Emma of Normandy

0:02Hello and welcome to Dead Funny History. I'm Greg Jenner. I'm a historian and I want to tell you about someone cool. Emma of Normandy, an incredibly important medieval woman who was Queen of England twice. It's a story with more twists, betrayals and family drama than a reality show. But it's also a story with so many cool names that I've actually got this cool name klaxon. Cool name. See? Now, Emma was born around 985 CE in a place called the Duchy of Normandy, now a northern bit of France. Now, Emma was a mash-up of half French...

0:42..and half Viking. Bonjour. Yep, today we're going to meet more angry Scandinavians than in an IKEA store that's run out of meatballs. Emma's father was Duke Richard I of Normandy, also known as Richard the Fearless. Cool name. And Emma's mum was called Gunor. Cool name. Probably Danish. Nothing to do with Arsenal, thankfully. Now, we don't know much about Emma's childhood, but we do know that in 1002, she married the King of the English. A man called Ethelred the Unready. Slightly less cool name. George the Snotty. So! Present. Amanda the Gassy. Sorry. Ethelred the Unready. Ethelred the Unready.

1:35Oh, of course he's running late. Now, it may sound like he was always missing the bus with his jumper on backwards, but unready actually meant ill-advised. Now, Emma's brother thought it was a good idea to get Emma and Ethelred hitched, because back then, royal marriages were arranged between families. Bit cringe, being 17 and having your brother play matchmaker. Bro, you're so embarrassing. Stop trying to set me up with boys. He's not a boy. He's a widower with 10 children. He's 36 years old! Yeesh. So off Emma went to England. Au revoir! The plan was that their marriage would unite England and Normandy against the invading Vikings.

2:18Combo attack! The power of marriage! And did it work? Mission failed. Not really. It may have actually made things worse. Exeter was attacked by Danish Vikings in 1003, Maybe because they didn't like Normandy and England getting all kissy-kissy. Or maybe because the year before, Ethelred had ordered the murder of all the Danish men in England. Sounds pretty ill-advised to me. Either way, some English people were now suspicious of Emma, even though, as part of her royal marriage PR, she had been rebranded with an old English name, Elfgivu. Cool name. But we'll still call her Emma. otherwise it's going to get way too confusing because Æthelred's previous wife and one of his daughters were also called Ælfgivu.

3:10Not cool. But at least Æthelred could re-gift all the personalised mugs that he'd bought for his first wife. Now, sometime between 1003 and 1005, Emma gave birth to her first child, Edward. And then she gave birth to her daughter, Godkifu, who was born in 1007, and then along came a boy, Alfred, in 1012. But things didn't stay chill for long. The Vikings were still raging. My mid-balls! And then along came the fierce Viking, Svein Forkbeard. Cool name. Now, Svein Forkbeard invaded England in 1013 and won. So Emma, the kids and Ethelred, still as unready as ever, had to run off to Emma's family in Normandy.

3:58Forkbeard was crowned the first Viking king of England. Check me out, Svein Forkbeard, a cool name, and king of Denmark, Norway and England. England's Viking now, nothing can stop me. Except he dropped dead five weeks later. Oh, foey. With Svein Forkbeard dead, could Emma and Ethelred take back power? Well, Æthelred did return to England, but the Danish army had already decided that Svein's son was the new king. So enter King Canute. Cool name. However, Æthelred, ill-advised as ever, decided to set up a little stronghold in London and insisted he was still in charge. I'll have my own country, a better country.

4:49I will never give up. Never, never, never. Æthelred then promptly died in 1016 in his silly little stronghold, very much not king. Oh, foey. Now, Edward, Emma's child with Æthelred, was in no position to take on the Viking invaders since he was only about ten. Edward, love, think you can help with these Vikings? But, Mum, I'm playing Fortnite. Luckily, Æthelred had a spare heir from his first wife, Elfgivu, and the heir's name was Edmund Ironside. Cool name. Yeah, very cool. And he lived up to that tough name. Canute agreed to divide England with Edmund so they could both rule a bit of it. Check me out.

5:35Edmund Ironside, a cool name and king of a lord of England. Nothing can stop me. Except, guess what happened? Well, it can't be that I dropped dead five weeks later. That couldn't happen twice. Yeah, he dropped dead five weeks later. You are kidding me! All these dead kings left Emma in a really scary position. With Edmund Ironside dead, Canute decided to stop sharing nicely and killed a bunch of Ethelred's family. Emma must have been terrified that she or her kids would be next. So how did she stop Canute killing her whole family? If you can't beat them, marry them. Yep, she married Canute. Some sources, including a book that Emma commissioned herself, said it was all very romantic.

6:25I love you so, even though I killed a load of your dead hubby's family. Well, it's just like a rom-com. Kiss me. But other reports suggested it was a bit more... Oi, I need to make a strong political alliance by marrying someone with lots of power and influence. Guess that's you. Fine, as long as you don't name me after your first wife. And so Emma became Queen of England for the second time. But there was one snag with Emma marrying Canute. Canute was already married. And guess what his wife was called? It's not Elf-Givu again, is it? It is. Not another one? Yep, a third Elf-Givu has entered the chat.

7:07And in our tale full of cool names, get ready for... Elf-Givu of Northampton. Less cool name. Yeah, it does sound a bit like a card-y-lish-ip. Eh, they can't all be winners. Regardless of the messy start, Emma and Knute's marriage seems to have been quite stable. They had two kids together, a boy called Hartha Knute and a girl called Gunnhilde, which are both... Cool names. And the couple stayed together until 1035, when... Let me guess. Another man in my life dropped dead? Throwing England into chaos and leaving me in big trouble? Yep. Sorry, Emma. Honestly. So you've got one dead king, two surviving wives, and a lot of potential heirs to the throne.

7:54The main contender was Canute's first wife's son, Harold Harefoot. Cool name. Both Elfgivu of Northampton and Queen Emma were trying to make their boys king. Talk about competitive mums. My Harold was walking at ten months. Pathetic. My Harthacnut was running by then. Like he should be running England. It was a surprise win for Elfgivu. At Oxford in 1035, Harold Harefoot was made regent, basically king of England, while Emma was sent to Winchester to rule over a smaller chunk of England called Wessex on Harthacnut's behalf, while Harthacnut himself swanned off to Denmark. Oi, where are you off to?

8:37I just scored you a small kingdom. Cool story, Mum, but I'm off. Don't touch my stuff. Bye. By 1037, Harold had the power and Emma was alone. So was Harold nice to her? No. He took away all the treasures his dad, Canute, had given Emma. Oi! Those are from my hubby. And then he threw her out of the country. Exiling her to Flanders. Whoopsie doodly. Not that Flanders. It's a place in what's now Belgium. Still, all of this was a horrid way to treat your stepmum. I told you these guys were like a reality show. And since she was all about the messy drama too, Emma responded to all of this chaos in a very regal way by spreading nasty rumours about Harold Hareford.

9:23Maybe he's not son of Elfkivu at all. Let alone of Knut, there is a reason Harold looks like the maid. And the messy drama didn't stop there. Remember Alfred and Edward, the boys that Emma had with Æthelred? Well, in 1036, both lads led separate attacks on England using Norman soldiers, hoping to claim the throne. But it looks like Alfred shared his dad's lack of common sense, because he was promptly captured. Uh-oh. And blinded. Ow! And killed. Ah, phooey. Whether Emma had advised them to go ahead with this terrible invasion idea is unknown, but we do know that Edward never forgave his mother for what had happened to his little bro, Alfred.

10:07What a sad little life, mother. Harold Harefoot may have had a cool name, but he was a pretty unpopular king. And in 1041, guess what happened? Did another of my relatives who happened to be the king at the time drop dead? Yep. I'm sensing a passion here. Yeah, with her stepson, Harold Harefoot, dead, Emma made sure that Harthacnut was made king. Not her other boy, Edward. I guess Harthacnut was her favourite son. Gets more pudding and is favourite to be king? It's because he's the youngest. You baby him. Your half-brother is a perfect angel dumpling. Mother, he is 23. And because they were all about the messy family drama, Harthacnut celebrated by...

10:54digging up the body of his half-brother Harefoot. Hmm. Oh, and flinging it into a swamp. That's for getting more pudding than I got! Emma, the two-time Queen of England, was now also the mother of the King of England. Finally! And they say that behind every powerful man is a great woman. Well, in early 11th century England, that woman was always Emma. Sadly, soon after that... Don't you dare say my son! the king dropped dead. Kind of? Sorry Emma. He got really poorly so Emma flew to her son's side and got him to invite her other son Edward to co-rule with him. So when in 1042 Arthur Canute did drop dead Can all you men please stop dying?

11:47Edward just took over as king. Full time. It had taken a lot of work, but Emma was still the king's mother. Again. Good news for her, right? Oh, come on! Edward was still pretty grumpy over Alfred's death, and he was scared of Emma having power, so he seized all of her wealth, leaving her just enough to live off. I work by political allegiances to the bone, getting you to the throne, and this is how you thank your mother. Not even flowers. Edward went on to be known as Edward the Confessor. But that's another story for another day. Emma spent her final years in Winchester without her kids or grandkids.

12:32A bit lonely. They didn't even have Zoom back then to keep in touch. Emma died on the 6th of March 1052, aged about 70. She was remembered for marrying well and giving birth to boys. In 11th century England, that would have been considered an impressive CV. But maybe we should celebrate her in all her messy glory as the powerful, business-minded centre of royal family drama, the Kris Jenner of medieval politics. Cam, taking selfies. So how much do you remember from today's speedy history lesson? Let's find out. Pencils at the ready. Question one. Who were the people that kept invading England in the early 11th century?

13:16Vikings! Question two. How many times was Emma Queen of England? Twice. And question three. What was the old English name Emma was given and also the name of both of her husband's ex-wives? Elfki vu. Well done. Join us next time for another snappy history lesson. And if you're a grown-up and want to learn more about Emma of Normandy, listen to our episode of You're Dead to Me with Professor Elizabeth Tyler. Thanks for listening. Bye! This was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. Dead Funny History was written by Gabby Hutchinson-Crouch, Athena Kublenu and Dr Emma Naguse. It was hosted by me, Greg Jenner, and performed by Malian Rees and John Luke Roberts.

14:02The script consultant was Professor Elizabeth Tyler.