#3513 Below Deck Med S11E12 Part One: Return of Honey Eyes

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1:55Ben Mandelker: When there's so much that crappens There's so much that crappens Over the little feet of crappens Who cares what happens When there's so much that crappens Well, hello and welcome to What's What Crappens? I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, little Ben. Hi, birthday boy. Happy birthday. How are you? Thank you, Ben. happy birthday ronnie yeah and i got to see hannah just like the people on this show what about that look at that together well thank you yeah they just keep on coming those but those days of birth fuck they do uh and it is an honor to be in this seat across from you virtually every year to celebrate your birthday and just to be here on the show with you and so i hope you have the best day ever today thank you honey well could i have a better day i'm just hanging out with you talking shit i i well i certainly hope you have a better day than your fellow birthday birthday celebrators today which include the ghost of sean connery the ghost of regis philbin by the way tom scarrett you know did we ever you know for all the talk of kathy baker did we ever realize that you share a birthday with Tom Skerritt?

3:22No. The only person I know that I share a birthday with is Leonard Bernstein.

3:28Ben Mandelker: You don't know about the rest of these people that you share a birthday with? Because let me tell you something. You have some great celebrities. You've got Billy Ray Cyrus. You've got Tim Burton. You've got Gene Simmons and Elvis Costello. Fine. You have Joanne Wally. We love a character actress. You have Rachel Ray. which I think is notable. You also have Cameron Matheson. You have Claudia Schiffer. So you have a supermodel. You basically qualify to eat in Bethany's restaurant. You also have 90s icon, Kel Mitchell. And this, I think, is a very important thing. I don't believe, not that I don't believe, I don't follow numerology or astrology or things rising in the Easterwood S or something rising or whatever.

4:18Ben Mandelker: what I do follow are pop culture coincidences. And you share a birthday with two different prestigious members of the Josh Schwartz universe, which of course includes and really is only includes the OC and gossip girl. You share a birthday with Rachel Bilson and Blake Lively. Oh yeah. I've got a Blake Lively. Blake Lively is the real one that too. Yeah. That's the real, that's the real exciting one. like you and Blake, basically soul sisters, sitting there on the steps of the mat. Basically the same. Alexander Sarsgaard. I mean, I'm really looking up today. You know, Leonard Bernstein isn't even showing up on this list.

5:00I'm going to see. Oh.

5:01Ben Mandelker: Leonard Bernstein. What's sort of fun about getting older is that the older you get, the more celebrities wind up on your birthday, just by law of averages. Because, like, when I started the birthday game, It was like Jeff Bridges and that was it. Jeff Bridges and Wink Martindale. And now I've ascended to Jay-Z. I've got Tyra Banks. You know, it's like people start becoming famous. There are also just younger people around. It's very exciting. So you've really collected a nice group here of celebrities for your birthday. Yeah, I'm hooking it up. So awesome. Rachel Ray, Blake Lively. Thanks, Blake.

5:35Thanks for being here. Well, if you want this video recap, you can get that on Patreon. That's also where you get our bonus episodes, ad-free listening, access to our Discord server, and a weekly newsletter, which basically just talks shit in writing about all of these shows. So check all of that. That's free, by the way. You can just sign up for Patreon for free for that thing. And today, it's Below Deck Mediterranean. Now, since we last were with Below Deck, we found out that Nathan has been arrested. He was arrested two days after Christmas last year after choking somebody. It doesn't say who it is, but we pretty much figure it's Gail because she filed the equivalent of a restraining order against him.

6:22And he goes to court in September. What a piece of shit.

6:25Ben Mandelker: Oh, my God. Total piece of shit. What a huge, huge, huge piece of shit. How awful. How vile. How disgusting. thing um yeah i hope we never have to hear from him ever again after this yes uh so we're uh we open with nathan which really sucks and he's doing this whole like sandy calls him and he's just holding his baby up to the video phone like it's me my cute little baby oh fuck off just fuck off stop using your baby as a prop do you think i'm sorry Do you think the producers knew about this? They must not have. I think that if they knew this, that he would have either shelved the season or edited around Nathan.

7:10They really centered him a lot this season.

7:13Ben Mandelker: But he's getting actually a pretty bad edit. But they centered him. It's like, oh, he has a baby. He has a baby. So what do you think? Or maybe they pivoted the edit? I don't know, but I would figure if there's been an arrest or something like that, they would know. But what do I know that we didn't, the internet didn't know. So I don't know how stuff like that is released. I feel like if this stuff happens in the U S you know, right away, like somebody has been arrested and they're, you know, the some blogger has all the details and the, the paperwork online, but this one we're just finding out about in August and this happened in December.

7:51So I have no idea if they knew and they just tried to keep it under wraps and just let the season go on and figured, well, we'll deal with that when we get to it. But with Gary on Below Deck Sailing, when the allegations about Gary came out, they edited his ass out of that season. Yeah, and he was still actually, take me out of the season. You missed a really good part.

8:17Ben Mandelker: There's some good drama. And he was still actually decently in that season. So maybe that's what's happened here. Maybe they removed certain sympathetic scenes that showed him as a devoted husband light or like, oh, this poor guy or whatever. So maybe that's what's going on. I don't think so, honestly, because they've shown a lot of sympathetic Nathan scenes. Like, oh, look at Nathan with his cute baby. Look how good Nathan is going home and being tired. I feel like he's getting a very sympathetic headache, actually. It won't be that way going forward. I generally don't think that Bravo must not have known.

9:02Ben Mandelker: I think Bravo's been pretty good. Unfortunately, this has happened a few times. I think Bravo's been pretty good about not centering people if they've had these allegations against them. So we're trying to de-center them if they can. Well, when it comes out publicly. Yeah. Yeah. But either way, we are now in that fun position of having to recap the show as the show. Nathan, by no means, is a hero on this show. But you do have this weird situation where Joe is a toxic underminer. But Joe's also kind of proven to be pretty good at what he's doing. But Nathan is an ineffective leader who's just a blowhard.

9:47Ben Mandelker: but also he's not wrong that Joe is acting to undermine him the whole time. And then Joe thinks that Nathan is underqualified, has anger issues and he's right. But at the same time, Nathan is, uh, saying that, you know, Joe, uh, is a piece of shit and can't be trusted. And that's right. So it's, this is, we're in our lazy Susan of awfulness happening on the deck deck department right now. Yeah, it's definitely one of those where you can't go. You can't bring all of that stuff into the recap. Thankfully, Nathan is already a piece of shit on this season and hating him anyway. So that's good. It's not like someone.

10:33Oh, so sweet that you're like, what? That you kind of have to stand up for them on the show because he's not really doing anything to stand up for on the show. I mean, this starts with him being like, yeah, being like, Max, if you got my back, I'll make you. lay deckhand and it's like spins max out of course it's like what do i do i now have the chance the chance to be everything i've ever dreamed do i betray my friend do i am girl shut up you're not getting promoted to leave deckhand anyway yeah i don't know in what world you even think that's a

11:05Ben Mandelker: thing but i mean talk talk about a toxic you know from the top leadership style that is i think that was actually reprehensible that Nathan sent that text. I think it's a hundred percent, not the way you lead a department. I think that's, that's like way to sow seeds of dissent and acrimony and like, oh, I thought that was awful. Um, but, and by the way, before we were, we're just about to start this, I swear to God, but we also cannot start this without acknowledging that this was one of the craziest cliffhangers we've ever seen on below deck. this outer left field plot twist an international smuggling crime ring plot twist that may send a deckhand off into the depths of Libya to save his father like what where did that come from wild I thought we did it all pretty amazing um I did that boat interview thing with Hannah and Daisy this past weekend so I was asking a bunch of below deck questions and we were talking about the traumas on the show and like how reliant, how reliant they are on making everybody have a trauma that they have to bring to the boat, you know, and we've made fun of it on this show forever.

12:18And we were like, well, I guess they've kind of backed down from that a little bit. And we were saying, yeah, at this point, they really need to up their game. I mean, if you're going to have trauma, it needs to be, it can't just be like, oh, you know, I broke my knee in kindergarten and people laughed at me and that's why I can't go to clubs and drink tequila. Or whatever it is. And they're crying. It's like, well, you got to up your game. And then we get this. This is it. You upped it.

12:47Ben Mandelker: One of the most impressive wild cards. My dad got involved with money laundering in Tunisia. And now I need to go save him or he's going to get killed by the mob. Yes. Yes. You guys, you did it. And not only that, I have to go save him because I need to show him the love that he never showed me. So this is also like mending a psychological wound from childhood. Like what? What? This was unbelievable. But we're going to get to that in about five hours. Yeah, we'll be there. We'll be there at the end of the day. Like the literal day. The sun will be going down when we get there. Daddy will be in a ditch somewhere by the time we get to it.

13:28Oh, geez. So we open with Nathan putting Max into a moral quandary. Like, what will Max do morally? This is what I have to do. And the episode ends with a Max moral quandary. Look at that. Wow. I'm telling you, this is storytelling. Take note, McBee Dynasty. This is how you do it. This is how you do it.

13:49Ben Mandelker: Yeah. This is it. This is construction. Here we go. We're in the galaxy. Oh, another thing that happened. I keep saying we're going to start, and then I don't start. Because another thing that happened last week was the internet caught on fire about these guests. bunny oh yeah was putting out statements like this well bunny lit it on fire i feel like i feel like bunny was the one like i feel like people were like oh yeah it's uh more uh guests who just like oh god these guests want everything and then bunny released on threads like a 26 page like one of 26 threads um about first of all you know like some of her some of their points were were not terrible but um also it's like listen anytime anytime vegans and gluten-free people come on to blow deck they the show just gives them a rough edit sorry that's just what happens it's just rough it's rough but bunny was bunny was not having it bunny was pushing back bunny was bunny was like you know we all had different choices we all we all wanted different things and we're allowed to speak up for what we want, yada, yada, yada.

14:59Ben Mandelker: It was a thing. Yes, and it was like, you know, this is what it's like being a black person or a person of color and a LGBTQI plus person. And she had a lot of, you know, descriptors. But she's like, this is what it's like, you know, when you ask for things, people act like you're basically being difficult just because you want things to be good. And I think that that general point, okay, and that can be made a million times, and we've seen examples of that a million times on Bravo. But, Bunny, we're opening this episode with you guys insisting on like five or six completely different pasta dishes.

15:44And I mean, come on. And we were kind of on their side at least partly last week because a lot of that food coming out didn't look great. and people pointed out that one of them said in the meeting avocado is fine but then it was just avocado overload it's like here's an entire avocado and then here's some guac so we're not even saying that that was a great day for joy okay yeah we said that and we even said we actually

16:09Ben Mandelker: thought the guests were pretty nice um by the way and we're not on defense here we know it was not directed towards us at least i hope it wasn't directed towards us um i do think that like for people on the internet who were like, those guests were so rude. I don't, they were not rude. They were not rude. They, they did have different things that they wanted. I think what, what's was hard is that I think joy did not manage that situation the way she needed to, which is to say, this is what the meal is. What subs can I do? But like saying like, what do you want? What do you want? Everyone's like, I want this.

16:41Ben Mandelker: I want this. I want this, which is like, okay, that's crazy. That's like, that's, that's crazy. But ultimately, it's on the staff to sort of manage what the guests, like the range of what the guests can ask for. And it was insulting when Joy was like, I was thinking tonight we'll make pizzas. It's like, Joy, that was very insulting. But that being said, no matter what, no matter what, if you come on to this show and this one's vegan and this one's gluten-free and this one doesn't want to eat this and this one doesn't want to eat that, But it's always going to get the below deck at it every single time of people running around frantic.

17:20Ben Mandelker: Like they will be put in the bucket of high maintenance guests no matter what on this show. It happens every time. And it's one of the great joys of watching the show is seeing how the staff responds to that. Yeah, and that's part of service. I mean, listen, just know whenever you're eating somewhere, the waiter who is smiling to your face and telling you their name and asking how your children are walks right back into the kitchen and goes, I hate that dick 90 % of the time yeah okay that's just how it is so you get cameras on the back of the house in any part of service and you're gonna see what people are saying about you and that's just part of being on below deck I mean if you can't handle it don't come on below deck now that said fans who are going and leaving racist comments and this and that that is horrible that is disgusting I'm not even going to get into that you people should know better than to do shit like that that is disgusting and that's a legit complaint she went on um joy's she went on something and joy wrote um she really did have a lot of threads bunny or they did it was a lot of threads it was and joy wrote hey listen i'm so sorry you know we just wanted to make this a good experience i'm sorry you didn't have a good experience you know apologize just apologized and they wrote back I'm really sorry that I'm so bad with that they wrote back oh I didn't know you would respond but if you really feel that way then tell all your fans to stop being racist and she said okay we'll do just such a joy response like okay click well people should not be racist and like they were very nice guests like you watch it even you watch they're like oh could we please have this uh you see that you see bunny is saying we're gonna need to get some more food for my guests because i can't have to go to sleep hungry that's not it's not a crazy thing to say it's not a mean thing to say that no voices were raised there's no attitude embedded in it like bunny just stated it and everyone said it everyone was very friendly um they just weren't getting what they wanted and that is ultimately on the staff um uh but they were a huge pain in the ass but they also were paid yes i mean because joy is one person and everyone wants they were paying the ass because they had so many requirements on like a service perspective not an attitude or personality perspective but just in terms of like what how they all needed different things and there's one chef in the kitchen that is a pain in the ass if you have to cook multiple variations for her all of the same meal you know yeah it's time for a commercial.

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22:34So we start with this. Joy being like, oh God, last night was a shit show. I'm gonna just go what they ask. You want one million different type of pasta? Fine, done. I just need to get through the charter. And so we see her making the chicken Alfredo and the lobster, whatever, rigatoni and all different sauces, all different proteins. Some are gluten free. Some are not. She's making different pasta, everything for each guest. And I'm sorry, you're a pain in the ass. That's it. That's crazy. You may be great.

23:10Ben Mandelker: You may be super fun to hang out with, but this is crazy. so then we go to the swim platform and joe and max are pulling things off the square formation which you guys might remember joe came up with a revolutionary shape last week the square the square and it's changed it's changed everybody's life and max is like oh i if i could pick boson i would take joe over natan because joe know how to speak in respectful way but nathan wants to make me lead deck and what should i do oh the moral the morals oh yes this is uh destroying my um cortex prefrontal uh yeah um i would go with the person who treats you respectfully because wouldn't you rather work under someone who gives you respect than just be using a pawn and some you know small dick you know pecking order spitting fight pissing match that's pissing match is what it is so uh asha um asha's gonna join the stews tonight because last night was a shit show so she's gonna join to help out everything and she's like we're gonna have such a wonderful evening aren't we and joy's like yes i hope sir and so um joy is not convinced obviously you can see in her mind she's like i have eight more pastas to make right now 12 different sauces six different variations on three of those sauces and two different proteins on one goes on one sauce, one goes on one variation of another sauce, and one just goes on a whole other pasta.

24:37Ben Mandelker: And someone just wants cardboard. Someone just asks for cardboard, and I have to find cardboard to give them. Thanks for your positivity. Please pick up a spatula. That would be great. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to help you. I'm going to be positive. No. This is not the time for it. This is not the time for that. Go be positive over there. All right? Yeah. So then Kaylee is offering, I guess, cocktails. and Aisha's like, would you like a porn star? It's beautiful. It's piercing fruit. They're all excited about that. And Kaylee's saying, this dinner is literally our last chance to salvage this charter.

25:17Ben Mandelker: I'm going to reach into my soul and embody Aisha and just knock it out of the park. I'm like, you also have liability on your lips. So you may be just that. We want you to succeed. Yeah, that really is giving yourself. It's not the best label to be putting on yourself, especially in service. On a boat. Loyability. The food comes out and it's quiet while everybody eats their 20 different kinds of pasta. And then they're like, yes, he did it. This is what we wanted. This is all we wanted. Finally, we've done it. And Joey's like, and it's both in. They are happy. it is funny because at one point i think right before this joy says tonight i'm just going to make that make them exactly what they asked for and she says it like fine i'll make you what you ask for and it's kind of like yeah that's probably what you should always be doing um but they are happy and i do do have to say that guests often do get a raw deal on this show because like if you if your first day you're like they can they can do a bad edit on you they often will then have like this redemptive episode you know in this in the second half of the charter that they show and they always i sometimes i feel bad for guests who get like that bad first edit and then have to sit there for a whole week while the internet's like this guest you guys are awful and then the next episode they're like like oh this is great wonderful thank you so much okay we'll eat this and you just know the entire time they're sitting there like just wait for the next episode just wait yeah i don't think they got a bad edit though i have to say they didn't i'm just saying you know that like while while the internet is telling these people you guys are so picky you're so picky you're so picky that you know that they're like just wait to the next episode we're gonna like the food the next episode yeah but a week is a long time to be taking shit from people on the internet.

27:17Oh, it's hard. We know. People have been discussing all week, like, oh, you know, maybe we like Joe now, you know, or retroactively making things okay. Like, oh, it was good that Luke came all over Luke's sheets. Now I'm team Luke splooching all over the sheets, you know, which are funny jokes. But I think if we're going to retroactively cheer for somebody, it shouldn't be these douchebags. It should be that alcoholic who came on right at the beginning and wanted to punch Nathan. Yeah. That guy. You want to fight? Get over here. I hate his fucking attitude. That guy's an asshole. I'm going to fight him.

27:57Ben Mandelker: Yeah. That was actually specifically, believe it or not, that was specifically one person I was thinking of, how he had that first episode and he was like the worst guest of all time. And then the next episode, he's like, I actually really like this guy. It's pretty cool. This guy's cool. Yeah. I'm just going to hang out here and just eat some nachos. I mean, I still think he was a piece of shit because he sent his girlfriend off and then hired a new one from some other island but like oh that guy was terrible too i'm just reading for that he does giving his anti-nathan agenda is pretty strong yes so now jen is trying her flirt thing which is just so cringe with cooper it's so difficult to watch it it just makes me so she's just so bad at it she's like oh one of those days am i right coop right how you doing coop big boy and he's like oh just gonna power through tomorrow's drop off guy just gotta keep it going she's like oh my god cooper's gonna be naughty tomorrow everybody teehee teehee some would say i'm a better flirter than my parents are um so cat uh then cat of course walks by and it's awkward especially because Jen has no idea about the secret relationship.

29:09Ben Mandelker: So Kat tells us, Cooper and I are like trying to test out this new secret relationship and like literally there's no pressure at all for anyone else because no one else knows. But Jen trying to flirt with Cooper is like definitely throwing like a little bit of a wrench in the plan. Like was not expecting that. What's happening? Why is she so worried about this stupid secret relationship? Which by the way, I'm going to say for the 20th time, if ever somebody tells you they want to keep you a secret, don't do it. they're a douchebag and they're going to be fucking a million other people that happens every time but why is she why is she worried about this stupid fake pretend relationship and not like what kind of friend exactly like immediately the day after this man makes you cry is like well he's mine now yeah exactly and also why are you with the guy that you feel like while you're in a secret relationship his head would be turned in a non-secret way to the your best friend like why like don't you don't you have any faith in him uh why are you hooking up with the guy that you would be concerned but might do that but also yeah i feel like the focus should really be on your girlfriend for doing this yeah so coop tells cat you strike you strike you seem a little low energy did i maybe but jen's being very friendly though it's like um You think that she's trying to pursue you?

30:34Ben Mandelker: Oh, my God. He's like, oh, I don't know. And then he, like, sees the camera and he's like, the pasta's really good. No, I'm not entertaining that. So Coop is saying, tells us. This man is dockers in human form. He's just a big pair of just dockers. Yeah. And I don't know which type of Dockers is the least charismatic, but that's him. So he's like, oh. Straight up khaki business conference at the Marriott. You know, conference center khaki. He's the guy coming down the escalator in the shiny golf shirt and the khakis as you're going up to check into your room. And you think, man, this is the hotel I'm staying in.

31:27So, because you know that.

31:28Ben Mandelker: You know what the chatter is going to be all around the lobby, all around the bar. In every elevator, it's going to be guys in their golf shirts with their khakis on making stupid comments. The comments are either going to be, yeah, I got a sick birdie yesterday. Or it's going to be, did you get that report from Jen? Yeah, it was pretty good. She's real good. I think she's going to go far in the company. Or how did you get here? What freeway did you take to get here today? straight guys I feel like love talking about traffic and how fast to get someplace and how to cut time off you know the trip next time you make that trip so Coop's like uh I'm just I'm not asking for attention from Jim but I can't push it away or that's gonna send up some red flags and then people are gonna know about my secret roulette what why would it send red flags if you say you're not interested in Jen.

32:29Ben Mandelker: So the producers who know... He thinks if he shows he doesn't, he's not interested in Jen, then it's going to look like he's interested in Kat, and that's supposed to be a big secret.

32:44Ben Mandelker: Well, the producers know, of course, of what's going on, but Coop doesn't know the producers know because Coop is not smart. And so they're like, well, are you trying to hide something, Coop? He's like, No, no. I'm starting to sweat from it. That's what secrets do to me. I'm getting sweaty and flustered. You just said you have a secret. It's like, do you have a secret? No, but I'm sweating because secrets make me sweat. And on screen it says, still does not know that Kat revealed secret to production. Also, still does not know there are options beyond Axe body spray. They really could add so much to that caption.

33:34Ben Mandelker: Still does not know.

33:39Ben Mandelker: There are other fabrics than shiny rayon. Yeah. Whatever golf shirt is made of. Ben still does not know what golf shirts are made of. Yeah. That's our, that's our caption. Joy brings out the cake she made and it smells Econ Club. is it a cake what is this thing it's a bunch of little things shaped into the word like a bunch of squares shaped into the words econ club it's like a french patisserie i forget what that's called when it's like um like a biscuit with like frosting and it's like two tiers but it's um i feel like it's a woman's name i'll look it up everyone don't mind me over here i'll check it out Oh, the kind of cake thing it was?

34:25Ben Mandelker: Yeah, pastry with a rectangle topped with frosting and another rectangle. That's what my Google search is going to be. It's not a Napoleon. Maybe it is a Napoleon. I don't know, but they loved it. They loved it. And Joy asked Bunny for a story about Econ Club. Okay. Yes. Can we have a story about that? Sorry, I thought you were going to say something. No, it was a story about the Econ Club. And she says that it provides financial education and economics education to folks that typically don't have access to it. She's like, oh, this is great. OK, this was long sentence. I did not need. I would.

35:08It is like saying how about you say, OK. And I go. Goodbye. So she leaves and then the guests go to bed and Jen and Cooper in the pantry cleaning up dinner and Jen's trying it again. And she's like, oh, my God. Did someone light a candle called sexy in here? What is that? Is that you? You smell so good.

35:33Ben Mandelker: She's just smooth. She just she has a way with words, an easy, an easy way with flirtation. I mean, we all remember the way she stomped up to Luke and was like, do me. So she just she's a seductress at heart. he says that's some jimmy chew right there of course a below deck guy gets a scent that smells like a foot seems very on brand that's right it's like it's so sexual it smell it smells so so so sexual you smell like splooge what is that jimmy splooge um so now it's the morning and everyone's waking up and Joe and Max are being very friendly and Joe is like Max, we make a great team it's going to be a great thing moving forward and Max is like yes of course and guests come up they have breakfast, they're happy of course because it's breakfast and then Sandy has an announcement for the deck team guys, we're going to a different marina today, we're going to go in We're going to go side two.

36:45Ben Mandelker: Okay? Side two. Right? So you guys could just let me know the status of the lions because we're going to go side two. Okay? This is one step below anchor sanctuary, one step above plain old crashing into a dock. All right. Just let me know the status of the lions. Understood. What are they? What do you mean? The lions. I don't know what you mean. Give me my lions. I forgot my lions. God, I love that banana Anna's on heroin Oh, what season are we in? Give me my lines I'm just having the captain's nightmare right now Do your food Do your food Is anyone Is anyone friends with the lines on Facebook?

37:31Ben Mandelker: Has anyone seen their status? Do people check? It's like the lines are like I'm sick of these young people And the TikTok Yep, that's a Facebook user So we're going to a new marina today. I really want to do something special for Aisha. So we're going to have a pirate bachelorette party. I'm just really into the pirate thing. You know, just a lot of pirates, a lot of pirate dicks swinging around in Aisha's face. It's going to be great. You know, bachelorette parties, they've got a lot of penises flying everywhere. But, you know, I didn't have to worry about that one. Not for me. yeah I just had a tennis rackets flying everywhere because Gigi Fernandez set it up and instead of it saying happy bachelorette it just said Gigi's a champion it was nice it was nice to celebrate her on my bachelorette party but maybe I should do it again so then now Max and Joe are hauling on the anchor and Sandy does her all hey Joe you want to sit on mama's lap and drive the car Okay.

38:38Ben Mandelker: Guess what? You get to drive out of the anchorage. Now, are we in open water and there's nothing around us and you're basically just moving a circle left and right? Yes. But you can still say you drove the yacht.

38:51Hey, you want to drive the Little Mermaid ride to Disneyland?

38:58Ben Mandelker: You're in control. Hey, you want to do those race cars? Yeah, sure. Sure, they're locked in with a bar right down the middle of the track, but it's pretty much like real driving. Get on in there, kiddo. We're going to practice the steering wheel on the teacups. Okay, get over here, bad boy. Okay, now listen, you've done a great job this charter. It was efficient, more organized. I love Nathan dearly, but you can run a boat, Joe. Your line. Ready? Ready, thank you. God, it's been a rough day today. My number one goal for this charter season was to show Sunday, I'm a born leader. I can do it. I'm the bosun, the bosun of all time.

39:36And I've done the groundwork. And now I can generally say, I'm a better bosun than Nathan. And I think that job should be mine.

39:45Ben Mandelker: I mean, you've done a great job, Joe, but it's been like one charter. One and a half charters. I mean, please, I'm not trying to give any flowers to Nathan and you probably are better than Nathan. But like, he's like one afternoon he pulled in a float and he made a square and he's like let's be honest i'm probably the best boson the industry's ever seen yes relax uh everyone's throwing lines and they park and then the guests depart they thank joy for her ability to correct to course correct like well you know we had a rough day yesterday but you gave us what we wanted today and she's like oh thank you very much so they leave and now Sandy's phone rings.

40:26Guess who it is? It's Nathan. And he's like, look at me. I've got a baby. Isn't it cute? I'm an adorable person. She's like, alright, how's the back doing? And he says, good, and he got the all clear. Hasn't he only been gone like a couple days? And the other day he said he had a bruised

40:43Ben Mandelker: Like a bulging, bruised disc. He's like, my vertebrae are cut in half, so I'm not sure I'll make it in in time. And now it's like, yeah, I'm good to go. yeah he's like my spinal cord has been separated it's like i'm fine he probably can just not he has to have like limited limited mobility or like there's he probably can't haul certain things he'll just have to have other people do that um but he can sort of like bounce around a boat i suppose so sandy's like wow that was fast suspiciously fast that's great news hey listen tonight gail's setting up for Asia's bachelorette party. And I would love for you to join us if you can find a sitter, huh?

41:27Ben Mandelker: And Nathan's like, oh, well, we have one more night of the setter to go. So I think it's a genius idea. I'm like, wait, you got this? I guess because he couldn't help out at home because he was bedridden. But I was like, wait, you have the sitter for when you're there, but not for when you're not there? What's going on here? Yeah. So Sandy tells us Joe's been excellent as Boson. His communication's great. His organization skills blew me out of the water. Okay. I know Joe wants to rise. And he will. It's just been a good test for him, you know. And we'll have to see how he's going to deal with Nathan coming back.

42:04It's going to be funny. It's going to be some funny times.

42:09Ben Mandelker: Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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44:02Tip meeting and Sandy loves Max. It's always good to have you, Max. Welcome. Okay. You don't need to backflip. Okay. Get off the floor. Okay. Stop crying. Stop crying. Okay. You don't need to hug me. All right. Just have a seat. Okay. Now he's swinging. Okay. Let go of the chandelier. All right. Come on back down. Come on.

44:20Ben Mandelker: Okay. It's the tip meeting. So, uh, in the spirit of that, it's a 10 o 'clock, two o 'clock. That's my tip. If you want to drive the boat. Okay. Just some steering wheel lessons. Try it out on Joe earlier. He seemed to really like that. Okay. Well, I love you guys um max it's always good to have you uh you can climb down from the ceiling fan now and joy tough charter but strive for progress not perfection am i right that's also what i direct towards jen's uh split ends and also kaylee thank you for your solidness uh you were really you had a lot of solidness so uh thank you for being full of solidness yeah you know what i'd be thankful for a lot of saladness very hungry oh one more piece of news nathan's coming back next charter and everyone's like oh yay joe's face goes from like this big smile it's like yeah he does and he doesn't hide it at all he's just like no i tried to his teeth are still together and he's still in that weird teeth thing he does but his eyes are kind of freaking out Oh, and by the way, Joe, you're excellent.

45:31You went from deckhand to bosun, arranging everything, the lazarette's perfection. Maybe you've got some things to show Nathan when he comes back. And here's what we know. Nathan loves being taught things by underlings that he hates. So can't wait to see how that works out.

45:49Ben Mandelker: Okay, everyone. Now here's the tip. Lazaret is also the name of one of my girlfriends from the 80s. Okay. All right. Here's a, that wasn't so much. She was really old story. She was. She was old, but kind of a minx. And my tip is don't date her. Okay. Anyway, the total is$21 ,000. It's all paid to you in different types of gluten-free pasta. Joe, come get your sack of GF rigatoni. Oh, they also say thank you, but they spelled it out of milfoys. So go enjoy, everyone. Great! Aisha, you're back on the interior. God, good for you. And since you've never had a bachelorette party, I've arranged with Gail a bachelorette party.

46:38Everybody's coming. And fortunately, I misspoke on the phone. It's going to be a geisha party. so just you know respect the ladies in the robes

46:47Ben Mandelker: feel free to write your memoirs about it okay so asia is like oh you guys are all coming to my bachelorette party did sandy order strippers and um they all get dressed and they're getting excited and then joe joe's like with max and coupe on this like little love seat and he's like guys let's have a sit for five minutes so they have to sit there like okay we'll just sit here because you're yeah he's gonna have a meeting for the deck he's gonna remind him like i'm your real daddy don't forget it so he's like you know what i wish uh coops like you know what i wish i wish you and i could both wear two stripes impossible i'm happy to wear one one stripe is fine but you know we do have a system now and if it changes i'm going to have to put my foot down and say no your system is three hours my system is cut in half like my stripes not that i care listen together we're three stripes against one stripe let's kill the stripe if it's any consolation joe will always be two stripes because they're right above his eyes so joe says uh he's yeah i love how he's like i'm totally happy being at one stripe.

48:03Ben Mandelker: I'm totally happy. But if Nathan decides to fuck with my square, he's going to hear it from me. I'm like, good luck with that. If Nathan steps on board and he doesn't take appreciation of how I've actually flipped this boat about 180 and he messes up everything that I've done, I'm going to flip my lid. Wait until you see it. It's going to be crazy. There is something also like they, one thing that they do is that they they clean up the lazarette quite nicely and apparently this is something that nathan's been asking for for all season and it is one of those things where it's like did they clean the lazarette nicely because joe had a better process or did they clean it nicely because every time nathan asked joe sort of slacked on it but then when joe was in charge he was like hyper motivated to make it look good it's like one of those weird things that i can't quite figure out nathan says he asks for it well but i don't know that says or or sandy says she yeah she that's what she wants it all all season i have no idea what i'm saying is like i am largely on joe's side it seems like he has better a better process and and it seems like he like he has the the ears of and the respect of his fellow department uh members um but it's also one of those things where you're like yeah but were you also maybe not putting in the effort because Nathan was in charge then once he's out of charge then suddenly you become like amazing at this stuff and have initiative so apologies to the listeners of Watch for Crappens if anyone knows anyone who works at the Rode R-O-D-E corporation they can maybe explain why my Rode caster video makes my voice sound like a robot once in a while thank you please reach out I would be very happy to work with them on this and give them plenty of free publicity on this podcast if they would fix this for me.

50:04Ben Mandelker: Thank you. Thank you so much. Get your shit together. Okay, we're back. I won't give Nathan credit for that because the second that Joe gets a compliment he's like, well, that's what I've been asking for all season. Okay, Nathan, well, you've been on the boat all season and it hasn't been done. The boat has crashed into the dock. then you were trying to teach Luke the tender without really teaching him so you didn't have to give Joe the promotion and then you crash the tender into something with Luke and then that lazarette still hasn't been cleaned so listen 100 % of the time Joe has been in charge the lazarette was cleaned and shit was organized so you can try to say you asked for it but Captain Sandy said that she's been asking for it the whole season and the only person to actually get it done was someone who was short staffed and his name was joe and it wasn't you and i mean that's the truth to stick up for joe after the past couple of seasons that he's had but you know that is the truth and we did see also how nathan was like not being smart and efficient with like loading things in and out remember they were like why aren't you using the little crane and it's like just get it done so uh anyway we need to lay out the we need to lay out the toys flat and then blow them up and it's like no just blow them up when they're folded, the air pushes them out or whatever.

51:22So, yeah, Nathan, you suck. So Joe, oh, sorry, who's talking here? Aisha calls Scott and she's like, I'm having a beach lorraine party. It's going to be amazing. I hope there's strippers just so I can see what they look like with my maraca. Maraca.

51:48Ben Mandelker: and then uh joe joe's saying i'm i'm threatened seeing nathan he's like oh yeah i think as long as we got some boss in the vibe i mean fuck it my daddies can get along right he's like with nathan he never can win so um now we see max and nathan's cabin and nathan's texting max and he's like, I'm like, oh, you fucking toxic, bro. I mean, Joe's also, you know, recruiting allies to his side, but I just think that there's something about Nathan falsely dangling a lead deckhand position for Max. Like, Max is not qualified for that. Like, you're going to have, you're going to dangle that for Max, like side unseen.

52:32Ben Mandelker: Well, yeah, but we actually find out later that he's not dangling a false thing. He really is going to do it. He's really going to he's really going to try and make max lead that can purely when joe just filled in for you joe just filled in and ran a charter and a half for you and you're going to have max be the one just to have max like like it's just oh yeah like i i feel bad for everyone who works in corporate america who actually deals with these politics all the time i know this is not a show about corporate america but i think this show probably echoes a lot of workplaces and i feel like it's probably very president corporate america and uh it sounds terrible well it was very much like this last season too when max worked with them because joe was getting the lead deckhand position because he was friends with nathan it's like there's no competing you know so it's like nathan does this twice in a row it's just the opposite choice that he's making last time but it's all based on who he likes personally and who he doesn't like.

53:32And my haircut is cursed.

53:34Ben Mandelker: What is it? I said that haircut is cursed. Nathan's haircut is cursed. Zootalo. Nathan wants to take me to his legion. This is important moment in your life. Take the success or take the friendship, you know? Where am I going to put my things on the chess? You know, my pee, you, my pume. My pume. And it says pawn on the screen. It's like, yes, the chess game is on. uh so um asia and kaylee are getting ready and asia's so excited she's been a bridesmaid so many so many for so many years and now she's finally gonna get to be a bride uh in her words she says i'm like what so um and kaylee's like i've literally had goosebumps all over my body right now look at my liability it looks like it says bibbability so many goosebumps on it Um, Max, Coop, Jen are sitting at the table and Coop's like, I'm going to go take Joe some wine.

54:34Jen's like, that is so cute. That's like, that's like sexual. That's so sexy. Yeah. I love a man taking another man wine. Hot. Oh my God. Is it hot in here?

54:47Ben Mandelker: Wow. I feel like I'm a real purser of sexiness right now. Um, so then Coop says, uh, yeah, I'm just looking out for Joe. He's made my bed like five times. Now that is remarkable. I have to say that little detail, I have to say that movement needle for me with Joe. Yeah. That's how to do it. That's how to kiss butt. Do acts of service, you know, that's, that is incredibly kind. I hate to give Joe any sort of credit because he is a self-involved fuck boy. Who's a toxic underminer in the workplace, but just freely making beds. especially on a season where we saw what happens when someone does not do that wow consider me impressed and jen's like are you serious like someone made someone else's bed on this boat i didn't know we did that um are you a messy sleeper yeah tell me about being a messy sleeper that's so sexy i am yeah i don't know if this is gonna work because i'm not a messy sleeper so like when we're sleeping together you know what i mean like how's that gonna work

56:06Ben Mandelker: he's like i'm not interested in jen in the slightest bit to be honest i'm a little scared of her i almost want to throw her in an above ground pool and say welcome to my aquarium congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

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58:59We love you guys.

59:03This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. There are so many complicated things on Bravo. Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the valley.

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