Dwell Hello #524: From Brooklyn to the Beach

0:00Ding-dong Germany

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0:29Well hello and welcome to the final episode of Dwell Hello. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hey, baby. Good. Wow, what a long journey we've had here with Dwell Hello. We've had such a good time. Yeah, we really have. We've recorded so many episodes of House Hunters. It's amazing how many - How many have there been? Well, we started Dwell Hello many years ago, but it was sort of like a sporadic thing. And then in terms of us doing it like every other week, it's been like three years. So that's like, that's at least like seven for, for the past three years.

1:09I mean, every other week, that's about 75 episodes. That's crazy. So it's right. If it's like 52 weeks in a year, we only do every other week. So it's like 26. Yeah. It's about, it's crazy. We've seen so many. And what's also crazy is how many, how many that we haven't even done. But, uh, yeah, we've done a lot of these and you know, this is the end of the road for it. But, you know, for now, it's just on pause. We're putting it on pause, but we need a break. We're Dorinda English show. I mean, just to show you how many episodes there are. This is season 248, episode 10. And God knows when this even came out.

1:44Okay. It's 248 seasons. And that doesn't even include the internationals, the, you know, tiny homes, the whatever the shit, you know. Renovations, extremes, yada, yada, yada. you know um but here we are with dwell hello this episode is called from brooklyn to the beach it was recommended by jill hirsch so thank you jill we love ya and you can find these episodes on youtube tv that's where we found this one i want to say something which is that we put out the call we put out the bat signal we said uh we are going to be doing our final episode soon please send us really the best ones, like really the best ones to do.

2:31And not only did Jill Hirsch find us one of the best ones, I feel like we've ever, this may be my favorite House Hunters episode I've ever seen. I don't know. It's hard to, like, actually, my favorite one of all time may have been when that couple moved to Destin to be near their friends, like Frank or whatever. Like, there's just this, that one wasn't one of my favorites. There have been some real classics, but this is like, this is such a great one to end on. Like this episode had me laughing from beginning to end. I could not get enough of these two women. These women need to be on TV more.

3:02I would, I need to see, this is not enough for me. The journey needs to continue for them. Yeah, they were a great pair of sisters. So let's get it going. Brooklyn native Lorraine wants a change of pace from city life. So she's looking for a beachside home in Cape May, New Jersey. She's from a big Italian American family. and her goal is to have a place to share with her sisters and nephews when they visit. And to make this dream possible, one of her sisters is chipping in financially and weighing in with their opinions. But my thought is, what would be the possibility of pushing this kitchen out?

3:38She's like, I don't want to, I'm not up for the renovations. I'm not up for it. When I say that she's from a big Italian-American family, I don't even have to say that because she's already brought a lasagna into my recording booth. You want to have a slice, Linda? Have a slice. Have a slice. It'll be great. Know who'd also like the slice? The boys. The boys will love a slice. The boys need a slice, okay? Give the boys a slice. So Lorraine is like, okay, I'm a retired assistant principal supervisor of a math department in a major New York City high school. I'm not going to say which one is that major, okay?

4:14And I currently live in Brooklyn with a mother-daughter house because I take care of my mom, hence mother and daughter, okay? I want to move to escape the bitch house. Okay. Can we find one of those? That would be great. Not, don't give the address to my, she'll be there. I lived, I've lived in this house for as long as I can remember since I'm about three years old. And you know who else likes to come to the house? The boys, the boys love coming to the house. The boys. Well, I'm Christine. I'm Lorraine's sister. I was an NYPD police officer detective. So don't mess with me. All right. We're very different.

4:51Her whole life is about math. It's annoying. I'll be honest with you. It's annoying. That's what it is. Even the way I load the dishwasher, everything has to be kind of symmetrical. It's about math. Dishes are very much about math. You don't know that, Christine, because you're a police officer. And that's great. You know what? She's a very nice police officer. She did a great job. She found all sorts of perpetrators, you know, but she doesn't use math. You got to use math if you're going to do police, if you really want to excel in that. Listen, I load the dishwasher. She goes back in. And she rearranges the whole thing every single time.

5:21Math, math, math. Can I wash your dishes? No. Can you wash the dishes? Okay. You can't wash arithmetic, but you use it. You use it. The way they overlap each other. Oh my God. It's just like, it was just so amazing. So funny. And the way that they repeat the last word of whichever one of them said was also really funny. They'd be like, you know what? I love the stove. I love the stove. The stove. It's a stove. I have these cleaning ladies and I've told you about them before, but they are my fucking favorite people. They come over here with their sisters and they do the same thing where one of them says something and the other one just repeats it.

5:55And they do it through the whole house. So one of the first time they came here, I just had a party and she said, Oh, you, so you had a party. You had a party here. You had a party, a party. How many people were at the party? A hundred people, a hundred people were at the party. A hundred people at your party. Oh, my God. Did you cook? He cooked. You cooked for your party. He cooked for his party. It's two hours of these ladies just walking back and forth and asking me things and then repeating it like it's the most amazing answer that they've ever heard. And I've never had a cleaner house because I just want them here all the time.

6:36well what's so funny about these women as we get when once they start looking at the houses we're normally used to on house hunters that they've clearly been prompted to find the negatives in something you know to be antagonistic to the other person but here like they seem to go out of their way to say that things are nice everything oh well you know what that's a look very nice shingles the shingles are very nice it's a very nice shingle they did a very nice job with the shingles well i like the shingle quite a bit well also you know what else is nice the doorknob oh very nice doorknob. That's a nice doorknob.

7:04Did you look at the doorknob? Look at this doorknob. It's actually a good quality. Very nice quality in the doorknob. It's so funny. When they walked up to one and she goes, oh, what is this, a porch? It's a porch or what? Well, it's not a porch. It's an outdoor space. Well, it's not big, but it's an outdoor space. It's outdoors. Yeah, it's outdoors. We love it. Yeah, it's very nice. You know who love it? The boys. The boys. Everything is about the boys. The boys would love it. There's like this abstract concept of like little boys somewhere. so um we see but now they're like sitting uh in lorraine's like dining room lorraine has put out the biggest spread we've ever seen on the show and like the preamble like she has there's an enormous enormous like six inch deep lasagna that's out there there's a girl there's like 10 kinds of pasta there's 10 kinds of pasta on this table so many meatballs and i don't think this was i don't think that she was trying to show off i don't think this presentation.

7:58I think that Lorraine just puts out the spread. Like I am coming to Lorraine's house. I'm not even joking. Well, we're four sisters. We grew up in a very close knit Italian American family. I don't know if you could tell. So just in case you're confused, we put rigatoni, spaghetti, even penne. Can you tell the difference between Italian? Can you tell the difference between penne and rigatoni? We can because we're Italian. Okay. Yeah, we're very big on eating and cooking and celebrating, and I really do love Brooklyn, but I'm looking for a change, you know? Yes, she wants a change. I mean, I want a change every now and then.

8:33You can have a change. You'll have to have a change. But you know what I know? It's nice to sometimes say the same. You can say the same, too. It's very nice to say the same. But you know what? I also like to change a little bit. You change. Change. You do it. Do what you want. It's free country. After just going to Cape May for one day, I said I could do this, you know? She could do it. I believe in her. She could totally do it. And eventually I'm hoping to spend the majority of my time in Cape May. However, maintaining some sort of residence here in Brooklyn, that's my roots. Also, I'm not bringing my mom here.

9:04Let's face it. Maz is going to say, look, she's got a beautiful backsplash and hopefully I'll find a place that has a backsplash that connects us to her backsplash. So that's what I can hope for for Cape May. I'm just looking for a sign. A backsplash sign. Well, Lorraine's got the down payment and then I'm going to help out financially. You know, with the payments, the electric, the this, the that. And trust me, with this one, there's always something added. You know why? Because she's into arithmetic. It's always about adding. I'll say it again. It's the math thing. Okay, it's the math thing.

9:38So, by the way, also what's funny to me is that the realtor is at this dinner. Like, that's so, like, I just love it. She's like, okay, you know what? Come up from Kate May and I'm going to make you some meatballs and lasagna. before we go look at houses. Would you ever? He comes and he brings his wife. And by the way, his wife looks like she wants to kill everybody at the table. The wife is like, God, he fucking, it's date night and he brings me here. I have to come to fucking Brooklyn with these old crazy ladies. And so I'm missing, I'm missing the golden bachelor for this. So Lorraine's like, so how was growing up in Cape May?

10:15Come on, Ryan, tell us everything about yourself. He's like, Oh, actually I'm here to find out about you, but it was great. It was great. They do fireworks on the beach in Cape May. Yes, they do. Why didn't he mention the fireworks? He didn't even say a thing about the fireworks. You do fireworks? Oh, it's very nice, the fireworks. Are they like the ones on the East River? Those are very nice fireworks. You ever see those? The Grucci's. They call them the Grucci's. Oh, the Grucci's. We also grew up with a guy named the Grucci's. Sal Grucci. The smallest thing from a firework that you could ever think of.

10:43Sal. Very dull man. Very dull man, but very nice. Never spoke. He worked at the deli. He was very kind. He would go in and he would serve you a piece of meat. He was a very lovely man. He died. It was very unfortunate. Very unfortunate. He spoke through pastrami. That's the truth. Beautiful pastrami. He was very generous. Very generous. Good man. His wife went to high school with our cousin. I don't know if you know her. She was loose. She was a loose lady. She was loose. That's why she married someone who doesn't speak very much. Doesn't speak very much at all. But she does all the talking. And if one person's doing the talking, that's all that you need, right?

11:14You know, it's whatever works. Loose-lipped. Loose-lipped. Loose-lipped. So I like that the sisters, I think it's Lorraine's sister because they have another sister that's there. She's like, they do fireworks on the beach in Cape May. Yes, and Ryan, the realtor goes, yeah, I mean, actually they're on barges out in the ocean, but yeah, they do. Oh, really? They don't have a dolphin that comes out and the fireworks shoots out of his blowhole, Ryan? Don't be like that with Ryan, okay? He's a nice boy. What does he know? He is nice. He does a barge. Hey, Lorraine, I mean, Christine, you ever go on a barge before?

11:49You ever been on a barge? Yeah, I've been on a barge. Of course I've been on a barge. Who hasn't been on a barge before? Yeah, of course I've been on a barge. You've been on a barge. Well, you know, Tony and I once went on the barge. I think we were 24 or so. We went on a barge. It was for a fundraiser for the firehouse. They went on the barge. It was very nice. We raised$7. I've never been more embarrassed. You know, these people put out fires in the community. We can't raise more than$7. You know, I asked somebody there. I said, why wouldn't you donate more for the firemen? She said, because we'll buy water.

12:19They don't even have to do anything. They don't get it. The water puts out the fire. Sal donated all those meats from the deli. And, you know, no one even came. No one even paid. No one even bid on the silent auction for my VHS of who's the boss. And you know what? No one said, thank you, Sal. And you know what? It's okay because he had a very hard time speaking. And he wouldn't have wanted to say, you're welcome. But you know what? We all took the meat home. We had a beautiful lunch. All week long, we ate that meat for lunch. It was very lovely. So it actually was a very nice thing that happened.

12:47It never went bad. It tasted wonderful. It was actually a very lovely piece of meat. Yeah, it was one of the best sandwiches I ever had that week. It was wonderful. Yeah, sulfites is salt. They put it on meat. It lasts forever. Yeah, you know, people are very scared of sulfites, but let me tell you something. The meat lasts a long time. So he's like, okay, so barges. Okay, so what's the most important thing you guys would want to have in the house down in Cape May? And Lorraine's like, well, I'd like a free house. That's what I want. I don't know, but... Lorraine, let's come on. Let's be serious.

13:17The man's here to ask to do a job. Can you not make some jokes? He's trying to do his thing. Okay. I'll be serious. All right. Look, I'm looking for a minimum of three bedrooms, four if we could get it, maybe a basement to chain Ma on if she ever comes over. It's got to have two full baths because when we got family down, we need more than one bathroom. And let me tell you why. In two words, the boys. All right. I have a question. I have a question. Can we get a room just for lasagna making? Can we do a lasagna room, Ryan? Lasagna room. We've always wanted a lasagna room. wanted one. A lasagna.

13:48I love a flat noodle. Yeah, you hang the flat noodles. You know, when they come out of the pot, you need someplace to put them. So a place you put the flat noodles, you have a ricotta station for the ricotta, you know, and you put it out, you make it all there. And you get to the sauce over in that corner. We can all be in there and that way we can cook. You know who we can cook with? The boys. We can show them. The boys. The boys cook every time. They're good at it. That's what they need to learn. But let me tell you something. They may want to go in the pool. Yeah, but look, I also love cooking with gas heat.

14:16So if we could have a gas range, that would be real special. Very special. Very special. Very special. Okay. If it has a pool, great. If not, you know what? It's got to have enough room for a pool. Okay. I want, I want a pool big enough to make a Sunday sauce in. All right. So Lorraine tells us my nephews are on the youngest side. And I think that just would just be something great that we can have so many more great times and make so many more great family memories, if they could either come to a pool or come to a piece of land that could have a pool. I don't know. It would be beautiful. Well, we're going to look at everything, okay?

14:51Let's look at everything. It doesn't matter as long as there's water really close by that we can walk to. Why do we need a pool if there's water over there? Yeah, but you know, if there's water that's even closer, because then that way the boys can go from the pool to the lasagna room and they can help out with the making the meats and everything to go inside the layers, you know? But you got water here, water there. What are we, the Little Mermaid? How much water do you need? Well, I want them to be able to walk to the beach. I don't want to have to pack things up every time we got to go to the beach.

15:18I don't want to pack. You know how much I hate packing. You remember the time? Remember when we went on that barge and I made that whole basket and as we're walking on the barge, what happened? The handle broke. Remember that? Oh gosh, you won't even play Pac-Man. All she does is sit there and stare at the dots. I don't understand these new video games, Pac-Mans and whatnot. It's a lot. Counts the dots. Every time counts the dots. You should see her doing subtraction. Every time the Pac-Man moves left to right, eats the dots, she's starting subtracting things. It's like trying to play a game with Rain Man.

15:50Well, arithmetic is very important. Very good movie, by the way. Very good movie. Arithmetic? That's not a movie. No, Rain Man. I've never seen a movie called Arithmetic. That's with Hoffman. Oh, Rain Man. Hoffman. He's a very good actor. Yes. Philip Hoffman. Very good. No, no. Damon. Damon Hoffman. Very good actor. very good movie. Very, very well done. Very well done. We lived down the street from a Damon Huffman. He was a nice boy. Yeah. He was a lovely boy. He was a bit touched, but you know, he's a very kind man and his mother was very lovely. I love to. She's beautiful here. God bless her soul.

16:25All right. You can have a pool. All right. Well, it can't be a gut job. All right. Listen, I can't do a gut job. I just can't do it. All right, Ryan, don't make me do a gut job, Ryan. I can't do another gut job No gut jobs I'll gut, listen, I'll gut the land For a pool, but I'm not gutting the house It's not gonna happen, that's where I draw the line Alright, and if I can interrupt you Which I always do anyway, you know She goes Which I always do anyway, and guess what Guess who cares, not me I'm gonna do it anyway Yes you do, even though I'm always right Well I say 85 ,900 No, sorry 85 ,9, but my sister has a different thought.

17:06And being that she's going to be the financier, if you will. Yeah, I'm looking for 700. All right, Ryan. Well, 900, 700, not that huge of a difference, but. Question, when they do the fireworks off of the beach, they're off of a barge. Oh, okay, off a barge. Is it loud? Is it going to disturb the boys? We want the boys to have good memories. She doesn't like loud things, all right? We don't want to counting fireworks all night, okay? She's got to get asleep. So now they go, they're driving around, going to Cape May. And they go to this neighborhood in North Cape May. And Christine goes, hey, have you noticed?

17:46Nobody's talked to this yet. I did notice that. And by the way, Lorraine laughs like Ina Garten. She had the exact same, because Ina Garten's from Brooklyn and they share like a Brooklyn laugh. She's like, yes, I did notice that. You know why? Because they respect arithmetic and that's what I love. Oh, God, look at all the parking over here. A lot of parking. You could park many cars here. You know, they've got, is that a Toyota over there? They're a very lovely Toyota. Have you seen that Toyota? Oh, so much parking. Look at that. Look, there's so much street parking. This is crazy. What, you don't have to move your car for the street sweeping even here.

18:18I don't even see a street sweeping sign anywhere. What, are we in paradise? Ladies, hi. Sorry, we have to get this episode going. Okay, I'm going to narrate a little bit. Their agent's partner, Ed Is showing Lorraine and Christine A home in North Cape May I guess Ed wasn't cool enough to get invited To the lasagna dinner Oh, sorry, Ed Maybe next time you can wear a full fleece Instead of a fleece vest Ryan was exhausted after being fed Lasagna, rigatoni, linguine Firmicelli And cavetti Nobody even knows what cavetti is It's a pasta Thank you, please get out of my boot Ryan unfortunately couldn't show Holmes today because he was up all night Trembling and saying to his wife The boys, the boys Who are the boys?

19:08Don't let the boys on a barge Don't let the boys on a barge I mean how many times can I tell them The fireworks were on the barge not the beach I thought this was Ryan's dad who came He's this old guy Hey ladies I got a home to show ya Oh yeah look at that Yeah, he says there's enough room for a pool in the backyard. Oh, so when we get there, you could do the square footage and figure it out, right? Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, you could do it in your math. You could do it with your math. Yeah, I'm going to do it with my math. Yeah, I got a math head. She's always doing math, Ed. Always. Hey, ladies.

19:42Okay, well, come on in. This is a Cape May cottage. Now, look at this neighborhood. This is basically all year round people. These are people who have their boys with them all year round, okay? You like that? You like the way these houses look? Oh, wow. All year round with the boys. Can you think of it? I mean, look at this place. It's perfect. It all adds up. Oh, you say that every day. It all adds up. The same thing every day. It all adds up. Everything's arithmetic. I'm sorry, Christine. So Ed's like, yeah, we're only two blocks from the Bay Beaches. Oh, wow. That's great. Two blocks. I bet you got a lot of crime.

20:18I've been around these places before, Ed. I don't want to see any crime. Okay. We're trying to get away from that. I left that gig back up in Brooklyn, okay, Ed? So don't bring me to someplace with crime. Who said anything about crime? I don't know. You sort of implied it. Hey there. Lorraine, did you hear? We're five minus three blocks to the beach. Oh, can you stop with the arithmetic? This is ridiculous. So it's this cute little house, just like sort of a generic neighborhood that just happens to be close to the beach. And Lorraine is like, oh, well, this is good. This is a cute little space.

20:53Okay, so is there another living space or is this it? Is there room for more than just a chair? Because we've got a whole big family. I don't know where Ma's going to sit. I don't know. With Ma and the boys, there's not a lot of room. This is kind of small, Ed. Is there another house under this house that makes this house bigger? Because I don't see it right now. But, you know, with someone in the NYPD for years and years, I think you're hiding something. What are you hiding, Ed? Where's the other living room? Well, you know, the inventory is historically low at the South Jersey Shore. I mean, most houses are not on the market for more than a week.

21:24So maybe 30 days. Give or take. I mean, who's counting, right? Right? Who's counting? My sister's counting. That's who. That's right. It's all for you, Lorraine. It all adds up. All right. There's one for you, Lorraine. Okay. We want this house. You know, we want to go, you know, as soon as a house comes on the market here, you know, it's gone for a second. So we need to get Lorraine and Christine into these houses as quickly as possible. So let's go on a tour. Ladies, ladies. Get in here. I've got a surprise for you. You're going to love it. It's a gas stove. Oh, my God. Oh, Christine. It's a gas stove.

22:00Look at that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You saw the same thing I did? You saw the same thing? Did you see that? You saw that? I see it. Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. It's Mommy's Backsplash. Mommy's Backsplash. Mommy's Backsplash. Mommy's Backsplash. Oh, God. It's the same as my mother has in the kitchen. The kitchen's small. The kitchen's small, but it's got Mommy's Backsplash. It's got Mommy's Backsplash. Ed, get in here. Look at that. You see what's that behind the table? You know what that is? You know what it is? It's Mommy's Back Splash. It's Mommy's Back Splash. Yeah, come on. Who'd have thought?

22:29Who'd have thought? Who'd have thought that the same person who went to Home Depot for Mommy went to Home Depot for this people? I mean, it's beautiful. Beautiful. Oh, so I assume this is the eating area here where there's room here by the stove? Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of light. That's good. That's what comes in through the window. We love Mommy has a window. Oh, God, it's a Mommy window. You know what? Look at this. Oh, my God. Same window. Same material as mommy's window. Glass. Can you believe it? It's mommy's glass. You can see through the window just like mommy. That's great. Mommy's glass.

23:01This is beautiful. Beautiful for mommy. Let's go look at the bathroom. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Big one. Big one. Big problem. I know you'd prefer a walk-in shower. Oh, yeah. I know you would. Yeah, walk-in. Maybe a sink. Maybe a sink a little bit bigger. A little bit bigger. Just a little bit bigger. A bigger sink. You know, I got a toothbrush. I got a nice toothbrush. You know what I like? I like Oral-B. Very good toothbrush. Very good. Yeah, very good. Very electric. You know, they spin round and round. It's electric. I don't know. I don't like how it feels in my mouth. I like to hold. I don't trust that.

23:32I don't want to give myself a shock while I'm brushing my teeth. It's got to be good. What am I, putting electricity inside of me? What am I? Not everything. No, thank you. Not everything needs to be a computer, you know? It can just be whole. You just hold it. Hold it like you do in the old days. I mean, you know, that's how you get strength. When the boys come over, I say, leave your electric toothbrushes at the doorway. because it's only non-electric in here. Wait a minute. Newton wasn't even into electricity. That was Ben Franklin. What am I, Ben Franklin? Flying a kite outside with my teeth?

23:57No, I don't want electric in my mouth. No electric in my mouth.

24:04All right. Well, maybe we need something a little bit bigger. All right. Let's take a look at the bedrooms, okay? Yeah, this is the first bedroom. This is a nice size. No, it's very nice. Very nice. A lot of light. It's very nice. Nice big closet. This closet, I like that you can fit two jackets in this closet. It's very big. Very, very big. Don't like the carpet. Don't like the carpet. No, not a good carpet. Not a good carpet. Oh, look at this. Look, Christine, look what's in this room. Look at this. Oh, my God, look at it. Look at that. They're bunks. Bunk beds. You know who'd love the bunk beds?

24:37Bunk beds. Oh, my God. Who? The boys. The boys would love these. The boys would love them. Then they wouldn't have to fight over who has the top bunk because we've got two top bunks, two bottom bunks. Wait a minute. That means we need two more boys. Okay. If I'm doing the arithmetic here, even I can do this arithmetic, huh? We need two up top with two on the bottom. That means we need two more. You got some boys, Ed? Well, I got Ryan. He's sort of like my boy. Okay, we can. Ryan? Okay, so we got Ryan. Do we have another boy somewhere? Can we find a boy? What about Sal? Why don't we talk to Sal?

25:09He might have a boy. You know what? We could ask Sal, but we can't expect a response. He doesn't speak. Look at this You know what I just saw? This door You know who else has a door? Mommy Mommy It's a mommy door It's a mommy door It's a mommy door Yeah You know it's a nice size space Nice vanity Good tub Ed What's this? Ed Ed What is this? What is this? What's wrong? What is this? What is it? It's a door That they put in That leads to the outside Yeah no I don't like that Yeah I don't like that No we don't like this one I don't like that at all. What is that door to the outside of the bathroom?

25:47This is a little bit on the weird side, I have to say. A little bit on the weird side. So now they go out into the yard. Which is, by the way, that is really weird. A door that goes directly into the bathroom from outside. Yeah, it's really odd. And so they go outside and they're like, oh, nice space. But what do you think the price of a built-in pool would be? And he goes, meh, between$40 and$80. No, sir. That's a hundred grand Yeah You fucking liar Ed He's like just take the house You'll love that Maybe an above ground pool is what they need So he's like yeah Oh by the way come and look at this place Look at this room It's got a nice floor Oh wow it's very big Ed Very big Hey you know what Christine Your bike could go in here Oh yeah you know sure right On my bike I was concerned you know bikes It's hard to know where to put a bike But this is gonna be a good place to put a bike Yeah but come on It's a small space in here, Lori.

26:43I mean, really. Like, we're never going to fit everybody in there. And can you imagine having two of us trying to cook in that kitchen? Huh? Well, I know. Y 'all go ahead, me. No, I was going to say it's very difficult. It'd be very difficult for us to both cook in the kitchen. Because, you know, I'd be here. You'd be there. It'd be a very cramped space. It'd be very hard. But my thought is, what would be the possibility? Do you want me to say it? You want to say it? No, I'll say it. What if we push the kitchen out? Make it bigger. That would be a possibility. I'm not up for a gut job, Ed. All right?

27:15She doesn't want a gut job. She doesn't want a gut job. Don't make me gut it. You know what? I think the fact that you don't want a gut job is a little bit on the weird side. Yeah, but you know what? I already did a gut in one house, and I don't know if I want to do it again. I'm still traumatized by the gut, Ed. All right? It's been easier. Listen, it's always easy to say we could do A, B, and C when it's coming out of my pocket. All right? Yes. Well, so they had a place that doesn't need, so they have, they head to a place that doesn't need any reno. But now Sister Lorraine and Christina are heading 15 minutes northeast of Cape May to Wildwood, where a newly built condo just came on the market.

27:56And spoiler alert, they're going to think everything here is pretty nice. you're gonna make stuffed mushrooms i'm absolutely making stuffed mushrooms don't let anybody else make them no one else is gonna make them you know who i'm talking about it's the first time i believe that i've been anywhere near here and it's really nice what was the price on this one oh by the way we're not going to tell the audience who i'm talking about makes the terrible stuffed mushrooms okay y 'all are gonna have well they know they saw look they saw the dinner that happened at the top of the episode and there's a reason why there's another sister that's not here on this drive, okay?

28:29So they know who the bad mushroom maker is. We love all our sisters, but some less than others, you know, like the stuffed mushroom method wrapper. You know, everyone has their strengths. Mine is lasagna and arithmetic. Christine is tackling robbers in a dark alley and also making a beautiful brujol. But our sister, stuffed mushrooms, not a specialty. And that's okay, because you know what a specialty is? Being a wonderful lady. We love her so much. She just can't make a stuffed mushroom. There, I said it. You said it on national television. She's going to hear that. You know what? You know what?

29:06If she's my true sister, she'll forgive me later. If she complains about it, I'll tell her, go stuff your mouth with mushrooms. Because that's the only stuffed mushroom I'm letting you get near. Maybe if she had one of her stuffed mushrooms, she'd see how terrible they are. And she'd never make one again. There, I said it. So now we got our home number two. And now it's Ryan. He's back. He's like, oh, yeah, I had to go to the hospital to get rid of a blockage after eating at your house. That was a lot of bread products. But you know what? I'm back. So I'm back. So they go to this. It's a condo.

29:38It's on the second floor. And so it's new construction. Well, I'm not new. It's like a newer condo or at least renovated or something like that. I think they said it's new construction, right? It's new. So he's showing them around. And there's like a bunch of units. And so I love this. Lorraine goes, ah, pretty landscaping out front. And they showed this little dirt, like a little flower bed. It was just pretty much dirt and a few. It was like three seedlings popping out. Ah, beautiful. Look at that. It's like I'm in the Palace of Versailles. And look at that. The beach is right down there, right?

30:12So what is it, a block and a half? I think we'd say that is 10 minus eight and a half blocks. So if we stand here, could we see them setting up the fireworks on the beach? They do them. The barge. The barge. The barge. What are you trying to make him crazy? It's the barge, all right? Well, listen, I absolutely have considered condos. All right? I like the fact that the exterior is taken care of. You don't got to bring out your garbage. You don't got to shovel snow. You don't got to water your garden. I'm sad that I'm open to anything that will fulfill the needs of our family. Okay? But wait. But wait.

30:48You see what I see? I'm not sure I got mom in these steps. Mom in these steps. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. Oh, God. Look at all these steps. I don't know about mommy and these steps. I don't know about that. The irony, though, is you know who has these stairs? Mommy. Mommy. Mommy got these stairs. She got these stairs. She's got them. She can go up her stairs. She can't do these stairs. I don't know about these steps. These are going to be tough for her. I don't know about these. Yeah, these are going to be tough. And you know what? Carrying groceries, too. Like carrying groceries up the stairs.

31:17Well, for you, not for me. I'm not a grocery carrier. And your groceries can be a little heavier because you're going to have to have those mushrooms in them because we don't want you to know who to make them. Ah, what is this? Oh, look, it's a little porch. It's a porch. Well, I don't know how to call it a porch. It's small. Well, it's a sitting area. You can sit there. Yeah. You know what you could do? You could put a little table here. So that's not only just a sitting area, it's a table. You could put out some meats. You can put out some prosciutto from Sal's. That would be lovely here. Yeah, it's also got an outdoor hose, which is much nicer than an indoor hose.

31:48Like, what am I going to do with an indoor hose? yeah but you know it's very nice it's very nice oh you know what i like i like the floors the floors are very nice yeah i like the floors too and the ceilings are very very high up there very high ceilings very low floors it's a big difference between the two of them this house is actually very pretty this condo i mean it's kind of a small apartment i don't think it would work especially for the downstairs neighbor if there's going to be like 20 people up here shuffling around and boys running around i would be pissed if i was in like a two bedroom under them but um it's very pretty this space is it is it's a very nice condo this space is 100 not going to work for them because as soon as they said ah these stairs are gonna be hard for ma i was like they're not taking this one it's like this it was it was done with that staircase and also like they keep on talking about how they're gonna have like all these big family dinners they need 10 of them together there's it just was i'm like no way and there's no room for a pool i was like uh-uh but it is a nice condo.

32:47And then they come around and corner to the kitchen. Yeah, and it's an electric stove top, which is a huge problem. They don't like that. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, the backsplash is pretty, you know, but why would we put a table and chairs? I mean, come on. It's too small. Okay, well, we're all together. What are we, 10? We're 10. We're 10, right? We're 10. I always see a mathematician over there. Do you guys want to hear a story? Okay, this is why a gas stove means a lot to me. When I first learned how to cook, I was on an electric stove top Then my parents renovated our kitchen. We got a gas stove.

33:19And I thought I died and went to heaven when I started cooking on that. What a difference. It was heaven. That's the story. It was heaven. Oh, look over here. Oh, look over here. What do we got here? A walk-in shower. A walk-in shower, which my sister loves a walk-in. It's very nice. Very nice. Oh, look, it's got a rain shower. Oh, a rain shower. Rain shower. Rain shower. Wow, glamorous. It collects rain and it puts it on your head. No, no, it's just it falls like rain. It falls like rain. It falls like rain. That's amazing. It's very lovely. It's very international. And now because there's a bathroom here, would this be considered the primary bedroom?

33:57Because there's a bathroom? He's like, yes. Yes, that's how it works. Well, it's a little small for a primary. It's a little small. It's a little small for the primary. Would you say it's a little small? It's a bit small. It's a little small for the primary. You know who's not going to like it in here? The boys. the boys ain't gonna like it where would i put my bed where would i put it i don't know where i put it you're not gonna have any room you know but you know what this room over here you know what's good about this room this would work for the boys because you know you can put some bunk beds in it yeah yeah this would be great for that yeah and again it's got more closet space than i have at home they show this closet and you open the door and it's just like one one pole and it's It's a very standard closet.

34:39She's like, oh my God, the closet space is huge. I'm going to get three robes. We need to see Lorraine's current closet space because she is so impressed with all these small closets that normally people are like, look, there's no space. And she's like, oh, palatial. I could be the queen of Sheba in here. Lifestyles of the rich and famous. Am I right? I could have two outfits. This is crazy. Oh my God, look at this. It's a washer and dryer stacked and I can even reach the top finally. You know, I always have to wear soggy clothes around. I can't reach my dryer. So they like it because it's new.

35:18And then, you know, basically they like it because it's new and done nicely. But we'd have to move our stuff in. We could start our life here. That's all we have to do. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. That's it. So they go see a house where space isn't an issue, but something else is. I don't know what that thing is. Someone died there. It's further from the beach, but the extra space is pricey. She's like, oh, this one is, what is this? It's$8.19, but there's no pool. Do the numbers make sense to your arithmetic lady? Well, for a new build, I guess the price is in the zone, but it's way more than I wanted to spend.

35:59Well, maybe our sister, okay, how about this? Why don't we tell our sister she can make those awful stuffed mushrooms and she throws in a few coins and we can get this place. I don't know. We can make a deal, huh? That's called not just arithmetic. That's deal making. We get both Ryan and Ed, his dad. So they're both here this time. And it's like, welcome to Seaview Crossings. You're only 10 minutes from the bathing beaches and Stone Harbor and Avalon. Okay. Okay. Okay, that's good. Because when we were driving it, we didn't notice any beaches or bays. Not one. Not a single beach or bay. I said, is that a bay?

36:32They said, no, that's a food town. I said, food town? I thought they went out of business. They said, well, I was just joking. That's an A &P. Oh, I didn't know A &P was still in business. He goes, I was joking again. It's a shop right. I said, okay, you got to stop making these jokes. I just want to see a beach or a bay. I think you're going to like the fact that you're out in this open area, ladies. Yeah, there's a biking and hiking trail right behind our neighborhood, right? What am I supposed to go swim on a hiking trail? It's nice, though. Look at this nice front porch. This is a lovely front porch.

37:01it's a porch it's nice you could put a chair out here and when you're in here it's very lovely a lovely space for a porch I like it we could sit on the porch now this one is huge this house is humongous and it's not you know it's pretty builder grade inside but I think with you know some paint and some you know little style which they probably don't have let's face it I mean shit throw some pasta sauce on the wall it'll look cute it's huge it's huge and it really has everything that they need for like the way they are talking about their family and the space that they need and stuff space for the boys and space for the dinner and this and that i was like this is going to be the one that they take because this is this is it and it's a huge backyard it's on an acre it's woods i mean the backyard is gorgeous they could put a nice big pool and stuff it really has everything and you know because i mean i know that they're they're living in it sounds like they live in small like a small place in brooklyn so they can make do with small but like i think they want now it seems like the vibe is that they ultimately want space that kids can have a lot of fun they look around the the kitchen is new and fresh and Lorraine's like ah six burners we could get two turkeys in here everyone two turkeys big thanksgiving coming your way no stuffed mushrooms that was the clincher I thought that was it when they said two turkeys I was like this is it they're gonna win yeah gas fireplace everything I mean I was like and then Christine goes and you can also put up a really big TV there.

38:30I know you like a big TV. I know you can watch your wheel. Watch your wheel big. She likes to see the letters up close. And so a small TV is very difficult for her. Yeah. You know what? TV. That's how I watch the Mets. Oh, really? So you don't have a hologram machine that just plays it off? Well, this is definitely the biggest living space I've been to so far. Oh, look, it already has sliding doors. They already put the sliding doors. I was going to say, can we put in sliding doors? They already have them in here. That's amazing. You know, not everywhere has sliding doors automatically. You got to put them in.

39:02That's an added expense. It all adds up. Am I right? It all adds up. You ever see sliding doors with Paltrow? Very good movie. Very good film. Both of the lives. Not so envious. I'll tell you that. Not so envious. But you learn a lesson. We got to show the boys next time. Next time we're going to show sliding doors to the boys. How far back does this land go anyway? Well, all the way back up to the fence. We sit on a nice one acre lot. Now tell me, do they do fireworks here? Oh, God. You can't put a barge on dry land, so technically no, because the fireworks are on a barge in the water. No barge.

39:40No barge. No barge. Well, I could definitely see a beautiful big pool out here with the whole nine yards. The whole nine yards. And that's actually a pun because we only have one yard out here. But, you know, Christine's very funny. I'm the math girl. She's the comedy girl. She's a very funny one. They always said, anytime she arrested a guy, they always say, you know, I don't like being put under arrest, but luckily you're a funny cop. You know, she always told jokes in the police car. They loved her. They loved her. Yeah, they loved me. It was good. So, you know, you could add a pool, but that's an added expense.

40:11And just keep that in mind when you're doing the numbers. Okay, math genius. That's an example. You know, it was good. I was good in my day. Very funny. What was the thing you once told the guy? Remember the guy that you found who had murdered his old family? And he said, I guess you're not going to have Thanksgiving. That was hilarious. And he liked that, right? I know who's not cooking two turkeys this year. He was that man. He was a very nice man. A shame that he was not well on the head, unfortunately. Unfortunately. Locked away. Locked away. So they look at the bedroom. Everywhere here is a lot bigger.

40:47You know, the closets still aren't huge, but there is one walk-in closet. And of course Lorraine has a I'm not sure about the carpet Although she said it She's like you people The fucking carpet you're trying me I'm not sure about the carpet I don't know I may be a retired police detective But I can still sense when there's some crookery going around So Christine They go to the bathroom And Lorraine goes You know what With this bathroom I noticed there's no door here And this is when Ryan goes Oh well it's a slider She goes, oh, a pocket door. I love a pocket door. And she just walks away. And her sister's like, yeah, I love pocket doors too.

41:31Until they break and then it's a pain. Well, what breaks and isn't a pain? Am I right? That's what, when things break, they're a pain. You know? What's a fun thing to have break? Yeah, what's a fun thing to have break? School break. Oh, there she is. Always so funny. That was a funny one, Christine. I really set you up there. I didn't even realize. So they have a little attic thing that's a loft bedroom. Oh, God, you know who would love this? You know this would be perfect for? The boys. The boys. It's the boys every time. They'd love it up here. When I was watching this with Dom, and when she said this, you know who this would be perfect for?

42:12I literally go, the boys. She goes, the boys. Dom goes, I hate you.

42:20so they uh look around you know there's um another bedroom across the house and she's like oh i love how there's a one bedroom there and then the one bedroom across the house it's for privacy for privacy for privacy they really thought of everything they really did all right well that's it's not that okay what i do like is that the natural light comes into this room and you have a great view, but not of a pool and not of a beach or a bay. I have to say this, Ryan. It's a little disappointing about that. And Lorraine's like, you know what, but we'll put in a pool. It'll be a beautiful pool that we're going to put in, okay?

42:54So I'm assuming that these two bedrooms, these bedrooms share a bathroom. Is that what's happening? And from the bathroom, can you see the fireworks on the beach? From the barge. Yes, you can. There he goes again. What are you selling barges now? Ed, what's this guy doing? He should get stalking barges, huh? So they like it, but Christine's like, you know, I know it's very pretty and it's a spacious, it's got plenty of room, but Lorraine, you have to think about the numbers as if you're not doing it all the time. Miss Math Genius over here. And you have to figure things out. Because I mean, you're having the pool, the price of the home, and all the furniture.

43:29You know, we've got a lot of furniture here. Have you ever been to Ashley Furniture? They actually have a quite decent selection. Have you been there recently? No, you know, I knew a girl named Ashley. Remember the girl we knew named Ashley growing up? She wasn't all there. She wasn't there. No, I looked. I said, is this Ashley Schiavone's place? He said, no, it's Ashley Indicato's. And I said, oh, I don't know her, but she sounds like a nice person. She would start the baloney that Ashley Schiavone, every single time. And I'm telling you, she wasn't all there. She wasn't all there. You know, she went off to Los Angeles to be a television star.

44:02I don't think anyone heard from her ever again. I think she was on one. I think she was on a television show. What was it called? The Commish? She was, you watch that, Christine, because you always say, oh God, they got it wrong. Every single time. Yeah, well, I love the bald fella. But you know what? She wanted to be a TV star. And we would know. We would know if she was a TV star because my sister has the TV. It's how I watch the Mets. I watch a big TV. I watch a big TV. Chickless was his name. The actor was Chickless. That's right. And I always said I want to shoot him. Chiklis. Yeah. That was always a very funny joke.

44:37The very first time you said that, Ma almost spit out her teeth. Yeah, it was so funny. You remember the first time you said Chiklis and I said, what is it, Sal you're talking about? Unfortunately, he said it right in front of Sal's face and he got so distracted he cut his finger in the meat machine. But, you know, it was okay. We all had a good laugh afterwards. Yeah, he could have told me he was mad if he ever spoke.

45:02ladies you do have to choose a house we're going on three hours of this episode okay so we'll choose a house all right we got a huge one i love the huge one it's in the woods we could build a pool we could maybe put a park in there maybe a roller skating rink for the boys i mean there's so much we could do the boys would love a roller skating rink why don't we put a roller skating okay so okay roller skating rink with a pool on the inside of the roller skating rink and we pull off the ice and there's a pool on the inside. I love that. And the sauce room. Don't forget the sauce room, but that's number three.

45:31That was very big. Number two, it was the condo by the water. I don't know, Mom, with the stairs. The stairs, I don't know, Ma. It doesn't have Mommy's backsplash either. I do want to say also, one thing we forgot to mention, house number one, you know what it has? A three seasons room. Gotta have a three seasons room. Well, no, it doesn't have it, but that's what she wants to build there. That's what she wants to build it. Does it count as a gut job if you add on to it? because that's just an ad job. It's just an ad job, so I'll do it. Guess what? We ended up choosing the North Cape May house.

46:02Yeah, it was my favorite. Also, it's tiny. It can't fit anybody. We don't like anything about it, but it's got the backsplash. You know what? It's got gross Robin's egg walls, but you know what? It's got Mommy's backsplash, and we just fell in love with that. It's a sign. It's a sign. It's a sign. What, you two are taking the smallest one, the ugliest one, The one with a door in the bathroom that goes to the outside. And then she's like, well, you know, we're going to take this. And believe it or not, I'm going to do a remodel. I'm going to take out all the floors, all the walls, add a pool, add a three seats.

46:39Look, you're not saving money, lady. What are you doing? I think ultimately what she really wanted was to have a little house by the beach. And so that's why she chose it. I don't know how she's going to get all the kids in there. They'll somehow make it work. but like they're just not going to have a living room. I think they just don't have a living room and they just, they just make it a dining room or something like that. I would like to see if they build it out a little bit, they can make space, but I don't know how they're going to deal with that house. That was crazy. 10 people in this little place is going to be insane, but I love it for them.

47:12You know, they're so happy and they really are. They're just going to remodel the whole thing. So God knows what these, and I love that they, they don't know how they're going to fit 10 people. So they're going to build on a whole extra building. that's going to be a sunroom. Build an apartment. Well, I think the fact that it came with built-in bunk beds and mommy's backsplash, they're like, we're sold. We're sold. There's space for the boys to sleep. There's mommy's backsplash. We don't have any room to cook together, but that's okay. We'll make it work. And they will. You know what? I also feel like their generation, they like, no one, like so many people never had these big, enormous kitchens that we see on all these shows and all the Real Housewives.

47:51survived like like i feel like and we survived yeah like all like all the all of all the grandmas and everything they all had like a little stove and a little countertop they sit they sit at the table they they chop i was read a great article i feel like maybe i brought it up once but like how you know before there were kitchen islands people just did stuff at the table you use the table like a kitchen island and we act like the kitchen island's a revolutionary thing if you need to chop things you take a seat and you sit at the table and you chop things at the table and there's actually something kind of amazing about that and i feel like these ladies will make it work yeah they'll be fine they'll be fine they'll be fine they'll be fine i love this episode like i just it just warmed my heart i love these women i want to know what happens with them and it was so fun doing dwell hello for the past three years here on wondering plus yeah and uh you know fun times yeah we've loved it everybody thanks for being with us we will see you over on Crappins.

48:50We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.