The Littlewood Collection Vol. 2

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0:31Hello and welcome along to another edition of the Dumb Pod. The podcast presented by myself. Don't you? Sorry, Don. I haven't introduced you yet. Don't speak till I've introduced you. Sorry. You got that? Sorry. Yeah. All right. Welcome along. It's a podcast where I talk to one of my different celebrity pals every week. This week, my special guest is a retired celebrity, Mr. Bobo. Hello, Bob. You can speak now. Okay. Thank you. Hello, Don. Thanks for having us. Are you well? Yeah, I think so. Good. Good. Continue. Bob, do you ever wonder about the future of mankind? No, not really. I mean, I worry a bit about AI and that, but not really.

1:13What's that then? Artificial intelligence. I don't know anything about that. Can you explain that further? How does that work? Come on. It's supposed to be a conversation. You know, the idea, Dom, that the computers will take over the world and they won't have any need for humans, so they'll destroy us. That sounds ridiculous. who's going to present consumer programs on direct line BBC One if the bloody robot is running everything hey a robot robot Dom forget that pal I'm going to change the subject do you ever go and view houses that's for sale when you've got no intention of buying them no just for something to do no I never do that oh you should it's really good I do it right but I pretend that I'm an alien but in human form and the estate agent's got no idea what's going on.

2:02It's a good power play. I love it. You never tried it? Do you tell the estate agent you're an alien or you just think it to yourself? No, I just imagine myself being an alien. It sounds shit. I've assumed human form when I'm acting like a human but the fella doesn't know I'm actually an alien. Plus, I don't want to buy the ass. It's great. If it gets you through the viewing, well done Dom. Oh, you should give it a try. I've written, if foods the afternoons, I'll tell you that. I've just got to stop for a moment here for doing a little sponsorship thing. Hold on a moment. This podcast is brought to you in association with Egg and Chips.

2:42Ooh, Egg and Chips. Right, we're back now. Oh, I ain't got no more questions, sorry. I thought that was, I thought I should have put that in a bit earlier. No, I just got to figure out the answers and the mankind thing. do you want to tell me more about artificial intelligence well it's the development a lot of people, Stephen Hawkins thinks it might, they might take over the world in about 2035 so it's not that long bloody nowhere, I can see they might do it in F1 driverless cars in F1 that would be something maybe the drivers would be controlling them with little them remote control things with the two sticks, one for forwards and backwards and run for side to side on the side of the track.

3:28I don't think its presence in F1 is the problem. It's the fact that we might all die. You know, there'd be no human, no need for humans. But you're more worried about F1, yeah? I think we can both agree, Bob Warmer, that we hope AI enhances F1, but it doesn't lead to the end of civilisation as we know it. Can we agree on that? Yeah, I'd agree on that, yeah. Well, thank you very much for joining me on the Dump Point again. but we'll, uh, I win it! It's a, uh, I've just been a guest, Andy, on Dom Littlewood's podcast. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's a good podcast. That sounds good. Yeah, he, uh, he, um, did an advert for Egg and Chips.

4:10Oh, Jesus Christ. And he was wondering about whether, um, artificial intelligence might start taking over the F1 sport. Yeah, it sounds better than our podcast.

4:21Hello and welcome along to the Dom Pod with me, Dominic Littlewood Britain's Top Podcast with my celebrity friends every week and this week my celebrity guest is none other than TV fisherman Bob Wilma Alright Dom Welcome along Bob Wilma Thanks very much We're just going to have a little casual chat There's nothing for you to worry about There's going to be no traps or anything like that First of all, Bob, whereabouts on the bed do you have the open side of the duvet, you know, that's got the press studs on? Do you have it down the bottom of the bed? Yeah, I keep it down the bottom. Don't want it against my chin and that, you know.

5:02I have mine at the top so I can store stuff in it, you know, like a book. Or if I have a sandwich in bed and I don't finish it, I'll just pop it in the open bit and say, well, like that. Oh, no bad idea, that dumb. Difference of opinion from us there But that's okay That's what life's all about, innit? Now, here's a little segment I like to call Dom's tip It's a little tip you might want to try Bob, if you run out of milk and you're making a cup of tea Just water down some custard And it works just as well Is that true though, Dom? You know, is it actually true? That's very true You can try that yourself later on Well, I don't think it's going to work, Dom But I will try it if you've said it works I'll give it a go You try it You bloody well try it, mate, and report back your findings next time.

5:49Could you use cheese, if you melt the cheese? No, it's got to be something with some kind of liquidity consistency. Cheese is no good unless you want to melt it first. But even then, it's still too thick. All right. You're trying to recreate milk, crying out loud. A lovely summer's evening Strollin' along, me and my gal On a lovely summer's evening that's the song I've been working on what do you think about it Bob? I thought it was beautiful honestly it mesmerised me yeah it took me down the country lane summer evening's lovely yeah I might do some more work on that then I've just got to stop at this moment because we've got to do a little sponsor advert thing for this part of the podcast this podcast is brought to you in association with Red Sauce Red Sauce is so versatile put it on your sausages or maybe just have it raw at the palm of your hand.

6:44Red sauce. There we go. And now, well, one more topic of conversation we've got, Bob. What's your preferred size of pickled onion? Big or small? I like the little ones so I can put it all in my mouth, you know, without having to get messy biting into it. How many pickled onions can you fit in your mouth in one go? Well, the little ones I could probably get about eight in. But eight? Yeah. What about the big ones? Big ones? Well, I'd only put one of them in, you know what I mean? It's a lot of juices. Would you regard one big one as a choking hazard? Yeah, maybe, maybe. Yeah. Does your wife have any say in how many pickled onions you put in your mouth in one go?

7:24None whatsoever. That's my business. Or are you your own man in that department? I'm my own man, though. Honestly, when it comes to onions and cheese, I'm my own man. All right. All right, I believe you. I mean, I'm on the fence on that one. I ain't got no opinion on that, about pickled onions. I just thought I'd throw it in. that's it from the Dom Pod for this week we'll be back with another episode next week when my special guest will be Jawswashed thank you very much, bye bye I've just done the Dom Podcast Andy, he's quite good he'd written a nice little song I hope he continues with it really beautiful little song Hello and welcome along to another episode of the Dom Pod with me, Dominic Littlewood my special guest today on the podcast yet again is Mr.

8:13Bob Wilmer hello Bob Wilmer alright Dom I believe you've got a book out do you want to plug that before we start no I'm not that bothered really alright good move on then I've been watching your TV show do you want to plug that as well before we move on yeah the fishing one well it's on on Sundays Dom thanks for mentioning it anyway I've been watching that I've got one question about that have you ever caught a duck by mistake and then it destroyed a film No, we never caught a duck. No, just fish. We never caught anything, but just fish, yeah. All right. Could I come on the show one time? No, thank you, Dom.

8:48It's okay. I'll be no bother. I'll just go on the riverbank across the other side and just walk along. No, it's all right, honestly. You won't even know I'm there. No, no thanks, Dom. I'll drive myself there. No expenses required. Just ten seconds on screen. That's all I want. Yeah, we've finished filming them now, Dom, so... Maybe I could sit in a tree, somewhere like that. No, it's honest, it's okay Alright, moving on I've got to do a little advert at this point I'll hold a moment This podcast is brought to you in association with Cashin' Hand The best payment method there is Cashin' Hand Here we go What else we've got to talk about Bob, have you got a favourite month of the year?

9:29I like the month that we're in now, September Yeah, what is that? Yeah, you get a bit of surprise sunshine, you know, and it's not too hot, not too cold. I like it. I like it a lot. It's your favourite, is it? Yeah, I reckon. I ain't got one.

9:48I'm on the fence when it comes to favourite mumps. I'm not bothered. Okay, okay. I like them all equally. Have you ever owned a silk scarf, Bob? I've had some silk socks once, I remember, but no, I've never had a silk scarf. No, me neither. I was just thinking of getting one. That's all I'm wondering if you could recommend them. I can't. Well, give it a go, though. Don't hold back. I might see if I can get one where I can take it back if I don't like it. Yeah, that's about all we've got time for this week. All right, thanks. It's been enjoyable. Thanks very much for joining me. Thanks for having us, Dom.

10:33Hello and welcome along to the Dom Pod Christmas with me, Dominic Littlewood. My special guest on my podcast today is TV fisherman and national treasure, Mr. Vomovov. Vomovov, welcome along. Thanks for having me, Dom. Thanks for joining me at this time. Have you had a nice Christmas? Yeah, not too bad, thanks. Did you get any nice gifts you'd like to mention? My best gift was some new shoes. My dude shoes, what I wear off my son. That was nice. You didn't? Got some thermal leggings sort of things. And can I just say, Dom, I got a turkey crown instead of a turkey this year, and I'm pretty pleased with it.

11:17Just enough, was there? No leftovers? Yeah. Enough for sandwiches the next day, yeah. That's all you need, really. Did you get a pickling kit? No, no pickling kit. No? I sent you a pickling kit. Oh, it didn't come, Dom, so I was... Oh, right. I was going to hopefully talk to you about the pickling kit and what you'd been pickling. If you had a pickling kit, what would you pickle in it, Bob? Well, I'd probably start with onions. Onions? It's not very original, is it? It's a whole world. The pickling world is a wide and vibrant galaxy. There's so many things you can pickle. you could pickle rhubarb, mushrooms, bell peppers.

12:00You could probably even pickle cress. I don't know. Well, I don't know either. I'd never come, has it? Well, maybe you could buy one and then next time we can talk about what you've been pickling. I'll wait till yours comes, Dom. All right. No, just move on. What else can we talk about? Do you think there's any shame in an old man buying shoes in a child's size? In a what's that, Charlie? Oh, man, no. I'm not going to ridicule people for having little feet. Yeah, good, because there's crossover sizes where it's more economically viable to buy the child size, like three or four. You know what I mean?

12:36Yeah. There's no shame in it, though, is there? What size are your feet, Tom? Never mind about my feet. I'm asking for a friend. Anyway, I've got to do a little advert break at this point, so I'll be back in a moment. This podcast is brought to you in association with the UK Pickling Federation. Oh, I see. Well, back now for the second half of the podcast. Bob Boomer, reverse parking, yes or no? If you can do it, yes. If you can't, you know, if you're a bit dodgy, don't bother. Where do you do it? No, I don't. I'm shit at it. No? Well, I think it's hard for some drivers, but once you've mastered it, it's hard to go back, I think.

13:20It's a skill. It can take you forever. Do you believe in adult booster seats in cars for little drivers?

13:29Do you have one? I do. I did have one for a while, yeah. Yeah? Okay. One more thing I'd like to talk about. Blank moved in next door a couple of weeks ago and within two days he's got himself one of them video dollbills. Yeah. What do you think that's all about then? Well, they're all the rage, aren't they? Yeah, about two days after he's moved in. Do you think it's some kind of power play? Well, there is that, yeah. it's like my stuff's worth nicking yours obviously isn't yeah he's putting down a marker isn't he early doors what are you going to do put glue on it or something I'm not fussed I'm not fussed the wife's up in I'm not bothered I'm on the fence on that one to be cautious with you well it's been very nice chatting with you and hopefully next time we can have a pickling update once your pickling kit arrives if it doesn't will you just fucking go buy one for me and then just use that yeah alright will do Tom thank you very much goodbye Well, goodbye.

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15:38Hello and welcome to the Dump Pod with me, Dominic Littlewood from Daytime BBC One. My guest this week is Donovan and BBC Two celebrity, Mr Bob Wilmer. Hello there, Bob Wilmer. Thanks for joining me again today. We're just going to have a little chat about this and that. You know, chew the fat over a few issues and what have you. Pancake Day coming up. I don't know if you've been talking about that with anybody recently. Do you still observe Pancake Day, Bob? Yeah, I try to have six. I try to have half a dozen on Pancake Day. You do? Yeah. A lot of people say it's got to be commercialised these days.

16:22I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, they give prominence to the Jiff Lemons in the supermarket and that, but not really. I ain't got an opinion on it. I'm under the fence when it comes to Pancake Day. Before we go any further, I must mention this I need to take a moment to say a few words about my new book that's coming out it's part memoir part personal blueprint for a better way of life it's called Dominic Littlewood Tinned Fruit and Jogging and it's available in all good bookshops now go out and buy a copy I'll be very happy indeed ok back to the podcast before we go I've got a little game show format that I've been working on I'd like to run by you maybe you'd be interested in being a team captain on it, who knows here we go, it's called The Fog and here's how it works The Fog, two teams each of them inside a great big sealed egg and they take turns answering general knowledge questions and each time they get one wrong we release a foul smelling vapour into their egg when they can't take any more that's when the game is over.

17:41The fog. But they have to say these exact words whenever they're enough. Right, they've got to say please hear us Mr. Dom we beg and beg and beg switch off that horrible fog and release us from this egg. What do you reckon? I think it's strong. Would you be in it? Yeah, I'd like to do a pilot. Well, I'm not sure whether to change the name of the egg. Or maybe the fog egg. I don't know. What do you think? What, not sure what to call it? Well, it was the fog originally, but now I think about it, maybe the fog egg might be better. The egg of fog? Egg of fog. See, that's good. I like that. I'll have that.

18:23That's all right. You can have that, Dom. Thank you very much for joining me on the Dumb Pod. As always, boom, boom, bye. Maybe we'll get you on again next time. Maybe we won't. We'll see. Thanks, Dom. Goodbye. See you.

18:39Hello. I'm Dominic Littlewood. Hi, Dom. Welcome along. I haven't introduced you yet. Don't speak. Sorry. Wait your turn. Welcome along to what I'm now calling the Dominic Littlepod. Due to legal reasons that I can't go into, but all I say is that I refuse to be silenced. Right, my guest today is a former TV personality and fisherman, Bob Boomer. Hello there, Bob Boomer, welcome along. Hiya, Dom, thanks for having us. To the Dominic Littlepods. Did you also used to be a weatherman, Bob? No, I'm not. No, not me. No? Sure. Yeah, sure. Nah, I'm confusing you with someone else. Maybe you're not the guest I thought I was booking.

19:27Never mind. We'll crack on. I've got some notes here. You've got a new book coming out, Bob. Yeah. You want to give it a little plug? It's a novel called The Satsuma Complex. Yeah? It's about a bloke who meets a lass. So that's all right, isn't it? Well, I mean, I read your last one. No offence, but I could have done better. And if anybody wants to read the one I've done in 2009, it's called Don't Get Done, Get Dumb. Great Ways to Stretch Your Money, Not Your Budget. And it's on Amazon for 62 pence. As we're both authors, Bob, I thought there's something we could discuss on the podcast today. Do you use a pencil or a pen or a typewriter?

20:15I use a laptop, Tom, you know, like I suppose you call them computers. Oh, a computer? Yeah. Do you print it out yourself and hand it into the publisher, or do you just send it by email? I send it by the email, Dom. Right. Because when I done mine in 2009, I printed it out myself. And I didn't realise you could just send it in by the email. But I did read on the internet recently, you can make your own printer ink out of vegetable oil and soot. Yeah. I don't know how true that is, though. what else we got here have you ever tried writing with your foot instead of your hand I have tried that I've done it as well it's a bleak nightmare it is a nightmare it's good to try that just to see that's what I think it is good to try just to see it's like that question why bother just to see I wasn't privy to that because this is a different part of the podcast would you describe your wife as being giggly erm no do you mean like bubbly giggly yeah tee hee hee and all that no she's more guffoy I don't know oh alright ok mine is mine's very giggly very giggly yeah don't worry too much about that question that's a special question and I ask that to every guest who comes on the podcast it's a good question I'm compiling a database yeah giggly wives giggly lasses er yeah if you like I think that's about it for the podcast this time thank you very much for joining me it's been great it's been a pleasure it really has thank you he's very small Dom you know very small compact compact man yeah I'm thinking maybe 5 '2 something like that so there you go that's nothing wrong with that you know yeah I wasn't criticising he functions adequately I think yeah

22:18Hello, my name is Dominic Littlewood and welcome along to the Dominic Little Pod. Name, of course, was recently changed because of legal reasons. I'm not happy about it, but what can you do? So, it's the Dominic Little Pod. Little pod by name, massive pod by nature. That's my new slogan. Very good, Don. Don't speak yet. Sorry. I haven't introduced you. My special guest on this week's episode is one of Britain's leading fiction authors, Mr. Bob. Hello, Bob. Hello, Tom. Thanks for having us. Thanks for having us. I read some of your new book. Yeah. Yeah. Onwards. What, you fancy yourself as Richard Osmond or something, do you?

23:07Well, I hope it's a bit different from Richard Osmond's, you know, it's a little bit different. but yeah, I suppose. Did you find it easy to write the book? Excellent question, Tom. Yeah, not too bad. Took us about four months. Yeah, that comes across actually. Anyway, all the podcasts, it's not about you, it's about me. Bob, here's a new feature which I'm calling The Nation's Favourite Davis. Do you have a favourite Davis, Bob? For example, Steve Davis, Ray Davis from the Kings, or Davis Love III, the golfer? I mean, I was going to say... You can donate your own favourite Davis if you have one.

23:51I was going to say Ray Davis, Dom, but you've, like, pulled the rug out from under my arse, you know? Yeah. Another Davies. Can't think of one. Sorry, Dom. Yeah, well, Davies is what Ray is. He's a Davies and not a Davis. So I suppose we have to disqualify that. Well, you said it. Well, it was just off the top of my head, wasn't it? Anyway, I'm on the fence with that one. I ain't got one. You got any thoughts about immigration?

24:23No, have you done? No, not really. Jesus, do you think he's ever going to come back? I think the chances are slim, Dom, but I ain't going to discount it. Yeah, I think he'll come back, but he'll come back as a smaller man than last time. more condensed in body mass. Yeah, a bit more like your aunt. Well, maybe, yeah, now you can't mention it. Yeah, I'd thought about that. Final question for you this time around, Bob. Let's just do a little role play. For example, if you're having a bowl of cereal, e.g. Frosties. Right. They're my favourites. Mine too. Oh, good. And you pour some milk on, but there's not enough milk left in the bottle.

25:08Yeah. And you open a new bottle of milk. Would you then mix the milk with the original milk or would you just abandon the whole thing? Well, I can't see the point of abandoning it, Dom. You've got some milk in your hand. Yeah, but it's cross-contamination though, isn't it, Bob? Well, I don't reckon. Do you know what I do, Dom? You know, the milk that you get these days isn't very creamy. So I put a bit of cream in the bottom of my bowl, then I put the milk in, stir it, and then I add the frosties. so I'm a contaminator anyway that doesn't sound very good for your heart to be fair yeah to be fair you're probably right but it is delicious what a cereal Dom what can you do sometimes you've just got to follow your compulsions don't you you know the heart wants what it wants and that I think is the message from this episode of the Dominic Little Pods thank you very much for listening thanks for joining me hey goodbye good good episode that one andy did you hear it dom's podcast i just caught a bit where he said that your book was a bit undercooked he was talking about cream or we were talking about cream and it made me wonder where do you enter the you know where do you enter the cream thickness sort of table are you like a whipping cream man a single cream a double cream a clotted cream, you know, where's your sweet spot?

26:34I mean, as you can imagine from looking at me, I enjoy cream in all of its forms. I bet. I particularly enjoy a double cream in pouring form. You don't go as far as the clotted, the actual sort of stiff one. I don't mind it. I'll have it on a scone, you know, with some jam. It depends on the occasion. Like if it was a bowl of strawberries, it would be double cream poured on. But you can get that, what's it called, elm leaves, I don't think it's actual cream. Fuck it, it's not cream, it's made of butter or something. Is it? Yeah. Yeah.

27:08Hello, my name is Dominic Littlewood. Welcome along to another episode of the Dominic Little pod. And today, my special guest, well, it's a last minute replacement. It was going to be Ron Darlington, the occasional star of Holmes Under the Hammer, but he's at the council at the last minute. So I've got one of Britain's top water-based comedians and authors, Bo Bo Bo. Hiya, Dom. Thanks for having us again. Thanks for coming along. Got some subjects for you. Before we start, something I want to just tee up at the beginning, I've got a rubber band in me hand. Oh, nice. Now, do you think, is it a thin one or is it a thick one?

27:48I think it's a really thin one. Oh, we'll find out at the end. That's something to keep listening for, isn't it? Bob, would you describe yourself as a cool customer? Yeah, in most circumstances, Dom, I get a bit... I don't like, you know, some things. Yeah, you get a bit agitated and aggravated by some things, but generally, you're quite laid back on the old, yeah? I'll tell you what it is, Dom, mainly. It's dealing with call centres. I had a bit of a problem with one of the broadband suppliers. And, oh, man, you know the thing, Dom. Yeah. Yeah, that gets me very agitated. I didn't want you to go into any specifics, but that's...

28:34Sorry. Yeah, all right. Well, you would on the whole say you're a cool customer. Yeah, I reckon. Yes, I'll put that there. When you're on the internet, are you a single clicker or do you double click? I don't. Why would I double? I don't know what you mean. well if you're clicking on Sammy do you just click once or do you double click I think I do a bit of both Tom alright I think you're right actually if I'm really keen to see something I think I do give it two clicks I was going to say I think you should always double click just to be on the safe side just to be sure I was listening to a podcast the other day and there was a rumour about you they said that you've had a section of one of Britain's rivers cut out and put it in the bottom of your garden.

29:22Is that true? No, that's not true, Dom. I think that would be... They said they had, like, drone footage of it and it's a self-flowing river. It still flows even though it's been cut out of another river and put in your garden. No, that's bullshit. Have you got a mechanism in it that makes it flow? No, I wouldn't know how to start such... You can't steal parts of rivers. I mean, you might be able to steal the very end of it, I suppose. The very tip of it. I'll put that down as a don't know I do know that I haven't stolen a river Dom you say that but I'm not convinced because they said there was drone footage so you know I'll stick with don't know on that one I've been doing some work with a charity for short men who've triumphed in life against all the odds and I just want to give a shout out to Michael Ettrick his loveless marriage ended in 2008 but he's recently become engaged to a woman who is nine years younger than him who hails from the former Yugoslavia.

30:23And Michael is five foot one and a half. Well done, Michael. There we go. I thought I'd give him a shout out. I think that's about it for this episode. It's been really good, Dom. Thanks. The rubber band. You were right. It was a thin one. It is a thin one, isn't it? I can see that now, Dom. It is a thin one. Very well spotted. I've got a little song. I want to end the episode. If I've got my guitar here, And it's a song which I call The State of the Nation. OK. Here we go. No buses to town after 7pm Marmalade costing a five or a jar Lonely men crowdfund to buy after shave Some can't afford a second car This is the state of the nation Exma going untreated Sadness statistics gone through the roof What the hell is happening to us?

31:31My brother-in-law had to sell his gold tooth This is the state, the absolute state the state of the bleeding nation I will always have time for you Here we go, that's my song and it's the end of the Dominic Little pod Thank you very much for listening Goodbye Thanks for having us Dom Did you hear that Andy? No, I was just out putting my rubber bands in order from fat to thin it's Dom Dom Dom Johns what's he called Dom Littlewood Dom Littlewood did his podcast he often asks us on and he did a little song at the end about oh he's started doing songs has he oh my god

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