Dwell Hello #522: The White Lotus Inspired Search in Koh Samui

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0:26Well hello

0:32Well, hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. It's our House Hunters podcast here at Watch for Crapins. Thanks for tuning in. And I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good. How's it going with you? it's going quite well uh today we are doing a house hunters international episode it's called the white lotus inspired search in ko samui i don't remember if i'm saying ko samui right if it's ko samui or what but i apologize if i mispronounced ko samui uh this is volume 9 season 201 episode 01 you can find it on hbo max and this is a very new episode i think this like Like this aired like within the past few months.

1:19Like this is a fresh House Hunters International. And are you ready to dive in, Ronnie? Let's do it, buddy. For Justin and Kelly, the corporate grind in Singapore provided them certain comforts, but it did a number on their psyche. I would love it if they just cut to like Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, just like working day jobs. It's just an angry at each other. It's kind of like the terrible sequel to their original movie from 2003. From Justin to Kelly with love. But now it's like, from Justin to Kelly from corporate America. Except in Singapore. Pissed off in Singapore. Dun, dun, dun. The dream.

1:58The sad dream of young love. But yeah, if they say it did a number on their psyche, I want to see miserable people who are like, oh my God, get me out of here. I don't even care where I live. But no, we see a pretty well-adjusted couple, Justin and Kelly. and they are really into thick blue and pink glasses. They're a glasses couple. They're a glasses couple. And Kelly, what's really remarkable is that Kelly took Muzzy's eyebrows from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and she shrank them on down. So she has these teeny tiny little, she's like these two little dots in the center and then the lines just sort of like taper off into nothing outside of it.

2:35And she's just these two little, it's like these tiny, tiny little, tiny little specks. Yeah, she's a Muzzy prequel. She's like the origin story. She's the muzzy origin story. She's like an alien earth when they show like the little baby aliens before they grow up. It's like that's what the eyebrows are. The guys, they were working such long hours in Singapore. And she's like, and we wanted to live life on our own terms and regret not doing it. And not regret not doing it. So we see a montage of them. We want to regret it. Walking around this place, you know, doing tourist stuff, ancient statues, fire dancing, etc.

3:17So they're leaving stable jobs and mortgaging their future to buy their dream home in Koh Samoy, Thailand. And the island's mystique just became a Hollywood sensation that these two are about to ruin. Congratulations for sending away all the new tourists. Ever since the White Lotus came to film here, there's been a 30 % increase in tourism. Really? Listen What did they show in White Lotus That made you want to go The part where the cobra got loose And bit somebody Or White Lotus is about the hotel Like you want to go to the hotel You don't necessarily want to move to the town Right I would love to move to a town Where cobras could get on the loose And bite me Spoiler alert

4:07So So, yeah, so there's been a spike in tourism. And, of course, if there's a spike in tourism, then there's going to be a spike in basic Americans that now want to live there. Basic fans. Yeah, like, oh, my God, we love White Lotus. So we're going to move to where White Lotus films. You guys, really? You seem too smart for this. So these two, we see them. They're on a boat. And because they're heading to the island. And Justin is like, can we just, like, live at the White Lotus Hotel? I'm like, no, you can't. You're not rich enough. Not for 400 grand, silly. You're the people that White Lotus cast, you know, like the White Lotus characters look down upon.

4:49You know, it's like, I'm going to move. I want to move somewhere where I can be looked down on by registered White Lotus guests. You can live at the hotel that the women visit and then get horrified by and run out of. but you can't be at the main hotel. No. Yeah. So they want to see view of course, and she wants it on the beach and he wants to be higher up, but ultimately she's the boss. Okay. I don't know that he's even watched white Lotus, honestly, because anybody who's watched like white Lotus, a lot of white Lotus, one of the kids keeps talking about tsunamis. Like he's obsessed with watching tsunami videos that happen around there.

5:28And he's like, do you think a tsunami will happen? And one of the big things going around during the season was like, do you think a tsunami happens and kills them all? And that's why the opening is all kind of people floating in the water and trying to escape sharks and stuff like that. And this, this, uh, this lady wants to live right on the sea. I don't think you were paying attention, but also like if you want to live higher up, you know who lives higher up? No, the bad guy. So like, we're like, what's going on with you guys? Like I want to, I want to live just like the guy who killed Jennifer Coolidge.

6:04So, um, they, that's what they're, that's what they want. And now they're riding with the realtor to one of the houses. And, um, cause she's like, cause she says, I'm the boss. And he's like, of course you would say that. And the realtor was like, that was sassy. So, uh, Justin says, the thing I love about traveling is exposing myself to different cultures, seeing the way that different people live. It's a source of inspiration, our own career aspirations, as well as the ambitions that we have. We just want to co-opt all these things. We would just, we don't want to do. We want to appropriate.

6:33And being able to travel really helps us with that. Culture of altars. Well, Justin and Kelly caught the travel bug while working overseas for the same L.A.-based architecture firm. Okay, guys. So after four years in Shanghai and two more in Singapore, they've had it with the rat race. So Kelly says that the hustle and bustle was just a bit wearing. I mean, look, she doesn't even have eyebrows anymore. And Justin's like, yeah, it was all so expensive, which is why we want to move to a resort community where everything is famously cheap. Yeah. All we could afford are condos. So we see an info bubble pop up.

7:10It's like Singapore is the world's most expensive city. And she's like, yeah, we really want a space, a backyard our dog can enjoy and a place that can erase my eyebrows a little bit more each day. Yeah. And the freedom to live life the way we want to live it, which is, so watch out everyone. Here come two wild and crazy architects who just want to live their life. They want to watch fire dancing and they're going to do it. They're going to watch fire dancing and also draft up a nice little den. Be ready. She's like, yeah, you know, we started becoming more aware of mortality and the time we have here on Earth.

7:49So I'd really like to embrace that. Your mortality? What are you talking about, Kelly? Yeah. That got real dark all of a sudden. We just want to live our lives. we want someplace for Raja to run around. And also we are pretty aware we're going to die soon. Yeah. These are two people who meditated one time and now they're like, Oh my God, life is death. Right, honey. Let's move to Muay Thai. So they go to, um, they go to like a temple and there's like a gong and everything. And Justin's like, well, we took a trip to Samui and we instantly fell in love with the place. And it's like a third of the cost compared to Singapore, richest city in the world.

8:29And we just, you know, We sold some investments to be able to buy this property. And we're just really excited. I mean, nothing says saving money like selling off investments. Just that way you can get some sort of hovel somewhere. We're really into cardboard ever since we went to that Buddhism class one time. So we're looking for a cardboard house, preferably on the ocean, but high up. Okay. And a place for a Rottweiler. So they're going to look around. Kelly is talking about how risky their business is. but she's going to offer architecture and concept design, which I guess is kind of risky, right?

9:07What do you just send pictures to people? Is that what, is that, yeah. Cause they're going to start their own business and I guess, I guess they're doing like remote architecture, et cetera. I kind of feel like if you're going to be doing that, like, shouldn't they just like be building their own house? Yeah. I feel like you have to be the place where you're making the architecture, but I don't know. I mean, I guess not. I guess there are international people who don't work at home, but I don't know. I want you to like test the joints. You know what I mean? And the joists. So they're, it's a big risk cause they're going to, they have to pay in cash.

9:37And so they're going into their savings. So they're on this, they're on this ferry, which is like the same ferry from the show. And Linda's like, there is a small airport on the Northeast part of Koh Samui. Most travelers arrive from the mainland, take the ferry to Nathan pier on the less populated West coast. coasts and once on this island there's essentially just one ring road that hugs this dramatic coast so that's just my way of telling the locals watch out two dum-dums are coming your way get on the other side of the ring they're right so on the east side guys we have fisherman's village and that's got local stalls where you can enjoy lots of spicy food not to mention it's on the water but too expensive for you, unfortunately.

10:24Okay. And we meet, this is Victoria, their realtor who does not seem to like them. And her name is Victoria Withinrich. I'm like, is this a made up last name? Victoria With... Like, don't worry, the house that you want is Withinreach. So I'm Victoria Withinreach. Withinreach. I almost feel like she had like, like maybe she had like a Thai last name that she's like, nah, I think for this American show, I'm just gonna put it Withinreach. It's my branding. She's running away from something. She's changing her name to really obvious things. So this is Chihuang Beach, known for its five-star resorts, international foods, dining experience, and very bushy eyebrows.

11:06You probably won't be accepted there.

11:11That's going to be out of your reach. That's my colleague out of your reach. venture inland to discover lush jungle and an abundance of natural beauty look at that monkey and we see a little monkey which is all i really need i just want to move somewhere with monkeys i love monkeys so justin has an observation this island is very very green kelly's like yeah i love green things that's why i married kelly it's in her name i was like oh i never put that two and two together i feel objectified well there's also yoga retreats and a lot of spirituality here, which we really care about because we care about mortality right now.

11:47And then we see a guy in a bucket hat patting another man down with leaves on a wet wooden bench and then there's someone doing yoga. Like, see, they're being spiritual, but they could also die at any moment, which we're really into. You know, my last name is Within Reach, and yes, I'm talking about your dream home, but I'm also talking about my ankle for my forehead because we do a lot of yoga here. Everything's Within Reach on our bodies. And then Victoria says, which I don't really get, she She goes, being by the ocean, you feel connected and grounded. Isn't being by the ocean like the least grounded you could possibly be?

12:22I mean, the only least grounded you could be is like living in the sky. I know. Justin and Kelly may be able to stretch their dollar in Thailand, but Koh Samui is a hot market that's about to get even hotter once some other people show up. But not these two. These two aren't going to make it any hotter. No, unfortunately not. Yeah, once her favorite show airs, it's about to get hotter. So she's like, oh, my God, we're literally on the same boat that White Lotus filmed on. I'm super fanning right now. Oh, my God. Boat, can I have your autograph? We just love the White Lotus. What a feel-good show.

12:59We binge-watched it. And I was just, like, really sad when season two ended because there wasn't a season three for me to watch yet. I'm like, oh, so you don't even know the filming. You just know that it filmed here. You don't even know what's going to happen at this season. And you're just like, oh, they told me they filmed on this boat. Yes, I'm in. Yeah, you don't even know that this was considered the worst season. And you are moving to the worst of the seasons location. He's like, I can't wait to hear the Thai version of my favorite theme song.

13:30So Victoria tells us that the White Lotus made this place pop in. And now influencers come here and celebrities. So it's big, guys. You guys, your neighbor could be an influencer. Have fun. Have fun listening to doorbells all day from Amazon deliveries. I know. The locals are probably like, oh my God, it's Justin Guarino and Kelly Clarkson. They're moving here. Like, hey guys, Justin Kelly here. They're like, wait a minute. What are Urkel and Eyebrows doing on our lawn? We set up these volleyball nets for you guys. Are you saying there's going to be no beach musical scenes?

14:12Um, so Victoria's like, yeah, hasn't aired yet. And that's why the real estate market's going to boom once that comes out. So it's good that we're here right now. And she's like, oh my God, I love Fisherman's Village because they filmed there, right? Oh my God, I want to live right in Fisherman's Village. Victoria's like, how do you feel about hot Russian guys at Muay Thai matches? Is that something that you'd be into? I don't know what that means, but sure, let's do it. Nothing could go wrong. um so justin's okay having a short drive but um because he wants to be in the hills and there's more privacy there but she does not want that she wants right on the beach okay because he's an architect and she's an interior designer and so they want to have a really unique home yeah they want to have a unique beachfront home so uh he wants a sea view unobstructed and she wants sand in her toes.

15:07So she wants beachfront. And Victoria's like, well, that may make my job a little bit harder. How many bedrooms are we looking for? And he wants three bed, two bath. And they want it to be furnished. And they also want an open floor plan. And they also want a kitchen so that they can entertain. I'm wondering who they're entertaining, but that's a whole other question. Well, you gotta have goals, you know? And he wants a swimming pool and a backyard for the dog. So they're asking for a lot. I think. Yep. And they want to spend 500 ,000 US dollars. So Victoria's like, well, Kelly and Justin's wishlist is not impossible, but beachfront is extremely hard to find.

15:47I'm not going to say it's not within reach, but it's kind of hurting my personal brand right now. That's just what I'm going to say. All right. Welcome to property number one. We're up in the hills. I picked this property for Justin. Okay. It's 15 minutes to Fisherman's Village. it's a furnished two bedroom three bath okay justin so just maybe you could have your office in one of those extra bathrooms okay mr architect god i can't wait to please justin with this thing he didn't ask for i know he's like two bedrooms i don't know if that's going to work for us because we need to have three bedrooms for all the people who are going to visit us once per year and have no hotel options in this resort community and i really like victoria's attitude because victoria is not suffering these people.

16:30She goes, well, I'd love to show it to you anyways. It's like, yes, within reach do it. Victoria, Victoria is, I'm going to send you her Instagram. It's very easy to find her. Cause you just have to type in within reach within spelled, not within reach, but within rich. And she, she's like the only one. Cause I think it's a made up name. She's like hot. She's like a hot Instagram kind of model. I'm going to send you it right now. She's just like, why am I talking to these old, ugly people? She's like, I just want to make my big break on American TV through House Hunters. I don't want to have to actually listen to their requests and their demands.

17:06Oh, yeah. Lots of bikini model shots in this. Guess what I don't see? Any real estate. None whatsoever. This is like, look at my feet coming out of the water. Look at my boobs. Oh, look. Yes, bikini. Yes, bikini. Yes, not one of these is near the center of town. Am I mad? No. And she is like her little highlights, you know, on her Instagram. She has one that shows like leopard skin and then like sunsets, strawberries, pictures, Thailand and lemons. And I don't think I see any that say real estate. Oh, there's a shoe and there's a soccer ball. She says house tours linked. Okay. So I'm going to go to her YouTube.

17:49Let's see. YouTube. Victoria. Oh my God. Victoria's journal. I want to go to her journal. That's in her Lincoln bio. Let's see. Maybe she has a secret. Oh gosh. Ads. Okay. Japan won travel food styling in Osaka. My third time back in Japan. The best one so far. I went with four coworkers to Osaka and before our travels, you get to see how my brain works while packing for a trip. Oh God. God help us. I'm done. I do not want to see how your brain works. a look inside victoria with and rich i i've i don't know what is supposed to be victoria with and rich or victoria with and reach because i feel like it should be within reach right within rich i say within rich within rich yeah um so uh anyway so she's like okay we're up in the hills uh this is for justin you're gonna love it he's like it's too small welcome to villa blue sky.

18:45So this is the bargain. Okay, big landscape yard. He's like, I'm not liberal. No. I don't like this branding. So it's short a bedroom and it's not beachfront. And Kelly's like, wow, they did a really nice job with the landscaping. I love how there's grass there. Yeah. Some palm trees. Wow. Wow. Mm-hmm. Do we have this landscaper's number? I was wondering if he could maybe tend to my eyebrows a little bit. I just love what he did with those bushes. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm seeing maybe a yard. Is this a yard? Oh, Roger's going to love this. Our dog will love this. So they go through. Justin is like, well, I was looking for a three-bedroom, two-bath.

19:33But Victoria's like, yes, but it's$450 ,000. So$50 ,000 under budget. Okay, but are they going to build another bedroom, Victoria? You know what I mean? Sometimes they're like, well, you can add on. If you don't like the kitchen, you can remodel it with the extra money. But what are you going to build on a room? Come on, Victoria. Well, they could use that$50 ,000 and pay for their guests' hotel rooms. That's true. Every time they visit. So then they're checking out the inside. I mean, I thought this one was pretty nice. This one is probably most comparable to stuff over here, right, in the States.

20:08It's, you know, you walk in, there's kind of like an open kitchen to the dining room, wood floors, high ceilings. It's totally open. It's like sort of open, right? It definitely has like very high ceilings. There was something kind of weird about the space, I thought, like very tall ceilings. It felt like kind of a shoebox on its side a little bit, right? Not terrible, but like felt a little off to me. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's small, but they keep saying it's not totally open concept. but no house is totally open concept. Like you need walls for your rooms and stuff. It's just the kitchen and the living room open up into each other.

20:45I like at one point they walked by the dining room table, which is just like a little square table that has like four chairs on it. And Kelly's like, Hmm, it's a bit small for entertaining guests, but it's like a big ass room. And Victoria's like, yeah, you can get a bigger table. You're not bound in by the room. Kelly says, okay, man, And this is one of the problems where they're looking for a furnished place because a lot of it becomes like, well, I don't like that couch. Get another couch. This is the house. Okay. This is, you're not renting it. You're buying this. Okay. Get it. So the kitchen's nice, has nice appliances, but it's not open.

21:23It's a little closed off, but it's not like crazy closed off. And there's a pool outside. And I mean, it's, I mean, by the way, like it's still like, it's a house that most people would consider like paradise, right? Like, Oh my God, this is an amazing house that we just like, that we like that you can get overlooking the ocean in Thailand. So it is like at an, like a base level of being a very nice house. Yeah. So one of the rooms, which I would use for the guests opens up to the pool and that's nice. The pool is nice. They don't like, what do they have a problem with the electrical lines and the power lines?

21:57Yeah. But they can see the ocean, but there's power lines. yeah and that's an issue for them well i mean call the city what are you gonna do they're gonna be everywhere in the city right i mean that's the oh you still you can still see the ocean pretty well i think it's just like one line it's going across you so he's the power lines um he's like well we need a place to collaborate and work together how are we gonna do that so they're gonna have to use the guest room and they like the patio and the pool is really nice and he doesn't like the view from there because it is constructed and there is some power lines like we said so there's also another level on top so they like that a little bit better and victoria's like well they know the ins and outs of um interior design unfortunately they skipped the highbrow design section but um you know they are going to be picky and they want everything to be perfect so fuck me by the way power lines are think of that as like park benches for birds so and you're in thailand so you're going to see a lot of pretty birds just sitting on that thing.

23:02I have power lines right, right outside my window. And at first I was like, Oh, that's not a great view, but guess what? A squirrel runs across them every day. Call it the squirrel highway. The birds come and they sit on it. There's actually a lot going on on the power line. So don't like turn your nose up at it. Yeah. Power lines, power lines can be very busy sources. They can be hubs. They can be hubs of fun. Okay. There's, they are the most fun you've ever had. You just can't touch them or you die. So then, Justin says, we want to feel like we're on location at the White Lotus. I'm like, well, save more money then.

23:36Seriously. Like, you can't do that for$500 ,000. This is where the real people live. This is not where the White Lotus people live. What are you not getting, sir? So there's a, you know, they like this okay. He doesn't like that it's a two-bedroom. There's a decent shower. You know, they're very shower-picky. And all the showers are decent. But they're like, oh, I don't know what's standing. but it's pretty nice especially for house hunters i think everywhere they saw today was really nice because house hunters will send you to some shitholes that's for sure they really will um so kelly's like i think the main point of conflict is that it's just so high up in the hills i just i truly want a beachfront property so victoria's like well for half a million dollars it's gonna be quite hard to find jeep bastards well victoria's three bedroom in the hills gives them plenty of space, but the vibe isn't very Zen.

24:30So now they got to go to a new place. That's more relaxing. Property number two, big windows, large pool. But now this one, she doesn't like, I thought this place was really cool. It's like, uh, this is my favorite. Yeah. I thought this was really neat. Would you call it a condo? I don't think it's a condo, but it was a community where you have actually all of these houses that are the same, but it didn't feel cookie cutter to me. It felt almost like it was like it was, that was almost like the selling point is that you have all these, these cool, similarly shaped things, but they're designed in a way where there's like this roof that slopes over.

25:08So everyone has a view, but the roof gives you privacy. I think maybe the only time you don't have privacy is maybe when you're in your pool, perhaps but considering that the houses are all next to each other they're all very large and they were designed in a fascinating way and i thought they were the most architecturally interesting that we saw in the entire episode too i was surprised that they shit on it right away yeah so they go in there and kelly's like um we came here to find inner peace and this is not achieving that okay and they oh sorry that the tranquility it was just not giving you enough interviews.

25:41Yeah, started lady who meditated one time. So they go to a gold Buddha statue and she's like, yeah, we're designers. So as designers, we've seen so much beautiful Buddhist architecture and, you know, we just want to see details and all the detail involved, you know? Yeah. So, uh, Justin's like, yeah, I think the thing that usually stands out is the respect that's being paid at these places. Um, that's something that we see is very routine and, And people bring their offerings. So Kelly, if you don't mind, could you just shave a little bit off those eyebrows? Just put them in the bowl. Thanks. It's amazing because if you go to one of these Buddha statues and just let your inner quiet take over, you can actually hear Buddha speak to you.

26:21Hold on. Wait for it. Wait for it. Your eyebrows are terrible. Okay. Well, the Buddha further inland was nicer, but okay. Thanks.

26:34You got the mean Buddha over here. So thanks for driving me to bitch Buddha. Okay. Within. So there's signs everywhere. Even though, even though this, even though white Lotus hasn't actually premiered yet, they have already put up signs. Me like the white Lotus was here. It's like, this is so cool. And Justin bangs a gong. So Justin's saying, well, there's definitely a risk in giving up our steady paychecks. Yeah. And starting our own business and buying a property all at the same time is a bit scary. I'm like, yes, that's just the sort of judgment I love for the people who are going to be building my house.

27:06And he goes, yeah. and you only live once. And she's like, or as I like to say, you only die once. Right, Justin? What are we concentrating on? Mortality. Okay. Get with it. We're, we're really getting into the white Lotus theme. Mortality. So, Justin and Kelly are simply awestruck as they explore Koh Samui's many shrines and temples. And the locals are simply awestruck that two awful Americans are desecrating their sacred places. Yeah. I mean, you guys need to be more subtle. You know what I mean? They're walking around in matching outfits. Like I've never rooted for a tsunami before, but I'm like, can we just get like a very specific wave to just take these two?

27:44One single one. Yeah. One rogue wave that has a narrow, narrow, it sort of slinks around the buildings and other people and just finds them. Yeah, it's like a finger sized wave that just comes out and snatches them.

27:57Neptune's like, did you get them? It's like, no, we only got these eyebrows. Well, that'll do. so uh they've been kelly and justin have been locked up in the city in a small condo so they come here and they're like oh i want this space i want lots of space that's victoria telling us that and victoria's basically like these idiots think that they can just like get whatever space that they want just because they have five hundred thousand dollars yeah so property number two it's raining and justin's like wow it's really pouring and victoria goes we might be able to see a rainbow And Kelly's like, oh, that would be so nice.

28:30Kelly does this thing where she's always wanting to bitch about something, but then she pulls this really positive thing instead and like smiles too hard and squints her eyes. And it's really getting on my nerves at this point. He's like, it's raining. She's like, but a rainbow would be nice. Right?

28:48Victoria's next option gives them more space and an unobstructed sea view, but the densely packed neighborhood could be at odds with their pursuit for tranquility. Yeah, isn't that the worst when you have a full uninterrupted sea view and a pool that's also an infinity pool as well and like a lot of space and you're like, ah, it's just not tranquil enough. So gross. So it's only 10 minutes to Fisherman's Wharf and 10 minutes from the ocean. And Kelly's like, definitely not what I'm looking for. And she's like, okay, well, it is a furnished three bedroom with three and a half baths. and so she's worried about Kelly because Kelly is being a snot head and she's like it's not beachfront but you know once she sees the view I mean she'll love it right and they don't they come out and they're like ew the houses all look the same the houses all look the same they're like it's super cookie cutter and Victoria goes yeah I mean it's a development you guys are architects right you guys are architects right Okay.

29:50But I think once you go inside, it might be a little different. So they go in. There's no yard space, which is an issue because they do have that dog. And they just don't want to have to walk the dog out on the street. So that is a concern for them. But it is spacious. It's beautiful. I love this house. Yeah, this is a beautiful, beautiful place. Really pretty on the outside and the inside. And they have the view. And it's$500 ,000. So they love the view from up there. And he loves that it's up on the mountain. and she has come around too now that they've seen the inside. But the yard is a problem, like they said.

30:25And so they don't want to walk the dog every day. And then we see Raya just with a, you know, sprawled out on the grass. They're like, this is how he needs it. Yeah, and there's an open floor plan inside. There's a layout that's good. There's a center island. I mean, really, there's like nothing. There's almost nothing wrong with this house except for this complaint that it's cookie cutter. but I mean, have you, have you guys seen the way you guys look? I mean, come on. Yeah. Who doesn't like cookies? Yeah, exactly. Also just like start here and then work your way towards the more unique stuff.

31:00Right. Yeah. So this one's really great. Um, she doesn't like the furniture. It's another furniture complaint. And he's like, well, we could replace this. Kelly doesn't understand that they can just go get furniture. Like she never gets it. She's like, but the couch, she's like, we can get another couch, honey. She's like, Oh God. At one point, Victoria leads them outside onto a balcony. And Kelly's like, wow, I think we could use this as a nice balcony off of the office. I'm like, yeah. It's a balcony. It's a fucking balcony, Kelly. Twit. You know what's funny? You can, in fact, use the balcony as a balcony.

31:35Oh, my God. You know what? This is almost like being outdoors. You're outside. So then they go into the bedroom, and there's a lamp that's a dog statue. I forgot about the lamp. It is tacky as hell. It is really tacky. And he's like, yeah, I could overlook some of this stuff, but this furniture. And Victoria is like, I really thought that they would like it because they like dogs. So I thought they would like a dog lamp. Okay, Victoria. Victoria within reach is maybe not the best at the future. She's reaching. She's reaching. but overall it's still like a really nice area i mean and uh there's a is this oh this is the one that has a tub in the bedroom in the in the in the primary which is funny i don't know how i feel about a tub in the primary i don't think i want the tub in the prime i i know what they're going for so you can get the tub and you can look out at the beautiful view but i don't think i need a tub in the primary i'll i'll say i think i'd rather have a sofa that i could sit on and yeah i don't want a tub in the primary either that's that's just not and you know all the steam getting all over your bed and then you know your husband wants to take a bath and you're like i'm trying to read splash splash splash no you know don't get that shit on my all over your floor yeah um and i like justin goes this house reminds me of the white lotus it's epic well then you're set that's what you want it's the only thing you wanted is white lotus hope a murderer comes so then Kelly is like yeah you know it has his view but it's cookie cutter there's no privacy and it's still not on the beach so the responsible thing to do would be to give up the beachfront and save some money but I think differently we're gonna go to the beach so now to get Kelly beachfront Victoria takes them more to the remote west side where no one wants to live so now they're gonna go out there first we go back to Fisherman's Village where they're walking around and Kelly is like, my first impression of Justin was that he's smoking.

33:42And he's like, and my first impression of Kelly was that she goes hard, she plays hard, she's an alcoholic. I just want to tell that everyone. We're struggling through it right now. That was weird. She's like, he's hot. He's like, yeah, she's really intense is what I thought. She goes, yeah, I party pretty hard and I spend a lot of money. That's pretty accurate. Uh-oh. They call me Toxic Kelly. Toxic Kelly. but watch out Kelly or be sure to have some bail money Kelly. So now we see the fire dancers and we find out that fire dancing originated in ancient Polynesia but it's become popular in Thailand.

34:21Okay. In the touristy areas. So Kelly says that she's always telling Justin, come on, Justin, who cares if we don't have the money? Let's have our best life anyway. Let's just quit our jobs and leave and move to someplace for the set for some show that we haven't seen yet. yeah yeah well it's the right time for our career standpoint start our own company because we have two decades of experience yeah and we're doing themed entertainment design i'm like so do you guys design theme parks is that what that is that's like are you the make it feel like are you the ones who make it feel like you're in gotham city before you get on the batman ride well these two are fishy because first they said they were real estate then they said they were opening a company that was going to be consulting in architecture and design or something and now they're saying entertainment what what do they call entertainment design which sounds like party planning to me right themed entertainment design seems like it's it's like some sort of themed space like and like if you're designing a moroccan restaurant they would make it look moroccan maybe no that's how i interpret it i was taking it i don't really know what they're talking about Yeah, I don't know.

35:29Maybe. So who knows? He says, we're going to have to work through some eventual conflict that will come up in terms of different decisions that will be made for the company as well as for clients. We're going to fight a lot. We've actually fought so much already, and our marriage is hanging on by a thread. So we thought, let's come to a land of Buddhas so we can have some tranquility and hopefully get this business off the ground. Otherwise, we're just wasting a lot of money. Yeah, Justin has a lot of corporate speak when he really just wants to say, I hate this lady. Please keep me somewhere close to strip clubs.

35:56Okay? So now we see massages and they're walking together wearing matching outfits again. Wow. How can a couple like that ever fight? Yeah. Someone holds up a fish and Kelly goes, oh, very fresh. Yeah. And the lady's probably like, it's a fish. No, I just brought a three week old fish. Yeah, I killed this fish three weeks ago, but his family wouldn't pay the ransom. So I'm selling it on the street now. Hope you're hungry. you know how it is in these landlocked landlocked fishermen's markets that are nowhere near the sea totally old fish and as super fans of the white lotus which i don't know if we've said that yet uh season three being shot in them quite some eye just added to the intrigue so now we see that fisherman's village is where they filmed and it looked like a tourist trap hellhole because they that was the scene of like tourist trap hellhole where they shot you know yeah so then justin's like, yeah, you know, we're just so obsessed with the show, whatever we go overall, let's just go to house number three, shall we?

37:03Yes. They go to the West coast. So this is the more remote part of the Island. It's far away from everything, 40 minutes from town essentially. And this is an interesting one. It's, it's basically, if you look at the aerial drone shot, you sort of see the landscape and you see some like small houses that like, it doesn't look like a generally very wealthy area you see clusters of houses and then there's like this clearing and then in the clearing there are these big white walls it's like the slice it's like a little compound in the middle of nothing and like inside is like a nice villa but everything on the outside is kind of like you know it's like the it's patchy grass and everything and it's kind of this weird thing of like oh we're in a poorer area but we're just gonna plop a villa down right in the middle of it So there's, I definitely got a little bit of like a weird, like, you know, wealthy people, poor people right next to each other thing that I thought was already kind of like kind of strange.

37:58Yeah. It's a long strip, first of all, that goes from the beach backwards. So it looks like the only place you'll have a view is whatever the room that is that's facing the beach and everywhere else in the house is going to have no view of anything but dirt. Yeah. So it's an odd. Yeah. Yeah, it's a really odd one. And it's walled in. Right. Yeah. There's kind of like a vibe of like, hey, let's just like slot in this wealthy villa in the middle of this poor community. And let's put up walls. We don't have to look at the poor people. And let's be rich right in the middle of this. I was like, oh, I just sort of didn't like the vibe of that right off the bat.

38:36Yeah. So is it too remote? The TV asks us. So Justin's like, wow, look at this. It's like, I love how there's a driveway because we could probably put cars here. Yeah. So, and that's nice. We've got privacy behind the gate. It's great. That's good because, you know what? The street parking in that neighborhood is so difficult.

39:00And it comes fully furnished, of course. And it's on the beach and it's$530 ,000. And he's like, yeah, that's too expensive. Nope. Nope. Mm-hmm. So, they go, first they go up to the roof. of this villa and it's like really pretty of course. And it's beach side. And, and I like that Kelly goes and not a neighbor in sight. I'm like, what are you talking about? I see, I see the rooftops right over there. It's like, I mean, well not a wealthy neighbor in sight. Let me just say that we don't really look at the poor people. So they, Victoria is like this sliding door will lead us straight into your indoor living room, which is funny.

39:39It's a funny way to put it. So they go, they go, there's kind of an open floor plan in this one, with the kitchen and living room. And she's like, oh my God, an open floor plan. I love how the kitchen area is connected to the living area. That's what a fucking open plan is, architect. I know. I love that it comes furnished. I'm like, you know that the other ones are furnished too. I hate to break it to you, but you're really kind of three for three with furnishings here. She does not like the sofa though. He's like, we can buy another sofa. So then they go check out the bedrooms and stuff. And one of the bathrooms is outside.

40:16I thought she was a lot of like indoor outdoor stuff going on here. Yeah. And I guess they have to go outside to go pee. And she's like, not very convenient. Yeah. Well, luckily there's nothing like a monsoon season that they have to be concerned about. Yeah. Yeah. Lucky girl. So he is like, well, we definitely want to enclose the area between the living space and the bedrooms. And I don't know how much that'll cost, but I don't want to put more money into this. It's already overpriced. So it's definitely like, again, it's like a compound. That's like sort of, again, indoor, outdoor stuff. It seems like certain things are in different kind of buildings, which is kind of cool.

40:55Like that's a cool vibe to have, but I just feel like based on what everything that they had claimed that they had wanted, this just seems like not great. Right. And so you can't have bedrooms in a different building. If you're going to be using one of those as your office. and it's pouring down rain outside. All I see are bugs, bugs and lizards, just getting in everything, everything, everywhere. And monitor lizards. By the way, on the White Lotus, because they didn't see it, if they had seen it, they might not have been so chill about everything because those monitor lizards, the one that like walks around that resort and gets into that one bedroom, like they're real and they're there.

41:31And I definitely saw one and it was like a dinosaur walking around. I was like, what the fuck? It was so long. It was so big and long. And I felt like something from like 6 million years ago just came walking up to the resort. Yeah. So then we see a room that they can use for their office or a guest bedroom or whatever. And then we see the main bedroom and it has access to the pool like the other place. And she loves the wood furniture. And he loves the pool. Okay. There's a nice, the outdoor is real nice. It's like a really nice pool area and stuff. It's definitely like a resort living. Yeah.

42:10So it's also like resort living. It's not like live living, you know? Yeah. So they do have an ensuite bathroom, which is good. They don't have to go outside to pee in the nighttime. So that's good. And so now they go to the beach and she's like, oh my God, we're on a beach. The ocean breeze. I can't get over it. It's a breeze. The accessibility to the ocean. Oh my God. I can get used to the soundtrack. Oh yes. We need this in our lives. We're getting it. We're getting it. You know what? We will give you a hundred thousand dollars over just because I like wasting money. Yes. But it turns out it's a public beach, so they can just have people walk right up to the front of the house, which is funny because people could also walk up to the other side of the house, but it feels more invasive when they're coming up through the beach, I guess.

42:48I guess maybe you have a higher degree of people strolling around on the beach. So Kelly, they sit down with Victoria, and Kelly tells us, when we first met Victoria, she made it seem like, for our price, a beach house was unachievable, but she lied. She lied. Nothing is within reach, and yet it is. I don't know if I trust her anymore. I was like, okay, okay, Kelly. All right, Kelly. She gets this way when she's had a little bit too much to treat. Victoria within lies. That should be her name. Goddamn lying Instagram thought. So Justin's like, yeah, I'm not really into this. Like Kelly's into this property too much and it's scary.

43:21And the layout's odd, but it's far from town and it's not within our means. And she's like, oh my God, 530 ,000, whatever. Let's do it. Make that in my sleep. Fucking themed event spaces. Come on. I'll throw an Aladdin party for somebody. We're going to make this. Hey, Justin, I'm going to design a themed event space. And the theme is my ass, as in kiss it, we're getting the beachfront. So now they have to decide between the houses. Which one did you think they were going to pick? I thought it was going to be house number two. I thought house number two hit everything. I thought that their concerns about the neighbors were like, you could see the ruse, but it was largely private.

44:02I forgot about that there's no yard for the dog, which is a thing. So I assumed it was gonna be house number two. I was like, this is, this is clearly the one. What did you think? I thought number one, cause I thought there's no way she's gonna pick number two. Cause she was so shitty about it. You know, it's like, oh, cookie cutter. While she's literally dressed in the same outfit as her husband. But yeah, I figured she wouldn't pick that one. But, and I knew she wouldn't let Justin win. Cause you know, their whole relationship is like, I win. I win on everything. Yeah. So I figured it was number one.

44:33So then the first thing they do when they sit down to deliberate, they're like, okay, so let's cross number two off the list. I was like, what? I know that would have been my pick. I would have definitely picked number two. Yeah. I would have picked number two and just walk the dog again, you know, gone back to the dog walk days. Yeah. Yeah. Walk the dog. Don't you want to walk down to the beach with your dog? Hello. But I also loved her bad acting. Cause she's like, well, I choose house number three cause it's by the beach. and there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I'm not going to change my mind.

45:05He's like, yeah, but house number one has a pretty good view. You're right. I love house number one. Great choice, Justin. She's got that big, crazy smile on. Yeah, so they pick number one. She swims almost every day. Raja loves his life. And we do see the dog in the pool. And he loves it. He's pooping. He's pooping in the pool. You know what? We came to an agreement with Raja. and now we see them in the office working and you know they've had a little friction Justin's like yeah but it's been a little friction here but I'm sure it's all going to be great Kelly's holding a rolling pin over his head like she's about to hit him their place does look it is nice house number one was a great pick I just thought house number two was a little bit better and it's kind of crazy to think that they would if it was just about Raja's needs that they would maybe sacrifice like a gorgeous house just that way there's a place for the dog to like pee and poop.

46:01Yeah. Like on the inside. Yeah. You know, it's wild, but you know, I get it. I understand if you don't want to walk the dog. So any who fun episode, cool stuff. Thanks everyone for listening. And we'll be back in two weeks with another dwell. Hello. Bye everyone.