#3412 Below Deck Med S11E02 Part One: Baby On Board

0:00Ronnie Karam: This episode is sponsored by Klarna. You know when you buy something practical like groceries, plane tickets, or honestly, I just did a whole, I need a new summer clothes because apparently none of last year's clothes survived my emotional support snacking era situation. And you realize you're not thinking about what you're buying, but how you're paying for it.

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1:45Ben Mandelker: Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much crap is? Watch what crap is. Oh, I mean, don't watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

2:14Ronnie Karam: Well, hello.

2:14Ben Mandelker: How are you? I am fabulous. It's Tuesday. It's a big, big night of TV tonight. The summer house aftermath thing is going to air. We are so excited to talk about it. That'll be tomorrow, of course, though, even though some of us may have already seen it. And we will just keep our mouths shut until then. But today is Below Deck Med. Very exciting. Join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch or crappens for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, free newsletter, video, if crap is on demand, you can watch us, not just listen. The Foolish McGaggy, okay? Discord, it's great. It's a whole community. It's a whole life.

2:54Ben Mandelker: It's a whole full Craven's experience over there. So come join us for that. And I just want to say also, as some of you know, I have a little sub stack on the side where I talk about food. And I wrote a very lengthy cookbook review over the weekend for a cookbook called Better at Home by Clue Henry. And it's such a good cookbook. So I encourage you all to go check it out and read my review, mainly because I put a lot of time into it on this one. So that's NBD.

3:21Ronnie Karam: Yeah, those are great. My aunties all are huge fans. Thank you. They're like, when's Ben's new newsletter coming? I'm like, shut up. You're like, I don't like every single week. You've not heard about me and my piano recital that I'm giving in my home?

3:34Ben Mandelker: You're like a little kid. You're like, I literally write a newsletter every single week. I learned how to play Willie Nelson.

3:42Ronnie Karam: What are you going to say about that? Send it to your voicemail. Auntie from hell. But I made chicken with olives. They love it. But it is a good newsletter. I subscribe to it as well. Also, I was on Sarah Gailey's podcast, Andy's Girls. We talked for two hours about Summer House Part 3 Reunion and Jesse's timeline and all that good stuff. So if you need even more Summer House in your life, it's out today. So go check it out. Wow.

4:08Ben Mandelker: That's huge. So, yeah, check out all our little side things that we've been up to. And now let's focus on the main event, which is hopping on this yacht in the Med in Croatia, Dubrovnik. So she went to Dubrovnik on D.W.A. Yada, yada, yada. If you know that song, tell Norma. So the point is we're in Croatia. It's night one. Or as Norma calls it, Shlubrovnik. She's got to ring them bells, Taco Bells.

4:44Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so here we are. Nathan is on the phone with Gail, pissed because he feels pressure to name the obvious person Lee Deckhand, which would be Jill. But he doesn't want to because he doesn't like Joe now, because Joe's a dick. But also because Nathan's pretending he's like a better person than Joe, when we all know he's not really, not that much. I mean, if so, maybe a smidge. But, you know, Nathan has had a child now, and that makes him a good person in his eyes. Right, exactly.

5:16Ben Mandelker: I do think that Nathan is probably, I do think he's like a little better than Joe. Although his reactions on social media last year were pretty disgusting. So he's definitely like losing on that front, on, you know, like xenophobic fronts. I think that's really bad. but he is I think Joe is really bottom of the barrel when it comes to when it comes to being a fuckboy on Bravo like he's really one of the worst that's out there so you know half six of one half a dozen of another and that does not include brain cells with these guys so Nathan is like yeah he basically he knows probably deep down that Joe should be lead deck hand but he doesn't want to do it my solution is just don't give out.

6:04Ben Mandelker: Why would you be even giving this out on the first charter anyway? Don't you want to see how they all fare? I mean, if Aisha's not even giving out Stripes yet, why are you even giving out Lee Deckhand?

6:14Ronnie Karam: It's not even like a real role. Do the Decky thing. I mean, the service thing, or the Daisy thing. We're like, I'm gonna wait to see how you do, ladies. And then give Stripes out later. But he doesn't, and he knows that Sandy wants it and he knows that joe deserves it and it's pissing him off so he's uh he's got like anger issues like he's handling it terribly and also you're not like you're not great at leading first of all we've seen multiple examples of this and you kind of ran into the dock last week and you're about to do it two more times today so yeah yeah let's get into really he's really

6:53Ben Mandelker: treating this yacht like it's one of those inflatable raft things that you go down the lazy river with and you just bump into the side and just float back into the raft.

7:03Ronnie Karam: He's just holding a beer.

7:05Ben Mandelker: He's like in a tube. Waiting for the river to stop. I mean, he's not... I would say that his reservations are not totally without merit because Joe is a total underminer and he is a toxic person in the workplace. He will say and do things to get ahead if need be if he feels threatened he is he is going to to launch a stealth campaign to poison the waters against you so nathan's not totally wrong for for really not wanting this guy as his number two um but he's going to launch that stealth campaign no matter what so at least at least put him in the position where he can be more helpful right but be smart about it and when

7:49Ronnie Karam: Sandy is saying, why don't you want him as lead deckhand? Say, listen, we didn't get along at the end of last season. He's already undermining me with the crew. He's already talking bad about me. He's already trying to put his hands up and be like, your fault. He's doing a lot of undermining things. So that's making me cautious. But instead, Sandy asks him anything. He's like, oh, oh, oh. And he just sweats and tries to talk his, you know, tries to cute face his way into it. And it's like, that's just, it's bad leadership, you know? So despite how shitty Joe is, which Joe is shitty, and I think all the reasons you just gave are so correct, but the fact is Nathan shouldn't really be leading.

8:26Ronnie Karam: Nathan's not good at this. And Nathan would also be as much of a fuckboy as Joe if he had had the opportunity. Let's face it. Yeah.

8:34Ben Mandelker: He really should be called bad, young, unreliable Nathan, if you ask me. So.

8:45Ronnie Karam: A person could develop a baby So He's like well You know Joe will be Joe But what if he gets in the way of my fucking season I want to have words with him And he's like And he's like I don't care I want to pick someone I actually trust I mean look I've got this guy He's 35 he seems like Motivational I mean I can't even believe he's 35 that's a senior citizen he's still walking around he could teach us all something

9:16Ben Mandelker: could you believe it i can't believe he even remembers my name you know i've been trying to feed him applesauce and prunes but last year you know joe was my lead deckhand but this year i don't feel comfortable doing that i forgot that he was lead deckhand last year so he's already been in this position okay come on now so after he's like after everything we've gone through my career is really important to me i'm a young bosun and i want to carry on we've crashed once already we don't need to crash again i don't trust joe like okay relax just put him in a position we can all move on with our lives we heard you we've seen you like none of us actually really care who gets the beauty deck end on this boat so can we just like move the needle and get on with it yeah so

9:55Ronnie Karam: then we go to joy cleaning the galley and talking to uh i don't know everyone's just cleaning and stuff and of course asia's like wow amazing job everybody and joy's like you did amazing sleep tight everybody and she's blowing kisses meanwhile jim's like fucking bitch who's she to say that who's she to tell us we did a good job so this jen chick is like a young tina fey i can only see tina fey's face i see victoria deliceps who's that personally victoria deliceps maybe like a

10:28Ben Mandelker: mixture of Tina Fey and Victoria DeLiceps.

10:31Ronnie Karam: Okay. But she's an asshole. Her face may look like Victoria DeLiceps and Tina Fey, but her soul looks like a puckered butthole. I know.

10:45Ben Mandelker: But I think in a way that I like, it's like I enjoy... Yeah. Sometimes we meet assholes on the show and we're like get off the boat. Sometimes we meet them and we're like good for you. Stay forever.

10:56Ronnie Karam: Yeah, stay forever and also become the captain because you are unhinged and you're going to lose it. And I'm here for it. I love every second. Apparently, Captain Sandy was on Watch What Happens saying that Joe's a womanizer and she doesn't like that. And that one of the most unreliable people, I don't know the exact question because I can't remember Instagram posts that well. But basically she dissed Jen. Like, ugh. Jen's just Jen. Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. And she doesn't like her. So I guess Jen is going to get fired. And I'm already pissed off at Sandy for firing Jen.

11:38Ben Mandelker: Come on.

11:39Ronnie Karam: Yeah.

11:39Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I don't like that. Because Jen is the sort of asshole that I really, really enjoy. And I loved her passive-aggressive retribution for Kaylee taking charge of the tablescape. and the retribution happens right now when jen is like oh um hey kelly just remember no shoving of the placemats anywhere i've noticed it a few times now i was like wow checking her placement placemat shoving uh frequency that's that's really like and you know like i the thing is this i was so happy for jen in that moment because i know it's like when someone pisses you off and you don't want to make a scene so you just try to get a small victory somewhere and you just make that tiny little thing and you're like got him to you it's like jen you know that's just like it's like oh like she should be carried through like the the streets of the city like katniss everdeen with her fiery dress or something she's like i told

12:37Ronnie Karam: her about the placemats i won yes and also she's getting revenge because she looks at kaylee as being so bossy and she's like who is she to boss me around so she's like oh really well the placemats are in a... They're being shoved somewhere, and I don't like it. And Kaylee's like, placemats? Placemats shoved where now? She's like, the lunch ones.

13:01Ben Mandelker: You can't even tell the difference between the two placemats. You make a tablescape, and yet, to you, all the placemats are the same. And then you shove them? I don't think so.

13:11Ronnie Karam: Well, wait, I put them neatly in the drawer under the... She goes, oh, really? Yeah, well, it's supposed to go in the cupboard underneath the naked lady. neatly um i mean can anything be neat when it's in the wrong place i i think it's like pretty

13:25Ben Mandelker: much like yachting 101 lunchtime placemats get put nicely under the naked lady in the cupboard

13:30Ronnie Karam: everyone knows everyone knows also could you be more specific because there is a half naked lady doing pole dancing on an umbrella i was waiting for that umbrella she's like oh my god my pole dancing on an umbrella and the other girls are like yeah i was like please break i just want that umbrella to break yeah and possibly stab her in the thigh because this is crazy get off the

13:56Ben Mandelker: umbrella this is the first resilient umbrella in the history of umbrellas normally umbrellas like if they have a chance to flop over or blow away or invert they will take it there's

14:06Ronnie Karam: remake the talking platform with that umbrella because it is very it's like unbreakable it's like every umbrella

14:18Ben Mandelker: known to man will just like flop out of its hole you can have an umbrella that is in the table in the hole in the table and its base is in the sand block that holds it down there's a gust of wind and the umbrella is like I'm out it just like flies up and out and just goes off to the dock I'm like but this umbrella is fine

14:36Ronnie Karam: strange they should put they should put this umbrella in nathan's hands for every time he

14:41Ben Mandelker: crashes the boat into something i know yeah just like it's just it's just a protective force um but yeah so the placemats not put not in the right place so kaylee's like well we were trying to keep the decorations together that's why i did that sorry it was like intentional that was her way of saying um i'm so sorry that i did it properly i'm so sorry yeah she knows what this girl's doing

15:06Ronnie Karam: and Jen tells us I really feel like I'm the most qualified to be a second stew because I do have years more experience than Kaylee and now she's lying for that she's vying for that second stew role by trying to be this happy little go lucky cheerleader I do not trust it I see you smiley I see you

15:25Ben Mandelker: future purser here out of the way so then Jen is like saying like I just need everything in its place so let's put you in the trash can thank you

15:35Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I need everything in its place Oh yeah, there's the gates of hell opening for you to go Okay

15:42Ben Mandelker: Can we call up a shark so I can feed you to it? Thank you so much

15:47Ronnie Karam: Kelly's like, oh, okay Well, we'll learn I'll learn how you like to work it So just let me know She has that back scratching of her butt I'm like, mm-hmm, alright I'm listening to you It's time for a commercial It's time for a Crappens commercial My mom is the queen of the bargain find. I mean, you can't even compliment the woman without finding out how much something costs. I was like, Mom, I really love your new dress. She's like, it was$5. I got this as a bargain. And I found the new place to make her so happy. I've never seen her so thrilled. It's called WhatNot.

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18:35Ben Mandelker: But they do. Yeah, that is actually probably the part of Wayfair that I just tell my friends about just unsolicitedly. I just will say, like, not only can you order the stuff, someone else can put it together for you. Patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now and get your outdoor space ready for way less that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r dot com way fair every style every home now listen kaylee at first i was worried because like oh no kaylee

19:08Ronnie Karam: is going to be this too nice person who's trying to impress kaylee sees what jen is doing and kaylee is going to win this war she's like oh really yeah you think you're gonna go try and make me look stupid and talk shit behind my back i'm gonna undermine you in the most effortless way you've ever seen so enjoy yourself person yeah she's she's a she's she's perky but she's not dumb

19:34Ben Mandelker: she's not dumb she gets her good she gets what'd you say to finish it's not that's the most dangerous perky perky but not dumb yeah intelligent perky it's a very scary combination it's a very scary Okay, scary combination. I'll tell you someone who is not that perky and maybe not that smart is Cooper. Cooper's on the bridge. And what's so funny is Cooper is from Charleston. And on Love Island, there's a guy named Caleb who's from Charleston. And I swear to God, these are the same people. I was like, I'm waiting for it to be revealed that they're brothers. Or is this just the way guys in Charleston look?

20:09Ben Mandelker: I'm like, they look exactly the same to me.

20:12Ronnie Karam: Did you see that?

20:13Ben Mandelker: They look the same.

20:14Ronnie Karam: They talk the same. They're very similar. Yeah, they are very similar. On Love Island, that one, we were just talking about this before we recorded, but that one is telling the girl, he's like, yeah, you know, I'm from Charleston. I really, she goes, what do you like to do? And he's like, oh, I like line dancing. Do you know how to do that? She's like, uh-uh, I never line dance. But, like, do you know how to, like, dance with one other person? He's like, yeah, I could do that. I can't. Did you see, and this guy seems very similar.

20:49Ben Mandelker: Did you see there was a discussion between two people? I don't remember who it was. Maybe it was, maybe it was, uh, uh, Kenzie, but I don't remember, but someone was saying how like there were a Southern bell and they're like, what is the man version of Southern bell? The other person goes cowboy. I was like, okay, no, that's not. No. What would be the opposite of a Southern Belle? It's not cowboy. I feel like Southern Belle would have like some, like Colonel Sanders type. It's foghorn leghorn. Okay. But it's not, I'm not seeing it as a cowboy. A cowboy. Well, I don't know. It's a Southern, a Southern gentleman.

21:37Ben Mandelker: I don't know. It's a Southern knocker.

21:40Ronnie Karam: He's a Southern knocker. Southern Ring Cam. I don't know. So Nathan is fist bumping Coop because now Nathan is going to figure out who he can make lead that camp. He's going to try and pick anyone but Joe. So he's like, okay, this is your radar. And that's the land, okay? This is land right here. He's like, oh, yeah, land. So if there's significant movement inside the circle, wake up Captain Sandy. And he's like, oh, this is my first anchor watch. We land. It's just a different color than the water. How am I supposed to know what that is? I'm a little insecure about my knowledge of the nautical world in general.

22:24Ronnie Karam: I'm just nervous. How do boats even float? It's crazy. How come you can put soap in the water and that'll float, but if you put a spoon in the water, that'll sink? I just don't get it.

22:37Ben Mandelker: Someone help me. By the way, I looked it up. We're both idiots. According to Google, the male version of a Southern Belle is a Southern gentleman.

22:50Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I said that.

22:51Ben Mandelker: Oh, you did say it? Okay, good.

22:53Ronnie Karam: Well, that was my first answer. Then I changed it to Southern Knocker because I was going opposite of Belle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have been a Southern Gaston. And Southern Belle just sounds like so much more creative than Southern Gentleman.

23:08Ben Mandelker: Yeah, because a gentleman's a gentleman sort of everywhere. Like a Southern Belle feels more unique. I think we need to come up with a better phrase for that. But anyway, back to this Southern gentleman. He is learning Anchor Watch, as you were talking about. And Nathan's like, this here is your wind monitor. You have all the episodes here every season. They're all there on demand. They're never going anywhere because they were built on this platform. So, you know, to catch up, Captain Sand will be real happy with you if you can talk with her about it.

23:36Ronnie Karam: This is a wind monitor, otherwise known as Captain Sandy. Yeah, that's right. I'm monitoring wind. Yeah. Biggest viewer across all demographics. Okay. Love wind. Season 12. If it goes above 12, wake her up. And Cooper's like, okay. And Nathan's saying if he has someone green, he wants to show him how to do it right. Okay. So he's like, all right. Good night, bro. So he leaves him alone. meanwhile the girls are still sliding down the umbrella like oh my god it's like a ball

24:15Ben Mandelker: meanwhile cooper is the first person in the history of all blow decks to be put on anchor watch and actually like take initiative and um and uh basically take initiative in the task most people when we see them on anchor watch they sit on a chair and then they doze off or they do something else or they just go back to their room and go to sleep but he's like staring at the numbers and he's very scared because the numbers are inching towards 12. It's like 10, 11, 11, 5, 11, 10 again, 9, 11, 10, 11. And it goes to 12 for a second. He's like, what do I do? What do I do? So he goes in and he basically wakes up Captain Sandy and she could not be any happier because she's like, oh, yeah.

24:57Ben Mandelker: I love it. No, you're good. I love someone who wants to learn, who wants to do things. He's cute. I love that Cooper's this proactive. That means he's paying attention and people who pay attention are people who hug. And even though it's blowing 10 knots, it's fine because I want green crew members to get experience. Because the more experience you get, the more you need a nap. And the crew members that nap are the crew members that are happy. You see what I'm doing? So watch out, Somali pirates. I've got a new green stew or a green deckie coming for you. Okay, I should probably go back to bed now.

25:33You know, some people need bread and some people need to be needed.

25:41Ronnie Karam: So thanks, Coop. Thanks for waking me up. Felt great. Okay. Listen, it was a little above 10 knots. I get it. And he's like, I promise it moved. She goes, I believe you. I believe you. Okay. Wake me up again.

25:56Ben Mandelker: She loved it. She was so happy. I like when she was like, I believe you. I believe you. Okay. there, Coop. Okay, here's a glandular.

26:08Ben Mandelker: It was just a bad dream. You go to sleep now. So, it's the next morning. Everyone wakes up, and Joy is going to figure out breakfast. She's like, I'm going to find this Lujan like my guy there. And I'm like, it's just like, give them a meal. It's not that deep.

26:26Ronnie Karam: It's like, why are you wearing a croissant as a mustache? Well, I'm sorry for watching American TV. Okay. So Kat and Aisha are in the main salon, and everything's prepped. Everything's prepped. You're ready. You're ready, Aisha. She's like, oh, my God. The way you did the fork is absolutely amazing. It's terrible. They cut some Aisha faces today. Some Aisha faces. They had one where she was just like this for a solid five seconds on screen. And I'm sorry for people who aren't on video, but I have to do it for a bit.

27:02Ben Mandelker: I know. Just in pause. I saw that moment. What the hell? Oh, my God. And then, so, Kaylee's asking Aisha, let's say, hey, did you guys sleep? She's like, oh, my God. You guys love to play sportless. That's beautiful. So, they're going to be going to this island of Lokrum. Lokrum. Lokrum. Lokarum. Ronnie Karam. And it's perfect because it's a lot of flat rocks. Right next to the air, we can go cliff jumping. God, nothing says fun like cliff jumping into an area that's next to a bunch of flat rocks. I'm like, give me those head injuries. I am ready for them.

27:48Ronnie Karam: I think these guests have enough, honestly. They're still swinging from umbrellas. They do not need more head injuries. Okay. Meanwhile, we've got Joy and Luke flirting. She's not really flirting. He's really flirting because he's a very giant man who needs a lot of protein. And he is going to flirt with you. And I'm not saying that joy isn't worth the flirting. I'm just saying beware any muscular man flirting with the chef because all he wants is protein. You know, the man will use you for protein.

28:19Ben Mandelker: Here reminds me of one of those really big Dalmatians. There's one in my neighborhood. It's like a Great Dane Dalmatian combo. It's huge. It's a huge, big old dog with spots. Sounds like a lot of neat problems to me. yeah Cruella would die but yeah that's his vibe and you're right he just wants a snack he wants some kibble and a steak on the side if

28:43Ronnie Karam: possible which he actually gets so Kaylee's like you working your magic again she's like I'm making bagels homemade bagels we don't see that often on this show is she trying to get me to marry you I will I will propose. Yeah, they were homemade. You can always tell a homemade bagel because they look crazy. They're never just like perfectly round little things.

29:06Ben Mandelker: They look like. Oh, yeah, because you know what? I don't think I heard her say I'm making bagels. I thought she was just putting out donuts. And I was like, those donuts look crazy. But they were homemade bagels. That makes so much more sense. Wow. I've actually been thinking about trying to make, to try my hand at making bagels. But they take hours. They take hours and hours to make.

29:25Ronnie Karam: There's a lot that goes into a bagel. That's why they're all so different. As you know, you have Bagel Thursdays. You're a bagel aficionado. Every place has a different bagel. Every brand has – it's not like just buying white bread where it's all very similar. Bagels are – There's tents.

29:42Ben Mandelker: There's a lot of factors, and there's multiple rises, and there's a boiling, and then there's a baking, and then you've got to add the – is it the barley syrup or something to it? There's like a whole bunch of crap.

29:57Ronnie Karam: That's just so much. Ronnie reacting to the barley syrup. It's just so much. It's one of those things like it's a dollar. You know what I mean? Yeah. I will give you the dollar to die.

30:09Ben Mandelker: I'm going to do it once. I'm going to do it once. But I think if I were to do it, I think I would have to wake up at 6 in the morning in order to have my bagel ready at 10 a.m. I think it's like a three to four hour process. Isn't it even longer?

30:21Ronnie Karam: Don't they have to sit and stuff?

30:23Ben Mandelker: or rest there there's an initial rise and then then you have to then you have to like uh i think you have to like make them into the shape and then there's like another rise and then you do something there may even be another mini rise and then you you do the boil and then you're baking that's a

30:41Ronnie Karam: lot there's just so much i know like how did people even invent bread it takes so many steps Like, how did you figure out all the rises? And so it was, was it just a lazy person? He was like, oh, I've made the dough. I'm tired. They just leave it there. And like, oh, it's bigger now. All right, I'll mush it. I don't want to do it. I think so. I don't want to do it. And then they mush it a little more and they're like, I can't finish this. And then finally someone's like, just fucking bake it. And like, this is perfect. Well, I gave up five times.

31:09Ben Mandelker: I guarantee all the food that we enjoy, it was an accident. There was a Carol Burnett sketch years ago. I remember seeing it as a kid where she's like a cave woman and her caveman husband comes home and she's like, here, try this. She's like, what is this? She's like, it's milk. He's like, oh, this is delicious. How'd you make it? She's like, well, I was in the field and I saw a cow and it looked so pretty. And I just decided to go up and just squeeze it. And the stuff came out. So I just put this cup under the cow and I drank it. And the guy's like, oh, why?

31:43Ronnie Karam: I assaulted a cow. I basically assaulted a cow.

31:46Ben Mandelker: Think about it. So much of our food is like, what? What were you thinking? How did you even come up with this? Yeah. What was wrong with you? Why did you decide to go up to that cow and squeeze it? And then drink. Yeah.

31:59Ronnie Karam: This was the thing. Yep. Well, as someone who's eaten a lot of pencil erasers, I get it. So Nathan is talking to Luke and he's telling him to go get changed. And Luke's like, thanks. If by some miracle I have energy in the morning, can I work out on the bow? I really want to work that out. He's like, sure. So then in the galley, Kat spills champagne off the tray. And she's like, I am definitely at the bottom of the hierarchy. And it's not something I'm used to. Because academically, I've always been top of my class. Top of everything. I wanted to be a lawyer at some point. I got a 165 on my LSAT.

32:37Ronnie Karam: I could probably get a 175. I worked so hard to be the best. my mom and dad are so pissed like thanks for my school i'd rather clean toilets

32:48Ben Mandelker: i really appreciated this monologue it's like the first time in a long time where we've had a stew come on here and acknowledge like what they're really doing here as opposed to jen who's like i'm gonna be more successful than my two very successful manhattanite parents i'm gonna be someone who cleans toilets i'm like okay like like let's not really forget what you're doing here And it's not any snobbery about the profession, but like, let's like, it's just funny how there are so many people that come onto the show. Like I'm looking to lead the, to lead the, to go transition into like the golden life.

33:22Ben Mandelker: I want to be happy around glitz and glamour. I want to be that. It's like, you're still cleaning toilets though. You're still serving other people. And that's a perfectly fine profession, but like, don't lose sight. Like don't confuse. You're not above, you're not above deck. You're below deck. And I like that cat's like, yep, I'm cleaning toilets. That's what I'm doing.

33:39Ronnie Karam: Sorry, mom and dad. Yeah, I really like Kat. So she sees herself in the mirror or like a window and she's like, oh my God, why am I shaped like this? My posture is crazy.

33:51Ben Mandelker: I'm like, is that me on screen? I also like that she's not even trying to vie for like second or third suit. She's just like, yeah, I'm bad at this. I'm just fully bad. Don't worry about me. She's like, I don't care.

34:02Ronnie Karam: I get to travel with like lots of hot people. I'm fine with it. I'm just going to be here. So then Aisha's talking to the guests and asking, we're mad at Angela. And the guy's like, do you think we could have breakfast without him? Come on. When the lady's like, come on, mom and dad, we're starving. Do you think our mom and our dad? Except they're selling you. Which I guess happens, you know? But the mom, the one they're calling mom looks so much like Rula from Real Housewives of Rhode Island. I think it's the lips. I think it's like my lip work, but yeah, I just see Rula and I feel so almost bad for her, except I'm like, run, get, move, go.

34:45Ronnie Karam: I'll come pick you up.

34:48Ben Mandelker: So then we, then Asia is, is, you know, offering pastries and then she's talking to Jen and Kat and she's asking if they want to get started on cabins. So they do that. and now we go to Matt and he's talking to Sandy and Sandy's like, Hey, so Matt, what did you think of your dessert? Did it, uh, did it make your hair happy? And he's like, Oh God. Yeah. Oh wow. And I love those little pink butts last night. That was amazing. I'm like, those were hearts. You idiot. Those were raspberry hearts.

35:21Ronnie Karam: This is the guy. Every single thing is sexual to him. He's like, yeah, it looked like a bunch of little pink asses. I loved it.

35:30Ben Mandelker: I'm like, it was, those were hearts not butts but i'm glad i'm glad you um have revealed your rorschach tests to us

35:38Ronnie Karam: so um the crew mess joe sees nathan and he's like morning lad i had a good solid three and a half hours of sleep or something like that why well i woke up at four today ah and he's like but your shift is at five and now i have to put you down essentially an hour early let's just stick to our roster, shall we?

35:57Ben Mandelker: If I were Chief Steve, I would have woken up myself a little bit earlier. He's like, the reason why I'm here, it's a showcase. My career advancement is to Captain Sandy. You know, I've been a bosom before. I can do any job that you give me, but is Nathan going to allow me to show my true colors, my true potential? Probably not. You're not here to show your career advancement to Captain Sandy. You're here to do your job. And so, settle down. Wake up when you're supposed to, Jim.

36:21Ronnie Karam: But he knows. He knows what's happening he knows that nathan is gonna block him like i know i love that about both of them this season that they're just they're starting off like i'm gonna ruin this fucker's life

36:33Ben Mandelker: yeah seriously um so uh joe's like thank you it won't happen again i just thought i'd let you know so i don't keep anything from you oh sure thank you thank you for pretending this is a virtuous moment of honesty um so the guests are all are very happy with the food and sandy is doing one of our favorite activities which is putting up some binoculars and looking out in the distance

36:55Ronnie Karam: going huh that's it god i love that banana so uh joe and luke are now on deck and joe's like we're looking spot on scuppers as nathan's pet hate so i get on me hands and knees to do that you really want to please him get on your hands and knees he demands it

37:15Ben Mandelker: and looks like dude you've got very strong character you're a basin joe's like i love this gig he's like yes i know you do this gig suits you well too i'm like this is sort of sounding like the beginning of a gay porn so not i'm out of that yeah yeah we're ready for it

37:31Ronnie Karam: so then nathan and sandy uh he's like well i wanted to have a chat with you about regarding appointing the lead.com just like okay who is it gonna be does his name rhyme with snow No. No. Does it rhyme with Bo? No. Does it rhyme with no? No.

37:50Ben Mandelker: I'm running out. You got to help me. He's like, I'm thinking about Cooper. You know, you know, I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean Cooper. Jesus Christ. Cooper is so green. God, I love how green he is. You know, he woke me up three times last night just because he saw his aunt on the floor. I was so happy.

38:07Ronnie Karam: I woke up this morning and he was just standing in the middle of the bridge staring at his screen saying there is a castle on a cloud I used to go there in my sleep so no not him Luke Luke is very professional she's like Luke yeah he's very attentive wait come on now why not Joe why not Joe come on he's like why not Joe well, I feel like the past seasons Joel's been great, okay, he's helped me out but there's certain times I feel like I can't trust him enough. I trust Luke more than I can trust Joel. Now this is where he should have just been like, I can't trust that little fucker. Yeah, exactly.

38:47Ronnie Karam: He's under my head. And he's trying to make me look stupid and he doesn't like me because I stood up against him acting like crap to that girl all season who he treated like total dog shit and he's not a good person. I don't want him under me. You deal with it. Replace him and I'll put your replacement up as lead deckhand or whatever.

39:05Ben Mandelker: No, and what he really should have said on top of that was, I can't trust him. And on top of that, Luke has a willingness to learn. And I really feel like not only can I mold him, you can mold him. And he's just a sponge. And yes, he's a little rough around the edges. But by the end of the season, I know he is going to be an inspiration to everyone. and sand was like oh yeah oh god he can learn oh my god just put him in the tender let him crash

39:32Ronnie Karam: it five times i don't care it's a learning experience he's got a t-shirt a t-shirt that says hugs not drugs oh my god just climaxed okay put him in charge put him in charge of the whole boat that's that's what he needed to do yeah and he's like listen i'm having a hard time with this

39:52Ben Mandelker: decision. I mean, why did they move wind from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.? Okay, some of us have to wake up early in the morning. Oh, and your decision too, I don't like that either. I'm struggling with it. Is it cool to wait for the second charter? Why don't you wait? Okay, just maybe think on it.

40:07Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she's like, Joe has more experience than Luke, and Nathan's worked with Joe before. Nathan needs to pass. Think about the decision before he makes it. Okay, well, yes, Joe has a skill set, but he's going to try and undermine me. Does he have my best interest at heart? Is he going to fuck every girl on the boat and ruin crew morale? Okay, you don't care that he fucks every girl on the boat. So stop bringing that into it. And that's not business. I mean, in any other job, yes, it could be business. But this is below deck. Like, suddenly you guys are going to make that matter. And why are you making me stand up for Joe?

40:38Ronnie Karam: I hate Joe.

40:40Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I just, well, I'm not really standing up for Joe. I think this is clearly a – he's definitely going with emotions on this decision. But I don't know. I don't think it's like – I really don't think it's the worst. But then later on I'm like, well, yeah, maybe he should go with Joe because Luke did crash the tender right away. But I don't know.

41:05Ronnie Karam: Stop being such a wuss and say, Joe, we don't get along. I just say it. Stand in it. Yeah, we don't get along. We ended badly. I don't agree with how things went last season. Let's start over. you're obviously the best person for this job. I'm going to trust you with that, and I'm going to trust that you're not going to go undermine me and try and do all this. I mean, be an adult, but he's being as undermining as Joe, and then he's flying off the handle and bringing personal stuff into it. He's just bad. He's just bad at this. Yeah.

41:34Ben Mandelker: Thank God they're not both women, because you know what? Women are so emotional. Thank God these guys have it all together.

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44:19Ben Mandelker: So Luke is flirting with Joy. He's like, hello, Chef. And she's like, hello, how are you? He's like, I'm amazing how are you? And they're just like, you know.

44:28Ronnie Karam: He does the French thing. So many French people have told me this. Why are you laughing? it's like i'm just i don't know why are you laughing it's like when i see you smiling you know i don't know i laugh when you smile i don't know you should be lucky i am smiling at you

44:46Ben Mandelker: so now here's his uh story uh he's growing up i was scrawny weird kind of voice kid and i never really had the confidence to go to girls but when i was 15 my mom gifted me a men's health book which is a really funny thing to give to your son no kidding what the hell is the mom she's like

45:05Ronnie Karam: here's a magazine mom's like all right enough jerking off to international mail here's a male fit uh men's fitness okay geez at least there's more words in it you can read something so he

45:19Ben Mandelker: basically uh read it and then got into it and uh took him 14 years and in 2019 he made it to the cover of men's health so there you go his backstory i actually like luke so far famous last words i'm sure he will reveal himself to be a douchebag soon enough but um you can tell he was like a dork growing up because no he was not a dork what was he makes all these weird normal child what he makes all these weird voices that i feel like someone who was like a nerd would have made you know i feel like anyone who was like a like popular and cool would never make the do the weird little jokes that he does so i feel like it's an encouraging sign well god forbid someone makes weird little voices around here no i'm saying it's a good thing i'm saying that someone who is popular doesn't have to rely on like developing that instinct right because they're just accepted are you defending the popular people right now no i'm defending myself like what the hell

46:16Ronnie Karam: making fun of me for and by the way i it's all i've looked at both doing it i know it's true My penis has looked at a lot of men's fitness catalogs, and I still struggle with my weight. So what the hell kind of reading was he doing? Well, he just was. My penis is very strong, though.

46:40Ben Mandelker: He just didn't have a lot of activities, I guess. I don't know.

46:43Ronnie Karam: Not a lot of issues. I just, whenever it's like a really hot guy, it's like, oh, he's just such a dorky kid. And then they cut to him as a kid. He's like a perfectly cute kid. I'm like, I'm sure. Okay. Yeah. You're a little hideous.

46:55Ben Mandelker: I thought he looked legitimately dorky. I was like, okay, I'm going to give it. I'm going to give him this one. I think I just like that. He's done like a one or two little weird, like voices, like jokey voice things where I'm like, I, I love that he is like this big buff guy, but he still sees himself as a dweeb. I love, I love when, when guys are like that. I don't think he sees himself. You don't think. But I get you.

47:21Ronnie Karam: I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I'm not getting huge douchebag vibes from him. So far, I'm just getting a using the chef for protein vibe from him, which makes me wary. But yeah, I mean, I'm not a hater or whatever. He seems like cute and nice. He's going to annoy us.

47:36Ben Mandelker: He's going to annoy us. I'm just saying right now, I'm enjoying him. He's going to go down the path of Culver, where he'll be like, oh, he'll be fine. And then he'll turn out to be lazy and annoying and then sort of shitty. So like that will happen. But for right now, I'm enjoying this aspect of his personality.

47:54Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So Aisha is talking to Kaylee, and she's like, all right, you're going to go with the deck team to sit up, and then when the guests want to come, I'll come. Okay, you're going to do the beach picnic. It's very exciting. It's going to send Jen into a spiral for a reason that nobody can really understand. All right.

48:14Ben Mandelker: Is that fun? don't forget to not shove the placemats on the island down in the background angrily looking out the window like she's putting the placemats out wrong

48:32Ronnie Karam: so joy is making sushi and she's like i love sushi a yacht chef is very important to know every cuisine when i was working for my boss he was a professional baseball player he loved my cuisine so much, he offered to pay for my culinary courses all around the world. And I went to Vahona Chocolate School, Cordon Bleu, Du Corset, Thailand, Master Sushi Academy in Japan. I fried from McDonald's. So many. I've cooked crazy things. Chicken feet, crocodile, the balls of a rooster. An entire human. I've never heard of the balls of a rooster. Was that a thing?

49:11Ben Mandelker: I've heard of bulls balls. I guess so. yeah i've heard different testicles but i haven't uh rooster balls wait it sounds vaguely familiar it sounds vaguely familiar as a cuisine i feel like i heard about it somewhere in some random ass thing but generally speaking i would say no that's not something that like pings on my radar as like a cuisine who is eating the rooster balls that's what i'm i'll look it up everyone guys

49:37Ronnie Karam: don't worry i'm on the internet i will take care of it i've heard of that i mean i've heard of eating a lots of different kinds of testicles but i've just never heard of the rooster

49:45Ben Mandelker: in what cuisine are rooster testicles consumed i asked it very formally and we're gonna find out very soon what's really thinking about it huh it's really thinking it's a lot of time for the internet whoa it's a lot of his mind okay so rooster testicles often referred to as chicken testicles or chicken balls are consumed as a delicacy in several global cuisines they are uh particularly prominent in chinese vietnamese and hungarian cuisines so there you go they're prized for their soft tofu like or custard like texture and are frequently used for their purported health benefits such as boosting male virility and improving skin tone you would have known that if you've been reading men's health since you were 15 years old we asked a

50:25Ronnie Karam: very prominent rooster what he thinks of this and he said ow okay he said cock-a-doodle don't

50:37Ronnie Karam: so uh joy doesn't have to go to the picnic and she's like good i can focus on cake which is literally how i decline every invitation like i'm so sorry gotta stay in the night to focus on the cake great i can focus on the cake the autobiography of ben mandelker that'll be my political stance because they have like focus on the family and they're like, down with gay people. I'm going to be like, you know what? Let's forget about the gay people for a second. Focus on the cake. Who's not going to vote for that?

51:08Ben Mandelker: Well, the problem is, unfortunately, you try to focus on the cake and then some baker in Colorado makes that an anti-gay issue. It's like, I'm just trying to focus on the cake. Why do you have to give this to us? Okay.

51:20Ronnie Karam: So, um, I just ate a down with Adam and Steve cake. It was delicious. it's not adam and steve my ass it doesn't

51:34Ben Mandelker: so joy is god i would love a cake right now i would love a cake right now i'm so hungry for

51:40Ronnie Karam: cake by the way i did eat that candy out of the trash yesterday i'm and then i woke up mortified of course i threw some i threw some chocolate reasons some chocolate reasons in the trash and I was like, well, there's nothing disgusting in the trash. And they're wrapped individually. Girl, I took them out and wiped them down and unwrapped them and ate them. While I watched Love Island. The worst thing to watch while you're binging out on something. Like, oh my God, am I hot enough? I'm like, let me have my garbage reasons.

52:14Ben Mandelker: I'm eating garbage candy and watching 22-year-old Perfect Bodies bang. Well, I've got my college reunion. my 25-year college reunion coming up this weekend. So, of course, if you have a college reunion, you have to get into the best shape of your life, which is why naturally I went and bought like some kinder boy nose this morning because I'm just, I can't stop eating those. Do people do that before high school reunions? Or a college, any reunion. I mean, the idea is that you want to go and look good, right? Be like, oh, hey, how's it going? No, I didn't look good then.

52:46Ronnie Karam: Why should I show up looking good now?

52:48Ben Mandelker: I've put all my effort into looking good for BravoCon, And since then, I've now been like, I can't be bothered.

52:53Ronnie Karam: Those people wouldn't fuck me then. They ain't going to fuck me now. I don't care. I'm going to do the same thing during the reunion I did during high school, which is smoke at the smoker's wall with the smoking people.

53:08Ben Mandelker: I'll be very intrigued if Mindy shows up to the reunion. That'll be really fun. I'll be like, hey, Mindy, I have been really into Kinder Bueno's. Would you like one?

53:18Ronnie Karam: She's like, really? I've really been into making successful television shows. It's been fun.

53:23Ben Mandelker: I've been really into hanging out with Kate Hudson. Like, oh, well, I met Meredith Marks. She's like, I don't know who this.

53:36Ronnie Karam: Okay, so we have the beach picnic getting set up, and there's been a request for a special cake celebrating their years on the Las Vegas Strip. Now, listen, these people keep telling us how successful they are in Las Vegas. I've been to Vegas many times. Have you ever heard of the X shows? I mean, I've seen shows that are like X, X, X adult show. But that's kind of literally never, right?

54:00Ben Mandelker: Yeah, literally never. But I also tune out all the shit for straight guys, except for the sports stuff. But like the but like the the scantily clad women showgirls stuff for the for the straight guys. it's like it does not even like it's it's it just goes right it just yeah I see those billboards and I'm like oh my god I wonder if those girls want to go to lunch with me they look so by the way was there um you know that the Vanderpump Hotel opened this weekend of course I do a lot of our colleagues were invited to it it looked like a looked like a fun old time right did you has there been any gossip that's come out of that that you've heard of no I didn't know that

54:42Ronnie Karam: people were invited and we weren't. Why are you trying to ruin my day?

54:45Ben Mandelker: The hell? I mean, why should we be invited to it? It's not like we've been supporting Vanderpump Rules since the very beginning, including this season that everyone hated, but we liked. It's okay. Don't invite us.

54:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah, whatever, Dierks. But I will go stay there. It used to be the Cromwell.

55:04Ben Mandelker: Now it's the Crombetter. But, yeah. Okay, well, if there's any good stories, someone tell us. So now we're back. Can you tell how much we're trying to talk about anything but this show right now?

55:15Ronnie Karam: And it's a good show, too. So I don't know why. Because it's a pretty good season so far. So they're talking about the decoration of the cake. And Joy is asking if she can have Kaylee decorate the cake. Because Kaylee is, of course, also good at doing cakes. Which is great. But, oh, my God. Jen is going to lose her fucking mind. Oh, you do cakes, too? Oh, don't think I don't see what you're doing.

55:43Ben Mandelker: You want to see how I decorate a cake? And we'll just cut to a picture of a wedding cake with a giant cleaver in the middle of it. There's your decoration. So now Luke is, Nathan's talking to Luke. And he's like, I did tell Captain Sandy that Luke could be a lead deckhand material. So now I just have to test him a little more and see that I can make the decision based on facts and not emotion. So let's see how he is as a potential lead deckhand. Oh, no, Luke, you've just thrown the anchor into the wheelhouse. That's not where it goes. No, oh, no. Oh, terrible.

56:24Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So he lets him drive the tender. So Luke, Nathan is sitting next to him. He's like, okay, turn right. You're going to go right here. He's like, am I going past the brown hut? He's like, yes. Okay, now walk down these steps, set it up. It's a copy. So we know this is going to be a disaster. We just see it coming. So Kat is like, oh, hello there, Jim. Are you going to the beach? And she's like, no, it's fine. She's like, aw.

56:52Ben Mandelker: I'll just be here fixing all the placemats that were shoved everywhere. And so then Kaylee is. People are setting up at locker room and everything. And then Joe is, he's talking to the charter guests and they're putting in drink orders. They asked for a Malibu Coke. And he's like, what was that? He's like, Malibu, Malibu cock, Malibu cock, Malibu cock, cock, Malibu cock, they want a Malibu cock.

57:19Ronnie Karam: So he's giving these orders on the radio and he goes to that and he's like, and a Malibu cock. I'm sorry, that wasn't clear. A Malibu cock. A what? He's like, so wait, guys, what's in a Malibu cock? And they're like, oh my god, it's a Malibu and Coke.

57:38Ben Mandelker: Oh, it's a Malibu and Coke. So she's like, that makes way more sense. So the guests, they arrive at their picnic, and they're very happy, and there's a peacock. And then someone goes, I got bitten by a peacock at the Detroit Zoo. That's on you. I'm sorry.

57:58Ronnie Karam: Girls. These girls are so funny. I got bitten by a peacock at the Detroit Zoo. I died.

58:06Ben Mandelker: Why were you that close to the peacock at the zoo? Anytime someone gets injured by an animal at the zoo, I'm like, that's your fault. That's your fault. The animals, those are animals and you're humans. You should know better. And there's probably healthy barriers between you and the animal. So, like, don't complain to me about your stupid incident. Well, this is why Carol Burnett never ate a peacock in that sketch. That's right. Bitter ass. That's why we don't have peacock milk, nor are peacock balls part of any sort of world cuisine. Yeah. Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap.

58:40Ben Mandelker: For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

59:06Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offord. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier.

59:19Ben Mandelker: Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Hala Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

59:25Ronnie Karam: It's no BS. We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

59:33Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

59:36Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. Gather round for the lore of Michelle Moore. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

1:00:10Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

1:00:16Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V.

1:00:20Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD

1:00:23Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher Hoagel your horses, it's Christine Hoagel Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily sides

1:00:39Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall We got our wish, it's Jen Plish Have a kebab with K-Rob My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers.

1:01:06Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Sherouse. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince.

1:01:20Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafsun. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop, it's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose.

1:01:35Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

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