#3471 The Valley S3E17: Baby Back Fibs

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2:40Watch What Crappens

3:06hi america hi the world how's it going wow hi santa clarita

3:17Ronnie Karam: hello everybody welcome to the show today is the valley day this is why santa clarita is getting a shout out so welcome to this we're almost to the end it's a penultimate season an ultimate to the season finale. So we've got that. If you want this on video, you can find videos of all our recaps over at patreon.com slash watch what crappens as usual. It's where you get your bonus episodes, your ad free listening, and a free newsletter that comes out every week that I write. It's just like a jokey recap of all these shows. So check that out. That's free to sign up for. Monday night at 5.30 p.m. we have Crappy Hour Live, which is where we talk to you guys on YouTube and Patreon.

4:03Ronnie Karam: Another free thing on Patreon. And we simulcast it, what's wrong with me, to Instagram as well. So that's 5.30 p.m. Pacific time on Mondays. We've also got Amazon Live on Mondays at 1.30 p.m. on Amazon Live. You can find links to all of this stuff in our LinkedIn bio on Instagram. And a very, very happy birthday to an icon for both of us, Edie McClurg. Happy birthday, Edie McClurg. Oh, Edie McClurg, yes. Happy birthday, Edie. Happy birthday. Mrs. Poole, for those who don't know. I know her really well because we used to perform in the same hour at an improv night at IO back in the day. when that was still a thing.

4:53Ronnie Karam: So I would see her. I'd be like, oh, hey. And she'd say, hello. And I mean, it was a deep friendship. But it was always - I mean, it's pretty cool. Yeah, so happy birthday. She's an icon. She's wonderful. She's all you can dream of. I'm not yet. I can't, bitch. It's also Monica Lewinsky's birthday, by the way. Anyway, continue. Happy birthday to everybody. Everyone. It is weird that Monica Lewinsky is born the same day as edie mcclurg right i know this has become like my new thing i every time we come on here i'm always like oh i wonder who's if there's a funny birthday today to announce to everyone and it's always so funny to see who is born on the same day like edie mcclurg and and and monica lewinski right like who would have ever who would have ever thought slash from guns and roses what a trio yeah you never know you know you never know but alas it is so happy birthday to them uh today it is the 17th episode birthday of the valley season three the episode is called guilt tripping so they do do that a lot on the show so that's what we're this show is basically about um why are you nice to that person or why aren't you nice to that person?

6:15Ronnie Karam: We all like that person. Or why are you nice to that person when we don't all like that person? You know, it's very childish. Yeah. But this episode specifically is the episode that will always be known as the episode where Zach shits himself at Chili's. Yeah. Some things I just don't need to see, you know, and sometimes it's okay to take off your mic. Like, do we need to hear you pee? When I was in, into the woods, And as a teenager, I was playing Jack and I ran off to the bathroom and they forgot to turn off my mic. And you just heard me peeing and talking to one of the princes. We were peeing next to each other.

6:54We were like, ah, and it went over the whole. That's like the naked gun. I didn't know that could actually happen. The whole theater.

7:03Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So, you know, I feel like sometimes it's okay to take off your mic, turn off your mic. There's a switch. No one needs to hear you shitting your pants. Okay? I mean, not that he did that on purpose. We don't need to hear you pee either. And then the very next scene is Lala burping into the camera. The show is kind of trash. You know? Clean it up, show. I wish I could have been at that production of Into the Woods where you were peeing while the baker and his wife were wandering through the forest trying to find a cow. that's amazing turn off the mics every moment is a moment so it was pee thank god it was a number one I refused to poop in public until I was in the forest even still kind of yeah I'm just giggling because you know it was me peeing a stupid satanic laugh well anyways speaking of satan uh let's go to the valley so uh tom's townhouse we're here at tom's townhouse and guess who's there it's kiana uh so uh he's made her a cake or he got her he did not make it he got her a cake and he's like oh kiki look what's on the cake and she's like a key would have been would have liked it more if there were sunglasses on this cake he's like yeah it's a key for kiki but then there's an actual key on there and he says well you already have a key to my heart and she's like i know and now i have a key to your home i'm like enjoy those aluminum residue on your frosting ma 'am who puts a key exactly i was thinking that too why are you putting that on the cake don't put a key on the cake that's disgusting you are put like a little saucer and the key on top of it but don't have the key directly in the far in the frosting enjoy your access to that 19 story home you're gonna really i know really love that so then we go to michelle who's showing a home it's 7.8 million dollars you guys um and then zach and benji are having lunch and um mogu cafe uh mogu mogu mogu mogu have you been there mogu mogu cafe no mogu cafe mogu no i'm uh it's are you asking me or telling me i i want to know if you had any insight on mogu cafe oh it's actually in my it's over it's over on wilshire actually it's not even in the valley how about that okay fine yeah it's always too far so zach is realizing that he bought a shirt probably from marshall's or something which I do constantly, that when you wear it, it doesn't really fit.

9:58Ronnie Karam: Or it bunches up in your boobs or something. And you don't really understand until you put it on and you've gone out. And then you're fucked. What are you going to do? I thought the shirt looked quite cute on him. I thought it was a good shirt. But he was like, the second I put it on, it basically wrinkles. Oh my god. Oh, that was so much information. I love that's like TMI for Zach. He'll shit on camera, but he's like, I don't want to be TMI, but my shirt wrinkled up. Yeah. And Benji, Benji, we get kind of a different flavor of Benji today because normally the Benji we see is, oh, Zach. Oh, Zach.

10:35Ronnie Karam: No matter what's happening, the sky could be falling. Buildings could be tumbling down around them. And Benji's just like, oh, Zach. But today we get that little piece of personality under him when he goes, you should really get better quality shirts. Oh, Zach. Ooh. I'm going to push back a little bit. I feel like that's been Benji's personality the whole time. I feel like he's constantly taking hilarious digs at Zach. Like not mean digs. Not where I say, oh, they've got a bad relationship. It's like hilarious, funny digs. Zach will be like, oh my God, my monster refrigerator is gone. And he'll be like, yeah, I actually sold it on Craigslist.

11:17So I don't know. I love Benji because he is very smiling and sweet. And he is always like, Zach. But there's always like a little like, yeah, you better not make my living room messy. You know?

11:30Ronnie Karam: Yes. There's always the possibility that he can just, you know, slice out a withering comet with the smiceration. Which I love. I love that for him. Yeah, me too. So then we go to a scene where they're meeting with the immigration attorney. It's a flashback. And they're talking about Zach. getting or benji rather getting uh his papers and stuff and they're talking about how the longer they fight for this um the longer it's going to take to save up for a surrogacy because benji can't work regularly here and it's really becoming a problem and zach can't leave here because he's on a tv show so basically and so it's like what do you want money for a baby or would you rather be on TV.

12:19Ronnie Karam: And I think the answer to Benji is probably as clear to everybody else, but Zach ain't leaving TV unless he's... Zach moved to LA to hang around a group of friends on TV. The man is not going to leave the TV. No, no. Okay. He's been working on this for a long time. He's been working and he's been working hard, okay, for many years. And he's finally become more central on the valley remember the first season of the valley that he was just sort of on the sidelines and now he really is like zach is a central part of the show and um he's not going to give that up and he doesn't want to he basically says he doesn't want to and so he's like maybe your fame maybe your fame maybe your fame yeah exactly fame it's always gonna be fame fame yeah fame um and so he's basically zach has had this introspective moment where he's like you know i don't want to get married and then like we decide all of a sudden like i don't just i'd like to decide i don't want to have kids or something like if we decide that all of a sudden i'm like if we decide that all of a sudden it's already been decided you've already you do not want kids and he's like i just i never want to say that out loud but i don't i don't want kids or maybe not or uh uh that's it's a no it's a pass on the kids for zach yeah i don't think yeah it's a no and it's sad because a lot of couples go through that and then a lot of times when person will just bend and be like okay yeah let's just have a kid and then they're miserable forever because they had a kid that they don't want to have you know yep yeah i mean i think you should really, really want kids to have kids.

14:01Ronnie Karam: Kids are so difficult. You know, being a parent is so difficult. Being a kid is so difficult. You should really want it. I think the natural process should be really want kids, try to have kids, go through whatever process you have kids, have the kid, have the parties, get all the pictures taken, then realize you really resent that little fucker. And that's when the process starts, but it shouldn't start before then. You know, there's a natural order to things. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really good assessment of it. And so Benji's like, well, I mean, if that's something that you feel in your soul, if you want kids or not, he's like being very supportive.

14:41He's like, oh, it's okay. I will support you admitting that. And then Zach is like, Benji's like the first person that I've ever dated that like wants kids. And like, so I've never actually had to be confronted with that. And then like, I've looked really deep in it and like, I feel like life would be better to not have kids. But I also think life would be fulfilled in a different way if you have kids in like, life would be fulfilled in a way of like, oh, I've always wanted to not go to brunch anymore. And I feel fulfilled on that task. Or I've always wanted to not be able to go hang out with friends anymore.

15:12Oh, I've always wanted to have a mess around my house all the time. And those are all very fulfilling things for me to achieve with kids. But I don't know. It's hard.

15:22Ronnie Karam: there's also the future fights where you're like i gave up everything for you and you can treat me like this you didn't even want me of course i wanted you and then they all they have to do is play some clips of the valley and it's like no of course i don't want kids i absolutely do not want kids here's what's crazy against you in the future i think i think benji needs to become zach has to advocate for benji to become a full-time cast member because i think this would solve a lot of it because normally when people are on the fence about whether or not to have kids I'm like, please just watch The Valley, and then you'll have a pretty clear idea that you maybe should not have kids because everyone who has kids on the show is miserable.

16:01And normally I would say that to someone, but Zack and Benger are actively on The Valley, so I'm just surprised they haven't noticed this yet. They're really in front row seats to like how rough it can get.

16:12Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, it's like people who go to horror movies. I mean, you know it's going to be scary when you go in. I guess that's part of the fun. then you tell everybody oh my god i screamed at that part like oh my god i screamed at that part too did you see the trailer for other mommy no you were you talked about how they played that in front of the odyssey the other day but i haven't seen it yeah well i haven't seen the odyssey either but um other mommy they they released it on on the internet and so it's one of these things where jessica chastain plays like a bad like she's like a demon who like looks like this little girl's real mom, but she's a demon.

16:50She's like a Jessica Chastain demon. So I watched the trailer, of course with the audio off because I didn't want jump scares. I'm like, I refuse to be jump scared by other mommy, okay? It's too early in the morning. And there's like, the trailer opens up. I don't know what they're saying, but Jessica Chastain is making breakfast for this little girl and she starts burning this bacon and it like catches on fire. And then it's like, oh no, it's on fire. And then the dad rushes in to put out the fire. And then all of a sudden Jessica Chastain is contorted underneath a table. And the image of her contorted is now all over the internet.

17:25It's become a meme because her limbs are here and there. And my question is this. If you're a ghost, we've questioned a lot of ghost motives over the years. Here's my latest ghost motive. I'd like to ask to the ghosts that are around us. What is it about being a ghost or a demon that makes you want to do Cirque du Soleil shit? Why is that your instinct?

17:48Ronnie Karam: Yeah, that's true The contorting Why do ghosts always need to prove their contorting skills? It's like, I'm going to haunt you But also, I think I'd be a good candidate For a whimsical French-Canadian circus Think about it I'm going to kill you and your children Also, I can stand on my nose, look I will destroy your sanity And I will also dazzle you I just think it's so annoying Why do they have to do that? I just feel like the ghost is... I'm contorting, but it's in water. Oh my God, honey, it's an O ghost. Is that ghost contorting to Michael Jackson? Yes, they just got back from Vegas. It's a wonderful show.

18:29Ronnie Karam: Thankfully, that ghost took all the problematic stuff out of his contortion act. Just the hits. Just the hits. Family friendly. Here's my question to the ghost contorted under the table. Do you know how to make bacon? because somebody needs to learn to make bacon in this family. And if it's going to be the scary contorting demon under the table, so be it. Yeah, you know, the other thing, here's where you first went wrong, is that I'm just not even convinced that Jessica Chastain can make bacon in the first place. I love her. I love that she loves Bravo. I hope that she secretly listens to this podcast.

19:03But like, when you think of Jessica Chastain, do you think that's someone who's going to make me my bacon?

19:08Ronnie Karam: I don't think Jessica Chastain eats bacon. I don't think she's like a big bacon person. No. I think she's definitely like a macrobiotic salads. I think she actually could make a great salad. If she's coming over to your potluck and Jessica Chastain says, I'm bringing a salad, you know you're going to get a bomb ass salad. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. Your space should feel like you. And if it doesn't, that's probably not a taste problem. It's a budget problem. And Wayfair really can fix that. What did your space look like before Wayfair, Ronnie? What were you most excited to change or refresh about your current space?

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21:51Ronnie Karam: I think it would be very apple cider vinegar heavy and like superfoods and nothing like really good or fatty in there. Like there's not going to be Gorgonzola. There's not going to be because she's an actor who really keeps herself in perfect shape at all times. She's not one of those actors that's like, oh, I'm going to gain 50 pounds and, you know, get a bad perm for this role. Like she's always looking perfect and snatched in everything that she does. So I don't, you know, I like a salad with a little more sin to it personally than the Jessica Chesky salad. But she will have like really good farmer's market ingredients and she'll tell you about them.

22:27She'd be like, actually, this avocado is from my favorite stand. It's from Ticcarelli Ranch. They're in actually Santa Loma, and they always have great stuff. Here, by the way, for those wondering, this is Jessica Chastain as other mommy contorting under a table for no good reason. Here she is on screen. Be sure to listen to patreon.com.

22:45Ronnie Karam: She looks adorable. Is she supposed to be scary? Because I think this picture is adorable. What a cute picture of her. Well, it's cute until you realize there's bacon burning on the stovetop. Like, stop contorting and take care of the bacon. she looks cute with bangs i mean yeah her leg is over her head you know but still

23:10Ronnie Karam: this is how to make bangs work it's like she's bangs finally we found a way that bangs work on contortionists she's like yes my ankle is over my earlobe right now but just so you know those are actually watermelon radishes in the salad they're delicious all right oh speaking of um horror movies let's go to danny and nia's house uh one of the kids is screaming and danny's sitting on the couch with his son and he's like whoa do not jump on daddy where's daddy's owie and the kid just like punches him in the dick he's like right there right there right there again I think Benji should look at this scene really look at it because Benji by the way the last scene ends with Benji saying the kids are non negotiable so good luck Zach yeah so Nia comes home from judging the miss person from somewhere pageant and and he's just like hi I'm back so tell me everything he's like well I had the procedure so now that you're back daddy can be on his feet because mommy's here the natural order has been restored daddy gets to lay back down again like daddy has done so much for you children get the fuck out of here you've got one tiny little thing done you wuss this lady with four for you she still has one latch to her the whole time that she's gone give the woman a break i danny and he had help by the way not to trigger lindsey hubbard but he had help i love it with like i love with it um in the city it's like yeah lindsey had help because she's trying to make a living okay it's like just because she has a nanny doesn't mean she's any more beleaguered like any less beleaguered and now with danny i'm like oh get over it you had help you had help don't cry about it nuts man she does everything though danny it's not even comparable i mean danny's just he's so gross and he's such a fucking whiny baby i can't with this guy and of course he's like well this was an anniversary gift so happy anniversary now we get to have sex every five minutes of the day like it was a gift to anybody but yourself now you're going to be pestering her every two seconds for sex so she's like well you know one thing i really noticed when i was at miss whatever um is it's so nice to be surrounded by such lovely supportive genuine people oh yeah you know the most genuine people pageant people always gonna tell you exactly what's on their mind that was my first thought when she said that I was like really at the pageant supportive non-competitive people totally very genuine people there at the pageant yeah super uplifting so she goes kind people generally like outside of Mexico like Lala like if you're gonna come to me come at me like that are you really my friend because like never in my life outside of this friend group have I ever raised my voice at a friend ever the loudest I ever get is when I say Daniel can you look at me can you look at your wife Daniel can you look at your wife sorry that was a really intense example I said Daniel come towards the light she's under a table looking for it wait a second weren't you just in the kitchen burning bacon that's the other mommy other mommy the demon is like you know what i don't really like being in this relationship with danny i'm gonna go haunt someone else yeah danny's like you want to give me a little loving contortionist under the table punches him in the dick that's what i mean everybody in this show just walking by and punching Danny in the dick.

27:00Ronnie Karam: Seriously. So she just doesn't understand. I mean, real friends don't act like this. You're on a television show, you know, and your husband's a flaming jackass wherever he goes. So maybe people would react less to a person who did less shit to get a response from people. Absolutely. So now we go over to Jesse's house. Michelle comes over and they just sit there and they just they just crack jokes and are shady and hilarious and like they are just the they're the duo we always knew that they could be and they really come to life in this scene just kidding they are somehow signing divorce papers again and crying again together these two are really milking it they're really really milking this divorce my god and then Michelle keeps crying like oh I'm just remembering the good times hey How about you remember that loan that he took out behind your back and put you on the hook for like 150k?

28:02Ronnie Karam: What are you crying about? I would take that champagne bottle, pop him over the head and get the fuck out of there. Take everything else that you want from that house and get out. It'll just get stuck in this hair dent. It won't work. But he doesn't have that anymore. I noticed that the other day. And I was like, see, people do evolve. That's because of Lacey. The Lacey effect. Lacey's probably like, you can't leave the house with that hair dent. I swear to God I'm going to put a bump it in there Just to smooth out that hair dent you cannot do that Jesse I Really if there really was a case For making divorce procedures more Streamlined it's this show because I feel Like this is the 12th scene of them Signing documents I'm like I thought you already signed The documents I get it I know it's only no member he refused To sign the documents And then he said but I you know Whatever I don't even have the documents And she's like, yes, you do.

28:54Ronnie Karam: Here they are. And then she pulled them out at a urbane cafe or wherever the fuck they were. And then he was like, oh, well, I guess we'll sign them when we get home. Which I guess he didn't do. And then now here we are. It's like this has all been chasing Jesse down to sign papers. Yeah. Now he signs them. But looking back in my notes, I see that he did sign the papers earlier, but he did it with other Michelle while she was contorted under a table. So it's just when you have a demon that's pretending to be your wife, you have to do two sets of divorce papers, turns out. I found a perfect avocado at the farmer's market.

29:37She's someone else I don't trust to make bacon, Michelle Lally. So yeah, they signed these. I have things now. They are signing these divorce papers. And she's, of course, crying. and he busts out some champagne and they like, they wax nostalgic. And I think what was so funny is that the show is like, as they're saying like, you know, there were good times. It's hard to forget the good times. It's important to remember that. It's like, yeah, Isabella has to know that she was made out of love. And so the show just starts showing these like, warm flashbacks of Michelle and Jesse kissing, warmer times, frolicking from season one.

30:15I was like, those were not the warm times. Michelle was so miserable during that time. The fact that they had They obviously have no footage of them being happy together. And the fact that they're trying to con us into thinking season one was when everything was wonderful. Season one was a shit show. She visibly hated him the entire time. It's so funny that they're trying to pass it off now as warm fuzzies.

30:35Ronnie Karam: You know, I was thinking this must have been a really long time ago. They've been married 10 years, but I guess they haven't. They haven't been married for very long, huh? I think they've been married for like seven or eight years, something like that. Like around 2018, 19. okay so maybe it was like before the show that they were so happy i don't know but this footage yeah i was like why i was like why are you trying to con us we know this was jesse this is when jesse kept on trying to like kiss michelle and be like we're in love still right and she was like please get away from me do not judge me you are burning the bacon so then we go yeah it's a super sad scene we you know we all we're all very upset about it so then we go to lala michelle tom and kiana which is an odd group no one speaks to kiana does kiana have one line in this entire scene she's you make these people drive all the way to sada monica or the marie wherever you know that's not close and then uh you shove all these people who don't even seem like they would be hanging out together especially Kiana.

31:46Ronnie Karam: No one talks to Kiana. I almost felt bad for Kiana. Kiki. She has a key now, guys. She has a key. She has her sunglasses on. These four go out on this boat and Schwartz is like, Michelle, do you feel differently now that you've officially signed the papers? And she's like, yes, I do actually. And Law's like, do you feel different now that it's settled? I think it's the same question that's okay he's like so she's like yes i can tell people that i am dear of yours but it's not being acknowledged by the judge but by jesse and i and it's in motion and there's no going back by the way i am so excited to tell you i am going on my first date i'm dating a comedian i met because I was showing him a house.

32:37Ronnie Karam: Maximini. Do you like? Oh, Maximini. Who is Maximini? I'm looking him up right now. Maximini. He's very famous. He sells out huge stadiums. I believe, listen, I believe I'm not, I am not doubting that whatsoever. I just am totally out of the loop with everything these days. Unless it's like Jessica Chastain contorted under a table. Like, Maximini, why don't you get under a table? Because otherwise you're not on my radar. No, he's got like 10 million followers Michelle Lally just leaving Jesse And just landing celebrity after celebrity It's just my favorite Twist of fate for her Yeah, she really is So she's excited And she says that she met him And then it was just so Organic and natural You know, it's just like He made jokes, then I made jokes We're just hilarious people.

33:32Ronnie Karam: I could basically Zell-Od Stadiums as well. I can't wait to see. Netflix is a joke with Michelle Lally. What's the deal with plaster when you add it to a wall it's not as dirty as drywall. Am I right? Am I right?

33:59Ronnie Karam: So, So they're all super psyched for her, I guess. And then they're talking about her dating, blah, blah, blah. I'm fast forwarding. And then Tom's like, oh, by the way, really, I'm just here to make my paycheck. Let's talk about Danny. He got his balls snipped. And then we found out about some trauma that Janet went through. And then Luke and the other guy, Danny, just like totally disregarded Janet's trauma. And they're like, how dare he? How dare he disregard drama? Momma's like, I will pop that motherfucker. I will pop both of those motherfuckers. You do not question trauma. Oh, well, I mean, well, it's just like, you know, it was just like this really thing.

34:45And then like Kristen also, like I had lunch with Dodie and she was like, dismissive too. Oh my God. And you see a flashback to Tom with Kristen. And Tom's like, oh, Kristen, And I was like, I had a complete fucking loss. That's why Janet was like, so charged. So smearing Danny. And like, I don't really understand it. But then like, Jesse was trying to articulate it. And like, I guess like Janet had like trauma or something like that. I don't know. It's scary. And Kristen's like, uh, I feel like I should know this. And like knowing her as long as I have, like in my experience, she's not nice. And it hasn't been like about telling her, telling, telling her side.

35:20It's just been like about how, like, how do I take people down?

35:25Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and Lala and Michelle are pissed. And rightly so. I mean, I think that reaction from Kristen and the guys is just, it's shit, you know? You don't have to like somebody to be like, god damn. That's terrible. I'm sorry. That's it. Like, I'm sorry that happened to you. Why is that so fucking difficult? But they're like, whatever. Nice excuse. So they're pissed and rightly so. But we've also got Tom here being a total tattletale for no reason. Like, bro, you don't do anything. Okay. You just gave a key to a child and now you're tattletaling. The show just needs more. This show is worth more.

36:08Well, he's just also worth more. He doesn't also deliver the message terribly well either. But Tom is like, yeah, I mean, I don't want to put words in Kristen's mouth, but like that's the way she kind of felt in the moment. Lala's like, wow, I mean, I just learned what Janet's been through. And like, you know, that's like not cool. And then Michelle's like, yeah, like you don't have to, when you've been through something, that should be enough. You don't have to say what it actually was. So yeah, like you said, they're just like pissed. And they're like, wow, I can't believe that that's how Kristen responded.

36:40And Lala's like, yeah, this is not the friend that I know. Something like, I think her hatred for Janet is actually clouding her judgment at this point.

36:48Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So then we go to Luke and Kristen at the Motherhood LA. Other Motherhood LA. There's one therapist sitting there and there's another one under the chair contortioned. Which one should I be directing my therapy to? Both of us are fine. You're both yours for you. She just wants to eat your soul. But that's okay. That has nothing to do with you getting some good therapy. yeah so this scene is another yike scene god the couple scenes on this show are just i have to say i i am finding a weird perverse joy in something which is the way luke is so incapable of not being a dick like what he'll do is he'll he'll speak very deliberately and very carefully in a way to like not say the wrong thing not offend kristen and try to be like enlightened and then in one quick second he just undoes all of it by saying some bullshit and he does it all season long he's been doing it and he's like oh i shouldn't have said that sorry that was that was wrong i shouldn't have said i shouldn't have come out that way it's like every single time i'm like like wait for it wait for it and there it is every single time and it's he's saying the wrong thing because he's thinking the wrong things he's just not they're just not on the proper wavelength to be in like a long-term relationship raising a baby they're just not you know i think they're trying to make it happen and it's so awkward to watch it he's such an idiot and kristin's just kind of sitting there she's got a big cup that she's sipping out of like as he's answering all these questions because she knows i think sometimes in a couple's therapy situation it's almost like see you just need someone else there to be like am i crazy or is this guy a fucking dick and i like at one point the therapist like whoa whoa whoa yeah that was that was something that you just said there luke just like wow what's going on with that kristin keeps giving her the look like see told you go ahead say something else luke go ahead well i i just i i want to respect your boundaries and I you know I don't want to hurt you and I think that you're very special and I think we just have to learn how to communicate and the thing is that when I met you I hadn't met fucking crazy pregnant Kristen yet it's like whoa Luke I loved you before you became pregnant and crazy and like criticized everything I do and I can't even go fishing she's like whoa whoa whoa let's maybe try to reword that a little bit you're in the motherhood this is not going to work well for you okay yeah know your room um so he's complaining christian's like you know it's like parenthood and i really thought that he'd want to be around for that part of it but it seems like he always wants to escape from the you know being a young father and doing all this stuff and he's like well i was really lonely because like i got more criticism than anything from her and i wasn't even able to go do the things i like to do yeah because you have a fucking newborn you idiot what do you think that entails yeah do you think christine's drinking until three in the morning and fishing no and christine's like well if he wants to go out and like i'm like yeah totally fine i get it and then i'm like you know i'm like rage anxious because it's like you just can't stand to be around me and the baby and he like has so many better things to do you know what i'm saying and so the doctor's like oh so you're you're hearing that he doesn't care yeah he just wants to escape abort mission go go leave And it's like, so her big insecurity is that he doesn't care.

40:32He does not want to be around her. And he's like, you're just spiraling to the worst case scenario. It's not like I'm going to imply in a few minutes that like the pregnant and postpartum Kristen is like crazy cuckoo pants that I want you to avoid at all costs. I'm never going to imply that in a few minutes. So I don't know why you're spiraling to the worst case scenario.

40:52Ronnie Karam: It's like, I don't know why he wants to escape all the time. And he's like, that's not true. That's absolutely not true. just because I go tell all of our friends that if you do one more crazy thing I'm not going to marry you doesn't mean I want to escape it just means I'm going to leave you say what you say at least stand by what you say you know seriously and she thinks the problem they have is communication Kristen thinks that but I think the problem is you're just not compatible it's just not going to work so the doctor is like you know nothing like a newborn to throw a bomb into a relationship ship am i right i mean well it's it's the biggest stressor you're ever gonna experience and he goes yeah you know i just feel like misery loves company you know it's like she's miserable and she wants me to be miserable too well i don't want you to be miserable i just assumed you were miserable that's why i was drawn to you and kristen's like i just didn't want you to leave me alone and go out and get drunk or go out with your friends and come home late and be hungover and sleep all day and I just am here and just like, I mean, it's just like, it's not like, it's not like I wanted to do any of that stuff.

42:01I just was very protective of my body, my baby. And she's like, you know, whatever. First trimester, she was like terrified. And so the doctor's like, well, Luke, I want to hear from you. What was that like for you? Well, I was definitely on the same page earlier on and just being like, you know, cause we celebrated too early. We had, we lost one, et cetera. Um, but like in the same, like it was a lot for me. And And so Kristen's like, but in the same breath, he can't understand what it's like for me. I have no idea what it's like for him. So Luke basically is like, this basically leads up to him saying, like in Mexico, there's a lot of frustration.

42:36There's a lot of stress. And so that's why he had said this thing about like, oh, well, I don't even know if there's going to be a marriage. Because, you know, it's like there's so much fighting and there's so many people get divorced. So why even get married in the first place?

42:51Ronnie Karam: yeah and she's like but you know when he like got down on one knee and proposed to me and then i fell over on a boat and said caca it's a dolphin none of that was a problem so why is it a problem now and he goes yeah well i hadn't met pregnant kristin yet no so bad like why would you ever say that it's like why would you shame someone for by the way for carrying your baby for having to undergo physical transformations and duresses that you will never, ever, ever experience in your entire life. And also to then have to carry all the emotional and hormonal after effects. And you're going to be like, she was so annoying in pregnancy.

43:37I mean, look, she probably was more emotional and annoying. I mean, it's Kristen, right? But that's part of it. And you just can't shame her for that like she's going through something that's so hard like how could he be

43:51Ronnie Karam: so impatient with her he's an idiot i mean look kristen is kristen like you said and kristen is um i she's a crazy person i mean kristen like she's kristen she was like we've watched her for a decade on tv you know so kristen with anything else added into it i'm sure is a lot to handle you know like with pregnancy and hormones and all of that other stuff but the way to to approach it is be like listen i love you kristin i love our baby how can i help how can i make this easier and if you're at a therapist it's like how kristin how do i communicate that when you talk to me a certain way it really hurts me and it shuts me down you know there's a little bit of that in there but it's mostly like i don't get what to do what i want to do and like everything is about Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, and Kristen's feelings.

44:41Ronnie Karam: Well, I have feelings. I want to do stuff. And it's just like, you're such a fucking baby. You know, she doesn't have time to raise both of you. And we know that Kristen can keep it in, like, her emotions. And, you know, she's learned to kind of regulate in a way that she didn't have when she was younger. And a perfect example is her sitting in this therapist just being so easygoing. Like, yeah, you know, this is kind of how I feel about Luke. And the going out. You know what I mean? going out and you know stuff bothers me because if the therapist wasn't there it would be a huge fight which we've seen a hundred times on this show so yeah she's kind of learned to regulate and she she does probably need to learn to regulate with luke a little bit but the man is just so infuriating and you need somebody that you can count on when you're in such a vulnerable position you know physically yeah your whole body's changed i mean she needs somebody just better.

45:34Ronnie Karam: I feel like he's just relentless in his constant

45:46needling about his needs. That was not the right way to say it. I don't know. It was a weird sentence to say. But he's constantly talking about

45:54Ronnie Karam: selfishness. Everything is sort of like, but what about me? I have no doubt that Kristen has been more emotional understandably and reasonably over the past several months because of everything she's had to go through in terms of what's going on with her body, etc. And I actually have no doubt that it was hard. It's very hard on him. But the fact that he doesn't have the tools or the patience or to know the woman that he loves, he doesn't know how to kind of talk her down from the ledge or deal with it. And actually, he just turns everything into like this is what I'm going through and I think that he's made I think that maybe it's like an overly um maybe it's like an expression of our times where we think like well you you are entitled to your feelings too and you are entitled to like like your feelings are valid right we are in a time of your feelings are valid and he's thinking to my to himself like she's being mean to me and not thinking how can I fix this situation he's thinking she's being mean to me and my feelings were valid and i like it's like important that i'm respected as someone too and like obviously it's important to be respected everyone should be respected as a person but i just feel like like the fact that he's unable to like really kind of like make his future wife comfortable and at ease without also adding elements of resentment and i don't get to do any of the things that i want to do i just think it's like it's it's not a match he has zero emotional intelligence and i think that when we saw the beginning of their or at least for us the beginning of their relationship on the show the roles were reversed she was doing this like earth mother i'm into crystals now oh yeah i'm into like spiritual peace and all that all that stuff that she was she's like i'm calm krista now and in their relationship we saw her being very supportive of his emotions.

47:57Ronnie Karam: It's like, you know, you're in LA, like it would be great if you could just, you know, learn to be here. This is where I want to be. But she was also like very supportive of him and trying to help him figure out what he wants to do here and make new friends and be involved and stuff. And she had sort of this, like, I'm the supportive one. You know, I remember him saying, I mean, Kristen's the girl that you can just throw her in the car with five dogs and drive without even stopping all the way from here to Timbuktu and she never complains. Kristen's not a nag. Kristen's just the most easy going.

48:36Ronnie Karam: But then when the roles reverse and Kristen needs support and emotional support, he doesn't know what the fuck to do. He's just reliant on her being that. So when she needs it from him, he's like, I don't think he's equipped to even do it. He's not emotionally intelligent, this man. I get the sense that despite everything that they've said and done and whatever he's claimed i think that they that he has resentment of having um given up a lifestyle that he wanted in colorado where he could fish and he could do all the things he doesn't like la he's been very vocal about that but he's been like but i would i want to be where you are etc i want to be on tv he didn't say that part but we implied it and uh he made those sacrifices and i think that um it was i think in his mind he's like he thinks that he's owed something because of it and i think in his mind it's like i did all this stuff and then this is how you're going to treat me now and i've given you everything i've even given you pregnancy and now you're pregnant and you're and you're acting this way to me and I've given I've done all these sacrifices and and I think that's like not the that's a I think that's if it is true these are very bold statements I'm saying but I kind of feel like I see it there on screen that's not that's not how you should be going into a relationship and it kind of ties back into the scene we talked about with Zach and Benji which is sometimes couples make compromises because they love each other but those compromises can come back to haunt them And you have to be really, really, really careful about what you compromise about.

50:12When it comes to the non-negotiables, if something is non-negotiable and you're acting like it is negotiable, you could really be in trouble.

50:20Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, I get resentful of him because I think that's all a big manipulation. The whole, I don't want to live in LA and I don't want to be on, you know, I don't even want to be on TV. It's just such bullshit. He's like starting a daddy podcast. he's doing everything he can to be famous you know and like fit in with all the famous people and go to the you know all the parties and so i don't believe that he didn't want it i think that he's acting like he didn't want it so he could use it in the way that you're saying and be like i didn't even want this i'm doing this all for you when i think that he did of course want it and he's just trying to be cool because probably where he's from they're like a bunch of la fruit loops a bunch of holly weirds that he's trying to please that crowd as well as trying to be one of the holly weirds and uh yeah you know he's i also think he's i think he's just also young and immature he's like 33 34 i think he just doesn't understand like where he has to kind of man up as they would say and um uh yeah and i think like it comes out in each one of these scenes when he will be saying all the right things on camera and then like the the mask drops and he'll just say something really cutting that ultimately shames kristen for uh for he gets me not being like the the kristen that he met yeah he gets really mean and then when he's called out he's like but i didn't mean it that way yes it is yes you did mean it that way you're just too stupid toward it you know and it was a mean thought to begin with you know he's just he's he's a petty mean little child i think so um anyway when he says that well i hadn't mean i hadn't met pregnant kristin and they're like whoa whoa whoa whoa both of them and luke says well i mean i guess i didn't mean that as it sounded it's just like i've gone through depressive times and then you know i just mean like it's like my mind my mind's like did i fuck up okay thanks for rewording that yeah that really helped it were you a mistake was our relationship a mistake and this child a mistake kristin's like that was a gut punch i don't know we take it day by day we just continue to be the best parents to kaya try to rebuild our relationship he's like i'm sorry i said that she's like i don't want you to backtrack and tiptoe because you feel like it's out of bed coming out but really that's what you meant because you know what you know what i mean and like i wish i just had a better grip on myself and my pregnancy and i didn't and you want another baby so soon and the reason i want to take my time because i would like to have a better grasp on my pregnancy the second time around as best as i can so she's like and this is when i started yelling at the tv did you not he wants another baby luke luke is pressuring her are you fucking kidding me after all of this this guy whining and crying and moping for the whole season and he's pressuring her for another baby immediately i can't i can't that's it i'm gonna spit all over the screen what the therapist is like so this is where the real repairing is like you guys have to hear each other okay you guys you guys are hopeless get out of my office here comes one right now losing weight can be like trying to roll a wheelbarrow up a hill.

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55:41So now we go over to Brittany's house where she's playing with Cruz and Cruz is doing better now that he's been in a stable location. And so Janet comes over and she's like, wow, I haven't seen your playroom yet. Look at this. That's in full that the swing is in full action. And I mean, I don't see a ball pit, so that's a bit disappointing. But otherwise, great room.

56:04Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So now they're talking about Halloween. I'm going to have a Halloween party. I love Halloween. I love things. I love getting dressed up in costumes. We're going to have a Halloween party. The theme is Victorian vampire chicken fingers. Victorian vampire masquerade, which is where you dress up like Posh Spice as a vampire. I just want it to be beautiful, but also mysterious and dark and sexy. she's gonna come dressed as an m &m i guarantee this is a vampire roger's get it's an m &m i just couldn't help it i know it's supposed to be victorian but i just want to be an m &m to see her i told you that i have a story about my friend leslie who um like in her 20s she went to uh she was invited to like a halloween costume a halloween party and you know like in like you know uh like an adult's costume party is gonna have a certain kind of vibe of costume not even necessarily slutty but like just a different vibe and she went to this costume party dressed like in a party city or a spirit halloween m &m costume she was like everyone else was like in things that were sort of sort of slutty or whatever and just kind of like adult and she was like in a kid's a kid's costume i was like that's the funniest she goes to a sexy halloween party dressed like an m &m was it at least the green m &m i don't know it's the one that makes It's horny, right?

57:33Ronnie Karam: The green one? Maybe. So, yeah, I remember because they made the sexy M &Ms. I think the least sexy one was green because they always said, green M &Ms make you horny. She had heels, but then they put her in sneakers and people got mad. Do you remember that? Oh, God. No. Why did they get mad? I vaguely remember it, but I don't remember why people – It's a real controversy. People were like, they put that green M &M in sneakers. She's a lesbian now. I mean, people were just crazy about it. oh my god ridiculous really we can't even just have green m &ms anymore it was like going too far yeah it was uh it was a whole issue people were really people were really upset well you know what i'm doing right now don't you looking up the green m &m and sneakers controversy in 2022 they replaced the green M &M's iconic white go-to go-go boots with casual sneakers the move sparked a major culture war, conservative commentators criticized the frumpy redesign and feminists argued the brand was shaming women for wearing heels wow, we're getting it from both ends let's tell when you know you're really messed up when both ends of the spectrum are really hitting you hard other M &M-y, actually the M &M that has the heels is just like under a table, contorted like no one knows it's contorted because it's perfectly round it's like I am a contorting demon aren't you scared of me you look the same the other mommy you're literally the same well maybe the other mommy is one of the misshapen peanut M &Ms like the one that accidentally gets two peanuts that's the version of contorting you know what I always find disturbing is when you get like it usually happens more with peanut M &Ms is when there's like some shell that's chipped off and there's like some M &M brain sticking out I feel like it's exposed I'm like no Yeah.

59:26Ronnie Karam: But this is so good. I'm glad I Googled it because listen to this. The sneaker swap ignited a multi-year firestorm. God, I love this country. The footwear change was swiftly mocked by Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who claimed the rebrand made the cartoon character deeply unappealing. The controversy was further fueled later that year when the brand introduced a new female purple M &M, which also received conservative backlash. they announced an indefinite pause on all its animated spokes candies and temporarily replaced them with the human spokesperson maya rudolph well while some fans considered the entire shoe saga to be calculated publicity stunt the brand overhaul remains one of the most famous examples of corporate rebranding backlash that shit is crazy it's crazy but also they should never have caved in over this like to to snowflakes on the right um okay i'm sorry that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard and also like crazy i love tucker carlson being upset that like the um the sneakers made the green m &m less attractive i was like were you like jerking off to the to like the m &m's high heels beforehand?

1:00:47Why is your erection so concerned with this?

1:00:52Ronnie Karam: God, I miss traditional green M &Ms. Jeez. What happened to the days where green M &Ms could just put on a pair of stilettos and walk the streets like a hot lady wants to? You're just not allowed to call a green M &M toots anymore without everybody having a fit. anyway so Brittany is speaking speaking of hot stuff Brittany is going to do a photo shoot this week even though she's still a little swollen from her surgeries she wants to do a photo shoot to sort of celebrate her new sexy body and Janet is very happy about that for her and she's also Janet also wants to do a lunch or a happy hour just for the fun of it and she's going to invite the girls and Zach and And everyone else, et cetera.

1:01:41Well, not quite everyone else. So first they start calling people. They call Lala and everything. And are like, you want to come to Chili's? You want to come to Chili's and have some fun times with us? I guess that would be Lala receiving it.

1:01:55Ronnie Karam: Yeah, it's Chili's. This is very Janet. Like, wow, look at me. Janet, just one of the people. Remember me? The girl who loves Dave and Buster's? I also love Chili's because it's a chain restaurant. And I'm just a regular American girl. I will say I went to that Chili's that they go to. I'm assuming it's the one that's on Ventura and Encino. And I went to it once and I got a steak there and it was delicious. I could not believe how good that steak was. I was like, what? Why am I having this like world-class steak in Chili's right now? It can happen. Here's what I love from Chili's. Well, I used to eat the, I think, Southwestern chicken salad at Chili's back in the day when I ate chicken.

1:02:32Ronnie Karam: But it's been a long time. And also iceberg lettuce with blue cheese. and the best thing there though the buns, I still remember the bun on that sandwich, it was delicious soft, great and the french fries dipped in honey mustard their honey mustard's fantastic their french fries are great as well that's great to hear so Lala's like, Janet, I just don't like you a regular American boy guys you get me just a question is this was that bun wearing sneakers or high heels? why'd they have to rebrand? rebrand this honey mustard. They took the honey out of it. Oh, geez. God forbid the honey mustard shows some sexuality.

1:03:14So Lala is, she's like, I don't want you inviting Doty's. And Jenna's like, really? She's like, yeah, I'm very disappointed in her right now. Like, you know, I didn't have to talk with her. I just heard some things from Shortzy, and I just don't want her. And Jenna's like, yeah, like, not a problem. I was not going to invite her anyway.

1:03:32Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she's not going to invite Nia or Kristen. To Chili's. Oh, no. I'm being excluded from the Encino Chili's trip. How could you? Daniel. Slow rent-ass show. My God. Okay, so then they go to Chili's Day. And people start coming in. Like, oh, my God, you look so great. Oh, my God, you look so great, too. Michelle comes in dressed to the nines. And they're like, uh. You are not going to leave looking like that, Michelle. you are going to get sauces and oil all over you she's like i do not understand what kind of sauces what kind of oils does not come viewed so zach is saying michelle just had her first french fry like a few weeks ago at britney's and like i don't know if she's like ready for a jalapeno popper okay did we did we see that neither were you apparently i know no jalapenos fire in the hole

1:04:41yeah was that a scene where we saw michelle have her first french fry i feel like you know on big brother there was someone who never had a burger before and she had a burger on camera that's what's going on on big brother in case you're wondering um i just didn't remember michelle never having a french fry so uh yeah i think they had fast food a couple weeks ago

1:05:03Ronnie Karam: and that was like the first time she never had fast food or something and they were like wow michelle's eating some fast food it's like yes i drive would it be weird if i got salmon at jillies janet's like no i mean i mean it's very you but uh so janet here's janet's uh i'm relatable monologue i'm from ohio i love a chain restaurant i love fried food i like places that have 4 000 locations in america i was spending 600 a month at mcdonald's breakfast when i was pregnant and jason said like you can you know eat whatever you want but i'm just letting you know it adds up and i was like what it's like 20 a day and that's like 60 a month and he's like no that's 600 a month.

1:05:44America, you love me again now, right? Am I accepted back? Just such a normal person.

1:05:49Ronnie Karam: I don't even understand basic math.

1:05:54Ronnie Karam: Maybe love little Janet. So she takes care of the ordering like snotty people do at fancy restaurants where they're like, okay, we'll have the escoggle. style. Tallow, you know, or sorry, the marrow, the, sorry, McBee Dynasty's still in my head. The marrow bite. But she's like, yes, we'll have the triple dippers, one with the Nashville mozzarella, one with the regular mozzarella, crispers, egg rolls, boneless wings with buffalo, baby buck, baby buck, baby buck, ooh, what? Lime. You get me. Yeah, so Lacey shows up. She shows up late. probably was giving her a pep talk herself a pep talk in the parking lot like you can do this Lacey you can go into a Chili's it's okay just pretend it's Javier's with a makeover and make under whatever don't be negative go in there so she comes in and she's like wow oh this is exciting hi it's Lacey so thrilled I drove all the way up from Newport Beach to go to a Chili's here in Encino thanks everyone Jasmine's like wow wow so everybody made up at the wedding party.

1:07:06Ronnie Karam: I wasn't really paying much attention because it was my party, but how did everyone's talks go? So Lacey and Janet, you guys made up, and Lacey's like, yeah, Janet set me free for my shackles. Yeah, and like I said, I love the personality once you're accountable. I'm happy. That's all I needed.

1:07:32well this chili's lunch is really exciting so uh melissa arrives and she's like hi and so brinney's like hi who's ready for halloween this is gonna be my biggest party yeah it's gonna be a victorian halloween monsters ball and victorian ghosts ghost ghost mom ghosts on cbs vampire diaries halloween

1:07:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah, well, you know what? I picked up Danny from his vasectomy And we had a conversation Where I was like, dude, you were very hyped that night Am I right? And so we see him talking to Danny in the car Saying, you remember the conversation with Lala? Like, maybe some of the things And he's like, I take 100 % accountability for things I am a good person Said no good person ever I know. He takes accountability in a car away from the people he's taking accountability from and then declaring himself a good person. Great. After never apologizing and then crying at the bar over his little tiny cake alone all night.

1:08:37Ronnie Karam: It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Let's go. So Zach is like, you know, it takes a while for him to like, you know, for him to like realize, for him to recognize. But then like, I do feel like he's like slowly like starting to realize like some stuff. And Lala's like, hopefully, because Daniel will be on his best behavior since he's being neutered. And Janet's like, yeah, I mean, he's expecting that it will just like fully go away. And I feel like we're giving the guy like a lot of grace. And it's hard, selfishly, for me to watch this because I made a mistake last year. I said words I shouldn't have said, and I've gotten zero grace from it.

1:09:13And so then Zach is like, oh, oh.

1:09:17Ronnie Karam: It's just like covering his face. Like, oh, my God, I don't even want to talk about that. I was like, I can't even believe she's saying that. And I was like, why are you covering your face? Because, like, I thought we moved past this, but I guess we haven't moved past this. And what was that? I don't know. So you just hear Zach's stomach gurgling. It's going, damn, damn. So Michelle is like, she's like, well, the only thing that can happen is he has to apologize and not to have you away at it again. and it'll never be talked about again. By the way, I'm not on Danny's side here at all. I think everyone knows I've been fully on the record as not being on Danny's side.

1:10:00I just want a clarification. What is the thing that Danny has to apologize for now? Because there's actually been so many annoying things he's done. What do you think is the root thing that he has to apologize for?

1:10:11Ronnie Karam: Janet just brought up the words she used. So I guess that was the sexual assault grabbing on the butt thing. so it sounds like michelle's talking about that but he did apologize for that obviously it's been two years of this storyline now the problem i think is it isn't that it's that he's just he's he's acting like a belligerent asshole whenever he's yeah getting drunk around everybody and acting like an asshole and talking down to the women and getting in the women's faces i mean it's it's and his own wife and treating his own wife like shit so there's so many things I don't think it's as simple as him just apologizing.

1:10:48Ronnie Karam: I think this whole group hates him at this point, except for his diehards, obviously. And they're not really wrong, you know? I mean, fuck that guy, so. Yeah, or maybe what they're trying to say is like, yeah, Janet should not have inserted herself into something that was really something for Melissa and Jasmine. And Janet just sort of escalated it in many ways. but maybe they're saying that Danny, what Danny needs to apologize for is that like he immediately went and was like fuck Janet, even before that scene on the boat where she said it was sexual assault, before she even like articulated that, he was already kind of like fuck Janet I think he was already like fuck Janet didn't they have a whole scene at Jax's where he was like there's like he was basically coming at her a bit, you know, they were already like sort of they're having issues and maybe they're looking for an apology for like like you should apologize to janet because you came hard at janet and the truth is like she was reacting to something that was like deep because of her personal experience right and that's kind of where this all yeah i think that the cast would just probably put more simply in the cast words if danny doesn't want to be treated like a shit pig then he shouldn't be a shit pig fuck that guy you know yeah yeah because And I think that would be so much.

1:12:14Ronnie Karam: And it's undeniable at this point that this guy's just, just even just how he talks to his wife. But then that stuff on the vacation was, oh, this last vacation, how he talked to everybody was really. I think he really was shielded by Jax. I think that really Jax took up all the attention. And I think Danny, Danny was always annoying, but he was seen sort of like as a sidekick. And maybe people even saw his behavior as him just trying to be like, you know like be with like one of the guys but now that jacks isn't there it's like oh this is really who danny is it's not just him like filling a sidekick role he just is annoying i fell for it last i mean i fell for i'm totally guilty of falling for it i just saw oh here's some hurdly durdling guy they're having like a lot of babies and i'm sure i don't agree with them politically got you know it's like one of those people i can just you're like i know that those are not my like-minded people but they seem nice enough they're just having kids and doing their own thing and then if he goes out and he has some drinks on a vacation who cares he's you know he's raising all these kids and if he wants to take a nap instead of being on national tv making an ass out of himself good for him you know that was that was my opinion because that's how he was behaving last year we didn't see him talking down to his wife like he does this year and treating his wife like and all that we didn't see any of that until this year you know he was very much like wow they're saying that this app okay well i don't even remember that because i was so drunk but i'm so so sorry i mean he handled it so much he handled him he's tricked us last year with his phony personality and then they went and saw how popular they were and how much everyone hated janet on the internet and so they all came back armed with this like fuck janet now we can say whatever we want and everyone's going to be on our side and it's the producer said we got another trick for you um yeah i mean i definitely you know his facade went down i'm sorry it's it and like i and i obviously like from the very first episode of this entire show i i picked up on something with nia and then i then i started to be like oh i guess i was just like really wrong about it but i think ultimately it was not it was not a false positive uh i i had said i think in the first episode famously, I was like, oh my God, Nia's like a monster.

1:14:31I'm telling you this right now. I don't, I actually don't think that, I don't believe that Nia's a monster. She's not at monster level yet. But what I picked up on was that the reason why I didn't like her that first episode, the reason why I had like a red flag was that I felt there was something fake happening there. And I felt like she was protecting something. And it was, it was honestly the fact that everyone called him Danny, but she called him Daniel. I was like, something is happening. There's something in this relationship here. This is about appearances. These two, they're keeping up appearances, but they're actually going to be monsters and she's going to be a monster and she's trying to be prim and proper, but she's not, yada, yada, yada.

1:15:13And it was all there. But I was like everyone else. I was like, oh, I must have had a wrong read because these two actually seem like they have a really nice, healthy relationship. And now we all know the truth.

1:15:24Ronnie Karam: Yeah, yikes. so um zach says okay but like here's the thing like some people some people apologize but then they still make missteps but you know like we have to give them room to grow right it's like well look at how you treated janet for so long zach and he's like how i treated janet excuse me and then this it's a typical britney of course jumping in to defend janet over zach and she's it's not even defending because he didn't even really say anything about janet it's like what do you i can see why he would be like fuck off britney like are you supposed to be my best friend yeah yeah yeah it was not just all of this stuff with janet janet's history and especially zach and kristin did not start with the danny stuff you know that's currently what they're using now as their weapon, their cudgel.

1:16:17Ronnie Karam: But it started way before then, and it's always been a problem with Britney. I'd be pissed with Britney. And Zach's like, you really should watch where you go with this. She's like, so I'm not allowed to talk. I can't say anything. Oh, geez. It's like, I mean, Janet did ban Zach from the strip and then implied that she was unsafe because he posted an Instagram story. So that was like a whole legitimate thing, and he was very frustrated with that. so now Brittany then of course makes it about her cause this is a reality show still and she's like from like 10 years of friendship and you're gonna just automatically dismiss my feelings or not believe the things that I'm saying are truthful I mean this is not my Kentucky Zach anymore I'm like it's probably also not the Kentucky Brittany either let's be honest yeah it's fucking Brittany of course like on the verge of shit I'm gonna cry that that hurt my feelings that hurt my feelings so Zach's like um you know what our conversation Janelle is like, on to shut.

1:17:12Ronnie Karam: Okay? Which is funny. And he's like, you know what? Speaking of, I'm going to go shit my pants in the bathroom. Goodbye. Goodbye. So he goes off to pee. And he goes to the bathroom. And we hear him go, oh, shit. And then Zach tells us, all I had to do was pee. But while peeing, I relieved myself in a backwards manner. And it relieved more than I thought it was going to. So he sharted. He sharted him.

1:17:44Oh, God. That's a nightmare. Sharting, like, basically on camera. Like, it could be heard. People are waiting for you to come back to the table. Like, if you have to take a dump in the middle of a scene that you're shooting, like, it's a nightmare.

1:17:59Ronnie Karam: But I don't even think he had to take a dump. He really thought he was— He didn't have to. I hate fucking talking about this. I hate it. But it's life. It's life. the point is that like if you're filming something you don't want to be away from the table for so long because it's like it's already kind of embarrassing just when there's not cameras there but when there are cameras there and then he comes back to the table and they're like did you poop did you go poop so no it's worse so this happens and so he takes off his clothes and takes off his underwear and cleans his butt and then throws his poopy underwear in the trash can at the chilies and then goes back to the table i mean i guess what are you supposed to do you have but Also, oh God.

1:18:39Happens to all of us at some point. I won't share my story. So then. No, I won't. I won't. But.

1:18:51Oh God. But what an other mommy. That's somebody who probably.

1:18:57Ronnie Karam: Pops her pants in the Chili's. It's this contortioning mommy from the other mommy. Other Chili's. Yeah. Other relief. Okay, so Brittany's still at the table, you know, throwing a fit Like, sometimes I'm talking over, like my boys don't matter It's really upsetting to me I'm just trying to make things better How are you trying to make things better When you're turning a conversation that's not even about you And it's not even about Zach and Janet Into how mean Zach is to Janet Brittany, don't with your I'm just trying to make things better so um now we go to britney's sexy photo shoot i mean the thing you always want to do after you have lunch at chili is a sexy photo shoot so christina it opens with lala just burping in the camera like um so she's doing this to feel good she did a boudoir photo shoot for jacks back in 2019 and now she's doing something for herself and uh she's she's just like really happy uh britney because she's so happy with her new body and she feels good and um and then they all kind of the three of them just sort of sit down together and uh britney is saying like no we had kristen we had a girl's lunch of chilies and you weren't there and it's kind of weird she's like yeah well i know about it uh because zach posted about it on this on his story and i saw it but that's okay.

1:20:24I don't even want to be there. Caw.

1:20:27Ronnie Karam: Yeah, who needs it? I don't like, I don't need Janet in my life. Cause Brittany's like, ah, hi day. It just feels like you've secluded yourself. And she's like, yeah, I don't, I don't feel secluded. I just don't want to be there. Nothing's missing in my life. Okay. Nothing is missing by not having Janet in my life. And there's been a lot of times this past. I haven't seen anything positive from her. Yeah, but are you open to saying anything positive? No, not right now. I'm not. It's just like, not interested. She's like, well, Zach has moved by her seat. Jazz has moved by her seat. Even Lacey's there.

1:20:57She's like, well, Lacey was on the phone with me until she walked in the door of Chili's having a fucking meltdown about the fact that she had to be around Janet.

1:21:07Ronnie Karam: And Lala's like, wait, that's what she's saying? She came in and she's like, we need to see people's experiences. What the fuck is that? I hope they get into a fight with Lacey. They can have a whole storyline of like, were you excited to go into Chili's or were you not excited? Because one, we're hearing two different stories. And you need to tell the truth, okay? If you're going to be excited about Chili's, be excited about Chili's. But, bitch, if you're not excited about being Chili's, fucking own that shit. You come into fucking Chili's ordering your baby back ribs like you were friends with us, and then I find out you're talking shit on the phone?

1:21:43You take your Polly Piper, Holly Hobbit motherfucking baby back ribs and take them baby back to Newport Beach, bitch.

1:21:55Ronnie Karam: um so and of course kristin is right there tattletaling on everybody and throwing them right under the bus you know don't ever forget kristin is always gonna kristin like the second she's in trouble she's like everyone's worse than me though so um lala's pissed and kristin's like yeah and then zach talks about shit janet she he talks shit about janet like 24 fucking seven and I you know I always say if you want to be friends with her be friends with her and he's like but I don't want to be friends with her I don't yeah we've seen how chill you are we remember the the bus to San Diego you haven't yeah yeah exactly and so Brittany is like but why would Zach say why would Zach think that he has to say that to you maybe you're guilt tripping him uh because probably Zach has told Brittany hey Kristen guilt trips me into hating Janet so And Kristen's like, I literally don't give a flying fuck.

1:22:49I do not like guilt trips on Zack ever. Nia does. I do not. And they're like, oh.

1:22:56Ronnie Karam: So Nia does. We finally got Nia on something. And Lala's like, oh, there we go. There we go. She's a guilt tripper. Pops. That bitch has been popped. Guilt tripping red-handed. I was like, I knew it. I feel like Nia's the mob boss who sits at the table It'd be a real shame if something would happen to them And then Kristen's like, I want something to happen to them And Nia's hands are always clean and Kristen's are always dirty First of all, Nia is not heading anything Nia is not going to run a mob organization Second, Kristen has hated Janet This is the third year Why are we acting like Kristen has to be manipulated by somebody into hating Janet?

1:23:43Ronnie Karam: The way that they rewrite the history on this show. I wish Kristen would just come on and say, I don't like Janet. Stop trying to make me hang out with somebody I don't like. Period. I think she has. That's it. I think she's been saying that. I think she has been saying that. I know, but she's not today. She's like, but Zach's worse. Zach says this about her and Lacey does this. I mean, they're just showing up and being nice because they're on a TV show and you have to move past shit and be polite. But Kristen can't just be like, I don't like her. That's it. She has to bring everybody else into it.

1:24:13I will say that I had a point about this and I forgot what it was, but something really good. Oh, sorry.

1:24:23Ronnie Karam: I wish Kristen would just come say she doesn't like Janet. And he said she does. And then I kept yapping on. No, no, but it's not. It's not. I mean, who cares? It's the valley. If I come up with a point, I come up with a point. But it's something about, oh, God, other mommy took my thought away. Other mommy. She's like, are you sure? Would you like some burnt bacon? Other Ronnie came in and ruined your Trimble spot As usual Well you know Christina's gonna put your face on Jessica Chastain You know that right She's the other Ronnie I deserve it So Brittany's like She just guilt trips Zach She barely knows Why would Nia lay a guilt trip on Zach about Janet And Kristen's like Because Zach comes to Nia In a group chat all the time Running his mouth about Janet it so so britney's like yeah you know he gets mad at zach and kristen's like so then she goes okay i guess that's your best friend right yeah i mean i think it's so interesting yeah zach texted me today and said i should go to the halloween party and be like stay away from my bestie bitch and that's what he wants me to say to janet at your halloween party he needs to figure out what he wants what what he wants and how he actually feels and by the way i just remembered the point i was big about Kristen, which is that Kristen, that being said about Nia's not a mob boss, Kristen has actually been a foot soldier.

1:25:44That is her role in life. So let's not forget, while Nia may not be calling the shots, Kristen will still be a foot soldier, even if there's no one to be a foot soldier too.

1:25:54Ronnie Karam: You talked about big brother a little earlier. This reminds me of that. When one team is like, we're going to get this person out, right? We're all voting for this person, right? We're going to get them out. And then the vote comes around. And then one person's like, nope, not going to vote her out. I changed my mind. And then everyone else is like, what the hell? Who was that vote? You know, you guys are trying to ice Janet out. You just don't have the votes. And that's it. You know, if there's enough people willing to film with somebody, they're going to film with them. And you guys fucked up the vote.

1:26:27Ronnie Karam: So at the end of the day, now this other team is going to start. Kristen's going to throw her own team under the bus now because she didn't get her way in that vote. Yeah, exactly. That's what's going to happen. It's very true. Other mommy. So Lala says, Kristen is unintentionally throwing her friend on the other side of the bus, under the bus right now, because she's here with her friends that she has history with. We're deep-rooted. We were from a different TV show. So we're thick and we share, we gossip. And there's a tiny piece that she's forgetting, and she's rolling her friends under the bus, and I'm here for it.

1:27:04Ronnie Karam: She loves it. She does. So then we go over to Kristen's house. It's another scene. And Lala comes over to visit her. And they make some small talk. And she's like, basically, Lala's like, Kristen, look me in the eyes. Do you remember getting canceled? It's about to happen again. For what you said regarding Janet's trauma. I like you, Kristen. And I'm here trying to save you from yourself. apologize right now or you are going to lose this tv show do it right now bitch or you will get do it and she's like um i'm realizing that um i don't know what the whole story is but uh lala's sort of giving me that look like oh i maybe i should uh concede this one point because otherwise i'll be in real trouble so yeah i get it but actually all jokes aside i think I think she was being sincere I think she realized like oh shit Lala's saying this is not just like reality show fodder like something happened to Janet they both let the implication just be out there they both get it they both understand we don't even fully understand what happened and we all understand that it's enough to be like oh yeah this is not just reality show stuff this is something very serious and like now certain reactions make a whole lot more sense yeah yeah and she actually is a pretty good friend for going over to Kristen and telling her that I think because Kristen will just spin out on stuff like her idiot partner Luke did last week and just yeah it was an important conversation to have and I was surprised Christian kind of seemed like she learned, but I don't know, because Christian was very hesitant.

1:29:04Ronnie Karam: I mean, I think you were doing a perfect imitation of how she was doing it. Just like, well, the way that Lala's looking at me, I guess I shouldn't be talking that way about Janet. Am I done here? And Christian was on Watch What Happens Live last night. It was like, everything that Danny did, I don't condone it. So she's already walking some stuff back now. She's like, oops. once again person wrote a little bit what i've read she's been on the after show backing danny the whole season so of course i think she was just sort of paying some lip service to the fans there a bit yeah but um yeah that's pretty much where the episode ends um so that was that was it for for the valley but before we go um i don't know if you saw there is an other ronnie oh my god other ronnie is here other ronnie do that other ronnie oh my gosh everyone look under your tables and beware of other ronnie she is out there other ronnie is there to interrupt your sentence if you are not watching a video i apologize that made no sense you're just like what are they talking about we put up i put up an image of uh jessica chastain with her face swapped out for Ronnie's because that's where we are in our world of technology.

1:30:22So enjoy.

1:30:24Ronnie Karam: All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. We will be back a little bit later with NextGenNYZ. Did you seriously just say fuck my dad? And we'll be here tomorrow with some Orange County. We'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call.

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