#3488 The Valley S3E19 Part One: Hort Feelins and Short Dealins

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1:28Ben Mandelker: happens who cares what happens when there's so much that happens well hello and welcome to

1:36Ronnie Karam: watch what crappens i'm ronnie that's ben over there hello ben hi ronnie how's it going good

1:44Ben Mandelker: what's going on with you over there not much just you know it's bagel thursday i had a beautiful bagel this morning i'm happy to report i went to bagel boss of burbank california and yeah i had a delicious sesame bagel with veggie cream cheese and lox and i am

2:04Ronnie Karam: happy as a clam well you went over to the valley to have some clients to celebrate the vow

2:10Ben Mandelker: i love it yeah exactly i actually have it's shockingly i've already been in the valley this morning i don't it's it's a special day indeed i did not see any of our luminaries that were on this show but you know one can hope maybe next time yeah all right everybody well welcome it is

2:27Ronnie Karam: the valley reunion part one season three episode 19. if you want this on video as usual you can get that on patreon patreon.com slash watch what crappens it's also where you get bonus episodes ad free listening our newsletter also if you want these for free a week later you can see them for free on youtube that's where we put them so uh they're up there a week uh later also there's some new stuff coming to youtube soon starring benjamin mandelka which we'll talk about later but go join the youtube subscribe subscribe to it i guess i should say and that's it for that

3:03Ben Mandelker: nonsense let's get on to some valor other nonsense some other other nonsense um we're here with their reunion um so we see everyone coming up on stage and saying hello and everything and uh jesse is sitting at the end of the sofa and he's really pissed about it which is great he's like but i came up with this clever idea to wear white sneakers with a suit and now i don't get to show it off at the front of the sofa what am i ever gonna do man you are really pissed about the sneakers in the suit actually jesse's look is really not the worst because it's like a t-shirt and so like the sneaker the t-shirt like it's it's not a formal suit and like he mentions he does he sort of did it play on andy cohen's look and it looked really good on andy but like again uh i have recently been exposed to a lot of guys wearing suits with sneakers and it has to stop because it's a stupid look like it was there was like a moment when it was like clever like 10 to 15 years ago but like all these suburban dads basically wearing sneakers with their suits thinking they're being like really hip and cool it's like yeah i'm a dad but look i'm edgy to me it's like almost the equivalent of walking in the house with a guy fiery cookbook i don't know it's just i think i'm over it i'm over this with the the the sneaker with the suit and And it's like the wink-wink of it all.

4:41Ben Mandelker: It's like you guys are all winking. It's no longer like a clever, funny thing anymore.

4:46Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, you know, they're still there. And still those sneakers persist. So what are you going to do? And here's the thing.

4:54Ben Mandelker: I know we have a largely female audience. And I know a lot of the women in our audience are probably saying, thank God you're saying it. Because I've been trying to tell my husband this or my boyfriend. Like we went to a wedding and he wore a blue suit with a tie and a button down, but insisted on wearing some Chuck Taylors. And it's like, I just want you to know, I feel you and I hear you. Like these guys, sometimes they get their own notions. And again, I'm not a fashion gay, but what I am is I am a sick of it gay. And I've seen the thing happen too many times and I'm sick of it.

5:31Ronnie Karam: I'm an over it gay.

5:34Ben Mandelker: I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. Because it's not like a fashion. It's just like a cute little rebellion. But you're all rebelling. So it's like not clever anymore to me.

5:47Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, Andy seems to really detest this cast. And I love it. I like that he poor shames them. He's like, wow, welcome to the valley. They've been to such exotic locations as San Diego, Mexico, and Santa Clarita.

6:10Ronnie Karam: And then he distance shames them as well. Cause she's, he's like, wow, Mia, was it really tough to cross Mulholland and face the heat? Not just because it's 10 % hot or 10 degrees hotter on this side of the hill. Mia, how long did it take to get from Buko mountain?

6:33Ben Mandelker: this is honestly the equivalent of if this were on the east coast andy cole would be saying they traveled to exotic locations like the poconos just the poconos the poconos the jersey shore and even siosset that's the equivalent of saying san diego mexico and santa clarita actually san diego is more like boston but either way it's very funny to me well it only took an

7:03Ronnie Karam: hour to get here that's not bad yes it is you were promised 20 minutes so as i recall i was like oh it's only 20 minutes to have a wear from santa clarita so yes it is bad and you should be rebelling and you know we hear a lot about like in dating um someone is geographically undesirable this is like a geographically acceptable divorce is what i say i don't care how many kids you have you know their dad can drive the hour to come see them then well also like i have to say something

7:37Ben Mandelker: here um i'm trying to find out what soundstage they filmed at but um unless they filmed like someplace crazy like manhattan beach which i doubt they did uh the farthest the farthest sound stages they could have filmed at would have to have been Sony, Sony pictures in Clover city. Um, otherwise I guess there's maybe a play for Fox studios in century city, but otherwise they're in Hollywood at Paramount or one of the places like near Netflix, or they're at Warner brothers in the Valley. And the truth is this, it should not take an hour to go from Santa Clarita to paramount studios especially in the morning and that's why this is so abhorrent because she was promised 20 for 20 to 25 minutes and and like the fact that it took an hour to get from your home to one of these studios is a real dereliction of duty on behalf of danny bucco which by the way andy cohen can't even say his name correctly that's how much andy cohen doesn't care about the show he's like how's it getting back from bucco mountain he just doesn't even know danny's last name i'm gonna prosecute all the unimportant parts of this valley so far i'm on sneakers

8:49Ronnie Karam: and i'm on sound stage uh commute i love it this location shaming like you should not be complaining well unless it's culver city or well manhattan beach sucks as well so yeah i mean even

9:01Ben Mandelker: culver city like they should be able to get there in less than an hour so the fact that it took an hour just shows how bad the decision to go to santa cleary really was

9:11Ronnie Karam: um britney you've seen your fair share of reunions and you've looked usually tacky at every single one how do you stay so consistently terribly dressed how do you do it you're such a beautiful girl to be consistently dressed like this come on britain this dress it doesn't get

9:33Ben Mandelker: better in motion this dress is a rough one and she also like does she have highlights in her hair like the her hair color is yellow it's like brown and yellow all together i wasn't sure if it was a lighting thing and then she has this tan like everything is like not hitting like at that point just put on sherry's white lipstick and call it a day i've been through a lot you don't know what

9:56Ronnie Karam: i've been through that hurts my feelings that hurts my feelings man uh how is it being here without Jax for the first time ever. And she's like, amazing, thank you. Michelle, rumor has it that a certain abusive doctor has been making house calls. How's that going for you? And Jesse's like, oh, she's probably going to Dr. Dre's house because he's not going to go to her little apartment.

10:22Ben Mandelker: Michelle's like, I mean, you were there. You were spending time together. Oh, yeah, very cool. I'll be a circle back to that in a moment. but uh you can start to prepare your answer for the question how big is this dick okay jesse i was curious what what if the odds were that you'd show up in loafers today and look at that you're wearing sneakers look and he's like yeah well i was inspired by your outfit in the newport at the newport tv festivals okay cool that's not gonna earn you any brownie points with me so

10:56Ronnie Karam: congratulations uh so luke heard a rumor you haven't watched any episodes he's like oh yeah why would i watch it when i've lived it that's just me luke i don't even like la i don't even like the la live so blow drying his hair it's like ironing his hair yeah i'm not really even

11:16Ben Mandelker: into la andy like oh okay okay yeah yeah why watch it if it and he goes well that's your journey off of the show. You better watch the show. It's amazing how

11:29Ronnie Karam: Luke and I have that in common. Luke wants to watch himself on TV about as badly as I do.

11:35Ben Mandelker: I know, exactly. I think if we had to do it, you have to do it. I'm sorry I had to do it twice, but don't make the mistake the first time and you won't have to worry about it the second time. Yeah. Okay, Jasmine, congrats! You and Melissa have been married less than a week! That's incredible! She's like, yes, it has been less than a week, but that is about six years in lesbian. Lesbian years. So, yeah, thank you. It was the best wedding that I've ever been to. And I'm not just saying that because it was mine. It was just so perfect. Everything about it. Thank you so much for not picking up the cameras for it.

12:07Ben Mandelker: But by all means, I'm glad you're filming Britney's ex-manager sleeping with Jax. Thanks a lot. Thanks.

12:15Ronnie Karam: And thank you for asking me that question because it's the last thing I'm going to talk about the entire time today. That's the last time I'm going to have.

12:21Ben Mandelker: It leads to the group. Everything else, I'll just make little comments to Schwartz. Thank you. Thank you.

12:26Ronnie Karam: Wow, you look so beautiful. Okay. Boring. Janet, love your short hair. Wow, Janet with the bob. Janet with the bob. What about bob? Am I right, Janet? Wow. How's your son doing? Cam. She's like, wow, he's doing really well. Now he's dealing with a new life of a mother with short hair.

12:50Ben Mandelker: Okay, Jason. It's great to see you with a leg break. without a leg brace next time you should try without a shirt i don't know just speaking out loud so what's going on oh don't i don't care jason you weren't on this season zach did you get your refrigerator back he's like no i still don't have a refrigerator and then they're like doesn't have to be a monster fridge like no it doesn't have to be but you see in his eyes he's like i want another monster fridge i could get a red bull fridge but i would feel like a traitor okay so then monster energy drink that they have not like chipped in and just like sent this poor guy up a fridge free of charge hello this guy is like that is curious sobbing on behalf of your brand and you're not gonna just send them over a stupid fridge when you've sent one over to some probably six different guys wearing seats and sneakers come on now yeah they've really i don't

13:46Ronnie Karam: know how big they are into like gay media placing yeah i think they're mostly into exports years ago when i would get do catering stuff with my friend i used to uh do red bull parties and it was all like oh this snowboarder yeah it's like the most popular snowboarder in the world he's got 97 trillion followers and he's like hey guys i love red bull that's that was like their thing it was always like an x games kind of guy yeah well yeah i don't know i don't know what's going

14:15Ben Mandelker: with monster it's homophobia yeah that's what i'm saying clearly if it was a skateboarder who was like my monster fridge got taken in front of me they'd have six by the end of the day but now sweet gay man on bravo one of the few full-time cast members on bravo that's actually a gay man and he can't get his his brand ruining monster fridge well yeah shame exactly it's time for a

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17:04Ben Mandelker: Oh, caca. No, I'm following the GLP one. Okay, Lala. So last time I saw you at a reunion, it was Vanderbilt Rules and it was not pretty. You were really going for it. Hail Mary of relevance then. She's like, yeah, just like talking about it makes me feel a little bit stressed out.

17:24Ronnie Karam: I'm squirting a finger right now. So she's glad to be back, guys. Schwartz is also here. How does it feel being at a reunion without Sandoval? You even have to ask that is just so sad. Doesn't Vanderpump Rules seem like a decade ago? It does. It really does. Did you see the latest stuff coming out about Tom? He's like, my girlfriend, the reason. I'm not even laughing because the stuff with his girlfriend is really bad. It was like cops were called and, you know, domestic violence and all that. I'm not laughing at that. But this quote is hilarious. He's like, we were fighting because she was something like degrading me about my tiny penis, dude.

18:10Ben Mandelker: What a great quote to be splashed everywhere. I know. so um so then uh okay andy is like um okay daddy how are you feeling coming in today he's like oh i'm feeling great it's a great day to have a great day how are you really feeling scared out of my mind um dan i have to say it's like i am not going to punch down on danny's height because he can't help it he's short it's okay we love our short kings and everything uh but knowing how awful he is and knowing how that that is an insecurity of his i'm imagining it is kind of like it i was sort of chuckling seeing him there on that sofa like i don't know why i know he's short he's not as short as that he somehow like receded into that sofa where it felt like an optical illusion like he was like a little like ventriloquist doll or something i was like why he's looking tiny on that sofa it was hilarious you know my uh my issue with danny is that he says things like

19:22Ronnie Karam: i'm a good person and it's great day to have great day just I've never liked anybody who said It's a great day to have a great day I've never been friends with that person I've heard it a lot But I've never been friends with the person that's saying it

19:39Ben Mandelker: I know it's a great day to have a great day I don't know like again Normally I wouldn't bring up the fact that he looked really small on that sofa But I feel like he's earned enough ire Like he's frustrated me enough And that I'm going there everyone I'm sorry

19:53Ronnie Karam: Well I wasn't watching the season back Danny And he's like, well, obviously some things are very, very embarrassing, very shameful. It's really hard. Are you burping right now? I've not had anything to drink for nine years. So no, absolutely not. Not a drinker. Barely even drink water. Just don't like it. Reminds me too much of alcohol. Ew, ew, pee, ew, gross.

20:22Ben Mandelker: um the other thing is again i'm not trying to make fun of height or anything but in this case this isn't actually anything you just keep going back to the well no no the thing is it's going to get linked and it's not intended to be that way but something is going on with danny's furrowed brow where he is literally looking like chucky and this is not a comment of the fact that he's small on the sofa it's that it's that his he's his eyebrows are furrowed or like the new version of it right like this is like it's like a menacing like those those brows are down and like what did the botox was it put in the wrong place or something like like as an expert

21:05Ronnie Karam: in this area ron and what happened here well i'm no expert but um as someone who does enjoy the Botox, I do have a Cro-Magnon forehead, which comes forward. As you can see, I'm showing the bottom part of my forehead. I never noticed that. Yeah, I do have it. I think that's just something that humans have sometimes. But I've also had the Botox done too far down here. I came on here for a while. I was drooping down like this. And it was my karma for talking shit about people with Botox eye for years now. we've been doing it because you can always tell when it's too close because one eye is blinking and the other one's not blinking kind of you know kyle richards gets that sometimes uh so yeah i have so much bad karma with this stuff i'm gonna just um you know yes you're showing a picture of

21:57Ben Mandelker: it now i'm not judging i'm just curious to how it gets is that like just resting face that he has or is it like because i just i mean it's always sort of been furrowed but like it's like extreme furrowing right now it's like monster energy drink sent the fridge to him and like poured that into his brow and was like it's like furrowed to the extreme yeah i'm not i'm not sure what

22:22Ronnie Karam: causes that but you know god bless it i hope it doesn't happen to me again again please don't do

22:30Ben Mandelker: that to me again yeah please great great angle on nia she looks great there i mean i don't again i don't know if i love this like sash of fabric that goes across like a bandolier but um you know i can say nice things if i want to i'll say that the beauty queen looks good yep yeah she's got

22:53Ronnie Karam: So then we go on to a dynamic duo. This is Tom and Lala. Schwartz and Lala are here, guys. It's been a long journey to motherhood, Kristen. And now you have a little one. Okay. Oh, maybe we weren't talking about. Oh, yeah. We were talking about Schwartz. I'm trying to make this shorter, but then I'm making it longer because I can't read. Okay. So we move on to Kristen. Kaya is one now. Oh, my God. Kristen's going to cry. She's obsessed. and then um kristin when the season started kaya was just a few months old you know it was so tough to even leave the house and a lot of viewers really admired your vulnerability and authenticity how is your mental health kristin how's it going yeah and she's like much better than um you know

23:43Ben Mandelker: it was when we were filming i mean i'm still not a social butterfly or as they say south of the a social mariposa um but around the 10 month mark i started to feel kind of a little bit more like myself again i started spinning around in the backyard while flitwood mac played and then starting rumors about people so i feel like i'm mostly back to myself

24:04Ronnie Karam: yeah i started reading cards for checkout ladies and then you know telling random old people to fuck off on the freeway so yeah i'm feeling pretty good andy how about you and danny you've also got more kids wow great so after hearing danny say three under three the bucos had to update their catchphrase now it's four under four are you guys done do you watch the season he had his tubes tied or what he had his his nut his nut sack tied off or whatever snipped but they haven't confirmed

24:36Ben Mandelker: and so jasmine's like if i have to hear six under six or five under five whatever i'm just sick of it um so then andy is uh asking like well i by the way can i say something i have to say something yeah i'm curious there's been a lot of talk about brenny getting her sparkle back in general i feel like you were the one who was like the first one who started to really home in on her talking about sparkle am i crazy i feel like now the fact that it's like a question on the reunion i feel like it can be traced to you ronnie this is for much later but

25:13Ronnie Karam: it's just on top of my mind right now i don't know i think this maybe it's just something that is so obvious that you know sparkle give my sparkle back i don't know because it doesn't really matter what channel i'm watching i could be watching hbo and i'm like did they hear me

25:29Ben Mandelker: you know yeah i just feel like sometimes there's like things that like the like it's all everyone can make the same joke because we all watch the same show but there's sometimes i feel like like sometimes we start like homing in on some random ass thing that someone says it's just like something that we just hammer we just go at it so much and it becomes a thing like for instance june june hannah that was a crap and thing first and now it's like a thing right like june june hannah i mean it's not many years old so like i kind of i'm gonna say i think that the sparkle joke i think it originated with you and i'm just gonna say that if i'm wrong then I'm wrong and that's fine.

26:07Ben Mandelker: It's not a big deal. I'm going to look at Giff Tours in the mouth. Yeah, I mean like maybe someone else on the internet also did it and like that's fine. I don't care. But it's not about being like aha. It's more like giving you your flowers that sparkle. Well, thanks.

26:22Ronnie Karam: I love a flower. Well, I love flower in general. But thank you. I mean, I don't know. I think it's probably just Brittany saying sparkle because she does. But if anybody, I will say if anybody from Bravo and the Valley on the show or behind the scenes, don't listen to this. This isn't for you. We're not hurting your feelings on purpose. Okay. Go away. So Andy. Sparkle. Go get your sparkle bike. You really hurt my feelings. That's my new favorite. So Andy is, yeah, we're talking about the three under three. Nobody cares. Nia thought she was pregnant again. So who doesn't, who knows Maybe it didn't work guys There's still a possibility that He and Danny can pop out more Children, stop littering Yeah

27:10Ben Mandelker: Daniel So Andy is like Lala, I need to talk to you about Sosa, this is a Touchy subject But do you think he deserves A space in the hall of fame, oh wait You have a baby named Sosa, I thought we were talking about Sammy Sosa, okay Well, guess what? Is Luke the father?

27:32Ronnie Karam: I have a really important question. Have you ever received a DM from Sosa about Sosa?

27:44Ben Mandelker: It's a meta Sosa moment. And so apparently the timelines just don't quite add up because Luke donated his sperm in 2013. gene and um and i just don't know why that that means that the sperm is still not usable you know 12 years later or so so i don't know i think those yeah i don't know it sounds like sperm is just so

28:05Ronnie Karam: easily easy come it's just so easily accessed and it's there all the time and it i don't know it seems like sperm is just everywhere at all times whenever you want it like yeah you know like fertility journeys it's usually not a question of like oh we better work on your sperm i mean we've seen that sometimes like with tom schwartz but it's not like as dramatic of a thing it's just like you see al pacino dropping babies at 90 whatever so it just seems to be like sperm is

28:35Ben Mandelker: easy you can throw it in the freezer yeah that's the impression is it's hardy it's a hardy thing it seems to get everywhere and get on everything and spread everything to everyone so i think yeah

28:50Ronnie Karam: seriously fine in a freezer you know sperm doesn't have a bad enough reputation honestly for all the

28:55Ben Mandelker: that sperm pulls yeah it should have a much worse reputation i mean look luke on below deck med has done a great job for moving sperm more towards where it should be which is you know reviled by many um but uh yeah uh i think luke is still the dad i'm gonna say that right now and i think we

29:17Ronnie Karam: should luke who hates los angeles but who is still jerking off into cups in 2013 somehow the guy who just hates being in la somehow was here jerking off into cups he's been here for

29:28Ben Mandelker: 13 years now so i don't know guys so we could have a slice of pizza as phaedra would say but we should get pinky cole here because she used to work on the maury povitt show and she could um She can run the tests and then we can get to the bottom of it. Anyway, but they're laughing like, oh, my God, if you were the father, it's just perfect because Kristen and Lala, they're just stuck in each other's lives. So Brittany is – Andy's like, Brittany, I saw that you and Jax reached a custody agreement. What are the terms of that? Okay, well, okay, frozen only in a cone is how I like it. No, custody, not a custody agreement.

30:02Ben Mandelker: That's what I'm talking about, custody.

30:11Ronnie Karam: i can't talk about it but all my friends can talk about it so i can say something because they didn't sign no ndis y 'all can talk about it and jenna's like she has primary custody that's right it's coming from a lady with bob

30:24Ben Mandelker: yeah she has uh just as i have custody of a bob she has custody of cruise so he's like okay and is he still taking drug tests in order to see cruise well he doesn't have psyched them they you know, per order, but like, I mean, I could ask for one anytime. And like, I did a lot in the beginning, but I haven't recently. I do think he's like sober, but like that doesn't change somebody's personality. You know, like you can't go from custard to ice cream, you know?

30:48Ronnie Karam: Mm-hmm. Okay. So what's the status of her divorce? And they have another date, July 21st. So first, so fingers crossed, is the name fully off the deed? And she's like, well, I mean, it will be when the divorce happens, but I pay for everything, though. You know, yeah. And I'm still paying for that one point two million dollar tax debt of Jax. It got rolled into the house. So, yeah. Yeah, I'm still paying for everything. No, why? Mr. Lawyer. This is crazy. Crazy.

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33:15Ben Mandelker: Who here has a relationship with Jack's L. Jesse, do you? He's like, yeah, well, we had a little bit of a falling out after BravoCon. He came at me pretty aggressively by text message about an interview Lacey and I had done on a red carpet for an addiction charity. And he reached out without even watching the interview. And he's like, yeah, it really bothered me. And I finally told him like two days ago on the phone. No, no dice. I love you can watch this guy be shitty to every other person. And it's like, yeah, well, whatever. nothing that a men's retreat can't fix but then the moment if like eventually it turns on you and now suddenly that's that's a bridge too far it's always funny how that works out yeah really um an

33:57Ronnie Karam: addiction charity i love that jacks is just trolling addiction charity videos like wait a second

34:05Ben Mandelker: what was the addiction charity asking jesse lowly about anyway it's like

34:12Ronnie Karam: Like, you know, just one of those interviews at an addiction charity. You know, it's just another day at the office.

34:18Ben Mandelker: At BravoCon. Well, everyone, let's go to Las Vegas and interview some people on the red carpet at BravoCon for our addiction charity.

34:30Ben Mandelker: It's also ridiculous. It's like, I don't understand the mandate there.

34:35Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And they didn't even get name dropped on the ballot. Oh, I'm Bravo. Like, oh, yeah, he got mad. You know that interview we did at the addiction charity. Really, really. Trigger Jax. Does Danny speak to Jax? He's like, actually, last couple of months he's been texting me out of the blue. Yeah, of course. He's trying to get back. Even with the person he was villainizing, now he's having sex with his – now he's like official, I think, with Lori, him and Brittany's publicist. and then this week he was trying to pretend he had a sponsorship he didn't have what was it for

35:09Ben Mandelker: wasn't it some kind of a water i have no idea i you know i don't first of all i'm blocked by jacks so i don't know i just saw it on reddit or something yeah um so i i i'm not sure what his fake sponsorship is but i'm just hoping that he still has that position available in tampa um so then so britney is like why why why why that's so shocking because like one of the things that he said was i just want to come back and take danny down and our parenting up and danny's like well he's shit how are you doing i just want to apologize again because you didn't seem like you really took the apology and i was like no i didn't take that apology yeah well he has horrible things to say about every single person on the stage even tom can you believe it even dom i mean there's been a lot of burner accounts and there's a whole reddit account he made that just that i just took screenshots of everything and so jacks has made yet more burner accounts and beyond frank dremmen and i just love that jacks is so bad at his like fake accounts that like everyone can figure them out and everyone knows it's him everyone knows it's him i think it's annoying

36:18Ronnie Karam: that we're even talking about not us personally but that the show is talking about jack still I mean, I know he was on here, but just get rid of Jax. We don't, let's stop talking about Jax. It just gives him what he wants, you know? And Tom's like, yeah, you know, he said some pretty disparaging things about me and Kiana. Who he doesn't even know, Kiana. I mean, I just, I don't even remember what he said about her. Like, she's dumb. She has no brain cells. You know, stuff like that. Oh, yeah, don't forget about the part like, whoa, what's Tom doing? She's, whoa, younger. She's like a baby. i mean what's thompson what's some shorts are even doing check teddy not me i would i would

36:58Ben Mandelker: never say that uh by the way where's where's kiana on this reunion i would love to see her at the see her at the end of the cast with her her glasses on the end of her nose like the air sunglasses just perched there sunglasses just like like just down on her upper lip just like a big sunglass mustache like i have to say being on the valley is one of the coolest things i've ever done and as a professional model i've done a lot of really cool things i have to say i'm gonna lower my sunglasses to my chin okay yeah i'm even cooler yeah yeah he would just say mean things

37:32Ronnie Karam: about everybody especially me like they would you know they would say stuff like whoa she's had all that surgery and she still looks the same you know i mean just the same stuff that he would text to me you know it was just like his text this is this is really bad andy and andy's like well i was gonna to say you know uh he was gonna go off the show to deal with his mental health so i guess he's not doing that or no no he ain't doing that it's probably killing him that he's not on the show yeah sure is let's talk about him for another 20 minutes here's another thing where jack said about me on reddit just say if you don't want jack's talked about on the show just say i'm done with jack's and i'm not talking to him because we're in a custody battle the end yeah i'm a little

38:19Ben Mandelker: shocked that jacks has not you know teetered into the manosphere openly yet i mean i thought it would have happened by now but we all know it's going to happen he'll be in the manosphere he'll be doing some right-wing stuff he'll be promoting some sort of crazy like maha brand but like uh i thought it just he would have already been there like he's sitting here trying to like promote fake sponsorships when there's the whole ecosystem of stuff you could probably easily get sponsorships for

38:48Ronnie Karam: yeah on over there yeah i was over at my parents house earlier and they always have fox news blaring you know which is a constant fight in in our family in general but i walked in and on the screen it was big and red like a you know like virus is here so like a huge thing and it said warning socialism surging and i was like okay

39:17Ronnie Karam: but that's jack's you know and they were like oh you know these muslims and what they're doing in this country and listen to what this muslim said he's saying the f word and saying fuck everybody everybody's you know islamophob i was like i am so truly offended by being here for five fucking seconds hand me that remote control you know you're looking i'm not ripping this to you so anyway i could see jacks being one of those people a hundred percent yeah give it socialism is on the surge guys watch out they're everywhere it's like they want health care for everybody

39:49Ben Mandelker: what the fuck jacks is on the surge that's what it is jacks is on the surge um well last year michelle's relationship with erin had everyone buzzing but between seasons he decided he was done being her honey. In turn, that left Michelle feeling stung and this intro was written by the Hive Mind. And I am going to say I am appalled by these ponds. Anyone? Alright, Michelle. Do you still think that Jesse's a little prick?

40:38Ben Mandelker: And she's like, yes. It's like, did he really break up with you because you weren't athletic? And she goes, yes, it was a combination of things. Like, you look amazing now, but 10 years from now, you might not look like that. Which is wild that this guy said that to Michelle. Like, that is...

40:56Ronnie Karam: Especially Aaron. How do you think those bug guys are going to age?

41:02Ben Mandelker: I mean, but I've also never heard of someone like... someone dumping someone because they're going to be they're going to be ugly on spec like i've never it's like you're currently hot but are you future hot i just that's just so i mean it's like it's it's just a new level of douginess

41:25Ronnie Karam: truly truly for that guy looking like he does to be judging someone 10 years in the future is insane uh so this fucking guy uh so what was jesse's reaction to their breakup and he's like it was just a little heartbreaking you know because like they told isabella and she was heartbroken and she was sobbing and this is what michelle does she brings people in and then breaks

41:50Ben Mandelker: the heart of my child shut the fuck up jesse taking a taking a victory lap here he's like and to have to hold on to have to explain to a little girl that life and love and everything will go on when she is you're not accustomed to dealing with your daughter's first heartbreak from a man like you don't learn that from anywhere uh you were her first heartbreak by the way

42:13Ronnie Karam: no kidding you broke her heart first and wait until you try and explain to her the loans you took and forced her mother back to pay back in divorce you prince of a man

42:26Ben Mandelker: I have to look into your daughter's eye and explain to her, daddy can't afford the headband anymore. That would give him a hair dent that you're so used to. It's hard. It's hard.

42:39Ronnie Karam: Michelle's like, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me and for Isabella. So he's like, okay, well, welcome back, Michelle. It was very cute seeing you in shorts dancing. Wow, Michelle in shorts. No one bought it. When you tried to peddle it the first time and no one is going to buy it now, you guys need to get something going on on this show. So far, we've talked about everybody's multitude of newborns and Jack's being mean to Brittany. And now Michelle's old relationship with the honey guy. Come on, guys.

43:16Ben Mandelker: um i would like to interject here that watching michelle with tom schwartz you don't understand what it was like for me to have to tell my daughter isabella that the man who was dancing with her mother was not going to be her new future daddy to have to explain heartbreak like that to isabella you don't understand how hard that is you don't yeah so they play this out there wow

43:40Ronnie Karam: we could have in another lifetime it could have really worked uh so now we move on to the dr dre questions and she's like um i do not want to get into it i'd you know and jesse's like uh nda

43:55Ben Mandelker: jesse yeah uh well jesse you're really one to talk when all of last season lacy was hidden under a cloak of anonymity okay so now you can't be shading dr dre you honestly you actually literally cannot shade dr dr dre a huge celebrity for wanting to sign an nda with a reality star on bravo i think

44:14Ronnie Karam: that's a very reasonable thing for dr dre to to want however if you do want to shade dr dre just look up dr dre abuse there's plenty of it there yeah that's where you should have gone to first yeah this is shameful actually that no one's even questioning this like hello yeah it's weird to act like again to it he sort of alludes to it but he doesn't really but just that the whole cast is acting like Michelle won some kind of a lottery here because she's dating a rich, famous person. And that rich, famous person is him. It's pretty bad when we have Google.

44:53Ben Mandelker: So Jesse is, Michelle's like, I am like, I don't have an end yet. I am just protecting what we have right now. It's new and we're getting to know about each other. It's like, well, how did you guys meet, by the way? We met through a mutual friend. And I'm just having fun and living my life. And he's like, Jesse, were you surprised when you saw the photos and heard about this? He's like, yeah, I was surprised. When I got up to the amount of messages on my phone, that was surprising. At first, I thought it was all funny. And everyone thought it was AI at the beginning. But for me, we're officially divorced.

45:29Ben Mandelker: So she's her own person and she can do whatever she wants. My initial reaction just is my daughter in a safe space. Is that it? which i think that was the subtle reference to the dr dre background like a history lady history situation okay i just took it but i'm being because he's making it sound like

45:51Ronnie Karam: everything michelle does it's like oh i just killed isabella just kill him but yeah maybe it was that um i hope it was that uh so jesse's like you know i mean look there have been three people in two years that we know of that Michelle's dated. And two of them has met my daughter. And one threw my daughter out of his house. So, okay, but you also introduced Lacey right away. You guys, Michelle and Jesse do this to each other, where they're like, you can't meet my daughter. You can't meet my daughter, which I think is kind of a standard thing when people are divorcing. But you've both already ruined that.

46:31Ronnie Karam: You've both already fucked that up. So stop. And it's especially bad with Jesse, who's sitting there with the woman that he introduced in the first place. And his thing is like, well, but we've been together a long time and your relationships have all sucked. Well, yeah, because you're with a rich person who's like, you're with a rich person who you're trying to move into their house. I mean, that's a bad sentence, but you know what I'm trying to say.

46:57Ben Mandelker: Well, Janet said in Mexico that you're a dream woman, Michelle. Well, so then we talk about this whole thing about the crush and everything. And how would, I don't know, it's all this, this stuff. So Andy's like, all right, well, Brittany, Brittany aimed to get her sparkle back, Ronnie Karam, with her first relationship post-Jax. But the problem with wearing rose-colored glasses is that it makes red flags harder to spot. Oh, my God, that is so funny. It also makes sense that when I go to Six Flags, I'm like, oh, look out five. But it's because I couldn't see the red one. Oh, my God, that amusement park makes so much more sense now.

47:33Ronnie Karam: When was the last time you spoke to Brandon? She's like, oh, God, the last episode he was on, he was texting me. That's about it. Come on. She's like, well, show of hands, who thought Brittany was moving too fast with Brandon? And they're like, loser.

47:48Ben Mandelker: Everybody raised with their hands.

47:50Ronnie Karam: I know.

47:51Ben Mandelker: Michelle's like, I just didn't like him. Jesse's like, I mean, now. I mean, actually, she can do whatever she wants. You know, I didn't like him either. so so they're like yeah we don't like him um but Zach you are skeptical of Brandon right from the start why did you think Brittany wasn't able to see us red flags

48:11Ronnie Karam: um she's just not very fragile yeah yeah she's like in such a fragile state

48:18Ben Mandelker: I'm sorry like but Jax has like beat her down and like I know she's over Jax and it's like she's over that situation and the trauma and that hurt like absolutely not like she's just not over All right. Well, okay. Well, Zach said that you are susceptible to being love-bombed. Do you worry that your picker is off?

48:35Ronnie Karam: Oh, my picker is definitely off. It is off, off, off. It don't work, okay? He's like, are you going to recalibrate your picker? Andy, we've seen her dating history on this show. It's been Jax and this guy. I don't know that you can. I think it's like one of those plants that just dies and that's it.

48:57Ben Mandelker: You don't just bring it back, you know, I think that picker is just dead. A non orchid. In other words, um, it's like, I might, you guys will be proud of me. I've been talking with the narcissistic abuse coach. So I feel like that's really gonna help me, but I see the best in everybody. And what sucks is like, I don't really want to change that about myself, but I do have to set better boundaries. Okay. And he's like, okay, well, Kristen, were you upset when you heard that Brittany gave Brandon money? And by the way, how much money did you give Brandon, Brittany? Oh, my God.

49:31Ronnie Karam: I don't want to talk about it. It's so embarrassing. $5 ,000. Higher. $6 ,000. Higher. $7 ,000. No whammy. No whammy. It's not a fucking game show. Just say you don't want to answer or tell him how much. Jesus. That's so embarrassing.

49:48Ben Mandelker: $100 ,000. Wow, you gave$100 ,000? No, I just gave him one of those candy bars. They're so delicious.

49:56Ronnie Karam: around 10 she ended up giving brandon around ten thousand dollars probably means like 12 or 13 let's be honest

50:05Ben Mandelker: they're all yeah this is crazy it is crazy so um wait i'm sorry if he missed like two days of work you mean to tell me he was making five thousand dollars on each of those days and if he's missing $5 ,000, that means that per day? Does that mean he should have enough money to be able to take off those two days, if that makes sense?

50:29Ronnie Karam: Yeah, of course. It's like an extreme payment for somebody who doesn't even show up on time and deliver your pills. Hey, I remember when this was all happening on the show and he was on Twitter being like, oh man, everyone's so sexist. No one has problems with a woman dating a wealthier guy and taking money from him what's the problem oh just what a gross person i remember when they went to that date night it was probably sponsored or whatever where they're like we're going to stk um and he was wearing like his old navy cargo shorts to the oh i just can't no britney no we make fun of britney a lot on this show but i think britney's a nice girl and she's a pretty girl so i just it just bugs me to see i i actually weirdly enough i think this was largely a really

51:21Ben Mandelker: good season for her and it was nice to see her without jacks and especially once brandon was gone she just did not have another guy and i i actually like i i realized i have a weird fondness for her that i never really acknowledged before and i've been happy with some of the growth that she's shown and some some of her vibes i like sort of some of those those echoes of bitterness that's actually in her personality now i think that's like really endearing to me um but yeah she's got to work on this kind of stuff because this is work on that picker

51:51Ronnie Karam: work on the pick yeah so um she also got a mommy makeover it's like i'll feel so much better it meant for me so much for my confidence and everything and who was the most supportive kristen and zach were and she's like i'm gonna look at zach looking like you better say me and Zach's just like, yeah, you better say me because I washed her hair and that was disgusting. We got a rat's nest out of her hair, Andy. Show the clip. Show the clip. It's so good. It's so, so good.

52:20Ben Mandelker: And Brittany talks about how this was really important because Jax really, really, really tore down her confidence and was just really verbally harassing her all the time. And so, like, yes, it was just like, you know, it was a surge for outside. It looked like just a surgery. Someone who just wanted to get some lipo. but for like it was actually very significant for her so and he goes yeah the criticism that lala and jada were giving about this behavior is that you know you were seem more public facing you know because you didn't help out with the meal train and the real behind the scenes relationship was like what's going on with that so like why did you not do the meal train she's like um well i can understand why i would look that way but at the end of the day like the meal train for me You get nothing for nothing.

53:08Ben Mandelker: Yes, Daniel. Daniel, can you look at me? Can you look at me, Daniel? Daniel.

53:13Ronnie Karam: Where's my makeup? Do my makeup better. His eyes are furrowing.

53:19Ben Mandelker: Someone, please, God, please, we need some help here. He's going to lose his mind unless he gets to do a funny bit soon. Please, he's losing his mind.

53:26Ronnie Karam: I haven't had one sip of alcohol. I'm count boo-coolo.

53:34Ben Mandelker: anyway so i think that the reason why that happened is like i know my heart and my heart is there for my friends and i hate to even say it but it was like postpartum still so just trying to film and be there for my friends and for daniel i just kind of like daniel's testicles i just kind of dropped the ball

53:56Ronnie Karam: yeah she wasn't very she wasn't even questioned on this like you start the meal train then you don't even follow through or deliver anything on the meal train but whatever and britney's like well i know you were going through a lot and you know i didn't need a big text message or anything like that just like how you feeling you know because they were saying like you know i was going through instagram you're still on there you know like i get that it just felt a little and Andy's like, transactional? I will feed you the words, okay? Transactional.

54:28Ben Mandelker: Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp

54:56Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier

55:03Ben Mandelker: Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hala Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones

55:09Ronnie Karam: It's no BS, we love Hugo ES Jamie, she has no last naming Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our pal-a-ger, it's Karen Gallagher

55:20Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

55:23Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

55:37Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

55:40Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sherouse.

55:45Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

55:47Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

55:49Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman Let's share with Sharon Eldridge Darn Skippy, it's Tippi

55:56Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP, it's Amanda V

56:01Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD

56:03Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily sides

56:16Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alkalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers.

56:42Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince.

56:53Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose.

57:08Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

57:15Ben Mandelker: This episode is sponsored by McDonald's. I'm having my hot Caesar summer, Ronnie. Yes. Caesar sauce? I feel like we don't talk about Caesar sauce enough because it's so, so good. I love to dip everything into it. Have you ever dipped fries in Caesar sauce before?

57:29Ronnie Karam: I mean, I just have. It is delicious. Caesar sauce is like a Parmesan, garlicky blend with some lemon in it. And you can dip anything in there.

57:38Ben Mandelker: One thing I have been known to do is to stop over at McDonald's and go to the drive-thru and get myself a Caesar snack wrap and just dip some fries in the Caesar sauce. Also, the crispy strips in the Caesar sauce. Honestly, try it. It's really good.

57:52Ronnie Karam: Listen, I say if you put Caesar sauce on something, that automatically makes it better. Yes, that's really all you need is the Caesar sauce.

58:00Ben Mandelker: I think I just want to have just a constant supply of Caesar sauce and put it on things at all times.

58:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm a straight up French fry and Caesar sauce kind of a boy. That's what I love. And that's how I'm going to go down.

58:12Ben Mandelker: Right now at participating McD's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my go-to order.

58:20Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

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