sort of swooping 80s hair but then like Shamia's wearing a tennis outfit so Phaedra's like think of Diane Carroll, Dominique Devereaux Morgan Fairchild by the looks of it either they've seen dynasty or they just don't understand the assignment by the way i don't need phadra to tell me to think of morgan fairchild thank you very much i will do that on my own all the time really big morgan fairchild stand over there how could you not be so um they asked me if she's ever seen dynasty and she's like no and they said you don't know who Dominique Devereaux is.

21:57And she's like, well, I mean, I Googled it once she sent that. So no, still no. So the producer's like, did Cynthia convey to you that she wanted you all to dress up as if you were on Dynasty, Angela? And she's like, oh, that makes sense why Portia had on what she had on. I didn't understand why she was dressed like that. I did not get the memo.

22:22Ben Mandelker: And the memo actually is a text that says, like a preparer Cynthia saying like the last night of the trip is tequila dynasty gala so think big bold colorful and beautiful dynasty Dallas and Falcon Crest so Knott's Landing short shrift there nothing for Knott's Landing put the knot in Knott's Landing but like it's supposed to be for the last night of the trip so why would you come dress like Falcon Crest on the airplane that's really taking it to an extreme yeah the full-on shoulder pads on the airplane portia really did commit to that so um now they're cheersing to k michelle's first girls trip um what are you thinking of k michelle so far i think it's been enough episodes to have uh a more solid opinion we're on episode five how you feeling uh i really like her a lot i think she's really good i was actually a little sad that she kind of removed herself from the fray all because of a glam squad issue that's like shitty I think that's a bit of a failure I don't think you should actually really be allowed to do that on these shows I think the glam squads first of all glam squads are the downfall in fact actually our lovely friends at Two Judgy Girls just tweeted out the same thing that glam squads will be the downfall of housewives and I've always felt that way so I don't like that she removed herself from a lot of the action but I do enjoy her overall Like, I think she has a magnetism that I think is really good.

23:54Ben Mandelker: What about you? She needs to get in there. What's she doing? She's like on her own show and she needs to get in. She needs to get in there. I don't mean like necessarily fight with everybody because that she's she is trying to do that, which seems maybe a little trying hard to find a fight. But I don't know. I think she's really funny, but she's more of a confessional. She's more of a confessional creature, you know, like she's funnier in the confessionals, but she doesn't really want to be. around the cast, which I don't blame her. But if you're above it, then don't do it. But if you're going to do it, show up.

24:28Don't go to your room because you don't have makeup. Although I did laugh when she was like, I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't even color in the lines. I'm going to color my face. But, yeah. Come on. Yeah, but I agree. Get in the mix. Yeah, come on. Play. If you're going to be here, play. It's like going to game night and then just sitting in the other room, you know? Yeah.

24:47Ben Mandelker: She's obviously very insecure about her appearance, right? Like she already was talking about her butt and she's like, I already have this amazing butt, but I felt like I needed, needed to do more. And now I have this issue. And now she's like, I can't, I don't even want to go to dinner without my glam on. And I understand like, you know, you know, being you're on TV, your personality, you're trying to sell yourself in the, in a whole other industry in terms of country music. So you're like, you care about how you look, but I also feel like ultimately like she's a beautiful woman. and like like yes i know she wanted to have her glam but like you wound up on camera anyway so get in there well yeah i mean everyone's insecure about their looks it's real housewives i mean it keeps the med spa industry in business so that's natural but you still have to go to work you know so um pinky is saying this is her first time on a girl's trip ever and she has a masculine energy for a woman.

25:43So she doesn't know how she's going to do on this. So then K. Michelle is saying I'm terrified to be traveling with women for the first time. Bunch of hormones, cattiness, bunch of you did this in the year 2006. But I'm here, ready to be open-minded, get to know all these ladies. Aren't you still crying about stuff that happened to you in 2006 on a different show?

26:05Ben Mandelker: Yeah. She's like, yeah, I'm really excited to get to know all these ladies, assuming that I have the glam to do it. Otherwise... you know i'm not seeing any of them i'm at it so they get on the plane well let me tell you one one thing or two things that are going to be extremely safe on this trip with k michelle are her nipples they are not going if somebody shoots directly into her nipples the the bullets are going to fly off she's wearing like two little metal covers on her nipple she's got like two satellite dishes that are just facing inwards yeah i love that she's she's like trying to get So near any open sockets.

26:44Ben Mandelker: Trying to get a signal from her memories. So they get on this private jet. And of course, before they take off, Pinky is like, can I gather everyone around? Can I gather everyone around? And she starts like doing a prayer. And everyone's like, okay, sure. This is great. And then the prayer just goes and goes and goes. And it's like one of those performative prayers where it's like, at a certain point, are you really praying? Or are you just demonstrating that you are capable of prayer? Because they're all like, this is taking so long. And my favorite, my favorite, like visual representation that this was taking forever was at one point they just sort of like showed a worker going back inside from the tarmac, just going back into the airport.

27:21Ben Mandelker: It was such a random cutaway shot. But like I said, I just said everything. I love they're like, let's put the person in going back inside. They're so bored. They don't even want to look at the jet anymore from the tarmac. They just want to go inside and get a snack. Yeah. And there's always that prayer person that has to do all the prayers. And it is kind of performative. If my dad is the prayer person, oh, my God, everything we do, it's like, okay, everybody, let's hold hands and say the prayer. And it's like, oh, my God, your dad's so sweet. And then it just goes on and on. I'm like, well, why don't you just run for mayor?

27:51I mean, you just want to give a fucking speech? Just run for mayor, okay? God is bored. You know, he has a lot to do. He doesn't have 20 minutes to sit here and listen to your prayer speech, okay?

28:03Ben Mandelker: That's right. For Christ's sake, the mac and cheese is getting cold. Speed it up. I know where this is going. Let's make it a little faster. We don't need to supersize this prayer. It's like, I dreamed a dream. It's like, oh, Jesus, what are you doing in late midst? Say the prayer. Yeah, let's just keep it tight. Keep it tight. Keep it moving. There's a lot of prayers to tend to. Rub-a-dub-dub. Thanks for the grub. Yay, God. The end. The end. Yes. So she just goes on and on and on with this prayer. and then finally they get into the air and then they have like a very, they have like a, they have several, they have like a long amount of time in the air that we see.

28:47Ben Mandelker: Normally when they're on planes, we don't see, you know what? This is a stupid point to make. I just was going to say, normally we don't see this much on a plane, but I realized that we literally had an entire sequence on Real Housewives of Miami last year that was like all on a private plane. So I strike this point from the record as not a good one in the first place. Yeah, if it's a private plane, and they can do it. So they're talking about, you know, their business stuff that they've got going on. Kelly asked about Angela's property and Phaedra's asking her if she's selling her portfolio. And she's like, no, girl, the portfolio has been dismantled and taken away from me.

29:22And Pinky is like, oh my gosh, well, I'm trying to sell my portfolio because, you know, I've been thinking about filing for bankruptcy, but, you know, I have seven businesses and they all have a different stream of income. So on paper, I'm broke, but I don't make any money personally, but I do have a lot of assets. So I can't do a seven. I don't know if I can do a 13 or a 21 or a 14 or a 16. But for a 16, you have to have four vowels in your name. It's a lot. There's a lot of different. I was like, why are you telling on yourself right now? It sounds like you're shifting money around or it's probably all very legal.

29:53You know what you do, the way that you work with taxes, like you pay yourself through one thing or pay your expenses through another thing. But you're going through a lot right now. I wouldn't be saying stuff like this on TV.

30:04Ben Mandelker: There's just something so funny about watching two women talk about like there are different approaches to bankruptcy while they're flying on a private jet.

30:14Ben Mandelker: So it's like it's crazy. And the fact that there's a third who's about to enter into it as well. Like they're just like half of the half of this cast is literally bankrupt. It's a huge cast, by the way. There's eight cast members. That's a lot. So they're talking about bankruptcy, you know, on and on and on and on. And we have a little update from our notetaker, by the way, about bankruptcy. Chapter 7, known as liquidation and trade bankruptcy, involves the sale of the debtor's non-exempt assets, if any, to pay off creditors. Chapter 11, this type allows businesses to restructure debts into future payments while continuing operations.

30:47Ben Mandelker: In Chapter 13, individuals with regular income may seek wages earners bankruptcy, which allows them to repay some or all their debts over three to five years. There's also chapter 27, which lets you go bankrupt and then go onto reality TV and make a career out of it. So that's very well. Chapter 32 is the most interesting one. And I don't think she'll be able to use this one because it says vegan bankruptcies may not be filed and paid off with money made off of cheese steaks. It's going to be very, very slippery slope. So to me, it's like, oh, my God. Everybody's talking about being bankrupt. God, I mean, I'm scared of shit because my only problem is making it to Chick-fil-A drive-thru before they discontinue breakfast.

31:34I mean, I can't relate. I am rich.

31:42Yeah.

31:43Ben Mandelker: Why do I not believe that Shamia is rushing to get the Chick-fil-A breakfast? Why do I just not believe that? So she's just being hilarious as well. I mean, even the gays. People love that Chick-fil-A. They'll rush. Even the gays. They're like, hey, Chick-fil-A hates gay people. And gay people are like, who doesn't? Give me some grilled chicken. I don't care. I'll take it. At this point, it's just a drop in the bucket. That chicken is too good to pass it up. God, when am I supposed to eat it and not eat it just because they hate gays? Feed me that chicken. Okay? So, yeah, Shamia's like, oh, God, should I really be going into business for this rum company?

32:24Ben Mandelker: No, the answer is no, Shamia. So then Angela is talking about how she went into bankruptcy to save her houses and all that stuff. And when you do it, like they come in, she's like, they come in and they like, these bankruptcy people, they come into your house. They want to sit down. They want to have dinner with you. I mean, not literally. And she, Angela, she clarifies that she's not in debt. She just lost$2 million. And there is a difference. She just took a big hit, but she's not actually in debt, which I think is their way of setting her up for success. later on in the episode when she gets into her fight with binky yeah i don't understand any of that because she says she paid the two million but she still filed bankruptcy to stop the foreclosure of one of her properties um but i don't know shit if you have two million throw that in the bankruptcy too so i don't understand how any of that stuff works yeah i don't know so then elsewhere in the plane k michelle is talking about um her husband and um she's basically saying that he doesn't have social media.

33:27Ben Mandelker: She's like, he really is a dentist. I wish he had social media so I could catch him. I believe all men cheat. And my husband doesn't have a social media or anything. And that's the sneakiest one of them all. So I've learned to take the positives out of that. And no one can contact him that I know of. So she's like, I don't like that I can't track him. What'd you say? No one even spoke before social media. How'd you do that? No. People never cheated before social media. That's for sure. Well, this all stems from her saying, because they're saying, are you getting, did you get a prenup with your husband?

34:01And she's like, oh, no, no, no, no. You know, he doesn't want anything from me. Even when I try and help him in any way, he says, no, no, no. So he'll never try and take anything from me. Oh, God. One of the most horrible things is seeing a real housewife come on television and talk about how much they trust a man. Any man. Like, are you nuts? Have you never seen this show? Have you not been living in this world? What world do you live in where men are grown like you think they're grown? They're not. He will take it.

34:33Ben Mandelker: They always do it. They always go for the money. If you think a dentist is not going for a musician's money, you've messed up. You messed up on that front. You're fucked up, Joe. You're fucked up, Joe. So, yeah, she's got an odd look out of that. And she says that she's like, well, no one can contact him that I know of. Thank God there's not phones or emails or any of that stuff. So now they land in Dallas, and Kelly is talking about her court cases, and she can't even have her girls on camera with her, and she needs a break. So she's going to party in Dallas. That's too bad because it was so fascinating watching her with her girls on TV.

35:18yeah that episode where she gave her 16 purses for her birthday like

35:23Ben Mandelker: 16 000 it was just the most compelling content oh what what people on the podcast couldn't if you're just only listening what you couldn't see was me slow blinking sarcastically in a deadpan way on camera we heard it i felt it i felt it you felt it you felt my slow blinks yeah blink so now they're on the sprinter bus and they're talking about Drew's dating life and she went on a date and she's like well he did give me 200 long stem roses which is a lie we literally see a flashback and it's not 200 roses it's like 50 roses at best but of course Drew's gonna be like it's 200 long stem roses so And yes, I am the long stem rose police, and I will be monitoring your claims of how many roses you've received.

36:14Well, that was even considered long stem. Wow. Seriously. Short for long stems. Jeez. So she's like, guys, come on. We're just friends. I'll let you know when the wedding is, if there's a wedding. Portia's like, well, I think he likes you because he sat on the phone with you at that party for three and a half hours. I mean, what the hell?

36:39Ben Mandelker: She goes, well, yeah. I mean, let me tell you guys something. You know, he had a time. And like, by the way, Kay, you guys are friends, right? Because he had a time with you. And Kate Michelle's like, I don't know. I don't know him. I don't know him. And Buncha's like, you don't know him? She's like, no, I don't know him. I don't know him. And we see a flashback where, you know, we see that Kay was saying that, like, Black was up in her DMs a lot. like and we see like dms from him that are like hey let's hang out etc and so she's like like no no she's basically saying like portia don't drag me into this right now like i know you're gonna what you're trying to do but don't do it yeah and his tweet or his messages are like you're welcome baby i loved every minute of watching you shine lock me in and he gives her phone his phone number she's like well i never called the phone number i don't know that man so now everybody's kind of awkward and she says bimbo i don't know black i know a black so drew thinks this is fishy because she's like it forces how she seemed to know him but she didn't she didn't seem to overly know because we see a clip of it she's like hello black well hello good to see you hello but it was that very like nice church lady hello yeah good to see you again yeah she was like did not necessarily speak of someone who knows someone very well.

38:08Ben Mandelker: It just is like someone being polite on their first day of shooting with the group. So, Drew is like, I mean, that to me says that you know him and he's at a lot of events. He is well known. She's well known. It's not uncommon for people in this industry to cross paths. The entertainment industry of course, of which I'm part of. So, anyway, she's like well okay fine well he liked you and he liked you and he liked you he liked everyone guys everyone black liked everyone black approved okay we are all black approved here commercials here comes one right now

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39:55Ben Mandelker: If you've used Babbel, you would. Babbel's conversation-based technique teaches you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world. With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babbel is like having a private tutor in your pocket. Start speaking with Babbel today. Get up to 55 % off your Babbel subscription right now at babbel.com slash acast. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash acast. Rules and restrictions may apply.

40:34So now we stop at a gas station and K-Michelle goes to pee. And K-Michelle's like, well, you know, I don't even want to be near a gas station toilet. Okay. I've never experienced that before. and Shamia's like doing a squat. Shamia's having a wacky moment. She's squatting. And she tells us that her parents had a fleet of trucks and they had a trucking company. She's like, we're truckers and rest stops are not clean and you have to put a cup in there. And that way it catches all the urine and then you can just kind of pour that in the toilet. You know, that way you don't touch it. Really? Truckers?

41:07Pee in cups instead of the toilet? What kind of trucker family are you from? I've never heard of a snotty trucker not being willing to pee in a toilet.

41:15Ben Mandelker: what part of peeing in the cups and then pouring that in the toilet like sounds cleaner i mean you're the one creating the mess you're like oh these these rest stops are so dirty there's urine on the seats yeah probably from people trying to pee in cups and then splashing as they pour it into the toilet geez i'm not saying you have to sit on the seat but like let's not be too precious about this oh i used to be like that i was like i will never poop at home and then you I would only poop at home, and that was like a big problem with me. What was that movie someone only pooped at home and then they pooped themselves?

41:48That was me as a kid, American Pie, I think. That was me. I would not go poop anywhere but home. And I remember I was on a road trip with my meemaw and papa in their motorhome, and they were taking me across the country. And I would not go poop in the public places. And my meemaw finally told me, your ass is no better than anyone else's ass.

42:10Ben Mandelker: get in there and sit damn you think other people want to sell on your ass no okay yep you think your shit don't stink um yeah that's a that's great life advice great great life advice um so but this was just a way for shimia to be wacky and tell us about peeing in a cup so then they're driving for so long because they stop at the gas station at three o 'clock and it's like 6 30. phaedra's like she's like honey we could be in dubai by now we've done everything except bike and pedal to this place at this point and i've been to dubai do you remember season one so what part of texas are we going to exactly what the hell did they ever say what part of texas they were in no and i sort of casually tried to look up the place and i couldn't find it but they were like they i thought they were going to be staying in dallas but you can't tell me you're three and a half hours away and you're still considered part of the dallas interland dallas is no joke dallas is crazy it's like la with tons of little cities all over the place it's really spread out um so they go to this yes three and a half hours i haven't heard of that but so la casa de fe it's called and it's this big big big mansion this is huge this place texas size this is the texas mansion it's huge and there's a lady bradina who is standing waiting for them uh fun fact bradina has been dead for 200 years i don't know if you guys know that she's not a live person right like she's a ghost we all agree she's like that's the big twist is that like it turns out she's just like she's she's just like an empty like body and like there's something in the basement that is like powering her there's no there's just no way that this is a live human being the way she stands there on that porch is like every horror movie like hello welcome to the place and then she actually winds up being like rather bubbly but when she's just standing there watching them come in i was like this is a dead woman this is a this is a corpse that's been reanimated by some curse, and it's very dangerous.

44:28The door just opens itself as far as they can see. She's like, come into my home. I thought that was kind of weird when she's like, ladies, welcome to my home.

44:42Ben Mandelker: Your home's dirty. Your home's disgusting. We hate it. So we see the main house is 9 ,600 square feet, six bedrooms, five bathrooms, two kitchens, a theater, light-filled charcuterie. Groups of flavored friends welcome. Argument ready. Yeah, more winking at the audience. Drew is saying they all love it. It's so big. It's huge. This is a very long walkthrough of the house. Like I said, they're stretching their material this week. And so we're going through every single room, and every single room gets a breakdown. 1 ,253 square feet. That's the tiny house. Because there's the main house, there's a tiny house, there's a pool house.

45:28Ben Mandelker: They go through each one and Portia's saying how the main house is giving main character energy and the tiny house it's not that upbeat. I think it's also lit. She thinks it's lit because she knows she's not going to be put in it. But if she were put in the tiny house I don't think Portia would be very happy at all. Well, I mean for a room it's 1 ,253 square feet. It's not so bad. I didn't think it looks really nice to me. So, but of course I'm not real housewives level. I get it. So Cynthia says that there's two women who love each other and just can't seem to tear themselves away from each other.

46:05And the tiny house is going to be for those ladies. We don't know who it is yet. And Kelly is like, is that fricking frack? So they keep turning the house and cards keep coming up. It's like this house has three TVs or this room has three TVs in it. so um k michelle's like but i can't even think about that pool house compared to the main house okay it's too small if they try to put me there i'm going to the nearest hotel you are new you're lucky you're not sleeping in a tent outside okay and they're like walking into like the bedroom in

46:35Ben Mandelker: the pool house and they're like wow it's just it's got very italy tuscany vibes i was like there's nothing about this that looks like italy or tuscany in this room but you know go off it's fine and um it is very texas mcmansion it's texas mcmansion that's how they yes kind of how they all look and it looked fine the pool house looked fine to me as far as i could tell it wasn't as nice as the main house but it was it was good enough but no one wants to be there no everyone through the pool house and they're like gross disgusting burn it down yeah kelly's like i'm going through a lot in life right now and i do not want to have to like experience that here okay like geez give me 2000 thread count don't give me this and so now they go back to the main house and cynthia's like yeah you know i don't want to deal with picking room drama on this trip so i know which rooms each lady will thrive in so um now they're all they all gather around for the official assigning of the rooms so cynthia's like i have decided to put pinky I feel like your energy gives me solitude because you're the only vegan here.

47:45Ben Mandelker: And I feel like you are a grown ass woman. So Pinky's like, what? Why are you looking at me like that? She's like, so I thought tiny house, tiny house for Pinky, tiny house, tiny food options, vegan. That's for you. And it's still really nice. And so Pinky's like, okay, well, that's fine with me. I mean, what is this considered gen pop? I'll take it. Like, geez, I can walk away from you crazy people fighting. Okay, fine. And by the way, I'll see you for breakfast. Make me some vegan eggs while you're at it. Guys, Pinky's a vegan. Don't forget. And if you do, she'll remind you again in about two minutes.

48:24Ben Mandelker: It's her business. Okay. It's her brand. I'm a vegan. Can I stay in the vegan pool house? Okay. so for the pool house I thought long and hard about what two ladies love each other's company and then it's like ooh is it Phaedra and Portia and we see footage of them being fun and fricking and fracking like oh god and then we see Kelly and Shamia and they're having fun too oh my god all these duos that it could possibly be who will wind up at the pool house who will Cynthia choose so Cynthia goes well you know literally it's just you know there's just like i don't know the first two ladies that came to my mind when i saw that amazing pool house and angela's like no not amazing she's like the two bedroom situation recreation area i thought i'm like why why are we teasing this out just give the room cynthia please yeah just cut too i did like that they were putting on the screen when they were putting duos up they're like freaking frack and so and so and then we go to drew and angela and it says drusilla and bigfoot i missed that one that's funny it's funny so they give it to kelly and shimmy uh and kelly kind of laughs and everybody else is like oh my god thank god we're not staying in that 3 000 square foot hell hole i know but with its own pool oh that's terrible and cindy goes shimmy is like well that's definitely got the worst end of the deal well so much for someone bragging about being a trucker and like living the trucking lifestyle then suddenly like i can't I can't stay in the pool house.

50:02So she's got too many mixed messages, you know, because she was saying she was a trucker, but she was a snotty trucker. So she's like, now being a trucker does not mean I was one of the people. I would not sit on a toilet seat and I will not sleep in a pool house. Yeah.

50:18Ben Mandelker: But she's like trying to have like cred of the people, but then she's like, no, I can't, I cannot sleep in a perfectly fine room in a king size bed in this, perfectly nice air conditioned house. So Cynthia's like, but you guys literally have the pool. And Kelly's like, yeah, Cynthia, you know, you did everything big, but that bedroom, I mean, I'm pine sized, I get it. But goddammit, I don't want a pine sized room. Okay. Nothing. Nothing. I'm just like, it's just like her finding a way to wedge in, but I'm pine sized. It's like, okay. Okay. and Shamia says you know when you get that Christmas gift that you don't want your mom says you have to be grateful you got to show that you're grateful I was like when does that start so um Cynthia is like okay the rest of you you get to pick but the only people who don't get to pick are the people I'm fucking over the rest of you go pick yeah so we everyone goes running around they choose rooms uh Kelly and Shamia run into the pool house to fight over the rooms then And Kelly is, she's upset with the bed that she winds up with.

51:29Ben Mandelker: And then she also knows that there seems to be a stain on the duvet. And she's like, I know this can't be the luxurious life. What did you say? I was expecting like some big, nasty spermatozoa something or other. But it looked like a little pen mark or something. Yeah. It looked like unremarkable. Yeah. I didn't really get it. And listen, I'm not just being a hater. I was ready to be like, oh my God, this room is disgusting. How dare you treat them like this? But I was like, this isn't what's so bad about this. I didn't really get it. I guess I've just slept in so much worse that, I mean, we went to a hotel one time.

52:08The only time we've left a hotel, the only time was when there were literal blood. There was blood on the sheets and on the towels. You and I. And there was lipstick all over a towel and pubic hair in a sink. it's like they went as they went as far as they could to make this room disgusting for us and that was the only time we were ever like okay i sat on that bed for all of five seconds i was

52:33Ben Mandelker: like i'm gonna get bed bugs uh i was like running me and it smelled like mold it was listen it was awful yeah that was fast it's it stayed with us all these years so like i get it if you see something on your bed it's it's like it's definitely unpleasant and also i will say like kelly's room was not it wasn't like luxurious like you know some of the other women had rooms with beautiful views yeah for sure her room was lesser it was a lesser than room i guess i'll just say it was a perfect yeah i guess i'll just say on these shows we're used to it's kind of a trope right where they go on these trips someone has to get stuck with the shitty room it happens on every housewife show this is nothing new they're not being like worse than anybody else at this point they're just like oh that sucks we get the we get the shittiest room so i don't think at this point they're going too far but they do go too far yeah during the episode where it's like i'll tell you who i think has the worst room i think k michelle has the worst room because she was so happy she like she got this room it was a corner room and there's like windows like windows here like there's like two walls of windows and i was like enjoy waking up in a sauna because that's a lot of windows that sun's going to come in it's going to be hot it's going to be sunny and you're going to be miserable i'm telling you that right now i think k michelle has the worst room well i guess we'll find out in the morning when that sun comes in won't we so um yeah they're pretty upset about the room and then angela is uh they make a joke about the rooms that she's in and then we see i don't know we see angela joking about phaedra being not being in the same rooms that she's in at the reunion.

54:13She's like, you're not in the same rooms I'm in. They're like, oh, wasn't that fun? Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

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