#3535 Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip S506 Part One: Time To Let Lu-se

0:00Ronnie Karam: This episode is sponsored by Butterball Turkey. Butterball.

0:03Ben Mandelker: Care hard. Cook easy. I was watching The Real Housewives of Orange County the other night, and I was thinking so much of this drama could have been solved with turkey. I think that about so many things. Exactly. Just get everyone around the table with a delicious meal. A turkey meal. That's how you bring people back together. What if it wasn't Thanksgiving? Being the Grand Dame isn't a one-day-a-year affair. Every day is a chance to get down with turkey burgers, ground turkey, and more. Eating turkey is like watching Bravo. You can do it any time, and the more you do it, the happier you are.

0:35Ronnie Karam: Yeah, Butterball Turkey is made for everyday moments that bring people together with ease, and it tastes great while doing it.

0:41Ben Mandelker: Do you think if a Butterball Turkey showed up at the Real Housewives of Rhode Island reunion, it could bring everyone back together? Maybe it would, girly. Maybe it would. I love a turkey.

0:51Ronnie Karam: Butterball simplifies cooking so you can focus on who you're cooking for. Butterball has turkey made for the way you care.

0:59Ben Mandelker: Whether you're cooking for your best friend or mending bridges with your frenemy. Butterball.

1:03Ronnie Karam: Care hard, cook easy.

1:05Ben Mandelker: Your morning has a feeling before it has a plan. The bedroom still, the kitchen beginning to stir, and somewhere between the air has already shifted.

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1:48Ben Mandelker: happens who cares what happens when there's so much that happens welcome back last time we unboxed a gift from dev and lynn dev and lynn the butterball gals who love us more than our own families do it's they are they are very devoted and we swore on the air that we would actually cook the recipe that they gave us and spoiler we did it was delicious it was literally so good but tonight is a big night. It's a really big night in our world. There's a premiere happening. You know the one. Snow in the mountains. Tension in the cul-de-sac. And we cannot let a premiere of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City pass without assigning every single person the meal they deserve.

2:31Ben Mandelker: And thanks to Butterball for sponsoring this segment.

2:34Ronnie Karam: The Butterball gals, Deb and Lynn, put a dangerous idea into our heads. If every archetype in this universe is basically a dinner party in human form, then which dish is each one? So we're going to pull out the whole Butterball lineup and we're casting a reunion couch. Okay. So care hard, cook easy, judge harder. Okay. Ronnie, aprons on.

2:55Ben Mandelker: We have our names on. Look, there's my name. There's your name. I love it. So here's the thing. Turkey is a lot like the shows we watch. It has all the same archetypes. For instance, fan favorite. Ronnie, fan favorite in the world of Turkey, the one everyone actually roots for, the crowd pleaser, your pick.

3:14Ronnie Karam: Duh. It's the turkey burgers, okay? Turkey burgers are gonna win every fight on the reunion couch. They're gonna take everybody down. Everybody loves these. They're good. You can give them to anybody in the family. Turkey burger. They're gonna love it. And also, it's original seasoned, so. It's beloved. It's comforting.

3:36Ben Mandelker: Zero notes. Ah, zero notes!

3:38Ronnie Karam: okay what about the one that comes in too hot you know um mess things up you know they get a little

3:46Ben Mandelker: messy maybe a little spicy i'm gonna say the one who comes in too hot the one who's a little villainous i'm gonna say a bold spicy turkey sausage pasta with butterball turkey sausage all that heat right it's gotta go somewhere put it into a pasta okay because like truly do you really want to mess with a spicy pasta i don't think so i'm gonna say that this season's designated villain is going to be the turkey sausage pasta with butterball turkey sausage okay sold who is the peacemaker what turkey what turkey housewife is the is the peacemaker

4:24Ronnie Karam: well um the peacemaker is someone who tries to hold the group together they're grounding how do you say that they're easy just like an easy going grounding comforting kind of person so I think for that it should be the casserole yeah the turkey casserole of course yeah

4:43Ben Mandelker: it brought a ball ground turkey casserole is the way to go casserole is a unifying force in our world so uh yeah that's like no that's like a no-brainer I think for sure yeah okay

4:53Ronnie Karam: so what about the newbie who's gonna win like best newbie of the year of archetypes um okay

4:59Ben Mandelker: Okay. I would say, uh, that would be a turkey kebab. How about that? Turkey kebab. Man. Because a turkey kebab is, it's fresh. It's versatile. Um, it'll show up seven, seven nights a week. It'll show up to all the shoots. Okay. It's ready for some screen time. Okay. It's like turkey, you know, a turkey, turkey burgers get like a lot of attention and turkey kebabs. like actually i'm here now i'm gonna make a splash and i want to be the new fan favorite so turkey kebab is gonna work over time and guess what it's not so hard because it's delicious okay a turkey kebab a butterball turkey kebab will find its way into the hall of fame but this is just starting now

5:38Ronnie Karam: and that's it that's the menu so everyone got a plate and nobody got poisoned this season anyway

5:45Ben Mandelker: well thank god for that thank you for listening to this segment brought to you in partnership with butterball next time you're making a meal for someone you care about or honestly even your frenemy pick up butterball turkey butterball care hard cook easy find them at butterball.com hello and welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap on bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker and joining me is the beautiful and wonderful ronnie karaman such a lovely on-screen set look at you over there how's it going coming to you from a ACAST.

6:18Ronnie Karam: ACAST Studios today.

6:20Ben Mandelker: New York City. Wow, you're in the Big Apple.

6:24Ronnie Karam: Thanks, Brittany.

6:26Ben Mandelker: Thanks, Brittany. So you are in New York City because you are hopping on a boat tonight and going around the island of Manhattan. Is that correct?

6:33Ronnie Karam: Yes, to interview Austin Crowell and Hannah Farrier with City Cruises. That's tonight off the Chelsea Piers. Get tickets through their Lincoln bio. Austin or Hannah. It's tonight. It's going to be fun times.

6:47Ben Mandelker: that's fabulous it'll be very fun those two know how to have a good time so uh excited for everyone who will be there i too am in new york but i'm up in westchester new york broadcasting from my childhood bedroom ronnie and i are both here in new york at the same time although we are going to be like ships in the night we're not going to actually be able to see each other which is so sad it's tragic really if you think about it i know i'm just 40 miles north of you but not seeing you i know it's so far so far gotta give a shout out to miss sarah chase who got married over the weekend uh and i'm giving a shout out on the podcast because she's a listener of the podcast so congratulations sarah chase big year for her she's also congrats sarah yeah yeah so we are so excited for her so congrats on your wedding yes i saw her you saw her mm-hmm yeah great yeah i need to see that.

7:43Ben Mandelker: I need to make my way down to Broadway to check that out. Yeah, so major congratulations to her and to her husband, John. So I don't know. Is there anything else to schmooze about before we... I mean, obviously the normal things. Check us out on Patreon.

8:00Ronnie Karam: We're going on tour. We start our tour next week, October 3rd. Well, close to next week. Two weeks. So we're going to be starting in Kansas City and Chicago our first weekend. So tickets are on sale now. we're going to a lot of cities. We're going all the way until the golden crappies at the end of February. So go to watch what crappens right now for your tickets. They're all on sale.

8:22Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Especially if you're from Kansas city, Chicago, Minneapolis, or Detroit, those are the four cities we're going to in October and that starting on October 3rd. So that's, that's like in two weeks. Yeah. So, um, yeah, we, we love the, we love, uh, you know we love the element of surprise um so kansas city we haven't been to kansas city we haven't been to there like that area since pre-pandemic so um like definitely in fact i think our last show we did before the pandemic was in lawrence kansas or maybe it's omaha but either way come see us there we're gonna have so much fun you guys so much fun guys

9:04Ronnie Karam: yeah and that's that so what have you been doing this weekend well i went to sarah's wedding which

9:09Ben Mandelker: was great and then um had a nice little rosh hashanah dinner with my family last night belated and then i've just been catching up on my bravo watching tons of bravo and i'm like a happy boy at this point i feel like there was some other like really good story to share well oh wait no no i do a little place little place pizza mama that's right oh i was gonna show you guys the menu that's right very importantly god i'm really i'm really sharp today. I'm like forgetting all the big things. So ahead of this wedding, I flew into Providence, Rhode Island because the wedding was in Eastern Connecticut.

9:47Ben Mandelker: So I could have flown into Hartford or Providence, but of course I'm going to fly to Providence. So I flew to Providence and I took an Uber over to Pizza Mama and I did some boots on the ground reporting. So I went over there. I met up with my friend Kristen, who I went to Norway with, and also ran into some crappens listeners. What's up, guys? Thank you so much for saying hi over there. Pizza Mama. First of all, I don't, it was tiny. This is something I did not realize. I thought it was going to be like a big restaurant, not like a massive one, but like a sort of, you know, I thought there'd be like several tables.

10:26Ben Mandelker: I thought there'd be waiters and waitresses. It sort of had that vibe because, you know on the show alicia talks about how she wants to have like chandeliers hanging and all this she's very concerned about like the weight steps uniforms so i'm like oh it's gonna be a place with lots of posters and this and that it was like a counter and like three high tops maybe like maybe four high tops maybe like a little some stools along the edge of the window and then there were some tables outside it was tiny i couldn't believe it but didn't they shoot a scene in there where they were sitting at red booths the booths are red but like i'm trying to remember if they were if i'm trying to remember the scene i asked them i said is this the only location they said yes that that was the only one so um i ordered the uh detroit style pizza which was um it was like this honey ricotta pizza it was delicious actually it was so good and then i had a slice of just classic pepperoni, which was nice, but really the Detroit style was, was where it was at because I asked them like, what's the most popular?

11:29Ben Mandelker: They said that was it. And I was honestly, it was really, really good. So it was fun. And then, so I had a nice like half an hour pizza mama. And then I had to call an Uber to go to this wedding. And the thing is that Ubers don't want to drive to rural Connecticut because they know if they drop me off an hour away in Connecticut, they're not going to get another fare until they return to civilization. So it took me 45 minutes to get an uber which meant i was sitting outside a pizza mama for 45 minutes just just sitting there and then this high school let out and then all of a sudden there's like this flood of like 60 high school students and you know like you know when you're in high school after school you like go and loiter in front of like random businesses like that's just something high schoolers do and this is like one of them it was just like a pool of like these kids and they're all pushing each other and like whacking each other with belts and they were so incredibly annoying and i just was stuck at pizza mama for for an eternity but no better place to be stuck it's kind of creepy i know i was just sitting there just sitting there in the front of your

12:32Ronnie Karam: old man just sitting there waiting for the school to let out at the pizza place thanks pizza creeper it's the pizza creeper it was really crazy and then also i should mention the bathroom

12:44Ben Mandelker: i was so all this stuff that like alicia has talked about in terms of like i want to have like i want to like beautify the place i want to have like my touch i think it's because of my touch that i really like like that really blew up i mean again it's like a teeny tiny corner and um but you go to the bathroom and it's like a standard bathroom but then there's like this mirror and she's like draped all these like fake diamonds along the mirror and i was like that's alicia right there because like there's no need to do that that's your touch right there alicia yeah i was like you know what i wasn't i was like i'm siding between a few pizzerias which is the one that has the fake diamonds on the mirror it's the mama that's the one we're going to

13:26Ronnie Karam: yeah well it's a small place but like it's like i tell my dates i've been saying for years it It doesn't have to be big to be good.

13:33Ben Mandelker: That's right.

13:34Ronnie Karam: Keep on ordering it.

13:37Ben Mandelker: They were so lovely. And the pizza was great. So very positive experience.

13:42Ronnie Karam: All right. So here we go. Today is Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Season six. No, season five, episode six. Cockies and conversation. You know, this season is doing a great job of really giving every individual housewife a separate week to be annoying.

14:03Ben Mandelker: I think that's so nice.

14:05Ronnie Karam: It's like, Luann, it's your turn. Let's let Lisa off the hook. She was last week. All right, Luann, step up.

14:13Ben Mandelker: Yeah, that was your moment.

14:16Ronnie Karam: It's like I said in my song lyrics. I'm a bitch. I'm a mother. I'm a fighter. I'm a lover. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I'm everything you ain't.

14:26Ben Mandelker: Sorry, Ronnie. My coffee just arrived, courtesy of mom Postmates. So I need a moment to get myself situated with my straw here. The joys of recording at home is bespoke coffee delivery from mom. I know, coffee mama. Coffee mama just came in. i love her mother luann was so unhinged it was so perfect it was so amazing i was cracking up i mean it's like a shame that i feel like that so much of this show is dedicated to these sort of like silly parties um or like the flashbacks because when the women are are together and they're starting to like greet on each other the show really does come alive and this episode was great because there wasn't like one big kind of party where they're just all saying hello to each other they were essentially just trying to have like lunch and the man was totally unhinged

15:25Ronnie Karam: it was perfect uh so this time we're going to miami everybody's getting ready um the lisa is still in trouble with the cast because she was late and she's paranoid that everybody is listening to the Salt Lake City cast and hating her ass. And so she's just really kissing Teresa's ass and Teresa's loving it. And it's very Lisa Barlow in her first or second season when every other word out of her mouth was, I love that, I love that. Oh my God, I love that. But she's doing it to Teresa. She's just following her around like, Teresa, T, T, that's what I call her. We're like, we're really close. T, your makeup is like so perfect.

16:09Ronnie Karam: it's like flawless oh my god your outfit is amazing your bathing suit is to die for like i've never seen a bathing suit like that is it like 1990s runway like what is it tell me i love it

16:22Ben Mandelker: i think lisa um she understands power structures and so she basically sees that theresa is an apex in the world of the housewives apex predator many people would say she's the number one housewife of all time and you have like the number one housewife of all time who is like willing to stand behind you and kind of buck up against against like angie k and heather and you're like oh oh i have been stranded at sea for many years on my cast and now suddenly i have the most popular the most storied housewife that's still a housewife behind me, I am going to bow down at that altar and keep this guardian angel in my good graces.

17:09Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I don't even know if it's the apex. I mean, I agree with you, but I think it's one of those things like when you have been accused of murder and there's no one direct, you don't have any money, and the only defender that shows up, you're just going to take that defender, even if they're kind of a dope. And Teresa is probably one of the most terrifying public defenders you've ever, because she doesn't even know what the fight is. She just keeps showing up and going, are we okay here? Are we doing okay? What are you accusing of? Plastic surgeries? That ruins lives. Like, she doesn't really know her defense is looney tunes, but you're just glad to have somebody there.

17:50Ben Mandelker: she's literally living out some like amazing 90s like kid movie where there's like some nerdy kid and then like michael jordan befriends the kid and then like stands up for the kid in the middle school cafeteria like that's basically what lisa's going through right now space jam is that what

18:08Ronnie Karam: space jam was about i'd like to think so i don't know that's the only movie i could think of with

18:14Ben Mandelker: famous sports stars i have to assume there was some movie where like a very famous sports star like befriended some geeky kid and then like told other kids like hey you better not do that and then it was like everything was solved and i just feel like that's what lisa's going through or maybe she is going through her own space jam she's just on an animated looney tunes planet

18:37Ronnie Karam: well i don't really have a famous sports star to stand up for me when i was being bullied But my mom did go in there one time and she was like, listen, here you little shit. You want to talk about being bullied? Fuck with me. You'll see what a bully really is. I was like, yes. Breathe back Benzema and wind breath into that kid's face. He was so nice to me after that. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. show.

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21:42Ronnie Karam: So the producer's like, so have you noticed that Teresa gives you a lot or that Lisa is giving you a lot of compliments, Teresa? And she's like, yeah, but like, I mean, I'll take it.

21:56Ben Mandelker: yeah like teresa is has no problems with that there's some people who feel like that like oh my god she's being so fake she's trying to get on my good side teresa's like yeah that's what i want that's all teresa wants is blind like over the top loyalty and so i'm sorry that's what teresa

22:14Ronnie Karam: wants not least i'm okay with fakeness i hope to prefer fakeness to rudeness yeah 100 i mean It's some kind of fake. Like when people are just pretending they're nice, like they're being nice to you and pretending they don't hate you. Like I would prefer that than to them hating me. I don't like fake, I don't know, like influencing kind of fake. Like today I went to this coffee shop down the street and this studio is in Soho and the coffee shop is really nice. It's the La Cabra or whatever. You know which one I mean, right? Coulomb? La Coulomb? There's Coulombe, which is never has a line. That one never has a line.

22:50Ronnie Karam: And it's okay. But then down the street, a couple doors down from it is La Cabra, I think it's called. And that one, there's always a line. And it's, you know, very trendy. And everyone's like, so I went in there because they had bigger croissants, basically. And I was like, oh, wait, a little line. That came early.

23:09Ben Mandelker: Did they have diamonds?

23:11Ronnie Karam: And then I whipped out my laptop because I had to do work before I came here. and the guy came up and he's like, I'm sorry, no laptops in here. You can see on the sign, see this little sign? No laptops. I was like, oh, okay, no problem. And I closed it, but I was like, give me a fucking break. That kind of fakey vibe I don't like. They're like, oh, really? No laptops in here, only phone influencing.

23:42Ben Mandelker: Yeah, well, I get it. that places have to do that because they don't want people just sitting there all day long using their wi-fi not buying anything taking up a seat that like a patron actually wants to use but also it's a coffee shop like that's what it's there for and if you had taken out like a notepad and a pen would they have said the same thing sorry we have a no notepad policy no literally

24:02Ronnie Karam: everybody's phone was stuck in there i mean everybody's face was stuck in their phone and they were doing tiktoks and shit like that so i guess that's okay maybe you're just ruining

24:11Ben Mandelker: the brand with your laptop.

24:14Ronnie Karam: It just felt like really like, oh, not here. Not here.

24:20Ben Mandelker: Well, did you say a big mistake? Huge. Did you say that you were going to roast La Cabra the way that they roast their beans

24:29Ronnie Karam: on a podcast? Tried latte was delicious and so was their croissant and the man was very nice. He told me to stop using it. So I'm not really dissing them. I think it's just kind of a modern thing.

24:39Ben Mandelker: Did he give you his number?

24:39Ronnie Karam: where everybody is walking around influencing on every little thing but they're like oh my god someone's typing in here actual keyboard in here alert tech talk alert tech talk community have

24:51Ben Mandelker: them removed i love how you found this example of like lisa being like like exceedingly nice to teresa as a great counterpoint to the way you were treated in a coffee shop this morning You're like, this is why more people should be like, Mr. Barlow.

25:08Ronnie Karam: I'm not really explaining it right. I think I just found it kind of a phony atmosphere. Like, oh, we're above the laptops. But it just came across as like an influencer-y bullshit kind of place. Like, I'm here to have my fucking coffee and type some emails. Okay?

25:24Ben Mandelker: Yeah. No, I tend to think like most places that say no laptops, I don't think it's that they're above laptops. I just think that they want to keep it moving. They don't want people to loiter there. But again, I personally believe you should loiter because it's a coffee shop. Unless I'm walking around with a tray full of food and there's nowhere for me to sit and someone's on their laptop browsing hippopotamus.com or whatever, then I would appreciate if you move along. And in fact, the other day I was at a coffee shop and someone was doing something like that. And I walked over and I was holding my food and I sort of like looked down and I think she received my, I didn't even have to give a death glare.

26:07Ben Mandelker: She received my energy so well, she closed up everything and ran out of the coffee shop. And I almost felt bad. She felt like I felt, I almost felt bad that she like bolted away, but I was so appreciative of her seeing that I needed a table to put my food down on. But she did literally run out of there.

26:27Ronnie Karam: I really appreciated her terror.

26:28Ben Mandelker: she she when i tell you she ran out of the coffee shop it was actually hilarious

26:35Ronnie Karam: i will eat my eggs now i don't know i think i was just annoyed because last night i was walking around here because i had dinner in this neighborhood and they had a north face event you know the clothing break yes they landed a helicopter in the middle of the street right So the streets were closed off and then all these influencers were gathered around this helicopter making videos of themselves. And there was a guy who was wearing a jean jacket and jeans and then he didn't have a shirt on. So his jacket was open. He had like a big gold chain and he was walking backwards towards the helicopter.

27:14And his friend was filming him or whatever. And he's like, North Face, you know, it's days like this.

27:20Ronnie Karam: and he was doing his stupid content, but I was like, seriously?

27:24Ben Mandelker: And he was just a content creator.

27:26Ronnie Karam: You know what I really want? I really want a North Face helicopter now. What are we doing here? Come on.

27:34Ben Mandelker: Did the barista come out and say, I'm so sorry, but no helicopters here. You have to go to a different street.

27:41Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry, but that helicopter is typing.

27:45Ben Mandelker: That's crazy. But by the way, their activation work because now you just talked about it on our podcast.

27:50Ronnie Karam: I did, yeah.

27:51Ben Mandelker: So thanks ahead of time. Thanks ahead of time, North Face.

27:55Ronnie Karam: I'm slicing up all the influencers because they were really obnoxious.

27:59Ben Mandelker: The whole point of the influencers is that they create a scene and then people like us actually sit here and talk about it. But thanks ahead of time, North Face, for buying some advertising on Watcher Crappens. Thanks. Or at least sending us a jacket.

28:12Ronnie Karam: Well, I don't want to live in a world where I can't shit talk brands. Okay, so Giselle, Giselle is with Portia and Lou in a separate room and now they're all upset. Giselle's like, well, in Potomac, if you were late like that, we would have left you. We would have left. And okay, that's great, but this is Housewives and that was half an hour and at this point, you guys are too upset over this. All of you. Calm down.

28:39Ben Mandelker: I would have been totally upset because of an airplane and Luanne's like, you know, with the Housewives, there's a 15-minute grace period and then you're dead it's pretty simple and again i just was wondering if they were going to show the footage of her performing as like a zombie nurse at that halloween party where she made bethany wait two hours for her to perform and bethany lost her freaking mind but instead we see clips of people being late over the years and uh it's all very funny and then giselle's like we in potomac we do not play tardiness at all probably because of me and then we see clips of the time when she kicked out Stacey and, and, um, uh, the girls because they were late to her GNA event, yada, yada, yada.

29:20Ronnie Karam: I think the best one, well, Dorit was really good when she made Teddy wait that day.

29:25Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I'm surprised that wasn't in there.

29:28Ronnie Karam: That one was pretty funny. And Nini, the cast of Atlanta making Nini wait three hours when Nini had that party and they all showed up like three and a half hours late or something. That was crazy. And then she didn't even let them in. She was like, classic late scenes so you see all of those and it's like okay it was half an hour i get that it was completely rude of barlow because i mean to come in and be like whatever i can't apologize unless i mean it that was that was bad but 30 minutes on the scale of housewives i think it was longer than 30 minutes i feel like it was a it was a long i don't know i'm i'm mad

30:07Ben Mandelker: I'm mad because it also means that I could have spent 30 minutes doing something else and I'm just sitting there on a bus waiting I mean I don't I would not be happy So Lisa is like yeah, I don't do fake apologies Like I don't like when people like apologize and there's like no emotion behind it And for me, I like working on a relationship with Giselle So like why wouldn't I like one emotion behind it?

30:28Ronnie Karam: And she's like yeah, I love that

30:30Ben Mandelker: Lisa has no idea what Lisa's talking about. She's not even listening anymore She's just thinking about like sculptures or something that Louise bought

30:36Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm like really waiting to feel it. You know, you never know when it's gonna come over me. I could be looking at the ocean and then just think, oh my god, I'm so sorry I was late. You just never know, but at least it's gonna be real. It's gonna be real when it happens. Teresa's just sitting there blinking with her mouth kind of open and her eyes squinted.

30:58Ben Mandelker: And Lisa's like, you know what I appreciate though, Teresa? Like you stayed in it with me. Like it was almost like surreal for me to have like someone validate what I'm going through And I think this is like where we really relate to each other because I feel like nobody's attentive to my feelings And you're kind of like the best housewife of all time and I was always on your side with Melissa And I think that you're great and also like I think like you never should have gone to jail And every time you change your hair, it's always the best hairstyle you've ever had. So you're kind of like an amazing person

31:29Ben Mandelker: over in vicky and kyle's place vicky has an announcement she comes out of the bathroom sweating and she goes no to self if you haven't pooped in five days because you have travel issues don't take two of these plus two duke laxes i guess she had like metamucil or something but

31:43Ronnie Karam: she really cleared out the pipes if vicky is not getting on enough people's nerves by just being present and bringing down two Bravo shows at the same time. Here's an episode where she'll talk about poop the whole time. I mean, what the hell? What the hell does the network need to step in at this point? And then we get a whole poop montage of people pooping themselves, mostly the Real Housewives of New York. Yeah. Guys, we do not need any more close-ups of Ramona's poop on the ground of a bathroom.

32:15Ben Mandelker: Please. We really don't. We really don't.

32:17Ronnie Karam: why are you doing this

32:21Ben Mandelker: so meanwhile all right girls let's make a toast let's go to the beach we don't want to be late to mirisoul do we like yay yeah let's go come on like the beach demands a working actress gotta get out there so then they all head down to their cabs and everything and they're drinking and Vicky continues to talk about pooping

32:45Ronnie Karam: Teresa do you poop and do you travel to poop a detract. Yeah, I don't either. So I did two tocklacks last night. Two metabucils this morning. It's coming up. I'm clearing up.

32:59Ben Mandelker: Everything you want to hear before you go to the beach. And then Kyle's like, we do not have digestive issues in Beverly Hills. At least we don't talk about digestive issues in Beverly Hills. I feel like they have a lot of digestive issues in New York, though. I'm like, that's because you guys don't eat in Beverly Hills.

33:14Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I was going to say, multiple food scenes. I mean, hundreds of thousands of food scenes in Beverly Hills. I don't see you guys. No one's shoes on that show.

33:24Ben Mandelker: The closest is Kyle staring at that wheel of Parmesan at the restaurant.

33:29Ronnie Karam: Oh, yeah, that was funny. The wheel of Parmesan. Or when they had that 4th of July party and Rinna and Erica just kept telling each other, I love hot dogs. I love hot dogs. Once a year. Here I go. I'm going to eat a little hot dog. you first you first you first tiny little nipple of a hot dog but yeah everybody's like we don't really need to hear about your poop and theresa came up with the best idea she's like but then if those pills made you do that you should have done it them yesterday you should have taken taken the dump yesterday but yesterday i didn't i didn't know i was gonna have to poop yesterday And Teresa's just like, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

34:12Ronnie Karam: She doesn't understand.

34:16Ben Mandelker: So then the other card, Giselle, Portia, and Luann, they're all talking about how they are the only ones that are taking these theme parties seriously. They're the ones that are properly dressing up. And Luann's like, I mean, let's talk about Vicky's alter ego. I mean, for me, it was Mary Poppins with depression. I thought it was Mary Poppins with depression, I say. I'll say it a second. I'll say it a third time. It was Mary Poppins with depression. I swear to God, I'm like, what is that? Mary Poppins with depression? I mean, she was uncomfortable the whole night. Did you see her? I saw her walking around kind of by herself saying,

34:49supercalifragilisticexpialidoce of Lexapro.

34:52Ben Mandelker: Because it's Mary Poppins with depression.

34:55Ronnie Karam: Fly a coffin, fly a coffin. Fly a coffin. I mean, it's Mary Poppins with depression. What's my thing about? And Portia's like, well, do you think it's because in Orange County, nobody gave her any love. I mean, in Atlanta, you saw how I treated Nini, and nobody did that for Vicky in Orange County, so maybe she just got jealous.

35:18Ben Mandelker: I don't think that's what this is about, but I do like that Portia has indirectly kind of complimented herself for being a good person to compliment Nini.

35:30Ronnie Karam: Well, it also gives Giselle a chance to compliment herself because she's like, well, if I was the OG of the OC, I would expect people to say thank you. Thank you so much for opening the door because she's an OG of Potomac, you know? So she's like, I expect it to be rolled out. Probably some message to Stacey.

35:55Ben Mandelker: Probably like a vague message to Stacey.

35:58Ronnie Karam: I thought it was interesting that nobody thought of kind of the most obvious answer, which is like casual racism.

36:05Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

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38:52Ben Mandelker: I mean, I also do think on top of everything else, like i think vicky is i think she i think she does want people to bow down to her to a certain degree and but not me meaning like they she wants people to be like vicky we love you come play with us come play with us come play with us and then she she's like woohoo but like if she doesn't feel like she's part of the group she's one of those people that then like retire actively retires away from the group um and then it's like i don't feel comfortable i don't know she's just like Basically, she wants people to say, we love you, Vicky, and then she comes out of her shell and has fun.

39:25Ben Mandelker: As evidenced this episode, when they pretty much just do that to her, and then she finally starts having fun for the first time on both shows.

39:33Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and also, yeah, totally kissing her.

39:35Ben Mandelker: But also casual racism.

39:36Ronnie Karam: Oh, you're the OG. People should have been bowing down to you, Vicky. She's like, okay, okay, I'm back. I'm back. Here I am. Woo-hoo.

39:42Ben Mandelker: Woo-hoo. Yeah. Also, alcohol helps with Vicky. I think we forget that she really responds well to shots so um so they get to uh they get to the beach because they're gonna do some fun and games on the beach and um and and guess who's there it's marisol and alexia and they were on watch what happens live last night which i didn't watch but i think everyone sort of thought it was gonna be this moment where they'd say and we have a surprise we're back in production and that did

40:13Ronnie Karam: not happen no that's so sad because it's so sad it shows what a hole is left you know it does and not just these two but that whole cast next week is next week the show you how it's done bravo yeah

40:29Ben Mandelker: i i do i really appreciate that this show chose miami as one of the locations you know considering that it's a show that they actively have put on pause and i know they're going to basically large larger sort of like urban centers as opposed to like new jersey or salt lake city but um i still it's not enough we need to bring miami back like as soon as possible you just there's just so much raw talent there it's so good yeah and by raw talent you mean crazy people we need it and every kid so good that they show of too they also need to bring back nicole martin solely dr nicole martin solely so that way she can pull um the i was sitting behind brad pitt at the us open card on larsa pippen because like she's gonna need to pull that card on someone like someone they're gonna be like i don't know like i hear that like you're sleeping with everyone in the hospital like she's like well i was sitting behind brad pitt but like you're a brad pitt but like slut brad pitt brad pitt proximity.

41:35Ronnie Karam: Well, that would be bravo to bring someone back just to promote a shitty, abusive male. So they walk up to the beach and Alexa and Mary Sol are there and there are all these mannequins with really bad wigs and everyone walks up and they're like, oh my god, what is that? Who are those ladies? Is that supposed to be us? What is this? I know.

41:59Ben Mandelker: Also, I liked, by the way, that as they're walking up to the mannequins Marisol and Alexi are waiting and Marisol's like, where are these women? And Alexi goes, I don't know, they're probably late. Yeah, no, I think that's why she asked, because they're late. Where are they? Probably late.

42:20Ronnie Karam: Kyle walks up and is like, oh my gosh, I thought those were the real housewives of Miami. Hilarious. I thought it was weird that nobody was asking for my autograph. They're just mannequins.

42:32Ben Mandelker: Marisol's like well have you noticed the one thing that they have in common with these mannequins they have no ass just like me no ass isn't that funny have a cocky sit down see what it's like to live in the paused life

42:46Ronnie Karam: wait a minute are those men mannequins too Kyle's like no the men are moving

42:54Ben Mandelker: but was it because of a spell is Kim Cattrall here

42:59Ronnie Karam: so i like i like that spell only the gay mannequins come to life like hey

43:06Ben Mandelker: they should reboot mannequin with like a guy instead i would watch that in a second but it has to be well cast don't put like robert pattinson in it the robert i think that's

43:17Ronnie Karam: the only choice he's in everything all right guy he's not the man i want to see uh so um And Lou's like, great job, girls. Whoa, what did you do? What did you set up the beach? This is nice. What did you bring in sand? This is great. Reminds my first studio gig with Rodney Dangerfield. What a talent. What a talent. Fly Me to the Moon. Anybody heard it? Thanks.

43:43Ben Mandelker: Beautiful song. He was singing my version of it when he backflipped into a pool and back to school. Great movie. So, Alexia. Yeah.

43:54Ronnie Karam: First time I ever heard anybody call Liza, Liza Hamnelli. Hilarious. I mean, maybe you had to be there. She really is a amp. She really never stops. Constantly entertaining. The scarf work. The scarf work alone.

44:09Ben Mandelker: but if i if i may quote my my protege rodney dangerfield i do get no respect so think about that ladies so alexia is like uh she gives them mojitos and then croquetas and kyle's like um is that like some special miami food i love kyle who pretends that she speaks spanish every day

44:33Ronnie Karam: on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But Kyle only knows rich lady Spanish to boss people around. She's like, por favor, no pan in mi plato. Okay? No como pan.

44:48Ben Mandelker: Miso piado.

44:51Ronnie Karam: Mas agua por favor.

44:55Ben Mandelker: Did I say that correctly, by the way? Miso, no. How do you say wet floor? That sign. that's everywhere.

45:02Ronnie Karam: I don't know.

45:06Ben Mandelker: There's that sign that's everywhere. There's always a sign. You know that sign that's everywhere? It says wet floor. There's always someone falling over on the wet floor. Idiot.

45:19Ronnie Karam: It's stupid though. We'll put the new sign. It just says, it's stupid though.

45:25Ben Mandelker: Piso mojado. I think I said miso pajado. I think I had a little bit of a mix up there. It's a different restaurant. I was like, me? So wait a second. So anyway, Kyle does not know what a croquette is, which it goes back to our original statement that they don't eat on Beverly Hills. She's like, what's a croquette? Is that some sort of regional specialty to Miami? Is this the famous Miami croquette? Like Kyle.

45:52Ronnie Karam: So just I was like, Miami, hold it down. Nah, you guys were gone. And then you came back and you've been killing it ever since. So I guess this is before they got put on pause.

46:03Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Well, this was probably, they probably shot this in like January, right? And I think the pause announcement happened in February or so. I don't know. It doesn't matter, but it was probably around then. Yes.

46:14Ronnie Karam: Okay.

46:15Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

46:16Ronnie Karam: It was sad.

46:17Ben Mandelker: It is sad.

46:17Ronnie Karam: So they talk about Miami and Alexi is like, no, you know, the fact that we came back, like there's no other show that's ever come back after being like off the air for like 10 years. It's crazy.

46:30Ben Mandelker: yeah no other show in the history of television in fact it's not a show has never ever come back

46:34Ronnie Karam: ever the only the only person to ever do it as far as i know it's like roseanne and like that

46:40Ben Mandelker: didn't last for her um although larsa tried to date john goodman so then uh so marisol's like hey wait a second guys there's some cute boys and ties over there what where are the cute bartender boys excuse me handsome gentlemen hello are you bringing different drinks i think you might be right with tequila how about this for a drink a tall drink of water okay i'll just stand on your tray because that's what i am hey boys hey are you one of the waiters hey i've got

47:11Ronnie Karam: something for you to write down okay two one two five five five f-i-l-m call me give me a call boys hilarious also bring me margarita do we know if my poster is still up in that frame on the side

47:26Ben Mandelker: of that building i know it's around here somewhere in miami let's go take a look boys get in the car so we see uh now we see a montage of luann flirting with guys over the years because she is very good at it and kyle's like whoa that's like a lot and she goes well i do like a man with no shirt and a tie. It's classy. It's too hot. You know what I'm saying? Girls, you ever thought about putting a tie on Ralph and making sure he has no shirt on?

47:53Ronnie Karam: She really is a lot. I mean, she hooks up a lot, but she makes so much effort. You know? It's so hard. Like, everybody she passes, she's like, Oh, hi. You're a male. I'm a female. What about that? Well, we have so much in common. Alright. Watch me walk away. It's my best angle. How long are you here? No longer you here. This is some random guy on the beach who looks creepy as fuck just because he's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, come on, man. Come on, man. I'll just be right over here. I think that guy likes me. Like, Louie is funneling gas out of a Volkswagen. Okay.

48:31Ben Mandelker: He is doing cosplay as the Penguin from Batman. So Marisol is like, okay, girls, we're going to play a game called Wig Snatcher. see these mannequins with the flat asses very Miami flat asses with the wigs so you're going to grab a wig okay the wigs are housewives in the past 20 years you're going to grab a wig and you're going to put it on then you're going to grab someone else's wig and then you're going to grab a wig and then take your wig back and it's a really elaborate game you're basically just going around and grab wigs

48:59Ronnie Karam: yeah this was intense I will say I think the people in charge of the wigs were the same people in charge of the drag queens a couple weeks ago because what in the what in the straight people doing drag are these wigs? These wigs didn't even look close to anybody they said they were supposed to fit on.

49:18Ben Mandelker: Someone raided Spirit Halloween and just came out to the beach with what they found. This was just a sad game. We don't need these games. Producers, we don't need these games. We don't need to see them doing silly things on the beach like this. We don't need to see them tackling each other or grabbing wigs. i know that these things are always a there's always a possibility that conflict may arise out

49:40Ronnie Karam: of it but come on we're bravo sub in 10 more minutes of luann hitting on the fruit stand guys

49:46Ben Mandelker: at the beach thank you give us what we want give us girls you see this one wants to rub my feet i'm still got it still got it seriously um so they play this game and they really are just like running around and just grabbing wigs they're all wearing vicky has like the rennowig on but it's like this bright red it's like a it's like a bordello red wig and rennie from big brother from yours yeah it was and then she's like wearing it like with a head inside a band and then she puts it on just as everything is just it was just this was this was a low for housewives fun and games this was a low as as an activity i would say yeah um but kyle's team wins they're very

50:34Ronnie Karam: excited because kyle kyle gets very competitive yes starts ripping wigs and refusing to let go i mean she really she she really loves that hair piece i felt like i saw kyle in third grade in

50:50Ben Mandelker: that moment kyle during recess or during gym class playing capture the flag or something i was like Oh, we've seen. Now we know who the real Kyle is.

50:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Or Kyle when she first decided to steal Kim's goddamn house.

51:02Ben Mandelker: Or Kyle when she decided to hide Brandy's crutches.

51:06Ronnie Karam: Yes. Yes. Oh, God. Slut pig. What a day. What a night that was for all of us.

51:14Ben Mandelker: I just rewatched that scene. It was just as good as it was many years ago.

51:19Ronnie Karam: Back when we all felt sad for Brandy Glambo. We're like, oh, my God. They stole that poor new girl's crutches. and everybody was on Brandy's side for what, a year? A few years.

51:30Ben Mandelker: Yeah, definitely for like one year, hardcore on her side. And then there was a slow ebbing away. But you know what? She has a GoFundMe out right now for the parasite in her face. And she's been getting a lot of donations. So you know what? Maybe the tide has turned. Maybe just took a hideous fungal parasitic infection to make people feel for her again.

51:55Ronnie Karam: Wow. Well, I'm impressed that people are donating to that.

51:59Ben Mandelker: Camille Grammer.

52:01Ronnie Karam: Thank God there's no other tragedies going on in the world right now. They need attention.

52:07Ben Mandelker: Camille Grammer donated$200. Okay, guys. Kyle, she donated$500.

52:12Ronnie Karam: Wow. This is late payment for the Denise sex story a couple of years ago.

52:18Ben Mandelker: i brought you on so kyle meanwhile cut to a scene of kyle being like oh my god is that like a unique bag that you can let only one person has okay i'm gonna track down a second copy and i'm gonna spend 27 000 for it oh brandy you've got a parasite in your face here's 500 call me when i can turn it into a bag oh your face is being actively disfigured every single second therefore undermining your future as a model and uh affecting your entire life's work that's too bad here's $500. Oh my God, it's a Birkin bag. $28 ,000 over there.

52:52Ronnie Karam: I think Kyle would solve it more quickly if she thought she could get a special Birkin made out of that parasite. It's like the facial parasite Birkin. It only fits a lipstick, but damn it, it's unique.

53:10Ronnie Karam: That person ate my lipstick. Well, why'd you make it out of a parasite? stupid do you think what's gonna happen uh parasites

53:26Ben Mandelker: paris kyle i'll tell you how kyle will take care of that if she finds the parasites friends with

53:30Ronnie Karam: jamie lee curtis um we have to get rid of that thing hey everyone this is the end of part one

53:39Ben Mandelker: of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

54:05Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. Havanagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS. We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our pal-a-ger. It's Karen Gallagher. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Wilson, let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran.

54:46Ronnie Karam: Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Sherouse.

54:54Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

54:57Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna, it's Savannah.

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55:10Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

55:13Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

55:26Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers.

55:51Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince.

55:59Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

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56:07Ben Mandelker: Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tam La Plain. Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose.

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