982. - Whitmer Thomas

21:55I think you're right. And people have like pure panic whenever they hear Whitmer. They just like don't hear it and they can't remember it. And they go like Whitmer or Whitmire or Whitmore, Whitney, any, basically anything.

22:09Jason Stewart:You say the word Whitmer, their brain says that's not a name. And then we move on. Even you, you just said Whitmer. like the name Whitmer does not stick into anyone's brain and when I go to a hotel you know how it has like your first name on the TV sometimes it'll be like hey Chris mine always says hey Thomas it said hey Tom before it like people don't have a fucking clue man anything but Whitmer with my I can't I just can't say it alright so what are the alright so the specials coming out I'm sure you've had this thing in the can for a minute oh yeah yeah the vimeo upload date was january 7th which was eight months nine months ago yeah and you did you filmed it before january i'm assuming oh yeah man i mean these jokes are old no no you weren't there yeah these jokes are i do a joke about stranger things the end of stranger things and uh i'm trying to get out ahead of that one stranger things fever okay well that does date you a bit here that does date you a bit i talk about alpha males which is like such a old thing to talk i talk about dime square you guys see the manosphere exactly i talk about dime square in this like i have a song this is all this is all still relevant as somebody who's a cultural critique who watched this tuesday august 11th oh thanks for the first time none of it was was feeling stale to me okay okay rest easy brother i want to hear more about the problems though if you don't mind yeah the hbo the issues with the rollout we love the minutia of that you know what i mean if you could just kind of back mouth the the company that changed your life well it's taken the reason it took so long to come out is because of how hard it was to edit like i had to go knock on people i sort of don't know anymore's doors to try to find like old footage like skate videos and stuff how did that well hold on how did that go how did that go because i feel like when you said you had to some people would like that some people would like that but then i feel like some people might be like oh here comes old hollywood asking for a fucking favor you know uh no do you have any old videos of you buying oxycontin or something i could use for my special it's on hbo yeah you can't afford it you live in alabama but you know what i mean maybe one of you like really messing up a skateboard trick where you hurt yourself embarrassingly well yeah dude i mean they well number one is they are sad for me they feel bad for me because in their mind i'm nothing and like uh to them an hbo special is they they will literally be like when does it come out on netflix i've had multiple people ask me when does it come out on netflix that's really cool and and uh they their gauge is for stand-up now is like theo vaughn or something you know like they like matt rife call me when you call me when you get on kill tony pussy yeah that's absolutely true and these are people who like used to be cool like they there's like they gave me the invite me up cd like zach alfanakis they would like seek out like mitch hedberg and people like that they used to have it now they just sort of take whatever's given to them on the algorithm but uh so that that took a long time to edit because of having to do that go back to alabama so many times so you see you were literally knocking on doors yeah i mean it's easier that way probably yeah people down there you're saying they weren't digitizing all their old footage in 4k for you no man and chris i found multiple videos of hope's Hope's Fall and Every Time I Die shows in like Birmingham and Atlanta.

25:53I might have been at one of those. I mean, Hope's Fall I think was Christian, so I don't fuck with that. But Every Time I Die, even though it was a little bro-y, it did go off, let's say, in the pit. Oh, yeah, man. And I found one where there's like 15 people in the audience. I think Every Time I Die might still be active and might be quite popular. I think it might still be a thing. Maybe they were one of those bands who had like a resurgence, like Poison the Well or something. For sure.

26:19Jason Stewart:There's definitely a member of Every Time I Die listening to this podcast right now. Yeah, definitely. Shout out to you guys. My first email. He's cutting the sleeves off of his t-shirts while he listens to this. Your first email. I'm sorry, what? Oh, it's Every Time I Die lyric from when I was in ninth grade. Finditfulloflove at yahoo.com. You can still email me if you want. It's on there. We went with Yahoo for that one. Yeah, it was pre-Gmail, man. yeah but hotmail hotmail was an option dude hotmail was obviously the choice yeah i'm an idiot uh well anyway like as far as like the screwing up the rollout goes um like i'm pretty and i think i blame myself because i'm so like specific about like posters and trailers and all that stuff and you know i think you get into the routine of editing these like stand-up posters which are just like a guy like shrugging with a microphone or something and i don't want that and then and then uh the trailers are just like uh so tender's weird and that you know they do all that stuff and i'm i don't want any of that um and so it's a lot of work and hbo people are always so down because they're excited to do anything different yeah you know to flex their artistic muscles yeah yeah they're excited for it but then also uh i guess who's ever in charge of like the social media posting stuff realize that there's no face my face isn't in the first like five seconds of the the trailer so before they post it it's supposed to go like the hbo logo with like a kids i think it was my feet skating on the street like and uh they posted a video of um me chewing on stage like that is the with no context of what it is and they said they did it because they need my face but it's the punch line of like a joke what do you what do you what are you chewing what do you what do you or is there well i'll bleep it he's eating

28:31Jason Stewart:with no context of that you have hours and hours of your face being filmed on stage that they could have thrown in there but they said let's get the one four second chunk out of these 18 hours where he's eating his yeah and when things like that happen to you in your mind are you like do you are you able to let it go or are you thinking like what no flying fuck how do you people have jobs yeah i got i got really made this call i was heartbroken i i was like sweating immediately and and was texting like a minute after they posted it trying to get it taken down and and this is for like two seconds of a trailer and uh i don't know i was being a total brat i mean those are the very the very the first seconds yeah that's everything right yeah but on tv in today's algorithm supposed to be but anyway of course i nobody noticed any of that and of course i if somebody said like oh i saw the trailer it was cool i'd give them the caveat thing of like well the first frames it's not actually supposed to be that and talk for three minutes you know like of course which i i do all the time well what do you what do you think i was noticing um like robbie hoffman her special it has a very brought to you by john mulaney like mulaney delivers this thing on a on a in a velvet box with white gloves and yours is brought to you by tim robinson um i'm starting to feel a little you know east coast west coast rap game you know you know the sugar is is is malaney sugar nighting you know what i mean it's tim are the older comedians yeah sort of gathering their roster of young people to build up bro it's kind of crazy it's kind of crazy you need another man's help to sell your special i mean not i'm just saying i'm just that's that's a little crazy i wish i could say something different but that's just absolutely right i mean you're not wrong you you know robbie all these all these comedians who are breaking through you're you're happy to do anything you just want to do whatever and these guys are like fuck i signed this like deal with hbo and i gotta like produce like five specials like you're you're checking off a box in on their contract that they're getting you know lots of money for yeah and you know to you life changer well i don't know man like i think that tim is just a pal who like offered a lot of uh insight and encouragement while making it which i hadn't really had before and was like totally down to help out and uh life changing uh i don't really know i put out another one of these about six years ago and i don't know if it really changed my life in any way i got to meet y 'all i remember we podcasted about it yeah we definitely podcast it changed the three of our lives a lot no i'm not saying that you know tim tim's not just checking you off on a box i think that he sees you and he's like this guy's a weirdo just like me and it's important for me to you know people like us get us out there well and i hang out with tim all the time he's like one of my close buddies so if he didn't do it well it'd be awkward it'd be weird back at the curb when you when you ask him to film the hard flip who's better at skating because i i feel like that could be because obviously obviously spanky's number one he's a professional but in your little amateur crew because you get to go out with all these pros and live your little dream your tony hawk pro skater fucking fantasy but who's nasty who's nastier with it you or tim And don't say Tim because he helped you.

32:10Be honest. I think me and Tim are different. Tim's really good at creatively figuring out how to skate on a ledge, whereas I'm like, I'll jump off this thing, or I'll go really fast and go off this ramp. You'll do a small set of stairs where Tim is sticking to the waxed curb and how creative he can get.

32:29Jason Stewart:He's a Rodney Mullen. You're a Bergquist. Your ball's to the wall. He's a technician. I got it. Exactly. Just like Tim's comedy, I think he puts a little bit more thought into how to be funny. I'm like, let me tell a long story. I mean, it does feel I feel like you, you know, I feel like comedians used to really have to lean into their lives a little more, even if it was observational. But you really mind your life more than most, I would say. Yeah, I would like to not have to do that. But if I don't, even if it's a short set, the audience will be like, who is this fucker in this stupid ass jacket or something?

33:10So you're saying you feel called to do it that way, but you also feel like you've boxed yourself in a little bit? Oh, yeah. I mean, like all my favorite comics and my friends, you don't really know anything about them. Yeah, I don't know shit about Seinfeld, right? Right, right. My pal Seinfeld. I know some stuff about him, but it's all bad. I don't know anything about like. What if Seinfeld was like, why are people complaining about me dating a 14-year-old or whatever? Suddenly self-deprecating, which none of those guys are. If Joe Rogan made fun of how he's short and ugly, I would suddenly be like, I love this guy.

33:46That's all it would take. This guy's fucking hilarious. He's done it again. He's done it again. Yeah, that's true. I've never thought about that because I don't really like comedy enough to study it. But I think that I feel like it's a generational thing, too, though. I feel like our age, I feel like we are taught to sort of, I mean, Jason and I definitely are in our line of work, but like you sort of mine your life for content for better or worse, at least with a comedian you can, you know, I guess the storytelling feels more compelling to me than like, here's a joke, here's a joke, here's a joke.

34:17Yeah, that's kind of what I've always responded to growing up, too. Like, I liked all the Bright Eyes songs where he told, like, a story that is exactly what happened. And now, like, writing songs and jokes, I've, like, learned, like, oh, you don't need every detail. You can lie a little bit, too. But that is, like, I'm always pretty hooked, especially, like, when one of my buddies suddenly, like, decides to tell a story about their parents. like they'll go from being complete absurdist to then saying like oh when i was a kid this happened i'm like suddenly like like leaning in you know but at the same time i wish that i could be like totally absurd do a set where you just like don't learn anything about me but instead i'm always like this is the first time i jacked off this is the first time i ever got in a fight with a girlfriend this is a for you know and just running through it i feel like watching your

35:14Jason Stewart:specials both of them there's a lot of catharsis going on to where after you finish watching it you feel good it's uplifting you're watching you know like when you watch a movie and it finishes you're like oh sometimes you're just like whoa crazy and then sometimes it's like an uplifting song in the credits and you're like man that was a we did ups and downs and we got there and it's celebratory and comedy specials don't really do that too much anymore i feel like they they really fail to stick the landing but you having all those stories talking about all that embarrassing stuff with your friends on stage with the footage when you finish it you're like even if you don't like comedy you're just like i feel good after watching that which is i guess we need moa i feel that way after watching a nate bargetski or whatever you know i feel the same dude it's so him in a 15 000 seat arena anytime i see that shit in a comedy special i'm like this is a brag Like, you coward.

36:15Although I do think he's got a lot of funny jokes. But still, I think Nate, of all those guys, I think he's easily the funniest one. But I just hate when they film those specials. I would like to see you. What's it going to take for you to get the call up to the roast stage? You know what I mean? I would really like to see you on the panel. You, Pete Davidson, you know what I mean? You guys just going.

36:38Jason Stewart:You're tearing Tom Brady a new one? Honestly, it would be so... If you're listening, anyone, this is the kind of guy we need up there. Because your delivery, it would just throw people off in a way that I think would really work. Yeah, you were talking about in the special about when a guy jumps into the pool and plugs his nose. You know what I mean? Tom Brady just did that this week and he was being roasted flambé. So if you were on stage, you and... Oh, what a little dork. D.L. Hewley and whatever, how would you roast Tom Brady for plugging his nose before he jumps in the water all by himself?

37:11I don't know, man. I worry that I don't know enough about stuff to do those roasts. I think there's a crack team of people that will get you there real quick.

37:20Jason Stewart:Nick Mullen will write all of your jokes. You just have to stick the landing, buddy. Come on. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. But I think it would be, I think we need to see more guys like you up there. I think it would really throw it for a fucking twist in a good way. in a good way because I feel like it's become a little bit you know Sam Old Sam Old every time yeah maybe I do feel like everybody in the audience would be like absolutely hate me even if I was roasting like an evil guy they would suddenly just be like but that kind of yeah the Elon Musk roast you know what I mean you you're not first chair in the thing but you're up there I think that the crowd could come around on that you know just for different sake okay okay well you know I'm happy to try that's changed some lives those roasts I think you get paid a lot of money what it did for Sam J after she roasted Tom Brady home man I was about to reference Sam Jay um me and Sam Jay Rachel Sennett and some other comics in 2021 uh did a uh life life is beautiful festival in Las Vegas which is like a yeah yeah pop festival like EDM stuff a lot of DJs and stuff nobody's there to see comedy it was inside of a theater that had ac so everybody coming down off of molly trying to survive trying to live just like drink water would come into the the that comedy space and this is the the 2021 life is beautiful festival so it was sort of covidy post covidy kind of vibe as well oh yeah i got covid there out of hooters

38:57and that's i've gotten covid twice out of hooters one in orlando

39:05i think that says more about you than falchi i didn't know that okay so you go to hooters enough that you've contracted covid twice at different locations yeah man it's my favorite restaurant

39:16Jason Stewart:while you while you tell that story i'm gonna upload a photo that i found of you doing stand up at the at the life is beautiful music festival on the was it the kicker stage yeah that sounds bright that sounds right but yeah we all bombed we all bombed like all weekend i'm looking at this picture this says everything i need to know it was fucking miserable dude i was having to go back to my like celebrity impressions jokes from 2012 like matthew mcconaughey to try to get away did I think Matthew would sound a little something like this. Exactly. But, I mean, was the check good at least? It was a good check, and it was Rachel's birthday, and it was a very fun hang.

40:00This is like, and Rachel wasn't Rachel, how she is now. So it was like, it was fun. She would still talk to you if you saw her in public back then. Yeah, no. No, I mean, she wasn't like financially the way that she is now. So it was fun. She needed the money just as much as you did. Yeah. It was fun to experience that with her. And then like.

40:21Jason Stewart:It was before you guys both got your HBO money. I already had mine. But I think it had run out by then. I didn't know about taxes. But we had so much. What is your order? What are you going to Hooters for? I mean, obviously the Hooters. But what are you getting there that keeps you coming back? Daytona style, bitch. Come on. I'll get anything. I'll get any of the Buffalo stuff. Buffalo shrimp, boneless buffalo wings. I'll get the regular buffalo wings, fried pickles. And, you know, if she sits next to me while she takes my order, you know, I'm giving her a 50 % tip. Okay, are you— Sometimes they do that, especially down south in my hometown.

41:02They'll go, hey, hon, and they'll sit right next to you. Are you drinking some cold ones?

41:06Jason Stewart:Is it okay if my leg touches yours and you're like— We're knocking knees. Are you drinking cold ones as well? No, I don't do that at Hooters because there's actually no alcohol. Or if I don't like beer and there's no alcohol in the drinks, really. It's just like some sort of blue syrupy thing. Okay, all right. They trick you. Yeah, they do seem like a scam organization over there. Fool me once. Yeah, you're not a beer drinker. No, I don't like beer. That actually surprises me. That feels like a rejection of your culture. Well, it is. I don't know if you've looked at me, but I'm not totally embracing my culture.

41:42No, I know that, but I feel like drinking a beer is an easy way to connect. You know what I mean? I feel like it's an easy way to connect with your culture. It's a gateway alcohol. It is. Well, I never drank until like not long ago, like six years ago. So I don't really know. I just kind of miss the beer window, I think.

42:01Jason Stewart:Where did you go straight to? What was the first? Vodka cranberry. Yeah, yeah. Just like a woman. Yeah. A little screwdriver, a little crayon. That's all I wanted. like all i wanted was like those sweet little drinks actually you drinking you you drinking a screwdriver that being your thing would be pretty cool yeah you know i i am cool i i've decided have you had a red bull and vodka dude uh i have i feel like that'll get you all i need that i'm really mad when i don't when the bar doesn't have red bull something because i'm so sleepy all the time um tonight we're doing this premiere in la i don't know if you're gonna be there jason but carolyn got an invite i did not though kind of funny how that works yeah i trying to pepper the room i got your emails on there i can screen grab it but a lot of for some reason a lot of people didn't get the invite but okay no i believe that i was invited i might try i might go okay cool where is it it's at sid the cat auditorium have y 'all been there no i don't know where it is i hate the name and i don't want to go to that neighborhood but it sounds great literally i'm serious like the venue sounds amazing but everything else about it i don't want to go to dude it's a it's like easily the best venue in la now it's got a whole set it's got two separate areas where you can just chill like it's got a bar and then it's got an outside area where you don't have to listen to the band do you have anybody joining you tonight or is this just the wit show it's just a wit show you didn't call any of your celebrity friends well i'm sure there'll be some celebs there but i'll make sure that the photographer prioritizes them as you should as you should get them get smart i'm gonna just try to promote phoebe bridger's new record the whole time because it comes out the same day like let's get some eyes on phoebe oh i forgot it comes out the same day yeah shit you're fucked as far as streaming goes that's gonna be tough no well i was talking i was like hitting her up saying hey come to this thing in new york and then i realized same moment i was like oh wait your record comes out she's like sorry i'm gonna be at a planetarium in santa fe with all of my closest they thems to promote this thing so i can't swing by after madison square but yeah congrats on all that you said sid the what

44:25Jason Stewart:no that's i mean but you guys you guys are not competing you know what i mean you're on hbo she's on apple music it's a different could i make it any more obvious it's a different it's a different game when i was watching the show this is a thing that we've chris and i have uh tangled with with our live shows the when you when you're doing music and comedy you have two different genres of seated and standing you sit to watch stand up you stand to watch music when you do both you have everybody standing in your audience is that a decision that you had to make was it a hard thing to consider or was that just yeah you know the best way to do a bad thing right it was a bad thing and uh it was everybody was very mad at me i did i did two tours where there was no chairs and and people like in the dms now when i say i'm going on tour will be will say like will there be chairs is this a chairless affair yes or no yeah and so now i try to put like 50 chairs down but for the special the ac broke uh there was like there was all these hot lights no chairs i i like posted like if you're coming tonight make sure to wear like mesh you know summertime clothes and also don't wear any logos or anything distracting and you know it's like everybody's wearing it's my millennial ass fan base so they're all wearing like skinny jeans and hokas and like and and they're like print their shirt with like pizza all over it so we were in post like actually having so i can't wear my talladega knights jacket okay your loss in post we're having to go and black people out like turn them into a shadow because of how distracting their shirt was wow really that really is that really is your fan base bro that really is people were pissed man and if you watch it again like you'll see that the audience is 25 percent lighter by the end of the show because people were leaving a lot of drop-off compared to most special yeah i mean in the show each taping was two hours long because i have to move so much gear around in between songs and stand up we cut it all out i'm not doing a very good job of selling watching this thing well when i watch the special it it edits and plays fluidly perfect seamless you would never know but if you were there when the sausage was being made tough slog all around.

46:55Jason Stewart:Yeah, yeah. So just imagine how bigger the laughs would have been if you created a comfortable environment for them. Yeah, I'll say here we sweetened it up a bit. Okay. We added a handful of... Oh, there's usually a laugh there. You put some stevia in your cold brew. So you're not talking about we gave everyone jello shots and half an edible to get them going. You're saying in post we threw in some chuckles, a little gang vocal on the chuckle? A little bit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a little bit. I think that's the magic of Hollywood. Everyone does it. Everyone does it. Yeah, I think that's the magic of Hollywood.

47:30That's how it should be done. I have no problem with that, personally. Have you been doing a lot of acting in movies, in film and TV? Or what have you been doing?

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48:59That's tinyhealth.com slash how long for$50 off. tinyhealth.com slash how long. BetterHelp, you already know what time it is. You've heard us on How Long Gone talk about BetterHelp for eons. I don't know that we've ever actually talked about how much people love this service when they use it. You don't have to take Jason's word for it. You don't have to take Chris's word for it. You can check out yourself at betterhelp.com slash reviews, and you can see what the customer are saying in real time. The reviews are updated every day with hundreds of people saying how much they love BetterHelp and how helpful it's been to them.

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49:31Jason Stewart:That's right, Chris. BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1 ,000 hours of hands-on experience, all the required education and training and certifications. Just answer a few questions online, get matched with a therapist based on your personal needs and switch therapists at any time if it's not the right fit. So see the reviews, see what stands out and see if better help is right for you visit betterhelp.com slash how long that is better h-e-l-p as in prince of wales.com slash how long weapons is a movie that came out last august uh it was the number one movie in the world at one point chris sorry i literally don't i'm sorry that wasn't did i wasn't trying to be funny There was the woman, there's a very crazy looking woman who had a wild look with red hair and white makeup.

50:23Jason Stewart:And she was nominated for the Oscar. What happens in the movie? It's like a horror movie or it's a regular movie? It's a horror movie. Dude, I love this, Chris, man. I imagine you wake up feeling so good every morning not having to know about all this bullshit. Oh, I know about my own bullshit. Don't worry, there's plenty of bullshit I know about. He knows what Julia Gardner's up to, but just not in terms of the artistic output. She's getting a divorce from the pumped-up kicks guy, so she's available. He knew this. Something to think about. That's too bad. I know. I pray for them. But Whitmer, in the movie, you play a dad?

50:56I play a father to a seven-year-old kid, yeah. Nobody knows that's me, by the way. I was like, whoa, biggest movie. That's so sick. I was so amped. and I still am so excited to get to be a part of it. But I thought maybe people would know that that's me, but because my hair is combed, something about that immediately makes me unrecognizable. So hold on, to be clear, you're not wearing prosthetics or makeup. It's just you, but with your hair combed, and that's enough for people to not recognize you? Kind of, yeah. I mean, I am wearing zombie makeup, and I do have some wounds in my face.

51:33Jason Stewart:Yeah, you have cuts all over your face. Right. But I thought maybe I'd get a text or a DM from somebody from high school, but I got nothing, man. I got nothing. Wait, did you shoot this in Atlanta? Yeah, this is when I was down there. Oh, wow, that was a long time ago. Yeah. Because you came, we did How Long Gone in Atlanta, and you came on stage with us, I think, while you were filming. Yeah, he was like, I'm filming this thing. It's kind of a big deal. Oh, wait, this is when you told us, and we can retell this story here. I believe this is when all your clothes got thrown away. which is a story that i retell people all the time because it just i just cannot it's so funny please you're in dude i forgot about that yeah yeah so right before i did y 'all's podcast you're gonna hear this on hollywood handbook brother buckle up i uh i was on tour right before i got to atlanta and so i had pretty much all of my all my favorite clothes for like a month in my big ass suitcase and i would i put them into the uh this plastic bag that was like a big plastic bag because i was gonna go do laundry at the hotel and uh when it was this was a nice hotel that they put me in you know this is a holly this is a hollywood hotel this isn't whitmer on tour hotel right it wasn't like a holiday inn express and so like i uh which is my favorite hotel chain i'd rather stay there to be honest but uh they um i get back to my hotel i go get lunch get back to my hotel and um all of my shit is gone and i thought well maybe she did the maybe that's like if you put the clothes in that bag that means do the laundry and so i gave it some time and then i took a shower and i realized like oh i don't have clothes like i just had my dirty ass clothes i was just weren't so i go downstairs and i'm like hey all my clothes are missing they were is it did how long does it take to get the laundry back and they're like what the hell are you talking about we don't do that and i was like well somebody stole my clothes then did i leave the door open and they go through surveillance and they find one of the the um cleaner people with my bag of clothes and she just tosses them into her trash can on her car and then this is a collection now you said of your best clothing on them all of my favorite clothes okay all of them and then there's another video of like one of the uh you know like the maintenance janitor type guys throwing it into a huge dumpster and so so this lady sees all my old you know it's like these old shirts and shit with like batman on them i'm probably too old to have them anyway but but she sees all that shit and goes, yeah, this is trash.

54:21Jason Stewart:To you, there's some grails in there probably. Absolutely. But to her, she's saying, this is just a rag. Yeah, it's like Catwoman. It's Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman. Stuff that I've acquired over the last 15 years. And then I have to go do a claim at the hotel, and so they get whoever's in charge of that, and it's this old man. and I say yeah she threw away all my clothes and he goes well what would you say that cost and he's saying like what do you think that is 400 bucks what was in there and I said t-shirts and jeans and he's like okay so you know maybe like 400 bucks we can give you that and I go well these are old shirts he was like what are you talking about so what what's that mean like a hundred dollars of stuff like and i go no they're like vintage t-shirts and he goes he doesn't understand the the idea of somebody buying like an old t-shirt that had been worn a bunch yeah and uh so i had to be like no dude it's like a shirt with batman on it's like like oh you know how like old baseball cards are worth a lot of money it's like that but but a shirt and he said yeah i don't know i don't understand but yeah and he was like okay so you have a shirt with batman on it how much does that cost and i was like it was like a hundred dollars and he goes a shirt with batman and i had to go and i was like no man it's michael keaton batman and he said well sir if you don't produce a depop receipt i'm not going to be able to move forward that's exactly what he said so i had to go through my depot which was like so depressing to see all this stuff i'd bought like on there you haggling over the fifer yeah dude 85 is the best i could do brother but then Then he said, I'll list this as memorabilia.

56:11And then they treated me right. Oh, so you did get reimbursed some money. Yeah, yeah. By the way, speaking of mistakes on Depop, I got to show you all that. So I wanted the shirt that Heath Ledger wears in The Dark Knight in the beginning when he's robbing the bank. Okay. What does that shirt look like? Can you describe that shirt? I've never seen that movie. I'm not a nerd. Well, it's this cool blue shirt. it's this cool blue shirt with these like stripes and kind of this cool design and uh i find it on depot i'll pull it up for you chris uh and it says like it's a replica you know it's obviously not

56:48Jason Stewart:the real thing but it still costs 200 and i'm like it looks like double rl actually oh so i i i think oh yeah this is totally worth it i'm gonna wear this all the time and so i buy it i spend the 200 bucks this is this is like for like 2020 like gotta check you know kind of like finally i i can like pay rent i can start buying some real shit now yeah the shirt that the joker wore when he was doing the bank robber we really be dressing over here now it's over for you hoes i was comically broke like while i was filming my first hbo special like i was on stage and i got a notification on my phone that said I overdrafted my bank account and I had to ask my brother to Venmo me from stage so that I anyway so anyway so I buy this shirt and then I get it and it's this it's like it's this and it kind of looks okay here but then it's board shorts material it's like i don't know if y 'all can hear that but it's it's not a shorts material i got totally fucked man you said this was a 200 it's 200 bucks and and uh i uh i complain i was like hey this isn't what you listed it as and they never got back to me and i tried to return it but uh there was no like way to return and that's that's a one-sided polyester shirt that's meant to look like a kind of a dope indigo dyed western wear yeah two hundred dollar dress shirt yeah they really did scam you on that really fucked me man it was but you still have the shirt today and do you wear it sometimes no it was a reminder it's a i look at it like you know how some people like won't fix their nose after it collapses from cocaine you know because they gotta stay sober same idea it's the same kind of deal may this dark knight shirt protect me from myself in the future kind of we all need a little reminder here and there i didn't realize that the first thing that you look at when you wake up like when you tape the hundred dollar bill to the ceiling on the secret yeah yeah forgot about the secret i didn't realize dude i didn't realize you were that broke oh my god man i've been even since then like when we were on when i was on tour with howdy when i saw you i had i had no money and that's why i like i had to i went from like having all this, you know, like a good stack of cash in the beginning of the pandemic to just like not having a job for probably two years.

59:25And what got me out of that financial hole was making those hats with the shrimp on them. And I figured out.

59:34Jason Stewart:It's a good hat. It's a great hat. You're saying you designed and manufactured some hats and people were buying them at a clip that got you out of debt. I mean, truly, yeah. Like, and I was in so much debt that when I was shooting weapons, I didn't make any money because I was having to pay every check I get would go straight to like the Amex. Straight to the shrimp mat? Yeah. And then I would buy shrimp hats to try to, but now like I figured out when I was on tour opening for somebody that if I just made a hat that didn't have anything to do with me and just didn't have my name on it and just kind of looked okay that people would buy it so so i'm like everybody likes can you can you estimate can you estimate how much profit you've made from the shrimp hats since the shrimp sales yeah shrimp sales oh my god so like every drop that i do it's probably like maybe like five grand or something and i've done like 20 maybe maybe more this motherfucker has six figures on shrimp hats bro i don't save any of it for our listeners at home it's a it's a great there he's done a few different styles but it has an embroidered just like a clip art image of a beautiful nice shrimp head-on yeah and then it says the word shrimp underneath it in kind of a comic sansy lower case font yeah and i i firmly believe that that's the best kind of merch of like if you know you know but a lot of people you know half the people don't want to wear a t-shirt or a hat with just some guy's name on it you know yeah this is great stuff and i i'm i'm proud i too have have made hats in a time of financial need to make ends meet i was doing graffiti hats where i get like a trucker hat in like 2004 and you know if you want me to write your name on it in bubbly letters or whatever maybe a louis vuitton monogram type of thing you know sell it to somebody for 50 bucks make you know,$30 on it or something like that.

1:01:34Damn, okay, Ashton Kutcher. I forgot about this little face. It was very Kutcher time. Jesus is my homeboy ass over here. Okay. I did not make six figures in hats. I remember being in middle school or high school going, what the hell is Darfer? Darf. Because all the celebrities were wearing that shirt and then I looked it up. Darfer barely knew her. I looked it up and I learned. It did educate. You're like, Darfer, I think Darfer is in my social studies class, actually.

1:02:02Jason Stewart:You had another one of those in the special, and I'm trying to remember it right now. You combined two words. Oh, do anal. I didn't know. I didn't understand. You thought do anal was one word, and you're like, what the hell is a do anal?

1:02:24Somebody said, like, Christy or something. I can't remember the names, but Christy lets Nick do anal. And I was like, you know, I was like 10 or something. I was like, what the fuck is Duane-o? And I asked my brother what Duane-o was.

1:02:45Shit, that's so stupid. Duane-o, get down here now. It's awesome, man. That's awesome. Yeah. Oh, it's just good stuff.

1:02:52Jason Stewart:Okay, well, also in the special, I noticed, I think you did it before, and you do it, a common thing for stand-up comedians to do, you break the fourth wall in the special, a few times you do it in a in a cool way where people in the band will have little messages or little little bits that break it up really nicely but do you think are you on or on track to to break down whatever the fifth wall of comedy is and what do you think that wall might be oh i think well you know what my dream is in a movie uh and maybe you could do it in the stand-up special is at the very end of the movie i would love for like you know for ryan gosling or or some or daniel day lewis to look directly into the camera and say the dp's name and go like hey bob thanks for filming that's a that's a good idea so maybe i'll do that and say that to the dp project i feel like that could have happened in project hail mary yeah but they it was a missed opportunity.

1:03:51Jason Stewart:Do you want this to be the last scene of the film before the credits roll, or do you want it to be at the very end after all the credits and everything? No, the last thing you see, and if it's like super intense, like imagine if Daniel Day-Lewis and There Will Be Blood was sitting there at the end and he goes, I'm finished. And then he looked at Paul Thomas Anderson or whoever's behind the camera and went, Hey, Paul, thanks for filming, man. Thanks for filming. Just end, there will be blood, and there will be blood like a jackass skit. Oh, yeah, man. We get it, bro? Yeah, we got it. That's a great idea.

1:04:25That's achievable. Are you in movies right now? Are you doing anything right now? I filmed a movie in the spring with a bunch of cool actors, with a cool director named Marcosha Stevenson. I think it's got to come out next spring.

1:04:43Jason Stewart:This thing's just got to come out at some point, man. Yeah. it's a scary movie again and it was fun we shot it in budapest and i realized like how american i am and really how southern i am out there kind of everybody hated my guts like uh every like cool college kid in a leather jacket smoking a cigarette and eating a big red apple looked at me like i was like the ugliest stupidest guy they'd ever seen in their life when you when you included the specific detail that these guys are eating big red apples that feels like a shot that you're trying to send at these local hungarian teens what's up with that no i mean it like you would see the most beautiful woman in the world that i'd ever seen and i don't know if he would mind me saying this but the movie is with a serbian 12 yeah walking down the street Like the movie has like well-known actors in it, you know, and, and I'm not shit, but they would, you know, go up to these beautiful women and handsome guys would like go up to these famous actors and be like, hey, I'm like a big fan.

1:05:52And, and the actors would like shrink because of how confident and the beauty, the beauty and the confidence of the locals. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And it would almost be like the actors would want to get photos. But yeah, they hated my guts. They hated my guts. Everybody out there hated me. I would ask for a coffee to go, and they would be like, nobody takes coffee to go there. And they're like, no, you sit out there and you smoke a cigarette and drink a beer. And you sit out there in the courtyard.

1:06:22Jason Stewart:So you had a great time filming over there. I did have fun for a couple weeks. At some point it became a joke because some of the other actors got really good at making these people like them, and I could never do it. I couldn't do it. That's okay. When you do something like this, it takes, obviously, forever to come out. How long does it take to get paid? Well, no. For those movies that are legit movies like that, they'll pay you as if it's a day job. Like you're clocking in. So you're getting paid weekly. You're getting paid weekly or whatever. Okay. Which is great for me, especially when I'm trying to pay off my debt.

1:06:58How is your debt looking right now? Have we made a dent? I make a dent. No, I pay it off and then it's like back to square one three weeks later. So I'm doing all right. But I'm sure I'll go like flat broke again. You'll know. Everybody listening and you fellas, if I post anything about shrimp hats, it means I'm zero. I got zero in the bank again.

1:07:22Jason Stewart:Okay, so when the shrimp hat drop happens, it's not Whitmer is going through a tough time. You're saying it is zero. Yeah. We've reached negative in the bank account. Oh, yeah. Whitmer, where's your money going? Because from the outside, you're pretty successful. You don't live beyond your means. You're still getting big mouth checks coming in. What's up, brother? That saved my life, too. Jesus, thank you. Really? God bless you, Nick Kroll. Doing the voice of Weed Boy on Big Mouth Saved Your Life? Yeah. And that's because that's the only shit you did that you could watch on Netflix. Yep, yep. There's this commercial.

1:08:05You know, when I was filming that new special, I was also broke. I was zero in the banking account. And right when I got off stage, this guy was like, hey i have this um uh i make commercials for this soap company with sydney sweeney and i'd love if you would be a guy in one of them and i was like oh sick what do i gotta do and he was like you're she's like taking a shower or something and you're looking at her like horny going yeah and i was like oh man i don't know about that is it like a joke that i'm doing that and like cartoonishly doing that and he was like no you're actually horny and i was like i don't think i can do that and he goes it pays pretty well and i'm like i just don't know if that's my vibe and then so i turned it down and then i uh see the commercial coming out and the guy is cartoonishly going like oh wow like i would have totally done it but i i had too much i i guess i

1:09:03Jason Stewart:got fucked for uh you had too much integrity too much artistic yeah i mean are you turning down work because of your your integrity down the dr squatch money yeah we all remember the dr squatch commercial yeah turned it down man it's the only thing i've ever uh probably turned down uh that that feels like uh like um sorry to interrupt it feels like an nft rug pull when i when i saw that commercial of yeah sydney sweeney coming out with a soap that is scented like her bath water just for horny guys. Yeah. I mean, I've heard of worse ideas. I'm curious. I'm curious what it smells like. Yeah, I mean, I'm not curious enough to pay.

1:09:42Jason Stewart:I actually, now that I say it, I wouldn't mind kind of knowing what that smells like. I don't know if I'd pay 20 bucks, but I would smell it. I don't know if I want to experience Sydney Sweetney through the lens of Dr. Squatch. That's all. That's the issue. You're right. I would like to sit and have a nice lunch with her at Hooters. And say, let me smell that. A few things go different for her she'd be working there so it ain't out of the question it's an okay life it's a good game my money all went to gambling probably that's how i lost it oh are you are you do you have a gambling problem not um it started on the howdy tour they don't gamble when we were hanging out no they wouldn't gamble but i would stop at casinos all over the place i remember you telling me this when we were in savannah yeah you came to easily the worst show of the tour it was in like a probably like a 1200 cat room and there was a barricade and there was like 20 people there.

1:10:36Hey look we had fun and that's what matters. I had a great time. We could do 1200 in Savannah. I took you out for oysters. Oh that was awesome man. Thank you for that. And Chris was standing in the wings of the stage and I was like we could really use like a 17th person in the crowd.

1:10:54Jason Stewart:Hey he's up in the mezzanine with his sunglasses on. Bro can you move to the dead center if you don't mind just like right in front of the barricade. Do a lot. And nod your head like you have a clue who we are.

1:11:07All right. Well, how is your...

1:11:08Jason Stewart:That's what the oysters are for, huh? How is your gambling going now? Well, what I learned with all that stuff, I was... We were going gambling probably every night on that tour. I remember your degenerate friend that was like playing drums or something. Yeah, yeah. Jeremy, that's... He was playing guitar and he is in the special and he also developed a problem and we would just hit these casinos every single night on tour. And then I collected enough points at all these casinos to where then I could stay at the hotels across the country that were owned by Caesars or something like that. And so then the next tour I planned.

1:11:45Jason Stewart:As a whale, you're able to take advantage of the network of hotels. How much money did you lose? Jesus Christ. Every cent, every penny. All of it. Yeah. And then I so then the next tour I booked was only casinos. I would play like at like some place that has a nearby. Norm Macdonald vibes. I like it. Yeah. And then on that tour, my band who like, you know, they don't make a lot of money doing these shows. They won every single night at these casinos and they were raking in money. and I was losing every cent I had made at the show. And so my band got rich off of that tour and I came home just flat broke.

1:12:31And then the next, after that, I sort of realized, oh no, what happened is then we got back to LA and I had to start a Patreon because it was the strike. The writer's strike, actor's strike, both strikes,

1:12:47Jason Stewart:doesn't matter at this point. Yeah, and so I was like, I got to start a Patreon. and figure out how to make money and so i would make these videos that would be a basic like a day job of work i would work like eight hours a day trying to edit these videos of me doing comedy special fashion critiques or something or whatever it was and um get ready with me yeah yeah i'd made a video with uh where i went to a casino to gamble every penny that i had made on the Patreon. Maybe I could double it or something. And I won a bunch of money. And then I got back to even. And then after that, I was like, okay, this casino shit is, I can't be doing this.

1:13:29What I learned, though, is that I don't really like just going to a casino and gambling. I want the whole thing. I want to go book a night at a fancy casino and get a steak and do all that shit. maybe see a show.

1:13:45Jason Stewart:Yeah, it's all part of it. And that's my ideal way to... Turn down a sex worker at a lobby bar. Yeah, oh yeah. Well, last time I was there in Vegas, one of those women came up to me and stuck her hand down the back of my pants and squeezed my butt. Went under the trouser, butt squeeze? Oh, like skin on palm. What'd she look like? She's beautiful. it ain't no joke down there man for listeners at home he's holding up a wedding ring in the zoom chat that is how i met your mother i said no no ma 'am i'm taken that's not that's mature of you all right so your gambling is under control for now for now well i think if i had a ton of money well what it is is if i'm doing all right financially i don't really have a desire to to gamble it's when i go broke like i feel like i'm more comfortable almost being flat broke because I was broke for 15 years or something.

1:14:46It's what you know. Yeah. So I think I'm like, oh, I'm already broke. So why not just go gamble it away? Whereas if I have$200 in my bank account, I'm not going to be able to make rent anyway. So why not just lose the$200? You know what I mean?

1:15:03Jason Stewart:Okay. What do you think about the logic that people say gambling addicts are more addicted to losing than winning? True. Yeah, totally true. But I'm not a gambling addict, so I don't know. Yeah, I was going to say, the way you're describing it, were you only, like, if you were really addicted to losing when you had a bunch of money, you would happily go lose at the casino, but you only use it as your sort of backup plan when things get rough. When the shrimp dries up, we got the commerce casino. When the shrimp turns into shrimp flakes, we got to figure out a new way. Right, right, right. but you know i don't know it's it's it's uh it's under control i'm i'm doing all right i'm doing good we love it and that's this is where people in your life who love you very much or just a business manager can help you uh you know make turn that 200 into rent money you know what i mean yeah i mean they have said like my accountant has been like so what's what is this why did you take out two thousand dollars on your credit card at uh you know the tropicana uh and i have to go like oh i was filming a patreon video where i tried to lose all the money but i i won and he goes he's just like don't i don't know that i don't think you could write that off man like i think that's maybe a bridge through bar i like the idea you're my my accountant calls me and says what is this just just in general for your for your life and spending habits and finances yeah yeah all right wit yeah okay buddy well this is fun we did it okay yeah this is uh yeah the the new special is very funny i watched it this morning carolyn listened to it while she was having a coffee she was chuckling the whole way thanks man uh beta males we have our new role model we have our new joe rogan of the left his name's whitmer tom i mean sorry wit right let's clean her that way just wait that's a madonna it's a madonna style approach i think I'm cool with that.

1:17:03Just wit. Just call me wit.

1:17:05Jason Stewart:Also, there's a good bit at the beginning about LOL guys. I feel like Chris is kind of an LOL guy. I don't want to say anymore. I'm definitely an LOL guy. Chris gets it. Yeah. I know it's negative, but I don't care. You need LOL guys in your life. LOL guys are the ones when you're like, fuck, my clothes got stolen or I'm stuck in a city. LOL guy gets you out of that mess. Okay, wit. Yeah, that's true. I mean, y 'all do. Think of us as service. It is. I do need those people in my life. You can't have nothing but ha ha ha ha ha ha ha guys. Exactly. Contain multi. I'll do both. I'm verse, but I know what you mean.

1:17:43Jason Stewart:Thank you, man. God, the laugh that you do of showing up to somebody's house and laughing outside their door. You hit a pitch that is really, really special. Well done. Thank you, dude. All right, dude. Good to see you. Thanks for doing this. And I'm sure we'll see you soon. Thanks, y 'all. Have a good one. All right. Thanks, Whit. Yeah, man. Good to see you. Stream weapons. And she hit her. Handprints in the cement by the Dairy Queen Where we would sit Heart frame, two names What happened to Bob and Jane Coke and rum and bubble gum Playing with my cousin's gun Silly string and plastic fangs Made out in the Burger King Candy corn and kerosene on Halloline and nicotine and jelly beans and what dreams of Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.

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1:18:56Jason Stewart:Upfront payment of$45 for three months, $90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms.