Boiled Parsnips 49: Missed Spoon Opportunity

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1:18Hello, boys and girls, and welcome to Parsnipsmas. I hope your thighs are bulbous and well-oiled and that your gutters and soak-aways are running free. Imagine if you can that you're walking the streets of Sunderland when you're approached by a stranger in a T-Moo Poppa Poppa with a donkey and an Alsatian tethered to his milky arm. All right, mate, you ask? Oi, I'm all right. Do you want to pop me donkey? No, thanks. It stinks as shit. Do you want to ride on it? No, cos I don't want my slacks covered in donkey tod. Do you want to buy it? Why would I want to buy an area of hairy shit? Have you heard him sing?

2:04No, what type of music does he sing? Country fucking music. Oh yeah, prove it. And the bloke kicks the donkey in its knackers and it begins to sing. I've been listening to that country fucking music Whilst hanging pepperonis on my tree I've been piping it directly into my bathtub Cause it helps to clean my ball bag of monies I've bought a new set of headphones in Aldi So I can feed that country music to my brain I bought myself some pointy shoes from Costco So I can use the toe to clear out my dreams I'm that hon-honky I'm that bright as a spark I'm Andy Daw-dawson I'm pissing on shadows Shadows, shadows It's a fucking dark I'm having grits and tootsie rolls Instead of turkey I've got a bell buckle on top of my Christmas tree I bought a 12 pack of wagon wheels from Farm Foods Stack them high, that's a Christmas cake for me But I'm not honky, I'm not bright as a spark I'm Andy Dodo, sudden I'm pissing on shadows Shadows, shadows In the fucking dark

3:49Hey, Merry Parsnipsmas to you, Andrew Dawson. Yee-haw! Merry Parsnipsmas to you as well. Feels like it's a made-up holiday. It is, Andy. It is, Andy. But so is Christmas. Chris Dartsmouse or whatever it is. Football Dartsmas. Football Dartsmas. Yeah. The only one on that trailer who seems fully convinced by the concept of Christmas Dortmuss... Can I guess first? Can I guess first? Yeah. Luke Humphreys? No. Who is it? It is Jack Grealish. Oh, yes, he has got a bit of a smile, hasn't he? He claps his hands as well. He claps his hands because he's banging to it. So, yeah, football Dortmuss. The least convincing is, I suppose it obviously would be his Cole Palmer, isn't it?

4:42And I think they seem to have dropped him from the head. By the look of it. He got voted off. So, New Year's Honours, we've both been snubbed once again. Oh, isn't it incredible? I mean, we nominated each other in a pact that we had. I wrote to the King, I said, how King? Now then, oh, you're doing what about Dawson for one of them? Yeah. MBOs or something? it? MBOs, Obies, Sabibis, any of them. I'd happily be a Sabibi. I know that when you worked at HMV you got nominated and you turned it down. It ain't going to come back to you, Andy. Well, I'll prove you wrong because it was our price. Yeah, I did.

5:21Tell me, answer me this, Andy. Your time at our price, happiest days of your life? Not the happiest days of my life. As far as jobs go, it was a really good one. I really enjoyed it. Yeah, because it wasn't really a proper job. Sounds like, it sounds a good job. Good people. You know what I mean? Good people. They were good people. Music lovers. Yeah. Music lovers. Good people. Chat music all day long. Yeah. Help the public out. It was great times. And you could just have a cup of tea behind the counter and just put it underneath the counter and have your cup of tea. Of course. And people would come and say, do you mind if I put this flyer up for me band's got a gig at the Crown on Thursday?

5:55He said, no, you can fuck off. No, I've got to run that by head office first. They've said no. There's a blanket ban on flyers. But you get ten months of the year, nobody in. Two months of the year, mad busy. Yeah. Great times. You can't go back, though. By this train, my nearest train station, Andy, a shop's just opened, which is selling... What's that tough stuff, tough meat, you know, that's hardened? Jerky. Jerky. A jerky shop, a whole shop that's on nothing but jerky. How long will you give it, and I'll report back? Five months. Five? I'm giving it... Five months. I think five weeks, so that would be about...

6:37Five weeks? Yeah. You've seen it, though, in the flesh. I'm just having a punt. Fuck it, spa, Sandy. Can I offer you some names at this point? Yeah, of course. Of course you can. Can you consider them? You'll offer them. First of all, you can be Kenny Spice Wipes. Spice Wipes. Spice Wipes. He claims to have reinvented the wet wipe by infusing it with chilli. Oh, yeah. Keep it away from your eyes. Obviously. I think is the overriding message there. You can be Fats Attenborough. Can I just comment on spice wipes? Yeah. If there'd been space wipes with a futuristic angle, I wouldn't have been in.

7:16Right. So, like, on the packaging, there would be, like, cobbets and that. Yeah, yeah. Alternatively, if he'd been Peter Spice Rack, I'd have been quite tempted there, but moving on. Righto. It's still there. It's up for grabs. Kenny Spicewipes or Fats Attenborough. He has the voice of Fats Domino and the curiosity of the natural world of David Attenborough broadcasts on YouTube from a stairlift in his dad's house. Very tempting. Fats Attenborough. You can be ProbeTube, SnowTube XL, the sleekest, most effective ProbeTube yet. Get ready for winter 2025, it says. I like that last bit. Get ready for winter 25.

8:04I mean, that really draws you in. That's coming up the next few weeks, I reckon. You're talking about what may lie ahead weather-wise. Before I choose, Andy, just one little comment. I watch a lot of food people on YouTube. I might have said this before. I know you do, yeah. Reviewing food from the shops and that. They get their food at the shops. and I did not realise the power of Iceland or farm foods or any of them just putting the word new on the box. Really? It's extraordinary. Right. Oh, well, anyway, our new recipe. I wasn't aware of that either, but I could completely get what you're saying.

8:43Fuck, it really draws people in. My ears pricked up when you said it. I'm going to take a chance on Fats. Is it Rats Domino, Domino Attenborough? Fats Attenborough. Thank you, I'll take it. Welcome to the show, Fat Sattenborough. Thanks for joining us. Thank you. Well, as it's this Christmas, I will tell you what my presents were. It's just genuine. See, people might be interested. I'll ask you as well. I got a decent sized box of Dolly mixtures. Nice. I got some liqueur chocolates. I got underpants, posh, you know, they've got a name on them. I think it's Curious or something. Curious. I got some Hot Wheels track, the greatest present that anyone can get.

9:25Do you find there's much curiosity as to the contents of your underpants? Because it feels like... Was it curious question marks? It's something like curious. It's something like that. I'll take a picture of them and send it to Andy. Oh, I got... Could you not? My best present was a Borough Away kit. Oh, nice. Is that shorts and socks as well? No, just the top. We've got a nice away kit this year, blue and white, like an Argentina one. I would love to see you in a full Barrett away kit with a pair of, I don't know, loafers or something on your feet. It'd be nice, like cowboy boots, yeah. I got a machine that does stuff that makes your life easier as well, you know.

10:08Oh, does it do readouts? It does readouts and it keeps a record of usage as well, so I'm very happy with that. It's got like a chip in it. Yeah, so you can have memories, you know. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah, so about yourself, what was your main present? Oh, man, what did I get? I got a bunch of books that I'd kind of asked for, so there wasn't all that many surprises. I got a book about Abba. I got a book about Slade. You like a book, don't you? I love a book. When do you read your books? When do you read them? Very rarely. I'm working on, like, three different books at once, usually. and I just dip in and out of them.

10:49But when do you read them? I try to sit down in the evenings. I don't watch as much television as I used to. I prefer to read books now. But in answer to that question, which I think was quite a dull question. Thank you. So there was that. I've got a Billy Connolly book about his artwork that he does. That's interesting. I've got... Have you ever noticed? Jobbies! He's done a drawing of a jobbie. It's in his book. It's good. And what else did I get? Some booze, obviously. Yeah. And some chocolates. Did you get that Dutch barn booze that Ricky Gervais brews in his garage? No, I didn't get any of that.

11:29You didn't get any of that? I got some shipyard and I got some whiskey. You're a lucky lad. So there we are. Topics of interest, Andy. Yeah. Yeah? Running past you. You know, if anything, absolutely shouts out at you. We can have a chat. If not, come back to them. Why don't we use warm water when we're cleaning our teeth? What's best, straight roads or bendy ones? What's better, darts or snooker? What would you miss most, meat or cheese? All right, quite a lot of topics. Yeah, I remember a time, Andy, when T-shirts weren't a thing. what's the most common item you remember not being a thing um and would you rather have a bad fall in a bathroom or when getting off a train there they are andy okay i'll immediately go on to the one about the fall because i did have a fall the other week right just just a week just during storm dara yeah the other week do you remember that storm no i don't there's so many of them Yeah.

12:40There's so many of them now. It was Storm Dara the other week, and I had a fall on the way to the Sunland match. But it wasn't because of the storm that I fell over. Well, it kind of was, because it was some wet cobblestones that were quite shiny, and I slipped. And I found myself thinking, oh, I've slipped a bit, and then I found myself thinking, I'm on the ground now. Yeah. And that second or so in between that first thought and that second thought, it's just a blank, really. Oh, wow. Did you bang your head? No, I scraped my knee. I scraped my knee, so I was a bit scab on my knee for about five days.

13:18So I had a fall, yeah. I'd rather fall. What are the choices again? In your bathroom? In your bathroom, or getting when you step off a train? Getting off a train. Really? Getting off a train. Far too many hard objects to bang your head off if you're in your bathroom. You've got your sink, you've got the bath, toilet, it's terrible isn't it a terrible place to fall in it it's the most lethal room fucking is i might take mine often says just not worth it i'll put tape up that says it's not worth it black and yellow black and yellow danger tape across the door condemned yeah condemn your own bathroom for 2025 that's a good idea but i will ask you the topics i'll come back to them if you want later on well i just want to say just give me a one word answer what's better darts or snooker Oh, it's darts.

14:07You reckon? Darts is the best sport at all. I'm pleased to hear that. I'm pleased to hear you say that. I'm going to the darts tomorrow. You're a lucky fuck. I know. Quaterfinals day. Both sessions. Get that. So do you get... New Year's Day. You'll get two quarterfinals, or will you get four? Two quarterfinals in the afternoon, two quarterfinals in the evening. Oh, you picked a hell of a day, didn't you? Yeah. Who do you want to win? Rids? Who do I want to win? Rids, no. Why not Rids? Well, I don't mind Rids, but there's that old Newcastle thing going on, isn't there? With the black and white on his shirt and everything.

14:38Come on, grow up. It's that professional Geordie thing. No, I do like Rids because of his hair, mainly. Yeah, of course, yeah. Who do I want to win the whole tournament? Can I guess who you want to win? Yeah, go on, have a guess. I think you're probably one of those shameless people who wants a little bit to win. Nah. Good, good on you. Bunting, then, you might be a bunting lad. punning yeah what's wrong with that i'm not a fan andy but there you go no there you go all right

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16:54So talking of the Alexander Palace and Andy. Smooth. And talking of ray guns, because I forgot to tell you that I got a ray gun, a replacement ray gun for Christmas. I took my ray gun into Infinity Rocket Plastics up near Ali Pali for its annual service in MOT. Andy, they've hiked the price up to£120 for a service. Jesus. Incredibly. You still get the one-hour turnaround, and it does include magnet realignment and plasma top-up, but that's a price, isn't it? What was it before, 75? 70, 75, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Moose was on the counter. So, hiya, Moose. I said, can I get a one-hour service on my rear gun, please?

17:43What model are we talking about whilst we are talking about it? No, it's my Nebula X1 5OS. Whoa, what a slab of bollocks. It's no better than a banana full of shit. Why not get an upgrade to a non-plasma unit? I'm really happy with me nebula. I've had it four years now. I never had a problem. Well, you could say that same thing about an Excel bully, but it's just a ticking time bomb. Yeah, but all right, then why should I change? Why? You ask why? Whilst you're asking why, well, let's talk about range, accuracy, handling, functionality, service intervals, a punch. Well, all right, Moose. That's a number of things you've mentioned there whilst mentioning them, and none of them interest me, to be honest.

18:27I'll just take the service, thanks. Would you like a loan unit while we have your gun in case you get propositioned by a plonker or hybrid insect pig thing? Well, it's a good nice offer. That's why I took up his offer, and I left with a Zircon 3FX dual magnet with character assessment function. Do you know that model, Andy? I've seen about it on the internet. Yeah, it's a nice function to have that, isn't it, character assessment? Definitely. Yeah. I was in... Is that key to what's about to happen? I don't know. I was in the area, so obviously I popped into Slaughter's restaurant. Of course. And Michael Van Gerwen and Adrian Lewis were sat at a table, so I slipped myself into the booth next to them to have a listen in.

19:15The waiter was speaking as I sat down. A thousand bagged folks of festive welcome to you both Today our chef Ron Crags has knocked up a classic Christmas awful feast Adrian, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, that has got me popping Come on, come on, spill the fucking beans No beans mate, beans are for dozy bastards For starters we have pot roast bagpipe cheeks Resting on a bed of twice pummeled mouse snouts Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, I have just passed a long, thin strip of morning toffee. That is some festive fuckery, is that? Van Gerwen chips in. Do you have any sandwiches? Don't be fucking daft. I could serve some snouts on a crispy section of ghost chest.

20:07No, I just mean regular open sandwich with cheese or maybe luncheon meat. I'm afraid not. so very fucking sorry. Adrian butts in. Oh, don't mind him. He's foreign. For fuck's sake. So, come on. Come on, what's for me? I can feel me prostrate pulsing in anti-fucking anticipation. Come on, what is it? For me, we have the Ron Crags Christmas Tower consisting of 100 sea worm marinated owl cocks 100 bleach softened robin's beaks served inside a hollowed out otter's heat what are the owl cocks marinated in a very dirty fucking bullet

21:04I thought otters were a protective species Ron Crags does not recognize any UK or EU laws relating to wildlife. He is passionate about this oversight. Oh, fuck a Christmas tower. Oh, I am presently releasing gases that could be weaponised by eventual scientists. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't want to eat otter and alcox. Then we'll have a word with you, chef. I wouldn't recommend that, sir. He has a tendency to fuck up people's lives. I don't care. fetch him for me very well sir oh fuck couple of minutes later the waiter returns to the table with Ron Craggs by his side Ron's bleeding very badly from a gash to his stomach and it appears to have sewn a donkey's foot to the side of his face Ron speaks who's this who's this father and come to ask him for a fucking sandwich if you don't like a menu fuck off fuck off back at the moment Sell your fucking farts to widows.

22:15You are very rude, man. All I want is a basic open sandwich. It's not a lot to ask. Well, at that, Ron lunges forward and raises his meat cleaver in the air. He's about to bring it down on Van Gerwen when I remember the Zircon ray gun in me pocket and I blasted a pulse wave at Ron that melts off his right arm. Ron falls onto the floor. Van Gerwen walks out of the restaurant and Ron tries to follow him crawling on his belly with his head glowing blue, you know, with the effects of the plasma ray on his nervous system. Yeah. That is a very powerful ray gun. Must be dual magnet at least. Yeah, it's a Zircon.

22:57And Jay, you know what? It's got a character assessment function. Oh, yeah. What does it say about me, then? So I press the A button. It says you're a cunt. Bang on. Very impressive. Oh, fuck. Is Ron still going to be able to cook the Christmas Tower? I'm not fucking shaking with anticipation. Ron. Ron. You still up for a cook? Ron gets up off the floor with blue plasma dripping from his right shoulder. Yeah, anything's been prepared. Just needs heating up. I can get my kitchen chimp to do that. It'll take a fucking minute. Very fucking effective ray gun I was taken down with then. It must be a zircon.

23:45Hey, wait to clean up that arm residue, will you? With pleasure, Ron. Oh, fuck. Do you mind if I take a bag of that arm jelly back for me St Bernard? Not a problem. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I love Ron Craggs and his Christmas shenanigans. happy fucking Christmas to everyone in the fucking world. So it was nice at the end. It was very nice, yeah, very festive. I enjoyed that quite a lot. Should we, at this point, have some questions from the Parsnippers that have been submitted? Yeah, go on then. Sean Roach, he says, do you think quiz show hosts should be required to tell everyone what they plan to do with the money they earn today?

24:32Quite like that. I remember Danny Baker once said that at the end of a football match, someone should come on with wheelbarrows full of money for the players and give them it in cash. And then we can all see what they've got for what they've just done. Yeah. So that would apply, I think, to quiz show hosts as well. You've got the contestants, when they have real humans on instead of celebrities, raising money for charity, which they fucking cheat anyway, when it's real people. Yeah, what's he called? Stephen Mulhern should also get a big bag of money at the end and we tell this one he's going to spend it on.

25:07You're saying this, Andy, but I happen to know that you fucking try and move everyone on earth to get into the celebrity club, don't you? Yeah, I don't like bitter or anything about it, but once I'm in there, I'd use my powers for good. Would you really? I'd be an influencer. I think that quiz show hosts should be allowed to live their lives free from scrutiny. Okay, very diplomatic. What else have you got? I do. Michael says if the world was exactly as it is now except dinosaurs were still around do you think we'd farm them and eat them like chicken I think we would ride them around and then take them to the tip when they were knackered yeah but I think we'd also farm them and eat them because there's so much meat on a dinosaur it could solve the world's hunger crisis I think overnight if they would bring them back Jurassic Park tried I didn't see them get any further than the confines of Jurassic Park which is a shame really but a good documentary It's a documentary is it?

26:10I think so Gareth Wilson says when you see someone that has missed a belt loop do you feel a bit sorry for them? Over to you Bob Well here's the thing when I used to play a snooker in the Wellington in Middlesbrough in the room upstairs there was a lad that we called the Spoon and he deliberately missed out a loop at the back of his jeans and he'd put a spoon in it. We have no idea why, but we called him the spoon because of that. So if I see a missed belt loop, I tend to think, you know, like, lob a spoon in it or maybe a corncob or something, you know, see if it brings you good luck. You see a missed belt loop as being a missed spoon opportunity.

26:52Yeah. That's my answer. It's fine. fine with me. Tom Ellis says, what's your favourite method of dividing land? Mine has to be a dry stone wall, but I am partial to a well-kept hedge. I don't know if you have any thoughts on that, on dividing land up. Well, the old club singer, Joe Longthorne, had his boundary fence made up of old council house front doors. Yeah. Still painted, you know, the paint coming off. he was doing it I think to piss off people who would complain about his fence but could look alright old council doors I've seen there's allotments near here that have got their land divided by old council doors I'm in agreement with that not too bad is it I was going to say barbed wire electrified but maybe that's a bit extreme I don't know have you got any predictions Andy for this year coming up nothing Nothing?

27:56I know I suggested that we should do some, and then I didn't get right into it. Oh, I haven't thought. Were you willing to listen to mine? Yeah, go for it. They're serious. I think these things might happen. I think referees will quite soon be told to stop fucking about before free kicks are taken into the box. I hope so. Oh, it's a disgrace, isn't it? What are they saying to them? What are they saying? Don't foul? I don't know. I don't know what they're doing. The players that are in the box, you mean? with having a bit of rough and tumble. Yeah, if there's a, you know, I don't know what possible point they could, if you're taking a throw in, he doesn't go over to them and say, by the way, you've got to put it behind your head and keep behind the line.

28:35Yeah, yeah, just get on with it. Get on with it. I hope that will happen. I think it might. I think, Andy, and I don't think this will upset, I don't think you're a puffer puffer man, but I think the puffer puffer jacket's going to decline this year. And I think the McIntosh is going to make a massive comeback, like maybe even the crombie. Yeah, I can see that. That feels like a symptom of climate change, to be quite honest. The puffer. The puffer's going out the door, in comes the Macintosh. Yeah. Maybe it's with a jumper underneath just for an extra layer. Yeah, no, that's fine. For warmth. Even a lot of scarf on, you know.

29:11Why not? Why not? And the other thing, my final third prediction was, I think Adrian Lewis, he's coming back into Modus in January. Is he? he's going to be doing modus. And I think he will qualify for next year's Christmas darts and I think he'll get to the quarter finals. There you go. That would be so good. I would love to say that. I'd absolutely love to say that. It'd be great, wouldn't it? Sorry, I haven't got any predictions, but there you go. Ding dong, landlord here. Just popping in to measure up. I'll be getting the flat divided up from a two better into six individual existence pods next week.

29:49You're welcome to stay here while the renovations are ongoing or you can relocate to my head house in Exeter. But if you do, I do get to keep 75 % of everything you lay. Ding dong, landlord here. Just popping in to bring you up to speed as per our email correspondence vis-a-vis the wasp's nest. I'm able to confirm I'll be getting it installed on Friday morning. Ding dong, landlord here. Just popping in to let you know that I'll be giving my brother-in-law, son-in-law, John T, a key for the flat. Ah, he's fresh out of Ford Open Prison. He's a casual drug user, and he needs someone to take a shit whenever he's off his face in the local vicinity.

30:35There. He's furious and fast. Fast, landlord. Too fast. Hey, you know Martin from Holmes Under the Hammer? Yeah. Well, I was listening to a show on the radio, you know, where he goes round celebrities' houses and as a sneak round, as a sniff around. It was a good one. It was with Morrissey, you know, the singer Morrissey? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm aware of his work, yeah. Yeah, so I'll play what I recorded. Is it on a tape? It's on a tape, yeah. I hit the tape. Right. Good afternoon there, one and all. You join me here today in the northern town of Manchester as I'm prepared to visit another famous celebrity and have a nice walk around the board and see what they get up to when they're behind closed doors.

31:24I'm outside what seems to be quite a grim little two up two down that hasn't even got a front garden. Can you imagine life like that? Let me first just signal my arrival with a knockety-nickety knock knock knock on this miserable grey front door. Knock knock knock. Oh, the door's opened. Yes, can I help you? Well, well, well If it isn't Mr Llama Please may I come over your threshold And examine your home or paddock Or whatever you might call it I don't know what you're talking about I'm not a llama I'm a pop singer Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you? I mean, what's that on top of your head If you're not a llama?

32:09That's my quiff I've had it since I was born Yes, that's not surprising given you were born as a llama. How about I come inside and you can try to put the long-running llama myth into bed once and for all? Well, you're in now, sir. Well, my first impressions are usually 100 % correct and accurate. And I see here that your hallway and staircase is fully carpeted in the modern plain grey style. Alborny, it's got a nice depth to it, and I have to say, although it's not that unusual, I really do like it. Yes, I've just had it laid as a birthday present to myself. Anything you say, Mr. Larmer. Now, my assumption here is that you've opted for a nice deep carpet in order to soften the harsh sound of your hooves as you chip-trap up and down the stairs, thereby avoiding conflict with your next-door neighbour.

33:05I don't have any neighbours. I bought the houses on either side of this one so that I can be alone at all times. Yes, I think I might have read once that llamas are one of the most solitary mammals, so that fits in nicely with my diagnosis. I swear to you that I am not a llama. But do any of us truly know what we are? I suspect not. Right, what's through here? Ah, some kind of small square exercise area with a lovely big feeding bowl just at the right height for you to dip your big long neck in there and graze from. This is the kitchen, and actually that's my sink, not a feeding bowl. I have to say, it does slightly resemble what you call a kitchen, but I feel I've hit the nail right on the head with my own personal diagnosis.

33:54Allow me to celebrate that with my making a loud affirmative ping noise. Ping! Ping! Look, this is ludicrous. Morrissey lifts up his shirt. If I was a llama, I'd be covered in fur. But as you can see, my tummy is as smooth as an eel. Martin gets out a magnifying glass and peers at Morrissey's stomach. Nice try, Mr Llama, but I'm pretty sure that by looking closely at your pallid tummy skin, I can definitely make out a three-chambered stomach, one of the many distinctive features of your particular species. Let me ask you this. How fast can you run? I don't know. About seven miles an hour. I find athletic endeavour to be a chore.

34:38Seven, eh? Seven. Which you could also describe as being up to 40 miles an hour. Top speed of a llama. I am not a llama. Oh, you just spattered me there. The evidence continues to mount up. I do not spit. I enunciate. But it went in my fucking eye. I'll put my elbow in your eye in a minute. You fucking snout, you mean? You hairy, stinking llama snout. No one would notice if I did. Your face looks like a freeze-dried dog shit. You what? I'm going to grass you up to this fucking doll. I haven't been on the doll since 1984. Oh, I'll kick you, Mr. Sing-song llama. Look, just get out, will you? It'll be my fucking pleasure, you mighty prick.

35:22I always preferred Lloyd Cole, anyway. Martin leaves. Well, that was a bit of an unusual animal encounter, but I have to say I did like it. Never mind. I'm off down the local art gallery where there's a new exhibition of different sausages. Ta-ta for now. And that's where me tap ran out. I was taping over something. Well, I think that was enough. I think you might be right. I think you might be right. The gist of it. Would you like a little quiz? Go on, then. Is it Christmas Eve? It should be, but I bet it isn't. It's kind of. It's a quiz stroke game. It's quite simply called, Would You Like to See a Large Toblerone?

36:05Okay. Now, that's the name of it. Doesn't necessarily mean that's what it's about, so don't get too cocky, but here we go. Right. Bob, would you like to see a large Toblerone? Yes. Take your time. Take your time, please. Think about it. Yes.

36:26That's your final answer, is yes. You would like to see. Yes.

36:33Humiliation. Ah, sorry, there isn't a large Toblerone. Oh, I got it wrong. I wouldn't like to see a large Toblerone. You wouldn't like to see one because there just simply isn't one for you to see here right now. Oh, right. So you've lost at that game. How many Toblerones have you got in your house at the moment? I've got three. I've got one. What flavour? Normal? Standard. Standard. And it's a big one as well. There's a thumb appearing on my screen. Do you know what that's about? Oh, I'm holding my thumb up. All right. Put it down. There you are. It makes it come up on the WhatsApp video chat that we're doing as a thumbs up.

37:13I could do a wanker sign as well. That might do something. No, it doesn't. Have you got a thumb now? No. No. You must have a deformed thumb. But that's all right. were inclusive. Was there any more other topics that you wanted to run by me again? I don't know, Andy. You know, none of them obviously grabbed you. I'll just go back up to where they are. Why don't we use warm water when cleaning our teeth? We usually use warm water whenever we're cleaning. I kind of do. I find the cold water too abrasive on me nerves and my teeth, so I will use warm water to clean my teeth. Oh, that's interesting.

37:52Yeah. What about, would you miss more meat or cheese? Oh, meat. I could handle living without cheese, but meat. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. It's New Year's Eve, Andy, so let's get out into Sunderland. Let's get you out into Sunderland on the piss. Yeah, but I'll be in bed by nine o 'clock, so I've got to go to the darts tomorrow. All right, I'm just hearing, just as we leave, that Wayne Rooney has had his membership of the British Managers Lunch Club accepted through his departure from Plymouth, so we might hear more about that next time. Pass Nippers, thank you for another year of support.

38:33Thank you so much. Thanks for your support in 2024 and onwards. Cheers. Goodbye. See ya.

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