892. - Sarah Sherman

27:05I'm actually about, I drink coffee and water like a man. Okay, I'm sorry. you're picture it you've been dropped like that guy on google map when you drop the guy you've been dropped okay you're in you've been served bitch you've been served you're in omaha nebraska you gotta make the chuckle fuckers laugh you got two show it is friday fucking night you have an hour and a half of high octane stand-up comedy you have to do back-to-back fucking shows full crowd work up top. You're in Portland, Oregon. You're doing stuff like, there's so many strip clubs in Portland, but honey, I only read the strip clubs for the articles.

27:41That's the kind of local material you're doing. You need energy. You just need a little a couple sips of sugar-free bread. That's why I do a couple sips. I don't go crazy. A couple sips. I don't like any of that stuff. I feel like it does feel deeply unnatural, but if that works for you, I would also suggest there's stuff that you can, you know, there's cocaine, there's other stuff that's like a little better for you i am a prude i don't party i don't have fun i don't i'm

28:07Jason Stewart:not fun to hang out with i'm not cool when's the last time you got faded i got faded kind of recently i've been i've been known to get crossfaded which means dirty martinis and diet coke so it's like getting hyper and tired crossfaded okay i there was an snl after i like literally don't drink and then there was an snl after party where i was like i have all my sketches got cut and i was like fuck it we ball and had two extra dirty martinis because i'm like starving so i'm like i'll get a martini because the olives yeah full blackout leave my keys in the door i'm i'm saying and then i wake up the next day being like god i have to apologize to everyone i've ever met I get it.

28:57Let me pull up the text. Let me fucking let me pull up the text. Hold on. It's important. You guys talk amongst yourselves.

29:04Jason Stewart:People people can. Was it like I can't believe you sent the N word or was it like, man, you were a freaking legend last night. You were Brady Lee's. When did he text me? Brady Lee's. Shout the fuck out. Brady Lee's 2 p.m. You were so fun last night. You should have two martinis every day. Wow. That's it. This this was the first time you've been fun to be around. you're getting texts like that everyone's like you're like hilarious okay well i mean you're very funny but then throw a couple martinis on there you know we're cooking with fire so are you why don't you do that because i feel like a lot of people you have a little alcohol you come out of your shell you become the person that you your anxiety has been holding back i'm an uptight no i'm an uptight neurotic jew that's not my style but that's what that's what the alcohol all this for so you get out on the dance floor man oh you know what's funny actually i actually got crossfaded recently that i forgot about on new year's okay i did a shot with andy cohen at the new year's ball or whatever like five minutes before i'm supposed to go i'm like freezing cold in time square about to go light lights camera action live and he's like let's do a shot of tequila obviously i black out immediately and then i start being hilarious on live tv I think that's fine because you are a person who is like you have a good heart inside of you and right I'm not worried that you're going to black out and you know do something unforgettable unforgivable career ruining yeah you're not Andy I said porn on live tv it felt I don't think just the word Anderson are trying to make porn I think that's worse than maybe porn the word What would go the fuck off if they just did live with Andy and Anderson?

30:49It's porn. Honestly, if they just kissed passionately. We're two years away from that, by the way. It'd be the best ratings that show has ever gotten. Have you guys explored whether or not your podcast needs to do porn? Yeah, we were just talking about it, actually.

31:02Jason Stewart:I mean, we have to shut down offers on a weekly basis. Yeah, they're pitching. Those heated rivalry guys have gotten super busy, and they're looking for a replacement. It's more so just DMs from guys who are like, what if you kiss? Yeah, that's usually our normal. Can you take a photo where he's on your lap this time? Are you guys dating? We're married to women. Sorry. You make me sick. Sorry to disappoint. Yeah, we're just two straight guys, man. Just regular. You don't like women? What's up? Oh, don't let the bisexual haircut fool you. I am straight as well. Let's go. Yeah, actually, speaking of, I was watching your special.

31:40Thank you, by the way. Thank you.

31:43Jason Stewart:Of course, of course. No, but let me just say, I'm going on these fucking podcasts being like, you know, I'm boots on the pavement. I'm hooves to the grindstone trying to get people to watch this fucking special. I'm doing, listen, you guys aren't special. I'm doing every podcast in town. Hey, Sarah, I want to be clear. We've been talking for over a year to schedule you on how long gone. We're a little special, Sarah. Come on. You're a slippery little bitch. I am. Um, I will get, by the way, guess what's on the other side of that door? What? Colin Jost? Finn Wolfhard. Okay? Finn. Oh, wow. Finn.

32:18Finn. I'm, as soon as I crawl my tiny little ass, no, sorry, it's huge. I'm a fog. As soon as I crawl my wide ass out of that door, I'll be shooting a promo with Finn Wolfhard. Okay? So you get to be in the promo with Finn Wolfhard. I'm a little busy. No, I understand you're busy. I'm a little slippery. Who is the musical guest with Finn? a sap rocky okay okay is he in the promo with you as well he it's it's the other kind of promo there's two kinds sure i've watched promos before there's like the one that's like funny sketch to promote the show that week and then there's the one where it's like the musical guest the host and the snl cast members standing like execution style that's my favorite one that's my favorite they don't let me do that one as much well yeah well i mean whenever it's like a rapper the

33:08Jason Stewart:they don't really get too jokey jokey with it. They're, you know, rappers are never too improv with the SNL promo. He's so jokey though. I think he's trying to, I think he wants to break into that world more than most. He's doing like shoegaze indie rock. Oh, we've heard it. And nothing more silly Billy than shoegaze, right? Nothing says, ha ha ha. That's a goofball. I will say, and I just wanted to say this before you guys rudely cut off the female narrative. I've done a lot of podcasts recently. I appreciate that you've watched it. Many have not. Many. Right, right, right. Many. Well, let me say this as someone who hasn't watched it.

33:49Right. No. And what do you think it is like? I think because we see you every week on television, that I do feel like it's like, well, I know her. That ain't me. I see you on television. I mean, I've seen you on television before. That's Sarah Sherman.

34:07Jason Stewart:This special is more of your final form, and it is too hot for TV. You're saying you have two personalities. You're bipolar. Yes. You have multiple personality disorder. Yes. You see Sarah Sherman on TV. That special is Sarah Squirm. You leave the blonde wig at home when it's squirm time. Is there a secret third thing that you haven't revealed to the world yet? Sarah Normal. Oh. What is - Well, Sarah Normal activity is the blonde wig, Sarah. Sarah Normal activity. Activity is good. I was talking about this on the intro. I like that the powers that be have sort of just tried to kind of, they've made you a regular hot chick on TV now.

34:47Jason Stewart:What if we made you fuckable this week? They dim your freak light, and you seem to thrive in that, I will say. Well, people are like, it's that classic thing when a man goes like, wait, without your glasses, did you know that you're beautiful? When Freddie Prinze Jr. tells you, wow, when you take your hair out of a bun, and you're like, oh, shit, you're actually fuckable. It's so interesting to me because it's like, y 'all thought I was wearing clown suits because I thought I couldn't pull it off. Who do you think can pull it off, by the way? Good point. Good point. A cute little thing. Good point.

35:20But do you think, have you seen a different response from men out in the world now that they've seen you as like a blonde sorority chick at the restaurant? Even my own boyfriend, sometimes I'll have my friends hanging out in my dressing room during the show. And I'll come into the dressing room in costume and everyone's like, oh, wow. My boyfriend was like, whoa. I'm like, what do you mean, whoa?

35:46Jason Stewart:And he's like, nothing. I mean, I have to go. Nothing, babe. You always look good. I like that we live in Bushwick. I like the rat tail. It's good. When it gets in my mouth, it's awesome. I would say regardless of your walking around look, you are more different than the average bear out in the world. But you throw a blonde wig on anyone who doesn't have blonde hair, and it's going to be a woe. You know what I mean? No, I look amazing. Just let me have that. You do. Let me have that. Of course you look very amazing. But do you think – Now, has your inbound started banging different once the powers that be in Hollywood have seen you look like this?

36:25Are the role – Let me be – Is it like you versus Kristen Bell now?

36:29Jason Stewart:Is it different? Let's get this chick in the mouth of an anaconda. She's a baddie. Let me be fucking frank. I have not seen one ingenue part slip into the inbox. And for that, I'm calling anti-Semitism. Yeah, it feels like it. It feels like it. It feels like it. There's nothing I could. Yeah, I mean, that's the only answer I see. With everything going on in the world, how could it not be? With everything going on, I look too Jewish to be 28. Tell me I look 28. Actually, I didn't know how old you were. So 28 works for me With my sunglasses on and hat on inside How old do you think I am? You're probably like 31 I'll allow it How old are you?

37:0730 fucking 2 You should allow that That's really sweet of you How old do you think I am? I think the both of you are two gay guys in a married relationship And you're both 37 We'll really take it I'm 43 Grandpa's like pushing 45 I think Let's go Because you guys got the puppy filters on. People don't hear on the podcast. They have the Snapchat puppy filters. We do try to disguise. It's true. We try to disguise. So what's your favorite lunch near Rock Center? Oh. Which Chopped are you going to? Dude, I've been kind of going crazy on Just Salad. Okay, Jason, are you familiar with Just Salad?

37:47Jason Stewart:I know about Just Salad because they have soups too, right? Don't you fucking dare. Don't you. by the way it's the middle of winter by the way the genius they're up off the boardroom they're like what the fuck do we call this place I have no and someone goes I don't know it's just fucking salad and they go take the fucking out we're in business dog you're hired boing boing boing alright so just salad I've never been there I've been to most of the other fast casual chopped sweet green kava but what makes just salad superior for you a woman a busy woman I think just salad they let animals in there as well as humans to hit the trough, right?

38:27Jason Stewart:Don't talk about Sarah like that. She's a human being. I'm not, I'm not. Don't talk about wet slop bowls like that. I've just seen other just solid locations and it seems like there's a separate entrance for humans and one for animals. They just opened. Let me be fucking frank. There's a vegan feta. Like... God, Noah, who wants that? Vegans don't even want that. Put it in parks. Hop up. Hey! Do you know what it's made out of? Is it made out of cashew? Violife. Don't know what that means. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by BetterHelp. We're in mid-March, Jason. And the biggest thing for me in March, besides obviously the flowers blooming in spring, you know, showing a little peak of skin, it's International Women's Day was this month, Jason.

39:16It's a moment to celebrate women's strength and progress while also recognizing how much they carry every day. They got strong shoulders when they're dealing with people like us. Between caring for others and managing unseen responsibilities, their emotional well-being can easily be overlooked. Over here at BetterHelp and How Long Gone, we want to remind women how much they matter. And that therapy offers a space for them to take care of themselves in a way that they deserve.

39:42Jason Stewart:Yeah, that's right. Because fellas out there, we don't want to talk, right? Let me rub your feet a little bit, make you a nice tea before bed, something digestive, maybe do a little gua sha. But what we won't do is talk about your problems because we don't want to hear it. And that's what BetterHelp is for. Take a moment to celebrate the woman in your life by blessing her with some BetterHelp. Her emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter as your lady feels lighter with therapy. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash howlong. That is better, H-E-L-P, as in please take out the trash.com slash howlong.

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40:50Jason Stewart:Yeah, nobody wants to deal with returns, but ShipStation, they make it so easy. And then when you are shipping all that stuff out, you don't have time. Is it going to be cheaper if I FedEx it or if I UPS it or if I this, if I that? Don't worry, ShipStation compares all those rates for you and then bundle some discounted rates If you're doing some drop shipping of all that stuff, you know, you didn't even know you could negotiate carrier rates, did you? You loser. Add ShipStation's automation and intelligent features to your life. Try ShipStation free for 60 days with full access to all of their features.

41:27Jason Stewart:No credit card. Need it. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code HOWLONG for 60 days for free. 60 days gives you plenty of time to see exactly how much time and money you're saving on every shipment that's shipstation.com code how long shipstation.com code how long don't know what that means and they have an olive based salad oh so yeah you're okay so you i'm pulling the fuck up you were having it sounds to me like you're either creating how do you not have I have so much diarrhea. This sounds like the nastiest salad on earth. What do you put in this salad? What on earth could you concoct? I just Googled it.

42:12Romaine. This is the one that they have that I like. It's called Dirt Candy. So I'm listening. Romaine. Check. Arugula. Check. Sesame tofu. Check. Shaved broccoli. Check. Cucumber. Best vegetable. Period. Check. Tagin spiced pumpkin seeds. Skrr. pepperoncini, skurt, skurt, olives, skurt, skurt, vegan ranch dressing. I don't do that. I do the balsamic vinaigrette and we're out.

42:43Jason Stewart:That sounds pretty good, actually. I'm down with that. Yeah, that doesn't sound bad. But the tofu preparation matters because some of these slot bowl places get it right. Some get it wrong. It's not about that. It's about the pepperoncini. It's about the olives. If you're wondering - Pepperoncini is only something that I see when it comes free with a Papa John's pizza. No one's eating that by choice. What are you absolutely talking about? Who eats that by choice? You want that chopped up? I spent some time in Chicago not to be like this. I lived in Chicago for eight years not to be like this. It comes up.

43:14Jason Stewart:Yeah. It's like a jardinier situation. Yes. The pepperoncini is in heavy play, but it's a nice accoutrement, I would say, less of a fundamental element of a salad, but that's just how much of a twisted bitch you are. What do you think? I know you're not paying for it, but what's this salad hitting for when you send the intern down to grab it? I'm sorry. You think I'm not. When the page goes to grab it, what else is that hitting for? You think I'm not paying for it? I mean, I think it may come out of your check. They don't pay us here, girl. That's why we're pushing the special, huh? I can tell by your dressing room that you don't get paid very much, but I thought they would at least cover lunch.

43:53No. Wow. They keep you skinny. They keep you hungry. They keep you alert. There's no food. they do not feed you we get mcdonald's tonight at midnight they put out 300 like trump hamburger style whenever he did that they put out 300 mcdonald's hamburgers and fries and then you just see all the little the writers come out because it's writing night tonight all the writers come out and start putting their doo-doo hands all over the food and so i don't eat the mcdonald's on writing night because you've seen it's been touched by the normies yeah okay so the

44:28Jason Stewart:longest running most successful television show of all time they're kind of running it like a fema camp over there yes well what is the okay so what is the hour on a writing night because the the hours at saturn live are you know historically awful i guess for people who don't like to grind so what is this yeah this long night that you speak of what do we what time do you get there what time do you leave i just got here right now to do this radio play um and then i'll be shooting do you want to hear my day actually. With love. Make a meal of it. A day in the life of a pog. Let's go. Eyes peel open at 9am.

45:08Peel. I scream at my boyfriend. Make me coffee. Now. He's a barista so it's easy, right? Think again. He's in grad school. That's right. Wow. You're a 32 year old pog dating a student. this is hot he's fun employed he's fun i'm a milf he's broke let's go i he makes coffee i'm smiling then i crawl my ass over to my second day of the week for lying on the couch like this psychoanalysis then i hop on the train i crack open my sci-fi book that i'm addicted to right now book of the new sun shadow of the torture clogged the conciliator. Jesus Christ. I'm praying for you. Then I stomp my Rick Owens boots up to the, I thought you guys would like that, up to the night made Lauren buy these for my birthday.

46:09We make no money. Check out my Rick Owens boots. No! I made Lauren get the, Lauren gets us birthday presents every year. Do you think Lauren went? He said, give me the Ricks. Imagine Lauren, I would love to see Lauren inside the Rick Owens store interfacing with the staff there. That's a fun idea i'll have um i'll have the harness the leather harness is there a warranty for this boot

46:29Jason Stewart:all right so you're on the train you get you you get i stomp up to my dressing room i log stomping in those air force they're so heavy i'm basically burning what's your password on your computer i want to tell you because it's so funny i bet but i can't because it's my password to everything but i want i'm telepathically telling you guys can i mouth it to you guys or we can bleep we bleep often i'm gonna write it on a notes app that's better than i could have ever imagined honestly i really want it's manifesting right right and every time i change it i will refrain from making jokes and it doesn't work get people off on the scent of what it is i don't want you to be a victim of cyber hacking.

47:19Jason Stewart:I want to let the audience know it's something I'm really, really against. Right. And I will say if people are like, oh, let's hack so we can get her nudes out. There are no nudes. I do not do that. Disgusting. I don't want to see that. There's nothing in the Bank of America. There's nothing in the XXX folder. There's no reason for you to hack me at all. Okay. Then I log on to the Zoom. Okay? The minute this ends, I'm going to go shoot a promo. for the whatever it's the script is hilarious wonder if it changed whatever i have to be in hair and makeup obviously for five and a half hours then after that it's writing night i go try to write a so then i'll probably shoot that till 3 p.m then from 3 to 8 i will be in a blind panic knocking on every door in the office begging someone on my hands and knees to write a sketch with me i have written out 25 sketch ideas for the week wow can we go over like two of them and maybe we can help workshop um do you want to hear the one i pitched out loud that literally like it was kind of a joke but nobody laughed so it's um it's the pit like the hbo hospital show the pit it's a spinoff of the pit but it takes place um in cleveland so it's called the clit okay so that's kind of it and then you're saying that you're saying that didn't kill as they say no bites can you can you do that on nbc even though it's late night can you say you um clit that that much that prominently you can't okay you literally can't i didn't think you you get good to know every every time you have a sketch on the show you get like an email from like the FCC person, the standards and practices person that's like, hey, you can't say dick or you've said ass too much or whatever, whatever.

49:15One time I got just a note for a sketch that was in the show that made it to air. That was the entire sketch is too misogynist.

49:28Jason Stewart:It's got it's got Sherman stank all over it. It's misogynist. they're like it's just it's unfit for television the jokes and it was about a sex doll called fugliana for fugly guys i remember that i think it's funny all right so you're all right so you're you're begging your co-workers to collaborate with you for five hours going door to door please sir can you help me write a sketch you're yeah you're a jehovah's witness looking for collaborators yeah i mean usually i'll write my problem i'll write the sketch and then be like is anyone interested and everyone's like no talking about another thing i've written down here you know dungeons and dragons about onions and dragons could be something what about it that could be something let me tell you right now no one's i mean jewish people like onions a lot right exactly no one's gonna want to collaborate on the sci-fi stuff have we maybe something a little more topical the globes just happen you know super bowl's going on we want to think big picture the super bowl's going on football it's the super bowl the nfl playoffs are happening right now we're about to this you know these are just big things that are happening in the world so football football is a sport that goes pretty way like it's pretty popular in this country i don't know if you're from i literally won't know about something and then like i'll find out because someone wrote a sketch about it right right right so at your snl is your news it's my news that's a beauty that's the beauty of the job to me that's so you watch weekend update and you're like oh good to know trouble in the middle east wouldn't i think you guys should do like a cbs sketch where you play barry weiss i think that'd be really i think that's actually that's a freebie i think you can do a barry on me i i could probably do a barry because i listen i've also you're jewish so you have the pass.

51:19Jason Stewart:You got the J-pass. Wait, what happened with her? What happened? See, there's no sketch yet so I don't really know. Okay, so she's like a woman that everyone says is like acting only on behalf of Israel and their dark interests. She was appointed to run CBS News. Everyone hates her. She's doing a bad job. She had a very popular... It's like queer. She worked at the New York Times and then she left to start one of the highest grossing sub-stacks called the Free Press. Right. Shea Liz, too. Shea Liz, too. Listen, this is none my business. This is none my beeswax. Okay, well. We're trying to give you some ideas that might appeal to the audience, not your little sci-fi shit.

52:02What happened to Onion? Well, let's see what else I got.

52:04Jason Stewart:So nothing for Onions and Dragons at all, huh? Okay. Okay. I mean, it could be like an awesome blossom at Chili's, like an onion, you know, the Bloomin' Onion. there we go this still isn't working for me but go ahead you know for like a sci-fi Chili's angle cause that's really hot both of those things are super hot super popular topical stuff hey what can I get y 'all started you know this is the Phoenix Arizona obviously Chili's hey what can I get y 'all started with you want Diet Cokes, you want Bloomin' Onions you want the claw of the conciliator you want the Terminus S largest sword that can only be weaponized by either a Torturer's Guild member so that's kind of what's going on in my book right now that's it's a little more kind of Bushwick open mic sketch play Jason think of A$AP Rocky doing it though and then you'll see it period okay also you guys keep forgetting that it's Finn Wolfhard is hosting okay yeah but I know that A$AP Rocky is going to be in a sketch he's so he has the perfect face have you ever seen his little thirsty ass wants to be in Hollywood he's going to be in a little sketch he did that movie with Denzel He did, if I had legs, I'd kick you.

53:14Did he? Yes. Oh, come on, guys. Go to the movies. He's one of the best gay rappers out right now. Go to the movies, guys. Sarah, you know I don't go to the movies. I don't have time for that. Guys, movies need us now more than ever.

53:25Jason Stewart:No, I've seen Marty Supreme and Sentimental Val in the theaters in the last month. That's not bad. Oh, wow. Pat yourself on the back. What about this one? What about this one? I give money to charity. Okay, what else you got, Sarah? These are all my The Pit ideas. So then it's, what if it's open up The Pit? oh and it's a mosh now you're talking okay now you're talking yeah okay that could be the first straight edge skit on snl yeah straight edge skit on snl would be big for us specifically and our community that would be huge are you guys fucking edge you got that you got the one dude you might be edge you get the one sweetheart this is the point for our listeners at home the one the one means the the skinhead haircut we chris and i both used to be straight edge we grew up as straight edge hardcore vegan warriors.

54:11Jason Stewart:We do need some representation on SNL. I think that could work at this point. Wow. What kind of like are we, you guys are straight edge hardcore, straight edge punkers. Yeah. Like what, who is your, who is your guys? As Maren says, who are your guys? Who are your guys, man? Earth crisis. Who was it, man? Yeah. Earth crisis, you know, strife, war zone, converge, American nightmare. Gorilla biscuits. Youth of today. You know. What are your, who are your guys? Sarah? Listen, I'm not edge, dude. So my guys are - Who are you guys, man? Weird Al Yankovic. You do, though. You do seem like a chick who would have been at hardcore shows, though.

54:49I got to say.

54:49Jason Stewart:You were going to lightning bolt shows at RISD, something like that? Yeah. You definitely saw lightning bolt. Oh, don't. Hey, excuse me. Have some respect for my Slayer tattoo, my friends. Have some fucking respect. Wow, she's raining in blood. She's south of heaven. So you know, you've been to a gathering that straight edge, hot straight edge guys were at, I assume. Oh, wow. With the death poster over there. Okay. So this is where you should do the pit angle where it's like, it's a hospital, but all the doctors are just like metal heads. Yeah. That's good. It's like a headbangers ball meets a hospital show.

55:23I really like that.

55:25Jason Stewart:Headbangers ball meets nurse Jackie. And it's just like nurse Jackie splitting open blood bags. I think nurse Jackie was on pills. so it kind of works against the straight edge angle, but I don't want to interrupt the process. The doctor is doing open heart surgery. He's got an RIP dime bag shirt on underneath his scrubs. Well, Noah Wiley would look, he would fit in perfectly at one of these reunion tours. Honey, he'd fit in anywhere. Hello. Hello. Oh, his wife is hot too. He's got like a hot family. I'm happy for him. Yeah, you think he'd have a fugly wife? He's stunning. What are we talking about?

55:59Jason Stewart:Sometimes when guys - Do you have doctor kink? um no as a jewish person you know it's kind of actually i i have like the jewish person if someone's too jewish i'm like i can't what are you my cousin you know what i'm saying don't talk about don't talk about know me fry like that you know that's a that's a mutual friend of ours and i that's my cousin you're actually you guys are actually cousins okay actually speaking of of that it reminded me of something you said on the special where you were you were talking about Thank you. Thank you, Jason. You mentioned, I can't, like, here's an impression of the audience trying to find a single joke in this.

56:37So he made it for the first five minutes. Great.

56:40Jason Stewart:But I wanted to point out that right before you said that, you said a perfect fastball, like, street joke, which was Jewish people should be more into free Palestine because it's free. Yes. That's just, like, to me. So I wanted to follow up. is that joke sound enough for a non-Jewish person to say and get away with it? Yes. I think it is. And the joke used to be longer and then I was like I can't be too hard about this because it is a genocide. And Jesselnik was like just shorten it bro and it worked out. And then he was like what if there was like a dead baby or something? And then what if you throw a baby down the stairs and fucking die?

57:27Jason Stewart:And you're like, no, this is not. Okay, sorry, go ahead. Because I was like, I was worried about that joke because I was like, it is kind of too real. But what was it? Oh, so you can have this. You can take this. You're not Jewish? No. You're not Jewish? I'm often confused for one. Are you Italian? No, I'm like a little Spanish, a little white, a little Native American. Put it together. Don't do this. Oh, he couldn't wait to tell us about the Native American part. He couldn't. Why? No, trust me. He brings it up every chance he gets. Of course I buried the lead. Do you know how many times I've heard this?

58:00Do you know how many times I've suffered through this?

58:01Jason Stewart:I guess I just have a little native in me. Or whatever. I'm a cool Jew. I believe in a free Palestine. Of course I do. I'm Jewish and it's free. Honey, I'd settle for a BOGO Palestine. So I did cut. I did cut BOGO. That's good. But I didn't say that because I don't believe that. I actually wouldn't settle for a BOGO. I was like, you know what? Even though that joke is funny, I don't believe that. So I won't say it. I'm glad that you're keeping it 100 with yourself. With the first special under your belt, I think you're only going to get more simplified, the economy of words, really get into that Shane Gillis level where you're going to be doing stadiums.

58:38Jason Stewart:And I think we're on the way. I'm going to strip down. It's going to be Sarah. I should do a Sarah Normal special. Blonde wig, shirt, pants. Shirt, pants. No set. All right, so we're going to wear clothes on the special. Got it. Yep. That is super norm-maxing, I guess. You know what? You wouldn't know hide nor hair about what I do on stage, Chris, because you haven't seen a frame. You wouldn't even know. I've seen a frame. I've seen a frame. Nary a frame. Chris said he's a one. I'm going to go first 20. Why'd you tap out? Because I don't like comedy like that, really. Dude, I opened up the fucking pit.

59:14You tapped the fuck out. I think that I'm such a fan of your work. that maybe I'll You don't want to sully it. Well, I wasn't going to say that. I'm saying maybe now that we've interacted in a more real way, I can go back and view it differently. You know, it's not... I will say the last eight minutes is a noise set. Does that appeal to you at all? Sweetwater? My Sweetwater rep be calling.

59:40Jason Stewart:It's an ambience. This is the joke. I said that because... This is Brad from Sweetwater. I just want to make sure your cable came through. Jason gave me a new cable from Sweetwater for my mic I got him the Rolls Royce of XLR cables for Christmas. I mentioned this to Katie. I mentioned this to Wax Hatch, and she was like, Jason's fucked. I'm like, why? She's like, that guy's never going to stop calling him. I'm like, he only bought a single cable. She's like, it doesn't matter. No, it's true. I get a call a week from Sweetwater. But the problem is, I like it. I like it, too. I love it. Because the first time you called, he's like, hey, I saw that you bought this as a gift.

1:00:13Jason Stewart:And this was right before Christmas. I was just going to get him a new cable. It wasn't like a Christmas thing. We went ahead and bumped it up and gave you free two day shipping so it'll arrive before the new year. I'm like, thanks Brad from Sweetwater. You're marrying the lead again. It comes with candy, bro. I was very excited about that because all my musician friends had told me that. And then I got the candy. I gotta say, it's the cheapest, shittiest candy on earth. No, come on! It's an assortment! Free candy needs to be Hershey's products. I don't want this budget shit. Wait, there's a Snickers?

1:00:48Isn't there usually like a Snickers? No, I got some off-brand gobbledygook.

1:00:51Jason Stewart:All right, guys, let's get back to the special. I don't like us derailing too far away from your special. Well, this relates, I was going to say. Because I, okay, this is why I like Sweetwater. Because I'm like, I'm going, I'm getting my pedal rig on Sweetwater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you heads might like this. Guess who put that pedal rig together? Dan10tricks. Does that entice you to finish the special? Chris. I don't care about pedal boards but I'm glad that you have one. You do. You're edge dude. You fucking do. You want to ask me about my rig. Chris is on r slash turnstile checking out pedal board pics.

1:01:28Jason Stewart:Fucking loser. What is your, what guitar, I mean but you're not playing, are you playing a Les Paul? Are you playing a Stratik? What are we playing? I'm playing my mouth. She's playing the Seinfeld theme song. How much did it cost to license the Seinfeld theme song really quick? Let's just say my Jewish ass got it on sale. You got it for the load? Speaking of Free Palestine, Did you text Jerry? He, I wonder if he knows that he's in the special. I'd be curious. I don't think it's made its way to him. I think 20 % chance. Okay, well, I know you have a hard out, so I have a couple questions I didn't want to forget.

1:01:59No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Can I tell you?

1:02:01Jason Stewart:Yeah. Why can't I tell you? So I bought my rig on fucking Sweetwater, and Brad calls me, and he goes, Sarah, I see that you're going on tour. He'll keep up with me and go, I see that you're going on tour. Do you need any help from us? And I go, I know this is business, but I am so touched that you. You're like, oh my God, it's selling so well. And I do use a high gauge base string. So if you have anything that could work in that area. But Brad never crosses the line where he's like, hey, I see you're in Albuquerque room 1701 tonight. Do you need any help? You know, like it doesn't cross too far.

1:02:37Jason Stewart:Do you need any help getting out of that shirt or anything like that? He could. I'd drop the pin. I'd be like, hey. Sarah, I went ahead and I upgraded you to Delta One. I pulled some strings over there. You're like, give me... Okay, so you know, a friend of ours, Matt Bellany, he does a podcast called The Town. They talk about industry Hollywood shit and he would always complain. Has he mentioned me? I only have Peacock because I watch SNL and whenever you go on Netflix or HBO or anything, the one show you watch, it pops up there. Do you want to, you know, and Peacock never does that for SNL. It's always hard to find.

1:03:15Jason Stewart:It's always a pain in the ass. How many letters do you think you have to type in on, or I typed in on HBO for your special to come out? Let me be real. The answer may shock you. You have to get after the, you have to get after the Q and squirm. Okay. I literally typed in S, A, and it was the second thing to pop up. Fucking let's go. Second, hold on. He said second. Yeah, but that's huge. Just to make it, there's, they'll, they'll be like, here's 10 different things. It was like the first one was like a very famous old movie you know whatever. I don't know. Saved by the Wind and then boom Sarah Sherman.

1:03:52Salo. It was Salo.

1:03:54Jason Stewart:Saved by the Wind is a nice alt. It was Saw 14 and then Sarah Scorner. And by the way, trigger warning, he did say S.A. Sorry for our listeners listening. Do you think that okay, here's my thing. I don't know what S.A. is. What is that? Sexual assault, Jason. Come on. I was just baiting you guys. I know what that was. I don't know. You listen to Joe Budden, but I don't know how much you listen. You guys are all into it. So the first week it came out on HBO, of course, you pull it up on your TV and you're like, oh, it's on the homepage, whatever. It was the first week. It was like near holidays and it was ninth most watched movie after Polar Express.

1:04:38That's crazy because it's not a movie. So that's big. But you didn't watch the last eight minutes, so you wouldn't know that it's a fucking movie. It's a motion picture. It's a movie. Wouldn't you say it's a movie?

1:04:49Jason Stewart:Just like any movie that comes out nowadays. It could have been shorter. No, I'm just kidding. Well, I cut out half an hour. Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. The streets, thank you. Because they're like, we can't even take an hour of this. 1.30 is psycho. HBO came back and said, you got 45. because this is just, we're pushing it. Ronnie Bronstein goes, have you ever heard Leave Them Want More? I go, never in my life. I never. Not one single time. That rule applies even more to like vagina lips. Nope. He didn't even get to that part. He didn't even see it. Well, you have a nasty little mouth on you and sometimes it pushes me too far.

1:05:34I'm a southern prude. I get, you know, sometimes your language, much like rappers, it's just too much for me. I can only take so much. And you don't like rap or country. No, I love country. They say the kind of bad stuff I like.

1:05:47Jason Stewart:Okay. How much more money did you spend than if you were to just film a normal standup set like Marc Maron? Just the budget is a stool and a glass of water. Don't forget about those rings he wears. Those are expensive. That. Model zone. The budget got stretched. That was a That got stretched Prolapsed Fucking speculum That got stretched I said I mean I was like do as much Paper mache on those eyeballs as you can y 'all We got Some more mache less AI No AI was used Paper mache It is an anti CGI and anti AI special Oh congratulations you're living in the past When do we think we'll see some profits from this, ever?

1:06:36Or do you think this is more of a labor of love? I don't think anyone has seen it. Has anyone seen it? You mean the special or the profits? I'm like, well, the profits would come from like, okay, I announce a tour tomorrow. And then everybody buys tickets to it. But I'm on a minor touring hiatus. So I haven't announced any tour. I'm curious what will happen. So you have some dates maybe in the chamber. but you're waiting to release because you're currently on hiatus.

1:07:04Jason Stewart:And we know that SNL famously doesn't pay, so you're going to have to go Bowen Yang route, start a podcast with your gay bestie, and then start doing bit roles in Bridesmaids 14, and that's when the money starts chugging in. Let me tell you something. If you want to say something about Jasmine Crockett, we'll give you the platform right now. I don't have a podcast because I have nothing interesting to say. Doesn't matter. That's the thing you need the least. What are you talking about? Neither does Bowen, but that's why he has a partner, and then it all comes together. Yeah, that's why I have Jason.

1:07:32I have nothing to say. I don't care if it's the only... I get it. It's the only way anyone makes money in this fucking town. Put me in a ditch, penniless. I won't do it. I think if somebody came to you with the right deal, you would probably do it.

1:07:48Jason Stewart:Even though it's available as an award category on the Golden Globes now, it hasn't been legitimized enough for you yet? Wouldn't it feel good to whip Poehler's ass? Wouldn't it feel good her old ass back in the below the jail where she belongs you know what I do fuck Mel Robbins on God though that's on crit go ahead who's that exactly she's another golden globe nominated podcaster one other question I know you got Finn I guess speaking of Finn have you been around long enough how many seasons you been on SNL now it's been what four and a half so let's say you've been around in the public eye for the last five years no famous recurring characters to speak of.

1:08:29We're working on it.

1:08:30Jason Stewart:I'm feeling good about the pit. No, in Brooklyn you're famous though. Don't do that. Okay, so have you been around long enough and been in the public eye with a boyfriend long enough for the lesbians to know you're straight and they're not trying to tap that as much as they may have been when you first came out on the scene? I feel like I've been very clear from day one. I know, but there's still you know, I'm sure Sydney Sweeney has been very clear she doesn't want to fuck football players but nevertheless the dms are still blowing up you know what i mean so are are some of america's top lesbians trying to slide into your shit no one slides you're telling me that you're telling me that chris shell from selling sunset has not dmd you once no one's you i'm gonna tell you guys can't you're not gonna say this out loud okay but i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you guys my top slide are you ready yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:09:20And just like remark on how elite this is.

1:09:28I mean, he is a lesbian. Is that the most major slide you've ever seen? But was it a clear, now it was a clear like what's really good. It wasn't, you're not misinterpreting this. It was crass. Wow. It was quite crass. So he said, let me beat it up. Yeah. At 30 Rock. Yeah. Okay. He said, are the back walls beckoning Silent Hill style or whatever? I don't know how people talk.

1:09:58Jason Stewart:He would bring up Silent Hill in the slide because he knows that'll probably work on you. Honestly, that is amazing. And I don't know what I expected, but that was not it. So some A-list dick is being thrown at you is what you're saying. But that's the kind. So it's not like, it's not, you guys think it's going to be the gays? It's something quite different. Yeah, it's more of an incel vibe. Yes, yes. Man, I can't wait to tell everyone that off record. Just kidding, just kidding. Yeah, that's really good. You can. I'm definitely telling everyone. I'm sure you've told everyone. I haven't told anyone who will listen, just not on a podcast.

1:10:30Yeah, how could you not? It's the brag of the century. Are those blue light glasses before we go? How dare you? How fucking dare you? Not on the fucking streetwear podcast are you going to say these are blue light transitions. By the way. I love that you're calling us this streetwear podcast where you wear an acne beanie and Rick Owens boots, and we're wearing regular shit. Well, by the way, check the fit. I got vintage Moschino jeans, girl. I got a shirt I stole from costume, girl. I got the rowing blazer fleece sent to me for free, girl. That matches the fucking pants, girl. Nobody should pay for that.

1:11:06Jason Stewart:You have a Beetlejuice fit. You have a Beetlejuice fit right now. Yeah, you're looking like Beetlejuice at the Barney's Warehouse sale. These are my Robert Mitchum blackout drunk on the Dick Cavett show wearing sunglasses and sides. They are transitioning darker right now. No. As the day progresses. They're not transitioning. They're transitioning. Look, the beginning of the pod, crystal clear. No. Now as the sun has gone down one hour, they are a darker red. I want to be clear. Sarah Sherman transitioned on our podcast. I just want to be very, very clear. On my first SNL paycheck, what did I buy?

1:11:43Giant mattress. What was the second thing I bought? First time in my life, prescription sunglasses. I go, I'm fucking rich now, bitch. It's big. I can get prescription fucking sunglasses. So yeah, I wear them inside.

1:11:54Jason Stewart:Living in the lap of luxury. I agree. That's big. So have I been the best podcast guest you guys have ever had? Yeah, we'll let the numbers show once we get that kind of going. You have been a delight this whole time. You went absolutely beast mode and we appreciate you. I can't wait to try to stay up till midnight and fail and then watch some clips of you this weekend on YouTube on Sunday morning. Finish the special now. I'll finish the special. Yes, mommy. Because I like, I think this honest exchange between artist and viewer is great for everyone to hear. I am not too proud to beg. I have, I will, I will beg.

1:12:31Okay. Watch it, please. Do you think your coworkers have watched it? Be honest. did I have a premiere where I said get y 'all's butts

1:12:41Jason Stewart:there did Michael Che watch it he actually was the one person who wasn't there because I was about to say there's no way that Chloe Fineman is taken off from going to the Tory Burch show to watch your special front row the entire cast barking like a dog the whole hour every single one of my cast members front row supportive. Sarah has done it again. Okay. And I'm sure Lauren was there too, right? He was not, but he is an executive producer. Yeah, tell us what... He's got to get his claws into everything, doesn't he? Tell us what an executive producer does, if you could, Sarah, if you don't mind.

1:13:20Just breaking it down. They go, put on that blonde wig that makes you gorgeous, darling. Do you want to hear the best Letterboxd review I got on my special? I didn't know they did that for comedy. Oh, I read every single one. Half Star. this comedy special is equivalent to torture porn yes it's that bad this is worse than any genocide ever in history yes all of them this is the pinnacle of unfunny i cannot believe there are full-grown adults grown as shit laughing uncontrollably at this bro pathetic all right

1:13:53Jason Stewart:well don't reveal my username because i want to keep that to myself so your your artwork is divisive is what I'm learning. Yes. Worse than any genocide ever in history. So better to read the letterbox and stay away from those toxic YouTube reviews. Oh, all right, Sarah. Thank you for joining us. It was a pleasure. The special's on HBO now. Go watch her special on HBO right now. Squirm. Just type in S-A into your Google and she will pop right up. Just type S-A and then, yeah, we'll look out for you this weekend. I really hope you get something on the air. They'd be big for you. The pit. The clit.

1:14:31Yeah, if you want to brainstorm later, just holler at me. We'll send you a mixtape to write the pit to kind of get in the zone, if that would help you at all.

1:14:41Jason Stewart:You already have the Slayer attack. You're already there. My inbox is open. Well, don't worry. I'll send you some Revelation Records releases that will maybe hit a little harder for you. Awesome. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks, Sarah. Bye. Nice meeting you guys. Later. Yeah, you too. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. I'll see you smiling. Watch your spinters lie so deep in your mind. To tear out from your eyes with a thought to stiff and brooding lies. And only what you leave me further behind. Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing.

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