Boiled Parsnips 57: Kettles

0:00Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments.

0:37You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. and you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash start now. That's growtherapy.com slash start now. growtherapy.com slash start now. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

1:35All right, Andy, how are you doing, like? I'm all right. Thank you very much for asking. All right, you think they're doing this one pretty fast. All right, let's have a look at the T-shirt. E-R-G. Blue, white, red, black, white. Do you recognise that? Is it something like the Saint Etienne shirt? It's close We're talking Serie A Oh I know, it's Sambdoria isn't it? Sambdoria Yeah I can't believe I got that Nice shirt Who did they have? They had Hullet Lombardo David Platt Roberto Mancini Gus Caesar David Armstrong All are great Now listen, I like it a lot Thank you But there's something like a spot Or someone's throwing a dart at you Between your eyes, what's that about?

2:31What is that? Well spotted, yes It is, I think they call it acne Oh acne Which is quite unusual for a 53 year old man It is, maybe it's a good sign That your hormones are still flowing around you It's probably a sign of hormone deficiency If anything but it's as you said yeah it's right between the eyes i think i know what's caused it i've got a new a new hat to wear when i'm out walking the dog what do they call them hats hats even though woolen hats oh bubble let's call them hats bubble no it's like a bubble without a bubble right all right a beanie a beanie oh a beanie yeah i mean whenever i see a beanie i miss the bubble you know what i mean i think that they've taken it off it doesn't look quite right it needs a bubble.

3:18Well, I've got a beanie and it's keeping me head so warm that it's making it sweat. Gotcha. And I think the sweat has gone into me paws and created this bullet hole. Yeah. Either that or I've been hit by an air rifle pellet without realising it. I was hit by an air pellet when I was a young 'un. That doesn't surprise me. My brothers was brandishing it, you know, like for the laughs. Right. Set it off. And it hit my elbow, came in one hole, went out the other hole, created its own new hole and came out. So I was pretty chuffed about that. I've got two nice little scars on my elbow. I can actually say I was shot.

4:03So you weren't shot by a fool, you were shot by a friend? Shot by a brother. Yeah, it's like living in America, isn't it? It is a bit. I've been listening to your new book. Oh, right. The audio version. Yes. I get to hear your voice, which, you know, I don't get enough of already. Very nice that you've created one of the characters based on myself. Which one's that? Well, it's the one that's got a really, really cracking arse.

4:34No spoilers. I'm not saying out else. I know the one, yeah. Thank you. Appreciate that. It wasn't based on you, but I do see it. I do see it. Hey, look, I want to sing my song. You got a song? The music song, I want to get this thing going, you know, we're gibbering on. Well done, Sunderland, by the way, etc. Hope it keeps happening. I'll find the music, shall I? Yeah. You're getting ready for Christmas, Andy? You're getting it all... You've been down to HomeSense, B &M, and got your decorations. No, I don't buy any new decorations. I've just got decorations that I use every year. Do you get a new tree, or have you got a false tree?

5:09I've got a fake one. Yeah. It's decent, though. It does the job. Are we diverting into a tree talk now? Well, for my first year ever, I've got a fake one. I haven't put it up yet. I'm not one of these early get-ahead goers, you know. Yeah. Well, I don't mind. I think times are hard, and if people want to stick their tree up in the middle of November, who will wait to judge them? Yeah. You know? Do you mean stick it up their arse, or just stick it up? No, I just meant stick it up in the living room. Right. Are you ready to sing your song now? Of course I am always ready to sing my song Alright, here we go 3, 2, 1 I've been listening to that country fuck music I've been eating Donna meat from 9 and 5 I've been waddling around the streets of Sunderland With my Alsatian Eric fuck by my side Yes, I've been listening to that country folk music I bought some cheap-made juice from Kazakhstan I've been sucking on it like a newborn baby And it's bent my eyes and tone I bring to land But I'm not honky, I'm not bright as a spark I'm Andy Dawson and I'm pissing on Shadow Shadows, shadows In the fucking dark

6:44I'm still listening to that country fucking music Started seeing American soldiers under my bed These soldiers seem to have started moving Trying to find a Viet Cong hidden in my shed But I'm like honky I'm like bright as a spark I'm Andy Dawson And I'm pissing on shadows Shadows, shadows It's a kind of Oh yeah Yee-haw! That kind of gets us in the mood, doesn't it, Andy? You know what I mean? Having a bit of a scene Kind of does Kind of does We should mention again Music there provided by the singer Frank Turner and his group. That's fantastic, isn't it? Do you want a couple of names to consider?

7:37Go on. Why did you look like that? You did a look which said you don't want them. I want them. They're unwelcome. No, you've misinterpreted the look. The look was one of saying, Christ, I hope they're decent. That's all that was. Right, okay. You can be Colin Oddnumbers. Okay. He only does things in ones, threes or fives. Doesn't do anything higher than fives. Okay. He's Mr. 135. Colin Oddnumbers. Okay. We're going to call him Mr. 135. Right, but it's just as a remembering for me, you know. Or you can be Ian DeGreaser. Ian DeGreaser, he generates incredibly potent spittle that can remove grease stains from any surface in seconds.

8:29Ooh, tempting. Ah. Tempting. Yeah. Anything else? Or you can be honky-tonk, as per usual. I'm going to try being the degreaser. You know, I've got a lot of grease needs shifting in my pad. I bet you have. I really have, yeah. That's why I come up with it. Ian degreaser. Welcome to the show, Ian degreaser. All right, Ronnie Hot Dogs. How are you doing? All right, Luke? Thank you very much, yes. I've got, I've had a blog, vlog, I don't know what it is, sent in to me from Mickey Dixon You know, he's from Teesside, obsessed with his safety and that Got a bit of a Christmas feel to it, actually Right You want me to play it?

9:07See you might get to learn something from it? Yes, please Alright, here goes Alright, Mickey Dixon here I'm down the garden centre, you know, passing some time Looking at the Christmas shite, like I noticed in the car park there's no grit bin You know, imagine the carnage There's a sudden snowfall or dropping temperature Causing ice puddles, like, don't bear thinking about Oh, look, there's Gary Padlocks Getting his wife's wheelchair out of the car Alright, Gary, did you know there's no grit bin in this car park? No gripping, you're joking aren't you No gripping That could be a pot of lipped it With a number of front wheel drive vehicles in here I might just fuck off to home sense I'm only eating a look at the Christmas shite Maybe buy some old fashioned sweets for the glove box like Alright Margaret, Mrs Padlock, how's your rip love?

10:06It's fucking terrifying The supporting tissue completely raged It's bone on bone. It's like scraping a fish slice down your brickwork. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Margaret Padlock. Hold on, Gary. Gary, what's that you're wearing on your feet? It's me chicken-coloured slip-hands. For fuck's sake, Gary. They're entirely inappropriate. You might as well be wearing fucking ice skates. One false step and your bollocks will be wrapped round your tits. Well, don't have a go at me. I didn't know there wasn't a grit bin. Aye, fair enough. Point taken. Do you know what? I reckon that's a good call about home sense.

10:44I saw them topping up the grit bin last weekend. Especially if you're only here late to look at their Christmas shite. Yeah, fuck this death trap. I'm off cheers, Mickey. I'll see you, Gary and Margaret Padlocks. Truth is, I should tell the council about the lack of grit, but they're too busy printing leaflets about the multi-faith winter celebration in Alder Park. You're all with Sinita topping the bill. A lot of boomers are telling between, you know, the love of her outfits and the lack of a proper Santa, you know. Hope they've got decent security, Barris Lake, because it could be quite a rush if she kicks off a set with So Macho, you know, in one of her palm leaf outfits, Lake.

11:30Oh, look, there's a daft lad collecting trolleys. I think it's Norris Barsall's son. How's your dad, son? Nice. How's your mum? Nice. How's your job going like? Nice Okay Stay sharp son Keep safe Nice Right I'm inside now Look ah First thing There's Ron Crags Walking towards the Christmas shite Like he's got a whole turban stuck up his arse He hasn't got his walking stick Now if that isn't asking for trouble Then I'm Kenny G's car mechanic Which I'm not by the way he uses We'll Be Senior in South Central LA. He used to use talk of the town like, but there went bust, you know, when the boss got neck deep into meme coins.

12:20All right, Ron, you come to look at the Christmas shite? Aye, wife wants a big inflatable Santa for the front lawn. You'll have to tether that, Ron, you know, if a wind gusts it, she'd make blow into the road and crash a car. Lot of Nissan Micras in your road, Ron And the braking distance on them fuckers is next to now Unless they've got the winter tyres fitted, like Yeah, I'm well aware of that, Mickey Why aren't you using your stick, Ron? Ron, if you keel over, I won't be able to help, like Cos my knee joint's bone on bone And I can't phone for help because the wife snapped my phone When she got me registering for the post-court lottery, you know What you got in your trolley there, Ron?

13:03Ah, some travel sweets, bag of onions The wife likes to suck on an onion, you know, when we're on the move Alright, where are you off to? Driving up Satan Carreau with the other adult male that lives in the house with us for a few days, you know, in the caravan I will make sure you check the other adult male doesn't get car sickness like He might get delirious in the car and start pulling at your wife's scalp Making her eyes turn all milky How are you getting on with your neck structure, Lee? It's still born on born, Mickey Doctor says I should stop listening to ACDC But that's, you know, it's easier said than done When the other adult male in the house plays him round the clock Aye, fair point Take care, Ron, be safe Oh, look, there's Don Gough over there Looking at the 12-volt reindeer shelf display Hey, Don, you check the transformer that comes with that Check it's compatible with your dimmer switches You don't want an overload Shouldn't you be keeping your ass Out of my business you nosy fuck Yeah so to yourself John Hey I heard you and your wife went to whip me See if you could spot any seagulls With milky eyes Was it nice to you out Ah very nice Do you want me to talk through the day Not really Don Been too much talk about milky eyes recently Anyway Be safe John Oh, that's the end of his...

14:33That's it. Is that when it comes to an end? Yeah. Oh, well, there you go. Very abrupt, but a lot in there to unpack. A lot to unpack. And some of it we're taking on board.

14:47Hello! Welcome along to the Dominic Little Pod with me. Dominic Littlewood. I have splashed out on a new theme tune for the podcast, and I'd like to play that for all you boys and girls right now.

15:15Yeah, I got it from a fella called John Obsk. it's not exactly what I asked for it cost me two grand so I'm going to use it you better use it rather than you I haven't introduced you yet by the way before you start chipping in piping up and all that coming up on today's podcast why up to 95 % of kids toys bought this Christmas could be radioactive and I'll be telling you how you could lose a stone over the festive period just by moving your facial muscles right now I'm going to introduce the guest, which is already redundant because he's already chipped in earlier. Sorry, Dom. It's the best-selling author, Bom Bom Bom.

15:57Welcome, Bom Bom Bom. Hi, Dom. Thanks for coming along. What kind of stuff do you offer? Is it, what, colouring in books? Is that kind of thing? That's sort of a crime thriller thing, Dom, you know. Information pamphlets, that sort of thing, is it? No, it's like fiction, like a novel, you know. Yeah? Sounds complicated. Right, let's get into it. Tattoo removal, Bob. DIY or would you use a professional? Oh, I'd use a professional. I wouldn't know how to start DIY. What, you just scrape at it, Dom, or something? I think, yeah, you get a cigarette lighter and you kind of melt it a bit and then scrape it off with a butter knife.

16:36Yeah, no, I'll go professional. Thanks, Dom. I saw it on YouTube. Yeah, all right. Hey, speaking of cigarette lighters, ashtrays. You tried buying one recently. Can't get them anywhere. Is that right? Gone. No one serves ashtrays anymore. Blimey. So I don't know where everyone's putting their ash, but in ashtrays, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, I looked it up. That was a nice item, Tom. Thank you. Next one, number two. Euro millions. Absolute fucking piss take. Why? Well, I never won it. I don't know anybody else who's won it. Have you won it? I've never won it and I've never entered it. Well, you've got to be in it to win it.

17:17Yeah, you like it, you love it, don't you, Dom? Well, I've never won it, and actually I don't know anybody else that has said it, so it's a piss take, but I'll keep plugging away. Bob, do you ever feel lonely? Yeah, I suppose we all do from time to time, like. Yeah, more so than you used to? Increasingly lonely? Yeah, I'd say so as you get older, yeah. Does it bother you? No, I don't know. I'm all right with it. Maybe you should. Yeah? You're all right with it. You like a bit of solitude, do you? Yeah, I'm all right with it, yeah. Yeah? All right. Sometimes I go and sit in a church. Yeah. Not when there's a service on, just when it's quiet, you know?

18:02Oh, you're very lonely, Dom. You're very lonely. Well, I don't know. It depends on what you mean by lonely, does it? Never see anyone, you know, and... I don't see many, not as many as I used to. Missed contact with other humans I'm not on the BBC as much as I used to be I wonder if I'm being phased out Right You know Alright well that's That's the end of the episode Thanks for Thanks for joining me It's been delightful Cheer up Dom Thank you everybody, goodbye Shall I play the theme tune again do you think Or just leave it I think you should play it again Dom

18:54yeah there we go

19:02therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough it shows up in the smallest moments you bite your tongue instead of escalating You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments.

19:38you just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash start now. That's growtherapy.com slash start now. growtherapy.com slash start now. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

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20:57We've had some questions, Andrew, from past snippers. We have. We always do. Should we address some of them? we can have a look at a couple of them I guess now early on yeah give you off some there in front of you what have I got here when someone says the word beach this comes from Athletico Mark which specific beach do you see in your mind's eye or do you just picture a generic beach like from a cartoon or an old calendar well Redca Beach was the first that came to mind is that your beach of choice well it was my youthful beach yeah Winkle kiosk, donkeys, jellyfish and all that. But now I'm thinking of the Private Ryan one, you know.

21:37That was a high impact beach. High impact though, wasn't it? Robinson Crusoe, his beach. That's what I think, a cartoon version of Robinson Crusoe. He's got long hair and he's got them cut off shorts. Yeah. And it's a cartoon. Yeah, that's what I think of. One palm tree. Yeah. This is interesting. John Sargent says, my TV roof aerial is now redundant with the advent of internet TV. Should I take it down or leave it up as an ode to simpler times? I think we've probably all got a TV aerial that's redundant on top of our houses. That's quite interesting, actually, Andy, isn't it? Because we've all got satellite dishes and, like you see, internet TV and all that.

22:19Very few people have TV aerial feeds coming in their houses now. Do they still pick anything up at those aerials? They will do, yeah, because you can get them free view boxes that plug in directly from your aerials. so technically you could still use it, but I reckon I might go up there and haul mine down and sell it for scrap. Hold on, though, Andy. If the zombies come, or the Chinese mess up the internet or something, you might be very glad. I might be the only one in the neighbourhood with an aerial, and everyone will be desperate for a feed. Or watch a football. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you'll never get the football down the aerial, will you?

23:03Do you think the zombies will put a stop to the football? I hope not. I'd miss the football a lot. But, I mean, the zombies are coming, Andy. So, I mean, one thing that's... It's inevitable, isn't it? It's inevitable. And, I mean, at least football will end. Do you know what I mean? So there'll be the final result. Eventually, yeah, the final standings. Yeah. Who will have won football? I hope it's Sunderland. That'll be ironic, wouldn't it? Well, isn't it incredible that since this journey of Athletico Mint started, that 10 years on or whatever it is, you can be sat there saying, hmm, maybe. Who would have thought that would happen?

23:40Maybe we win football. Greg. Oh, Greg. Not Greg, Nick. It's a Greg's question from Nick. Nick Amat. Oh, I think he got in touch to see if we pronounced his name wrong as well last time. But Amat, I don't know. do either of you have any freebies owing on your Greg's loyalty app I am due to receive a free baked good through the app because I've bought nine I think it is then you get one free so I've got that in the bank any baked good Andy or is there restrictions you know any baked good can be a sausage roll can be a festive bake it could be a corned beef pasty it'll be a corned beef pasty because that's my favourite How often do you go at Greg's?

24:29Probably about once a week. And do you buy the same thing every time, or do you fiddle about a bit? It depends when I go. It's usually corned beef pasty, like, yeah. I like a corned beef pasty. Oh, I don't mind the ham salad sub-rolls. They're nice as well. Tell me, this corned beef pasty, is it puff pastry or proper pastry? Well, it's like puff pastry, I think. Puff pastry. I'm not a fan, Andy. I'm not a fan. No? And I don't have a loyalty card, because I'd never go into Greg's. I haven't been in since I was a kid, I don't think. Oh, well, there you are then. Never thought much of it. A bit of a difference of opinion there then.

25:01We'll do some more of them questions a little later on. I've got some questions for you. I'd just like to update my records, basically, now and again. First of all, I've asked you this before, but I'll ask you again. Do you regard me as a friend, Bob? A distant friend, yeah, but it's a long... What, like distant because the geographical distance between us? Geographically, yeah, you know. it's not like we can pop down the boozer, is it? Do you know what I mean? Would you come to me if you needed help? You're not getting into the celebrity club if this is where this is going. It's not necessarily going there.

25:38Would you come to me if you needed help? If it was... I already have today, haven't I? I asked you to help me try and set up this app or whatever it is. That's true. No, I would come to you for internet advice because my sons can't be bothered anymore. Right. Actually, you kind of see me as a kind of a surrogate son. I didn't say that, Andy, no. No, I did not say that. Right, no, we'll take that as a maybe. What would you like for Christmas? I would like liqueur chocolates. Oh, is that all? That's all, yeah. Because I've got a massive, and I mean massive, bag of fawn bananas and shrimps that are going to last me from now right through Christmas.

26:26So I would have asked for them. But no, I'll have legume and chocolate. Are you going to get me any? I might do. It's quite close to Christmas now, so they probably wouldn't come in time. Do you like marzipan fruits? Marzipan? Nah, not so much. Not fussed? Don't like marzipan? It's all right, Andy. Okay, fair enough. Shall I tell you what I'm getting for Christmas? Because you haven't asked. What are you getting for Christmas, Andy? I'm getting the Ninja Kettle. Oh, you're going into the Ninja range. Have you seen it? Well, I've already got the Ninja air fryer. Yeah. And I've got a Shark vacuum cleaner.

27:03Same company, Shark and Ninja. Right. Not a lot of people know that. Didn't know that. Ninja Kettle. It was half price in the Black Friday. And it'll heat your water up to specific temperatures. Doesn't just do instant boil. You can do like 80 degrees if you want a hot chocolate or something. Right. Something you can drink quickly. What's its maximum heat that it can do? I'm going to have to Google that. I mean, it can water go over 100. There's nothing higher than a boiling point, is there? Well, it's funny you should say that, Andy, because I got a new one of those taps installed two days ago.

27:38You know where you get... Oh, one of them wanker's taps. It's like a wanker tap, yeah. And it reckons it comes out at 105. But I thought, that's not... You can't... There's no such temperature. Anyways up, talking about kettles, Andy, how much did you pay for this Ninja? You said it was half price. It was down from 99 to about 58. 58 quid for a kettle? Yeah, listen to this though, right? Six preset temperatures ranging from 60 degrees to 100 degrees at the touch of a button. Digital display provides real-time temperature readout as it climbs to your selected preset. Fucking entertainment as well as everything else.

28:19You'll end up just... I'm a bit jealous. I'm a bit jealous. Listen, quickly boil one cup in under 50 seconds. Rapid boil feature. Fuck. Now, that is good. Now, Andrew, can I tell you an interesting kettle? No, it is a question, actually. For the last three days, we've had no water where I live in Tunbridge Wells. and I went out. So can you tell me, why did it lead, in Tunbridge Wells, why has it led to a run on electric kettles? Because people are boiling the water to use for washing. Washing their bodies. No. There's no hot water, is there? Well, I've got hot water. The reason is, Andy, because it's a bit of a stupid question, The reason is because Tunbridge Well is full of wanker taps.

29:17So if you've been relying on a wanker tap, you don't have a kettle. So it's like one of the first and only times I thought it was an advantage because Sainsbury's two days back, it was apocalyptic, people trying to get water and all the kettles had gone. But it was one of the few times it's been good to have been on the telly like, because one of the young lad, an assistant, said, can I help you? And I said, oh, I'm trying to get a kettle. What's going on? I didn't know the water had been turned off. And so he went back into some warehouse or whatever and dragged us out a kettle. Anyway, so thank you to him.

30:01Go down the fucking river and get some water. Your fisherman mate. Incidentally, I did two things. Mine was 18 quid, Markel, all right. But secondly, I enjoyed the experience of having an old-fashioned cup of tea rather than a wanker tap one. It did better. I thought it might be... Listen up, Peter Beardsley, he's been in touch handy. Good. I haven't heard from him for a while, I don't think. Shall I tell you what he's... Shall I read it out for you? Is it not a cassette or something like that? Oh, it is. It's a VPG or something, so I can actually play it. Yeah, press play about now. OK. All right, so I thought I'd check in and have a quick chat, you know.

30:56Just up here in the spare bedroom, wrapping up a few presents for my grandchildren and the wife, of course. Got the kids some Hot Wheels Candy Floss Maker And I like this small unit And it's a joke thing like A jokey walkie joke You press a button And it says Oh shit your pants You know It's a bit of fun night If someone's farted The wife's got to sell it there At the moment For leg bandages So can't make much progress with the racket at the moment. Alright, I just noticed the chappage on the lawn out of the window there. Ah, it's flown off. Probably, er, probably got to Turkey or Libya. Long flight, that's all.

31:49Hope it gets a nice juicy worm for the journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be nice. Wife... LAUGHTER Wife reckons the foreign lad next door has been trapping the birds, you know, they make cakes with. So I'll keep my ass peeled about that, you know, I doubt it very much. Oh dear. Don't do it. So what's been happening? Now yesterday there was a knock on the door, It turned out it was me mate, Daniel Farquhar, you know, manager of leads, and his nephew, Lord Patrick Bamford. So he knocked on the door and I answered. Greetings, Herr Baird. Greetings, Herr Bairdsley. I've since the neighbourhood looking for a mouse costume.

32:47So I thought to visit her and say hello. All right, then. All right, Lord Bamford. Oh the fuck is that at the door? And what's all the secret chit-chat about? And so wife says It's just Daniel Farquhar And Lord Bamford Has come to visit Well invite him in you useless night creeper So I showed him Into the TV room Where the wife was sat in a Cardigan and knickers Giving her legs a good airing You know Hello Lord Bamford I say what a delightful Pleasantness it is To welcome you into me humble Fogelabour Would you care for a couple of soft boilers Or even a four egg omelette Either of you Farquaad That's very kind Frau Beardsley But I'm on the manjaro And my appetite Yes I'm on the manjaro And my appetite is how you say Shut to shit what about you Patrick what about scrambled eggs would that be possible scrambled eggs I'm not aware of that dish prayer fill me the fucking in you know scrambled egg lay sambal em in the in the sand with the city fatter

34:15Fambled them in the fan With the fit and fatter I think they may scramble eggs Yes, fambled With a fussy coffee if possible I'll go and do that You want anything, love? No, Peter Just pass me that dog bed To cover up me downstairs There you go I'll get the eggs on then So, Daniel How's it going with you at Leeds? It's going very well And I find the challenge most rewarding Did you catch many birds this summer? I am not knowing what you are meaning at this moment You know, for your cakes

35:01Patrick Daniel doesn't eat cakes Because he's on the fangelo Oh look, on the table That's hot fields and a Fandy Floss maker. Can I have them? I love Fandy Floss. I think these presents are for the grandchildren, Patrick. Don't be so rude and disrespecting. Hey, I thought it was the scramblers and a toffee coffee. Oh, but I love fucking Fockwheels and Fandy Floss. I'll buy them for you for 50 quid. You look very poor. I'm sure you could do with the money. How fucking dare you say that I'm sure he meant nothing by it Shut the fuck up, Benfist And leave this one to me Listen, Lord fucking Fanford I suggest you take your Ooty fucking face Out of this house Before I lamp you so fucking hard Your tongue pokes out your arse And your eyes go milky Before turning into Hardened fox, Todd Patrick started to cry My apologies, Frau Beasley We are in the act of leaving Well, I couldn't resist, so I pressed the button on the little unit Who just shit their pants?

36:23And the wife had a good laugh, let you know Mrs B Passes them eggs here, Peter And you can have a go on me fronties while I get them down my neck. So that was that really. And I've been wife's not in such a good mood now really. So I'm keeping out of the way. I'll tell you what. I'll do a couple of jokes from my old joke book before I go. Are you ready, Bob? What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple apart from the rabbit.

37:08Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana Oh, there's a wife Get down here, Peter, you fucker Yeah, I better go See you, Bob One Peter Beasley Only one Peter Beasley See you, Bob Oh well thanks Peter That's nice It's nice that he's getting visitors It is nice I was a bit sad because I wonder if Daniel got his mouse costume That he was looking for I don't know, perhaps we'll find out next time Do you fancy a quiz? Go on then It's a bit like the one we did last time I've been looking at the top 40 chart Of yesteryear And you need to tell me whether these Act from, it's the 1st of December 1974.

38:05It is 51 years ago today. And here's some groups or singers or whatever, and you tell me if they were in the chart or if I've just made them up. Okay. Number one, Sneaky Peter. Made up. Made up? Yeah, I've made up. Sneaky Peter. Well done. Oh, I've got a little thing to play whenever you get it right and get it wrong, haven't I? Fuck, come on, where is it? Fuck's sake. It's a little ding there. Well done, yes, correct. That was what I was waiting for, wasn't it? Don't you, it feels good. Second one, Splinter. Was Splinter in the charts or not? Yeah, they were riding high in the charts, I reckon.

38:53Do you remember Splinter? No, but it rings a bell. Splinter were in the chart on December 1st 1974 with a song called Costifying Town Alright, here's another one Candlelight Strategy There was Candlelight Strategy in the chart in 1974 Bear in mind this is the era of the three day week and the loss of electricity No, you're trying to push me one way so I'm going to go the other way and say no

39:26you think I've made that up yeah

39:33what does that mean means you got right oh right nice one number four hello was there an act called hello yeah of course there was in the chart of course there was in 1974 fuck me yeah there was yeah check me out Their hit was called Tell Him. And finally, the train operators. Were the train operators in the chart, or were they not? No. You think I've made that up? I think you've made that up. Bastard. Five out of five. Hey, that's a rare occurrence, isn't it, Andy? Yeah. It's a nice thing for me, though, isn't it, Andy, to have got five, right? I'll tell you the ding noise again for you, because you've got five out of five.

40:20Here it comes. There you go. Well done. Well done, Bob. I mean, you could have even considered celebrating my victory with the John Ormsk. No, we don't need to hear that again. That's enough. Thank you, Parsnips, for your attention today. Thank you very much. Yes. Thank you for joining us. And we'll see you next time. Goodbye.

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