#3521 Below Deck Med S11E13 Part One: Sink or Swim

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1:07Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. There is such a better way to spend your time than doom scrolling or watching terrible TV. Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

1:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes. Like, enrich yourself. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC.

1:55Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that fun crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. i am ben mandelker joining me today on this momentous below deck mediterranean recap is the one and only the fearless ronnie carom how are you ronnie hello how are you good good i'm i'm just bad i really don't have a lot of fear actually but i don't think it's like bold thing i think it's more of like a kind of a stupidity thing one of those people who will just walk into the road i um i would not characterize myself as someone who has um too much fear i think i have it's more like i'm just full of fear it's like it's not that i have a certain amount of fear in me i'm just nothing but fear right it's like the water can't be wet like the water is wet like you know it's like i am water can't be wet it makes you wet it makes you wet right like i am here so it's not like i have fear in me or i have a certain like i'm you know it's like it's just it's not even a it's just a state it's not even a state it's just it is like i'm and i'm talking like bethany now but um we are really excited because we're going on tour soon uh we'll have the dates and all that ready soon enough we're just waiting waiting for the we're waiting for the signal from on high to announce when those things will go on sale but we are we're coming to a city near you don't you worry we'll we'll have that if you missed the list it's on a previous episode we're not gonna go through it today um but we will have it we will have it soon enough um also patreon patreon.com slash watch for crappins come join us over there newsletter crappins on demand bonus episodes fun things like that youtube we've got a vibrant youtube and uh what's your order is the new youtube series i've just kick-started over there and I'm gonna get the new episode.

4:11Ben Mandelker: It's probably gonna go live later today. Maybe even while we're recording. I'll just hit live. Right now. Right now. You know what? I'll hit live right now on it. It's ready to go. It just has to go from unlisted. Should I do it? Yeah. It's so exciting. Do it right now. It's a really exciting. Life is happening. It's a new episode. Life is happening so fast right now. But for real, go check that out. It's really, really fun. It's just like, we're just trying to honestly, We're just trying to grow our YouTube channel. And so trying to make some content directly for YouTube. That'll be fun for you guys to watch.

4:44Ben Mandelker: So go check it out. Do it. Today it's below deck Mediterranean day. Yes. It's also the day that Nathan was supposed to show up to court and did not show up to court. and so the witness against him presumably gail still not being mentioned in news articles but showed up with witnesses and he was convicted in his absence apparently he fled the country nobody knows where yet so he's a wanted man this fucking asshole they also released details of what he did to gail which are yeah they were terrible terrible so let me tell you something i have a bad feeling this is going to end badly. I'm telling you this right now.

5:33Ben Mandelker: Like, you fled Australia, and he's also a fugitive in Ireland. Like, this is not going to end well for anyone. For assault as well. So, yeah.

5:47Yeah, so pretty gross. So, you know, another week in a row, fuck that guy. But otherwise, there's another guy who's terrible on this show, And he is the main guy. I mean, nothing compared to Nathan. I don't think we need to start comparing abuse to anything. Nathan's going to win in that department. But this guy is also terrible. And the barf's on a plate. So I love that for him on national TV. Oh, that guy.

6:15Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I thought you were talking about Joe. I was like, yeah, Joe's bad too. Joe sucks too. This is one of those weird moments that happens to us once in a while where you know like the preamble is nathan fucking sucks fucking sucks if you read those details trigger warnings obviously for many people like it's it's vivid and it's scary and it's terrifying and then now we have to go and recap this show where nathan isn't necessarily being cast in a villainous light and so like i know like i'm going to be commenting based off of the storytelling that's presented to us which is that there are times in today's episode we'll be like fucking joe and like nathan is right but there will also be times where i'll try to say that joe is right but just so you know when we say these things like we are fully or i should just say it for myself i'm fully aware that nathan is terrible and a monster and he's been he's been shitty for a while and now it's just like more has just been exposed but you know i kind of felt like we have to sometimes say that because people will be like how could you even say anything positive about this guy it's like they'll just talk about what's on the tv show at the moment positive yeah you know the most famous example is recapping vanderpump rules during scandaval where everybody knew what happened in scandaval but you had to watch the season to finally get there so uh yeah it was that it's like well they're they are kind of dicks to raquel like or rachel yeah but rachel was the she was like the hero of that season and we're like uh yeah Until the end.

7:50I remember at one point saying, and this is the point, Raquel decided she was fucking all of your boyfriends. Everyone's being so mean. I just remember, you know, you have to put actual real-life events aside for the recap. So let's do it! It's Below Deck Med Season 11 Episode 13, Deck Daddy's Home. Which... Deck Daddy!

8:14Ben Mandelker: Deck Daddy! How are you feeling about oh god i was gonna say i did make that video live and it is the top five summer house cast members as judged by me and julia cunningham from sirius xm radio bandy okay go on great so what do you feel about uh what do you mean i'm like great great great well good for you good for you and summer house i'm like while we're in the middle of ranting about nathan has domestic violence let me also shell the youtube channel thank you very much can we get just a clip of that with domestic violence this is that julia cunningham coming right out of the short she's gonna love them uh by the way top five summer house stars coming up with julia cunningham thank you very much i was gonna say how do you feel about cooper uh these days i um you know The only thing Cooper really did to piss me off was kind of trying to blow off what's her buns?

9:19Cat. Because he went all hot and heavy, then kind of blew her off, and then acted like a total asshole trying to be like a Joe type to copy his new deck daddy. And that made me just hate him. And then he's reverted back to his, I'm just a sweet boy from the south. I want his stupid face gone now. I don't trust it. It's like once I see that little glimmer and then his, we'll just have a relationship and secret. He still seems like he's so sweet. What a punchable person on this screen. I just want him off. Get him off. Yeah.

9:58Ben Mandelker: Well, someone's going to get him off. Watch that. Between Kat or Jen. i think that uh he like like by default i think he's okay i think he's like generally nice um i thought that whole interlude with cat was really shitty and um i don't like this secret dating thing it seems like production likes him a lot they're giving a very complimentary edit they've even said on the air i think you're so precious like they love him but we know No, first and foremost, he is a man from Charleston, which, by the way, we will be going to Charleston again on our tour. But he is a man from Charleston, which means that he's inherently a liar and a fuckboy.

10:39Ben Mandelker: Sorry. Second of all, unfortunately, to drop back to Nathan, what this saga has actually really shown is that a good edit doesn't necessarily mean you're a good person. and Nathan for several years had a very complimentary edit where he was seen as this nice guy, especially last season. You definitely clocked him many, many times for the fact that he was fucking around as much as anyone else, but then he decided to rebrand himself as being totally loyal to Gail and now decides that he's in love with Gail. So they gave him this very romantic story and the point is that he's a monster and we even saw that he is a fucking asshole in between seasons when there was a horrific shooting in Sydney and Nathan released a video basically saying, get these people out of our country, yada, yada, yada, this like sort of right-wing intolerant bullshit that like no one should be saying about anyone.

11:36Ben Mandelker: And so we already knew he was a piece of shit from that, but I think we're like, okay, but we'll sort of like, well, okay, we'll watch the show and we'll just sort of whatever. We'll see how this is. But then this stuff comes out. So I guess the point of the story is you never really know, but we've got a glimpse of the fact that Cooper could be, an asshole and i think what we're learning is that when we see those glimpses we have to like not ignore them yeah um it was that but you know he still still show he still comes on every five seconds like oh i'm not buying it anymore okay you ruined it your mask fell sir your mask fell so who does that leave out of the guys who's likable right now i think one of those no one right that's it maybe one of the engineers uh oh yeah they should just bring those guys on just let huey louie and dewey whatever they're maybe max max gets it max max has had a good season yeah he had this is the perfect season for max he shows up for one charter and then he leaves to go on a mission of international intrigue which is probably going to be related to police boat that shows up next episode that was in the trailer right like we have to imagine that police boat is like um one of your deckhands was arrested trying to smuggle someone into libya right it's gotta be i don't i don't know i didn't think it was max i figured it was one of the people on the boat that's what i think they want you to think what would very time law they care about what's happening in tunisia because matt do you think that max who is like the equivalent of like a cartoon detective like traipsing into tunisia to smuggle his daddy away from a cartel and announcing it on like national television is not gonna create chaos by the way good luck not paying your dues to the cartel by announcing it on television like oh we are not to go to pay the cartel cartels are not they don't care about international jurisdiction they will find your ass okay tell daddy you know who else will banks and the law i mean you're talking about like my dad was committing fraud for the cartels and then the banks cut him off so the banks have got to be looking for the dad too so you're not only running from the cart it's like you're running from the law and the lawless you know i don't think that that is not a thing but it is max you know maybe he'll just annoy the cartel so much that they're like you know what just stop doing backflips please just just calm down and we'll yeah well we'll just let's call it let's call it even just please well please stop it it's like that um episode of documentary now where bill hater and fred armison uh play like these brooklyn hipster um documentarians who like go to like document their cartels in Mexico and they like show up.

14:35Ben Mandelker: And one of them's got like a sweater on with like a big flower on it. And they're like, so like, what's it like being in the cartel? And the cartel gets actually so annoyed with them that like the cartels like, we're like, they can't, they can't, the cartel keeps, if I remember correctly, the cartel keeps on trying to kill them, but they really can't actually die. They just somehow keep on avoiding all the cartels plans to the point where the cartel is like, okay, fuck these guys. Nevermind. We're just going to leave, leave. We're going to stop doing what we're going to do doing. That's what I imagine with Max.

15:01Yeah. That will be a state. Just call it a day. We'll call it even. Just please leave us alone. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. One thing that we're both pretty serious about is furniture in our homes.

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16:59Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

17:10Ben Mandelker: Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes. Enrich yourself. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC. So we open where we left off last week with Max telling them, My father, Cartel, I'm going to save my father. I'm going to smuggle him out of Tunisia. So, um, Sandy, they're talking to him. Can I just remind you? Unexploded landmines. Okay, don't forget. Unexploded landmines. Are you sure you want to go down there? Unexploded landmines.

17:55Let me tell you one thing that I've never told Norma. You're not Rambo.

18:01Ben Mandelker: Listen, Max. It's very dangerous, okay? You go walking around there. Do you know how many unexploded Normas there are? I'm sorry, I meant landmines. you have to be careful at all times okay imagine norma having dairy and then riding on a wagon imagine that explosion in the ground that's what you're going to be stepping on

18:28Ben Mandelker: okay i didn't even think you liked fish in the first place get it's a joke tunisia it's like it's tuna it's a play on the word tuna max keep up come on you gotta have some levity in these moments. But you're a grown man, and it's your decision. I'm just going to go. I'm sorry. I know you are the captain, but the plan, fly to Tunisia. I take my father. Get him out of the country. I'm taking a car. I'm crossing the desert. I go to Libya. It's like, oh, geez. Oh, God. What you're doing is raw emotion. You can barely squeegee a duck. Okay? Do you even know? Do you even... Are you even legally allowed to rent a Hertz in Libya?

19:07if you checked.

19:09Ben Mandelker: How are you going to get out of Libya? Like, what is the next step after that? Once you arrive in Libya, it's not like, like, is that going to be okay? Being just hanging out in Libya with your dad who's being chased by the cartel. I'm sure the cartel has some connections in Libya too. Well, I guess I'm not totally clear of what's really happening here. Is it that the cartel is after the dad or is it that the government is after the dad? Either way, I think like Max... It sounds different this week. Yeah, and it doesn't, And I'm not saying he was lying or anything the first week, but the first last week, the impression was a little different.

19:42This time he's saying that he's in trouble with the banks because he can't get his money out because he was writing checks to do whatever. So he needs to go get his dad money to get him out of the country. But last week, what they set it up was that he was laundering for the cartel and then the banks cut him off. So that's why I'm saying I think he's being chased by everybody, the dad. At some point, you just have to say, good luck. Your parents did it to you. And I'm not saying as revenge or anything like that. But parents do, at one point, tell their kids, you're old enough. I'm not going to be able to bail you out.

20:20If you can't pay your rent, you can't pay your rent. Good luck, sucker. And I think you should be able to tell your dad that, too. Fuck that guy.

20:26Ben Mandelker: I don't think the dad should have put Max in this position. Assuming that even was the dad. like there's a part of me that's like this is just like an ai they got it they tortured this poor man got his voice and now they're just tricking max to come all the way down there and like the dad's long dead sorry and so he's there and now they've like con max into bringing like a little bag of money or the other way this goes is daddy is alive and daddy has been saying please don't kill me no my son he's on tv he's a huge star um you know i'll get him to come here and then like Like, you'll get so much.

20:57Ben Mandelker: He'll be able to get you so much money. And then Max shows up and they find out that he's just like a bit player on a reality show on Bravo and has actually no money to his name. Yeah, well, that's my other question. Like, if you owe money to the cartel, you don't make very much, I wouldn't think. So, yeah, what are you going to take? What are you going to trade him? I don't know. This whole thing is fucked up. And Sandy's like, don't do it, Max. Don't do it. What you're doing is raw motion. It's your life. and he's like, well, it's dangerous for my father. I don't want to lose time. I must go now.

21:30I must go now. I was like, okay, I understand. But, you know, listen, remember this. You're not stuck in a car on a first date with Norma. You don't have to get out right now, okay? But I get it, you know? And if you want to do something like that, just know your way to the closest embassy just in case or embassy suites, you know? You can always leave the light on or whatever the hell they say. I mean, that is a decent place. There's no chocolates on your pillows anymore, but, you know, I love a soap that you unwrap fresh every day.

22:01Ben Mandelker: Max, I want you to think less days in and more nights out, as in let's turn the lights out on this plan. You see what I'm doing there? I know you want to go on a holiday in Tunisia, but maybe consider a holiday out of Africa. Ooh, Meryl Streep. The ball's in your courtyard, Marriott, Max. Make the right decision. I love you. You have to take care of yourself, okay? Now you text me or you call me if you're ever in trouble. Unless it's in trouble with heroin, methamphetamines, or any kind of other drug. Call Hannah. She'll take care of you. This is a really big decision. I want Max to consider the dangers he's about to put himself into.

22:45Ben Mandelker: If it was Leah, I mean, of course I would go. I mean, Little Bear would be inconsolable if he never got to see Leah again. But I would do it methodically, you know? I would go to the embassy and be like, hey, who wants a motivational speech? Okay, it'll cost you one trip to save my baby. Okay, thank you. Here's the method I would use. One, I would book a conference room at whatever Marriott there is in Taniga. I would book an international women's conference starring Sandy. I would put on a mustache so nobody knew it was me. But you say it's with Sandy. Different Sandy, okay? Maybe it's a Sandy from Greece.

23:24So I'll put on a beard, a mustache, big gradual Marx glasses, ride a donkey in there. Have we talked about wrapped soaps at the Embassy Suites? Those are really something. Come on, I have to go. You're wasting my time.

23:38Ben Mandelker: Max, Max, Max, Max, Max. I really need you to think about Embassy Suites. Because if you're going there, you're going to need lodging. And I think you're going to want like a little seating area by your bed. So just consider the Embassy Suites, okay? just please do this without emotion it's not worth the money for the view the view is a parking lot spoiler alert uh so nathan hugs him and nathan's saying now you know he has the opportunity to do something for his father and not abandon him so nathan hears the news and hugs him and um nathan's like oh this is one of the maddest stories i've ever heard he's been on the boat for what 24 hours but i respect it it really puts into perspective that nothing's more important than your family oh really yeah i know that was like that's right we saw how that turned out yeah nothing like once he said once i've had my son you realize that nothing is more important than your family like you were literally a heartbeat away from murdering your family so let's not let's not talk about that okay let's not let's not get everything anybody else's problem well now that i've had a son now that i've now that i'm a father oh my god it's been five minutes and you fucked it up within 10.

24:55Ben Mandelker: so yeah please shut up and also by the way people understand familial bonds even without having a son or a child so there's that too yeah so um everyone feels bad for him what's that it's outrageous that he said that he's not wrong obviously but like don't get all high and mighty about everything the most important thing is your family. I'm like, do you want to read the details of your case? And if the most important thing is your family, then why did you not show up at court and face the consequences of your actions? Now you're a fugitive, so you're all but ensuring that you're going to go to jail at some point, which means that you're not going to be there for your family.

25:34Ben Mandelker: So we don't want to hear it from you and Nathan. Yeah. He gave an interview to Rolling Stone where he's like, I've made mistakes and I'll apologize for whatever I've done, but there's more truth to come out about this that people don't know. Oh, really? So, yeah, I don't think he's going to be taking any kind of responsibility anytime soon. So then we go to two and a half hours before charter, 918 a.m. So now it's time to call somebody. Asha asks, are you going to get on the phone for recruitment? How dare you? Her name is Norma. And can we get some fucking respect? I was doing that interview on the cruise line with Hannah and Daisy.

26:19And one of the questions was, is Norma real? And they said no. And I was like, excuse me. She's real. How do I have to be? How dare you both? Put some respect on Norma. I said, she is real. And they thought I was kidding. I said, you guys, Norma is actually a real person. We're not making fun of the real person. like this the means that we say is not to do with norman norma's like a really sweet hard-working person as far as we can tell but norma's real she was at sandy's wedding she has

26:47Ben Mandelker: her own instagram we follow it okay yeah justice for norma geez right um okay so here's my plan everyone okay we're gonna go through the first day and then the next day i'm gonna try to get off the dock because it's gonna rain it's gonna rain and it's like how's there gonna be another Doc, hold on. He's like, well, I, okay. Well, I need, yes, but I need Asia to be on the inside this time. Okay. But I got a plan. I got a plan. I've decided I'm going to take our entire boat to Tunisia. We're going to follow Max. Everyone's going to carry the yacht through the sand. We're going to cross over to Libya.

27:23Ben Mandelker: I don't know how it's going to happen, but I think with the power of prayer and determination, we can do it. I've outrun pirates before. I sure as hell can outrun a cartel, even on land. I outran pirates in Iraq on a boat. Saddam was chasing me. Do it again. Don't you worry. Well, I'd love that. Maybe, you know, it's a good thing we'll be on the talk, maybe. So then Sandy texts Norma and she's like, you won't believe this, but we need a deckhand again. Bloop. Bloop. That's crazy, Sandy. I actually do 100 % believe it because you're totally incompetent as a leader of a boat. Bloop. Bloop. Wow. You know, it's funny how I'm always asking you for another hand when not one has ever offered you their own in marriage.

28:14Bloop.

28:15Ben Mandelker: Who needs to get married when you can have six hot guys to hook up with all week long in Dubrovnik? Am I right? You wouldn't know anything about it. Bloop. Oh, you're still pretending to have a parade of men in Dubrov, huh? Oh, come on. Who are you kidding, Norms? Bloop. Oh, I'm not pretending. I got railed by three of them this morning, and I loved it. Bloop. Bloop. Remember when you told me that you were dating Robert Redford, and I had to send you that article reminding you that he died? Bloop. Wow, you know how Robert Redford named that movie The Horse Whisperer? It's because he saw me talking to you on the phone.

28:54Bloop. Bloop. If Robert Redford were alive, he'd have a new festival called Sun. Please don't dance with me, Norma.

29:03Ben Mandelker: Bloop. Well, guess what? Robert Redford, you know, the first time he met you, he was like, ah, finally. It's Butch Cassidy and the Sun Lame Yacht. Bloop. Get back to dating Norma. Jeez. Bloop. Bloop. Love you, bitch. Love you, bitch. So now we go to the crew mess, and Nathan tells Joe that there's a man down again. And he's like, Max is leaving. He's flying to Tunisia. Now that I've got a son, I understand. There's a French government just closed down all his dad's bank accounts, and he's stuck there with no money. But at least we're on the fucking dock until tomorrow. and at least I've got a son and family that I'd do anything for.

29:54Ben Mandelker: Wait, what a fucking strange sentiment to add to the end of that paragraph. It's like, oh God, he's flying to Tunisia. His dad is stuck there. There's a cartel after them. They both may lose their lives, if not a few limbs. But luckily, we're stuck at the dock, which means even though we're down a man, we'll still be able to have a successful charter. It's like, oh, good. Thank God. Thank God there won't be any issues with the slide while Max and his dad are tied up to a chair in a cartel basement. Yeah. And Joe, of course, is going to make this hell for him. Of course. Well, for fuck's sake, we've got someone down in your manual labor.

30:33Now you're down. I don't have you either. What are we going to do? This is really tough for a leader like me in this position now that you're unable to provide anything as well. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now Joe can try to play with me mentally, Really? But it's not gonna phase me. Really? Because your head has almost popped off like four times already this season.

30:53Ben Mandelker: Literally phased. But Joe is an underminer. He's like, Well, this can be an interesting charter. Now that you're in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, it's just the two of us having to do all the manual labor. Just me and Cooper, the only living people left. He's like, Wait a second, I'm not in a wheelchair. Oh, that's just a drug speaking. Those aren't even your legs anymore. Just two big wheels attached to your sternum. don't worry old man we've got a little piano for you to start learning to play with your left foot don't worry

31:26wait a minute i'm still here i can still work all right god he's really an asshole but god i wish max was staying i was 100 gonna make him a lead deckhand no you weren't because you were gonna be blocked you idiot and i'm so mad at max's father for fucking up this story i know i'm

31:44Ben Mandelker: I'm mad at Max's father for many different reasons. First of all, this whole scenario is ridiculous and you shouldn't have gotten your son into it. Second of all, you shouldn't have ignored your son at 17 because A, it's not a nice thing to do, but now B, we have to always hear about how he was abandoned at 17 one year before becoming a legal adult, I'd like to add. But still, it's still fair. And third of all, because I don't know what you did with Max, but he's a disaster. So I'm also mad at you for that. Yeah. I do believe the parents are in that situation. I blame the parents all the time.

32:16Even my own. I mean, I blame my own parents for everything. Why shouldn't I blame yours? Yeah. Yeah, 100%. It's my right.

32:24Ben Mandelker: I blame the cartel's parents, too, by the way. Guess who my parents blame for stuff? Their parents. It's called the circle of life. That's how we roll, people. So Coop overhears Nathan, and he's like, oh, my God, you can't make this shit. Oh. And then we go to the main salon and we have a meeting because we're not going to meet today. We're not going to leave the dock today. So I need you to step it up, girls. You're going to be amazing. Okay, we're going to be at the dock. So we need to go ham. That's hot as a motherfucker. Yes, nothing says going ham. like would you like another beverage hashtag ham and kaylee suggests that they do a cooking class for guests because that's like a cute activity i want you to cook for me where i'm on like i'm just i'm paying you a hundred thousand dollars do not make me cook my own dinner no well i like the idea of learning how to roll out pasta because i've never done it before so i was sort of like oh wow look at the look at this crew going ham on us with this pasta class.

33:39Yeah, I was supposed to go to a pasta class in Italy. And you know, you know how I am, even with Pacific and Texas time, Pacific and Central time. I'm always coming either two hours later, two hours early to meeting like I'm classically terrible with that stuff. So you can imagine in Italy how that went, how that went for me. So I didn't show up for the cooking class. And they were like, we'll hold it for you. And I was like, actually, I'm just going to eat some pasta. It's just easier. I'll hold the pasta. Yeah, I thought about it and I was like, I'd really rather not go cook today. I cook all the time.

34:14I want to eat the pasta. Anyway, that wasn't the most exciting story, but it happened. So Aisha's like, Well, we could do a porn star martini class and tonight we can do a fishing show.

34:28Ben Mandelker: I love the porn star martini class because just jumping ahead, it's kind of like, all right, everyone, welcome to the Pornstone Martini class. What you do is you take some vodka and you take some passion fruit juice, you mix it together, and there's your martini. I was like, wow, that was a great 90-second class. I mean, what else is there?

34:52Just have movie day, like in school. You know, back in the day when we were young, and they just rolled in that TV. You know, that big old tube TV on the rollers. They'd be like, I love it. They'd put on some shitty movie for us all to watch.

35:08Ben Mandelker: They didn't have to teach us. I loved when it rained during recess. I prefer it. You got to stay in and draw. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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36:21Ben Mandelker: Yeah, so there's this pile of trash on the side of the boat. And Joe's just standing around. So Sandy's like, hey, Joe, can you take this trash to the deck? And Joe's like, well, I'll have to run it through Nathan. Because if he wants me to step off board, I have to see. She's like, what? No, because I'm not the bosun. She's like, stop. I love that Sandy recognized exactly what was happening. She's like, stop. Make decisions. Go. You're the lead deckhand. You can take the trash out. Because this is what I was talking about, I think, last week, which is that now Joe, who has been in his mind demoted but for the rest of us put back in the position that he was hired in uh is now suddenly like oh i don't know what to do oh wow well i can't do that i'll have to ask nathan if it's okay it's like dude has nathan's a bad leader and it's so clear what he's trying to do be like oh nathan can't even lead he told me not to leave the deck so i'm not gonna leave the dag i don't know he's such a bad leader the whole boat's gonna fall apart who wants to hire you to be bosun when you won't even take out the trash without being told i mean joe you were handed this season on a silver platter nathan is being such a fucking monster all you have to do all you had to do is clean the lads you're going to be getting gold medals for that even from the audience for the next two seasons okay after being one of the shittiest people in this in a long time on this show well not in a long time because it's below deck but after being a supremely shitty person you're having a hero season it's handed to you on a silver platter and now you're gonna be you're gonna handle it this badly oh you idiot fumble over yourself he although he's probably gonna be lead deck or he's gonna be boston next season guaranteed now but like the thing is that he is what we've seen in the past few seasons is that he is not someone who asks for permission he does the thing and then apologizes afterwards with the exception maybe of a few weeks ago he told kelly he was gonna go say hi to some women but he's like this is a test but like him well that wasn't even permission that was just trying to piss her off and get a reaction right so the fact the idea that he is suddenly like well i don't want to do it without ask i have to ask first like joe that that's never been the way he's operated he's always just done the thing that he wants to do so that's why i'm just calling to question the whole the whole thing last week where he cleaned up the las and it's like yeah i think part of it is because nathan wasn't there and nathan obviously does not motivate them and he is not a good leader and joe probably did have some good ideas like he was legitimately really good but like as the initiation the initiative that he showed cleaning the las was it because um like the was that like genuine drive or was he just holding back all this time to make nathan look like a bad leader and it's hard for me to really generally say like i that's why i can't fully give him his flowers for cleaning the lads because i kind of feel like like he probably could have cleaned it all this time and then just chose not to and then all of a sudden when he has a moment he does it to make himself shine so i don't know i think this guy's a total snake yeah he is um and i'm kind of loving it because they both suck so bad right now nathan and and him and sandy is seeing right through it's like oh my god you just stop being so petty but that's later so she's like oh my god nathan come up here let me talk to you okay look joe tell joe he's the lead deckhand okay if he sees something that needs to be done just do it he doesn't need your permission he doesn't need to check on you it's trash don't stick out the trash make it clear i'm starting to get annoyed now okay i'm starting to get annoyed now yeah so nathan's like i feel like joe's purposely not taking initiative of so that he can make me look bad and it's not me micromanaging it's me actually covering my own ass it's a sort of thing that you learn once you have a boy so then uh in the galley joy is showing a menu and everything and then asia proposes that that they do a cooking class and uh joy says nothing nothing is killy she did wonderful job but it feels really good that asia is coming back she's like a care bear shooting compositive energy out of her belly last charter was horrific and i look like an idiot and i know i'm a great chef but also i'm a woman that looks for validation that's why i'm here you know like it's more like that's why you're still texting with luke let's be honest no i just that's the only thing i don't like about joy the texting quality it's not it's not the best quality love everything else about her though i like her saying oh it's so odd because asia is so positive and then it comes to asia like you're doing great do you want to bump our vaginas together in solidarity you're killing it i didn't think joy was going to respond well to care bear rainbow vibes i thought she'd be like ugh disgusting so american even though she's not even american um so then uh she's like that with luke too because that's what luke is giving her too you know other than the the you know he did the douchebag thing that was disrespectful in the beginning but i think she's responding very well to the constant like do you need anything is there anything i can get for you i'm just here for you i did all your dishes i organized your entire pantry that night no rain loves rainbows no can't have a rainbow without the rain although i don't think that's true is it to quote a great thinker if you're if you're praying for the rain you got to deal with the mud and that thinker his name is sincere from love island oh god i watched the great apologizer yeah i made it about an hour and 15 minutes and was like is this 10 hours long How long have I been watching this fucking thing?

42:18And then I pressed pause on it, and it's still had another hour to go. It's a full two hours. Well, I haven't seen the full two hours, but the solid hour and 15 minutes I watched was sincere going, Yeah, and I apologize. I apologize to everybody. Yeah, I apologize to everybody. I apologize to them. I apologize for the people. Some people brought us food for this, and I just want to apologize to them, because I should have respected you more. But I'm sorry.

42:42Ben Mandelker: I wish I hadn't said it in that way, but I did, and I wish I could have taken that back. And I really understand. Wait, I'm sorry. I got put my hand up. And, you know, when you say these things, it's like when you go to get a hot dog and you want to put mustard on it, but you also want to put on ketchup. And you're like, why can't you put both things on? But, like, sometimes you can only put on the ketchup. And now I see that. So thank you. And I apologize. You're like, okay, thanks, sincere. And Melanie and Kata were both really pissing me off on that reunion, too, especially Kata. I always liked Kata, but she was really being a brat.

43:11Ben Mandelker: I did not like her. Anyway, for another time, another time, another place. So Max, Max is somehow still here. So he emerges, he says goodbye to everyone, and he leaves to go on his 80s action movie. And he's like, I'm in a beautiful yacht in Croatia, but tomorrow I'm going to be in the fucking desert in a random country. And I have to do this for my father. I have to do this for me. I believe that I have good karma. And yes, let's test my karma. So let's plan to take my father and cross the border on the desert in Libya. And I believe they were showing like an infographic on how this is all working.

43:45I'm just like, this is a terrible idea. Listen, I think Max is having a good season. He really is coming off as a sweetheart. He's always been a sweetheart, actually, on the show. Annoying, but he's always been sweet. He hasn't been a mean person on the show. But saying, like, I have good karma. Max, your dad is being chased by the mob and the banks and the law, and you are being dragged to. libyan tunisia i don't know that i would consider that the best karma but i do approve of your positive attitude we do appreciate it i appreciate you trying because i think i would definitely be like god dad i loved you bye uh but i wouldn't extract my father from the country daddy i'm

44:38Ben Mandelker: coming daddy i'm coming oh god um so i'm just wondering what like wacky local guide he'll wind up with it'll be like i feel like if this were a movie they'd probably stick him with like elizabeth moss she's like all right all right ranger get in the jeep i'm gonna teach you how to get there like she'll be like the sassy lady that like she works elizabeth moss isn't she from the um i was gonna say elizabeth elizabeth mob moss would be like your father he was taken by the mob she's always like the most traumatized character on all the planet in every single thing every show elizabeth moss sitcom this she's just traumatized i had your baby you're like what

45:31Ben Mandelker: um so uh yeah no i'm sorry i meant to say elizabeth banks because in my mind i can see elizabeth banks like working at like a local elizabeth banks she works like a local coffee shop at tunisia she's like an american expat but she like knows the way things work like she can like scare off a local a local who's like a little rough with her she can like throw a knife down on the on the bar she's like now get out of here she like knows the way things are she's like okay kid get in the jeep i'll take you to libya you know she gets drawn into this mess yeah um yeah she's she's a good one she'll work i think in any movie elizabeth moss she i'm actually already very invested in the movie now that elizabeth elizabeth banks now that elizabeth has been invested uh what if elizabeth moss can be in the cartel it's that way she can still be the mix she's the only cartel leader you're like why are you crying i'm gonna kill you right now your money what are you crying about you're about to chop off my finger

46:35yeah i think it's great i've watched a lot of elizabeth by the way i watch everything that elizabeth moss comes out in like pretty much everything that's how i know like geez there There's a woman who will go sob every day. And she produces most of the stuff she's in. She goes out and creates all of this stuff. I'm like, do you produce anything where you're not sobbing? Man.

46:55Ben Mandelker: She's great. And by the way, I think we all know that the head of the cartel, his girlfriend is played by Elizabeth Berkley. I think we get all the Elizabeths in this movie. Elizabeth McGovern's like, oh, geez. Elizabeth McGovern. Another Elizabeth party I'm not invited to. she's telling her down nabby outfit though she's like max how can i get you to stay um okay so they're talking about how they're gonna turn over the boat you know because max is out of there and blah blah blah and uh coop encounter are the only two in the crew mess and cat grabs his butt he's like were you touching my butt now that you guys producers that is know that know about this it's a good bit of relief because i'm not the best of secrets the worst secret i ever told i found out at a pretty early age that santa wasn't real and i might have been the one to share that but the whole of first grade probably ruined some kids lives by first grade do you mean like last year i do not believe that he was the first one who knew that santa wasn't real there's no way when did you find out about the reindeer like i don't believe you i also don't believe like you're not the best with secrets but this is the best the best example you have of that is like talking about santa claus you know there's been like 20 years since then for you do you have some about juice it's too fresh it's too fresh to be real that that's the first great we're all learning about santa claus i told all of my friends i've been bad with secrets all this time um but also you're the one making the secret not cat to be like oh it's so crazy i have to keep it see you're the one asking for it to be a secret so i don't know i just i'm offended by the whole keep me keep it a secret never trust them so joe and poop's cabin um every you know they get provisions which by the way we don't get a ton of provision scenes in this one huh i know i was thinking about that that they missed the provisions i know a big part of this show is people carrying in the groceries yeah i used to hate watching it because i would imagine myself being in that chain of people and being like hot and humid and having to carry like you know 18 packs of these like bottles and stuff and like there's something like I find it extraordinarily annoying carrying a big, wide rectangle of bottles or things.

49:31Ben Mandelker: Oh, God, yeah. I don't know why. It doesn't hold – you want to hold it by the plastic, but you know the plastic is going to break. And you hold it from beneath. It's heavier than you want it to be, but it feels like you – I don't know. It's just – I hate it. You can see the way those crates dig into their palms. But I also agree that we need to see it. It's part of the – Well, it's how you judge a person's character. like how they carry in groceries i think that's why i'm always going to be single my i have a miserable character like it's time to bring in the groceries i'm always like i wouldn't take the last even when even being alone i look at my dog like get some opposable thumbs you fucking lazy asshole and i think it's a good way to judge character on this show like whoever's really helpful you know i usually think well that there's a person that's good to have around and then but So you know it's – those provisions always arrive when it's hot and humid.

50:25Ben Mandelker: And it's like the last thing you want to do. It's the morning and you're just like, I just want to go on break. And I have to carry in groceries for 30 minutes. Ugh, I hate it. I know, which is why you and I could never be married or have a relationship like that in real life. Because we're both that person. Yeah, but I need it on this show because that's how you tell what kind of people people are. you need to watch like when it's time to bring in the groceries or when they're driving you know I've always said you need to have a secret camera in somebody's car to see how they are in traffic because that's when you really see some like someone can be the nicest sweetest person and then the second they're alone in the car you see them on the freeway you can see them in their cars being like you see the c word flying out of their mouth I have to say I don't like bringing in groceries but if the groceries are in like an oversized canvas bag it's a whole different story because then you're not bringing groceries then you're sharing what you found at the market then i'm like i have it over my shoulder i'm like look what i found i got some hero bread i got some oat milk i got some carrots suddenly it's like show and tell like when it's dangling off my shoulder in a big poofy bag suddenly i'm like guys guys gather around but if i have to carry in like a crate with stuff from pasca i'm like oh the worst yeah it's different when it's like the farmer's market you're like oh i just came back from the these carrots still have a little bit of poopoo on them from being naturally grown but even if it's from the supermarket and i have my i have a bag that i would normally take the farmer's market i treat everything like i got it from a farmer's market i'm like oh check this out um i got some q-tips these are artisanal yes you can put those right there you know i treat everything like very dainty when it comes out of the tote um so let's see here uh joe's like please have my back man what does that mean you and nathan are both saying that have my back what does it mean clean the fucking boat that's all you have no one needs to have your back grab a fucking mop why are we acting like you're in diehard no one needs to have your back seriously or as kata would say on the love island island reunion or anywhere else in her life literally

52:42have my back man literally um and then melody was i'm sorry the best person on that show this season and even through the entire reunion i felt validated it's kenzie i mean oh i thought kenzie dead eyes goleman yeah she's so funny to me that whole okay we're not going to talk about that we'll talk about love island later on the bonus okay so um cooper is like well i will have your back and i do have it but i'm also going to tell you when you need to straighten the up you feel me where's who who are you where does that come from tough talking cooper just gonna give it to you like it is since when mr can't handle flirting with someone on a boat without making it

53:34Ben Mandelker: a big secret please he's like you know i really feel like no and i just kind of thought that nathan was going to come back on board and just put his dick right on the table well that's you thought that because joe just kept on telling you that over and over and over again and got into your head it's like and it just hasn't been the case he just like really wanted to know what we improved and you know or like without him there what we worked on and you know joe's looking for a reason to get pissed off and it just has nathan hasn't given it to him yet so this is like team edward versus team jacob but i just feel like bella in book three you know i'm neutral i'm like team edward versus team jacob i think it's more like the movies boring as and yes i've seen every single twilight movie i can say that with authority i have not seen any of the twilight movies and i didn't read any of the books can you believe that that's weird right don't i seem like the type who would read them all the twilight movies were so bad like across the board bad like the storyline is languid it just it just plods along the roman there was no to me there was no chemistry on screen and on top of that she goes like if anything she should have gone with the wolf guy and she went with the vampire guy But like, yeah, just a dull series of bad movies.

54:52Ben Mandelker: Yeah, really bad. Yeah, I was more of a True Blood kind of a guy. I read all the True Blood books and I was like, yeah, I'm not watching this ripoff of True Blood. Sorry. I don't know which came first. I'm assuming True Blood did. But I loved that one. So yeah, that's why I didn't see any of them. Anyway, no one asked. Deck, Nathan talks to Joe. Nathan's like, so if you see something that needs to do and just take initiative. But you said everyone had to go through you. So I was like, I don't want to leave this until it, you know, I don't I just want to go through you. He's like, oh, come on, man, you're not green.

55:26He's like, but there's also a level of true, a level of trueness to what I'm saying. There is. Nathan did act like an asshole and he did tell you to stop trying to undermine him and blah, blah, blah, and just do exactly what he said. but you are still an adult man working on a boat you should know when to take out trash

55:45Ben Mandelker: like it's very you're both idiots take out the trash come on and so nathan's like this so like they're basically like okay we don't like joe says well we can have this conversation someone else and sandy's like hey hey you two you gotta stop being so petty okay joe stop pouting you did a great job but snap back come on we got three charters left make them great and if you don't like something that he's not doing just talk okay it's like me whenever i see norma's new haircut i'm like nope missed again back to the drawing board you know it's been 10 years of that but you just talk you talk it out yeah you know what used to be really great friends remember that there's something there's just something weird here just get it together be proactive guys be proactive so now the guests are coming and Joe is embarrassed that he just got a talking to and Nathan's like it's not going to work well for the dynamic if we can't get along we need to get past it so now the guests come and someone's like oh yeah we're the best fucking personal injury lawyers in Orlando and you just know they're going to be terrible listen I've seen all of your billboards have I seen them in Orlando not necessarily but i have seen them all over every town i've ever been to and the personal injury lawyers i don't want you on my boat i don't want you in my restaurant i don't want you in my vicinity you all seem fucking terrible i guess it is a good thing that the police showed up next week because the lawyers are probably very happy about that they're like oh yes great charter you brought the police to us for once um have you noticed in california in los angeles specifically that there are so many personal injury lawyers with cartoon billboards like they're all cartoons in the billboard why is that it's like jeff personal injury lawyer but i'm a cartoon i'm a cartoon bald guy not just a regular bald guy there's so many billboards i don't understand there's the accidentist guy there's veronica's insurance there's veronica's insurance doesn't veronica look just like adriana from um real housewives of miami yeah she looks like a lot of the cast members of that show um as well as some of the new cast members of real housewives of new york i'd like to add but um veronica's insurance those billboards are everywhere um it's just it's a wild world of of madness out there for like you don't understand people the billboards in Los Angeles are bonkers.

58:19Sweet James. Hey, everyone.

58:21Ben Mandelker: This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones It's no BS, we love Hugo ES Jamie, she has no last naming Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our pal-a-ger, it's Karen Gallagher She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

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