#3462 Below Deck Med S11E07 Part One: The Bigger They Come, The Harder They Fall

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2:24Ben Mandelker: Hello and welcome to Watch for Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the irrepressible Rodney Karam. Hi, Rodney. How's it going? Hello. Irrepressible.

2:38Ronnie Karam: I like that.

2:39Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Irrepressible. We're here today to talk about Below Deck, which is always fun and exciting. The drama of the splooge continues on into its third week. so uh before we get into that join us on patreon at patreon.com slash watch what crappens where you can get access to a weekly newsletter that ronnie writes and that's free for everyone not just patreon users and ad free listening and a weekly bonus episode and uh we had a really fun bonus episode yesterday we talked uh we just sat and talked and ronnie talked about a coyote that is that's stalking him like you have a coyote that is terrorizing you are we gonna name the coyote colton i think we should because this thing is making it's it's following your every move who's cold cold underwood who put a tracker oh colton that colton stalking me

3:38Ronnie Karam: i was like what's cold are you referring to i'm trying to think i was thinking colty from 90 days I couldn't think of a better reality star. I call him fuckface. I just call him fuckface. I hate this little guy. I have a camera. He's literally out there all the time. So I've got all these coyote deterrents on their way. They're on my way to me right now. So I'm going to, you know, I don't have to just stand out there like a crazy person with a chef's knife. People are asking me why I have a chef's knife. Like, no, I'm not going up and trying to stab the coyote, you guys. It's in case the coyote comes to attack me.

4:10Ronnie Karam: I don't have anything. What am I going to attack it with? Am I going to just criticize it to death? No. Do you have a tennis racket maybe? You can bop it? A tennis racket? No. You know I don't play sports. I don't have anything sporty. All I have is a ball, and he'll just chase that and think that I want it here.

4:26Ben Mandelker: Get a tennis racket or something. That way you can bop it authoritatively, but maybe it won't meme it. Although I personally think you need to teach this guy a lesson.

4:37Ronnie Karam: Okay. Okay. I'll get a tennis racket, like one of those that you get flies with that's electrocuted. and it's like you'll zap it zaps the fly a little something extra a little extra sauce on it yeah um yeah yeah no pita calm down nobody's killing the coyote i just don't want to eating bueller for christ's sake my poor little senior citizen bueller is out there limping around i'm getting a coyote vest i'm getting little detector things i have a camera i mean it's ridiculous for christ's

5:06Ben Mandelker: yeah it's very scary um but uh anyway uh if you like if you want to see this recap on video it's also on patreon uh it will come out on youtube a week later but get it now while it's fresh and by the way follow us on youtube watch what happens a lively youtube happening there um so let's dive into Below Deck Med season 11 episode 7. Match me if you can. So we open up and Nathan is still pretty peeved at Luke as it has really kind of dawned on him that he's been sleeping in another man's jizz for three days in a row and how that's like really actually it's not like funny fratty thing. It's actually like gross.

5:55Ben Mandelker: It's a hygienic issue everyone on the crew knew except for nathan it's humiliating for him also as someone who's a head of department he's just all dawning on him in a way that dawned on the rest of us in about 0.5 seconds you know he's a little slow on the uptake what can i say but uh now he's mad and uh he's now told luke that he's mad and he's like if you're pissing me off the slightest amount you'll be on the passerelle with all your fucking bags packed he's like yes sir and also so

6:24Ronnie Karam: disrespectful jesus so uh it's also the not apologizing it's like wow you came all over my bed yeah i was hungover what excuse you doesn't make any sense yeah so he's like you will be fired if you do it if you ever come on me again or my property he's like yes sir so um luke is telling us he's got so much writing on this it's not a fucking game for me and i could lose my job for something like this i've lost joy jen hates me and now my bosom can't stand the sight of me everything on the boat feels like it's just spiraling and spiraling and spiraling and pulling and pulling and oh i just came i just came and so uh coop is like if it had been done to me i would have been fucking pierced too and then they're all like you know inside like oh my god

7:16Ben Mandelker: i can't believe the nate knows wow oh my god it's crazy oh my god i can't wait to go back to my fucking pantry it's crazy because that's jen in the boat just like giggling on the side so uh sandy and suzanne are in the main salon so for those who don't remember suzanne and her little dog are the primaries and suzanne is looking for love and so she's brought um what's her face this matchmaker uh she's doing basically a rerun of last season where the matchmaker brought that douchey guy and and then there were like all these girls that came on board that he chose between like a little bachelor situation.

7:49Ben Mandelker: Now it's being reversed where we have Suzanne looking at a bunch of eligible bachelors.

7:55Ronnie Karam: This lady sucks at her job. She is just terrible. I mean, the women she brought on last year for that douchebag, and then she's got this douchey woman this year, hate this woman, and her tiny dog pissing all over the place. Normally, I love a tiny dog, but this dog is just, she's like, my dog's been on many boats. Really? Has it pissed all over them? Fuck you and fuck your dog. Get your dog off of my multimillion-dollar yacht pissing everywhere. What's wrong with you? She's horrible. The guys are absolute douchebags. I think this Amy should get a different career. Does anybody find happiness through Amy?

8:31Ben Mandelker: I don't think so. Is Amy even a matchmaker, or is she just an actress who Below Deck hired for this? Because I agree. I don't understand the thinking here. If Amy believes this is going to promote her matchmaking business, she's doing a terrible, terrible job here. Amy, I almost get the sense that Amy, like this production company, probably tried to start a – like I said a sizzle reel about Amy. Probably had to have – like she's a matchmaker, but she's unconventional. And it didn't really go anywhere. It didn't get picked up. So they just sort of like relocated her onto this boat. That's the vibe I get from her because none of this really makes sense.

9:08Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And just the guys she brings on. I know Doesn't make any sense And they tell you every answer you want to hear Like what are your Well I guess we'll get into it But like what are your hobbies Pleasing you It's really all I've ever wanted

9:24Ben Mandelker: It's to please you and your tiny pissy dog It makes blind date look like a classy affair So um After large I mean look by the way blind date is

9:36Ronnie Karam: One of these dates might work

9:40Ben Mandelker: By the way, Roger Lodge is part of the extended Bravo universe. Let's not forget that Blind Date hosted by Roger Lodge, it connects all the way back to Orange County because Roger Lodge's brother, or I think it was a brother, Steve Lodge, famously. Former political aspirant.

10:01Ronnie Karam: And then former almost mayor. Wasn't he a mayor or governor? He was sheriff, wasn't it? He was sheriff, wasn't he? Or something like that. Was he running for sheriff or mayor? I don't remember.

10:15Ben Mandelker: I don't know, but he went from Steve Lodge to Steve dislodged. Oh, God. Anyway. So, Suzanne, she sucks. We're getting him on all fronts today. Watch out, everyone. No one's safe. Roger Lodge. Oh, you know what? Aisha Tyler, we'll take you on. Yeah, we remember Fifth Wheel, okay?

10:37Ronnie Karam: No, we love Aisha Tyler. Yeah. So Matchmaker, she's like the godmother of podcasting. She really is. You know? She was like the Joe Rogan of the beginning podcast era. And she was on 24 for one season, which was so - She sure was. And Archer for many seasons. One of the best things about Archer.

10:59Ben Mandelker: Why do we not have - Where is Aisha Tyler? Can we bring her back? She was great. I feel like she was universally loved.

11:05Ronnie Karam: She works a ton. She's a huge voiceover actor I think she works like a time Because I thought that a few years ago I was like, whatever happened to her? And then I looked her up and I was like Oh, she's in literally everything Do not cry for me Says Aisha Taylor Tyler

11:25Ben Mandelker: She works so hard She grew an extra A in her name

11:31Ronnie Karam: Well, luckily for her I'm an idiot with everybody's name And not just hers just five minutes ago. I was like, who's Colton? So, Sandy is telling the matchmaker, oh, these guys are coming soon. It's going to be a fun one. Matchmaker Amy's like, oh, she's trusting me, six blind dates. She shouldn't trust you. Nobody should trust you. And the primary is like, yeah, most women have like, they have to swipe left or swipe right. I just go from bow to stern. I'm so rich. I'm so so so rich I'm so rich I don't even need onions and garlic cause I can

12:12Ben Mandelker: so luggage is coming in Joy is cooking and Aisha is asking about Sugar Baby Sugar Baby is the name of the dog and so she's asking what's going on with Sugar Baby and Suzanne's like Aisha there's nowhere she can jump off or hide right She'll be safe on this boat She's free to roam Just tell her not to lick any sticky substances Especially in the crew quarters

12:40Ronnie Karam: Luke Why would you be afraid of your dog hiding Suzanne

12:50Ronnie Karam: That was so accusatory

12:51Ben Mandelker: It is though

12:53Ronnie Karam: It's like Sugar Baby can't hide on this boat right Promise me Promise me Sugar Baby won't try and hide from me again I don't blame fucking Sugar Baby Look who she's stuck with.

13:05Ben Mandelker: Were you looking at Aisha Tyler's Criminal Minds CV? Like, if she can do it, I can do it. Hire me, CBS.

13:14Ronnie Karam: Well, I would love some chicken breast cut up for her. And she has to have her own bed. Okay? Where is her bed? Why don't you bring a dog bed? I really do not like this, Suzanne. I feel like I need to go save Sugar Baby, potty train her, give her her own little dog bed, give her a home she doesn't have to hide in I mean I guess there's a coyote outside of mine so she probably would

13:37Ben Mandelker: but at least she'd be hiding inside with me she could be terrorized every single day she gets to put on a special little vest with spikes on it and hope she survives the vicious bite of a coyote

13:49Ronnie Karam: well okay good point

13:52Ben Mandelker: no I still think Sugar Baby would be better off with you I think you would care for Sugar Baby in a way I don't think you would spoil Sugar Baby but you would care for Sugar Baby

14:00Ronnie Karam: No, you know what Bueller gets For food? Dog food Dry dog food, that's what he gets I mean, he does have his own bed and he gets a lot of love I don't see little Sugar Baby getting a lot of love I see Sugar Baby wandering around this boat Looking terrified and peeing That's all I see You know what I saw yesterday?

14:20Ben Mandelker: I saw a guy walking with his dog Up the sidewalk And then the dog Walked by one of the bird scooters And started to lift up its leg And I was like, oh, gosh. And the dog peed on the bird scooter. And the owner smiled. The owner was laughing like, yeah. I was like, that's so obnoxious. I'm sorry. That's terrible. People use that thing. And you let your dog willingly pee on it as some sort of act of rebellion.

14:46Ronnie Karam: You know, I'm smiling at that because I really didn't know where you were going to go with that. Because you also hate bird scooters.

14:55Ben Mandelker: Well, I mean, I find them to be annoying. As someone who was run over by one, famously, as I walked out of a door once, I do find them to be annoying. But I also, shockingly, I'm very pro-Bird Scooter because I do actually believe that they serve as a public transportation. And I think that's really good. So I don't like the way people drive them, but I like that they are there. And I think it's really obnoxious to pee on them. I don't think that's a very nice thing to do. Yeah, it's not. especially if i'm gonna and by the way if i'm gonna get crashed into by a bird scooter i would rather that bird scooter not have dog urine on it because then i'm getting the worst of all worlds which is that i'm not getting the benefits of the bird scooter and if anything i'm getting the pee of the bird scooter on me so yeah it don't pee on bird scooters and don't let your dogs to be run

15:45Ronnie Karam: over by things that have not been peed on okay have some respect for his outfit i want to be run

15:51Ben Mandelker: over by a woman who is over 50 who is in a rush to do something very wealthy like i have to i have to see my estate manager we're looking we're picking out we're picking out rugs i would like that that's not a good right over not some gen z-er who's just going to get a hailey beaver smoothie burning on the sidewalk no i'm not saying that's what this one's doing pee covered that's peak of it i'm not saying that that's what this woman was doing just that who ran me over but i'm just saying but you would i want to be part of a fabulous story i wish i had come up with a better example than a wealthy woman meeting up with her estate manager

16:33Ronnie Karam: to get you want to be you want to be run over by a real housewife you don't want to be run over by

16:38Ben Mandelker: a next-gen nyc person or it could be someone yes that is correct or it could be someone withering Like I would love to be run over by 1994 Linda Fiorentino who would look at me and be like, get up. And then she would just drag on her cigarette and motor her away. Right.

16:55Ronnie Karam: Like Madeline Stowe from Revenge. That to you. And then she'll just stop or she'll be smoking, you know, and she'll just kind of look you up and down and just keep.

17:05Ben Mandelker: She would just say, you deserve that. And I would stand up and say, I deserve nothing. I deserve nothing. You know what I deserve is a good mother. and then she would slap me and say, I've been the best mother I've ever been to you. And then as she drives off, she'll be like,

17:18Ronnie Karam: and why am I on a goddamn burn? I'm Madeline Stone. Does nobody respect my wonky eye?

17:25Ben Mandelker: And then as she blows off, she'll say, I'll see you at the party tonight. That is, if you can find a suitable outfit. Just drive off.

17:35Ronnie Karam: It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

17:41Ben Mandelker: Your space should feel like you, and if it doesn't, that's probably not a taste problem. It's a budget problem, and Wayfair really can fix that. What did your space look like before Wayfair, Ronnie? What were you most excited to change or refresh about your current space? Because I'll tell you one thing. This office that I record out of, it was just a generic office, four walls and a little green carpet. And then I went to Wayfair, and I got two comfy chairs, and I put them right behind this desk with some microphones. and boom, I now have a recording studio and I'm so excited to use it.

18:11Ronnie Karam: Oh yeah, I mean, I got my rug in my office from Wayfair. I got my curtains from Wayfair. I got a couple of chairs. I got all my outdoor furniture from Wayfair. I love that place because it's also great to order things and have it put together, you know? You have the option with Wayfair that they just come, they deliver it, they put it together in the room that you want and boom, you're done. You're not messing around with the little, you know, tools and all of that stuff. So, it's my jam, baby.

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18:50Ronnie Karam: Wayfair, every style, every home.

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19:57Ronnie Karam: So Suzanne has just asked for some cut-up chicken breast. So Aisha is going to try and find that for her. And then Amy stops her and she's like, Aisha, I need you. She's like, oh, well, I just have to do a couple of things for the primary. So we'll be back in two and two. All right. She's like, nope, it can't be that long. OK, I need to go upstairs and we need to go over a game plan. We need to go over a game plan with you. Go over the game plan. This is your job.

20:26Ben Mandelker: This is what like what do you like? What sort of game plan do you need? You're bringing a bunch of dumb people on to talk to a dumb person, and then they're going to sit around in dumb places.

20:37Ronnie Karam: It's all settled for you. First part of this game plan, find less douchey men to bring on to some lady. I mean, geez. So Amy is terrible. And she's like, no, I need you quicker. Quicker, Aisha. She's like, oh, God, Amy needs to control every little thing, for Christ's sake.

20:59Ben Mandelker: Yeah, well, it is kind of funny complaining about that while being on a boat run by Captain Sandy. But still, either way, Amy is annoying because she has that corporate passive aggression in her, which is really unpleasant to be around.

21:15Ronnie Karam: She has the rich person bossing around poor people thing. Like, I need you right now. No, you don't fucking need me. Go do your own job. Okay? I've got my own job to do, and I don't work for you. I mean, I do technically work for you on this boat, but that lady's the primary. She just told me to do something, and now you're trying to get me to do something else. No, Amy. No. No, we're not going to do that.

21:44Ben Mandelker: So Aisha then sees the dog. She's like, Hello, sugar baby, I've got your food. So they are... now trying to pivot into getting this boat ready for Amy and all these people. And Joy's in the galley talking to herself about food that she's preparing. And she's like, Amy, I'm very nervous about these chatter. Suzanne, the primaire has two full pages of preferences. The fucking dog has preferences. I know the dog didn't type that. Suzanne is going to be terrible.

22:22Ronnie Karam: The dog has preferences. She's like, the dog can't type. The dog has no place. here to be telling me his preferences so um then we go to asia amy suzanne discussing the dating strategy suzanne's just looking for love guys no you're not you're looking for someone who's just going to tell you what you want to hear and because the guy she ends up liking is what the biggest douchebag on the thing so i don't believe you you're looking for tv time which you know is not abnormal on a reality show but i don't believe you suzanne so suzanne says that she did 80 dates in four months after the divorce okay if you went on 80 dates in four months maybe it's you that's a

23:05Ben Mandelker: lot of that's yeah yeah i think so it's actually too many it's too many dates because um you're not focusing you know it's just you're just it's not you're not going to get any traction off that's like if it's too much it's too much it's in four months how does that so that's that's you've spent three the four months is going to be about 120 days and so you spent two-thirds of those days

23:38Ronnie Karam: going on dates you need a date with yourself also think about all the restaurants that have been pissed off because 80 dates you know most dates are in a restaurant right it's like dinner or lunch or something like that and she has come in and been a pain in the ass at every single restaurant that she's gone to so just think about the trail of pissed off chefs she has left behind her and flustered waiters you know or fired people because you know there have been people fired from her being like this is not good enough i taste maybe is it was there an onion near this was this

24:14Ben Mandelker: prepared on the same surface as an onion yeah she has terrorized every hospitality service in her general region and that's why she's now on a yacht because there's nowhere left for her to go

24:29Ronnie Karam: yeah so she's like you know physical for me isn't the top it's about the connection in the heart which is why we see so many different physical types on here just kidding

24:39Ben Mandelker: yeah exactly so asia's like sorry suzanne but i'm very glad i'm not in the dating pool anymore you know my life and my head is so busy at the moment with all my wedding stuff at this stage we've got a venue locked down we've got the food locked down i've got my dress and we've got a dj who plays the saxophone and his brother plays the trombone it's gonna be the best wedding you've ever been to that takes place in a van i'm sorry is that a plus a dj who plays the saxophone and

25:13Ronnie Karam: he has like what are you what are you playing that then the dj whips out a saxophone and then his brother starts playing a trombone like how does that work well i can tell you as someone

25:26Ben Mandelker: who just went to a wedding where this happened in memphis my cousin liza had a wedding and she had a DJ, but the DJ was also part of a band. And what would happen was the DJ would play the music and the band would play along. And at various times the DJ would also, I don't remember if the DJ was also playing a little horn. I think she was, but she, or she did some, whatever it was, I have to tell you, it was magnificent because you get like, you get like the fun of a DJ, but you get the energy of a live band and I'll tell you, it is an alchemy like none other. It was so good.

26:05Ronnie Karam: A live band, I think that's great. A trombone? I mean, what are you playing? Just a trombone.

26:17Ben Mandelker: I'd like to see you do La Bamba with that one.

26:28Ronnie Karam: a little bit of music's going on. I guess it makes sense. Singers sing to tracks.

26:35Ben Mandelker: Why not play a trombone to the track?

26:38Ronnie Karam: Wedding with the trombone in every track, that could work. I grew up with the trombone. My dad played the trombone. I know many people who play the trombone.

26:48Ben Mandelker: Some of my best friends are trombones.

26:54Ben Mandelker: By the way, if you are just listening for the first time because you heard us mentioned last night on the quiz with balls. Welcome. This is the sort of content you can expect.

27:05Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but the question was, the question was, okay, which one of these ridiculous names are actually podcasts? And it's like fart in the wind. Watch what crappens. Poop on your mom's face. You know, but still rotation.

27:26Ben Mandelker: Yeah. No, that was great. It was so cool that we got that mention on a game show. Yeah. So our friend Iron Madison, he was once the answer to a clue in the New York Times crossword. And I forget, there was someone else who was like a clue on Jeopardy. And I like that Our Lane is the quiz with balls. Or just the quiz with balls. Yeah, I'm into it. you know like let let everyone else get the prestige uh puzzles and basically how it works

28:02Ronnie Karam: is i'd never seen this or anything i just saw the clip but um how it works is it's like teams and they kind of line up in front of their number and there's a big ball behind them and the people whenever they answer the ball comes sliding down a hill and if they answered it right the ball doesn't hit them but if they answer it wrong the ball like knocks them into a pit of fire or some shit and then you never hear like they're dead it's just like a giant ball crushes so you know it was good it was good that they got it right we didn't have to let somebody die well i liked what

28:35Ben Mandelker: they were choosing it was like it was like a family of hippies and the whole idea was that they were like i guess maybe they don't understand podcasts or something and so they're choosing they're like okay um well i'll be um drama queens and what about what what watch what crappens and then someone goes and stands in the watch a crappens area because like i guess this is a podcast and then the woman who's standing in the watch a crappens space they show her and she's like holding her face like oh my god i'm about to get knocked into the water this is crazy this

29:08Ronnie Karam: can't possibly be a podcast this is my favorite i love this is like my mom's reaction for the first you know 10 years that we did this it's like please tell me this isn't happening she felt like she was being crushed by a giant ball and thrown into a pit of fire but no yeah wow things just worked out great so asia is now with she's still talking to suzanne and amy and um she's like well maybe we can meet up here we can have drinks and things and then maybe amy could like facilitate taking you off one by one wow that's great here's here's the two places you can meet here or five feet from here okay is my planning done can i get this dog is fucking chicken breast

29:54Ben Mandelker: here's how we accelerate it why don't we put these guys on the quiz with balls and then suzanne could just ask them questions what are your what do you get a girl on like their first anniversary and then just there's like there's four options two are not real options and the guys who choose the two that are wrong they just get sent into the pool by a giant ball we could just speed this whole thing up just had a bunch of balls down that hillside and get it

30:19Ronnie Karam: all taken here's what i want to see i want to see a ball crash into suzanne and amy right now and throw them both into the water and then i want to see the boat drive away

30:31Ronnie Karam: just just knock them over just just knock them in that's it below deck balls they can just that's their new spinoff just get terrible people and then have them crushed by giant balls as they fall into the water. That's it. Keep the dog. Potty train the dog. And get rid of the people. So Suzanne's like, yeah, I really want to find love again. I'm going to give this 110%. Wow. Yeah.

30:58Ben Mandelker: So then here come the guys. And they're arriving. And then one guy is like, he's like, wow, we are gladiators, boys. We're walking into battle. so um then as the guys approach jen brings out a tray of champagne flutes and uh is welcomed into the special sorority of of stews that uh knock over an entire tray of champagne flutes they all go down one by one and clatter and shake and whatever so she's once again proving that she would make an excellent second stew if given the opportunity yeah so jen's like oh wow it's gonna

31:38Ronnie Karam: to be so hard doing this charter with you know all this love after everything that just happened to luke but hopefully that if if suzanne hooks up with one of these guys she cleans the sheet after yeah maybe you should have fucking done that too and listen i think luke should be he should have been fired five minutes after this happened first of all but why is jen getting off spot free no pun intended with this whole thing why is she not getting no one says a thing to jen like it's totally fine for Jen to go sleep in someone's bed and give them a handjob on it. Why is that? Jen should also be fired.

32:14Ben Mandelker: I think anyone who knew about these sheets and did nothing should definitely be in trouble. Just for the, like, it's that there's a person sleeping in this unhygienic situation. It's unhygienic and as I mentioned last week, it's more than unhygienic. It could definitely be an HR thing, like 100%. That's a sexually transmitted fluid. Not transmitted, sexually emergent fluid. Transmitting? Transmitting. It's a fluid that came from sexy times. It's a sexy time fluid.

32:57Ronnie Karam: It's calm, it's splooge, it's spunk, it's gunk.

33:01Ben Mandelker: But also in a workplace, that's literally ground. If you were to leave splooge on someone's chair, just dried splooge, not only is it a hygiene issue.

33:13Ronnie Karam: It's gunk. Let's get that trombone out. I'm getting with the trombone, DJ. Trombone HR. What if the HR? It's splooge. It's splooge. Sperm, it's splooge. It's junk. It's junk.

33:31Ben Mandelker: Doing like a sixth line. Yeah. So what if H.R. What if like Maria from H.R. was also like, hey. So one thing that we receive from being in H.R. Is that people don't feel comfortable telling us about what's going on. So in an effort to make this a more welcoming environment. I will also play trombone while you tell me what's wrong. Okay. So you found some splooge on the bed.

34:06Ronnie Karam: Oh, sorry, that was the saxophone. That was my brother.

34:18Ronnie Karam: Oh my god, I just came. All right, Luke, this is an HR meeting with the trombone and a saxophone. Okay?

34:24Ben Mandelker: But you said when the saints come marching in and... I'm a saint. I just came.

34:31Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I think that anybody who knew should have been in trouble. But the two people who actually did it should also be fired. And I think it's really weird how they skirt around it in this episode that Jen was even involved. Because she's like laughing about it with everybody, thinking it's hilarious, making jokes to us about it. And then when What's-His-Buns goes to finally tell Captain Sandy about it, he doesn't even mention that there was anybody else. He just says, Luke ejaculated on my bed, which, listen, it was creepy enough as it sounded. But the way that he's wording it makes it sound like Luke just went to his bed and was like, ha-ha, and splooged all over it for fun.

35:10Ronnie Karam: I don't know. It's more – I need everybody going down for this. No pun intended again.

35:16Ben Mandelker: By the way, I think that's what happened with Luke. I think he splooged for fun. You didn't sploog for educational purposes.

35:23Ronnie Karam: yeah but it's different when somebody is they're making you climax than it is it's like a hundred times creepier thinking a guy just went into your bed and splooged all over it like he like for

35:35Ben Mandelker: whatever reason jerked off well here's here's what i think i i think that luke should have been fired really immediately i think jen is not necessarily i don't think she deserves to be fired i think she should be put on probation because i think as a stew and as a stew who is part of this like she bears some responsibility for stripping that bad and just like throwing it in there or following up or checking on it but i think ultimately it's on him and that's why like she should be reprimanded because it's like you knew you knew what was going on not only did you know you let it happen you let and and you uh like you have the skill set to fix it and you didn't use it and you didn't take the initiative that you could have used um but i think that everyone who was aware that Nathan was sleeping in that, which actually also extends to our favorite, whose name I don't even remember, but you know, the goofy one.

36:30Ben Mandelker: It extends to her too. Like they all should be in trouble. That's like, it's really, really fucked up. Like that's bad. Like it's bad hygienically. It's bad like sexual harassment-y, honestly. I think it's a huge huge

36:51Ronnie Karam: It's a huge load to carry too, which is maybe what they were thinking. So then we go to the bachelors and they're making small talk and Amy comes out and she's like, hi guys let's all come in for a huddle. You're going to get someone on time with her and listen, remember, we are not competing with each other. We're just trying to win this lady that really no one is in competition for. Think of her as a part of the dinner that no one wants to eat, but you're going to take home in case your roommate wants it. Okay, great.

37:27Ben Mandelker: We all on the same page? She is the oatmeal raisin cookie that's left on the display, okay? It's not your first choice. It may not even be your third choice, but sometimes you got a sweet tooth, any port in a storm.

37:41Ronnie Karam: Okay, Suzanne, here she is. So we go to Kaylee and Jen, and Jen's like, oh, I know why I keep dropping things. It's probably karma for what happened to Nathan Sheets. And Kaylee's like, wait, you fucked with Nathan Sheets? I don't get it. She goes, yeah, well, we fucked in this. We didn't like fucking as bad. But we, so good. It was so good. She's like, naughty girl. Wait, so there was actually sperm on the sheets? I'm just like, yeah.

38:12Ben Mandelker: and then it's just like and nathan slept in it for like three nights and kelly's like i'm actually just a loss of words and is is nathan actually like mad and jen's like yeah she's like so proud like oh but you were part of it too that's what's

38:32Ronnie Karam: killing me this whole episode she's just like laughing and telling everyone like Isn't that funny? No, it's not funny. Commercials, here comes one right now. Losing weight can be like trying to roll a wheelbarrow up a hill. You can do it, but it's so much better and easier with support. Noom combines GLP-1s to kickstart your weight loss with healthy habits to help you keep it off, even if you stop the meds. Noom helps you lose more weight. They found 37 % more weight is lost with Noom than just taking a GLP-1 on its own, and you can sustain it too. Noom helps you make progress that you can keep.

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40:24Ben Mandelker: Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu-like symptoms or vaccines. Now there's nothing on my skin, thanks to SkyRizzy. And that means everything. Ask your doctor about SkyRizzy, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic and psoriasis. Visit SkyRizzy.com or call 1-866-SKY-Rizzy to learn more.

41:09Ronnie Karam: I'm just so mad. She's like, what is it? Listen, I'm a person who can read feelings. And when someone says they're upset, I say, whoa, that person might be upset. I have a feeling that you're upset. All right, tell me, why are you upset?

41:26Ben Mandelker: He's like, oh, come on. It's not like you slept in some splooge or something like that. He's like, well, actually, funny you should mention that. On night two, Luke went out and he ejaculated on my sheets and never changed them. And I slept on them throughout the charter.

41:47Ronnie Karam: See, that's the thing. He says, Luke went onto my bunk. He ejaculated on my sheets and never changed them. Why isn't the first question, what? Why would he be ejaculating on your bunk? Why was he on your bunk? What? I just have more questions. but sandy's just like oh oh no god i wish i had never heard that geez no sandy had i feel like a

42:15Ben Mandelker: very like her reaction was like everyone else she went oh my god no i wish i'd never heard that no it's just like i like luke but that's crossed the line i mean there should be ramifications for that behavior she's like the first one to actually say this on the show and sandy's like never ever have I had this happen in my yachting career. And never, ever has this even come close to happening

42:42Ronnie Karam: to Norma just in real life in a good 20 years. I'll tell you, one person who's never had their sheets come on. Norma.

42:56Ben Mandelker: So Sandy's like, so everyone on the boat knows that's not okay. I'm really sorry. I'm going to handle this.

43:03Ronnie Karam: Gosh, I remember a day when people would sperm on sheets and just let it, you know, no one would know about it. Now the whole village knows? That's crazy. So I'm going to handle this. When you work together and you live together in such close quarters, you have to be respectful of your shared living space. And that's just part of the STCW class that we take. Look that one up.

43:27Ben Mandelker: Sex the City, what? Sex in the City.

43:46Ben Mandelker: So toucans can whine

44:06Ronnie Karam: every review left on Aisha's wedding so Nathan's like well you know I mean I guess he's good to have on the boat and all but I don't know and she's like I've got to do something not something sexy I'll tell you that much I just need absolute

44:22Ben Mandelker: I need absolute zero drama in my life it's getting to me I'm sorry Luke is saying that not Nathan Luke oh god I can't this is what these guys do Luke, who causes drama everywhere he goes because he's not accountable for his actions and he wants everything. And he tries to eat his cake and have it too. Or have his cake and eat it too, either way. And then he's the first one to be like, I just need zero drama. Because everyone reacts to his selfish behavior and he doesn't want to deal with their reactions. So he's now what he does is he just sort of labels it as blankets drama because drama is something that immature people do.

45:05Ben Mandelker: And then he says, I just don't want drama. So now he's going to cut away all the people that are causing drama that are just merely reacting to his shitty behavior.

45:12Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Oh, don't worry. He's not doing the other typical fuck boy thing, which is getting caught and then crying about it.

45:19Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

45:21Ronnie Karam: so then uh joe and luke are on the deck and um joe's laughing that this guy says that he he hates drama joe's like really because joe you know mind us to come on somebody's sheets uh has done the same thing as luke many many times on this very show so uh then we go uh everybody's leaving the boat's leaving and they're getting frozen marks made a little sugar baby has a little chyron for himself or herself whatever and this is where sugar baby pees right on the carpet right in the hallway Jen thankfully is the first one to find the pee and immediately gets down and cleans it which is crazy when did you get that instinct?

46:07Ronnie Karam: She suddenly wants to clean stains so

46:10Ben Mandelker: she says on my very first boat I worked on I was in the sky lounge and the dog was close to the white curtains and the dog looked at me and started peeing all over the white curtains while staring at me mr feathers knew what he was doing i was like are you talking about mr feathers are you talking about your experience with

46:26Ronnie Karam: luke the other night yeah i know so and by the way team mr feathers you're an asshole so then we go to suzanne and she's meeting all these great bachelors that amy's lined up and she goes as my guru says oh fuck off like yeah here's what i say to your guru fuck you too like seriously you helped create this monster she's like as my guru says love is not what you do love is who you are that's not true love is literally what you do it is how you treat people it is how you express yourself towards people and by the way you're not doing a great job at it in this episode i um i i would argue that this is all just nonsense love is not what you do love is who you are

47:14Ben Mandelker: I don't know it's all just very facile meme ready commentary and I just think it's stupid so yeah love is not what it's not what you do it's who you are

47:28Ronnie Karam: people have gurus as their spiritual advisor they need to have like fuck you's they need to have fuck you people who are just like that's fucking stupid fuck you wait who told you this okay get him on the phone right now hi guru my name is Ronnie fuck you you fucking robber give me give her her money back get a job get a job get a job

47:51Ben Mandelker: so cat is uh asking coop like how everything's going and coop's like well a knight's been in a bad mood with luke and she's like yeah these lipsync ships he's like yeah well i'm bad with secrets okay and if you got any more of them give them to yourself um so suzanne goes on her first date with kurt who is uh he is this really obnoxious guy and she's like remind me your name he's like oh yeah so my name is kiriakos alex alexicus uh but you can just call me kurt because i'm one at 100 greek she's like oh that's great so what keeps you busy well i think what keeps me busy is explaining my first name and my last name and then explaining that you just called me kurt i do that a lot every single day and that i'm greek uh you know what keeps me busy uh going to the odyssey and correcting everything okay wasn't right the sweater is the poem i say

48:41Ronnie Karam: uh he says yeah well i have an idea for using ai to bring people to a more valuable interaction transversely okay he says more but just to start with this the ai thing okay you don't do you have a job because you start this off by saying so i have an idea for using ai string are you doing anything what do you do that's the question what does the sentence even mean and then he goes so your phone is your personal toilet i take that away from you you're gonna shit yourself pardon my language the fuck you even talk what is he saying what does that mean he wants ai to give

49:25Ben Mandelker: people a more valuable interaction is he basically saying like rather than being stuck on your phone you're gonna use ai to have better interactions well how are you gonna use that ai yeah with

49:34Ronnie Karam: I don't get it. Your phone is your personal toilet, so I take that away from you and you're going to shit myself. I don't understand what he's saying. I don't even know what it means. If you're going to use AI to help people communicate better, could you start with yourself? Because what the fuck are you even talking about?

49:54Ben Mandelker: well i think it does uh actually apply to this guy uh artificial intelligence i think that is exactly what we're seeing here so um asia is like no i don't like him whatsoever and then we go to suzanne's next date with a guy named phil and he's like so i got out of the army in 2014 and when i came home i saw my mom was struggling and you know i just had to care for her she's like oh yeah well Like, you know, the family that takes care of each other.

50:21Ronnie Karam: Am I right? I'm sorry. Another person who does nothing. Do any of these people have jobs? What do you do, Phil? Well, I got out of the army in 2014. Okay, well, that's 12 years ago. And then you came home and had to take care of your mom. Okay, it's 12 years later, Phil. Do you have a job? No? Get off this boat.

50:46Ben Mandelker: Then we go to this guy named Will. And Will is, he's very, very douchey. And he's like, so tell me about your business. And she goes, well, I created a curriculum to help teach the art of writing. And it was sold in six countries, Luxembourg, Andorra, Malta, Guam. I mean, it still counts as six countries.

51:05Ronnie Karam: And he's like, wow, wow, whoa. My mother was a teacher. I'm such a believer in giving a voice to the underserved teachers. That's what I do.

51:18Ben Mandelker: um she suzanne's like are you saying i look like i'm hungry um she's like well it's it is it is like the most important profession and then she goes on a date with this guy named hakan and i

51:29Ronnie Karam: think he just buys drinks for teachers occasionally like if he finds out he's like you're underserved

51:34Ben Mandelker: want to drink honey so then suzanne she's like wow hakan you're gorgeous are you like 30 he's like i'm 33 i know you're not supposed to ask a woman this but how old are you i was like okay so that's done yeah she's like oh so you want to know my age on national television great yeah love this thank you amy another and you found another great uh great match for me yeah then we go to billy

52:02Ronnie Karam: who says i like to give compliments and be on the receiving end of compliments as well go ahead try it out she's like well you have great skin well he goes oh god call me billy I'm single because I'm picky. What are you calling me? Fucking Bill? Will? No. It's Billy.

52:21Ben Mandelker: Okay? You're fucking out of here. So Kaylee's like, the minute that I got told I was second still, you know, it was a lost cause between Jen and I. But I'm so proud of myself, and I can tell Aisha's happy with my work. So I'm done with this negativity. Kaylee's got a little bit of a groove back. She's feeling really happy because she's serving drinks and she's doing it with a smile because Jen tried to undermine her. Remember when Jen was like, just so you know, now that you're second Stu, I can give you whatever advice you need because I just don't want you to be a burden to everyone with your lack of knowledge because you don't know what you're doing.

52:57Ronnie Karam: Stupid. Yeah, now she's found out that this girl who's acting like that is splooging all over sheets and not washing them and running around the boat laughing about it. And she's like, that girl is no competition. What in the world was I even thinking? I'll just have to add one more thing. Anybody who says they're single because they're picky is not single because they're picky. Okay. Yeah. Just had to get that out there. It means that they're gay. It means that they're not picked.

53:24Ben Mandelker: Oh. I thought you meant that it means that they're gay because that's what I would tell people when I was in the closet why I did not have someone. Well, I'm just very picky. I have, like, very high standards.

53:34Ronnie Karam: Yeah. No. You're just an asshole. Nobody likes you. So then we go to Joe and Luke on deck and Luke is all upset. She's not okay. You guys are. Well, treat people less like shit. Dude. Yeah. So then Nathan's still really upset with him. So he's, he can't even look at him. And then we go back to Suzanne and the bachelors and they're in the water now on a floaty bar. And she's like, I'm so old fashioned. I love propping up my man. It's just so important to be supportive. You know, it needs to be a team. Right? They're like, yeah.

54:13Ben Mandelker: Yeah, totally. Totally Suzanne. Yeah, you're totally our type. And Joy is going to be making lobster tonight because what's her face? Suzanne wanted lobster. She requested it. She says, when a guest tells me exactly what she wants, she makes my life easier because it's like a road map. But with Suzanne, she has way too many preferences. Like she's putting a lot of crack rocks in my road. just to see if I'm going to drip. And like, she's going to make me severe.

54:42Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So she's making cold water lobster because Suzanne only wants cold water lobster. Okay.

54:50Ben Mandelker: As opposed to those famous hot tropical lobsters.

54:56Ronnie Karam: So I was wondering about that. I'm not a big lobster person, but I was like, are there medium waters? Like what other waters do they come from? Not even joking. I'm sure there are lobsters in the tropics.

55:07Ben Mandelker: I think there are lobsters in the tropics. Are there lobsters? Like spiny lobsters, I think. Are there lobsters in the tropics? The question that AI was built to answer. Yes, there's plenty. Oh, wow. AI is very excited. So Google AI answered with an exclamation point. It goes, yes, there are plenty of lobsters in the tropics. However, they are spiny lobsters, also known as rock lobsters or langoos, which differ significantly from the famous clawed mane lobsters.

55:33Ronnie Karam: so yeah Mediterranean Southern California Caribbean Florida um rock lobsters or and spiny lobsters are some knowns of warm lobster warm water lobsters unlike cold water lobsters such as the famous maine lobster so she's she's on below deck Mediterranean yeah she's on below deck med but she doesn't want lobsters anyway she doesn't want spiny I mean I get that a lot

56:01Ben Mandelker: of people want the proper like main lobster um but she's she i don't know we're like mad at her even about this we're like really you can't have a spiny lobster i mean you still get a delicious lobster tail out of it it has no claws but come on don't hate on the spiny spiny feel i've just

56:18Ronnie Karam: never heard somebody specify on a preference sheet before like lobster but only this kind of lobster Yeah, all right. And we just know already because we've watched a whole episode what a pain in the ass this person is. Yeah, we're like, oh, you can't add her. They don't have onions or garlic on. And I get there are people who just don't like it or maybe they're alert. I mean, I get that. It's just you're on a boat that is serving a lot of people. And what are the main things people use to cook? I mean, onion is the base, I feel like, to almost everything. Yeah, it is.

56:56Ben Mandelker: she's dumb she's not you know what she needs to write a curriculum on how to chill out how about that

57:08Ronnie Karam: congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two go look for the recap that says part two see you over there suckers

57:18Ben Mandelker: watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alison king Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

57:36Ronnie Karam: She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS, we love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last naming Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch

57:58Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock

58:01Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg Gather round for the lore of Michelle Moore This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sherouse.

58:29Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell.

58:30Ronnie Karam: It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

58:34Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

58:40Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V.

58:45Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

58:48Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

58:50Ben Mandelker: Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill

58:53Ronnie Karam: Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides

59:00Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall We got our wish, it's Jen Plish My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo Let's get savage with Laura Wildman In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killin' it, it's Lola Alkalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers

59:25Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke

59:39Ben Mandelker: We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafson Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop Let's take off with Tamla Plain. Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose.

59:52Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

1:00:00Ben Mandelker: This episode is sponsored by Michaels, your destination for all things birthday parties. We just had Lucky's first birthday, and it was so great to be able to go into Michaels and get everything. Of course, I knew they had craft supplies there, but I didn't realize how expansive their party supplies were. And Michael's really is where you can go to get everything for a party, whether you're planning a kid's birthday or even an adult celebration. They've got over 4 ,500 party supplies, more than 60 different themes, and prices starting at just 99 cents. Plus, they've recently lowered prices on hundreds of items.

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