947. - Ryan O'Connell

21:48It's like, forget it. Forget it. Okay. Demi Moore, owner of Toned Arms. I love that. Her toned arms. I go, sweetie, what's going on? Her arms look great.

21:57Jason Stewart:Don't do that. The arms could be a little too toned, Chris. No such thing, guys? No. It's giving Nicole Richie running on the beach in 2005, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. Again, once again, some of these things that you guys think are negative are actually positive, And that's what I want to, that's what I'm here to stand up for. So stop it. Tell me about the positive attributes of being medically underweight. I don't know. I don't have the, are you a doctor, Jason? What do you know about medically? I don't think you have any of expertise. A little more than you, but not much. We don't talk, we don't talk about women's bodies that way.

22:29Okay. First of all, I love when people ask actors to weigh in on anything. We have to understand people, these people were raised on sets. They were living in Oakwood. Okay. Oakwood apartment complex in Burbank. They were giving hooked on phonics. They were giving Kumon and you want them to weigh in on a I. Yeah. I mean, honey. Yeah.

22:49Jason Stewart:Like you lost me at weigh in. Yeah. Yeah. I don't. Yeah, exactly. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm good. I don't think that this is, um, I just think that asking celebrities about anything besides their movie is per or whatever it is, it would be a better route unless they want to offer a funny anecdote from their life. When Jimmy Kimmel has been prompted to ask them. I hear you recently went to Hawaii with the family Anything funny happen on the airplane? Yeah, exactly That's fine with me, I'm cool with that No, we all suffer I don't know if you guys saw Stephen Colbert and David Byrne Doing one of the most unfortunate things I've ever seen on television Where Stephen Colbert was dancing and performing With him, because it's his final You know, it's Colbert You know, whatever, it's over And he's got like a week or two So he's gonna, you know, have Jack White back To do three songs or whatever, really celebrate.

23:41But it was one of those things where I was like, I get it because I do make a wish shit too. And if I was in this position, I would figure out a way to do something stupid that only serves me and my audience hates it. But it's just the dancing. Ladies and gentlemen, low. Hey, you guys have all been begging for it. You've been demanding it for years and I'm finally going to give it to you. It's Galaxy 500. game i've done it chris has done it again the final episode of how long gone somehow he got uncle tupelo to reunite and and this is for those 10 people not a big ratings night but you know it's for chris i just i find that the the late night send-offs are it honestly the send-offs that they're doing prove why it's over if that makes sense like it's really like oh this is okay well we made the right choice just like when you feel like you've been marked safe from james cordon's carpool karaoke you're not they bring you they bring you right back in big boys over in london over in amsterdam chasing harry around that stage panton he can't keep up he's got the he's got the brooks on he's trying to chase harry it ain't working he said there better be a stack of flapjacks at the end of this fucking race harold because this ain't working for me wait james cordon is on stage with harry styles no no no but but harry's you know harry's doing this new tour i wouldn't know he's getting in trouble because the stage is like this insane catwalk that kind of weaves through the entire arena.

25:07Jason Stewart:It looks like a satisfy running track. It looks like a running track and so, and James Corden is just in the audience and every show because they're best friends, who unfortunately I have heard from several sources that James Corden, great hang. And I hate to say it. Oh, come on, sweetie. People I trust doesn't matter. People I trust. No, no, literally, by the way, James Corden's PR is literally off camera with a gun near her head. No. Like, you know what to say. I don't want, you think I want to give James Corden grace? Of course I don't. Of course I don't. Unless we're saying it before at All You Can Eat Buffet, I would never want to give him grace.

25:39And that's something that I can't help. Don't you guys always feel like Harry Styles' music is like three blocks away from being interesting? I really like the first two. And you know what? Yesterday we were shooting and American Girls came on. American Girls is a hit. No, stop. Chris, shit Chris. That is like, that's incorrect. Actually, I was having a conversation yesterday, Ryan, with a top-ranking gay official. Oh, okay. And he was saying that all gay guys, obviously you all like the cool girl, like Charlie, everybody likes that. But then you all have an Ariana, a Gaga, or a Taylor. Well, mine's Addison, by the way.

26:24No, Addison's cool. That doesn't count. Oh, okay. He's saying there's like the upper tier.

26:28Jason Stewart:You need something from the legacy collection. Exactly. When you go in the Criterion Closet, you need a mother. Addison is not mother yet. Addison is not mother yet. Addison is like niece. Okay, but Chris, does this mother have to have a little embarrassment attached to it? I don't even think. Because most gay guys, Madonna is the mother. I think that's the point. I think Madonna is like upper echelon. No one can touch her. And then what we're talking about is this high tier. We can sell 60 ,000 tickets. Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande. Right. Like not Sabrina. Not, not, you know, it's like that thing.

27:11And I feel like you're a Gaga guy just because you're old school with it. Wait, wait. You're calling me a Gaga guy? Are you not? Honey, you're calling me a little monster? I'm a little monster. Don't come for me. Honey, I am. You lived in Brooklyn. Honey, I have never, ever, ever liked Lady Gaga in my G-damn life. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to attack you. So you're saying that you would be more of an Ariana Grande nasty hand tats? Never. Never, never, never. I think gunned my G-damn head. I would have to say Madonna probably. No, Madonna's out. I'm saying it's Taylor.

27:45No. Katy Perry. No. Adele. You're saying, oh my God, Katy Perry. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?

27:52Jason Stewart:I think a little bit of it has to be like a little embarrassment. Like everyone loves Britney Spears, Rihanna, you know, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston. But what I'm saying to you, Ryan, is because you famously have good taste in music, but you're also gay. Of course. You know, you guys aren't known for your taste in music. No, no. Show us your Achilles heel. Yeah. No, no, totally. No, I understand what you guys are saying. And I swear to God, I'm trying to think. Katy Perry. I mean, is there anyone more embarrassing? Absolutely not. I'm so glad she's self. feminism with women's world. I'm a Katie cat as well as a little monster.

28:29No, no, stop it. Ariana Grande, I'm fine with. I actually think that's fine. I don't listen to her, but I don't just like what she's doing. Taylor is, I mean, I'm even scared to say her name. I feel like my house is literally getting broken into you. Say her name. Don't worry, she doesn't know where Echo Park is. No, no, it's like giving Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. I'm like really, I'm really scared. Hi Ryan, big fan.

28:54Jason Stewart:Okay. No, literally. Specific follow-up question. Did you see Wicked in the theaters? Are you kidding me? I would never in my life. Okay, that says everything I need to know. That does say a lot. Because you know I don't watch musicals, and that press tour of Sub With Love was insane. We all had to suffer through that as a culture. You know who I'm scared of? You know, I'm scared of Cynthia Revia. That bitch, she would put some nails in my neck, and I'd never walk again. Rip that dick right off. But I think a lot of your friends and our friends, mutual friends, cool gay guys that we respect, their taste in arts.

29:29Jason Stewart:Also, we saw them fall victim to wicked in the theaters. As if it's your civic duty as a gay. I want to go on the record and say that Cynthia and I once got an award together and she's very nice. What award did you get? Exactly. Okay. No, no. Okay. So get this. Get this. My television program is out for, say it with me, nine days. I get an email from my publicist and be like, great news. You're getting honored the visibility world from the Human Rights Coalition in Atlanta. I've been visible for nine days. Sure, sure. Literally, I'm like a gay gopher coming out of its hole for nine days. And they're like, give him the award!

30:07And so I go to Atlanta, and I realize I'm getting nominated with Cynthia Erivo, who at the time, I didn't know who she was because I wasn't a musical theater gay.

30:17Jason Stewart:Shade. So I didn't understand who she was. My boyfriend was like totally fagging out. He was jadicted to her. And I thought she was really nice and a good hang. And you know I'm very discerning. You know I'm very discerning. Oh, I believe you. I don't suffer fools. I'm scared of people that are nice and a good hang as well. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Totally, totally, totally. But no, I mean, she is presence, I would say. She is presence. But I would never see Wicked. Did you see Wicked? God, no. Bro, I don't see any movie. I don't see a movie of people that come on this fucking podcast.

30:46Chris is like, the only movie I've seen is, is this thing on by Will Arnett and Laura Dern? No, that's a good movie. Actually, Alex did watch that and I didn't pay attention. I want to be clear. I was doing some picking up around the house while that was on. That trailer, I saw that trailer and I was like, I don't need to see that. Like Valerie Cher style. That is actually one of the, that is like one of the straightest movies ever made.

31:07Jason Stewart:It was a tough putt watching it, but is Will Arnett a daddy for you? Yeah. Ultimately he could rail for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think you can really tell. I just feel like he fucks. Like you can tell he fucks. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, the Amy Poehler of it all doesn't really give me that. But maybe the 150 girls from Raya. Poehler back in the day was a little bop, though. I think I like Poehler. I'm just saying Poehler doesn't look like she's getting too litty. Kind of a little stereo lab chick vibe. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, very. I kind of love that she's invading his medium and truly cleaning the streets.

31:39I feel like they actually get along. I feel like they don't hate each other. Totally, totally, totally.

31:44Jason Stewart:I think they're both winning in the podcast space. They both make several tens of millions of dollars annually doing this. What if in five years they get back together? I feel like they also have a kid with a name like Archie. No, it's a little by the way. Harvard Westlake. By the way, why do we both know that? I immediately in my brain was like, it's Archie, Chris. Obviously, it's Archie. It's Archie. Like, what had to die for that to live? Why do I know the name of their goddamn child? I shouldn't know that either because I'm not even – I've never watched Polar's pod, but I feel like when it's good, it's quite good.

32:11Is that the takeaway or is it like – She knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. She's funny, charming, smart. She listens. Like, she really, I, listen, again, podcasts, I mean, I have a hard time, but like, but she, I listened to her and I'm like, I get it. Well, by the way, speaking of podcasts, like, are you guys like friendly with other major podcasters? Like, what's the ecosystem like? No, it's on site for any of those losers. I see you. I fucking see a Whole Foods. I'm slashing the tires. Where do you guys stand with Dax? We don't stand with Dax. That's the thing. Dax doesn't want to stand next to us, bro.

32:43Jason Stewart:We had Dax's co-host on the pod a couple months ago. Oh, Monica. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually. Monica was surprisingly awesome. I like Monica a lot. She could hold her own. I want to say something about that. Okay, so I do listen to Dax sometimes, which is kind of crazy. I don't know why, but I'm into it. I really am. I'm into it. We found the Achilles heel. It is my Achilles heel. What are you into about it? Because you want him to derail you? Here's my takeaway. way when you are famoose other famoose people will open up to you because they feel safe they will because they see you as one of them you're in the orbit so they feel like they can let their guard down and you can get into some real good stuff and i will say given the kind of like cultural brain rot we're experiencing in the podcast space i mean i'm not naming names for once in my goddamn life but it's truly harrowing what people are now making and we'll talk about jake shane later don't worry jake shane jake bro i don't even want i know that little i know that little fucking scottie i know that little turtles in your circles don't call him a turtle i know that little turtle so so basically i listen to his podcast i'm like okay this is correct so then okay smash cut i meet him like a few months ago dax dax and monica what were you were you at the peptide dealer?

34:02Where did you meet him? The eagle. No. So basically. Dax is like,

34:08Jason Stewart:what is this place? This is random as hell. I've never been here. We are going to a show that Kristen Bell is in, this musical that she's in with my friend Karin, who's friends with Kristen's, worked with her, blah, blah, blah. So we're in the audience. It's getting ready to go. Dax shows up and I'm kind of starstruck. Like I'm into him. Also, Dax can also rail me. He's definitely like Will Arnett coded for me. um and monica is there and i go dax you know i'm a big fan of the pod um i will say you need more faggots on your podcast and he's and i i assume he's down to clown i assume he's down to he's down to roll and troll and he's like what do you mean and i go um well i mean like you know you've had literally every cast member of the morning show twice like literally it's it's like billy crudup's world and we're just potting in it.

35:00Do you know what I mean? Billy Crudup, I guess.

35:05Jason Stewart:Dax Shepard is a comedic actor known for his roles in buddy films from the 90s and 2000s. Yes, and I'd see him as a playful lad. I do. I see him as playful. That's funny, I don't. I go, let's get in the sandbox and play. He said, what do you mean by faggot? I don't know. I don't use that word. He got kind up on her and then he told monica and and monica was talk about ready to lull she was like she was down she like she like i thought she was very funny she got it so i was a little shook by that experience i walked away being like i don't know if dax like that i don't know i feel like he's insecure with his sexuality i don't think so guys i think the only thing that i think the only thing dax is thinking about is the bank account and his pr i don't think dax gives a fuck about you don't You don't think I'm keeping him up at night?

35:57I don't think. Maybe we should have more faggots on. What do you think, K-Bell? He's like, guys, call off Greta Lee. We don't need Greta Lee.

36:07Jason Stewart:It's Greta week on Dax. I do think that the celebrity thing works, but it is like what you're saying, like the disarming part, but at a certain point, if all podcasts are celebrities, can everyone be disarmed all the time? Doesn't it lose its charm then? No, I understand what you mean. I think Dax is kind of different because he was famous before podcasts. So I think that when you're made famous by the medium, no offense, guys, then it's a different kind of thing. No, no, I agree. I'm saying that all of these actors getting into it, talking to other actors. That's what I mean. It's like at a certain point, there's 10 shows that are basically the same construct.

36:47It's like, which one are you getting the most open with? I'm also calling Dax famous before podcasting a little bit of a stretch. With someone, I guess, Punk did an imprint on you the way it did with me.

37:00Jason Stewart:I mean, you know, he's up in the upper echelons with Seth Green and Matthew Lillard's of the world. And Breckenmeyer. And Breckenmeyer. Don't forget. I did some lines with Jessica Simpson in 2006. You know, it's not necessarily A-list activity. I need to talk about Jessica Simpson because they're getting her out of here for flying first class and putting her kids in coach. Can I tell you something? That's totally fine, bro. Build character. As someone who habitually leaves my boyfriend for dead in the economy, I understand. I get it. You put Jonathan in the economy, bro? Yeah, I know. Babe. Babe.

37:37You're fucking everything that moves and you put him in fucking economy and he's still with your ass? Like the house is nice, but I mean, I mean, is there a stipend as well?

37:46Jason Stewart:He's like, he's lucky he gets to go on the same plane as me. Is there an honorarium as well? How does this work? Like what's going on, bro? So when I, when I shot season one of special, I'd never filmed first class in my life. Hold for applause. Yeah, exactly. So brave. And, and we were, we were shooting in Austin, Texas and my co-star Poonam was hung over and she was flying home to do some guest spot and some NBC sitcom and then flying back to do the show. and she was hung over Spuck and she goes, oh, well, thank God I'm in first class. And I go, you're in first class? And she goes, you're not?

38:22That's when we realized I'd been living that economy life. The creator, star, and showrunner was put in economy and she was flown first class. Well, that was first season, to be fair. You know, you had some proving to do.

38:35Jason Stewart:I would say that's your team's fault, not yours. That's what everybody says. yeah let's get three arts on the phone all right so did you did you hold on so you're saying if you and jonathan are going to to greece for a holiday no no i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do that okay international we're always flying the same class lax to p-town it's different what's different that's lax lax to p-town is gay international flight somehow It's different. You're going to have your man in the back. That's crazy. All the way to Pita. Then comfort. He's in comfort. He's in comfort. I want to be clear. Justice for Jonathan.

39:16Jonathan is a very tall guy. Comfort is not giving comfort. I love Jonathan. He's hilarious. He deserves more. He deserves more. He's in comfort aisle so he can put his legs outside. Ryan, I know what this means. I fly on planes too. I'm clear how the classes work. I'm saying that I and Jason. Jason has a difference system. My system is if I get an upgrade or I'm flying with Alex, I'm either sitting in the back and she's taking it or I got to pay for her to be there. There's no totally my world will be I'll have problems if I don't do that. No, I totally totally get it. The only time it caused problems with us was when I went to Australia with him.

39:54It's a long one, mate, bro. I upgraded Jason with my miles to Australia. That's how I spent 300 ,000 miles his cock.

40:03Jason Stewart:Yeah. And he's never touched me. he don't even he don't even tap me on the shoulder he yells get yourself a straight guy nice loyal straight guy do some good stuff for you rossman 350 000 miles on tj one way bro i look i was listening and learning and chris i have so many drink vouchers that i want to add to your account for mine that i plan to later i've just been super busy i'm sorry no sure i totally guys thank you so much for calling me in and not calling me out i really appreciate it and i i'm just saying i'm just saying like i'm sure honestly i that stuff doesn't bother me that much especially depending on the distance but i feel like in your case there's just too much going on in that relationship to not have him in front yeah i'm putting him through hell i'm that's what i mean yeah you're publicly talking about your philandering for 350 pages i think maybe a first class you know who's a bigger whore than me jonathan okay all i want to do is hold some crunchy granola hippie's hand while we listen to fucking Mazzy Star.

41:00Meanwhile, he's fisting some random guy into Hunga, okay? So that's what's going on there. But Ryan, the difference is the fisting into Hunga until now was private. Your relationship with your weird healer in San Francisco that you got scolded for because it went too far is in a book. That's the difference of this thing. Well, then you guys are going to fucking gag because his new book is autofiction and I'm in it. and he talks all about our relationships so i'm getting mine i'm getting mine you deserve it

41:33Jason Stewart:when we were at the at the book reading yesterday yeah jonathan was in the front row as we're you me yeah and other other people are reading your sexcapades yeah and you know the look on his face wasn't upset no but he was he was sort of laughing along but you know also you can see a little something in his eye where he was like... Don't you think his laugh would be more from the belly guttural if he was flying first class? I do. I think the laugh would be coming from a different place. Those masseuse stories would go down a little bit sooner. I need that Delta One laugh. I need that Delta One laugh.

42:11I do. I need the John and Vinny's curated menu. I need those grass feed meatballs with the ricotta on the toast.

42:18Jason Stewart:I will do a warm cookie. Thank you. How did the reading go last night? All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Rocket Money. I know we got a lot of listeners, Jason, that are pocket checkers. You know what I mean? They're looking at our pockets, looking at their pockets, looking at their homies' pockets. Everybody wants more money, and Rocket Money is the service you need to make sure you're not wasting it on these pesky subscriptions that you don't need or use. We got to track this stuff, Jason. There's some unwanted shit out there. And Rocket Money has been able to save users over$880 million in canceled subscriptions.

42:52That's a lot of bread.

42:53Jason Stewart:Yeah. As you get older and more financially wise, you'll learn that it's not about making the money. It's not worrying about all the money that's coming in. How's it going to come in? It's about taking away. It's about editing. We were just doing a podcast with a guest. He's making a lot of money, but a lot of that money is going out. He's not rich. Needs to be rich. what rocket money does they'll go through they'll find all those unwanted subscriptions and weird little apps that you signed up for you're saving on average over 70 within the first month and they've saved over 880 million dollars total in canceled subscriptions at the end of the year that will add up into something nice maybe a little down payment on a new car a little trip to the Maldives or a gently used Birkin bag.

43:44Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitor your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach those financial goals faster. Join us at rocketmoney.com slash howlong. That's rocketmoney.com slash howlong. rocketmoney.com slash howlong. Hello, listeners. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. You already know the vibes. if you're out there living your life in 2026 something you're going to need is a damn website you might think you can skip it oh we'll just we'll just hyperlink to instagram oh no i have a snapchat i have a twitter i have wrong we need to put this shit under one umbrella and thank god squarespace is here jason because that it can make that process very easy for you to house them

44:28Jason Stewart:genes industries all in one place yeah having it all in one place is really the the life hack the key to success. You know, we already have too many passwords and websites and logins to manage. Is it my, is it them genes? Is it my email? Is it, you know, what's your pet's first name? I don't have time for this BS. What I need is some cutting edge designs, some SEO tools that actually work for directing people to where I want them to go. My website that shows all my cool stuff. Maybe it's my portfolio of work, my artwork, my feet pics, whatever it is, go there. Don't just Google me and then look at some photo of me when I was fat.

45:07Jason Stewart:Go directly to where you want these people to go. And you could do a nice little email campaign with that network of people. You can sell content. You could raise donations if you're doing something really cutting edge. And you need those analytics so you could show the people, hey man, here's how many people are visiting my site. Here's how much money they make. Here's how sexy they are. And that's how you start making the big bucks. Go to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

45:43Oh, I was so glad you asked. Jason, did you like the bio I read for you?

45:47Jason Stewart:It was a very good bio. Thank you for, you know, zhuzhing it up a little bit. You're so welcome, Chris. I went ahead and I did the liberty of writing Jason's bio. And I think I encapsulated him pretty well. Can you read it for us here now? I would love nothing more. Hold on. Let me, let me tee it up. Okay. Please. Okay. Jason Stewart is the cohost of how long gone a podcast for straight guys who happen to be culturally gay. He is also a DJ. One time he supervised on that Zach Alfron movie about DJing, which is, as we say in the business, random. He has excellent taste in food and wives. For a straight guy, he is better than he needs to be.

46:29I mean, come on. Forget it. Well, better than he needs to be is how I described Jason full stop. So that's great. It's literally high praise. I mean, forget it. Jason, you were the only guy, right?

46:40Jason Stewart:Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. I went first. I had to leave early to meet you at the Gabriella Hurst Paul Smith dining event. but when he told me that I felt like I got like even more brain damage like I had to move from a from the gayest event in town to the lesbianist event in town we need to talk about because Jason we spoke about this last night and I've I did it I did something at Skylight with Kyle Chaco a while back and has Skylight now I know Skylight is a you know a non-binary bookstore for blue hair mask wearers but my question is the lighting you know what I mean it's bad super It's bad. And I understand when you're browsing books, and all jokes aside, I really care about independent bookstores.

47:25I want them to stay open. But if you're going to have all these readings, let's get a lighting director in. I'm sure someone would donate their time. You know what I mean? We have plenty of out-of-work Hollywood types that would love to kind of redo the light. And we get donations. You know what I mean? Totally, totally, totally. I mean, look, this is why I get my blood taken out and then put back into my face is that I can look hot under fluorescent lighting. You can survive any lighting. yeah yeah i hope i hope you know what i mean and jason i thought everyone looked kind of good

47:52Jason Stewart:randomly randomly no everyone did look good everyone who's got eyes on diablo cody i don't know i haven't seen her in a while she looks fucking great i mean i'm obsessed with her god bless melissa looked hot as fuck yeah no i mean honey banger after banger after banger i felt like okay how many more of these are you doing okay i'm doing one in new york next week with coco millers who i think has been on how long gone right oh yeah i know i saw coco recently her old pregnant ass oh honey she's gonna give birth on our stage talking about me getting railed by creative directors like literally that is literally like she's gonna literally be like talking about me getting a rib job and then she's gonna go her water's gonna break on the yeah her water's gonna break on the strand it's at the strand okay are you doing it are you doing any gay places are you doing provincetown i'm doing provincetown as i want to do no san francisco honey come on you have a you have a you have a deep rich relationship with san francisco don't act like i'm crazy for suggesting that i go to san francisco to write because i need to go i always go to places where i'm not tempted to go outside in order to get work done and san francisco falls into that category there is a tier of cities to me that have amazing food like portland san francisco where i don't quite what happens during the day without food is none of my business do you know yeah sure sure you're not okay you don't have any meetings with any agencies in portland about you know adidas or nike no i mean fingers crossed we'll see what happens after this podcast you know what i mean okay so you're okay what else because i've been following the you know i've been following the patrick radden keith book tour he's in adelaide selling 5 000 tickets what's your what's the what's your plan my question for those people is are they paying for those tours like publishers don't really pay for that shit anymore i think he's i think he's at the tier where they do who is this person that you live what who is this person patrick riden keith he's like a it's a who's that it's not for you it's new yorker he's it's like books that are um jason i think i would describe it as they're they're very very good but they're also they have a very broad appeal in a way that is like it's not totally apparent i think up front because he's like a new yorker staff writer and it's very like oh he did he did that book say nothing which got turned into the the tv show about he did the book about the sacklers he did the the big book oh oh well then we stand obviously but what i'm saying is i think it's like i i think there's two him and like three chefs to get that kind of treatment at this point he's moving enough units and enough of his like his books get optioned before he finishes totally and i think they're ticket i mean i think some of that stuff is ticketed so it's like if people are buying tickets then nobody's really laying out cash right it's like it's like it's like emily henry or pierce Abernathy and nothing in between.

50:37That's right. I'll be at all of Pierce Abernathy's book signings. Let me tell you that right now.

50:41Jason Stewart:How do you feel about Pierce? I love him. I thought he was gay for so long. Yeah. And he's not. Many still do. Many still do. Has it been debunked? Yes. It's a curse to be that hot. If you look like that. Is he too beautiful for you because the Lana husband, the Dax Shepard, it seems like you have more of an older, grizzled type. Yeah. Well, first of all, yes. First of all, he's not my type I like my men that look like they've been hit by a Mack truck of steroids I like like my type is RFK Jr. do you know what I mean so I so Pierce Abernathy is too porcelain doll for me but and also I but I do love the grand tradition of someone who is rail thin who's like cooking like I'm obsessed with it like truly like he is a wispy he's so thin does Gwyneth Gwyneth fit into that category as well?

51:36Yes, but like

51:37Jason Stewart:She's always whipping up a chorizo omelet and looking fucking snatched as hell Oh, her boyfriend breakfast is, I'm addicted I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with this Wait, are you not following Gwyneth? Honestly, I might not, I feel too close to it Why? I don't know I mean, I might, I don't know You surround yourself with so many fucking Gwyneths by the way, that like you don't need to, like your cup is full but she's cooking on it she's got goop at home she's doing quote unquote boyfriend breakfast she does this crazy thing where she does like these videos I think she kind of does herself or do you think her social media manager handles it Jason it looks like it's an intimate thing of just her in her kitchen but you know knowing the way things work nowadays there's probably yeah there's got to be some creative director so she's basically like in her there's an Asian gay guy holding a phone on a tripod yeah it's totally being like yes mama like chop up that chorizo gag slave boots um no she literally like goes to her garden she like literally is like wearing soft linen she like the garden and she makes this breakfast that honestly looks incredible and then she feeds it to brad valchek and honestly i'm riveted i'm it's literally like my leftovers that's my prestige tv okay is he okay is is brad and he you see him bite into it well brad is she kind of operates from this place of like brad is kind of like heard but not seen like i i don't think she really kind of like touts him around do you do you feel like that's correct jason i've never seen what he looks like i've never heard him talk i didn't even really i like i forget that she's in a relationship brad is hot as fuck i want to be very clear oh really i don't i wouldn't go that far but he's hot for a writer are you kidding me he's a model yeah i mean no he is a pretty good looking guy he kind of looks like an older pierce yeah oh my god all roads lead back to Pierce.

53:27Jason Stewart:I don't find him. I don't know. But also he wrote Glee, which is giving fag. That feeling when you've written Glee. Didn't he work for Ryan Murphy? Wasn't that his whole thing? He was with Ryan Murphy. He did Pose. He did Pose with Ryan Murphy. I loved Pose season one. You did? I don't know why I liked those fucking queens. I never saw it. I really didn't. That's how he meant to be Shady. I never saw it. but yeah he was in the Ryan Murphy camp for a long time and then I'm sure he felt his soul disintegrating and then broke out on his own. Sure and now he's in Montecito yeah he's in Montecito making sure that everything's good with the house honestly this is like a good like I'm using this as a trajectory for my life goal like I want to be 55 with a good hairline being a kept man in Montecito how do you guys feel about Apple Martin being cast in Nancy Meyers' new movie.

54:22I'm good with whatever Apple Martin does. Whatever Apple wants to do, I'm going to support it. An apple a day, Chris. An apple a day.

54:29Jason Stewart:I love to support young female creators. I didn't know that she was being cast in the new Nancy Meyers. By the way, I love, literally, she's skid marks on the driveway from Vanderbilt, just graduated two days ago, already booked a Nancy Meyers movie. I mean, she's done with civilian life. No, she's also in the new Chloe campaign, I think. Yeah, but she's fully done I'm a civilian life she's like okay I did the four-year college like Casino Gwyneth was probably like babe you gotta go to college and she was probably gritting her teeth and she was like fine I'll do four years in Vanderbilt but literally a day after cap and gown I am on set with Nancy and I'm getting my fucking bag her going to Vanderbilt is also I mean that's some random well random I think it's random it is but it's also like it's like a very particular random I don't know if you're from the south it's like a Vandy girl it's like a thing what is it what does that mean it's just like a certain kind of like southern rich sorority it's just like a very certain kind of thing i lurk her and all her friends of course because it's incredible it's like they're just true college students like posting grainy weird party pics like red solo cups it's kind of amazing to know that they're just like us oh yeah i mean i think that like i think the college experience really does bring people down to that level no matter what it's tough to like unless you're like a chinese billionaire and you have like your security guards at nyu it's like pretty like there's not much you you really just want to do drugs and drink with your friends do you think do you think romey mars and apple martin have interfaced no they hate each other for sure i'm obsessed with romey obsessed they have to hate each they have to hate each other has romey come on here she should i don't think i don't think her guardian would allow that well she's wilding out and going rogue all the time on tiktok no i know but i think on her own channels it's different you know what i mean i don't know she's claudia conwaying her mom in such a great way like literally she's going rogue and she's literally being like yeah i was raised by nannies like literally lol and i'm truly like and then she released that song a a-lister have you guys heard that but the song's good like it's good people really i love it better than it needs to be just like my bio was it produced by what did did did did her dad do it did or is it like all her homies yeah her homies yeah she's 21 babe come on give me a break i mean i'm sure 21 year olds are the people that make the most music I would say.

56:48Jason Stewart:Maybe Northwest produced it or something. Jason's a Northwest head that's his Northwest is your North star? He's a Northie No, I would not say that but for whatever reason because hip hop is in such a bad place right now, by default Northwest is like above average compared to the shit that is coming out and she's 12 so I don't know what any of this means, but I guess Drake released new albums. Does that resonate with you guys? I don't know what it means. It resonates with Chris. It resonates with Chris. I would say that it's done pretty well. That's all this Queen has been talking about the last week.

57:29Really? It's interesting because it's like even this, who he's the most streamed artist of all time or whatever probably. Yes. Probably, yeah. Period. Everybody gets like a week. like it's crazy no matter what you do no matter how big it is no matter how much money you spend no matter how popular it is you get a week if that well drake it's grand drake is grandfathered in in this really interesting way where he was like majorly famous for a few years and he kind of followed the lady gaga trajectory someone who famously i don't like and he kind of like faded into irrelevance i feel like i mean this is someone is not a drake fan just like watching from very afar but but he is legacy i understand that but like i don't know what he's done or made that's been actually relevant in a very long time.

58:12I mean, the biggest song of his career and a record-breaking song came out two years ago, and none of us listened to it. What is it? It's like giving Coldplay? What's the vibe? No, no, no. It's like a dance. It's called Nokia.

58:26Jason Stewart:It's called Nokia, like the phone. It's like a dance song. That's crazy. That's what I mean. It's like things are just so... It doesn't like... You can have the biggest... Are you familiar? You're probably not familiar with the... I'm choosing Texas. Ella Langley? Ella Langley, biggest song in the world. Why are you guys doing this to me, making people up? No, no, no. Ella Langley does sound made up. What's next? Olivia Dean? I've suffered enough. Olivia Dean. Olivia Dean. That Olivia Dean song, unbelievable song. Absolute smash. So good. I think people don't care about her anymore. She had her week, and everyone's like, yes, she's very talented.

59:00Jason Stewart:Yes, it's awesome. Just like Ray, R-A-Y-E. But no one's like, I really want to go back and listen to it. This is how I found out about Olivia Dean. I go to this erotic workshop in Esalen, okay? Jesus. Where basically I'm getting edged for three days by a bunch of Burning Man motherfuckers. It's psychotic, mentally ill. And of course, I make connections. And of course, all of them live in San Francisco. So I go, obviously, I'm going to go to San Francisco. I'm going to get some writing done. And so one of them invites me over to their house. And he's like, I want to play you this person that I've just been loving lately.

59:39And I'm like, okay. And it's Olivia. It's Olivia. I go, what in the hell of the Hills end credits? That's actually crazy. It's giving end credits of Hills, for real. Olivia Dean feels really, really not gay to me. I just don't get it. I'm literally like, again, I just think of Lauren Conrad with Audrina at Toast. You know what I mean? Like literally like looking at the stories. But think about, but Ryan, think about how powerful that is. That's what you're saying is really a vote of confidence.

1:00:09Jason Stewart:of Priuses driving this way and that down Melrose as we do a location change. Oh, take me back, honey. The Labaduis were so good back then. Did you see, you know, Stephen Coletti looks great. Are you kidding me? Like, absolutely. He looks great. What about Justin Bobby, though? It doesn't resonate with me, you know. Again, you know me. I need retirement community or bust. Justin Bobby really looks like a male hairdresser derogatory. Totally. Because he looks like, you have all these motorcycles and long hair and a beard and tattoos. I'm sorry, you do what? You curl women's hair? Oh, okay, I got it.

1:00:45Jason Stewart:That's a specific Orange County bro trope. A lot of guys I know who are like - Shout out to 18 Visions, Jason. Shout out to 18 Visions. Tatted up, Cannibal Corp shirt, but yeah, I go to Paul Mitchell on the weekends and I'm getting my - Yeah, Ryan, you guys are very popular. There's a very serious hardcore to hairdresser pipeline for men that existed in Jason and I's generation. Sounds like a Morrissey lyric. But it's real. It's crazy. It would be like you're tatted up, you're straight edge, you dress like crazy, you look crazy, but you are a hairdresser. You went to Aveda, or you went to, in Atlanta, it was Van Michael Salon.

1:01:21Jason Stewart:You're gay. You know, all this stuff. Because you make pretty good money. You know what I mean? Because the moms want to go to you because you're like the edgy guy. You spend your day, you wake up, you ride the fucking Harley to Newport Beach, and then you just kind of flirt with 55-year-old rich women and smoke a couple cigs. And you stump the Audrina Patrages of the world. You leave them stumped. Leave them brainless. Audrina said she's going to try to fix me. Good fucking luck, bitch. She doesn't even know how to put gas in her car. That's so funny. She fixed me a little bit, but I still do cheat on her.

1:01:56Jason Stewart:Okay, let's go. I want to circle back to our friend Jake Shane. I just saw a tweet saying... Oh, no, stop. Jake Shane alleging Jake Shane is the next Truman Capote I like this I like this I cannot strong enough I'm not strong enough for the Truman Capote comparison let him have this I am getting knocked the G-dm down I cannot it's a modern day are we hobbling you with this info right now the parallels are too strong to ignore I'm getting more disabled my limp is getting more pronounced after this podcast I'm going to need goddamn walker after this okay he's acting up yeah i'm gonna i'm pausing the fuck out right now okay oh my okay can you explain to us why why this is such a trigger yeah ryan explain there are people why aren't you holding hands with kaya gerber the celebrities exactly the celebrities they're making now i believe need to go back in the factory because they ain't done yet okay whenever i think of a new girl they just made you know like a brooks nader type i'm like what's happening no brooks no brooks nader is fully realized big bro she's at now she she did three she was at 350 for 20 minutes and she came out piping hot no i did i disagree undercooked we're gonna get some anola poisoning just by looking at her kind of frozen in the middle no it's giving like we need to thaw her out it's frozen in the middle from some uh sculpting jason but it's not all i'm asking for is some goddamn i'm asking for some goddamn consent okay because i did not consent to these people taking over.

1:03:30I did not.

1:03:30Jason Stewart:Okay, so you said you cannot handle the Truman Capote comparison. Obviously, I'm not saying that he's an amazing writer of a generation, but he is befriending these girls and maybe with sinister intentions. The comparison is crazy because Truman Capote, Truman Capote was a troll, slept with love, but he was also incisive, cutting, like intellectual, very bright. and I feel like what I've seen of Jake Shane is he's very single fan dick like it's like that this is my you know like this is what I've like I've micro I've microdosed him just microdosed right well that's all you that's all you can do based on size you guys okay well imagine if Truman Capote instead of being a cutting concisive writer had a tiktok show because it's 2026 you got to adjust get with the times O 'Connell get with the times and also he's still young he's all he's he's gathering info right now he's in the he's in the pre-stages of his full capote and his salons they save booths for him at erwan for his salon so it's like all the girls come i i listen by the way all these girls have never had a gay friend i feel like i truly it's giving like actually i well five that that guy that boy five but he did he's not out so it doesn't count it's just giving that'll do pig i mean that's the vibe so like it's it's like i i can't so that i'm listening to an episode okay because i wanted i want to know i want to know what's going on right and sometimes you need to take a break from tax you know what i mean so i'm listening to it and this is literally like what it is it's like oh my god i fucking love you and then the celebrity is like are you kidding me i feel like so safe right now like like literally like we're family like i literally was like okay like i'm with you we're safe we're fucking family and he's like no we're fucking family and it's like literally like this weird fake intimacy off you know what i mean where it's like basically they're just professing their love for each other until their literal brains blow out and there's just guts all over the podcast studio like i i just don't understand there are no questions there's no inquiry really in general like it's so odd and like not to be this girl that's like journalism is dead but like bring back lynn hirshberg like bring back that kind of thing because there's none of that anymore it's so bizarre and it's so boring it's so boring bro we go over this all the time it's they're not gonna they don't have to do it because they own their channels are bigger than any any platform can give them so it's like anything challenging why would i do that when i can go on tiktok and dance in a bikini and have a ice call ice matcha and we're good to go yeah why go see hunter and max out your deadlift when you get better gains just you know walking down the street yeah i can go to the aloe gym with jake shane and wear a sleeveless you know dry fit also when you were doing your vocal impression of jake shane's it did sound like truman capote i'm just gonna say so i asked i asked chat gpt to compare jake shane and truman capote yeah what do you what they said what they said a distinctive speaking style and and persona that is both true they're both gay social commentator energy havers this is my favorite one they're both tiny raconteur archetypes.

1:06:43Rock and tour.

1:06:44Jason Stewart:They're witty, compact, and flamboyant storytellers. They're raconteuring at Sushi Park. It's really going down. Maybe I just need more time to adjust because I feel like I went to bed one night living, laughing, and loving. The next day, I was like, okay, Jake Sheen is actually deeply famous and why have you never heard of him? And also, he's going to be on Broadway and he's doing this and he's with Kaya Gerber. And I'm like, what happened when I was asleep? Like, what happened? This is how it goes. This is how it goes, bro. We're moving to the speed of life. I leave my station for eight hours.

1:07:15I leave my station for eight hours and literally they let him in during noon. And it's not, you sound like, you sound like Justin Bobby. We left the foils on for too long. He said, I left, I left for eight hours. I come back. That being said, Scotty, where are we at with the therapist booking? Are we there? Are we there? Did we get it? I mean, I do feel like though he, I, I appreciate the fact and call her daddies like this too, but it's just like, there's no one that's not a, at the exact right moment. celebrity like they don't mess around with like there's no like this is my friend or this person is just cool and funny it's only celebrities or someone from love island that just got kicked off yeah we are peaking on we are peaking right now and we have them and you don't and i i respect it while we're burning so many virtual bridges where do you guys stand on alex cooper are you calling her daddy or call your is it call your daddy or call her daddy call her daddy i mean look alex Cooper having a baby to run interference on bad press amazing that's incredible that's commit that's a commitment like I've never seen before that's a commitment like I've never seen before I have to respect it she is hot I've always said that she's hot she's hot no one can stop her uh but I think that the um I think that there's this Vanity Fair story that I keep hearing about that's coming out me too and I can't wait no one's and it keeps getting pushed back and blah blah blah so apparently there's something but I don't think it's going to be anything I don't think it's really gonna i hope it it you know is crazy i'd wonder if it can be but i having a announcing a pregnancy to distract from bad press is is unbelievable i know it's incredible honestly you kind of have to respect it is this piece going to be about her like husband apparently being psychotic and like screaming at everybody i mean i think it's yeah but like i don't care about that that doesn't like i'm like whatever dude like you gave them oh i forgot you're only in it for the alex earl tea yeah i am i don't like mean mean boss stuff does not earl gray tea baby mean boss doesn't move the needle for me i could care less like oh a guy was an asshole to a social media manager who cares like i don't like of course it's not great but that's not like piping

1:09:19Jason Stewart:hot tea it's fork found in drawer yeah it's just like who cares about that if you still get excited about that or like arguing about intern pay it's like dude what are we talking about this is not actual like let's talk about something bad like are they robbing people is there some weird are they putting this money into an arms race that we don't know about like how bad can this be but i feel like screaming at people is like kind of retro i feel like it's like because it never went out of style we just pretended that it did do you know what i mean people were always behaving monstrously they just had to sort of keep it under lock and key for a while i don't know but i just think that that doesn't i mean obviously that is a that is a you know a blemish on someone's character but that to me is not like gonna my eyes aren't gonna bulge out of my head when i'm reading it you know what i mean it's not gonna it's not gonna like spin me right around i just want everyone to be a little more interesting that's all i'm asking that's all i'm asking i don't i don't disagree i don't disagree with you but i think that there's like a i feel like that i don't know i mean i feel like you can do that or you can go like ivy woke where it's like od no i'm obsessed with her she's my queen it's od no she's my queen i'm addicted to her like she's gonna first of all she's gonna run the world and like she's 21 she's honey when i was 21 i was like ordering percocet like fucking grubhub like literally like that was all i was doing like watching the rachel zoe project like in a flow state and she is literally writing brilliant captions on instagram that like what i'm telling you is what i'm telling you is that that there's no there needs to be a middle ground and there's not that's what i'm trying i know what you mean There is her going absolutely crazy, like scaring the hoes level of behavior that like is going to be tough to bottle.

1:10:59Jason Stewart:Yes, I think for money making purposes. If you're scared of that, then you're then you are a hoe. Yeah, but I'm like, I understand there's two roads to take. You either line your brain with strawberry glazed smoothie from Erewhon and go full like Terry Schiavo vegetative state or you're doing, you know, Ivy. I totally understand. I just mean like if they're not going to hire, you know, Dasha to be an actress, you know, I don't know who. Like, I feel like Ivy could run into similar problems if it keeps going the way it's going. Because you can't just say whatever you want. No, because, no, but Ivy is way more nuanced.

1:11:35Dasha was so first draft. Guys, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm fine with all that. But people, they don't let you, the leash ain't that long, bro.

1:11:42Jason Stewart:The leash ain't that long if you want to make real bread. Yeah, but Ivy's on the right side of history. everything that she's saying most people agree with. It's true. And Dasha's saying like Nick Fuentes is hot and like J.D. Vance could get it and stuff. I don't disagree with it either. Yeah like literally like Dasha's doing a pap stroll at Erewhon with Alex Jones. You know what I mean? So it's like literally like and Ivy's just like being chic. Guys the world changes very quickly. I'm just saying to you. We're saying it's leaving you behind grandpa. I'm saying one day you can be on Succession and the next day you're back podcasting.

1:12:15That's all I'm trying to say. That's all I'm trying to say. The winds blow. I think she's awesome. I think she's really funny. I like all of it. I'm just saying that that level of extremity is really fun until you get to certain levels and people don't understand anymore.

1:12:28Jason Stewart:Is that the Awkwafina effect? Sorry for interrupting, Ryan. No, but having cursory knowledge of the Ivy lore is that she has been canceled and renewed since she was 13 years old. Like she was literally in the sandbox in the sixth grade, like getting canceled by like, and like, by like weirdos on the internet telling her to go kill herself. So I feel like she's almost like weirdly canceled proof. Like she's lived through so many identities online. I'm not saying cancel that you guys are misunderstanding me. I'm saying that like the people who write the check are going to be like, I don't get this.

1:12:59This is too weird. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh yeah. When she, I'm not saying when she has to sell her ideas to the Ralphs of the world of Hollywood. that's what I'm saying it's going to be hard because it's cool and it's too cool that's the problem it's too funny it's too good beyond beyond the Ralphs of the world are going to go full stigmata the second she starts talking like they're going to be gushing blood in fucking Culver City and they're not yeah no of course not she's too weird and too smart and unfortunately we are Hollywood is in truly such a flop era that I can't imagine that yes I completely agree with that that's all I'm saying that's all I'm saying but I okay I gotta run Ryan but thank you for joining us today on How Long Gone.

1:13:40We love you. Alright, the book is out when? Now? I think it's May 26th. Okay. I feel like I've lived with it for so long. As a privileged Goodreads member, I was sent a galley copy of this. He's been jacking off to this book for months at this point. Yeah, yeah. You guys have both been involved in the unveiling. You've read two entries of the Slut Diaries, Chris.

1:14:05Jason Stewart:People call us allies. I don't like labels like that. there's nothing I want more than to see you thrive. So anything I can do, we love to platform you, but no, thank you for coming. Good to talk to you as always. Get the book, get all the books and we'll see you soon. Good to see you, bro. Thank you guys. Mooch.

1:14:38ฮ wn