#3424 Below Deck Med S11E03 Part One: Damons and Demons

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1:24Ben Mandelker: Watch what happens. Oh, I mean, watch what happens. Guess what happens when there's so much that happens.

1:34Ronnie Karam: Well, hello, everybody. It's me, Rondal. That's Bendel over there. Welcome to Watch What Happens. I'm glad to have you here, everybody. Happy Tuesday. Today is Below Deck, Mediterranean Day, featuring one of the biggest assholes we've had on this show in a very long i mean it's actually impressive how'd you feel about it yeah i mean a real big

1:58Ben Mandelker: asshole uh this guy's definitely heading right to the asshole hall of fame along with that one guy who was on below deck sailing who came on with what's her name erica rose or something like that or emily rose oh yeah yeah uh this guy is terrible i mean we've had some bad guests this one's already really just awful so we are going to get into that um super fun i also look really greasy today

2:26Ronnie Karam: i'm not greasy i've just been really exfoliating and i don't think i have my layers of skin are gone so anyone watching this on demand that's why sorry i'm not a greaseball i'm trying guys so today uh blow deck if you want this on video you can get that on patreon on demand and Crappin's on demand on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappin's. That's also where you get bonus episodes. I think this week we're going to do a Real Housewives of Orange County preview, okay? And we've done some Love Islands over there. It's also where you get ad-free listening, a Discord server to talk to each other about all this stuff, and our free weekly newsletter called Read What Crappin's, which is where I just go off for 10 pages about all these shows again.

3:14Ronnie Karam: So join us for that. And now, oh, also we're doing House of the Dragon this week. So that podcast is called Winter is Crappening. So go subscribe to that. We'll probably also release it on this one because we're like that. Okay. It's also thematically appropriate.

3:33Ben Mandelker: There is a thematic bridge to this television show that we are about to recap. because as we all know King's Landing is filmed in Dubrovnik which is also where Below Deck Med takes place and if you watched House of the Dragon you basically were watching Below Deck because it was like get the fenders out, get the fenders out okay I need you to call distances quiet on the radio, we're going through two mountains so I mean they basically were the same show and there also are a lot of guys on that show they're like i'm rich i can do whatever i want so yeah i guess there are some similarities

4:14Ronnie Karam: so here we go season 11 episode 3 get zilla on oh guest zilla on board guest zilla yep

4:25Ben Mandelker: guzzilla so so we want to dubrovnik on dw wait i'm gonna do that at the top of every episode i I swear to God, every time I see Dubrovnik, I have to sing that lyric. So it's 10.40 p.m., which is 10 minutes after 10.30 p.m., and Nathan and Joe are arguing by the bathroom in a restaurant because Nathan heard the word Gale, and he's mad. He's mad that the word came out of Joe's mouth.

4:51Ronnie Karam: He's mad, and he's really trying hard to get Joe just fired because he doesn't want to have to work with Joe, so he's trying to make any case he can to Sandy later. Like, oh my God, he was talking about Gail. So we have to do something. I had to stand up to him. He was talking about Gail. Nathan continues to make an ass out of himself on this show. And it's really funny to watch. I actually really liked Nathan for a long time. I think I liked him until last year. I mean, there was the social media stuff, like the bigoted social media stuff. And then just the general treatment of Gail, I didn't love.

5:23Ronnie Karam: I think before that, I loved Nathan. I really liked him. So it's kind of a bummer to see him go down so far. but it's also really funny at this point because man, he is his own worst enemy.

5:35Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I liked Nathan. I really liked him last season until the social media stuff came out. Because honestly, I know what you're saying. You brought it up a lot about how basically Nathan was also being like a fuckboy. And by the way, I didn't like how he ghosted Gail. I always felt like he was just massively immature. But like as a character on TV, I enjoyed him. but uh yeah now he's just sort of like meh um so he is uh he's puffing up his chest about gail don't talk about gail i swear to god the issue you have with gail just cut it out and just like yo it's like because i'm not gonna let you sit here and fucking bad mouth her it's like let in bad mother it's like yes it me i did that's the fucking mother of my fucking child you'd fucking respect me when i'm saying that to you because guess what she deserves all the respecting the world before I ghost her again.

6:26Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And Joe's just doing the smart thing. He's just doing his teeth-touching smile with wide eyes. He's like, I respect it completely. I don't know what you're talking about. I would never do anything to Gail. I don't care. What's the problem here? He's like, don't do it because my next reaction isn't going to be as fucking nice, man. I swear to God. Oh, you're so scary. I feel like Liz from Rhode Island needs to be here. Like, I'm so scared. So scary.

6:56Ben Mandelker: Scary. He's like, just don't do it. My next reaction isn't going to be fucking nice, man. I swear to God. He's like, but that wasn't my attention. And everyone else in the group is like, what's going on in there? And Jen, of all people, goes, I'm so glad we don't have any beef in the interior. I'm like, Jen, you are the beef. You are the full cow. I'm calling you a cow. I'm just making a beef analogy. But you are the full beef patty. You're two beef patties between a bun and special sauce, okay?

7:23Ronnie Karam: she's acting like everything is sailing inside she's a monster and she was on watch what happens last night and um andy's like okay what is your least favorite candy in the world and she's like what's the girl's name i haven't gotten to it yet in the notes kaylee kaylee she's like kaylee kaylee's the worst candy in the world she fucking sucks wow okay what is the most disgusting booger you've ever picked kaylee she's my sister's god hater damn like have you not read any comments about yourself this whole season she doesn't care and you know you have to give it to her for just being so confident and being a villain you know yeah she's like no i'm hateful

8:02Ben Mandelker: come for me i don't care did she say what her parents do her very successful parents i didn't watch i just read about it on reddit oh i want to know what happens with jen crazy seriously andy must hate the blow deck nights because you know people are like i don't want to tune in to see random like stew um so nathan's pissed off so he's like i'm gonna go and so uh you know because he has he has a gonna go privilege this season because he has to actually go to a house um so nathan and asia just step away from the table and nathan's like that's fucking guy i'm done with um but what did you say oh me and gail don't get along yada yada yada yada it's just like Keep your fucking name out of your mouth Don't try to infiltrate any of everyone's perception of her Okay And she says I agree with that But the thing is He just got the news about his mom Maybe he's in sort of a weird place You're just yelling at someone Who just found out that their mom has breast cancer You know what I mean He's like fuck that guy I don't give a fuck Okay well

9:14Ronnie Karam: Great move Another great move for Nathan. So then we go back to the dinner table, and Luke's asking Joe what that was about. And he's like, ah, he's overreactive, very aggressive. I just let him be.

9:30Ben Mandelker: So Nathan's just hugging Aisha, and he's like, I can't stay out, or else I'm going to end up fucking hitting him. She's like, okay, we'll take a breath. Don't hit the guy who just found out his mama's cancer. so he's like i don't know what joe's problem with gail is i mean could you believe it he said a sentence and used her name in it that's crazy she doesn't belong near any verb or noun or subject

9:55Ronnie Karam: to disrespect not only a woman but the mother of my fucking child oh geez can we stop can we stop your feminist parade it's so fake coming from you just stop it okay and nobody said anything about her or your child give me a break he just stated where he where he stands with her he was actually

10:15Ben Mandelker: setting it up to say yeah he was giving broader context of why it was meaningful how nathan came and supported him earlier in the day that's really what joe was doing and please don't make me defend

10:26Ronnie Karam: joe i know it's disgusting like we're having to sit here and defend joe for christ's sake nathan what are you doing to us i know so um luke meanwhile is talking to joy or flirting with joy and he's like, listen, I'm not for sale, okay? She's like, I know I can have your money for free, so it is okay. He's like, no, you can't.

10:49Ben Mandelker: That's what you think. So then Kat is talking with Cooper. Kat is the third stew, and she is giggling, or I guess she's the fourth stew. She's the bottom of the barrel stew, basically. She's the one who doesn't know how she'd be a stew, but she has the best attitude. She's my favorite. Yeah, she's the sweet. I love her.

11:06Ronnie Karam: I don't know who out there has seen Schmigadoon, but she is definitely a character from Schmigadoon. She's like, hey, we going to the meeting. There's a big party today. We're all going to have fun. She's very musical theater in the 50s.

11:23Ben Mandelker: I love her. I love every time she's on. So she's talking with Cooper, and Joe is flirting with Kaylee, and Luke and Joy are flirting, and Jen is in the corner gritting her teeth. He's like, I'm sexy. So then Joy is like, you look like your mama. You don't have a brother or sister. And then Jen's like, wait, are you an only child? Why don't flirt with me? I'm an only child also. And I'm going to be more successful than my parents.

11:49Ronnie Karam: He's like, wow, you're an only child too? Do you like to share things? And she goes, I don't like to share my man. Absolutely the fuck not.

11:59Ben Mandelker: Can we please go out and dance? Please, like, don't know, like, oh God, don't know why I made that noise. because I guess she was like, or make some weird noise. So they're like, okay, let's go dance. And then Joe's like, you cause trouble. Can't stand. I can't stand that opening line of a flirtation section. Romance. Like, you're going to be a trouble? It's also a very Joe line.

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14:30Ronnie Karam: so she says the reason i um i got this tattoo that says liability is because every time i went to like a new country and met new people they'd be like you're a bit of a liability aren't you and i thought people were pranking me at a certain point and then i realized it's just me i'm the problem it's me i'm only a liability on the nights

14:51Ben Mandelker: out i hope oh my god i am so embarrassed for her i mean liability someone has finally trumped ryan tamra son ryan for getting nugget in his lip uh because now she has liability a tattoo of liability in her inside of her lip first of all i'm like that's a like i i get that you're maybe trying to own a joke, but like, you don't have to do that. B, do you want insurance? Because this is going to be an issue. Those actuaries are not known for their humor, okay? They're going to be like, well, she literally has liability branded on her. I don't think we can give her this policy.

15:35Ronnie Karam: An actuary. I like that you're thinking about the actuarial effects. I have to say it's a very long word for a tattoo on the inside of your lip. It's very long. I mean, tattoo like bi, you know, or I don't know, something shorter, it. It doesn't even have to make sense. Just is, you know, or I. Something short or a heart. Just put a heart if you got to do it.

16:03Ben Mandelker: I resent people who tattoo things on the inside of their lip because I feel like if you tattoo a word or an image or anything on the inside of your lip, that means that you live in canker sore privilege. That means that you rarely, if ever, get canker sores because if you get canker sores a decent amount like I do, then you know how much that shit hurts and you would never voluntarily add extra canker sore-like pain to your mouth, right?

16:32Ronnie Karam: Yeah. I mean, I guess. Why would you do that? I mean, I don't get canker sores, but I do eat tortilla chips sometimes and they rip my mouth a lot. start get that kind of pain i wouldn't do that on purpose except that i do but i mean you get a tortilla chip what do you get putting you know at least i get something from it what do you get

16:52Ben Mandelker: from putting liability you just get an embarrassing tattoo that yes you could hide it from people the rest of your life but like you're gonna have to explain that every time you go to the dentist anytime you make out with someone in a weird way i suppose and just like the rest of your life like I'm just mortified for her that she got this tattoo. And I'm also sad for her because it does come from a place of very low self-esteem, right? Where people have basically shot on her so much that she's thinking, oh, I'm going to own it and make it a part of me. And now it's a joke. And now I've defended myself against this.

17:29Ben Mandelker: And I'm like, that just sucks.

17:33Ronnie Karam: I mean, I don't know about the low self-esteem. I just don't understand why everywhere she goes, people call her a liability. I mean, this is the Tracy Flick character who wants to do everything right and be perfect. So I don't, who's calling you a liability? And why are they saying that in so many countries? I don't understand. I don't understand.

17:51Ben Mandelker: Last time I checked, the first time Sandy ever crashed into a doc was when this girl was on board. So, I mean, you know. Well, that's true. Something to consider.

17:59Ronnie Karam: I mean, if it was Captain Jason, he was like, I got a tattoo only inside of my lip. Liability. Okay. I would get that. But what is this, what has this girl done? You know? Yeah. I don't know. I don't get it. But we're talking about it, which is, I guess, what you want when you're like, look, I have a tattoo that says liability on my inner lip. So now she's suddenly, I guess she's basically telling us, like, after dark, I'm naughty kitten. Watch out. So she's like, I promise I'm not that bad. Don't lie. This reaction is making it worse. Come on. He's like, no, it's fantastic. It is fantastic.

18:37Ben Mandelker: so nathan's um alone in a van going off to his home and he's talking to himself he's like don't fucking talk about her on the fucking table like a coward okay you know what settle down just put on some easy listening and make your way to your little box house um he's fucked up so much he just

18:54Ronnie Karam: wants to make himself look like a hero he wants to go home and be like yeah he came for you and i stood for you gal but he's also like he's also like one of those annoying dads who's like hey

19:07Ben Mandelker: nathan um thinking about going to the bar to maybe watch the game you want to come he's like no bro you're fucking kidding me i'm a dad now what's what's fucking wrong with you like he's one of those people that like throws the dad thing in your face and then actually gets mad at you

19:23Ronnie Karam: you know i get that vibe from him very distinctly i'm a dad you wouldn't understand it as a non-dad

19:32Ben Mandelker: what the fuck is wrong with you why would you ask me to do that you know what i have on my plate i'm a dad now fucking grow up like what i just want to know if you want to come to the game so they go out they go sorry say it again you have a lot of dad trauma from your dramas yeah no it's just i think just well i think just in general like gays gays i think are less likely to have kids and so we encounter this sort of behavior with people a lot more over the years

19:59Ronnie Karam: you know where our friends have parent our friends have kids and then they're like see ya sorry but i have kids now um so then we go to some castle looking thing where everybody goes to club and it's the you know it's the below deck like this is a show about boating but also who's gonna bang so we get this everybody flirting with each other and trying each other out and we um juxtapose that with nathan gail just sitting with her baby and um she's doing that thing where she's like say hi to daddy you know like not really talking to him but kind of telling the baby to talk to him. What a stupid bitch.

20:42Ronnie Karam: No, that's my least favorite thing, though. When people are like, when you haven't seen someone a long time, and they're like, Say hi to Ronnie. I was ready. Today's Ronnie hungry. Oh my god, give me a fucking drink. Okay? Ronnie needs a drink.

20:59Ben Mandelker: Say hello.

21:01Ronnie Karam: Tell your parent that Rondell needs a drink. Okay, maybe?

21:07Ben Mandelker: this is the first time I've been away from Gail and my son since he's been born. And it's tough because in the back of your mind, you want to text and you want to call all the time, but I have to try to focus solely on work to be able to spend one night with them. I just re-centers me and it humbles me. Um, so, okay. Uh, Gail's like, you look like you're about, what's going on? You look like you're about to vomit out something and you're trying to hold any with all your power. He's like, ah, I'm pissed off. we're at dinner and i hear joe say oh me and gail have our problems she's like he said that he's like yeah i'm not gonna stand for it and i thought she was gonna say listen like it's okay he's allowed to mention my name but she's like i'm sorry that you're in that position he's never been able to articulate what his problems are with me yeah and she's like he disrespected me he disrespected literally every girl in his week he has no moral grounds it was just a bit of a

22:03Ronnie Karam: shook when i found out he was here again i mean us too um but nathan's still going too far and so she's saying you know i don't want nathan to be stuck having this bad season because of bad blood between me and joe and it makes me nervous that he has to be on a boat with him for six weeks i'm just questioning if being here is the right decision nathan is the father of my child and i want to protect my family

22:30Ben Mandelker: I don't see if the family's under threat but that's okay yeah you're working with someone I don't like my god family's in danger

22:42Ronnie Karam: you guys are giving Joe too much credit he's just some douchebag at work

22:47Ben Mandelker: yeah he just wants to get it in so back to Club Reveillon where they're all reveling around Cooper and Cat are flirting and Cooper's like you're grabbing my titties and then uh joe's dancing with kaylee and he's like not only do i find you sexually attractive that's the obvious i generally find you so fucking funny so he's already like doing laying down the lines that we've seen a million times yes it's not your looks really it's your

23:13Ronnie Karam: heart it's your hilarious hilarious heart you can spell such big words on your lip and um he's like this night has been so mentally challenging so he's like yeah i got the worst night of my life or the worst news of my entire life nathan on my back i just need a release and distract myself from what's going on and kaylee that's a pretty good distraction so then asia text checks in on

23:40Ben Mandelker: nathan via text just be like let me know if you're okay you know she's being very nice and then luke is flirting with joy and she's like it's too much for me you know this he's like all this like jen like too much but i'm really happy that you've come to see me eh and he's like i just want some

23:57Ronnie Karam: steak do you have did you bring a steak to the club by any chance and joe's not loving this that he's flirting with everybody you know where he's flirting with jen and her at the same time and she's like it's too much for me so nathan um nathan's texting back that gail is stressing and he's just trying to reassure her that everything will work out yeah but you're the

24:23Ben Mandelker: one stressing her out yeah you came home and acted like joe was going to destroy the family and now she's stressed out like it's you're the one who did this um yeah she doesn't need to be

24:35Ronnie Karam: bothered with your petty drama dude geez so then cooper's uh cooper is saying you know jen and sheffy are both interested in you and he's like well it's a difficult dilemma because jen's hot and full of lust and Sheffy's, you know, I could go home with Sheffy. I could take her home. It's a typical fuckboy dilemma.

24:55Ben Mandelker: Here we go. I was about to say, a dilemma that no one in the audience really cares about. It's like, wow, what will this very hot guy do? Will he go with one hot girl or a different hot girl? Oh, God, life is tough. So Joe is, Aisha's checking on Joe and Joe's like, Aisha, me and Aether are never going to be the same. You know that, don't you? She's like, don't worry about it. He's like, I'm not worrying. I know how he's like. I know how to manage it. She's like, well, you're both very stubborn, and I always listen to each side, and we're a team. And I love you. And by I love you, I just want to tolerate you till I'm done with yet another wretched season.

25:34Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so she's saying, you know, this sucks because they hate each other. But, you know, they've got to keep it together for the sake of the boat, you guys. So then we go back to the boat. there's a girls fan and a boys fan and Aisha's asking Joy for a debrief and well she's asking the girls for a debrief and Jen's like obviously Luke is my number one interest and Joy's like oh I can feel

26:03Ben Mandelker: and the guys are just playing around just like you know force playing etc and Kat announces guys I want a house full of cats so So everyone gets back on the boat. Just a little insight into her life.

26:21Ronnie Karam: Why are we talking about men? I want cats. Give me the cats. So then we go back to Akira One. And Joy and Luke are in the galley. And he's like, hey, can we go chill in your cabin? She's like, no, we are not going to chill in my cabin. Okay. Sorry, my friend. She gets like a little pasta and walks off. He's like, no worries. oh you know that's that's great but now he's gonna bang jen i mean we've seen these shows a million times he's gonna take the easiest route and good for you for not being it you know yeah

26:54Ben Mandelker: well i mean and he will he can go bang jen and then he will no longer have free steak in the kitchen so you know every action has a reaction um asia is doing her traditional thing of eating noodles or something from a bowl in her bed and then Kaylee is gonna hang out with Joe and it's just like my advice to you would be if you ever think it's more than a fling it's not so be careful and she's like well not a single part of me wants to be in a relationship like you 100 % will want to be in a relationship and we've been down this path so many times with Joe and other fuckboys of the Below Deck universe please please spare us this very annoying storyline that's about to unfold but i'm really

27:43Ronnie Karam: hoping it's true i'm like i'm rooting for you cat come on i'm rooting for you to be or kaylee kaylee i'm really rooting for you to be uh telling the truth and she's like remember by the way there

27:55Ben Mandelker: remember that there was that season of below deck sailing i think it was the final one where there was a girl who truly didn't want anything deep from gary and he like couldn't handle it that he couldn't kind of get that kind of fawning that he normally gets he was like see but you don't want to have something you don't want to have a relationship with me and she was like no i feel so used

28:21Ronnie Karam: okay he's like i'm not for anything serious i'm i'm on my travel bag and my i'm on my travel bug my single era my single girl era what the fuck is wrong with me and i'm enjoying being independent slowly figuring out who i am you know i have a tattoo on the inside of my lip really big word so let's just have some fun together figuring out who you are i thought you already knew who you were

28:48Ben Mandelker: uh so joe and kaylee are on the sun deck and he's like just lie down for a bit it's freezing and then cooper is um he's got like a little mask on you know downstairs and so cat's like like why do you have a face mask on do you know how tempting that would be if you had a bunch of cats around here they'd just be nibbling at it he's like why not she's like well i want to sit somewhere but i like don't know where to sit so can i sit by you and your crazy masked face right now oh my god thanks i'm trying to hold back my smile because i want to get the full effect of the

29:22Ronnie Karam: mask okay and then we go to the sun deck with joe and kaylee flirting and he's like oh i like this but we've got to make it work throughout the whole season she's like um yeah i don't want anything serious do you want anything serious and goes oh gold thank you thank you god thank you so

29:41Ben Mandelker: much so cat and cooper taking selfies and everything and saying how they're cute and cat announces that she definitely likes cooper because he makes her giggle like a little girl again she's like i'm just like i don't know i'm just like grinning just like a little girl i'm like you're like two years old i mean like you're it's just funny to me when people who are like 21 are like i just feel so young again they're a cute couple though because they're both goofballs i think yeah i like them and she's like yeah you got a face mouth calm so i think they're gonna

30:17Ronnie Karam: do really well together fingers crossed really rooting for those kids i want to really rooting rooting and tooting

30:26Ben Mandelker: i want to kiss you so fucking bud but i haven't said it i'm like you literally just said it so then they make out she's like me too and so they um he's like let's go to bed and she's like nothing serious right liability he's like no nothing serious no seriousness yeah meanwhile

30:44Ronnie Karam: Cooper's going to bed and he shares with Joe. And he's like, Joe is up to something. We got to Joe and Kaylee going into their separate cabins, which, you know, we're surprised by. Because I thought they just said nothing serious, let's bang. But, you know. Yeah, I thought they were going to go bang. Yeah. So next morning, 7 a.m., six hours before charter. Super weird because this is the second time stamp we've had on this show that's like a normal time. Like, it's not 7 a.m., you know. It has me worried for the show Yeah

31:17Ben Mandelker: It's disconcerting that things are happening On the top of the hour And exactly at the top of the hour It doesn't feel right or normal I feel like I'm being lied to

31:27Ronnie Karam: So Jen Jen is talking to Kat And Kat's like oh I feel like I slept I feel like I only slept 10 minutes Like what happened And then we cut to Joy in the galley And she's talking to herself And she's like let us do something With this little movement

31:43Ben Mandelker: talking to him i think yeah a lot of details in this episode so then sandy is on the bridge it's a lot of things that go nowhere uh sandy's on the bridge and she's just like hey she's touching her instruments she goes what's happening there we don't know we don't know what she's doing but maybe she's trying to get that seat to work again Oh Recline function activate

32:11Ronnie Karam: Whoa okay I'm upside down Oh gosh So Aisha's checking in with Kaylee She's like what went on Well I was just making out with him last night That's hilarious And she's like night one you go girl And um Uh Aisha is talking To I keep forgetting this girl's name Kaylee and I keep seeing her over and over It's too much Kaylee cat, cat, Kaylee, Kaylee cat, Kaylee cat, Kaylee cat, hello, my little Kaylee cat. So she's saying, I don't want it to be anything more. I'm the girl version of him. She's like, oh, well, I've heard that before too, so just don't get hurt, okay? I've been on this show, I've seen this show, been there, done that.

32:57Please just stick to your word. I can't take it.

33:01Ben Mandelker: There's nothing that makes me think that Kaylee is the girl version of Joe. There's like just absolutely nothing that she's presented so far that makes me think that she will just treat this relationship in a cold clinical way purely for physical satisfaction. So the fact that she's sitting here and trying to present herself like that to me is hilarious. Commercials, here comes one right now. Grilling season is finally here and let's be honest, the difference between a good cookout and a great one comes down to the quality of your meat. You can have the best grill setup in the world, but if what you're cooking isn't great, it shows.

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35:37Ronnie Karam: I'm going to go out on a limb and believe, believe, believe. I'm going to believe. Okay. I'm going to believe in you, Kaylee. Don't let me down. So now we go to the group.

35:46Ben Mandelker: I'm going to believe that you'll get emotionally attached. Oh, not emotionally attached. No, I don't see it.

35:52Ronnie Karam: No, I'm going to, I'm going to believe it. I believe it. Okay. So So now we go to the mess and Luke is hugging Jen. And they're asking where Nathan is. But of course, he's got a baby. He doesn't have to be here. But they are picking up charters today. And so it's time to clean, everybody. And Sandy checks in with Joy, takes a little bite. Check that. He's very good. Do you know what those buttons do upstairs? Have you seen them? Come up and help me. I'm afraid to touch them. Unbelievable. Yeah, last time I touched him, I was upside down for three hours.

36:28Ben Mandelker: It's funny that they call them instruments, because last time I checked, I didn't hear a symphony playing. Sorry, we just called it. That's all the wheelhouse humor.

36:39Ronnie Karam: So, now Nathan comes back to the boat, and he sees Joe. And Nathan's like, let me get changed quickly, and we'll have a chat. I was like, oh, God, not another one. Please don't tell somebody off again for no reason. But he doesn't. He actually shocks me. And he meets up with Joe and he's like, you know, this can't continue the way it is. And about last night, I don't appreciate Gail's name being brought up. And he's like, well, it won't happen again. Oh, thanks. But I'm not going to let our issue affect our team. It's on a personal note. And I'm sorry, honestly. I promise I won't react like that again.

37:14Ronnie Karam: Let's just be civil. Okay.

37:16Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it was just a rollercoaster of emotions yesterday because, like, you know, don't want to actually say it but you can see by my ellipses i'm saying my mom was diagnosed with cancer and you were being a real dick to me but anyway

37:28Ronnie Karam: thanks for coming to talk to me yeah and he's like you've actually been super on deck man i'm actually really happy with your work and the system in place is listen to the bosun so no stepping on toes and let's have a good fucking season sorry you already ruined that he is going to be coming for he was already going to be coming for you every two seconds but he's going to be I mean you know

37:49Ben Mandelker: he'll be undermining like crazy he's like I'm actually surprised at how this conversation went like if we can stay like this and stop seeing red all the time that's hopeful so Nathan's like yeah that's two stubborn Irish and the Liverpoolian he's like yeah so now Kaylee's checking in on Luke to see how the deck is going and he says it's good and she's like oh that's so good you know Aisha has such a good energy the girls are just like they're so honored as well because like i'm not that experienced isn't that like wild how inexperienced i am she's just trying to like this is like some faux humble shit that she's doing right now knowing that she's like quietly climbing the ladder you know behind the scenes it's like someone uh coming

38:35Ronnie Karam: and playing a brilliant piano piece and being like oh my god i barely practice it's crazy and He's like, really? It's like, yeah, I mean, I was soul still, so you do learn a lot, obviously. You know, on paper, it doesn't look like I've done much yachting. This is the first time I've worked on a boat this big, but I've done hospitality since I was literally 17, so maybe I am better than I thought I was.

38:59Ben Mandelker: You know what else is on paper? A note from Jen's parents saying, we like you better. I can't believe that. That's so nice of them to say that to me.

39:08Ronnie Karam: So Sandy is telling Nathan Her number one thing You know we all know Sandy's thing Get the water toys out That's what I want to see Okay we pull up somewhere Water toys get them out there Okay don't make me reverse hug you What's a reverse hug? You don't want to find out

39:28Ben Mandelker: Just put out all the toys So that way they can be used for 10 minutes Okay go And then Jen and Kat are inside guest cabins and cat is like uh um this is the way you actually tuck in sheets or whatever she's like she's like hanging a sheet from a picture frame jen's like no tuck and then fold idiot i mean i've been i've been doing this shit since i was like 19 i became uh a chief stew like when i was like 20 years old and the fact that i can even say i've been a chief stew already is like absolutely insane pause for applause and admiration yeah i really have that eye for detail that other girls don't seem to have so i definitely feel like i should be a shoo-in for seconds too

40:16Ronnie Karam: so we have our separate uh prep sheet meetings where sandy's with the deck crew and h's with the the uh other crew and um so now the client guys i've had him twice okay it's johnny damon and his wife michelle here they come guys jones like he's a very famous baseball player pretty famous probably knows my uh hospital corners same pretty famous too ask famous people they know how to sleep in a bed

40:54Ben Mandelker: um so yeah by the way i think every single johnny damon charter has been a disaster if i remember correctly um so uh it's just like oh yeah they're a good time good time if you like drunk people who be off the side of the boat so well you know johnny and michelle damon are at

41:14Ronnie Karam: the helm of this lively and glamorous charter they're eager to play with the water toys are the water toys out yet. Get the water toys out. You know, when Johnny Damon, I wish I was there when he was born, so I could say, Johnny Damon, come out. Come out towards the water toys. We're waiting for you. Come on, little baby on a jet ski. He deserved that. We're going to show him better.

41:35Ben Mandelker: Yeah, we're going to show him the real way to be on a yacht. Okay, we're joined by the friend Janessa. Just let you think about that. Her name is Vanessa, but with a J. It's like someone cut off a part of the V and then rounded off the bottom of it. If you think about it, okay, I'm losing the audience. And also the globetrotty boyfriend, Mark.

41:57Ronnie Karam: And also a terrifying man named Joseph and his girlfriend, Addie. Addie, more like subtractie. You'll see why in a moment. He actually doesn't really know her name, but he found her from an Addie. So here you go. Well, plus Michelle's best friend, Shiloh.

42:17Ben Mandelker: All these names. Shayla, Addie, Janessa, I can't oh and also her entrepreneur son Hunter named after the TV show of course so Kat's like well god I mean who isn't a Fred Dreyer fan right Kat's like well for their first dinner on board they want an extravagant banquet reminiscent of ancient Rome okay and Aisha says that they want Captain to join them for dinner and then there's going to be a buffet and then the next day they want to do a dine in the dark experience um which should be that i mean instead of to worry about presentation right for the food yeah they want it to be pitch black in

42:58Ronnie Karam: there and so it's like eating in the dark is like swinger move not so weird uh and after dinner the crew will transform part of the yacht into a thrilling escape room style challenge oh for christ's sake these people are asking too much escape room challenge what the hell oh god

43:15Ben Mandelker: This is producer interference I don't like it

43:17Ronnie Karam: And of course Jen's like I actually did this on a previous boat So I already know how to do this I've been doing escape rooms since I was like 12

43:26Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it was basically like I would just walk out of my bedroom And I'd be like, I escaped I'm gonna be a purser Suck it, mom and dad

43:33Ronnie Karam: Well, I'm excited to go back and research this I'll do that I've already done it I've already done escape rooms So, I mean, I'm pretty sure I should be in charge of the escape room, right? Okay

43:46Ben Mandelker: yeah I'm like a big escape room queen so then they've got an hour got one hour till the crew arrives and Joy's making a chickpea tortilla elsewhere and then Nathan and Cooper are talking and Nathan's like when it comes down to it talking there's two lines just talking about talking and Cooper's like yeah you're so good you really direct stuff good you make me excited to learn You're a good dad. You're going to be a real good dad. It's like, oh, thank you. Thank you so much. So then we go. I just want my deck daddy. Yeah. I just want my deck daddy. All right. Let's have all the ladies together.

44:29I just wanted to say to you guys, thank you so much for Charter 1. I am blown away by all of your work. And today I am going to award second stew to the person who has been doing this so hard for so long. And I guarantee this woman is already better than both of her parents combined. And her name is Kaylee. Jen's like, oh, what? And Kaylee, this year we're doing something a little bit different. We're going to give you a complimentary purse for your efforts So you're something of a purser If you think about it

45:15Kaylee also carries the best purse So we're going to all call her purser

45:26It's so cute when Kaylee smiles Because she sort of puts her looks together and all that So we're going to call her the purser Kaylee you're so great Oh hold on I'm getting a phone call Kaylee it's you're not parents But it's Jen's parents saying Okay what do they have to say

45:44Ben Mandelker: Kaylee we are so proud of you We never met you but Aisha sent us a picture of you Pursing your lips while holding a purse And you really are the best person we've met In fact we've actually decided both to just give up our jobs Because we want you to be the breadwinners for us Thank you Thank you for calling So I just want to make it clear Kayleigh, you were so talented. You were the second stew of a gen. All right? You were the best of a gen. Right. So Kayleigh's like, oh, my God. I'm not sure if I'm even the right choice for this. Gen already hates me. I'm like, shitting myself on liability.

46:23What the fuck, dude? Jen's all upset. Well, something I've learned in my charter is you can't always look to the resume to decide things. Jen might have more experience on paper, but Kayleigh is the driving determination to make Jen have a nervous breakdown on the boat, and I'm really here to get ratings, so this is going to be good. Yeah, because I realise if someone else peeps in the shower, it'll be more fun if Jen is the one who has to clean it up than Kayleigh. Here's hoping for a waffle stomp.

47:02Ben Mandelker: well let me fold this i need something to do with my hands or else i'm gonna just jen goes into rage folding so cat is like uh here i can help with stuff no no no the folding process has begun get away from me um so she does not want to be attached or talk to and she's

47:18Ronnie Karam: really really really mad yeah so cat congratulates her and kaylee's like oh thank you i was just gonna grab my bed but you know what i'll do when it's this crowded i guess because she can say and Jen wants to kill her. And Jen's just kind of mumbling in fury to catch. Like, unfortunately, in this industry, being a fucking suck-up helps. And I'm not very good at that because I'd rather work speak for itself. Well, then you're never going to get anywhere because you're miserable. No one is going to hire you. No one is going to get... You're not going to get anywhere being as miserable.

47:48Ben Mandelker: You're not going to get anywhere. And don't act like if you were Chief Stew, you wouldn't love the Stews that are sucking up to you. You know that Jen probably just laps up anyone who sucks up to her. So she's all of a sudden being like, the fact that anyone have to suck up to get ahead is just beneath me. It's just an indignation. Shut up. So Jen is like, I mean, you're my favorite, by the way. You're my favorite, but shut up. Kat is like, well, just keep a good attitude. You never know what will happen. It's like, well, why are you trying to tuck that sheet into a lamp? Get out of my face.

48:18Ronnie Karam: And Kat tells us, I think Kaylee's actual very capable of being second stew, so I don't really agree with Jen's opinions, but yikes, I mean me and Jen share a room and she's really great and everything but like with Jen there's like a lack of respect and I mean she's got a lot of learning to do, also she's terrifying help, please help

48:38Ben Mandelker: well, you know what Captain Sandy knew my fucking name before her so that's all that well, to be fair Jen, I didn't really know your name, I just I just assumed, I always just assumed every new stew is called Jen and then I go from there

48:54Ronnie Karam: just call him out jen you know so then we go to the galley luke and joy and uh he's like salute she's like salute you want some oh look at this it is melon sweet like you and she gives him some food and he's like oh yeah thank you love oh this guy he's gonna get in a lot of trouble just playing playing both sides of the fence okay one side of the fence there's a knife yeah actually probably both sides of the fence has a knife let's be honest because the other

49:24Ben Mandelker: side that's true he really is going for like the two scariest women on the boat like the ones who i think will definitely inflict bodily harm on him and as they should by the way it's the scariness

49:35Ronnie Karam: that i support well and the thing is joy isn't scary at all yet we're just all waiting because it's a french chef so we're like when is it coming everybody is waiting but of course the last friend chef wasn't scary either that was that sweet little anthony guy but joy smiles a lot in a

49:53Ben Mandelker: way that feels like she's gonna turn in a way that's gonna be magnificent i hope so and the way she like sort of glosses over details about her ex like well he did something i did not like so i left i'm like he's dead somewhere right he's been he's been chopped up in the bottom of the Mediterranean somewhere.

50:13Ronnie Karam: I left him dead in the desert.

50:16Ben Mandelker: Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

50:46Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big Yay, it's Emily Gauthier.

50:59Ben Mandelker: Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS.

51:06Ronnie Karam: We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

51:13Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

51:16Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sillsby. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. Gather round for the lore of Michelle Moore.

51:40Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

51:42Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

51:50Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

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52:00Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD

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52:19Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall We got our wish, it's Jen Plish Have a kebab with K-Rob My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers.

52:46Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Sherouse. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince.

53:00Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafsun. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop, it's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

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