#3557 Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip S508 Part Two: Money Can’t Buy You TWO HOURS

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2:05Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. Well, if she was here, I would say this. Portia, I would snatch a week for you any day, bitch. I love that woman. That late, late woman. She's getting a quickie. Okay, moving on. Can't believe she's late. God.

2:36Ben Mandelker: Well, I'm upset. There's no way in the world I would show up to somebody's party so late. Not call, not send a text. I just wouldn't do that. Why do I get the sense that there are a long list of people who will be like, actually, you showed up two hours late to my party and you were fucked up beyond recognition. you were literally late to your own Halloween party on Roni I mentioned this like several times now you were literally late to your own party and Bethany sat there and she was so mad I'll never forget it she's like where is she what we're just gonna stand doing it's like we're gonna wait for her to come downstairs and broke like what was this what's the matter what's happening what's going on yes and Lisa oh gosh little cat little cat little conservative cat little Fox News cat Lisa you know what there's no one I wouldn't stand up for you against okay if these girls come for you i'm standing for you lisa meow yeah i was cat once you know this reminds me of 2019 it was the first time i came out in cat ears my cabaret people said oh my god is that morris i say no it's it's it's not lies either it's me lou fuck suckers god there's one born every minute sold 19 albums that night 19 actual vinyl i had them printed true story the first time i put on cat ears andrew lloyd weber said now that is an inspiration and lo and behold cats was born you're welcome now excuse me memories mine listen you know what andrew andrew got the idea from that old cat lifting up on a tire from me i've been lifted up on many attire it's true okay now i'm gonna perform from the jellicle ball all right people don't know this but i had a three-year affair with heathcliff the cat so I sort of understand where Andrew got his inspiration from that's my printer by the way Garfield too but man that guy really had no desire to do anything I mean how much lasagna can you really eat if you hear a printer going off it's just all the fan mail being printed out they say Luann you got to come back to cats Luann we miss you on the tire Luann who the fuck is Deuteronomy get him out of the show and i said i know jellicle lose our jellicle lose all right now theresa there is not a table i wouldn't flip for you that was that was theresa's moment everyone remember that theresa flipped the table kind of very angry very upset reminds me of 2022 when ramona was singing along to one of my songs in the cabaret i said you're not stevie nicks shut the fuck up Ramona damn it you know what's so funny is that I'm sorry everyone about this printer it is never ending apparently it's okay just roll with that but what I was going to say is that what's so hilarious to me is that like Luann giving these little shout outs to her cast members you would think there'd be something either heartfelt or it'd be like very funny quips or here you go mom thank you my mom has just informed me that that was the grand finale um but you would think that these like little quips or there would be like fun wordplay or there'd be something sweet and lovely but they're just kind of like the thing that maybe um someone would write if they were signing someone's book like at a book signing it's like or like a yearbook So when she says, Lisa, when those girls come for you, I'm here for you.

6:04Ben Mandelker: It's like, okay, this is what you wrote in your diary. This is what you're announcing to the audience. Vicky, I've got two words for you. Life insurance. Oh, there was a third one here. I scratched it out. It says loser. I'm just kidding, Vicky. Everyone loves Vicky. Real fun. Real fun person. All right, Giselle. Where's Giselle? She's my roomie. She's my roomie on the first. Next page. page next page how dare she i only get one little line one little line and she turns the page on giselle that was insulting she gave a moment to everyone and then giselle she's just like okay turn the page enough about giselle we shared a room blah blah blah blah blah mr mistoffele is next giselle sucks any more questions okay also the og's in the house tonight um you know there's Kelly Ben Simone.

6:55She's still crazy. I'm up here. You're down here. Remember that? Remember that? That's a joke, everybody. It's a joke. Who's from the show? Gentle.

7:04Ben Mandelker: And then we see that she's been up there for 17 minutes. And Vicky is like, should I start snoozing now or later? Okay. Giselle's like, I think now is a good time. And Vicky's like, the man loves to hear himself talk. I mean, we all have to be confident. But holy moly, she really loves herself. Carl's like. My speech was so short at my house. Jeez, God. Yeah, it's like, stop talking. Stop talking. She's losing the audience. She's losing us. And then Portia is now two hours late, and now she's walking up to the place. And it's like, well, I got stuck behind an ambulance, and now I had to walk down the street to not be super late.

7:40It's two hours late.

7:43Ben Mandelker: It's two hours late. That's crazy. And she's like, I'm literally walking to your garbage, guys. and so um and she's like i know that luann better get there and razzle my motherfucking dazzle me when i get there like no well you are late you can't like expect a razzle dazzle moment um even though like i said i've totally been like portia i've been like well they all better be super appreciative i've been there i'm showing up so now luann has carol and she's like oh and let's not forget about our laureate poet laureate poet laureate laura laura is there somebody in laura here? Can we welcome Laura here?

8:19Ben Mandelker: Because imagine if we had somebody named Laura and we had a poet. Think about it. It works. Okay. So she's our writer, our laureate poet. Welcome. Welcome, Carol. She's been dead for 17 years, but we resuscitated her for tonight, just skin and bones, and she's not a pedophile, everyone. Ha ha! Also, I'd like to mention while we're talking about laureates, Lori is here. Lori 8. So there you go. We've got a laureate and a laureate. So everybody's here. That's good. Lori, you getting enough food? Lori brought a Tupperware from home, so just get out of her way. She takes it home. God bless her. Good for you, Lori.

8:57Ben Mandelker: So Kyle's like, I say this with utmost love. I'm friends with Jamie Lee Curtis. Also, Luann doesn't really have a lot of self-awareness at times. And Luann's like up there. Chanel's like, it's too much. It's too much. Make her stop talking. So now we see that it's been 25 minutes and 51 seconds. Yeah, you know, I see this guy who's buying shots for my niece. I mean, listen, if you buy shots for my niece, you better buy shots for me. I mean, God. I certainly have no idea how real reality would become and how successful I would be. You know, the other day I was walking down the streets of New York, this one, the city right here, where I'm from.

9:38And I passed. Lorna left, and she just got down on her knees. I said, Lorna, get up. You don't have to break. She said she was looking for a subway token. I said they stopped using tokens, Lorna. Get up. There's just another day in the city.

9:53Ben Mandelker: Fun fact. The wig I'm wearing today is made by 20 % Crystal Gale hair. Okay. Now, Dorinda. Dorinda always makes it nice. I love you, girl. You're my girl. Dorinda, you're my girl. And they're like, oh, my God. and Giselle was like Giselle's face time with Portia and Vicky's there too and they're like stay home stay home don't come she's like turn around ah this party's a bust ah go away save yourself ah she gave a speech and left me out of the speech like girl ah well but we'll drink it out okay we'll drink it out all right you know what I'm missing the talent show because I gotta get up to the Berkshires kids.

10:39You guys are coming to the bank chairs. That's really fun. I'm really glad I got the first hour of Lou's speech, though. That was special.

10:47Ben Mandelker: Biggie's like, can we leave right now? Don't we have to leave tonight? Can I go back? Remember my room? Please, let me go back. Lou, meanwhile, is still talking. Now she's at 33 minutes and 27 seconds. Jill, Jill, we certainly do run with a fabulous circle of people. Don't we? God, it's so great. Listen, Jill's a woman who will not only complain about she'll complain about minorities on the equal level that she'll complain about not getting the proper ice cream cone at a mall you know so you gotta hand it up to jill she's just she's non-discriminatorily discriminatory good for you jill good to see you here but it's not right like i mean why would bad bunny get better ice cream service than me i don't understand why that would happen why do we have to have this in this country okay jill thank you very much well the most shocking woman to see tonight for me is the woman from down under please give it up for an annoying thorn in my side who walked down here in her herman monster shoes it's alex mccord who's in the house all the way from australia alex can you catch us up with where you are right now excuse me because at this point now now luann just has this microphone and just walking around the crowd she's sticking her microphone in people's faces she's acting like she's just on her own talk show like she's oprah in the audience and she's like excuse me everyone you're all talking too much okay we still have another 45 minutes of this segment so we're speaking quiet bitches do not disrespect alex mcbord all right and chanel's like no stop talking please please just stop talking you're talking too much i didn't fly from dubai to listen to this one second chanel okay we've got a lot going on here alex is wearing red for some reason alex come up and embarrass yourself she's like hi Luann it's nice to be here okay that's enough out of you we'll see you in another 17 years okay who's next who's around and then Lisa's like tells us okay Lu I love you so much but there are other guests here and like I don't know if they could be in like a lunarverse like 365 24 7 with us so we may need them may need to put the mic down okay baby gorgeous so now and for Lisa to tell you you're fully yourself.

13:06I mean, that's just crazy. So, um, he's like, oh, Portia, look, finally Portia arrives. Look at that. It's only two hours late. Hey, girl, welcome to the party. Two hours fucking late.

13:18Ben Mandelker: And she's saying this into her microphone, so it's going out over the entire party. And Marsha's like, I'm here, thank you. And she's like, so are you guys ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? And then Luanne, I'm sorry, Chanel's like, Luanne, she's fucking annoying me with a speech, speech all day long. like tell this bitch to shut up

13:38Portia order in the house let's go stop talking sorry I'm late I demand attention let's go alright what's happening here what's happening we're about to do a show alright you came in for the pre-speech before the speech right

13:50Ben Mandelker: and so Portia's like well she's like I think the mic is probably part of her costume at this part so wait who's talking Portia you're talking you were late and now you're talking over me the host I was just about to sing my favorite song from cats which is called uh line i already sang memory

14:14um and portia's like i know damn well she's not calling me out i mean i don't think you're supposed to call your friends out on a microphone and so she just tells lou sit your ass down just well first of all i'm trying to host this party well do you see that all those people back there are already talking well you were late and now you're gonna yell at me now you're gonna be yelling me while you're being late. She's like, you see all those people, though?

14:35Ben Mandelker: She's like, I'm hosting a party. You're late, and you're going to yell at me? Me, our cabaret star? Please. And Kyle's like, wait a second, guys. What's going on here? Did Jamie Lee Curtis show up? Because she knows me. And Chanel's like, okay, Chanel takes the mic. She goes, let me control this party because I think Luanne is just talking too much. And then Luanne tries to grab back. She's like, no. No, sit your ass down. Sit down and let me control the party. And then Hank comes over. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, hi, it's me. Remember me, Hank? Yes, we're going to leave Luann alone. It's a Luann party.

15:07We love Luann, don't we? Yes, yes. How we doing out there, New York City? Take over. He's hosting the party now. Leave me alone.

15:16Ben Mandelker: So then he's like, okay, everyone, happy Halloween. Can we have a Miss Housewives beauty pageant, please? Tonight, one woman shall leave behind the drama and the diamonds. Honey, to showcase her special talent. So now they have to do a talent show on top of everything else. So we have our judges. We have Miss Lori, which I was so happy that they included Lori on this. And, you know, Lori has become, has, like, blown up on social media since over the past, like, two or three years because she started this whole thing of sit at the bar September, where you go up to a bar in September and you sit at the bar and you let a man come up to you.

15:55Ben Mandelker: So they brought her back, which was great. Did you know about this? No, good for her. Yeah, Lori Cooper. Send in a bar September. That's what it is. She's like, hey, ladies, what are you doing right now? Go put on a nice skirt and go to a bar and sit there. Let a man come up and talk to you. That's what it really is. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment with the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan-favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams, and prepare for a supreme surprise.

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17:07So, it's like everyone knows Lorraine Cooper. She's a stable of the Upper East Side. All right. All right, Lori's here. Okay, Teresa's going to be in the talent show. All right, Teresa, what are you going to do? I'm going to play the saxophone because I had one in elementary school. I did Louis Garvey once. so I'm going to play that.

17:26Ben Mandelker: So we saw Teresa playing a saxophone in a recent season of New Jersey, and it was like so funny then. And it's even funnier now because she's dressed as Cher blowing on a saxophone. And so she's blowing into it. It's like... Which is like the sound of spit trickling through metal. And then everyone's like, whoa. But then eventually she sort of gets her form right and she's able to do like two notes. So you just hear it going.

17:57She's doing that trill thing.

17:58Ben Mandelker: It's like.

18:02Like, wow, Teresa.

18:05Ben Mandelker: It's like what every fifth grader does when they're given their first recorder, which is they blow into it and they move all their fingers all at once. Every parent's worst nightmare. That was me. I was fourth seat in the saxophone lineup in school band. There were four saxophonists, by the way. I was great. So Lisa's next, and she's like, call me Lisa B. I'm Lisa B, the OG from the SLC. Like, who doesn't know how to rap from the LC? We all do. We're like rappers. We're like from the street. Okay, here it goes. Kyle likes hats. Fuck with Moshe, lay you flats. and Aspen. Portia's mind is photographic but sometimes her dancing is phonographic, pornographic.

18:52Onto traffic. She was in traffic.

18:57Ben Mandelker: Tazelle's got those green eyes. Receipts and vibes take no lies. She feels no pain like the people in traffic. Traffic cocaine. Such a good movie.

19:11Ben Mandelker: And as the traffic is going. Someone Luann Luann has insurance from Affleck and I know Affleck that was a good one that was really witty because of Ben Affleck I know Ben Affleck like I also know Blake Ben guess what she loves to rake I know these details because we are friends and guess what she drives a Mercedes-Benz but one thing Blake Lively's never done she's never been in the traffic that was someone else in that movie. So at the Miami party, we saw Larza come up to Lisa. It's like, Lisa, you know what? You said you were at that screening of that Ben Affleck movie. I was there, but I didn't see you there.

20:03You need to stop name-dropping, Lisa. You just need to stop. She's like, wait a minute. You were there. I didn't even see you. Yeah, stop lying. but then we find out after the episode that they were at two different screenings uh lisa was at south by southwest and larsa was in la so larsa had it wrong that whole time i cracked up when i read that by the way whoever on their press team for this movie whatever movie it

20:29Ben Mandelker: was who thought to invite both of these real housewives was a genius because it was an ongoing thread also i love i love that larsa pippin clocked lisa for name dropping when larsa pippin is the one who like after miami wrapped the first time then made her like her professional role was to like appear in the background of kardashian episodes like her her life is a name drop it's like yeah stop doing that don't name drop name appear as a like best friend to like kim kardashian and, you know, what was her name? Marcus, Marcus's ex. Like, please stop name dropping, okay? Like, it's embarrassing. Like, could it have been a Jordan?

21:14Ben Mandelker: Marcus Jordan-like?

21:18So Giselle's talent is ass kissing, which is really funny. She's like, I deserve a 10, ma 'am. You are chic from head to toe. That is how it's done.

21:28Ben Mandelker: Lisa is continuing to rap over all of it. Lou just can't be tamed. Vicky likes the silent game. Kelly Ben Simone, she's someone you can reach on the phone. Alex McCord, move to Australia. And guess what? She likes to grow bougainvilleas. Yeah. I mean, I'm not Eminem, but like I'm close. I'm close. Okay, okay. It's me, Hank, again. Okay. Well, our last contestant flew a long way to be here. She just got in yesterday. She's still ready to rock. You'd probably still push her into the lockers if we had those in here. It is Alex McCord. Okay, let's welcome Alex. So I was hoping that Alex McCord would do something that was like Mean Girls, you know, because her famous quote, you are a mean girl in high school and while you were in high school i am in brooklyn which is still one of the great quotes of the housewives universe um but she sort of does this tribute to raygon the australian uh break dancer but she has her herman munster shoes on her hands like puppets and she does this totally weird 100 on brand for alex mccord dance where she's like doing this weird stuff with the hand and she's like not really break dancing but not really dancing properly and she just at one point she's down on the ground and she's moving her her the feet like they're like the shoes like their actual feet it's like puppetry is a puppetry is a dance i don't know what it was but i was a weird performance dying it was so funny and it's so alex and she was committed to the thing and she came out and did like a whole thing like a whole number and stuff and no one knew what the fuck she was doing yeah because you know that none of the new ray god was yeah yeah she's like this is like staring at the eclipse like everything i know is telling me to like look away but like i can't stop staring oh i can't see anything i'm blind it was the sort of bizarre thing that you know simon was like how about this for an idea why don't you put the shoes put on your hands and then dress up like ray gun because she's australian and people thought she was funny a year ago and then you go and just dance around she's like that's a great idea and then i'll come okay sure you can do that too on the shoes it's it's it's not surprising she dressed up as ray gun you know like i feel like she saw ray gun on tv during the olympics and was like i feel this i get her and then she did it good for her no one knows what is happening here so then they would give out awards alex wins second place and giselle's like what but she's not even part of this show uh how could she win second place uh yeah she's not even a road dripper and then uh lisa is um actually i'm sorry alex's second runner-up lisa is first runner-up with her rapping and the winner is theresa yeah she's like yeah i don't know what the judges have against me but you know what they must have talked to my cast too they're all against me uh so now it's time to do a group photo and so lou pointing to chanel and still not having learned anything about microaggressions it's like she's loud she's too loud shut up shut up i know seriously seriously so then she she's like well i'm getting in the front fuck that i'm getting in the front bitches so she they're all lined up it's not like she says oh let me squeeze in here she literally goes and stands in front of everyone blocking several people namely giselle and portia and what's so funny is that a storyline with luann and ramona that has popped up before is that ramona loves to sit in the center seat at a table and that like luann has in the past conspired to make sure that ramona can't sit in the center seat and it's just so funny that here it resurfaces because Luann has essentially become Ramona in this episode.

25:31Ben Mandelker: And it's hilarious to me because Luann usually has... Her seasons are either that she is sort of almost like a voice of reason, sort of like an egotistical voice of reason where she's wrangling in Ramona and lecturing her or whatever, or she's just totally off the walls. And we have now off the walls Luann, who we have not seen in many years. so seeing her be off the walls and also incorporate some Ramona-isms into her manic behavior is amazing to me yeah so and we all this is also a classic Real Housewives of Potomac storyline in the first season when Karen showed up to her birthday and Giselle was sitting in the center seat and Karen's like but it's my birthday so everybody's triggered right now so she's like oh I want to be in the center it's my town Well, I understand.

26:25It's your town. But all you have to do is ask us, and we would let you be in the middle. She's like, oh, my fucking party. Fine. I'm leaving. So she walks off and walks up the stairs to her personal area. And she's just looking down on everyone, waiting for somebody to chase her up. And nobody does, of course.

26:44Ben Mandelker: Again, she's dressed as a pirate during all this. And Luanne's like, Giselle and I were roommates. We got along like a house on fire. and now I feel like she's trying to burn down my house. And she's like, oh, God. She's like, what you won't do is stand in front of me or move me while we're about to take a picture. Absolutely not. I have had it. I've already spoken to Luann about this at Sutton's house. She jumped in the middle of a picture there, too. And Kyle's like, yeah, this is an ongoing thing with Luann. Wow, I'm the tallest, so I get to be in the middle. And then we see examples of Luann, you know, we see picture after pictures.

27:23of Lou being in the front of the group pics and stuff. And finally, Luanne comes back down. She's like, well, what am I going to miss the pictures of my own party? I don't think so, bitches. I'm back. I'm going to be in the middle.

27:36Ben Mandelker: Are you guys sure you even want me along for this trip? And they're like, come on. Come on. Get in here, baby love. And Kyle's like, our only issue is that you were just being in the front of the picture all the time. That's it. And Giselle's like, every time, Luanne, it gets crazy. Every time we take a picture, we take a million pictures. You just get weird. I can't stand here. I have to stand there. That's crazy, Luann. Hey, wait a minute. Hank, give me that microphone. Give me that microphone. I do not want to be the center of attention. Oh, you know what? Let's do it to an eight count. All right?

28:04Just give me an eight count. I'll do it again.

28:08Ben Mandelker: The last thing that I would want to be is to be the center of... Wait, wait. Can I get a single on me? Just a spotlight on me and I'll take it from the top. The last thing that I want to be is the center. Yeah, let's bring the bongos in. Bongos. Okay. Are we streaming this to the internet? Let's make sure this is streaming. Re-levitate me. Re-levitate me. Have Phil come back out here. Bring Phil back. Okay. Drink Phil. Hold on, ladies. Hold on. I'm going to say this properly. Okay. The last thing that I want, and here, let me get my second microphone to make sure everyone can hear me. The last thing that I want is to be the center of, wait a second.

28:47Ben Mandelker: Should we get the tire? Should I be up on the tire while I do this? Andrew Lloyd Webber, get over here. I didn't mention Andrew. Okay, I don't want to be the center of attention. Shuffle ball change. Single time step. Flop. All right. And pyrotechnics go off in the back. Thank you. Oh, we're in New York, so you stand in the middle. Okay, fine. Let's take a picture, please, so we can just get out of here. All right, come stand in the middle. I'll stand over here. You can be in the middle. Everybody smile like we're happy and we like each other. let's just get the picture done now and then it's like well i mean here's what i don't like i mean it's new york like stuff uh we're not talking about it anymore okay everyone's just take the everyone's just like well i'm not gonna stand down on this one because i don't do that but i will take a picture and smile pretty but i'm gonna stand down portia's like what do we get out of here she's like well you're late you get your head chopped off she's like it's enough already i told you like twice i told you sorry twice you mentioned me on the microphone twice how are you that mad at me she's like i and portia's like i would think you would care if you hurt my feelings but like she's not even listening yeah and each one of the girls has issues with you and you're gonna have to face it eventually yeah if you want to be front center in every picture it's like i mean we're all here luet okay we're all here don't be stupid to be stupid grudgett she's like well thank you everybody i hope you all had a nice time good night to everyone good night fans good night fans danny murphy still standing there waving at everyone Good night and duh.

30:20So Lisa and Kyle are trying to talk to Lou. And Lisa's like, hey, I get it. It's your party. You did such an amazing job. That was the longest speech I've ever heard. It was really good. It's like you accepted all of the Oscars at one time.

30:35Ben Mandelker: Yeah, listen, speaking of Oscars, I know an Oscar winner. I've held one. I've touched it. I've seen it. Anyway, I just want to say something to you. I just want to address that she said each of the girls, Our only issue with you is that you just want to be in the center in all the cities and all the photos. Oh, really? So this is going on behind my back? You would think that these people have the courtesy to address these things in front of a cabaret star's voice. Well, guess what? I'm a showgirl. All right, you want Taylor Swift to come up here and apologize too? All right, find her. Find her.

31:09She'll come. She'll come. She's probably back there hiding somewhere. She doesn't want to be recognized. She never misses the show.

31:16Ben Mandelker: Hold on one second. You need to scan something? Can you wait like 20 minutes? Thank you.

31:28They're like, Ben, we just need to scan this website. Do you mind? We're just going to open the laptop.

31:34Ben Mandelker: You just printed it off the internet. Why are you scanning it back in?

31:48Ben Mandelker: I mean, this is what happens behind my back. Oh, I'm dead. Well, listen, I feel the tide shifting, and believe me, I know the tide. I know the tide. I'm no stranger to tide. I'm a pirate. I know the seas. I also know how to do laundry. So Kyle. I was like, wow, she slept with a pirate one time. Look what she's turned into. I know the tide. Listen, I'm not going to even talk to you right now. From now on, you're going to have to go through my parrot. All right? Listen, I don't want that to hurt your feelings. It's just the truth. But, like, maybe you just don't realize you're doing that. Like, you're just, you know, you're a showgirl.

32:30Ben Mandelker: And that's why you do all your cabarets. That's it. You know, right? You're a showgirl. Yeah. You're great at entertaining. Yeah. It's so good. But sometimes, like, you know, like, when you're in Atlanta, you know, let Portia be in the middle. Well, she arrived two hours late to my party. I levitated, for God's sake. And guess what? Portia missed me levitating. She didn't see me levitating. Here she missed the whole party. And now that's all I got to say. And I'm walking away. You better watch me walk or it's my best side. Bye. The peel of laughter I let out on that airplane when she said, I mean, I levitated, for God's sake.

33:07Luanne's acting like she was actually breaking all rules of physics for real

33:11Ben Mandelker: and not part of some sort of trick where she's dangling. by some string or whatever. I levitated. She didn't even see me levitate. Wow, she would have been in such awe. But oh well, I guess she didn't care about that. I mean, I'm trying to be here for Lou right now, but she keeps walking off, and then it just shows Lou. Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you another thing. She doesn't know who she's dealing with. Now I am leaving. And she'll walk off. And then she'll walk back up. Oh, yeah? You want to miss something? You're going to miss me levitating? Well, I am out of here. Two hours late. And then she comes in hot.

33:46Ben Mandelker: No way. No way. And then Lisa's like, yeah, she's like stage exit. So Lisa goes, she's like stage exit left. It's like stage exit left, stage exit right. Oh, yeah, well, something's wrong with that scenario. I am leaving. Yeah, it proves to me that she doesn't get it. I mean, listen, I love a mic drop more than anybody. But, like, can we just sit down and talk? because like this is hard she has to get some class so the other ladies are i'm leaving portia's like oh i don't know what happened i don't know what the happened to my so-called friend and kyle's like yeah wait guys don't leave me help wait no wait guys don't leave me that's just that's not even our car it's just some rando's car they're so desperate to leave they're gonna get into a random person's car they're gonna pull a kiki and get into an amazon drunk i'm so excited to be leaving i would rate this party a one out of ten i mean it was a flop this party was a flop i mean who's in this car who's in this car and it's uh porsche giselle and kyle they're like it's a safe space vicky she's like oh my god please tell me no one's singing no one is singing in this car it's crazy that now vicky is in the cool group vicky has had i don't know i actually do think since since i've been gone i feel like i feel like vicky's had like a i think things have worked out well for vicky on bravo in the past two weeks i feel like um um like now she is now she's like being fun on this show she's being accepted she's not the crazy one anymore and honestly on Orange County like honestly on Orange well we'll get to Orange County but I was I was honestly on Vicky's side with that whole fiasco I can't even believe I'm saying this but I really was yeah I was I decided I decided she's such a she's being a monster but oh but Emily but like Emily and Emily was being I don't know I think Emily's ridiculous I was like kick him out.

35:40I mean, Emily sucks too. Yeah, Vicky, the way that she turned that in the dinner where she's supposed to be apologizing to Carmella and she's like, but I'm a victim, you know, like I've been hurt. I've been hurt. I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I've been abandoned so many times. Like, wait, how did she do that? She turned the whole thing around. And everybody's surrounding Vicky hugging her while she's pretending to cry. I mean, it's pretty skillful. um it's skillful it's like gina said it's fucking amazing

36:15Ben Mandelker: so uh then they start talking uh they're basically like to be like oh my god the wham like that's crazy so back at the party luann is like well you know it's funny because we haven't even fought this whole time and i've been cool with porsche the whole time until you're two hours late to my own party and you don't apologize and lisa's lisa's like i'm not the mother or father time so i don't really care if people are late but i i don't think it's about borsche being timely i think it's more about you being the center of attention so now lou is walking up to different people and like exclaiming a line and then walking away let you know i'm doing a walk off she does like 30 walk-offs and it is so funny and she just keeps going and repeating the same line she's like oh really well she was two hours late to my party and she's upset with me two hours I'm leaving.

37:04By the way Porsche, two hours late. Can you believe it? Hey Bring me one of those little mini tacos Bring it here. Thank you so much. Two hours late Can you believe it?

37:15Ben Mandelker: You know I was watching Gilligan's Island and I know that they went on a three hour tour but at least they were going somewhere. She was two hours late. Can you imagine two hours late and she wasn't even on a boat? And then she glides in and thinks she's the queen. No I'm the fucking queen. I am Get out of the front. Get out of the front. Get out of the middle i'm in the middle i'm in the middle i'm in the front it's my party commercials here comes one right now hey guys it's page from giggly squad okay can we all agree that hosting is so much fun and i really do love it every weekend it's come over for snacks let's make dinner together and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter it seems that bugs show up before your friends do.

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39:22Ben Mandelker: choose your sense of place at pura.com and they just show someone at the party being like i don't know what what we're talking about i'm just was trying to say what's up hi that guy was so funny the two hours like yeah i i just i'm just trying to say hi two hours so then vicky in the car vicky is like that was like the most awkward weird party and parasha's like i'm like what the i just walk into like i'm like i just like walked four miles back to the hotel and then they're saying how there's like no food and giselle's like who who has a party with no dessert but then giselle was wrong because we cut to alex mccord bringing out a cake in the shape of a louis vuitton herman munster shoe oh my gosh you know this show is there are so many times I think this show veers into I've written a letter to Debbie.

40:23It's like, okay Alex, you did your shoe dance and you're coming out with the shoe cake. Bless your heart, you know. Oh, you're such a good sport, Alex. Oh, I want to eat the boot. I'm eating a Herman Munster shoe, everybody. I'm going to eat the bow right off the top. Suck that, Heather Dubrow. By the way, I didn't bring Heather Dubrow up in my speech. Let's redo the thing. Let's redo it. Reset. Reset.

40:43Ben Mandelker: So Luanne, she seems happy because she finally is like, we have this cake. It's funny. It's wonderful. And then she puts down the cake and she's like, I mean, two hours late. Can you even believe it? Two hours late. Can we talk about Portia? Two hours late. So now the ladies, it's the next day and everybody is packing in their hotel, getting ready to go to the Berkshires, going to the Sprinter van, and Lou is not there. Now Lou's not showing up. Where's Lou? where's lua well she calls dorinda she's like dorinda i'm hanging up the rest of my things you know getting ready for the berkshires but oh god let me just tell you this let me just tell you this the shit hit the fan after you left i mean first of all portia shows up two hours late two hours i mean it's two hours late dorinda she's still going the next morning she's going more than this printer is going off right now during this podcast that printer is fucking hilarious what are they printing um what are they what website you know what i just did you know i just did wikipedia are they printing the entire wikipedia well because before the podcast started so here's what happened before the podcast started my mom was like dad needs to print something can he print something uh because he needs to print it i was like sure and i was like it's fine just print during the podcast it's fine i'm thinking it's like a single document but it's actually been non-stop so you know what i just did right now first of all i just texted my dad i said can we pause the printing for 20 minutes and then and then as soon as i said that another document came through so here's what i did i just took out the paper the paper tray i just removed it and now it can't print i've taken matters into my own hands but is it still going like when it's thinking every couple seconds it's it has like an error message on screen saying that's right the tray open i'm like that's right that's right because you need to calm yourself because these last few things were just so loud i was like i literally couldn't hear you ronnie over the sound of this paper coming out it did get louder somehow the printer was like you know what now we're really gonna print you show up two hours late to my printing yours it's like does the printer have tap shoes now what's happening i know it got so loud two hours late two hours late you show up and you're printing things.

43:03Ben Mandelker: You know, I was trying to say something nice about you, printer, but maybe not. So anyway, as you mentioned. I was just trying to take a picture after my first party. Let me take a picture. It really hurt my feelings. My feelings. I'm really upset. I'm really obsessing. Oh, my God. Don't cry. Please. You're going to break the phone. Please. I mean, I levitated. No one can take the guttural sounds of you crying. Please. Can you believe it? I levitated. I fucking levitated and they show up late for it. I levitated for fuck's sake. So then we see on the sprinter, Vicky's like, where's the cactus?

43:38Ben Mandelker: And they're like, she's coming. And Portia's saying, yeah, Luann knows she's in trouble today. And that's why she's late. So we go back to Luann. I don't really get upset about things, but this is really upsetting me. The way I was treated in my own town as a levitator. It wasn't just that. This line was so amazing. First of all, let's set the stage a little bit more. luann is wearing this like black one of her black fedora things and she's got like black sunglasses on and she's got like a fur collar and she's sitting there and she's just she's like i don't get really upset about things but this is really upsetting to me the way i was treated in my own town and she like swings her head around it's so dramatically so camp it was one of the funnest They showed it in the clip from last week as the coming up.

44:26Ben Mandelker: And it was like, it was, this is going, this is going to be like a gift. This is going to be with us for many years. It was the funniest thing I've seen all year. In my own town. Well, you know, again. You know, another person. In New York. I mean, I have respect for fuck's sake. Oh, another one. And they're new. They're not no tea. Respect. I demand respect from people. just like they're not an og respect and then and like luann like grabs the phone and dorina's like oh god i thought you could hang up the phone and he's like well i have to get moving to get up to you now you know i'm feeling really upset i feel like somebody just kicked me in the stomach and i'm not quite sure why and it wasn't in a fun sexy way it was in a non-appreciative of an og cabaret our way and now i just feel like it's gonna be a very long car ride to the berkshires but she does try she comes on the sprinter van and tries to be all positive she's like oh hello girl hey girls i hope y 'all had a fun time last night what a great time spending time with my girls all right did you have a great time uh she goes i had the best time she's like yeah i had a great time yeah it's like yes i had a great time i think everyone else had a great time i pretty much can say that is probably the best party that's ever been thrown in the history of the bravo television network well if you stand in front of me one more time in a photo i'm gonna deck you the world i'm taking you outside i'm giving you a nookie do you understand me and so uh kyle's like okay well i guess we're not wasting any time in the sprinter well i never want to stand in front of you darling i want to lift you up i want to lift you up luan saying it in that way of like that's what i do i want to lift you up and i guess not everyone wants to lift everyone else up because some of us had a party last night and some of us levitated and yes when you levitate you are being lifted up by nothing but some of us want to levitate with people's hands underneath them listen i just want to lift you up i want to carry you put you above me and then put you behind me you understand yes especially if there's a photo involved so uh vicky's like well i mean i think you know i always feel like you want to make me invisible and i'm like i'm human too i have feelings and like that hurts my feelings being invisible here we go vicky's like guilty mom act that she pulls all the time you make me visible i'm a human i'm a human being well i'm sorry i hurt your feelings whatever your name is and vicky's like no i mean i just i don't even think you know you're doing it no i don't probably i probably don't know that now excuse me i'm just gonna sit here wow this is awfully awfully bony chair in this sprinter it's my lap you're sitting in my lap did you even know I was sitting here?

47:14Ben Mandelker: Oh, no. I was wondering where that voice was coming from. Get off of me. I do not like you sitting on me. What do you mean? Get off of me. You are sitting on me right now. I'm going to hear my B. So Vicky's like, Luanne's a nice person. Because that was an issue. It was that Luanne literally sat on Vicky during a cast photo. And we see a clip. You're sitting on me. You're sitting on me. top of me so she's like you know i think she's got a good heart however she loves the mirror mirror on the wall way too much and so i love that she's got confidence but it's like more than most well yes well i'm not gonna apologize for who i am i'm not doing that so maybe you can start selling you know hurt feelings insurance or something i mean i'm not sorry all right i mean who who accepts a cabaret of the year award by saying i'm sorry it's just not how it happens okay and portia's like man you do this every time and i was joking with you about it at first but then when vicky started complaining about getting pushed and sat on like i i started to really paying attention she's like well i got pushed last night pushed out of the way at my own party by the way what's so funny is that like this is what luann is saying this is not like the watch where crap ends made up dialogue luann is saying these things i was pushed out of the way had my party and first of all you're two hours late you've got some nerve non cabaret person wait a minute hold on are you talking about pushing or are we talking about being two hours late which one is it well both you can we not multitask both both whether i was two hours later now i had apologize and you know what you did you kept on going and going in the microphone trying to embarrass me and i thought that was pretty low down and then when i've been sparing your ass the whole goddamn trip.

49:04Ben Mandelker: Oh, you've been sparing my ass? Is that what's going on? How so? Because you've been obnoxious, Luann. Oh, really? Oh, really? One person's obnoxious is another person's Grammy. Okay. And she's like, well, that's news to me. Have I been obnoxious? Someone please tell me where I've been obnoxious. Now, here. Okay, you speak to me and I will answer you with a microphone. connected to the sound system, and I will have a spotlight on me. Tell me how I've been obnoxious. You talk over me, you talk over the girls, you push people. Are you kidding me? That's a lot of things. That's a lot of things to be telling someone at such a high level.

49:48Ben Mandelker: That's obnoxious if you're a regular person, but if you're a cabaret star, it's just what you have to do to get by. So, next. Why would you think it's okay to come stand in front of people? It's my party. It's in New York. It's in my town. We're levitating.

50:05Ben Mandelker: You know, I want you all to look at my Instagram, okay? Instagram, okay? This is a website you used in order to get an instant Grammy. I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm hoping my time is soon, which I guess defeats the point of it being instant. But you know what I'm saying. It's a very popular website. We all want our Grammys. What did I do in Miami? I made sure Alexia and Marisol were standing center. And if you look at Atlanta, you girls are all in the center. Look at me off to the side, being a star to the side. Did I think the camera was to the side? Perhaps. but either way i'm not in the center and they do show a lot of clips of her doing this making sure that everyone has their moment to be in the center and kyle's like well that's not fair because those are just a few examples you know and vicky's like but you sat on me you sat on me in miami well you know what it's not your city so what do you want me to do that's just well i think the problem is that you don't like you don't have self-awareness and accountability for some of your actions at least like one or two things that we're saying at least one or two come on come on well i do take accountability i take accountability i'm accountable for the fact that i am a great singer i'm sorry i'm sorry that i'm too talented and too much of a star for this sprinter van it must be hard for you women i apologize and i take accountability i take plenty of accountability you know i was watching hulu and the show daisy and the six came on and i said that is me.

51:25That is my show. So I take plenty of accountability.

51:28Ben Mandelker: I take accountability for taking up a seat on the Sprinter van. When I know everyone wants a little bit more room, I could be levitating instead. And instead I'm just actually sitting on a terrestrial seat. And I apologize for wasting up a seat. And you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not an apology. That's not what accountability is. I hate those kinds of apologies. You're mean to me and you're mean to us well i didn't i was not mean to you i was upset i was upset i'm sorry you upset me okay is that better i'm sorry you don't respect a star in her own town that's levitating can you hear the words i'm saying am i too high up in the sky are my words not reaching ground level i am levitating so hard right now even sandy duncan was jealous of the amount of levitation that was going on there anybody bro i gotta get a glass eye around here to get a little respect so lisa starts hugging duane and she goes oh i know you just wanted support last night because lisa is like very you know she's sensitive to being ganged up on that's her journey and portia's like you're ridiculous lisa because you know what if somebody in this group needs to take accountability do not enable her do not baby her this is why she acts like this which is so funny that luann is their problem child they're like don't enable her and they're like stop hugging Luanne stop it well guess what you know I have feelings yeah but you know what I'm a queen enabler I sing I sing with her every single time she does which is a lot you know and I just love that well how fast the table flips am I right Teresa you have you been paying attention to this fight do you want to get in on it anything uh Joanne what that's the name with a person that I knew before I was famous.

53:17Joanne! Goddammit, Teresa! 24 hours later.

53:22Ben Mandelker: So it basically ends with Giselle saying, is Luanne defensive right now? Yes, but guess what? I'm not done. It's a long car ride. So next week, get ready for me to go at Luanne. Classic. Great episode. And next week is the season finale. Season finale where they're all going to be fighting and in honor of this episode, let's listen to the printer go off one last time

53:50Ben Mandelker: so good excuse me I'm levitating over here whoa one of my greatest hits oh yeah oh don't you know that's the sound of the man working on a printer

54:09thank you so much for being here Go get tickets for the In The Mix tour, Kansas City and Chicago next, or this week, I guess, the end of this week, for Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Real Housewives of Orange County, respectively. We'll see you guys next time. Bye.

54:27Ben Mandelker: Bye. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Holly Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS, we love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

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55:55Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

56:05Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plisch My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo Let's get savage with Laura Wildman In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Tell of Sun Yes we canna, it's Sadana Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Solian Pop Let's take off with Tam LaPlane Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar We love you guys This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms There are so many complicated things on Bravo Like opening the front door on Summer House.

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